October 30, 2017 34st.com
november 02 2017
3 WORD ON THE STREET
sleep deprivation won’t cure my depression
4 VICE & VIRTUE
The Grindr Effect, Yoga Poses to Relieve Stress
6 EGO
Serena Bian’s Space Gatherings
7 MUSIC
Music Helps Me Cope with Anxiety
Many, many letters ago (maybe even in my first one), I wrote about my high school paper column, "Oh Really?" For one of those installations, I wrote a long satire piece about depression and anxiety. And while using satire to talk about mental health sounds a little counterintuitive, it was the only way I could verbalize the complicated feelings that I'd long struggled with. After sending it to my best friend, the only person I really ever talked to about mental health in high school, I quietly tucked it away. The column never saw the light of day because I eventually chose not to publish it. I never looked at it again until about roughly twenty minutes before writing this letter, almost exactly four years later. What's disappointing, I guess, is how little I've learned from that experience. I'm still so, so hesitant to talk
LETTERFROMTHEEDITOR about mental health. We're always complaining about how bad mental health is at Penn, how hard it is to get an appointment at CAPS, how difficult the balance can be, but these are always explained in sweeping generalizations. It's never my struggle or my battle, it's someone else at Penn. I'm as much of a champion of mental health at Penn as anyone, but God forbid we talk about my mental health. There's a mass of anonymous students struggling at Penn, a group I assign the struggles and anxieties that I know I also struggle with. But we need more mental health discussions not for me, never for me, for them, this made up group of secret sufferers. The most important thing about the Mental Health Guide is just simply talking about mental health. Starting a real conversation, one that begins with
the Daily Pennsylvanian as a company discussing what it means to cover mental health, and hopefully trickling down today into living rooms and libraries. It's just as simple as owning up to our fears or anxieties or insecurities. They get the best of everyone, sometimes. No one is perfectly healthy and happy all of the time, and it's okay to own it, and admit it, and just even let yourself feel it sometimes. So, I'll start with this letter. I sometimes struggle with staying mentally healthy. Just like everyone. Boom, done.
TURN TO BACK PAGE TO SEE MENTAL HEALTH RESOURCES AVAILABLE AT PENN. Orly Greenberg, Editor–in–Chief Dani Blum, Managing Editor Chloe Shakin, Audience Engagement Director Teagan Aguirre, Design Director Carissa Zou, Design Director Corey Fader, Photo Director
Angela Lin, Highrow Beat Nick Castoria, Highrow Beat Paul Litwin, Music Beat Amy Marcus, Music Beat Aliya Chaudhry, Music Beat Noah Kest, Music Beat Michelle Pereira, Music Beat Jess Sandoval, Music Beat Shoshana Sternstein, Lowbrow Beat Dano Major, Lowbrow Beat Lily Zirlin, Lowbrow Beat Cami Potter, Lowbrow Beat Noa Baker, Vice & Virtue Beat Lily Snider, Vice & Virtue Beat Morgan Potts, Vice & Virtue Beat Julia Messick, Vice & Virtue Beat Jillian Karande, Vice & Virtue Beat Molly Hessel, Vice & Virtue Beat Gina Alm, Arts Beat Sherry Tseng, Arts Beat Linda Lin, Arts Beat Michaela Tinkey, Arts Beat
Nick Joyner, Features Editor Julia Bell, Features Editor Angela Huang, Word on the Street Editor Dalton DeStefano, Film & TV Editor Annabelle Williams, Highbrow Editor Haley Weiss, Ego Editor Andreas Pavlou, Vice & Virtue Editor Talia Sterman, Music Editor Colin Lodewick, Arts Editor Claire Schmidt, Lowbrow Editor Catalina Dragoi, Film & TV Beat Michaela Reitano, Film & TV Beat Sabrina Qiao, Ego Beat Maria Riillo, Ego Beat Natalia Sanchez-Nigolian, Ego Beat Lucia Kim, Highbrow Beat Daniel Bulpitt, Highbrow Beat 2
Staff Writers: EIsabelle Fertel, Caroline Curran, Kiana Cruz, Clare Kearns, McKay Norton, Chen
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Chen Zhang, Brookie McIlvaine, Steph Barron, Lauren Donato, Frankie Reitmeyer, Jamie Gobreski, Brittany Levy, Jessica Li, Maria Formoso Zack Greenstein, Design Editor Christina Piasecki, Design Editor Katherine Waltman, Design Editor Gloria Yuen, Illustrator Anne Marie Grudem, Illustrator Avalon Morell, Photo Editor Autumn Powell, Photo Editor Megan Kyne, Photo Editor Christina Piasecki, Photo Editor Emily Hason, Video Director Daniel Rubin, Video Editor Megan Kyne, Video Editor Lea Eisenstein, Copy Director Sophia Griffith-Gorgati, Copy Editor Nancy Liu, Copy Editor Kimberly Batista, Copy Editor Colleen Campbell, Copy Editor Kolade Lawal, Copy Editor
