Escaping the Cult Of Humility By Embracing A Growth Mindset

I grew up in what I call a cult of humility.

From a young age, my parents taught us that any acknowledgement of your accomplishments was bragging. Instead, you waited for others to recognize your work. In school, my work was quantifiable, with grades, rankings, and test scores. However, in the professional world, I found myself in an uncomfortable spot: promoting myself.

Job interviews, reviews, and award submissions required selfadvocacy. How do I casually state all my accomplishments without looking like I’m bragging? I spent years silently working hard, hoping others would notice, appreciate, and reward me. The formula seemed simple- eagerly and effortlessly produce perfect work and better opportunities will flow your way. I now see that good things come to those who work hard, demonstrate it, and speak up.

I share my story with you so that you can avoid some of my pitfalls. A concept that changed my thinking involves the growth mindset. Coined by Stanford Professor Dr. Carole Dweck, the growth mindset is the concept that a person can always attain and improve skills. [footnote] Dweck, C. S. (2008). Mindset. Ballantine Books. ]

Dweck states that mastery requires failure and iteration; which are more important than innate abilities. Additionally, because the journey is personal, comparison to others is futile. The growth mindset is in opposition to the fixed mindset, which discourages failure for fear that others will realize you are unqualified.

I started with a fixed mindset, pushing for perfection and competition to prove my worth. Now, I’m immersed in the growth mindset and celebrating my career journey. Releasing the fixed mindset is challenging and an on-going struggle.

Naturally, I started with small steps!

Step 1:Just with facts

If using phrases like “lead” , “spearhead”, or “execute” feels selfaggrandizing, start by quantifying your efforts via measurable facts. What are the things you can count? I published three articles, managed a $30M renovation, documented the LEED Certification for 2 projects, or volunteered 100 hours. Measuring what matters will help you see your growth, and it can help you see the areas you want to improve.

Step 2: Ask someone to pass the mic.

Did you know that most podcasts, publications, and conferences are always seeking content? Don’t assume that you need to be asked. If you are interested in sharing your thoughts, then ask someone on the planning committee how they make selections and tell them you are interested. Sometimes that is all it takes. Your contacts can advocate for you. Do not negotiate against yourself and assume that you must be at a certain level. Remind yourself that if you aren’t selected, you haven’t failed.

Step #3: Raise your hand

My coworker Kathryn shared some very helpful tips on her journey. She volunteered as a small group leader at Camp Crimson at her university. This position entailed planning, delegation, and management. She stepped forward as a leader, knowing that the worst anyone could say was “not now”. The opportunity was a key growth moment, giving her more visibility, which led to other prospects. Again, embracing the growth mindset helps remove the fear of rejection. Don’t wait to be asked; step forward.

Step #4: Remove your armor

Submitting for a recognition award feels very vulnerable. What if I don’t win? What if I’m not good enough? A fixed mindset means we wear recognition like armor, protecting us from our doubts. The journey towards mastery is yours alone, not in comparison to others.

Start by gathering your facts. Then write the story of your journey, and submit yourself for that award. Though difficult, view the submission itself as an accomplishment. The rest is up to a selection committee, and the result (both ways) does not change your value. You are no longer using other people’s mirrors to see yourself.

For anyone else who has difficulty showcasing their accomplishments, ask yourself why. For me, I feared that selfadvocacy would open myself up to criticism, specifically that I was promoting myself over others. Alternatively, I worried that it looked self-centered. I spent years patiently waiting for managers, editors, and leaders to recognize and reward my hard work. I didn’t want others to think I did the tasks just for the glory.

I learned that relying on outside recognition for validation focuses only on what others think versus what I know about my hard work. The growth mindset grants me the freedom to make mistakes and prevents me from tying my self-worth to outside opinions. To quote Brene Brown, “humility is openness to new learnings combined with a balanced and accurate assessment of our contributions.”

Janki DePalma, LEED AP, CPSM

Janki DePalma, LEED AP, CPSM is the Director of Business Development at Kirksey Architecture in Austin, Texas. She’s a native San Franciscan who loves reading, writing and helping people connect.

I challenge us all to redefine humility. Cheers to learning from my mistakes and taking those first steps to celebrating your efforts!