1995 v23 i7

Community responds to Campus Center survey

by Brian Parker E ditor-In-C hief The C am pus C enter Com m ittee collated the returned “C am p u s C en­ te r U pdate” surveys for th eir report to the B oard o f T rustees and quickly decided on an additional option for th e b u i l d i n g ’ s lo c a tio n . J a n e t R ichardson, assistant vice president for student affairs and m em ber of the com m ittee, said that th is was due to a b elief that respondents w ere pick­ ing sites that w ere “not necessarily the best but rather, the least objec­ tio n ab le.”

The highest priorities for the “site criteria” w ere cam pus acceptability and cen teredness, follow ed by im ­ pact on cam pus problem s, influence on future p lanning, m assing, service­ ability, cost and tim e. T he fact that tim e was g iven the low est priority

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from Freem an Plaza. attem pts to close the street in the seem ed to indicate that even though T he renovations to A lum ni Gym past. m any stu d en ts w ant a cam pus c e n ­ m ight include a new pool as w ell as The com m ittee decided to present ter, m aking sure that the jo b is done som e features w hich are not cu r­ these results to the B oard o f T rustees right is m ore im portant. rently included. S om e o f the less along with an o th er option, w hich was T he m ost desired b uilding lo ca­ used parts o f the gym could tio n , b ased on th e given be updated to reflect current c h o ice s, was on the w est trends, an exam p le m ight be en d o f the Q uad, but the " This co m b in ed stu d en t ce n ter/g ym n a siu m ad d in g ra cq u etb all c o u rts. co m m ittee did not feel that f a c ility is seen as u n itin g th e 'r e s id e n tia l T he gym is also not currently th is is a central location. handicapped accessible and T he o th er ch o ice s were: Q u a d ' a n d th e 'a c a d e m ic Q u a d ' a n d is in ­ th is need can also be ad­ south side o f G ordon L i­ d e e d in th e p h y s ic a l c e n te r o f th e ca m p u s. ” d re s se d w ith th e p la n n e d b rary , u p p er H iggins lawn, renovations. sp a n n in g w est stre e t at T h is c o m b in e d s tu d e n t E arle B ridge, the east end center/gym nasium facility is seen as felt to be much b etter. T his site that o f the Q uad in line w ith Riley Hall uniting the “residential Q uad” and was chosen co m b in es tw o necessary and A lum ni G ym and finally Beech the “ academ ic Q uad” and is indeed projects, the ren o v atio n o f A lum ni T ree C ircle. in the physical center o f the cam pus.

Gym and the co n stru ctio n o f a stu ­ B eech T ree C ircle w as c onsidered By c o m b in in g tw o n e c e s s a r y dent center. An ad d itio n to the c u r­ u n accep tab le b ecause o f its sym bolic projects, it moves the renovation o f rent gym w ould be bu ilt, e x ten d in g v alue and there seem ed to be som e the gym up on the priority list and onto upper H iggins law n an d m aybe c o n cern w ith the options that span increases fund raising potential while bridging W est S treet fo r an en tran ce W est S treet becau se of W P I’s failed

The Student Newspaper of Worcester Polytechnic Institute

N e w spe a k \

Tuesday, February 28, 1995

low ering overall costs.

Fund raising is o f m ajor im por­ tance, because the cam paign to raise m oney for the cam pus center is b e­ hind the projected schedule. L ow er­ ing the cost to build the center helps to bring the construction date closer to reality.

The C am pus C en ter C om m ittee sees this option as integrating the “ learning, social and athletic en v i­ ronm ents” on cam pus w hile creating the least negative im pact. The co m ­ m unity will be able to enjoy a stu ­ dent center and a renovated gym , possibly w ithin the tim e that som e o f the current students are at W PI. T he plan was apparently well re­ ceived by the Board o f T rustees, as well as a sm all num ber of students who heard R ichardson’s presenta­ tion to the board on the 18th o f F eb ­ ruary.

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Volume Twenty-three, Number Seven

Faculty approves addition of minor program to WPI curriculum

by Brian Parker Editor-In-Chief On February 23 the faculty voted to approve the addition of a new academic program category, the minor, to current studies at WPI. The program is intended to fit within the normal four years of study, but to have perhaps more intentionality than minor programs at other schools.

Included are two units o f them ati­ cally related course w ork, o f which only one unit (three classes) may be

from the departm ent required courses.

T his unit can involve up to three courses from the sufficiency and/or one third o f a unit from an IQP, but not from an MQP. A minor is available to all students except in the case where “a minor over­ laps with a major to such an extent that it is not sufficiently distinct from that major.” Such a case would be a chemi­ cal engineer minoring in chemistry.

There also is a need tor some capstone activity, a project o r a course which demonstrates the mastery o f the studies

for the minor. The faculty made it clear that the exact definition o f capstone ac­ tivities would be kept open, to not pre­ clude “any interesting things that might happen.”

The minor program is slightly differ­ ent from minor programs at otherschools, where a minor can come entirely from degree requirements. There also is a need for a more thematically oriented program, rather than just a bunch of loosely related courses.

C onsideration w as given to c a ll­ ing the p ro g ram a “ p ro fic ie n c y ”

rath er than a m inor, but there was serio usconcem regarding such a title.

T hese ranged from a feeling that the w ord “proficient” im plies an apti­ tude that m ight not be gained in only six courses to the added d ifficu lty of explaining another program to pro­ sp ective students and p rospective em ployers of students.

There was also some concern that som e of the students w ho have more requirem ents than the C om m ittee on A cademic Policy’s expected 14 units, might not be able to participate in the

program. The faculty decided that because this is an optional program, there is no need to relax the require­ ments, feeling that a m inor is som e­ thing that w illing students should pur­ sue, not ju st stumble upon. There is no reason to ensure that a m inor program is som ething in which every student should participate.

In the end, the program passed and it is hoped that the m inor will expand and be accepted, with the feeling that name carries more or less the right im plications with the general public.

Student volunteers operating fire station for City of Auburn

by Scott Heyworth Graduate Student During the sum mer o f ’93, several WPI students renovated a closed fire station (due to budget cuts and a lack o f personnel) in the west end o f Au­ burn, MA. D orm itory style living gives the old school/fire station a new look. Last year, four students lived in the station in exchange for their ser­ vices as call firefighters. Two other students also worked shifts part-time when possible.

This year, the station is just about up to full compliment with 11 WPI students living here. Members come from a variety o f departments in numerous states which gives the station a unique atmo­ sphere. The firefighting force operates Engine 1, Unit 3 (brush truck), and as­ sists with the dive unit. Two firefighters are also rescue divers for the dive team.

Although the members maintain strong ties with WPI’s fire protection engineer­ ing department, the program is neither funded nor endorsed by WPI. The pro­ gram is the sole entity of the Auburn Fire Department.

The Auburn Fire Department serves a population o f approximately 15,000 people in an area of 15.4 square miles.

Auburn is also well traversed by com­ muters using 1-290,1-395, Rt. 12, Rt. 20, and the Massachusetts Turnpike. Chief Belhumeur protects the town with 3 full­ time firefighters, 30 call firefighters, and 11 student call firefighters. The depart­ ment operates 3 engines, a rescue, an aerial tower, a tanker, a brush truck, a

dive unit and a hazardous materials trailer. The department responds to ap­ proxim ately 600 fire calls per year.

Ambulance service is contracted by W orcester Himmer.

Two fire stations cover the town.

Headquarters is located at Drury Square near the Auburn Mall. The students reside at W est Station located off Rt. 12 in the west end o f town, approximately 3 miles away.

The missionofthe student firefighters is two-fold. First, to provide additional firefighters during weekdays when most call firefighters work their normal job.

A call firefighter is paid per call, and must make a living like any other civil­ ian. The program is made up of mainly graduate students who have class at night for this reason. Additionally, the stu­ dents cut down on response time to the west end o f town considerably. Three miles translates to about 3 112 minutes at 50 miles per hour. The 3 full-time firefighters staff headquarters during business hours only. Therefore, the night­ time response may be even longer since the call firefighters must first drive to headquarters in order to get the fire apparatus.

Before joining the student force, firefighters had to pass both a written exam and a practical exam to give them the skills o f Firefighter I certification.

The students drill regularly with the department and occasionally have inhouse trainings as well.

Members of the student firefighting force include: Michael Dell’Orfano joined the pro­

gram in the Fall semester. He brings 3 years of experience with him as he has served with the Orange County, CA F.D. Scott Heyworth is in his second year with the Auburn F.D. He has also been an active member in the Swansea, MA F.D. for the past 6 years.

David Jacoby, is a charter member of the 2 year program. He is EMT certified in NJ working with Multi-care Ambu­ lance Service for 3 years, and has served in the Gordons C om er Fire Company in Manalapan, NJ, for 5 years.

Kenneth Miller joined the program last Fall. Ken has 10 years in the fire service. He was a Captain and Training Officer in his 3 years with the Ester, AK F.D., and achieved the rank of Lieuten­ ant in his 7 years with the University F.D. in Fairbanks, AK. Ken is a certified

Haz Mat Technician, and EM T III in the state o f Alaska. He was recently elected as the Station Manager.

Jacob Nunnemacher has been with the Auburn F.D. since the start o f the program. He has been an active member o f the Sutton, MA F.D. for the past 8 years and a rescue diver for 4 years.

Patrick O’Brien, came to the pro­ gram last Fall after a 5 year stint with the Amherst, MA F.D. The Brockton, MA native is EMT certified in Massachu­ setts.

Richard Pehrson, o f Edina, MN re­ turns for a second season. Rich has national EMT certification and worked with the Oklahoma State University F.D. for 4 years. Rich was instrumental in helping establish the program.

Mark Rizzuto hails from Cheshire, CT. He is one o f two members who

attended the rookie school last Spring.

David Smith recently joined the pro­ gram. Dave has been a firefighter and rescue diver with the Wareham, MA F.D. for the last 4 years.

