In trouble

• Three young men talk about temptation into crime and the struggles they faced

• Sing got into trouble at primary school and was a triad by the time he was a teenager.

• Jerry finds his aggressiveness hard to control.

• Siu-yan is making progress in his efforts to come off drugs. • 三位青年跟我們剖白面對犯罪誘惑時的抉擇， 以及生活中的種種困難爭扎。 • Sing自小學起已跟壞分子扯上關係，青少年時 期更一度成為其中一員。 • Jerry覺得難以控制自己的攻擊傾向。 • Siu-yan努力地擺脫毒癮，希望重新出發。

Sing: triad teen

“I hated primary school. The teachers were always shouting at me and I failed most of their tests. I didn’t care. There didn’t seem much point in learning stuff anyway. At home it wasn’t any better. Dad scared me. Always hitting or slapping me. Mum never stood up for me. Well, she didn’t seem to.

Nag, nag, nag: that’s all I got. Why didn’t I work harder at school? Why couldn’t I get a job and start bringing money home? Why had I spent all my pocket money the day I after they gave it to me? Always money. Never enough.

The other kids at school got on my nerves. One in particular, always trying to be clever or messing with my stuff. I picked a fight with him just to see if I could shut him up. The teacher made me stand outside the classroom all morning. It wasn’t all my fault but he couldn’t see that. So I decided to show them all that I knew how to make money and get respect. Then they’d see how wrong they were.

I was 16 by then. I started earning money, running errands for the gang boss, stealing, selling drugs and sometimes smashing people’s stuff. That helped me relax a bit and not feel so angry. I forgot about all they tried to teach us at school right and wrong. It felt good to impress the others, especially Nally.

Nally is my girlfriend. Every morning, the gang came past home. We all went off together looking like we were going to school. Of course we weren’t. We hung out at the video game shop. From then on, that’s how I spent most of my time. Cont'd...

When we weren’t on triad business, Nally and I used to hang out on the waterfront. She was so sexy. It drove me mad. She was 15, nearly old enough. Anyhow, I couldn’t help myself. In the end some snitch from school must have told on us. Nally’s parents called the police and I was arrested for underage sex. I thought that would be the end of me. about being pushed around at school and then about My case worker gave me a test to do and told me the answers had to be honest. When she saw the results, it scared me. She said I was at serious risk of ending up in jail for a long time. But she also said that it wasn’t all my fault and that she might be able to help me. I laughed at her but I did start to listen.

Sing is s till a teenager. He trusts his case worker and calls She taught me how to stop and think instead of reacting and her his friend. She has given him some goals to work towards. losing my temper. Before I grabbed at stuff like chocolates and cakes she put on the table, she made me wait and count But somehow, I got lucky. The social workers came and I to ten. It was hard but she said I had to control myself if I don’t know where I’d be if it were not for my case worker. wanted a life outside prison. First, I didn’t believe her but in But I didn’t take her very the end I did. I discovered tastes seriously at first. She told me and smells and feelings. I learned to do such stupid things, like about gardening and cooking and take deep breaths whenever I I told her how the gang urged making tea. If you’d asked me to felt angry. Mindfulness, she called it. But she also asked me on to show I wasn’t just a do any of these a month earlier, I’d have said you were crazy. me to tell her everything weak young kid.about myself. Nobody had Maybe this mindfulness worked ever taken an interest in me because it showed me how to like that before, except Nally. see the world from another It was hard at first, talking about the fights at home, thinking I had to impress people or be a failure.” angle but it also helped me be more confident. I stopped learning how to protect myself. I told her how the “I’ve never had a friend like her before. It’s funny, gang urged me on to show I wasn’t just a weak young but learning about myself has turned me into kid and how they made me feel like a man. someone I’d never thought I could be.”

