2 For Couples—Spring 2004 Premiere Issue

2Mag_Spring04_Cover 3/3/04 9:35 PM Page 1

PREMIERE ISSUE! THE ONLY MAGAZINE FOR COUPLES GET IT ON! 9 BEST CDS TO SET THE MOOD SPECIAL SECTION

15 FAB COUPLE ADVENTURES JAMIE ’S OLIVER FOOD SECRETS HOT CARS ’ FOR 04

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2Mag_Spring04_TOC 3/3/04 7:11 PM Page 1

2CONTENTS S PR I N G 2004

PAGE 52

FEATURES

DEPARTMENTS & COLUMNS

36 THE 2 TRAVEL GUIDE: 15 EXCELLENT COUPLE ADVENTURES

52 SWEETIE, WANT TO RUN A BUSINESS TOGETHER?

10 FROM THE EDITOR GUY

Right here, on our home turf, we have amazing places to visit.

Here’s ample evidence

Believe it or not, going into biz with your loved one is doable

12 2MAIL

By Jane Doucet

My goodness, we already have letters!

57 MONEY + COUPLES = ARRRGH!

17 2LIST

Coping strategies for those who can’t be civil when discussing personal finance

+ What We Wish

By Hilary Davidson

18 THE IN-LAW DIARIES

+ What to check out & what to win

By Michele Sponagle 42 GET IT ON!

9 essential albums that will put both of you in the mood

Stay away from my panties!

By Kevin J. Siu 60 OPEN HOUSE 45 HOME SWEET HOME?

One couple’s first-time homebuying odyssey, plus tips for prospective homebuyers

By David Leach 6

2 M AGA Z I N E .CO M

SPRING 2004

Where 2 takes a look at real couples in their living spaces

20 TOTALLY FAMOUS TWOSOMES!

62 2 FASHION SHOOT: LAST CALL

24 LET’S COMPARE…

Couple trysts on a late night out

+ Instructions for Living

Reese & Ryan

PHOTOGRAPH BY CANDACE MEYER

2Mag_Spring04_TOC 3/3/04 7:12 PM Page 2

2CONTENTS CO N T I N U E D

PAGE 62

ADVICE 27 THE SPORTS PAGE

22 THE SEX PAGE

By Hailey Dai

75 I’M A PARENT—HOLY SH*T!

By Lezlie Lowe

26 ASK THE SMUG MARRIEDS

By Kate Stewart and Bret Dawson

76 DECOR

By Amanda Eaton

30 2REVIEWS

70 ASK THE FOODIE

By Amy Rosen + wine picks

78 YOUR HEALTH

By Jane Doucet

Film, music, TV, books, websites & gadgets

71 RECIPE FOR 2

Featuring… Jamie Oliver

79 PLASTIC SURGERY

By Dr. Marc DuPéré

How to get rid of spam, how to fix DVDs, and PC or Mac?

72 THE CAR GUY

By Michael Bettencourt

80 YOUR LOOK

By Rhonda Riche

82 THE AVERAGE COUPLE

74 ASK THE HEADHUNTER

By James Coburn

ON THE COVER: FROM BLISS: POSTCARDS OF COUPLES AND FAMILIES BY MARTIN PARR (CHRIS BOOT, 2003).

Your spring sports calendar, Roy Halladay, and more!

28 REWIND TO…

1987’s Appetite for Destruction

35 TECH TALK

Stats, jokes, lists 8

2 M AGA Z I N E .CO M

SPRING 2004

PHOTOGRAPH BY DAVID DREBIN

2Mag_Spring04_EditorsLetter 3/3/04 7:14 PM Page 1

FRO M T H E E DI TO R GU Y

WELCOME TO 2 You’re holding the very first issue of 2, the one-stop resource for you and your partner on sex, relationships, decor, careers, homes, cars, health, sports, travel, personal finance, style, plastic surgery, food/wine, pop culture, parenting and more.

2 magazine will not only entertain, but also inform, challenge and inspire couples. Anyone who’s ever been in a committed relationship knows how all-consuming they are— honestly, is there anything you spend more time thinking and obsessing about? (Well, other than someone else’s.)

Relationships can be absolutely wonderful things, but building and sustaining them is no walk in the park. There can be issues around sex, trust, money, setting up home, careers, in-laws(!), clashing tastes, starting a family, parenting philosophies, diverging interests/values, and… well, you get the point. 2 will provide friendly, accessible, honest guidance in those areas with advice columns galore, and features and profiles that will point you in new—and maybe even surprising—directions.

So what qualifies me to edit a magazine about couples?

Well, for one thing, I’m not some playboy or anything. What I am is: 1. a guy in a commited relationship (I’m 32, been married almost 10 years, have two young girls. Got hitched young, yes indeed, but hey, she was my high school sweetheart— I know, I know, too damn cute.); 2. a hard-core magazine guy (I love editing ’em, I love reading and looking at ’em!); 3. someone who’s always interested in enhancing my own relationship (this magazine has already been one heck of an education for me).

But enough about me. This is about you, the reader. We want 2 to be an interactive experience. The more input we get from couples, the better. We want to know what you liked and disliked. What you want to see more of—and less of.

What articles you’d like to see, what questions you’d like answered.

We’re also interested in hearing from couples who are willing to share their own stories/anecdotes/pictures (no homemade sex tapes, please, or we won’t get any work done!), whether they’re amusing, horrific or compelling. So email away at feedback@2magazine.com. We’re available on newsstands across the country, but if you would like to subscribe, (a) we love you, and (b) please call 416-932-5075 or email subscriptions@2magazine.com. For general info about 2, email info@2magazine.com.

Get ready for a terrific ride. We hope you’ll make 2 —the only magazine for couples—a big part of your life. Because when all is said and done, nothing is more important, really, than the connection you have with your partner.

See you again in June for our summer issue.

PAGE 36: AMAZING COUPLE ADVENTURES

SOME THINGS TO CHECK OUT THIS ISSUE One thing I learned from the Headhunter’s resume checklist: Omit “References available upon request.”

Until you’re through a few interview stages, “no one really cares,” he says. PAGE 74

One of the tips in “Home Sweet Home?” comes from a lawyer: “It’s important for first-time homebuyers to know that when they sign the offer and waive the conditions, there’s no going back.” PAGE 45

If personal finances are a source of friction in your relationship, our money piece might help prevent future $$$ squabbles. PAGE 57

So the friendly cashier rings your goods in at the grocery store and, doh!, the final tally (once again) nearly gives you a heart attack. Learn how to cut your costs. PAGE 70

Who did those nifty illustrations of our advice columnists throughout, as well as the ones for our travel piece (see pic above)? Shary Boyle (SHARYBOYLE.COM) .

49.5 percent of my car-driving friends lease, 49.5 percent own, 1 percent steal. Our Car Guy addresses the buy or lease question. PAGE 72

… AND SOME THINGS TO WIN THIS ISSUE Neil Morton, Editor-in-Chief ROOTS EQUINOX WATCHES, PAGE 12; AIR TRANSAT TRIP TO CUBA, PAGE 19; BODY SHOP DELUXE GIFT BASKETS, PAGE 26; JAMIE OLIVER ROASTING PAN, PAGE 71 10

2 M AGA Z I N E .CO M

SPRING 2004

ILLUSTRATION BY SHARY BOYLE

DON’T MISS AN ISSUE! SUBSCRIBE TO 2 MAGAZINE—WE’RE A CHEAP DATE AND WE’RE LOTS OF FUN!

NOW ALL-DIGITAL ON ISSUU AND IPAD IT’S THE MAGAZINE COUPLES ARE TALKING ABOUT: “We LOVE reading 2 and look forward to its arrival.”

—Emma & Trent, White Rock, B.C.

“We love reading 2 together; your magazine is tops!”

—S. Clarke & W. Phillips, Toronto

!

FREEUP SIGONW!!

N

“2 is the only magazine we sit down and enjoy together.”

—Danielle & Andres, London, Ont.

“We have different interests, yet 2 is something we read together!”

—Shannon & Matthew, Winnipeg

“Since getting 2, our relationship has changed for the better!”

—Steve & Susan, Moncton

FOR COUPLES MAGAZINE Want more 2? Get the 2 FOR COUPLES iPad app right now!

Plus, visit 2forcouples.com and “like” us on facebook.

2Mag_Spring04_Letters/Masthead 3/4/04 4:24 PM Page 1

X

2MAIL EMAIL: FEEDBACK@2MAGAZINE.COM FAX: 416-469-9616 SNAIL MAIL: LETTERS, 145 FRONT ST. E., SUITE 207, TORONTO, ON M5A 1E3 (Letters may be edited for length and clarity. Please include your full name, city/province and contact info. Thx!)

VOLUME 1, NUMBER 1 EDITOR-IN-CHIEF

Neil Morton neil@2magazine.com DEPUTY EDITOR

Naomi Kim naomi@2magazine.com ART DIRECTOR

This being our launch issue, we obviously don’t have any actual letters yet.

So here’s what people may or may not say about us, and some questions they might have. (After you’ve had a chance to go through the issue, let us know for real what you think.)

If I got married and divorced in, like, a little over 48 hours, would you say I was part of a couple?

— BRITNEY SPEARS

Editor’s Note: Yes, but a weird one.

2 is the feel-good hit of the spring!

— FILM CRITICS

— AVERAGE READER

— PROFESSIONAL HOCKEY PLAYER

Editor’s Note: Anyone who didn’t meet or get married on a reality-TV show.

Can I read you, too, given that you’re a lifestyle publication for couples?

Call us, too!

— SINGLE BUT LOOKING

— TOMMY & PAMELA

So are you guys ever going to put out a spin-off called 3 for people who are into threesomes?

I believe the world needs more 2. Can any one magazine make a difference?

Yes, 2 can. 2 already has. And 2 is the magazine to do it.

— BONO

Editor’s Note: Dog.

Are you guys going to do a TV version of your magazine?

My girlfriend and I have only been dating for three weeks. Does that qualify us as a couple?

— TV JUNKIE

Editor’s Note: Hmmmm, okay, if you’ve consummated your relationship, you’re a couple. Congrats!

Isn’t the turnover rate high in the mag publishing world, too?

— RESTAURANT BIZ

We’re so proud that you’re targeting couples with your content. Grandma and I have been together for 61 years.

— GRANDPA

Editor’s Note: We would love to! Email us at feedback@2magazine.com with your proposals.

I already read Vanity Fair, Adbusters, Lucky, GQ, Style At Home, This, Toronto Life, Us Weekly, The New Yorker, People, old Shifts, The Atlantic Monthly, Details, Real Simple, Nylon, The Face, and occasionally Colors and ESPN: The Magazine. What makes you think I’m going to have time for you?

— MAG JUNKIE

Editor’s Note: Methinks you’ll find time to squeeze in one more.

WIN A PAIR OF ROOTS WATCHES! IF YOUR LETTER IS CHOSEN “LETTER OF THE MONTH” NEXT ISSUE, YOU’LL RECEIVE HIS-AND-HERS ROOTS EQUINOX WATCHES (TOTAL VALUE: $250).

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2 M AGA Z I N E .CO M

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2 has three-month editorial internships available.

They are full-time and unpaid. If you are a university student or graduate with strong research and writing skills, send a cover letter and resume to internships@2magazine.com PRESIDENT/PUBLISHER

Diane Hall diane@2magazine.com Gerry Brown gerry@2magazine.com NATIONAL SALES

Joe White joe@2magazine.com Yvonne Xenidis yvonne@2magazine.com MARKETING & CREATIVE SERVICES MANAGER

Kristina Csondes kristina@2magazine.com CIRCULATION

Abacus Circulation Inc. SUBSCRIPTIONS

— KINKY READER

— GUY

WEB DESIGN

Pectopah pectopah.com

ASSOCIATE PUBLISHER

If you’re looking for a piece on the ramifications of couples who do sex videos that somehow end up all over the internet, give me a shout.

— PARIS HILTON

Editor’s Note: Why, of course. But you’d better be going on The Bachelor soon!

DIRECTOR OF PHOTOGRAPHY

Andrew Koningen andrew@2magazine.com

INTERNSHIPS

I noticed you guys have an “Average Couple” page. Just what is an “average couple” anyway?

You know, I’m sure 2 will give 110 percent every issue. You know, they just need to work hard and plug away, you know. Show character, you know. Work as a team, you know. You know?

Jaspal Riyait jaspal@2magazine.com

Subscription questions, orders & inquiries: email subscriptions@2magazine.com, visit 2magazine.com/subscriptions or call 416-932-5075 Change of address: circulation@2magazine.com GENERAL INQUIRIES

Email: info@2magazine.com Phone: 416-469-1429 Fax: 416-469-9616 2 occasionally makes its mailing list available to qualified advertisers and partners. Our privacy policy is available at 2magazine.com, or you may request a copy of the policy in writing. If you don’t want your name included, please email privacy@2magazine.com *This issue of 2 magazine was produced with the assistance of the “New Voices, New Visions” Volume One Program, an initiative of the Ontario Media Development Corporation.

Printed in Canada by Transcontinental RBW Graphics.

Distributed by Coast to Coast Newsstand Services Ltd. 2 magazine is published four times a year (Spring, Summer, Fall, Winter) by 2 For Life Media Inc., 145 Front St. E., Suite 207, Toronto, ON M5A 1E3. Phone: 416-469-1429.

Fax: 416-469-9616. Web: 2magazine.com Email: info@2magazine.com © 2004 2 For Life Media Inc. All rights reserved.

No part of this publication may be reproduced without the written permission of the publisher.

Publications Mail Agreement No. 40882580.

ISSN 1710-1050.

Return undeliverable Canadian addresses to: Circulation Department, 145 Front St. E., Suite 207, Toronto, ON M5A 1E3

2Mag_Spring04_Upfront 3/3/04 7:03 PM Page 1

2UPFRONT WHAT WE WISH… THAT THERE WAS A TIM HORTONS ON EVERY STREET CORNER THAT MOVIE TRAILERS STOP GIVING AWAY THE ENTIRE PLOT THAT TRUCKER HATS WOULD GO AWAY ONCE AND FOR ALL THAT ACTRESSES WOULD STOP PUTTING ON A DISAPPEARING ACT. CURVES, GIRLS, CURVES THAT GUYS WOULD STOP SHAVING THEIR CHESTS. TRIM, METROSEXUALS, TRIM THAT JON STEWART, MATT GROENING AND MICHAEL MOORE WOULD COME TO OUR SPRING BBQ

2LIST

By Michele Sponagle 1 BOY-STYLE BRIEFS HAVE APPARENTLY REPLACED THONGS AS THE UNDERGARMENT OF CHOICE FOR WOMEN. THIS COINCIDES WITH A 75 PERCENT DECREASE IN WEDGIES. 2 CANADIAN IDOL will be

returning to CTV this summer. Some critics have suggested renaming it “Battle of the Blands.” Canadian Blandstand, perhaps?

may be the reason WHY YOU DON’T LIKE EXERCISING . And you thought it was because you could end up looking like Richard Simmons.

4 The latest fashionable anger du jour is SPAM RAGE .

I have trouble opening the can with that stupid, little metal key, too.

5 The U.S. Secret Service probed rapper EMINEM’S LYRICS in the song “We Are

American” for its implied threat to the president. Now it’s formed a new task force to find who is the real Slim Shady.

3 Researchers in New

Zealand say that your mother’s poor prenatal nutrition

6 The FINAL EPISODE OF FRIENDS (May 6) is cloaked

in secrecy. Rumour has it though that Monica nitpicks, Joey utters something dumb, Ross acts like a dork, Chandler sips coffee, Phoebe misunderstands and Rachel’s hair looks great.

7 This fall, QUEER EYE FOR THE STRAIGHT GIRL is slated

to debut. Might the Canadian women’s curling team be available for a makeover?

8 Singer LAURYN HILL said during a performance at the Vatican that the church should repent for covering up sexual abuses. Church officials were furious. They felt $50 for a concert T was outrageous.

FLIGHT STATUS ARRIVAL

DEPARTURE

STANDBY

Hilary Duff . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Duff Beer . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Duffs Corners, Ontario Sake . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . , . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Khaki . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . NY Governor George Pataki Snoop Dogg as Huggy Bear . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Hip-huggers . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Huggies

ILLUSTRATION BY FELLOW DESIGNERS

THAT GOOGLE WOULD DO THOSE BRILLIANT COMMEMORATIVE LOGOS EVERY DAY. (SEE GOOGLE.COM/HOLIDAYLOGOS.HTML) THAT DOGS DIDN’T POOP. THE ONLY THING WORSE THAN DOG DOODIE IS BABY DOODIE THAT PEOPLE WOULDN’T TRIM THEIR NAILS ON PUBLIC TRANSPORTATION THAT SOMEONE—ANYONE— COULD SOLVE NORTH AMERICA’S OBESITY CRISIS THAT HOTMAIL WOULD REVERT TO ITS OLD LOOK THAT ALL CUBICLES WOULD BE TORN DOWN. CUBICLES ARE EVIL THAT CANADA’S JESSE PALMER SCORES ON THE BACHELOR THAT BARBIE AND KEN WOULD WORK THINGS OUT THAT MAGAZINES DIDN’T RUN SO MANY LISTS. (OOPS, BUSTED.)

SPRING 2004

2 M AGA Z I N E .CO M

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2Mag_Spring04_Upfront 3/3/04 7:03 PM Page 2

2UPFRONT

THE IN-LAW DIARIES

DECEMBER 5, 2003

FEBRUARY 1, 2004

MY MOTHER-IN-LAW CLEANS MY UNDERWEAR DRAWER

WE TALK ABOUT ABSOLUTELY NOTHING (AGAIN) AT DINNER

My mother-in-law strikes again. In my bedroom, normally messy dresser drawers are now lined with neatly folded T-shirts and sweaters.

My mind goes to the unthinkable— please not my underwear drawer. That drawer is an unspoken safe haven where underneath the Fruit of the Looms hides a woman’s most intimate things: G-strings, K-Y Jelly, vibrator, you name it. If you don’t want anyone else to see it, chances are you put it in there. My heart sinks: I find lacy thongs carefully folded into tiny squares and stacked in neat rows. My padded bras are arranged perfectly with the straps tucked in behind.

