X CITY LIFE
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THE INSTINCT ISSUE
THE INSTINCT ISSUE
QUIT YOUR JOB Careering into the unknown
INTERACTIVE GRUB’S UP EROTICA You’ll be living Choose your off locusts own sexual by 2050 adventure
WAKING THE DODO Why some animals are better off dead
THE SEX INDUSTRY Who’s really on top?
the Instinct issue From the editor...
Editor Imogen Beecroft @imogenbeecroft Deputy Editor Charlie Allenby @charlieallenby Managing Editor Francesca Peak @francesca15
Today’s media-dominated world is changing at an incredible pace, and we – with the help of our Twitter feeds – are racing just to keep up. Every day sees the emergence of new trends, new social movements, new technologies. This year, XCity Life wanted to focus on how people – united by our basic instincts – are shaping, and being shaped by, these changes. Take survival. While we may no longer need to battle to survive in the hunter-gatherer sense of the word, there are many ways we see ourselves trying to ‘survive’ day-to-day life: getting through a meeting at work; navigating an awkward social situation; finding romance – on or offline. For XCity Life, our curiosity about human instincts revealed itself in some surprising ways. We’ve eaten locusts, immersed ourselves in interactive erotic literature, and had coffee with a burlesque cake maker, all in the name of reconnecting with our primal instincts and exploring their modern-day manifestations. We’ve asked some big questions: what does it mean to be a male feminist? Is it ever too late to abandon your career and pursue your passion? How does it feel to save a life? And we’ve asked some little ones: was it just our lustfulness that led to the advent of the vibrator? Could we make a living talking about food? And how much do we really know about Mr Darcy’s underwear? We’ve had great fun asking all of these questions, and hope you enjoy reading our answers.
Production Editor Helen Pye @helenempye Art Editor Emma Shone @emmascone Deputy Art Editor Kathryn Bromwich @kathryn42
CITY
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Imogen Beecroft, Editor
Cover illustration: Maria D’Amico. Cover image: Isabelle Sheppard
Acknowledgements
With special thanks to Linda Newman, Barbara Rowlands, Jason Bennetto, Dan Davies, Malvin Van Gelderen, Clive Raven, Fred Burlage, Roger Tooth and The Guardian, Getty Images, and Press Association.
Maria D’Amico
Ian Baker
Charlotte Formosa
Jennifer Ciochon
mariadamico.com
ianbakercartoons.co.uk
charlotteformosa.wordpress.com
jenciochon.wordpress.com
Linda Clark
Isabelle Sheppard
lindaclarkillustration.com
flickr.com/isabelles
Irene Vidal irenevidalsarmiento.com
Heather Agyepong heatheragyepong.tumblr.com
Pictures Editor Sarah Parsons @mssarahparsons
Section Editors Isabelle Aron @izzyaron Will Grice @willgrice Laura Price @bigscarycword Gwendolyn Smith @gwendolyn_smith Chief Sub Ralph Jones @ohhiralphjones
Sub Editor Huw Fullerton @huwiemcchewie Online Editors Sarah Biddlecombe @_sarahstweets Amber Rolt @amberrolt Infographics Editor Alex Horne @AllHorne Staff Writers Christina Kenny @dfordalrymple Delia Piccinini @deliapiccinini Publisher Linda Newman XCity Life Magazine Department of Journalism City University London Northampton Square London EC1V 0HB Tel: +44 (0)20 7040 8221 Email: journalism@city.ac.uk Web: www.xcityplus.com Twitter: @xcityplus Printed in the UK by The Magazine Printing Company www.magprint.co.uk
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C on tent s
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6 Culture club
Your upcoming year in the arts
12
Let’s get lyrical
15
Write young thing
Music writers discuss the words behind their favourite tunes
Award-winning author Rosa Rankin-Gee on success at 26
F R E E D O M
16
Better 28 Harder Faster Stronger
Meet the people who push themselves to the limit of human achievement
32 Power play
Sex workers: who’s really on top when money changes hands?
35 Top drawer
Artist Brian Williamson’s life in comics
New starters
Bad career choice? It’s never too late to kickstart your life
guide 20 Bluffer’s to modern art Blag your way through galleries with these foolproof tips
change of 22 Aheart
Does the Same Sex Marriage Act really mean equality?
in the closet 24 Football
Why sexuality is still a daunting topic for sportsmen
day 25 Referendum
All you need to know about Scottish independence
P O W E R
see Monkey Google 36Monkey How are we coping as technology takes over?
pursuit of appiness 38The Let your smartphone rule your life
40 Mean girls
The ladies strike back in literature’s latest sensation: chick noir
42 Sloane wolf
Peter York shows us the future
43 Shall I compare thee?
Shakespeare in numbers: the Bard turns 450
matter of life and 46 Adeath The saviours who brought people back from the brink
48
Meet the happiness officers
Do you whistle while you work? See how these companies cheer up their staff
S U R V I V A L
62 Incaredible!
82 Inspect our gadgets
taste of things to 66 Acome
84 Let’s be brief
TV chef are you? 69 Which
85 Pants in print
The delicious rise of Peruvian cuisine
Why you’ll be eating insects sooner than you think
Nigella; Heston; Gordon. Who’s your culinary soulmate?
71 Dosh for nosh
Top food critics on how to earn money while you munch
51Better off dead Why some animals should be left in the grave
man up 52Feminism:
The men getting in touch with their feminist side
Aunty Feminism 54Dear
We help guys struggling with their inner Suffragette
time 55 Adventure
Live life on the edge with these ambitious getaways
article will change your life 56 This
The lengths websites go to for your precious clicks
59 Lest we forget World War One in numbers
H U N G E R
75
Food on the brain
A radical outlook on what goes on your plate
The ultimate luxury lust list
Because men’s underwear just doesn’t get the press
Your favourite novels stripped to the waist
yourself at home 86 Make
Why book a B&B when you can stay at these quirky guesthouses?
L U S T
history of the vibrator 87 The Our favourite sex toy: how the buzz began
88 Dating games Love in the time of Tinder
erotica 90 Interactive
Choose your very own sexual adventure
92 Life shoot
The clothes to get your hands on this year
the rise and shine 95 Latex: Von Cheesecake 78 Dita
The woman making cakes with a titillating twist
of pure imagination 79 World
Crunching the data: Charlie and the Chocolate Factory turns 50
The ultimate festish fabric goes mainstream
97 40 Years of SEX
Eyeing up the figures:Vivienne Westwood’s shop celebrates its Ruby anniversary
98 Take five
A A Gill and others on the primal urges that drive them
Culture club Francesca Peak tells you what not to miss this year May – Brighton Festival Oh, we do like to be beside the seaside…especially when there’s just so much to see. This year’s Brighton Festival showcases art, comedy, film, circus, theatre, and special events for children. Musical virtuoso Hofesh Shechter takes the reins as festival director, and promises to bring a plethora of musical and theatrical delights to the British seaside. Various locations, 3 - 25 May
April – The Glamour of Italian Fashion As if we need reminding which is the world’s most glamorous country, we’ve now got an exhibition showcasing Italian fashion since 1945. Over 100 ensembles, including full outfits and accessories, will be on display from the likes of Armani, Gucci, and Versace. There will also be a look at Italy’s brightest young designers. For an extra dash of Italian luxury, the exhibition is sponsored by Bulgari and will feature stunning jewels once owned by Elizabeth Taylor. Well, a girl can dream. V&A Museum, 5 April - 27 July
June – Bailey’s Women’s Prize for Fiction This prestigious prize awards £30,000 to the best novel in the English language written by a woman of any nationality. Previous winners include Zadie Smith and Barbara Kingsolver, and the judging panel this year is an eclectic one, featuring Caitlin Moran, Helen Fraser, Sophie Raworth, Denise Mina and Mary Beard. The recently announced longlist includes works by Fatima Bhutto, Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie, and Margaret Atwood. Nine countries are represented by the nominated authors, including Nigeria, Pakistan and Canada. Southbank Centre, 4 June 6
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Images: The Art Archive-Mondadori Portfolio-Marisa Rastellini, Calder Wilson, Hugo Glendinning, London Triathlon, Dennis Hopper-The Hopper Art Trust-www.dennishopper.com, Brighton Festival, Bailey’s Women’s Prize for Fiction
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July – Digital Revolution 2014 is said to be the year of wearable tech, so now is a good time to assess what impact digital evolution has had on our everyday lives. This unique exhibition features digital talent from the worlds of art, music, film, architecture, and dance, to name but a few. They combine to make a fully immersive experience that showcases how technology has shaped our outlook on the world. Barbican, 3 July - 14 September
July – Brasil Brasileiro In a hopefully balmy summer, it seems appropriate to have some dancers from Rio de Janeiro heat up the stage. Performing the samba, the ultimate combination of European and African influences, this troupe will have you dancing in the aisles by the end of the show. Sadler’s Wells Theatre, 8 - 27 July
June – Dennis Hopper: The Lost Album August – London Triathlon
While his work as an actor and director has been widely recognised, Hopper’s insightful photography demonstrates just how talented the man was. Taken at the height of American counterculture in the 1960s, Hopper captured America at pivotal moments, including Martin Luther King’s March to Freedom. This exhibition brings together 400 images discovered after Hopper’s death in 2010. Royal Academy, 26 June - 25 August
Remember the Brownlee brothers, who won gold and bronze medals in the triathlon for Great Britain at London 2012? They have helped organise the city’s first triathlon, open to anyone. Choose from categories ranging from Sprint (400m swim, 10km cycle, 5km run) to Olympic (1500m swim, 40k cycle, 10km run), or do a leg each as part of a team. Central London, 2 - 3 August 7 9
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September – Meatopia Yes, you read that correctly. London carnivores need to highlight this date, because one of the biggest meat feasts is coming to town. Last year’s feast featured BBQ pig heads, smoked chicken, and, of course, plenty of ribs – as well as music from Groove Armada and the appropriately named DJ BBQ. Can’t you smell that smoky steak in the air...? Tobacco Docks, 6 - 7 September
October – Sherlock Holmes The world’s most famous detective was around long before Benedict Cumberbatch put on his Belstaff. The modern adaptation has, however, reignited interest, leading to London’s first major exhibition on the sleuth since 1951. Scenes of Victorian London will be recreated to immerse visitors in the world of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle and appreciate just what makes Holmes one of literature’s most enduring characters. Museum of London, 17 October 12 April 2015
November –100 Years Later: Conflict, Time, Photography
Image credits: Meatopia, Museum of London, Tate, Taka Ishii Gallery Tokyo
100 years since the start of the First World War, this exhibition addresses the role of the photographer in wartime and looks at how difficult it is to portray warfare on camera. Tate Modern, 19 November - 6 April 2015
December – William Blake: Apprentice and Master This landmark Oxford exhibition explores how Blake took inspiration from the masters of the Renaissance, as well as his influence on those who followed him. X Ashmolean Museum, 4 December 15 January 2015 9
13 June – 5 July
Investigating the life of conceptual artists Janet Adler and Margaret Gibb, Tim Crouch’s new play explores his fascination with form in a thrilling story of misappropriation. Co-commission with Center Theatre Group
‘the most ferociously uncompromising voice of their generation’ art critic Dave Hickey (on Adler & Gibb)
Tickets £32, £22, £16, £12
020 7565 5000 www.royalcourttheatre.com Royal Court Theatre, Sloane Square, London SW1W 8AS Innovation Partner
50% off top price tickets (normally £32) to XCity Life magazine readers. Book by phone/online – quote ‘XCITY’ (not valid Mondays)
Image: Jennifer Ciochon and Sarah Parsons
Let’s get lyrical Most of us have no idea what we’re singing along to. Isabelle Aron speaks to four music critics about the meaning behind the words Stevie Chick Freelancer for MOJO and The Guardian First song that changed your perspective: A lot of the music I was listening to when I was in my late teens had a profound effect on my outlook. The records of Consolidated are mostly forgotten today, but as I was learning about feminism, gay rights, and similar issues, their songs helped solidify my understanding. One track, ‘Your Body Belongs To The State’, compares Catholicism’s stance on abortion and women’s rights with that of Nazi Germany, which was very thoughtprovoking. There’s little music around today that seems interested in engaging with politics to that degree.
Most meaningful lyrics: “Is heroin better in a veteran’s mind / Than the memory of the dying laying in a line”
‘The Winter Of The Long Hot Summer’, Hiphoprisy
It’s about the first Gulf War and avoids taking a simple stance on warfare. It blows my mind, the complexity of the lyrics – the depth, the power, the pathos. The poetic way the points are delivered is phenomenal. The three rhymes within the first line alone are really magical.
Laura Snapes Features editor, NME First song that changed your perspective: When I was 17 I went out with someone much older. We lived together and in the last six months it was going really wrong. I didn’t quite know how to end it. I didn’t have words for the situation. Then I started listening to The National’s album, Boxer. In ‘Mistaken For Strangers’ I heard the precise articulation of everything I felt. I was also listening to Bat For Lashes’ debut, and the song ‘What’s A Girl To Do’ compounded the message I got from ‘Mistaken for Strangers’. Neither song particularly advocates upping and leaving, but just having the words for that pushed me to find the courage to break up with him. 12
Most meaningful lyrics: "Sometimes you sleep while I take us home / That's when I know / We really have a home" ‘Small Plane’, Bill Callahan
It’s such a simple, elegant song about love; not flashy, lustful love, but the level of comfort and familiarity you have with someone when you’ve been together for a long time. That is the situation I’m currently in, and Bill Callahan is one of my favourite artists of all time, so to hear him sing that song – when his early work was so often fraught with hate and spite – makes it even more powerful.
X CITY FREEDOM
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Conor McNicholas Former editor, NME
Sam Wolfson Executive editor, Noisey
First song that changed your perspective:
First song that changed your perspective:
‘Anyone Can Play Guitar’ from Radiohead’s Pop Is Dead EP. Up until that point I’d wanted to be in a band – I’d wanted to be Jim Morrison. I think that listening to this song was the first time I understood that none of those thoughts were original. I stepped outside of making music and started looking at it rather than through it. I realised I was better at seeing the patterns in music culture than I was making music myself. Time to be a journalist rather than a guitarist.
It was probably ‘Samson’ by Regina Spektor - this was before I’d heard Dylan and Cohen. The use of biblical imagery and sweet humour to tell a love story was just unlike anything else; it definitely tugged at a chord.
Most meaningful lyrics:
“And her husband was one of those blokes / The sort that only laughs at his own jokes / The sort that war takes away / And when there wasn’t a war he left her anyway” ‘Levi Stubbs’ Tears’, Billy Bragg
I love storytelling in lyrics. These lines are just some of the greatest ever written. This song cuts me to the quick every time; it’s so beautifully crafted.
Most meaningful lyrics: “Girl, if you know you look good in your clothes / Strike a pose / And if you’ve got issues and you don’t care who knows / Strike a pose, strike a pose” ‘Confidence Boost’, Trim and James Blake
I’m a cynical bastard, but this is one song that has massively stuck with me. If your situation has ever been screwed, if you’ve been let down or, fuck it, if you just look good in your clothes – make yourself known. Be on camera.
Definitive songs about freedom Stevie Chick: ‘Free Your Mind And Your Ass Will Follow’, Funkadelic
Conor McNicholas: ‘Rock ’n’ Roll Star’, Oasis
It’s light on lyrics for the most part, but includes a chant of “Freedom is free of the need to be free”, which I think is a pretty profound definition of freedom.
It’s as subtle as a fist to the face but that’s the point. Whatever your job or your dayto-day insecurities, for that moment on the dancefloor, lost in the music, you can be whoever you want to be.
Images: Sarah East, The Guardian
Laura Snapes
Freedom is completely subjective. It could be by Nina Simone or Joni Mitchell or Pussy Riot, you know? Sam Wolfson: ‘Set You Free’, N-Trance
This is the definitive song about freedom and anyone who says different is a liar. 13
“I’ll take my car and drive real far / They’re not concerned about the way we are / In my mind my dreams are real / Now you concerned about the way I feel / Tonight, I’m a rock ‘n’ roll star”. Anyone who hears those words and isn’t transported for a moment is dead from the neck up. X
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She won the Paris Literary Prize aged 24 and her debut novel was published last November. Gwendolyn Smith talks to Rosa Rankin-Gee
Write young thing
T
he Last Kings of Sark, Rosa RankinGee’s debut novel, follows three characters who share one final, carefree summer of childhood before heading out into the real world to make something of themselves. A prize-winning author at 26, their creator is considerably ahead of them. Starting her first novel when she worked as a private cook on the remote Channel Island, Sark, Rosa Rankin-Gee thought it would come to nothing. She was wrong. How has being published changed the way you approach writing?
I wasn’t very self-conscious when I set out to write The Last Kings of Sark as a novella, because I didn’t think anything would ever come of it. But there’s definitely a selfconsciousness that slips in when people are asking you about book number two. Can you survive on art alone?
It’s important to have a job alongside your creative work. I’ve done loads of jobs – from waitressing to advertising. Those experiences give you stories. It’s odd if you spend your life just being a writer. What would you be able to write about the world? You moved to Paris after university. Did you move there to write?
I actually moved because I wanted to improve my French. Although of course Paris’ writing heritage is amazing. Shakespeare and Company [a Parisian bookshop] import the best writers in the world. Still, at parties, there’s always these absolute wankers who are like, “I’m a writer,” and you’re like, “Oh cool, what do you write?” And they haven’t written anything at all.
Image: Laura Stevens
Do you think location has an effect on your writing?
I think your emotional location does – whether you’re feeling happy or sad; healthy or unhealthy; hungover or in the first flashes of love. Relocation also makes a difference. There’s so much for your mind and eyes to process that you’re not just relying on what you know.
Where is your favourite place to work? Cafés! It’s a nice, cheap way of hiring an office and I like listening to other people’s conversations. It’s also easier to buy yourself treats. As soon as you’ve written one nice sentence or a good word, it’s like, “Brilliant, time now for a cookie!” Your mother, Maggie Gee, is an author too [books include The Ice People and My Animal Life]. Do you see similarities between your writing?
I think that’s one of the things that’s joyful and good – our writing is very different. We often edit each other’s stuff and there are definitely moments when we say to each other, “This is a very Rosa thing,” or “This is a very Maggie thing.” Does it get annoying when people ask you about her?
It’s never annoying to be asked because she’s my mother and I adore her. But what I hate is when journalistic shorthand creates the impression that someone has been published just because they’re someone else’s daughter. 15
What’s the best thing about writing? There’s a real satisfaction that comes from writing a good sentence and feeling like you’ve expressed the thing you wanted to very well. For me, I like what I write to be simple but I also like to have an element of a new thought – that’s very satisfying. If you could write like anybody else, who would it be?
Can I combine? I’d like to have clarity while expressing complex ideas in the style of Robert Louis Stevenson, the weight and poetry of James Baldwin and the ease and wit of Zadie Smith. I’d throw in a bit of Vladimir Nabokov’s magic too. Granted. And if you had the power to make everybody read one book, what would it be?
Well, why don’t they just read The Last Kings of Sark? If lots of people have been asked this question all of the great books will have been read, so I might as well self-promote and slip mine in… X The Last Kings of Sark (Virago, RRP £8.99) is published in paperback on the 1st May 2014.
New
starters What makes young professionals ditch high-flying jobs to start all over again? Christina Kenny meets the people kickstarting their careers
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drianna is 31 years old and has worked as a scientific researcher since graduating 10 years ago. But she’s aware that her passions lie elsewhere. “My job doesn’t fulfil me,” she says. Her frustration has led her to seek help from a career coach. “I’m sick of waiting for the right opportunities,” she says. “I want to get it right now.” Adrianna is not alone. More than ever before, young professionals in their late 20s and early 30s are ditching established careers to start again. Recruitment consultant Christopher Platts says that the trend is becoming increasingly common. “Recruitment sites like Escape the City are capitalising on the idea that once you hit 30, you realise you’ve only got a limited amount of time left on the planet,” he says. “It makes you analyse where you want your career to go.” Platts is the founder of a recruitment startup company called TalentRocket that aims to match clients with jobs they find meaningful and inspiring. The company he’s referring to, Escape the City, has a website that promises its 140,000 subscribers an escape from “corporate drudgery” with a complete change of workplace scenery. Jobs posted recently include positions with tech
startups, safari companies, and even space exploration projects. But how many people are in the market for such drastic change? Significantly more than you would expect. A YouGov survey commissioned by Oxford Open Learning in 2013 found that up to a third of British people aged 25-34 say they are unsatisfied with their current careers. According to Owen Redahan, a counsellor who works with clients contemplating drastic life changes, career dissatisfaction
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Once you hit 30, you realise you’ve only got limited time left
is often due to having picked the wrong job to begin with. “It’s not unusual for 20- and 30-somethings to be unhappy with their jobs,” he says. “Many people went straight into them from school or university, before they were sure what they wanted to do.” That was the case for Karen Richmond. Now 32, she was in her seventh and final year of qualification as a solicitor in Edinburgh when she left to pursue her 16
dream of being an opera singer. “I knew I wanted to sing by the third year of uni, but it made sense to finish my degree,” she says. “But when I started practising law, it felt like I was just playing the part. I knew that even if I ended up not doing music, I’d have to go in some other direction to get the satisfaction I needed from a day’s work.” Karen didn’t tell her employers that she was thinking of leaving until her place at music college was guaranteed. She didn’t want to have lost her job if things didn’t work out. But she was accepted, and her timing was just right. “My employers were disappointed when I handed in my notice, but they weren’t surprised,” she says. “They knew how much music meant to me. I had to find out whether I could make it as a singer. I didn’t want to spend the rest of my life wondering what things could have been like.” A year after she resigned, Karen received an email from the Law Society of Scotland, reminding her to renew her registration. “It felt really good to say ‘no’,” she remembers. “I firmly believe that you can’t go backwards, only forwards. I’m quite stubborn ‒ you have to be when you’re self-employed.” Karen’s work as a freelancer is more precarious than law ‒ the classical music industry is notoriously hard to make money in. But she’s optimistic about her future.
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“It’s definitely possible to manage if you’re willing to be versatile,” she says. “In the last couple of years I’ve sung several major roles in operas like La bohème and performed in the Albert Hall and the Royal Festival Hall. But I also build up my income outside performing hours by teaching. I make now roughly the same as I did the year I left law. It’s much less than what I’d be on if I’d stayed, but it’s a real relief.”
