With the road forward

“We can support you on your journey from a life of torment to one where you are thriving and living the best life possible,” says Tony Thorn, peer support worker and now General Manager of The Road Forward. For those of us damaged by sexual trauma, we’ve been harmed because a sexual boundary has been crossed. “We often tell ourselves stories that aren’t quite right. We can’t do intimacy. We’re reactive in situations where we feel threatened (which can be often). We don’t trust. We pick the wrong people to be around, and we repeat our mistakes.”

How does Tony know this?

“Before I went on my own journey with The Road Forward, you only had to spend five minutes inside my head,” he says. “I could look highly functioning on the outside but, on the inside, I’d be riddled with crippling selfdoubt, negative hate talk, anxiety, depression, wanting to shut myself away … you name it. I have lived experience of the impacts of sexual trauma.”

The big thing is having the space, the opportunity, to name what you are feeling. “When I can name what’s going on for me,” Tony says, “half of the issue disappears. There’s an amazing relief that accompanies saying out loud that my anxiety is in the room or I’m feeling paranoid right now or a dozen other things.”

Not trusting that we have the space to name our feelings is especially true for men. Even more so for male survivors of sexual trauma.

“If we can’t name what we’re feeling, we’re more likely to try and numb them, generally harming ourselves more and often resulting in addictions ranging from alcohol or eating to cutting our bodies and work ing too hard.

We’re also more likely to hurt others with our withdrawals, our reactive anger, maybe worse. And interactions with our children can be scary and challenging.”

Statistics show that up to 11 people experience the negative impacts of one person’s sexual trauma at any one time –including partners, children and grandchildren, friends, work colleagues and managers, church members, and sporting buddies. It’s never too late to change how you feel and how you affect others.

Contact our trauma-informed peer workers. The Road Forward has a presence in Wellington, Lower Hutt, and Kapiti and is now available across the Wairarapa for male survivors of sexual harm.

There’s no cost, no judgement, and no limits on your access to support. The Road Forward is a fully funded charity, assisted by government and by grants.