The K-Y sits untouched at the back but in plain view.

My neighbours must be able to hear me scream.

I am horrified, but not surprised. Under the pretence of

being helpful, my motherin-law remakes our bed the “right” way after we leave for work. She grabs a broom and starts sweeping the floor when she pops by for a visit.

Without asking, she does our laundry. She shares the size and shape of my panties with my husband’s friends—apparently she’s never seen anything so small.

A friend of mine thinks I should be thankful that someone would clean my house for me. I wish it was that simple. Call it foolish pride but I just don’t want my mother-in-law playing Molly Maid. Gestures like that are rarely free. You end up paying for it somehow.

Maybe I should do some cleaning over at her house.

I would love to see her reaction when she finds her pillow-case-size undies rearranged in her drawer.

Had dinner at the in-laws tonight—a.k.a. the Shrine.

Pictures of my husband line each and every wall. His room sits untouched from the glory days of university—or, in his mother’s case, the glory days of when he last lived at home.

I’m surprised it’s not roped off to the public.

I sit on the couch thinking of the roast that has probably been in the oven for close to four hours. I give my hubby a nudge to go rescue it. Somebody needs to explain to my in-laws that meat doesn’t need to be cooked beyond recognition to make it safe to eat.

We sit down to dinner and I get sucked into Pleasantville once again. His mom, sounding overly-concerned, exclaims, “Did you know they’re calling for cloudy skies all week?!” Before anyone can reply, she asks her son, “How’s your meat,

darling? Do you want more?”

And then, “Got a letter from Carol today. Her kidney stones are back—that poor woman.”

In my own family, I might try to steer the conversation to thoughts on global warming or our deteriorating health-care system. But conversations like that with my in-laws mean controversy, and controversy makes them totally uncomfortable. Instead, I keep things as banal as possible: “Hey, did you hear that toilet paper is on sale at the superstore?”

Still, my words are forced.

And it shows. Not even the $6 bottle of wine can mask the tension at the table anymore. So much for being one of the family. For now, I’ll take comfort in the fact that we do have one very important thing in common: We both love their son.

HAVE YOUR OWN IN-LAW ANECDOTES? EMAIL US AT FEEDBACK@2MAGAZINE.COM • STAY TUNED FOR MORE OF THE WRITER’S IN-LAW ADVENTURES.

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PHOTOGRAPHS BY CATHERINE DEAN

2Mag_Spring04_Upfront 3/3/04 7:04 PM Page 5

2UPFRONT

THE SEX PAGE

BY H A I L EY DA I

HAILEY, MY PARTNER AND I HAVE BEEN LIVING TOGETHER FOR THREE YEARS, AND THINGS ARE GETTING KINDA BORING IN THE BEDROOM. HOW DO WE SPICE THINGS UP? There are two things you must do. Take your habit hat off and put your thinking cap on. What have you always wanted to try? No time like a stale time to bust out a little nurse-and-patient role playing or to have sex in the washroom at a crowded party. Communicate with your partner to discover their hidden desires and open your mind as far as Paris Hilton opens her legs (er… when doing yoga, I mean).

Take the time to rediscover each other and break any old sexual habits you’ve fallen into—change the time, the place and the way you have sex. Why not pick up a great little book called Position of the Day: Sex Every Day in Every Way (Chronicle Books, 2003). Be warned, though, that some

HAILEY, I’VE BEEN SEXUALLY ACTIVE FOR TEN YEARS AND WITH MY HUBBY FOR FIVE OF THOSE YEARS. I’VE NEVER HAD AN ORGASM. ANY TIPS? The first thing to know is that your man has nothing to do with this; he can be the best of the best at whatever he’s doing but it might not be the best for you. Try to get to orgasm alone. That’s right, begin with masturbation because no one knows what feels right better than you. And once you know, you’ll be better equipped to guide your partner. Find time when you know you won’t be interrupted. Grab some lubricant, a racy book, and a vibrator, if desired, then lie back and get uninhibited. There are different ways to get to the “oooh” point, and you have to be patient—you might not get it on the first couple tries.

For detailed instructions,

I recommend Georgia Kline-Graber and Benjamin Graber’s Woman’s Orgasm: A Guide to Sexual Satisfaction (Time Warner Books, 1988) and Betty Dodson’s Sex for One: The Joy of Selfloving (Crown, reissued 1996).

HAILEY, I’VE BEEN A PORN CONNOISSEUR FOR YEARS, BUT RECENTLY MY GIRLFRIEND MOVED IN. WILL SHE FREAK IF I ASK HER TO WATCH WITH ME? Men have a very strong response to visual stimulation. Women, on the other hand, are more responsive to the things they hear. Does this mean that we don’t enjoy a little porn every now and again? Of course not! Have you run the idea by your girlfriend? It may be a non-issue. But if she’s new to the art of “watching,” make sure you stay open with her and ensure she’s comfortable. As you know, the genres of porn are endless: You can find practically anything out there

DID YOU KNOW… THE G-SPOT WAS NAMED AFTER ITS DISCOVERER, DR. ERNST GRAFENBERG, WHO FIRST DESCRIBED IT IN 1944.

from plot-driven soft porn to hard-core fetish films.

Discover what type gets her going. If she doesn’t like any kind, it will just have to be something that you do solo.

And really, is that so bad?

HAILEY’S QUICK SEX TIPS

1 To get yourself in the mood, eat aphrodisiacs such as oysters, bananas, avocados and chocolate.

2 If you want to get “messy” during sex play (whipped cream, chocolate sauce, etc.), Sue McGarvie, a registered sex therapist, suggests buying a cheap drop cloth to cover your bed.

3 To clean sex toys, use antibacterial soap and warm water. Rinse thoroughly!

4 If you have constructive criticism for your partner about their “methods” in bed, always talk about it when you’re fully clothed—not in the middle of sex!

5 For a lovely dry massage, use an edible powder. Makes cleaning up fun and yummy.

HAILEY DAI IS A YOUNG WOMAN LIVING IN A COMMITTED RELATIONSHIP. SHE QUITE ENJOYS SEX.

A FEW SUGGESTIONS FROM THE BOOK POSITION OF THE DAY. YOU MIGHT WANT TO STRETCH FIRST.

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EMAIL YOUR SEX-RELATED QUESTIONS TO ADVICE@2MAGAZINE.COM

ILLUSTRATION BY FELLOW DESIGNERS

BOOK: COURTESY OF CHRONICLE BOOKS

of the positions are physically impossible; have a great time trying to prove me wrong.

2Mag_Spring04_Upfront 3/2/04 8:41 PM Page 2

2UPFRONT

TOTALLY FAMOUS TWOSOMES! R E ES E AND RYAN

—Earl Dittman

ON WHY THEY DON’T HAVE BIG, HUGE SWOLLEN HEADS: RYAN SAYS… “We both come from small-town families and maintain a lot of those values.

So we’re not all caught up in the LA scene. Our careers are important to us, but we have a family. That’s our real priority.”

REESE SAYS… “I simply refuse to get caught up in all of the glamour and hype of working in show business. I love acting, but it’s just my job.

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2 M AGA Z I N E .CO M

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My family comes first. In the scheme of things, there’s more important things in life than worrying about a bad hair day or making sure you look good for the paparazzi.”

ON WHETHER THEY GET JEALOUS OF EACH OTHER’S SUCCESSES: REESE SAYS… “We are each other’s best allies. When one of us is doing great, we’re both doing great. We don’t let egos get involved with everyday life.”

RYAN SAYS… “To be honest, I love the fact that my wife makes so much more money than most men in Hollywood.

And I get a kick out of being married to ‘America’s Sweetheart.’ I really do. I think it’s cool.”

ON TABLOIDS THAT REPORT THEIR MARRIAGE IS ON THE ROCKS: RYAN SAYS… “All that tabloid stuff comes with the territory, but luckily the trade-off is we are still able to have a great life. And we are probably more connected now than we’ve ever been. That’s because you rely on your mate to be your rock when everyone else is so fake or when everyone is just after you for your money or your earning potential…. We’ve been together for seven years [they met at Reese’s 21st b-day party] and married for almost five. I think we’ve broken some kind of record for the longest time a Hollywood couple has stayed together without mentioning the term ‘irreconcilable differences.’ And it feels good.”

REESE SAYS… “Listen, just because other people are

breaking up, it doesn’t mean we’re going to go break up— we love each other way too much. So neither of us is going anywhere. Plus I’m not as good at changing diapers as Ryan is; he can change one in seconds flat. So I need that man around!”

ON MAKING TIME FOR THE LITTLE ONES: RYAN SAYS… “Even with Reese being such a huge movie star, we refuse to put our careers before our children’s lives.

That’s why we won’t let them be raised by nannies. We want to be active parents. We don’t want to raise kids by correspondence or as a hobby….

I’ve already taught our kids a hundred nursery rhymes and all the songs from the musi-

cal Annie. That’s why I don’t mind it when Reese calls me Mr. Mom or the Sitcom Daddy.”

REESE SAYS… “Whenever Ryan’s working, I am the primary parent and whenever I am working, he’s the primary parent, so we always travel together. We try to set as much normalcy as we can. I don’t ever want to rob a child of mine of their childhood, because it is so important to what kind of person they’ll be in the future. You can do anything you want if you’re willing to work hard enough for it. We both want to have great acting careers and have a wonderful family—and be proud of both of them. I don’t think that’s too much to ask for, do you?”

YOU MIGHT HAVE SEEN THEM IN… REESE WITHERSPOON Legally Blonde 2 (2003), Sweet Home Alabama (2002), The Importance of Being Earnest (2002), Legally Blonde (2001), American Psycho (2000), Election (1999), Cruel Intentions (1999), Pleasantville (1998), A Far Off Place (1993), The Man in the Moon (1991) RYAN PHILLIPPE Igby Goes Down (2002), Gosford Park (2001), AntiTrust (2001), The Way of the Gun (2000), Cruel Intentions (1999), 54 (1998), I Know What You Did Last Summer (1997), White Squall (1996), Crimson Tide (1995)

REESE PLAYS HARD-TO-GET IN CRUEL INTENTIONS, HER FIRST FILM TOGETHER WITH RYAN.

THIS PAGE: COURTESY OF SONY PICTURES. OPPOSITE PAGE: GETTY IMAGES.

Reese Witherspoon and Ryan Phillippe have got it all, right? They’re successful (she’s in the upcoming English costume drama Vanity Fair, he’s in the upcoming crime drama Crash), they’re famous (Us Weekly et al. love putting these American Sweethearts on their covers), they’re stinkin’ rich (she made a reported $15 mil on Legally Blonde 2), they’re young (he’s 29, she’s 28) and they’re beautiful (remember how cute they were together in Cruel Intentions?).

But as a Hollywood couple only four years into their marriage and with two young kids (Ava and Deacon), it ain’t easy being under the paparazzi microscope 24/7. Here’s Reese and Ryan on how the heck they manage.

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NO KIDDING...

“WE’VE BROKEN SOME KIND OF RECORD FOR THE LONGEST TIME A HOLLYWOOD COUPLE HAS STAYED TOGETHER WITHOUT MENTIONING THE TERM ‘IRRECONCILABLE DIFFERENCES,’” SAYS RYAN.

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2UPFRONT

LET’S COMPARE… HOM E MAK EOVE R S HOWS

WHO SAYS WATCHING DECOR SHOWS IS JUST FOR WOMEN AND GAY MEN? THEY CAN PROVIDE A PERFECTLY ENJOYABLE EVENING FOR ANY TWOSOME. —Dré Dee WHILE YOU WERE OUT

(HGTV)

CAST

Ted Allen, Kyan Douglas, Thom Filicia, Carson Kressley, Jai Rodriguez

Chris Hyndman, Steven Sabados

John Bruce, Andrew Dan-Jumbo, Evan Farmer, Leslie Segrete and more

Paige Davis, Ty Pennington, Hildi Santo-Tomas and more

PREMISE

A team of stylish urbanites makeover the world

Design advice from two male fabulons

Spouses (or kids or roommates) surprise their partners (or parents or roommates) with a redecorated room

Neighbours redecorate each other’s rooms

FOR HER

What’s not to like?

Five gorgeous men completely restyle your house and de-frump your man to boot

Proto-Canadian gents (read: not quite as fabu as the Queer Eye guys, but more polite).

This time, you’ll get all the attention (and a gorgeous new room)

Imagine: You can kick your husband out for two days without feeling guilty (and hope he likes the Egyptian spa room)

You know the neighbour who’s always ogling your man? Wouldn’t a feathered wall courtesy of you and Hildi be the sweetest revenge?

Who knew that five gay men and a pair of cowhide chairs could rekindle your girl’s flame?

Learn that two men can argue over a reno project and not pull nail guns on each other (or call each other “bitch”)

Imagine: Even though you came back from that free luxury fishing trip to an Egyptian spa room, at least you got to go fishing

Hot girls with power tools. And good news: there is a use for your milk-crate coffee table!

BEFORE

AFTER

BEFORE

AFTER

BEFORE

AFTER

BEFORE

AFTER

2 M AGA Z I N E .CO M

SPRING 2004

HOW TO TELL A GOOD LIE (FOR TWO)

(TLC)

(TLC)

LESSON #1 FROM TRADING SPACES: TRY TO BE NICE TO YOUR NEIGHBOURS.

24

TRADING SPACES

Sure, honesty can be a good policy, but what to do when a dose of the truth just won’t suffice? First, keep it simple.

Forget the Pulitzer-calibre plot twists and confusing meta-narratives. The next time those boring neighbours want to get together for an equally boring evening, don’t bog down with a tall tale about an aunt at death’s doorstep: You have plans.

Next, believe the lie. As Seinfeld’s George Costanza once said, “It’s not a lie if you believe it.” So take time to cover all possible angles: If you said you were going away for the weekend, where to?

Do you have any funny stories about the trip? And get your stories straight. Nothing blows the cover of cooperative deception like a he-saidshe-said variation on the facts.

Then, when his visiting mother notices the absence of the lovely “art” she sent, the two of you can stand together as a united fabricating front with your lost-in-the-move alibi.

It’s also a good idea to establish a shared signal—a hidden nudge or covert nod— to get cooperation in the event of an unplanned lie. Again, keep this simple—leave the elaborate series of quirks and ticks on the baseball diamond where they belong.

Finally, use your lies sparingly and stick to those of the little white variety. Don’t lie about other people. Don’t lie to each other. And, most importantly, don’t get caught.

—Lori Seymour

COURTESY OF TLC

DESIGNER GUYS

FOR HIM

QUEER EYE FOR THE STRAIGHT GUY (Bravo)

INSTRUCTIONS FOR LIVING:

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2UPFRONT

ASK THE SMUG MARRIEDS

BY K AT E S T EWA RT A N D B R E T DAWS O N

GUYS, I JUST MOVED IN WITH MY GIRLFRIEND. WE’VE BEEN TOGETHER FOR OVER A YEAR AND HAVE NEVER REALLY FOUGHT. NOW ALL OF A SUDDEN I FIND EVERYTHING SHE DOES TOTALLY ANNOYING (48 BUCKS ON FASHION MAGAZINES?!?). I THINK SHE FEELS THE SAME WAY ABOUT ME GIVEN THE LECTURE I GOT ABOUT NOT WIPING THE KITCHEN COUNTER. ARE WE DUST?

too! So when it came time to show off my chops over the stove, I dreamed up a little concoction involving cocoa-infused brown rice.

Over top, I served sautéed scallops in Clamato sauce.

It tasted like 12 layers of ass.

Kate did not like eating it.

I did not like eating it either.

She was too polite to say it tasted like 12 layers of ass and I was too full of Grade 7 pride to just frickin’ dump it in the garbage and order something Thai instead.

And I felt small and humbled inside. Are we, I asked myself, dust? Looking back, the answer is clear: Of course not, you wanker.

What is the lesson here?

each other and glaring for the first week we lived together, after sustaining an impressive dewy and doeeyed phase in our relationship. If you’ve been together for a full year and never once had a proper drag-’emout, hold-no-prisoners yelling match, there is probably something you’re not telling each other—like how you hate scallops boiled in Clamato sauce.

The luxury of being able to slink back to your own place to stew and steam and repress all those pent-up resentments over niggling slights is gone. Now you actually have to talk to each other.

“IF YOU’VE NEVER ONCE HAD A PROPER DRAG-’EM-OUT, HOLD-NO-PRISONERS YELLING MATCH, THERE IS PROBABLY SOMETHING YOU’RE NOT TELLING EACH OTHER,” SAYS KATE.

BRET SAYS… Yes. Yes, you are totally dust. As Kansas once said, “All we are is dust in the wind.” Maybe you should try singing some Kansas to your girlfriend. That usually snaps chicks out of a funk and makes them glad to see you.

Okay, here’s the deal.

When Kate and I first moved in together, I thought it would be good to impress her with my command of the kitchen. The way to a woman’s heart being through her stomach and all that.

Once, I had some really good chili where the secret ingredient was two squares of unsweetened chocolate.

It was a revelation: Hey, chocolate doesn’t have to be sweet. It can be savoury,

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Quit being such a wanker and go order something Thai instead.

KATE SAYS… Are you dust? Not if you do something about this fast. When Bret and I moved in together, I personally felt like killing him about five minutes into the whole deal.

Let me guess: She puts her toothbrush too close to yours on the bathroom shelf. She doesn’t put her shoes in the closet. She doesn’t notice when you put her shoes in the closet for her time and time again.

You say you’ve never really fought. Bret and I communicated pretty much exclusively by snapping at

Bottom line: Stop your passive-aggressive moping.

If it really bugs you that she’s never the one to let the cat out in the morning, you should say so. You’re being petty but at least you can say it out loud, and it will give her a chance to tell you how annoying you’re being too. There. Now you know how to fight. Enjoy never having to eat that crap again.

