Concurrents

Concurrents:

Speaking Beween Chinese and American Experiences in Chicago Siri Lee

Without the prior permission of the author, reproduction of this publication in whole or in part is prohibited in any form and by any means, with the exception of brief quotations in critical reviews and other non-commercial uses permitted by copyright law. Please contact concurrents.project@gmail.com to request permission. Š 2017 Siri Lee All Rights Reserved

Creators: Siri Lee (interviewer, translator, and zine-maker) 10 individuals, aged 14-25, of Chinese-American background living in Chicago (interviewees — named or anonymous, depending on their wishes)

Many, many sincere thanks to all the interviewees, organizations (special thanks to the Pui Tak Center and CBCAC), prior research, and the Transmedia Story Lab that made this possible.

Before you begin, please read through the following friendly guide: This online zine consists of two main sections: 1) individual biographies pieced together from quotes from interviews and 2) Q&A — thematic arrangements of remaining interview quotes around relevant topics.

Thus, this zine consists mostly of interview quotes, although with modifications by me for the purpose of smoother and more concise reading. I have tried, however, to retain the interviewees' original words and tones as much as possible.

100

Section 1: Individual Biographies The bio section consists of 9 interviews, conducted leading up to and in the summer of 2017, with a total of 10 people — the last interview in the section was a joint one, with 2 siblings. (The speakers will be differentiated by color.) The rest are individual interviews, 2 of which have been translated from their original mandarin.

All the bios begin with a page consisting of biographical information revolving around a centerpiece of "Curious Quotes," before moving onto 1-4 pages of more in-depth parental and personal histories, presents, and futures.

Occasionally there will be included my own questions or responses during the interview, which I have all put in bold to facilitate differentiation.

Also, if you're curious about those thin colored lines running off pages here and there — those either connect quotes from different interviewees that I found to be unexpectedly related, or quotes from the same interviewee that were spoken in the same breath but disconnected for the purposes of this zine.

With all that said ... enjoy!

101

Lives: Chicago, IL (Chinatown)

Anonymous #1 “You can’t help but start thinking about it [college] at an early age.”

*** “Do you have any thoughts on environmental protection?”

“It’s pretty important. … In the far future, your foot might no longer be stepping on earth, but plastic.” *** “When meeting with Americans, do you feel like you have to win honor for Chinese people?”

“Of course, you'll have this type of idea. But your own power is definitely not enough. As in, you'll have some effect, [but] if you're just one or two people, and, say, there's a Chinese insurrection — this is theoretical, theoretical *laughs* — what's the use of what you've done?

One person's power is very, very little. So you don't have to behave impeccably, but there's no need to be super uncivilized. Just don’t lose face for Chinese people.” pg 3

pg 3

Language: Native mandarin, advanced ESL english

Goals: A career in the sciences

*** “Buying a house for your parents [to be filial] is, after all, a hollow act. They don't necessarily want this. The main thing that they want is to see you often, and see how you're living.”

Siblings: "Not yet!"

Currently: Attending summer camp at Pui Tak Center, preparing for high school

High school: Thomas Kelly (9th grade)

Social media: Wechat, QQ

Born: Shenyang, China → Chicago, IL over 1 year ago

Elementary school: James Ward

Age: 14

Interests: Baking and cooking (mille crepe cake, pizza), reading books about psychological health and medical science 1

“I don’t think I’ve heard many stories from my grandparents on my mom’s side. ... I think they went through the Cultural Revolution. I don't really remember, but they have a lot of books from before, like Quotations from Chairman Mao-Tsetung — all stuff from very long ago. And also some books on Chinese and Western medicine. During the War of Resistance, medicine wasn't very advanced, so they drew from both China and the West. My grandma on my father’s side might have been a nurse."

"My mom and dad didn't encounter anything, since by that time, it was a new society. After all, at that time, the conditions weren't as good as they are now, [but] I feel like my mom and dad both came from pretty fortunate families. My mom's family lived in a big yard, kind of like a Beijing courtyard house. *laughs*”

"[My dad] went on business trips very often and didn’t come back very often. …

Sometimes it felt like a single-parent family. My dad first lived in the States, and then shipped the two of us [my mom and me] over. He did construction, but came to America to become a chef. My mom’s a masseuse here.”

“At the moment, high school is pretty important. During the first and second years, I first need to get a handle on English. Then, in the 3rd and 4th years, I’m going to work more on the sciences. From when I was very very little, I’ve always had this desire [to pursue the sciences]. I don't know if other people have this. when I ask them, they all say, 'Don't know. Not sure.'"

“I want to become a doctor. But after all, it's very hard in America. I thought it was already pretty hard in China, but after coming to the States it was like, “Oh, it turns out it was that easy in China!” *laughs* 'Cause if you want to go to medical school, you first have to go to 4 years of college. Before medical school, there is a specific option in college to study medical science. But once you’ve chosen that, you can’t go down any other paths. If you can't get into medical school, since medical school is very complicated — it’s a lot of money, time, and energy. There are some other courses with some overlap with medical science, so I plan to go with that. For example, biology or biochemistry."

"In the US, there are a lot of doctors that are about to retire but still haven't paid back their student loans. So I might have to give up on this idea [of becoming a doctor]."

"The goal of becoming a doctor is to help people. So you don’t have to be a doctor, you can also be a nurse. It seems like doctors are super great, but nurses also have it hard. Nurses are actually on the frontline, doctors just stand behind and prescribe medicine.”

“I don't plan on leaving Illinois [in the future]. I think I will probably continue living in Chicago, but hopefully a little farther from Chinatown, and just come back occasionally to check in. Since being too close to Chinatown isn’t great for your English improvement. *laughs* … I speak Chinese both at home and with my friends here.”

2

Born: Taishan, Guangdong, China → Chicago, IL in 2015

Lives: Chicago, IL (Chinatown)

Anonymous #2 “[My Chinese background has made me] more frugal. Chinese people will save money for themselves every month, right. Americans might want to live it up more [and spend it]. ... I feel like I’m a little like a money grubber. As in, I quite like money — in order to save it up, to use it to do what I want to do, to enjoy it. … It’s not that I love money, but you can’t live without it!

You need a house — only that is a real home! A rented place won’t have a sense of security, it won’t feel like a home. What I want the most is happiness.”

*** “When you’re acting really crazy in public, are you embarrassed because you feel like you're losing face for Chinese people, or just that you feel like you've gone overboard?”

“I mean, people definitely need to pay attention to their appearance, but don't care about it too much! Why do you have to give yourself such a title? That’s so heavy and depressing! How uptight! That's so much pressure — there’s no way I’d want to be like that. It's better to be a little bit more easygoing.” *** “Do you have a key word for describing your Chinese experience?”

“Warmth. A feeling of family. *laughs* … Very warm, very warm.”

“What about for the US?” “I guess frenzied. … The rhythm of life here is very fast-paced.”

Currently: taking ESL classes at Pui Tak

pg 1 pg 33

pg 1

Siblings: None

Goals: Become a pharmacist, travel around the world

*** “What objects are most important to you?”

“For the future, if you're being realistic, then of course it's money. A house and whatnot. For a sense of security, right.”

“So your desire to be a pharmacist — is it for that sense of security?”

“Uh, not really. It might not give me that much security. It’s quite stressful. But there's nothing I can do, I'm interested in it.”

pg 10

Language: Native mandarin, advanced ESL english

*** “There were quite a few Asians [in my school in Chicago], but there were also a lot of foreigners in the classes.”

High school: Thomas Kelley (11th grade)

Social media: QQ, Wechat, IMS, Facebook, Instagram

Age: 16, almost 17

Interests: exercising, running (in Chinatown neighborhood), watching TV shows 3

“My childhood is so different from my parents’. It’s definitely more fortunate and happier. When my mom was very little — in 3rd grade — she already had to learn how to cook by herself. God, when I was in third grade, I don't even know what which vendor I was buying lollipops to eat!"

"In my mother's generation, it wasn't easy to go to school. You had to pass the entrance exam in order to study — if you didn't manage to pass it, then you couldn't go to school.

My mom was pretty hard-working then, but unfortunately she still couldn't get into the school she wanted. So even though now, she's not too demanding of my studies, she still wants me to read more and whatnot.”

“How do you think your future will be like?” “[I hope it will be] rather fulfilling. Relaxing — well, maybe not relaxing, but busy while living happily and light-heartedly.”

“Sometimes I’ll think about it, but I don't know what I want to study. I guess I'm more interested in being a pharmacist. Last year, I went to the library. There was an elderly person who asked me to help him download something on his iPad. He asked me what I wanted to do in the future, and at that point I thought that the translators on TV were pretty cool, so I said that. But then he said that would be somewhat difficult, since we've come out pretty late, so our language isn't as good. Then he asked if I had any other classes that I was interested in, and I said, 'Biology.' Then he asked if I was interested in becoming a pharmacist. I did have an interest, but it wasn't very strong. But after he said it .... He also said that being a pharmacist isn't as hard as it sounds. ... So it sounded pretty nice. [So] at the moment, what I want most is to be a pharmacist at the drugstore at Walgreens, in Chinatown.”

“Did you know this person beforehand? Or did you meet him for the first time in the library?”

“That was the first time.”

"For my senior year, I hope my SAT scores are better — not so bad that I won't be able to look at them. Seriously, the last time I tested, the scores were so bad.”

“I don’t know [where I’d want to go to college]. It depends on the grades I’ll get. *laughs* Probably a school with a lot of options for medicine."

“I want [to become an American citizen] in order to work here. It’s a feeling where I want to live here. ... I definitely cherish the memory [of China]. There are definitely beautiful things back in my hometown. It’s definitely something I wouldn't forget, and will be nostalgic for when I think about it.”

“You said sometimes you act pretty crazy. Can you say more about that?”

“When I'm having a great time with friends, we’ll sometimes laugh really loudly, you know? It feels kind of crazy. *laughs* I’ll often make them laugh by making funny faces. [Although] my mom says I'm kind of slow ... I'll often kill a conversation. ... One time, we went to Triple Crown to eat, and then we just went out of control, making a lot of really strange gestures, so that the neighboring table turned around and just stared at us [like we were crazy]. It's hard to say whether it's funny or really embarrassing. I wonder what my teacher would think if they saw me. Most of the people at my school think I’m very quiet.” pg 8

4

“There’s a lot more Chinese at Whitney Young. I feel safer to share my opinions, to do what I want [math team] than at Lane Tech, where it is hugely Polish and Hispanic. I think it was because my whole life, from grade school, I always talk to people of the same background. So it was a cultural shock when I went to Lane Tech, where there are barely any Chinese people.

I always feel I was a bit inferior to a lot of other ethnicities, and I lacked a lot of social skills.

It’s also because of the stereotypes surrounding white people — ­ that I couldn’t get around them. Or maybe the fact that, I just couldn't relate with them. They eat completely different food, they talk completely different things. They talk about all these concerts, these social activity things, and I wouldn't get them. I would talk about art, maybe games, and some math problems, some Reddit posts ­— that they wouldn't get. They would talk about all these Snapchat … all these gossip that I couldn’t get along with. I was worried that I wouldn't fit in with them. [At Whitney Young,] my interests are much more aligned with other people. But I think it's also because I am becoming more social and I'm more willing to talk to other people, because I'm not too afraid that they'll judge me because of that.” *** “To what extent do you feel your experience to be common among American residents of Chinese background around your age?”

“It depends. Sometimes, when they mention the food they eat, I can totally relate with that.

But when they start mentioning the word “dad” and “mom,” I really don't get what they're saying."

"I can relate with these people a lot — [at] ASM and Origin. I think there's a lot of empathy there, because we mostly face the same hardship. But at school — the people on math team — I really can't relate with them, because most of them have spent years together, and most of them are from middle or higher classes.”

“Do you think the people Whitney Young judge you because of your class?”

“No, but I'm not comfortable talking to them about that.”

Siblings: Older half-sister

Interests: Math, playing LoL

Language: Fluent English, elementary Cantonese (spoken at home)

Currently: went to math program at UChicago (Young Scholars Program), attending ASM at CASL, attending Origin Youth Group at CBCAC

Siyuan

High school: Lane Tech —> Whitney Young

Social media: Facebook and Reddit

Age: 16 Born: Guangzhou, China → Chicago, IL, 10 years ago for 5 years → LA, Lives: Chicago, IL CA (1 year) → Chicago, IL (till now) (Bridgeport)

5

“From what you've heard from your grandmother, do you think that the way that y “I think it’s really different. My dad grew up a lot differently because he had a really strict m censored. The things they d

“I moved here at 6 or 7 with my dad. My mom is in China. My parents aren’t married. I am not in contac "It was 4 years ago. It was June 19, 2013. The year prior, when I was going to 6th grade, my dad decided to move to Califor a traffic accident. So my “Do you remember much from the traffi “Oh, I remember. I think it was around 5, 6, Colorado. I thought it was North Colorado, but that doesn't exist. … It was He got sleepy. We encountered a car — there was only us and the other car, in the morning — it was really early, so not m turned the wheels a lot, and we ended up flipping. I think the other car also flipped, bu "But I remember getting out of the car, unbuckling my seatbelt, crawling out. And then, the first thing that came to my mi him. But then, as I continue searching — I savaged [sic] through all the luggage and clothing — and I found him. But be 'Man, if you save my dad. If everything becomes normal, man, I will stu "So I went up to the highway to find somebody, and the other family came up and found me, and asked me what happen da “I would say I loved my dad, and I would say he loved me too. But I was [unintelligible] to be young back then, a "I don’t think I ever admitted to him that I loved him while he was alive. And I think I was also quite angsty back then happening to him. So we didn't get along all that well. I didn’t understand him, he didn’t understand me. But he “[Afterwards,] I moved back and lived with my grandma for 3 years before I move [sic] to my aunt for a year, and now I'm less and less — I didn't want to talk with her. I think it was fair, but she thought that I really needed to communicate wit gets annoyed by that. So then I said, 'Well, you can just continue trying to sleep.' And then she was like, 'Why do you set y I just called my aunt and said, 'Can I move ov “And you decided to m “Um, there was an argument with my aunt. ... She always says that, 'You are my son, I am your mother.' I didn't think tha something wrong, she would always call my grandma. My grandma would tell me, and I would think that my grandma m that got really annoying. Plus the school work, I really didn't know what to think about this. And I was too scared to ask f back to my grandma, wh “[In one argument,] she [my aunt] kept saying that I had a really bad heart. … I mean, I thought a lot about my principles.

I got into this whole argument about all the things I believe she's doing wrong. A "I think things are a lot better. I take things a lot [more] lightly now. I try not to take anything too serious. Try to imagi brush them off and believe what I believe. And I learnt to smooth out the way I say things to her. I think most importa “Did your dad or your grandma ever tell you what type of person to marry or to date?” pg 34 “My grandma, a lot. … Asian. Chinese, specifically. And she watches all these Hong Kong dramas — they always have the certain tone to it. Always a man with a wife but have [sic] this other woman. So she tells me, choose a good woman to marry. Someone that's not too greedy. Someone who is honest. And don’t be like your father. Choosing so abruptly.

Like, not getting to know a woman before just, all of a sudden, do anything with her [sic]. From what I can tell, they had me without the knowledge of grandma or grandpa, who were both here [at the time when my parents were in China]. ...

Grandma doesn't really like my mom.”

“Do you have siblings?” "I think my dad was born at the wrong time. I think he's really smart, “Yes. My mother and her really great. But because of the time he was born in and the way he was treated by his mother and father, he really couldn't chase his husband had a daughter who was 20-something, own happiness. If he were born now, I think he would be given more opportunities. If he was replaced with me, it would be a lot different.”

30-something.”

“Have you ever met “My grandma always tells me stories about my dad, living in China. [Her and Grandpa] her?”

Being a couple, raising five kids — four daughters and one son — the difficulties they faced.

“I think so, when I went So she’s talked to me a lot about the difficulties and all the hardships she’s been through." to visit my mother's "She tells me the same story a lot of times. One story is how she kept my dad locked in a home place, but not at an room with only food, water, and his study material. Keeping him away from the television age where I understood in the living room. I think she tells me that because she just wants me to study.” what was going on.”

“Is it like a threat?”

“I think so."

6

your life thus far is very different or similar to your dad's experience at your age?” mother and father. Especially in China, I have the perception that they keep a lot of things do study, it's a lot different."

ct with her [my mom] at all. And then, just recently, my dad passed, so I'm living with my grandma now. rnia for a year, so I did sixth grade at California. During the summer, we drove back from California and we were caught in y dad died, but I lived.” ffic accident, or were you knocked out?” in Colorado, in the morning. My dad was getting sleepy, but he chose not to sleep on the road. So he continued driving. much cars. And then he fell asleep behind the wheel. I screamed, told him there was a car in front, he woke. Surprised, he ut all of them lived. It was a family of kids, so I don't think they were injured too badly." ind was finding dad. I screamed 'Dad.' That's what I always do when I'm in trouble. So I screamed 'Dad.' And I couldn't find efore that, I was really scared. Then, the funny thing was — my dad's a Christian. So I thought to pray to God. I was like, udy so hard, I'll make him proud.' And then, I found him, unconscious." ned. And I just told them my dad's unconscious. And all I remember after that is being sent to the ER. … That was a long ay.” and we were pretty unstable. We moved frequently. We never lived in the [same] place for longer than 2 years." n. I was always doing fits and stuff, never wanting to go anywhere. And I think he had schizophrenia from all that was always kept a picture of me in his wallet. So I think he was a caring father, but there was the lack of connection.” m back with her. [I left my grandma's and moved to my aunt's because] there was growing tension between us. We talked th her. I continued not talking to her. I kept my phone next to my bed for alarms, but I set my alarms really early, and she your alarm so early? It's bad for your health.' And I said, 'It’s fine.' She didn't listen, so that plus the continuous tension — ver?' and I did for a year, before moving back.” move back because—?” at way. So that’s where the phoniness comes in ... I felt that she wasn’t being completely honest with me. Whenever I did made that up, just to bring me back. So I felt there was lies going around a lot, and I really couldn't figure out the truth. So for any extra stuff, any extra spending, 'cause I was too afraid that they would have complaints and I would have to move hich I wasn’t happy with.” . I always thought strongly about what's righteous and what isn't. So when she said that to me, it really ticked me off. And And it just got really dramatic. ... That's when I moved [back to my grandma’s]." ine things are just trivial, so when she says things that tick me off, I learn to not accept these things now. I learn to just antly, be more patient with her — so, maturing. I think my maturity has got me to communicate with her a lot better.”

“So you were with both of your parents until [the age of] six? And then you moved? And then you lost touch with your mom.”

“Yeah. Not right after I moved here. We kept in touch when my dad was alive. I visited her during a school year, so I missed a part of my first grade that I sent in China with my mom. I'm not sure why. I wasn’t really aware of what was going on. I thought it was just summer already. I spent about three months with her. I think that was the last time seeing her. As time went on, I think my dad also lost contact with her. ... I don't think about her a lot. I try not to. I mean — once upon a time, I thought about visiting her. Because I should be more loving, and she is my mother after all. But at the same time, I think she is the one that kind of ruined my dad’s future."

"What I hear from Grandma is, she was married to another man in her home place. The man got jailed for committing a crime. She moved in the city, met my dad, had me. So after my mom's husband got out of jail, he also went into the city trying to find my mom. At the time, I think my dad was working as a translator of some sort. But that's where the husband met my dad. It sounds really cheesy, but I don't know if that encounter actually happened. But from then on — I'm not sure if that's why my dad moved me here."

"I’m not sure if my dad actually loved my mom or not. Maybe my dad just made a mistake and really didn't like my mom. That's always a question I ask."

"She tells me about my dad’s injuries and how she doesn’t want that to happen to me. … So just this one time, Dad was playing basketball, hit his head, concussion — something like that. And recently, I wanted “Now you to get a bike. And she tells me like, 'I'm too worried!' And she told me the story about my dad, and how have a bike?” she didn't want that to happen to me, because she was really worried. She doesn't want to be worried “Yeah. Now I like that again. But I convinced her otherwise.” do.”

7

“What are you up to now?”

“I went to a math program at UChicago — Young Scholars Program — and I've been attending the After School Matters program at CASL quite recently. And there's also Origin. I loved it [Young Scholars Program] a lot. It was really fun. [We were learning] Knot Theory and Group Theory. I went last year [too]. So this year, it’s geometry, and then last year was number Theory. They go between those two. I enjoyed this year a lot better.”

“How do you imagine your future? Career-wise, after high school.”

“After high school, I’m thinking of going to either medical school or tech school. For my far future, I’m not too worried. Maybe I’m just too naïve, but I think I can live, just — normally. I don’t think it’s that hard to find a job.

I imagine my future to be hopefully successful, but if not, I think I can live by just working a job and being able to afford my rent and my food, and just living happily, with whatever I have.”

"What is the highest degree you would like to attain?”

“I hope, a PhD in mathematics, or medical [sic].”

“Have your imaginings or aspirations changed over the years, if at all? Or have you always thought this way?”

“It has changed. ... I changed a lot. It always bounced between mathematician, lawyer, and a doctor. Now I am fine with any one of those three. Math is really fascinating to me, but finding a career in mathematics is really tough. You have to be a genius at it. And family members always mention to me that there’s really bad salary in the math field.

Being a doctor or lawyer does not sound interesting to me. All those years of schooling sounds like hell. But I think it'll be pretty cool to become one. ... Yeah. Pretty naive.”

“Where would you like to work in the future?”

“Right now, I am happy with just finding an office job anywhere, paying off my rent, feeding myself, but I have thought about being more adventurous, going to other locations, particularly places in Europe … like Hungary. I recently just heard about that from my counselor at a program he’s studying math [at]. And he said the place is really nice. Concert tickets are cheap, great food, the people are awesome. I also thought about traveling a lot to places like Iceland. I've seen a lot of pictures on Reddit. These pictures, I think are beautiful. They show things that are so much larger than you. It just seems so amazing, just being under all that.”

“What [else] do you care deeply about, negatively or positively?”

“My self-image. That's what I care deeply about — how other people sees me. that, I keep trying to get over — I tell myself that it doesn't really matter, but it always comes back to me. ... So I think my whole life — really discovering myself, having a stable philosophy on how to live life, instead of always bouncing back between being really nihilistic or really optimistic. I just want to find myself, and find a right way to live.”

“How do you want people to perceive you?”

“It always changes in different environments. For example, in school’s math team [sic], I like other people to view me as really studious and not, like, a jokester. But in other environments, like Origin, I don't want them to think I'm really studious. So that seems like a really stupid idea. It seems like I want to be perfect.”

“Do you feel like you’re deceiving people, when you're in different environments and acting in different ways?”

“Well, I … do. I think I'm overthinking a lot of situations. Like, in math team. I don't think the coach likes me too much. But I think I'm really overthinking it. ... But I'm always afraid that — 'cause she sees me acting really differently — she sometimes sees me joking, but sometimes she sees me — like, during practice — she sees me really studious.

So I don't know how she thinks about that. Maybe she thinks I’m ... really fake. And that is always really concerning, since she chooses whether I compete or not.” pg 4 “[But] you have different layers, right? And depending on different situations, you peel away different layers ... and I don't think that means, then, that therefore in one context you’re a fake.”

“It doesn’t feel dishonest when you do that? I feel dishonest when I act differently towards different friends when I do that.”