Robert Sullivan joined the program last Fall. Bob has been with the Paoli, PA F.D. for the past 9 years and served 4 years with the Collegeville Fire Com­ pany while attending Ursinus College.

He is EM T certified in PA, and holds certification as Firefighter III and In­ structor I. He has been an instructor at the Montgomery County (PA) Fire Acad­ emy for the last 4 years. He was recently elected to Station Treasurer and is also the Station Training Officer.

Nathan Wittasek, from Woodstock, VT also completed last Spring’s rookie school and is currently the Station Sec­ retary.

WAM offers Mexican landscape exhibit for spring

by Donna Edzards Newspeak S taff The W orcester A rt M useum has ju st opened its m ajor spring e x h ib i­ tion o f 1995 en titled , M EX IC O : A LA N D SC A PE R E V IS IT E D . T his d is p la y is o r g a n i z e d b y th e S m ith so n ian In stitu tio n T ra v e lin g E x h ib itio n S e rv ic e in asso c ia tio n with the M exican C u ltu ral Institute, W ashington, D .C., and w ith the su p ­ port o f the M exican M inistry o f F o r­ eign A ffairs and the N ational C o u n ­ cil for C ulture and the A rts, M exico C ity, M exico. It is com prised o f

fifty pieces spanning m ore than 200 years o f M exico’s history.

T he g re a tly v a rie d te r ra in o f M exico is the subject o f the ex h ib i­ tion. E ach piece depicts w ondrous landscapes - from tropical low lands, to the fertile V alley o f M exico, to the arid m ountain ranges, to the wide ocean beaches. The exhibit is ar­ ranged so that the view er m ay follow th e history o f M exico building b e­ fore them . You can see the E uropean influences of the colonized M exico and the “breaking aw ay” from that style as M exico fought fo r its in d e­ p en d en ce form ing a d is tin c tiv e ly

M exican tradition.

T his exhibition is locally spon­ sored by the M em ber’s C ouncil o f the W orcester Art M useum and the W orcester Phoenix. A fully illus­ trated, 128 page b i-lingual (E nglish/ Spanish) catalogue co-published by SITES and U niverse Publishing is available at the art m useum gift shop.

The exhibit will run from F ebru­ ary 25th - A pril 23rd, 1995. The WAM is also sponsoring a film se­ ries and a collection o f photographs and prints in conjunction with this exhibit as w ell as a “ Fam ily Fiesta D ay” on M arch 26th from 1 - 5pm.

I^WSTCAK

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T u e s d a y , F e b r u a r y 2 8 ,1 9 9 5

W P I HEALTHY ALTERNATIVES OFFICE W OULD LIKE TO R EM IH D YOU TO:

ASPMNOBREAKTO You’ve worked hard and now it's time to relax and have fun!

Keep these things in mind during your vacation: ► Remember you don’t have to be "drunk" to be impaired-even one or two drinks affect your driving skills. ► Stay out o f dangerous situations involving alcohol, whether in a car, a bar, or a bedroom. ► Drinking, drugs and driving don’t mix. ► Take your turn being a designated driver-get everyone where they are going safely.

► Respect other people’s right, and your own-to choose not to drink. ► Respect state laws and campus policies. ► Wear your seat b e lt-it’s your best protection against an impaired driver. ► If one of your friends drinks to the point of passing out, alcohol poisoning is a real danger. If you are the least bit concerned, please seek medical attention. Better safe than sorry!

Play it safe. Because memories are only fond if you have them.

THEBACCHUS&GANNAPEEREDUCATIONNETWORK Symptoms of Alcohol Poisoning: 1. Person is know to have consumed large quantities of alcohol in a short period of tim e.

2. Person is unconscious and cannot be woken.

3. Person has cold, clammy, unusu­ ally pale or bluish skin.

4. Person is breathing slowly or ir­ regularly - usually this means less than eight times a minute or ten seconds or m ore betw een any tw o breaths.

5. Person vomits w hile passed out and does not wake up during or after.

What to do: 1. Don’th esitateorw orry about what the person will think w hen they sobei up. It's your call. If you think she/he has suffered alcohol poisoning, then do something!

2. Call for help. Dialing 91 I is always a good bet. If you are near a hospital, get h im /her to an em ergency room as fast as you can.

3. Do not leave the person alone, and carefully watch his/her breathing. If it stops, administer CPR. 4. Stand by your decision. Even if the person ends up not suffering from alcohol poisoning, stand up for your act of friendship. You did the right thing based on your best judgment.

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T u e s d a y , F e b r u a r y 2 8 ,1 9 9 5

N ew seak

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S ports

Weekly sports update - results from February 17th through 23rd

by Geoff Hassard Sports Information Director Wrestling The WPI Engineers, in dramatic fashion, won their second straight New England College Con­ ference Wrestling Association tide on February 19th at Roger Williams University. They came from behind to tie Williams College with 116.5 points.

Going into the finals round o f the NECCWA Tournament, WPI had three wrestlers with the opportunity to win individual championships while Williams had four with the same opportunity. The Engineers were behind by 10 points when senior captain George Chu took the win at 126 pounds.

This win was huge because it was over a Will iams wrestler, one that Chu had lost to earlier in the tournament. This win closed the gap to six points.

At 150 pounds, senior captain Garrett Trombi won by a major decision to take five points which brought WPI to within one point of Williams.

Williams took five points at 158 pounds to bring the lead back to six points. At 167 pounds and 190 pounds, the two Williams wrestlers lost enabling WPI to stay within the six points with just the heavyweights remaining. Junior captain Rich DeStefano, who earlier this season pinned an opponent for a team victory, would be called upon to do whatever he could. At 1:02 o f the first period DeStefano’s arms were raised in victory as he pinned his opponent for the win and a share o f the NECCWA tide.

In addition to our three cham pions, WPI also had five other All-New England w restlers by virtue o f finishing in the top six o f their weight divisions. Freshm an Aaron B ecker placed third at 118 pounds. Junior Jeff S team s placed fourth at 167 pounds. Senior captain Matt W assel finished fifth at 158 pounds. Junior Paul H am m erstrom placed sixth at 134 pounds.

Sophom ore Nate Fiore finished sixth at 142 pounds.

For W PI, it was their fourth N ECCW A title in the last 10 years with the other three being in 1985, 1987 and 1994. Trom bi w as selected as the O utstanding W restler o f the tournament.

Chu, D eStefano and Trombi have qualified for the NCAA Division III National Tournament on M arch 3 and 4 at A ugustana College in Illinois. Congratulations and best o f luck.

Men’s Indoor Track The m en’s track squad also competed in their New England Championships a week ago and did very well according to coach Jim Smith. “For us this is the culmination o f our season,” Smith said, “It is the meet that we work towards because it is all division III schools competing.”

We had eight athletes, four individuals and one relay team crowned All-New England for their performances. Our 4x800-meter relay team, con­ sisting o f junior Rich Person, sophomore Tim Caldwell and freshmen Rich Crispo and Liam Kelly finished in fourth place. Junior Steve Labranche took fifth place in the 1,000-meter run.

Senior Jeff Mullen finished in third place in the triple jum p with a performance of 42'-51/2". Jun­ ior Marc was second in the high jum p at 6'-7".

Senior Jim Beardsley turned in an outstanding perform ance to win the pentathlon and was crowned New England Champion in division III.

Men’s Basketball (18-8) The men’s basketball team ended their regular season last weekend with games against Coast Guard and Nichols College. These games were final tune ups prior to the Constitution Athletic Conference Tournament set to begin the follow­ ing Tuesday.

A week ago Saturday, the Engineers played host to CAC foe Coast Guard. WPI had control of the game as they built a 10 point halftime lead on 58 percent shooting from the field. Coast Guard could never get on track from the outside as WPI won 69-56. Junior Jim Naughton led the Engi­ neers with 21 points and 12 rebounds. Junior Chad Hamel had a strong game back in the starting lineup as he hit 3 o f 8 three point field goals to contribute 13 points to the winning cause.

Senior Chris Dunn had 13 points and sophomore Jeff Cayer added 12.

In a rescheduled gam e from an earlier snow out, WPI entertained high scoring guard Billy Collins and the Bison o f Nichols College. WPI was cruising along with a 19 point lead early in the second half, when all o f a sudden there seemed to be a lid put on our basket. At the same time, Collins began to put on a shooting exhibition which catapulted his team into the lead and to the eventual win 94-87. Naughton was the high scorer with 21 points with Cayer scoring 18 and Scott Ennis and Dunn adding 16 points a piece.

Last Tuesday, WPI opened the first round of the CAC Tournament at home versus Clark. This was the fourth time this season the two teams had met with WPI winning the previous three games.

WPI looked as though they would romp as they jumped out to a 12-2 lead. The hard working Cougars clawed their way back to trail at halftime 30-25.

Out o f the lockerroom to start the second half, Clark tied the game at 30-30. From there the game would go back and forth until the last 2:30 when WPI came up with some key steals and baskets to outscore Clark 12-4 to win going away 58-47.

The win secured another home game for the Engineers in the semifinals.

Last Thursday, WPI played Coast Guard in the semifinals o f the CAC Tournament. It was a rematch from 1993-94 in which Coast Guard eliminated WPI in the semifinals.

From the opening tap it appeared that this game would go down to the wire as both teams started off strong. Midway through the first half Coast Guard began to click on all cylinders as they opened up a 12 point lead at halftime. The game was never close as the Engineers fell behind by twenty early in the second half. Coast Guard ended up winning 104-79.

Dunn, who was hurt late in the first half, played courageously as he scored 30 points to lead the Engineers.

Women’s Basketball (18-7) The women’s team also finished their regular season a week ago Saturday when they were on the road to face Babson College in a game for second place in the New England W omen’s 8

by Dave Brown Fencing Coach The weekend o f the 18th and 19th of Febru­ ary was an im portant one for the WPI Fencing Club — it was the yearly New England Inter­ collegiate Fencing Cham pionships. On Satur­ day the m en’s team s fenced at B ates College in Lewiston, Maine, while on Sunday the w om en’s team fenced at U M ass in Amherst.