Cole Bauer, Social Media Editor Paige Fishman, Social Media Editor Hanniel Dizon, Social Media Editor Carly Shoulberg, Social Media Editor Julia Klayman, Social Media Editor Merry Gu, Social Media Editor Chae Hahn, Social Media Editor Sarah Poss, Social Media Editor Lily Haber, Social Media Editor Unless otherwise noted, all photos are by Corey Fader, Autumn Powell, Megan Kyne, Christina Piasecki, and Brinda Ramesh. Contacting 34th Street Magazine: If you have questions, comments, complaints or letters to the editor, email Orly Greenberg, Editor–in–Chief, at greenberg@dailypennsylvanian.com. You can also call us at (215) 422-4640. www.34st.com ©2017 34th Street Magazine, The Daily Pennsylvanian, Inc. No part may be reproduced in whole or in part without the express, written consent of the editors (but I bet we will give you the a-okay.) All rights reserved. 34th Street Magazine is published by The Daily Pennsylvanian, Inc., 4015 Walnut St., Philadelphia, Pa., 19104, every Wednesday.
M E N TA L H E A LT H G U I D E
word on the STREET
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SLEEP DEPRIVATION WON'T CURE MY DEPRESSION
his year, I stopped stockpiling transfer application essays, which made me realize that I haven’t been happy here since my freshman year. Penn was bright and shiny in the beginning, all parties and people glazed with newness. I took shots with strangers, drinking to not living in Hill. All of my class notebooks were emblazoned with a silver Penn logo. I collected club flyers like currency, tiptoeing around the Compass as I went. A month in, I parked myself in the Huntsman Forum, armed with Wawa coffee and a full battery charge on my laptop. My browser threatened to overflow with Google Forms that asked me to provide 500–word answers to, “If you were a salad, what ingredient would you be?” A few weeks later, my inbox filled with emails that started with “Thank you for your interest.” Flu season came, and I was too lazy, or stubborn, or both to get a flu shot in Houston. I missed a lecture on inelastic demand, so I Facebook messaged someone in my hall. “hey can i have the notes from last class?? I was super sick :(“ “yeah sure" just like don’t pass them around because the curve" "lol” Much like flu season, the curve took me down with it. One night in a frat basement, a boy who barely filled out his muscle tee grunted at me. “What sorority are you in?” “I’m a freshman. I’m not even sure if I’m rushing!” He lowered his Solo cup. “You need to rush. And you gotta be in, like, one of the right ones.” He shoved a bottle of Bankers toward me and watched as I took a pull. I mulled on his heavy handed advice, creating Pinterest boards of sorority recruitment outfits over winter break. My friend applied her lipstick in a gender neutral Quad bathroom mirror before we head-
Coming to terms with depression
ANONYMOUS ed to Irvine Auditorium. We lined up on the icy streets, a cultish flock of Canada Geese on Spruce Street. One week and ten conversations later, we didn't get
into the “right” sororities. We didn't go to the “right” parties. I watched Gossip Girl to cope, wishing that I was from New York. Sophomore year started with walking down Locust, clawing at my palms in my big hoodie
pocket, feeling the drip of blood, wanting to peel my skin off in layers. I didn't sleep, but when I did, I woke up in fog. I waited fifteen minutes outside CVS for pharmacists to refill my prescription of generic Prozac. The mental fog rolled over often, shrouding the different lobes of my brain. My roommates hated me, and I lay in the piles of clothing that overwhelmed my twin–sized bed to avoid them. My friends lived far away, but it's okay because they hated me too. I shook when I talked to people, so I confined myself in my high rise single. The fog consumed me during an exam – the CAPM formula I scribbled on the worksheet starts to warp and I count my breaths to control my dry heaving. I withdrew from Finance a few days later. "God, you're such a mess." My friends handed me another drink. I laughed along. I blacked in the next morning and found dozens of missed calls and messages on my phone asking if I was okay. Did I start drunk–crying again? It was becoming a habit. I was too hungover to care. Finally, I called CAPS. The voice on the other side of the phone told me I have to wait a month for a licensed therapist, three weeks if I want a therapist–in–training to videotape me. Three weeks later, I put on a show for the webcam while my clinician blinked at me. My therapist at CAPS told me I should consider long term therapy, because the university doesn't fund CAPS enough to support my anxiety and depression in the long term. I couldn't afford for my parents to worry about me or about money, so I just nodded. These days, I follow a regimen just as prescribed as the pill bottles that used to line my windowsill. Exercise at least four times a week, socialize often, drink much less. Penn hasn’t changed over the last two years, but I have. I'm trying to make Penn work for me, because I'm done with being complicit with its toxic culture. Because losing sleep over, say, a Goldman internship won't cure my depression, research be damned.
