Control by Layla Brindisi

HM

by Layla Brindisi

I had been told my entire life that you shouldn’t let one person control your entire life. And I wished I had listened. I let Maria Elizabeth Rocksin control my life. It all started in second grade. It was the first day after winter break and everyone had just gotten to class. We were all putting our things in our cubbies, chatting about what we had gotten for Christmas, and hugging people we had missed. Then our teacher Mrs. McClaire clapped her hands to grab our attention. “Okay everyone, let’s take a seat on the rug for the morning meeting, and I have some fun news!” Mrs. McClaire announced. Everyone’s faces lit up at the thought of fun news. Everyone hurried to the rug, and took seats next to their best friends. But I sat alone. I sat in the back, watching everyone else chatter away about what this news could be. I stared down at my lap, not wanting to have any sort of attention. There was a brisk knock at the classroom door, before Principal Gross walked in. Everyone stopped talking and sucked in a breath. Principal Gross only came to the classrooms when she had bad news. She cleared her throat and said to us in her loud, commanding voice: “Hello students, meet the newest member of your classroom, Maria.” She then stepped aside to reveal a short girl with black hair, pulled behind her in a neat braid. She hugged a My Little Pony backpack to her chest, and wore a pair of leggings and a white shirt with pretty ruffles lining the bottom. I wished I had such nice clothes. I wore old, hand-me-down jeans, and a baggy tee-shirt. I was the youngest of six kids. I immediately wanted to be friends with this girl. But everyone else didn’t seem to agree. That day Maria had sat alone at lunch, at the end of our classroom table. That day spaghetti was being served, and two boys loaded their spoons with the bright red sauce and hurled it at Maria, and laughed loudly as it splattered against her white shirt, covering it with the sauce. I could see tears form in Maria’s eyes and I heard a sniffle escape her. I whipped my head to the boys and gave them a menacing glare. They glared right back and yelled: “What are you looking at four eyes!” I had never understood that phrase. My glasses were obviously not eyes! I went and grabbed tons of napkins, and headed over to where Maria sat. I handed her the napkins and sat across from her. “Don’t rub, dab. My mom taught me that,” I told her. She smiled and dabbed at the sauce. After she got most of the sauce off I told her: “ I’m Alice by the way.” “I’m Maria.” She mumbled to me. After that day we would eat together every day at lunch and soon became very close. We had been inseparable all the way to eighth grade. We helped each other through every boy who broke our hearts, every rumor spread, every friendship lost. Then, the summer before eighth grade started, tragedy hit.

It had been a nice summer day, and I rode my bike down to Maria’s house, which was just on the next street over. I pulled into the gravel driveway and put down my bike’s kickstand, and skipped over to the nice front steps of the small farmhouse and rang the doorbell, but all that met my ears was the sound of their dog Lucy barking loudly. This was odd. The Rocksin’s were almost always home, and it was extremely rare when all of them were gone at a time. I ran to the garage door and peeked in through the window on the side, and sure enough their cars were gone. Maybe I was just being paranoid. Maybe Mrs. Rocksin had just decided it was time for a family outing. I nodded my head and got back on my bike again, and began to peddle when a familiar voice called to me. “Well hello Miss. Alice!” The voice called, and I smiled when I saw sweet Mrs. Gertude, Rocksin's neighbor. “Hello Mrs. Gretude,” I called back. “Do you know where the Rocksins went?” “Well, last night Mrs. Rocksin and Maria left in quite the hurry. Then this morning Mr. Rocksin and Maria’s sister Annie, left.” Mrs. Gertude said, concern in her voice, making the wrinkles in her face go deeper. “Oh.” I replied, and worry took a tight grip on me. I began peddling again and waved goodbye to Mrs. Gertude. I felt a knot in my stomach, and I had the feeling something was very wrong. I peddled home quickly, fighting the worry and fear consuming my brain. Once I got home, I hurriedly shoved my bike outside, and ran up the steps of our trailer. I had always been embarrassed about the trailer. My parents were quite broke, and when I was an infant, they sold our home and moved into a trailer, much too tiny for five people. My three other siblings had already moved out and started their lives, but my other two sisters and I were still stuck in the trailer. My little sister and I shared the bottom bunk while my older sister had the top bunk to herself, and my parents shared the pull out couch. We had a tiny bathroom and an even smaller kitchen. I burst through the door, and collapsed into the bed, erupting into sobs. “God what’s wrong with you?” My older sister Danna scoffed, but my little sister Georgia rushed over from the TV that barely worked half the time, and hugged me tightly. “What’s wrong, Al. Talk to me.” She said, rubbing my back just how Mom does. “God, she’s fine! Probably crying over another boy!” Danna rolled her eyes. “Oh shut up Danna!” Georgia snapped and grabbed a piece of toilet paper, and gave me one to blow my nose, and dried my eyes with the other. “I-it’s Maira! T-they just left last night! A-and I’m so worried!” I cried before dropping my head into my hands and sobbing. I felt my anxiety flare up and I started hyperventilating. My breaths came out ragged and harsh. “Hey, hey, hey, it’s okay! I’m sure everything’s fine! How do you know this?” Georgia asked. “Mrs. Gertude.” I cried. Georgia nodded, and hugged me tightly. “It’s okay. Lay down. I’ll make you something to eat. You lay there and take some deep

