issue 8 | still FREE | Summer 2014
the
new mentality the
BULLYING issue
bullied or the bully? | to subscribe to this magazine, please contact us at kathy@wyndhamhouse.org | facebook The New Mentality Guelph | call 519.822.2768 |
BULLYING Annonymous
Bullying is too often a harsh reality for way too many people around the world. Whether it takes place in an elementary setting, a workplace, or even is systemic in nature, bullying can occur in many different shapes and sizes. It has the ability to break the dreams of young girls and boys, ruin the lives of those who cannot defend themselves, and poisons the souls of all involved. It turns its victims into offenders, and turns human beings with limitless potential into broken victims unable to see their self-worth. I was a victim of bullying growing up, and trust me when I tell you that it is not fun. Since
then I have made a very big point of making sure that I would never let it happen again. Unfortunately, I did this to the point where I actually became a bully myself. Now when most people think of bullying they typically thing of a heavy set kid pushing around a smaller, and meeker kid, but this is not always the case. For me this meant making people feel uncomfortable, hurting feelings, alienating others and picking on the people who I thought were bullies. For a while this made sense to me, and didn’t affect my conscience until I realized I had 2|
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I began to notice that most of the time an individual would bully someone so that they would not be alone in their world of fear and pain.
of trauma, and reacting in the only way they knew to feel better. Through my own disheartening epiphany I realized become the one thing I hated that even bullies were entirely the most, a bully. I also real- to blame for their behaviour; ized that bullying the bullies they are victims of the bullying did more harm than good. epidemic. I realized that most bullies I believe that at one become the way that they point we were all born pure, are because they are often free, and full of love, but victims of bullying who have unfortunately things often decided to not be victims happen that can jade a anymore, kind of like myself. I soul. In this case, bullying is began to notice that most of the cause. I think that if we the time an individual would are to ever break the cycle bully someone so that they of bullying we are going to would not be alone in their have begun to realize exactly world of fear and pain. By where it comes from. What bullying these people I was is even more important is the only hurting them further, as amount of love we are able they were essentially victims to give one another on a daily
basis. Too much love can mean a number of different things, but in this case I meant it to be the complete and unconditional acceptance of one another, and the ability to see yourself in another. I believe that if we could do this, it would be a lot more difficult to bully someone. In fact I think that it would be downright impossible, but call me an optimist.
Bullying affects everyone involved, and not in a positive manner. It only makes sense to get rid of this old way of thinking, especially with our world facing so many crucial matters than threaten our very survival. It seems quite pointless to waste energy fighting one another, but that’s just me!
Introducing the Always There App from kids help phone
new mentality
the
youth led magazine
THE NEW MENTALITY GUELPH IS A YOUTH LED INITIATIVE WHICH FOCUSES ON REDUCING STIGMA. Thanks to all for their creative contributions.
The Always There app provides a password protected space for you to log your feelings, flip through a ton of youth-submitted tips, inspirational quotes, and jokes aimed at helping you cope with stress.
Wyndham House & Sandy Anger Studios
You can access tipsheets offline on a variety of emotional health topics and more. Finally, the app can also connect you directly with a Kids Help Phone counsellor over the phone, or through Live Chat. New to the app is Resources Around Me! This tool allows you to search for resources in your community, like Counselling and Mental Health, Sexual Health, Housing Help, and more. There are over 11,000 services listed here and over time we will add even more! Your mobile device will require an internet connection in order to search for/access resources.
for the iPhone
for Android
for BlackBerry
sponsored by Wyndham House the new mentality | 3
THE FACTS OF BULLYING Canadian Stats*: >> Punching, shoving, teasing, spreading bad rumours, keeping certain people out of a group, getting certain people to “gang-
up” on others are all forms of bullying >> One in seven Canadian children aged 11 to 16 are victims of bullying >> 25% of children in grades 4 to 6 have been bullied >> Bullying occurs once every 7 minutes on the playground and once every 25 minutes in the classroom >> In majority of cases, bullying stops within 10 seconds when peers intervene, or do not support the bullying behaviour >> Adults who were bullied as children are more likely to suffer from depression in adulthood. >> * Between 10% and 15% of high school students are victims. >> * 11% of secondary students bully other youngsters at least once a year. >> * 31% of students say they would participate in the bullying of a young person they dislike.
» 64 per cent of kids had been bullied at school. » 12 per cent were bullied regularly (once or more a week). » 13 per cent bullied other students regularly (once or more a week). » 72 per cent observed bullying at school at least once in a while. » 40 per cent tried to intervene. » 64 per cent considered bullying a normal part of school life. » 20-50 per cent said bullying can be a good thing (makes people tougher, is a good way to solve problems, etc.). *Based on a study on bullying by the University of British Columbia, based on 490 students (half female, half male) in Grades 8-10 in a B.C. city in the winter of 1999.