8

Elementary school: James Ward

Anonymous #3 “I don’t like to think far sometimes.” *** “[My mom and I,] we don't really plan out our futures. We just want to get by. I don't expect myself to become a doctor or anything. I also don't want to think about it sometimes. In some ways, I think my mom is capable of much more. She has potential … but she is also fine from where she's at.” *** “Currently, I think about, what is the meaning of life, or what is the purpose of everything. I don't understand why people try to be very successful — I guess not successful, but like, trying to strive for money — when in the end, if we're all gonna die, nothing's gonna really come out of it. I mean, you can save it for your family, so that they could be well-off in the future, but ... they're gonna die. *laughs* This is so bad. But I still wonder, what's the meaning of everything?

So I've been trying to go to church [CCUC, since last summer] and see if there's a solution or there's an answer to that, but I think I'm not sure if it's providing me an answer. ... Right now, I'm trying to read the Bible.” *** “I think I've always been the one filled with doubts and stuff, but over my years, I feel like I've experienced some things that made me feel like I couldn't do much. For example, I didn't get into the schools that I wanted to get into, or ... I failed to do a lot of things. I procrastinate a lot.

But I think it's just me, too, because of the way I think ... and the way I don't think. *laughs* I don't like to accept things sometimes ... I'm not open minded. And I'm not willing to explore or experience things, like taking chances or taking risks. I close off. ... [Now] I'm trying my best to do things that I don't like to do or don't want to do 'cause I'm scared.”

Currently: volunteering at CBCAC, reading the bible

Major: Undecided

Interests: casual (?) reading

Siblings: older sister (by 2 years), a twin

*** "Do you feel fortunate or unfortunate relative to other people with similar backgrounds to you, or relative to your parents?"

“Sometimes I think it’s unfortunate, but then I try to be positive and think that is actually fortunate for me to have certain things. I think in general, people always aren't satisfied, so they want more. But I’m also grateful for my family. I value family to a large extent, so in that sense, I’m very fortunate just because I have people who care about me. [I feel unfortunate compared to my peers, because there’s a feeling of a] lack of wisdom, knowledge … intelligence overall. Also, sometimes it’s hard for me to communicate in comparison to someone else.”

Language: fluent English; some Taishanese, elementary Cantonese

Social media: "I don't use social media that often anymore. I use Facebook to message but not for news feed."

Lives: Archer Heights

University: UIC (rising second year)

Goals: Just wants to finish college

Born: Chicago, IL

High school: King College Prep

Age: 19

9

“My mom doesn't really tell me much [about her childhood and life], because she doesn't think I understand her sometimes. But there’s this one story that she always talks about, and it's her splitting candy with her siblings because there wasn’t enough to eat."

"My grandpa’s sister was running from the Japanese during WWII and she said that her mom was carrying her brother, which is my grandpa. They were running away and they were only eating sweet potatoes or something. So she doesn't really like to eat sweet potatoes anymore. My mom’s mom also talks about how they would water down their rice, or put water in the rice, so it feels like there's more to eat."

"My dad doesn't tell me stories. My dad did talk about how he suffered a lot, working “My dad’s a cook [on Archer and at a very young age. I can picture it in my mind — a very little boy, running around 30th], and my mom sews. They doing chores, going to different restaurants, probably washing dishes, serving." work pretty long hours. [My "My mom came from Taishan, and my dad came from Hong Kong. Dad came here mom goes to a factory] near through someone. My grandpa’s sister was already here in America. She was settled, O’Hare. She commutes. She but my mom's side of the family was in China. My great-aunt knew the guy who used to drive. And she drove was with my dad, so she wanted to bring my mom or a sister to America, so she was others [her coworkers] too. telling them to be arranged with the purpose of marriage. But it wasn't forceful, But the car’s not really working she let them talk to each other. I think my mom really wanted to come down here now. *laughs* So she just pays anyways.” someone to drive her there.”

“When I was young, I was bullied. ... I think I approached it, and I addressed the issue, so one “I'm also kind of day it just stopped. Not completely, but it got a lot better. I don't know when it started, but I introverted, so I like think it ended near fifth grade. … Looking back at it now, it wasn’t too bad. I think that’s also to be by myself most why I lack a lot of confidence, and why I have so many doubts [about my capability of doing of the time. But I things]." also want to speak "I just said stop one day. Before, I just went along with it, I just did the things that the bully to others, but I don't told me. I was pushed around a lot, but at the end, I just couldn’t take it anymore and I really know how to didn't understand what was going on, and I just spoke up. I guess that was really unexpected approach them.” because I just wouldn't speak up. I guess speaking up ... actually matters. *laughs*” "Why do you think you tried so hard to get straight A's and get into your ideal college in high school?"

“I think it was me wanting to prove myself. Like, I needed to prove that I can do it or I did it [to myself, but also to my peers], because I worked hard or somewhat worked hard in high school. ... I felt like I wasn't good enough, or I can't do things because I'm not in a great school. ... King is a good school, it's selective enrollment, but it's not, like, Whitney Young, or Jones — like, one of those top schools. I felt like even if I'm at King, I can achieve and I can go somewhere."

"I think I let schools define me. ... It was already hard for me to decide whether or not I wanted to go to college, too. [But] I don't really let it define me as much as King did.” pg 3

“I was always part of the Origin Youth Group [which is] part of CBCAC. I started as a volunteer. I was never part of CASL’s ASM [After School Matters].

It's all volunteer work, so students don't get paid, but I started freshman year during high school and I really liked it, so I kept coming back. Now I’m in college and I found the opportunity to also lead students — students like me. *laughs*”

“For the most part, I really want to just be happy in the future. I guess it's kind of a problem that I really don't care about money that much, even though I come from lower-middle-class. I still don't really want it, maybe because I don't think it will make me that happy."

"And I’m also wanting to pursue my education and continue by going to grad school, maybe, but I also ... don't want to? *laughs* Maybe it's just me being lazy, I don't know, but ... I'm still trying to figure it out.” “[In terms of a specific career,] I don't know.

I thought about social work … but then … I don’t know. … I think, maybe making a living [would decide it] ... just so I can get by. And just … a career that makes me want to get up in the morning. And I won't be tired doing it.”

“Right now, I am finishing up with the ASM program. It’s an internship with CBCAC. I am supervising 10 students and we’re basically going around Chinatown, trying to learn about different service organizations and help them build skills, but also for them to know that Chinatown offers much more than just businesses; there are people. The main goal was to have them do asset-mapping — they're supposed to go to Chinatown trying to know people, meet people, and know the resources, the streets, the community. We want it to be student-led, so we try to make it their program as much as possible.”

10

Fan “I think, for people who recently went through the education in the US, they should automatically becomes [sic] citizens, because at that point they already know everything about the US history. [Regardless of whether they were illegal or not,] it doesn’t matter how they come to this country, because they already went through the system. It’s like literally American-born at that point.” *** “Do you have any keywords to describe how you relate to your Chinese-ness?”

“I guess maybe … anticipation? 'Cause I knew I was gonna move here when I was pretty young, 'cause my mom moved first — she was studying and working at the same time, 7 years [before I came, so that I didn’t see her at all aside from] phone calls and videochats sometimes — and I always knew I would have to move here at some point in my life. So there’s a feeling of anticipation where it’s like, you gotta get prepared to go to like a completely different world. You’ll have to learn what they do there.”

“Were you excited to come here then?”

“A little bit. I was also a little bit scared. *laughs* You don’t really learn that much English in Chinese schools.”

Interests: Plays some chess, used to play chess competitively on the high school team; watches Netflix; reads the news in general (Yahoo, CNN)

Siblings: Younger sister, aged 7

Major: Chemical engineering

Language: fluent English and madnarin — speaks mandarin at home

Currently: on summar break, working at a furniture/home decoration store

Lives: Chicago, IL (Northfield)

Post-secondary Education: UIUC (rising senior)

Social media: Uses FB mostly, WeChat for family

Born: Fuzhou, China → Skokie, Chicago (2006) → Northfield, Chicago

High school: New Trier Public High School

Age: 21

11

“My mom’s doing forwarding — import export, inventory control. [My dad’s doing] IT.” "I was born in China. Fuzhou, China. I moved to the States in 2006 and moved to the suburb near Chicago called Skokie. [So I’ve been here for a] little over 11 years.

I went to a school that’s basically an English school. But it's a pretty diverse school, so there's people from all around the world, different cultures. Mostly US-born.

Just different races."

“What are/were the other major moments of your life charged with emotional or other significance?”

“The day when my mom left and the day when I came here and met her again ... [and] when I first started making friends here, because it’s always hard to go to a new school without friends.” “[I’m currently working at] a furniture/home decoration store in Glenview. My friend told me about this job.”

“I guess as a kid, I actually wanted to be like a teacher — like a high school teacher."

"OK. And what led you to decide that that wasn't the route for you?"

"Well, I mean, after I went to high school, I just found sciences — specifically chemistry — really interesting, so I decided I want to pursue something science-related. But also try to make use of the science, as in engineering, so I can apply it to like, real-world situations."

"What is the highest degree you plan on attaining?"

Uh, Bachelor's so far, but if my work requires or I have time permitting in the future, I may pursue like, a Master's."

"I guess hopefully, I can pursue a career in my major. Uhhh, I guess as a kid I never thought about me coming here [to the US]. But now that I’m here, definitely want to make the best of it. Try to use my degree to find myself a stable job. Probably [a] company job in chemical engineering field, maybe related to foods or oil."

"And after I graduate, definitely gonna be looking for — if I’m gonna be looking for oil companies, it’s gonna be located down in the South part of the States, like Texas [bc of the oil industry there]. So I'm gonna do some searching there."

"I imagine I'll be continuing staying here for the rest of my life."

"In Chicago?"

"Well, just anywhere I can find a job."

"Ok — but anywhere in the US." "Yeah."

12

Born: Near LA, California → Wilmet, Chicago, at age 7 → Northfield, Chicago, right before sophomore year of high school

Lives: Chicago, IL (Northfield)

Anonymous #4

Major: Engineering physics “but that just Currently: just finished 2 summer classes at UIUC (1 was a means physics with some wiggle room for lab class, another a game design in the CS department) whatever electives you want to take”

“What do you care deeply about, negatively or positively?” “... Gosh. I don't have time to care. … I mean, my own future.” *** "I'm the kind of person who imagines things to be bleak all the time, so that when they're not shit, I can be pleasantly surprised. So my imagination is always the worst case scenario." *** "… Emotional things? I'm too busy for emotions. … At least, from what I can gather from funny Facebook memes, is most people my age are just anxious about the future. It's mostly just anxiety about where they're going to be." *** “Art generates value. The ability to provoke thought, which I think is a goal of art, is relevant, because critical thinking, or the ability to criticize any situation, is a hugely important skill.

Like, never walk blindly into something. Always think about what you're doing, right. That's pg the dream, especially for someone in science. And the ability to be able to provoke that in other 15 people is really cool. I just think that comes with exposure. Like, if you're exposed to art from an earlier age, there’s probably a much higher chance that you grow up to become very interested in art. My sister and I just did multiplication problems, and that's all we knew. So art was never a very huge part of our lives and probably never took over.” *** “What is your defining element?”

“Uh, I don’t know. I think it's probably something along the lines of, I think the universe is really cool.” *** "Getting hit with that ping pong paddle [when I was 9] was pretty traumatic.” *** “*audible exhale* What does it mean to be patriotic? Patriotism itself gets spread out in so many weird — like, it's so ill-defined. There are people who think they’re patriotic, and what that means to them is, they pay their taxes, and they do their civic duty voting and generating value for other people who may not be able to generate value, whether that be the older population or people who are just in general unable to support themselves because of illness or handicap or whatever. And then there are people who are like, 'I'm patriotic. Let's kill all the Jews.' Right? Like, Charlottesville. … So then, what is patriotic? Right? You could say patriotic is identifying with the ideals of whatever country, but those ideals were spawned in the 1700s and require so much interpretation to apply it to today, that the word patriotic loses a lot of its meaning. 'Cause it's such a big time gap. So I think there are duties that I should do, including, like, paying taxes and for Social Security — which I don't currently do, so I'm sort of just talking the talk and hopefully I can also walk the walk later, once I get an actual job — but I think some things everyone should do just involve continuing the maintenance of the society. I think that's probably the closest I can get to rationalizing that idea [of] patriotism. It’s just making sure that the people around you who live in the same country are also doing OK, and also not being like, a huge prick to other people.”

Interests: Physics, reading, CS, fantasy & roleplaying videogames, dabbled in some DND, reading, “I've recently gotten into learning how to do card magic ... and also I like making food, 'cause I like eating food.”

High school: New University: UIUC Language: fluent English, Siblings: 1 younger sister (currently 11), 1 older sister (22), 2 Trier High School (rising senior ) conversational mandarin older half-siblings (brother and sister, respectively 30 and 28)

Social media: FB and text messages

Age: 21

13

“What sort of stories did your parents and grandparents tell you about their childhoods and life trajectories? What are the major differences or similarities between their own narratives and yours?”

“Certainly many more differences than similarities. Most Asian families are, I think, always pressured to do well academically, to succeed at something. And the thing is — at least in our family, left more to the child. But canonically, it's always doctor, lawyer, engineer, etcetera etcetera. ... My dad was largely self-motivated. When I say largely — like, colossally self-motivated. The stories he’s told us involve how he’d spend hours during the day walking around, being 'The Barefoot Doctor' and doing surgeries while horribly equipped to do surgeries. And like, spending nights reading through textbooks and learning as much as he could about anything. ... I don't know if what drove him was desperation or really just him being an incredible human being with huge amounts of curiosity and motivation. But the pressure on us to make it has been largely reduced, compared to that.

Living in rural China is much more difficult than living in suburban North Shore in Chicago.” “[Our dad’s] told us stories about it [his past], but we’ve never had a super in-depth history. So it’s kind of bizarre, but this one thing I wonder about is — so the parents always know their kids’ lives to a very precise extent, but when you talk about how much do the kids know the parents, right, in what way could a child possibly understand growing up with their parent, stuff like high school, college experience. I wondered if it's true that other kids in other families also are not one hundred percent sure what their mom or dad did when they were younger. Part of it also is that there are such starkly different circumstances around my growing up as opposed to my mom’s and dad’s, right? Like, stories about them growing up in villages in China, waking up at 6 in the morning to crawl underneath the school gate to sit in the classroom and memorize lessons for the day. It just seems so different from growing up here. So it's really hard to connect in that sort of way, I guess.”

“How would you describe your household?”

“Gosh, I don't know where to start. Asian. ... I would say it's a little bit conflicted, because of the way we were raised as — I'm talking about mainly my older sister and I, since [the older half-siblings] had been through college and were in Michigan/California. I think my older sister is a little bit more rebellious, and that she didn't like to listen a ton. But it's not like a tragic, 'Oh, everyone is fighting' — like no, it was great. It was fine."

“I went to a private school in California, which, interesting tidbit, was the same school the Jenners attended. *laughs* Yeah, there’s a yearbook photo 'cause we were in the same class. It was great."

"We moved here because the public school system in North Shore is fantastic, it has a reputation of being one of the best public high schools in Illinois.”

“And why did you move between suburbs?” “ I think we just wanted a larger house closer to the high school.”

"I'm much closer to my [eldest] sister, and my slightly older sister and older brother are of a mind as well. So we’re two units, basically.

My [eldest] sister and I get more attached to things and generally express more emotion than my brother and my other sister. We text and things and hang out when we get home and go to the arcade and have fun. It's not like [an] awkward family reunion.”

“[My dad] has enough going on that we never really had a great idea “[My mom] works as a general manager — what he was doing. He's always been moving between countries and like, a project manager, I think? She manages hopping between businesses that he is involved in. So like, for a 10 something at the Chicago branch — I think it year old or 12 year old kid, we just know that dad travels to China a might be the only branch of the US — of one lot on business. My mom was our, uh, functional caretaker.” of the publishing/translation companies my “So how much time did your dad spend with the family when dad started. ... So that meant she could settle you were growing up?” down in Chicago area. And that’s why she “Enough that we knew we existed. Which sounds really, uh, minimal. took care of us most of the time, 'cause she was just here, and my dad’s always in China." We’ll say ... I think it varied year to year, but it has definitely increased lately. Which is fantastic. But before ... I said we probably saw him, "Most of it I think is he works on a few maybe a month … or maybe a month is on the higher end of the boards as a board member. I know he did a lot spectrum, out of a year. So a couple weeks." with risk management for some companies.

He also works on managing investments that "We were excited that he came home, but he wasn't a super involved part of our growing up. At least, since we became sentient. As human he's made, including real estate, different properties. Currently, we have real estate in beings. Like, around 6 or 7 or 5, whenever kids become real people.So it was never like, 'Oh, this huge chunk is' — like, him being missing Australia. I’ll say he has real estate. They're was the normal when we were kids, and him being home was the working on developing that investment.” special occasion for us.”

14

“Going through puberty and adolescence, there is that rebellious phase, where sometimes your mom or your dad says, 'Do this,' and you're just like, 'No,' just 'cause you want to not do what they say, right? Like in high school, mom was like, *imitates high-pitched, nasal nagging* 'Do your homework, no games!'"

"I goofed off way too much, I could have done so much better in high school. But as soon as I hit college, I did so much better in school. I don't know if that's 'cause college is, quote, 'easier' than the high school I went to, or if it’s just 'cause independence hits you kind of hard. At some point you realize, 'I have to get my shit together. No one's going to tell me to do my homework ever again for the rest of my life.' And so I think I had my ass kicked enough, I learned how to kick my own ass." “[The game design class] was really just an extended Unity tutorial and a lot of watching YouTube videos of people talking about different aspects of game design, like camera controls and music and motion. [I took it] for fun. 'Cause I like playing pg 13 games, and making games has always been sort of a backseat dream.”

“I just got into OverWatch — that's a squad-based shooter by Blizzard. It's a lot of fun. Playing with friends is a ton of fun, 'cause playing with strangers is terrible. And some RPGs, like the Witcher 3 Wild Hunt. It's a fantastic game, for whoever happens to be listening to this: highly recommend.”

“Both my mom and dad have undergraduate degrees, and my dad has several graduate degrees [out of] intellectual curiosity.

I mean, the same reason he became a surgeon in his teenage years and spent nights reading books. [Given the Cultural Revolution and reeducation,] I imagine he probably didn't go to a formal high school and most of his training was selfdirected, self-learned. There are all these crazy stories — he had this one chance to get into some pathology program for his degree that he would earn in the US. He had one chance, and it was to take some entrance exam. And he spent the days working, and every night he would spend the entire night basically trying to memorize every single page of a reference book.

And he aced the exam, he got the top score or something. Some ridiculously high score for someone who has no formal training in any kind of science or medicine. He was accepted into the program. Like, it's just an insane amount of motivation that this man has.”

"There was a unit on physics in 8th grade science that I thought was really interesting. So I think since about 8th grade it was probably physics physics physics. And then on the way somewhere there was also, computers are kind of cool. So computational physics, that’s sort of the field I want to go into, 'cause it's the perfect cross between physics and computer science.”

"My plan, tentatively, still, is to begin attending career fairs to try to get my resume out there and maybe someone will want to hire me straight out of college — or also, to go to graduate school for physics. ... Everything is really up in the air for me."

“Uh, I actually still have to look at the programs that I'm interested in applying to, but — likely, I will be applying to several PhD for math and physics, with the hope of being able to work in computational physics. If not, maybe a Master’s in some more practical aspect of physics, or maybe something like financial engineering. Sort of learn a more useful skill than how to sit in a room and do math for long periods of time.”

“My older sister started out on a pre-med track, just 'cause she really liked biology, some of chemistry, and absolutely hated physics. Halfway through school [she] realized that she didn't enjoy biology enough to commit her life to being a doctor, getting out of school at age 30. Now she's developed a really strong interest in nutrition and has been watching her own diet and [tells] our household to watch their diets and be careful what they put in their bodies. So she's like, vegan, and doesn't eat honey. Hipster."

"I think she's largely convinced my mom to be more careful of the things we put in our bodies. And so mom is now more cognizant of buying things with tons of additives, versus buying something that might cost a little bit more, which thankfully our family can afford, but is more natural, organic — and messes you up less, or has no chances of having long-term side effects — from like, Whole Foods or whatever.”

“I actually just had a steak for dinner tonight. ... Recently, I actually tried to swear off most of my beef consumption. 'Cause it's pretty bad for both me and also the Earth. I think, because change starts on an individual level, I can't really pg 20, 42 sit around and complain about environmental policy without trying to sort of, change my own personal policies regarding the environment, right. I've been trying to limit my diet to mostly chicken, and things like beans. It's probably been several months since I last had beef.”

15

“How do you imagine your future?”

“Oh, man. You've hit on every single anxiety that I've had for the past three years. 'Cause college is the time when you start seriously thinking about, 'How am I going to transition into being a responsible adult, with a job and kids and a house and investments in some mutual funds and 401K payments.'"

"How I imagine it [my future] is likely very different from how it will turn out. If all else fails, fortunately our family is blessed enough to have the finances to say, 'Okay, this didn't pan out,' and then I can be like, 'Ok. Well—' ... My fallback plan, which is secretly my number one plan, is to become a physics teacher of some kind — highschool would be cool. 'Cause my highschool physics teacher was what got me really interested in physics. That guy has inspired me to become a student of physics and hopefully a physicist."

"There is this idea that I do owe something to my parents, to be successful. Success in my mind, in a scientific field, is at least getting a PhD in that field. ... Also because I think that physics is really cool. And so understanding it better would be like, really freaking cool. Like, understanding it to the point where someone says, 'Holy crap, you know what you're talking about.'

When other people who know what you're talking about think that you know what you're talking about — that's the line of success. It's not, 'I got Cs for 4 years in college and I have a degree in physics.' PhD is a commitment, right. That's sort of the line of success that I've drawn for myself."

“But now he's not a doctor anymore, right?”

“You know, I'm not sure if he ever practiced anywhere other than the countryside.”

“What would you say your feelings for your father are?”

“Before I began understanding the magnitude of his achievements — like, 'Eh.' Right? Like, he's my dad. All I know is he travels a lot. But after I began to understand all the stuff he was going through, it's just — huge amounts of respect and awe.

Like, I don't even know where to begin relating to this guy. It puts a lot of pressure on the kids, in that, we don't know how to fill his shoes. Like, if there were ten of us, maybe we'd have a chance of making the same accomplishments he has. But it’s just insane to me.”

"From all the statistics I've been reading online, very few PhDs in physics go on to become professors. I think it's on the order of like, 1-2 percent. It's pretty unlikely, 'cause there's a lot of people that do science, there's really not that much need for tons of physics professors everywhere. But what most physicists end up doing is — like, there's this one anecdote that I like to think about, 'cause it makes me able to go to sleep at night — this one kid got contacted by this company. And they were like, 'Ok, so what did you do after you graduated?' And he was like, 'Oh, I have a Master's, or PhD, in physics,' and they were like, 'If you're smart enough to get a PhD in physics, you're smart enough to learn Ruby on Rails, you’re hired.' (Ruby on Rails is a programming language.) And so physics is regarded in the industrial world as the jack of all trades and the master of none. It’s like, 'Ok, you know why electrons are stuck to protons. So ... what do you do.' And it turns out that on the way to obtaining a degree in physics, there's a lot of hard work that goes into it, and it's enough hard work that the people who get degrees in physics are the kind of people that like to study things, or like to do things 'cause they're hard and 'cause that's what makes them interesting. And that just happens to be something that is very desirable in hirees.”

