Car Sex

by Ethan Cutler

no i do not want to you god no im sorry i dont want to anyone and no

that does not make me gay—not wanting to girls apparently means wanting to boys—

and no that does not make me abused or assaulted

and yes i did fuck before

but maybe have you thought that maybe i hated it

this car reminds me of sweaty backs bent over— stretching to compensate for awkward sadness and youre unfinished

you ask me if i’m sure— no im not fucking sure how could someone possibly be sure of that— awfulness

you need me to explain you dont understand when i say its not your fault— its just how i am idiopathic absence of my id

every little boy wants to fuck his—mom babysitter teacher best friend—dad uncle neighbor—what else makes boys boys but all their maniacal desires— i must have slept while they taught us

dont make me explain away that empty section of my brain dont cry about it—how could you possibly think this is worse for you

hi nice to meet you my name is apathy entire lack of perspective and what is attractiveness to you ive never felt that echo an ache for love

my bones could never penetrate that cold thing i just dont want to please dont make me prove it