After lots and lots o f problems finding trans­ portation to get the whole team to Maine (Stu­ dent Affairs, please take note!), a C lub mem ber (but not a team m em ber), Mike C oates, finally took pity on us and offered to drive the w hole team in his van.

We had a VERY early start in order to be there at 8:30 am , for the official check-in.

Coach Brown cheated by traveling up on Fri­ day night. The m en ’s teams consisted of Sean Price & D aniel W atkins (F o il); W illiam M ahoney (Captain) & Nathan Howells (S a­ bre); and Brian G agnon & G eorge Campbell (Epee).

The com petition attracted all the best fenc-

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Women’s Swimming The women’s swim team participated in the New England Championships a week ago at Bowdoin College. The Engineers finished 23rd out o f 27 teams that competed. According to coach Griffith, all o f the women swam their best times o f the season.

A run down o f the results showed our 200-yard freestyle relay team, consisting o f seniors Brooke Kuffel, captain Jen Sanna and Renee Cusson along with junior Katie Snell finished 18th in the bonus final. Sanna, Cusson and Snejl teamed with senior Becky Kupcinskas to place 24th in the 400yard medley relay extra final and 22nd in the 200yard medley relay bonus final. Sanna, Cusson and Snell then teamed with Patty Linden to place 22nd in the 800-yard freestyle final.

In the individual events, Cusson placed 20th in the 50-yard freestyle bonus final. Congratula­ tions to all o f our competitors!

Fencing club places 13th in competition

JftntH ony's LA jM

Conference. Babson won the game 84-67.

In the game, sophomore Kim Landry scored 20 points to lead WPI with junior Jenn Lovin adding 17 points and sophomore Danielle Batey chip­ ping in 11 points.

Last Tuesday, the Engineers hosted Brandeis University in an opening round game o f the NEW 8 Tournament. The game was close for the first 10 minutes before WPI took control of the game at both ends o f the floor to win 77-63. Lovin led four Engineers in double figures with 22 points. Se­ nior Tricia Pignone scored a season high 15 and Batey and Landry each had 14 points in the win.

Batey also pulled down 11 rebounds and Lovin had 10 caroms.

By Appt. or Walk-in Hours: Mon-Sat 7:30 - 5:30

$8.00 324 Grove St., Wore.

(Next to Percy's) Tel: 752-5510

ing team s from the area, including pow erhouses such as Brown, Tufts and MIT. A fter a long day of fencing we came in 13th in the team com pe­ tition. O ur Sabre team was placed 9th, and W illiam M ahoney was 8th in the Sabre indi­ vidual. Everyone fenced well and had a good time. A fter a team meal at W endy’s (yes, we travel in style) the long return trip was spent sleeping.

The w om en’s team fenced on Sunday in the Junior V arsity com petition, as there were tw o novice fencers on the team — it ju st w ouldn’t have been appropriate to fence against the top women fencers in the region. W hat we w eren’t told w as that the JV com petition w ould be run after the Varsity com petition was Finished. H av­ ing got there early and being ready to fence at 9 am , the team waited around until about 3 pm before starting.

The team consisted o f Chris Barnard, Cecily T aylor and Cat Hayden. The JV com petition included fencers from Boston C ollege, Tufts, W ellesley and UMass. The w om en’s team all fenced very well, and made a big im pression (on the targets o f their opponents). The results were that in the final Cecily T aylor finished 6th, and C hris Barnard cam e in 2nd, a splendid result, with both being presented with medals.

WPI has not fielded a w om en’s team at the cham pionships for many years, so this result was especially exciting.

As a special postscript to the w eekend, Molly Sullivan, a recent m em ber o f the US O lympic team , visited WPI on M onday 20th, to work with the w om en’s team. U nfortunately, due to some health and car problem s only C hris could fence. She got a tough w orkout and lots of good ideas for things to w ork on. It was really great to see O lym pic quality fencing “up close and personal.” All in all this was an intense but enjoyable three days o f fencing.

ASH WEDNESDAY MASSES MARCH 1, 1995 ALDEN MEMORIAL CHAPEL 12:00pm (noon) & 5:00pm Ashes will be distributed at the Mass.

N ew speak

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T u e s d a y , F e b r u a r y 2 8 ,1 9 9 5

Editorial The cost o f providing a quality p ost-secondary education rises every year, and som e o f the increase m ust inevitably be passed on to students. W ith this in m ind, the Board o f T rustees o f WPI approved a 6.85% increase in undergraduate tuition and health and social fee s for the 1995-1996 sch o o l year. T h is increase w ill raise tuition and fees $ 1 1 0 0 from $ 1 5 ,8 8 4 to $ 1 7 ,1 6 0 .

T he question is whether this increase is a reasonable on e?

In a letter inform ing parents o f the increase, Interim P resident John Lott Brown cites co sts o f inflation, “paying com p etitive salaries” and “ m aintaining topnotch facu lty,” “m aintaining w ell-equipped and up-todate laboratories,” increasing financial aid require­ m ents estim ated at more than $13 m illion for the com in g sch ool year, and “m aking the kinds o f im prove­ m ents and innovations that w ill assure that WPI rem ains an outstanding and d istin ctive technological u n iversity,” as the reasons for the decision . In addition to the 6.85% , the Trustees also approved an average o f a 5% increase in room and board fees that w ould raise those co sts $ 2 7 0 to about $ 5 630.

President Brown also noted that W PI has had “an average o f on ly a 4.2% increase in tuition per year over

provide, before financial aid is figured in, w ill help ea se budgeting constraints.

If this large am ount is a on e-tim e thing, then the e ffe c ts are not all that devastating, esp e cia lly now that the econom y is springing back. K eeping near the average in the future to allow for co st-o f-liv in g adjustm ents and in creases in the supplies necessary to m aintain the institute - fees that all com p etitors face should not hurt W PI. In this c a se, nearly 7% is not unreasonable. It’s ju st to get us back on track.

But if the Trustees are short-sighted and b eliev e that this kind o f increase can occur every year, boosting the co sts for on-cam pus students at an increasing am ount for every year in attendance they are w ron g. For exa m p le, a 6% average increase each year for the next 3 sc h o o l years m eans the cla ss o f 1998 w ould pay yearly tuition and fees o f $ 1 9 ,1 2 7 , an increase o f over $ 3 0 0 0 from this y ea r’s price. Com pare this to the $ 1 9 0 0 increase that the class o f 1995 has faced. And this is not including room and board and other supply in creases. Parents and students w ill not look at that kind o f increase as good econom ics.

T h is just w ould not add up to a good w ay to attract students.

the past fiv e years.” T h is is true, but Brown d oes not m ention that WPI froze tuition for on e year which brings the average d ow n considerably. A veraging the numbers just for the past three years sh o w s figures closer to 4.6% per year, and the 1 9 9 5 -1 9 9 6 increase w ill m ove the 4 year average to ov er 5% per year.

N o matter which w ay you add the numbers up, W PI is still in the m iddle range com pared to other m em bers o f the A ssociation o f Independent T ech n ological U niversities (A IT U ), including M IT, RPI, IIT, Clarkson, C arn egie-M ellon, and Harvey M udd. B asing estim ates on the 1 9 9 4 -1995 tuition and fee s, room , and board, WPI would fall alm ost ex a ctly in the m iddle if all the other m em bers w ere to have an increase o f a sim ilar amount and w ould m ove higher on the cost scale if other institutions check in with sm aller in­ creases.

WPI had one o f the lo w est percent increases for the 1 994-1995 sch ool year, with the A IT U average being near 5.5% w h ile ours w as only 5% , and has been near or b elow average for the last three years. W e have been due for a large jum p to get back into the flow o f things, and the $3 m illio n dollar increase (2 7 0 0 + students m ultiplied by $ 1 1 0 0 per student) this should

C om m entary

Philler Dental Floss & Diaphragms - Trouble Brewing?

by Laurel and Guinevere Hello. Y ouhavereached... Philler... by s e n d in g e -m a il to new speak@ w pi.edu... writing to us at box 2700... or visiting our web page...

Laurel and G uinevere... are not here... right now... but if you leave... your name and number... and your ques­ tion... at the beep... you will receive an answ er... in our column... as soon... as is humanly possible... <B E EP>

Laurel & GuinevereOh my Phavorite Phriday (Ph)morning entertainment duo, I have a most perplexing question phor you.

The past two Phridays (not today though, ‘cause my roommate over­ slept and didn ’t turn the T. V. on till 7) I have awoken to a most wonderful melody. The sunshine song (a.k.a.

"The Sun is a Mass o f Incandescent Gas") has brightened my day, even when there was no sun to shine. Being the They MIGHT BE Giants phan that I am, I should not be asking this, but am going around in circles trying to find the answer mvself. The question is: WHERE DID YOU GET THAT SONG?!?!?!?!?! I CAN'T FIND IT ANYWHERE!!!!!! / have searched through the titles on all of the singles listed in my handy TMBG newsletter, but to no avail. Please help me to see the (sun)light and direct me to the correct soundtrack. Thank you ever so much!

Your loyal phan, Kirsty E. Reidy D ear Kirsty, thanks for checking out our show. We know you have been a loyal Phan as you have even re­ quested songs on our show in the past, so we will reveal the source o f the happiest song on Phriday m ornings, “The Sun is a Mass o f Incandescent G as” ...

Straw berries.