Money trouble
Images: Karen Richmond, Jodie Lahon
The fear of financial hardship is central to many people’s decisions to stick with careers they hate. For many young professionals, their late 20s and early 30s is the time to start thinking about marriage; buying property; starting a family. Financial security is more of a priority than ever. Yet it is financial insecurity that causes many to enter jobs they don’t like to begin with. Jodie Lahon graduated from university in 2006 with a music degree. “I was £27,000 in debt and needed a job,” she says. “I went to a graduate recruiter and told them that I had to earn as much money as possible. They placed me in recruitment, and by the end of the year I was earning £5,000 more than I would have as a music teacher.” Jodie’s rise through the ranks was swift. She was promoted to manager within 10 months, and in just two years was
Karen Richmond Solicitor
responsible for a team of five. But success came with a punishing workload. It was normal for her to work a 12- to 14-hour day. “By my employer’s terms, I was incredibly successful,” she says. “But I was getting more and more disillusioned. My job was all sales. It was soul-destroying.” When Jodie’s father died in 2010 after a long illness, she resigned from her job to take a break. When she returned to the workplace a few months later, it was to a less pressured role in the environmental
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I’m earning about half what I used to, but I’m really happy
division of a high-end recruitment company. The breathing space allowed her to explore other career options. She was developing a strong interest in the environmental sector, where many of her clients were CEOs and chairmen. Some encouraged her to pursue a career in environmentalism, even offering references and work experience. Their support gave Jodie the courage to resign and return to university. “My dad
opera singer
had been an engineer specialising in energy and carbon saving,” she says. “I felt that retraining would be a kind of tribute to him, as well as providing a good solid base for a new career.” At 29 and with six years of management experience under her belt, Jodie enrolled on an MSc course at Grantham Institute for Climate Change. Now in her first job with energy regulator Ofgem, she is working on a project that encourages people to switch to renewable heating: “Even though what I’m doing is a tiny piece of the jigsaw puzzle, it’s a springboard for me to do other things in my career that will have an important effect on the environment. “I’m earning about half of what I used to in recruitment, but I’m really happy. I have enough to live, to save a little bit, and move up in the world. I think my dad would be proud of me.” Jodie’s experience illustrates one of the most common motivating factors for early career change, a significant life event. According to Owen Redahan, it is when people are about 30 that many start to step back and think about change. “Getting married or losing a significant relationship, having children, or experiencing the death of a parent can all be factors in career decisions,” he says. “For one thing, you might have to find a job that suits your new situation.
Jodie Lahon Recruitment 17
environmental technology
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“I felt very lucky to have the jobs I had before,” he explains. “They were a way of fulfilling my desires for money and career status at the time. But I realise now that they also contributed to my sense of disillusionment. It felt like there was a lack of substance in my working life.” On the first day of what proved to be Rob’s last job in the industry, his manager’s opening words were: “Welcome to work. Congratulations, you’ve sold your soul.” Four years later, Rob told his boss: “I’m going to get my soul back.” He resigned “But unexpected things happen too. A client of mine suffered a stroke in their early 30s. It made them realise how vulnerable they were, and they started to question whether they wanted to stay in their very high-pressured job or pursue something more personally meaningful.” The search for meaning in professional life reflects how society’s perception of career success is shifting. Christopher Platts says that for many, the idea of professional success as defined by “sharp suits and company cars” has become outdated. It is being replaced by the “massive trend” of startup businesses. He has witnessed a sharp rise in the number of people leaving jobs in large corporations like Virgin and Barclays to join small companies, or even take the initiative to start their own ventures.
Images: Grant Cochrane, Nic Paton
Business is booming
In recent years there has been a significant increase in the number of new UK businesses in the UK; data from Companies House shows that the figure swelled from 440,600 in 2011 to 526,4000 in 2013 ‒ a leap of approximately 20%. Over 86,000 new businesses have been registered in the first quarter of 2014, and the number increases every day. “People realise now you can be in a smallscale, laid-back work environment and still be well paid,” says Platts. “Some of the most successful businesspeople in London are more likely to wear flip-flops and a rucksack to work than a suit. “But it’s not about money. More jobseekers now think that businesses like innocent drinks and YPlan make a difference. They don’t want to work for a paycheque ‒ they want to work towards something that will make a change in the world.” Rob Woodford was 35 and had been working in the telecommunications industry for 15 years when he decided to go on a break and start a job that was more socially responsible.
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When I left, I told my boss: I’m going to get my soul back
and signed up for a Master’s in Economics for Transition. The course stimulated his flourishing interest in the environment, and soon after graduating he moved permanently to Devon. He now runs his own company, a social enterprise called SpreadTheLove.org which allows people to pass on sustainable skills via online video tutorials. His growing network of experts gives lessons on everything from energy efficiency to homebrewing and jam-making. “I certainly don’t earn as much money as I did before,” he explains. “But I have enough to pay my rent and bills, and to go out a little bit. I only need enough to live on, and to have a fulfilled life ‒ and that’s not a lot. “I do feel sometimes that I could be earning more money, so it’s important for me that I use my time effectively for good. “I realise just how lucky I am that I’m not stressed, that I don’t have to get on a plane to go to another meeting. I can take responsibility for my future in a way that’s balanced and healthy.”
Why now?
What is it about 20- and 30-somethings that makes them so open to career change? For Owen Redahan, age is crucial. “Older people can delay career decisions for months or years; people in their 20s and 30s are more willing to change and move forward.” But Christopher Platts says that, whatever your age, “it’s never too late to have a happy career. You may need to demonstrate new skills, but there’s an incredible amount of training and development out there. Investing in yourself is the best investment you can make.” There may never be a better time to make that change. X 19
Ti m e f o r a
change? Nic Paton, freelance journalist and author of The Complete Career Makeover, gives his top five tips for a successful career move Think carefully about whether you want a new career or just a new job Are there elements to your work that you like? If you’re not enjoying things you used to or feel that your talents aren’t being used properly, you may just need to change something about your job itself. Consider how you want to work, not just what you want to do Ask yourself questions like – do you want to be your own boss? Do you want to work alone or with lots of people? Do you want to work outside? This will help you get a clearer sense of what you want. Break your move into manageable chunks Career change is a big topic. For many people it can be hugely intimidating. Sit down with someone you trust and go through your options step by step. Identify the skills you enjoy using, and examine your options for change. Then it’s just a question of filling the gaps in your knowledge. Use your imagination, but keep reality in mind It’s important to accept that if you’re going to switch career, your income is probably going to drop – at least during the transitional stage. This could change once you settle and gain momentum in your new career. But starting again in a new industry can be a slow process. If you’re sure – go for it Most people who commit to a career change are much happier and very grateful that they made the change. Most question why they hadn’t done it earlier!
MODERN ART
Can’t tell the difference between a Damien Hirst and an accident in an abattoir? Reckon Tracey Emin should get a good cleaner? Imogen Beecroft gives you a crash course in gallery blagging
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skull covered in diamonds; a tent decorated with the names of former lovers; a self-portrait captioned ‘grass mud horse covering the middle’. Modern art is the epitome of freedom of expression, famous for its originality,
creativity and downright absurdity. Still, there’s meaning behind the madness: Hirst’s skull is a reminder of mortality; Emin’s tent creates intimacy with the viewer; Weiwei’s caption makes a political statement (the phrase – in Chinese – sounds very similar
to ‘Fuck your mother, the Communist party central committee’). But such connotations can be elusive. Our guide will ensure you’ll no longer be left muttering: “Well, I don’t think I can see a grass horse…”
Promenade (1996), Anthony Caro Say: “His engagement with modern construction really comes through in this piece. It opens up such a wide discussion of huge entities like the relationship between art, architecture, and the landscape.” Don’t say: “I’ve been eyeing up an Ikea coffee table that’s very similar.”
Away from the Flock (1994), Damien Hirst Say: “I think that the most tragic element of this work is the lamb’s complete obliviousness to his lack of religious protection.” Don’t say: “Do you fancy a roast for lunch?”
Too Too - Much Much (2010),Thomas Hirschhorn Say: “I love the use of the can as a symbol for the basic universal creative form and the way it challenges the art world as it exists today.”
Untitled (2006), Isa Genzken
Don’t say: “Is he joking with this junk?”
Say: “Her anything-goes choice of materials and sources in her sculpture creates a meaningless harmony that reflects the current trends in sculpture at the moment.”
Sunflower Seeds (2012), Ai Weiwei Say: “It really makes you think about the relationship between the individual and wider society.”
Don’t say: “Ah. They must not have unwrapped it since shipping.”
Don’t say: “I guess he didn’t have much to do while he was in prison.” 20
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Zero-Nine (1958-9), Jasper Johns Say: “The very basis of Johns’ paintings gives them such an iconic quality. The way he uses the numbers to provide the structure of his paintings gives him the freedom to explore the qualities of the paint in such an original way.” Don’t say: “Lovely! I’ve been looking for something for little Oscar’s bedroom wall.”
Bay of Naples (1961), Cy Twombly Say: “He manages to blend the major artistic movements of the 20th century, yet somehow his work retains something of the ancient world.” Don’t say: “He’s really let his toddler go to town on this one, hasn’t he?”
Images: Jordanhill School D&T Dept, Getty Images, Wolf Gang, The Guardian, Doalex, PA, kpi, Leo Reynolds
Maman (1999), Louise Bourgeois Say: “Thank god for the Tate’s Turbine Hall; there’s nowhere else in the UK that could do justice to art on this scale.” Don’t say: “She must have some serious mummy issues.”
My Bed (1998),Tracey Emin Say: “Classically controversial Emin, but perhaps there’s more to it than headline grabbing. It’s certainly one of the most confessional art works I’ve ever seen.” Don’t say: “It sold for £150,000? I could be a millionaire, the state of my house at the moment.”
Definitely don’t: Try to make your own performance art by climbing onto the bed and having a pillow fight, as two art students did in the Tate in 1999. 21
X
A change of heart Same-sex marriage: equality, conformity, or a liberal distraction? Imogen Beecroft investigates
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he passing of the Marriage (Same Sex Couples) Act in 2013 represented the tearing down of one of many inequalities facing the LGBT community. It allows homosexual couples the same rights as straight couples – both legal and sentimental – in choosing the person they want to spend their life with. But was it the final obstacle in the battle for LGBT equality in the UK? Members of the public and gay rights activists have criticised the idea that the legislation is synonymous with the end of all discrimination.
Progress
Undoubtedly, the past 15 years have seen much change: in 1999 Britain had (by volume) the largest number of anti-gay laws of any country. Now, it has some of the best pro-LGBT legislation in the world. However, the UK is sadly the exception rather than the rule. Worldwide, there are 78 countries that criminalise homosexual sex. Five of these include the death penalty.
Despite UK legislation being nowhere near this bad, it is not hard to find figures proving that everyday homophobia is rife. A number of surveys have shown that LGBT people experience significantly higher levels of verbal, physical, and sexual abuse. The effect of this is noticeable in suicide statistics for young LGBT people. Figures from the Lesbian and Gay Foundation (LGF) showed that the suicide rates of young lesbian, gay, and bisexual people are two to three times higher than their heterosexual peers (and make up 30% of all suicides). “The battle for same-sex marriage was a battle to overcome the last major legal discrimination against LGBT people,” says Peter Tatchell, political and LGBT rights campaigner. “It is, of course, not the end of the struggle for queer freedom.” This long struggle is still particularly profound for homosexual asylum seekers. A report by the Home Affairs Committee published in October 2013 showed that those fleeing from countries that would brutally punish them for their sexual orientation have an even tougher battle than most to gain UK residency.
Here come the brides: personalised cake figures for a lesbian wedding 22
A homosexual person’s asylum claim requires ‘proof’ of their sexuality. This demand has led to some extreme cases in which people have been forced to provide the Home Office with videos and pictures of “highly personal sexual activity”. This highlights the extent to which LGBT people are discriminated against. For many, the new law is nothing more than
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Marriage is frankly unpalatable. But it’s all we’ve got
a governmental distraction from the real problems faced by the community. A group that feels this particularly strongly is the often forgotten part of the LGBT acronym: transgender people.
LGB(T)
Gabriel Balfe, a 24-year-old transsexual, thinks the equal marriage act isn’t anything like enough. “It is a liberal distraction, conceding this tiny thing to the LGBT community to cover up for its treatment of the transsexual community.” Transgender people are considered to be some of the most vulnerable in society: the same LGF study showed that 34% of transgender people had attempted suicide at least once due to other people’s reactions to their identity. Even Stonewall, Europe’s largest gay equality organisation, has been heavily criticised for excluding transgender people from its campaigns. Tom Oakley, a 22-year-old homosexual man, says, “Campaigning for this one issue has used up a huge amount of money and resources that could have been better spent on helping more vulnerable people in society. Gay marriage is largely a middleclass issue.” Many transgender activists have gone further in their criticism of the equal marriage act, labelling it a prime example of the exclusion of transgender people.
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Don’t mind if I do: a pro-same-sex marriage image projected onto the House of Commons
Roz Kaveney, a novelist, poet, and transgender rights activist, highlighted a “new piece of trans-oppression” introduced in the act. The new Spousal Veto means that for a married transgender person to obtain a Gender Recognition Certificate (GRC), which amends a person’s birth certificate to reflect the gender with which they identify, their spouse must agree. This has been interpreted as giving said spouse unfair influence over their partner’s right to gender recognition. If the spouse refuses to consent, the transgender partner will have to wait until (often lengthy) divorce proceedings have been finalised before they can obtain their GRC. Kaveney says, “You can’t change hearts and minds by law alone. You have to change the culture.”
Images: Getty Images
I do?
Most criticism of the same-sex marriage act lies not with the idea of equal marriages, but with marriage itself – for anyone. Tatchell says, “Marriage is evolving but certain [patriarchal] residues remain. Take the language: an alternative meaning for the word ‘husband’ is ‘to manage and control’, which symbolises the way many men treated their wives in marriage.” Many couples acknowledge these issues with the state of marriage itself, but argue that they are not reason enough for samesex couples to be excluded. Danielle Wilde is blogging the run-up to her September ‘lesbian wedding of the century’ for Stylist. “Marriage is not perfect,” she says. “In many ways it’s frankly unpalatable. But it’s all we’ve got. If it’s the only game in town, then we should be allowed to play it.” Eleanor Margolis, a lesbian and New Statesman columnist, says that gay people choosing to get married should not be seen as aping heterosexual traditions. She says, “For a start, no one is being
forced to get married. There is no reason why straight people should own marriage. Marriage is a human right. Of course, heterosexuals have traditionally been the only ones allowed to actually exercise that right. But that shouldn’t demote same-sex marriage to something that supposedly degrades gay couples.” But she also has concerns about marriage itself: “On a personal level, I’m not sure that marriage should ever be something to
“
Gay marriage is largely a middle-class issue
aspire to. For some couples, it’s important; for others, it doesn’t matter at all. It’s all about individual choice.” It is not only the problematic aspects of marriage that might limit the number of same-sex couples choosing to take advantage of the new law. They – unlike straight couples – have another option.
The future
Civil partnerships have been legal since 2004, and allow same-sex couples almost exactly the same rights as a couple in a civil marriage. And yet civil partnerships are only open to same-sex couples. There are a number of possible solutions to this situation: should couples in a civil partnership be automatically converted to marriage? Should civil partnerships no longer be allowed? Or should they be opened up to couples of any sexuality? The most likely resolution is the latter. 23
In November 2013, the European Court of Human Rights ruled that the Greek civil union – solely for heterosexual couples – violated European human rights law. It is difficult to see how the exclusion of heterosexual couples from UK civil partnerships could continue for long, given this precedent. If this were the case, and civil partnerships providing the same legal protection as marriage were opened up to couples of any sex, would marriage disappear? For some, this is a very real possibility. Tatchell says, “Over time I would expect more and more heterosexual couples to choose a civil partnership over a marriage.” Indeed, in the Netherlands, where civil partnerships have been open to couples of any sex since 1998, two-thirds of the couples in civil partnerships are oppositesex couples. Alistair Stewart, assistant director at the Kaleidoscope Trust, says, “I’m in a civil partnership myself and I like the institution. It doesn’t carry some of the worse connotations that marriage sadly carries. I think it should be expanded so opposite-sex couples can also access it.” Not everyone, however, shares Tatchell and Stewart’s opinions. Eleanor Margolis says, “Same-sex marriage will definitely weaken the status of civil partnerships. Marriage is largely seen as a step up from civil partnerships, and I imagine that, now same-sex marriage is legal, a lot of couples in civil partnerships will want to ‘upgrade’ to marriage.” Yet this disagreement is precisely the point: the ability for LGBT people to have either a marriage or a civil partnership is not about the failings or virtues of either union. It is about choice. It represents a movement towards a more equal and accepting society with the freedom for all – not just the LGBT community – to choose. X
Football in the closet Openly gay footballer Thomas Hitzlsperger in a match for Germany
F
rom an international perspective, 2014 has been a good year for gay people in sports. The National Football League and the National Basketball Association have drafted their first gay players; Thomas Hitzlsperger became the most high-profile footballer to come out; even Russia’s Winter Olympics, which could have been marred by Putin’s vicious anti-gay laws, became a platform for the promotion of gay rights in the media. When it comes to English football, however, there has been little cause for celebration. There are multiple reasons why there are currently no openly gay Premier League footballers. The complexity of the issue is why involvement from the Football Association (FA) in tackling homophobia is so desperately needed. According to a YouGov poll, 70% of fans have heard anti-gay abuse at their home ground in the last year. It is safe to assume many of those taking part in the abuse would claim it was “just a laugh”. But, as Amal Fashanu, the niece of the first openly gay footballer Justin Fashanu, says, “There is a fine line between banter and causing psychological trauma.” The open use of homophobic phrases in the terraces reinforces the idea that homosexuality is antithetical to playing football. The sport’s perceived inherent masculinity and the stereotype of effeminate
gay people are set up as mutually exclusive. This myth will be eradicated only when talented gay players on the pitch underline its absurdity. Those taking part in the abuse would often not consider themselves homophobic. A strong stance from the FA would do much to rectify this. While there are a number of anti-racism groups and programmes
“
People will look back at this and wonder why it was such an issue
set up by the FA and the International Federation of Association Football (FIFA), the only official programme promoting the acceptance of homosexuality in football is ‘Kick It Out’. Musa Okwonga, a sports journalist and social commentator, insists this is a major issue: “Currently there is no organisation for homophobia. There is Kick It Out, but that’s where it is lumped in with racism. I think there are separate issues between the two, as being gay is obviously quite 24
different to being black. They deserve separate organisations.” The issue of a separate organisation not existing to deal with homophobia rests on the shoulders of the people running the FA and FIFA. When Michael Johnson stepped down from the FA’s Equality Board earlier this year, the reason given was that he had described homosexuality as “detestable”, raising questions about his appointment. Despite this, there are signs that homophobia is gradually dissipating in football. Okwonga says, “Ten or twenty years from now people will look back at this and wonder why it was such an issue at the time. The conversation on LGBT people in sport is only going one way in my opinion – and that is acceptance.” While this may be comforting to some, there is no reason why players should have to wait years before they feel safe to come out. Football’s governing bodies can do more to support the issue and a solution is clearly visible. A third of fans say that official campaigns against racism directly affected positive change. Only 28 out of 92 professional clubs, however, have currently backed the ‘Football v Homophobia’ campaign. While the coming out of players has been hailed by the media, if there is to be more to be celebrated in the near future, football’s major institutions need to play ball. X
Image: The Guardian
With homophobia still rife in sport, Alex Horne and Will Grice look at how the beautiful game needs to change
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SCOTTISH INDEPENDENCE REFERENDUM 18/09/2014
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No 22
Image: Jennifer Ciochen
HARDER BETTER FASTER STRONGER From ultra-marathons to 70-hour weeks: Kathryn Bromwich investigates our addiction to achievement
M
att Williams (above) has been swimming for almost 12 hours. It is 9pm and the French beach is within sight: tantalisingly, deceptively close. But then the tide turns. For the next three hours he has to keep swimming on the spot. When he arrives he is exhausted, speechless – and elated. “If I wasn’t so knackered I probably would have cried, but I just sat there with my head in my hands. It felt unbelievable.” This is Williams’ idea of fun. He has climbed Everest (“I was quite shocked at how difficult it was”); swum the Channel (21 miles); and regularly competes in half-triathlons. He has also completed two ‘Ironman’ triathlons, which consist of a 2.4 mile swim, a 112 mile bike ride, and a full marathon (26.2 miles). Two years ago he came fourth in his age group nationally, “which was gutting, because if I’d been two seconds quicker I’d have come second”. This year, he is aiming for a medal. He is also academically driven: after completing a
Masters in Geography at Bristol University, he was offered a PhD but decided to use his skills to try to prevent climate change. Now, at 34, he is chief financial officer at Blue Energy, a renewable energy company. What keeps him motivated? “Stubbornness, I guess. You just get on with it.”
Working 9 to 9
With longer office hours than ever and a growing fixation with extreme exercise, as a society we are becoming ever more obsessed with pursuing perfection in all aspects of our lives. It’s not enough to simply be good at something; we want to be the best at it. Once, a marathon was considered the crowning achievement of someone at the peak of their physical condition. Now, it takes feats such as ultramarathons, decathlons, and pain-riddled obstacle courses such as Tough Mudder to impress us. This dedication is also evident in the workplace. Instead of boasting about weekend-long alcohol binges, young 28
professionals now ‘humblebrag’ about their 25-hour shifts in the office. Relaxing in the evenings and at weekends is seen as a sign of weakness, not an indication of a healthy work-life balance. According to the Office for National Statistics, full-time employees in Britain work an average of 42.7 hours per week, the third-highest figure in Europe. Many people, however, work significantly more: the UK is the only country in Europe where we can opt out of the statutory limit of 48 hours of work a week if we so wish. Superhuman feats have always held a certain fascination. Ever since the tale of Icarus flying too close to the sun, we have been drawn to leading figures in a wide range of fields – Mozart, Steve Jobs, Usain Bolt – even though we may have little interest in the discipline itself. There seems to be an intrinsic allure to extraordinary individuals who push themselves to the limits of human capability, as well as in the ways normal people can achieve extraordinary powers. Examples include superhero movies or, more chillingly realistic, the 2011 film Limitless, in which
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Bradley Cooper’s character is given an enhancement drug that allows his brain to “achieve its full potential”.
Dopamine & other drugs
In addition to fame, wealth, and respect, overachievers are driven by powerful chemical hits. When we accomplish a goal – whether it’s a high mark on a test, winning a game, or beating a personal record – the reward chemicals released in the brain are extremely powerful, producing a similar feeling to having sex or taking drugs. Dr David Holmes, a lecturer on forensic psychology at Manchester Metropolitan University, says, “Internal endorphins are about 1,000 times the strength of heroin. That’s why you get footballers who break their necks and still finish the game. You realise you’re not actually interested in any end product whatsoever – it’s the reward in the brain that you’re after.” The brain’s ‘happiness’ chemicals are dopamine, which is discharged when we reach a goal; serotonin, released when we triumph over others; and endorphins, which cause a momentary euphoria that masks pain. If we perform badly, our brain punishes us by producing cortisol, a steroid hormone released under stress. This natural high comes down to our hunting past; it gives us the extra boost
we would have needed to catch prey, and allows us to function even if we are seriously injured. The drive to achieve is present in all of us. “When people lounge about not achieving very much, they become lethargic, a bit depressed, and don’t enjoy life that much. It’s actually not what we’re built for,” says Dr Holmes. However, the nature versus nurture debate still continues as to why some are more driven than others; some psychologists believe it is down to genetics and individuals’ biochemical make-up, others think that upbringing (pushy parents, sibling rivalry) can have a significant effect. But surely all this work and exercise is a good thing? Isn’t it better than sitting around playing video games? Yes and no. Sports psychologist Phil Johnson works with elite athletes including footballers and Olympic gold-winning snowboarder Jenny Jones. He says, “Obsessive exercise and excessive work are broadly morally accepted by society, so people encourage it. But often it can be a sign of depression in men, who tend to suppress their emotions through work and exercise.” In addition to mental pressure, there is also a strain on the body. In August 2013, 21-year-old banking intern Moritz Erhardt, who suffered from epilepsy, collapsed and died after three 6am shifts in a row towards
Image: Bryony Crutcher, Matt Williams
On top of the world: Matt Williams at Everest’s summit, holding up the flag of his home country Namibia
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the end of a seven-week internship at the bank Merrill Lynch. Our increased work ethic is also putting us in competition with one another, which has an adverse impact on our ability to function as a team. Dr Holmes says, “There’s a paranoia which can fuel a jealous, overachieving, challenging work mode. That is not a good thing for office cohesion; there is no allegiance and not a lot of camaraderie.” People who are extraordinarily driven often have some sort of deficiency in another aspect of their life, according to Dr Holmes.