BRET DAWSON ENJOYS (A) KATE, (B) TEACHING HIS YOUNG DAUGHTER TO PLAY VIDEOGAMES, AND (C) EATING SPOONFULS OF HOT SAUCE OVER THE SINK. KATE STEWART IS THE WIFE OF BRET AND MOTHER TO SAID YOUNG DAUGHTER. SHE ADORES THEM BUT IS AMBIVALENT ABOUT BOTH THE HOT SAUCE TRICK AND THE VIDEOGAMES.

EMAIL OUR SMUG MARRIEDS AT ADVICE@2MAGAZINE.COM

BRET’S REALLY BAD RECIPE 2 CUPS WHITE RICE 4 CUPS CHICKEN STOCK (A.K.A. 4 CUPS WATER WITH 1 OXO CUBE) 4 TBSP COCOA 1 LB SMALL BAY SCALLOPS 2 TBSP BUTTER 2 CUPS CLAMATO Put rice in pot. Add chicken stock and cocoa, then stir. Put on high heat until it boils. When it does, reduce heat to low and put lid on pot. When all liquid has been absorbed, remove from heat and spoon onto plates.

Heat butter in a frying pan.

Add small bay scallops and sauté until brown/black. Keep heat on high and pour in the Clamato.

Boil until remaining liquid is very thick. Pour over rice.

Serve immediately.

Or don’t.

2’S GREAT GIVEAWAY! Have you created a meal for your partner that bombed worse than Bret’s did? Then email us the details at feedback@2magazine.com.

The two worst meals chosen win a Body Shop unisex bath & body gift basket (total value: $150).

ILLUSTRATION BY FELLOW DESIGNERS

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2UPFRONT

THE SPORTS PAGE WHAT TO WATCH

2 QUESTIONS FOR…

LOVE MATCH

YOUR CALENDAR OF MUST-SEE SPORTING EVENTS

ROY HALLADAY, TORONTO BLUE JAYS’ ACE PITCHER

WHO’S THE BETTERMATCHED TENNIS COUPLE— ANDRE AGASSI AND STEFFI GRAF OR KIM CLIJSTERS AND LLEYTON HEWITT? 2 FINDS OUT. —Mike Dojc

MARCH 25 TO 28

Kraft Nabisco Championship Tournament Eat KD and Wheat Thins while watching pro women’s golf.

APRIL 3 AND 5

NCAA Final Four By now you’ll have a good idea of how you fared in your pool.

APRIL 5 TO 11

Masters Tournament Will Mike Weir be da man again?

APRIL 7

NHL playoffs begin Pick a Canadian team. Cheer’em on.

APRIL 17

NBA playoffs begin Let’s hope the Raps are part of it.

APRIL 19

AGASSI/GRAF: GETTY IMAGES. HALLADAY: COURTESY OF UPPER DECK.

Boston Marathon Bet you’re tired just thinking about it.

MAY 21

Happy 100th Birthday, FIFA! See the-100.com MAY 24 TO JUNE 6

French Open Where players get dirty on clay.

MAY 30

Indianapolis 500 Watch it for the speed, not the accidents.

DESTINY? ANDRE AGASSI AND STEFFI GRAF IN 1992, YEARS BEFORE THEY HOOKED UP. DOC’S 2003 BASEBALL CARD.

Between flying to Toronto to sign a $42-million (US) contract with the Jays and taking off to New York to receive the 2003 Cy Young Award, Roy “Doc” Halladay made a quick stop near Dunedin, Florida, (his offseason home) to talk to 2.

YOU’VE ACCOMPLISHED SO MUCH ALREADY AND YOU’RE ONLY 27.

WHAT’S YOUR SECRET? “I think that I just matured a little quicker. I’ve never really enjoyed a whole lot of nightlife or anything like that. I’m kind of just laid-back and enjoy the family thing. I think that’s a little more me and it keeps me out of a lot of trouble and gives me more time to focus on family and baseball.”

WHAT IS YOUR MAIN HOUSE CHORE? “I do the dishes. I don’t know how I got stuck doing them. I don’t mind it but I could always find something else to be doing.”

PASSION AGASSI / GRAF

CLIJSTERS / HEWITT

“It makes me kind of run a little bit quicker because I feel like a stud.”

-Agassi

“Watching Kim affects me.

I want her to win every time she steps on the court.”

-Hewitt

POINT AGASSI / GRAF PERFORMANCE AGASSI / GRAF

CLIJSTERS / HEWITT

Since Graf came into his life, Agassi has won 4 Grand Slams.

Since Hewitt came into her life, Clijsters has won 17 WTA titles.

DEUCE EERIE SIMILARITY AGASSI / GRAF

CLIJSTERS / HEWITT

Both won 4 Australian Opens.

Both weigh 150 lbs.

POINT CLIJSTERS / HEWITT GOSSIP AGASSI / GRAF

CLIJSTERS / HEWITT

A tennis promoter reportedly offered them $10 million to have their first-born child (if female) play in a tennis tournament in 2017.

Their relationship according to thewaxconspiracy.com: “One that drains power and determination from one to feed the other.”

POINT AGASSI / GRAF THE RALLIES WERE LONG AND HEATED, BUT IN THE END AGASSI AND GRAF HAD BETTER CHEMISTRY, WINNING 3 SETS TO 2.

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REWIND TO… 1987 GUNS N’ ROSES: APPETITE FOR DESTRUCTION Everybody loved “Sweet Child O’ Mine,” but among real Guns N’ Roses heads, you had your southern refried rock-lovin’ “Paradise City” camp and your freakydeaky “Mr. Brownstone” camp. It was “Welcome to the Jungle” that brought me to my kn-kn-kn-kn-kn-knknees every single time. Sure, in the 17 years since, Axl got bloated and Botox-y, Slash went bluesy and “Jungle” became hockey arena fodder, but if you ever want to get your Appetite on, there’s always Li’l Gn’r—the first GN’R kids tribute band (lilgnr.com).

—Kevin J. Siu

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12

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Welcome to the Jungle It’s So Easy Nightrain Out Ta Get Me Mr. Brownstone Paradise City My Michelle Think About You Sweet Child O’ Mine You’re Crazy Anything Goes Rocket Queen

2 M AGA Z I N E .CO M

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POSTER: COURTESY OF JUSTIN RIDGEWAY

GN’R’S POTENT LINEUP

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DVDs

BY K EV I N J. S I U

(Paramount) Sublimely cast as a failed musician/faux substitute teacher who leads his prepubescent charges into a “battle of the bands,” Jack Black channels both his over-the-top Tenacious D rocker and his manic inner child, and his kids, mostly non-actors, turn out to be the perfect foils. Rarely resorting to cutesy, School of Rock takes a no-brainer funny premise and brings it to its logical conclusion. Which sounds like faint praise, but when Black orchestrates his Mini-Pops into an impromptu rendition of “Smoke on the Water,” you’re pumping your fist like a total sucker. B

KILL BILL: VOLUME 1 (Miramax) It’s ostensibly a revenge tale: The Bride (Uma Thurman, enjoyably nasty) hunts down her former colleagues after they ambush her wedding, shoot her in the head, and leave her and her unborn baby for dead. But Kill Bill is really writer/director Quentin Tarantino’s ambitious stab at spinning his favourite ’70s trash genres into high art. He almost succeeds, too. There’s enough fake blood to induce a spike in Heinz stock and the result is just as often cartoon-

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ish as gross. Yet, even as your stomach churns with each lopped limb, you’re taken with how stylish all this carnage is. Only Tarantino could make a movie so blithely derivative and empty, and whip it into one of the year’s most breathtaking spectacles. B+

trable city, director Sofia Coppola just nails that sad, lonely, bittersweet thing.

And despite its high potential ick-factor, she never allows their odd-couple relationship to feel anything less than the most touching thing in the world. A

LOST IN TRANSLATION

THE OFFICE

(Focus) As kindred strangers in Tokyo, Bill Murray is his reliable, rumpled self and Scarlett Johansson breaks your heart, but the real star of Lost in Translation is the mood.

Whether sweeping gorgeously over neon lights, sneaking a close-up on Murray warbling through “More Than This,” or simply tracking Johansson as she’s alternately seduced and alienated by an impene-

(BBC Video) It’s all here: the favouritism, the politicking, the excruciating team-building, the boss’s unfunny sex-’n’-potty jokes, the soul-deadeningness of it all. The best TV show you’ve probably never seen (it airs on BBC Canada), The Office mines the same biting, deadpan workplace humour as The Larry Sanders Show and The Newsroom, but there’s zero glamour at the Slough branch

SCARLETT JOHANSSON TURNS ON HER MELANCHOLIC CHARM IN LOST IN TRANSLATION.

of Wernham Hogg (“paper merchants”). Manager David Brent (co-creator Ricky Gervais) is spineless, ineffectual and totally clueless, and his staff has basically given up, finding their marginal pleasures in drink, practical jokes and the half-hearted possibility that they’ll one day get out. It’s cynical, dark and depressing. It’s also funny as hell. A+

SHATTERED GLASS (Lions Gate) The real-life tale of Stephen Glass, the young star writer at The New Republic who was busted for fictionalizing 27 articles, Shattered Glass provides a surprisingly legit peek into magazine culture.

Peter Sarsgaard is appropriately harried as his embattled editor, and Hayden Christensen as Glass suggests there’s life after Anakin—at least as a studlier Tobey Maguire wannabe. Though you’re still left wondering what Glass was thinking, ultimately the movie is buoyed by a great, true story. As it turns out, Glass managed to manufacture a great, true, appalling ending, too: He published The Fabulist, a novel about a young Washington journalist who happens to be a pathological liar. B-

FILM STILL: COURTESY OF FOCUS FEATURES

SCHOOL OF ROCK

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CDs

BY K EV I N J. S I U

KYLIE BODY LANGUAGE

(Capitol)

PHANTOM PLANET PHANTOM PLANET

(Epic)

AIR TALKIE WALKIE

(Astralwerks)

The closest Body Language comes to a “Can’t Get You Out of My Head”-sized pop monster is the slinky single “Slow,” but that’s not a bad thing. Instead of trying to rehash her cash cow, Kylie takes a page from Justin and updates the dance-soul of Michael Jackson, Prince and Lisa Lisa & Cult Jam. Of course, given that Kylie was actually around back in the ’80s, maybe this album is atonement for “The Loco-motion.” B+

The bad news: There’s nothing on Phantom Planet that sounds like “California,” The O.C. theme song Phantom Planet does. The good news: Their newly rawer sound is something Seth Cohen (you O.C. heads know what I’m talking about) would totally approve of.

Fitting comfortably into the Hollywood-fashionable retro-CBGBs rock landscape, songs like “Big Brat” and “By the Bed” come off admirably as a more ambitious, if less tuneful, Strokes. B-

After their atmospheric soundtrack work for Lost in Translation, Air returns to the electronic-acoustic space pop of Moon Safari —kind of. The tunes are less immediate and come off initially as weightless and meandering—too much ambience, not enough good eatin’.

But after a few listens, the robotic swoon of songs like “Run” becomes strangely magnetic. B+

BLONDIE THE CURSE OF BLONDIE

(Sanctuary)

LAMBCHOP AW CMON/NO YOU CMON

(Merge)

TLC NOW & FOREVER: THE HITS

(La Face)

Considering their four biggest hits (“Heart of Glass,” “Tide Is High,” “Rapture,” “Call Me”) tapped four completely different sounds (disco, reggae, hip hop, new wave), it’s a bummer to find Blondie settling for by-the-numbers synth-rock on their latest comeback album. With the exception of the spry electrostomper “Good Boys,” Curse’s few notable moments (“Background Melody,” “Hello Joe”) emerge when they locate their once-trademark chameleonic mojo. C+

Okay, yes, Wilco’s Yankee Hotel Foxtrot was good but it wasn’t the be-all of so-called alt-country. Lambchop, a baker’s dozen-plus ensemble led by the genuine Nashvillian Kurt Wagner, also stretches the twang, but as much toward jazz and mid-’70s symphonic R&B as toward college rock dissonance. Wisely picking up from 2000’s Nixon instead of 2002’s limp Is a Woman, this two-album double-opus has many highlights, including “Sunrise” and “Steve McQueen.” A

It’s easy to forget that TLC ruled the girl-group throne for almost a decade. But from the hip-hop funk of “Ain’t 2 Proud 2 Beg” to the smooth “Waterfalls,” it’s easy to hear why: They deftly adapted to the style du jour without ever sacrificing personality.

Unfortunately, Now & Forever omits Left Eye’s Missyesque solo single “The Block Party,” which is easily more exciting than any of the tracks here from their last record, 3D. B

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TV

BOOKS

BY M I C H E L E S PO NAG L E

ELIMIDATE (Warner Bros.)

Premise: A singleton spends time simultaneously with three dates who try to outdo each other by being the most provocative or charming; the dates are then ditched one by one.

Best described as: Four’s Company Reality check: Unless you’re Hugh Hefner or a contortionist with Cirque du Soleil, it’s unlikely that you’d be dating three people at once.

If only… no one got rejected

and they could all stay together by moving to Utah. B-

PERFECT MATCH (Life) Premise: A panel of judges (i.e., a relationship expert plus two people trusted by the featured singleton) weed through 30 potential mates, chuck 27, and then the leftovers move in with said singleton for one week each.

Panel gives earnest advice throughout. Singleton picks the suitor who did not leave toothpaste blobs in the sink.

Best described as: American Idol plays Cupid Reality check: It’s so true to life—except for the part where a suitor moves in just 30 minutes after the previous one—that it might be too sincere for TV. If only… the panel would lighten up and dress like the

members of ABBA. C

BLIND DATE (Warner Bros.)

Premise: Two strangers, sometimes obviously mismatched for sick kicks, spend the day doing things they’d never even dream of doing (ceramics or cake decorating) while smart-ass (and often very funny) comments fill the screen.

Best described as: Pop-Up Video meets The Dating Game Reality check: Not even your wittiest friends could come up with zingers like those from Therapist Joe and Obvious Guy. It takes a crack writing team headed by the ghost of Chris Farley.

If only… someone would mess up host Roger Lodge’s hair enough so that he no longer resembled a Ken Doll. AMATCHMAKER (Life) Premise: Host Andrew Anthony spends the entire episode with his butt glued in the back of a limo with the singleton’s friend and makes inane observations as they watch the date crash and burn on closed-circuit TV. Best described as: Driving Mr. Lazy Reality check: It’s a bit odd watching a pal work some intimate moves on a potential mate. Can you imagine seeing your next-door neighbour tweeze his nose hairs and calling it entertainment?

Me neither.

If only… that limo sped down the street and flew over a bus while in flames.

Now that’s good TV. C-

CONTESTANTS ON ELIMIDATE. OH, TO BE SINGLE AGAIN… ACTUALLY, NAH.

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PLEASE CHECK YOUR LOCAL LISTINGS FOR CHANNEL /AIRTIME

BUSINESS/ CURRENT EVENTS

THE CORPORATION Joel Bakan (Viking Canada) Joel Bakan, a UBC law prof, sets up a parallel between the actions and behaviour of a corporation and those of a psychopathic personality that is all too appropriate to dismiss. The Corporation is well researched and complements a well-received documentary film by the same title. A COOKING

FOOD THAT ROCKS Margie Lapanja and Cindy Coverdale (Conari Press) This eclectic combination featuring recipes from a variety of musical personalities is co-authored by Cindy Coverdale, wife of Whitesnake founder David Coverdale.

With everything from “Seared Hawaiian Ahi with Japanese Salsa” to “Crème de la Crème Brulée” from the likes of Sarah McLachlan and Billy Corgan, the variety is wide and entertaining, and includes brief bios and interviews. B FICTION

BEGINNING OF WAS Ania Szado (Penguin Canada) In her debut novel, Ania Szado weaves the sympathetic story of Marta Fett, a young mother left broken by the tragic deaths of her daughter and alcoholic husband. Finding herself on the steps of a Toronto church, Marta observes the lives of others and learns about the ties that bind and the ways they can be severed. B+

ELIMIDATE: COURTESY OF TELEPICTURES PRODUCTIONS

IN GREAT NUMBERS, AMUSED AND EMPATHETIC COUPLES TURN TO REALITY DATING SHOWS TO WATCH LOVE BOOM OR BUST. BUT WHICH ONES REALLY DELIVER THE GOODS?

BY M EGA N M c C H ES N EY

2Mag_Spring04_Upfront 3/3/04 6:08 PM Page 13

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WEB Spears, Hugh Grant, Matthew McConaughey, Carmen Electra—they’re all serving time on TSG. A

famous who looks similar, e.g. Pete Rose and Lou Ferrigno as the Incredible Hulk), and lots more! A-

SPORTS

FILM

ESPN PAGE 2

ROTTEN TOMATOES

JACKSON’S MUGSHOT ON TSG

(espn.go.com/page2)

(rottentomatoes.com)

CELEBRITY

Definitely the wittiest and most irreverent jock site around, Page 2 is where the wide and wacky worlds of sports and pop culture collide. They have Hunter S. Thompson as a columnist, the reader-generated “Here’s Looking At You” (where they place an athlete’s mug next to a pic of someone

This site posts links to movie reviews by accredited film critics, and gives an overall average score of “Fresh” or “Rotten” on their “Tomatometer.” A film gets “Fresh” if it achieves an overall rating of at least 60 percent. The Tmeter ranges from the totally shrivelled up (Gigli gets 7 percent) to the totally succu-

lent (The Breakfast Club scores 100 percent). B+ GOSSIP

PAGE SIX

THE SMOKING GUN COURTESY OF THE SMOKING GUN

(thesmokinggun.com) If the rich and famous get into the slightest bit of trouble, the lovely and talented team at The Smoking Gun are there to nail them, whether it’s through juicy legal docs, transcripts or mugshots. Wacko Jacko, Britney

(nypost.com/gossip/ pagesix_u.htm) One of those must-checkout sites with your morning coffee, here you’ll learn the latest on Alec Baldwin and Kim Basinger’s messy divorce saga, Demi and Ashton’s lust life, Lara Flynn Boyle’s runin with food, etc. Yes, if you make it in boldface on Page Six, you’ll know you’ve hit the big time—or at least your 15 minutes. B+

2R E V I E WS

TECH TALK

BY M AR K MOY ES

COURTESY OF APPLE

(Word, IE) faster. But buying a Mac is like buying a dog— you want it to reflect your personality. Plus Macs were specifically designed for design, publishing and sound engineering, so that might influence your decision.

