photo: Joggie Botma
julie woods
How to try something once Turn your “no” into “why not”
W
ithout a doubt, the number-one take-out message from my book, How to Make a Silver Lining, comes from chapter eight: Try something once, specifically “turn your ‘no’ into ‘why not!’” These two small words have taken me, a woman who cannot see, from the couch to touching the great pyramids in Egypt. They can do the same for you – all you have to do is start practising the two words. Following are eight ways to help you start to create this habit of engagement: 1. Ask yourself what’s the worst thing that can happen if I do this? If you are satisfied that the worst thing is actually not that bad, then why not do it?
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2. Make a list of the things you miss out on in life because you say no. What opportunities have you missed out on because of your negative stance?
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3. Take a piece of paper and draw what doing this act would mean to your life. What have you drawn? What did you learn from drawing it? 4. Carry a diary around with you. Take a note of all the things you turn down. Write down what you turned down, and the emotion you felt just before you said no. Is there a pattern? Do you say no because you are scared? What do you notice about the times you say no?
5. Ask yourself “what would it feel like if I did this?” Focus on the gain, not the pain and see how inspired you get when you start thinking about having done this!
that will help answer that “but.” E.g. If you want to sky dive but you’re afraid of injuring yourself, write the question in the right column “how many people injure themselves when they go sky diving?”
“ Make a list of the things you miss out on in life because you say no. What opportunities have you missed out on because of your negative stance?”
6. Ask around. Ask three other people who have done something similar. How did they find it? Would they do it again? Write down three questions and ask each of them. This way you will get a clearer idea of how they all found it. 7. Write a “but” journal. Draw two vertical lines on a piece of paper creating three columns. In the left hand column write down the thing you are contemplating doing. In the middle column write the word “but” at the top. In that column write all the reasons that are stopping you from doing this. In the right column, write a question
Then find out the answer. If the answer is an acceptable one then you will have allayed any fears around injuring yourself. Continue until you are ready to make an informed decision. 8. If nothing changes, nothing changes. If you keep giving the same response to the same question, then you will be stuck in your life. For once, just say yes when you would usually say no, and see where it takes you. Life is a failure-rich learning environment so, provided the idea isn’t harmful to your health in the event of failure, you will have provided yourself with a fabulous learning opportunity.