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Internal endorphins are 1,000 times the strength of heroin
He recounts an example of a high-achieving woman who held executive positions in a number of fields: she was at various points a university chancellor, a museum president, and an OBE winner. This, however, resulted in “a very cold relationship with her family and her offspring. You will rarely get a very high achiever who is also a rounded family person.” These high-achieving individuals can veer between the ‘obsessive’ end of the spectrum (meticulous, pushy) to the
Am bi t i on through t he a ges 5th century B.C. Daedalus impresses everyone by building functioning wings out of wax and feathers. Unfortunately, his son Icarus flies too close to the sun, intoxicated with power, and falls to his death. 1763 Aged seven, Mozart goes on a grand tour of Europe, playing for emperors, empresses, kings, and queens. He then goes on to compose 600 works that redefine music.
1818 Mary Shelley writes Frankenstein. In his quest to push the boundaries of human understanding, Dr Frankenstein lets his scientific talents get the better of him and creates a monster. 1883 In Thus Spake Zarathustra, Friedrich Nietzsche puts forward the idea of the Übermensch, or Superman, which is later appropriated and distorted in Nazi ideology. 1953 Edmund Hillary and Tenzing Norgay become the first people to summit Mount Everest, the highest mountain on earth at 28,215ft above sea level. 1994 Ayrton Senna, one of the greatest ever Formula One drivers, crashes at the San Marino Grand Prix and is killed instantly. 2001 Entrepreneur, inventor, and all-round maverick Steve Jobs launches the iPod, revolutionising technology in the Western world. 2012 American swimmer Michael Phelps becomes the most decorated Olympian of all time, with 18 gold medals, two silvers, and two bronzes.
Golden girl: snowboarder Jenny Jones overcame horrific injuries to achieve success at Sochi
‘hypomanic’ (often irritable, euphoric). In a way, says Dr Holmes, they are “defective: they can’t turn it off, they can’t feel contentment unless they’re up against the wall with adrenalin rushing through them”.
Dealing with failure
Because of the nature of competition, for every person who triumphs, many others must lose. Even the world’s top athletes fail, and they fail often. Being the second-best tennis player in the world might seem like an extraordinary result to most people, but to the athlete it can feel like a humiliation; remember Andy Murray’s tears after his 2012 Wimbledon loss? But what happens if you achieve everything you set out to do? You’ve climbed all the world’s highest mountains, reached the top of your profession, been given the most prestigious awards. These peaks of achievement tend to be followed by ennui. “It’s the most depressing thing, because you’ve got nothing left. I spoke to someone recently who felt like his life had ended because he had no mountains left to climb,” Dr Holmes says. In Julian Barnes’ novel A History of the World in 10½ Chapters, the final chapter is a depiction of heaven. The protagonist spends centuries creating immaculate ice sculptures, climbing mountains, becoming a chess grandmaster and a golf champion. After several millennia, nothing is left to achieve, and he grows bored and despondent. In the end, he asks for his existence to be ended. Barnes concludes, “After a while, getting what you want all the 30
time is very close to not getting what you want all the time.” High-achieving individuals tend to be perfectionists, but sports psychologist Johnson says this “only ever leads to frustration and dissatisfaction, because the moments of perfection in life tend to be transitory. It’s not possible to be an elite athlete ad infinitum.” Through ageing, injury, or mental deterioration, most people who reach a peak will one day have to
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Perfectionism can only ever lead to frustration
step away from their profession. Sports psychologists advise that athletes find a new effort into which they channel their energies (career transition, or ‘end-ofcareer transition’). This can be a practice related to their discipline, such as sports coaching or management, or it could be a complete reinvention. For Matt Williams it’s all about finding the right balance. “Ultimately I’d be pretty bored if all I did was sit at my desk. If I had a job that was more physical and less intellectually challenging, I suspect I’d probably do a night course to get a PhD. I’m interested in the actual process of learning. You can’t focus on the goal of getting there, because quite often when you get there it’s quite a small moment.” X
Images: PA, Marco Paköeningrat, Wikimedia Commons
1808 The first edition of Goethe’s Faust is published. Dissatisfied with his mediocre life, Faust makes a pact with the devil for unlimited knowledge, in exchange for his soul.
Power play Who’s really in control when money changes hands? Helen Pye asks three women in the sex industry
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high-class escort, a chatline worker, and a dominatrix. Only one has sex for money, but all make a living selling their sexuality. The prominence in these women’s work of BDSM – a practice encompassing Bondage and Discipline, Domination and Submission, Sadism and Masochism – indicates how inextricable dominance and control are from sex work. The sex industry is not considered a safe one; the statistics for prostitution in particular cannot be ignored. Home Office research
shows that more than half of prostitutes have been raped or seriously sexually assaulted, while a global survey showed that 9 out of 10 would like to escape if they could. Yet there is also a rising number of educated, affluent women in the UK entering prostitution by choice. Here, three women who work in the sex industry candidly discuss the reality of their careers: their motivation; their security; the dangers; and where the power really lies.
The chatline worker The chatline worker, 29, lives in Essex with her two children and is currently dating a man she met on the phone while working. She operates the line around her full-time job as a hairdresser, and asked to remain anonymous.
I’ve worked on two chatlines for a little over a year: one is predominantly a sex line and the other is general chat. I got into it solely for the money and out of boredom, and I was able to work it around my 9-5.
On the general chatline, the men have seen my profile on dating sites or chat sites and I’m a bit of an agony aunt, to be honest. They tell me about problems with their partners or children or jobs, and in return I tell them every single thing about me. I lie about my name, but I tell them what I do for a living, about my kids, where I work – I couldn’t risk getting caught in a lie because they’d never call back and I need repeat clients. I’m not worried they’ll be able to trace me, because even the picture I use on the internet isn’t actually me.
The sex line has five groups: clean; clean Australian (just girls from Australia); filth; fetish; and granny. The first two are totally clean – mention bra size and the call will disconnect. I work in filth; they can talk about anything, but I have to disconnect immediately if they mention children, incest or rape. I had one guy who talked about animals; at first I went along with it. We were driving down a dark country lane, and came to a derelict stable – then he started describing going into the stalls and
finding a big black stallion. I put the phone down. There’s a limit to stuff like that and no amount of money was going to make me listen to it.
I don’t find it degrading. I’m a sexual person anyway so some of the stuff they want to talk about is quite natural for me. It’s all
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He described going into the stalls and finding a big black stallion
make-believe. They ask what I’m wearing and I say something black with high heels and stockings, but I’m lying in my bed in a onesie, having a cigarette. I used to keep a shoe by my bed and when they’d ask me to walk around the room, I’d clonk the shoe on the floor. I’m not rolling around in underwear on Babestation. Once you give them what they want, the men hang up on the sex line – they don’t even
The chatline worker (cont.) say bye – but on the general chatline I’ve had a guy on the phone for seven or eight hours straight. I’m getting £16 an hour but they’re charged £30 – even if I don’t pick up the phone, they still get charged for the 20 seconds they’ve rung me. I’ve had guys end up with bills of over £1,000. I do feel guilty about that, especially when the people I’m an agony aunt to are single dads bringing up the kids by themselves. I
feel terrible because I’m a single mum so I know how tough it is.
It’s 50-50 who leads the conversation on the calls, but I’m always in control. They called me and they’re paying for my time. I’m dating a guy who I met on the chatline. He doesn’t know all the details of what I have to do but he’s not comfortable with me doing it. Even I get sick of it sometimes.
Salary: £11 an hour for the sex line; £16 an hour on the general chat line.
Hours: I take up to 15 short calls during the day and I work for at least a couple of hours a night.
Best: The money. Purely the money.
Worst: Feeling like you’re taking advantage of people.
The dominatrix Antonia Davenshaw, 42, is a CEO and professional dominatrix (‘domme’). She is single, and lives and works in central London. I’ve been working as a domme for five and a half years. A friend of mine was doing it and a lot of boyfriends expressed they wanted to be dominated. I found playing with power exchange intriguing and exciting. I went into it professionally at a time when I felt fully in touch with my sexuality and my own limits BDSM-wise.
I like the power and control; when it’s given up freely, it’s a wonderful thing. But that’s the key – anything else is an abuse.
If most vanilla women were prepared to dominate their men, there wouldn’t be any need for mistresses. A lot of the things that guys want – to be degraded, humiliated, or have pain inflicted on them – a loving partner doesn’t necessarily want to do. They can’t conceive that it isn’t actually hurting somebody, it’s all consensual. My personal style is ‘The Corporate Bitch’. Generally I get asked for variations on being dragged into the office, chastised, punished – either physically or verbally –
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Images: Isabelle Sheppard
A man asked if I would run him over in my car, just over his arm with the tyre
or humiliated. Most common is corporal punishment: spanking, caning, and worshipping feet, shoes, and stockings. Most men on the street, even if they’d never
see a dominatrix, would like to get down on their knees and kiss the odd pair of shoes occasionally. They say 10-20% of people are into BDSM but it’s probably more; BDSM covers such a huge spectrum.
There isn’t a typical customer but a sizeable proportion are businessmen or men working in the City. If you’re always in control, you want to give that up sometimes. It re-balances them. I don’t class what I do as ‘sex work’, but even though you’re not having sex with them, it’s a very sexual thing. For some men it’s cerebral but most guys are turned on by it. I’m normally fully clothed, or sometimes I’m down to my underwear; the men usually want to be naked but they don’t have to be. Being naked makes them feel submissive, vulnerable, exposed. We have safe words; some people want to be protesting, “No, Mistress, stop,” so you need to know what is actually ‘stop’. A lot of men try to prove something to themselves. You can see they almost want to say the safe word, but they won’t.
I have parameters I won’t go over. I won’t get involved in needle play, blood play or breath play. I did have a man who asked if I would run him over in my car; not running him over at speed, but going over his arm with the tyre. Frankly, that’s not somewhere I would go. You get very adept at sussing out whether people are sane, but I always have security outside my dungeon anyway. You want people to walk away feeling it was a good experience or that they want to do again. Sometimes people want to check things off their list before they die, or they’ve thought about it for years and finally have the courage to do it. It’s like jumping out of a plane – they’ve thought, ‘Fuck it, let’s do it’ – and it’s nice to know I
make people feel empowered.
Hours: Whenever I fancy or feel like it; I work day times mostly and keep my private life in the evening.
Best thing: It can be very satisfying to know you are a positive part of an individual’s sexual journey, perhaps sharing things they’ve never expressed to anyone.
Worst thing: I’m my own boss so I work when I want, but it means my money goes up and down the whole time. antonia-davenshaw.com
The escort
Five years ago, I was made redundant. I knew friends already in the escorting business so I signed up part-time with an agency, then full-time when I realised how attractive the money was.
That money gave me freedom. You don’t answer to anyone; you’re your own boss; but you often feel lonely. Because you’re classified as self-employed you have good days and bad days; to earn the money you have to put the graft in. Another downside is security. You don’t know who you’re opening the door to. I haven’t felt threatened personally; I’ve never had someone try to rob me or beat me, maybe because my price locks those people out. But I’ve felt creeped out and uneasy before. I prefer to work in a hotel because the client has to go through hotel security, but I also rent an external apartment. Some women work from home to keep costs down, but do I really want these people to know where I live? One of my clients, a young guy, has never touched me with his bare hands and never gets naked. He comes in, puts a pair of gloves on and makes me stand in the mirror. When
he first put the gloves on I thought he was going to strangle me because that’s how weird it was. But he puts the gloves on, has me grind against him for 15 minutes, and leaves – he doesn’t wank, he doesn’t want you to touch him. Could you handle that? All I can think afterwards is that he can’t have a real relationship. That’s where I come in: there’s no girlfriend who’d accept that. I’m always the one in control; you have to be. I don’t mind being blindfolded, gagged, and spanked, but for me that’s as far as I’ll go. Money is so seductive and can make you do things you don’t want to. You think you’ll do it just the once because you’re getting paid, but it’s never just the once. I make sure the sessions are always on my terms now because I’ve got carried away by money before.
I have less and less sex. Men, especially if they’re married, don’t want to have sex with me; they just want a blowjob or handjob, or the company. I have sex at least once a day, but it’s not a given that every client is looking for that. I’m more like a counsellor. I keep up with their marriages and kids but I won’t tolerate someone being negative about their home life or wife. It’s not nice and it’s not why I’m there.
You have to be strong in this job or you can’t survive. Many people don’t, and there are a lot of damaged people with mental scars. The stigma is that every prostitute is diseased, on drugs and an alcoholic. I’ve met them: women who drink two bottles of wine a day to block it out, girls who are coked up. But most women aren’t – it’s a misconception. I’m not a statistic. I own my
own house; I have a university education; I save money in a pension fund. If you want to do this job, you look after your health. Escorts are actually some of the cleanest people – our job depends on it so most people don’t take risks.
The difference between me and people who fuck to get to the top is that I’m getting paid. If I wasn’t getting paid, would anyone actually care? In the western world I can
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When he put the gloves on I thought he was going to strangle me
own this job as a career, but it’s harrowing the way prostitutes are treated in Africa and particularly in India, where they can’t even ask a customer to use a condom. Britain needs to legalise the whole prostitution industry; in this country it’s a grey area and that’s how women get exploited. Women are brought into the country illegally or are told by their pimp that if they go to the police they’ll be arrested. In Germany, prostitution is legal. Girls are licensed and taxed, they get health visits, and violence against them has significantly reduced. They work in bigstorey buildings called a laufhaus where they can rent a room and it’s safe because there are so many people around and you need a health certificate.
Women remain at risk here because it’s a taboo subject, but I assure you being an escort is normal now: you see girls putting themselves through university; doctors; lawyers; grandmothers. Everyone knows someone on the game.
Salary: £200 per hour for a call-out; £1,000 per night.
Hours: Monday to Friday 10am-10pm; sometimes the weekend if I’m travelling.
Best: Financial freedom, paid taxis, meals, and travel abroad. Rarely do girls get taken on private jets; it’s not like Belle de Jour.
Worst: The loneliness: you’re not in an office; there’s no Christmas party or immediate work colleagues. X
Image: Isabelle Sheppard
The escort is 33, single, and lives alone in north London. She worked as a personal assistant before being made redundant five years ago. She now works full-time as an escort, and wishes to remain anonymous.
X CITY POWER
life
Top drawer In the world of super-powered heroes, the cartoonist is king. Huw Fullerton talks comics with Brian Williamson
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ham! Pow! Kerchang! Heroes, villains, Time Lords and dinosaurs spread across the table in striking monochrome as their creator lays them out for discussion. Every inch of paper is covered with layer upon layer of beautiful pencil work, from the heaving bicep of Spider-Man right down to the crack on a piece of rubble in the background. Not that they’re all so dramatic: one page boasts a fairly mundane drawing of people talking in a living room. That’s important, the artist explains, because a lot of people can only do the fun stuff – the muscled protagonists, the leering baddies, the big explosions. It’s a cogent point, but I can’t help noticing that in the drawing he’s referring to, the domestic harmony is soon shattered as tanks and soldiers thunder past the window. It’s possible Brian Williamson likes the fun parts of his work a little more than he’s letting on. Williamson, 54, is a freelance comic book artist and illustrator who has worked for just about every major comics producer
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own. “I was going to write to them and say ‘Hang on’, but it would be a real case of sour grapes,” he says ruefully. “It just shows how things change.” Now after decades in the industry Williamson has no trouble attracting interest for his work. “People know me now, which is a good feeling. You don’t need to put yourself out there as much.” He ascribes his longevity and success to adaptability, allowing him to mimic other artists’ work and move with the trends of comic book art. This flexibility also extends to the variety of projects he takes on – though Williamson says he prefers creative work, he’ll make a lot more money from his Metallica graphic novel and illustrating PR campaigns than for his independent comic Mask of the Monkey-punk. It’s his creative work I’m looking at now though, and one picture catches my eye. It’s visually arresting, David Tennant’s Doctor Who screaming as his hands melt into a puddle of
Image: Brian Williamson
Doctor Who fans are the pickiest people in the world
in the world over the last 20 years. He spends his days partially sketching pages and painting illustrations in his attic before digitally assembling them to be emailed to offices all around the world. It’s a job he clearly loves; naturally shy and soft-spoken, Williamson only becomes animated once we start talking about comics and his enthusiasm is infectious. From an early age, Williamson dreamt of a career sketching his favourite characters. At age 17 he started at Duncan of Jordanstone College of Art in Dundee - where he was told that there was no future in drawing comics. Now, 38 years on, they produce their
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faces and rainbows, and I’m curious to hear of its genesis. As it turns out it was a success born of failure, drawn overnight in a rage after the previous three-day effort was rejected. In a bizarre testament to his abilities, Williamson was accused of sending a photograph rather than an illustration. “As if I’d do that,” he snorts. “Doctor Who fans are the pickiest in the world, so I knew that if I had as much as a Dalek with the wrong serial number they’d pick it up.” Still, he’s happy it turned out well. “I do really enjoy doing those kinds of illustrations,” he says, “because the fans like them so much”. He pauses for a brief moment, and then he smiles. “And after all, I’m a fan myself. X
Monkey see Monkey Google We check our phones 150 times a day. Sarah Parsons asks: how are our natural instincts coping with the overwhelming power of technology? Using Google Maps to find your way to an art exhibition; switching on the Flashlight app to find your door key in the dark; checking the weather online just to see if it’s raining. With smartphones
replacing our minds in so many of our day-to-day tasks, are we becoming ever more powerful and adaptable, or are we just losing our common sense?
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X CITY POWER
life
A D VA N TA G E S
LONELINESS
FEAR
ANGER
Image: PA
HUNGER
D I S A D VA N TA G E S
Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram are just three ways we can talk to each other immediately; we can share our thoughts and plan our social lives more easily than ever. A study carried out by Skype shows we spend two billion minutes a day chatting to people across the world. People are instinctively social creatures; we enjoy human company and can become bored when we are isolated for a prolonged period of time. Technology can restore that sense of community.
Social media reduces human interaction to ‘likes’ and ‘comments’. Researchers are torn as to whether it contributes to unhappiness, with some believing social media can cause loneliness. Dr Sheri Jacobson, clinical director of counselling practice Harley Therapy, says that we need face-to-face contact. “It’s dangerous if relationships are only online. Placing emphasis on these relationships over physical ones can lead to depression, insecurity, and loneliness.”
Almost half of children aged five to 15 in the UK own a mobile phone. The benefits of the immediacy of communication are obvious: it puts our minds at ease. Mobile phones can help manage a busy schedule that’s packed full of football training, dinner reservations, and school plays. More importantly, a child can call their parents if they are in trouble. Technology has helped relax the parental instinct that kicks in when one’s child is out of sight.
The internet exposes us – and, crucially, our children – to danger. According to parenting website Netmums, a quarter of children have accessed pro-eating disorder sites, one in five have looked at self-harm images, and one in nine have viewed suicide sites. Almost one-fifth said “they thought about copying” what they saw. Siobhan Freegard, founder of Netmums, says, “Our youngsters are being used as lab rats and we don’t know what the outcome will be.”
Search the well-being section of the App Store and you will be overwhelmed by the meditation apps available – it seems technology is helping to curb our short tempers. Alternative medicine guru Deepak Chopra released the Dream Weaver app, which supposedly puts you on the path to Zen in 23 minutes. Soon there may be no need for a stress ball– we will have the power to control our tempers with our smartphones while tackling rush hour.
Anyone who has witnessed the killer combination of testosterone, an Xbox, and Call of Duty will know that it’s not a pretty sight. Men’s Fitness has articles with titles like ‘Avoid Gamer Rage: Don’t let violent video games turn you into a Hulk’. With the aggressive nature of some computer games, researchers (and worried parents) believe that the aggression of the player could seep over into real life, aggravating our anger instinct.
Technology enables us to attempt the weirdest recipes in the safe haven of our kitchen. Our horizons are widened and a fast fix is easily satisfied. We can now take control over what we eat with only a quick internet search. Most restaurant chains helpfully release their nutritional information online, and calorie counters have huge food databases. So we can at least attempt to make a healthy choice, or wallow in guilt about how much fat is in a pot of M&S Mini Bites.
The sense of achievement you gain from staying within the guidelines set by calorie-counting websites and apps, such as MyFitnessPal, could make even the healthiest person obsess over their food intake. Gemma Ellis, a recovering anorexic, says, “I wouldn’t eat anything without putting it into my app. It was absolutely central to my restriction of food and deleting it gave me the freedom to consider what I wanted to eat independent of its nutritional value.” X
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7:45 Weather Wear (£0.69)
8:00 Perfect Egg Timer (£0.69)
8:15 Flipboard
9:15 Citymapper
Set your alarm by photographing an object. You can only turn it off by snapping the same thing again. (No, it can’t be your bed.)
This is Gok Wan meets Michael Fish. Never again be fooled into donning your Hawaiian shorts just because it’s sunny.
Using temperature, egg diameter, and boiling method, this culinary wizard helps you cook cracking eggs every time.
A personalised newspaper with the headlines you actually want to read – whether it’s politics, sport, or pop culture.
Streamline your commute route. This app is linked to Transport for London, so you’ll be up to date on the latest Tube chaos.
This app sets time limits for each task with timed breaks afterwards. Finish your work without sacrificing your tea break.
No assistant? No problem. This virtual PA organises your calendar, answers questions, and sends emails. It can’t quite get you a coffee, but it can tell you the best java joints nearby.
Someone’s pulled a sickie, so you have to lead a presentation. Dutch courage is frowned upon, so try this app, which uses hypnosis to hype you right up.
There’s always some guy with a complicated order: “Quinoa tuna salad, but with crab, no dressing.” Keep track of your colleagues’ awkward requests with this tasty app.
It’s expenses day and there’s no time to faff about with spreadsheets. Take a picture of your receipts and use this app to put the data into a report, without Excel.
10:00 TimeBox
15:00 Delicious
11:00 Assistant
16:00 Shazam
Use this app to file away all those important studies you’ve found online (read: links to hotels in Greece for that holiday you haven’t told your boss about yet).
Everyone in the office is talking about this amazing song, but you have no idea what it is. Nod like you know what they’re talking about while you use Shazam to find out on the sly.
Book, track, and pay for a cab with Uber. No awkward moments waiting for that £1 change that definitely wasn’t a tip.
Get some bedroom inspiration from this app, which even has 3D demonstrations. Bit cheeky.
22:15 Uber
22:45 Kamasutra 3D
12:00 Confidence Self Esteem Booster
17:00 Easy Battery Saver
All that time spent playing Flappy Bird on your phone has drained your battery. Avoid a phone-less evening by using this app to buy some more time before you’re in the red.
23:30 Toothbrush Fitness (£0.69) Take brushing your teeth seriously. This app uses 3D animation to ensure your technique is squeaky clean.
13:00 Lunch Master
18:30 Toptable
14:00 Expensify
22:00 Billr
Meeting friends for dinner? If you’re all craving Chinese, you can search by cuisine. If you can’t agree, you can search by location and leave your fellow diners’ fate up to GPS.