breaths. Put yourself in your happy place.” Georgia whispered to me, and laid me down, and draped my favorite blanket over me. I nodded and took deep breaths, trying to distract my mind. I watched as Georgia snapped at Donna to get some ice and water, and for once Donna listened. After a couple minutes I had finally calmed down. I had eaten some yogurt and had a glass of water, but the thought of Maria filled me with panic again. I closed my eyes and imagined myself on an empty beach, the cool breeze blowing against my face, the water tickling my toes. I was wearing a beautiful, flowy dress that wasn’t a hand-me-down. As I imagined the breeze carrying away my worries, I drifted off to sleep with it. I woke up to see my mom sitting on the bed, stroking my hair. My dad still wasn’t home from his long hours of working as a mechanic, and my sisters sat on the couch, looks of pity on their faces. No. No, I didn’t want their pity. I didn’t want to know why I was getting these looks of pity. A knot formed in my stomach. And I just knew. Something happened to Maria. “Sweetie, last night, Mrs. Rocksin and Maria got in a car accident on the way to a soccer game, a-and they didn’t make it.” My mom said, her voice breaking off at the end. “No.” I whispered. “It’s gonna be okay.” My mom mumbled, reaching out to touch my arm, but I yanked it away. “No!” I yelled and jumped up and ran out the door and down the street. I ran and ran until I arrived at the Rocksin’s house. I ran and banged on the door. “Maria! Maria let me in! It’s me, let me in! I know you’re here! Let me in!” I yelled sobbing harder with each word. But no answer came, just the barks of Lucy. I banged and banged, and watched as worried neighbors came out to see the commotion. I slumped against the door, scream-sobbing until my throat gave away. I heard the roar of a car, and realized it was my mom’s, and I saw her rush out, and grab me tightly. “Come here. Come here it’s alright.” She whispered. But I pushed her off. “Get off! You are lying! She’s in there! She’s just sleeping!” I yelled. My mom grabbed me again and held me tighter. “No baby. C'mon, we need to go home.” She mumbled to me. I tried to kick, I tried to get away, but all my energy was gone. I gave up. I barely remember the days following her death. It was full of numbness and crying till I had no tears. I never ate; I just laid in bed, grasping all the memories I had of her, terrified someone would rip those away from me too. Then, on one warm sunny day, barely a month after her death, I sat in the front of the trailer, lying on my back, watching the clouds, imagining if Maria was up there somewhere, watching over me. We loved lying on our backs, watching the clouds and imagining shapes they looked like, and giving them lives and backstories. We had always done it in front of our trailer because there were no trees to block the view. I stared at the clouds imagining what Maria