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>>* 90% of parents are familiar with cyberbullying; 73% are either very or somewhat concerned about it. >>* 2 in 5 parents report their child has been involved in a cyberbullying incident; 1 in 4 educators have been cyber-harassment victims. >>* 73% of educators are familiar with the issue and 76% believe cyberbullying is a very or somewhat serious problem at their school. >>* Educators consider cyberbullying (76%) as big an issue as smoking (75%) and drugs (75%). >>The study adds that “the most commonly experienced form of cyberbullying is when someone takes a private email, IM, or text message and forwards it to someone else or posts the communication publicly” >>*38% of girls online report being bullied, compared with 26% of online boys. >>* Nearly 4 in 10 social network users (39%) have been cyberbullied, compared with 22% of online teens who do not use social networks (all from Pew, 2007).
ang-
>> 25-33 per cent said bullying is sometimes OK and/or that it is OK to pick on losers. >> 61-80 per cent said bullies are often popular and enjoy high status among their peers. >> 1 in 5 Canadian Teens have witnessed online Bullying >> 25% of kids between 12-15 have witnessed cyberbullying >> 25% of girls and 17% of boys have witnessed online harassment >> 51% of all teens have had negative experience with social networking >>16% said someone posted an embarassing photo of them >> 12% said someone hacked their account
Something To Be Proud Of Anti-bullying Day (a.k.a. pink shirt day) origionated in Canada! It originally started as a protest against a bullying incident at Central Kings Rural High School in Nova Scotia. On this day, many of those who participate wear pink to symbolize a stand against bullying. The original event was organized by David Shepherd and Travis Price of Berwick, Nova Scotia, who in 2007 bought and distributed 50 pink shirts after male ninth grade student Charles McNeill was bullied for wearing a pink shirt during the first day of school.
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YOUR STORIES MY STORY By Devin Campbell
It all started off as a good day. The sun was shining, the breeze was nice and cool, and I even had enough time to prepare my own lunch, but as always, things aren’t always meant to go your way. I stepped one foot outside my door and instantly knew something bad was about to explode in face. I was right. As I took that first step something stringy and web like covered my face, hair and all over my body. I took another staggering step forward and fell face first, causing me to fall on my lunch and it to explode. I started ripping at my hair and body, rolling in the dirt. When I finally escaped my web prison, I realized that I freaked out over a huge spider web and destroyed my lunch and my confidence for the day. I was dirty, muddy and still had clumps of spider web all over me. I grimly started my walk to school as I saw a kid who I tended to bully and started my way over to him with every intent to make him feel like I did. As I approached him he started whimpering and apologizing for whatever he did. I quickly snapped at him to shut his mouth and started pummelling him, relieving my anger. But as I got up and off him, all I saw was his face, his very red and wet face and realized, this kid had nothing to do with my problems, and the worst part was this guy always offered his lunch to me, always tried to keep me happy. That’s when 6|
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I realized, I was the one in the wrong, and that kid on the ground may not even be breathing. And it was my fault. I didn’t mean to hurt him that bad, just as bad as I felt. I shook him and called his name and he rolled away from me in terror. “I’m sorry ! I’m sorry!! Take my lunch! Take my money! Just please don’t hurt me again!” He cried. “I’m done. I’m not going to hurt you. I’m here to say I’m sorry. I’m GENUINELY sorry. I was just having a bad day and shouldn’t have taken it out on you.” “Please don’t trick me. I’ll give you anything just please don’t hurt me.” “I’m not going to. In fact we’re going to go tell the principal when we get to school. Get up.” I said. “Really? You’re not going to hurt me?” “No I’m not. Come on kid lets go. When we got to the school we reported straight to the principal and then later became good friends. This is my story of how I found myself and how I stopped bullying.