Q: TECH GUY, I’M BUYING A NEW COMPUTER. ONE FRIEND SAYS I GOTTA GO MAC, THE OTHER PC. WHO’S SMARTER? It boils down to this: PCs give more bang for your buck, have more games, and run all Microsoft software

TECH GUY, MY DVDS ARE SKIPPING ON ME. IS IT TIME TO BRING BACK THE VHS TAPES? Newsflash: By now, your magnetic VHS tapes will look and sound like you’re playing them underwater. Good if you’re watching Das Boot; otherwise, no. The bad news:

A small percentage of DVDs are defective and eventually “rot.” But there are products that repair mild skips and scratches on CDs, DVDs and videogames. Rule of thumb: lens or chemical disc cleaner = good, motorized scratch remover = bad.

TECH GUY, HOW DO I KEEP SPAMMERS AWAY FOR GOOD? Traditional wisdom says replying to spam only encourages spammers. But the United States approved an anti-spam law last December that requires

direct-mail marketers to include a valid opt-out mechanism. While Canada has no equivalent legislation, most of the biggest direct-email marketers hail from south of the border. So if you’re feeling lucky, go ahead and click.

If you’re not the gambling type, spamotomy.com reviews software that’ll help filter the garbage out of your inbox.

MARK MOYES IS ONLINE EDITOR OF THE WEBBY-NOMINATED TECH SITE SHIFT.COM.

EMAIL THE TECH GUY WITH YOUR QUESTIONS AT ADVICE@2MAGAZINE.COM

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2R E V I E WS

GADGETS

(YOU CAN ACTUALLY USE)

BY M A R K M OY ES

2 Three reasons to buy CANON’S NEW ZR80 MINI DV CAMCORDER: (1) it’s reason-

ably cheap; (2) the 18X zoom is one of the longest in its class; (3) a built-in “Skin Detail Mode” automatically smoothes skin tones on 1

2

close-ups. Who needs concealer and foundation when you’ve got one of these? $650, canon.ca

M1000 , which connects your

stereo to your PC or Mac via Ethernet or Wi-Fi. Did we mention the remote? $32, rokulabs.com

3 ACME MADE BAGS not

only protect your laptop with high-impact plastic and splash-proof zippers, they also make you look good.

Available in pink circles, charcoal dots or eco green. $105 and up, acmemade.com 4 The problem with all those damn MP3s is you can’t browse them from your living room with a remote. Enter the ROKU SOUNDBRIDGE

5 Got hundreds of old

VHS tapes collecting dust?

HP’S DVD MOVIE WRITER DC4000 burner can be used to

copy data, but it also includes a built-in analog videocapture function so you can transfer your entire collection of movies to DVD. $380, hp.ca 6 It’s about time someone invented a personal massager 3

4

6 5

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for two. Guys, slip the KURI KURI vibrator on like a condom, then enter your partner.

Pressure automatically turns it (and, uh, you) on. $32, jlist.com

7

7 The COLEMAN PORTABLE POWER KIT is a combo

light/AM-FM radio that can also power small electronics like your cellphone. It stores the sun’s power to give you up to 8 hours of light or 20 hours of tunes. Can come in extremely handy during camping emergencies. $140, coleman.com or icpsolar.com

CLOCKWISE FROM TOP LEFT: COURTESY OF APPLE, CANON, ACME MADE, COLEMAN, KURI KURI, HEWLETT-PACKARD, ROKU. WALLPAPER: COURTESY OF MELANIE ZANKER.

1 Smaller than a cellphone and available in five slick colours, APPLE’S NEW IPOD MINI has one real advantage over its bigger brother: It’s cheaper. Sure, you can get 15GB instead of 4 for only $50 more, but aren’t a thousand songs enough? $350, apple.com/canadastore

NE AZIT G A 2 MERFEC P EEN BETSWHEETS! THE

’T MISS AN ISSUE DON It’s the magazine couples are talking about.

SUBSCRIBE TO 2 MAGAZINE —WE’RE A CHEAP DATE AND WE’RE LOTS OF FUN!

NOW ALL-DIGITAL ON ISSUU AND IPAD Want more 2? Get the 2 FOR COUPLES iPad app, visit 2forcouples.com and “like” us on facebook.

2Mag_Spring04_Feature_Travel 2/26/04 6:30 PM Page 1

THE 2 TRAVEL GUIDE

15 EXCELLENT COUPLE ADVENTURES Just a reminder: Fun is not an imported commodity. Right here, right now, on our own home turf, we’ve got amazing places to amuse, bemuse and bedazzle adrenaline junkies and those who prefer their kicks a bit more mild than wild.

Here’s ample evidence …

BY MICHELE SPONAGLE

ILLUSTRATIONS BY SHARY BOYLE

SEE SHIPWRECKS IN NOVA SCOTIA

Sure, the warm waters of the Caribbean are enticing, but for fans of scuba-diving, Nova Scotia is now an It spot. With more than 7,500 kilometres of coastline, the province is the final resting place for about 4,500 shipwrecks, many well preserved because of the icy seas. St. Paul’s Island, just northeast of Cape Breton Island, is known as the Graveyard of the Gulf. It has 350-plus wrecks and visibility can reach almost 30 metres. Chances are you’ll have to wear a wetsuit to keep from freezing, even in the summer, but you’ll be rewarded with a spectacular underwater adventure. A number of dive-tour companies also offer diving courses so that you can get what’s known as PADI (Professional Association of Diving Instructors) certification. Then you’re ready to take, ahem, the plunge.

For more info: Nova Scotia Underwater Council, 902-425-5450 or nsuc.net HAVE A HELI-PICNIC IN THE ALBERTA ROCKIES

Nibbling on peanut butter sandwiches and enjoying a view of the Alberta Rockies ranks up there with great dining experiences, but why not kick it up a few notches?

Icefield Helicopter Tours gets you to high with heli-picnics ($299 per person). By chopper, you’re whooshed up and over some of the most stunning scenery on the planet and then you’re set down on a mountaintop to enjoy your deluxe picnic lunch.

For more info: 1-888-844-3514 or icefieldheli.com BE A 007 IN PORT PERRY, ONTARIO Camp-X, not far from Oshawa, Ont., served as a training centre for would-be James

Bonds during the Second World War. It offered a solid basic curriculum that included sabotage, weaponry, demolition, Morse code and that old-time favourite: silent killing. In fact, Bond creator Ian Fleming was among the students. The spies have long hung up their cloaks and daggers, but Camp-X now operates as an offbeat museum that houses agents’ toys, spy cams, uniforms and photos.

For more info: 905-436-6325 or camp-x.com VISIT THE DISCOVERY CENTRE IN SASKATCHEWAN

In 1994, “Scotty” turned up again in his hometown of Eastend, Sask. He’d been missing for almost 65 million years so no one was really worried about him. You see, “Scotty” is a T. rex and the unofficial mascot for the T. rex Discovery Centre, a facility devoted to all things dinosaur. Gazing at old bones and incisors that are nine-inches long is pretty fascinating, but why not get down and dirty about it? A day-long dig program ($75 per person) gives you a chance to discover an important fossil that might change the modern history of mankind at a place regarded as the world’s best trove for dinosaur finds. Or you might just have fun and get some dirt under your fingernails.

For more info: 306-295-4009 or dinocountry.com p TEXT CONTINUED ON PAGE 41 36

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GO TO ICEBERG ALLEY IN NEWFOUNDLAND

Bergy bits? Growlers? If you’d been to Newfoundland, you would know that “growlers” are chunks of icebergs the size of a grand piano and “bergy bits” are larger—about the size of a small house. But if you didn’t know that, no worries: You’ll be a walking encyclopedia on bergs after you’ve visited the area known as Iceberg Alley, which is particularly busy in June when warm weather causes giant chunks to split away from the mother hunk and begin their float south. Tour companies such as Linkum Tours will enlighten you on the unique wildlife of the island— and we’re not talking about kissing the cod or Screech here. Adorably cute puffins, whales, and furry and feathered creatures aplenty cross paths with human folk and those ice cubes on ’roids. Very cool.

For more info: 1-800-563-6353 or www.gov.nf.ca/tourism; Linkum Tours, 1-877-254-6586 or www.linkumtours.com DO SOME GHOST-BUSTING IN THE NATION’S CAPITAL

There’s a ghostly presence in Ottawa and it’s not Jean Chrétien. At the Ottawa Jail on Nicholas Street, eerie apparitions are said to roam the hallways. The former prison was the site of Canada’s last public hanging and is now operating as a hostel, a somewhat unconventional place where you can lay down your head for the night (approximately $25). If you’re too creeped out to stay overnight, then you can visit this supernatural playground in the bright glare of daylight as part of the city’s haunted walking tours.

For more info: 613-235-2595 or hihostels.ca RIDE THE CURRENTS IN BRITISH COLUMBIA In Penticton, B.C., good, clean fun can be had floating down the river channel, a six-

kilometre canal that connects lakes Okanagan and Skaha. Just park your booty on the floatation device of your choice (inner tube, kayak, etc.) and let yourself be carried away by the current. Depending on the current’s speed, cruising could take up to three hours. Bring your own gear or hook up with a company such as Coyote Cruises, which loans you the stuff and picks you up downriver by bus for $10.

For more info: 1-800-663-5052 or penticton.org; Coyote Cruises, 250-492-2115 (only from late-May to early-September) STAY IN JOHN AND YOKO’S HOTEL SUITE

All we are saying is give peace a chance. Most of us know that John Lennon penned that timely credo, but would you get the Trivial Pursuit answer as to where? Back in 1969, John and Yoko holed up in Suite 1742 of Fairmont The Queen Elizabeth hotel in Montreal to write a song protesting American military action in Vietnam. You can grab your own piece of the peace movement, like Beatles-fan Drew Barrymore did, by booking a night (from approximately $660) in the infamous room now adorned with press clippings, a framed gold record for “Give Peace a Chance,” and photos of the couple at their bed-in. Stage your own and sip their drink of choice—Spanish Smile, composed of orange juice and honey—while savouring a unique moment in history.

For more info: 514-861-3511 or fairmont.com DRIVE A RACECAR IN PONTYPOOL, ONTARIO

Deep down, everyone has an inner speed demon: that little voice that makes you put your foot down harder on the gas pedal. Most times that type of behaviour gets you a ticket. At the Bridgestone Racing Academy in Pontypool, Ont., it gets you a certificate. Slip behind the wheel of a Reynard F2000, stomp on it, and zoom from 0 to 100 km in five seconds flat as the 130-horsepower engine under the hood kicks in.

Courses range from a half-day ($525) to a full season of 12 races ($16,475).

For more info: 905-983-1114 or goodman-motorsports.com

2 ALSO RECOMMENDS… CAVENDISH BEACH IN PRINCE EDWARD ISLAND Sun, surf, sand, and tepid seas that won’t turn you blue because its waters are fed by the balmy Gulf Stream. Frolic in the crystal clear waters next to porpoises and seals.

1-888-734-7529, www.gov.pe.ca/visitorsguide

STORM-WATCHING IN TOFINO, BRITISH COLUMBIA Check into a romantic room (from $658 for a two-night package) at the Wickaninnish Inn in Tofino, B.C., and watch the storms roll in and 20-foot waves pound the coast.

1-800-333-4604, www.wickinn.com

UNDERGROUND TUNNELS IN MOOSE JAW, SASKATCHEWAN Al Capone made a name for himself running bootleg liquor out of Chicago and, yes, Moose Jaw, Sask. He used the city’s underground tunnel system to transport his goods. A tour tells the whole colourful story.

306-693-5261, www.tunnelsofmoosejaw.com

WHITEWATER RAFTING IN THE ROCKY MOUNTAINS The rafting around Kicking Horse in the Rocky Mountains is the ride of your life. For about $55 for 90 minutes, you can white-knuckle your way through the wildest section of the river with Class IV make-sure-your-life-insurancepolicy-is-paid-up rapids. Yee-haw!

1-888-577-8118, canadianwhitewater.com

POLAR BEARS IN CHURCHILL, MANITOBA Guests stay in the Tundra Lodge (basically a hotel-on-wheels, $3,495 for eight nights), where they eat well, drink well, and then snap pix of the mammoth bears as they follow their noses to the cooking aromas. The best months to visit are October and November.

206-463-5383, photosafaris.com/PolarBunkHouse.asp

LAUGH YOUR HEAD OFF IN MONTREAL

Every July, Montreal is full of belly laughs as the Just For Laughs Festival unleashes its manic merriment upon the city. This is the event where an unknown James (now “Jim”) Carrey was pegged as a promising young performer in 1990, and where last year Kelly Ripa did a sultry, grinding striptease that had her splashed across the tabloids and got her co-host Regis Philbin blushing. Between intimate gigs and streets crowded with performance artists, Just For Laughs is always a hot ticket.

For more info: hahaha.com or email info @hahaha.com m

MICHELE SPONAGLE, OUR TV REVIEWER AND “2LIST” WRITER, HAS TRAVELLED AROUND THE WORLD BUT STILL BELIEVES THERE’S NO PLACE LIKE HOME.

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GET IT ON! Here are 9 essential albums that will put both of you in the mood Text and illustration by Kevin J. Siu

AL GREEN — GREATEST HITS

(Capitol, 1975) Ever notice how dopey everybody gets when the wedding DJ throws on “Let’s Stay Together”? As soon as the horns hit, the bridesmaids are corralling their dates, the best man is lip-synching like a maniac, the bride’s parents are dirty dancing and the newlyweds are thinking, “Hey, maybe this wasn’t such a rotten idea after all.”

This is generally when someone should shout, “Get a hotel”— to which everybody should respond, “Got one” and get to it.

Money track: “Let’s Stay Together” Recommended for: Sorry-we-just-argued-about-the-cutlerylet’s-make-up-big-time sex 42

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ISAAC HAYES — HOT BUTTERED SOUL

(Stax, 1969) In a showdown of the love gods, Black Moses would KO Barry White hands down.

That’s the power of Hot Buttered Soul: It transcends the self-parody of South Park and the kitsch of Shaft and remains a funky, sweaty, sticky, haven’t-showered-since-the-Mondaybefore-Monday classic. Throw on his swaggering 12-minute rendition of “Walk on By” and tell your respective offices that you’ll be taking sick days for, oh, at least the next week.

Money track: “Hyperbolicsyllabicsesquedalymistic” Recommended for: All-day-roll-in-the-hay-baby-honey-I’lldo-whatever-you-say sex

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MASSIVE ATTACK — PROTECTION

(Virgin, 1994) Massive Attack takes hip hop, R&B and dub, and whips them into a pleasantly narcotic haze that you’ve probably heard at Starbucks. Never mind. The guest vocalists—including Tricky, Tracey Thorn of Everything But the Girl, and reggae legend Horace Andy— fit the songs like a, um, glove and the real seduction is in the lyrics: “I stand in front of you / I’ll take the force of the blow/ Protection.”

Money track: “Protection” Recommended for: Self-sacrifice-is-hotter-than-champagneand-rose-petals sex

DUSTY SPRINGFIELD — DUSTY IN MEMPHIS

(Rhino, 1969) Recorded with Aretha Franklin’s production team, Dusty in Memphis is the greatest soul album ever by a white British pop diva. Sounds like faint praise, but consider this: Dusty could take a goofy couplet like “Just a little lovin’, early in the mornin’ / Beats a cup of coffee for starting off the day,” wrap it in her impossibly heartbreaking voice and turn it into the most voluptuous thing you’ve ever heard.

Money track: “Son of a Preacher Man” Recommended for: Just-a-little-lovin’-early-in-the-morningbeats-a-cup-of-coffee sex

COLDPLAY — A RUSH OF BLOOD TO THE HEAD

(Capitol, 2002) Nobody hates Coldplay. It’s an empirical fact. You either love them—for all their Radiohead Lite, Gwyneth-doting foibles —or you don’t mind them. Which makes Rush of Blood the booty-jam equivalent of a no-brainer: At best, you’re luxuriating in Chris Martin’s sweet nothings. At worst, it muffles your dirty talk while your neighbours think, “What a nice couple, they enjoy Coldplay, too.”

Money track: “The Scientist” Recommended for: We-love-Coldplay sex

PRETTY IN PINK: ORIGINAL MOTION PICTURE SOUNDTRACK

(A&M, 1986) The pivotal scene is when Andrew McCarthy chases down Molly Ringwald at the prom and says, “I believed in you— always believed in you. I just didn’t believe in me.” But the most romantic scene belongs to Jon Cryer—“Duckie” (duh)—minutes later: “If you don’t go to him now, I’m never going to take you to another prom ever again, you hear me? I mean, this is an incredibly romantic moment and you’re ruining it for me.” End of discussion.

Let’s make out to some Psychedelic Furs.

Money track: OMD’s “If You Leave” Recommended for: Post-high-school-reunion-let’s-make-thisfeeling-last-longer-than-12th-grade-algebra sex

THE STROKES — IS THIS IT

(RCA, 2001) The Strokes’ tight pop nuggets are not only way catchy, but frontman Julian Casablancas’ mumbles are just shambolic and scruffy enough to feel a little fauxdangereux. Plus you can’t beat the raunchy eighth-grade double entendre of their name.

Money track: “Last Nite” Recommended for: Let’s-pretend-we-just-met-at-the-divebar sex SADE — THE BEST OF SADE

(Sony, 1994) Sade could make a state of the union address sound like the Kama Sutra. Choose her greatest-hits collection: This way you don’t have to pick “No Ordinary Love” at the expense of “Your Love is King.”