We d o n ’t know exactly why John and John d idn’t tell you about the single in the TM BG new sletter, but it certainly exists and w e’re holding the bright yellow case as we type. It’s a remix o f an educational recording from 1959. Also on the singie are rem ixes from the Allm an Brothers Band, Meat Puppets, and the original version o f T M B G ’s “Spy.” If our readers are w ondering what we’re talking about, you’ll have to listen to our radio show from 6:00 - 8:00 on Phriday mornings as the sun starts to rise. Kirsty, your Philler Phan Club certificate is in the mail. As for your roommate, I doubt she’ll get a certificate too quickly after causing one o f our most effervescent radio Phans to miss half of our show...

As far as our radio experiences, this w eek’s program was particularly in­ teresting. During the last h alf hour,

the wonderful people at Fuller Labs set o ff th e fire alarm . G uinevere q u ic k ly sto p p e d , d ro p p e d to the ground, and rolled, but after convinc­ ing her that she was indeed not on fire, quickly pressed play on the CD player and ran o u t of the studio screaming...

They must love us over there... The thing w e’re w ondering about is that we heard that it was ju st a drill, b e­ cause they decided to test the halon system in the com puter room to see if it were REALLY hooked up to the fire alarm system... Now, how long has Fuller Labs been around? And this is the FIRST time th ey ’ve tested the system? And they had the nerve to do it during OUR SHOW scaring the dachs­ hund out of us? G reg Shapiro leaves, and the whole building falls apart...

without stopping fo r a moment she made my BLT!! WHAT IS SO HARD ABOUT THAT!!! AHHHHH DAKA LOGIC!! Hey did anyone notice the missing picture in the DAKA Dining room.. Hmmm I wonder who took that... lemme just say What's the name o f that school where all the girls come from?

And fo r all o f those intellectual people DAKA stands fo r Dining and Kitchen administration (although I like the acronym Dump and Krap Alot personally and that speaks fo r itself) -BUBBA

<B EEP>

Well I just though I would write you a message just fo r the fun o f it!! By the way Thanxfor mentioning the room next to us la few issues ago] (Snapple Window) (Thai’s Mikes!)

Okay well every time I read the Philler they keep saying to write and say stuff.. so here we go....

DAKA LOGIC? I was wondering if anyone could explain to me DAKA LOGIC? About 4 weeks ago I was in the Grill Line., and saw they had Bacon, Lettuce and to­ mato.. So / though to Myself. Hmmm..

How about A BLT... so I asked the kind lady behind the grill... Could I please have a BLT.. And she sternly replied, I am sorry you need to be in the other line, that is only in the entree... Well I looked at the entree and all there was was bacon... So I though again and inquired.. "Could you please give me a roll, and put some bacon, lettuce, and tomato on it"... Not even thinking she handed me the sandwich with ba­ con lettuce and tomato (Note this is not a BLT!?????)... Boy this is getting long well who cares I paid 14 000 to be here! So anyhow / was in line again yesterday. I thought this time as I spied the back lettuce and tomato., and asked for a sandwich with bacon lettuce and tomato.. But alas this DA KA woman was far to intellectually gifted fo r that (yeah right) but anyhow she replies.. / am sorry that is a BLT. you need to get the bacon in the entree line and the lettuce and tomato in the salad bar.. (I would also like to ask at this time who cuts those tomato wedges and how the heck can you fit one in a sandwich!!)

So again being the intellectually gifted student at WPI that I am I pondered and replied.. May I please have a Burger with Bacon Lettuce and tomato, hold the burger... and

Although we cannot wholeheartedly believe this entire story, we find it incredibly amusing and could certainly see it happening... There are always little things at DAKA that you wonder

about, but never test out...

For instance, you know the hot chocolate m achine? If you’ve ev er used it, you know that w hen you press the “R eg u lar” button, it fills the cup up to the very tippy - to p being - held - to g eth er - only - by surface - tension - level (T. T. B. H. T. O. B. S. T. L ). N ow, there is yet another button on that m achine right next to it... “L arg e” ... C hills, chills...

W hat w ould happen if you pressed T H A T button? Just think about it!

D oes anyone know the overw helm ­ ing effect that innocent little button could have on the entirety o f DAKA as we know it? T his could have a b ig g e r im p act th a n the “ H isto ry E rase” button... What h ap ­ pens if w e press it? I know W E ’RE not going to get in trouble for trying it... I guess, w e’ll n e-v er know ... <hint> < hint> Oh, and the tomato wedges are for the salad. They’re al­ ways there. Look farther dow n the bar on B LT days... Unless, o f course, you like angled sandwiches w hich, as few people know, were made popular back in the 18thcenturybySandw ich’s second son, the slanted one...

<B E E P> I never thought I'd write to P hiller (by fa r the best p a rt o f Newspeak), but since you seem good at getting pet peeves addressed ( like the DA KA soup spoon/T-spoon m ix-up). So / thought I ’d ask i f anyone else has noticed this one. It concerns o u r very own Gordon Library, o r rather the periodical sec­ tion o f it. The library seem s to have a serious case o f tw o - m onth - old weekly - m agazines - on - the - s h e lf as - i f - they - were - the - m ost - recent - issue - disease (T. M. O. W. M. O. T. S. A. I. T. W. T. M. I. D.) This is a serious problem. I f you want to read, say, Sports Illustrated, you will fin d the issue currently on display has N ebraska's Orange B owl victory over M iami on the cover. This happened (for those o f you who d o n ’t fo llo w college football) on January 2nd. SI is a weekly magazine, but even i f it were a m onthly they’d be a fe w issues b e­ hind. The same thing happens with Time a n d every o th er m agazine I ’ve seen in the library. Why does this happen ? Have space aliens stolen our m agazines? Is the library sta ff really TH AT overw orked? O r d id students com plain more about the w eek - old daily - new spaper - on - the - rack with - others - as - new - as - yesterday

(W. O. D. N. 0. T. R. W. O. A. N. A. Y.) which seems to have been fixed?

<B E E P>

[...]

D am n, d id n ’t leave a m essage...

We have a L IB R A R Y on this cam ­ p u s?!?!?!?

N ew speak The Student Newspaper of Worcester Polytechnic Institute WPI Box 2700, Worcester, Massachusetts 01609 Phone (508) 831-5464 • Fax (508) 831-5721 newspeak@wpi.edu • http://www.wpi.edu/~newspeak Edltflfs-irvChje!

News Editor

Kristen Greene Brian Parker

Jennx Yambert

Chns Freeman Troy Thompson

John Trimbur

Cltv Editors Vacant

Vijay Chandra John Grossi

Features Edltof Vacant

Business Staff

Writing Staff

Lisa Bartee

Graphics Editor Vacant

Circulation Manager

Enc Craft Donna Edzards Andrew Marsella Jason Macierowski Amy L. Plack

Graphics Staff

Advertising Manager

Typist

Dave Koelle

Kristen Greene

Jennifer A Johnson Tom Sico

Lexie Chuioransky

Sports Editor Vacant

Jason Philbrook

WPI Newspeak of Worcester Polytechnic Institute, formerly the Tech News, has been published weekly during the academic year, except during college vacations, since 1909 Newspeak has been printed on recycled paper since January, 1991 Masthead designed by Troy Thompson for Newspeak's 21st Anniversary.

All articles should be typed and include the author’s name and box number Copy may be sent to W PI Box 2700 or brought to the Newspeak office (Riley 01). Articles m ay also be submitted via e-mail. All copy is due by 5:00 p.m. on the Friday preceding publication. Letters to the Editor must contain the typed or printed name of the author as well as the author's signature, telephone nymber, and box number for verification. Students submitting letters to the editor should put their class after their name. Faculty and staH should include their full title. Letters deemed libelous or irrelevant to the W PI community will not be published. All Club and Greek comers must be submitted via e-mail and be 275 words or less.

All ads are due by 5:00 p.m. on the Thursday preceding publication Any submissions received after this time will be subject to a flat $15 late fee per ad.

Advertisements, including classified ads. will not be accepted via email. Classified ads must be prepaid. The decision on whether a submission is a public service announcement or an advertisement lies with the editors.

The editorial is written by a member or members of the Newspeak staff. It does not necessarily reflect the opinions of the entire Newspeak staff. The editors reserve the right to edit all copy for correct punctuation and spelling as well as appropriate content.

Printing is done by Saltus Press. First Class postage paid at Worcester. Massachusetts. Subscription rate is $20.00 per school year, single copies 75 cents within the continental United States Make all checks payable to W PI Newspeak

ISfcWSTEAK

T u e s d a y , F e b r u a r y 2 8 , 1995

Student G overnm ent A

sso ciatio n

V III. Com m ittee R eports: -SG A Com m ittees C SLI: Chair Guthrie reported that the committee met last week. DAKA was the big issue for discussion. Two L M eeting called to o rd e r a t 5:58 pm . surveys were approved by the commit­ tee and will be up for approval by the senate next week. Sen. Plack reported D. A ttendance: Executive Board: GtegFindlen, Pres.; for the sub-committee on DAKA that Fiona A bram s, Vice Pres.; R achel everyone should read the article inNewspeak. Also, there is an open meeting in Butland, Sect.; Don Socha, Treas.

Morgan Commons, this weeks issue is S en ate: H eath er C le a ry , C a th y C onnelly, N at F airbanks, Shannon G om pei’s and the Grille.

Finley, Beth Gentry, John Grossi, Lee P & P : Chair Snow reported that the G uthrie, M am i Hall, Ed H allissey, committee will be meeting on Friday at Rebecca Hoffman, Seth Kintigh, Amy 4:30 pm.

V. V ice-P resident’s R ep o rt: Plack, Dave Smith, Greg Snow, Jeff CAI: Chair Fairbanks asked that Vice-President Abrams reported that Spaletta, Kristen Stagg, Tim T ully, the members of the com m ittee please C h iz z y U ch en d u , C a ra show up for the meetings.

Valliere,Cindy Vollaro, Joe They are every W ednes­ W O R C E S T E R P O L Y T E C H N IC IN S T IT U T E Wain. d a y at 9 :0 0 pm in Absent: Ryan Daly, Deb G o m p ei’s.

