Embracing Life: Lessons from Isaac By Isabella Yosuico Introduction The sonogram tech’s face fell. “I’ll just get the doctor,” she said in an artificial tone that didn’t fit her somber expression. She quickly left the room—a little too fast. I knew right away that something was wrong. What did she see in that blurry picture on the monitor? To me, the amorphous yet recognizable image of a baby looked perfect. I already loved him. It was my first, 12-week prenatal check-up. My husband Ray wasn’t with me because he was busy at work and we fully expected it to be a routine exam. But when the doctor finally came in, I knew it wasn’t routine at all. She gravely scrutinized the sonogram screen for only a few moments before she asked me to come to her office, voice serious and businesslike. Suddenly, the room seemed smaller, quieter and less safe, yet I felt a strange sense of calm. “Your sonogram shows several markers for a genetic defect,” she reported. She went on to explain the alarming possibilities: Trisomy 21, Down Syndrome, or Trisomy 13, sometimes fatal—or just maybe, she hesitated, no problem at all. The obstetrician quickly covered the options: further genetic testing, abortion. Her detached, professional tone was oddly comforting, insulating me from my own surging feelings. Terminating was not a choice for us, and given our convictions, we declined genetic testing to confirm a diagnosis. It wouldn’t make a difference. But the next six months were hard, especially for me, convinced our baby boy indeed had Down Syndrome. Ray was less concerned, skeptical of the doctor’s suspicions and as a deeply faithful man, peacefully trusting God with any possible outcome. In me, the prospect churned up conflicting emotions: Panic, a growing sense of dread, and moments of the supernatural peace that comes with unaccountable certainty and acceptance. One night, awakened by my fears, I talked to God about it, crying out with the sincerity that springs from desperation, recalling Christ’s own words, “Please let this cup pass, but if it’s your will, Lord, help me to accept it.” Truth was, my heart knew, and I believed that God had prepared even from childhood to welcome this baby. Despite a family that prized intellect and achievement above everything, I’d always had an inexplicable sensitivity to the developmentally disabled, uncharacteristically confrontational if someone used the word “retarded” offensively. In those months of waiting, I had unexpected, comforting encounters with people with Down Syndrome—a friendly grocery clerk, a happy family at the park, heartwarming segments on the evening news, endearing YouTube clips that somehow made their way to me, unbidden. All seemed guided by an unknown loving hand to reassure me. Even so, I was afraid, confused and even angry. Afraid for my unborn child and what he might face in life: Would he suffer physically? Would he be ridiculed and rejected at every turn? Afraid for my older son Pierce: Would he be overshadowed or saddled with a lifelong burden? Afraid for our family: What would this baby do to our hard-earned and near-perfect harmony? Admittedly, I was maybe most afraid for myself. I didn’t see myself as the mom of a disabled child. Who would I be? Embracing Life –©Isabella Yosuico 2013 1
I was confused about whether I’d to risk having another child at 43, without a moment’s hesitation. Shouldn’t I have had some providential sense of foreboding? Finally, I felt what seemed like righteous anger that God would allow this after all my husband and I had already faced in life. Between us, we’d experienced an avalanche of challenges from childhood on, including a family afflicted with substance abuse and mental illness, crushing poverty, empty wealth, tragic deaths and more. We’d survived and even prospered through our experiences, happier and more stable than the average bear. It seemed unjust, if not downright cruel, to face this curve now. When Isaac finally arrived and the diagnosis was confirmed, my world seemed to fall apart. What sustained me in those dark moments was a strongly grounded faith and the tangible, first-hand evidence that I’d grown through every experience I’d had in life. Light does come in the morning. As is so often the case with our amazing God, what at first seems a tragedy has turned out to be a remarkable blessing from the perfectly loving Father who in His wisdom knew just what he was doing. Not only have none of my fears been realized, but God has truly transformed my worst fears into triumphs, and blessed our family and others through Isaac, whom we call our little minister. In the nearly four years since Isaac’s arrival, I’ve learned lessons that transcend this circumstance to apply to every area of life. Some lessons are new. Many are repeats of lessons the Lord has graciously tried to teach me before as I navigated what seemed like random challenges throughout life. All are enduring affirmations of truth as powerful and timeless as God’s Word. In the chapters ahead, we’ll explore some of these life lessons and how they can transform your own difficult experiences as they have mine, producing remarkable harvests of blessings for you and others. I’ll share personal stories from the pages of my own extraordinary experiences along with those of sisters and brothers who’ve been on God’s potter’s wheel and allowed him to shape them. Among the stories, you’re likely to find your own and will be able to recognize not only the pain and trial, but I pray, the possibilities that await if we place our hand in God’s. Here’s a brief overview of the chapters and life lessons ahead: Allow for grief. The first few months after Isaac was born, I was overwhelmed and sad, amplified by hormones no doubt, even as I felt such aching tenderness for my baby. Not every mom feels that way when she has a special needs baby, but I did and there was no denying that it felt a lot like grief. A friend helped me to see that I was grieving whatever fantasy I had about my child, my family and myself. While it was hard to admit that to myself, it was true. Grieving isn’t just about loss. We can grieve changes and unfulfilled expectations. The reality is, none of knows the future, whatever our circumstances. Whenever facing loss or change, allow for grief. Be gentle with yourself as you travel the stages of grief, confident that God can and will carry you through, and even use the very experience of pain to grow you in unimaginable ways. But to enjoy those benefits you have to be honest with yourself and… Be honest with God.
