Ick City

ANONYMOUS

Relationship ‘icks’. We all have them and we all hate them. There is nothing more disappointing than suddenly being repulsed by the person you’re seeing. A simple mannerism, the way they dance or their favourite catchphrase. All these things that we fail to overlook because of that deep gut feeling we get. The thoughts you can’t get out of your head, telling you that this one thing is the reason this person cannot be your soulmate.

In a Cosmopolitan article, relationship counsellor and psychologist at Relate, Gurpreet Singh, described ‘The Ick’ as being “different to just doubting whether you want to be with somebody”. It’s this involuntary, unconscious, cringe-inducing reaction which is causing our generation to struggle with developing meaningful romantic relationships. But the thing about getting ‘The Ick’ is that you can’t shake it off. It acts as a constant reminder in whatever relationship you’re in. You begin to question whether you really like this person, or you think you like them.

It happens all the time. You could be raving about the most perfect person you went out with to your friends and the next day the way they eat their food is reason enough to not see them anymore. It sounds insane, but for some people it’s a real dealbreaker. And that’s the problem with getting ‘The Ick’. It’s never anything fundamentally disconcerting. It’s just that feeling of discomfort you can’t articulate. It’s like your whole body suddenly rejects the person that you held in your arms days before. You can’t help but wince every time they say or do something that makes you cringe. It sounds harsh, and it is a little, but what else are you supposed to do when this feeling is so persistent that you can’t turn a blind eye.

Storytime: Once upon a time, not very long ago, I was seeing this guy. I never really thought it would turn into something serious but apparently he had different ideas. Anyway, he loved hand holding and pecks in public. Honestly there is nothing I despise more than PDA. Every time he’d reach for my hand my mind would start racing. ‘What if people see me? Are they judging us right now?’ Every fibre of my being was wishing to disintegrate. I simply wanted to disappear. But how do you politely ask a kind and charming boy to just leave you alone? This wasn’t even the first time I’ve felt this sensation. The first date I ever went on; this boy gave me flowers. In a public place. Right before we went bowling. So cute and romantic *cue the awwwws*. No. I was utterly discomfited, and I felt guilty for being so. But I can’t help the fact that these things that should make me blush and give me butterflies literally make me want to throw up. So why do we feel this way? Is there any logical explanation?

Psychologists believe it to be our way of sabotaging things that seem ‘good on paper’ (bodyandsoul.com). Getting ‘The Ick’ from someone you really like can be heart-breaking. (It wasn’t in my case, but some people are more emotionally equipped than I am, so each to their own). You wish you could switch off your mind and stop the feeling, because you believe that you really like this person. Especially if you are prone to getting ‘The Ick’ within the first few dates; how will you ever be with someone if you’re always nit-picking over tiny details? It can take a huge toll on your mental health as you begin to question your own personality. Is your superiority complex getting the best of you or are you just protecting your fragile heart?

Those of us with a pedantic personality may be so predisposed to the uneasiness that comes along with getting ‘The Ick’, that you no longer feel bothered by it. You may become so accustomed to the feeling of discomfort that you acknowledge your distaste in your significant other with a sigh of acceptance. Or maybe you feel overwhelmed with regret? These are all valid reactions in visitors of Ick City. The place where you decide what you want to do with your emotions; admit you’ve got a bad case of ‘The Ick’ and leave, or stay and contemplate your ability (or lack thereof) to settle into the discomfort.