Elections: Chair Wain Foley (ex cu sed ), L ucie L aso v sk y , Jaso n read the official election Macierowski, Jason Mickey results. There will be a (excused), Amy Sinyei (ex­ motion tonight to have them cused), Shelby Walker (ex­ approved by the Senate. Ecused). mail xanth@wpi with any ideas o r comments about S T U D E N T G O V E R N M E N T A S S O C IA T IO N III. A pproval of M inutes: the election process. The the Committee on Governance is dis­ The minutes of the meeting held Feb­ election results are: President, Cathy ruary 14, 1995 were approved with the cussing the running o f projects. There Connelly; Vice-President, Kirsty Reidy; will be a faculty meeting on February 23 amendment that under Committee Re­ Secretary, Chizzy Uchendu; Treasurer, at 4:05 pm in Kinnicutt Hall. ports: -Institute Committees the follow­ Greg Snow; Senators-At-Large, Jason ing should be added: “P residential Mickey, Jeremy Olszewski, and John VI. S ec re ta ry ’s R eport: Search C om m ittee: Manuel VanOordt Pieper. reported on where in the process the Secretary Butland asked once again -Institute C om m ittees that everyone who makes a report give committee is. They are currently look­ F irst Y ear Steering: Sen. Hoffman her a written copy so that the minutes can ing at a group of about sixty (60) re­ reported that the committee is looking at sumes and hoping to cut that down to be correct. Also, if you make or second a document that asks for funding for an about fifteen (15) or twenty (20). A full a motion please say your last name. extended orientation. See her with any report is on file in the SGA office.” ideas o r questions.

V II. T re a s u re r’s R eport: Faculty A w ards: Sen. Hoffman re­ IV. P resid en t’s R eport: Treasurer Socha reported that there ported that the com m ittee is going President Findlen reported that reno­ are two motions tonight. M en’s Lacrosse through the nominations and looking for vations are planned for this summer. funding and classification o f the radio the top ten.

These include the M organ meeting station.

C SA : Sen. Connelly reported that she sent the CSA minutes out to sganews.

If you have had a special experience Comm entary with advising please let her know. Email swathy@wpi.

Minutes for the meeting o f February 21, 1995 Meeting held in Atwater Kent 219

rooms, wedge, and lower wedge. Two students volunteers are needed for this committee. At the Trustees Meetings several topics were discussed. A new version of the Pluralism will be coming up for the Senate to accept. The budget was discussed and passed. There will be a 6.85% increase in tuition and a 5.0% increase in room and board. Janet Richardson then gave an update on the Campus Center. A presentation was made at the Trustees Meeting. A new idea is to put the campus center in Alumni Gym with new facilities being built be­ hind Alumni and Harrington.

SG -A

Just a Thought Nothing “Newt” Under the Sun

by Stephen Brown Protestant Campus Ministry Having the time to gaze more pa­ tiently at the social and political scene during my sabbatical days, I have watched with a mixture o f bemusement and cynicism the doings o f the House Republicans during their “ 100” days.

The progress of Newt’s “Contract On America”... excuse me, for America, dominates the airwaves and newspa­ pers. W e are apparently watching the rem aking of America right before our eyes. C an’t say that it is gripping televi­ sion, but at least it gives the vast radio and TV talk show audiences plenty o f grist for the mill.

The most amazing part for me is the whole aura around Newt and the boys’ claim that this is “revolutionary,” that no one has tried this before, and that their remedy for what ails us will cure all our ills. They want to cut taxes, balance the budget, and raise defense spending to get us healthy. (Too bad Ronald Reagan never had that idea!) They want to throw out much o f the Federal government intervention into our lives and free us from the clutches of Washington.

A significant change they want to make is to end support for unwed moth­ ers. Newt wants to set up orphanages or force unwed mothers to live with their parents in order to get support. Listen to these guys long enough and you will believe that welfare is the cancer killing our country and it is all young women’s fault. N o mention o f the men who are part of the sexual equation. Oh No! They don’t go on welfare, they don’t clog up the system; no, not these inno­ cent young men. It is not their fault that some bright eyed needy girl lured them into a sexual encounter and thereby pro­ duced another human being. Nope.

Nothing in Newt’s revolution will force them to be responsible and face the consequences o f their lives.

You ought not be surprised. Power­ ful men have been protecting their gen­ der form for thousands o f years. In The Body and Soul: Men. Women, and Sexual Renunciation ipEarly Christian­

Pa g e 5

ity. (Columbia Univ. Press, 1988) Peter Brown argues that it was the elite men, the governing class, which set the sexual practices and mores for the Empire. And the rules for sexuality they set up favored themselves above all else. “ Men owned the bodies o f their male and female servants... fidelity toone’s wife remained a personal option. Despite harsh laws punishing women for adultery, infidel­ ity by their husbands incurred no legal punishment and very little moral (cen­ sure).” (Brown ibid.)

Not much has changed. Or as the prophet in Ecclesiastes might say, ‘T here is nothing new under the sun.” N or Newt either. Those wonderful people who make our laws are still a majority of white elite males who see the sexual lure o f women as threatening to their well being and the cause o f moral decay in our culture. So they mount their white chargers and gallop to our rescue. “O ur” being the white males, those “Angry White Men” who put Newt and the boys in charge to clean up this mess.

Well, I don’t need that kind o f rescu­ ing, thank you. 1 will admit that the welfare system desperately needs re­ form and we need to find economic and career alternatives for young women who sec their only future in child rearing and a check from US. But we also need to give young men the same hope and opportunities. And if we are going to punish, and punish is the right word, unwed mothers, let us not forget the unwed fathers.

As a possible am endm ent to N ew t’s w elfare reform, I say we go back to what we kids in O hio thought when we said “ 15 will get you 10 to 20.” S tatu ­ tory rape was alw ays a big deal w hen I was turning 18. Mess around with an underage girl and you could wind up in the slammer. Ah, not anym ore.

Like the Rom ans o f old, the w hite male elite do not want to threaten their fellow males o f any color with sexual restrictions or penalties for “alleged” misconduct! Just w ouldn’t be right.

Not in ancient Rome nor in modern America. Yessir. There truly is n o th ­ ing N ew t under the sun.

IX . O ld Business: (full text o f m otions may be found in the SGA office) M otion 15c.95- An Act to Amend the Constitution. Sen. Snow moved, Sen. Grossi seconded. Motion passed.

M otion 16c.95- An Act to Amend the Constitution. Sen. Snow moved.

Sen. Smith seconded. M otion passed.

M otion 17c.95- An Act to Amend the Constitution. Sen. Snow moved, Sen. Grossi seconded. Motion passed.

M otion 18c.95- An Act to Amend the Constitution. Sen. Snow moved, Sen. Wain seconded. M otion passed.

M otion 19c.95- An Act to Amend the Constitution. Sen. Snow moved.

Sen. Plack seconded. Motion passed.

M otion 20c.95- An Act to Amend the Constitution. Sen. Snow moved.

Sen. Wain seconded. Motion passed.

M otion 21c.95- An Act to Amend the Constitution. Sen. Snow moved, Sen. Wain seconded. M otion passed.

X. New Business: M o tion 24c.95- T reasurer Socha moved that the Senate emergency fund the M en’s Lacrosse Team $4,042.00 outlined in the following manner: Con­ tracts $2100.00, other $ 1942.00. Sena­ tor Hallissey seconded. Snow proxied vote to Plack. Motion passed with four (4) abstentions.

M o tio n 25c.95- T reasurer Socha

moved that the Radio Station be classi­ fied as a Class III organization. Senator Plack seconded. Motion passed with one (1) abstention.

M otion 26c.95- Senator Wain moved that the Senate approve the C-term elec­ tions as posted in the SGA office. Sena­ tor Cleary seconded. Senator Spaleta called for division. Motion passed.

XI. A nnouncem ents: -Senator Fairbanks reminded every­ one Wed. 9:00 pm in G om pei’s. To be discussed are the Proficiency, Social Science, T A ’s, and Prof. Sisson’s pro­ posal.

-Senator Plack reminded everyone to go to the DAKA open meeting Wed. At 7:00 pm in Morgan Commons.

-Senator Connelly announced that anyone w ho is interested in being a committee chair please let her know.

Present ones please write up a descrip­ tion o f what you do.

Senator Plack moved to adjourn.

Senator Smith seconded, motion passed.

XI. M eeting ad jo u rn ed at 6:40 pm.

Agenda for the meeting of Tuesday February 28,1995 Atwater Kent 219, 5:45 pm I.

n. in .

IV. V. VI.

vn. vm .

IX. X.

XL X II.

Call to Order Roll Call Approval o f Minutes of meeting held February 21 President’s Report Vice-President’s Report Secretary’s Report Treasurer’s Report Committee Reports Old Business New Business - Motion 27c.95 - Extension of Class III Budget Approval Deadline - Sen. Plack - Motion 28c.95 - Approval of CAI survey on Maple - Sen. Fairbanks - Motion 29c.95 - Approval of CSLI Bylaws - Sen. Snow - Motion 30c.95 - Approval o f CSLI survey o f living areas - Sen. Guthrie - Motion 31c.95 - Approval of CSLI survey on academic buildings and common areas - Sen. Guthrie Announcements Adjournment

C omm entary

Telemarketers and the people who love them

by Winston Smith [Ed. note: The fo llo w in g c o m ­ m en ta ry was su b m itted by an auth o r w ho w ishes to rem ain anonym ous a n d has chosen to use a pen name.

The opinions do n o t necessa rily rep­ resen t those o f the Newspeak Staff. ] In accordance w ith this co lu m n ’s long trad itio n of p u b lic service, we w ill now present an in-depth report on the telephone so licitatio n b u si­ ness, concluding w ith a fair and un­ biased analysis o f the best way to erad ic a te this vile pestilence.

