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STORIES THAT CONNECT US WRITTEN, PAINTED, AND PHOTOGRAPHED BY YMCA COMMUNITY SUPPORT SERVICES STAFF
STORIES THAT CONNECT US WRITTEN, PAINTED, AND PHOTOGRAPHED BY YMCA COMMUNITY SUPPORT SERVICES STAFF
“US” IS A FOUNDATION. “US” IS A BOND. “US” IS A FUTURE. BUT RIGHT NOW, IT FEELS LIKE THAT BOND THAT UNITES “US” IS FR AYING. WE NEED A PL ACE THAT C AN MAKE US WHOLE- WHERE COMMON GROUND IS PLENT Y, DIFFERENCES ARE ASSETS AND OPPORTUNIT Y IS FOR ALL . THANKFULLY THAT PL ACE EXISTS, RIGHT HERE IN CITIES AND TOWNS ACROSS THE COUNT Y. THE Y FILLS THE GAPS THAT NEED FILLING. NOW MORE THAN EVER, THE Y NEEDS YOUR SUPPORT. BEC AUSE WHERE THERE’S A Y, THERE’S AN US. -YMC A OF THE USA
IN RECOGNITION YMCA CSS CONTRIBUTORS
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS TO OUR WORKSHOP PARTNERS
Courtney Baltiyskyy
AjA Project
Contributing Editor
Alejandro Martinez
& Project Design Lead
Christina Chomut
Joangrace Espiritu Contributing Editor
Jeff Valenzuela ArtReach San Diego
Luisa Montes
Anna Laroque
Contributing Author
Isabel Halpern
& Editor
Sarah Holbach
Victoria Carrillo Graphic Design Lead Alie Anderson
The David’s Harp Foundation Brandon Steppe Evan Yamada
Contributing Author & Editor Community Support
Greater Good Story Telling Nathan Young
Services staff across our programs in San Diego County Authors and Artists
CONNECT WITH US
YMCA LEADERSHIP
www.ymcasd.org/crs
YMCA Community Support Services Leadership
www.ymcasd.org/yfs
Carolyn Woempner, PhD - Area Vice President Kim McDougal - Childcare Resource Service Executive Director Steven Hensel - Expanded Learning Programs Executive Director
Facebook:
Krysta Esquivel - Youth and Family Services Executive Director
@YMCA.CRS @YMCAYouthandFamilyServices
YMCA of San Diego County Leadership Baron Herdelin-Doherty - President & Chief Executive Officer Charmaine Carter - Chief Operating Officer
Instagram: @ymcacss
IN DEDICATION
@ymcayfs As we celebrate the 50th anniversary of our Youth and Family Services, and 40th anniversary of our Childcare Resource Service, we dedicate this publication to the children, youth, and families in San Diego County.
CONTENTS VI
COMMUNITY SUPPORT SERVICES
VII
PROJECT OVERVIEW
IX INTRODUCTION 11
EARLY CHILDHOOD AND ACCESS TO QUALITY CHILD CARE
25
OUT-OF-SCHOOL TIME CARE
41
ACCESS TO MENTAL AND BEHAVIORAL HEALTH SERVICES
53 SUPPORT FOR YOUTH IN FOSTER CARE AND THEIR CAREGIVERS 59
SUPPORT FOR UNDER-RESOURCED YOUTH
69
ECONOMIC MOBILITY AND STABILITY FOR ALL
AFTERWORD 77
© 2020 YMCA of San Diego County All Rights Reserved
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COMMUNITY SUPPORT SERVICES CHILDCARE RESOURCE SERVICE At YMCA Childcare Resource Service (CRS) we provide a multi-dimensional approach to caring for children. An array of programs ensures parents can continue to work, provide for their families, and grow their earning potential. We give children the chance they deserve to thrive and the chance for a successful academic career while simultaneously opening doors to education, training, and technical assistance for child care professionals to improve the quality of their services.
EXPANDED LEARNING PROGRAMS YMCA Expanded Learning Programs (ELP), a division of the YMCA of San Diego County, provides state and federally funded before- and after-school programs. We partner with local school districts, families, and communities to offer students safe and nurturing expanded learning programs that prepare them for college, career, and life. This is accomplished by creating a safe and supportive environment, ensuring that programs are student-focused and building relationships with our parents and community partners. Our expanded learning programs are designed collaboratively with district partners to provide students with fun, educational, and engaging environments during the hours most parents or guardians are working. Activities focus on academics, enrichment, social skills, and physical activity to prepare students for successful pathways to higher education and meaningful careers.
YOUTH & FAMILY SERVICES YMCA Youth & Family Services (YFS) is a branch of the YMCA of San Diego County devoted to social services. Our unique programming has been addressing San Diego’s most pressing social issues since 1970, and we continue to expand our services to adapt to our community’s needs. We are focused on bringing about meaningful and lasting change in our youth and families by ensuring they have a safe place to live, by providing them with a reliable support system, by empowering them to pursue their goals, and by connecting them to resources needed to flourish.
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PROJECT OVERVIEW The Community Support Services division of the YMCA of San Diego County implemented this Chronicle of Us project to empower staff. They were provided opportunities to creatively express their stories related to work in social services and their relationship with the Y as a mission-driven nonprofit organization. Without our team of nearly 1,000 compassionate individuals who partner with community members each day, we would not be who we are. In serving over 92,300 individuals each year, we make an impact one...by one...by one. It is a shared commitment we work toward, understanding a critical need to support one another, to find common ground, and to create a better us. The stories that follow were born from staff who participated in workshops that local agencies and artists hosted just for us. We received over 65 art pieces from our staff, partners, and program participants we serve.
With this volume, we hope that you learn more about the issues that we advocate for, how we address them, and the impact we are making in the community.