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EASY YOGA POSES TO HELP RELIEVE STRESS Because a little shavasana every now and then is never a bad thing
We’ve all been there: it feels like there simply aren’t enough hours in the day to finish your to-do list, and no amount of caffeine can relieve the stress that seems to grow exponentially by the hour. In those moments, I find yoga to be an incredibly helpful stress reliever. Yoga is a great way to slow down a bit and clear your mind. Just ten minutes of yoga helps me to feel more relaxed and return my focus to my schoolwork. Here are five easy yoga poses to try at home if you’re ever feeling stressed.
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M E N TA L H E A LT H G U I D E
CHILD’S POSE:
CAT-COW:
A common resting pose, child’s pose can be a great way to calm a racing mind. It’s a fairly straightforward pose and requires very little flexibility. Rest your forehead on the mat and focus on your breathing. If you’re comfortable, push your hips backwards and extend your arms further to get more of a stretch, but the pose should still be relaxing, not painful.
A great stretch for your back and shoulders, as well as an easy way to clear your head. Start on all fours. Slowly arch your back and stretch your head backwards (cow), then reverse directions and curl your back upwards(cat). Try and breathe slowly, so that you inhale as you move in cow pose and exhale as you move into cat.
DOWNWARD DOG:
SHAVASANA:
Typically used as a resting pose during yoga classes, downward dog tends to be a bit of stretch for beginners. To ensure your body is in the right position, start from a plank pose, both hands flat on the floor and arms straight, with your feet shoulder width apart. Keeping your hands and feet where they are, shift your weight backwards and lift your hips up.
HAPPY BABY: To get into the pose, lie on your back and bend your knees into your chest. Start by grabbing your calves and pull your legs apart, keeping them bent. If you can, reach for your ankles or the edges of your feet, but only if you can keep your shoulders open, stopping them from curling towards each other. Rock gently from side to side.
Extremely calming and centering, shavasana is often used to end a practice. It’s super simple: just lie down on your back with your arm relaxed out to the side, palms up. Close your eyes and focus on your breathing, and the way your chest rises and falls. Try and completely relax all of your muscles, scanning your body from head to toe for any tension. Remain in this position for about 10 minutes, or as long as you’d like. Bring yourself out of shavasana by making small movements with your hands and feet, eventually rolling over to your right side, curling your right arm and resting your head on it.
