RESILIENCE Laura and Lynn Roses’ love conquers all
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OCTOBER 21-27, 2020 VOLUME 16, NUMBER 43
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RESILIENCE
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On Oct. 22, 2019, Laura Rose, 52, found out that both of her kidneys failed, she had two types of cancer and was given three choices and only seven to 10 days to live. One year later, she is in full remission and completely cancer-free, both of her kidneys are fully functional and she successfully underwent a bone marrow transplant. “Her body is resilient,” Lynn Rose, 51, said of her wife on a video call on June 1, three weeks before her transplant. “She is a warrior, her body has proved that to us. It can heal through major trauma— going through dialysis with no kidneys, doing five chemotherapies, and still heal back to where she is at, that is a RESILIENT body.”
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publisher@yesweekly.com EDITORIAL Editor KATIE MURAWSKI katie@yesweekly.com Contributors IAN MCDOWELL MARK BURGER JIM LONGWORTH KATEI CRANFORD ALYSSA HEFNER
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Over three minutes after Guilford County EMT Ashley Abbott noticed that MARCUS DEON SMITH was unresponsive, she began resuscitative measures. Dr. Trevonne Thompson, associate professor of emergency medicine and director of the medical toxicology fellowship program at the University of Illinois Chicago, finds that delay disturbing. In a phone conversation, Dr. Thompson told YES! Weekly that “two things really stuck out for me” about the footage of Smith’s death: the position in which Smith was retrained and what emergency medicine designates a “witnessed arrest.” 5 A year ago, Republican incumbent Mark Walker fully expected to be running for re-election in 2020, but thanks to some very strange gerrymandering by members of his own Party, the 6TH DISTRICT was re-drawn, and Walker had little chance of retaining his seat. That’s because Democrats far outnumber Republicans within the new boundaries, which include all of Guilford
County and part of Forsyth. It’s also the first time in history that Greensboro, High Point, Kernersville, and Winston-Salem will all fall into the same Congressional district. 6 Before tackling such high-concept genre fare as the holiday horror Krampus (2015) and the grand-scale monster mash Godzilla: King of the Monsters (2019), filmmaker Michael Dougherty made his feature debut with the 2007 horror anthology Trick ‘r Treat. The film, which featured Brian Cox (the original Hannibal Lecter in 1986’s Manhunter) and Oscar winner Anna Paquin (just prior to her long-running, awardwinning stint as sultry Sookie Stackhouse in HBO’s award-winning True Blood), the film languished in LIMBO and never really had a theatrical release. 7 SUNQUEEN KELCEY and the Soular Flares look to reignite the stage as part of the Carolina Theatre’s Ghostlight concert series with Sonny Miles on Oct. 24; and by hosting MASK ON!, an outdoor Halloween concert, on Oct. 31.
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DISTRIBUTION JANICE GANTT KYLE MUNRO SHANE MERRIMAN ANDREW WOMACK We at YES! Weekly realize that the interest of our readers goes well beyond the boundaries of the Piedmont Triad. Therefore we are dedicated to informing and entertaining with thought-provoking, debate-spurring, in-depth investigative news stories and features of local, national and international scope, and opinion grounded in reason, as well as providing the most comprehensive entertainment and arts coverage in the Triad. YES! Weekly welcomes submissions of all kinds. Efforts will be made to return those with a self-addressed stamped envelope; however YES! Weekly assumes no responsibility for unsolicited submissions. YES! Weekly is published every Wednesday by Womack Newspapers, Inc. No portion may be reproduced in any form without written permission from the publisher. First copy is free, all additional copies are $1.00. Copyright 2020 Womack Newspapers, Inc.
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[SPOTLIGHT]
up to realize that how they’re feeling is justified and that you don’t need to be afraid to be yourself ever, just to please other people it’s not worth it.” The COVID-19 pandemic metaphorically “put a pin” in everyone’s plans for 2020, and even though the resulting unstable economy has slowed Watkins down, the past six and a half months has also allowed her some time for reflection. “It allowed me to slow down and actually think about the impact that I want to make,” Watkins said. “In that sense, it helped me think about things in a new angle and then really focus online and make that feel like a virtual experience.” Looking to the future, Watkins wants to inspire as many women as she can reach by expanding Shairpins to many stores and her hometown of Charlotte. !
SHERIDAN’S SHAIRPINS BY ALYSSA HEFNER
Sheridan Watkins knew that as soon as she graduated from Winston-Salem State University she had a calling to change her community and inspire others. Now, Watkins learned how to do exactly that. In 2014, Watkins figured it out but the road to the discovery was not an easy one, as she had a difficult few years before starting her business. “I was trying to hurry up and get to a lifestyle I wanted but God really showed me he had some other plans, and I needed to pivot a little bit,” Watkins said. “I honestly feel like I would not be here without my Creator.” But through all the trials and tribulations, Watlkins was on a mission to create her own business from making interchangeable fashion accessories. Watkins calls her creations Shairpins, which according to the website, are pins that can snap on and off hair clips, headbands, necklaces, brooches, decorative jars and wall decorations to be worn as a necklace one day and as a hair clip the next. Watkins explained the meaning behind the name “Shairpins” as coming from
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both being part of the accessory’s function as well as a tribute to herself. “The whole concept of them being interchangeable is so you can share them around, and that kind of plays into the name,” Watkins said. “Also, my name is Sheridan and my friend— she calls me Sher-bear—came up with the name Shairpins. She was so excited about what I was trying to do with my business, so that’s exactly where the name came from.” All Shairpins are designed as some type of flower, and users can even create a design themselves on the website. But Watkins doesn’t want folks to think that the flowers are just another cute trend, she said her pins have sentimental meaning behind them. “I kind of relate to a flower on that level of being imperfectly perfect, flawed and anything that happens, it’s just like it’s like a new beauty scar,” Watkins said of the meaning behind the Shairpin’s flower design. “Each flower is unique, like there’s not one flower that’s the same, and that’s what I love about people, too.” Watkins is passionate about helping girls and other women find their voice and
ALYSSA HEFNER is a junior at High Point University majoring in Broadcast Journalism identity. According to the Shairpins website, “Women and girls have the most fun with fashion when they can control the outcome and not the other way around.” “I really want to help other women realize that it is all a growing process and we never stop growing like flowers,” Watkins said. “If I can just help little girls growing
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To support Watkins’s great mission with Shairpins, visit her website at https://www.shairpins.com and follow her on Instagram at www.instagram. com/shairpinsgarden and Facebook at www. facebook.com/shairpinsgarden.
OCTOBER 21-27, 2020
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Did EMS delay contribute to death of Marcus Smith?