Join us in continuing the story by supporting our work with a donation online. www.ymcasd.org/chronicle-of-us
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INTRODUCTION By the numbers, YMCA Community Support Services impacts the lives of more than 92,300 individuals through 150 programs and nearly 1,000 staff throughout San Diego County. In spite of all these statistics, all of our work centers on one important concept: connection. Connections, to resources and to one another, can be the difference between opportunity and adversity, giving under-resourced families access to the supportive elements that build resilience and lead to overall well-being. But we know connection can be difficult when families face challenges to their economic stability, mental health issues, substance abuse, and involvement with the Child Welfare and Juvenile Justice systems. These circumstances place incredible stress on families and children, impacting development and setting up barriers to a healthy, stable transition to adulthood. The resulting trauma from prolonged stress can have lasting effects on success in school, at work, and in social circles, and research increasingly points to the power of connection and relationships as the most important factor in healing from trauma. We understand the complex needs of vulnerable youth and families in San Diego, and we apply a trauma-informed lens to partner with the most under-resourced members of our community so they may combat barriers to stability. To partner with families to reach their fullest potential, our programs align with the Strengthening Families framework, as developed by The Center for the Study of Social Policy, a national non-profit organization committed to advocating for a society where all children and families can thrive. The five components, listed below and explored in further detail in the sections of this volume, weave a web that supports families to increase mental and physical health, educational and career potential, economic mobility, housing stability, and healthy relationships.
Parental Resilience
Social Connections
Knowledge of Child Development
Social and Emotional Competence
Concrete Support in Times of Need
Our community is filled with diverse identities and complex needs, and we exist to ensure everyone has an equitable opportunity to succeed. Behind each program is a dedicated staff committed to giving all families, regardless of the circumstances they face, the sense of connection and belonging all humans deserve. The stories and artwork that follow capture our collective commitment to increasing the factors that support individuals in times of adversity and illustrate the impact of the moments, big and small, that foster development in our next generation of leaders and build a strong San Diego.
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Individuals from all walks of life coming together in waves to create meaningful connections. ​G.M.
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EARLY CHILDHOOD AND ACCESS TO QUALITY CHILD CARE Families do not exist in isolation, and a network of relationships, structures, and systems must join together to foster optimal child development. Second to a parent or caregiver, a child care provider plays a key role in ensuring the child develops crucial skills, meets developmental milestones, and is set on a path to a successful life. When children are able to spend the earliest years of their life in safe, supportive, and nurturing environments, they have a foundation for a lifetime of personal and professional success. We are committed to ensuring access to affordable, quality early education. We connect families to concrete supports, such as child care, and ensure child care providers have the resources they need to successfully run their businesses. To foster optimal child development, we give families and child care providers tools to increase their knowledge of child development and develop social emotional competence, which helps children recognize and manage their emotions. This combined impact on parents, caregivers, and early care and education professionals ensures the youngest members of our community are surrounded by settings where they can thrive and begin on a path to prosperity.
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LITTLE MINDS WILL CHANGE THE WORLD I work with real life superheroes. I support preschool teachers and directors who are responsible for hundreds of San Diego’s youngest citizens each and every day. I have the privilege of assisting these men and women in providing the highest quality learning environments where children are able to thrive and grow to their fullest potential. Through my work, I ask questions. I lead teachers and directors through a guided reflection process on their current work and where they would like to grow and take it to the next step. We are forever evolving our understanding of how children learn based off the latest in brain research. Today we know that children learn best in preschools that have varied and ample materials, appropriate learning centers and important teacher and child interactions. We know that the brain develops the most during the first five years of life. I support superheroes who enrich the lives of children each day in the hopes of shaping those little minds that might change the world someday. J.H.
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CHILD CARE AT A CRITICAL TIME In 2011, I was a Program Site Supervisor at South Bay Family YMCA before-/after- school programs called STRETCH. Although I was eager and excited about my new full-time position, personally, I was going through some major financial challenges. I was left with bills, debt, and I was a single parent of a 2-year-old son. With my many financial burdens, I had lost the opportunity to access the child care program for my son that was, at the time, affordable. I had felt lost and didn’t know how to continue working and taking care of my 2-year-old. I then spoke to my immediate Site Supervisor at the time. She was a single parent and had previously shared her accomplishments of the single-mother life, as well as ways to cope with stressful situations. Plus, she was someone whom I trusted and looked up to that would provide helpful solutions. She directed me to talk to the Child Care Director who I set up a meeting with right away. During the meeting, she explained to me in depth how the Annual Support Campaign funds are used, and in this case, they are used for families in need, such as myself. She said I would be eligible to obtain scholarship funds to enroll my son in the preschool program that would provide a scholarship for child care while I was at work. I was in tears and emotional knowing that I could support my family on my own and continue my new position with the YMCA. Without the YMCA scholarship funds obtained for child care, I would not have continued my career and be in the rewarding position I am now supporting opportunity for so many others. My son is now 10 years old, and I have a set of twin daughters and a wonderful husband. My family will always give to this great scholarship and my children are Y kids forever! C.G.
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WHAT OUR TEARS SAY When you’re tasked to give training on trauma informed care you form an idea in your mind of what the experience will be like. Then you show up and quickly realize what the work really is. As we begin to dissect what trauma is, how to engage with it, how to heal it, inevitably personal experiences begin to mingle with the content. So even though we approach it through an early childhood lens, conversations about trauma become personal very quickly. Those conversations with caregivers usually happen through tears and bated breath. Through knowing stares and vibrations that start to run through our bodies as we engage with how trauma shows up in all aspects of life. It’s the beginning of building more empathy for each other so we talk about it. We sit with it. In my time with the Foster Care Bridge program I learned that creating and holding space for people to have those conversations, verbal and non-verbal, is sacred work. How tears hold so much information. They are their own stories ripe with emotions and sensations telling the world “This is pain I have stored in my body. This is joy bursting to get out.” Tears saying “This is real life flowing out of me that I want to share with you.” And to all those tears I want to say, I see you and I honor you. A.P.