The end of the night after half a bottle of wine is no time for mental maths. No need to panic: Billr does the sums for you and even sorts out the dreaded tip. Kerching!
Forget about work and get some Zen with this meditation app made by former Buddhist monk Andy Puddicombe.
Use this app to track your snoozing patterns so you can make sure you are getting the optimum number of zzzs.
23:45 Headspace
00:00 Sleep Bot
All apps are free unless otherwise stated. Illustrations: Charlotte Formosa
The pursuit of appiness Permanently attached to your phone? Give it the power for the day. Isabelle Aron presents a 24-hour app map
7:30 Alarmy
141 Bethnal Green Rd, London E2 7DG www.cultmountain.com
Mean girls Meet chick lit’s sinister sister. Sarah Biddlecombe hails the rise of the chick noir anti-heroine
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acob had been dead three days. Now he was in the freezer in sixteen bits. Lizzie would start cooking him this afternoon. As this passage from Natalie Young’s 2014 novel Season to Taste proves, hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. This is the premise of chick noir, a literary phenomenon gripping readers across the world. And with two of the bestselling novels – Before I Go to Sleep by SJ Watson and Gone Girl by Gillian Flynn – being adapted into blockbuster films, the trend shows no sign of slowing down. Coined ‘chick noir’, as it refers to chick lit with a darker edge, the genre is broad but the novels share threads of the same DNA. Powerful female protagonists, bad relationships, and an element of terror remain consistent throughout. Season to Taste tells the story of Lizzie, an isolated housewife so frustrated with her lonely marriage that she decides to kill, and then eat, her husband Jacob. The perfect example of a chick noir anti-heroine, Lizzie takes a no-holds-barred approach to severing the ties of her marriage. She creeps up behind her husband in the garden, caves
his head in with a spade, then methodically cuts his body into 16 pieces that she ritualistically eats. Often hard to stomach but sprinkled with humour, the book was written when Young, 37, was in the midst of divorcing her own husband. Basically, she wanted to show the bleak reality of a break-up. She says, “It would be very strange for someone to relate to that desire to chop up their husband, cook him, and eat him. But it explores some of our feelings on a very deep and symbolic level; it takes things to the extreme in order to show reality for what it is.” Young wrote the book, which is her second novel, in between school runs; she would drop her children off and return home to describe how the skin on Jacob’s hand blistered in the heat of the oven. And while Lizzie is the anti-heroine equivalent to Hannibal Lecter, Young did not intend for the book to be a feminist text. Rather, it is an antidote to unrealistic candycoated matrimony. Young says, “Marriage is still a difficult environment; it is hard to get relationships right. We’d all like to feel natural and equal in a relationship – boy meets girl and they can be mates and have a fantastic sex life – but the reality is men and women do behave differently in relationships.” And chick noir signals a celebration of female authors, so often sidelined to make way for their male counterparts. Although female and male authors publish roughly the same number of books, women get reviewed less and write fewer reviews across all platforms. Female writers have, for example, penned only 18% of articles throughout the 35-year history of The London Review of Books. Yet despite being a man, SJ Watson and his agents decided to use his initials on
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Images: Maria D’Amico
It takes things to the extreme to show reality for what it is
the book jackets rather than his first name ‘Steve’, so people would assume the book was written by a woman. Watson’s publisher, Transworld, wrote his author biography without any reference to gender and purposefully did not include his photo on the inside jacket. But once people found out SJ’s gender it became the focus of discussion about the book.
Watson, 43, says, “People get obsessed with the difference between men and women. For me, the big jump in writing the story was getting into the head of someone with no memory. But the one thing people seemed focused on was that I was writing as someone with different genitalia.” Many readers have also embraced the world of Gillian Flynn’s Gone Girl, a tense exploration into the psyches of a golden couple whose relationship turns toxic. Jonathan Ruppin, web editor for bookshop chain Foyles, says, “Since Gone Girl became a hit, countless novels have been presented to us as ‘the new Gone Girl’; but that’s true of any book that’s so widely read it becomes a cultural phenomenon, not merely a literary one. I don’t think this can be labelled as a new genre with only a specialist appeal.” And with no high heels or shades of pink decorating the dark and mysterious book jackets, chick noir novels are cleverly branded with no gender agenda. So why are we so riveted by chick noir? There is currently a fresh, undeniable appetite for fiction that strips itself of the typical chick lit formula. Gone are the powder-puff dreams of a happy ever after; instead, much of chick noir tackles the gritty reality of a marriage gone wrong. It is refreshing to become absorbed in the lives of women who take this no-nonsense approach to regaining control following the breakdown of a relationship. Unlike their chick lit cousins, chick noir heroines don’t drown their sorrows with glasses of Chardonnay while their girlfriends hold their hands. Echoing real life, chick noir relationships are complex and difficult to navigate. Helen Walsh’s fourth novel, The Lemon Grove, is one such exploration into the impact that intergenerational bonds can have on a marriage. Protagonist Jenn finds herself overpowered by lust for her stepdaughter’s young boyfriend. Frustrated by her dull marriage and envious of her stepdaughter’s burgeoning beauty, she becomes drawn into a dangerous psychological game that affects every member of her family. Written with all the eroticism of Walsh’s controversial first novel Brass, The Lemon Grove is packed full of the female sexuality that makes chick noir novels so relevant in today’s society. Women’s sexuality is often depicted as emotionally rather than physically driven in literature. The female protagonist in Fifty Shades of Grey, which has sold over 100 million copies, is both literally and figuratively a submissive. Walsh, 37, says, “When I write about female sexuality and desire I try to do away with gender. I wanted Jenn to be driven by 41
her clit in the same way men are driven by their dicks.” Walsh herself is the perfect chick noir author. Her bad girl past includes taking ecstasy before she had her first period and working as a ‘fixer’ in Barcelona aged 17, matching men up with transvestite hookers. Discussing the popularity of chick noir, Walsh says, “It can’t just be a coincidence that all of a sudden there are a lot of novels with very strong anti-heroines. It’s not just that women are writing strong female characters, they’re actually writing female characters that are behaving very much like your typical male villain.” With the fourth wave of feminism in full swing, women are keen to drop the Bridget Jones philosophy and embrace a new crop of literary bad girls whose main ambition in
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I wanted Jenn to be driven by her clit in the way men are driven by their dicks
life is certainly not to find a husband. After all, most of the protagonists already have the husband; and they’re not satisfied. The appeal of chick noir isn’t only about relationships, or good girls gone bad. We enjoy being scared, and some of these books are truly frightening. They play on a domestic fear, where danger lies not in a threat from a stranger but rather from someone we think we know intimately well. Watson says, “You can read a book about a serial killer and think, ‘I enjoyed it but hopefully that will never happen to me’; these books are about escapism. The stranger lurking down the dark alleyway is obviously terrifying, but the stranger in your bed is even more frightening.” It is clear that chick noir is more than just a publishing phenomenon. And although we may not want to kill our husbands and devour their dead bodies, or seduce our stepchildren’s lovers, there is an important subtext to these novels. The books reflect a wider, cultural shift towards the embracing of true female power, independence, and sexuality. There couldn’t be a better time to have a ballsy crop of female characters commandeering the pages of our books.
Author Joanna Walsh is aiming to stamp out unfair sidelining of female authors in 2014; see #ReadWomen2014 on Twitter X
Sloane wolf Peter York has spent years examining elite society from the outskirts – and Huw Fullerton finds he’s lost none of his bite
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hen Peter York co-wrote The Official Sloane Ranger Handbook, it was only the beginning. Since then the author and broadcaster has examined many elite social groups, including ‘fogies’, ‘television types’, and designers (‘chic-graphique’). Other areas of expertise include the 1980s, the London Underground Piccadilly line, and dictators’ interior design. He lives in Pimlico: ironically, the last stronghold of the original Sloane Rangers.
Do you think it’s fair to say that your career has been spent targeting elite social groups, like the ‘Sloane Ranger’?
It’s been involved in describing them. I haven’t necessarily targeted them. Some of them have been safe from actual assault of any kind.
Why do you focus on the rich and powerful, instead of general types?
Sociologists have traditionally concentrated on poorer people, and sometimes on very poor people - not least because they’re rather easier to get at. They have left the rich untouched and untroubled. Why should that be? Completely unfair.
So you do it from a sense of social conscience?
No, it’s just curiosity. A sense of fun, and all those sorts of things go in there somewhere. Sometimes you see something and you want to wrap your mind around it.
What would you say is the next emerging powerful group, and where will they come from?
There are so many. Over the last 30-plus years people have had the opportunity to develop themselves in all sorts of extraordinary ways. They’ve had the money, they’ve had the education, and they’ve had the travel. They’ve also got the internet, so people can sort themselves out into micro-groups that are not just local, not even regional, not even national, but international. You can be part of an international group, held together by the internet, which goes about almost unrecognised by other people. 42
Can you give any examples?
There are lots of opportunities for people to express themselves. I mean quite literally – those kids who post videos on YouTube, talking about their day – what are they doing but expressing themselves? Mostly those videos aren’t interesting, but some people clearly think it’s fantastically interesting. YouTube people have, if they get it at all right, constituencies across the world, so they’re tiny stars with a tiny world collected around them. The answer is there are lots of groups; they’re tiny and they’re very highly distributed.
You previously wrote a book remembering the 80s (Peter York’s Eighties, in 1995). What do you think are the defining features of our time? How will we be remembered?
There are two parts to the Noughties. There was one shock in the form of 9/11; the sort of shock that said the world isn’t nice. And then there was a financial shock in 2007/8, which made people aware that things could go sharply downhill. These events have made people a bit worried, a bit realistic, a bit paranoid. And it’s made them very suspicious of the world, of their neighbours, of the big tech companies, since we’ve learned from Mr Snowden that they spy on us.
How do you see things changing for society in the future?
Well, things that seem impossibly glamorous and extraordinary in one era become commodity in the next. All sorts of things that were utterly extraordinary 20 or 30 years ago aren’t any longer. Online living isn’t extraordinary, because it’s been made very easy to do and to access. The internet was pure magic – now, people’s eight-yearold children have it in their pocket, in very accessible devices. Face-to-face is the new Facebook. Live is the new black. If you’re looking at a screen all day, you find actually meeting people is very exciting. That’s the new magic. X
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“Alas, poor Yorick! I knew him, Horatio: a fellow of infinite jest”
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“Heaven has no rage like love to hatred turned, Nor hell a fury like a woman scorned” - William Congreve
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“Wherefore art thou Romeo?”
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A matter of
life and death Lifesaver: Jonny Benjamin (left) with his rescuer, Neil Laybourn
Jonny Benjamin, 27 It happened on 14 January, 2008. I was in hospital at the time in north London; I had just been diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder, a combination of schizophrenia and depression. I’d been in hospital for a few weeks but was really struggling to cope with the diagnosis, so I came up with a plan to end my life. I ran away that morning and climbed over the railings of Waterloo Bridge. I can’t remember how long I was on the edge for. But then suddenly out of nowhere this guy approached and started talking to me. I was telling him about my situation and why I was there, what I wanted to do. He was saying, “We can sit down and talk this over.” The pivotal moment was when he said to me, “You can get through this – you’ll be able to overcome anything,” because I hadn’t been given that message before. There are so many negative stories in the media about people with schizophrenia, so to hear that was a real turning point.
Eventually I climbed over the railings to safety. I was about to go for a coffee with him but the police pulled alongside the kerb, jumped out and grabbed me, and that was the last time I saw him. At the time I was distressed and very confused. I was taken to St Thomas’ Hospital, where I had been sectioned.
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It scares me how close I came to ending my life
After I was discharged two weeks later I went back as a day patient. It took a long time to come to terms with what had happened on the bridge. The recovery process took years, and I wasn’t in a good frame of mind to begin the search for the man who saved me. I’m so incredibly grateful to Neil for 46
what he did that day. He told me that when I came off the edge of the bridge I saw the police drawing up and I tried to scramble over the railings to jump off – he physically stopped me. It scares me how close I came to ending my life. Being in that head space is very hard to describe. I couldn’t see past that moment and felt that ending my life was the only way out of the darkness. I still struggle at times with my mental health but life is good for me now. I had always looked back on that period of my life as the bleakest point and now I feel like it was the beginning of something. It was Neil who actually said to me, “I’m really proud of you for what you’ve been able to achieve since that day,” and those words have echoed in my ears. I have been able to look back on that as the start of a journey of recovery.
For more about Rethink Mental Illness, visit rethink.org. To keep up to date with the film being made about his story, see facebook.com/findingmike.
Images: Rethink Mental Illness, Ian Boys, Rebecca Kalderon
How would you cope if someone’s life was hanging in the balance? Ralph Jones speaks to saviours and survivors
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Ian Boys, 44 It was in 2002; I was a prison officer in Feltham Young Offenders Institution. The chap’s name was Kevin. He was 16 but had the mental age of an eight-yearold. He’d been getting bullied in prison but he was stressed because he was about to be released. That’s surprisingly common; for many it’s the safest place they’ve ever been. They can regress to being children. I was concerned that he would hurt himself, but I was also worried that he would commit a serious offence in an attempt to stay inside prison. His behaviour was getting visibly worse. One evening, as we were closing up the unit to hand over to the night shift, Kevin was very disturbed. He had ripped up a plastic cup and was scratching himself with it. He had also torn up a bed sheet. The governor went to talk to Kevin but didn’t remove the cup or the ripped-up sheets. He told the staff not to be stupid and to go home. The night staff had arrived. We left the room and were about halfway to the gate when we said, “Actually, there’s no way Kevin should be in his cell tonight.” On
any other day we would have just walked down to the gate but the three of us concerned had a massive feeling of dread. We returned to the wing, largely on the instinct that something was badly wrong. The governor was chatting in front of the cell; and Kevin was hanging behind him from the window bars of his cell. By that stage you’re not even thinking; you’re operating just on instinct. In jail, the staff always works as a team but the
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If we hadn’t gone back he would have been dead
prisoners don’t. Because Kevin was so heavy, the most important thing was to hold him up so that blood could flow to his head. The ligature had made an imprint into his neck because of his weight. We cut that from around his neck with a safe blade. At that point he was very docile; he was a bit shocked he wasn’t dead. We took him to the healthcare unit, strip-searched him, and put him into
Rebecca Kalderon, 22
I was in Ghana in 2011 to do some volunteering as a medical student. A woman came in bleeding, 32 weeks pregnant. They needed to get the baby out as soon as possible so that she didn’t bleed too much – that can be fatal. The hospital’s incubators were broken, so someone called an ambulance to take the baby to the capital as soon as it was born. In Ghana they use ketamine [a horse tranquilliser] as an anaesthetic, so the woman is conscious but can’t feel any pain. It was a very complicated birth and because it took so long, they thought the baby was dead when they got to her. They pulled her by the legs and she just looked like a grey, dead baby. We took her to the corner and suctioned all the goo out of her mouth. I had the bag mask valve that you put over the face but because she was so tiny they didn’t have any small enough. After about four minutes she started pinking up and coughed a few times. We needed to measure her heart rate but there were no clocks. I had a second hand on my watch so the midwife said, “Take the heart rate,” and handed me the stethoscope. I didn’t have a chance to think. 47
clothing that couldn’t be ripped up. We were talking to him the whole time – he knew us all very well. If we hadn’t gone back he would have been dead. My instinct at the time was completely illogical: being really angry about it. You’re very stressed but there’s no-one to take it out on. Part of it was absolute relief because this was a kid we’d known and liked for a while; relief that we’d done the right thing by going back. I think about it a lot, but the idea of saving someone’s life isn’t one I’m comfortable with. When I was an aid worker the projects I was happiest with were when people who lived in terrible conditions were moved to fairly good conditions. Changing someone’s life is as important as saving someone’s life. It’s like holding your breath. When the baby stopped breathing, I breathed for her with the bag mask valve: one hand puts the mask over the baby’s face; the other squeezes the bag attached to the oxygen. I think I was calm because it was very regimented and no-one was communicating the seriousness of the situation. I still can’t understand how calm the midwife was, especially because
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I didn’t have a chance to think
it took so long to get the baby breathing. After we saved the baby, everyone disappeared and I sat with her for a few hours. It was a significant experience for me. I felt like I’d done something useful. If something happens now I can be much more confident; you get a lot of experience doing something like that just once. It’s shown me that you can be calm in a situation like that, and you can draw a lot from it. I wish I’d been able to follow the baby afterwards, to find out how she had done. X
M ee
Laura Price talks to the people paid to make you smile
Struggling to survive the workplace blues?
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pply for the job of ‘Happiness Hero’ at tech firm Buffer and you will be treated to the following: a salary of £39£57,000 plus shares; two annual company holidays abroad; unlimited vacation days; a MacBook Air; and free Kindle books. For this you are expected to be tech-savvy, happy, positive-minded, and to ‘delight’ the company’s one million users with your customer service. Oh, and you can work remotely from anywhere in the world. The catch? There isn’t one. San Franciscobased app-maker Buffer is one of a new wave of companies around the world to have appointed a chief happiness officer (CHO) – quite literally a person in charge of the happiness of employees, customers, or both. At Buffer, CHO Carolyn Kopprasch says she gets “warm fuzzies” from helping customers, and she proudly tweets her team’s ‘Weekly Improvements’ – a list of staff members’ personal achievements – from reading more books to getting more sleep. The role was first introduced by none other than Mr Ronald McDonald, whose mission is to “bring fun into your life”. Though McDonald’s has been around since
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1955, it only introduced Ronald’s character in 1967 and appointed him as CHO in 2003. Firms around the world have since taken the idea, adapting its meaning to their own businesses. “It’s about making sure the overall direction of the company is not actually bad for people’s happiness,” says Alex Kjerulf, CHO at Danish consulting firm Woohoo Inc. In the past they have advised IBM, Microsoft, and Lego on workplace happiness. “You have the chief financial officer in charge of the money, the chief technology officer in charge of the computers, and considering how important happiness at work is, somebody should be in charge of that too.” Happiness culture is slowly filtering through to Britain, mainly thanks to American technology firms. At its London office, Facebook offers its employees unlimited free food, fancy-dress days, parties, and flexitime. Although it doesn’t have a CHO, the company employs many of the same techniques to create a stimulating environment for its young workforce. But the CHO position has so far only been adopted by a couple of English firms. Will it catch on, or are we just too cynical? “The challenge in British companies is overcoming the scepticism,” says Kjerulf, noting that Brits may find the idea of highfiving and hugging in the workplace too
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cringeworthy. “Maybe there’s a British kind of happiness that’s more understated but equally happy.” One young technology company may just have nailed that British idea of happiness. GoCardless, a London-based online Direct Debit provider, recently employed its
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The challenge in Britain is overcoming people’s scepticism
Images: The Guardian, Mind Candy, Sam Kopsch Studio and Christian Couzens, Melbourne Server Hosting
first CHO – Kit Brennan. His role is largely geared towards client satisfaction, but internally he mimics some of the methods used at US tech firms and start-ups, such as taking all 25 employees on nights out and being strict about overtime. GoCardless even tried offering unlimited annual leave, but the idea failed because people ended up taking fewer holidays. “You try and make a culture you really want to work in,” says Brennan, a 23-yearold law graduate. “Part of my job is thinking
Three UK companies embracing ‘happiness culture’ Drinking Classes, Surrey – Providing ‘informative’ drinking events across the UK, Drinking Classes takes happiness seriously, with roles on the team including ‘Director of Fun’ and ‘Operations Ninja’. DigitasLBi, London – The words ‘office’ and ‘party’ have taken on a whole new meaning for this marketing agency, which holds legendary annual raves. Each year, about 1,800 employees and industry professionals rave with top DJs, go-go dancers and tequila boys and girls. Now that’s what we call an office party. Bluebird Tea Co., Brighton – If all it takes to cheer us up is a nice cup of tea, then this company is off to a good start. But the co-founders of Bluebird are taking it one step further with some creative staff positions.Well, how many other businesses do you know with a puppy in the role of ‘Head of Pet Relations’?
More work, more play Hiring a chief happiness officer isn’t the only way to keep workers chirpy – companies around the UK are sprucing up their offices to make sure Sunday-night blues are a thing of the past. Clockwise from left: an indoor slide at Mind Candy (the home of Moshi Monsters) in London; Alice in Wonderland-inspired meeting rooms at 2-6 Boundary Row, Waterloo; the ‘garden’ at Melbourne Server Hosting in Manchester.
about how we do that. For example, we might all meet up for breakfast together outside the office. Often it’s just little things, but that’s the core of what I do.” Another company planning to appoint a CHO is Bluebird Tea Co. The Brighton-based tea company already has a ‘Head of Pet Relations’ – a puppy named Arlo – who joins co-founders Krisi Smith and Mike Turner at markets and events to sell Bluebird’s range of products. Like GoCardless, Bluebird believes customer satisfaction is as important as that of workers, so the team have tried things like leaving out packets of tea to cheer people up. “It’s ingrained in everything we do,” says Turner. “Our aim is to spread happiness, one cup at a time, so our new chief happiness officer role will make sure there is an individual with direct responsibility for all of that.” Although us Brits may not feel the need to show up to work in a bunny onesie or share our weekly improvements with the entire Twittersphere, it seems we do still appreciate the little gestures in the office. If having a CHO is the key to making that happen, then it might just work. X
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Better off dead
De-extinction is now a reality. Alex Horne wonders whether some animals are worth bothering about
T
he Mammoth Cometh’, blared the front cover of The New York Times Magazine at the end of February. The article detailed the rapid advances in the science of de-extinction, which involves mixing the genome of an extinct species with that of its closest living
relative, making the return of beasts such as the woolly mammoth a real possibility. But the concept of de-extinction is fraught with issues. Some argue that it will be a disincentive for conservation. Others say that bringing back animals won’t revive their habitat, the
destruction of which led to their extinction in the first place. Similarly, one could ask: what’s the point in reintroducing creatures to a planet poisoned by global warming? Here, we’ll be asking a more facetious question: are some species better off dead?
Dodo - the poster boy for extinction
Endearingly naïve but also fatally stupid, the dodo didn’t have the sense to flee when man arrived on Mauritius and discovered an island populated with waddling roast dinners. Not even a ruthless mass clubbing at the hands of hungry sailors
could drum sense into the species. They died out faster than Rik Waller’s singing career. If they were alive today, their gormless shtick would be amusing for all of five minutes before they became fodder for traffic accidents.
Steller’s sea cow - the water blimp Easily the most ridiculous animal on this list, Steller’s sea cow was a literally toothless monster that could weigh 10,000kg, as much as five Land Rovers. It filtered its food using two moustaches located in its mouth and its first and only line of defence was that it was too enormous
for predators to tackle. Perhaps its most laughable quality was that it wasn’t even able to fully submerge itself in water. Instead it bobbed up and down like a sad, leaking blimp.
Giant vampire bat - it’s a giant vampire bat
They may possess the power of sonar and be the only mammals capable of sustained flight, but bats are horrible creatures. If you don’t believe me, ask the Joker. While other animals made this list for their hilarious ineptitude or the inconvenience of their existence, the giant vampire bat earns a spot for being industrial nightmare fuel. With a wingspan of 17 inches
Moa - the real Big Bird
The moa is another animal that proves bigger isn’t always better, although it had more dignity than Steller’s sea cow. There were 11 species of moa, all of which were flightless. The largest of the them, the dinornis giganteus, could grow to 3.6 metres tall. While we could resurrect Steller’s sea cow and let it bumble off into the ocean to obstruct yachts and baffle sharks,
and a body 30% larger than the common vampire bat, desmodus draculae was a real-life monster. So, when it comes to picking the roster for the de-extinct dream team, I propose we leave the giant vampire bat on the bench. For those of you who do have a soft spot for leathery old bats, I hear Peter Stringfellow still drops into his clubs from time to time.
reviving the moa is downright selfish. When the moa was last alive there were roughly 374 million people on the planet. There are now seven billion. The space one of these birds occupied could be used for an Oompa Loompa’s bachelor pad or, at the very least, a large vending machine.
