In search of deep calm

By Catherine Ryan of Coalcliff Ocean Swim Club

When my children are nervous about something, I ask them what the worst-case scenario is … and it’s usually not that bad, or it’s extremely unlikely to happen. When I do the same for myself about ocean swimming, it’s a minefield of catastrophic events – drowning, being swept to New Zealand in a deadly rip, being eaten by a shark or a giant squid, being lost at sea with an ocean of darkness beneath me. Not a helpful exercise for someone who is already terrified.

So, how does one conquer a fear of the ocean? More to the point, why? There is no reason I must go into the water, so why do I feel so compelled? I look at ocean swimmers and I see a sense of deep calm and oneness with the environment that is hard to achieve without giving yourself over to something so overwhelmingly powerful as the ocean. I want to be that person who can overcome the fear and find that deep calm.

There’s a Chinese proverb that says “Go straight to the heart of danger, for there you will find safety”, so that’s what I’ve been doing. Along the way, there have been many tears, a lot of swearing but not so much deep calm. I credit my dear friend with relentlessly encouraging me to swim, and driving my development of a complete addiction to the water … so long as it’s contained within a pool.

Over the past few years, I have swum most days, loved and hated squad training, and yearned for the ocean. I finally enrolled in an ocean swimming course with my coach. He was unwaveringly calm during my moments of panic; he held my hand in the face of enormous swells and even pushed me under a couple of waves when my brain froze. His advice was to focus on the reasons to swim, forget the sharks, the rips and being lost at sea; swim because it’s a beautiful day, the conditions are perfect and because it makes you feel good.

There are so many reasons to swim, not least of which is the family I have found – delightful swimming companions who remind me to breathe and who high-five me for a great swim, even when I’ve spent half the time crying.

My newest reason to swim is joining the Coalcliff Ocean Swim Club. I’m determined to see out the season – going straight to the heart of danger … in a very controlled, safe way!

Have I conquered my fear? No. But I’ve learnt a whole lot about myself, made some beautiful friends and I feel sure that elusive deep calm is coming my way. I have occasional moments when the fear subsides and I can feel the cool water rushing past, my breathing calm and steady, and, in those moments, I am an ocean swimmer. For now, I’m taking Dory’s advice: “Just keep swimming”.

In October 2022, Coalcliff Surf Life Saving Club launched Coalcliff Ocean Swim Club, sponsored by Equilibrium Healthcare. It’s an inclusive ocean swimming club, focussed on participation rather than competition. Visit www.coalcliffslsc.com.au