would say they looked like. “You know that tiny one, that is a baby racoon, and the one next to it, that’s its mom.” I whipped my head around to see Maria lying next to me on the grass, pointing at a cloud. My mouth dropped open. She was wearing the same thing that I had last seen her in, and she smiled at me. “B-but you died.” I whispered. “No. You are stuck in a coma,” She explained. “You crashed your bike on your way to my house! I’m here to bring you back!” I smiled happily. I knew my mother had been lying. My Maria would never die. I smiled and grabbed her hand happily. We sat there for hours staring at the clouds. “So, can we go back now? This world is incredibly sad.” I whined. “We need to leave at the perfect time. Now is not the time.” She said, certainty in her tone. I nodded. Maria was always right. For some reason I didn’t know, now wasn’t the time. “My parents want me to go to a therapist.” I said to her after minutes of silence. “Oh don’t go! That therapist is evil, I know it! They will give you medicine that makes me disappear! T-they want you to stay in this coma! Alice you can’t!” Maria gasped. I nodded along. That made sense. “Okay I won’t.” I promised her. “Great! Well I should head home! Head inside and I’ll see you shortly.” she cheered and skipped away, and I watched until she faded away. I walked inside happily and plopped onto my bed. “Cmon Alice. We need to leave if we want to make it to the therapist in time!” My mom called from the kitchen. I groaned but followed her to the car, and stayed quiet as we drove. “I’m not going.” I told her when we pulled into the parking lot. “Listen, Alice. This will help!” She begged. “Liar.” I hissed. And she shook her head. “I need to go across the street to the grocery store, now go check in.” I grumbled but got out reluctantly. I watched as she drove away, and once she was finally out of my view, I walked down the block to the Target. I checked my watch. I had forty-five minutes before I needed to run back to the therapist’s office, to make it seem I had gone to my appointment. I was extremely proud of myself for taking Maria’s advice. I walked through Target happily admiring all the pretty clothes, and happy families, some with little kids, others with annoyed teenagers. I made up backstories for all of them as I walked past. After nearly no time, I needed to leave to make it to the therapist office in time. I made it just in time, as ten minutes later, my mom pulled into the parking lot. I went appointment after appointment skipping before one day we were all lounging around at home, when my mom’s phone rang. She answered it, and when the person started talking she spun around and, if looks could kill, that would have done it.

“Alison Jonna Chicks.” She rumbled. My sisters dropped what they were doing and gave me looks of fear. I looked up at her, failing to hide the fear in my face. “Y-yeah?” I squeaked. “Have. You. Been. Skipping. Your. Therapist. Appointments?” She boomed, empathising each word. I nodded slowly and her head dropped into her hands, and I saw her shoulders start shaking, and I heard her cry quietly. And my heart ached. I didn’t want to make her cry, but I had to get out of this coma. I had to go home to the real her. She didn’t understand now but I was doing a great thing. “Alice we are trying to help you! We are trying to help you with grief, but you have to let us try!” My mother cried, and tears began to form in my eyes. “I don’t want help! I’m fine!” I yelled through my tears. “No you aren’t! Baby you aren’t eating! You lay in that bed, or you stare at the clouds, or you sit by her grave! Baby you have depression! You aren’t the same! You will go to that therapist! End of discussion!” My mother sobbed. I stayed quiet. I did as my mom said just to make her happy. But the pills I was told to take. I didn’t take those. After having a long talk with Maria she agreed that there was no way around seeing the therapist, but I could pretend to take the pills. I would put it in my mouth, and when my mother would leave I would flush it down the toilet. I needed to get out of this coma. Soon Maria always told me what to do. First it was: stop eating. It will help wake your body. Then it was: don’t do anything except sleep and talk to me. And finally it was don’t talk to you family, they will try and keep you in this coma. They are evil versions of themselves. I listened to every word and did everything she asked of me. Whenever my parents needed something merely nodded, or gave the simplest answer possible. And the same thing with all the doctors, therapists and physiatrists. I would shrug or give simple answers. Soon Maria was controlling my whole life. I was at her every command. Then one fall morning, Maria arrived at the trailer as I laid in the grass, waiting for her. “Alice! It’s time.” She called to me, and my face lit up. This was it. All the things I had done for Maria were finally going to pay off. My parents would finally see why I had disobeyed them. She led me through the city I had grown up in. For some reason I felt I should really admire it. I studied every tree, all the beautiful buildings, and all the people milling about, off to do jobs, and shops, and to pick up kids from school. I breathed in the cool autumn breeze, and the smell of the city. We walked and walked for ages, until we were downtown. “Maria, this has been quite the walk, where exactly are we going?” I asked. “To a special place, a place that can take you home!” She exclaimed happily and we trekked on. Soon we arrived at one of the tallest buildings in the area. “What does Clark’s Law Firm have anything to do with me going home?” I cried as we climbed the steps into the building. Maria stopped and turned around. “Alice you trust me don’t you,” She asked and I nodded. “Then let’s go! You have nothing