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n the night of the 2018 North Carolina Folk Festival, Guilford County EMT Ashley Abbott noticed that Marcus Deon Smith was unreIan McDowell sponsive, over three minutes later, she began resuscitaContributor tive measures. Dr. Trevonne Thompson, associate professor of emergency medicine and director of the medical toxicology fellowship program at the University of Illinois Chicago, finds that delay disturbing. In a phone conversation, Dr. Thompson told YES! Weekly that “two things really stuck out for me” about the footage of Smith’s death: the position in which Smith was retrained and what emergency medicine designates a “witnessed arrest.” “Hobbling, sometimes called hogtying, in which a person is held face-down on the ground with their hands and legs
fastened together behind their back, is a very dangerous way to restrain someone,” Thompson said. “So, seeing that was jarring, especially considering what we know about the danger of that kind of restraint.” “Arrest” in the context of “witnessed arrest” does not mean when someone is taken into custody by law enforcement. “It’s when they collapse right in front of you,” Thompson said, “or go unresponsive after becoming prone. When someone in emergency medicine witnesses this, they are supposed to do CPR right away.” Instead, EMTs Abbott and Dylan Alling waited until after Smith was placed on a gurney and transported into the ambulance. Thompson viewed this process from the body camera footage of GPD Officer Alfred Lewis, which the City of Greensboro uploaded to YouTube under the title “November 30, 2018 Video 15” (the date is that on which the videos were released, not of Smith’s death, which was Sept. 8, 2018), with no explanation of what it depicts. “You can see on the video when Mr. Smith became unresponsive,” said Thompson. “That means it was a wit-
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nessed event. Proper procedure would have been to start CPR immediately. But on the video, that does not happen until several minutes after he becomes completely unresponsive. It’s hard to see on that video whether he stops breathing, but to me, it looked like he did. Regardless, he goes completely unresponsive, and then there is a delay in starting CPR. There seemed to have been concern on the part of everyone there as to whether or not he had a pulse or was breathing. In a case like that, that’s the moment to jump into action and start CPR immediately.” As previously reported, Smith, who was confused and agitated but not violent or aggressive while having a mental health crisis approached police officers on Church Street and asked to be taken to the hospital. The officers opened the door of a patrol car and asked him to sit and wait for the ambulance. In the back seat of the car, he appeared to become more agitated and struck the glass of the window with the flat of his hand. An officer opened the door. As soon as Smith emerged, he was thrown to the ground and hogtied with a RIPP Hobble Restraint. Former Greensboro Police Chief Wayne Scott, who retired in January of this year, stated that Smith “collapsed,” however, that is not what the videos depict. For several minutes, Smith was held facedown on the pavement, where he was handcuffed. His feet were raised and bent behind his back and attached to the handcuffs with the RIPP Hobble device, in a manner that the GPD’s own directives manual cautions officers not to do. His groans and cries of “stop” and “please” gave way to gasps, then silence and stillness. By this time, Abbott and Alling had arrived, and stood by watching. The officers stood up and conversed among
themselves, then noticed that Smith was not breathing. A graphic view of Smith becoming limp and unresponsive, his face so slack and ashen that he appears dead, can be seen in “Greensboro Police Hogtie and Kill Marcus Deon Smith,” a three minute and 50 second compilation of the videos uploaded to YouTube by the Homeless Union of Greensboro. The ongoing Federal civil rights lawsuit over Smith’s death lists Abbott and Alling as Defendants, along with Officers Justin Payne, Robert Duncan, Michael Montalvo, Alfred Lewis, Christopher Bradshaw, Lee Andrews, and Douglas Strader, as well as the City of Greensboro. The Complaint, filed on April 10, 2019, by the People’s Law Office of Chicago and the Greensboro law firm of Graham Holt, describes that both EMTs “had the opportunity, duty and ability to intervene on behalf of Marcus, but failed to do so.” “As a physician, it’s always painful to watch something like this,” Thompson said in a phone conversation last Friday. “Being an emergency physician, my impulse is to jump in and intervene as quickly as possible. Watching the amount of time that passed without resuscitative measures being initiated was very disturbing.” But while the delay in resuscitative measures may have contributed to Smith’s death, if the eight GPD officers who hogtied Marcus Smith had heeded the warning packaged with the RIPP Hobble Restraint, or those of their department’s own directive’s manual, those measures would never have been necessary. ! IAN MCDOWELL is the author of two published novels, numerous anthologized short stories, and a whole lot of nonfiction and journalism, some of which he’s proud of and none of which he’s ashamed of.
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Manning, Haywood running in newly formed 6th
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year ago, Republican incumbent Mark Walker fully expected to be running for re-election in 2020, but thanks to some very strange gerrymandering by Jim Longworth members of his own Party, the 6th district was re-drawn, and Longworth Walker had little at Large chance of retaining his seat. That’s because Democrats far outnumber Republicans within the new boundaries, which include all of Guilford County and part of Forsyth. It’s also the first time in history that Greensboro, High Point, Kernersville, and Winston-Salem will all fall into the same Congressional district. After Walker announced he would not seek re-election, a slew of candidates from both parties threw their hats in the ring, and when the dust settled, Kathy Manning won the Democratic nomination, and Lee Haywood got the GOP nod. Kathy Manning is an attorney, businesswoman, and philanthropist from Greensboro. Lee Haywood of Summerfield, is a businessman and chairman of the district Republican Party. Earlier this month the two candidates appeared together for a taping of “Triad Today”. Here are some highlights from that discussion: JL: Experts are telling us to expect another surge of COVID-19 this Fall and Winter. If elected to Congress, would you support a federal mask mandate? KM: I think that a mask mandate is appropriate, I think CDC guidelines have demonstrated that mask wearing stops the spread of the virus, and not only keeps the wearer safe, but it also keeps everybody else safe. LH: I would not. I would leave it up to the states and the governors of those states to implement whatever safeguards they feel appropriate. JL: Do you support Medicare for all? KM: I believe we need to build on the Affordable Care Act. It provided insurance for 20 million more Americans. It is a great Act, it’s not perfect, and it needs improvement, and I support adding a robust public option, I support allowing people to buy into Medicare at a younger age. I believe our government needs to negotiate with big pharmaceutical companies to bring down the outrageous WWW.YESWEEKLY.COM
prices of so many prescription drugs. LH: My opponent thinks there’s some pot of money up in the sky that just rains down every day that pays for these programs, and any program that she implements as far as Medicare for all, will be at the peril of 180 million policy owners that have their own personal policy, and what are we going to do with them? I believe we should start from scratch, and try and implement a true market-based system for our healthcare and our insurance. JL: Would you be in favor of forgiving all college loans up to $50,000 as Senators Warren and Schumer have proposed? KM: No, but I believe we need to address the student debt issue. First of all we need to make sure that our students are getting the best possible rate when they get their student loans. You know, right now, students can borrow a certain amount at a good rate, but then they’re subject to the whims of whatever borrower they happen to get to for the remainder of the loan, so we’ve got this byzantine system and we have 17 year olds trying to navigate this system. LH: I think it’s a great idea if you live in a Utopian world. When you sign on that dotted line, you commit yourself to paying for these debts. The higher education system in our country has gotten out of control and some of these universities have billions of dollars in the bank, in their endowments. Why don’t we start tapping into those, and start giving these kids a free education? Why do I have to pay for these kids’ education? JL: If elected, would you vote to make the sale and possession of assault-style rifles illegal? KM: It is long past time for us to take common sense measures to address the gun violence that has ravaged this country. We know that the vast majority of Americans believe we need to have universal background checks, we need to close those gun show loopholes, we need to ban bump stocks and high capacity magazines. I cannot think of any reason why a 17 year old needs an assault weapon that is designed for war. LH: I think we need to be careful who we issue conceal-carry gun permits to, but it should be as available as possible if that person is deemed worthy and safe to own one. The 2nd amendment should be protected in this country at all costs. JL: Do you support term limits for Congresspersons? KM: I would definitely consider it.
