Relationships
Opening my
Wardrobe by Bethany Turner
I didn’t have many arguments with mum as a teen. When I did, it was usually over clothes. According to her, they weren't “modest”. In time I turned my life over to God and the arguments stopped. But that doesn’t mean I was never criticised. It’s been years since the lectures died away. But just recently, God spoke to me about my clothes. I was on a bus trip, chatting with a fellow student. He was sharing his burden for men’s ministries and dropped as one reason the fact that many Christian men struggle with porn. Immediately I was convicted about the outfit I was wearing. Even though it fitted (just) within the borders of the modesty standards I had carefully followed, I was convicted that for a Christian man, struggling to deal with lust in his life, I could be a stumbling block in his way to purity. Ouch! The next day my husband told me about an article he’d found in the library —on modesty! Even better, the article referred to a survey that had asked Christian men about women’s clothing. (Read the survey for yourself! www.therebelution.com/ modestysurvey) I read my way through the
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survey and was sometimes quite surprised. There were so many questions and even more answering comments. But most of the men were unanimous about one issue that kept cropping up—cleavage. In answer to the question “Showing any cleavage is immodest” some of the responses were: “This is the biggest thing which causes me to fall.” Age 20 “This cannot be emphasized enough. Cleavage is perhaps the most ‘come and lust after me’ thing a girl can show while still wearing clothes.” Age 22 “So distracting and tempting that it hurts.” Age 16 What about a top that doesn’t display cleavage—unless you bend over? Here came one of the most impacting statements for me from a 15 year boy. “Oh, yeah... This has happened to me a few times. It has to be one of the more awkward situations I have been put in. This kind of thing can catch me off guard, and I can’t even look at the person for a while.” Have I ever made someone feel that uncomfortable around me? I winced. I found this comment helpful: “A lot of girls that I’ve seen simply put a hand up to make sure that nothing is exposed, so simple, and easy, and it says volumes about the type of person you are.” Age 21
Youth ChalleNger
Relationships War is tough, and the metaphor is relevant, the fight for purity is tough, too.
I’m now trying to because make a studied habit to put a hand over my neckline whenever I bend over, because I realise that I don’t always know whether or not the top has the ability to “put me on display.” Lastly, the guys wrote some encouragement for girls who make the effort to dress modestly. Here are a few that spoke to me: “I am encouraged in my spiritual life to remain pure whenever I see a modestly dressed girl.” 19 “Young ladies who dress and act modestly make a huge difference. I can also feel safe around them, rather than constantly on-guard.” 21 “Please don’t take modesty lightly. As your brother in Christ I value the relationship that I will have with my wife someday. When I am tempted because of you I lose a part of myself that I am trying to save for her. When I’m tempted because of you I become that much more accepting of the perversions in the world. When you remain pure and modest, my life is made so much easier. Instead of watching to ensure that I don’t sin I can focus on you as a person and fellow follower of Christ. I appreciate modesty more than you’ll ever know. Please, show respect of yourself and of me and be modest.” 16 These painfully honest insights touched my heart. They’ve also made a powerful impact on my dress habits. I’ve heard some well-meaning people insist, “The guys are responsible for their thoughts and actions. It’s their battle. You can’t make the girls carry that.” And it is their battle. But I want to strengthen God’s soldiers. War is tough, and the metaphor is relevant, because the fight for purity is tough, too. Volume 44, Number 4
No matter what I do the guys around me will still have a battle to fight. At times they may even lose. I know that. I can’t fight their battles for them. But I want them to feel safe around me; I want to give them a chance to lay down their armour and relax for a change. We were visiting a friend’s house recently and, as I stepped over to a wedding photo, I noticed my brother-in-law behind me. The dresses were tastefully modest, but they were simple and didn’t really catch my fancy. I was surprised to hear the voice behind me praise them. Then, he added a quiet aside to me, “It’s so nice to be able to enjoy a wedding photo. Usually I have to look away.” y
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