Or the “The Sweetest Taboo.” Or “Love is Stronger Than Pride.” Or “Smooth Operator”…

Money track: All of them Recommended for: Sensitive-Sunday-mornings-in-the-unmade-sheets sex

IBRAHIM FERRER — BUENA VISTA SOCIAL CLUB PRESENTS IBRAHIM FERRER

(Nonesuch, 1999) Playful and sexy in the way only a 77year-old Latin crooner can pull off. For a second, you doubt your ears and think maybe it’s because he’s singing in Spanish, but he’s saying exactly what you think: “Was it your eyes, or your mouth? Your lips or your voice? Maybe it was the impatience of waiting so long for you. More, I can’t say, I can’t say how it was nor can I explain what happened but I fell in love with you.” Hot. Money track: “Aquellos Ojos Verdes” Recommended for: Always-trust-the-old-Latin-lover sex m KEVIN J. SIU REVIEWS MUSIC AND FILM FOR 2. HE RUNS THE WEBSITE GLOBAL POP CONSPIRACY (GLOBALPOPCONSPIRACY.COM).

AND THREE QUICKIES… MARVIN GAYE — WHAT’S GOING ON

(Motown, 1971) Because it’s the sexiest social commentary album ever.

BOB MARLEY—LEGEND: THE BEST OF BOB MARLEY & THE WAILERS

(Polygram, 1984) Because, hey, let’s get together and feel all right.

AC/DC —BACK IN BLACK

(Sony, 1980) Because, all together now: “She was a fast machine, she kept her motor clean, she was the best damn woman that I ever seen…”

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DON’T MISS AN ISSUE! SUBSCRIBE TO 2 MAGAZINE—WE’RE A CHEAP DATE AND WE’RE LOTS OF FUN!

NOW ALL-DIGITAL ON ISSUU AND IPAD IT’S THE MAGAZINE COUPLES ARE TALKING ABOUT: “We LOVE reading 2 and look forward to its arrival.”

—Emma & Trent, White Rock, B.C.

“We love reading 2 together; your magazine is tops!”

—S. Clarke & W. Phillips, Toronto

!

FREEUP SIGONW!!

N

“2 is the only magazine we sit down and enjoy together.”

—Danielle & Andres, London, Ont.

“We have different interests, yet 2 is something we read together!”

—Shannon & Matthew, Winnipeg

“Since getting 2, our relationship has changed for the better!”

—Steve & Susan, Moncton

FOR COUPLES MAGAZINE Want more 2? Get the 2 FOR COUPLES iPad app right now!

Plus, visit 2forcouples.com and “like” us on facebook.

2Mag_Spring04_Feature_Home#14D5 2/26/04 4:08 PM Page 1

HOME SWEET HOME?

Last year, my girlfriend and I bought our first house. We decided we wanted one.

We searched till we found the right place. We signed paperwork until our wrists seized up. Simple as that.

But behind our fairy-tale storyline—a plot replayed by thousands of Canadian couples every year—hides a deeper, darker drama, one filled with as much delirium and angst as an entire season of The Sopranos. In fact, if we had hired a shrink, Jenny and I might have been warned about the emotional roller coaster we were about to board, maybe even been prescribed some blue pills to mellow the bumps.

But we couldn’t have avoided the ride. The Five Stages of Homebuying are as inevitable as death and land transfer taxes. And once you start, you can’t get off till they’re done.

AS DAVID LEACH DISCOVERED, BUYING A HOME FOR THE FIRST TIME IS AN EMOTIONAL ROLLER COASTER. AT TIMES, IT CAN EVEN MAKE YOU WONDER IF YOU’RE MEANT TO BE A HOMEOWNER. HERE’S HIS STORY, PLUS ESSENTIAL TIPS FOR ALL PROSPECTIVE HOMEBUYERS

Maybe it was because all our friends were doing it. Maybe we had reached a moment of calm in our nomadic relationship and careers. Or maybe one person too many had asked, “Why are you flushing your money away on rent?” (The answer: Because it beats having it squeezed out of you by the bank as interest.)

Whatever the reason, one morning we just woke up “in the market” for a house.

It felt coy and unintentional, like how certain friends happen to be “in the neighbourhood” whenever they drop by to borrow some cash or drink your beer. We might buy one. We might not. It was entirely up to us.

In real estate terms, this is known as “denial.” And for a few short weeks, it was a wonderful place to be.

At first, we wandered through whatever open houses we happened across. Then

Photographs by Eamon Mac Mahon

STAGE 1: DENIAL

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HOMEBUYING: THE LEARNING CURVE Seminars for first-time homebuyers are offered in most major cities, organized through a continuing studies program or a real estate agency.

A three-hour class should get you up to speed on an industry with more acronyms than the United Nations, and introduce you to the experts key to your search: the mortgage broker, the buyer’s agent and the home inspector.

For book learners, Buying, Owning and Selling a Home in Canada by Margaret Kerr and JoAnn Kurtz (Wiley, 2001) is a good primer. The internet swarms with contradictory information, so it’s browser beware: Many realtors’ websites host a Homebuying 101 with their own particular slant.

Go to the Canada Mortgage and Housing Corporation’s site (cmhc.ca) for the even straighter goods.

we took weekend scouting sorties through promising neighbourhoods. Finally, we combed the classifieds, raced around the city and knocked on more doors than a pair of Jehovah’s Witnesses.

It was a sunny period in our relationship. We bonded over an activity that always brings couples together: making fun of other people’s stuff. “Somebody sure likes Celine Dion,” I would smirk, as I thumbed through a rack of CDs. “Who painted this place?” Jenny would gasp in mock horror. “Blind children?” We often forgot why we were even there in the first place, rooting through strangers’ medicine cabinets, snickering at their Boogie Nights wallpaper and prints of frolicking unicorns.

And then it happened. We saw a house we liked. Not the perfect house, but close enough that we could imagine spilling our lives into it. In our heads, we were already rearranging our furniture and fixing pictures to the wall. It was our house. But before we could ask about financing or even get an agent, it was sold.

We swore not to let that happen again.

STAGE 2: OBSESSION

If the open house is the after-dinner spliff on the real estate industry’s slippery slope, then mls.ca is the uncut rock cocaine. Log on once, you’re hooked for good. More than a few solid marriages have foundered when one or both spouses became addicted to the Multiple Listing Service’s online real estate catalogue. Nearly every property for sale in Canada can be searched through its index. You can examine thousands of houses and never once pull on a pair of pants.

A just society would require its citizens to take a psychological assessment before setting them loose on mls.ca. Jenny became the most obsessed, racking up a small 46

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fortune in internet charges, compulsively rechecking the site in case a listing had been added in the last 30 seconds. I was still mired in Stage 1 and went cross-eyed joyriding the zoom function on the site’s “virtual home tours.” “Is that a black velvet Starship Enterprise on the wall?” I wondered, as Jenny shouted over my shoulder, “How many bedrooms? Is there an en suite bath? Are the light fixtures included?”

Mls.ca’s most devious twist is that it lets you believe you can find a home on your own and then submarines that delusion when it’s too late to back out. There’s one site for Joe and Jane Public, and an entirely different one for realtors. You never get to see the complete picture. The online photos appear to be taken by monkeys.

New listings are slow to go up, sold houses even slower to be removed.

We begged Mike, our agent, to show us the good stuff, the latest listings, the ones we couldn’t score ourselves. “We know you’re holding out on us!” we hollered, googly-eyed like the MLS junkies we had become. He patiently toured us around possible properties. Once we had been snide intruders. Now we wandered through other people’s homes with a chaperone and the silent burden of worrying if this was a place we really could afford, and always wishing we could.

Before entering the twilight zone of house-hunting, know this: You and your sweetheart might be card-carrying Marxists who swear all property is theft, but as soon as you even begin contemplating home ownership you will become possessed by the ghost of Donald Trump. You will suddenly want bigger, better, and more, more, more!

Buoyed by visions of monster homes and country estates, we drove deep into the suburbs and beyond to track ones we might afford. But there we only found middle-aged zombies from Planet Golf. We quickly realized that we would rather

HOMEBUYING: THE FINANCING “You’re going to look at more than one house,” says Pat Walker, a mortgage specialist with Home Loans Canada in Halifax, “so you should look at more than one bank.”

Shopping for the best mortgage rate can be a pain. That’s why, over the last decade, mortgage brokers like Walker have stepped in to act as middlemen. Knowing your financial data, a broker can arrange a “pre-approved” mortgage with the best rate from one of 30 or more lending institutions. Get this guarantee before you do anything else: Nothing is worse than losing your dream home because your financing fell through.

A broker also has access to lenders, outside of the big banks, who will prize your business even if you’re self-employed, haunted by student debt or can’t scratch together a down payment.

“The mortgage business is changing so fast that even realtors can’t keep up,” says Walker.

“You’ll be surprised by how aggressively banks want your mortgage.”

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HOMEBUYING: THE BUYER’S AGENT Meet your agent: your new best friend, financial advisor, chauffeur, marriage counsellor and motivational guru all wrapped into one bundle of irrepressible optimism.

To find the right agent, start with referrals from friends and co-workers. You want to hire a “buyer’s agent,” a realtor who signs a loyalty oath to represent your interests. (Before 1995, all agents, by law, worked for the seller.) Interview prospects and then go with your gut instinct: You could spend the next few months together, so you had better feel simpatico.

A good agent should guide you through the entire process and help identify the price range, location and features that best match your needs and wants. “Most people own their first home for four to seven years,” explains Sally Cook, a Toronto-based buyer’s agent who teaches a seminar for first-timers. “You have to think: What can I live with for that long?”

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take out our eyes with barbecue forks than face a three-hour commute and spend weekends jawing with the neighbours about lawn seed. We limped back to the city and its diminished expectations.

STAGE 3: DESPAIR

The low point, though, came when we found our ideal house, and then we lost it.

It was a nice house, on a nice street, in a nice neighbourhood. From the sidewalk, it looked like nothing special. But step through its doors and hel-lo!

The place was enough to make Martha Stewart retire her colour swatches, ditch the rose trimmers and enter a convent. The inside walls had been knocked down and the open spaces festooned with a Gladiator meets The African Queen collection of exotica. The secret garden out back must have been tended by a platoon of horticulturists. Ringed with lights, a spacious patio atop the rear garage was primed for an endless summer of cocktail parties. It turned out that the entire house had been remodelled from attic to wine cellar by a pair of interior designers.

We loved it. We wanted it. And then the home inspector arrived.

We had hired him to do the inspection before making an offer, a gambler’s ploy recommended by Agent Mike to colour us as serious players in the face of competing bids. Our inspector began prodding crevices and corners with his pen. He stuck a metered widget into various sockets and appliances. Every time he did, he shook his head.

Three hours later, he sat us down and broke the bad news. The reno work we loved so much was all DIY, and the only code it seemed to conform to was the penal one. Half the outlets and fixtures in the house had been wired backwards. God

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knew what high-voltage horrors lurked behind the freshly painted drywall.

“Give it to us straight, doc,” we begged. “Would you tell your own sister it’s safe to buy?” He couldn’t lie to us. He would tell her to walk away. And so we did.

But our hearts were as heavy as foundation stones.

STAGE 4: ACCEPTANCE

Maybe we were never meant to be homeowners. Maybe we had been marked like Cain with a curse: “Renters for eternity.” There were worse fates, we supposed.

This is the delicate moment when real estate agents really earn their commission. If Mike had tugged too hard on the line to keep us looking, Jenny and I would have walked off in disgust and disillusionment. But if he hadn’t gently teased us from our funk, we would have likely just decided to move into a refrigerator box.

He told us to take a break from new listings. Then he revealed the ace up his sleeve. There was a house we had already viewed. It was within our price range but in a coveted neighbourhood, so we had assumed it would sell for far more. It hadn’t.

We both liked the place, though not as much as the fire-hazard home we had reluctantly passed up. The problem: The house had been a rental unit for 20 years, and it showed. The taps leaked. The furnace groaned. The roof looked like it had once deflected a meteor. When we had originally ticked off our wish list of home features, Jenny and I had insisted we were too busy and too clumsy to saddle ourselves with the proverbial fixer-upper. We wanted to buy a house as new as we could and then hire a subcontractor if we needed to change the light bulbs.

But our agent explained that one of the laws of real estate (a subclause to the “location, location, location” mantra) was to buy the worst-looking house on the

HOMEBUYING: THE HOME INSPECTOR Your home inspector may not be psychic, but he (and they are mostly men) is pretty damn close.

The best inspectors can sniff out leaky condos on the West Coast, spy terminal termite signs in southern Ontario, tell buyers everywhere if their insulation is up to snuff for a Canadian winter — and a whole lot more.

It’s best to find an accredited inspector on your own (go to cahi.ca, the Canadian Association of Home & Property Inspectors’ website, for more info) or to use one recommended by friends.

Most buyers get an inspection done as a condition of their final purchase offer, and fees range from $300 to $800, with a good inspection taking four hours minimum.

“Most new buyers don’t know how to look after their house, so I see the inspector as being an educator as much as an investigator,” says Ted Gilmour, who runs T.H.E. Home Inspection Company in Vancouver. “If an inspector only says yea or nay, he hasn’t made the house ‘friendly’ for you.”

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HOMEBUYING: THE LAWYER You’ve just bought your dream home with the love of your life, but don’t pop open the bubbly yet. You still need a lawyer to look after the fine print.

Your agent should have warned you about hidden “closing costs” (which vary between provinces), including land transfer taxes, title insurance and legal fees. The latter pays a lawyer to guarantee all the dots have been connected in the transfer of title (i.e., ownership) for the property. Your lawyer might find covenants that restrict what you can do with your new home (e.g. restrictions against subdividing the land), but it’s rare for a devilish deal-breaker to be unearthed in these final details.

“It’s important for first-time buyers to know that when they sign the offer and waive the conditions, there’s no going back,” says Kerry McClelland, a Calgary-based lawyer. “By the time it comes to my office, what’s done is done.

If they have any questions about the contract, they should talk to a lawyer before signing it.”

best street possible. You can always spruce it up, and the primo area will only tug the value skyward on its coat-tails. (My theory: The neighbours will feel enough pity to pitch in with repairs.)

We had hired Mike mostly for his reputation as a pit-bull negotiator. Friends of ours had pens poised over a final contract when another couple walked in and wanted to place a competing offer. “You don’t know these people from Adam,” Mike told the owners, “while we’re ready to show you the money. But if you reopen negotiations, we walk.” Our friends nearly wet themselves with panic. What was he doing?

But the owners didn’t call Mike’s bluff, and our friends got their dream home for a sweet price.

And that’s how I came to be squeezing my own knees in the passenger seat of his car. Mike was inside the house, well into hour three of the haggling, popping out to give occasional updates. The figures we were quibbling over were in the low thousands, still serious change by anyone’s accounting. But all I could think was: Can’t we close this deal so I can finally go to the bathroom?

We could. We did. And suddenly our future became clear for the first time since we began our quest several months before: We would take this old house, leaky taps and all, and we would make it ours.

STAGE 5: CELEBRATION

Long before we found it, Mike referred to the date we would move into our eventual home as “Celebration Day.” We began to imagine it as the moment when the mother ship would finally descend and replace the psychotic, linoleum-obsessed extraterrestrials we had become with our original personalities. (No such luck.)

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Mike was just preparing us for the most massive case of buyer’s remorse couples will ever experience. We had signed legally binding documents that chained us to 25 years of shared debt, the kind of monumental commitment that makes marriage seem like a spin on a carousel. The thrill of the chase had sustained us for months.

Now, that too was over.

We were still jonesing for mls.ca, worried that the perfect house was still out there.

We panicked that mortgage rates would keep falling until the banks would have paid us to borrow money.

Mike had already made the sale. He could have just counted his 2.5 percent and beat it. But our guardian agent descended again and nursed us through the emotional limbo between buying and owning. He even installed new taps as a housewarming gift.

Finally, C-Day arrived. I marched proudly into the house, walked through its empty rooms—and promptly locked the only set of keys inside. Standing on the porch in disbelief, I realized the moving truck would be arriving at any moment.

And so I celebrated my first day as a homeowner by prying open the basement door like a can of beans and praying our new neighbours wouldn’t call the cops.

When the movers finally left, Jenny and I stood amid the boxes and toasted my B and E skills and the success of our quest. It was, we realized, not an end but a beginning; we had a to-do list as long, as complex and as prone to tedious debate as the Canadian Constitution. But we also had a house we could call our own. We had a home. And together we had survived one of the most turbulent ordeals that a couple can put their relationship through.

Well, that is, until we decided to renovate. m

DAVID LEACH IS THE PROUD CO-OWNER OF A NEW HOME IN TORONTO. STAY TUNED FOR HIS RENOVATION ADVENTURES IN OUR SUMMER ISSUE. HAVE COMMENTS ON THIS PIECE? EMAIL FEEDBACK@2MAGAZINE.COM

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DEAN AND JENNIFER IN THEIR SURF STORE IN UCLUELET, B.C. PHOTOGRAPHED BY CANDACE MEYER.

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SWEETIE, WANT TO RUN A BUSINESS TOGETHER? ONE MIGHT THINK THAT WORKING WITH THE LOVE OF YOUR LIFE WOULD BE RISKY, STRESSFUL, AND NEAR IMPOSSIBLE TO KEEP THE PROFESSIONAL AND PERSONAL FROM MIXING. BUT AS JANE DOUCET DISCOVERED WHEN SHE SPOKE WITH THREE COUPLES FROM ACROSS CANADA, IT’S NOT NECESSARILY A CRAZY PROPOSITION. IN FACT, IT COULD BE ONE OF THE BEST THINGS YOU’LL EVER DO

COUPLE: Jennifer Smith, 28, Dean Montgomery, 31 WHAT THEY DO: Owners, Inner Rhythm Surf Camp (1-877-393-SURF, innerrhythm.net) WHERE THEY DO IT: Ucluelet, British Columbia HOW THEY MANAGE: “Jenn is a perfectionist, I’m more easygoing. That can be frustrating, but in the end we both decide what’s best for the business,” says Dean.

In June 2000, three years after the avid surfers began seeing each other, Jennifer Smith and Dean Montgomery started a surf camp called Inner Rhythm in Ucluelet on Vancouver Island. “The first three years, we worked really hard and had no money,” says Dean. Jennifer describes doing 18-hour days, seven days a week, during peak season. “We lived in a tiny house on the camp property, and campers would drop by all the time to ask questions,” she says. “It was hard to have any privacy.”