Yoga is an amazing stress reliever, but it’s not for everyone, and there are certainly cases, especially where stress is more long term, where yoga can be a supplemental aid at best. But for those of us who are simply having a tough week, yoga can be a small escape from the hectic outside world. MORGAN POTTS
Photos: Christina Piasecki
M E N TA L H E A LT H G U I D E
Photo: WIkimedia Commons
GRINDR AND GAY LONELINESS How Grindr Culture is Hurting Our Mental Health
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t’s become a routine: I come home from day of school and work, take a shower, hop in bed—then I open Grindr. I scroll down the endless square photos of torsos, faces and legs, I send a few messages, exchange a few photos and wonder: why nobody is replying to me? Some may say that it’s not a big deal — who cares if someone doesn't reply to your message on a dating website? But something about this culture of stats, taps, and instant sex takes a bigger toll on my mental health than any other app on my phone. I know that Grindr filters by body type and race, I know that men are mean on the app, and I know that if someone isn’t into me, hel'll probably attack my identity and block me instead of sending a polite, “Sorry not interested!” But Grindr is one of my only links to other gay men. Gay loneliness is a real, tangible force. Gay men have higher rates of mental health issues, drug use, suicides and other physical health issues than straight men–but we still subscribe to this culture that can contribute to these issues. Grindr is much different than Tinder, Bumble or Coffee Meets Bagel. On Grindr you’re allowed to upload your stats, body type, weight, height, age, sex position or race. Additionally you’re allowed to say what you’re “into,” and filter out men who do not fit your ideal type. If you think that sounds exclusive, you’re right — and it can get very tiring, especially when you don’t seem like most
people’s type. In a world where masculine, muscular, perfectly groomed white men are the sexual ideal, there's hardly any space for people of color, trans people, or gender nonconforming people to feel comfortable. Grindr represents a lot of what is wrong in the gay community, and it can impact our mental health. Kenneth Lack
of people on Grindr. “Every POC sees this gap between their unproportional liking for white men and the lower ratio of white men liking them, and when they [white men] do like you, it may very well be in a fetishizing way.” Fitting into a community that rejects you because of your identity, but also commodifies you at times because of it creates a conun-
" In a world where masculine, muscular, perfectly groomed white men are the sexual ideal, there's hardly any space for people of color, trans people, or gender nonconforming people to feel comfortable." (C’19) thinks that “[Grindr] is a game. The currency is not even trying to meet up, it’s just exchanging nudes. The currency is getting satisfaction from getting attention. Certain groups of people have advantages in this game, and some people will lose the game automatically.” Kenneth also points out that it’s hard to not see the discrepancies between the preference for white men over other types
drum that isn’t easy on the gay mind. On the other end of the spectrum, Grindr doesn’t also just create issues for people, it can exacerbate current problems. The concept of putting stats in your profile reduces people to their weight, height, race, etc. Brian*(C’18) recounts the many times that this culture affected his eating disorder. “My eating and weight has been a struggle for about
two years, and is definitely augmented by my use of Grindr. I see a lot of torsos and buff guys. It is such a small dating pool, and there is a big emphasis on looking hot, so you really want to look the hottest, skinniest, and the whitest. It makes me feel like I don’t fit in.” Grindr has problems, but what needs to happen to solve them? Kenneth says that “It's not anything that one person can fix. It’s not fixable, [the problems are deeply] rooted in history and colonialism.” At the end of the day, what happens on Grindr also translates to physical gay spaces as well. People experience discrimination in multiple parts of the gay community; and we need to do better, but it won’t change overnight or with one action. But at the end of the day, all three of us still login to Grindr. Brian tells me, “I still use it because it's my only other avenue for finding other gays.”Similarly, Kenneth says, “The funny thing is never deleted Grindr once in my life. It was always on there, I would not go on for months a a time, but it was always there. As to why I never deleted it, I don’t know.” Most of us don’t know, but all we do know is that it’s time for our culture to start being a more conducive to preserving our mental health. *Indicates that name has been changed ANDREAS PAVLOU
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SERENA BIAN'S SPACE GATHERINGS Alleviating loneliness at Penn