The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears them; he delivers them from all their troubles. Psalm 34:17 During the most challenging times in my life, including those first few months with Isaac, I have found hope, and sometimes my only hope, in the comfort of honest conversation with God. The Psalms, and books like Job, assure us that God’s shoulders are broad enough to bear our earnest pleas, our hardest questions, our deepest despair…and that he hears us and longs to comfort us. As Christians, we sometimes feel compelled, from within or without, to minimize our greatest sufferings with spiritual platitudes. But David’s own gripping, confrontational, heartfelt cries bear witness to God’s desire for us to communicate with him from our heart. It speeds the process if you… Don’t just accept, embrace God’s will….with thanks! Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus. 1 Thessalonian 5:15 They say acceptance is the final stage of grief, but I say go one step further and embrace reality, however broken, as a loving God’s will for you. Acceptance smacks so much of hunched-shouldered resignation, and that smacks of defeat. Initially, I felt defeated by Isaac’s arrival on the heels of a lifetime of wounds. However, I knew that God had used each wound to bless me and others in countless ways. You say, my husband just left me for a younger woman or my child just died… Vital to enduring trials with a sense of expectancy and hope is giving thanks, no matter what you feel. In the Psalms, David vocally praises and thanks God in the midst of troubles as a prelude to freedom and joy. This side of heaven, we are promised trouble, but we are also promised victory (John 16:33, Jeremiah 29:11). The alternative, bitter sorrow until death, is the enemy’s plan (John 10:10). Much better to… Look for God’s purpose. And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called to his purpose. Romans 8:28 There’s no denying that some circumstances seem beyond any good. Challenges may be the results of a fallen world, an attack by the enemy, or admittedly, the natural consequences of our own choices—like having a baby at 43. Whatever the reasons for the challenge we face, nothing in God’s economy is wasted. Our loving God is personal and all-powerful, so His purpose for allowing something in your life can transform you for the better, and open new vistas of possibility for you and others. In our own case, as a result of having Isaac, I’ve formed MightyTykes, a special needs product company that just received state financing to develop and market a device that has the potential to benefit countless children with myriad conditions. Not only can the device itself help kids, but MightyTykes provides me with a powerful platform for sharing God’s message. Later in the book, I’ll share more about this one extraordinary example of how God can work through extraordinary challenges. However bleak your circumstance may seem in this moment, however searing the sorrow, our God can transform it into something beautiful, if we will but let him. He can redeem anyone or anything. Take note, though, that Christ is also the ultimate servant, and his purpose won’t be self-serving, though we will enjoy rich collateral benefits. Ultimately, it’s never about us. He longs for you to use your experience Embracing Life –©Isabella Yosuico 2013 3
to bless others (2 Corinthians 1:4). Simply ask him to show you his purpose and he will, in time. In the meantime… Stay in the moment. Therefore, do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. Matthew 6:34 So much of my anxiety about Isaac was about tomorrow, about unknowns. When I took God’s words to heart and stayed in the moment, life suddenly became much more manageable. I could handle attending to what was in front of me at that instant—a dirty diaper, work, or even the slew of medical tests early on. I set aside the books and websites that seemed only to warn of disaster, and focused on the moment’s reality. Today, I am enjoying the fruits of the intense staying-in-the-moment training in every area of my life. When I feel fear welling, I pause to examine whether it’s based on the present reality or on some unknown future. If it’s something future, which I cannot know, I give my fear to God and bring my thoughts and actions back to the moment, trusting that… God’s timing is perfect. My times are in your hands; deliver me from my enemies and from those who pursue me. Psalm 31:15 King David often pleaded with urgency, “When?” soon followed by heartfelt praises for deliverance, just in time. Not patient by nature, I have often waited on God, frustrated, angry and hurt by his slow response. Other times, I would rush ahead, forcing things to happen by shear white-knuckled will, making a big mess