After their son, Ben, was born in July 2002, Jennifer stepped back from the business a bit, but still handles bookings, budgets, advertising and market-

ing; Dean runs the camp and manages the retail surf store they opened last summer. “I work around Ben’s naps,” says Jennifer. “It’s harder to find the time to devote to the business. Motherhood is more demanding than I expected and Ben is my priority, but the business is like my little baby, too.”

Occasionally the pair’s different personalities cause friction. “Jenn is a perfectionist and runs a tight ship,” says Dean. “I’m more easygoing. That can be frustrating, but in the end we both decide what’s best for the business.” In spite of the challenges, the couple love the arrangement. “Our relationship has gotten stronger since we started working together,” says Jennifer. “We can rely on each other because the trust is there,” adds Dean. “We share the same amount of concern for the business and we get to spend a lot of time together. It’s a great lifestyle, but you’ve got to be patient while you learn how to manage the business. And your personal relationship has to come first—I would walk away from the business at any time if it started to affect our relationship in a negative way.”

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COUPLE: George Taverniti, 30, Mary Taverniti, 26 WHAT THEY DO: Owners, Frank’s Pizza House Restaurant (416-654-6554) WHERE THEY DO IT: Toronto HOW THEY MANAGE: “We trust each other and we back each other up. This arrangement works for us, but it’s not for everybody,” says George.

OLIVER AND LINDA IN THEIR HALIFAX SPA. PHOTOGRAPHED BY SANDY NICHOLSON.

COUPLE: Linda Brigley and Oliver Nemeskéri, both 32 WHAT THEY DO: Owners, Spirit Urban Spa (902-431-8100, spiritspa.ca) WHERE THEY DO IT: Halifax HOW THEY MANAGE: “If you both have the same responsibilities you’re screwed because you’ll question each other’s decisions,” says Linda.

As 18-year-old bachelor of commerce students at Dalhousie University, Linda Brigley and Oliver Nemeskéri sat together in many study groups while they were dating. “Those four years were a good test of how we would work together,” says Oliver. But after graduation, they took separate career paths: Linda got a job in advertising management, Oliver did internet development.

It was Linda’s idea to start a spa. “I had a personal interest in health and well-being,” she says, “plus I was getting burned out at my job and I used to unwind at spas.” In November 2002, she and Oliver, then five years into their marriage, opened Spirit Urban Spa in Halifax.

“If you both have the same responsibilities you’re screwed because you’ll question each other’s decisions,” says Linda. So from the outset, the couple divided duties: Linda handled the hir54

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ing, management and daily operations; Oliver oversaw the hundred-year-old building’s renovation and design. Today Linda works full-time at the spa while Oliver puts in about 20 hours a week working on the website and marketing, in addition to doing internet consulting.

“On Saturdays at the spa, I work behind the counter and I also wash towels,” he says. “I’m the laundry boy.”

Separating their personal and professional lives isn’t easy. “I used to talk about work before I went to sleep,” says Linda. Oliver put a stop to that. “Now we don’t talk about business before bedtime or breakfast,” he says. Occasionally, the pair disagrees. “When we’re tired or stressed, we’ll have an argument but we never raise our voices in front of staff or customers,” says Linda.

The couple make romance a priority. They ski, golf, go to movies and cook together. Six months after the spa opened, they vacationed in Barbados.

“We did call the spa and send a few emails,” admits Oliver. “But we hired managers that we trust, which helped us relax.” The pair doesn’t know if they’ll always be in business together, but they’re enjoying it for now. “It’s great to work with someone you love, trust and respect,” says Oliver.

When George Taverniti hired a waitress in 1997 to work in his family’s Italian restaurant, he had no idea he was meeting his future wife (they tied the knot last April). Today Mary manages the restaurant full-time and studies law parttime through a distance education program while George cooks and is in charge of the kitchen. Most days George arrives at 9:30 a.m. and leaves at 11:30 p.m. “If we didn’t work together, we’d never see each other,” says Mary. “This way if it’s quiet, we can sit down and have lunch.”

When it’s hectic, tempers flare. “If there’s a mistake with an order, we do get angry at each other,” Mary admits. “We try to correct the mistake quickly and move on. Then we’ll revisit it later to figure out how to avoid making it again.”

Says George: “If we have to give each other shit over something, we do. But we make sure no one hears or sees us.

When we’re at work, we put our personal life aside. It’s important that we’re professional.”

Mary and George consult each other on every business decision and compromise when necessary. “We have a good rapport—we trust each other and we back each other up,” says George. “This arrangement works for us, but it’s not for everybody.”

The Tavernitis take Sunday afternoons and Mondays off. Thanks to their tiring schedules—George also teaches a pizza-making course at a community college and Mary studies in the evenings — they often neglect their social lives and personal interests (Tai Chi for her, karate for him). But they plan to improve this over time.

The couple have already talked about what will happen when Mary gets her law degree. “I won’t be disappointed or hurt if she decides to practice law fulltime,” says George, “but I will miss her companionship.” Mary has other ideas: “We joke that when I become a lawyer, George will come work for me.” m JANE DOUCET DOESN’T RUN A BUSINESS WITH HER HUSBAND YET BUT HAS DECIDED NEVER TO SAY NEVER. EMAIL US WITH COMMENTS AT FEEDBACK@2MAGAZINE.COM

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GEORGE AND MARY IN THEIR TORONTO RESTAURANT. PHOTOGRAPHED BY CHRISTOPHER WAHL.

7 TIPS FOR WORKING TOGETHER Terri Heggum-Allen, national executive director of the Canadian Association of Family Enterprise (cafenational.org), has the following advice for lovers who choose to go into business together: 1 LEARN HOW TO COMMUNICATE The more clearly you define your business roles, the more smoothly things will run. If one of you is the boss and the other does administration work, will you consider yourselves equals?

Discuss these sorts of issues

upfront and hold regular meetings to address other concerns that pop up. Set up effective conflict-resolution strategies for when you do fight.

2 COMPROMISE Be willing to let go of some control in certain situations.

Admit that your ideas may not always be best for the business and that your partner has good ideas, too.

3 ASK FOR HELP If you’re having serious trouble

blending work and love, visit family and business counsellors.

4 EXERT YOUR INDEPENDENCE Because you spend so much time with your mate, it’s vital that you do some things on your own. Take a yoga class, play tennis with a friend, join a book club — do whatever it takes.

5 SET BOUNDARIES Do you have a designated room in your house where you don’t talk about the business, like, say, the bedroom? Do you set

aside a particular day or time of day when you don’t discuss work? You should.

6 BE SUPPORTIVE As colleagues, you should be solid sounding boards for one another and trust that each of you has good business sense.

7 PLAN AN EXIT STRATEGY At some point, one of you might want to leave the business.

Discuss this possibility early on so if and when it does happen, it doesn’t come as a shock.

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’T MISS AN ISSUE DON It’s the magazine couples are talking about.

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MONEY + COUPLES

=ARRRGH! IT’S THE MOST TABOO TOPIC IN MANY RELATIONSHIPS. AND EVEN WHEN YOU DO BROACH IT WITH YOUR PARTNER, THE RESULTING FIGHT IS ENOUGH TO DRIVE YOU LOONY. HILARY DAVIDSON TRIES TO KNOCK SOME CENTS—UH, WE MEAN SENSE— INTO PERSONAL FINANCE Illustrations by Malcolm Brown

Money shouldn’t be causing nightmares for Melanie*. Not only does the business analyst earn a handsome salary, she was also the beneficiary of a generous inheritance a few years ago. But money is making a mess of her relationship with her long-time boyfriend. “It was so much easier when we started going out because he earned twice what I did,” says Melanie. But around the time they moved in together a couple of years ago, he was laid-off. He started his own business and finances took a nosedive.

It wasn’t a subject he wanted to discuss.

“I don’t even know what he has in his bank account now,” says Melanie.

It’s gotten so bad that Melanie has no idea how to get it back on track. “We completely avoid talking about money,” she says. “We’ve fallen into dividing up *Not their real name

bills without talking about it.” The couple don’t even have a joint account for household expenses; Melanie’s boyfriend writes her a cheque for half the rent every month, but he doesn’t consistently help out with other bills because of his erratic income. The silence was broken recently by a serious fight over whether to buy a new fridge. But instead of their scrap opening up a line of communication, the couple resumed their chilly détente. “Not being able to talk about finances has been a barrier to getting married,” says Melanie.

Financial planners, therapists and other experts have all heard that once before. “Money is the last taboo,” says Christine Larson, co-author of The Family CFO: The Couples Business Plan for Love and Money. “We have Sex and the City but not Cents and the City. We have a lot of ways to talk about emo-

tions and sex, but no vocabulary to talk about money.” Even if you could find the words, you might have a hard time getting them out of your mouth. “When you reveal your finances, you’re showing part of your soul,” says Scott Plaskett, a senior financial planner and CEO of Ironshield Financial Planning in Toronto.

“It can feel like a loss of control.”

“Money itself is symbolic,” adds Tina Tessina, a psychotherapist and author of It Ends With You: Grow Up and Out of Dysfunction. “It’s about our self-worth, our idea of who we are and how we look to the world, and our security and safety. When you fight about money, you’re really fighting about these things, too.”

Now’s your chance to stop the insanity. Here are some of the big reasons for fights about money, and strategies for coping with them—or, better yet, avoiding them in the first place.

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“We have a lot of ways to talk about emotions and sex, but no vocabulary to talk about money.”

FIGHT #1 SUDDENLY STRAPPED FOR CASH

Colin* and his wife, Grace*, knew that they had very different spending styles when they started their life together.

“We had different ideas about what we wanted to do with our money,” he says.

“I had bought a car at a young age. She wanted to save and wasn’t used to living from cheque to cheque.” But that was how they ended up living for several years. It didn’t seem to matter because both of them were working; even when they had their first child, they were able to adjust. But everything changed when they decided to buy a home. “That was the killer,” says Colin. “Suddenly we had all of these bills coming in every month that we weren’t prepared for.” But it was more than the mortgage and the monthly bills; the credit-card debt they’d been carrying suddenly loomed large when they realized they had no wriggle room.

THE STRATEGY TO TRY…

Accumulating debt can turn into a crisis

with little warning. “There may be a good reason for the debt in the first place, but whatever spending caused it has to stop,” says The Family CFO’s Larson.

The situation is particularly complicated when only one partner is responsible for the lion’s share of the debt. But whatever the cause, the debt is now the couple’s problem. “You need to be businesslike about how you’ll deal with it,” says Larson. “Getting emotional about debt will get you into really bad fights.”

Colin consulted a financial planner friend who helped him set up a chart that would track the weekly flow of cash. He and his wife each get an allowance, but most of their money goes to monthly bills and to paying down the debt. “We communicate more about money now,” says Colin. While they’re still working on getting the debt under control, their stress level has dropped dramatically.

FIGHT #2 WHADDYA MEAN I CAN’T BUY THESE SHOES?

Claudia* really hates it when her husband gets home before she does and opens up one of their credit-card statements. “He’ll be standing there saying, ‘How did you run up a $300 bill at Winners? What did you buy?’” she says. “It’s a point of contention.”

“Most money fights aren’t about money but about priorities,” says Larson. “And it’s usually hard to get on the same page about those.” Claudia freely admits that hers have clashed with her husband’s in the past. “I’m much more of an impulse shopper. I’m also the one who wants to go on a vacation,” she says. “My husband will say, ‘Do you want a deck in the yard or do you want

to go to France?’”

THE STRATEGY TO TRY…

“You need to ask if buying shoes or tech gadgets or whatever else is important to your family happiness,” says Larson.

“They may well be. But you need to look out for your other goals.” And to do that, you really need to know what your goals are in the first place. Couples also need to decide how much financial independence they want within the relationship. While you shouldn’t have to ask your partner each time you want to buy a book, do set a dollar limit on discussion-free purchases.

You also need to build trust. “I’ve gone from having a single mindset to realizing that I’m in a partnership and part of a family,” says Claudia. She’s found that the milestones she and her husband have marked together—buying a home, getting married, having a baby —have slowly but surely made them more in sync on money matters. When Claudia and her husband started living together, they had four different bank accounts. They’ve whittled that down to one. “The financial ties have evolved with the emotional ones,” she says.

FIGHT #3 CAN YOU SPARE A THOUSAND BUCKS?

Nothing bothers Barbara* more than having to ask her husband for money.

She’s actually the responsible one who pays the bills and manages the day-today things. But she’s also self-employed and can never be sure when her money is coming in. “I’ll be waiting for a cheque so I could pay my Visa, and if it didn’t arrive, at the last minute I’d have to ask him for $1,000 to cover the bill,” she

4 QUICK TIPS FOR MANAGING YOUR FINANCES

1

Don’t start off talking about money—talk about your goals and dreams instead. “Create a list of your goals and priorities,” says Christine Larson, co-author of The Family CFO. “It can be as specific as taking a trip to China or as vague as having kids one day.”

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2

Create a cash-flow statement (what $$$ is coming in, what’s going out each month) so that you can see where your money is going now.

If you’re spending 30 percent of your money on dining out, maybe you need to consider eating in more.

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“In a committed partnership, there’s no ‘my money’ and ‘your money.’ You absolutely need a joint account.” says. “It shouldn’t be a big deal because he doesn’t care, but I feel weird about it.

It’s like I’m not pulling my weight.”

THE STRATEGY TO TRY…

In three words: Merge your finances. “In a committed partnership, there’s no ‘my money’ and ‘your money,’” says Larson, who also cites a study showing that couples with separate finances are more likely to divorce. “This does not mean that everything has to be merged, but you absolutely need a joint account.”

You also need to talk about some ground rules for how you’re going to use that account. Whoever dips into it will find it’s a lot easier to say, “By the way, I took $1,000 out of the kitty and I’ll put the money back next week,” instead of “Honey, could I borrow…?”

FIGHT #4 THIS ISN’T WHAT I BARGAINED FOR

Kevin* hasn’t really had money problems as such. He comes from an upper middle-class background and grew up without worries about where each month’s rent money would come from.

But things started to change after he married and his wife, Kate*, got pregnant immediately after. Kevin envisioned buying a house like the one he grew up in, and he and Kate had to change their spending patterns pronto.

“It was so hard conditioning ourselves to save for a down payment for a house,” says Kevin. What was worse was discovering that what they wanted and what they could get were two different things.

“What we envisioned living in wasn’t what we got,” he says. “We had to change our expectations. It’s a step down from what our parents had.” While it doesn’t

3

sound like a dire situation, it has gotten worse since the birth of the couple’s second child. “There’s stress on the relationship from the kid screaming and not sleeping,” he says. “And the stress really comes out at the end of the month when we’re paying the bills.”

THE STRATEGY TO TRY…

In this scenario, a couple could really benefit from the services of a financial planner. “Couples need to reassess their plans any time a major life event occurs,” says Ironshield Financial Planning’s Plaskett. “Marriage, buying a house, having a child—these are all milestones and they will affect your other plans. Getting a professional’s opinion allows you to remove emotion from the process.”

While that won’t help with the sleep deprivation, it can take the edge off the reality (and pain) that you’re not quite where you’d hoped to be financially.

FIGHT #5 I CAN OUTSPEND YOU ANY DAY, ANYWHERE

Before Tina Tessina became a therapist and author, she was an accountant. But that didn’t stop her from making some serious financial mistakes in her first marriage. “My husband was spending too much money and it drove me crazy that I couldn’t stop him from doing it,” she says. Her response? “I decided, well, I can’t stop you from spending but I can spend the money first.” Thus began a spending spree that ended when the couple divorced and Tina had to declare bankruptcy. “There is not a lot of rational thought about the things we do with money,” she says. “The real issue is often control: Who holds the money and what are they doing with it?”

Move from fantasy to reality by prioritizing your goals together.

Larson suggests that each person write their goals on separate index cards, mix the cards together, and discuss them. “You need to talk about why these things are important to you,” she says.

Getting into this bizarre sort of bidding war with your significant other isn’t as rare as you might think. “People know what’s right and wrong, and that’s where buyer’s remorse comes from,” says Plaskett, referring to the all toocommon mindset in which shoppers kick themselves for buying something just as the register goes ka-ching. “But people also want immediate gratification, and they do not want someone to tell them what they can and can’t do.”

THE STRATEGY TO TRY…

“There are two types of couples,” says Larson. “Committed couples have goals and dreams. Then there are couples who aren’t sure if what they’re in is a lifetime relationship.” If conflicted feelings about your relationship are fuelling your spending, you need to figure those out before you can make a plan for your financial future. m EMAIL US AT FEEDBACK@2MAGAZINE.COM WITH YOUR COMMENTS ON THIS PIECE.

4

Figure out which one of you is going to act as “CFO.” While all of the experts agree that you should be making your major decisions together, life is a lot easier if one person takes on the responsibility for paying the bills and managing the day-to-day finances.

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OPEN HOUSE Where 2 takes you into real couple’s homes Photographs by Derek Shapton

NAMES:

Link York and Lisa Mann THEIR STORY:

He’s a “poet/writer/actor-type”; she’s a “renaissance design person.” They’ve been together for 10 years and have lived together almost since the day they met.

THEIR DECOR STYLE:

“I try to be as true and original as I can. I try and avoid things that I’ve seen before,” says Lisa, whose background in art and graphic design is a major influence.

THEIR HOME:

Just over a year ago, they bought a two-storey, rotting-to-the-ground house in Toronto with plans to turn it into their own cool, affordable housing. “The deal closed on Halloween, which was funny because we called it ‘the hellhole of the Little House of Horrors,’” explains Lisa. “We ripped it apart; not one window, not one opening is in its original spot. We’re not done—we don’t have a door on our bathroom and the walls are just primed—but now we can have it grow a bit. Now we have a nice blank slate.”

INTERESTING PIECE:

“Link writes poetry and there came a point in time where he said, ‘I want to let people know what I’ve been up to’—because friends all know him as a producer/actor-kind of guy. So we brainstormed and came up with putting his poetry on paper bags. Because no one knew that he wrote poetry, we called the show Poetry by the Unknown Link. And it was a poetry installation that we did.”