“But you have a lot of anxiety nonetheless?”

“Yeah, so —*awkward laugh* — um. … If you talk about physics PhD, that means this guy has committed five, six, seven years, to studying one small thing to the best of his ability. And that means a lot of problem-solving. I hold the belief that any job, anyone can do. It's a matter of time. Some people just have a huge head start. Like, if you know how to fix problems, regardless of what kind of a problem it is — like, you just have a generally stronger framework for solving problems — you're going to be much more useful than someone who can just blindly like, you know, do stuff. But when they run into a [rut] has no idea what to do at that point. I think you can get through undergrad physics being the second guy who just blindly does stuff and runs into a problem sort of puzzled, versus once you get a PhD, it's more a qualification — like, you’re inevitably going to run into problems doing research in a complicated system. And having a PhD means you know what to do, you can be proactive in problem solving.”

16

“[My older sister] has found a company that works in nutritional education, where they travel around and try to teach kids to be careful about what they put in their bodies. Like, you can eat good and healthy food, not just Cheetos and Mountain Dew, [at] not significantly higher costs than junk food and fast food."

"My oldest sister [from my dad's first marriage] just finished her PhD, so now she's a legit doctor in psychology. And she's getting her MD soon. So she's going to practice and maybe also research, but she’s certainly qualified for both, and thus incredibly hireable anywhere."

“What are/were the major events in your life that were charged with emotional or other significance?” “... Wow. Uh, that's why we repress memories. This is like, 'What memories have you repressed. Ever.' … I think Grandma passing away was a huge kick. [We were] not particularly [close], even. But my dad was close to my grandma, and it hit so hard.

"It messes me up really bad when you start thinking about, like, mortality of people who — like, if it's this bad for someone who I wasn't even super emotionally attached to, what's it going to be like when my grandma or my dad or my mom eventually pass away? Like, ugh, I just — it was a huge kick, basically." "[My brother] has worked as a sales analyst for some company for a long time and then left to start his own business consulting firm. So he's completely independent from our family now. So he's like, a real person now.”

“*sighs* Man. Where would I like to work in the future. This is how little of my actual future I have planned out. The source of most of my anxiety. To me, it's really more so, “Am I doing the thing that I like doing?” If so, it doesn't matter too much where I am. I mean, ideally somewhere English-speaking, [meaning it] has enough international communication [to] have to speak "American" to deal with American businesses or whatever. Because Americans are too lazy to learn any other language. ... Anywhere I can get lost and not be afraid for my life. Parts of China, sure, but not Beijing, 'cause holy crap, I feel I’d die of lung cancer.”

17

Larry “What do you like to think about the most? What’s something that you just like to spend time thinking about?”

“The future.” *** “They [my parents’ divorce and my move to Hong Kong] could be related. I always thought about, if they [my parents] didn't divorce, where I would be, what kind of person I would be now.”

Major: CS

Interests: Playing basketball, guitar, singing, hanging out/playing board games with friends

Siblings: Older brother (by 3 years)

Language: fluent Cantonese, conversational mandarin, conversational English — speaks Cantonese at home, although his parents both speak conversational English

Currently: interning at Liberty Mutual in Indiana, designing software for the underwriting department

Post-secondary education: UIUC (rising senior)

Social media: Instagram and Facebook

Born: Miami, Florida → Chicago, IL when 3-4 years old → Lives: Chicago, IL (Bridgeport) Hong Kong for 10 years → Chicago, IL when 15-16 years old

High school: Lakeview

Age: 21

18

“What sort of stories did your parents or grandparents tell you about their childhoods and life trajectories?”

“There’s one that I remember the most. My mom told me once, she need [sic] to help her parents with farming in Yuen Long — it’s all farmlands. So people there, they have to farm everyday, so she need [sic] to work quite hard for her parents. She also mentioned how great her parents are, how they loved them, how they give food to them.”

“I was born in Miami, Florida. Then we moved to Chicago and I was 3 or 4, and then we moved to Hong Kong for 10 years.

My parents got divorced, so my mom decided to bring me and my brother to Hong Kong, just to start a new life there.

[There,] the primary school was taught in Chinese [Cantonese], the secondary school was taught in English. I came here [the US] 7 years ago for high school and college."

“What does your mom do now?”

“She works at a hotel as a maid.”

“I think [my life is] quite different [from my mom’s] because of the education background and the opportunities because of the education.

I think she went to take some additional courses about business at “Do you still keep in touch with your some community college in California. 'Cause after meeting in Hong dad?”

Kong, they [my parents] started a business in Florida, so she wanted “Um … no.” to learn more about business management.”

“When I was in high school, I joined jazz band. I also joined football team. I was receiver, but I was backup. *laughs* I also joined math team, so I met a lot of people in high school.” pg 40 “[In college,] I applied for aerospace engineering at first. But I knew I was going to do something to do with math — logical thinking, 'cause I like logical thinking.”

“I’ve been quite an active church member here. Even in Hong Kong I went to church quite often, so I think that Church is a huge part of my life. I want to go to church for Fellowship, for Sunday service — I cannot live without Church, basically. I drive back every Friday [from my internship] for Friday Fellowship time, then I'll leave Sunday night.” “[For my internship,] I work for the IT department to design software that validates clients’ claims. As an intern, you can only do some basic things. My project is kind of small, it's kind of boring ... but it's definitely a great experience. I learned a lot from my mentor, I have a lot of resource [sic]. I work on a team, so I can also develop some soft skills, like how to communicate with my team-mates."

"Just this weekend, I went to Boston for a social event. That whole event is just about expanding your network, talking to interns all across the country. It's great that everything was paid, the hotel, flights, the food. It's an amazing experience.”

"I think my interest shifted a lot. Last year, I was interested in web development. But right now I’m more into big data, algorithms. How to make things to be automized/optimized in a way that users can enjoy their user experience.”

“How do you imagine your future?”

“Yeah, I do have a plan for the future. I want to be a software engineer in the future. I want to do something cool with what I learn from school. I want to work at a tech firm — you know, like Facebook, Google — 'cause they're doing something great and I want to contribute to that. I’m interested in machine learning. … Google has a lot of different projects. They also have AI — all those cool stuff [sic]. I don't have a particular project I like in mind. Umm … I think I like Google Maps,'cause it has lots of people. It can predict really fast in responding to the traffic. It can also predict how bad the traffic is at a particular time."

“I was thinking about getting a Master’s degree, 'cause my company might offer a full-time position, but that office is in Boston. So if I'm in Boston, I might go for a master degree [in CS] from MIT or Harvard, 'cause they're pretty good school [sic]. *laughs*” “Do you have any backup plans if your current plan for the future doesn't work out?”

“I think that would be working at a bank or financial company.”

“Does your older brother think differently about his future?”

“I think so. I think he wants to go back to Hong Kong for a living. I think he enjoys the life in Hong Kong more than here. I think he’s having trouble fitting into this society. From what I see, I don’t think he likes to make friends outside of church.”

19

Social media: Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat

Lives: Chicago, IL (Hyde Park)

Anonymous #5 “I wrote a paper on [the idea of schadenfreude]. This is for psychology, and I was writing about psychopaths.” *** “I think in the future a lot of things will be more computer-based. ... Even surgery is being automated these days, which makes med school look less promising than it actually is. *laughs*”

Currently: studying for the MCAT and biking

pg 15, 42

*** “Two years ago, I was paleo. I grew up eating rice, so I kind of started hating eating rice. So I just kind of cut out rice from my diet. And after that I was just like, I hate eating bread too, 'cause I don’t like eating dry things. Rice is slightly better than bread, honestly. So I just went on a complete meat and vegetable diet. Which is really great; it’s also healthier. Higher protein is just better for your bodies. The main reason why grain was such a huge part of early human civilization was because we were a huge agricultural society, which meant we were out working the field everyday and legit, we’re literally sitting at a desk 99% of the time, apart from when we’re sleeping. So there's no point eating that many high, dense calories. And now I’ve slowly switched more to pasta and rice, but that's only because of cycling.” *** "Did you ever go through a rebellious phase?"

“Uh … Breaking into places is pretty fun — does that count? *laughs* Just like, climbing shit and breaking into things. Like, roofing. Just climbing up places. Like, a few friends and I climbed on top of one of our university's libraries when they had scaffolding around it. My roommate and I, we would just go out and just climb buildings and stuff. We don't do it that often, it's only in the summer when there aren't that many people and the security — like, the engineering building — we popped in there once to take a look while it was still under reconstruction, and we just hopped a few fences and stuff."

"Oh, and street racing is definitely illegal. 'Cause like, half the time you’re going ninety, a hundred miles an hour. Part of doing illegal things is just part of adrenaline rush.”

Major: Biology

Interests: Photography, biking, street racing, gundams, playing LoL, Kpop (TWICE and IOI)

Siblings: Younger sister, aged 15

Post-Secondary Education: ___ Language: fluent English; can speak Chinese, University (graduated) but lacking in reading and writing

*** “I torrent almost everything that I need to … Lightroom and Photoshop. The entire adobe suite, essentially.”

High school: ___ [redacted at request of interviewee] University Laboratory Schools

Born: Liaoyang, China → Japan when 3 years old → Chicago, IL when 5 years old

Age:22

20

“I think my living environment is definitely better than my parents’ and grandparents’, just due to the way civilization and technology have advanced, you know, in the past 30 years. Even the past 5 years it’s changed a lot.” “[After being born and living in Liaoyang,] I spent two “My Japanese background has had a huge impact, years in Japan ­[in] a pretty small place northwest of honestly. It's because the two years I spent there Tokyo. It's right by the sea, so it's great. [I moved to affected my interests for the rest of my growing up.

Chicago] when I was five.”

I was obsessed with Ultraman — like, I still watch “Did you move directly to Hyde Park?” the new episodes occasionally when I have time. And “Yes. My dad was working at __ University. My mom’s Power Rangers — Power Rangers was the reason I a nurse at the hospital.” started doing martial arts. And then Gundams, and I “So when you were in China, was your dad still build gundams whenever I have free time. Like, already working in the States at the time?”

I have a backlog of 7 kits that's in my room that I “No, my parents were in Japan. They left when I was haven't gotten around to building yet.” one or two, and I caught up with them a year later.

“I think Gundam is fairly influential, especially with the [Then before coming to HP,] my parents moved to SF things they were coming up with back in 1979, when it first for like half a year, and then they moved to Hyde Park. came out. Like, recently, JAXA — Japanese NASA — they During that half year I was back in China.” tested out a design for reentering the atmosphere that was “Who took care of you in the interim?” based on something from Gundam, and it actually worked."

“Extended family? Grandparents, aunts.”

"A lot of Gundam, they actually do research. ... So Gundam is based off of space colonies, and it makes a lot of things off of both history, and they do research on where colonies would “Street racing was more high school than now. It theoretically be placed if they were real, and what designs was a huge part of junior and senior year of high would actually work." school for me. [I race in] places in Chicago. There’s "So it’s actually really interesting after doing more research just places that people go to meet up to show off on it — like, when I was taking Civ [UChicago core course], their cars and talk to people. It wasn’t so much I wrote an entire paper comparing one of the first Gundam “Imma go street race,” it’s more like, “Imma go seasons versus colonization in Asia and how similar they out driving,” 'cause I just, I still love driving. Like, were.

'Cause like, the entire premise behind every Gundam I would just go out on drives whenever I’m like, series is that they have space colonies and colonies on Mars extremely stressed or something, as a way to deor something, and they eventually break off — they want to stress. So I just drive for an hour or two, just out on form an independent nation from Earth, and that's like the the highway and then back. And then just one of entire War. And this one point they dropped, like, an empty these times, I just stumbled upon a bunch of people space colony onto Earth and hit Melbourne, Australia, or and I was like, 'Oh shit, this is a pretty nice scene. something. But that entire Arc was similar to what happened Imma hang out with you guys.'” in World War II with Hiroshima and everything. There's a lot “So the street racing is a lot about adrenaline of historical relation. It's just really interesting if you read the rushes?” details behind it other than just reading the manga itself or “Yeah.” watching the anime.”

“[I started bike racing last year.] Bike racing is a great way to see things without like, speeding through them too quickly. It's a great way to see neighbourhoods and find extremely lowkey restaurants and hole-in-the-walls that are pretty good and cheap, just by stumbling upon them. It’s like, more fun that way. Also, it's just a sense of like, use your own body to propel you forward. But it still comes down to adrenaline, I guess.”

“What are/were the other major moments of your life charged with emotional or other significance?” “... Emotional significance — nothing really. Oh, uh — I guess when I lost a leg. That’s one. I got bone cancer and had to cut off my right leg. I was 17, diagnosed end of junior [year of high school]. I guess the major loss with that was I was supposed to go to an international martial arts competition that summer. So I was pretty bummed about that. Um ... that's about it.”

“Have you done martial arts after?”

“Uh ... bits and pieces. Honestly, even the leg thing it's just more like, 'All right, I have to change with how I handle and did things.'

Like, more of a lifestyle change than anything. But I wouldn't say there was anything of major emotional significance.”

21

“Originally, I was going to be an engineering major at Urbana-Champaign, just 'cause I think it's really interesting to build things with your hands and stuff. [I decided on ___ University because] honestly back then, I was like, 'Oh hey, it's higher-ranked and it's close to home, great, imma do it.' But I was testing out Econ too, and then I was like, 'Ahh, fuck it.'"

“How do you imagine things unfolding from now on?”

“I could go a lot of ways … well, not really. Right now I'm sitting for the MCAT, so I'll probably do a Master's, and then med school. I'm also considering taking the LSAT, so there's also that, I guess. I also have always been interested in startups, I'm always thinking of what I might just do, or looking at startups to join.”

“What sorts of startups would you be interested in joining?”

“Anything that's interesting to me? ... Sorry, that’s kind of vague. But even tech — like I was looking at the marijuana industry for a long time, because it's the next big bubble, I would say. And last year I got into trading stocks, and that was pretty fun, so. … My interests have always been very spread out.”

“What would your ideal [future] be?”

“Uhh ...trophy husband? That would be the ideal job. Not have to do anything. I think that's everyone's ideal job though. I just talked to a lot of friends about it and they’re like, 'Yeah, it's the ideal thing.' You don't have to do anything. *laughs* You can do whatever you want.”

“Wouldn’t you have to just take care of the kids at home?”

“No no no — that's a house husband. And the housewife. Trophy husband — you're just there to look good. [You just marry a really rich person who’ll] just pay for like house cleaning. But being a house husband is good too, because honestly, I like cooking and I like cleaning. ... It just falls under the ideal job of having a lot of money and being able to do what you want without having to worry about working. 'Cause I think everyone, especially when they're younger in high school, they have all these dreams like traveling the world, or doing this or doing that — that isn't getting a job. *laughs* So I think that's just like the most job title-ish next to it other than just, 'Yeah, I want to travel the world,' you know? I mean, who doesn't want that? You just have a shit ton of money without having to try hard, right? Back then [as a kid], it wasn't even that, it was just like, 'Oh yeah, I wanna do this or do that,' and then I realized, 'Oh wait, I need to actually work in order to get money to do that.' Like, study, go get a job first.”

“Honestly, at the end of the day, it would be ideal, but at the same time, I would need things to do. Even over the summer, if I'm not studying or I don't have a project, I’ll be extremely bored and I just feel like, this huge waste of time. So even if I were a trophy husband, I would still be working on side projects or doing other things. Because at the end of the day, I still want to be doing stuff, because I think sitting at home and actually doing nothing is boring as fuck. That is completely unappealing. I can barely stand, like, not doing anything for a day.”

“Where would you like to live in the future?”

“In a city. Definitely — I can’t do suburban life, or even small town life. It’s just so — boring. There’s nothing to do.

Whenever I would go somewhere and just stay there for more than like, a few days, it's just like, oh damn, there’s kind of like nothing to do here. ... Chicago's good. California is good too, just because of the weather. Maybe New York? I've never lived in New York, but...”

“Would you consider a temporary position in China if your job required it?”

“Yeah. Like, China’s great. It’s just the air quality is kind of shit sometimes. But like, there's a lot more scenic places in China. Like, there's a lot of undeveloped places, especially mountains for hiking and stuff. Also, at least for me, I did a lot more street photography in China — in Hong Kong — than I did in the US, just 'cause it's more interesting 'cause I don't see it everyday. ... I definitely wouldn't mind living somewhere else temporarily, even if it’s not China.” pg 60

"I’m probably going to switch [citizenship] in the next few years, just 'cause I plan on staying here. I already started the application process. At this point, I'm just waiting for the thing to move."

22

Social media: IM, Instagram

Live: Chicago, IL (Bridgeport)

Karen & Shawn "You're in the presence of an Asia-centric Asian right now.” *** "That guy over there looks like Skrillex. ... Is he Asian, though? … Oh shit, that's not Skrillex.

That's actually the owner of Maria’s. He's Korean and uh, Polish.”

“Oh. Well he looks like Skrillex.”

"Pretty much similar in that we caused the gentrification to the city. ... Open that, and look at where we are now [Bridgeport Coffee].” *** "No one in our family has gotten a Master's or PhD yet.”

"Yeah. But then like, once, my babysitter's daughters — like, a couple of them got Master's or some shit. Something like that. They told my mom like,” (Both, in unison): "'Oh, this is a thing?'” "‘Oh, okay.’”

"Yeah. That’s how Chinese people work, really.”

"Like ‘Hey, you should do this.'”

"Yeah. It’s like even with a lot of the neighborhood, like, the schools around the city, right?

It’s like, ‘Oh, I've heard of Whitney Young, there's three Chinese people there.’ ‘Oh, let's spread the word.’ And then all of a sudden, every single Chinese person in Chicago aspired to Whitney Young, because like 1 Chinese person told another Chinese mom that, ‘Yo my kid goes there and it's pretty good.’ Like, Payton when I went there was only like four Chinese kids, and then, now, there's so many fucking Chinese people there. It’s always spread around, where it's like, ‘Oh, one person pioneers that,’ yeah, and it's just like, ‘Oh! Ok, it's pretty good there,’ and then, you know, that's how the community [ends up there.]”

***

"Two of our oldest cousins are back in Hong Kong now. One is like Miss International Chinese or some shit like that. She's 27. She works in TV. She’s like famous and like super beautiful—" "She's not like super beautiful.”

"She's sup — she's not super famous but she's — I would say she's pretty famous, she's on TV, people recognize her, her cat has a Gofundme.”

"Does she?”

“Yes." "For what?”

"Because they think it's a scottish fold so I don't know if you like, know cats—" "Dumb as shit."

"She's so beautiful, but yeah she's like — yeah, it is dumb as shit. She just uses it to buy, like, treats. She moved here from Hong Kong—" "From Hong Kong when she was like ... 9? 7? Something like that."

"So she competed in the Chinatown Miss Friendship pageantry? And went from there—" "— which her uncle, like, funded."

"Yeah."

"Partially. Partially."

"The ___ [redacted at request of interviewees] Bakery uncle who is the richest in our family, and kind of a dick, but whatever. Off the record, off the record. Or on record, doesn’t matter."

Interests: Reading, skincare, "buying stupid shit"; film, bussing fits — "that means looking nice in clothes I spent too much money on cuz i like buying stupid shit"

Language: English, Cantonese

Currently: on summer break from college; works full time at a marketing agency downtown in the loop and recently joined CBCAC as an advisor in February

Born: Chicago, IL (Bridgeport)

Primary and Secondary Education: St. Therese Chinese Catholic Post-Secondary Education: DePaul School, James Ward Elementary School, Mark T. Skinner, Kenwood University (rising 3rd year), Loyola Academy High School, Walter Payton College Prep University (graduated)

Age: 25 (Sister) and 20 (Brother)

Siblings: Each other 23

"[On our dad's side,] our grandma worked at Marshall Fields when she moved here, which is now Macy’s. She was doing I think the Franco chocolates — it’s a big Chicago thing, the Marshall Fields box of chocolates — so she’s making the chocolate upstairs in Marshall Fields, and my grandpa worked at a restaurant. When I was growing up he was working at the Trump Tower. So they didn’t start their own business. I think it was more so like, just coming here for a better life, for their kids to have a better education, more so than pursuing their own dream [of] a business."

“On our mom’s side, one of our aunts settled in Rockford and opened a Chinese takeout spot.”

“Rockford. Or whatever the fuck it was. Bumblefuck, Illinois. But this aunt's husband was in the same village as our other uncle who opened ___ Bakery.

He brought the ___ Bakery owner here.”

“It was like Toisan. If it’s not Toisan, it’s a small mainland China village. But all of our aunts lived in Hong kong or are from Hong Kong. So they never lived in Toisan, they were born and raised in Hong Kong. ... So he came here to do business and opened the ___ Bakery. Yeah, he also owns a lot of real estate in Chinatown as well."

"He’s fucking loaded.”

"Yeah, he’s super fucking loaded. So he definitely came here for the American dream and then — my mom is the youngest of six brothers and sisters, so once my aunt got there, she brought everyone here as well.”

"Mom came here to visit with her mom and she was only supposed to be here for like six months. After six months, her mother went back to Hong Kong, she ended up staying here, working for her older sister at the bakery. Then she met my dad, who moved here when he was 13, and started dating for like three months ... then they got married. ... Yeah, I’m pretty sure that’s how it went down. We have a large family so it’s hard to [keep track].”

"[Our] dad currently owns Gift R' Us, a small gift shop in Chinatown. [Our] family, including extended family, owns various businesses in Chinatown along Wentworth Ave." "After the divorce, our dad got his own place. We both went with our mom.”

“And we saw our dad like every week. I honestly would say I'm closer with my dad than my mom. Um, just ‘cause my dad's a lot more, like, progressive than my mom. And I feel like he's just more open. My mom is a really controlling personality, so that's why you naturally—” “And I think our dad knows that. He doesn't want to add to that.”

“Yeah. ... It's a weird dynamic 'cause my mom and dad call each other and still talk about shit. Like, you know, like—” “She'll call my dad and then the next day dad's like, ‘Yo, what are you doing, you want to go out to lunch?’ I'm like, ‘Okay, but I already know what's going on.’”

“Guess what the next step is. Dad calls me, then I go to Gift R Us, then he tells me what's going on—” “I didn’t know that.”

“—which I already know what's going on, and I don't even think it's a big deal, 'cause I'm really close to my brother so he already tells me something and like, they're doing their own internal freak-out and then the next step is for Dad to call me so that I could like, infiltrate him, and it's really stupid.”

“Yeah, it’s like—” “It’s really stupid.”

"So on our mom’s side I think we have 12 cousins, including us. We have a lot of older cousins."

“We used to be really close — we used to have dinners like every week. At our ___ Bakery uncle’s house.”

“We had dinners all the time, we would go on trips, like to Florida. We went on a Japan trip. So we were really close growing up. But age tiers really separate things and now it’s like more — this is like recent stuff that I feel that my brother, me, and another cousin are thinking about."