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ike all of us, Serena Bian (C ’18) began her freshman year at Penn in 2014 wishing and hoping that she’d find her people right away, the friends that she’d walk next to at graduation while giggling about their first week on campus. Like most of us, she couldn’t find them anywhere. We can write about how hard it is to find your place at Penn until our fingers bleed, and we can talk about it until our tongues go numb. But here’s the part we still need to address: Even if you’ve found those people that mean the world to you (and that’s a huge if), you’re probably still lonely sometimes. Or maybe even most of the time. The American College Health Association found in 2016 that over 60 percent of college students reported feeling “very lonely” in the past 12 months. 30 percent had felt that way in the previous two weeks. For the past two years, Serena has been doing her own small part to make things a bit easier for people. She hosts regular, informal gettogethers – which she calls Space Gatherings – for any member of the Penn community to come and chat with other people about whatever might be on their
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mind. There’s no website. There’s no Facebook page. Just a space for civil dialogue for whoever might want it. It’s a simple concept, says Serena, but that’s the point. “It’s very grassroots,” says Serena. “The most official thing I’ve created so far is a short manual how-to document for people who want to host their own.” Serena was first inspired by a yoga teacher training course she took over the summer after a lonely freshman year. The course was full of people of all ages and walks of life, yet something about the atmosphere allowed a community to form. “I realized then that people really just want to connect,” says Serena. “We’re so overscheduled that we don’t have time for serendipity. Everyone just wants to have friendships and be seen.” She got the idea for her first Space Gathering at the start of her sophomore year. She picked out an Airbnb off campus, and spent an afternoon approaching distant acquaintances on Locust Walk to invite them to join her in a new space with new people. “For that first Space Gathering, one of the rules we had was no small talk when people came into the room, “says Serena. “We usually open with something like: ‘I’m Serena, and something that I’ve been struggling with is…’, or ‘Something I like about myself is…’” “My goal has always been to help people realize the possibilities of what can happen when they start to become engaged in simple, real dialogue with the people around them.” There was something in the air at that first gathering that made Serena
feel like she needed to keep going. Two years later, she’s hosted around 40 Space Gatherings at a variety of locations. She’s brought them back on campus, because she wants to send the message that the sort of connection people gain from those conversations shouldn’t be limited to off-campus spaces. As a psychology major, it’s fascinated Serena that although there’s no explicit topic for Space Gatherings, most of them have opened up into conversations about mental health. There’s no perfect way to understand what this says about Penn, but Serena knows it’s something important. “When I think of mental health and campus,” says Serena, “the words ‘shared humanity’ come to mind. We just forget to see the humanness in people.” For Serena, the mission of Space Gatherings has steered her life in ways she never initially expected. This summer, she’s going to be working with journalist Krista Tippett, host of the popular podcast On Being, on Tippett’s new Civil Conversations project, which encourages people to interact in a more productive and meaningful way with those around them. “Connectivity is important for everyone,” she insists. “Freshmen, sophomores…I’m a senior, I have incredible friends at Penn, and I still get really lonely sometimes. These issues I love thinking about and tackling, they’re just not confined to a single group.” Any student interested in getting involved in Space Gatherings can email Serena at sbian@sas.upenn.edu. HALEY WEISS
M E N TA L H E A LT H G U I D E
MUSIC HELPS ME COPE WITH ANXIETY BE AT T
he night before an AP Physics test my senior year of high school, I walked up to my dad in my house kitchen and collapsed onto the ground in tears. This was my worst anxiety attack. Tension had been building in my mind throughout the semester. I couldn’t pinpoint exactly what caused it, and that was the scariest part. Throughout high school, anxiety had a crippling effect on my life, but only after that incident did I decide to properly confront it. This task was a long process. I talked to friends, saw several therapists, and confronted personal issues I previously didn’t know existed. My therapist I ended up sticking with, and still see to this day, gave me a list of easy–to–do tools to prevent anxiety attacks. I still keep a photo of that list on my phone: breathing exercises, fidgeting with things in my hand, analysis of the anxiety. My dad gave me this little white, wooden robot toy that I would keep around me at all times. In moments of minor anxiety, I would twiddle it in my hands, giving me a quirky, sensual serenity. However, the device on this list that worked best for me was music. Of course, it wasn’t a total cure, but it acted as a band–aid when I needed it most. I felt I could just place earbuds into my ear, close my eyes, and immerse myself in a different reality where my issues were nonexistent. Music transported me to a place of peace and calm. Although I’d obviously listened to music before, I had previously just been a casual listener. I enjoyed radio pop and had a music library that didn’t explore further than the iTunes Top 10. Music was just a thing—I had enjoyed on occasion, but it was not something I had ever truly appreciated. Once I began to understand mu-