in the process. If we could only have God’s perspective, trusting that His timing is indeed perfect as he works out every detail. During these uncomfortable times of waiting, it’s helpful to… Remember his faithfulness. Remember that you were slaves in Egypt and that the LORD your God brought you out of there with a mighty hand and an outstretched arm. Deuteronomy 5:15 Israel’s story is our story. Throughout the Old Testament, the wayward Israelites were reminded to remember God’s faithfulness. Remember God lifted up Moses to deliver them to the Promised Land. Remember God freed them from Pharaoh’s malevolent slavery. Remember God parted the sea to ensure their safety. Remember he provided for their material needs during their time in the desert. The list goes on. I knew God had delivered me against awful odds. Growing up in a profoundly dysfunctional home, my fate could have been tragic. But the Lord provided for me over and over, guiding and directing me in unimaginable ways. Today, I’m happily married, with a wonderful home, a successful career—including a special needs business inspired by Isaac—and deeply meaningful ministries that use my accumulated experience to bless others. My imagination is limited but… God is the perfect designer.
But in fact God has placed the parts in the body, every one of them, just as he wanted them to be. 1 Corinthians 12:18 As believers, God assures us that each one of has a part to play in his unfolding Plan. Moreover, Psalm 139:13 tells us that God himself knit us together in our mother’s womb. Anyone who’s done any knitting can tell you that each simple stich yields a distinct and beautiful result. Not everyone us will be physically beautiful, good at math, handy, artistic, tall, naturally gentle, or what have you, but God has a unique purpose for each one of us, just as we are. Moreover, we all have defects and who can say which ones are most troublesome? To embrace this simple, yet challenging truth, would give many of us great peace and a deeper sense of purpose, and free us to value ourselves and others more deeply. Our value is inherent and determined by God alone. Don’t second-guess the God of the universe. Trust him to know what we can’t (Proverbs 3:5, Isaiah 55:8) and that… Trials do indeed build character…and a greater capacity for joy. Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sister, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, lacking nothing. James 1:2-4 Gold is refined by fire. Steel is strengthened by heat. Iron is forged in flames. Pots are set in ovens. The metaphors for the power of heat to test, purify and strengthen us are many. In this verse, James tells us to consider it “pure joy” when we face trials. Let’s face it, no trial seems joyful at the time, neither discipline (Hebrews 12:11), but it will yield fruit, if we ”let” it, as James admonishes. Clearly, while the world tells us to flee pain and suffering, we have to actively allow it to yield its harvest, which is only possible if we… Focus on God, above all. But seek first his Kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Matthew 6:33 I was reading an article in a popular parenting magazine recently by a woman who’d given birth to a Down Syndrome child, now a few years old. She confessed that she was haunted by her child’s condition daily and couldn’t seem to gain acceptance. What misery! It was clear that spirituality didn’t figure in her worldview, and while I cannot judge her heart, I can say with certainty that without God, I know my own perspective would be quite different than it is. Only our God and his immeasurable grace (2 Corinthians 12:9) can create beauty from ashes (Isaiah 61:3). Often this beauty is reflected in how God transforms us rather than our situation. Regardless, only single-minded focus on Christ can achieve a meaning- and purpose-filled outcome, which leads us to... It all depends on Jesus. And that brings us back to the essential centrality of a growing and vibrant relationship with Christ. It is no less than absolutely essential to life this side of heaven and beyond. Embracing Life –©Isabella Yosuico 2013 5