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OUT-OF-SCHOOL TIME CARE Our before- and after-school programs offer a safe, supervised environment beyond the hours of the standard school day, giving students an enriching experience while parents can continue to work and advance in their careers. Located on a school campus and run in partnership with teachers, we provide academic support and hands-on enrichment experiences for approximately 11,000 students per day across 96 sites in San Diego County. Quality programs are incubators of college and career readiness that equip students with the tools to succeed and become productive members of society. Students in our programs increase their social and emotional competence, learning to recognize and manage the complex emotions that come with growing up, while building the social connections that help individuals heal from trauma and navigate a successful transition to adulthood. At the same time, parents and caregivers have access to the concrete supports they need to build resilience and continue fostering the development of their children.
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REALIZING RESILIENCE Recently a student from the after-school program I work with was hospitalized for a week and was diagnosed with child onset diabetes. After being released she came back to school with a completely new lifestyle for a ten-year-old. Her routine included pricking her finger four times a day to check her blood sugar levels. On her first day back I helped her during this process, and while walking to the nurse’s office to dispose of her needle she said, “Ms. Laura, thank you for helping my mom out.” To me it was strange because I didn’t feel like I was doing much. She went on to share that while she was in the hospital her mom and dad argued a lot because he didn’t visit her at the hospital. He was also out of town when she was discharged. At this vulnerable time, she saw our program and my support as a positive light. From time to time I would find notes of thanks from her on my desk that would make me smile. It helped me realize how all of our perspectives may be different, but being kind and helpful may mean more to someone than you think. L.S.
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AHA! MOMENT The first time I saw the impact the Y made in people’s lives was during my first job in college. A mother was taking her child out of the after-school program because she could no longer afford it. She was recently diagnosed with breast cancer, and in starting treatment, work had to be put on pause. When I heard about this I told my Executive Director, and he said the Y would pay for the program while the mom was in treatment. As a team we decided to help so that the child’s everyday life was not changed while his mom was receiving this intensive treatment. The mom was incredibly grateful for the support the Y gave to her. L.G.
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PUSH FOR POSITIVE I started work for the YMCA about five years ago. It just started as a job. Now it has become a passion. A passion to help my families and community. A passion to help my students know they are worthy, special, and have the ability to make good choices. Each day I bring my positive attitude to be an example to my staff and the students I work with. I know that I make a difference because I see positive change everyday in my program. Z.R.
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THE BOY WITH THE RED PAPER DRAGON “Thank you for helping me this summer. Here is something so you can remember me,” the young boy said as he handed me a red, origami dragon. The first thing that popped in my head was, “how could I possibly forget you, G?!” Let us rewind, for a moment, to the first time I met G and his family. It was then that I learned that G along with his siblings had an adverse upbringing from which they were still healing and needed extra support. In building a relationship and trust with the family, we made the decision we would do all we could to help them have an incredible summer. Throughout our time together, his actions showed us he needed to be with his siblings for comfort, while also needing space to process the Day Camp experience. His actions struck me as being in survival mode due to his past experiences. We showed him support, working daily to prove our compassion and commitment to him having a good time. He learned that we could help as long as he vocalized what he needed. We found a common ground, and in doing so watched him realize a new potential. Everyone reveled in the fact that he had a fantastic ability to create anything using pipe cleaners and origami paper. He vocalized his need, and though there were bumps on the road, he learned that we were here to help. He learned to respect boundaries and to ask for time. Let me tell you, once he got going on a project, there was no stopping him! This seemingly ordinary gesture of the red, origami dragon at the end of summer was my “AHA” moment. It is the moment we cherish, which validates what we do, and the impact that every child we see makes on each of us. It is a reminder that constant support, trust, and simply learning what motivates others can lead to amazing red dragon moments. S.M.
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3 YEARS I worked at the same school with the same group of students for three years for the Y’s after-school program at Lincoln Elementary. I developed a bond with those students and families, unique to the fact that even teachers during the school day don’t often support their students multiple years. This year I am at a new site, working with students of multiple ages. Although I miss my students, I’ve grown so much seeing how special each student is, and how vulnerable they are. This bond and our trust is so important to their development and it’s our job to create security while helping them find joy in whatever they are doing. E.L.R.
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SHELL I would never have thought that I would get in front of a group of people and talk, let alone sing. My whole life I have always been the shy girl, always stuck inside my shell. This has always been my greatest challenge. When I first started working for the Y, I struggled so much just to get my group of kids to hear what I had to say. As time went by I learned that it’s ok to just be me, and grow at my own pace. Five years later I actually lead a training during summer camp. A singing training! I finally came out of my shell, but within this growth I also realized that a lot of the kids I had in my groups were the same way. They started off quiet and shy, but as the year went on they showed me who they really were. G.J.
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WORTH IT I came into the Y knowing that I wanted to become a teacher, but I wanted to put myself to the test because I had never worked with a large group of kids. I came into the program with a positive attitude, ready to learn and create a bond with my kids. When I started, I got a really tough group, and as the weeks went by I got discouraged. I was trying new things all the time to see change in the group. New ideas worked sometimes but not all the time for all the students. I pushed forward, holding all of the group’s progress close to heart. Now, in thinking about it, it was all those days that proved to me that teaching really was the right path for me. The harder time my students gave me, the more I wanted to better myself. I was up for the challenge, and it has inspired me. B.B.