LH: I would, maybe a limit of 4 or 5 terms. JL: What one thing did you learn from your parents that would serve you well in Congress? LH: Honor and integrity and always tell the truth. If the good citizens of the 6th district elect me, you will always get the truth and I will represent you honorably.
KM: I learned so much from my parents. I learned the importance of family, of faith, of hard work, and integrity. For more information, visit www. leehaywood.com and www.kathymanningfornc.com ! JIM LONGWORTH is the host of Triad Today, airing on Saturdays at 7:30 a.m. on ABC45 (cable channel 7) and Sundays at 11 a.m. on WMYV (cable channel 15).
OCTOBER 21-27, 2020
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Tales of terror, ‘tis the season Despite being relegated to the festival circuit and the DVD marketplace, Trick ‘r Treat nevertheless began gaining traction as a cult classic. In 2011, Dougherty wrote and directed the short Trick ‘r Treat: Making Friends, then penned the subsequent short Father’s Day (2012) in collaboration with director Zach Shields. To this day, rumors persist – and Dougherty insists – that a Trick ‘r Treat 2 is in the offing. Until then, fans can satiate their thirst for further chills and thrills with Trick r’ Treat, the graphic novel based on the film, and Trick ‘r Treat: Days of the Dead, which boasts four new tales of terror set before the events of the first film – both included in the Trick r’ Treat Omnibus. For this double-barreled dose of Halloween horrors, combined for the first time in a single volume, Dougherty has enlisted an esteemed line-up of collaborators, including writers Shields and Todd Casey (who collaborated with Dougherty on Krampus), and Marc Andreyko, along with noted artists Fiona Staples, Stuart Sayger, Stephen Byrne, Grant Bond, Mike Huddleston, Christopher Gugliotti, and ZID.
TRICK ‘R TREAT OMNIBUS. Presented by Michael Dougherty. Published by Legendary Comics. 240 pages. $29.99 retail.
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efore tackling such highconcept genre fare Contributor as the holiday horror Krampus (2015) and the grandscale monster mash Godzilla: King of the Monsters (2019), filmmaker Michael Dougherty made his feature debut with the 2007 horror anthology Trick ‘r Treat. The film, which featured Brian Cox (the original Hannibal Lecter in 1986’s Manhunter) and Oscar winner Anna Paquin (just prior to her long-running, awardwinning stint as sultry Sookie Stackhouse in HBO’s award-winning True Blood), the film languished in limbo and never really had a theatrical release.
Mark Burger
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The one recurring character, introduced in the original film, is Sam, a solitary trickor-treater clad in pajamas and a burlap sack, whose mission – it seems – is to enforce the “rules” of Halloween. (Might “Sam” be a shortened version of “Samhain”? Could be ...) Not unlike Tales from the Crypt, the granddaddy of all horror comics, there’s a skewed morality in each story. Those who break the tradition – or the rules – of Halloween get what’s coming to them … and usually worse! “Even if we can’t have Halloween parties or go trick-or-treating this year, I hope this compilation will help readers conjure Sam and that special, spooky season magic he brings,” said Dougherty.
“Because as much as the (Halloween) holiday has become about costumes and candy, Halloween was always meant to be a celebration of those who’ve passed (on), so I can’t think of a better time to gather around a glowing jack-o’-lantern, sharing stories that honor the best night of the year.” Coming next month, Legendary Comics will keep the fun and scares coming with its publication of Bram Stoker’s Dracula: The Graphic Novel ($29.95 retail), in which the bloodthirsty Count is represented by none other than Bela Lugosi, forever immortalized on screen as Dracula in the original 1931 film. The official Legendary Comics website is https://www.legendary.com/comics/. !
Emmy Awards acknowledge UNCSA graduates Two graduates of the University of North Carolina School of the Arts (UNSA) won Emmy Awards in the Creative Arts category, which were announced last month in a five-part series broadcast on FXX prior to the Primetime Emmy Awards ceremony, which was broadcast semivirtually on ABC. Will Files (School of Filmmaking ‘02) won the Emmy for Outstanding Sound Editing for “Chapter Eight: The Battle of Starcourt,” an episode of Netflix’s supernatural drama Stranger Things. Richard Redlefsen (School of Dance high school program ‘86) won his Emmy for Outstanding Prosthetic Makeup for a Series, Limited Series, Movie, or Special for the popular CBS All Access series Star Trek: Picard. Although not an individual winner,
Chris Parnell (School of Drama ‘89) voices the character of Jerry Smith (and other characters) in Adult Swim’s series Rick and Morty, which won the Emmy for Outstanding Animated Program. Parnell has been a regular cast member since the show’s 2013 premiere. “Our alumni from every discipline are performing at the very top of their industries, as these awards show,” said Brian Cole, UNCSA chancellor. “We are proud of the work they do, which showcases the top-notch conservatory training they received at UNCSA. The official UNCSA website is https:// www.uncsa.edu/. ! See MARK BURGER’s reviews of current movies on Burgervideo.com. © 2020, Mark Burger.