"I feel like our older cousins, even some of the cousins in our age group, like, are just not — like, progressive. And they’re kind of racist, high-key racist. They're not very accepting, with stupid comments — like, you know, comments about the black community. And you know, it’s not that we can’t, like, be friendly with them, it’s just more like ‘OK I understand the kind of person you are, so I’m not really gonna—’” “Those are kind of like our core values I guess. I guess we’re pretty exposed to other communities of color—" “But our cousins were born and raised here, which is weird. It doesn’t make sense, because Skinner, where some of our cousins went to, is also very diverse. It’s actually predominantly black. Some also went to Lane or Jones, which are, like, super white schools. But I mean, they’re pretty diverse as well, especially Lane. So it just doesn’t make sense, cause even with that exposure, those values weren’t there. I don’t know what started missing, or what happened, but it’s not like blatant racism where it’s like —” “Sometimes it is, sometimes you can definitely come out —”

24

"We went to the exact same schools up until like, high school.”

"I transferred a little more than he did, 'cause I went to St. Therese until second grade. My English sucked so then I went to James Ward, where the teacher was literally like, ‘Yo, her English sucks, like, she really needs to get out, or you need to do something, ‘cause she has an accent, and she's born here. That's not normal.' *laughs* It’s like, what the fuck is she doing at home? So — *laughs* — so my mom took me out of that, and I tested into Skinner, my brother tested into Skinner, all my cousins fucking tested into Skinner, so all my cousins went to Skinner. And from there I went to Kenwood. And then I went to Payton. So I never stayed in a school for more than three years, except for Payton high school for 4 years.”

“For preschool I went to St. Therese for a year. And then, from kindergarten to 6th grade I went to Skinner, from seventh grade to senior year I went to Kenwood.”

“I went to so many schools and uh, I don't think it's normal. I don't understand why I did all that. But I'm glad my mom pushed us to do that too. I'm glad I went to Skinner, I'm glad I went to Kenwood, 'cause if I didn't I would just have such a singular perspective, you know. … But at the same time I feel like I don't connect with a lot of AsianAmericans as much 'cause we didn't go to Healy or Mark Sheridan­— like, those are within the neighborhood. Where everyone kind of like hangs out with strangers — like, with the Asian-Americans. We kind of had to like branch out.”

"I remember being like, 9 or 10, and really hating — really trying not to be Chinese. Like, I just didn't speak Chinese for like a year. I kept speaking English to them [my parents], irregardless of whether or not they responded to me in Chinese.”

"I think I actively pushed away Asian-Americans growing up. Like, in high school...”

“I did. I did to some extent.”

“I think I really just like, felt — not ashamed. Just like, remember when joked about how like, all the Asian-Americans were just wearing Abercrombie hoodies and like, acting stupid—” “That was me up until like the 5th grade —” “That was me too, but like I felt like they were so — I felt like I was above them for whatever stupid reason. I felt like they were not into cool things. And I thought I was cool 'cause I listened to Death Cab for Cutie or something stupid like that.”

“Yeah. And the thing is, while I was doing that, I actively knew that that was wrong, and I kept beating myself up for it while doing that.”

“So that was fun. Yeah.”

“So yeah, that's why I had so hard a time in high school.”

“I didn't even have that. I was just actively like, ‘Oh, they're stupid, and they like stupid shit like K-pop, or like, they just like dumb shit, and all they — like, they have hoodies in the back.’ It was like, Asian-American club with a rice bowl, and I just kind of distanced myself from that.”

“Like, that was like, the Chinese exclusive [thing]. It was really exclusive.”

“The exclusivity like, within Asian-American—” “Which like makes sense, because like, they're already casted as outsiders.”

“Like, why not. But as a kid I didn't understand that. I was like, ‘Oh, I'm cooler 'cause I have friends that are white and like, latinas and stuff like that.’ It’s stupid!” “[It’s partially just wanting to escape] the expectations.”

“Being stereotyped ... That was a really stupid time. Yeah. That was a stupid time. You know, me trying to not speak Chinese and shit, that was a dumb time, so.”

“I don't have a problem with Christianity, I just don't like how that's in the church. In Chinatown, that's not even our dominant religion, and they're using all these devices [daycare programs and summer camps] to kind of like, coax us into it.”

“And the main thing is that, you know, growing up I feel like we didn't really hang out with a lot of Asian-Americans because we didn't go to, like, the neighborhood school and things like that.

I need to meet Asian-Americans. I might have went to YTF [Young Teen Fellowship] a couple times. I went to KS [Kingdom Seekers], like, once or twice. So I checked it out, but it was still periodically praying every 30 minutes at like, a group, and it's like — there's no place for Chinese youth to hang out other than this church spot.”

“Yeah. That’s what's fucked up. You can't hang out collectively without that.”

"And, and that provided a space, ‘cause where were these kids going to go? They were 12. Like, you're not going to give them a restaurant.”

“I mean, you could, if you just like knew a whole bunch of people and organized like, ‘Hey, let's meet at this coffee shop’ or some shit, but that's not going to fucking happen.”

“No, you can’t! They’re 12. They don't have funds, they don't have resources. They're not going to go to someone's house, 'cause Chinese parents don't do shit like that. Right? The only space was YTF, which was Christian. And that's why CBCAC is amazing — it's more of a recent org, but their Origin Youth Group — I really wanted to be on board with that, because growing up, I didn't have a place to hang out, and now these kids have a place to, you know, to chill, and there's no religious aspect to it.”

25

“[At Skinner] I was going through like, stupendous amounts of like, identity issues, because I'm still like really close with my sister. So like, growing up, I feel like I was a lot more mature than like, my peers. And like, she was telling me about like, systemic racism and like — I was like, fucking twelve and I'm like, ‘Holy shit.’”

“And I told him like, ‘Gender’s a social construct, everything is fake!’ And this was like in my room and he was dying.”

“I was like, ‘Holy shit!’ I see it all now.”

“Yeah. That was a fun conversation.”

“And like, I mean it was cool but it really like, fucked with my head, 'cause I was so young and I was already seeing shit. And I couldn't trust white people and I was like, I just saw everything. Well not everything, there's always like, room for improvement. ... I had like, just huge, huge American identity issues, and then I had the luck to encounter a teacher at Kenwood who taught Asian American studies.”

“I don't know, you should keep in touch with her.”

“I should, yeah. She's really cool.”

“She’s married to a white dude, though.”

“She’s married to a white dude. But whatever. That’s her, you know what I'm saying? I'm not going to judge her. But yeah. I would spend so much time in her office just like, talking to her about ... like, just shit. Just like, yeah, I feel like shit 'cause I don't see any Chinese people here. I just talked to her about being Chinese.

Yeah, she really helped me out, and like, kind of just ... pushed me to the direction where I realized like, you know, there’s no Asian-American representation in the media. And anytime we did see something on TV with Asian Americans, we would talk about it the next day. Like, that Fresh Off the Boat series on ABC — we talked about it. I bought both of his [Eddie Huang's] books, because like, I've been a fan for a while, 'cause he was the first person that I saw that like, really represented me.”

“But he has problems though.”

“He’s problematic, but everyone's problematic in some way or another.”

“Yeah. I mean, he's all we have right now, so like —” “He’s all we have. I really identified with his story specifically. Like … so … yeah.”

“I don't even know if my friends have taken any type of sociology classes. 'Cause when I talk to them about shit like that, it's very, like, Chinese-focused.”

“So that's what I'm saying! It's Chinese-focused.”

“But at least they're like — I didn't expect them to know like, things about model minority and really internalize it. I really expected them to be like, ‘Yeah, pg 45 people call me a Chink every now and then.’ [But] they have a deeper [understanding] — like, my friend joined an Asian frat, Lambda. And I'm asking him like, ‘cause I just don't understand, right? But, so, I keep asking, about everything. Like, ‘Dude, why did you join this shit?’ He finally told me last night, he’s like, ‘Yeah, I just wanted to be around Asian people, because like, we all struggle — like, we all go through very similar experiences and I have no one to talk to about it. And I wanted a sense of community.’ You know, but all right, yeah, I definitely understand that.”

“Full disclosure, I was in an Asian sorority for like 1 year. I pretty much did the hazing thing and then crossed, and then like, dropped out immediately. But um, it's the same reason. ‘Cause you're put in Loyola, it's an all-white environment, and I was commuting as well. So it's far as fuck, it's an hour away from me, I just want to go home right after class. It was a lot of just like, I need someone to talk to, I need to make friends fast, I’d rather them be, you know, people that look like me rather than all these white people from like, Naperville or whatever, so… there was that. But then it just became very surface-y with them, too. Like, they wouldn't think about—” “Well, from how he explained it, they talk about, like, issues and like, Asian-American identity and shit.”

“Hm. But is that enough though? Just Asian-American identity? Like, is that really helpful?”

“Yeah, I get it. We were having this conversation last night too — yeah, they should talk about other shit too. But at the end of the day, they created community for themselves. So... this is why I like, actively seek out Asian-Americans to talk to. And I've known those two friends I was talking about for so long and ... I don't know. Like, I lost communication with my people, I guess you could say? For so long, and now I'm like, trying so hard to find them. To have these types of conversations, because I feel isolated, 'cause I don't have anyone else to talk to about it except for my sister and one of our cousins. And like, it's kind of one-sided because we’re [from] the same background.”

“Going off of that — now trying to get more in touch with like, Chinese-Americans, or just Asian-Americans in general. To like, get that validation.”

26

“[In high school,] I wanted to do so many different things career-wise, but she [my mom] just would not even entertain it at all.I told you how I was writing for the school newspaper — I was really into it at the time, like, ‘Yeah, I think I want to be a journalist.’ And she’s like, ‘You’re not gonna find money. You're not gonna find a job.’ She’s like, ‘I don't know what you're going to do — you might do business, that's what your sister is doing and I think that seems pretty easy compared to being a doctor or lawyer.'”

“And I wanted to be a chef at some time because I just liked watching that shit, and I’m like, ‘Nuh, mom, I think I want to be a chef.’ Never cooked anything in my entire life. She kept telling me no no no, so I kept with that idea for like, six months. Just because you told me no. If she just entertained it, it probably would have went away in like, two weeks.”

“I'm a dumbass and I decided to study film which is not what you're supposed to do.” pg 30 “As a Chinese person.”

"Freshman year, I wanted to do marketing or some shit, just follow my sister's footsteps, 'cause I didn't know what the fuck I wanted to do. And then eventually, I was just like, fuck it. I'm just going to try and see what's up."

"I'm trying to be a producer. I want to be in the position to put Asian-Americans up screen. Just like, make sure our stories are told. And from what I understand the position is the best way to do that. ... Two of my best friends got into film. They write, direct, and all that kind of stuff. I've known one of them since 7th grade. I've known the other one my entire life."

"I'm probably thinking about it like, two or three times a day, like, this is probably not the way to go, but I'm still going for it."

"At Loyola, I majored in women and gender studies and marketing. I really thought I would be a lawyer when I was really young. My mom was so excited about it. But obviously that got abandoned. I don't even feel like I'm like, ‘Wow, I love marketing.’ Like — I tell him all the time — I feel like I kind of just like took the easy way out. I don't want to think about what I want to do, like, there might be stuff that I do want to do, like probably something in sociology.

I’m really interested in women and gender studies, but ... I just didn't want to deal with all that shit. And so I was just like, fuck it, I'm just going to do business. Marketing’s easy, and I just did marketing. Like, it pays the bills. But it’s not something I love. ... God, I hope I don't do marketing for the rest of my life."

"No, I've always thought about doing career changes, ‘cause uh ... it's been miserable, I'm not gonna lie. My current job, it's — it really — it sucks. It’s like, I'm not doing anything meaningful. Which is kind of why I sought out CBCAC. ‘Cause I felt like, I really need to do something more fun with my life or I'm going to die. ‘Cause like, it — it just sucks. And just dealing with microaggressions, living my job — it's just like, I need to do something on the side that like, keeps me sane. And that's why I'm trying to be more involved, being active. ... I always envied him for taking like, the harder way out, because ultimately he'll just have a better time, you know?"

“I don't really know about that. There's always that pressure. There’s always that pressure in the back of your mind, like even now, I’m like, dude, what the fuck am I doing, I’m studying film. It’s what I want to do, and I think it's for pg 31 a noble cause, for the most part. But um ... yeah, I don't know. It's always in the back of my head, like, dude. ... I’m doing a marketing minor, just for kicks. And as backup.”

“Even if you don't like, make a lot of money, at least you're not like, hating your day-to-day.”

“But money is so cool. Like, you have so much disposable income.”

“For me, it’s like, I chose money over — but, like, I’m miserable. Right? So there's a trade-off. Like, if I did art or did something that I truly loved, yeah, maybe I wouldn't be as miserable. It’s like, how many stupid things can I buy, right? *laughs* I've really been entertaining the thought of just taking a huge pay cut and doing like, sociology or some shit like — working for CASL or something. I don't know. ‘Cause I don't know how much longer I can take it, you know? Maybe I'll do another career — like, another job in marketing, maybe try sales and fail, hard, make some money, and then go to do some shit that like, means something."

"As far as like, being in Chicago, I don't know — I think I might want to end my life here. Like, retire here. But it's like a love-hate relationship with Chicago. Been here for a really long time, and I'm at that age where you just want to go somewhere else. So maybe Broadway. Somewhere to find work. Chicago has decent job opportunities too, so we'll see what's up."

“And I would follow him. And I'm not going to start a family, so [it'd be easy to move]. But there’s always that guilt, you know, of like, leaving your parents behind.” pg 32 27

Section 2: Q&A In this second section, for a given topic, I have gathered all the quotes that speak to it in a space of 1-3 pages, so that the interviewees can begin to "speak" to each other.

The topic questions will be in the white speech bubbles, like so: “To what extent do you think that your Chinese background has impacted your possibilities for the future and the way you think about yourself?�

Then, the speaker of a given quote can be identified by the color of their "speech bubble" according to the following color-code: Anonymous #1

Anonymous #2

Anonymous #4

Larry

Siyuan

Anonymous #3

Anonymous #5

Fan

Karen & Shawn

Once again, occasionally there will be included my own questions or responses during the interview, which I have all put in bold to facilitate differentiation.

28

“So the way I like to think about that is that my childhood and my life now is generally just happy enough, that there's no such thing as a singular, most happy moment. It's not like a shitshow, I had a great time time. Like, most of the time, I will say I am emotionally in a very good place. I do appreciate the fact that I'm blessed enough to be able to live this kind of a lifestyle, where my main worry is not where I'm going to eat next — not worrying about food, shelter, clothing — it’s more “It was long-term planning. I think that in itself during the last month before I is just really great.” moved back to the United States. I have a really close friend in Hong Kong. I told them that I was going to an amusement park. His parents actually gave me some money to go to the amusement park to have fun.

So at the moment I felt so warm, so loved.”

"Do you still keep up with that friend?”

“No. We kind of have different lives. It's hard to have things to talk about. I usually hang out with non-Asians. [It’s just] a different social group [with] no common friends. I "The don't think I know anyone anymore in Hong notion of home is important to Kong now.” me. It's a place of belonging. Currently, I'm still trying to find my home. I have my physical home where I reside in, but I also find myself “The searching for my spiritual home. I am still time spent in China is all in the process of discovering that." pretty important to me. 'Cause now that you're here, it's not like you “I claim can go back whenever you feel like it. So Chinatown, I claim Bridgeport.” these memories are very important, “Yeah, same. I feel both are home to me.” since in the future, you might live “Like sometimes I'll be there like, really early in the here for the rest of your morning. Sometimes I have to work for my dad at his shop life.” when he needs extra help or something or when I'm running an errand over there. It's just really nostalgic, you know, you just see all the middle-aged men just squatting, like smoking cigarettes, drinking coffee and shit. And everybody's out 'cause people actually live there, you know what I'm saying? Like, everybody's out doing something, and it's just like, I feel the energy and it's just like, it’s cool. 'Cause I'm not really around Chinese people like that. Like, especially like — I don't know. When I went to high school and shit, I was so distant from them."

“What are some experiences or memories that are very important to you?”

“The place I long for the most is of course China. But having a home here also very important.

I want to stay here [to work and have a family].”

"Is the notion of 'home' important to you? Where is home for you?"

29

“Have there been any conflicts between your parents’ expectations and your desires?”

"How “No. They’re pretty open-minded/enlightened. They’re all did your like, 'Let the kid do whatever he wants. Don't tire out the kid too parents raise much.'” you?"// "What “I mean, all parents will to some extent have high expectations expectations did/ of their children. But mine aren’t like some other very forceful do they have of parents. They will plan and imagine according to the kid’s you?" interests. They aren't thinking that long-term — first pg 27 and foremost are short-term problems. They "So my emphasize improving my language parents are flipping their and whatnot.”

"They 'cause they wanted me to be a do definitely did say it [that I should — typical shit. Business — 'cause t pursue biology]. They just told me that I should be business you can always get a job. Ever a doctor. Which is why I considered it. And I was like yeah, talk to them, they’re like, ‘Yeah, I mean, I'd it's definitely interesting too. 'Yeah,That sounds fine.'" but I really want you to be happy’ "I mean, I still do [want to do other things], but I'll tell them about it.

“Yeah, our parents have come a long way. R I told them, yeah, I'm taking biking seriously and they're like, 'All right. I “Yeah. My mom's just like, ‘My whole shit is mean, you're still going to have to take the MCAT.' And I’m like, 'Yeah, I know.' college — I will do anything to make sure But like, they understand. They’ll compromise. Like, I've done two internships need to give our parents credit, like at t in marketing and they're like, 'Well OK, that's fine. You don't have to spend the they’re gonna change for us, because th summer researching, 'cause you're already doing it during the school year.' So they're “Well, not because they have to. Be willing to listen, but they’re still like, pretty strong about the doctor aspect.” conditional love."

“Have they always been like, you need to get good grades?”

“Yeah, but I think that's just an Asian parent thing, even without the doctors. because my friend’s a chemical engineer and she's working I think for Dodge "I just right now, but her parents are still telling her, 'Yeah, you need to get good don’t think our parents are grades.' I think it's just an Asian parent thing.” really, like, that stereotypical strict Asian “What counts as a good grade in your parents' parents, tiger mom bullshit. Like, I would never minds?” classify my parents as that.”

“Uhh ... straight A's? *laughs* That's "I think a lot of that has to do with them being divorced.” pretty standard.”

"Yeah.”

"Cause I was like 12 when they separated. And like, for seventh “Certainly, grade through my senior year I went to Kenwood, which is like up the expectation is always, be in Hyde Park. They were just really lenient ‘cause they didn't want successful, do something that's worth to, they didn't know how that shit’d affect me cuz I was pretty youn doing — like, don't flip burgers."

I guess. So they just kind of let me do whatever and like, I was really "As a kid, it was always, excel in school. But mediocre in school. I mean I was really mediocre at school from the nothing so narrow as, 'You're going to be this, or you’re get, to be honest. They just — they were not very hard on me back going to be that.' I think I've managed to shoot down my then. They were just like, ‘Yo I already know what’s up.’ Like parents’ expectations when I got, like, several C+s in fourth report card day would come around and like they’d be like grade. The issue I had was always motivation. So their [to my sister], ‘Yeah, that's what's up.’ And then they'll expectations were I would be good at things, if I tried. come up to me and they’ll be like, ‘Yeah, all right.

But I didn't try hard enough, which is why I didn't do so I see you.’— type of shit. I don't have a great. Like, I did fine in high school, but I could have very good work ethic to this done so much better. And now that I'm older day." and understand more, I think I realize I should’ve just not been a massive butthole.”

30

pg 47 “I really consider what they want me to do. So I've always thought about what I want to do, and that was a huge problem with grandma.

[She wants me to be a] doctor, lawyer. She doesn’t want me to go into math. She wants me to go into accounting. Or something like that. Something that makes a lot “My of money. So my interests are not mom was pretty strict growing up. really consideration for Not as strict as some of the horror stories I've her.” shit, heard from other families, but enough so that during octor, lawyer the summer vacations, [we'd have] extra practice in math they know with and reading and stuff. And we were expected to excel academically ry now and then I’ll and participate in extracurriculars and learn Chinese and be ahead d really rather you not, of everyone. It manifested itself in a lot of summer hours — like, reading ’ type of shit.”

Chinese books and doing multiplication problems or whatever."

Right? Accepting that.”

"From the way that I was reared, I do feel sort of a debt to my parents. Like, s just, you need to finish overall, I give my childhood a solid 91/2 out of 10. Half a point is deducted 'cause you do it. ... We really my mom spanked me with a ping pong paddle once." the end of the day, "I have trouble thinking of things that could have gone better. I do feel that I owe hey’re our parents.” it to my parents to be successful in something. What I think is great is that my ecause there is parents don't care what it is we're successful in, as long as we find something that has value and become good at it, and don't become just sort of lazy freeloaders that sit at home and are, like, nude most of the day. We weren't really pushed towards, 'Do science.' Or 'Be a lawyer, be a doctor.' We are allowed to develop our own interests, which I think is different than other Asian families. I think it was coincidentally we all fell into more science-y [tracks].”

t ng y e k

"It “Would was always just like, at you call your mom a tiger minimum, get a college degree and mom?” then do whatever the fuck. Like, hopefully “So — the 10 year old in me says yes, 'cause I just you can get a job. ‘Cause there's just a stereotype wanted to play games and goof off. But also, I think I’ve with Chinese parents being like, super aggressive begun understanding the mentality more. It's not that they about stuff. And like, a lot of our cousins didn't even get want to be mean, but it's a little bit of a vicious cycle, in that a diploma, so I feel like the — sorry to say this, but the bar the way that their parents raised them — there's no such thing was set pretty low, you know? And it was just like, you know, as knowing how to raise a child, you have to start with something whatever, like, ‘Get out.’ It’s set low, dude.” that you know. So I imagine that that's how grandma raised mom, “But yeah. Well not even just like, bar being set low, but — and that’s how mom raised us. And I understand it more and I nah, I'm not even talking about that. I'm talking about appreciate it, 'cause I think it kicked our asses enough that we how, like, they went against the grain.” realized that we needed to get going on something. So I’ve come “They’re like, the black sheep of the family.” to understand recently that it's really a form of tough love, “Yeah. And people, the parents just learned and I appreciate it. It sucked at the time, but I get it now. how to deal with it.”

There are many worse tiger moms out there, and I “Yeah, more like, ‘Let’s ease the think among them — if she is a tiger mom pressure.’” pg 27 — she's very far at the lax end of the tiger mom spectrum.”

31

pg 58 "She [my mom] wants me to stay in Chicago for work in the future [because] she's going to miss me. She doesn't want me to leave. *laughs* But for me, I don’t think Chicago’s a good place for my personal development, because there's not a lot of IT “They developments going on here. I would love to work pg 27 really don't like that idea [of us in, like, California, San Francisco, where moving away]. Like, I think I brought it up and more technologies are happening.” they were just like— mom brings up the filial thing all the “My time.” mom mentioned that whe “It’s our duty to like, take care of them.” she grows old, she doesn’t re “She’s just always like, ‘No one's going to take me to dim sum, ever. You expect anything from us [my sibl guys suck.’ My mom's really a big guilt-tripper. So it's always just like, ‘I'm not me]. She doesn't really mind if even going to expect you to take care of me, whatever, like, the way you guys are, off independently. She [and m you're going to move’ — and all this shit, or whatever.” don’t] really talk about it t “Nah, I think she's open to it.” much.”