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THERE IS ALWAYS A REASON Josiah is a good kid. At times he doesn’t show it to others, but in our time together I see that he has incredible character. One day he came to our program after a rough day at school, and took out his frustration on another student. As a result he had to take a break from our program, but I knew there was more to the situation than we know. On my way into work the following day as I walked into our classroom I saw Josiah coming down the hall. As he approached me I could see ketchup had been poured in his hair, and was all over his clothes. As he recognized me he broke down, saying, “I didn’t do anything wrong.” Another student has done this during lunch, and as we talked together I learned that he often felt targeted at school. Admittedly, when he then came to our program, he felt more confident and acted out on others as they did to him during the day. We were able to address the situation, getting him support he needed during school and at our program. I want all students to be heard, and in doing so I know there is always a reason. M.H.
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ACCESS TO MENTAL AND BEHAVIORAL HEALTH SERVICES Mental and behavioral health challenges do not discriminate across socioeconomic or ethnic boundaries, and any family is susceptible to the instability that comes from having a loved one who experiences mental or behavioral challenges. This instability can cause extreme disconnection between individuals and jeopardize relationships that are crucial to heal from trauma and continue on a path of stability. We work to ensure that all children and young adults can access behavioral health, psychiatric support, and mental health treatment regardless of the severity of their symptoms and any health insurance restrictions. With community counseling, short-term residential mental health treatment services, and behavior support services for families and child care providers, we ensure everyone has access to concrete support to build the resilience that maintains the social connections every individual needs to thrive.
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A FRESH START “I’m counting from ten. 10,9,8,7,6,5,4,3,2,1. Ok. You are not using your listening ears. I need you to take time out.” After days and then weeks of “time outs”, Thomas’ mom joined a meeting with the preschool Lead Teacher and Director. The resulting conversation was an invitation for him to leave their preschool due to unexplained and aggressive behavior that was not getting better. With work schedules to maintain, and when child care placement is lost, a family is put into a state of chaos to establish new routines and relationships. Every day without a child care plan is a day out sick, missed hours, or even the loss of a job. With little fault attributed to preschools and Family Child Care Providers, there are not enough resources or understanding about trauma-informed behavior strategies. Due to this, there is a significant number of children like Thomas who need important support, but are expelled from school before even turning five. I work with the community to help prevent this by administering Behavioral Support Services to families and child care providers. As Thomas transitioned to a new family child care provider, his mom saw this as a fresh start, and an opportunity to get him extra help. She wanted more than anything for him to learn, and grow with a group of friends. She, too, was unsure why he constantly dumped buckets of Legos in the classroom, or brushed paint on his face whenever it was art time. She reached out to our team in hopes that this fresh start would be a nurturing place for him until he started Kindergarten.
Upon our first family conversation, I learned that Thomas had recently had surgery to reduce the effects of epilepsy and give him respite from seizures he had in his youngest years. It was then through observation that I realized Thomas’ other senses were awake in a new way after the surgery. He was experiencing the rich touch of texture in paint and the sound of Legos crashing for the first time. He was less tired than before when he experienced seizures and was beyond excited. As I described the joy I witnessed in Thomas during the day and when he did these behaviors, his mom’s eyes filled with tears. These were not aggressive acts. They were an exploration of an environment he was detached from before. She was overwhelmed and tearful because this was the first time someone spoke about her son’s behavior with optimism. She also finally had an explanation as to why they occurred. Together, with Thomas’ mom and the child care provider, we worked on strategies that worked for everyone. With training, the provider learned to engage him, rather than be punitive when he did these actions. She found ways to redirect him with activities that complemented the sense he was exploring. It made a world of difference, and I only wish more children could have this support. L.F.
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“SHE BELIEVED SHE COULD SO SHE DID.” -UNKNOWN What inspires me to work at the Y is the ability to help our youth find their voice and believe they can do anything they set their minds to. I want to work with our youth to develop the confidence and self-love they need to live out their fullest potential and create the life they want to live. R.K.
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IT WASN’T A DREAM. IT WAS A PLACE.
The YMCA’s Oz San Diego program provides healing and unification to families through a residential treatment program for youth ages 12-17.
Youth and staff from Oz San Diego came up with various themes and imagery of what Oz meant to them: waves, poppies, helping hands, home, water ripples, and asleep vs. awake. All can be found in the new 109-foot long mural that stretches the whole backyard. Led by Isabel Halpern of ArtReach San Diego, the youth not only helped with the design; they also primed the wall and spent many hours painting every last inch of it. Over 60 people worked on this mural including additional staff volunteers from YMCA Community Support Services. A true collaborative effort. Rich colors, calming shapes, and intentional symbols make up the flow of the mural. The greens throughout were chosen to represent Emerald City, and to double as the designated mental health awareness color.
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From one side of the wall to the other, one can see many repeating water ripples, 100 exactly. Each water ripple represents 100 people making a total of 10,000 people. Oz San Diego celebrates its 50th anniversary in 2020. It has impacted 10,000 people over the last 50 years. It was an incredible experience to bring ideas and visions onto the wall to honor youth, families, and staff who have been a part of this critical program for San Diego.
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SUPPORT FOR YOUTH IN FOSTER CARE AND THEIR CAREGIVERS The circumstances that lead to placing a child in foster care are considered adverse experiences that can have a traumatic effect on children and impact their ability to succeed in school, in the workplace, and in social circles. The trauma that results from those circumstances, especially when it occurs early in life and is chronic or severe, has been linked to high-risk behaviors, chronic diseases, and negative health outcomes in adulthood. However, exposure to adversity does not predetermine poor outcomes, and proper support —particularly the consistent presence of supportive relationships — mitigates the impacts of trauma. We prevent or limit contact with the Child Welfare System by increasing parental resilience so parents can manage stress when faced with adversity. We provide concrete support, such as child care or one-time emergency funding to help parents who take in a child from the foster system on short notice. Our programs help parents and their children build the social connections with their community and one another to foster safety, trust, and permanency. This multi-faceted approach that supports both family and child in the foster care system ensures that a child’s emotional and physical safety are regarded with equal importance to lead to a life of long-term success.
