In their shoes

Denys Look, a professional mediator who practices in risk management and mediation training, offers a parttime course in mediation at HKFYG’s Living Life Academy (LLA). The communication skills his students learn involve seeking hidden agendas and finding common ground.

Mediation is the process of talking to people involved in a disagreement to try to help them find a solution to their problems. It uses specialized communication and negotiation techniques and is found in commercial, legal, diplomatic, workplace, community and family contexts.

“My course in mediation is not only for aspiring professionals but also for those who would like to learn the spirit and techniques involved because they are useful for daily life,” explains Denys.

“There can be misunderstandings about the purposes of mediation,” Denys continues. “People think that is like telling everybody stay calm and take a step back. In fact, a mediator has to put him or herself and the shoes of the people who disagree find common ground, common needs and common interests and not judge who is right or wrong. In effect, the mediator’s job involves focusing on hidden agendas.”

Denys chose to offer his course with HKFYG because “It has a positive, healthy image. It is a mature organization with no declared political stance. It is also better to learn mediation as early as possible and I would like to introduce these skills at junior high school level.” It is all about communication skills, he says, and teenagers can learn how to handle situations where people hold differing opinions.

Teachers can learn the skills which involve active listening and patience. They are also vital in counselling and can lead to value-added volunteering. Denys hopes such skills can become part of HKFYG services and that mediation in Hong Kong’s legal system could be expanded to embrace the Greater Bay Area where it is now fragmented.

There are always options to choose from and more to learn. Whether you are 18 or 80, as your cup gets bigger, so you need more water to fill it.

First, Denys wants to promote mediation through boardgames, videos and movies. “Everyone is having to face problems and difficulties. Instead of struggling we can face them squarely with a calm mind. Just as when kids learn to swim or ride a bicycle, it’s hard at first because your mind is telling you that you cannot do it. When you have learned the technique, it is like second nature.”

The importance of life-long learning cannot be overemphasized, Denys says. “Life is short and full of conflict. Narrow-minded people seldom consider other people’s needs and interests. Instead they have a lot of negative energy. Don’t get trapped like this. Be open-minded, explore new points of view. There are always options to choose from and more to learn. Whether you are 18 or 80, as your cup gets bigger, so you need more water to fill it.”

Denys Look is President of the HK Mediation Alliance and HK Mediation Profession Staff General Union