WHERE THEY SHOP:

“The furniture is all found,” says Lisa. “I like discovering and finding things. I like junkyards, I don’t go to design stores; I go to scrap-metal yards like Teperman. I like to find things that nobody’s interested in and make it good.” m

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2Mag_Spring04_Feature_OpenHouse 3/3/04 9:10 PM Page 2

Top row, left to right: Link and Lisa in their living room; the almost-finished bathroom; a collage that Lisa found for “a buck or something” sits in the office.

Bottom row, left to right: A piece from a poetry installation that the couple did together; customized windows (designed by Lisa) and “found” furniture give the living room and office completely original looks.

IF YOU WOULD LIKE YOUR HOME CONSIDERED FOR “OPEN HOUSE,” PLEASE SEND PHOTOGRAPHS TO FEEDBACK@2MAGAZINE.COM SPRING 2004

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2Mag_Spring04_Feature_Gladstone 3/1/04 7:48 PM Page 1

2Mag_Spring04_Feature_Gladstone 3/3/04 12:36 PM Page 2

Last Call Oh the trysts and ,

turns of a night coming to a close

Photographs by David Drebin Styled by Michelle Paiano for artistgrouplimited.com LEFT: JUMPSUIT BY J. LINDEBERG, AT SELECT HOLT RENFREW STORES. CLINIQUE QUICKLINER FOR EYES IN NEW BLACK AND GLOSSWEAR FOR LIPS CREAM SHINES IN BERRY FLIRT, M.A.C LIPGLASS IN LYCHEE LUXE. RIGHT: JACKET BY JUST CAVALLI, AT CHARMIS COUTURE, 83 BLOOR, TORONTO; ANIK, OTTAWA; GIORGIO FEMME, MONTREAL. SEQUINED TANK TOP BY DEBBIE SHUCHAT, 1-877-850-9998.

TROUSERS BY MISS SIXTY LUXURY, WWW.MISS SIXTY.COM. EARRING BY URBAN OUTFITTERS. CLINIQUE GEL BLUSH IN SHELL PINK, RIMMEL SHEER TEMPTATION LIPSTICK IN ATTRACTION.

2Mag_Spring04_Feature_Gladstone 3/1/04 7:52 PM Page 3

LEFT: BLAZER BY J. LINDEBERG. SLEEVELESS SHIRT AND JEANS BY ENERGIE GOLD, WWW.ENERGIE.IT. SHOES BY ADIDAS. RIGHT: BOMBER JACKET BY J. LINDEBERG, AT DELPHIC, TORONTO. SHIRT AND JEANS BY SIXTY, INFO@SIXTYCANADA.COM. SHOES BY PUMA.

2Mag_Spring04_Feature_Gladstone 3/1/04 7:54 PM Page 4

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ON HIM: BLAZER BY TRIPLE FIVE SOUL, AT URBAN OUTFITTERS, TORONTO AND MONTREAL. SHIRT BY J. LINDEBERG, AT L’UOMO, TORONTO; LA MAISON SIMONS, MONTREAL. JEANS BY JUST CAVALLI, AT MEN’S CLUB, VANCOUVER; LA SCALA, VIA CAVOUR, TORONTO; GIORGIO EMPORIO, MONTREAL. SHOES, MODEL’S OWN. ON HER: JUMPSUIT BY J. LINDEBERG, AT SELECT HOLT RENFREW STORES. SHOES BY ADIDAS.

2Mag_Spring04_Feature_Gladstone 3/1/04 8:20 PM Page 6

ON HER: JACKET BY JUST CAVALLI, AT CHARMIS COUTURE, 83 BLOOR, TORONTO; ANIK, OTTAWA; GIORGIO FEMME, MONTREAL. SEQUINED TANK TOP BY DEBBIE SHUCHAT, 1-877-850-9998.

TROUSERS BY MISS SIXTY LUXURY, WWW.MISS SIXTY.COM. SHOES BY ENZO ANGIOLINI. EARRING BY URBAN OUTFITTERS. ON HIM: JACKET BY SEAL KAY, AT MENS, MONTREAL. T-SHIRT BY DEX, 1-800-567-DEX1.

JEANS BY ENERGIE GOLD, WWW.ENERGIE.IT. SHOES BY ADIDAS.

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ON HIM: TEXTURED SUIT BY JUST CAVALLI, AT MEN’S CLUB, VANCOUVER; LA SCALA, VIA CAVOUR, TORONTO; EMPORIO, MONTREAL. SHIRT BY ENERGIE GOLD, WWW.ENERGIE.IT. SHOES, MODEL’S OWN. ON HER: CAMISOLE BY MISS SIXTY, MINISKIRT

BY MISS SIXTY LUXURY, WWW.MISSSIXTY.COM. SHOES

BY FRANCO SARTO.

2Mag_Spring04_Feature_Gladstone 3/3/04 9:39 PM Page 8

LEFT: DRESS BY JUST CAVALLI, AT CHARMIS COUTURE, 83 BLOOR, TORONTO; ANIK, OTTAWA; GIORGIO FEMME, MONTREAL. SHOES BY IRREGULAR CHOICE. RIGHT: CROPPED JACKET BY MISS SIXTY LUXURY, JEANS BY MISS SIXTY, WWW.MISSSIXTY.COM. CAMISOLE BY DEX, 1-800-567-DEX1. SHOES BY ALDO. HAIR AND MAKEUP BY HEATHER FOX FOR ARTISTGROUPLIMITED.COM. PHOTOGRAPHED AT THE GLADSTONE HOTEL IN TORONTO.

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2 ADV IC E

ASK THE FOODIE

BY AMY ROS E N

like cayenne, sea salt, black pepper, oregano, bay leaves and dried rosemary.

Other things to keep on hand: cooking onions, garlic, canned tomatoes, breadcrumbs and dried pasta.

3. Buy a cookbook, get online, or take a cooking class to learn to make the meals that you like.

Q: WHAT’S THE EASIEST MEAL TO PREPARE IN A PINCH WHEN FRIENDS WITH KIDS VISIT?

Try baked macaroni and cheese (made with real cheddar), pigs in a blanket (served with gourmet condiments for the big kids), raw veggies (like baby carrots) and homemade chocolate pudding for dessert. And remember: Don’t go with flavours that are too strong—no garlic and nothing too spicy—or the kids will cry and everyone will hate you.

WE’RE THINKING OF TAKING UP COOKING. WHERE DO WE START?

Becoming a home chef is as easy as 1-2-3: 1. Invest in some kitchenware—a saucepan with a cover, a large and small skillet, a set of measuring spoons and bowls, a chopping board and a few knives (chef’s knife, small utility knife and bread knife).

A few extras, like a large wooden spoon, spatula, colander, can-opener and vegetable peeler, will also prove handy.

2. Stock your cupboards with basic ingredients, including good olive oil, vinegar, soy sauce, Dijon mustard, and seasonings

HOW THE HECK DO WE CUT OUR WEEKLY GROCERY BILL?

Stick to the outside aisles of the supermarket; the perimeter is where all the fruits and veggies, meat, and dairy sections are. And fresh is usually cheaper.

The further in you venture, the more packaged, preserved and costly it gets.

If you’re worried your fresh stuff will go bad before you eat it, try frozen. Or look for heartier fruits, like bags of apples and oranges, which will keep for a few weeks in the fridge. As for meats, flank steak is a hearty and cheaper cut, or why not get some stewing meat?

Canned tuna is a great protein hit, as are fresh eggs. When buying chicken, think about trying boneless, skinless chicken thighs in lieu of expensive breast meat.

As for the vegetarians, tofu is your best bet. To round out your cheapo meals, buy bulk bags or cans of inexpensive grains and pastas, including lentils, chickpeas, couscous and rice. m AMY ROSEN’S (AMYROSEN.COM) LATEST COOKBOOK, COOK THIS (RANDOM HOUSE CANADA), IS DUE OUT IN AUGUST. EMAIL AMY WITH YOUR FOOD QUESTIONS AT ADVICE@2MAGAZINE.COM

DICK’S WINE PICKS FARNESE SANGIOVESE DAUNIA 2002

($7) Italy Packs surprising punch for the price. Holds its own against burgers, steaks and stews but also lovely on its own. Drink within a year while the flavours of juicy, lip-smacking plums and raspberries are at their peak.

LOUIS JADOT BEAUJOLAIS-VILLAGES COMBE AUX JACQUES 2002

($15) France Delicious, almost delicate flavours of sour cherries backed by just a hint of wild herbs. This is a refreshing, light wine (12.5%) typical of the Beaujolais style.

Great for casual sipping, or as a companion to spring salads, creamy pastas or plain pizza.

HENRI BOURGEOIS LES BARONNES SANCERRE 2002

($26) France Stylish white from the Sancerre region overlooking the Loire River. Steely acidity is a trademark, with a bracing citrus bite that remains mellow at the finish. Serve chilled, with nibbles.

LAKEVIEW CELLARS MERITAGE 2000

($16) Ontario A confident, sophisticated blend of the classic Bordeaux grape trilogy: Cabernet Sauvignon, Merlot and Cabernet Franc. The fruit is front and centre, with distant smoky oak. Smooth but with snap—it’ll shine next to a rib-eye plucked rare from the BBQ. WOLF BLASS RIESLING 2002

($12) Australia A touch of sweetness upfront backed by a clean seam of acidity, this is a perfect sipper for the patio or with a rich fish dish.

It’s easy to drink and packed with flavour; grab a case if you can and save it for a sunny day.

Note: Wine prices and availability will vary across the country.

TO CUT GROCERY COSTS, STICK WITH FRESH GOODS LIKE FRUIT AND VEGGIES. YUM.

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DICK SNYDER’S BIGGEST CHALLENGE IS TO RESTOCK HIS WINE CELLAR AT A FASTER RATE THAN HE CAN DEPLETE IT. EMAIL DICK AT ADVICE@2MAGAZINE.COM

PHOTOGRAPHS BY EAMON MAC MAHON

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2 ADV IC E

RECIPE FOR 2 FEATURING... JAMIE OLIVER Jamie Oliver knows how to please a crowd. Whether feeding state officials, high-school mates or customers at his popular restaurant, Fifteen, in London, England, he seems unfazed by numbers. So when he’s cooking for, say, two people, his approach is no different: easy peasy. “I think the only time that cooking for two—or cooking for people you want to impress—goes wrong is when you try so hard, you’ve got so many things going on and you’re so stressed that it spoils the atmosphere.

The best thing is just to do something simple but do it really, really well.”

Easy for a professional chef to say, but Jamie’s idea of simple cooking does not require prepped plates or getting all “restaurant-y.” Back before he had his own T-Fal line of cookware, before he had two little girls, and before his TV shows (The Naked Chef, Jamie’s Kitchen and Oliver’s Twist), he and then-girlfriend Jools (now his wife of more than three years) had opposite work schedules. So Jamie created a quick way to have a nice meal—which works for the cooking and time-challenged.

“I used to do these envelopes in tinfoil and make up little dishes, all sorts of different things,” he explains. “I used to write little notes like, ‘All right, darling. Fancy a bit tonight.’ So you come back at night, bosh it straight in the oven for however many times or what temperatures I said. That’s nice—almost like getting some flowers, basically.”

After all, it’s not what you cook, says Jamie. “People always try and write too much into food and say what food is sexy. I think that’s all shit really. It’s just how you do it. Do you know what I mean? You don’t want to be cheesy sexy.

Just kind of intimate.” m —Naomi Kim

ENTER NOW! For the chance to win a Jamie Oliver Retro Roaster with Rack, email feedback@2magazine.com under subject “Jamie Oliver contest.” Suggested retail value: $135. (For where to buy, call 1-800-263-3093.)

PHOTOGRAPH BY CHRIS TERRY

JAMIE OLIVER STOPPING TRAFFIC IN NEW YORK CITY.

JAMIE OLIVER’S CHICKEN BREAST BAKED IN A BAG WITH MUSHROOMS, BUTTER, WHITE WINE AND THYME 2 1 9 1 3 1 2

SERVES 2 7OZ (198G) SKINLESS CHICKEN BREASTS HANDFUL OF DRIED PORCINI OZ (255G) MIXED MUSHROOMS, TORN UP LARGE WINEGLASS OF WHITE WINE LARGE PATS OF BUTTER HANDFUL OF FRESH THYME CLOVES OF GARLIC, PEELED AND SLICED

As this is for 2 people, I’m going to make a large envelope/bag to cook everything in.

Using wide aluminum foil, make your bag by placing 2 pieces on top of each other (about as big as 2 shoeboxes in length), folding 3 sides in and leaving 1 side open.

Preheat the oven to 425˚F. Mix everything together in a bowl, including the chicken. Place in your bag, with all the wine, making sure you don’t pierce the foil.

Close up the final edge, making sure the bag is tightly sealed and secure on all sides, and carefully slide it onto a roasting pan. Place the pan on a high heat for 1 minute to get the heat going, then bake in the middle of your preheated oven for 25 minutes.

Remove from the oven, place the bag on a big plate, take it to the table and break open the foil. Feel free to vary the recipe—things like grated parsnip, smoked bacon and red wine also work well.

Reprinted with permission. From Happy Days with the Naked Chef by Jamie Oliver (Hyperion, 2002).

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2 ADV IC E

THE CAR GUY

BY M I C H A E L B E T T E N CO U RT

THE BEST NEW VEHICLES OF ’04 Car Guy makes his picks BEST ECONOMY CAR

The Mazda3 is a knockout. Hot looks, fine handling, smooth powerful engine, and enough toys inside to impress your Mercedes-driving uncle. Starts at $16K.

MAZDA3

Q: CAR GUY, SHOULD I BUY OR

CAR GUY, HOW DO I FIND A CHEAP AND RELIABLE AUTO TECHNICIAN?

A hidden gold mine of info can be found on the websites of owners’ clubs for your vehicle. These sites always have message areas where questions can be posted, and invariably club members will jump to recommend a favourite (and often reasonably priced) technician. Local CAA organizations also list approved shops in your area online. Or try what generations of drivers have done: word of mouth. m MICHAEL BETTENCOURT TEST-DRIVES MORE THAN 100 VEHICLES A YEAR AND IS A MEMBER OF THE AUTOMOBILE JOURNALISTS ASSOCIATION OF CANADA. EMAIL THE CAR GUY WITH YOUR QUESTIONS AT ADVICE@2MAGAZINE.COM

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BEST FAMILY VEHICLE

The Chevrolet Malibu, Mazda6 and Mitsubishi Galant are very close in terms of refinement, spaciousness and pricing, but the Mazda6 stands out because it gets high style marks and knows how to move. Do looks and handling matter in a four-door, sub-$30K family hauler?

They do now.

MAZDA6

BEST SPORTS COUPE/SEDAN UNDER $35K

The Mazda3 Sport is a cheap (starts at $20K) yet fun date, this time in a swanky hatchback body. Those who are looking for a little more luxury will be happy with the Acura TSX (starts at just under $35K), another fine-handling front-wheel driver.

ACURA TSX

BEST MINIVAN

Toyota’s Sienna is the class of this field: It’s a high-quality vehicle that’s smooth and quiet at any speed. Starts at around $30K, but can peak up over $50K depending on the number of bells and whistles you get, such as all-wheel drive, moonroof, and leather seats.

TOYOTA SIENNA

BEST SUV

Subaru’s Forester 2.5 XT is the smallest and nimblest of this motley crew, plus it’s one of the least expensive of the newbies at around $36K. Also look out for the ’05 Chevrolet Equinox, which should make a lot of noise with its adjustable second-row seat and sharp looks.

SUBARU FORESTER 2.5 XT

FROM TOP: COURTESY OF MAZDA, ACURA, TOYOTA, SUBARU

LEASE MY NEW VEHICLE?

Buying is the nice plan for those who are ready for commitment. It can save you big bucks if you like to keep your vehicle for a long time, do a lot of highway driving, or are interested in something offering serious financial incentives (e.g. zero percent financing or multiple thousand dollar cashback discounts).

Leasing is better for people who (a) hate to hear the word “depreciation”— Economics 101 recommends buying assets that increase in value and renting ones that don’t, (b) need low monthly payments, and (c) don’t mind perpetual car payments. But wannabe leasers should be aware that there are extra fees not included in those low monthly payments that could add up to thousands of dollars, due all at once at lease end. Ask your dealer about these upfront.

Know thyself, as Socrates advised, and you will know which plan is right for you.

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2 ADV IC E

ASK THE HEADHUNTER

BY JA M ES COBU R N

I’VE BEEN TOLD A MILLION DIFFERENT THINGS SO TELL ME ONCE AND FOR ALL: WHAT SHOULD MY RESUME INCLUDE?

Q: HOW SHOULD I DRESS FOR INTERVIEWS? SHOW ME THE WAY.

How many times do you need to hear the old adage that says you only have one first impression. Come on, people, get it right, will ya! In 10 years of headhunting, I’ve seen a lot of good and also plenty of bad. I’ll never forget the candidate who walked into a final interview with the president of a multinational advertising agency wearing an orange suit.

Needless to say, he didn’t get the job.

Make sure you get designer threads with style, threads that walk and talk.

And wear a tie: It’ll give you swagger and show the interviewer that you mean business. Trust me, better to be overdressed than underdressed; it’s a game of respect. Remember to iron those threads, too. Your future employer doesn’t want any signs of “rough around the edges.”

Women, just continue with your instinct. I’m convinced you know what

Okay, this checklist is your resume bible: ✓ Put your name centred and in bold at the top of the page, with email address underneath in bold. (Your phone number and snail-mail address should go at the bottom of your resume.) ✓ In a sentence or two, and in bold again, describe/capture who you are.

For example: “Profile: A driven ad guy from the land of Dundee who eats up the opportunity to deliver flawless execution, service and strategic brilliance.” ✓ Within the profile, include your objective: e.g. “To join an entrepreneurial team and add significant growth to business.” ✓ Do your career history. List the names of current/past employers in bold and date-stamp everything. Under each job, write “Responsibilities” in bold and list in bullet form. Then make another heading called “Major Accomplishments” or “Achievements,” and list those in bullet form, too. Your accomplishments are what will really sell you. ✓ List education.

✓ List computer skills. ✓ List “Interests & Activities.” Don’t just write down “gourmet cooking.”

