THE SEVEN wonders OF THE DUTCH WORLD

by Greg Shapiro ‘The American Netherlander’

India has the Taj Mahal, Rome has the Colosseum, and the Netherlands has: The Entire Country. Well, at least the 26% that was created by Dutch people. First, there was the sea - and the Dutch said “Let there be land.” Why isn’t the Netherlands included in the Seven Wonders of the World? Maybe it’s because - as much as Dutch people like digging - they dislike bragging. Or, in Dutch: ’Scheppen goed; opscheppen niet goed.’

1. SCHIPHOL AIRPORT

Every time your plane lands at Schiphol, just imagine the conversation going on in the cockpit: “Schiphol Tower, we are descending to ZERO meters above sea level. That must be the runway, right?” Wrong. The average runway at Schiphol Airport is three meters below sea level. “Schiphol Tower, is it true that the name Schiphol translates to ship graveyard?” Yes! That’s what you find when you build up dikes and pump out the lake. Every time a plane lands safely it’s a modern miracle.

2. THE AMSTERDAM CANALS

This enormous outdoor museum does qualify as a UNESCO World Heritage site, and for good reason. Dutch culture treasures the concept of “Maakbaarheid”, or Achievability. Historically, Dutch people have treated their natural habitat as something like a Lego base plate. This is why so much of the Dutch landscape looks like it was made out of Legos: Straight piece here, straight piece there. The time when Dutch people could finally afford curving pieces? They’re still talking about it.

3. THE MAESLANTKERING

The Port of Rotterdam is protected by this massive storm surge barrier, and the guided tour is worth it. Each one of these two sea gates is about as big as the Eiffel Tower in Paris. Yet in Paris, if you want an Eiffel Tower t-shirt from the tourist shops, you can find one easily. But in the Netherlands, can you find a Maeslantkering t-shirt anywhere? NO. Instead, what do most Dutch tourist shops feature on their t-shirts? The marijuana leaf. Why doesn’t the Maeslantkering get more credit? Somebody must be smoking something.

4. AFSLUITDIJK / DELTAWORKS

It’s a tie. The Afsluitdijk was created after 1916 flooding was so bad the Dutch built the biggest dike ever. The Deltaworks were created after 1953 flooding was so bad they sealed off all of Zeeland. Yes, storms and flooding are getting more extreme, but personally I’m just looking forward to what the Dutch will build next.

5. FLEVOLAND

Dutch people got so good at building up dikes and pumping out water that they created a whole new province. The rest of the world was like “Wait, our maps say you have 11 provinces. Now you have 12? How!?” If Jesus would come back and walk on water, the world would treat it as a miracle. Dutch people would be like, “Nou ja, doe normaal. That’s like Flevoland.”

6.

Amsterdam Central Station Bike Garage

If you look up the word chutzpah in the dictionary, you should see a picture of this place. Not only did the Dutch build an underground bike garage - when they’re already two meters below sea level - they finished the job by putting an entire canal on top of it. It’s like watching a juggling routine, when the performer starts juggling a knife, an axe, a chainsaw… and somehow gets away with it. Every time I successfully take my bike out of that garage without drowning, I raise my arms up and say “Ta-da!”

7. NIEUWEKERK AAN DEN IJSSEL

The lowest of the lowlands, this town near Rotterdam is almost 7 meters below sea level. And you can also visit nearby Zevenbergen, whose name translates to ‘Seven Mountains.’ Its highest point? Two meters below sea level.

Maybe someday Dutch culture will start taking credit for being so awesome. But for now Dutch chauvinism is about as high as 26% of their land.

Greg Shapiro is the author of three books, including How to Be Dutch: the Quiz. He is known for his work with Boom Chicago, Comedy Central and Zondag Met Lubach.

Moving abroad tends to be a massive endeavour in itself, and then you have to get to grips with a whole new culture and country! Lucky for you, there are plenty of helpful tools to ease the transition. Here’s our rundown of must-have apps for life in the Netherlands.

Buienalarm

The weather in the Netherlands is anything but predictable. That’s why an app that tells you whether to bring sunglasses, an umbrella – or (probably) both – is essential. Buienalarm answers all these questions and, thanks to its accurate precipitation chart, can even tell you whether to start biking to work now or if it’s wiser to wait another few minutes.

9292

Whether you are eager to explore the Dutch countryside by train or bus, or you want to grab the ferry for a Wadden Island weekend (highly recommended!), 9292 makes planning any expedition through the land of windmills and tulips a breeze.