Absent Christ, the outcomes of any challenge are far less certain. Only the God of Abraham and The Gospel extends the hope offered in the verses I’ve shared. And that hope depends on a relationship with God through Christ and being fully submitted to His will. Many Christians are spared hell, but never enjoy the admittedly hard-won victory that’s available through truly walking with Him. This is the same victory that allowed the Apostle Paul to rejoice in prison, for the disciples to share the Gospel in distant lands, or Christ to fulfill his earthly mission, suffering untold injustices on the way. If you’re not a Born-again believer, I invite you to surrender to Christ today. And if you are a Born-again believer, I urge you to surrender to Christ anew, resolving to seek him with all your heart. AUTHOR’S NOTE: WITH EDITORIAL GUIDANCE, THE FOLLOWING SECTIONS MAY BE INCLUDED AS PART OF THE NARRATIVE OF A LIFE LESSON CHAPTER OR AS SEPARATE CHAPTER. A word on abortion. The Pro-choice movement claims that abortion is a matter of a woman’s right to choose. It is about choice. The true choices we women have. The choice to be responsible about our reproductive health. The choice not to sleep with someone if we don’t want to have children with them. The choice to abstain altogether until we’re ready to get married and have kids. The choice to use contraception. The choice to accept responsibility for a child we’ve conceived, whether it’s by raising that child or releasing them for loving adoption. But we don’t have the right to choose the fate of an unborn child, future women among them. Even so, I urge you to extend humble and heartfelt compassion and mercy to women who have had abortions or are considering them. They have been misled and deeply scarred by ideologies that distort the issue beyond recognition. Our society promises that putting self above all is the key to happiness. Yet one glance at the tabloid headlines tells us that the world’s promise—of peace and happiness dependent on material circumstances—is simply a profoundly destructive lie (Romans 6:23). About Down Syndrome. By some accounts, as many as 98 percent of pregnancies with a prenatal diagnosis of Down Syndrome are terminated1. This is not only tragic, it’s terribly misguided. Thankfully, society increasingly recognizes the unique blessings people with Down Syndrome offer families, and by extension, society as a whole. Isaac’s languid development has allowed me to relish every milestone in a way I simply couldn’t do with his big brother Pierce, who develops with the lightning speed most parents complain about. Isaac’s enthusiastic and patient enjoyment of the smallest pleasures has encouraged me to do the same. Above all, it’s his unprejudiced and abundant love (that extra love chromosome 21) that brings joy to everyone he meets. He is our ambassador of love. And remember what Jesus himself said was most important (Mark 12:31). Frankly, there are many perks to having a child with Down Syndrome; too many to recount here. It’s nothing to fear. And seeing him as simply delayed, is simplistic. As a friend put it, it’s just a different way of being, and one that seems far closer to Christ than I’m likely ever to be this side of heaven. 1
Caroline Mansfield, Suellen Hopfer, Theresa M Marteau (1999). "Termination rates after prenatal diagnosis of Down syndrome, spina bifida, anencephaly, and Turner and Klinefelter syndromes: a systematic literature review". Prenatal Diagnosis 19 (9): 808–12. doi:10.1002/(SICI)1097-0223(199909)19:9<808::AID-PD637>3.0.CO;2-B. PMID 10521836. This is similar to 90% results found by Britt, David W; Risinger, Samantha T; Miller, Virginia; Mans, Mary K; Krivchenia, Eric L; Evans, Mark I (1999). "Determinants of parental decisions after the prenatal diagnosis of Down syndrome: Bringing in context". American Journal of Medical Genetics 93 (5): 410–16. doi:10.1002/1096-8628(20000828)93:5<410::AID-AJMG12>3.0.CO;2-F. PMID 10951466.
Perhaps the world is now catching this truth. Today, The Down Syndrome Adoption Network quickly places DS newborns in eager homes. Major media are covering the topic with a hopeful spin, like a February, 2012 Time magazine story on DS and many others. Having said that, it is true raising a DS child involves some unique challenges, many of which cannot be fully anticipated because of the wide and unpredictable range of abilities and possible health conditions. Even so, as any parent can testify, it is mostly a unique privilege to help meet some of Isaac’s special needs as he has helped all of us grow in unexpected ways. Moreover, God promises to equip us for what he wants us to do if we will but seek him (Philippians 4:19). Isaac means son of laughter. Only God can turn tears to joy. Yes, there is a choice. The real choices we all have. To open our arms and hearts to the gifts God gives us every day, in turn opening a world of possibilities we couldn’t imagine. Or to cleave to our own limited vision of our lives, and to miss out on so much, and to suffer unnecessarily by our self-will. So if you’re facing what seems like the unexpected or the tragic, here’s some perspective I pray will bless you as it has me. Join me as we explore real-life experiences of lives changed through tragedy, through the supernatural power of God’s enduring truth. *All verses are drawn from the New International Version of The Holy Bible.
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