to worry about!” I smiled and followed her as we entered the building, but were stopped by a receptionist. “Where do you think you’re going hun?” The lady asked. “Um, I’m Mr. Clark’s daughter. Came here to visit.” I stammered. “Hmmm okay, you look a little different though.” “I decided to change up my hair!” I lied quickly. She nodded and Mariah and I hurried up the stairs until we were on the roof. “Here we are.” Maria sighed. I looked around the roof. There was nothing up there except some machines that probably helped keep the building running. “What does this have to do with going home?” I asked. “This is going to be hard to hear, come.” Maria said and I followed her until we stood right near the edge of the roof. “I am not real. I died. I am just a figment of your depression and imagination. You aren’t in a coma, I’m your depression.” And suddenly Maria morphed into a great black beast, that towered over me. The beast nudged me to the edge of the roof until I wobbled, trying to keep my balance. “Now jump my dear. Jump and go home.” The beast growled, but the voice came out as sweet Maria. I closed my eyes, imagining it was really her. “Anything for you.” I whispered and began to walk off the edge and closed my eyes, letting my body slip. I felt the wind rushing past me, and my life flashed before my eyes. I saw myself meeting Maria, I saw us growing up together, I saw when I found out she died, I saw when I met ‘her’ again. I closed my eyes, begging for the darkness to just come, to let me return to dust. But suddenly I heard the crash of glass breaking, and suddenly, I was knocked to the side, and felt myself hit something, before falling into darkness.

I awoke slowly, opening my eyes to harsh, bright lighting. Maybe this was heaven. But then I heard my mom's voice, why was my mom in heaven? “She’s awake! Donny go get the doctor, she's awake!” She cried and hugged me tightly. I embraced her happily, but I groaned when she pressed against a sore spot. “W-what happened?” I asked groggily. “Darling, you-you tried to commit suicide. You jumped off a building, but a man, the kindest man to ever exist, saw you getting ready to jump, and jumped through a window and tackled you into the building next door, saving your life. He saved your life. You broke a couple ribs, and have a concussion, but you will be okay. The man will too. He has a broken leg and arm but he is on the mend. My darling will live.” My mom sobbed. “Mom. Mom, I didn’t jump. I was pushed by Maria, by the demon playing Maria.” I mumbled. My mom stroked my head gently. “What?” My mom gasped. And with that I explained everything that had happened, from ‘Maria’ coming to me, to her slowly taking control of my life. When I had finished my mom

hugged me tightly and sobbed. “It’s gonna be okay! We will get some help and everything will be okay!” I smiled and nodded and felt my life already beginning to come together. My mother had been right. You should never give someone complete control of your life.

Epilogue Years later Alice was doing great again, leading a healthy and wonderful life, and ended up marrying the guy who had saved her life, who was only two years older than her. They had two kids of their own, and stayed happily married till their death, when Alice had a heart attack, and her husband Conner died of cancer. They died holding hands.