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SunQueen Kelcey on fire
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unQueen Kelcey and the Soular Flares look to reignite the stage as part of the Carolina Theatre’s Ghostlight concert series with Sonny Miles on Oct. 24; and Katei Cranford by hosting MASK ON!, an outdoor Halloween concert, on Contributor Oct. 31. Kelcey Ledbetter, the vivacious 30-year-old behind the SunQueen moniker, is celebrating all sorts of returns these days— to both the stage, and the sun of new eras— as she reflects on milestones and ground yet to cover. “I’m honestly so excited for my 30s,” Ledbetter said, “I’m more motivated to learn, reach my goals and create happiness.” Expressing gratitude for “having made it this far,” Ledbetter discovered herself as a musician in her 20s: following trauma and a house fire in her teens, she relearned the guitar at 21 before ultimately arising as a solo artist and frontwoman for the Soular Flares. “My music is a part of my growth as an individual, so it’ll always be a reflection of my evolution,” she said in her style: perky, confident, and grounded. “I dream of touring internationally. But that’s all I’m gonna say about that— I don’t wanna talk myself out of my goals.” With global fires in the distance, selflove remains ever present in Ledbetter’s foreground— embodying an extension of her artistry, which she carries as a mission: “I’m Black, fat, queer and fine as hell; and I’m proud to say that shit.” “I’ve followed my own path to selflove,” she continued, explaining her process, “the journey isn’t linear and steps I took to love-on myself may not be the same for others. But I enjoy connecting and giving back through my music, especially when it comes to the bodypositive, fat-positive, and radical self-love communities.” Turning toward motivation, Ledbetter praised the power of laughter and rest. “You can’t work endlessly and expect to still originate ideas,” she noted, “you’ll burn out.” “A lot of artists felt they weren’t doing enough during the shutdown,” she continued, “but it’s just the opposite: we’re WWW.YESWEEKLY.COM
PHOTO BY LAMAR YAZ
all working to survive. And whatever that looks like, that’s work to me.” Survival rings in Ledbetter’s latest work: “Thick Thighs Save Lives,” a bopper single on which she broadens big-love. “I think about how people get so upset when they see big people in love with their bodies, but we all deserve to love the vessel we’ve been given.” The song serves as a more inclusive expanse of her “Thick Girls Do It Better,” release. “I wanted to make a track for every plus-size baddie here and abroad,”
she explained. “‘Thick Girls’ wasn’t intended to leave the other thick-baes out, but it could sound exclusive,” she added, acknowledging power in the gender spectrum. Beyond music, Ledbetter dabbles with skincare and candlework in her home apothecary; and recently launched the “Thick Girl World” podcast, which wrapped its first season with a second seaon underway. “I wanted to provide a safe platform for plus-size baddies to talk about life, love, lust and all things in
between,” she said of the show, noting the importance of shared stories and experiences beyond her own. Ledbetter’s skincare line stems from experimenting for her own sensitive skin issues, while her candlework honors ancestors as she develops her skill. “I’m a baby candlemaker so until I learn the ropes, it’s just all about investing intention and care.” Though she feels her musical intentions are best translated on stage, Ledbetter recently appeared on tracks from Bengy Cinco and G tha King; and is proud to have hosted a MUSEP livestream concert over the summer, and videos for the LGBTQ Centers of Raleigh and Durham Pride celebrations. “I love having a live audience that I can engage in real time, so it’s hard performing for a screen,” she admitted of digital performances, “I miss being able to hug people and hear about their day. I just keep imagining what it’ll feel like when I can do that again and that keeps me motivated.” Hugs may not be on the table at the Carolina Theatre, but it’s a start. Beyond the Ghostlight show, SunQueen Kelcey and the Soular Flares are hosting a Halloween masked-party concert, though Ledbetter still hasn’t decided on a costume. ”I need to think of something quick,” she laughed. ”We’ve been waiting to create an outdoor show and share the stage with our closest friends. It’s a costume party with some of our favorite Black artists like T Walker, Chasyn Sparx, Kiiba, Bengy Cinco, Katie Blvd, and others,” she explained of the event and intentionally Black lineup. “I want a safe space for my friends to show up and be embraced with love and care.” SunQueen Kelcey and the Soular Flares return to the stage with Sonny Miles as part of the Ghostlight concert series at the Carolina Theatre on Oct. 24; followed by MASK ON!, an outdoor Halloween concert on Oct 31. ! KATEI CRANFORD is a Triad music nerd who hosts Katei’s Thursday Triad Report, a radio show spotlighting artists and events, Thurs. 5:30-7 on WUAG 103.1fm.
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Ghostlight Show: https://carolinatheatre.com/ event/sonny-miles-and-sun-queen-kelcey/ MASK ON!: www.eventbrite.com/e/mask-onhalloween-costume-party-tickets-124648889183 OCTOBER 21-27, 2020
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Architect Nick Drummond loves to renovate old houses and was told the century-old home he purchased last year in Ames, New York, had been built by a German baron Chuck Shepherd who turned to bootlegging in the 1920s, but he was still surprised to find evidence within the walls on Oct. 9: dozens of bottles labeled Old Smuggler Gaelic Whisky. “We discovered multiple false walls and secret compartments under the floor in our mudroom,” he told Lite 98.7. “The foundation walls and floors in the mudroom are lined with intact cases of 1920s whiskey.” he said. Drummond said auction houses and collectors have contacted him, speculating that the value on the some of the bottles might range between $500 and $1,200.
MORE THINGS TO WORRY ABOUT
As many as 9 million wild pigs are roaming the United States — expanding from 17 states to at least 39 states over the last 30 years and causing $2.5 billion worth of damage each year to crops and domestic livestock, reported The Atlantic in September. Many of the feral swine are hybrids, a mixture of domestic breeds and wild boars called “super pigs,” that multiply so fast “I’ve heard it referred to as a feral swine bomb,” said Dale Nolte, manager of the National Feral Swine Damage Management Program at the U.S. Department of Agriculture. In the U.S. and Canada,
government organizations are working to control the numbers; Montana has been especially vigilant, with a 24-hour hotline for residents to call when they see the animals.
RIGHT TIME, RIGHT PLACE
Postal carrier Fernando Garcia in Norwalk, California, heard someone calling for help as he walked his route on Oct. 9 and soon found a man lying on the ground, covered in blood. The unnamed victim had cut his arm with a chain saw, so Garcia leaped into action, using his belt as a tourniquet until paramedics arrived. L.A. County Sheriff Lt. Pauline Panis told CBS Los Angeles, “I think we should let everybody know that anyone can make a difference ... it’s a heartwarming story.” The victim’s family says he’s recovering.
NAMES IN THE NEWS
As a fun way to get customers involved with the new Ikea store in Valladolid, Spain, the Swedish retailer asked the public to name the street it’s on. The Independent reported that anyone who’s been frustrated trying to assemble items bought from the store will appreciate the winning entry: Calle Me Falta un Tornillo, or I’m Missing a Screw Street. And Ikea’s OK with that: “We wanted to make our arrival here more special ... always with a touch of humor, which defines our style,” a spokesperson said.
LATEST RELIGIOUS MESSAGES
In Guadalupe, Mexico, pilgrims are flocking to a parking lot, leaving candles and flowers beside a detailed portrait of
the Virgin Mary that inexplicably reappeared in early October, having been drawn in chalk by an anonymous artist in 2007. Oddity Central reported the artist has confirmed that the drawing is the same one he created as part of a local festival, and the area is now blocked with traffic cones and watered periodically to make the image more visible. Said Felix Palomo, director of culture for the municipality, which is part of greater Monterrey, “Whether you believe in miracles or not, the question is how did this image reappear 13 years after its creation?”
OOPS!
William Hubbard, dean of the University of South Carolina School of Law, was thrilled when he saw that 82% of the school’s graduates taking the bar exam had passed, so he shared the happy news in an email to the school’s students. Unfortunately, the email also contained attachments with confidential exam scores for all who took the test — those who passed and those who failed, The State reported. “Please delete the message I just sent about bar passage,” Hubbard wrote in his second email. “Please do not open and, if opened, do not reveal any information in that attachment to anyone.” The former president of the American Bar Association appeared devastated by the error in an interview. “I’ve sent a personal email to every one of those students ... I am deeply, profoundly sorry for my mistake,” he said.