“She’s open to you doing it, 'cause you have to find work, but when I said it, she was “Um … just like, ‘Why would you do that?’ — like, ‘You can have work here!’ — and stuff 'Keep in touch'? And visit. like that.”

Even now, they just tell me to come “So is it that both your mom and your dad expect you to be there to home once a week, once every other week, take care of them?” and that's it. For a few hours. [And if my “My dad, not at all. He’s never mentioned it.” job took me to a different city, they “I don't know. I mean, I would like to be around them [unintelligible]” would just be like,] 'Ah, visit for “I would too! And there would be a lot of guilt if I didn't — the holidays.'” like, for sure. A lot of guilt. So much that maybe it “If I would stop me. That’s how prickly it is.” did stay here, it’d be like once a month. Twice. Three times a month, tops.”

“If you stayed here, you wouldn't meet up with mom and dad once a month? What the fuck? That’s ridiculous.”

“Probably like — I don't know.” “*laughs* “Once a month? We see Dad, like, every week!”

[More than finding a “I'm saying when I'm grown, and I have like—” job near them,] I think the main “Ohhh, OK yeah yeah yeah. I'm grown, and I still meet up with concern is more, 'Get a goddamn job.'

Dad all the time. But I don't know, I don't know. Actually, that's a Before that gets written off as like, my parents really tough question. I guess — that sounds crazy.” hate me and just want me to make money — they “So like, three times a month is like a pretty decent number.” do pressure me to come home and visit over breaks “Three times? Yeah.” and things, 'cause they do ascribe a lot of weight to “I'm saying, like, for sit-down type of, hangout spending time with family, 'cause family’s important, type of thing. I’ll probably stop by the shop and I totally agree. So it’s not like, 'Oh, we just want sometime [unintelligible].” you to not be like a shitlord for the rest of your life.'

"How do your parents /guardians imagine their futures?"//“How do these imaginings of their futures in their old age tie into yours?"

It’s just like, 'Priorities are priorities, and we're not going to say, ‘Skip this interview for this job you could potentially get to come home just so we can go out to, like, Red Lobster for dinner.'”

32

en eally lings and we live “She’s my dad [my grandma's] too 80-something now, so all she says is, 'When I’m dead, you have all this money — you’ll have all my belongings, so be financially smart with what you do with these things.' That's about it."

"She keeps telling me to buy a house. She’s saying, 'If you can't find a job or you need a place to go, pg 3 there's always that home.' But I disagree. I think it’s easy enough to find a job, working — "Lately, even at minimum wage, you can still be [I've been concerned with] my paying off rent. Maybe it might be dad’s health. I mean, he's always unhealthy more difficult, but a house is because he's had a slew of chronic illnesses, like not needed.” high blood pressure and diabetes. And so it feels to me like his health is unstable, and it has [been] for a while.

It sort of joleted me when my paternal grandmother — his mom — passed away a couple years ago. That sort of jolted me into starting to think about what would I do, or how to deal with his — this is morbid, everyone dies eventually right. And so, how do I deal with a death coming — a death in my immediate family."

"So ... career building, and also parents’ health [are currently my top “Recently, concerns].” we've been inserting sly comments into our family WeChat that we think he [my dad] should be retiring soon. His plan is to retire in Australia on like, a farm. He’s been spending more and more time in Australia, and currently the family is actually all there right now, which is why I'm here [on UIUC campus] [and] not home. They're all on vacation."

"We've been on vacation to Australia couple of times — we went for the first time second grade — and I think my dad fell in love with it when we went on vacation. It’s much more untamed [than the US].”

33

“Have "A lot of my parents ever advis boyfriends were like black, or just basically nondate or m Asian. My current boyfriend is Dominican. I’ve made the mistake of bringing him to one of our Thanksgiving dinners. And uh, it was just really bizarre.

We were downstairs in the basement at the ___ Bakery uncle’s house, which is really large and, you know, immaculate. And he has a basement that’s just filled with like really old liquor that — like, he collects wines, Chinese snake wines and things like that, crazy stuff, that’s like really expensive stuff. It looks disgusting. But yeah, so we were sitting there, and my brother and one of our cousins were with me as well. So it wasn’t just me and my boyfriend. But one of the older cousins came down and they were like, 'Hey, don’t chill in here, just “Y go back upstairs, go back to eat.’ And then we were just like, ‘Why? We’re just sitting here.’ And we were like playing Connect my 4 or like, just talking, away from the adults. They just kept making a big stink about us going back upstairs and stuff like that, stu and we later found out it was because my uncle and my cousin were thinking that my boyfriend was gonna, like, steal the liquor. blac So they just really wanted us to go up, and then after that, I realized that like my aunts were—” the “Tell her about the fucking shit when he went up to pee upstairs.” to “Oh yeah, so my uncle said hi to him and ‘Oh, you look really familiar, I've seen you around,’ and my boyfriend was like, ‘Oh I yeah, I go to your bakery for coffee sometimes.’ And he was like, excited about it like, you know, ‘Oh, cool, he recognizes me.’ And then later on we find out that my uncle was spreading rumors that my boyfriend was a homeless person in Chinatown and/or a gang member in Chinatown. So that’s what he was coming at, like, ‘You look familiar because I’ve seen you around as a homeless person and/or a gang member, whichever one,’ which are totally in completely different spectrums. But that spread around, and all my aunts bought into it and literally were questioning my mom and it sucked for my mom. That shit sucked. My cousins did nothing to defend me. So it’s like, stuff like "[For that, you’re just like, ‘Wow,’ you know—” my parents,] the “My highest priority is someone mom jokingly calls me “[On who's good to me. ... Chinese. racist, 'cause she's like, *highdating Chinese:] Do they don't really want me to have pitched, nasal imitation voice* 'You pg 6 you agree with her [your a foreigner as a boyfriend. *laughs* should date this girl!' and I’ve sort of fallen grandma]?”

I pretty much agree. I feel like foreign away from being romantically interested in “I don’t. I just always imagine boys can be good friends, but when it Asian people, 'cause I think they remind me marrying a person that I love. I believe comes to being a boyfriend or husband too much of my mom, which is weird. It's like strongly in my ability to choose the — I'm OK. *laughs* The cultural this backwards Oedipus thing. It's just right person, so I don't like the fact difference is too great. ... The that when I see an Asian person, it’s that she's telling me who I people here are more outgoing. like, 'Oh, they look like my should marry and who I Chinese people are more mom.'" shouldn't.” reserved.”

"I no idea what the fuck I was doing until like, last year, as far as dating [and] romance. I did a really bad job of being a romantic partner for the vast majority of the years where I thought I "My could be a romantic partner. *laughs* Just 'cause I was like, a shit. *laughs* Part mom still wants of it is, I had a really turbulent relationship freshman year. Before, I had a very naive me to marry someone idea of what it meant. After being in just the shittiest relationship that I've ever been in, Chinese, but she doesn't care I have a very different idea of dating now than before, I think this one's much more accurate. that much as long as I get a job.

Before, it was super sappy and naive, and now it’s just more realistic. Like, when you date someone, you’re trying to see if you can live with each other enough to the point where maybe *laughs* I think my parents also recognize that I’ve become largely you can get married and be, like, a unit, financially and socially, and be coherent enough to independent and it's not really raise a child. Before it was much more like, *high-pitched, nasal parody* 'Oh, if you love their place to dictate our lives each other, and —' like, just a bunch of garbage, basically." to the T, as long as we're "I still have idealism, just in a much more realistic frame of mind. There are happy, and they're certainly factors of *high-pitched, nasal parody* 'I love you!' But happy." there are certainly other things that could keep you from being married to a person."

34

e your sed you on who to marry?”

"This shit is just like a saga. One of my aunts told my friend’s mom—” “They know each other from temple.”

Yeah, they're like best friends or whatever, and then so y aunt goes and asks my friend’s mom how I'm doing and “I uff like that, and she’s like, ‘Oh, she’s still dating that one mean yeah, but then like, before ck guy’ — by the way, my boyfriend’s Dominican — and she brought her boyfriend over, I brought my en, um, she’s like, ‘Oh, I don’t know — you should tell her girlfriend at the time, who is half-black, half-Indian to o stop, he’s a gang member, she’s like in so much danger, a dinner, like over the summer. And like, I don’t know, I feel like I’m just so worried about her.’ And so yeah. So it’s just nobody was really saying shit. I feel like it’s a sex type of thing.” like stuff like that, and it’s just perpetuated by “It’s a sexist type of thing, yeah. I mean there’s so much, like, involved, I my cousins. And its a lot of just, like, feel like, with a black male, you know. So many layers to that shit. ... And I anti-blackness.” would never like, talk to them about it, you know. It’s just something that you kind of have to ignore. Right? It’s not like I’ll ever pursue my uncle, be like, ’Yo, you’re a bitch, why do you say this stupid bitchass shit.’”

“I mean, it’s like, we don’t fuck with them anyway, you know what I’m saying?”

"Unfortunately, “Yeah — that’s what, that’s what he [my brother] taught me, ‘cause I was I think they would draw the really upset by — ‘cause it wasn’t like it all happened in one day, it was — it would be very awkward — if I like — afterwards, afterwards, months later, months later. It still brought home, like, an African-American haunted me last summer, stuff like that. And I was really upset girlfriend. They would be very thrown off. by it. And as a result, I really started distancing myself But they're socially adept enough to be able to from my cousins. Especially my older cousins, be like, normal about it. Like, it wouldn’t be who were just like, you know… like, 'Oh, who — who are you? That's not OK' shitty."

— they would never do something like “Our that. There's enough respect now for parents are open-minded, the choices that my older sister I feel like, by force. Not because they and I make. " chose to be. If anything, they would be in the same position as my aunts, it's just like, ‘Well, “Um my kid is like this'—” ... no? I mean, one “— And I love my kid.” thing they said to me was, “My mom literally said to me, 'Oh, why can't you just 'Be careful of people from like Asian people, or at worst like, white people. Like, why mainland China,' which has do you have to be like this?’ She literally said that to me. I always been really interesting didn't take it to heart or anything, but — like, I feel her to me. It's just a general, 'Be pain. It sucks. It really sucks for her. For sure. And she careful around girls from stood up for me, with like, all my aunts, and that's mainland China.' I’m pg 46 not fun to hear — your sisters questioning if like, “Ok.”” your daughter’s dating a homeless person. “[My Yeah, it sucks. So I don't give her mom] always tells shit for it at all.” me to be careful of some immigrants just want to find someone to get married so that they can stay here. So she just told me to watch out for those people.”

35

“I think “Have naturally, our parents have your parents ever advised the same views as our cousins and their you on who to date or marry?” families. My dad a little bit less so cause he’s been (continued) here for longer.”

“More americanized, yeah. But it’s very much like, ‘Oh, if you show up in Chinatown, people are gonna say shit, what are your babies gonna look like,’ or like, ‘What will people think?’ Right? That’s like such an immigrant community thing, like, what are people gonna say about you.”

“That’s not even an immigrant thing, that’s just like Chinese people, the whole saving face shit.”

“That’s an immigrant thing too though.”

“Saving face is a whole — that's a whole thing that’s been embedded in our DNA since like fucking five thousand years ago.”

“Yeah ok, I guess so. That’s more specifically Chinese. ... But I think that my "What mom has really come around. She has more incentive to do it because I'm her I've always wanted to daughter, and she doesn't want our relationship to be like, incredibly strained, do but I’m nervous about doing, you know? 'Cause it’s hard for me to be close to my mom as it is, just cause would be pretending to be gay for a we’ve always had clashing personalities. She's very — she gets in your head, month to my parents and just seeing what you know? She's very controlling. I still love her to death. ... I think she's it would be like." really done a lot of coming around in these past two, three years, "I'd like to think that they put family over politics. ‘cause she just doesn’t want to create a scission in our relationship.

So it's really curiosity — if I was to be, 'Mom, I Like, it’s unconditional love, so I’m not gonna make you feel like boys' — what would happen? I don't think uncomfortable. And she’s been there for me."

I’d ever have gonads large enough to do that. But “You know the term like racial tolerance? I feel it'd be an interesting situation [where] like, is my like that's just what it is with our parents happiness more important than your belief that — it's just, tolerance."

— it’d probably end up [with] them trying to convince me to not like boys so that I don't go to hell. But realistically, they [probably] wouldn't disown me or [something so] drastic.”

“I think my mom and I were watching something, and then she was like, ‘Oh yeah, gay people are fine.’ And I’m like, ‘Oh, OK. That’s cool, that's good.’ And then she was like, ‘Yeah, but for like, them. Not for you.’ 'Cause my mom has really good — my mom's really good friends with lesbians, so she's not, you know, anti-gay in any way, but it's just like, ‘Not for you. I wouldn't want that for my children’— like, type shit.”

“Her friends are lesbians, but it was never like, explicitly said that they were.”

“It was always brushed over when we were kids. I didn't realize they were lesbians.”

“They live together. They've been living together for like, 20 years.”

“And we've known them since we were kids.”

“They never talked about it.”

“Never talked explicitly about the relationship. It was always just kind of like, ‘Oh yeah.’ Them as a pair. I didn't even recognize it.”

“When we were really young, going to Hong Kong and visiting them at their house, they had the same room, they were sleeping in the same bed, raising the same child. And it's like, it just never fucking registered. Nobody fucking told me.”

“It never clicked with me.”

“I didn't think it was weird that we went to their bedroom to watch movies while they're playing Mahjong outside.”

“Yeah, and never clicked for me either, until I got older and I was like, ‘Oh, okay. Yeah.

They’re lesbians.’ *laughs*”

36

“What do you think about drugs?”

“I don't think we've given our parents enough credit for like, being “So able to accept.” my opinion on all drugs “Yeah. That’s true.” are: recreationally, do whatever the “Like, drugs. We always think of our parents as super hell you want. But understand that there conservative and like, ‘Oh, drugs is [sic] bad, don't ever do are risks associated with these things. Like, if that shit in your life’ — type of shit. But they already know you smoke marijuana once a month, once a year with that you've done it. And I'm sure they know that I do it to some some friends … like, whatever. Like, you're allowed to degree. They have like some suspicious—” drink, right. You can alter your own mental state by taking “Yeah, but there's that one time you blamed me, you asshole.” some substance. That's up to you. Just understand that that's “I didn't blame her. I got caught smoking weed in her room. My strictly your decision. And if other people want to be — gosh, mom came back and it smelled and then, like, I just called my that doesn’t even work. 'Cause like, the War on Drugs and cartels sister. I think about this all the time. I'm like, ‘Dude. Mom just and whatnot. *inhales* Ok. so for my very sheltered, bubbled caught me smoking weed, can you take the fall?’ She’s like, lifestyle, I would say if people want to, like, smoke a blunt or ‘Yeah.’ It would have been worse if I got caught, 'cause whatever — feel free, man. But I have this motherly instinct then it's like, 'my sister's a bad influence on me.' But — 'Don't let it become the only thing you care about.' 'Cause in reality, I started smoking before she did.” there's much more important things than just like, getting “Yeah. That was also a very funny high and feeling good and being sort of sleepy-hungry all thing.” the time.”

“Have you tried drugs before?”

“Uh, I will abstain from answering, 'cause I “It's don't think that that's appropriate.” not like I smoke all the time — not that there's anything wrong with it, but like, I don't want to paint ourselves as like, ‘We’re so addicted!’— like, you know? It’s just like, literally recreational. But my mom said she found my box of crap, like, with, "Drugs the grinder and my little ball. It's on a really cute little, like, watch box, is a big no to me. ... I and she found it, like, twice. The first time, she threw it out and she yelled just don’t see any goods of at me, and I was just like, ‘Ok, yeah, sure.’ And she was just like, ‘Just — no. doing drugs. My classmates, Don’t do it again.’ And the second time, she was cleaning my room, and she found they all said they would behave it again, and she laid it out really nicely like, just in the box. I got home and I saw it. better academically after they She called my dad and she was like, ‘Yeah, we're going to take away your license, you take drugs, but I just don’t can't drive anymore.’ And she like, really freaked out the second time. Dad was just need that.” like, ‘Yo, why do you do that?’" “‘Cause we're in America!"

"—And I’m like, I don't know why it's such a big deal. Like, why does it matter? Like, it's literally just like having a drink, you know? I think eventually they let it go 'cause they just realized it's not like it's fucking with my grades—” “— and you're [a] grown ass woman.”

“Yeah. I hold a job down, like I'm doing fine, you know? But more recently, my friends came over and we smoked or something and she was like, ‘It smells like weed in your house sometimes.’ And it's just like, ‘ I don't know what's going on.’ And I think I was just like, I had a conversation with her, I was saying 'Mom like, it's not a big deal here. Like, people do that.'

And then, she was just like, ‘Ok.’ And I was like, ‘Yeah, soand-so does it; our cousins do it. It's really not a big deal.’ And I think that she was just like, ‘Ok. I guess it’s not a big deal.’”

37

“So, I “Um ... I plan want to be a cool dad. *laughs* ... I to ... have a ... partner. … I hope for a long-term thing. I think I need to have kids at some point. Which think it would be married. ... I’m really scared about having children. I means I need to be financially stable. Oh God. Um. don’t want to end up teaching them wrong things. I'm too afraid to Ok. So under the assumption that I have kids and I'm stable be a bad father. So if you ask me now, then ... no.” enough to not have to worry .... So, parents are humans, right.

So parenting kids is hard, 'cause being a nice human being 100% of “Do you want to the time is pretty hard. And really stressed out parents — like, in get married and/or have kids in the future? If y financial stress or some other social stress, like, a drug habit they children, how do you think you would want to ra can't kick [that] makes them irresponsible or whatever …. So I think every parent would like to be a great parent and be able to let their kid do all the things that they want "So ... with to do, but I’ll say it’s unrealistic to be that in mind, I'll be really optimistic and say, I think if I the perfect parent." raise kids, try to — where I think my mom made a mistake — I don't mean to curse her or anything, she's done a fantastic job of making me a decent human being — as I do that most Chinese have of pushing extracurricular things on the youth. But I don't w to be one of those parents that’s like, 'You have to learn an instrument, you have to do this.' I'll prob to expose my kids to things like that and be like, 'Oh, I play an instrument,' and I’ll give them my hone and hopefully it'll get through to them and maybe they'll also want to be like, 'Oh, I'll try this out.' Like encourage exploration more so than, 'You have to do one of these things to get into a good school, to get in get a good job — to continue the cycle of raising your own family.' I think it's more, 'You're a human being as you aren't, like, a dick to everyone and just do the things you like and generate some sort of value, wha be.' Like, if my kid was a really great plumber, that'd be like, fantastic. I’m like, whatever. Like, explore what you want. It's up to you how you want to be a person, just don't be a dick. That’s the only — I ever find my kid bullying some other kid, god. ... There's always some factor that drives bullyin right. I would conjecture that most bullies have something going on somewhere.

There's no such thing as a bully that's a bully 'cause — well, I mean there is. But those kids are like, crazy.”

“When "Well, I would want to start a family definitely want to make sure they — would probably *laughs* be when I speak both English and Chinese, because right know that they won't starve. My next goal now mandarin — China’s a growing country, and in life is financial stability — like, having Chinese is probably going to be useful in the future. But I some job that is long term, that I know definitely want them to get some culture [sic] to the systems here will be able to provide for a first, and if they decide that they like another culture better, they can family.” get used to that as well."

"Another culture? What sort of other cultures?

“I "I mean — just like how people grew up here. I want to have them grow up think I have some interest the same way, I guess?" in having a family. Like, [in my] "Do you mean that you want them to grow up well-acclimated twenties, thirties. Uhhh ... ideally, a son to American culture but also speaking Chinese?" and a daughter. I don't care who comes first.

"Yeah. Something like that. And if they find like, Chinese culture more Ideally, 5 years apart. 'Cause all our cousins are interesting, they can definitely take a bigger step to learning about five years apart with their siblings. And it’s always Chinese culture." a brother-sister, and it's always an older sister "How would you plan on making that possible?" who's 5 years older. And uh, I don't know, I really "Well, mostly sending them to Chinese school [in like our dynamic, ‘cause she [my sister] like, the US], I guess?" put me on to a lot of things at an early age. I think 5 years is a good gap between siblings.”

38

“I can answer first, 'cause it's short. I do not want to start a family. I don't want to have kids at all. Um ... my parents still don't accept that. My mom is very much — I think I told my mom this when I was like, in high school. That I didn't want, like kids, 'cause I just don't want to have any interest in children? And she was just like, ‘Oh, you'll change your mind, whatever, like, it’s fine,’ like — or just kind of giving me shit about it, but not like aggressively. And just the other day, on your birthday, she was like, ‘Oh, what about when you have kids? Do you want your kids to—’ And I was just like, I've told you that I don't want to have kids, but — it's just something that they'll just realize — like, ‘Oh, still no kids — I guess she was — she really knew what she wanted.’ Like, I get the response to that, when you say you don't want to have kids, people are all like, ‘You're still young, like, you're going to change your mind’ — like, people are so obsessed with that, that it’s just like —” “That’s like — that’s like everything in Chinese culture.”

“Well, of course. *laughs*”

you did have raise them?"

want bably try est opinion e, I want to nto college, to g, and as long atever it may e, man. Do like, if ng,

“I think it is my civic duty to have children. ... I clearly respect people's rights to not have kids, right — this is going back to the whole, other people can do what they want, and I'm going to do what I feel like is right. And what I feel like is right, is having at least replacement-value number kids. Because, one of the growing issues in developed countries is, if you look at the demographics, they're either barrel-shaped or upside down. So an undeveloped country, right, you have a pyramid, where most of people are young and very few people make it to a very old age. So you get a really fat base, and then it gets skinnier towards the top. But as a country develops and everyone’s diet, nutrition become more fleshed out, there's no more youth mortality rate, and everyone makes it into middle age, and then after middle age, and they get up into their elderly years, right. I think that the US is probably barrel-shaped, where the majority of the population is middle-aged and getting towards older ages, and the problem with that is, the reason the classical pyramid works well, is there are plenty of youth to support the older population, right. What happens when there becomes vastly more old people who can't provide as much value to society as far as like, GDP, right. Economically, they don't add anymore, but they still require resources to continue living. To put it in its most morbid fashion. And that means that you have a shrinking population of working people, supporting a growing population of nonworking people, which gets really fucked really fast. So that's why I feel like it's my civic duty to have at least two kids, so I can replace me and whomever I choose to have children with.”

“What about adopting then?” “*laughs* So the scientist in me says, if I adopt a kid, the number of children in the world is conserved. So if I adopt a kid, I'm just moving resources from one place to another. Which doesn't necessarily solve the problem?” pg 61 “But also, a problem in world is overpopulation.”

“Yeah, so — um. Man. So the ideal solution — is the critical rate at which we have kids should be, each person becomes monogamous, has exactly one life partner, and each of those partner groups has two children. And now we have sustained population. I think two kids is going to be plenty for me. What would be fantastic, is a comprehensive study on how many kids, on average, each pair of people is having. That would allow me to tailor my own opinions in a more scientific fashion than, 'I should probably have 2 kids,' 'cause I'm not sure if there is an average deficit or surplus of kids in the world.”

39

“What was the process of adjusting to American circumstances like?”//“Aside from language barriers, were there any other cultural things you had a hard time adjusting to?”