W hat can one say o f telephone so lic ito rs that h a sn ’t already been said o f John W ayne G acy, Jeffery D ahm er, or R ichard S peck? A ctu­ ally , th is is p robably an unjust co m ­ p ariso n ; while the above gentlem en w ere m ass m u rd erers and rapists, th ey w ere never accused or convicted o f ca llin g th eir victim s at 10:00 PM on a w eekday night and trying to sell them insurance. A lso, all o f the p re v io u sly -m e n tio n e d v illain s are dead, w hich m akes them far b etter co m p an y than a liv e telem arketer.

T he purpose o f the telephone so­ licitor, w hether com m ercial o r ch ari­ table, is sim ple: To cause you as m uch annoyance an d inconvenience as hum anly possible. A ny profits reaped by these p im p les on the face o f hum anity are purely secondary to the orgasm ic jo y th ey feel upon h ear­ ing you scream , w hich you are m ost lik e ly d o in g b e c a u s e y o u w ere d rag g ed , sopping w et and w ith sham ­ poo in your eyes, from the b athtub to be ask ed to make a d onation to the Susan Sm ith F or M o th er O f T he Y ear C om m ittee. In all fairness, though, it is N O T k n o w n w h e th e r th e telem ark etin g industry does this b e­ cause it is a c o llectio n o f sadists and p erv erts, or b ecau se it is a Satanic co n sp iracy p lo ttin g to bring about

hell on earth. W e urge C o n g res­ sional hearings (to be chaired by senator Jesse H elm s).

By now som e of you m ight be saying “ W inston, you’re o v erreact­ ing.” Y ou m ight even be saying “ Is it really so terrib le that these people invade your privacy, insult your in­ telligence, and try to sell you m er­ chandise that a used car salesm an w ould c o n sid e r u n e th ic a l? W hy d o n’t...” W hy a re n ’t you saying any­ thing else? Ah, I see you ju s t got a call from V. Scroohem G oode, D is­ count S tockbrokers, w ho are trying to sell you a thousand shares o f US A ir (M O T T O : “ I t’s highly unlikely that YOUR fligh t will crash !”). Oh w ell, I’m sure y o u ’ll g et back to m e som e­ tim e in the next geological era. Or m aybe not; fo ssils of the second-tolast dinosaur, the P enultisaurus (from Latin, m eaning “ L izard W ho W on­ ders W here All H is L izard Buddies Have G o n e.” ) indicate that it died o f starv ation w hile trying to politely end a phone conversation w ith the last d in o sa u r, th e H u ck stersau ru s (fro m S w e d is h , m ean in g “ S caly Little B astard W ho’d Paw n H is O wn M other For B eer M oney.” ), which was trying to sell the P enultisaurus a Ten S tep E-Z E volution H om e Study C ourse ( “G row opposable thum bs!

Becom e w arm -blooded! H ours o f F a m ily E n te r t a in m e n t! ” ). T h e H uckstersaurus d id not becom e ex ­ tinct. It evolved into a p olitical co n ­ sultant.

G lad to see that you’re back! How did you get rid o f that stockbroker?

My, that is a novel use fo r a com m on k itc h e n u te n s il ! A n d w ith o u t lu b rican ts...b u t I digress.

By now you, the reader, are prob­ ably asking y o u rse lf “ W inston, how can I h elp rid our country o f this foul scourge? W hy has nobody called this m enace to my attention before?

S hould Jesse H elm s really be ch air­

ing those C ongressional hearings?”

T o an sw er the last question first: No, Jesse Helm s should not be c h air­ ing those hearings, since his solution will probably involve large tobacco subsidies to southern states. We recom m end the hearings be chaired

by S en ato r Strom T hurm o nd (R .O LD ) w ho, b eing q u ite possibly dead, w ould be largely im m une to in f lu e n c e fro m s p e c i a l- in te r e s t groups. It should be noted that S ena­ tor T h u rm o n d ’s probable dem ise in no way disqualifies him from run­ ning for re-election in 1996. The reason th is situation w as not p rev i­ ously brought to y o u r attention is unknow n at this tim e, but is believed to have som ething to do with large “co n su ltin g ” fees go in g to Secretary o f C om m erce Ron “T he B est C ab i­ net M em ber M oney C an B uy” Brown.

F o rtu n a te ly , th o u g h , som e d e ­ fenses do exist ag ain st these repug­ nant verm in. The popular m ethod o f asking a telephone so licito r to “G ive me your hom e ph o n e num ber, and I’ll call Y O U at ten o ’clo ck at night!” has proven ineffective because tele­ phone so licito rs rarely have hom es; like m ost m aggots, w hen tired they ju st burrow into the nearest conve­ nient m anure pile. M y personal fa­ vorite m ethod is to take the call, put the telephone so licito r on hold, and go out fo r a beer. T h is m ethod has tw o advantages: 1) It w astes the tele­ phone so lic ito r’s tim e and puts him behind in his sales quota, and 2) 1 get to drink a beer.

If you have a favorite method for getting rid o f telephone solicitors please send it to me d o Newspeak or reach me by email at new speak@ wpi.wpi.edu, and I m ay use it in a future column.

Alternatively, you can call me, and I’d love to hear what you have to say; if you’ll ju st please hold on a minute I’ll be right back...

N lw st a k

Page 6

Alpha Phi Omega

ISC

Hey again all you O l-sters!! What is new in APO-land??? First off, a big THANK YOU goes out to Chris and Sean for the CPR training this weekend!! Now we will be able to SAVE LIVES!! Great job on all those who passed!!!

Next— CONCLAVE!!!! If you plan on go­ ing to conclave give your money to Dave AS A P !!

For you pledges who don’t know what conclave is, any brother will be happy to talk to you about it. And if you are interested in helping, I’m sure John (qasama@ wpi) would LOVE it...Don’t forget that the pledges have to serve on one committee, and the conclave committee should be lots o f fun!

W ell...I g u ess th a t’s a b o u t it for th is week...Pledges, keep getting those sigs....Don’t worry if the brothers give you a hard time, they will cave in and sign your book eventually......

Till next time....

Well, these are the last few days o f the term and we know what everybody has to put up with.

Personally, I’ve got to sit through a three hour lab after my last exam on Thursday. Therefore, I guess it’s valid to pass on a round o f good luck to everybody who is reading this!

T here’s not much to say about the ISC activi­ ties because it was mentioned in detail last week.

However, I do want to remind everybody that there is going to be Culture Night in D term for all to enjoy. Beyond that, there’s also going to be a social for all the members o f ISC. I also want to pass out a note to all member clubs o f ISC : Please approach either Manuel or Tom Thomsen with the finalized ideas for Culture night and discuss the progress being made. We appreciate and thank all the clubs for the strong participation you have shown - Keep up the good work! This goes out to all the rest o f the members out there as w ell!

On a final note, I want to wish everybody a safe spring break - go out and enjoy yourselves.

But don’t do anything I wouldn’t do - for clari­ fication on those, please contact me <grin>...

Anyways, take care, and say hi to everybody from ISC (International Student Club)...looking forward to seeing you next term.

ASME Well this is the last ASME club com er thing o f the term and based on the response to the last few, I wonder if anyone reads these things.

ANYWAY once again I will state that we are having a Papers Contest. Send me an abstract of your M QP by the end o f this term (ASME BOX 841). The five best (hopefully there will be five) present their M Q P’s on March 21 to several WPI faculty members and the best win cash prizes and move on to Regionals. Good practice for your real M QP presentation and may actually qualify for it as well. Send in those abstracts, less than a page please. Re-stating the obvious fact that anything the civils can do, M E ’s (and most everyone else) can do better, how about coming up with a design for an ASME T-shirt. Every other organization has one and considering the number o f M E’s here, I think it would be a pretty cool idea. Send in design ideas to ASME BOX 841. And as all good things must come to an end, at the beginning of next term, with alot of pizza, we will be having officer elections. Free food, a great chance to improve your resume and actu­ ally do something at this school, are reasons for attending this meeting. I will be sending out those mass mailings that everyone seems to love regarding the time o f this meeting. That’s about it for this week, get your abstracts and t-shirt designs in and have a cool spring break, one more term to go....

Christian Bible Fellowship Here we are at the end o f C term ! But w ait, there is still som ething happening in these last few days. F irst, I believe prayer and share w ill be on as usual in M organ A at 7pm on W ednesday. Every term I’ve been here at W PI, this final prayer and share is alw ays a real special blessing, as we take a one hour break from study and are able to encourage one another before break and the last tests o f the term . A nd less than 24 hours later, we are taking o ff for a retreat to V erm ont! M eet on the Institute Rd. side o f the w edge at 6pm T hursday if you are going. If you h a v en ’t signed up yet, there is probably still tim e, but I’d call som eone soon...

Som e spiritual food for thought over break ... “ [g iv e ]... T hen your light w ill break forth like the daw n, and your healing will quickly appear; then your righteousness will go b e­ fore you, and the glory o f the Lord will be your rear guard. T hen you w ill call, and the L ord w ill answ er; you will cry for help, and he will say: H ere am I.” (Isaiah 58:6-9). The portion I sum m ed up as “g iv e” (vs. 6-7) is giving in the m anner Jesus exp lain ed in M at­ thew 6:2-4: “ ... but w hen you give to the needy, do not let yo u r left h and know w hat your right hand is doing, so th at your giving m ay be in secret. T hen your F ather, who sees w hat is done in secret, will rew ard you.” A nd that rew ard is outlin ed so clea rly in the p as­ sage quoted from Isaiah!

T u e s d a y , F e b r u a r y 2 8 ,1 9 9 5

no would know about it! W e had a speaker come in yesterday, I think, and he/she must have been pretty good or else they would have cut this part out. Anyway, the word for this week is taint, why? ask Birdy. I use it when I say “tainted love” but now I get laughed at when I mention it?

Does everyone know that M CAT applications are in? Pick one up in Jill’s office if you haven’t already. Did anyone else hear what N ewt said?