EWWWWWWW
Alicia Beverly of Detroit was sleeping in the back seat of a red-eye flight home from Las Vegas on Oct. 12 when she felt “something warm” on her side, and woke up to realize a man standing in the aisle was urinating on her, Fox 2 reported. “I screamed and that woke everybody
up,” she said. “I looked and there was a puddle of pee in the seats!” An off-duty police officer on the flight restrained the unidentified man, described as a wellknown pastor from North Carolina, and he was taken into custody upon landing, but has not been charged. Beverly had to sit in her wet clothes for the duration of the trip and is suffering anxiety following the incident. “Since then I have only gotten four hours of sleep,” she said.
BRIGHT IDEAS
— The Netherlands is home to a new trend in wellness therapy that promises serenity to those who try it: “koe knuffelen” (cow hugging). The BBC reported that a cow’s warmer body temperature and slower heartbeat are thought to increase oxytocin levels in humans, reducing stress and promoting positivity. The practice began more than a decade ago, and now farms in Switzerland and the U.S. along with the Netherlands offer cow-cuddling sessions, which typically begin with a tour of the farm before participants are invited to rest against a cow for up to three hours. — The Finnish airline Finnair began selling its business-class airplane food in supermarkets on Oct. 13, in an effort to keep its catering staff employed as well as offer a taste of nostalgia to travelers grounded by the COVID-19 pandemic. The ready-made “Taste of Finnair” dishes include reindeer meatballs, Artic char and Japanese-style teriyaki beef and cost about $12, The Associated Press reported. Marika Nieminen, vice president of Finnair Kitchen, said the idea allows the airline to “create new work and employment for our people.” (Associated Press, 10/15/2020] !
© 2020 Chuck Shepherd. Universal Press Syndicate. Send your weird news items with subject line WEIRD NEWS to WeirdNewsTips@amuniversal.com.
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Wash with vigor Not there Melancholy Aspirin, e.g. “Petunia” star Birch Many a Giotto work “Woo- —!” Wee amount Suit fitter in a California city? Holding the attention of Seat winners “Breezy” co-star Kay Boys and men from an Oregon city? Michigan city whose residents are a bit more eccentric? Jacuzzi sigh Swirly letters Popular cookie Hamm on a soccer field Actor Hill of “Moneyball” Denounce Plundered an Ohio city? Big lug Judd of song L-P middle “Renegade” star Lamas Hay bundle Setting of “Anne of Green Gables” Yang partner Mouse-spotting cry Painting exhibitor on wheels in a Maryland city? Sphere Sphere Debt memo Green shade
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Pennsylvania city with a big population of forefathers? Sussex loc. Pale — One making a change Palo — Piano relative 24-hr. cash convenience Runoff conduit Part of LAPD Includes an Arizona city in the tally? Noah’s Ark groupings Military foe Cleanup org. Not distant Electric car maker Sprite Speak badly of an Illinois city? Off-Broadway awards whose winners hail from an Idaho city? Film director Reiner Thurman of “Jennifer 8” Illumination Warehouse vehicle produced in a Texas city? First-aid gel — -di-dah Negative battery poles City close to Minneapolis Antarctic explorer Richard Perch Compounds in explosives Perch
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The Resilient Roses: Lynn and Laura’s love conquers all
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n Oct. 22, 2019, Laura Rose, 52, found out that both of her kidneys failed, she had two types of cancer and was given three choices and only seven to 10 days Katie Murawski to live. One year later, Laura proved everyone wrong because Editor she is in full remission and completely cancer-free, both of her kidneys are fully functional, and she successfully underwent a bone marrow transplant. “Her body is resilient,” Lynn Rose, 51, said of her wife on a video call on June 1, three weeks before her transplant. “She is a warrior; her body has proved that to us. It can heal through major trauma— going through dialysis with no kidneys, doing five chemotherapies, and still heal back to where she is at, that is a resilient body.” On Oct. 19— 117 days after the transplant— Lynn posted the update about Laura on Facebook, as the two have been documenting their lives through the platform since the diagnosis. What a journey this has been. Exactly one year ago, Laura was in complete kidney failure and they were telling us she had 7 to 10 days to live... while battling two forms of cancer all over in her body. The doctors gave Laura a choice, to die peacefully.... or to take on the biggest battle of her life in the hopes that she would live. Laura CHOSE to LIVE! The post also stated that the transplant had “done its job but in the process took a toll on Laura’s body,” so for the next year, Laura is focused on strengthening her immune system, gaining weight and avoiding colds, the flu and, of course, COVID-19. The post goes on to ask friends to “keep Laura in mind when you make the decision to wear your mask. It will protect her and all others who have a compromised immune system.” Before the transplant When YES! Weekly first spoke with the Roses in June, they were getting ready to temporarily move to Durham for three months, so that Laura could get the bone marrow transplant and recover. Last October, Laura had started dialysis and chemotherapy only three days apart “to keep her alive while battling the cancers, a genetically resistant to therapy Chronic Lymphocytic Leukemia and a Large B-Cell YES! WEEKLY
OCTOBER 21-27, 2020
Lymphoma.” To add to that, because this is the United States, Laura and Lynn both had to worry about the financial burden of getting life-saving treatment. They had to launch a GoFundMe page for hospital bills and living expenses for three months in Durham because they simply could not face the bills alone. Cancer isn’t something unfamiliar to Laura, as she was diagnosed with Hodgkin’s Lymphoma when she was only 29. After six months of chemo, she beat it. In 2014, however, she was diagnosed with a different type of cancer, Chronic Lymphocytic Leukemia (CLL), which wasn’t necessarily a death sentence, but it sure wasn’t good news either. “You can live a long life, a lot of people are in a watch and wait phase, where they don’t even receive treatment, and a lot of people can stay in that phase their entire life,” Laura explained. “For other people, it’ll progress until they need treatment. There are a lot of immunotherapies out there right now that are good for this type of cancer that works, and they can stay on that therapy for the rest of their life and be perfectly fine, and that is what I was expecting myself.” But, despite being on immunotherapy, Laura said her treatment stopped working. “Then I tried another one, and then it stopped working, so I went to a specialist in Durham and found out that the subtype of my leukemia was resistant to therapy,” Laura said. “Of course, that is why it stopped working for me, and that the only option is a bone marrow transplant, so we started that route and going down that path.” A year ago, Laura was prepared for the transplant, but then she received troubling news from the PET scan right before the scheduled procedure. “Cancer exploded in my body,” Laura explained. “You have to be stable to go through bone marrow— you can’t have active cancer. I had already gone through all the immunotherapy out there. And then I had to try something new and wasn’t even proven a trial therapy yet. Our specialist said that it had been working, and it looked promising—we were hopeful with it. So we went for it, hoping it would stabilize me.” As cliche as it may be, bad things seem to always happen in threes. “But in less than two weeks, it shut my kidneys down,” Laura said. “That is when I was hospitalized for 71 days— and then they found this other cancer.” On top of going through the rigorous process of dialysis, Laura also had to bear five