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SHIFT OF PERSPECTIVE My story is one of the many that quite literally comes full circle. I had just graduated from my undergrad program and was looking for work when I applied to be a child care site supervisor for Character Builders. There was one child who was always hesitant to come into our program and would have accidents where he wet his pants. I was really concerned with these behaviors, so I started digging to figure out the cause. I soon discovered he was part of a kinship family and his grandmother was his main caregiver. They had received a scholarship through the Y which allowed her to work and not have to worry about her grandson. Like many of the kids we work with, he had been placed with his grandmother because of serious trauma that occurred while in the home of his biological parents.
This completely shifted my perspective on what had happened and the behaviors this child had presented, and it led me to go back to school to receive my Masters in Social Work. It was amazing to be able to keep my site supervisor position while going to school, since that was one less thing I had to worry about. After graduation, I started looking into career paths and found Youth & Family Services through my connections with Palomar YMCA. From child care to social work, my Y journey has been one I will always cherish. A.B.
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MARVELOUS MICHELLE On my first day as a Kinship Navigator I had no idea what to expect. It was my first job in social services, and I felt like a fish out of water. I had so many worries. Will I be any good at the job? Will people like me? What if I hate this role? What if my clients hate me? Despite my numerous questions and fears, I showed up on my first day with a smile and a positive attitude. I was lucky enough to be greeted by someone who would make my transition easier than I ever thought. Michelle took me under her wing right away, introducing me to everyone and teaching me the ins and outs of the program. I immediately
felt comfortable and realized most of my worries had been for nothing. Since my first day, Michelle has continued to support me in my new role. She stops what she’s doing whenever I have a silly question, and never complains about having to help me fix the copier for the hundredth time. She is exactly the kind of coworker you want to have-patient, supportive, mature and helpful. I am so grateful to have a connection with someone like her, and hope that one day I can provide the same support and guidance for someone else. L.S.
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MEET NATASHA Anyone who meets Natasha is instantly struck by her bright smile and even brighter soul. She is a 10-year-old bundle of joy and laughter. The Tuesday I met her, we sat at a red lunch table on the outskirts of the playground at her school. She welcomed me with the kind of grace and open door that most adults have left behind long ago. It is difficult to believe that she has spent the last two years in Foster Care, bouncing between homes and schools. When Natasha was just 8 years old she entered the Foster Care System after being removed from a home struggling with domestic violence and neglect. Shortly after, her county social worker referred her case to the Permanent Connections Program, hoping that a Family Engagement Specialist could help Natasha connect with family and build a long term support system. Cue my entrance into her life. As I began meeting with Natasha, building our little friendship around that picnic table at her school, a picture of her life started to form. One of loneliness and isolation. Despite having two parents who loved her, violence, confusion and instability had been a part of her life from a young age. She would recount hiding in her bedroom closet and covering her ears when her parents were fighting, doing whatever she could to feel safe. It became clear to me that this resilient and loving firecracker-third-grader was in need of supportive and caring connections. She deserved, as all children do, to feel safe and protected. And so I went to work. I dedicated months to uncovering and bringing together a loving team of individuals who could support Natasha for the rest of her life. Each time Natasha and I would meet, Natasha would express her desire to know more of her family. Having grown up an only child, she wanted to experience what is was like to have a big, fun, loving family. I worked diligently to find friends, family and additional individuals who could fill those loving roles in Natasha’s life. In December of 2017, I discovered that Natasha did in fact have a BIG family. My sleuthing payed off and I uncovered 4 adult half-siblings who all shared the same mother as Natasha. I began reaching out to these siblings and building relationships. Out of the 4 individuals who were found, 3 were excited and ready to begin a relationship with Natasha. Natasha was overjoyed when she realized that she had so many siblings! I began to facilitate contact between Natasha and the siblings; exchanging letters, photos and video chats. Then, on a sunny day in May 2018 Natasha arrived to a picnic at the beach where her 3 siblings were waiting to meet her. Tears and laughter and lots of questions hung in the air on this special day as Natasha met her brother and sisters for the first time. Fast forward nine months and Natasha is in constant communication with her siblings. There have been many more phone calls, visits and even Christmas vacation spent together. Her siblings are committed to being a part of her life long term and cannot imagine a life without their bubbly little sister Natasha.
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While these beautiful relationships were developing over the past year, I was also able to engage the family of another half-sibling of Natasha’s. Joey is Natasha’s younger brother and was adopted at birth by Katie and Alex in New Jersey. Through an open adoption, Natasha has had the opportunity to meet Joey and his family a few times over the last several years. With the support of the Permanent Connections program, Natasha was able to strengthen and grow her relationship with Joey. This past summer I sat with Natasha at a park near her foster home. We ate tangerines, she told me all about how she was going to have a big family, and that she was going to live with her brother Joey. My eyes began to water and I blamed it on the June sun, but my heart was bursting for the rich and wonderful future I could see awaiting Natasha. Four days later she got on a plane to leave San Diego for her new home with Katie, Alex and her brother Joey. Less than two years ago, Natasha was searching for family. Today, she is surrounded by it. She is safe and protected and is experiencing more each day what it means to be part of a big, loving family. C.D.
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SUPPORT FOR UNDER-RESOURCED YOUTH Youth who have experienced poverty, homelessness or other adverse experiences are disconnected from the educational or social networks to help them transition to adulthood, and they are vulnerable to experiencing continued poverty and dependence on public support systems instead of becoming thriving members of our community. We ensure physical and emotional safety to help youth transition to adulthood during a period of growth that is second only to the development that occurs in early childhood. Whether it’s access to stable housing, clothes for a job interview, or a bus pass to get to work every day, our concrete supports help youth achieve stability to focus on larger goals like completing their education and finding employment. We use a neuro-informed approach to help youth increase the social emotional competence that helps them understand their feelings and the impact that has maintaining healthy relationships. Our focus on social connections gives youth a long-term support system, in some cases for the first time in their lives, that they can rely on long after leaving our programs. We help youth access the resources necessary for stability while building on a sophisticated understanding of brain development to ensure young people also have the emotional support necessary for navigating the complexities of adulthood.