No, not the “bitch” scandal, but the giraffe thing.

It was horrible, he said som ething to the effect of “we should go out and hunt giraffes” ! I am outraged! I sent him em ail, venting my anger.

Just like a politician grrr. Anyway, hope you all have a great break and good luck on exams !guppy

Society of Medieval Arts and Sciences Item the First; The Book has been cut up

%%

Lens and Lights W ell, looks like President Nate is 1 for 2 with club comers...

H i! It’s your friendly neighborhood ex-presi­ dent coming to you live from the Newspeak office! Things have been going pretty well recently, with the new exec board taking right over. In case you haven’t been keeping up with the news, here’s w hat’s going on: There will be (as usual) a meeting this W ednes­ day at 4:30 in AK 232.

It seems, according to the almighty TD, that we need some new truss, as most o f our old truss i s ... well... not very safe. No biggie - hopefully w e’ll be hooking up with the collapsible stuff (box truss is a wee bit too expensive for us at this point, especially since we didn’t budget for it) That’s pretty much it! Congratulations to the crew o f Fahrenheit 451 for a great show. C om ­ ing next term: NV 1-3 and (yup, you guessed it) QUA DFEST 1995!!!!

Mu Sigma Delta Hey all, another week, another comer. Nomi­ nations have closed for officers! The meeting will be the first Monday in D-term, time and place to be announced later and not here because

into sin g u lar pages, w rapped in protective plastic and placed in a binder. (T his is the B ook o f G arb Patterns we bought a couple w eeks ago.) If you w ant to flip th ro u g h the book, and find a couple patterns y o u ’d like to copy, ask an o fficer, tell us w hich patterns and give us a little m oney to photocopy them for you. T h is way, none o f the pag es will becom e m issing o r lost. (B elieve m e, this happened to one book o f patterns.)

Item the Second: We will know by now w hether o r not there w ill be an event TH IS Saturday in H arrington. W e’ll m ail out over SM AS to tell you to be there or not. W e need a few N P C ’s.

Item the T hird: We have reserv ed the L ow er W edge for th is T hursday. T his w ill be a stress reliev al practice after all your finals have been done.

Item the Fourth: Practices as usual: 7:30.

M eet in the W edge.

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Pag e 7

G reek Corner were G R O O V Y ! Yes, this is a car, but my name’s not Jack!— I thought you were from Nebraska!

And a special hello to the West Auburn Fire Station men-they are the BEST-what hunks! Lots o f birthdays coming up— so Happy Birthday to Jen R.( today!), and the March babies- Kerry (7th), Lexie (10th), Kristin K. (12th), Leslie (14th), Mindy (15th), Suzy (18th), and Karen G . (19th)!

D on’t forget the Sisterhood Retreat is on Mar 18th-bring your white elephant! Good Luck on Finals-May the Power of Bic be with you-and h av e a g re a t b re a k ...IN C A N C U N !!...A DOVELING

AXP Congratulations to all of the Newly Initiated Brothers! Everyone seems to have fully recov­ ered from the last hellish week. Nice Beaver...

Anyway, how was North Adams-maybe it will be better next year. Jimi is still hybemating. Next year the postulants will have to make a breakfast worth waking up for. One like T om ’s mega breakfast of eight pancakes, four bagels, etc. Save a sheep, club a....Yarcavasmorgen has sent us a recent update that popcorn has been recently exchanged for a large Chinese dinner.

Last Friday’s party went well thanks to a foster child found on the premises (did someone give him a map). The parents were reported seen in the third floor bath sampling some pudding. Roweres are still standing after the formal, unfortunately the same could not be said for many o f the worn out brothers. Heat wave reported in Daytona.

Bob is loaning money for those who would like to stiff him (no pun intended). Eat at Pings tonight, and when the bill comes blame it on Alex!

Welcome to another year of slavery officers.

Run while you still can. Don’t SNAP like all the NIBS did, and remember Luke, all rules are subject to change at random. I’d like to reflect on C term: it’s over. There he eats cups at red rovers old tavern: rabid, edible, tantalizing, under rotten new socks! Could you repeat that? Have a good break. Eat my shorts, not my butterfinger.

ATO One o ’clock, Two o ’clock, Three o’clock rock.

Four o ’clock. Five o ’clock, Six o’clock rock.

Congratulations to our new brothers. If we are not rooks and we are not juniors yet. What the hell are we? Will cam e up with 10 new ways to amuse himself at his security job. W e’ve got stickers.

Look at the pretty stickers. Lee has finally be­ come immune to the entire sleeping process. It’s all a big joke. Everything is funny right? Which one do you do you want, the right or the left one?

The Jolly G reen Giant is a sight for sore eyes. The house is up for an oscar for the great performances that occurred this past Thursday night. Kristie Yamamguchi. Swing batter, batter, batter, batter.

Last article before spring break, so have a good one boys.

ATA

AX A Due to the graphic nature o f last week’s LCA Greek Comer, parental discretion is now advised.

However, this week’s version has been edited for the general good o f the brotherhood by the High Beta. What you are about to read is a dramatiza­ tion. All names have been changed to prevent any further embarrassment. (NOTE: Since this ar­ ticle was edited by the High Beta, it was also necessary for the High Alpha to spell check it.)

First of all, we had a great Pre-I week thanks to the para-military leadership o f Schwarzkopf (Josh).

Seriously, the brothers and A M ’s really came together to work on our banner and on our bricks.

On Thursday night, we held our brick laying ceremony. Frank’s (Steve C ’s) brick wins first prize for creativity and potential hazard. Guys, we have to fumigate the basement. Harry (Pastore), “Get the door, it’s an emergency!” Finally, this portion o f the article has not been edited: We had a great spring rush! We had seven guys sign their bids. Congrats to Matt G., Tony F„ Scott M., Phil C., “Byron” M., Bill L„ and Eric D .!!!! It’s just the beginning o f a wonderful experience!

O H

FUI

Congratulations to the newly elected officers!

President-Karen Goodell, VP Member Dev-Melissa Nappi, VP Scholarship-Monika Lehky, T reasurer-Karen Lambert, Secretary-Amy Credit, Panhel Del-Carrie Belanger, Panhel Alt-Melissa Allen, Property Manger-Katie Daly, New Mem­ ber Coor-Deb Foley, Rush-M elissa Diguette, P h ila n th ro p y -E rin B ro p h y , R itu a l-L e x ie Chutoransky, Sisterhood-Jenn Kelly, Mem. Selection-Tanya Macek, Social-Nil Saltuk, Activities-Jen Sapochetti, Public R elations-B ecky Hoffman, Publications-Stephanie Gagne, Personal D ev-A m y Sinyei, A lum nae L iason-A ngela Wonsey, Purchasing Coor-Michele Provencher, Courtesy Notes-Anne Pareti. Thank you to all the old officers— you guys were great! (Especially that snazzy Publications Person) Congrats to all of us for receiving the Dean’s Award for Outstand­ ing Academic Achievement! Keep up the good work everyone-although some of those scarlet A’s are pretty hole-y! Lori gets a BIG hug this week, and Nappi has those wings-things! (And she’s NOT a flake). Thanks to Erica for organiz­ ing the ice skating and Brady Bunch trips-they

and Shreves will gladly take your car apart for a small fee. Well gotta go, I leave you with one from the Swammi. The Swammi says” Doug Gove, Scott Ennis, and Charlton’s girlfriend.” Answer“Slacker, Hacker, and the attacker.”

Congratulations to Pete Harrod for his leading role in the movie, “Chewbacca, the Untold Love Story.” Pete what were you thinking? In other news, the rampage has finally subsided with only two injured and none dead. Gove report-Last seen finishing off his 43rd beer after skipping the b-ball final to go out on a date. It’s a toss up between Brian R. and Rick to see who breaks up with their girlfriend the most. Thanks to the sophomores for going to the leadership conference. We can really count on you to get something done. We all hope and pray that Primetime can recover from his leg injury so that he can grace Alumni field once again. D on’t worry Pledges only two more months to go. Pauly you know Harrod is looking for a roommate. When I was a sophomore, we used to pick up the rock and play catch with it and if it dropped on someone’s foot we liked it. Don’t mind that I had to get my seniorism out. O 'B rien another lonely weekend ? I think it is time to give peaches a call. Zaza its time to get a hair cut. The Dr. J style is not in any more. Simpson and Assner are giving parking lessons to anyone interested

Hey Phi Sig Sigs!

In honor o f my last, yes my LAST, column, I wrote a little song that goes to the tune o f the Brady Bunch.

Here’s the story o f a sorority called Phi Sig W ho was keeping up a very pretty house.

All of them were very busy with school, Except for Molly and Karen... who played Nintendo all day long.

Here’s the story o f a class o f neophytes Who was busy with some antics o f their own.

They were the Tau class living all together (next year)....

It was one CRAZY house!

Till the one day when the neophytes got with the sisters And they knew it was much more than a hunch That this crew would somehow form an awe­ some sorority Thai’s the way we became the Phi Sig bunch!

I know, it’s corny, but it was the best I could do on such short notice! Special hellos go out to Jen Alley, Liz Allenbrook, Jade, everyone named Lisa, Joh, and some girl who lives on the first floor and has to put up with me (which is enough to get you in here Slim!). LITP

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zn It’s been Health W eek at the Pi; the maggots are in better shape than they have ever been and they love it. Congratulations to Gestapo for keep­ ing everyone awake; he selflessly did their sleep­ ing for them. If you see Dutchboy, ask him about

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1AE Three days till Cancun. Argento, will Danielle be sitting in your lap or will she be in the seat next to you? Sure it w asn’t planned. I would like to congratulate the new members o f the SAE swim team. Crazy, do you think you should know your girlfriend’s last name before you pin her, and I thought Trudy has your badge. Cohen, do we have to make an appointment to pond you or should we call you at Nick’s. I am done writing for the week but I leave you with a top ten. Top Ten Predictions in Cancun: 10. Coux blows chow on Danielle 9. Lemur blows chow on Danielle 8.