months of chemotherapy spanning from October 2019 to March 2020. She prevailed, and after going through all of that, Laura had less than a month to mentally prepare, find temporary housing, and get all of her other affairs in order before the procedure, but Lynn was right by her side every step of the way. Laura explained that she had to get rid of her own bone marrow in order to beat both cancers. To prepare for the transplant, a week before, Laura went through chemotherapy, followed by one day of whole-body radiation to strip her immune system so that her body could start from zero after the transplant. On June 24, AKA “Day Zero,” Laura had her brother, David Rose, donate stem cells from his bone marrow, which was then transplanted into her blood. “They just take the stem cells and put it through her Hickman Line through the blood, and it takes four to six weeks for the new stem cells to start building the bone marrow to where she will start having somewhat of an immune system.” Then, 90 days after that, Laura would start the healing process by building her bone marrow back up. During those 90 days, she had her blood tested, and she was given whatever she needed to support her body through the process. She also had outpatient hospital care with the transplant team, which came to their house in Durham to treat her amid the COVID-19 pandemic. Naturally, before the transplant, Laura said she felt a wave of anxiety, shock, and nervousness. Her body had already gone through so much, she thought, could it go through a bone marrow transplant, too? “A lot could go wrong,” Lynn said. “They say it is the hardest thing you’ll do in your life, is to go through that, but if she can make it through, it should heal her cancer.” Lynn and Laura’s love story In 2018, Lynn and Laura met each other in a class called “The Wild Soul is Calling,” which was taught by the shaman, Sandy Phocus. “Laura sat right across from me, and I am looking at her like she is so familiar to me—like I knew her, not in the flesh world, but in the soul world,” Lynn said, recalling how she met Laura. “That was it for me. I went to her three and a half weeks later, and I asked her to go on this journey to create the greatest love of our life with the intention that it would be for life. She agreed to go on the journey, and we fell in love fast.” The couple became inseparable after
one year of dating, and tied the knot on May 25, 2019. The Roses said they are relatively new to being part of the LGBTQIA+ community, as both were previously married to men for over 20 years. “We are kind of new to the community, honestly— I have been to Pride WinstonSalem once and would like to get more involved within the community, but we just haven’t had the opportunity,” Laura said, noting that for the last year and a half, both have been in and out of the hospital. “I love being in the community. I think there is so much for us to learn, and so much we want to just embrace, but we really are in isolation and unable to do it from here,” Lynn said. “We would be the moms with the Free Hugs T-shirts on,” Lynn added. “For me, it’s the first time in my life that I am authentically me,” Lynn said of coming out as a lesbian when she met Laura. “You know, and I can just be proud of who I am. It is not that I was hiding who I was; I just didn’t really know.” Before coming out, Lynn had been married to her ex-husband for 25 years and had a daughter (who is now 25 years old), and they also adopted a brother and sister from Fiji (who are now 19 and 22 years old). Laura said she had been out since 2014, after being married to a man for 22 years and having a son and daughter (who are now 25 and 19 years old). “Then I met this wonderful woman, who is such a surprise to me, wasn’t expecting it,” Laura said of her wife. “I thought I was going to be alone for the rest of my life, and that is where I settled with that. She is a true gift.” Lynn and Laura have huge network of support system through their friends and families. They said for the most part, everyone has been accepting— even both ex-husbands. “Everybody loves Laura— even my exhusband loves Laura,” Lynn noted. “He is still my best friend.” “Our parents are supportive, too,” Laura added. “I knew that we were going to go through this journey of battling cancer, but we didn’t know that it was life-threatening cancer, we didn’t know she had two cancers, and we didn’t know whether she was going to have kidney failure, and we didn’t know she would be going in for a bone marrow transplant,” Lynn said. “She had surgery two days before we got married; I mean, this girl is tough. I have never witnessed someone suffer so greatly and just faced it and endured.”
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“You are a badass,” she added, looking at her wife. “I don’t think I would be here if it weren’t for her,” Laura replied with tears in her eyes. “It is true; I don’t know if I would have sought out a specialist.” “I always say that I don’t want to exist in the world. I want to leave a huge footprint on this earth and that I made a difference,” Lynn said. “I’ve adopted two orphaned children, I went to war for my country, and I am not done yet. When we get through this battle, it will be fun to see what our next step is. We are a force together, I know it.” Lynn is a disabled veteran who fought in the United States Air Force during the Persian Gulf War when she was 21 years old in 1990 and 1991. “I signed up when I was 16 and went into what they called ‘Delayed Enlistment Program,’ basically I did monthly training until I left when I was 18 right out of high school. I want to change the world; I am here to change the world. I have a nickname; it is tattooed on me— Geared2Love— I am here to share God’s love, my purpose. I want to speak love, breathe love, be love. But it was important for me to go into the military to protect my country.” “It definitely was a sacrifice,” she said of her experience fighting in the war. “It’s been a journey. We were hit with biological weapons, which damaged my nervous system, and I also have PTSD on top of it from the bombings; it is a struggle. Doctors told me for years I’d never be here, I’d never see my daughter graduate from high school, but I have done a lot of hard work, too. I am a warrior; I am not done making a difference in this world. We have work to do.” Laura said she grew up as a pastor’s kid and that religion/spirituality followed her throughout school, as she holds a Master’s degree in Theology. “I love helping other people along their spiritual path and guiding them through that,” she said. However, being part of the LGBTQIA+ community and being religious doesn’t always mix with the ”Christian” ideology. “When I first came out, I was in a Pentecostal-type church; I was basically told ‘don’t pray for anybody, don’t lay hands on anybody, you are in a very dangerous place, walking on dangerous ground,’ and I was basically kicked out,” Laura said. “They wouldn’t say that, of course, but I was shunned. And, of course, that rocked my world, shook my faith, and my whole belief system kind of came crumbling down. Since that point, I have been rebuilding it in my foundation— which is really not based on the bible, or church itself, but it is based on my spirituality, in my belief in God, a higher power.”
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PHOTO BY Ariel Perez
Laura said she has always felt a spiritual connection to a higher power ever since she was a girl. “God has shown up in my life in such powerful ways,” she said. “He saved my life from abduction when I was 12 or 13 years old. I heard an audible voice that told me to not get in the car— I was about to do it. So, I can’t deny those things in my life, I know that is real, and so I am rebuilding that based on those experiences.” Laura said that she loves the teaching of the bible, specifically Jesus’s teachings from the New Testament, and considers herself a follower of Jesus, but she would also like to read more on Buddhism, which seems relevant from all the suffering she has endured. “It has just been a journey, and that is something I would like to reach out into the community as well, because I know a lot of LGBTQ+ kids struggle with that, being kicked out of families, churches, hearing God doesn’t love you, he hates you and all of that, and that is not true,” Laura said. “To reach out to them and let them know that yes, you can have a relationship with the spirit, and it can guide you if you allow it.” When Lynn came out, she had a similar experience as Laura.