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ERIC Red hair that had been lightened by the sun, freckles still visible under the perpetual tan and a smile that was full of mischief. These are the things most people would first notice when they looked at my cousin Eric. Most wouldn’t notice the tattoo on his right arm depicting the north star, so he could always find his way home, or the tattoo on the bottom of his foot that held my mom and my numbers, just in case he ever forgot them. Eric, like many youth we work with, felt the system had failed him, so, in turn, he refused to be a part of it and spent the second half of his life as a transient. Free to do what he wanted when he wanted, free of societal responsibilities, free to live his life on his terms. Before he chose this path, he lived with my family for around a year, until his mom wanted him to join her in Arkansas. Although my parents pushed for him to stay, the choice was ultimately his mother’s, and he left to be with her. Looking back, I think the year he spent with us was probably the most stable year of his life. Sadly, he never overcame the trauma he lived through. Eric dealt with physical and mental health issues, some hereditary, others self-induced. Throughout his transient years, he train hopped around the country. I remember he would call us from all corners of the continental US, but it was never about the destination for him, he only focused on the journey. I’ll never forget the phone call that his journey had ended. My mom and I had just crossed over from Mexico and she saw over five missed calls from my cousin. I was staring at her face as she listened, and I witnessed my mom crumble. Tears started rolling down her face and disbelief was in her voice. She finally choked out, “Eric’s dead.” I remember the shock and disbelief I felt. It couldn’t be real. Eric was larger than life. We had just talked to him a few weeks ago. He was smart. He wouldn’t get himself into a bad situation and if he did, he could talk his way out of it. All of these thoughts rushed through my mind like the trains he used to ride on. We later found out that while on a train there was an argument and he was pushed out of the moving train. His body and pack were found by the police. He had died instantly. Through our devastation, I realized on a deeply personal level why the work we do at the Y is so important. If Eric had access to the resources we provide, things might have ended differently for him. My hope is, through this work, one day no family has to deal with this pain, and no youth feel failed by society and the system. When I imagine him now, I hope he is riding those trains, his journey neverending, with the wind in his hair and a smile on his face. A.A.
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LED AJ and Manny lived on the end of town that had a predestined fate set to join the homies before they turned 16. Handball was one of the only things that distracted them from the nonsense the life had for the time being. The Y let them play after school for hours until they walked home and were faced with reality day in and day out. Once before school was about to break, I handed them a flyer to a week-long event that featured a handball tournament. They would have to participate every day in leadership activities and practice there to be a part of the tournament. Instead of having to find a wall of an abandoned building to play off of, the two decided to go to the event during the school break. The Y partnered with the local teen center to put on these events like the handball tournament, as rates of teens getting into trouble or getting hurt during school breaks rose and they wanted to have youth-led activities to help keep them engaged when school was out. There was breakdancing, graffiti art, photography, videography, and even a recording studio. But the two young men came for handball and played hard coming in 1st and 2nd place in the tournament. Floating on their winning highs, they asked if they would do another tournament during the next school break. I told them they would have to lead it if they wanted to have one next time. Manny wasn’t interested but AJ agreed and came to every planning meeting. He set up the brackets, designed the flyers, and got the trophies. When time came for the tournament, AJ guided every step of it. We didn’t see Manny for the tournament AJ set up, or any activity thereafter. A couple years passed, I moved to a new city and became a Case Manager for another Y. I returned back to that town to attend a graduation and while walking into the arena, I heard someone call my name. AJ ran toward me and threw me the biggest hug. He explained that he went on to also become a Case Manager for the same teen center he once led that handball tournament at. I asked about Manny, but with grief in his face, AJ shared Manny had been jumped into the gang in the old neighborhood. These events continue on and I smile every time I see a new flyer on social media. Making room for young people to grow and lead can make all the difference. C.B.
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PART OF A MOVEMENT Like many LGBTQ youth, I was born into a family that didn’t necessarily accept me for who I am. This encouraged me to start getting involved in the LGBTQ Community. I began by volunteering at Project Youth, the youth department of the North County LGBTQ Resource Center while I was in high school. I also got involved in my school’s Gender Sexuality Alliance (GSA), a club that provides a safe space for LGBTQ youth. Through my GSA, I started working together with other local North County Gender Sexuality Alliances to put on collaborative events, such as a Trans Clothing Drive, Halloween Parties, and Annual Pride Beach Bonfires. I also worked with my GSA Advisor to work towards getting an all staff LGBTQ Competency Training throughout my school district, through gathering data. After I graduated from high school, I gained more of a role at the North County LGBTQ Resource Center as the Youth Coordinator. It was in that role that I met Naomi and first learned about Our Safe Place. From there, I started working with Our Safe Place, collaborating for North County events. The first Our Safe Place event that I worked on was the first-ever Camp Trailblazers. This was the first free LGBTQ camp of its kind in San Diego County. It was specifically unique for being completely free for all LGBTQ youth and for including transitional aged LGBTQ youth (18-21). This was also the first-ever LGBTQ centered YMCA overnight camp held at Camp Raintree and Camp Marston. That
weekend participants and staff alike got to be one with nature while enjoying hikes, campfires, swimming, rock climbing, and archery. We also held LGBTQ leadership centered workshops/activities as well. It was such a meaningful experience, getting to provide an LGBTQ affirmative camp experience while working as a peer camp counselor. Six months later, I got hired on as a Support Specialist at Our Safe Place. I feel so lucky to be a part of an initiative/movement to make the YMCA more LGBTQ inclusive, providing services and resources to LGBTQ youth and young adults in North County. It’s been especially amazing to be able to provide services to LGBTQ transitional aged youth, as that specifically, is a very underserved population. Since getting hired, I’ve learned so much. I’ve learned how important documentation is in this line of work, and I’ve learned how important boundaries are. While being the youngest staff member at Our Safe Place and often working with participants who I’m close in age with, I’ve learned how essential boundaries are. It can be tough working in this field at a young age, often feeling like I must prove myself because of my young face. But I am also so grateful for the opportunity to be gaining this work experience so early on, which will help me further my future career as a Social Worker. Participants often feel like they can relate with me more too, because of my age.