Illustrations: Alex Horne
Laughing owl - the neighbour from hell
Native to New Zealand, the laughing owl became extinct in the early 20th century. It earned its name for its unique (read: repulsive) call, which was described by conservationist Thomas Henry Potts as “a loud cry made up of a series of dismal shrieks frequently 51
repeated”. Sound appealing? There is enough o b n o x i o u s tweeting in the world without the laughing owl. It was also attracted to the sound of accordions – reason enough to leave it in its grave. X
Hello feminism: Gwendolyn Smith discusses whether men need
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hen you ask a man if he’s a feminist, the conversation can go one of several ways. Some men nod, nonchalant, while others fidget and ramble inconclusively. Certain unfortunates snigger and ask if you’re a lesbian. It’s quite similar to the reaction you get when you pose the question to a woman. In the last year, the media has taken it upon itself to rebrand feminism, bullying unsuspecting females into identifying with the label because ‘it doesn’t stand for being a bra-burning hag any more – yay!’ Men have been largely overlooked in the onslaught. Jammy so-and-sos. This raises the question: why do men worry about calling themselves feminists?
If feminism is ultimately about equality, then why, in 2014 – an age of metrosexuals, mooncups, and Lena Dunham – are many men still loitering on the sidelines?
Anti-meninism?
Some men say they feel ignored by feminism. There are many examples that suggest this imbalance is being addressed: from ‘Everyday Sexism’ creating the #EverydayAllies hashtag to celebrate men who stand up for gender inequality, to Feminist Times hosting a ‘Man Week’ in November 2013. In spite of this, the vast proportion of popular feminism is aimed at women. Caitlin Moran’s How to Be a Woman, although commendably man-friendly, is still unmistakably written for people with ovaries, breasts, and PMS. Her advice on how to find out whether you are a feminist is: “Put your hand in your pants. a) Do you have a vagina? And b) Do you want to be in charge of it? If you said ‘yes’ to both, then congratulations! You’re a feminist.” A confused lad desperately groping around in his boxers for a vagina to control is probably not the reader Moran had in mind. And why should she have? Her book was primarily concerned with
empowering women. Still, is this the humorous tip of a cruel iceberg that freezes men out of feminism? A huge volume of feminist discussion takes place on the internet – on Twitter and on blogs like ‘Everyday Sexism’ and ‘The Vagenda’. Martin Daubney, ex-editor of
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Men are afraid they’ll be branded as misogynistic
Loaded, describes the most heated of these sorts of dialogues as “anti-man feminism”. “You get mercilessly trolled on the internet now,” he says. “Men feel that if they’re a voice of dissent on this topic, they’ll be immediately branded as misogynistic. So they’re just shutting down because they’re afraid of how to behave.” But not all men see it this way. Comedian and GQ journalist James Mullinger, who identifies as a feminist, says that the idea of men being shouted down is a “media myth”. “The Daily Mail would have us believe that feminists are all angry maneating monsters. But every time I’ve worried about that, it’s actually been down to my own prejudice rather than reality.”
Feminism: a toolbox
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Online swamp of boiling oestrogen aside, is there actually any benefit in feminism for men? Ally Fogg, who writes about gender for The Guardian, thinks there is. He says, “Feminism can offer men a toolbox and a way of understanding our experiences of what it means to have a gender.” At the 2014 Women of the World Festival debate on The Sun’s Page 3, feminist writer and teacher Lola Okolosie stressed the impact that sexism has on teenage boys’ sense of manhood. Okolosie
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to be feminists to survive in the 21st century asked her male pupils what qualities they looked for in a girlfriend. They listed only physical attributes. “Only a couple of boys were able to say in this performance of adolescent masculinity that, actually, the heart matters too,” she says. Fogg says that men need “something like feminism” to break out of these negative expectations of masculinity: “Feminism, in its current incarnation, has spent 50 years working out how to do this gender stuff. One of the problems men have in our society is that we really haven’t worked out how to do the same.” Feminism is also rumoured to hold another benefit for the Y-chromosomed: sex. More of it. Cosmopolitan writer Natasha
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Feminism surely doesn’t require he-branding?
Devon says: “If you’re a man and you say you’re a feminist, it’s really sexy. You will get laid.” However, before the male feminist starts evangelising about equality in a bar while counting the condoms in his wallet, he should check out James Mullinger’s interpretation of this promise: “To break that down, not being a dick is attractive to women. If you’re a man who is desperate to get laid a lot, chances are you’re going to get laid a lot more if you’re less of a dick.”
he-branding? After all, isn’t that rather defeating the point? Sarah Graham, deputy editor of Feminist Times, says, “I don’t think feminism should have to make itself accessible to men. Ultimately men need to take responsibility for their own actions and their own feminist education.”
Multi-tasking
This is the Catch 22 of male feminism – men should be involved in the debate, but getting too mouthy arguably risks them being accused of being big monsters of the patriarchy. James Mullinger thinks that the best way to combat this is by taking a back seat: “One thing that I am mindful of is not telling women how to think, and not telling women what they should be doing.” Fogg suggests that men tackle gender issues outside the feminist sphere: “We should start looking at how we struggle against the gender roles society imposes. If we do that of our own volition, then most of the time the conclusion that we come to will look remarkably similar to feminism.”
Images: Gwen Smith
PR problems
Given these multifarious advantages, should feminism be rebranded to be more inclusive to men? Martin Daubney is – somewhat controversially – in favour: “Feminism has got a PR problem. The hardcore feminists who do the most shouting are the ones that make men totally disengage with the whole movement. “They’re trying to shame men into being saints but if you treat men like the AntiChrist they’re going to behave like the devil.” But rebranding or even debranding aside, feminism surely doesn’t require
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Still, unless a man plans to use feminism as a vehicle to address every deep personal wrong inflicted upon him by the patriarchy, there’s no reason why he can’t take a modern stance on manhood and be a feminist too. After all, what better way for a man to celebrate smashing gender stereotypes than a spot of multi-tasking? Maybe the answer to male feminism is just that: multi-tasking. Not necessarily taking the bins out while balancing a baby on a hip, but supporting women while being unafraid to embrace masculinity. Annoyingly, for something so simple, men and women having the same status in society isn’t half complicated. Moran’s How to Be a Woman made feminism userfriendly for women. Maybe what we need now is a How to Be a Man. Surely that would mean true equality? X
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It’s the age-old problem. No-one likes a party pooper – but at the same time, who wants to be seen throwing shapes to lyrics that allegedly perpetuate rape culture?
Easy solution: go to the bar and get a round in. If you’ve just been to the bar, go to the toilet. If you’ve just been to the toilet, say that you think your friend is in there crying. That sometimes works. 54
The fact is, Chris, you don’t have to say any of these things. If you want to impress a feminist – or anyone – just concentrate on being as nice a human being as possible. Remember that everyone is different, but we all have the right to an opinion. Listen carefully. Speak respectfully, and only if you’re sure that you have a point. And try to blink every six seconds or so. People like that. X
Images: Rex Features, Getty Images, Shashinjitsu. Illustration: Charlotte Formosa
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What should I do when that Robin Thicke song comes on in a club? Dave, 19
Try this: “Hello. I’m sorry for the unwarranted intrusion of your personal space, but I couldn’t help overhearing and identifying with your critique of poststructuralist French feminism. I was just wondering if I could be your ally tonight at a pro-choice demo? Perhaps afterwards we could discuss intersectionality over some food. I knit my own houmous.”
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In fairness, we don’t know whether he knew it was actually Laurie Penny. Intent is crucial, so we have to conclude that Ryan Gosling is pro-people – or, at a bare minimum, anti-people-being-run-over-bytaxis. What a guy.
Someone told me that girls like guys who say they’re feminists. I don’t want to do any research. What are the best chat-up lines? Chris, 30
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In fact, the only person who might not be OK saying it is Benedict Cumberbatch. But even then, for it to be offensive he’d have to say something like “You’re my Cumberbitch. Say it. SAY IT.” And that’s unlikely, given that he’s asked fans to call themselves ‘Cumberpeople’ instead.
It’s not funny. Your mother would be very disappointed. Go for a walk or something.
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The truth is, no-one can be sure whether Ryan Gosling is a feminist or not, although he reportedly once saved the feminist writer Laurie Penny from being tragically run over by a taxi in New York. From this we can deduce that he may be pro-feminist, or at least pro-oneparticular-feminist.
Ah, that old chestnut. Well, no. Even for bespectacled, jumper-wearing hipsters playing GTA in a Dalston living room amid a fine mist of irony, this is just lame.
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Should you be allowed to say it? I can’t think of a situation where you could use ‘Cumberbitch’ as an insult and still make sense, so I think you’re OK.
Can I have sex with the prostitute in Grand Theft Auto? Lionel, 25
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Ryan Gosling is a Canadian actor who, for various reasons, is very popular with the ladies of the internet. The Feminist Ryan Gosling meme is one of the more baffling misappropriations of his face.
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Who is Ryan Gosling and why is he a feminist? Alex, 32
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I say no. The word was invented by fans of Benedict Cumberbatch to refer to themselves. They can therefore be said to have reclaimed the word, if not for feminism, for a definite cause.
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Isn’t the term ‘Cumberbitch’ demeaning to women? Nigel, 34
en in politics
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The pay gap. Intersectionality. The terrifying Twitter wars. These are confusing times for male feminists. Agony aunt Christina Kenny is on hand to answer readers’ questions
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A word on chivalry. There’s nothing wrong with a woman – indeed a person of any sex – sometimes feeling that their need of a seat is greater than yours – and yes, some women do occasionally experience lady-pains that make standing a chore. But unless she’s obviously doubled over in pain and reaching for a seat, then to assume that all women are less capable of standing than men is a bit, you know, Victorian.
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Don’t panic – TfL thought about this so you don’t have to. They’ve been supplying ‘Baby on board!’ badges to mums-to-be since April 2012. If she’s not obviously, obviously pregnant and she’s not wearing a badge – you stay in that seat.
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I’m sitting on a crowded Tube when a woman gets on. I can’t tell whether she’s pregnant or just a bit fat. What should I do? Matt, 26
Dear Aunty Feminism
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Adventure time
A holiday is a good excuse to put your feet up. But why not live a little? Delia Piccinini tracks down some ambitious trips The Winter’s Tale What: An expedition through one of the coldest places on the planet Where: Oymyakon, Russia Why: This small Russian town, fondly named the ‘Pole of Cold’, is the coldest inhabited place on Earth. With an alltime record low of -71°C, just surviving will be a challenge. And you thought north Chingford was nippy. yakutiatravel.com
Brave New World What: A rafting trip Where: Papua New Guinea Why: Travelling on ‘pakrafts’, which conveniently fold up into your rucksack, you’ll trek across the Star Mountains before reaching the May River. This region
of Papua New Guinea remains relatively unexplored and is still populated by indigenous people. All fresh food supplies are gathered from the jungle as you make your way down the river. epictomato.com
A Passage to India
Images: Discover Adventure, Epic Tomato, Waldseilgarten-Höllschlucht, Discover Adventure
To the Lighthouse What: A sailing adventure Where: Between Poole and the Channel Islands Why: Don’t fancy a week with 3,000 other people on a cruise liner? Discover Adventure offers a tough four-day challenge, sleeping and working in shifts on sailing boat The Musketeer, giving you the opportunity to experience life at sea. You’ll learn how to manage a vessel with the help of a professional skipper. You cruise, you lose. discoveradventure.com
What: A Buddhist meditation retreat Where: India Why: With no technology, and guests segregated by gender, this is almost like being back in the Dark Ages. Taking the term ‘me time’ to the next level, at the retreat there is no talking, writing, or any form of communication with fellow meditators. Every day over 10 hours are spent sitting on the floor, cleansing your mind of the petty worries that clutter your earthly life. Any physical pain is ignored in order to help you achieve psychological stability and composure. Meditate? More like medi-great! Maybe no talking is a good idea. dhamma.org
Long Walk to Freedom What: A trek following a World War Two escape route to Spain Where: The Pyrenees Why: One of the toughest escape routes used during WW2 to flee Nazi-occupied France, the Freedom Trail is lined with plaques and memorials. The trail is challenging but offers spectacular views. discoveradventure.com 55
Wuthering Heights
What: Camping…on a cliff Where: Bavarian Alps Why: This trip is the Chuck Norris of the camping world – you are exposed to the elements as your tent hangs off the edge of a 500-foot cliff. Exposed to the elements, you are provided with a sleeping bag, rope, basic dinner, and a safety harness. Not one for sleepwalkers. waldseilgarten-hoellschlucht.de X
You Won’t BELIEVE What They’ll Do For Views Clickbait headlines seduce and frustrate in equal measure, but does the secret to their success lie in our survival instincts? Huw Fullerton clicks through
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his article will change your life.’ ‘You won’t BELIEVE what these kids did for charity.’ ‘Top 10 university FAILS – number 7 is SHOCKING.’ ‘Which Harry Potter character are you?’ This is clickbait. It’s visually arresting, utterly irresistible, and we’re hard-wired to want what’s behind it. In essence, the way we find websites through social media is simple. You see an interesting article or post in your news feed, and then click through to read the content. But as competition has increased, publishers have become ever more desperate to make theirs the link that gets picked, leading to the proliferation of clickbait headlines. So the headlines try to pique our interest – they promise new knowledge, cuteness, laughs. We’ve all seen them scattered across Twitter and Facebook, and many sites rely on them for views. These are phrases so enticing that we can’t help but be drawn to them; they promise disbelief, death, and enlightenment. And often cat videos. Broadly speaking, they are a success – in November 2013 clickbait-heavy sites the Huffington Post, BuzzFeed, and Upworthy were ranked first, second, and third on
a list of top 10 social publishers by total interactions (how many people liked, shared, or commented on their articles). The Huffington Post had around 27 million unique interactions over the course of that month. BuzzFeed had nearly 22 million interactions, with Upworthy close behind at about 17 million. Clickbait headlines clearly work. But the question remains: why are sophisticated, online-savvy people taken in by such obvious manipulation?
Mind-Blowing Psychology
According to internet psychologist Graham Jones, it may actually be our more primitive instincts that influence our clicking. Clickbait headlines promise new information – and whether the promise is true or not, we fall for it. “This relates to a deep-seated survival instinct. When we were simple hunter-gatherers, our survival depended upon us eating freshly hunted animals rather than old food.” Anyone eating old meat ran the risk of poisoning, he explains, whereas those who hunted new, fresh meat would survive. “It’s deep in the more mammalian part of our brains – not in our conscious minds.” We 56
need facts to survive, and for that reason it’s hard to ignore something that promises new information. Jones also points out, however, that this sort of technique is hardly groundbreaking. Advertisers have long attracted attention by appealing to our basic instincts, such as scantily-clad women gyrating over a product for no apparent reason. Arguably, it is also something that journalists have
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It’s deep in the more mammalian part of our brains
done for years, with stirring language and attention-grabbing headlines (like old favourite ‘Headless Body in Topless Bar’). Paul Bradshaw, lecturer in journalism at City University, agrees that clickbait headlines are nothing new, in any medium. “People often write headlines that don’t necessarily reflect the content underneath; they use attention-grabbing photos. There’s
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a whole jargon in journalism which is designed to exaggerate or dramatise the story that is being told.”
Clickbait headline translations
These Bloggers Are Furious
Not everyone, however, is so sanguine about the proliferation of online clickbait. Its misleading nature has attracted criticism, parody, and vitriol in recent months, with viral content website Upworthy attracting the most enthusiastic detractors. Specialising in feel-good videos with a socially liberal bent, Upworthy has become the most shared website on Facebook since it was founded in 2012. To give some idea of how popular it is, while BuzzFeed achieves more overall interactions, their posts average about 3,151 likes. Upworthy’s get considerably more: 43,446. Last year, one graduate from the Massachusetts Institute of Technology had enough. Matt Stempeck was applying for a job at Upworthy when he created ‘Upworthyspoiler’, the Twitter account from which he supplies endless deadpan payoffs to Upworthy’s tantalising headlines. A recent headline he investigated – ‘Hey science, you’re great, but 3 sticks and a
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These sites will have to move on and do something better
bucket solve this problem better than you’ – led him to discover that the video actually showed people making a kitchen sink from household objects. As he puts it, “Nothing about that negates science.” Stempeck isn’t alone in tackling the site. Recent examples include a parody site that generates random Upworthy-style headlines; a blog at happyplace.com that methodically takes apart Upworthy posts in a particularly vicious and methodical fashion; and there is even a browser plugin called ‘Downworthy’ that rewrites the headlines for greater honesty. This backlash may have been embraced by more powerful groups as well. In December, Facebook tweaked its algorithm to decide which stories users see in their news feeds, with the aim of promoting more ‘high-quality’ content and fewer ‘meme photos’. Over the next two months, Upworthy’s traffic dropped 46% – from 90 million hits to a mere 48 million. Other sites didn’t fare so badly – notably BuzzFeed, who pay Facebook for their privileged place on people’s news feeds. If Upworthy or anyone else wants to claw
Translation: A guy is selling condoms, and gave a passing comment that his 86-yearold nan liked the idea.Why the article was angled in a GILF-y direction is probably best left to the minds of the Business Insider writers.
Translation: A classic Upworthy headline – seemingly legitimate, but completely irrelevant. Bizarrely, this just links to the music video for the song ‘Science Is Real’ by They Might Be Giants.
Translation: Another Business Insider article. In fairness, Clinton did say the specific words quoted in the title at the 2014 South by Southwest festival, but she was speaking in reference to children dying from dehydration.The article quotes her as saying, “I find the fact that more than 750,000 children still die every year around the world because of severe dehydration due to diarrhea unacceptable.”
Translation: A tantalising proposition from the Huffington Post. As it turns out, what happened was an emergency hysterectomy and a chicken that survived. And there was no fowl play – the eggs were the chicken’s own, a consequence of the genetic engineering of battery hens.
Translation: Tweeted by CNN in January this year, their attempt to jump on the clickbait bandwagon to garner interest in this tragic stabbing committed by an ‘unappreciated’ sister was widely condemned. Journalist Gianluca Mezzofiore commented at the time: “The end of journalism is nigh...” 57
And are we just desensitising people to clicking on anything, or caring about these issues, because they were sold to them in a less than honest way?”
A Clickbait Bombshell
The answer may have come sooner than anyone expected. In February this year, traffic-watcher website Chartbeat dropped a bomb on Twitter: “We’ve found effectively no correlation between social shares and people actually reading.” Essentially, people are posting website links on social networks without actually reading the pages. Josh Schwartz, Chartbeat’s lead data scientist, expands on the tweet. “Of those who do click through to a story, on average one-third don’t scroll, click, or do anything to indicate that they’re actually reading the page.” On some sites, this figure grows to
back their traffic, it looks as though they might have to do the same – the rules are changing all the time. Internet users are feeling misled and patronised, and Graham Jones believes that it’s just a matter of time until people become immune to clickbait headlines altogether. “Eventually these sites will have to move on and do something better, more creative, and
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Are we desensitising people to clicking on anything?
more focused on what their audience really wants – as opposed to just doing stuff that grabs attention.” It seems a fair prediction, but something may have been overlooked: might the audience want clickbait?
The Internet Wants This
In 2011, at the height of a national obsession, the Huffington Post used an enticing (and search engine-friendly) headline that would prove to be one of their most popular. Without a doubt it was what the people wanted – it was what they needed. The Huffington Post was happy to oblige when they posted the article: ‘What Time Does the
Superbowl Start?’ The site has repeated this gambit every year since, and has attracted some criticism (and grudging respect) for doing so, as Barry Petchesky wrote on the sports news website Deadspin: “The Superbowl post was sinister and dumb and ruthless and brilliant.” But to Eva Grzybek, online marketing specialist for AOL and the Huffington Post, the post was just good business. “This is where these techniques really come in. You know what people are searching for and you’re giving them an answer, and ultimately that’s what the internet is about.” Grzybek may have a point – if you give people something useful, does it matter how you got them there? In this vein even Upworthy has its supporters, like media blog Betabeat’s Ryan Holliday. He argues that, unlike some of its online competitors, at least Upworthy’s heart is in the right place in its highlighting of important issues: “They are not Gawker, taking aim at obnoxious people; Perez Hilton, knocking celebrities down a peg; or the Huffington Post, attacking politicians on both sides.” Similarly, one could argue that news sites like the Huffington Post perform an important function in pointing people towards important world issues with attractive headlines. Matt Stempeck, however, is dubious about this reasoning. “Let’s be serious – they do it just to get clicks. My concern is, how long can this last? 56 58
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90%. A clickable headline clearly does not make a readable article. So perhaps we’re a little cleverer than we have given ourselves credit for. Our instincts (and the skill of clickbait writers) may push us towards clicking on unknown content, and that will help its chances of being seen. But if what’s behind it isn’t worthwhile, people won’t be fooled. You may not believe it, and it probably won’t change your life – but on the internet we’re still in charge. X
Image: poptech (Flickr)
Clickworthy: Upworthy’s co-founder Eli Parisier in 2010. Below right, the site’s Twitter feed
These sites will have to move on and do something better
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100 YEARS SINCE THE START OF WWI
Total soldiers killed
Conscription appeals 5.1 million
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pigeons carried messages to the front line. Groups of pigeons trained to return to the front lines were dropped into occupied areas by parachutes and kept there until soldiers had messages to send back
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Image: Isabelle Sheppard
Incaredible! Peruvian food is fast becoming one of the UK’s hottest trends. Laura Price meets the man behind the marinade
M
artin Morales is teaching a bar full of people how to make ceviche. He meticulously slices fresh, raw sea bass into uniform chunks that he will later cover in a tangy lime and chilli marinade. The dish must be served immediately – if not, the fish will “cook” for too long in the marinade, ruining the delicate flavour and texture. Morales’ pupils all have their own reasons for attending the class at Ceviche
restaurant in Soho, central London. One woman has been to Peru and is enamoured with the local cuisine; another is going there on honeymoon; others simply love the restaurant’s namesake raw seafood dish and want to learn how to make it at home. Flash back only 10 years and most of these people wouldn’t even have heard of ceviche, let alone eaten it. But the dish has become so popular that Waitrose executive chef Jonathan Moore recently dubbed it “the new sushi” and predicted a boom in South American cuisine.