How I learned to use music as a self–help tool
sic’s effect on me, I started to explore my musical tastes. I searched for what made me feel best. Depending on the struggle I faced, I needed the perfect voice, genre, and sound to take me away. Anderson .Paak makes me feel bubbly inside. Tame Impala gives me an odd, psychedelic pleasure. And Chance just fills me with pure joy. Music could help me regain control of my feelings and bring about total changes in my emotions. I began to create associations with songs to certain positive moments in my life. At times I was feeling up, I would listen to music to further fuel that positivity, and when I was
ments now in which I suddenly feel an unexplainable pit in my stomach and as if everything is caving in around me, I’ll find some solitude, sit down, and plug in my headphones. Sometimes, it takes 30 seconds for the effect to kick in, sometimes longer, but it always remedies my struggles. A few weeks ago, while studying for a midterm in the Van Pelt basement, my mind began to clog and I began to feel the helplessness that often preludes panic. I walked upstairs with my phone’s music library in hand, sat down in one of the 3rd floor carrels, popped in my earphones, closed my eyes, and pressed play on
"It provides me relief and safety when I need it most." feeling down, I would play those songs back to engross myself in those pleasant times of the past. My junior year of high school, I obsessed over Kendrick Lamar’s song “M.A.A.D City.” Anytime my friends granted me the AUX cord in their cars, I would blast it. The song brings me back to those times of high school, driving around with my friends and simply enjoying each other’s company. Now, although by no means a calm song, “M.A.A.D. City” puts me at ease with every listen. I’m reminded of the moments of ecstasy in life and the pleasures as simple as driving around with friends. Thankfully, anxiety doesn’t plague me the way it once did, but the discovery of music has stayed with me. Music still has the power to calm me. At mo-
Frank Ocean’s “Nikes.” As that moment, when I heard the words “These bitches want Nikes,” this often claustrophobia–inducing carrel transformed into a place of comfort. I sat for about 10 minutes listening to Blonde, then returned downstairs feeling cleansed and in control. With music in my back pocket, I feel safer. I have a tool on my side in beating my once debilitating anxiety. I truly believe that I rarely find myself uneasy anymore because I have the anxiety– fighting device that is music. Part of anxiety is its trapping nature, that it’s all–encompassing, and the ceiling feels as if it’s caving in. With music as my escape hatch, I have taken away one of anxiety's most powerful pawns. With music, I have disarmed anxiety of one
of its strongest weapons. Now, when I feel anxiety coming on, I’ve learned to channel my go–to artists to calm me down. Typically, music that is soothing with an R&B, soul feel is most effective. Anything by Frank Ocean will do the trick. Artists like Solange, Sampha, and Daniel Caesar have similar powers. These artists all produce soothing beats filled with deep, often relatable lyrics. They pull me out of reality and simply just make me feel good inside. At times when I feel despair and hopelessness, lyrics about love and life make me appreciate the beauty of what is going on around me: I have health, people that support me, and the mysteries of life to look forward to. Sampha’s “(No One Knows Me) Like the Piano” declares, “No one knows me like the piano in my mother’s home.” The nostalgia of this song reminds of all my positive memories of my carefree, naive childhood and experiences with my family. As Sampha’s velvety voice comes on, I’m transported to a place where I feel at ease, surrounded by the people I love. When I listen to Daniel Caesar’s ballad to a girl who completes him on “Best Part,” I think of girls I’ve had feelings for, family I want to please, and friends I want to spend more time with. I become eager to devote myself to the people I care most about and excited to hopefully receive their care back. At this point in my life, I often don’t just appreciate music for music’s sake. My listening experience goes beyond a temporary audio–aesthetic pleasure. It provides me relief and safety when I need it most. It gives me confidence that everything will be okay and that there is so much potential in the world I have yet to tap. The right music for me is not just something I want. It is something I need.
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CAMPUS RESOURCES The HELP Line: 215-898-HELP
Counseling and Psychological Services: 215-898-7021 (active 24/7)
Student Health Service: 215-746-3535
Wellness Resources Be Well Initiative Penn Reflects Be Here Yoga Free Yoga through Penn Recreation Office of the Vice Provost for University Life: 215-898-6081
University Chaplain’s Office: 215-898-8456
Reach-A-Peer Helpline
215-573-2727 (every day from 9 p.m. to 1 a.m.) 215-515-7332 (texting service available 24/7)
Penn Benjamins (in-person peer counseling) Su, M, T 8-11 p.m. Harnwell Library First Floor W, Tr 8-11 p.m. Houston Hall Chaplains Office
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