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While working at Our Safe Place, I’ve had the privilege of working with such an amazing team of professionals that put on great events and activities for our participants. I am so proud of Our Safe Place for providing events such as our monthly LGBTQ+ Coffee Social. Our Coffee Socials are a monthly meetup group for LGBTQ transitional aged youth (18-21 years of age) in local North County coffee shops. The Coffee Socials provide a much-needed sober space for LGBTQ youth to socialize and play games while drinking coffee and tea. Many of the attendees have expressed how important this group is to them, to have a space to socialize that isn’t so heavily alcohol focused. Attendees have become so passionate about these meetups that they have started to request games, and even sign up to lead activities in our upcoming meetups. So far, our Coffee Socials have taken us to local coffee shops in Vista, Oceanside and San Marcos and have been going on since September. In the New Year, we are looking forward to branching out to Escondido, Ramona, and Encinitas in the next few months. I am also so proud of a recent Trans Affirming Gender Reveal Party that Our Safe Place hosted to celebrate a participant getting their name and gender marker legally changed. While Gender Reveal Parties have transphobic roots, Our Safe Place reclaimed this Gender Reveal Party, affirming their participant’s gender identity. At the Gender
Reveal Party, we had a Unicorn Cake with our participant’s name iced on. We also had a Unicorn piñata filled with starbursts. Our participant invited many of their friends, to celebrate, and was beaming from ear to ear during the entire party. Since the Gender Reveal Party happened during our TAY/ OSP Holiday Party, we also were given the chance to educate other participants on the important difference between this Gender Reveal Party and other Gender Reveal Parties. We were also given the chance to educate the difference between Gender, Sex, and Gender Expression. This is one of the many reasons why having Our Safe Place in TAY is so important; it gives us a chance to educate others (who may identify outside of the LGBTQ community) on pronouns, gender identity, LGBTQ Community as a whole, and how to be a good ally. R.G.
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GRADUATION GOWN Four years ago, I met a young man named Remington. We spent the last few years feeding turtles, chasing ducks, and singing ABCs at the top of our lungs. We learned together, and laughed a ton. We were able to create quality programming for him throughout the year, swimming in the summer, building blocks and bonds, and meeting friends wherever we went. A few years passed and we were closer than ever, mostly because we had so much fun, but also because we navigated a teenage social life for a young man with special needs. He grew and learned so much that, before I knew it, he was beginning a new chapter and ending the one we had written together. To celebrate, we visited the happiest place on earth, laughing and having one final adventure. The next day was one that marked all of Rem’s hard work. We dressed him in his graduation gown, gave him hugs, and sent him across the stage on his new journey. T.W.
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GONE FISHING The line cast over the water, and as the weight of the hook sunk he let out a long sigh. Aaron would not have been familiar with the term “adverse childhood experiences�. No one ever took the time to explain to him that his circumstances did not define him. Being a victim of violence in his home, living with a single mother who abused alcohol, not knowing if there would be enough money from one week to another was his reality and burden to bear. His late diagnosis of dyslexia, and outbursts at school were turned into the anecdotes of his jokes. He made friends easily, including people working at the 711 on the corner, neighbors, and eventually cell mates during stints in jail. He kept us laughing at every holiday and birthday party, so much so that as family we rarely paused to consider what he really needed was tranquility and support in a spiraling life. As he became a young adult we celebrated that Aaron was out of jail, clean, and working to repair windshields at a gas station. Customers were drawn to him, and he picked up enough work to pay for an apartment lease, gaining an inkling of hope. When the call came that he had been killed we assumed the worst about his involvement in the situation. This was the malicious joke of his passing. It wouldn’t be until weeks later that the detective told us that he had tried to break up a domestic violence situation in an upstairs apartment that turned violent. He was a casualty in the situation, and a casualty of a life that deserved so much more. His is a line that will never be brought to the surface, but his memory reminds us that there is more to do for so many. C.T.
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ECONOMIC MOBILITY AND STABILITY FOR ALL The ongoing stress that comes from multiple demands on a family’s time and money can negatively impact family functioning and the development of youth as they grow up in their early years, progress through school, and prepare for the transition to adulthood. When families have stable, meaningful employment, they have access to the resources that contribute to individual and family well-being. Concrete supports like access to quality child care or stable housing ensure families can advance in their careers and increase their potential to earn wages that foster economic stability. Parental resilience and social emotional competence help individuals manage chronic stress and face adversity and times of crisis with resilience. Social connection is the thread that connects us as individuals and opens doors to opportunities for professional advancement and building resilience after trauma. Economic stability is important in times of crisis, but also throughout the lifespan of individuals and families to ensure everyone can invest in nurturing a child’s development, maintaining family functioning, and helping us reach our fullest potential as a community.
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SO MUCH MORE For most people, the Y means a gym and a place for your kids to go for summer camp and swim lessons, but for me, it is so much more. The one thing many people don’t realize is what a strong community there is within the Y. I received support for close to a decade from the Childcare Resource Service. They paid for my kids to go to daycare and camps so I was able to work and go back to school. This support allowed me to cultivate my career and better the lives of my family. Through school I received a work-study program at the Peninsula Family YMCA in 2007. The community I built there was phenomenal. They made sure every holiday was special for me and my kids and they even helped my oldest son get his first job! This first job led him to find his passion for teaching children, and after working at Y summer camps, he is now a preschool teacher at Toby Wells! After 9 years at Peninsula I joined Youth & Family Services, and although I was sad to leave my community, I was excited to build onto it. It has now been over three years since I joined the YFS family, and I am constantly seeing how the Y changes lives of people every day in so many different ways. The work we do is one of the reasons my family is thriving today. C.B.