Bullying I have been bullied and I have been the bully. And for this I’m not proud but I did learn an important life lesson. I learned that it really makes a person feel degraded and embarrassed to be bullied and that it makes one feel very in control and powerful to bully someone. Right then and there I decided that I did not enjoy showing intimidation, power and strength over people that are my friends or who I respect. I decided to choose the side of the bullied. I stopped bullying people and decided no matter what happened I would always stand up for the underdog. Making this decision impacted my whole life. I have been told that I am a very kind, sympathetic and caring person. I only wish that all bullies made this type of conclusion. I guess it is only human nature to show dominance over someone but I wish there was an easy answer to end bullying worldwide. We as people need to learn how to work together as one race and not continually fight amongst each other. We need to make world peace. I also think that if you see someone getting bullied by someone, instead of turning away, you should instead think how that person must feel and go stop it from happening. Trust me when I say, it is a great feeling, helping someone else out like that. So spread the word and help to end bullying in your community. We need to stand shoulder to shoulder against bullying. Dave Mclauchlin
Growing up I used to bully people who were different from me and make them feel like they were nothing but dirt on the ground. I used to pick on them so much that, I would usually have them in tears and hating the world. I realize now that what I did was wrong and I could have ended up living with the thought I killed someone because of bullying, but I never went that far and I am glad I didn’t. By Anonymous
I
guess you could say I’ve been bullied and I’ve been a bully. It all comes back to fear, fear of rejection, and fear of other’s opinions. In grade school I was very afraid of what other’s thought of me. Having no one to go to at home about these issues made it increasingly harder. At some points it even felt like teachers were the bullies, but this goes back to lack of help I have received at home and this shaped my perception of adults. Anyone putting kind reception on me without expecting anything in return was always uncomfortable for me. My ideas around what bullying ‘is’ has changed over the years and rather than putting my insecurity and fear onto random people and taking out past hurt on new people. When we look closely at ourselves it is easier to accept what is going on outside of us, this including bullies that need an outlet for their hurt, insecurity and pain. the new mentality | 7
As a child you never think about what you’re doing and who it might hurt. We have all been bullied and we have all bullied someone. There comes a time when we see what we have done and how much pain it really can cause others. As a child, I thought as a child, I prayed as a child but as I grew up it was time to put away childish things. It doesn’t mean hurt others so you can be happy. Don’t be the one person to make another person’s life miserable, be the one to make them feel like life is worth living. Remember that being the bigger person can make someone feel that they are worth something great. Always remember that God made us all the same. ANONYMOUS. 8|
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Halls:
How many times can these halls look me in the eyes and tell me I’m useless. When will I disappear from this earth like I have in this society? When can I stop smiling? When can I stop these ever flowing tears? When will people stop programming me like they have themselves? I don’t want to feel what they think I should feel. I don’t want to breathe these lies! Is it wrong to feel pain? Sadness? Depression? Hate? Fear? Loneliness? Why do I fall and no one cares? Why do I scream when no one listens? Why do I try for no one to notice? I am dancing in this caving room alone. Only the rain can show how many tears I hide.
An Open Apology to Myself. . Dear Me, I am sorry. I’m sorry I constantly criticize you, ranging from your genetics, your mental health, your flaws and even your blessings, your past decisions; even on the things you couldn’t control. Your Physical attributes, Your Feelings. I’m sorry I constantly belittle your achievements, especially when you’ve come so far. You keep thinking you’re all grown up when really , what no one seems to understand, especially me, is that you’re only seventeen! By this age, very few kids are on their own. Maybe you haven’t exactly had a job for longer than a week, So what? You’ve lived life on survival mode for so long you forgot what it’s like to be a kid. And for that I’m most sorry; that both circumstance and I left marks on you that’ll never go away: emotional, mental, and physical. I’m sorry I made you blubber on the street of downtown Guelph, making a perfect stranger ask you what’s wrong. And maybe one day you and I can forgive yourself for everything we have done, in spite and sadness, in happiness and hopelessness. And I know that this’ll take time. After all, it took years for me to inflict this pain. And all scars take their time to heal. I love you. Never forget that... Sincerely and in tears.
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THE LORD SEALED MY FATE the new mentality
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The Lord sealed my fate, I wrote days too late You were my sister, Why did you have to contemplate None of this will matter now that you’re dead But, girl, you should have rephrased what you said “I get picked on everyday, So I want bloodshed” But it hurts to see your head, laying in a puddle, dark blood red A beautiful face, shredded up by thick lead Why the fuck would you put a bullet in your own head? I never understood your obsession with the false mission Where you had to use regression to fuel your aggression Wish you paid attention while you listened to my session Now I lost a sister in this fatal battle of oppression Why did you deny that you’re emotionally insecure Alone, locked up in your head like a prisoner Why were you ashamed of what kept you sane Could have fixed the damaged brain Inflamed from the bully’s game. You never had to deal with The way you were treated None of it was worth all the ego you needed But their wicked eyes so blindly lured you You never realized that they never deserved you
Bullying does not only affect children and youth. I know grown men who are bullied. People who are so kind and caring and giving, who are made to feel worthless because someone else is entertained by them getting angry. Someone who gives 110% of themselves to everyone, every day. I don’t understand and it saddens and infuriates me to the point where I wish I could belittle the bully. Hurt the bully. Make them feel like they are nothing because it breaks my heart to see someone I love hurt this way. But it is never ok to treat another being like this. And it poisons you. It can change you. Maybe they are just a mean person, maybe they just like to hurt people, but maybe.. Maybe they were bullied once too. Maybe hurting people is the only way they can feel less alone in their world of pain and sadness. Maybe their heart is breaking every day too. And the only way they know how to feel better about themselves is to make you feel worse. Maybe they envy you. Maybe they need a friend. Maybe they need someone to smile at them and tell them “hey, I like your shoes.”
Wicked ways its an 80 degree day out hot in the summer its not freezing hair is breezing in the air the energy it’s in darkness flows like evil wicked ways torture oh the cruelty the pain the suffering and agony rushing through my viens N.D 02.20.14 the new mentality | 11
Kindness is free. Sprinkle that shit
everywhere.