SENTIENT BACTERIUM.
on the subway and i GRAB MY EMPTY RED BULL CAN on the subway and i RMR MY MOTHER BODY SHAMING not even me really all the time, but people on the subway and i SPIT IN MY EMPTY RED BULL CAN i pretend i am drinking it but really i am gathering phelgm in my mouth then spitting it slowly so it slides down the dark aluminum canal. on the subway and i THINK OF HOW WE’RE RUNNING OUT OF WATER on the subway and i THINK OF HOW I NEVER CREATE SHIT on the subway and i THINK OF HOW I ONLY CREATE SHIT on the subway and i GIVE UP MY DNA on the subway and i SALIVATE INTO PRE-POLLUTION on the subway and i SEE A FAMILY EXAMINE A MAP on the subway and i MAKE EYE CONTACT WITH THE DAD he is wearing khaki shorts, the uniform of all Vacation Dads on the subway and i TRY TO SMILE BUT THERE IS SALIVA coming out of my mouth, still on the subway and i GET EMBARASSED on the subway and i GET OFF AT THE NEXT STOP i am no where near my destination on the subway and i FIND THE NEAREST TRASH CAN on the subway and i POUR MY SALIVA INTO IT on the subway and i WAIT FOR THE NEXT TRAIN TO COME on the subway and i FEEL LIKE IT’S NEVER GONNA COME on the subway and i CLOSE MY EYES on the subway and i TRY TO FORGET TIME
i left some hair on the sink but without my glasses on it looked like it was patterned all cool. i could hear my roommate, like, listening to people fucking at a very low volume and i considered leaving him a note to thank him for his thoughtfulness. sometimes i feel so desensitized to things i don’t know what is ab/norm. sometimes i lie flat on my mattress and feel all the bacteria on my body dance on me. they are standing at opposite ends of my toe nail, they are shy, nervous, green and pink and ridged. falling over, rolling down the slope of my hangnails, splitting in two, merging into one.
FIGHT ME. hello. this is an open letter to anyone who has ever wanted to fight me. i am putting out this invite for all of you. meet me in front of your local post office this FRIDAY. i will be there. if you don’t want to fight me but you want to fight SOMEONE, bring a mask of that person. i will wear it and i will fight you. okay so when potatoes are poisonous, they grow sprouts. they start off like little nubs, like the kind of boils you get from being out in the sun all day. but then it gets bigger, turns into a tree-like growth that’s actually really cool and aesthetically beautiful to look at. unless you know its poisonous and you want to retch everytime you look at them. it’s nice though, like how things that can kill you are still growing things. its like even though it’s gonna kill you, it’ll still sprout another little branch that some ant will climb on top of and nibble on and then also die. imagine that, a Lot of Dead Things because of a potato. a Fucking Potato killed me/you/everything.
EXERCISES FOR A NEW DAY 1. DRAW EYES ON YOUR JUNK give it a name. flop it around if you have junk that can flop around. blow its nose. or feed it something. or just talk to it. ask it questions. it is the enterance to yourself. it is how you discover who you really are on the inside. let it tell you how it feels. look into it’s eyes. empathize. 2. FIND A STICK and look at all the things that make it up. is there a bug on it? is there a little dirt on it? where can you put in? does it fit inside a car? does it fit into a sock? can you stick it in your ear? try it out! you’ll never know the things you can discover about yourself.
3. FORGET YOUR OWN BIRTHDAY now you don’t have an age. no set of numbers telling you how you should be acting. nothing to hold you back from going on a bouncy castle or unironically enjoying bingo or wearing a bib and throwing your utensils on the floor at TGIF FRIDAYS. you can have it all. you can have it all.
suck! on this Egg as though you will never taste the yolk of life again because you found it on the floor because it didn’t have a carton because you are allergic to eggs because you’re afraid of the easter bunny because the easter bunny is afraid of you because your fists were strong enough to crush it but you didn’t because you love the hard shell because you can hold it between your teeth because you could choke on it if you swallow it because it is a small reminder of life and death because it came from within a chicken because a chicken came from within it because this is what everyone fights about isn’t it? because fuck the eternal question this egg is for sucking because you can drill a hole in the bottom and let all the goo out because you can fill it up with vodka because you can fill it up with vodka and suck on it like a teat because you’re a fucking animal because you love danger