Ande cooks too: Peruvian chef Martin Morales making ceviche
Peruvian restaurants won seven of the top 15 spots in Restaurant magazine’s list of ‘Latin America’s 50 Best Restaurants’, and world-renowned chef brothers Ferran and Albert Adrià recently opened a new Peruvian-Japanese restaurant called Pakta in Barcelona. So why exactly is the food of the Andes so hot right now? “Latin American food is bang on trend,” says William Drew, editor of Restaurant. “Peru in particular has a long and rich culinary heritage, but only in recent times when its economy has grown and it has had
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Martin’s top five ingredients Amarillo chilli
Quinoa
Quinoa burger at Andina
Images: Paul Winch-Furness
Lúcuma mousse at Andina
“Quinoa was sacred to the Incas; it’s been grown in Peru for the last 5,000 years. It’s a complete protein, there’s no fat, it’s great for coeliacs, and it has tons of nutrients: vitamin B, D and E, zinc, magnesium, and iron. I love it because it’s super versatile. Our quinoa burgers are really popular.”
more interaction with the wider world has it exported its food to a wider audience.” Morales says that it’s the mixture of different flavours and influences that makes Andean food so special. After the age of the Incas, Peru saw an influx of immigrants, from the Spanish conquistadores to the Japanese, Chinese, Italians, and Africans who came later on. All this contributed to a culture of sub-cuisines, such as Nikkei (JapanesePeruvian) and Chifa (Chinese-Peruvian). Add to that the country’s wide-ranging geographical microclimates and vast selection of natural ingredients, and you have a winning combination. “All the world’s top chefs are travelling to Peru right now, whether it’s René Redzepi from Noma or Ferran Adrià,” says Morales in an English accent perfectly honed after 30 years in the country. “It’s just the first step. All kinds of chefs are experimenting with Peruvian foods, which is really exciting.” Apart from ceviche, perhaps the most popular Andean export in recent years has been quinoa (pronounced ‘keenwah’), a superfood now used in everything from salads to soups. Marks & Spencer has launched a porridge containing quinoa, and celebrities are hailing it as one of the ultimate health foods.
“The amarillo chilli is native to Peru and has tons of flavour and aroma. You can use it in ceviche and also cook stews and marinate lots of different meats with it.” Don Ceviche with amarillo chilli at Ceviche
Pisco “Pisco is our Peruvian spirit made from pure grape juice, which is distilled naturally and rested. We infuse it with a range of ingredients: some Peruvian, some British, such as ginger, coffee, amarillo chillies, or cinnamon.”
Pisco Sour at Ceviche
Choclo corn “Choclo is a giant kernel corn from the deep Andes. It’s very nutritious, filling, and tasty. It holds a lot of history for us.”
Lúcuma
Choclo corn cake at Andina
“It’s a superfood, like quinoa. Lúcuma is very special; very, very tasty. It comes from the lúcuma fruit, which is grown in the foothills of the Andes going into the Amazon. We make a lúcuma mousse as well as a lúcuma puree that we use in savoury dishes.”
Morales serves it in burger form at his new restaurant Andina, and says it is great for coeliacs, who need a gluten-free diet. But quinoa is just one of eight key superfoods in Peru. Another is maca, a starch usually sold in powder form and used in smoothies or sauces. It provides an instant burst of energy and can even be used as an aphrodisiac. These ingredients are cropping up more and more in restaurants and health food shops around the UK, partly thanks to Morales, who decided to ditch his highflying DJ career in 2010 and turn his talents
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All the world’s top chefs are travelling to Peru right now
to cooking. Frustrated with the lack of Peruvian restaurants in Britain, he tweeted: “Does anyone care about Peruvian food?” As it turned out, plenty of people did. His first restaurant Ceviche paved the way for pricier rival Lima in Fitzrovia, while Andina opened in Shoreditch to great reviews. 63
“We will gradually understand that it’s about more than just ceviche,” says William Drew. “I certainly see lots of Peruvian food in the supermarkets, as well as more Peruvian restaurants.” With a budding food empire to rival Jamie Oliver’s, Morales has built a name for himself with a recipe book, Ceviche: Peruvian Kitchen; a pop-up cookery tour; and an appearance on celebrity cooking show Saturday Kitchen. He even started a record label, Tiger’s Milk Records, named after the marinade used in ceviche. Last year’s pop-up tour encompassed 10 cities in England, Scotland and Wales and was a sell-out success. “It was really, really well received,” he says. “No one has ever served Peruvian food north of Manchester before. We had a lot of people from Belfast saying we should have gone there as well. It just proves this is not a fad, it’s not only a London trend.” So what does the future hold for Andean food in the UK? Morales is working on a range of ideas to combine his food with other arts, such as theatre, photography, and film, and he hasn’t ruled out another restaurant at some point. We may have to wait a while to find out what’s next, but one thing is for sure: Peruvian food is here to stay.
London’s best Peruvian food Coya 118 Piccadilly, Mayfair W1J 7NW 020 7042 7118
Ceviche at Coya
With an incredibly grand interior decorated in Inca style, Coya is the best place to go to feel like you really are dining in Peru. Watch the chefs at work in the open kitchen and be sure to sample the Pisco Sour cocktail. Try: Solomillo de res (spicy beef fillet, spring onions, aji rocoto, and star anise, £32)
Octopus Olivo at Lima
Lima 31 Rathbone Place, Fitzrovia W1T 1JH 020 3002 2640 Upmarket Lima is the brainchild of Virgilio Martinez, head chef at Central in the Peruvian capital, which was ranked fourth in Restaurant’s list of ‘Latin America’s 50 Best Restaurants’ last year. Try: Octopus Olivo (braised octopus with organic white quinoa and botija olive, £14)
Salmon anticuchos at Coya
Andina 1 Redchurch Street, Shoreditch E2 7DJ 020 7920 6499
Lima Floral 14 Garrick Street WC2E 9BJ Open from July 2014
Morales’ latest Shoreditch offering is based on Peruvian picanterias: all-day restaurants serving traditional Andean foods such as potato cakes and soups. It is open for breakfast and serves rejuvenating smoothies and superfood porridge.
After the success of Lima – the first Peruvian restaurant in Europe to be awarded a Michelin star – chef Virgilio Martinez and his partners, Gabriel and Jose Luis Gonzalez, are opening a second site in Covent Garden. The menu at Lima Floral is set to include favourites from Lima, plus new dishes with rare Peruvian ingredients. Keep an eye out for the scallops with chia ceviche. X
Try: Cheeky ceviche (thinly sliced hake and cod cheeks in a Nikkei-style tiger’s milk with blood orange and spring onion, £8.50)
Upstairs at Andina, Shoreditch
Smoothies at Andina
Ceviche 17 Frith Street, Soho W1D 4RG 020 7292 2040
Images: Lima, Coya, Andina
Ceviche is Martin Morales’ first food venture, specialising in its namesake dish of marinated raw fish. Morales also runs cookery masterclasses on the last Sunday of each month around the bar of his restaurant. Try: Don Ceviche (fresh sea bass ceviche in amarillo chilli-infused tiger’s milk, limo chilli, sweet potato, and red onions, £8)
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A taste of things to come
B
y 2050 there will not be enough food to feed the world’s population. There will be nine billion people on earth and only the richest will be able to afford to eat. This isn’t a dystopian film à la The Hunger Games. This is the grim reality. At least that’s what a UN report published last year suggests. The paper, titled ‘Edible insects: Future prospects for food and feed security’, states that to accommodate an additional two billion people on the planet, food production will need to almost double. With most of the world’s agriculturally viable land already in use, producing twice as much food with our current resources is a near-impossible task. The oceans are overfarmed and climate change is already
leading to water shortages, which have profound implications for food production. With nearly a billion chronically hungry people worldwide, what we eat and how it is produced urgently needs to be reevaluated. Inefficiencies have to be rectified and food waste reduced. We must find new ways of growing food. However, the report suggests a solution; and it is exactly what it says on the tin.
Insects
Eating bugs isn’t just a new phenomenon reserved for the unlucky C-listers on I’m a Celebrity…Get Me Out of Here! In fact, two billion of the world’s population already eat them as part of their daily diet. In countries such as Thailand and Vietnam, some insects 66
are even a delicacy, with red ant eggs the caviar of the Far East. Insects are starting to crawl their way onto our menus in the West as well. London restaurant Archipelago tops its Love Bug Salad with pan-fried locusts and crickets, and chocolate-covered scorpions made by food arrangement company Edible are available in the Harvey Nichols confectionary aisle. Peter Smithers, a fellow of the Royal Entomological Society, says that insects might become “a very real alternative” to the current western staple protein sources of cows, pigs, chickens, and sheep. Smithers, also an associate researcher at Plymouth University, says that manufacturers should look at how sushi cracked the British market 30 years ago.
Images: Ento, PA
Burgers and steaks will soon be a thing of the past. Charlie Allenby chews over some alternatives
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“I can remember when the very idea of sushi turned the average Englishman red with indignation. But then sushi was made trendy,” he says. “It was presented as a new food rather than something foreign and exotic. If insects can be presented as something fashionable, it will filter down into the rest of society.” He says that for insects to become a serious alternative, supply needs to increase. Current production is unable to cater to the Western market, and costs are very high. However, signs suggest that it won’t be long before insect farming on a large scale becomes a reality. With 75% of the world’s agricultural land currently used to rear livestock, the system needs to adapt if it’s going to feed an additional two billion mouths. “Insects take up less space, they mature more quickly, and their feed conversion rates are far higher,” Smithers says. “If you put 10kg of feed into a cow, you get 1kg of meat at the end. If you put 10kg into crickets, you get 9kg of meat.” Even if production were raised and the economies of scale reduced to make insects a financially viable option, it is the presentation of insects as novelties, bought for their ‘yuck’ factor, that Smithers believes needs to change for them to be a real success.
This is where the work of a startup called Ento comes in. What began as a project on the Royal College of Arts and Imperial College London’s joint Innovation Design Engineering programme has now become
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For insects to be a serious alternative, supply needs to increase
a fully-fledged business. The company has been working on how to convince people that eating insects isn’t just a gimmick. “The problem is, every time someone shows how people can be eating insects in the future, they show a bowl of salad with a few whole locusts sprinkled on top,” says Jacky Chung, Ento’s co-founder. The team is trying to improve the presentation of insects as the centrepiece of the meal. Having looked into the psychological aspects of food and its appearance, they believe that one of the key factors in overcoming the barrier
A petrifying concept: Dr Mark Post unveiled the world’s first man-made burger in August 2013
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that people have towards eating insects is learning that they are clean, have been handled with care, and aren’t just something that you’d see around the house. “Traditional foods don’t come in a geometric format unless it’s been processed or handled in some way,” says Chung. “By presenting our food in a cube shape, people instantly think, ‘OK, this has been processed in a very controlled way, so we know it’s clean and safe to eat’.” Chung, however, doesn’t believe that insects should be relied on to tackle the potential food shortage that the UN has outlined. “For Ento, it’s all about having a balanced diet. One of the issues is that we consume too much meat, and farming practices right now are just unsustainable. If insects are accepted by the mainstream, then every time someone buys insect meat in a supermarket on one particular evening, they might be substituting it for eating beef, which has a higher carbon footprint.”
Cultured meat
But what is the future of mainstream meat? If its production is to become efficient en masse, then surely the farming methods need to change? Dutch scientist Dr Mark Post may have a solution.
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A Manhattan Projectlike investment is what we need to make it viable
chicken breast, though it now believes that in-vitro pork or beef are more viable avenues for funding. Ben Williamson, a spokesman for PETA, says the charity is “greatly in favour” of work like Mark Post’s. “Anything that reduces the enormous suffering that occurs to animals on factory farms should be welcomed,” he says. “If in-vitro meat is kinder to animals and can help reduce carbon emissions, alleviate world hunger, and even make the food supply safer, then surely it is something everyone would support.” The campaigners do not, however, believe that the UN’s proposed solution to the world hunger crisis is ethically sound: “Insects, like all other animals, feel pain and suffering, and so we wouldn’t encourage anyone to eat insects.” Despite the ominous prediction that there won’t be enough food to go around if the human race carries on the way it is, there are several ways to overcome this issue. Although the alternative food sources are still in their infancy, it seems that with more funding and a change of perspective, both insects and in-vitro meat are serious solutions to a potential global epidemic. Now, who’s up for an invitro cheeseburger with deep-fried locust chips? X 68
Get your hand s o n som e gr ubs Love Bug Salad: Sitting next to springbok, crocodile, and kangaroo on the menu, you need to do something to stand out. This side dish does just that, topping a green salad with pan-fried locusts, chilli, and garlic crickets. £7.50. Archipelago, 53 Cleveland Street, London W1T 4JJ
Forbidden Fruit Cocktail: Featuring a blend of Plymouth Navy Strength Gin, fresh peach purée, green Chartreuse and a green tea sorbet ball. The concoction is finished with a locust – naturally. £15. Apothecary Bar, House of Wolf, 181 Upper Street, London N1 1RQ
Chocolate Covered Scorpion, Tequilalix Worm Lollipop,Toffee Scorpion Candy: For those who want to combine a sting with their sweet tooth, make sure to check out Edible’s range of confectionery. £4.50 - £6.95. Edible range, available at Harvey Nichols, various locations
Grub: Ever get bored of eating insects out at restaurants and think: “I can do a better job at home”? Of course you do. Well, look no further than Grub. With a range of creepy crawlies available to buy on their website, and detailed recipes that even those with a fear of cooking can follow, what are you waiting for? £4.95 - £29.99. Grub, eatgrub.co.uk
Images: Charlie Allenby, Grub
Last year, the professor and his team from Maastricht University unveiled the first ever in-vitro burger. In-vitro meat employs stem cell tissue-engineering technology to produce the final product. In essence, the process creates animal meat without using an animal. Cells are taken painlessly from live specimens, and they are then put into a culture media where they begin to grow independently. Once they’ve stopped growing, the cells are harvested and stitched together to create the desired product. Funded by Google co-founder Sergey Brin, the £220,000 project offered a potential solution to the future food shortage highlighted by the UN. With the futuristic technique needing a fraction of the input that is required to generate the same quantity of naturally sourced meat, lab-grown meat may be the answer to the world’s problems. Although only one burger has been made so far, Josh Schonwald, the author of The Taste of Tomorrow: Dispatches from the Future of Food, says that if the project gets the required funding they could soon be sold in supermarkets. “A Manhattan Project-like investment is needed to make it viable,” he says. “The idea exists and it’s been demonstrated, but someone really has to seriously invest in it. There is someone who is part of the game who can do that, and that’s Sergey Brin. If he wants this to be his legacy, I believe he’s got the resources to do it.” Schonwald was on the tasting panel at the London unveiling of Mark Post’s burger, and describes the patty as tasting “not too dissimilar to a turkey burger”, adding that it “lacked the juiciness of a normal burger”. This, according to the chef who cooked it, was because the patty was 100% protein. Richard McGeown, who served up the world’s first lab-made burger, agrees that in-vitro meat’s only limitation is its cost. With current estimates, the lab-made alternative is still likely to be at least six times as expensive as today’s naturally
sourced variety, with mince currently sold at $8-10 per kilogram. However, if the cost issue can be solved, then McGeown believes that the laboratorymade protein is one answer to the future food shortage. “I don’t think it will be the solitary prevention of a food crisis,” he says. “A combination of things will happen where we won’t be living in an apocalyptic world where food is a resource we fight over. Things will change significantly and gradually we’ll become better at sustaining our food levels.” Animal rights organization People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA) is also backing in-vitro meat to help tackle the UN’s prediction. It even offered a $1 million prize to the creator of the first cultured
Which TV chef are you? Red prawn and mango curry
In your spare time, do you steal cheese?
It’s a typical evening in and you’re going to cook a meal. Which is more tantalising?
Yes
You’re Antony Worrall Thompson Your life essentially revolves around stealing cheese.
Which sounds like a better day to you?
No You’re Gordon Ramsay You’re happiest with a ball under your foot and a fish in your hand. You like sponsoring gin.
Are you any good at football? No way
Oh yeah
Whose degustatory pleasure do you prioritise?
My own Others’
How good?
You’re Jamie Oliver You’re keen and mouthy. You think ‘Tinkerbell Fairy Dust’ might be a good name for a child.
I spoke too soon; I’m average What would you do with a fat tub of liquid nitrogen? What?
You’re Nigella Lawson You’re a smouldering goddess of food. Chocolate frequently drips down your cleavage.
Words: Ralph Jones. Images: PA The Guardian
Cheeky
Phenomenal
You’re Raymond Blanc You’re a flamboyant soul with ever-soslightly dubious views about the opposite sex.
A ride in the Sloshing around open air; pub; in the garden; nice big bath; cookin’ up a sophisticated feast meal Which C word describes you best? What do you make of Jesus? Cuddly
That guy’s my only path to heaven He’s all right, yeah
You’re the Hairy Bikers You’re fun-loving and not particularly cool, but resigned to that fact.
I’d make a bloody nice ice cream You’re Gregg Wallace You like your food simple and your jokes dirty. You may be bald.
You’re Heston Blumenthal You’re a firestarter. A twisted firestarter.
Which statement sums you up best?
“Like my father before me, I’m a very passionate person with boundless energy”
Moussaka (vegetarian, if you like)
“Food is, for me, for everybody, a very sexual thing” You’re Nigel Slater You’re a bit of a nerd but that’s alright because your food gets you into people’s pants.
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What would you do with 150g of dakos?
You’re Delia Smith You may be set in your ways, but you love it. You might also be emotionally attached to a dull Premier League team.
You’re Yotam Ottolenghi You love vegetables and dabble in Israeli academia.
Oy vey! I’d know what to do, and it’d involve capers and tomatoes Dreadfully sorry...I’m happy to learn but I don’t know what that is
You’re Hugh FearnleyWhittingstall You’re a hippie, basically. A hippie on a big farm.
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Dosh for nosh
life
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Illustration: Linda Clark
How to become a food writer
You know how to eat. You know how to write. Putting the two together can’t be that hard, can it? Kathryn Bromwich speaks to the best in the business
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GUY DIMOND
Food & Drink editor, Time Out
LISA MARKWELL
Editor and restaurant critic, The Independent on Sunday
Your way into the field? I was the editor of The Independent on Sunday magazine when our restaurant critic, the brilliant Terry Durack, returned to Australia. So I decided to give myself the job. Shocking favouritism, I know. Entertaining writing or food knowledge? It’s impossible to be an expert on every kind of cuisine. Ask those who know about, say, Korean or Peruvian food what to order. Being an entertaining writer is essential – the audience may not have the opportunity to spend £200 on dinner in London.
Your way into the field? I worked as a cook for a year, then did a journalism diploma. I tried travel writing, which I enjoyed enormously but didn’t make a living from. In the 90s I got shortlisted for a food writing award and thought, maybe I should try that instead. Entertaining writing or food knowledge? There are many types of food writing. People who write for newspapers are primarily entertainers: their function is different from restaurant guide writers. I don’t think you can say one’s better or worse.
Top tip Watch Twitter for news breakers and all the innovative food-industry types. Newspapers and magazines don’t always have the time to keep up with the food world themselves.
Best meal? The Fat Duck was astonishing, like theatre, but I think the best meal I’ve had was at L’Enclume in the Lake District. The setting, the room, the staff were all wonderful, and the menu – 17 courses of local, seasonal, amazingly imaginative dishes – was delicious and so thrilling. Worst meal? I’ve eaten some mediocre meals which aren’t even bad enough to make entertaining copy. But I think Union Jacks – the Jamie Oliver
WILLIAM DREW
Group Editor, Restaurant
Best meal? I’m particularly interested in food anthropology. I’m always thrilled when you see the cuisines of other cultures well represented in London. For example, when Rasa opened 20 years ago, that was the first time I’d seen real, proper south Indian home cooking in London.
Your way into the field? I had been a journalist and editor for many years, writing about fashion, luxury goods, travel, and hotels.
Entertaining writing or food knowledge? It depends on your readership. For national newspapers, entertainment is paramount, but food knowledge underlies their ability to entertain. If you’re writing for the industry, business knowledge is far more important.
Best meal? El Celler de Can Roca in Spain, currently the ‘World’s Best Restaurant’, according to the only list that really matters…
Worst meal? Numerous ones. I think the problem is that many restaurants are run by accountants, who are more interested in spreadsheets than in hospitality. Top tip The nature of restaurant criticism has changed enormously, because there’s less demand for it. My advice is: consider a different career. I spend most of my time organising and editing the work of others.
venture – was the worst. The arrogance of reinventing pizza is bad enough, but the result was nasty and pointless.
Worst meal? That would be telling. But I had a Michelin three-starred meal in Paris where the term ‘underwhelming’ would be a massive understatement.
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Top tip Don’t be pretentious or ever try hard to be damning; try to understand the business behind the food. Let your love of food come through in your copy.
JAY RAYNER Restaurant critic, The Observer
Your way into the field? I was a general journalist – I’ve covered almost everything apart from sport. I was at The Observer and a vacancy came up. It’s not something you can apply for, because there would be a queue out the door. But the editor gave me the job. And then I won the Glenfiddich Restaurant Critic of the Year award, and he couldn’t sack me.
Entertaining writing or food knowledge? Being a restaurant critic for a national newspaper is not an eating job, it’s a writing job. As a journalist you’re required to know your subject but if you cannot communicate in an interesting or engaging manner, noone is going to listen.
Best meal? There’s too many answers. I’ve been reviewing restaurants for 15 years, and to choose one would be dishonest.
Worst meal? There’s an awful lot of choice. The 20 restaurants I describe in my eBook My Dining Hell were the worst meals I’ve ever had – a long list of them, I’m afraid. Top tip I don’t believe there is such a thing as food writing, just writing that happens to be about food. So my top tip is, learn to write. Know your subject, but if you can’t write about it, it’s pointless.
GILLIAN CARTER
GILES COREN
Images: John Arandhara-Bla, Colin Thomas, Jon Snedden, The Independent. Illustration: Irene Vidal
Editor, BBC Good Food
Restaurant critic, The Times
Your way into the field? I was at Tatler in the 90s, and the restaurant critic was very slow indeed. So I fired him and hired myself. From there I became restaurant critic of The Independent on Sunday and then The Times in 2002, which I had been contributing to for years. Entertaining writing or food knowledge? I’m not even sure what an ‘entertaining writer’ is. Is Joyce an entertaining writer? Is Ibsen? Is Keats? Restaurant reviewing is just a department of journalism. I began writing book reviews. I was a film critic for a while and even had a movie review television show. The last few years I’ve been enjoying writing about restaurants. Fuck knows if I entertain anyone though. If people want entertainment they can go to the circus.
Your way into the field? I’d been writing for women’s magazines and weekend supplements. I made the best career move ever when I got the job as Deputy Editor here, but I had to pick up the food side of things very fast.
Best meal? The first time I went to El Bulli, the three-star Michelin restaurant in Spain, I was blown away. I was taken to pieces and rebuilt. Subsequent visits were less thrilling.
Entertaining writing or food knowledge? Whatever you’re writing about, do your research. Know the difference between fact and opinion. Facts don’t have to be dull, and being ‘entertaining’ doesn’t mean endless witticisms. It’s more important to know who might be reading you, so you pitch your copy accordingly.
Worst meal? Balthazar – a New York import in Covent Garden. TGI Friday’s for middle-aged coach parties from Surrey.
Best meal? At Northcote, in Lancashire, courtesy of the fantastic Nigel Haworth. Worst meal? I was in Turin; it should have been wonderful, but I developed a reaction to dairy after eating too much cheese at a food fair. I spent the evening blowing my nose and not being able to taste anything.
Top tip Eat widely; visit food delis and cafés; read the small print on food packets; gather knowledge and experience and be aware of trends. Don’t be snooty or too niche.
