TEN DAYS TO TELL YOU I LOVE YOU (BECAUSE I REALLY DO) __________
(I’m sorry there’s no author’s name.)
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INTRODUCTION/DEDICATORY
Well, would you look at that, we’re two weeks away from Christmas and I haven’t got you a present yet. It looks like I’m going to have to improvise a little bit here, so I’m going to put myself under the challenge of letting you know how I feel about you in just ten days. Yes, I wrote this book for you and it’s probably the worst Christmas present someone has ever gave you, but I really hope that by the end of it you realize how much you mean to me.
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DAY ONE
This is actually harder than I thought and I’m having real issues while trying to write something that would make you feel better, because I know that you’re not feeling very well about everything that has happened in the last few weeks. It’s not your fault that the world’s a mess and that we are forced to be apart from each other, I really don’t blame you and I never will, because I know how you feel about me, and I know where you want to be. – and believe me, I want to be there too. I could never hate you. I mean, look at you. Who would ever hate you? You’re the cutest thing alive. So please stop ignoring my attempts to communicate with you, while expecting me to start hating you because of that. It won’t work. 3
DAY TWO
I really wish that I could be with you more often, so that I could hold you tight and tell you that everything’s going to be better because I’m going to make it better but here I am, sitting in front of my computer writing these words in hopes that when you read them, you’ll actually feel good about yourself and everything that’s around you because you really should. I know that talk is cheap, but to be quite honest, you made my life a lot better and that’s why I’m telling you that you should be happy, because if you’re not, then I screwed up somewhere and it’s my fault that you’re not doing well and for that I’m really sorry. I hope you don’t hate me, I’m trying to do my best not to screw us up but it isn’t easy, I need your help.
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DAY THREE
You said something to me once that really made me believe in myself again. You told me that I wasn’t a failure like I kept telling myself and others, you told me that life had just started for me and you really liked me no matter what, and I really believed in you. – as a matter of fact, I still do. – And here I am today, composing nothing but a Christmas gift for the sole gift I’ll ever be thankful for – you. They may not seem much, but your words actually make me a better person every single day, because the existence of a being that’s so generous and kind as you are and the fact that I get to have you by my side inspire me to do better and to be a better man, so that one day I can tell everyone that all I’ve ever accomplished is due to the support and love you gave me. 5
DAY FOUR
Day four into this and I really don’t know what to say but to thank you for being such a wonderful person. I was just reading all I had written so far and I forgot to mention the fact that you baked me a cake on our first actual date and how good it was, so I’m doing it right now and I’m sorry for not having done so earlier. I really hope that while you read this, you feel the same way that I felt while I was eating that piece of cake that was conceived by your warm hands, the same hands that stroke my hair while I was lying down on your lap, defenseless and vulnerable, the same hands that, on that moment, kept me safe from everything, even myself. And I’ll forever be thankful for that, because if it wasn’t for you, I wouldn’t be here today.
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DAY FIVE
My whole life I saw relationships as something similar to a cage, where both parts are trapped, where they are stuck with each other until something or someone – both parts included – makes it all crumble. But then you came into the picture. Out of nowhere, with nothing but a smile on your face and a bright glow in your eyes, you made me see that not all relationships are a cage despite living in one yourself. For the time we were together, you made me see myself as some kind of guardian angel, who would keep you safe and care about you no matter what, and that’s exactly what I want to be – The one who loves you until the very end, until there’s nothing left to fight for and there’s no place to call home, because that’s how it actually feels like when we’re together. Home. 7
DAY SIX
I thought I wouldn’t be able to fit all I had to say into these few pages but I was wrong, again. Actually I’m running really low on things that I would like to tell you because I’m writing this over time and my mood changes a little bit from “Oh God I Want To Die – Part I” to “Oh God I Want To Be With Her Right Now – Part X”. Right now, I want to tell you that you mean the world to me and this can really be the cheesiest thing I’ve ever said in my entire life. But I still have some years left and probably something even cheesier will come up so you just hang in there and wait for it. Maybe tomorrow I’ll want to be gone again, like I always do when something bad happens between us, but that’s just so I can focus and think about what has gone wrong, where I have failed and what I can do to make it 8
all better. Because after all you deserve someone who knows when to admit he’s wrong and tries to make things work between you two.
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DAY SEVEN
After a few days into this, I realize that I may fail like I always do but at least you’ll get to know how I feel, and I don’t let people know that kind of stuff about me, so it seems like you’ve changed something, haven’t you? You actually changed the way I see things and how I relate to the outside world and for that, I’m really thankful because if it wasn’t for you I’d still be hating everything and everyone that exists around me like I used to. You’ve shown me that love isn’t something you feel, it is something that you live and live for with someone else, even if it means that you’ll have to learn how to do so. No matter what happens from now on, I will always look up to you.
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DAY EIGHT
I must be in a rush to finish this because I’ve been thinking about what to write over and over again and to be really honest I can’t come up with anything else I’d like to tell you. It hurts to be sitting here in front of this computer and not being able to be there next to you instead. It hurts to love you but this pain is the most real thing I’ve ever felt. I often fake feelings and I force myself into believing that I feel that way so I don’t have to deal with sadness or fear, but since I’ve met you I really don’t need to fake anything because I know that it doesn’t matter if I’m sad or afraid of something, you’ll be there to help me get through it. Or at least I hope you will.
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DAY NINE
I really can’t seem to come up with words to describe how I’m feeling right now. Part of me wants to quit because you’re being really selfish and selfcentered about this but I get it, you have to be. Otherwise you’d be screaming out loud, saying that you love me, yelling out in pain in hopes that I could hold you like I used to do and somehow make the pain go away. Well, I really wish I could but the fact that you’re pushing me away makes it harder than I ever thought. I’m sorry that I’ll never be enough, either for you or your parents, but especially for you. Because that’s what will always matter the most. You. 12
DAY TEN
You’re really giving up, aren’t you? Well, I guess that there’s nothing I can do to change your mind so here it goes: The sole reason I wrote this book was to tell you one thing, and that thing is something that I once swore I would never tell anyone unless I felt it for real, and here I am, feeling things I shouldn’t ever feel, saying things I shouldn’t ever say. I love you, I really do. And that’s why I don’t want to let you walk away just because something went wrong once. A lot of things will go wrong for as long as time goes by but that’s what a relationship is all about – Things that go wrong but are surpassed by two beings that love each other, and I was willing to fight whatever bothered you just so I could see you smile. 13