Sure we w on’t see Danielle the whole week 7.

George finds out that the only good looking girls live at Maple 6. Ong spends more money on his phone bill than booze. That’s if she lets him go. 5.

Norris blows chow on Danielle. 4. Dufort hooks up. Yeah right. 3. Spam blows chow on Danielle 2. Gooner crys for six nights because life without Spence is tough. 1. Mun says “where did these extra suitcases come from?”

Have a good break and may the booze always flow. Five Apples

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his step; he was so proud o f cleaning it, he spent half the week on it. Kurt, we missed you, man, but we’re glad you spent your time writing that 60 word per minute paper (or was that 60 minutes per word???) Heead became the most popular m ag­ got overnight, thanks to Lenny (Heead, work, N O W !!!) Much thanks to Hairball, Steve Lee, and Elmer for the invigorating workouts (Steve, thanks for introducing me to Bertha - it’s an experience I’ll never forget), to Uncle Dano for the great stories, and to Mike Brady for showing me the correct way to throw a plate full o f food 15' into a wall. This has definitely been a memorable week for everyone, especially Bruce Lee, who will never be the same since Lilah. (Of course, Lilah, won’t be the same, either - she was just messing with the wrong guy.)

TKE Here we are composing the Greek Comer for the first time ever in the TKE party room while listening to the gentle yet motivating sounds o f Mozart. Crank the treble baby! Feel the bass o f the cello. Congrats go to Fitz and Dawn on their recent marriage. There is a regular house meeting tonight remember, everyone should be there! The RLC was this past weekend, a sort o f officer training program at our retreat in Mongolia. Spring break is almost upon us, C-term 95 is berated to a pulp, fiction that is. Casper, we have learned isn’t the only friendly ghost among us phantoms of the night. Watch for small furry animals groovin together in a cave with a pict. GFY had another sellout, blowout, kick arse show at Gompeis last Friday night. Special thanks to all the penguins who stood at the door chanting “Pudding, Pud­ ding.” DAMN G LAD to see them there. So long , and thanks for all the fish to Matty D, he’s sold himself into slavery in San Francisco for D-term.

Fitz, besides writing the Greek Comer, on occa­ sion, on Wednesdays, after school, rules a small country in the South Pacific with an iron fist. Phil would like to have his name mentioned, but there isn’t enough room. Hey everyone, don’t forget that today there are tw o birthday boys turning 21!!

Spam and Suennen are the victims, but don’t forget to study boys, after all, this is exam week.

Hope that everyone got a chance to say hi to Gyro while he was in jail last Wednesday. Hope you did awesome at New England’s!! Birdie sucks tea bags if you didn’t know. Thanks to those who helped save the Raabi from a ruthless showing attempt, and to O ’Shea and Charlie Brown for that wonderful wake-up Friday. Is this the TKE house or the TKE hotel? Phil has some really cool proofs equating women and Park’s truck so ask him about it when you see him. Sorry Phil, couldn’t do it here. -C how for n o w -

0X BWGWNB...Our hero climbed steadily up­ ward, hoping with the advent of each new crest for a glimpse of his destination. Through horrors unknown, he had fought his way to this mountain thus gaining the opportunity to scale its relentless terrain. And so, well on into the darkest part of the night, Mr. Mojo continued his ascent, driven half mad by his desire to steal the mountain’s treasure, coupled with the dulling effect o f the potion (consumed out of convenient 12 oz. cans). Fi­ nally, as the last of his sanity faded away, he held his goal. The sun peeked over the ridge revealing an incredibly menacing and uninviting cavern, a place that only one other (Hagar the Horrible) had ever laid eyes o n , and that no other had ever dared enter. O ur hero hesitated for a moment as he ran his hand over his bald head and wondered whether he had lost his nerve along with his hair. But this went on for only a moment before he broke into a full sprint running head long into the gaping hole and history. Clip it, frame it, save it, because it’s my last and it’11be worth zillions some day, or you can just wrap up Jacobson’s eel in it before you flush (it’ll be dead soon). In closing, I would like to win a million dollars and move to Australia, but in the unlikely case that this fails to occur, how about ‘Check you later!!!!!’

2?F More and more and more...We’ve got pledges!

Congratulations to Karl, Jed, Mike, Adam, Dave, Ben, and Marc (again). Looks like we’ve got someone to replace Siegmund as eternal pledge boy...The Jail-N-Bail to benefit the Muscular Dystrophy Association was this past week, thanks go out to all the guys w ho put lots of time and effort into the project. Also, thanks go out to the WPI police for their support...When you hear Jail-NBail that also means it’s time for the Escape from Alcataz party. So who was tryung to dig their way out o f the basement...At this rate in a couple o f years, w e’ll have a tent city around the house so that all the brothers have a place to live, but according to the national I think w e only have about ten people...Finals, Finals, Finals...Stress, Stress, Stress...Almost time for D-term, where we seat on the roof, get spring fever, ignore classes, and drink more...Have a good break, hope every­ one comes back alive...Signing Off-Jabba

N r v st ea k

Page 8

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T u e s d a y , F e b r u a r y 2 8 ,1 9 9 5

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11:33pm - Officer reports careless cooking.

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Thursday, February 16 12:50am - Assist: W PD out with armed robbery on Highland St. 1:45am - Disturbance: Report o f snowballs being thrown from fourth floor o f Daniels Hall.

2:39am - Medical emergency: Stoddard men’s room, unresponsive, officers and EMS respond.

2:53am - Car alarm: O fficer out with student sticker, Ellsworth, alarm sounding.

10:18am - Students into campus police to report on wallets missing.

11:00am - Call from student blocked in by C onsortium van in Institute lot. Call made. Student able to get out after call w as made.

7:00pm - Maintenance: RA Founders calls, center fire door on 4th floor cannot be secured.

8:41pm - Malicious mischief: Students throwing snowballs. Fuller apartments.

8:43pm - Officer advises broken window, students advised.

Friday, February 17 2:20am - Harassing phone calls: Institute Hall.

4:20pm - Student calls, requests gate between football field and baseball fields to be unlocked.

11:54pm - Vehicle stop: between Boynton and W ashburn, Officers respond.

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wrestlemania-sweeping the nation?

Many pounds o f rice for sale..

All I wanna do is C lub Berkshire, That is the only place, I want to party at. I just love the Berkshire staff, They show me a much better time than those boring frats. As I come all over, again and again and again.

Thank you to those (huh) hairy chested men who entertained us at our meeting last week!

W here’s the snowblower?

Haywood...

Saturday, February 18 1:39am - Fire alarm: Alden Hall, fog machine in use within.

11:39am - Call-in: Riley fourth floor shower overflowing.

4:32pm - Malicious mischief: Students from Salisbury St. throwing snow.

11:32pm - Trespass/disorderly persons: Complaint o f non-students in Alumni Gym. 11:44pm - Officers clear Alumni Gym, three subjects removed.

Sue you, sue everybody.

Sunday, February 19 2:46am 6:36pm 9:10pm 9:39pm

- Assist/disorderly person: Officer responding to Riley to assist RA with disorderly person.

- Medical assist: Student in station with cut on head. EMS notified.

- Medical: Stoddard A, lacerated finger with table saw, officers and EMS respond.

- Assist: C heck men’s bathroom in wedge for smoke.

Monday, February 20

Your search for a great part-time job has ended.

12:46am - Parking violation: Complaint, regarding parked vehicle on Institute Rd. 4 :1 2am - Assist: A D T reports alarm trouble at Humboldt St. fraternity. Residents notified.

7:54am - Fire/sprinkler: Fuller upper.

7:58am - Arrival to Fuller, steam from shower.

4:31pm - Ice accident: dog fallen into ice on Institute Pond.

11:02pm - Larceny: Report of larceny of basketball from Alumni; complaintant currently in wedge.

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Part-time Package Handlers. It's the best anywhere!

• $8 per hour to start!

• Up to $5,250 in tuition reimbursement per year - selected shifts only.

• Student Loan Program - borrow up to $25,000 per year!

• Full benefits for part-time work!

• Potential promotion to supervisory position within 1 year!

Tuesday, February 21 12:31am - Mechanical problem: Fuller Labs elevator inoperable.

2:32am - Distraught student: Riley Hall, officers responding.

7:40am - Morgan Dining, report o f things missing in dining hall.

3:16pm - Complaint: Non students in Harrington.

5:34pm - Complaint: Students complain about safety o f their off-cam pus apartment.

9:50pm - Malicious mischief: Student reports person attempting to break into a room in Daniels.

11:29pm - Distraught student: Stoddard, 1 1:29pm - Noise complaint: Boynton St. fraternity, loud AC/DC.

Apply Mon.-Tues. lpm-6pm, Wed.-Thurs. 3pm-8fl0pm. or Friday 3pm-6pm, at the UPS employment office in Shrewsbury on Route HO, at the intersection of Rte. 20. For more information, call (508)-UPS-JOBS. An equal opportunity employer M/F.

Wednesday, February 22 1:28am - Assist: O fficers assisting WPD at Salisbury Estates with arrest.

4:15pm - Assist: M otorist at Becker College.

ZAMARRO APARTMENTS 21 INSTITUTE ROAD WORCESTER, MA

APARTMENTS APARTMENTS APARTMENTS DON'T WAIT! WON'T LAST!

• Walking distance from WPI • Clean: Studios, 1, 2, 3 bedroom units • Gorgeous Victorian Buildings • Locations: 21 Institute Road 15 Dean Street 10,14, 45 Lancaster Street 59 Dover Street 88 Elm Street 17 Elbridge Street 18 Trowbridge Road

• Starting Rent $395 and up • Applianced kitchens, tiled baths • Act soon, apartments are going fast • Occupancy June 1, 1995 Call today for an appointment

795-0010

752-7822