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THE ONE As a Family Advocate, I get a lot of emails and letters from families we help, but there’s always that one. The one that reminds you why you come into work. One that you re-read over and over. One that sticks with you and fills you with humility and grace. Sara’s letter is “the one” for me. To Whom It May Concern, My name is Sara. I wanted to take the time to personally thank the YMCA for everything you have done not only for me but for my son as well. As a single mother of a 9-year-old, my journey to get where I am today has been no easy feat. In 2008, I lost my mother to alcoholism which led me down a very dark path of my own that included excess drinking, leading to my eventual homelessness. While homeless, I was put in extremely dangerous and unsettling situations that had me fearing for my life practically everyday. My circumstances on the streets slowly chipped away at what little self-esteem I had left which gave way to my not caring whether I lived or died at that point. I used to dumpster dive for food as well as bottles and cans to recycle for money in order to eat as well as support my drinking habit. I resorted to panhandling on a daily basis as well which proved to be not only humiliating but dehumanizing because not only am I a woman, but a woman of color as well (compartmentalizing me as a stereotypical black woman living on the street). At the time, I was on the street with a man I had known for years. One day, while sitting in a park (which was my home), I discovered I was pregnant after taking a pregnancy test I bought from the 99 cent store. It was at that moment I knew I had to do any and everything I could to stop drinking, seek shelter and get off the street for good. I went to a crisis house for several weeks and from there to Rachel’s Women’s Center located downtown. I was allowed to stay there (but could not be there with a child). At 7 months, I moved in with my best friend and her mother. I gave birth to a healthy baby boy. When he was almost 2 years old I decided to enroll in some classes at San Diego City College. I found a daycare center for my son and because of the generous assistance of the YMCA paying for my child care I was able to go back to school. At this point, I was not with the father of my son so I had become a single mother balancing motherhood and college at the age of 36. I did very well in school and maintained a 4.0 G.P.A. Thanks to the YMCA I had time to study since my son was in daycare. I graduated City College with high honors and transferred to UCSD. Again, with the help of the YMCA I was able to pursue hugher education as my son was in daycare. I graduated UCSD in with my BA in Global Health (Cum Laude). I am beginning my new career helping homeless people find housing and employment. It is very humbling to be able to give back to my community and I hope to be as successful in my career as I was in college. With all that the YMCA has done for me, I am truly grateful because there is no way I could have accomplished my dreams without you. I would like to add that I am almost ten years clean and sober. All the best, Sara. C.J.
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THERE ARE FACES I REMEMBER Back living with my parents, with $20 left in my bank account, I walked into the interview open to any opportunity. I thought it would be a step, but ten years later it has become a path. This path with the YMCA supported our first apartment rental as a couple, supported the birth of two beautiful babies, supported the eventual purchase of a home, and a goal of being the first in my family to earn a college degree. This path led me towards greater self-awareness, an application of my strengths, and complements a tireless commitment I have to social responsibility. Along this path there is a series of fierce, focused, and passionate women. They have pushed, encouraged, and cheered me on for a decade. It is an honor and privilege to work amongst them. This privilege motivates me to continue defining my fullest potential. K.K.
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AFTERWORD Every family can come to Community Support Services at any point in their journey, starting with infants and toddlers in need of child care, all the way to grandparents raising their grandchildren, and every age in between. We approach our role in their lives with great responsibility and use evidence-based approaches and a rigorous commitment to evaluation and continuous quality improvement so we’re sure their time with us is well-spent. This commitment to combining science with heart results in the best possible impact on the families we serve. Though our programs are diverse in their approaches and populations served, the common thread running through each is a focus on building and maintaining relationships. This idea of building connection to the community around us gives individuals access to people who can uncover information, resources, and opportunities. The right connections can impact a person’s career trajectory and, in turn, their economic and family stability. The emphasis on social connections is important for building trust between staff and families and critical to helping families maintain stability once their involvement with our programs ends. However for those who have experienced extreme poverty or other circumstances that result in trauma, a history of unhealthy relationships affects the brain in ways that make it difficult to form trusting, healthy connections. The YMCA applies this understanding of brain development and the impact of trauma to its programs, ensuring that youth and families develop the skills to connect them to the people, opportunities, information, and resources that combat barriers to stability and help them navigate unexpected crises. We give families the tools to envision and achieve their goals, empowering them to understand that their contribution is vital to the success of our community. Many of the families we serve come to us in the midst of stressful situations and with a degree of mistrust for the systems that have failed them in the past. For this reason, it is crucial that we serve them with the YMCA core values of Honesty, Caring, Respect and Responsibility. For us, the youth and families we serve are more than a case file, and the positions we occupy are more than a job. This level of connection affords us a perspective rarely seen in social services and is the inspiration for this volume. In telling our stories and the stories of the families in our care, we hope to shine a light on the threads that tie our community together and the role we all play in making San Diego a place where everyone can thrive.
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82 | YOUR STORY
WHAT’S YOUR STORY? “There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you.” — Maya Angelou Please consider spending time to reflect on a professional or personal experience. Capture it for yourself, or share it for others to learn from your experience. CONNECT WITH US www.ymcasd.org/crs www.ymcasd.org/yfs
Facebook: @YMCA.CRS @YMCAYouthandFamilyServices
Instagram: @ymcacss @ymcayfs
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OUR MISSION
The YMCA of San Diego County is dedicated to improving the quality of human life and to helping all people realize their fullest potential as children of God through the development of the spirit, mind and body.