Please, what kind? Italian? Okay, but why? Were you inspired by travelling in Italy? This section can be a perfect icebreaker during an interview. ✓ Make sure your resume is no more than three pages. Two is good, one is ideal. ✓ Take a risk. Be creative. A young grad once put the Nike logo at the bottom of his resume. The words underneath were: “Just Hire Me.” It worked; I placed him. ✓ Leave off “References available upon request.” Until you’re through a couple of interview stages, no one really cares.

Be prepared to supply three to five when asked. Former bosses are best. ✓ Finally, never lie about what you’ve done or not done. It will come back to bite you. If your prospective employer finds out that you actually left something off your resume, you need to explain yourself and it becomes an issue.

Not only do you look bad, but I look bad. And you don’t want me mad at you. I won’t call you again, either.

HOW CAN I MAKE MY BOSS LIKE ME?

1. Manage expectations. In work and life, I’m convinced it boils down to simply keeping one step ahead of good and bad news. I learned this lesson early on while servicing a tough client: I didn’t have appropriate candidates for a job and wasn’t delivering to the timeline. I failed by not keeping my client in the loop.

I was scared. She left me a voice mail that said, “Your silence is deafening.”

2. Be solution-minded. Bring along two or three well thought-out suggestions to an issue or problem.

3. Keep tabs during the year about all you’ve accomplished (big and small), and cover those off during your annual review. This will give you leverage and confidence when asking for that raise. m JAMES COBURN IS A SENIOR CONSULTANT WHO HAS MET MORE THAN 10,000 CANDIDATES FROM COAST TO COAST AND CLOSED HUNDREDS OF SEARCHES. EMAIL THE HEADHUNTER WITH YOUR QUESTIONS AT ADVICE@2MAGAZINE.COM

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PHOTOGRAPH BY GUS POWELL

“PASSO DOUBLE” PHOTOGRAPH FROM THE COMPANY OF STRANGERS (J&L BOOKS, 2003)

works best. Be professional, never flaunt too much (you know what I mean).

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2 ADV IC E

I’M A PARENT—HOLY SH*T!

BY L EZ L I E LOWE

is almost always poor latching. Pop your clean finger in your baby’s mouth to break the death-like lip-grip, get her to open wide and try again. And again. And again. When it hurts, breathe and count to 10. One day, it’ll just click. And it’s smooth sailing from there. (Until the day your child latches on in a grocery store— that’s a whole other set of worries.)

Q: MY PARTNER AND I HAVE A NINE-MONTH-OLD AND OUR SEX LIFE IS VIRTUALLY NON-EXISTENT. ANY RECOMMENDATIONS FOR HOW TO GET US BACK ON TRACK?

Did you notice that newborn babies have a sinister form of orgasm-ESP? They immediately require assistance whenever one or more parents approach climax. As far as I can tell, they grow out of it at around six months.

Assuming that your child has, too, ask yourself: Are there any physical impediments to getting it on, such as lingering pain from episiotomy or tearing? What about emotional hitches? Are you both ready to have sex again? If no other hold-ups apply, I’ll wager you just can’t find time at the end of the day for a romp in the sack (or the shower, or the backseat or wherever). Welcome to parenthood. The trick is changing your routine. Do it in the morning. Do it when Teletubbies is on. Schedule sex dates. Do whatever you can, as often as you can, to fit sex in. If it gets you back in the saddle, as they say, it’s all good.

NO ONE TOLD ME THAT MOM AND BABY HAVE TO LEARN TO BREASTFEED!

This may be the greatest—and most discouraging—myth of motherhood. Your baby plops out, you bring the little darling to your breast and… nine times out of ten, nothing happens except you get a goobery baby French kissing your nipple. Apparently, they don’t spend nine months in there beefing up on La Leche League pamphlets. Breastfeeding is a challenge—cracked and bleeding nipples, 10-pound breasts, wet spots on your clothes. But take heart: The culprit

PHOTOGRAPH BY SANDY NICHOLSON

MY PARTNER AND I ARE CONSIDERING HAVING A BABY. HOW MUCH OF A PARENTING PHILOSOPHY SHOULD WE DEVELOP BEFORE WE ACTUALLY GET OUR HANDS DIRTY?

Your attachment to your baby will be the most intense, unfaltering bond you’ll likely ever develop. If you cling to a specific parenting philosophy as steadfastly, you’re doomed. It’s great to have principles (for instance, “my baby will be a cloth-diapered, home-schooled vegan”) but understand that your baby is actually a living, peeing human being.

And if she decides tofu isn’t for her, there’s nothing you can do about it.

Likewise, no matter how committed you are to a TV-free one-year-old, sometimes you need 20 minutes to yourself. Barney the dinosaur won’t cause permanent brain damage. The key to your continued sanity is accepting the chaos theory

of parenting: Anything can happen and flexibility in dealing with it is crucial.

MY PARTNER AND I ARE ABOUT TO HAVE OUR FIRST CHILD. WILL OUR LIVES EVER BE THE SAME?

Never. You are about to enter a world of toxic orange poop, spit-up and, potentially, a mysterious illness called the Croup, which causes your newborn to wake at 3 a.m. and whelp like a seal caught in a ship’s rudder. Of course, there are also Dr. Seuss books, and the first time your child says, “I love you.”

A friend once asked me, six months into parenting, “Is it getting easier?” It never gets easier. It only gets different.

IS IT OKAY TO GO TO TIM HORTONS WITH YOUR BABY AT 6:30 A.M. BEFORE CHANGING HIS 5POUND, PEE-SOAKED, ABOUT-TOLEAK-EVERYWHERE DIAPER?

Yes. Society allows new parents—especially dishevelled-looking ones—a sizeable number of indiscretions. You need coffee. You go. Smile with modest exasperation at the other customers every so often and enjoy your double-double. m LEZLIE LOWE HAS TWO JOBS: (1) FREELANCE WRITER/ BROADCASTER/RESEARCHER AND (2) MOTHER OF A YOUNG DAUGHTER. GUESS WHICH IS MORE DIFFICULT. EMAIL YOUR PARENTING QUESTIONS TO ADVICE@2MAGAZINE.COM

“It’s 6:30 a.m. Can I fuel

up at Tim Hortons before changing my baby’s peesoaked diaper?”

WHAT NOT TO DO IF YOU’RE A PARENT… Dear Parents: You may recall how earlier this year Crocodile Hunter host Steve Irwin dangled his infant son in front of a crocodile at an Australian zoo. Please do not try this with your child at your local zoo. Thank you so much, 2 Editors.

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2 ADV IC E

DECOR

BY A MANDA EATON

Q: AMANDA, WE WANT TO LIVEN UP OUR BACKYARD. DO YOU HAVE SOME FUN SUGGESTIONS?

Today’s outdoor spaces, from tiny balcony to large backyard, are all about hanging out in style.

For relaxation and entertainment, the possibilities range from portable showers to speakers disguised as rocks. And don’t forget about accessories: This season’s palette includes pinks, blues

and oranges, which will add a real splash of colour to your greenery.

Pictured below are seven pieces for spring that will help you get the most out of your backyard—and make your neighbours jealous. m AMANDA EATON RUNS HER OWN CONSULTING COMPANY AND IS CO-HOST OF PRIME’S ROOM TO GROW. EMAIL HER WITH YOUR DECORATING QUESTIONS AT ADVICE@2MAGAZINE.COM. PLEASE INCLUDE PICTURES, IF APPLICABLE.

3

4

2 1

5

6 7

1 OUTDOOR SHOWER BY CABAN, $399, CABAN.COM; 2 WATERING CAN BY TORRE & TAGUS, $20, 1-800-423-4417; 3 PLANT POT BY IKEA, $4, IKEA.CA; 4 WEATHERPROOF SPEAKER

BY PARADISE, $50, RONA.CA; 5 DECKCHAIR BY CABAN, $89, CABAN.COM; 6 CONVECTION BARBECUE BY WOODFLAME, $250, RONA.CA; 7 GARDEN TOOLS (SOLD IN SET OF THREE, TRANSPLANTING TROWEL NOT SHOWN) BY TORRE & TAGUS, $45, 1-800-423-4417.

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ILLUSTRATION BY NONCONCEPTUAL. PRODUCT PHOTOGRAPHS BY PAUL WEEKS

2Mag_Spring04_Advice 3/3/04 1:19 PM Page 7

2 ADV IC E

YOUR HEALTH

BY JA N E DOUC E T

cise and keep your puffer handy.

BETWEEN LATE NIGHTS OUT AND BUSINESS TRIPS, MY SLEEP SCHEDULE IS ERRATIC. HOW CAN I CATCH THE BEST ZZZS?

Q: EACH SPRING MY ALLERGIES AND ASTHMA FLARE UP. APART FROM PILL-POPPING, WHAT ELSE CAN HELP?

In spring and summer, when pollen, mold, dust and smog levels increase, reduce your exposure to the allergens giving you grief. Pollen counts are highest in the early morning, so keep your windows closed until noon. Pollen can stick to your hair, so shampoo it before bed.

On smoggy, humid days, listen to the humidex warnings on the TV or radio; if they’re high and your asthma is severe, limit outdoor activity and exer-

Inconsistent bedtimes, eating or drinking at night, and even taking naps can mess up your internal sleep clock. Lay off booze, nicotine and caffeine, which rev up your system. Before bedtime, listen to calming music, take a hot bath or do relaxing yoga poses—whatever soothes you. And as much as you can, ensure that your sleep and wake times are consistent.

I’M IN PRETTY GOOD SHAPE AND EAT WELL, TOO, BUT WANT TO TONE MY GUT. CAN YOU RECOMMEND AN EXERCISE?

Lie on your back and place your calves on the seat of a chair, making a 90degree angle at your knees. Cross your arms over your chest. Using only your

abdominal muscles, raise your head and shoulders five centimetres off the floor while inhaling. Once in the upper position, hold for two to three seconds, then exhale while slowly lowering yourself down, either completely to the floor or hovering just above it for more of a challenge. Repeat 15 to 20 times. Take a breather. Do two more sets. Admire your flat stomach in the mirror.

WHY DON’T I HAVE THE ENERGY I HAD DURING MY FROSH YEARS?

Look, you’re old—well older, anyway.

As we age, it takes more effort to get our adrenaline going. So eat healthy meals that include lean cuts of meat or fish; fruits and starchy vegetables; and whole-wheat bread, pasta and rice. Cut coffee, cola and tea consumption down to a couple of cups a day to avoid the crash that follows caffeine’s initial jolt of energy; drink up to two litres of water, juice or herbal tea instead. Munch on unsalted nuts, dried fruit, low-fat yogurt, or cheese and veggie sticks, which boost blood-sugar levels. At lunchtime, go for a power walk. m JANE DOUCET IS A WRITER WITH A SPECIAL INTEREST IN HEALTH. EMAIL HER WITH YOUR HEALTH QUESTIONS AT ADVICE@2MAGAZINE.COM

TIPS FOR LIVING ✓ SAY YES TO DARK CHOCOLATE, which lowers blood pressure. Enjoy in moderation, of course. ✓ Uncap the sunblock—AT LEAST SPF 30 .

Don’t wait until you get a sunburn. ✓ GET A PHYSICAL . Your annual check-up may not be enjoyable, but it could catch some serious health conditions early.

✓ Reduce the amount of hydrogenated vegetable oils (trans-fatty acids) you eat that are in many foods, including crackers, cookies and cereals. They contribute to HIGH CHOLESTEROL , which can lead to heart disease. Check food-ingredient labels to find them.

HAVE TROUBLE SLEEPING? DON’T TRY THIS AT HOME, KIDS. DO RELAXING YOGA POSES INSTEAD.

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PASTAS AND BREADS , which are rich in fibre. A high-fibre diet will keep your metabolism moving and lower the amount of bad cholesterol in your blood.

CORBIS

✓ Switch from white to WHOLE-WHEAT

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2 ADV IC E

PLASTIC SURGERY

BY D R . M A RC DU P É R É

spiration — and stains on expensive designer gowns and suits. Used in this application, the effects can last up to nine months.

DOC, WHAT DO YOU THINK OF SHOWS LIKE EXTREME MAKEOVER AND NIP/TUCK?

Q: DOC, GIVE ME THE GOODS ON BOTOX.

Botox is an injectable agent that prevents the nerves from activating the muscles responsible for active wrinkling. It works well for the angry lines between the brows and forehead lines, while providing a non-surgical younger-looking brow lift for up to six months. The newest applications are used to stop heavy sweating in the armpits and palms, which can save a lot of embarrassment. It has become quite common for celebrities to have underarm injections prior to big award events to prevent unsightly per-

Extreme Makeover demonstrates how improving one’s looks can dramatically change one’s self-esteem, but the prohibitive cost, time and commitment would not allow most people to have this done.

I find my clients prefer a subtle, naturallooking enhancement to radical change.

As for Nip/Tuck, that’s a crude presentation of the plastic surgery industry, exaggerated to make the show entertaining and humorous. Which it is.

DOC, WHAT COSMETIC TRENDS ARE YOU SEEING FOR 2004?

Shaping the brows to make them look younger is hot, and so is treating sweating in palms and armpits (see first ques-

tion), both of which are done through Botox. Also, augmenting and rejuvenating the lips with the various fillers to give them a full, sexy look is in—that’s a daily activity at my clinic. Breast augmentation with silicone implants is back and safe after many studies failed to conclusively show an association with any diseases. Liposuction and postpregnancy tummy tucks are also getting more and more common.

DOC, WHAT ARE YOUR THOUGHTS ON MICHAEL JACKSON’S NOSE?

No one can say for sure how many procedures Michael has had, but this is an extreme exception and by no means the rule in our profession. In my practice, we spend the time to get to know the patient before doing any procedure, especially if it is surgical. I will not treat someone if I believe they have emotional problems or unrealistic expectations.

DOC, WHY IS PLASTIC SURGERY CALLED “PLASTIC” SURGERY?

The word “plastic” comes from the Greek word plastikos, which means to mold, shape and sculpt. Plastic surgery acquired that denomination based on the fact that as plastic surgeons, we have the ability to change the shape, contour and physiognomy of people with our surgical skills.

DOC, WHAT SHOULD I LOOK FOR WHEN SHOPPING AROUND FOR A PLASTIC SURGEON?

Well, for one thing, make sure you do indeed “shop around.” Not all cosmetic surgeons are plastic surgeons. Visit the website for the Royal College of Physicians and Surgeons of Canada (royal college.ca) to check their credentials.

Also, word of mouth is very helpful.

Above all, meet the surgeons and their team to ensure you’re comfortable with them. m

SOME OF DR. DUPÉRÉ’S HANDIWORK ON THE LIPS. SKINNY LIPS ARE SOOO LAST YEAR.

DR. MARC DUPÉRÉ IS A PLASTIC SURGEON BASED IN TORONTO. FOR INFO ON HIS CLINIC, VISAGE, GO TO VISAGECLINIC.CA OR CALL 416-929-9800.

EMAIL HIM WITH YOUR NIP AND TUCK QUESTIONS AT ADVICE@2MAGAZINE.COM

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2 ADV IC E

YOUR LOOK

BY R HON DA R I C H E

Q: MY PARTNER WANTS TO GET RID OF HIS BACK HAIR. WHAT’S THE LEAST PAINFUL, LONGESTLASTING WAY TO GO ABOUT IT?

Try laser hair removal, a process that uses concentrated light to destroy hair follicles, preventing regrowth. Electrolysis, though not quite pain-free, is another permanent option that involves

inserting a very fine needle to send an electric current into the hair follicle. Beware that both treatments can cost thousands of dollars, and that there is a slight risk of scarring with both. Other fairly low-pain options are depilatory creams and lotions — products that contain chemicals that basically dissolve hair.

Available at most drugstores, they’re only about 5 to 10 bucks but can cause skin irritation for those with sensitive skin or allergies, and chemical burns (ahhh!) if left on too long.

COULD YOU SUGGEST SOME UNISEX SKINCARE PRODUCTS SO THAT OUR BATHROOM ISN’T CLOGGED WITH TWO OF EVERYTHING?

deodorant. Angels on Bare Skin from Lush (available at Lush or lush.com) is a gentle facial cleanser suitable for all skin types and, bonus, is supposedly made from a medieval recipe “for the use of anyone with a romantic disposition.”

You can share a nice, friction-free shaving cream, such as Origins Blade Runner Energizing Shave Cream (at select Bay stores or origins.com) or the Body Shop For Men Shave Cream (at the Body Shop or thebodyshop.ca). Going twosies on deodorant may seem a little intimate, but I will recommend Superbly Efficient Anti-Perspirant & Deodorant Cream from Kiehl’s (available at Holt Renfrew or kiehls.com). It’s unscented and gentle, making it suitable for any gender.

Share cleanser, share shaving cream, share MY PARTNER AND I ARE STARTING TO DRESS ALIKE—BLUE JEANS, WHITE TS, SWEATSHIRTS. IS THIS WEIRD?

Some psychologists believe that we are hard-wired to seek out mates that resemble us. Others say that we all seek out groups that share common interests and that those groups tend to dress alike (think preppy, think goth). If a couple is the ultimate peer group, then it makes sense that you would share an aesthetic sensibility. So, if you dress alike because you are both beatniks who like to wear striped shirts and berets, it’s good that you’re so in sync with each other. It may make your single friends feel sick, but that’s their problem—well, except when you’re walking around in matching sweatsuits. Now that’s just wrong. m RHONDA RICHE HAS, LIKE, THE BEST LOOK EVER. EMAIL HER WITH YOUR STYLE QUESTIONS AT ADVICE@2MAGAZINE.COM

2 RECOMMENDS… Where’d You Get Those?

New York City’s Sneaker Culture: 1968-1987 Bobbito Garcia (Testify Books, 2003) This book on sneaker style serves as an overview of youth culture from the ’60s through the ’80s—and as a shopping guide for what retro kicks you’ll be looking for this spring.

OMIGOD, WE’RE MUTATING INTO ONE! DO WE NEED HELP?

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ILLUSTRATION BY YUKO SHIMIZU

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NE AZIT G A 2 MERFEC P EEN BETSWHEETS! THE

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