“People just sort of disappeared from my life— but not all churches are like that; you can find churches that are accepting.” “I am constantly praying over her when she sleeps, but I am not just praying over her; in the morning, I am out on my back porch praying for my neighbors, praying for our communities,” Lynn said. “I find myself praying all the time and are definitely leaning on God to get us through it. It is his strength that will carry us through it.” After the transplant “The good news is we are back home,” Laura said post-transplant in a phone call on Oct. 16. “They released me early to come home, and we have been able to do blood work at Wake. They send the results to Duke weekly, and I go into Duke about once a month.” Lynn and Laura spoke very highly of their experience at Duke University Hospital, and Lynn said that the staff there “truly saved Laura’s life.” Last week, Laura went in for a PET scan since the transplant and for once, heard some great news. “A PET scan lights up where the cancer is, and she used to be like a Christmas tree; it was everywhere,” Lynn noted. “Now, it is completely clear, no cancer,”
Laura said proudly of her recent results. “I am in full remission, and then the doctor also sent off some blood work because he wanted to see if there were any leukemia cells floating around in the blood, and I just got those results back a couple of days ago, and that was completely normal, clear.” Laura said that the first couple of weeks post-transplant was extremely difficult because she was hospitalized, spending four days there at first, and then coming back the next night with a fever. “I laid in that bed thinking to myself, if I had known it was going to be this bad, I wouldn’t have done it,” Laura admitted. “I am grateful now that I did do it, but it was very, very difficult and hard because of all the chemo and radiation I had.” The hard part for Lynn was that she had to drop Laura off at the hospital and pick her up instead of going through the process with her. “I couldn’t be with her for any of it until they started doing the home visits,” Lynn said. “She had to do the whole thing on her own, even though as hard as it was on me, it was so empowering that she got to go in there and work hard on her own healing and be her own voice through that process. She did great; I am so proud of her. She is resilient.” Laura said she was in the hospital for a week after the transplant. “The first month was hard,” Laura said. “I progressed to the point where they would be able to see me outside of the clinic, and the nurses came to our house because of COVID; they were trying to protect us as much as possible. We were able to stay home, and they could treat us. So I would have to get up in the morning and go in for bloodwork, in and out, and whatever I needed, they would bring to me at the house. That was convenient and nice, to not sit in the clinic all day and be around everybody.” Lynn and Laura said that they both learned a lot from suffering. Lynn said that she believes that folks go through valleys to learn lessons, and one of the questions she would ask herself was how to find joy through the suffering. “There are so many opportunities every day to find joy, and if you find joy in suffering, it just brings a calmness to you; it helps you get through it and carries you,” Lynn said. “That is another path we are on, seeking joy in the midst of suffering; it is not just suffering on one end and joy on the other— there is a midway that you can experience both at the same time,” Laura said. “For me, when I am in the midst of suffering, I always have to remind myself it is temporary. I do my best to stay in the moment and focus on being in the moment instead of dwelling on the past. Or the what-ifs OctOber 21-27, 2020
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of the future, and that has helped me a lot being present. Having this tenacity of no one is going to tell me what is going to happen to me.” The Roses reflected on what Laura said to the doctor who told her that she only had a week to live. She looked at him and said, “you don’t live in my body. I am not going to die.” Lynn said that Laura’s grit and strength, along with the exceptional care she received at Duke are why she is still here today. The biggest lesson both Lynn and Laura took away from the experience was to live in the present. “I am a war veteran; I live in the past, I live in war, I hear bombs in my head all the time,” Lynn said. “I am fearful of losing loved ones— from losing two siblings— so there is so much back in the past that I am fearful for, but this time, really I am learning the greatest lesson: to live in the present.” Immunocompromised but healing amid COVID-19 Building the immune system back up from square one is going to take a while, so Laura and Lynn aren’t completely out of the woods just yet. But adjusting to life as homebodies is not a new hurdle for the Roses because they have both been living in isolation since August 2019. “Thankfully, we really like each other, so that helps,” Laura said. “I don’t want to be apart from her,” Lynn added. “We just found each other in this world, and I want to spend my time with her. I chose her; I choose her every day. I am not forced to be here; I choose to stay here and walk this walk with her every day. And it’s an honor and a blessing. The isolation is what keeps her safe.” To fill the hours of the day, the Roses spend time outside on their back porch, by meditating as well as watching T.V. together. “We take great precaution to keep her safe,” Lynn said, adding that they have to be very careful about who they let into Laura’s “bubble.” “We don’t invite just anyone over; we have to make sure they are self-quarantining and wearing masks in public and all of that, too,” Laura said. “Which is hard because I am a very social being,” Lynn admitted. “I’m a hugger. But I vowed to walk this walk with her, and I am honored to get to be chosen to do this with her.” With COVID-19 cases on the rise in North Carolina as flu season starts to close in, Lynn and Laura are remaining extra careful these days. “I basically have the immune system of a newborn baby,” Laura explained. “All the immunizations she had as a child are gone,” Lynn added. “She has to redo YES! WEEKLY
OCTOBER 21-27, 2020
The Roses’ wedding photo them a year after the transplant, so she is susceptible to all kinds of things right now, not just COVID— the cold, the flu, measles, chickenpox, rubella, all of it.” “Thankfully, most people are vaccinated for those things,” Laura said, “so I don’t really have to worry about that, but it’s still a precaution.” Laura can’t even go hiking on dirt or gravel trails still because doctors are worried about her contracting fungal infections. “I have to wait another six months before I can do that,” she said, noting that she and Lynn plan on venturing outside in April. “As far as COVID goes, they were saying, if you have to go out, wear a mask, wash your hands, social distance, but the best thing for you to do is to just stay home as much as possible. We don’t allow many people to come to our house, but if they do, they have to wear a mask and take all those extra precautions. We are very protective when we go out. If we have to get on the elevator, we just tell them, ‘so sorry we have to ride this elevator alone.’ Most people are very understanding. If someone comes upon us without a mask, we step back and tell them.” However, Laura has Lynn, who vows to protect her against those too selfish and self-centered to wear a mask and social distance themselves from others. “I will see someone walk up, and they are just not thinking, and I am like ‘Laura back up, she is approaching so closely,’” Lynn said. “Even if they had a mask on, I don’t want anyone near her. She needs to be 12feet away from people because if she goes back into the hospital, we are in trouble. The transplant, as good as we are going, it will take longer to recover if she goes back to the hospital. She could still go into rejection at any time, so we have to be careful.