“Actually no, ‘cause I kind of had the expectation of how people would behave — like, what the culture would be like. I would just learn from the movies, TV shows. Like, Person of Interest. It's about a guy — he built a surveillance camera which can watch over old people. The culture here is in my expectation. Nothing really surprised me."

“During the first month, it was pretty fun. After all, it was the first time coming to the States, so I was pretty excited.

When I was little, I saw a lot of American cityscapes in movies and online, like in Superman, and wanted to see it in person. The first time I saw it, I was very satisfied, but after many visits, it’s become more ordinary. *laughs* When school started, some difficulties began. There was a time when I was a little depressed and couldn't get used to it at all. It never got to the point of wanting to go back to China. After all, you haven't been here for very long — there’s no need. Get used to it and then go back! After going to school everyday, I've gradually adjusted.”

“Back in China, since I'm an only child, I relied quite heavily on my parents. They really were quite caring of me — not making me do too much and whatnot — so I didn't know how to do a lot of things.

But after coming to the states, now I need to become more independent. A lot of things I need to learn how to do by myself. So each time I try to do a new thing — like cooking — it's a little painful, honestly. *laughs* Or taking the car or bus — it might not sound like much, but the first time I did it — oh, my god. It felt really really unfamiliar, and really nerve-racking. So nerve-wracking. Since "But in China I would always ride in my mom's car to go to pg 19 I wish I could [have gotten] into school.” [high] schools that are more in the mainstream.

“I didn't The school I was in was more all minorities. Like, they’re experience culture shock, really. Back all hispanic or Black students or Asians. No white people. So in first or second grade, my parents packed me I was kind of confused. 'Cause I would expect myself to go into stinky tofu, which is not the best idea. It was more just a more Americanized school, not a school with all the minority friends asking, 'What the fuck is that' than anything else. students. Culture-wise, I was confused about what I should learn I think especially when kids are younger, they tend to from. Should I learn from people like them? Or people outside of have more extreme reactions, so it's either 'What school?” the fuck is that,' or ‘Oh shit, let me try “Now, in college — UIUC is majority white, right?” some.’”

“Yeah, it’s more diverse. It's less confusing. It's what I expected before I came here.”

“When I first came here, I’m not used to the stuff they eat, or some ways they act. … Like, people are very polite here. That’s something you’re “Well, not very used to. They [also] have different technologies first, if you come here and you don't you have to get used to. For example, when I first came know the language, you definitely have to spend a here, my mom bought me a scooter. I didn’t know a lot of time and energy trying to learn it. Secondly, you’ll have scooter existed. They don’t have that in China. I to work pretty hard in school, because that's what our parents told was like, 'Oh, that’s something — kids us. It's hard for our parents who brought us here in the first place, so we play with here.'” want to try to make as much of the opportunity as possible.” pg 48 "I guess it took me two years to adjust, because that's how long it took me “At this to get really fluent with the language and be able to like, have a day-topoint, culture shock doesn't really day conversation. [When I first came here,] I could only recognize a happen anymore. I’ve actually recently become couple of words and write a couple of words, but my speaking a citizen. About two years ago. And I think I have was very bad. I guess when you're a kid you just absorb immersion [sic] to the society pretty well. It takes a little the language faster. I took around two years bit of time to get used to the culture and the food to get fluent." here, but once you get fluent with the language it becomes much easier. "

40

“Fluent enough to be able to converse, but not so fluently enough that I could commit a crime, I guess?

Like, it'd be really hard to commit a credit card fraud or something, I guess. ... We’ll say I know enough Chinese to fix problems like getting lost.”

"Do you speak Chinese?

At what level of fluency?"

"I speak both languages fluently.”

“I am not very fluent. I can probably get by saying some basic, elementary-level stuff. …

At home, I speak English. I think they understand me when I use English, but they don't reply back in English, they always talk to me in Chinese.”

“I still speak fluent Chinese, and I go back every few years or so."

"Chinese is with extended family. My parents still retain their Japanese.”

“I think “Can you understand them when they speak many of us, many AmericanJapanese?” born Chinese, have to deal with a lot of “No. But Japanese was probably, like, my first fluent language barriers, especially with communicating language. Ish. Like, I learned Japanese and Chinese roughly to our parents. Another thing is having to translate a at the same time.” lot of things. It’s hard to actually translate it [the English “What sort of languages do you toss around at to Chinese], and it's difficult, because we don’t know the home?” vocabulary to actually translate the whole thing. But "Chinglish? [My parents] speak to each other in sometimes the blame is on us, because it seems Chinese. And when they’re speaking to my sister like it’s our fault [for not being able to and I, it's mostly English — actually, half the translate].” time is Chinglish. Actually, most of the “When I time, it’s just Chinglish." think, mostly I think in English, and then I translate that into Chinese that I speak.

So it's very direct translation, essentially what you get from Google. *laughs* It’s the same as when you talk to a Chinese person learning English, you know?

They’ll speak like, English English? And it's very grammatically correct, but it’s too correct.”

“I speak with my parents in Cantonese.”

“I don't — yeah, I don't know.”

“Your Chinese sucks, so.”

“My Chinese sucks because I'm in college and I live with my mom so I try to keep, like, distance, because like — I'm just at that age, you know?

Circumstances just doesn't allow me to not be at home with my mom — like, my living circumstances, you know what I'm saying? I don't have the funds to move out or anything. So I kind of just try and keep my distance. So I don’t — I don't have the opportunity to, like, practice it.”

41

“I came "Do here [at] 6 or 7, so I was “What feel there are cultural really young back then. I didn't really other culture do we know you and your Chinese assimilate into the Chinese culture much — that we can compare against? relati I mean, I didn't even go to school there for the most ... Like, how do you compare to part. So I think I assimilated here quite easily, except for something that you don't some confusion between living with all of my family, especially have experience in?” with my grandma, [who’s] really conservative, so there’s some brin “I pg conflict there in choosing what I believe in. For example, just recently, here, I th think my parents 15, I watched the movie ‘Okja.’ It's about a Super Pig — so this corporate predomin both basically completely 20 [sic] is mass-producing the Super Pig, but in public they make it sound Chinese con acclimatized to US culture. For all nice and stuff. So they're actually slaughtering these pigs by millions generally olde the kids, I think it’s different, 'cause we and selling it at cheap price — I think it's a satire trying to demonstrate is those peo haven't been as exposed to both sides of it. how the corporations are mass-killing animals and treating them wrongly. every sin The only Chinese culture we really get is the After seeing that movie, I got grossed out by meat, so I tried not eating wil culture that we pick up from living at home any meat at all, but my grandma doesn’t think that’s healthy for a with a Chinese family. We didn't grow up in growing young man. It's really hard for me to explain to her. She China. So our parents are probably comfortable asked me, 'Why don't you like meat? Is it because of the price —' in both more American [and] Chinese settings. and I try explaining I don't like the way animals are treated and And the kids are okay in Chinese settings, 'cause slaughtered. So she understands a bit, but she still makes me we understand and speak enough Chinese to eat fish as a source of protein. So there's some conflict converse, so it's not extremely shocking to there in what I want to believe in and what she go into a completely foreign place. And wants me to do. ... My Grandma stopped "Th we’ve visited plenty of times, too. buying meat, so I think she that But we're certainly much more understands.” in both m comfortable an American “I tried to roped dad in environment.” talk to my mom about uh, systemic racism. She just didn't believe it.”

"From the one re “She just kept going back to, like, ‘Black people are lazy,’ or like, ‘Look at us.’— — at this point, type shit. in a world where it “They feed into the model minority. They’re like, ‘Yeah. I moved here from my home country, with other women. didn't have shit to my name, look at me now’ — type of shit.” allowed to have a “And they don't recognize that there’s just different levels of like — yeah, they don't want be homosexual, to recognize it. They do recognize like, ‘Oh, black people shouldn’t be killed’ and shit. should I not Like, I think my dad more so than my mom. Mom knows that, but you'll still stopped. I h be like, ‘Yeah, but you know, people are scared at that time,’— like she'll still say stuff like that, you know?

"I think our experiences are common in terms of growing up in Chinatown and stuff like that, but our beliefs and values are really different than the Chinese people like, who are in Chicago, because — I'd like to give them more credit, but a lot of the Chinese who I know — they don't think critically about anything. About race, about sexuality, about gender. Right?” “[Unsure noises] I don't know. I kind of disagree. I have like, three or four Chinese friends, who all live in the neighborhood, and they're aware of like, model minority myth, AsianAmerican identity and to some extent, Black Lives Matter and shit like that. I was surprised to hear it, but … yeah.”

“My mom c in what she thinks is right, and I'm not there's obviously no clear answer to whether it's corr that I see cropping up on social media is that one thing cons of speech and whatever and no hate, and then begin to hate on co discriminate between one kind of idea, right? If someone wants to sort of then your whole platform crumbles. I think that's more the in. and it depends completely on your own set of morals, and not going to say that that's necessarily incorrect. So it I'm going to believe what I want. And I t

42

“I think the worst part you is the conflicts you have with l differences between your family. That caused a lot of e parents/guardians/ trouble with me a few years back. ives?"

"Honestly, That's why I had to move away from my I’ve never really paid attention till lately, when there was Grandma. There were a lot [of conflicts]. I some political strife, I’ll say, sparked by the recent election. Mom started couldn't speak to her all that well. There are ng us to church when we are younger — like, 2nd, 3rd grade-ish, right after we moved a lot of ideas that she’s misunderstanding. hink. Our church is a Chinese church. It's not that other people aren’t allowed, it's just that Such as me going outside too often. She nately it so happens that most of the people who attend the church are Chinese. Most of the doesn’t think I should be having fun in ngregation are Chinese people from China who immigrated here. The Chinese congregation is that way, and instead, I should be er and politically more conservative than the youth congregation. And the English congregation at home studying. So she didn't ople's kids. So it's weird 'cause there's this gap between the two congregations politically, but really understand how I ngle sunday, some person from upstairs — in the Chinese congregation — and downstairs wanted to live." ll meet up at the door and go back to the same house. … I guess the punchline is that pg 45 Buddh the English congregation is mostly American-Born Chinese people, and the " O u r ist mo Chinese congregation is people who migrated from China.” religiou . She got mor m's e s recen “She co , I feel. She wasn't tly ag gressiv nverte e d to Ta l Taoist. oism 'c ike that befo ly A n a r d e u ." she wa “I don't know s nted to e her mother see her was about my older sister, but I've sort of fallen out of being religious mother ." like, in high school. It went in phases. There were some times that I would try to buy into the whole religion thing more intensely, but it never lasted more than a couple months, probably."

The suburbs [we grew up in] were extremely liberal … like, our school is super liberal. And we found out very recently t mom has suddenly become devout Christian, conservative. So it's been a little rough and sparked a lot of independence me and my sister. There's this mindset that, it’s sort of sad to us, some of their political ideas that are — probably mom, who too — are so much different than ours. It's just sort of classically conservative views on things like, you know, homosexuality. ...

Honestly, mostly that." eally awkward conversation I had with [my mom], it was more so like, she didn't want it to be the norm. And she didn't want her kid the youngest sister, right? We've already grown up. We know there's gay people. But she didn't want our youngest sister growing up t was, like, normal for men to be married to men, or be romantically involved with other men, and women to be romantically involved . I didn't want to probe too much, 'cause it was really awkward, and we were on our way to the phone store and I didn't want to not be a phone. She got kind of upset when I kept asking, when I tried to sort of sway her towards — the way that I see it is, if you want to that's your choice. They're not, like, being obtrusive on my lifestyle, so … as long as it's not a huge issue for my day-to-day life, why let them do the things they want, right? That's sort of what I tried to bring across to her, and she got sort of upset with me, so I have [since] made it a goal to not bring up political issues in the home setting, just 'cause I think it introduces unnecessary, uh, consternation in our family unit."

"Probably also affirmative action. Which I understand a little bit from an immigrant family’s perspective.” pg 51, 57 “So they're against affirmative action?”

“They're never explicitly mentioned it, but I assume so.”

“Does your mom support Trump?”

“But “I will [...] abstain from telling too much.” can believe you said it's not like she's t going to say that she's wrong, because always been this way. why do you think rect to be believe one thing over another. ... The issue she’s made this turn?” ervatives will say is that liberals always preach for freedom “Honestly, that's what puzzles me the most. ... I think my conservative ideals. I think that's kind of telling, in that you can't mom is more easily influenced by her environment than she have conservative beliefs, you can't say that's wrong, right? 'Cause might think. I think it's sort of the peer pressure of going to stance I've taken ... like, it's completely up to you what you believe church with the Chinese congregation, and the Chinese what you think about, and the perspective you have. And I'm congregation just generally having more conservative t's more of a, “You can believe what you want, mom.” views. 'Cause before, I imagine she was much think we should both respect each other.” more apathetic about politics.” pg 60

43

“I would say, don’t be afraid to go out more to talk to people, to see what's going on in your community, your school.

Try to make friends outside of your comfort zone. … Let's say, for immigrants from China: don't hang out with all the Chinese people, you know? Talk to people from different backgrounds or culture.” “[In high school,] I intentionally didn’t hang out with Asian kids. I see that they would enclose themselves … I don't want to be like that. I want to go out more and see what's going on in the world. I hang out mostly with a friend from Ethiopia. 'Cause we were in the same ESL class, so we were really close to each other.”

“I think for people who are coming here just recently and trying to get used to the culture: You gotta take your time. You gotta watch a lot of TV. That's how I learned English. Some things you might not like now, but you might enjoy in the future.

Making friends who will help you adjust to the culture, who will teach you things that you might not know yet, is important too. [Most of the friends that I first made] were Americans. They would teach me so many things that you would not be able to learn that quickly if you did not have friends. More friends means easier time.”

“Wo you have any ad other people — pr assimilation, colle etc

“I definitely know a lot of people with similar experiences who moved here and who were born here. Eventually they get used to it, they start liking it here."

44

“Usually the parents of those who have just arrived will say, '[For school,] make sure not to go to where other Chinese are, only go to where there are only Americans' — of course, this way of doing things has its benefits, but I wouldn’t recommend it. Because if you go and can’t keep up, then there’s nothing you can do. You have to decide the school based on your own circumstances. If it’s too extreme — there are too many people at a given school and they can’t get used to it — it will leave a huge impact on that person’s heart. [You have to take into account] their thought process and feelings. You have to take it step by step — you can’t try to start flying "Throughout before learning to walk.” my life I've always had a significant Asian ould presence through my friends, but it's not something dvice to give to that I actively searched out for. It just happened. One of the ro tips on cultural reasons I rushed Zeta Psi was 'cause it was a wide variety of ege, relationships, people. I think it's far more interesting to meet other people and pg 26 c.?” learn about their experiences than meet more people more similar to me, even though they could still have extremely different experiences from me. It's just that there's a higher chance of it."

“I “I'm think it would be really extremely happy that I joined [my just to keep an open mind. fraternity]. I think my college experience would always try something that your have been significantly different without it. I was able parents or anybody suggest. to meet a wide variety of people outside of my major without Always try it, like or dislike it. having to put a lot of effort into it, which is great!"

Don’t be ignorant.”

"I mean, the main benefit is post-college networking, so a lot of my fraternity brothers have gotten summer internships and interviews pg 43 through other brothers, whether they are from UChicago or not. So "[Now,] Greek life is definitely great for networking, and it's a great way to I also learned to acknowledge have people to hang out with without necessarily knowing them her [my grandma's] needs a little bit. very well. It's also a great way to meet people younger or If she tells me that on a particular day, she older than you — like, a lot of brothers that I'm doesn't want me to go anywhere, then I'll actually really close to graduated two listen. So just listen to each other.” years before me.”

45

"Thoughts on US/China differences?"//“What differences between America and China do you think are the most different, have the most trouble adjusting to, or find the most interesting?”

"It’s more “I've always diverse culture here [sic]. There ar wanted [to go back and live in Hong Kong], just from like, Mexico — different kinds of 'cause we’re the white people there, so I just want to see, * laughs* but in Hong Kong it is really singular cultu what that's about.” speak the same language, everyone pretty “What it's like to be a white person there? ... Yeah it is, 'cause then you start background. Of course, in the business area speaking in English and everyone's just like —” there are people from everywhere of the “No no no, I'm saying Chinese people are the white people of China. Like, we’re the spent most of our time in some lo majority. Not to be a minority. People look like me. And like, just seeing shit happen.”

— Yuen Long."

“OHHH. I didn't know what you were talking about. Ok.” “‘Cause I don't really see people who look like me here.”

“I “Yeah.” think being from a Chinese background and in the education of “ America … makes me really confused. My “But the e grandma always tells me to stay humble and pg 35 also, I can definitely see it, 'cause example, whatnot, but I don't think you need to stay too you always hear these stories about like — humble. 'Cause, the way my grandma teaches me elders firs I think it's a very stereotypical Chinese thing to do, don’t ca — it’s always so linear. 'Do this, and always do especially if you watch, like, online videos of dash cams and this.' But I think the situation changes. So stuff of like, old people pretending to get hit by a car and stuff. back when I didn’t understand this, it it's a very prominent thing in China, you know. I think it's like, part "M really got me messed up.” of the culture there.” grandma always

“You mean like, scamming people?”

China, they’re taught “Yeah. ... They always tell me when I go back to China, 'Just be respect your mother — t careful of the people you don't know very well.' I mean, it's [my teachers here] don't rea definitely true no matter where you go. I think it's just more don't try to force that into m pertinent in China. … Also, I think bystander effect more about self-interest. W plays strongly in China, more than anywhere that's another conflictin “People else. I think people just don't do, versus what my here [in the US] are nicer. They treat people care.” wants m with respect. I mean, Hong Kong people do that too, but I think it's in a different way, in a more traditional, Chinese way — I don't know how to describe that, but it’s just a way they express themselves. It’s more respectful [here]. Like, let’s say in public transportation, when they want to get off a train and stuff, they will say 'Excuse me,' but if this was in Hong Kong, they would just push each other or just squeeze in “People or something. actually open doors fo each other here. *laughs* P [In China,] if actually let you go first some I'm wearing shorts, they’ll pay more attention to the leg Like, I think these are easy thi more than anything else. So I guess that's a much bigger factor in China. used to. Normally, people are a 'Cause I think the Chinese population cares more about outward appearance and well-behaved here. So I don looking ideal I guess? I mean, it [staring at my leg] happens in the US too, it’s just that people that's a negative thing. I t are more discreet about it. I think Chinese people are just more blunt about some things. So they that's a positive thing for just outright stare. ... People care less in the US just because it's more assimilated, I guess. 'Cause to get used to.” at least in the US, we publicly talk about disability, whether it's physical or mental. Whereas in China I'm not sure how much of that actually happens. I know mental health is just straight up not a topic in China. I would say physical disability is slightly better than mental? But not that much, you know?”

46

“The reason we came back [from Hong Kong to US] is because undergrad here has better education compared to Hong Kong. The main focus of Hong Kong's industry is business and [In Hong re people medical industry, so my mom felt like we Kong,] I didn't have a clear dream about communities, what I would be doing, because I feel like I was educated have more opportunities here.” ure. Like, everyone “Do you agree with her?” in a way that there were not a lot of options in front of me. much has similar “So far, yeah.”

Like, people would tell you just to be a successful person, but they a [of Hong Kong], wouldn't give you lots of options. Like, you won’t see lots of options e world. But we out there. You can only be like a businessman or doctor or lawyer. ocal area “America’s That's about it. I think Americans, they value freedom of not as feudal/backward as some other expression, creativeness, and innovation more countries. If you have that capability, then [than Hong Kong.]” you can attain that position. ... It’s purer here, China’s too complicated [you have to rely “Probably “There on connections].” etiquette. For is good and bad [in US and China]. in , China Chinait’s it’salways always Especially for medicine — there aren't enough st. In America, they doctors. ... The country should prioritize its medical care. are about that at If there's no one to look at your health, how are you going to run all.” the country? Right? A lot of people have the ability to enter medical school, but cannot because of their economic background or otherwise. For My example, some international students can’t get in. So I think people should s tells me that in be a little more open-minded in this regard and not be so complicated about to respect your elders, it. It's not like this person needs to be really old in order to understand those ideas — that they — in reality, some younger people can be doctors. But in the States, I ally teach me as much. They feel like they don’t think younger people are capable. It's good to my brain. Instead, they teach be cautious, but they should be a little more trusting [of What you like to do. I think younger people]. Under societal pressures, kids “There's ng issue. What I like to nowadays mature very early.” this one really interesting article guardian grandma I read that was about Chinese parenting. And me to do." it was largely focused on tiger parents. Air quote, 'Tiger pg 31 Parents.' The main idea [was that] the way Chinese culture views raising a child is, 'I brought you into this world, and I sacrificed so much, and you sort of owe it to me to be good at the things that you should be good at.' Right? Like, 'You should work hard because you owe it to me.' Whereas [in] American culture, the mindset is more something like, you didn't ask to be brought into this world. It's less so, the parents or dictate, and it's more exploratory in general, and the kids can sort of "I just People learn what they're good at, what they want to do. I think it was more think, at least now, the US is etimes? like, the debt goes the other direction, in that, 'You don't owe me better than China [because of] quality ings to get anything. You didn't ask for any of this stuff, to be born of life. If they combined the value of Chinese little more like this, the situation. So we’ll just work together food with the quality of life here, that would n't think to try to make it go as smoothly as be pretty ideal. 'Cause in Beijing, you can eat for, think possible.'” like, 2 USD and got a huge meal. Like, if I lived in r you Beijing, oh man, that would be fantastic, but I cannot stand the air quality there. [Here,] it's more expensive, but the food is also not as good.”

47

“I value “We wen that [Chinese culture] too. Like, I don't to Hong Ko completely wanna lose my culture. I don't want to lose “Every three years. ... We both have a any of it at all, but you know, like, things happen and shit. ... the city, and we both have really positive And at the end of the day, I think like, more or less, they [our parents] hated Hong Ko kind of want us to be —" “I hated Hong Kong 'cause there "Americanized."

“Yeah. It's totally different now. It’s like, an "— part of the this too. But still keep in touch with, like, our Chinese— just always thin 'cause after all, they moved here— "I like it. I like the culture “For us.” pg 40 “It feels good “Fortunately, "— so that we could be here, so that we can live we both have such a huge interest in keeping here instead of [unintelligible].” the language alive and learning the mother culture, but I — I don't know if it's just like an age difference, but my friends “Why and that are Chinese, like — don't give a fuck. Like, they don't think do you find it about shit. Like, they barely even think about like — it’s so surface-y. It’s regrettable [that you’re more just like, ‘Ah, some guy said some shit about being Asian.' It's very like, American than Chinese]?”

AZN Pride surface-type shit. But it's not really like, ‘Ok, what does it “It's the same idea that — I don't know if older mean to be a person of color? Solidarity, what does that mean?’ people have this — there was this one comic, XKCD Just like, ‘Oh, that was racist.’ Done. Not thinking about — it’s a webcomic written by a physicist/engineer gone things really critically. That’s my friends.” webcomic artist. He was sledding or something, and he says, "Thou 'It depresses me that I'm too old to learn another language. My on America brain’s solidified.' And then someone goes, 'Is there one you wish preserving Chi you knew?' and he says 'No, I just hate having options closed to me. heritage?"// “How It's like I've given up a life that was once possible.' So it’s sort of that Chinese cultu “I idea." think coming here — helping "You can't be everything. You’ve got to stop somewhere. You can't out with Origin — is how I connect to know everything, you can't understand everything. ... [But] I feel like Chinese culture. But I still think it's not enough I'm missing out. My parents are so different, because we grew up sometimes. I think there's so much more to the in different places, and it's much harder to understand each other culture, but it’s really hard to be in it all the time." than if we'd grown up in the exact same circumstances."

