FAMILY MATTERS

from Your Scottish Wedding - Edition 3 September 2022

KEEP THE FAITH

Happy families

Whether you’re sticking with tradition or making your own wedding rules, many couples want to include parents in their big day. Here’s how it’s done…

First thing’s first, let’s tackle the elephant in the room… Who pays? And if your parents pay, do they get control over your wedding!? “This is always a tricky one but do openly discuss the financials if your parents ask,” advises Laura Devine, owner at wedding planning service, Devine Bride. She says assume you’ll be paying, then if parents do offer, it’ll be a welcome addition to your budget. They may ask to fund a specific element of your day – the flowers or dress, for example – which is especially handy for split families. “They’ll know their contribution went towards something tangible that brought happiness,” explains Laura. Parents may need some education in terms of wedding expenses, though. Their only comparison will be what they paid many years ago!

“Regardless of who’s paying, I always tell my couples; ‘Your parents have had their day. This is your time.’”

Laura, Devine Bride

The guest list

Going back in time, parents who footed the bill commonly dictated the guest list – and invitations came from them. According to Louize Hollywood, wedding manager at Glasgow venue Citation, a small parents’ list is still common but, of course, this depends on your capacity and budget, and their potential spend. If they’re contributing, Laura suggests giving them a quota of who and how many they can invite. Keep the conversation open, and bear in mind you’ll likely need to cater for both sets of parents to keep it fair. Self-funding? “One way of looking at it is making sure they have a good time by allowing them some close friends to celebrate with. Ask for a short list of people and take it from there without any initial promises.” And when it comes to invitations, Laura advises keeping wording simple and inclusive; “Regardless of the bill or split families, the most common at the moment is, ‘Together with their families...’”

John Clark Photos

Getting wedding-ready

Ahead of the big day, inviting keen mums on your dress hunt is a sure-fire way to include them but how about asking dad too? Bridal boutiques say this is increasingly popular. For something a little extra, Louize suggests wedding showcases, (they’ll love a venue sneak peek), or making

memories together at your menu tasting.

Laura recommends involvement through errands as opposed to planning (avoiding any cases of ‘too many cooks!’). “Give them jobs – things like picking up suits, dresses, and buttonholes. They’ll take it very seriously. Then on the day, short checklists; ‘Dad, make sure all ushers have a buttonhole on’ and ‘Mum, distribute girl gang wrist corsages.’”

“Bring keen parents to wedding showcases or make memories together at your menu tasting.”

Louize, Citation

Your wedding

When heading down the aisle, couples are bucking tradition – and there’s been a big “push back” about being ‘given away,’ says Hazel Sharp of Humanist Society Scotland (HSS). “Brides don’t want any suggestion that they’re a piece of property that can be bartered. The vast majority, if/when they choose to walk in with someone, will insist they’re being ‘accompanied’ or ‘escorted down the aisle.’” Her colleague, celebrant Ross Wright, agrees. “I remember a bride who loved her father but chose to make her entrance solo. She was an inspiring example of a strong, independent woman.” Louize says the traditional entrance remains the preferred option at Citation but couples are increasingly inclusive. “More than ever are changing it up a little – sometimes with both parents, or children. We’ve also had dogs doing the honours!” She’s seen the trend continue for rituals with parents drinking from the quaich and couples giving them gifts during their ceremony. At HSS, Marilyn Jackson says the ceremony often includes a section where “parents are thanked for their love and support, helping their children become the people they each fell in love with, and welcoming them into each other’s families.” Overall, Laura reminds couples it’s their day. “Regardless of who’s paying, I always tell my couples: ‘Your parents have had their day. This is your time.’”

One of Laura’s gorgeous past weddings. PHOTOGRAPH: Julie Ann Whyte

Veni Infantino – available at Catwalk MODERN mamas As family-focused wedding traditions change, so do the ‘rules’ around outfits. Today’s MOBs and MOGs are donning timeless, classy and strictly ‘unmumsy’ attire, sure to make them feel like they’re not just another wedding guest. “Traditionally, mums might be expected to wear a tailored coat or shift dress with a small, brimmed hat and satin gloves,” explains Louise Brown at independent ladies’ boutique Catwalk. “Mother-of-the-bride outfits are more youthful nowadays. Ladies are looking for a standalone dress with special features. Think beading, bows, a bateau neckline or a cowl back – plus statement headwear to stand out.”

Designer Sassi Holford’s new ready-to-wear collection (available online or at the London store) is all about elevating these leading ladies. Made to order with sustainability at heart, the Amesbury dress (pictured) is a classic shift that will never go out of style while the Chiswick (pictured), complete with on-trend bell sleeves, is the epitome of motherly sophistication. “Shopping for mum is an exciting part of the wedding build-up and it’s so special if daughters can share the experience,” adds Louise. “Remember, mum needs to feel comfortable and special so be supportive and enjoy the one-to-one time.”

Chiswick Dress, Sassi Holford 2022 Ready-to-Wear Amesbury dress, Sassi Holford 2022 Ready-to-Wear