The doctor says, do not end up back in this hospital, don’t get infections, don’t get a cold, don’t get the flu, because it will be harder next time to bounce back.” In fact, they just recently had to cancel a visit they had planned with a friend who just caught COVID through her work’s ventilation system. “I have such a determination to live and just hope for this future that we want together,” Laura said. “I suffered so much in my life already— oh, I am going to start crying—I wanted our love so bad, and the opportunity to experience it, you know? So, I fought hard, really hard for it.” “Now, she is stuck with me,” Lynn said, lightening the mood. “The hardest part is for her to start letting me go a bit and not being so protective of me,” Laura said. “I have been carrying the weight for two years by being protective over her— yesterday, I was working on a project, and she drove to the hospital by herself, she went to Trader Joe’s by herself, and that is hard for me because I am not there to protect her,” Lynn said. “She is a strong, badass woman. She doesn’t need me to protect her, but I want to. I want to make sure she is OK. She is getting stronger and better every day. We are just very grateful. There are so many blessings that come out of suffering.” As the most important election in history looms over the next two weeks, it’s becoming more and more likely that the LGBTQIA+ community’s civil rights could be in serious jeopardy if the wrong people win. With all that the Roses have been through, though, those hell-bent on taking rights away are the least of their worries, concerns or cares right now. “They could tell us that our marriage is
null and void, but it doesn’t really matter,” Lynn said. “Good luck with telling me that I can’t love her. It seems like they’d have to jump through a lot of hoops to get all of these marriages taken away; I can’t see that happening.” “I don’t know we have seen crazier things,” Laura added. “I am more concerned about safety because I was a combat veteran; for me, it is just protection and stocking up on food to make sure we are OK for a couple of months without going out to the stores again,” Lynn said. “We could get hit with COVID again, and who knows what could happen.” “I appreciate Roy Cooper, and I think he has done an excellent job; I think he’s got a lot of flak from a lot of people, but I think he has really thought about the people and what is best for us and the community as a whole, and how to move forward responsibly,” Laura said. “It is frustrating when you see people out completely disregarding others— not wearing masks and thinking it is not a big deal because ‘I don’t care if I get it because I will be strong enough’— but it’s not all about you, it is about everyone else, too, and protecting people you love and care for those that are compromised. I think it is extremely unfair for them to think, ‘well, you should just stay home and live in a bubble and be completely isolated.’ To expect someone to live like that— we have been living like that for over a year already! But it’s been a long year, and this isn’t going away anytime soon.” The Roses said they are already starting to go stir-crazy only watching T.V. They want to get back to living their lives, going on hikes and spending time with their families, too. “If everyone would just come together as a community and support one another, we would get over this,” Laura said. “It is so much faster than what is happening now. If everyone would just be responsible and understand we are all one, we are all connected, and to take care of each other.” She added that wearing a mask shouldn’t be politicized and that it should be common sense. “It is about loving your neighbor; it is an act of saying I care about you,” Lynn said of wearing a mask. “You don’t have to know who they are. I went to war at 21-years-old and fought for my country. I wore a gas mask in over 100-degree weather because we were getting bombed, and I did it for everybody that I don’t know.” ! KATIE MURAWSKI is the editor-in-chief of YES! Weekly. Her alter egos include The Grimberlyn Reaper, skater/public relations board chair for Greensboro Roller Derby, and Roy Fahrenheit, drag entertainer and self-proclaimed King of Glamp.
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last call
[THE ADVICE GODDESS] love • sex • dating • marriage • questions
WHAT AN EARL WANTS
This new guy I’ve been dating said he wants to keep things casual. I’m bummed because I’ve caught some pretty intense feelings for him. Is it possible he just needs to get to know me better and once he does, he’ll feel differently? —Wishful
Amy Alkon
Advice Goddess
Pursuing a relationship with this guy is like sentencing yourself to live out the rest of your days stuck in that “distracted boyfriend” meme. Understanding your situation starts with a peek into book publishing. Unbeknownst to most people, the most profitable area in publishing is the romance and erotica genre. Most romance novels have pretty much the same theme: a high-status man, often wildly wealthy, who has shown he can’t be tamed but who, nevertheless, eventually is — by the irresistible beauty and specialness of one particular woman. This genre is literary catnip for the ladies, earning $1.5 billion in 2015, while the next best-earning book genre, mystery and crime, brought in a measly $730 million. It turns out art reflects life — or rather, how women wish their romantic lives would play out. Evolutionary psychologist Catherine Salmon explains that, in romance novels, “in the end, the heroine is typically the one in control,” while the hero is “a slave to his passion/love for
her.” She references romance novel bloggers Sarah Wendell and Candy Tan, who, hilariously, refer to the heroine’s hold over the hero as the power of the “magic hoo hoo.” Once the hero has this particular hoo, “he desires no other,” writes Salmon. Or, as some researchers put it, a “dad” is being molded out of the ashes of a confirmed “cad.” Salmon explains that women’s longing to be irresistibly desired emerges from evolution’s effect on female emotions, pushing women — who, unlike men, can get pregnant from sex — to be commitment-centric. This “female desire to be irresistible” is ultimately a desire by a woman “to be secure in the belief that her choice of mate is the right one and that he will never stray.” As for the power and prevalence of this desire, Salmon notes previous research finds that more than half of female sexual fantasies revolve around “the desire to be sexually irresistible,” and this desire seems to be “at the heart of the bodice-ripper style of romance and fantasies of submission.” Now, it’s within the realm of possibility that this guy only thinks he wants to keep it casual, and he’ll come around and become your Mr. One And Only. Research suggests men can sometimes be triggered into committing when they sense they have competition, like through your dating other guys. It’s likewise possible this wouldn’t change anything; he might simply be in the thick of his sexual safari years. So, applying the old 80/20 equation to your situation, 80 percent of success in love is showing up; however, the other 20 percent is making sure you aren’t showing up to hookup hell in a wedding dress.
EX TO GRIND
I’m seeing this new guy, but his ex-girlfriend is absolutely awful: rude, unfriendly, and less-than-intelligent. It makes me question his judgment. If he’s interested in a girl like that, I’m not sure I want to be with him. —Legitimate Fear? Really good sex can keep a man from seeing the romantic hellshow he’s in, especially when the thinking cap he automatically reaches for comes from a small square package marked “Trojan.” We assume someone’s romantic partners are a result of carefully reasoned choices. In fact, many people meet someone, have sex with them, want more sex, and end up in a relationship — totally bypassing any assessment of whether this might be a ruinous idea. Eventually, the initial hot-sex fog recedes a little, and their partner’s terrible qualities become increasingly apparent. Time to break up, right? Well, there’s a problem. Psychologist Daniel Kahneman explains that we tend to be “loss aversive”: deeply disturbed by potential losses (more than we’re excited by possible gains). We often succumb to the “sunk cost fallacy”:
irrationally deciding to continue investing time, money, and/or energy in what we know is a losing gambit, based on the investment we’ve already made (that is, “sunk” into it in the past). However, that prior investment is gone. The rational approach is seeing whether future investment would pay off sufficiently and, if not, cutting our losses (perhaps while waving a forlorn goodbye to all the days, months, or — gulp! — years we wasted). To determine how active a role your man’s judgment played in his previous entanglement, ask him about what he values, in general and in a partner, and then ask what draws him to you. You should see whether he’s with you for reasons you respect or whether you’re just a random variation on the nasty, kitten-eating sexbots of what might be called “Cinder” (Tinder when a guy’s penis repeatedly picks emotional arsonists who’ll burn his mental wellness to the ground). ! GOT A problem? Write Amy Alkon, 171 Pier Ave, #280, Santa Monica, CA 90405, or e-mail AdviceAmy@aol.com (www.advicegoddess.com) © 2020 Amy Alkon Distributed by Creators.Com.
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