"There's definitely some culture here, but I'm thinking "It's not that there are exact situations where I can pinpoint beyond that — what it's like in China. I don’t know. Some that, say, I would understand this better if I were more culture being like, red envelopes. Actually eating as a cultured in Chinese culture. But it's more of a, 'I wonder family.

Chinese New Year, certain events or festivals. I if things would have made more sense to me if I think they’re preserved here but also being lost at had grown up in China with these parents as the same time. I’m not sure if it's really being opposed to in America with these parents.' lost, but with me it's [the customs or It's kind of like having options "…

I traditions] being lost. closed, I guess.” don’t really know why it's really important to me. Maybe it's “Do because I’m scared that it’s going to be lost you still keep in and there's nothing to really hold on to for my touch with your friends in children or grandchildren. I think it's important to China?” have it. I don’t know why it’s important to have it.

“Of course. Our friendship is very Or why I feel like it's important to have it. ... But it's strong.

I have a friend whom I’ve known not to the point where it's like, super important. for 10 years, from first grade till now. We I just hold some value to it. I would like it to were always in the same class. I don't be there for them to know about, for me have that many friends in China, to know about, for others to but our relationship is know about.” very strong."

48

nt back ong, like—” a really loving relationship with, like, — well, I do anyway. I know you kind of ong last time.” e were so many fucking people.” nnoying. But I really love Hong Kong still. I nk about it—” e, I just — I don't know.” being there.”

“I don’t really care either way, but if you're staying here for a long time, it’s [Americanization] pretty much unavoidable.”

“I feel like, the larger [Chinese] celebrations can be preserved, but the smaller ones — it doesn’t matter.”

"I want to see the culture [in Chinatown] preserved for the generations to come."

“I hope

“I wouldn't say going to Chinatown counts [as a way of that Chinatown will both keeping up with Chinese culture], 'cause become better and yet stay the Chinatown's very Americanized. It’s not that [there same.

'Cause a lot of the buildings aren’t enough Chinese people there], it’s just like, the are pretty old — some are even a food is more Americanized than what you would get if you hundred years old — I would like it were go to a restaurant in China." to preserve that sense of age "Like, people don't really matter, you know? There are [without collapsing].” authentic Chinese restaurants in Chinatown — few, but they’re still there. But you don't have to be somewhere and ughts “I think have the people for it to be authentic. I think it's more about anization/ the only way [for me] is to go the product at the end than who's making it, who’s eating inese identity/ to church, 'cause it’s a Chinese church it. Richland Cafe [in the Chinatown Square Food Court] w do you connect to connected to Hong Kong, because there are is pretty authentic.

Legit, you'll find that in a mall in ure, if at all?” some Hong Kong people who also go to this Beijing, so I think that's great." church.”

"At home, my grandparents always cook Chinese “When were you last in Hong food, so it's nice to go home and eat Kong?” home-cooked Chinese food versus "And “Three years ago.”

Chinatown." occasionally I would “Like, I watch Chinese shows, and every guess I eat Chinese food every day.

New Year there’s a 新年大 ... thing. I *laughs* Does that count? ... I speak Chinese at always try to watch that with them every home. I don’t know — I guess it's easier for me to make year, and occasionally we’ll make food for Chinese friends than others because we have some things we relate? festivals. Like, the dumpling festival and stuff And I guess buying groceries-wise, we buy Chinese food mostly, so we have like that and like, moon festival - I have no idea a specific marketplace that we go to.”

— I forgot what the Chinese names are right “Do you go back to Fuzhou often?” now, but like — 春秋节 and stuff like “Not often. The last time I went back was around two years ago to visit my family. that. So like making the rice cakes and I’ve only been back there three times. And each time was only a couple weeks. And then, whatnot. … And I picked up a few probably planning to go back after I graduate college.” chinese recipes but that’s “How does it feel to go back to Fuzhou?” about it.”

“Very different. The first time I went back was a 7- or 6-year gap, and a lot has changed.

Like, they developed a lot. New buildings popped up. New highways have been built.

People are getting more city jobs instead of staying in the rural areas. It's growing "My economically." friends [here] are mostly Chinese. "[As for reuniting with relatives:] Your Chinese definitely gets worse, so maybe I mostly speak Mandarin with them, since your speaking becomes a little bit weird to them. But I think they generally a lot of them are from places outside of Taishan. accept that though. They don't try to correct you or anything.”

There are a few Latin-Americans as well, since “When you go back [to China], does it feel very there are quite a few Latin-Americans at our natural?” school. There are very few white “Yes.” people.”

49

“Wh impression do you thi States have of Ch

Physics is canonically a very nerdy subject, and I have an interest in, just sort of, canonically very geeky things. And I don't know how much of that’s defined by the stereotype that Asians in general are geeky. I don't know if I like geeky things because I'm Asian, or I just happen to be Asian and also like geeky things. In either case, it felt like a very cleanly falling into the niche of the Asian student. So it felt like there was this niche that was already defined, and I happened to be in it, whether or not I felt like I was pressured to by all these tiny factors that add up to big decisions, or just because it was more coincidental that I happened to fall into the same “That bin that other Asian students have fallen into depends on what that Chinese of [being] generally nerdy.” person is like. Even if you're all of the same race, people's personalities are probably different, so the impression between two people will be different. Some might be a little more cultured, a little more quiet, and leave a “I think better impression. But some might speak very loudly and do some it's [Yellow Fever] prett unbecoming things in public and leave a bad impression. But if you bad for Asian guys. 'Cause y meet a Chinese person for the first time and you get a bad impression, is largely attributed to Caucasian then the second time you meet one, you might also not have a good guys dating Asian girls. Like, there impression. And if you leave someone with a good impression the videos with, I'm sure, an incredible am first time but then encounter other uncivilized Chinese, they where you go interview random people o might develop doubts as to whether or not Chinese people are pitched, nasal imitation* 'Would you date a civilized. … There are probably divisions between different like *high-pitched, nasal imitation* 'Hahaha groups of Chinese. Half of them are very civilized, ridiculous. What's up with Asian guys? We're and the other half might not be as wellpeople who were interviewed are the kinds of pe behaved or understand as much.” be romantically interested in, so personally, no think you’re really nice, but you're Asian, so I do happened to me.”

“So you never felt that you were ugly or "Uh, we standards because you'r just generally have slimmer eyes. I “I mean, as an Asian guy, I think so. Because be mean, that's just a physical trait. That's genetic. I male with a six pack of abs. So I have black ha think a lot of stereotypes, honest, for any race, is [sic] true to or whatever — so it's like radically differen a certain degree, because they have to come from somewhere, right? hot American guy, that it’s probably influe Whether a positive or negative stereotype, it's just ... true. Mainly due female around me. I won't say that I'm p to genetics, honestly. It's just like, you know, African-Americans can run by it though. Like, I accept that I loo faster or are more athletic. Genetically, I guess, they're more built for it, I someone doesn't like me 'cause I lo guess, is a better way to say it? And 'cause the way people of different like, Justin Bieber ... I probably cultures develop their muscles, it's just different, you know?" date you anyways.

"For cultural stereotypes, they’re generally more negative [than physical stereotypes].”

50

hat ink other races in the hinese people?”

“I guess in society people view Chinese people as pretty smart, so I guess that could be an advantage when you're looking for jobs. Disadvantage could be like — I guess applying to school. I actually heard that a lot of schools have quotas, so pg 43, 57 if your quota’s filled, then you could hit a dead end.”

“Really smart, good at math. Really — really selfish. Like, an Asian wouldn’t help another Asian if it’s not for their own gains. ... For some time, I thought that was true, until I realized that each household was different. [Until] recently, I hated being Asian, because I thought I’d have to grow up to become like this, to be really self-centered and be really selfish, instead of how I'm taught, this American way of helping each other, giving each other a hand. And then my grandma always tells me that family is the most important thing, that no friendship will come close to the bond that family share, and when given a really dire situation, only family will help, a friend will just run away. I didn't feel good about that. These things I don't believe in [anymore]."

ty feels yellow fever n — like, white are these YouTube mount of bias in them, on the street, like *highan Asian boy?' and they’re ahaha. No.' Which I think is e so fucking great. Jesus. The eople that I generally wouldn’t one's ever been like, 'I would, I on't wanna—' like, that's never ” r didn’t live up to beauty re Asian?” eauty standards are, like, white air, quote, 'funny-looking eyes' nt enough from the classic enced the decision of some particularly traumatized ok different, and if ook different from y don't want to ."

“I guess yellow fever plays less towards me because I’m a guy ... I think Asian girls are definitely more affected by it. I think at least with Asian guys — I mean, I know this is true because of a study on it. So there was a study that I think was published last year about interracial attraction.

And Asian guys were just ranked on the lower end. So it's just a fact of life, I guess.”

“Why do you think that was though?”

“Never thought about it. I was just like, ‘All right.’”

“Well, the Asian Fetish explanation for that would be just that Asian guys are portrayed as less masculine than, say, other guys.” “[That’s] not really [something that I've encountered]. Partially it's because most of my friends and I, we all work out and are very athletic. [Brings up picture of very muscular Asian friend on Instagram] Growing up with friends like him, I never thought of Asian men as non-masculine, 'cause all my friends are super buff. Or even if they’re skinny like me, athletic in other ways. So that's never really occurred to me due to my circle of Asian friends.”

51

“I haven’t experienced discrimination, but I have a classmate [at another school] who did. Their school — [unlike mine], which is more diverse — doesn’t have a lot of Chinese. When dividing up for assignments in class — they also just came over here, so their English wasn’t very good either, and they couldn’t understand — so they would often bully them. My friend didn’t tell me much, pg 54 but I think it was something like, they wouldn’t let them work with them. That school didn’t “Such have many other people to begin with, so they probably thought that their group was fine as comparing me as it was and didn’t want people of other races to come in. Maybe there weren’t like — this guy asked me if I many other races at first, so their mentalities became fixed like that. And played basketball — I don't know, then one [person of another race] suddenly appears, so they as a joke — and I said no. And then would be quite resistant/hostile.” he was like, ‘But aren't you related to Yao

Ming?’ — or something like that. Comments “I about my food. Just like, you know, basic think that racial discrimination is microaggression shit, and I'm not — and my boss somewhat earlier than me — by a generation is Colombian. She's black-passing, she’s a woman of "Do or so. It might have existed some years ago. Now, color, and she kind of plays into the exact same thing. you feel l things have been reformed, right? So racial Like, she starts saying comments like that, and it's really you've ever discrimination has been rejected.” uncomfortable, but the model minority thing is like, I’m discrimina not expected to say anything. Like, I'll never go to HR against beca about that shit. Like, I'm just going to be, you know, ‘It’s your race “We're fine, you can say all that shit.’ If it were anyone else, she “Yeah, so invisible. Like, they would report it, but she's not going to say shit ... so let's I've encountered wouldn't even—” keep going on. Like, there's like a joke about someone's [microagressions], but I “— they wouldn't even know. They email address being happy Wang, and now instead of don’t really pay attention to don't even know that there is a saying happy Friday they all say happy Wang. And it's that kind of stuff. Making fun of difference between being Chinese like, I'm right here. My last name is one letter away names pretty common. Like, Fan and Korean anyway.” from Wang. And it's literally the same last name — is not a hard name to make fun “They don’t care." but it's just like, it's fine. She’s there in the room, of. But hey, if you want to, say but it's totally fine. She’s — she’s good. She’s whatever you want, but I “I cool with it. You know? And it's like, fuck, I'm don't have to listen.” literally got asked that by really not gonna say anything. You know? one of my friends recently. ‘Cause So ... I feel like the model minority is I'm going to Japan in October and it was really rigged. Fucked with me, like, ‘Wait, so when you go to Japan, you're like, in that sense.” not gonna, like, understand anything “Yeah. there?’ ... Yeah. She's not a close I don't have as much, like, friend. She's a problematic real experience, I guess, considering I'm fave.” still in school. But I think that shit’s always in “I don’t the back of my mind. I never felt like, comfortable think I'm very conscious in high school, because I was such a large minority of it. It’s a problem, but I don’t at Kenwood. I don't know, people would be really think it’s such a huge problem for surprised that I smoked weed or some shit. That can’t me that I’ll always have to — that kept coming up for no reason. 'Cause like put it in my mind.”

— ‘Oh, whoa, you smoke weed, dude?’ or like, ‘Yo, you're not supposed to do that shit!’”

52

“Man, I goofed off enough that it’s [the time I spent thinking about my Chinese-ness is] probably a very small percent."

"So the part of it is, when you're in elementary school, no one cares, just pass the Legos and we'll have fun together, right. [But] when you're in middle school and everyone's growing up and learning how they're different and who they become, part of that is ascribing categories for other people. I feel like some of it must have been other people ascribing to me the identity of the Chinese kid or the Asian kid who's good at math and science. So at some point, when you’re 10 years old, what other people think of you is very important, so that probably became my identity just because it was pushed onto me by classmates, who were also trying to figure out, probably, what they were, where they fit in. I think in middle school and junior high school, I probably spent some amount of time thinking about what it meant to be Asian. There are all the stereotypes of like, 'Oh, you're the math kid, do my homework' or like, 'What's the answer to this question?' That situation probably cropped up a lot, enough that it sparked some thought about, what does it mean to be Asian. But, you know. I was 12 and had no idea how to think deeply at all. I don't think I caused me [a lot of grief]. Our school was well enough monitored that the teachers knew if the kids were being racist or something. I think our school is diverse enough that it was normal to have students of many different races, and we were raised in a school system to strictly believe that there's really not much difference between one person to another. It was very 'hold hands, Kumbaya,' I guess.” like r been “I remember the ated first conversation when I felt like I dealt with racism. It was at ause of Kenwood, I was taking the school bus home at that time. I was in 8th grade. This one e?" girl — a black girl — her name was like, Destiny Dawson?”

“Damn. You remember the name and shit?”

“No, I think I told you this. It was like six people on the bus. There was [sic] like, two Chinese people. I think at that point, I was the only Chinese person. I got picked up at the back of Kenwood. And I got dropped off at Haines, in Chinatown, where mom picked me up. And then like, she — I even know why this bothered me so much, but she was like, ‘Oh yeah, you eat cats and dogs,’ and she kept saying, ‘Shrimp fried rice! Shrimp fried rice!’ She just kept yelling that like, out the window. And it wasn't even something like I'd never heard before right? Like, at that point I'd been Chinese for 12 years. And I was still — that, for some reason, that one day, it really bothered me.”

“Yeah, that shit gets to you.”

“It really bothered me, and I cried. And she just kept yelling ‘Shrimp fried rice,’ and she got dropped off. I was so upset!

The bus driver like, was like, ‘Yo, don't let her get to you,’ but like, it was like a lukewarm attempt and I got home and I had to write in my journal. Like, I had to immediately write in my journal and I was like, ‘I hate Destiny Dawson. She’s a bitch. Underline underline underline.’

“And I told my parents about it — like, 'cause they saw me crying — and they were like, ‘You know, like, don't say anything about it. Like, it's just something that's going to follow you for the rest of your life. You just have to deal with it like, there's nothing that you can say or do, like — it’s just kind of it's the price you pay.’ It's a price you pay, right?”

“Yeah, they always have the mentality that even though they've moved here, and they decide to stay here and have offspring here, and have their offspring achieve here, they always have this mentality where we're not here to stay. It’s like, don't talk to anybody about your problems. Like, keep your head down, play your position. But if I'm here to stay, like, this is my land too.”

“Yeah, yeah! Yeah yeah yeah. Oh, shit! Yeah. I never thought about it that way.”

“Why shouldn’t I have to like, speak up.”

“Yeah, why shouldn't I try to push the edges and make it a little better for myself, you know? And it's like, I've always been taught that. It was always just like, ‘It’s gonna be something that happens all the time — better for you to get used to it at a young age and just like, know how to rock with it than like—’” “‘— than to stir commotion.’”

“Yeah! Right! ‘Don't be a troublemaker!’— which is a model minority thing, which I never even thought about until now. Yeah. That sucks, but...”

53

“Sure.

Of course, yeah.”

“I feel like I've always just — always remember being a minority.

There's so many layers to being a model minority that it's so hard to — I think the most recent for me is just, like — I deal with a lot of microaggressions in the workplace, 'cause I work at a marketing agency in downtown and it's filled with white people. And uh, there's been a lot of, as of late, a lot of just terrible comments thrown my way." pg 52

“[You mean] that we’re the best of the minorities? [I've heard of it] a bit. I think it makes me … a bit more arrogant — that I'm better at succeeding than other people, and that I'm given more advantages.”

“So do you think that in the US, stereotypes about Asians generally help Asians?”

“Yes, I think generally it does. It makes them think they’re more capable and in turn makes them try more things, gives them more opportunities.”

"Has model minority personal impac

adhere to it, but just in me to want t Or like, g

— definitel decent at yeah, I thin is true. B due t

“I think I’m more likely to be successful than maybe some other minorities because … maybe it's not what my grandma said, but statistically, Asians are more at least financially “The stable than other minorities, so based on that fact I'm model minority stereotype not too nervous. [I think it's] because of the more strict is stupid. I don’t think they should things are background — that's what I'm thinking, but I'm not put any pressure on the Asian ethnicity as, about the quiet th sure that that's right — but they're taught how like, a model, just because of people’s stereotype are generally fairly qu to financially handle themselves and being that we’re smarter. I mean, other cultures are smart And 'cause as a citizen t [sic] forced to be more studious.” as well, so there’s no reason that they should look up to protests] anyways. 'Cause o us because we’re so great. *laughs* I think that any culture can’t affect it in any way, then has something to be proud of. They should just do their own the example I always use is when things. It’s like, an even field.” there's nothing I can do about i “What do you think Chinese culture has to be proud anyways, just move on. I think tha of?” that can chan “They have a good work ethic, I think, just because of how the “Do you think that your att education system is different from here to China. But that’s if you be not necessarily true for the people who have lived here for a “Yeah, 'cause then I would ac while, who have adapted to the new education system. They care about reading the news probably are going to be different from someone who’s at least now, I do read studied their whole life in China.” based — bike and “I “So you think the model minority more likely t mean certainly, right? stereotype is more applicable to people when you go to school, people joke actually in China than Chinesearound, like 'Oh, you're Asian, help me Americans?” with my math homework.' But that is a very “Yeah, I think so.” real consequence of the fact that, like, the model minority stereotype applies to us."

"It shows up in all these little things, which “I think probably has had a big impact on some other minorities also have very bright decision I made somewhere. but it's hard individuals that just get buried under, because their to identify when it's a bunch of whole culture is not seen as smart. It’s [the model small things.” minority stereotype’s] not fair to some other people.”

54

s the stereotype had ct on your life?"

“I kind of t it's not done on purpose. It’s to be like, on the top sometimes. go into STEM fields."

“Model — what is that? ... Mm. I ly would consider myself semit math. I'm taking the MCAT, so nk [the doctor/lawyer stereotype] But a lot of things are just true to circumstance, more than anything.”

“Thinking about it, I feel like our parents do enforce the model minority thing in the sense of like, we’ve never been taught to speak up about something. Like, speak up in terms of like, how you're dealing with mistreatment or whatever. Like, even when I told my parents about the microaggressions that have been really bothering me lately at work, like, she was just like, ‘Oh, it's just 'cause it's a new spot, and like you’re still learning, and you know, you're emphasizing these negative experiences because like, it's a new spot.

It’s not because it's actually bad.’”

“Oh, I didn't even think of it like that.”

“Yeah! I just thought about it when you said that, I was like, ‘Fuck! That is model minority enforcement!’”

“The whole time — 'cause I was there for the conversation — the whole time I thought like, ‘Yeah, they're pretty wise.’ *laughs*” “They are — it is, right? It’s such a fine line between like, being wise or being just like, ‘No don't talk to anyone about. No, don't go to HR. Like, it's really not a big deal.’ Right?

This is stuff that's going to follow you for the rest of your life. I remember the first time—” “At first, I thought it was the Chinese hustle mentality.”

“It’s a fine line!”

“Where it's like, ‘Yo, just keep —’” “Keep on keeping on.”

“Yeah, keep your head down, play your position.”

“Yeah, it’s a fine line.”

“A lot of due just to circumstance — hing: I would say Asian Americans uiet. Personally, I just don’t care for it. there is not much I can do for it [political one of my main fundamentals of life is: If you n you're just wasting energy, you know. I think n they told me I had to cut off my leg — 'All right, “You it, just cut it off.' Like, it's spilt milk at this point know, the Chinese community, like, at energy is just much better pushed towards things has such a bad reputation for being apolitical. Or not nge than things that won't be.” thinking about shit. Like, not showing up for anything. And I titude towards politics would change then feel like — even in the Origin Youth Group I joined two months ago, ecame a citizen here?” like I think my first meeting with them, I did a feminism 101 presentation ctually have, like, a vote and stuff. I’d actually for them. And I went around the room and I asked them like, ‘What social s. Political news, more than anything. 'Cause justice issue do you guys care about?’ And people were just like, ‘Uhhh.... nothing. d news, but more like tech and interestLife is whatever.’ Like, whatever it is, life is life. Or like, they talked about how, like, d car news — mainly 'cause they're environmentalism is like, their biggest thing that they care about. You know? And it's just to affect me in the immediate like — the kids aren't thinking about shit.” future.” future.”$$ “Well, they might not be put in the right environment.”

“Right now, 'cause they're so—” “But like, given the correct tools—” “Yeah! No, and I recognize that. But I'm just saying, like, you know.”

“And like, you — by you giving Feminism 101, like, you're providing them with tools.”

“Right. Yeah yeah yeah. But I'm just saying, as it stands, we're still dealing with this. Like, nobody's really thinking about shit. So like, I'm not saying like, ‘You’re gonna be like this forever, you're going to be an idiot’ — no like, obviously they’re gonna go to college, get more like, radicalized.” pg 60 “Yeah. I mean, curriculums are different in colleges.”

55

“Definitely “I feel having a second language helps, no matter white people’s salaries what language. Chinese is great, 'cause a lot of people Chinese people’s are lower. A l speak Chinese, especially with China’s growing economic, uh … older age, so they won’t have man thingies. *laughs* You know what I mean. Uh, China has more economic isn't good. It's not like you can guara power these days, so a lot of businesses are looking to expand in China, so high salaries, but it will probably be a having Chinese as a second language helps. Like, a lot of my friends are country. [As for ABCs who have very go trying to pick up Chinese now. They're working in tech and stuff."

— if they're hard-working and take a "It [speaking Chinese] allows me to communicate with significantly of course that's good. If the oppo more people and learn more things, and some ideas are and they don’t take it, then o more easily conveyed in some languages more on the person. But Engl “Actually, not than others.” advan so much, because I think people are fair. They’re “Have open to all kinds of things. I feel kind of accepted, everywhere, so you heard of this thing called far. I think most people are aware not to do that [discrimination].” the bamboo ceiling?”

“I think it’s [my Asian background's] not important. …

"No." “To [It’s just a] neutral thing.”