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Top tip Aspire to something much higher, and if you fail, maybe you’ll end up a restaurant critic. X
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Food on the brain
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Mindful eating aims to transform the way you think about food. Isabelle Aron takes a bite
I
t is 8am and I am staring into the fridge trying to decide what to eat for breakfast. I am channelling R Kelly; my mind’s telling me no, but my body’s telling me yes. More specifically, my mind is telling me I want a bacon sandwich, but I think my body might want a bowl of granola. Why am I quoting R Kelly lyrics while I contemplate my breakfast? Somewhat inadvisedly (considering I’ve been known to devour whole packets of HobNobs without noticing), I’ve agreed to practise mindful eating. Mindfulness is about focusing your attention on the present moment, making you more aware of your actions and emotions. The concept is growing in popularity, and with research now proving its effectiveness, it is easy to understand why. One study published this year by the Institute for European Business Administration found that just 15 minutes of focused breathing meditation can help you make better decisions. And let’s be honest, when it comes to food, we could all improve our choices. Using the concepts of mindfulness, mindful eating involves specific principles that you can apply in a practical way to re-evaluate your relationship with food. It’s about using your mind to listen to what your body needs.
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Dr Paul Lattimore, a research psychologist from Liverpool John Moores University, says that bringing mindful awareness to any activity increases our sensitivity to it. “We become more aware of the present moment. In the case of eating, that can have a profound effect.” One of the main principles of mindful eating is to eat only when you are hungry. To help you avoid foraging in the fridge unnecessarily, mindful eating encourages you to think about what triggers your eating behaviour. If you are not thinking about it, it is easy to eat mindlessly. Invitations to do this crop up all the time – from cake at work to ease the afternoon slump, to that greasy burger keeping you company while you wait for the night bus. And this is often the problem: we don’t realise we have over-eaten until it is too late and that bloated-and-kind-of-sick sensation (what I call ‘food regret’) kicks in. So how does mindful eating help us spot our body’s signals that we should stop eating? Obviously we should eat slowly; it takes around 20 minutes for the stomach to tell the brain that it is full. But before that, there are early signals that tell us to stop
10 s t ep s to mind ful eat ing from n utritioni st G a ynor B ussell 1. Plan ahead. Make sure you have the ingredients you need at hand so you don’t have to fall back on whatever is around. 2. Don’t prepare your meal when you are absolutely ravenous, or you will gorge on everything in sight. Arrive at mealtimes feeling a little hungry but not famished. 3. Enjoy preparing your food – make it pleasing for the eye and the stomach. 4. Try to sit down properly for mealtimes. Lay a place for yourself; use a nice plate. 5. The same goes for snacks: don’t just stand at the fridge and pick at food. If you’re going to have a snack, serve it up, sit down, and give it the same focus as you would when eating a full meal. 6. At mealtimes, allow yourself at least 20 minutes to sit, eat, and nothing else. No TV, computer, phone, or even a newspaper. 7. Focus on each mouthful as you eat; chew thoroughly and notice the flavour and texture of your meal. Don’t judge the food you’re eating as good or bad.
eating – if we’re paying attention. These come from the taste buds, which receive and send messages to the brain. Cinzia Pezzolesi is a psychotherapist who specialises in mindfulness at the University of Hertfordshire. “The taste buds are very sensitive,” she says, “and they get tired very quickly, especially with sweet foods and fatty foods.” Put simply: when the food stops tasting as good, we should stop eating. We have all had that feeling – you’ve ordered a massive takeaway and you’re beginning to slow down. But it tastes so good, so you carry on. And then boom: food regret. You’re left thinking, “I wish I hadn’t had that last onion bhaji.” The food had already stopped tasting as good; we were just too busy chowing down to notice.
Food in focus
How can we be more aware when eating? Focus on the food. Like most of the principles of mindful eating, this sounds simple but Dr Lattimore says that if, for example, we eat in front of the TV, we are less aware of how the food on our plate tastes: “We tend to chew quicker, swallow quicker, and eat more.” In 2011, researchers from the University of Bristol conducted a study in which 42 men and women were given a multi-course lunch. Half the participants ate while playing solitaire on their computer and the other half ate with no distractions. They were all given a snack 30 minutes later and asked to recall the food they ate, in the correct order. The solitaire players ate twice as much of the post-lunch snack and struggled to remember exactly what they had eaten. So absent-mindedly scrolling through your Twitter feed while eating lunch might explain why that sandwich isn’t leaving you satisfied. In a society where food is available almost 24/7, it can be hard to know whether you’re truly hungry or just eating because it is there. Dr Lattimore says that often we are not
8. Put your knife and fork down while you chew. Don’t load up the next forkful while you eat the previous mouthful. 9. Think about whether the food you eat is nourishing you in the way you need.
10. You don’t always have to clear your plate. Notice how full you feel; stop when you are pleasantly satisfied but not stuffed.
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physiologically hungry; we just eat because it is comforting. “Mindfulness techniques make us aware of those tendencies, which are automatic instincts. It’s not about controlling the mind but accepting that various impulses come up – it’s whether or not you react to them.” If someone presents
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Boom: food regret. You’re left thinking, “I wish I hadn’t had that last onion bhaji”
you with a slab of tasty-looking cake, you’re going to think, “I want that.” Mindful eating tells us to add the caveat: “But does my body really need it?” Dietician and nutritionist Gaynor Bussell says we should eat only when we’re hungry, but avoid getting ravenous as this can cause us to wolf anything down. “If we imagine our hunger on a scale from 1-10, one being the lowest, we should be eating at around six or seven.” Mindful eating can also make you more health-conscious over time. Bussell says, “As you train more, you tend to just want the right kinds of food – it isn’t a chore”. You also tend to eat less. Not because of any sort of mind tricks, but because you learn to notice when you are full. For this reason, it can aid weight loss. Bussell also says that mindful eating has started to be used with eating disorder sufferers too, as it teaches people not to judge food as good or bad. This is particularly relevant to people with orthorexia – a condition in which the person becomes obsessed with restricting certain things from their diet, in an attempt to eat healthily. It can become so extreme
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Images: Gaynor Bussell, Getty Images
that they cut out all food groups – apart from fruit, for instance. Bussell says orthorexia comes from people feeling guilty if they eat something they think they shouldn’t. “People with eating disorders lose the ability to think rationally about food – mindful eating will be great in that area.” As well as changing your relationship with food, mindful eating means being more accepting of yourself. If we are selfcompassionate then we can accept when
we’ve done something we’re not happy with and move on, says Pezzolesi. In fact, mindful eating dispels any notion of ‘good’ and ‘bad’ food. These ideas come from diets, which by their nature are restrictive and encourage a guilty mindset. Mindful eating is not a diet. It’s a sustainable way of re-evaluating your relationship with food, while giving your body what it needs. Most importantly: food is meant to be enjoyed. Diets treat food as the enemy; mindful eating helps you focus on your food
Making a meal of it
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to obtain more satisfaction. Lattimore says, “The notion of it being anything to do with dieting doesn’t fit.” Back at the fridge, I’m thinking logically: my body only really needs a bacon sandwich when I’m hungover, I suppose. It’s Monday morning, I’m sober and I was in bed by 10pm last night. Granola it is. And, now that I’ve settled on it, a bowl of yoghurt, a banana, and some posh granola I bought on sale last week sounds like exactly what my body needs. X
Day one
Day three
The verdict
Today I am mostly asking myself: am I hungry? Although it should be instinctive, it is not natural for me to question whether I am hungry whenever the possibility of food arises. I have a minor slip-up when someone offers me a free packet of popcorn. It’s my weakness and, well, it was free.
Today is a new day, and this time I’m coming armed with snacks. As well as a packed lunch, I bring a plethora of fruit to university in case of any sweet-tooth cravings. Success. It works a charm. My emotional eating tally for the day is nil and I’m feeling good.
Day two
Day four
My second day goes surprisingly well. I think about whether I’m hungry, eat slowly, and feel pretty smug. But it comes crumbling down in the minefield that is the supermarket selfcheckout area. After a long day and many unexpected items in the bagging area, I’m stressed out. I make a panic purchase of a Twirl. There is nothing mindful about the way I shovel it down on the bus home.
Despite arriving home late, I’m conscious to take the time to whip up a Thai curry for dinner. Neither my mind or body fancies a ready meal. I thought I’d get bored with no distractions while I eat, but it is actually quite nice. I focus on my food, rather than my Facebook feed. Although there is enough for a second helping, I save it for another day. My mind tells me I am full.
My trial of mindful eating is over but it is something I will try to keep up.The principles are easy enough to get your head around, even if practising them is a challenge. My attempt was somewhat hit and miss; as the self-checkout débâcle demonstrates, I did give in to emotional eating at times. But unlike when you’re dieting, bad days don’t automatically mean failure with mindful eating. Cinzia Pezzolesi says that this is why self-compassion is so important. “One day you might do something that you’re not happy about but that’s fine. The day after is a new day.” Anyway, I’m a novice – Dr Lattimore says that it can take around four to eight weeks to really master mindful eating techniques. For now, I’m attempting to put my mind where my mouth is before I go rummaging for Jammie Dodgers in the biscuit tin.
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Dita Von Cheesecake Cake maker Charlotte White talks to Laura Price about burlesque, Borg cubes, and The Great British Bake Off
What inspired Burlesque Baking?
I’ve always loved going to burlesque shows and we even had burlesque at our wedding. It’s such a strong female art form. All the cakes in the book are inspired by famous burlesque dancers and their dresses. The final showstopper is inspired by Dita Von Teese. The design is all just piping tiny dots, which is a very simple technique, but when you’re piping lots of them it’s going to take you about two and a half to three hours.
Will the average baker be able to make these elaborate cakes?
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harlotte White, 31, has a lot of strings to her bow. When she’s not making wedding cakes she’s busy teaching brides how to make their own, and she has even found time to write her first recipe book, Burlesque Baking. She lives in London with her husband Chris and their cats, Sid and Nancy.
When did you first learn to bake?
My nana got me into it. I was six or seven when I found her Mary Berry cookbook. She had ticked the recipe for Angel cakes – the ones with the little wings on top. That was the first thing I remember baking, and I’ve been doing it ever since.
How did you turn it into a career?
It happened by accident. In 2007 a couple of friends were getting married and they didn’t have a budget, so I made them a tower of 150 cupcakes as their wedding
Absolutely! What I’m trying to show people is that with a few well-placed dragées and a bit of edible glitter, you can really make a very stunning cake. The first one is named after the incredibly fabulous showgirl Cherry Shakewell. It’s a very simple idea of using white chocolate cigarillos, which you just line up around the outside of the cake, then you tie a big bow around it and chuck a load of glitter on the cherries.
How did your company Restoration Cake come about?
I started the company in 2009 – it is called Restoration Cake because of my love of history and the Restoration period. I carried on with my job as a personal assistant, but in 2011 I was made redundant. I’d been saying for months that I couldn’t wait to leave the job and run my cake business fulltime, and I never looked back.
Tell us about your appearance on the last series of The Great British Bake Off. As a hobby, my husband Chris and I do a lot of 1940s nostalgia events. We’re part of a little network of people who enjoy doing the same thing, and one of them heard from the BBC that they needed to talk about bread during the war, so I got to go down to the docks and record a piece. If somebody says to you, “Do you want to be on The Great British Bake Off?” you don’t say no. It was wonderful to do.
Did you have to dress up to film it?
The funny thing is, I do genuinely dress retro – normally a weird hybrid of 40s and 50s clothes. So I went there in one of my favourite new dresses with my hair up in victory rolls and suddenly I realised I was standing there talking about the war, looking like I was in the war.
What has been the highlight of your career so far? My real claim to fame was making Dame Vera Lynn’s 95th birthday cake. I’ve never been prouder. She took my hand and she looked in my eyes and said, “Oh you’re so clever, thank-you so much,” just like your nan would. She makes you feel like you’re the only person in the room. X
Burlesque Baking (Ryland, Peters & Small, RRP £9.99) is out now restorationcake.co.uk
You’ve baked some pretty interesting wedding cakes. What is the most unusual one you’ve made?
I made the wedding cake for the UK’s very first Klingon wedding at a Star Trek convention. The couple really liked the Borg Cube cake, which had been quite popular online. It is essentially a ship in the shape of a cube that the baddies fly around in, so I said, “What we need is a tiered Borg cube cake.” I’m not a big Star Trek fan. 78
A happy couple with their three-tiered Star Trek cake
Images: Rockabetty Studios, Clare Winfield, Martyn Wheatley
cake. They loved it and said I should do it as a job. I laughed at them because I never would have imagined anybody would pay me for cakes – I just come with cake.
Charlotte White’s Cherry Shakewell cake
HUNGER
ROALD DAHL’S CHARLIE AND THE CHOCOLATE FACTORY TURNS 50 $475 million grossed
The Dahl Dictionary Hornswoggler (noun): The deadly animals of Loompaland Whoopsy-splunkers (adjective): Fantastic Lixivate (verb): To be turned into a liquid and squashed at the same time Frothbuggling (adjective): Silly Swatchscollop (noun): Disgusting food Jumpsquiffling (adjective): Absolutely colossal Whizzpop (verb): To break wind
Grisly exits Augustus Gloop River of chocolate
$23.2 million grossed
55 Languages Charlie has been translated into
Violet Beauregarde Blueberried
Infographic: Helen Pye
Veruca Salt Judged a bad nut
Mike Teavee Shrunk by TV
rejected the original Charlie and the Chocolate Factory
1971 Year 2005 Gene Wilder Willy Wonka Johnny Depp $23.2 million Box office earnings $475 million 568,000 Chocolate river in litres 927,000 10 Oompa Loompa actors 1 22
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Adidas Samba Primeknit - £220 After two years of development, Adidas have launched the world’s first knitted football boot. Manufactured from a single piece of yarn, the Primeknit moulds to the foot like a second skin. And they don’t look half bad either. adidas.com
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Inspect our gadgets In the mood to indulge? Will Grice lusts after the latest toys and trinkets
Rocket Espresso Evoluzione - £1,400 Handcrafted in Milan, this beautiful espresso machine has an unusual industrial design and is guaranteed to stretch your barista skills to the max. Whether you’re a cappuccino connoisseur or a latte lover, this machine is the one for you. rocket-espresso.it
Karuselli by Artek - £5,400 To celebrate the 50th anniversary of Yrjo Kukkapuro’s iconic Karuselli chair, Finnish furniture company Artek have released an exact replica of the original. Guaranteed to get you in a spin, this futuristic lounge chair, made of fibreglass and plush leather, is our favourite bit of furniture for 2014. artek.fi
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Sony Smartband - £79.95 With wearable technology tipped to be the next big thing for 2014, enter Sony’s Smartband - a brilliant little device that not only tracks your exercise routine but also records where you go, what you listen to, and what you read. All the data collected is then transmitted to your smartphone via the LifeLog app, just in case you forget what you’ve been doing for the whole day. sony.co.uk
Spalvieri del Ciotto Hoop Bluetooth Speaker - £85 Designed for online design outlet Lexon, this doughnutesque Hoop speaker is entirely wireless and has a monstrous eight-hour battery life. Other features include a rubber cord that allows you to attach it to any surface, and a soft hook to hang the speaker from a wall. lexon-design.com
Samsung OLED - £6,999 Following the arrival of 3D TVs and smart TVs, Samsung decided to take it one step further by producing a curved 55” model. Designed to make watching more immersive, the curved screen gives its users a great view, regardless of where they’re sitting. Looks like Samsung are making it even harder to peel yourself away from the box. samsung.co.uk
RHA MA750i - £89.95 To avoid looking like an extra from Kevin and Perry Go Large, it’s probably worth investing in a pair of good quality earphones. Never fear: British sound engineers RHA have produced these beauties. They also feature memory foam ear buds and a hard case to ensure there’s no chance you’ll break them if you accidentally sit on them. rha-audio.com
Leica X Vario - £1,999 Celebrating their 100th anniversary this year, Leica have been at the forefront of photography since the company was founded. The Leica X Vario camera is a shrunk-down version of Leica’s iconic M Camera, and is guaranteed to beat any snaps taken on Instagram. leica.co.uk
Pininfarina Cambiano Inkless Pen - £80 The perfect weapon of choice for all writers. The Pininfarina Cambiano Inkless Pen uses innovative technology to ensure that it can write forever with no refills. Looks like there’s no excuse for having an abundance of stolen bank pens littering your living room drawers any more. X pininfarina.com 83
Let’s
be
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Men can’t have nice underwear? What a load of pants. Will Grice offers advice to lads struggling with the basics shape resemble a man-nappy, but you’ll also never use that mysterious slit on the front, never mind experience the embarrassment of a lady seeing them. Another option is that you copy the ads in magazines and buy a glorified posing pouch: the kind that highlights the fact that
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Y-fronts: the equivalent of VHS, clunky and impractical
you are not a male model with a six pack, and that you have just stuffed an old pair of socks down your pants in an attempt to look like the man on the packet. It would be difficult to whole-heartedly recommend either of these options, so, your cash should go to a pair of classic briefs in a neutral colour. Boring though it may sound, little else makes any sense. Not only are they inoffensive – something that can’t be said for novelty boxers (not all women enjoy a pre-coital sausage pun) – they are also practical and comfortable. Just make sure you follow these two golden rules: buy new underwear more often than you visit the dentist; and never buy anything you would be embarrassed to wear in front of your granny. Now, where did I leave my sequined banana hammock…? X
XCity Life’s lucky pants Derek Rose Otis Silk Boxers - £157
Sunspel White Stars Boxers - £32
Uniqlo Woven Cotton Boxers - £5
Illustrations: Irene Vidal
T
he phrase ‘my lucky pants’ is an unfortunate one. Not only does it offer a harrowing glimpse into that awkward scuffle you call your first sexual experience, but it also demonstrates a reluctance to bin those nine-year-old Calvin Kleins with more holes than the plot of a Nicolas Cage film. This is an issue that many men struggle to grasp. While it is fine to have a grubby old jumper that you parade around the house in on a Sunday afternoon, underwear is a completely different matter. Wearing those boxers your mum gave you on your 15th birthday to an interview or first date – in the hope that they will magically enlighten you with some sort of special ability – is a little bit weird. We are not supposed to notice one another’s underwear, but this is nigh on impossible. Men are particularly bad – whether it is chuckling at the unfortunate guy bending over in the supermarket and revealing himself to the families doing their weekly shop, or the awkward time spent in the gym trying to ensure your eyes never drift below the ceiling. That’s why it is crucial to own some solid, non-embarrassing pants you can wear time after time, without worrying that your partner or mates will see them, recoiling in horror at the crumbling fabric hosting your crown jewels. Picking a pair, however, is harder than it seems. Do you opt for the rather redundant Y-front: the equivalent of VHS, clunky and impractical? Not only does their unflattering
The Great Gatsby F. Scott Fitzgerald
Pride and Prejudice Jane Austen
In The Great Gatsby, men’s underwear gets a look in after Nick Carraway leaves a party with another guest, Mr McKee: “Come to lunch some day,” he suggested, as we groaned down in the elevator. “Where?” “Anywhere.” “Keep your hands off the lever,” snapped the elevator boy. “I beg your pardon,” said Mr. McKee with dignity, “I didn’t know I was touching it.” “All right,” I agreed, “I’ll be glad to.” . . . I was standing beside his bed and he was sitting up between the sheets, clad in his underwear, with a great portfolio in his hands. The ellipses suggests that action has taken place that the reader, and maybe even the characters, do not fully understand. Critics have tried though – the scene has invariably been met with the deeply nuanced question: “Is Nick Carraway gay?”
Pride and Prejudice is a problematic novel, not least because it is often impossible to separate from the BBC adaptation starring Colin Firth. Its most important scene is when Colin – sorry, Darcy – greets Elizabeth Bennett in a soaking wet shirt after a swim in his lake at Pemberley. But a quick scholarly brush-up will tell you that this doesn’t actually happen in the book. How frigid can you get, Jane? Worse still, a cursory Google search will tell you that this didn’t even happen in the adaptation: Firth was forbidden from entering the lake, lest he contract Weil’s disease (a waterborne infection caused by the urine of rats). Although such knowledge is a severe blow – the sexual fantasies of the entire nation have been based on a lie – it does raise an important point: an underwear-clad man, genuine or not, is so rare that it can become an erotic legend.
Pants in print
Lingerie endlessly titillates in novels, but where are the Y-fronts? Gwendolyn Smith hunts through Mad About Disgrace J. M. the Boy the pages
Images: Penguin, Oxford University Press,Vintage, Picador, Jonathan Cape
Helen Fielding
Underwear also plays a role in the life of the regenerated 20thcentury Darcy. Helen Fielding’s Mark Darcy folds his underpants at night. In this sense, he is an unusual suitor: the boxers of the other men in Bridget’s life are barely mentioned. Daniel Cleaver spends most of his time stark naked, brazenly answering the phone to Bridget’s mum while simultaneously initiating sex. In Mad About the Boy, Bridget’s toyboy rarely wears anything other than a ripped torso. In this sense, Mark’s underwear folding is a symbol of care and reliability. It also highlights that, unlike many of the heroine’s other conquests, he’s not a raging misogynist. Pity Bridget finds his habit so disturbing.
Coetzee
The Rules of Attraction Bret Easton Ellis Bret Easton Ellis’ character Stuart goes to a ‘Dressed to Get Screwed’ party in his underwear: I don’t know what gets into me but I go to the Dressed to Get Screwed party in only my underwear, thinking my body looks okay, thinking I want to get Paul Denton’s attention. This typically debauched Easton Ellis moment actually holds the charmingly uncommon account of a man selfconsciously stripping down in the hope of seducing his love interest. 85
In this tense and disturbing novel, there is a scene in which English professor and borderline rapist David Lurie has sex with his student Melanie Isaacs on the floor in his house. Coetzee describes them post-coital: Her tights and panties lie in a tangle on the floor, his trousers are around his ankles. Her tights and panties; his trousers. Have his boxers just wriggled off and hidden behind the television set? The explicit mention of Isaac’s underwear pinpoints her as the sexual object of the scene – and of the novel – and Lurie as the one-dimensional aggressor. Coetzee invites the reader to share in Lurie’s voyeurism. X
Make yourself at home Hotels, B&Bs, and guesthouses are a thing of the past. Delia Piccinini sizes up the alternatives
Isla Mujeres
São Paulo With the World Cup taking place in Brazil this year, hotels and hostels will be overflowing with journalists, families, and fans. But if you want to enjoy the competition in peace, look no further. This penthouse loft, designed in 1953 by Oscar Niemeyer, later became known as the Eiffel Tower of South America. Better still, its access to the building’s roof offers panoramic views of the city. airbnb.co.uk
Neither Mexico nor Isla Mujeres, an island off the coast of Cancún, needs an excuse to be visited. But if they ever did, this would be it: Casa Caracol is one of the quirkiest buildings in the world. Designed by architect Eduardo Ocampo, it is a beautiful white house shaped like
seashells, located on a private cliff with breathtaking views of the Caribbean Sea. Not only does the exterior of the house look like a seashell, but inside everything is either made of – or designed to look like – a seashell or mythical sea creature. airbnb.co.uk
Palm Springs
Taking place twice a year just outside Palm Springs, Coachella is America’s favourite festival; this year its lineup includes Calvin Harris and Muse. If you need somewhere to stay, the extravagant Russell House includes an infinity pool and a tennis court. Offering modern commodities while retaining its 1959 charm, it is the perfect alternative for those who would rather avoid portaloos and sleeping on the ground. masterpiecerentals.com
Perfect for a city getaway, A Room for London is a one-bedroom installation located on the South Bank. Flanked by Big Ben and St Paul’s, it boasts an incredible location and stunning views over the city. The ‘boat’, perched on top of the Queen Elizabeth Hall, offers all the comforts of a good hotel including a double bedroom, kitchenette, library, and viewing deck. living-architecture.co.uk
Tokyo Tokyo is renowned for its iconic skyline, and the Nakagin Capsule Tower, located at the heart of the city, is one of the capital’s most famous buildings. Designed by architect Kisho Kurokawa in 1972, it was the world’s first example of 86 22
capsule architecture. Built to be used and not just admired, its interiors are minimal, making it look more like a boat cabin than an actual apartment, in true Japanese Metabolist style. airbnb.co.uk X
Images: Airbnb, Paul Carless, William Eckersley
London
The hysterical history of the
r o t a r b i v
Sex toys are our favourite hand-held gadgets. But how did the buzz begin? Amber Rolt delves under the covers
L
ike all great inventions, the vibrator was born to satisfy a need. Victorian women often visited doctors, complaining that they felt irritable and anxious. The ailment was called ‘hysteria’ – a medical disorder that had become an epidemic, affecting more than 75% of the female population. Doctors believed the cure was for women to experience ‘paroxysm’ (i.e. orgasm). To achieve this, doctors performed pelvic finger massages. Victorians believed that women could not experience sexual pleasure, so their practice was purely medical. Doctors soon found themselves with more cases than they could handle, and they needed something to relieve them from the relieving. In true Victorian spirit, they invented something. In the late 1880s, Dr Joseph Mortimer Granville was suffering from repetitive strain injury after treating handfuls of hysterical women. His electromechanical invention was a machine with a vibrating nozzle, and
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Illustrations: Ian Baker
The pleasure of youth will throb within you
looked more like a hair dryer than any sex toy today. It weighed over forty pounds, required two people to operate, and could stimulate multiple ‘paroxysms’. All female patients had access to his surgery’s hysterical invention, which predated the electronic iron and vacuum cleaner by a decade. The age of domestic electrification meant portable versions of Mortimer’s machine soon became available. Sold as a ‘massager’, it could now be used to induce paroxysms at home. It appeared alongside other appliances in women’s magazines, with slogans that included ‘Such a delightful companion’ and ‘All the pleasure of youth... will throb within you’.