Jerry: out of control

“When people let me down, I lose my temper. It happens suddenly. I’ve always been like that. It’s the way I am, my social worker says, but I’m trying to change. bubbling up inside, I can sometimes catch myself before never do anything wrong, but also get bored easily and I joined a gang. We used to have that kind of thing. I was tired and it turned to a real row. She hit a nerve. She said I was useless and didn’t earn enough

A social worker walked up to me one night and started I suppose I went a bit crazy. It was unfair of her. It’s chatting. He taught me some tricks that help me be less been so difficult because of the virus and I’ve tried angry and stay in control. Whenever I feel that anger everything: sales, insurance, part-time jobs of all sorts. I do anything I’ll regret. When I realized I’d hit her and I remember when I was a kid, I’m trying to prove that I’ve there was blood everywhere from a big cut across her Mum and Dad spoiled me and my older brother, even though they don’t have much changed. I know that if I lose control again, it’ll be my fault. eyebrow, I felt so sorry. She’d always been my girl for ages and supported me in everything. I money. I did OK at school. didn’t mean to hurt her. I love Sometimes it seemed I could her. It was an accident. Really.” to be honest, my parents never really talked to me much Jerry is now 23. The lessons the social worker taught and sometimes it seemed we lived in two different worlds. him for impulse control usually work. He often Maybe it started back then, this aggressive thing I’ve got. I works out ways to calm down before it gets worse. even though I’d been trying very hard to keep my job. recognizes the triggers that make him lose control and fights with other gangs. I was about 15 then and could get “It worked for very long time. Just that one time she really angry as fast as anyone. Sometimes I couldn’t stop before hit the bottom line by saying I was useless. I want to be a I hit someone. We all carried weapons of some sort. Some responsible person who knows how to face pressure but I of the others got arrested. I was luckier and got away. have to learn my lessons over and over again. The lessons my social worker taught me, how not to be easily maddened Then one day, when I was a few years older, I lost it with my by someone’s careless words. Perhaps my girlfriend will girlfriend. It wasn’t over anything much. She used to stay forgive me one day. I’m trying to prove that I’ve changed. at our place and was always checking my phone. I don’t like I know that if I lose control again, it’ll be my fault.”

Siu-yan: drug addict

“I went to school mostly in mainland China. My great- noticed. They found the drugs and Dad’s sister tried aunt looked after most of the time. I skipped a lot of to take them away. That made me feel worse so I hit classes and started on Ice about ten years ago. That’s her. Then really bad things started happening. when she sent me back to Hong Kong to live with Dad. Dad was strict and I didn’t everywhere. One day, I thought like that either so I used to someone followed me home. steal from him to buy drugs. He never really noticed I started hearing voices. I saw I had a knife in my pocket so I waited outside our door to anyway. He didn’t care. That’s what I thought, anyway. Nobody cared, actually. people watching me everywhere. stop him getting in. I thought it was the drug dealer and that he’d tell my folks I was hooked.

I hung out with my cousin near home in Tseung Kwan O. We used to get bullied by the triads around our estate so we joined another gang for protection. They got me into selling heroin. I made good money. Enough to buy drugs, but they slowed me down and stopped me sleeping. My folks I started hearing voices. I saw people watching me Dad found me there. I think he was scared about the state I was in. He got me sent to hospital. I ended up there many, many times before they sent me to a detox centre. A doctor tried to make me take some pills but they made me feel bad so. I flushed them down the toilet. That was when I was 19.

Dad threatened to kick me out if I didn’t give up drugs. I didn’t believe him, but I was wrong. Maybe they were all scared. They changed the locks. They didn’t answer when I banged on the door. They never answered the phone. I felt totally shut out. No support from anyone. It hurt.

One night when I was on my way to meet up with the gang, a social worker stopped me. I felt lonely. I’d have chatted to anyone and from then on he kept turning up and finding me. I told him about life and he said drugs had affected my brain. He told me I could get better and said if I had a job my folks might take me in again. Siu-yan is 27 now. He has been off drugs for a while. The HKFYG outreach worker encouraged him to join a rehabilitation programme run by another NGO called Operation Dawn.* Siu-yan understands the damage drugs have done to his mind and still tries to get in touch with his family.

“I’ll keep on trying. I understand their problems better now. Maybe they still care about me. I’ve done a lot of damage and made it very hard for them but if they see I’ve changed, maybe let me go back home. That’s all I really want. A real home and a family.”