“So according to Wikipedia, it's a combination extent do you thin “I of individual, cultural, and organisational factors background has impac think I see that people are that impede Asian Americans' career progress inside the future and the trying to be more inclusive. Like, for organizations. Do you think that's true or likely?” your example, in Hollywood movies, they are “I think that’s possible, but probably unlikely in this day trying to bring in Chinese characters, or and age. If you like, prove yourself to be worthy of the they are trying to bring them into the position, I don't think race or culture should social media. So they decided to “I don’t stop you from taking that.” be morediverse.” think Asian-Americans are “What very prominent on TV. They don’t about the idea of the bamboo really show that kind of experience. I ceiling?” think you talk about it with your friends “What is that? ... Not gonna lie — I haven't thought a lot, but it’s not something … public. about it, mainly 'cause I guess since I went to Lab at [In private,] a lot of my friends UChicago, a lot of my friends’ parents who are Asian all are would know.” pretty well off, so it never really occurred to me. 'Cause Lab “I is a private school, and it's pretty expensive, so you have to at feel like I’m closed off least be affiliated with UChicago or on scholarship or pretty to different job opportunities. well-off to be able to afford going there. My Asian friends’ Like businesses.

I did just assume that I parents are all well-off, so it just never really occurred wouldn't really be accepted, just because I’m to me that that might be a thing. ... I guess Chinese and not white, or the majority. I think it's a certain type of privilege.” it’s the media [that makes me think this]. Like, for newscasts, those who are anchors are usually white. I “Yeah. don't really see Asians, so I guess I wouldn't take that Um ... I don't think that it would really as an option, I wouldn't really look into being an anchor. change me — really play a part — if I were to stick And also, some, like, movies. ... I think people in power with business, 'cause essentially, especially being an Asian want to also stay in power. I don't think Hollywood woman and — just Asian men, I mean, there’s gonna be the wants Asians to be stars or have the main roles. bamboo ceiling, but I don't know how long it would take me to even They're usually like, supporting roles.” get up there for it to be an issue for me. For now, I'm just basically a “So it’s less about the idea that Asians white person. I'm treated like a white person, for the most part, other are obedient or uncreative, and more than stupid comments. But it's just like, white person as in like, that it doesn't even matter, we ‘Ah, you're fine. You’re not, you’re not gonna give a fuck. You'll [Hollywood, etc.] just want to just take it.’ ... Yeah. I don't think I'm dealing with be in these positions?” it's too much in the wage gap arena either.

“Yeah.”

Fortunately.”

56

l that "I don't might be higher, while think it will have much use in normal jobs. lot of Chinese come out at an There might be some sexual — uh, what is it? Oh right, I pg 43, 51 ny office jobs, since their English mean, racial — discrimination. *laughs* I remember a story about antee that all white people will have entering schools. A black student and a white student went to medical school. a little higher — after all, this is their This is different from widespread sexual discrimination. This is not necessarily ood English,] it’s hard to say. It depends sexual — no, I mean, racial *laughs* — discrimination. That black student’s scores were advantage of the opportunities, then a little worse than the white student's, but the medical school accepted the black student, ortunity is right in front of them because there weren't many black students in the medical school.” of course it’s gone. It depends “And do you think this is discrimination against white people?” lish is definitely a huge “I ... don't see it as racial discrimination. Well, I actually can't say. Since after all, everyone really ntage.” wants to go to medical school. Just to apply, you already have to spend a lot. So everyone has it pretty hard. So that white student will definitely feel it’s unfair. But ... admitting more students of other races definitely has its benefits. But you also can't admit them all, so ... for now, I’ll maintain an undecided attitude. *laughs* It’s between a rock and a hard place.”

“And what position do you think Asians, or Chinese, are in in this o what situation?” nk that your Chinese “After all, now, racial discrimination is no longer an issue. Asian, cted your possibilities for especially Chinese, people’s grades are probably a little better way you think about — I think they make up 20 to 30% of admissions “It rself?” to medical school.” pg 43, 51 largely relates to affirmative action, right. ... So I read this article ['cause] I was like, 'Why would conservative Chinese “[Affirmative immigrants — that doesn’t make any sense — Trump is action] was one of crazy about immigration, he's like, "Deport everyone!"' and then the few political things I read an article that was like, it makes sense for Chinese immigrants that I got kind of into, 'cause specifically to not like the idea of affirmative action.." there was this huge ruckus on "Affirmative action ideally provides equal opportunity to everyone — that's campus. The Atlanta Republicans the goal of affirmative action. But what it really does is — like, people are wanted to illustrate how ridiculous human beings, right? And human beings always find the easiest way out. And affirmative action was by having an affirmative action is sort of a get-out-of-jail-free card for some people. Like, you affirmative action bake sale, where think about how many overqualified Asian people get rejected from some program — they charged some groups of people more like, why are they kicked out when they are more qualified than some other canonically money for cookies than other people. It was underprivileged ethnicity, like Hispanic or African-American. And the answer is like, if you’re Asian, add a buck onto the affirmative action." cost of a cookie; if you're a girl, cut 50 cents "Affirmative action sort of shafts — like, the vast majority — I will say upwards of off of it; if you're black or Latino, cut some 90% [of]Chinese immigrants move to America because of schooling and education amount of money off of it. … God, it was a opportunities, leading to better financial opportunities [to] be happy and rich and fat shitshow. Like, we have a meme group in and whatnot, right. And that's just the biggest reason." our school, and there were so many memes "So the way the article put it was [the] thought process is, 'Why should we be punished posted about it — I think they actually for other people’s — like, our kids work hard to get where they are. Why are they ended up canceling the bake sale. [But] being punished just because more Chinese people tend to work hard. Just 'cause they accomplished their goal of showing there are a lot of other Chinese kids that work hard, why does that mean that how ridiculous affirmative action was, my kid should be rejected, even though he's way more qualified than this because the way that liberal people on other person — who, sure, doesn't have the same privileges and the same campus thought about it was, 'Oh, opportunities as my kid, but also just isn't as, like, qualified.' And I this is racist' — and I think what think I understand that viewpoint. … God, it's so hard to form they were trying to illustrate opinions on these kinds of things 'cause I have no realwas, 'Yeah, inherently world experience with them. But I will say that I affirmative action is a understand where they're coming from, and little bit racist.'”

I think it's reasonable that that is how they think.”

57

“Do “As in, believe in the Am having a car and house — a comfortable middle-class lifestyle? ... It depends on your heart/ determination. If you're always very hard-working, then it might come true."

“I thi "It's probably a little easier in America. There are a lot of was a part of how I opportunities here. I can't guarantee for other places, but internally I believe that, jus probably there aren't as many opportunities doing things, just specifically li as here." straight A's all the time. I think "When and I actually think that it's tru they moved here, my parents I think it's still a part of me probably had an American dream might be possible — "I guess within their hearts as well.

I believe in the essence behind it, that *laughs*” like, theoretically you can work hard and go up. I think that's the main essence, not like the ideal — the stereotypical white fence, with a house, a dog, and kids you know? Although a dog would be really great. re *laughs* But I think the essence of it is de pretty fair and true."

“I ... schoo choose to believe it. Because in "Living the ba America, you don't pull connections. And people happily, with a dog, a baby, goin won't really look down on you just because of your in a suburban home? A bungalow? b status. As long as you have the capability ... … In eighth grade, I probably believed in and the patience. And the time.” the American dream. I think it's because right m after my incident, I really wanted a stable family. I wanted to marry someone nice, “Ummmmm have kids, stable home. What kind of job I ... Yeah. I feel that America wants all work in doesn't really matter. What citizens to work hard for what they want, and I I wanted was a family." think they [the government] would put a lot of resource "But [sic] for us to achieve that. Like, you know, technology is that quickly changed af becoming a huge thing in this century, and I see a lot of places going to high school, being e are getting a lot of investment from a lot of sources." to all these really controversia "[But] I also have other considerations, like family, friends. think it was when I start reading When I'm pursuing my American Dream, I also think 451, with all these really dark about my mom, what she wants me to do … there’s my hopes all … just vanished. I r a conflict between my mom’s view and pg 32 life is not all jolly and happy. Th my view.” hardships. And during this tim math team and started parti seriously. So I realized my new interests.”

58

o you merican dream?”

ink it I was raised. I think st because of how I've been ike, in high school, I strived for internally it's how I was raised, ue, but now not so much. Like, e, and me believing that it — might be possible."

"But I also think that just because you work hard, it doesn't mean that you'll get to the top. 'Cause there's a lot of different factors that play in, and it might not be even in your control to do it. I don't think it's possible for me to discern what is in my own power and what is outside of my power that much, but I think that not all opportunities are given to you. So we can't just go up like that, in a straight line, very linear, but more like, there’s going to be closed doors. ... Depending on the person too, you might have "[In more closed doors than others.”

America as it is now,] it’s harder to do, I would say, 'cause the requirements “Is have also increased significantly. Like, now, you the American dream being, definitely need at least a bachelor's degree — some will 'Anyone can do anything, and all it takes equire at least a master's or a business or another further is hard work?' ... Yes. I mean, my dad is like a egree. So just generally more schooling is required, and also living example of that for me. [But that happened oling is harder than before with a lot more material, just with in China.] That’s why I hesitate to call it the American asis of the fact that as humanity and civilization grows, we're Dream. 'Cause why is it not just, the Dream. Like, what ng to learn more, which means more schooling. So I think just makes that specifically the American Dream?" based off that, and how expensive things can get — which "Ok, so. In math, if you try to prove nonexistence, and you makes things harder for some people more than others — show one example that it exists, then you can no longer prove but like, theoretically, it’s still attainable. At least nonexistence, right? So if someone's like, 'Is there such a thing through like, trying. And luck. … But it's also as someone working really hard and and doing something up to people higher up [like altruistic completely insane?' I will say 'Yes, there exists at millionaires] to help.” least one example of someone doing that,' and

fter exposed al ideas. I g Fahrenheit ideas, that realized that There a lot of me, I joined icipating y own

to me, that’s my dad. Therefore, the existence proof is completed."

"Um, I think America "So sure, definitely has more the American Dream exists, but it's opportunities than most other certainly easier for some people than others. Like, for countries. And I think if you my dad, it was incredibly difficult to get where he was from work hard enough, you should where he started. Like, long nights studying and days walking around be able to sustain yourself doing crazy surgeries with like, butter knives and beer bottle IVs. Well, the and your family." beer bottle IVs isn't an exaggeration, but [probably not] butter knives."

"But [the way to success] in my field of computational physics was paved because of his hard work, right? So the American dream exists for everyone, I think? My dad and I are probably on two ends of the spectrum as far as starting conditions [are concerned]. Like, he was pretty unlucky and I'm extremely fortunate to have started where I did. And if he can do it, and I can do it, then sort of the entire spectrum is mostly covered. It really depends person to person if they achieve their dream. It's about who can walk the walk, as well

59

pg 55

“Do you “I’m think recent political and economic interested in health, technology, events will impact the way your sciences — so when I have free time, I'll check on future pans out?”

“Um, that. And after all, I've come to America. Now, Trump is let's see. ... Amazon the president, so I have no choice but to pay attention to that too. buying Whole Foods is great for *laughs* They seem to want to take away a portion of healthcare, so my stocks, 'cause I bought on that it won't be as comprehensive. Trump’s approach seems to be just to Amazon stocks. *laughs*" cater to the rich people, because he’s a rich person himself. So his approach is probably more selfish."

“I "If your citizens are no longer here, how are you going to be president? ... don't think so. With Trump For now, I’ll just carefully watch, since what has been said on the news being the president, I wasn't too — like, being detained at the airport — hasn't happened much afraid. Maybe because I'm too naive and I yet." don't understand too much about politics and "I might go back to the mainland, I might stay government, but I'm not too afraid that he will just here … but I would like American completely ruin my future. … My grandma laughed citizenship.” when I mentioned that. 'Hey, get your documententation citizenship quickly, so that you won't get deported!' but "I don't I'm not too afraid of that." really follow [the news], but obviously, I "Because my dad’s a citizen, I am a citizen. But think everyone's worried about politics right now. Like, I don't have the certificates — I still have to we're having that kind of president. I’m just not sure how — ­ if complete all 11 pages. ... I have a bad time it's a bad thing or good thing for him to be a president. … I'm not with the government services.” informed enough about the current politics. I don’t know enough about the policies the president suggests about IT development or other things."

"Let’s "It is what it is, there’s no control. So I just see — 'cause I still have a focus on what I can control.”

Chinese passport, so depending on how pg "... So, things go with Trump, I guess, but like, I'm 22 not thinking too far ahead about it, 'cause I think that question scares me, because currently I don't have enough of it planned Asians are on his lowest list of people to discriminate out. *laughs*" against. So I honestly just don't think about it. ... I've "I also don't read enough of the news and I'm not wellnever been terribly big on politics, mainly because I'm versed enough in personal finances and politics, and how a Chinese citizen so I can't vote anyways. It's kind political policies affect my own life, day-to-day, 'cause of insignificant for me to worry about things I I never really had to deal with that, 'cause we're an can't affect, and honestly that's how I've affluent enough family where it didn’t matter too been about a lot of things." pg 43 “[With] much. Like, nothing was going to turn our family’s financial situation, it our world upside down.” [politics] never really affected us significantly.

Like, for lower, lower-middle-class people, policy changes regarding financial policy in the US make kind of a huge difference, right? Like, tax raises and tax cuts and costs of paying for Social Security and stuff. But our family’s well-off enough, fortunately, that we've never really had to worry about more micro changes like that. And so politics is never really a big problem for us. as long as it didn’t obtrude on day-to-day stuff.”

60

“Being a physicist … well, being a student of physics — I don't want to get too big for my britches — climate change is a very real thing and is scientifically provable that the climate is changing, and there's a huge correlation with human activity. Like, 99%, we're probably why it's getting hotter in some places and colder in others and everything is getting messed up."

“What do you think of sustainability and environmental awareness?”

“Well, we're all going to die sooner or later. So like … the Doom Clock got moved by 6 minutes now, or something?"

“So the scientists have a Doom Clock, where if it reaches midnight, we’re fucked. I think we were like, a few minutes away. Mainly 'cause of the advance of nuclear warfare and stuff.I think the last time I read a study about it was that we're fucked regardless, unless we can do something to significantly change our carbon footprint. So we would need to put a huge emphasis on solar — or non-gas-powered, honestly — so what Tesla’s doing is great. Elon "I have Musk is pretty awesome, in my opinion. And just the fact that enough faith in humans that we won't the world is kind of coming together on environmental issues run ourselves into the ground, in that we won't kill off is a big deal, whether it's privately or as presidents pull — at some point, everyone will have to be like, 'We messed up.' out of shit. *laughs* Even so, a lot of millionaires And then at that point, at the latest, everyone will do their very best and billionaires have pledged to make to turn around, 'cause if we don't, then everyone's dead. And humans are things more green." still humans ... it doesn't matter how much you want to eat beef every day and want to drive your Range Rover around. At some point you're like, 'Oh, if "I I keep doing this, I’ll literally kill everyone. And also myself.' And animalistic think it's definitely instinct is like, 'Don't do things that will get you killed.' So at some point, a step in the right direction, pg 39 we’ll turn it around." although I think the easiest way "But that's not good enough, right? The goal is to not get to that would be to just massacre half the point. I have enough faith that I don't think we'll be killed planet. Fastest way to reduce to extinction because of our bad decisions." carbon footprint! Cut the population in half."

"But "[Climate part of the reason is that not enough change] is something research has gone into these things. Like, the that we're going to have to problem with solar energy is it's still too expensive to deal with sooner or later. … This implement everywhere and there's just easier things to do. It's might come out really badly, so forgive just easier to burn fossil fuels and it hasn’t destroyed anyone's way of me. … Human rights are very important, life because it’s changed the climate yet. But as soon as it starts having much equal rights are very important. But all more visceral effects on people’s daily lives … I mean, as an aspiring scientist, I that doesn't matter if no one is around think that more funds need to be allotted into researching sustainability, because to enjoy it 75 years from now, because why would you not do something that would allow people to live on the earth for life will be unsustainable, so I think longer. Like, it doesn't make sense for me to not. But also another part of me, the part we should care a bit more about of me that believes in the social science of economics, says that whatever is done is a environmental policies. result of whatever is easiest to do 'cause of the market. The market determines — *laughs*” like, supply and demand curves make sense to me. Whatever the market dictates is the optimal thing to do, people will naturally regress towards that optimal point.

So if it becomes at some point easier and more economically optimal to use more sustainable methods and resources like hydroelectric and solar — and geothermal, which such a tiny portion — then the market, or society, will regress towards that optimal point. There are two ways that that happens: using fossil fuels becomes really difficult, or using sustainable resources becomes much easier than it is now.”

61

“I think it’s a great idea, but I also think that they ignore the fact that just because you have a school and it's given all these fundings, it does not necessarily mean it will be a great school. I think a school heavily depends on the students. So if this becomes a neighborhood School, I'm not sure how they'll select kids, but I just hope that they have an advanced way to plan for the school, rather than just have it, give it some funding, and just leave it at that.”

"What do you think of CPS’s (Chicago Public School) proposal for a new high school in Chinatown?"

"To my understanding, CPS plans to have a new high school in the South Side area/Englewood neighborhood. Because there is not enough money to build two new high schools (so it is claimed), CPS plans to turn the National Teachers Academy (NTA) into a high school. I believe there has been a lot of pressure over the years concerning a 'quality' high school that serves students in the South Loop, Bridgeport, Armour, and Chinatown area. In the case of Chinatown, there are two neighborhood high schools. They are Philip and Tilden. These schools are not diverse schools as majority students are black/ african americans. Many residents of the Chinatown area are advocating for a new high school, but I feel as though Chinatown does not need a new high school because schools already exist in the area. I believe it is necessary to recognize schools like Philip and Tilden as an option instead of building a new one, which will ultimately push those students in those schools further from the line of opportunities because they definitely matter too."

62

“I think it'd be really interesting just to get a survey of what fields of study and just the demographic information about these other — uh, the sample. It'd be interesting to hear their opinions on — heuristically, whether or not growing up Chinese was a good or bad thing."

“Do you have any questions for/ other things to say to the other interviewees?”

"I don't know if this is more of a class thing or a being Chinese thing, but I think I'm grateful for having been raised in American culture, but also with exposure to other culture. There are interesting juxtapositions between growing up American with a Chinese family. How I interact with my parents and how other people interact with their parents is a point of fascination. 'Cause as Asian kid, I would never speak up to my parents or get in a fight with my parents on purpose. But one of my friends would “I have get into fights with his family all the time, and it was a lot of questions. … I wouldn’t just nuts to me. Like, 'You can't say that to know how to phrase them. These are just your mom!'” these lingering thoughts that I have. This is normal, right? These lingering thoughts. … Like, you get confused sometimes. And I just think of it as a self-discovery process.

You're figuring out how things were, so you have all types of questions. What’s right, what’s wrong. Your agenda."

"Like, the idea of the self-image, it always comes back. Every time I gain a confidence to it — I think I'm over it, I'm done with it — it comes back sometimes again. And sometimes you just can’t figure them out. But you eventually figure them out, right?”

“When your life changes….

Change is inevitable, right?

Like, moving to my grandma.

Things not happening your way.

So do you come to just — accept the change? Do you just come to accept the fact that it doesn’t happen your way?”

“Being honest for yourself — doesn't that sometimes get confusing? Is it always clear when you’re being honest with yourself?”

“I don’t have any questions, but I might have some suggestions. If you have just started high school or are about to, hurry up and think about your goals! After all, you have to prepare. [In the States], you need to plan. I’ve found that a lot of careers in the US need a lot of planning beforehand. After coming to the States, it feels like elementary school and college are really close. It feels very rushed."

"In the US, it's not as simple as it is in China. In China, you just have to care about your grades without worrying about all that other stuff. As long as your grades are enough, that's enough. ... So China’s a little more feudal/backward. In the States you have to care about a lot of other things — their standards for extracurriculars are very high.”

“In life, there are all these exceptions, all these rules. … How do you come to understand all of that?

Is it through experience?”

"Project: Vision is a non-profit organization that provides students with free tutoring! It's a great org to look into. I was actually a part of it when I was in high school, and I definitely was able to receive much needed help from PV. The tutors, who were mostly students in college, were able to help with subjects like Physics, Chemistry, English, and History. They were passionate and dedicated to assisting and teaching!"

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Thank you for reading!

References Anonymous. Interview by author. Tape recording. Chicago, August 3, 2017.

Anonymous. Interview by author. Tape recording. Chicago, August 4, 2017.

Anonymous. Interview by author. Tape recording. Chicago, August 4, 2017.

Anonymous. Interview by author. Tape recording. Chicago, August 5, 2017.

Anonymous. Interview by author. Tape recording. Chicago, August 15, 2017.

CBCAC Youth Group @ CASL. "The Status Quo of Chinatown." PowerPoint Presentation, 2016.

Chicago Metropolitan Agency for Planning. "Chinatown Community Vision Plan." (2015): 1-112. http://www.cmap.illinois.gov/documents/10180/113285/ Chinatown+Community+Vision+Plan+-+Low+Resolution/0fe0fb4c-e422-4183-8f3eba2a78abadaa Jiayin Tan, Nick Lau, Rachel Ruan, Huiquan Chen, Jing Wu, Yanyuan Weng, Wai Fung Cheung, Jieyi Kuang, Timothy Wong, Joseph Wing, Ming Chen, Nim Yan Chen, Minchu Feng, Ryan Zhao, Ray Zhao. "Future Plans: ORIGIN Summer Project Report." (2016): 1-10. https://static1.squarespace.com/static/564b414be4b07bf683d4222c/t/57caf92503596e07 5fb1389c/1472919849700/CBCAC+Origin+Summer+Final+Report+Package+2016.pdf Lau, Sharon, and Sharlin Lau. Interview by John Russick. Tape recording. Chicago, June 13, 2009.

ORIGIN Youth Group. "Chinatown Sense of Identity Survey Results." Google Slides.

Accessed June 20, 2017. https://docs.google.com/presentation/d/1NnzorePYJvmkZKwIdLD6wa3lyRv0a_oGepu8hAvFik/edit#slide=id.g1623a4f175_0_212.

Larry. Interview by author. Tape recording. Chicago, August 5, 2017.

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Villanueva, George, and Debbie Liu. “Chinatown Anti-Displacement Community Research Project Report.” (2017): 1-21. https://static1.squarespace.com/ static/564b414be4b07bf683d4222c/t/590762a0725e250c61187aef/1493656227799/Chin atown+Community+Research+Report_Apirl2017_rfs.pdf Karen and Shawn. Interview by author. Tape recording. Chicago, May 29, 2017.

Fan. Interview by author. Tape recording. Chicago, August 1, 2017.

Fan. Interview by author. Tape recording. Chicago, August 7, 2017.

Siyuan. Interview by author. Tape recording. Chicago, August 4, 2017.

Friendly Organizations

Pui Tak Coalition for a Better Chinese American Community (CBCAC) Chinese American Service League (CASL) Project: Vision National Association of Asian American Professionals Chicago (NAAAP) Chinese Mutual Aid Association Organization of Chinese Americans — Asian Pacific American Associates (OCA) Chicago History Museum

Special thanks to: Tiffany Man Thuong Phan

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