In the late 1920s, Mortimer’s massager began to appear in early pornography. This immediately demeaned its medical value, and it disappeared from the public eye. Vibrators and their sexual connotations were forced deep underground. But you can’t keep a good vibrator down for long. At the beginning of the Swinging Sixties the toys reappeared in the shape of enormous throbbing phalluses. These particular models weren’t entirely successful, however, and according to a survey by sex educator Shere Hite only 1% of women had used one. The first sex shops in the late 1960s pushed vibrators into mainstream society, and the designs began to pay more attention to the female, rather than male, anatomy. The mid-1990s saw the arrival of the most iconic vibrator to date: the Rampant Rabbit. When high street retailer Ann Summers launched their online store in 1999 they sold one million in 12 months. In the UK today, more Rampant Rabbits are sold every year than washing machines and tumble driers combined. The sex toy industry in the UK is worth £250 million a year. According to a survey conducted last year by Adam & Eve, the world’s largest sex toy distributor, 44% of women aged 18-60 have used a sex toy. Online UK sex toy retailer Lovehoney’s sales trebled in the year to 31 March 2013, with recorded profits of £23.6m, boosted by its exclusive licence to sell Fifty Shades of Grey merchandise. Today there are a plethora of sex toys available. Autoerotic tools have become commonplace in society. The most recent additions include fashion designer Ti Chang’s ‘Crave’ range of vibrating jewellery, remote control vibrators for hands-free action, and the ‘Wake-up Vibe’ – a vibrating alarm clock that rouses you gently. More than 100 years on, although it is no longer used for medical assistance, Dr Granville’s invention is still buzzing away as loudly as ever. X 87 22
Online dating has stolen Cupid’s arrow, but is it the best way to meet partners? Sarah Biddlecombe puts Tinder and blind dating head to head
I’ve been on nine first dates in the last six months. Most of these have been arranged online, and each one has given me great material for a book on dating horror stories. From the guy who got his mum to leave me a voicemail at 2am after I ended our 10-day fling, to the one who had to “pop out and meet a client” mid-date only to never return, I’ve been there and (not) done that. Some may say I’m now a dating guru, doling out advice on outfits, locations, and end-ofthe-night etiquette to everyone who asks. But I’ve never been on a proper, real-life blind date. With one in three couples now meeting online, I’ve been drawn into the vast web of internet dating – but now I’m going to compare it with something completely new.
confession: The Tinder date I can’t think of a more awkward way to start a first date than being stuck on opposite sides of the road waiting for the traffic lights to turn red, pretending not to look at each other and faking a fascination with the cracks in the pavement. This is how my date with Gary began, and it went downhill from there. I’d ‘met’ him two weeks previously on Tinder, swiping right to indicate that I liked him because of his hair and arms; such is the shallowness of a dating app based merely on five photos of a potential suitor. We had some good conversation, filled with small talk and in-jokes about PR (I used to be in publicity and he works in PR), so I thought we might get on. Naturally I stalked him on Facebook at length (we had a mutual friend), and
I uncovered what seemed like a blonde ex-girlfriend – who looked not entirely dissimilar to me – and a penchant for hitting things with a cricket bat. Normally these discoveries might have thrown me, but I really did like his hair (curly) and his arms (muscly), so when he asked me out I politely accepted. It’s strange how quickly people judge each other, but as soon as I saw him across the road I was instantly repelled. He was at least twice the size I’d expected, wearing a bobbly old Paddington Bearesque coat and muddy shoes. It only took our silent walk to the pub for me to decide I wasn’t interested. I won’t be spending the rest of my life – or even one evening – with someone who can’t stretch out the answer to “How was 88
your day?” for more than 20 metres of a walk down the pavement. As he headed to the bar to buy some alcohol, I whipped out my phone and told my housemate to ring me in half an hour to tell me about an emergency. I endured 33 minutes of the date, during which time I noticed at least five other men I would rather have been drinking with, before my housemate called me because she was “locked out”. With an apology and a clumsy cheek-tothe-mouth brush-off of his attempt to kiss me (no chat, no tongue), I legged it home in the rain. Lesson learned: people who seem a good match on paper (or a mobile phone screen) won’t necessarily translate into dating material.
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The blind date “I’m reasonably tall and standing next to a bollard.” Simon’s description of himself wasn’t particularly helpful and, as I rounded the corner of the pub we’d arranged to meet at, I found myself faced by three genericlooking men, each more than six foot tall, leaning against bollards. Good start. Luckily I’d had the foresight to describe my outfit to him in plain boy-speak (“purple skirt” rather than “tight-laceypencil-skirt in a deep-burgundy-colourlike-red-wine”) so he knew who I was. “Sarah?” he asked. “Simon!” I replied. And so it began. I can’t say I clocked any attraction to him in our first two minutes together; I was more interested in finding out how he had been selected as my date. Neither of us knew anything about each other. Bizarrely, knowing nothing about him actually made me more confident; I was
Images: Alex Horne, Sarah Biddlecombe
verdict:
Blind date Amber, 23: I was sceptical at first but I met my boyfriend on a blind date. It’s an easy way to meet someone when you haven’t got much time, and you don’t have to filter out all the weirdos on Tinder.
armed with small talk questions that I could throw in if things got awkward (which they didn’t). Within 10 minutes we had discussed student loans, the plight of the homeless, and the problem with Tinder – and I still didn’t know what he did, where he lived, or, crucially, why he had ordered a pint of cider (grim and girly) rather than a lager (tasty and manly). As is the inevitable outcome of a first date on a Saturday night in Soho, we then proceeded to get good old-fashioned drunk. By my second glass of Chardonnay I had decided that I liked his laugh (loud and confident), and by the third I had declared him to be the funniest man I’ve ever met (my evidence for this is the note I wrote to myself on my phone at 1.16am: “he is sooo funnyyy hahaha”). In keeping with this hilarity, we ended up in an underground gay club,
surrounded by topless men with shiny six packs and more sequins than The Only Way is Essex. Speaking of TOWIE, Simon managed to meet a very nice man from Essex who was there with his ‘girlfriend’, and proceeded to take him to the bar while us gals made friends. They returned with an entire bottle of Belvedere vodka on ice and that’s the last thing I can remember. To be brutally honest, if I’d had the opportunity to find out much more about Simon on Tinder I probably wouldn’t have gone on a date with him. He’s younger than me, he lives at home, he has a temp job, and he was about to go travelling for four months. But my stomach still hurts from laughing (and probably the vodka), so if the Essex man hasn’t bewitched him with Belvedere, I’d quite like to meet up with him again.
Even if I’d met Simon on the Tinder date and Gary on the blind date, I would still recommend reallife dating over the online kind. Genuine attraction is almost impossible to gauge via a selection of carefully Instagrammed portraits and witty little messages that take an hour to compose. Knowing even the basic details about your date kills the excitement, and you might miss out on a great night because of your own preconceptions about what you want.And who wants to tell their grandchildren that they met through a series of swipes and clicks? Tinder might be easier, but it can be a massive waste of time, and you never know who might be just around the (pub) corner. X
Tinder date Jack, 22: Tinder is a strange thing. I once took a date to a comedy night and the comedian asked how we knew each other in front of the whole room. Things got a little bit awkward after that.
Real-life date Izzy, 23: I met a guy in a bar but he didn’t show up to our date. Instead, he was in the kebab shop across the road. He then shouted at me for declining his kind offer of a bite of his greasy takeaway.
We asked three 20-somethings to tell us about their own dating games... 89
A labyrinth of smut A new collection of interactive erotica puts the power in your hands. Ralph Jones gets lost in lust
I
t is a truth universally acknowledged that Fifty Shades of Grey transformed the way mainstream audiences across the world view erotica. Proudly acquiring a ‘mummy porn’ label and selling more than any other book in the history of British literature, it is a phenomenon worthy of analysis. But at heart the novel offered readers a traditional love story in a format that adhered to a relatively conventional publishing model: buy the book, turn the pages. Enter Follow Your Fantasy by Nicola Jane (a crafty pseudonym). In Jane’s collection of short stories, available only in eBook format, the reader has the power to decide where to go and who to sleep with. We have entered the age of interactive erotica. The collection became available the night before Valentine’s Day and, never one to pass up the opportunity to plunge enthusiastically into erotica (especially priced at £2.48), I donned my reading glasses, threw a couple of logs on the fire, and reclined in my armchair.
The scene is set. Titled ‘Stood Up’, the introduction is written in the second person and is immediately awful. Spelling mistakes rub shoulders with clichés. The premise is that I am a woman in “a tight red dress and black
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high heels”, waiting in a bar for a date with the office accountant. But what’s this? A tall, dark stranger orders from behind me a bottle of Moet (there’s no time to put the dots above the ‘e’) and drops an envelope with a hotel key and thousands of pounds in it. What the hell? I am given the option of asking the barman if he knows anything about the money, or running out with it. I run off with the money. Now...do I elope with the cash by myself, or go to the hotel room? It’s a tough call – I like money and I like sex – but fancying something kinky, I opt for the latter. Now I’m in the lift, and the grammar is as bad as it was in the bar. Inside the envelope I discover a skimpy pink thong, which I slip on. I walk down the corridor towards the dark stranger’s room (942) and have to decide whether I unlock the door myself; knock on the door; or turn back. I take a deep breath and knock. “The door opens to reveal a frowning undressed man, holding a towel up around his smooth body.”
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Hello. He discovers that I have taken the thong. Oh, nightmare. What do I do? Return the thong? Tell him I’m wearing it? Deny it? Or turn back? I deny everything because I’m a mischievous lady. This was, erotically speaking, a novice move. It means I leave my almost-lover and head to the lift. Now I can either return to him or walk back to the bar. That bozo’s had his chance; I go back down. I am faced with a room full of people. At the bar are two “youngish twenty something guys” (there’s no time for hyphens) and, sitting separately, “an older looking business type”. I choose not only the
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how satisfied I am, and the story comes to an abrupt end. It is a shame that this innovative format could not be put to more effective use by a better writer (and that female pleasure was given such low priority) but, dreadful prose aside, there is something addictive about Follow Your Fantasy. It may not sit next to A Tale of Two Cities in the British Library but any literature that brings a form of innovation to the genre, however fleeting, is a welcome addition. It keeps us on our toes (before it flings us on our back). X
Illustrations: Linda Clark
Things are getting steamy in the lift. We’re snogging like nobody’s business
two men but also the option that seems to magically strip me of my underwear. This story just got interesting. I tell the barman “I’ll have what they’re having” (classic) and open my legs in front of them. I am, if you hadn’t guessed by now, a hot fox. I then proposition the two men for sex. No point wasting time. The dialogue is written such that it is incredibly difficult to work out who is speaking. I’ve just asked the men if they are staying in the hotel. Oh, no, it’s them asking me. They are sharing a room so we come to an understanding and I tease my way out of the bar. “As the bar fades from your hearing you resist an Orphean urge to check if they’re following you.” No, I’ve got no idea either. But there isn’t time to find a dictionary; things are getting steamy in the lift. We’re all snogging like nobody’s business. Christ, it’s hotting up in here. Now we’re in their hotel room exchanging awkward introductions. The anonymous men become Pete and Richie. Before long we’re tearing each other’s clothes off, exchanging not introductions but saliva. This is the longest that things have gone before a list of options has become available. It is now that I realise that this is what the options have been leading up to. The erotic goings-on are detailed for several pages, the author having fun with the deployment of phrases like “ripe melon”. Pete enjoys himself first and I am then left with Richie – rougher and more passionate than his friend – who throws me down onto the bed and finishes his evening in style. Significantly, no mention is made of
O t h e r p at h s t o t a ke Instead of taking the money dropped by the tall, dark stranger, I checked with the barman and ended up being mocked by a sex worker. I took the money to room 942, denied wearing the thong, and had a drink with the businessman at the bar. This turned into a rather depressing sexual encounter but I managed to get what I came for. This time I checked with the barman and approached the escort the money was intended for. Before long we were Frenchkissing in a lift and having an incredible threesome with the handsome stranger.
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lifeshoot Our top picks from this year’s hottest designers Photography by Mina Bihi & Oli Smith Berengere wears: Minipink Folk Frenzy playsuit – £49.99
Berengere wears: Barbour Finchdale shirt – £69.95
John wears: Oliver Spencer Donkey jacket – £339 John wears: Nunk jacket – £265 Ketel sweat – £100 Emil shirt – £110 (All by Norse Projects)
Benjamin wears: Bleu de Paname Counter jacket – £99.99 Norse Projects Mads Polka shirt – £110
Latex: The rise and shine It was once just a fetish material; now fashion designers are all over it. Helen Pye finds out how latex went mainstream
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lternative materials are leading the way in fashion innovation, progressing from small fetish communities through larger subcultures, like punk or Goth, and finally to fashion houses. Leather and PVC became overused years ago, quickly moving from niche underground clubs to tame high street staple, but there remains one material so ingrained in kink and quirk that only the catwalks currently handle it. Latex straddles fetish and fashion like no other fabric has before. Yves Saint Laurent took the first Perfecto-inspired leather jacket to the runway in 1960, reinventing both leather and American Greaser counterculture for the catwalk. Since then, fashion has played a huge role in subverting, adopting, and recycling material trends: neoprene, silicon, PVC, cellophane, leather, paper, felt, and woven wood have all been incorporated by big brands. Latex, however, has undergone one of the most stunning transformations. First used in waist-cinching garments advertised as early as 1905, it became the preserve of the subversive fetish scene from the 1940s. It then assumed a new identity in 1974, as Vivienne Westwood and Malcolm McLaren introduced sleek latex dresses, stockings, and rubber bondage trousers to the King’s Road and to a market of fetishists and fashionistas looking to break societal taboos. Maison Martin Margiela
Atsuko Kudo
But Westwood and co. were still working within a BDSM scene. It was a resurgence in popularity in the 1990s that helped latex take on its current identity: still kinky and provocative, but far from overtly fetishistic. Latex design company House of Harlot (HoH) has been producing fetish wear in east London since 1991. When Thierry Mugler approached owner and designer Robin Archer in 1996 to make a range of couture gowns, HoH began a trend of fetish-fashion overlap. This has seen them collaborate with designers including Louis Vuitton, Christian Dior, and Westwood herself. In the last year alone, HoH have created a range of latex jeans for Maison Martin Margiela; ruffled blouses for Oscar de la Renta; laser-cut latex dresses for Meadham Kirchhoff; and various pieces for Marc Jacobs’ show at New York Fashion Week this February. Archer’s company now takes orders from some of the world’s biggest fashion designers. Their use of latex has normalised the fabric, diversified its appeal, and led the way for innovation in both fetish and fashion wear. Latex is known as ‘second skin’ for its unforgiving cling, but Archer points out that designers are adopting the fabric for different purposes. “We’re getting asked to use the material and make samples in a very un-body-conscious way; we’ve done very oversized T-shirts for Giles Deacon, and brands tend to ask for a looser fit than we make for our own customer base who like it supportive and clingy.” The fabric and fit is now “fetishistically referential, not overtly sexual”, says Archer. Archer believes the introduction of trained fashion designers from as early as the 1974 opening of Westwood’s shop, Sex, challenged perceptions of what latex could be. “They took a deliberate sexually provocative stance to fashion. They were only able to get hold of gas-mask catsuits and things with inflatable hoods – all of which are still made and wanted in the fetish market – but what changed was a designer sensibility brought to fetish design, and real clothing made out of rubber and fetish-orientated fabrics.” The attraction of latex for the fashion industry may to some extent be novelty value. “Nowadays any designer worth their salt is trying to find anything sexually provocative or shiny to attract the attention of fashion photographers and buyers,” says Archer. However, Aerynn Isabelle, a 23-year-old latex designer, model and photographer, believes the appeal lies in the feminisation of the fabric: “Latex looks cool and unusual; good in photographs because it’s so reflective; but what’s transformed the latex fashion industry
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is the transition from hardcore fetish wear to more feminine designs. “Burberry made a latex collection with a matte pink translucent skirt and I don’t think most people seeing that would associate it with fetish. That’s the kind of versatility that’s appealing to designers and allowing it to lose its fetish connections. Now it can be fun and cute as well as having sex appeal.” Isabelle’s own work has appeared in both alternative and high-fashion publications – from Bizarre magazine to Vogue Italia online – and these diverse locations demonstrate the unique place latex occupies on the fetish/ fashion spectrum. Beyond fashion houses, independent couture designers such as Atsuko Kudo are emerging to further transform the position of the material. Kudo is perhaps best known for her rubber creations for Lady Gaga, but Oscar de la Renta her capsule collection of underwear, skirts, and mini-dresses that went on sale in a popup boutique in Selfridges earlier this year indicates that latex could be ready to move from the catwalk to high-end department stores. Archer is unsure that true mainstreaming will ever be possible for latex, despite his own company creating a basics range for Topshop. The fabric is difficult to maintain: it can’t be dry cleaned or put in a washing machine; it can’t be left in sunlight or around oils and some types of metals; it stains and can split easily. Considering the cost and craftsmanship involved, with dresses from HoH costing £500-600, latex entering the mainstream may be “slightly awkward”, Archer says. But his strongest argument against making latex accessible is that it needs to maintain its cachet of sexual provocation. “You take that away, and latex becomes a lot less interesting Aerynn Isabelle – just a rain mac material. If it becomes commonplace, it will lose something in the process; once it’s conventional, it’s dull.” PVC was at one time another darling of the fetish wear industry but its versatility, popularity, and accessibility made it lose its edge, becoming the de rigueur material for fishermen’s raincoats and the high street’s Autumn/Winter 2013 offering. For Archer, collaborations with designers and films bring in the revenue that allows him to develop latex wear for his traditional client, the fetish enthusiast. He admites it is a “double-edged sword” trying to balance commercial interests with those of his loyal customer base, who understandably want to maintain latex’s kink. Because as high as latex climbs to become the vogue material of the fashion industry, it will forever be fetish wear, and that’s precisely its appeal. X
Clockwise L-R: Maison Martin Margiela ‘Artisinal’; Jeffery Clark Grossman; Filippo Fior/ Gorunway.com; MMM ‘Artisanal’; Andrew Lamb at Lingerie London in aid of the 7 Bar Foundation; Adrian Thomson
Latex needs to maintain its cachet of sexual provocation
Lady Gaga in Atsuko Kudo
Atsuko Kudo
Maison Martin Margiela
LUST
40 YEARS SINCE THE OPENING OF VIVIENNE WESTWOOD’S ‘SEX’ SHOP
Inflatable plastic lettering adorned the shop’s doorway on the Kings Road, London. The Sex Pistols were some of the shop’s regular customers
Westwood created her own clan and accompanying tartan named MacAndreas after her third husband, Andreas Kronthaler
Westwood is known for her political streak. In 1989 she dressed up as Margaret Thatcher for the cover of Tatler. This year she cut off her hair to draw attention to climate change
Westwood wore no underwear when receiving her OBE and her Damehood
nine inches
Infographic: Charlie Allenby
The number of copies that the Sex Pistol’s ‘God Save the Queen’ sold when it was banned from reaching number
150,000 one by the BBC. Westwood dressed the group in items from SEX, and partner Malcolm McLaren managed the band
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The size of the heels that Naomi Campbell was wearing when she took a tumble at Westwood’s Milan Fashion Week show in 1993
The number of Vivienne Westwood Mountain Hats you could buy for the £26,600 Pharrell Williams’ Grammys hat fetched at auction 22
A A Gill Critic and Writer
Paul A Young Chocolatier
What does freedom mean to you?
Freedom is just a way of saying there’s nothing left to lose
To walk freely without feeling afraid, being able to feel excited about future possibilities
What’s your go-to comfort food?
I glut on oysters. When they’re good I never feel like I’ve had enough. I usually have a dozen and a half
Where do I start. Pork pie, fish and chips, and Cadbury’s Mini Eggs
What superpower would you give yourself?
What do you lust after?
What would be your Desert Island Discs luxury item?
The innate ability to always choose the shortest queue
To be able to fly how exciting would that be?!
Women
Contentment, fun, and long-term happiness
Women
Kate Goodwin Drue Heinz Curator of Architecture, Royal Academy of Arts
A masseuse
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Lisa Ann ‘The World’s Favourite Porn Star’
Chris Hadfield Canadian Astronaut
The ability to choose and control one’s own destiny
Without freedom, my life would be totally different. I love the life I have created
The absolute ability to choose
Salmon sushi
I was raised on Italian food; I’m always happy with good pizza and red wine
A hamburger, with everything
Time travel
To teleport myself anywhere. I spend 15-25 hours a week in the air. I would love to have that time back
Perfect memory
The feeling of sun on my skin
Floor seats to every NBA game, sideline for NFL, and, one day, sex with one person
Solutions
Margaritas
An iPod with endless power and music; maybe a sexy young guy...
A guitar
AA Gill image: Francesco Guidicini
Take five
What do freedom, hunger, power, survival, and lust mean to you? Francesca Peak asks an expert in each field
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The Elizabeth Cayzer Charitable Trust
Image credit: Winifred Nicholson, Cyclamen and Primula, c.1922-3 (detail), oil on paper / board, 50 x 55 cm, Kettle’s Yard / © Kettle’s Yard / Trustees of Winifred Nicholson