11.05.15 by 34th Street Magazine

November 5-11, 2015 34st.com

november 5

ANTICLIMAXFROMTHEEDITOR

2015

LOL

Rejection is a ritual.

3 HIGHBROW

Like 23.9% of Penn’s population, I applied early decision. But unlike that 23.9%, I didn’t get in. The Penn early decisions came out at 7pm. I should’ve been home, but I wanted to be in the place where good things happen: Backstage at my highschool's 150–seat theatre. I am not and was not an actor. I wanted to be backstage because that’s where I won. They told me I won the Buckingham Browne and Nichols 2012 Student Body President election backstage. At 7pm on December 9, 2011, I crouch backstage with my laptop, hoping to win again. This time winning with acceptance to Penn. Getting into Penn was what I wanted to be, like I wanted to be Student Body President. I lost. I was deferred. Alone. At 7pm. In a luckless room behind a stage I never cared for. Eighteen other schools. A vacation lost to school applications. When I was accepted to Penn, I was in my mom’s rented condo in a room I shared with my brother.

perfect date night date, overheards, round up

4 WORD ON THE STREET

finding humor every day

5 EGO

BMOC, number twos in command

7 FOOD & DRINK

turning majors to drinks

LOL

I don’t have a lucky backstage at Penn. But as much as I would like to say there’s no such thing as luck, I create order by believing if I’m in the right place at the right time, the right thing will happen.

8 FEATURE fakes

10 MUSIC

your week in music, sound apps

12 FILM & TV love in 3D

13 ARTS

calend(art)

15 LOWBROW

lowbrow works out

COME TO OUR WRITERS MEETING TONIGHT. WE HAVE BEER AND DON'T ID. 6:30PM TONIGHT @ 4015 'NUT.

34TH STREET MAGAZINE Alexandra Sternlicht, Editor–in–Chief Marley Coyne, Managing Editor Ling Zhou, Design Director Byrne Fahey, Design Director Corey Fader, Photo Director Yasmin Meleis, Social Media and Marketing Director Dani Blum, Features Editor Rebecca Heilweil, Features Editor Casey Quackenbush, Culture Editor Orly Greenberg, Word on the Street Editor Caroline Marques, Entertainment Editor Emily Johns, Styles Editor

Conor Cook, Highbrow Beat Allie Cohen, Ego Beat Carolyn Grace, Ego Beat Spencer Winson, Lowbrow Beat Caroline Harris, Lowbrow Beat Johanna Matt-Navarro, Music Beat Talia Sterman, Music Beat Emily Hason, Film and TV Beat Brandon Slotkin, Film and TV Beat Steph Barron, Arts Beat Syra Ortiz-Blanes, Arts Beat Elena Modesti, Food + Drink Beat Dina Zaret, Health, Food + Drink Beat

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Galit Krifcher, Design Editor Holly Li, Design Editor Jeffrey Yang, Design Editor

Katie Dumke, Photo Editor Kyle Bryce-Borthwick, Video Producer Randi Kramer, Copy Director Staff Writers: Hallie Brookman, Julie Chu Cheong, Dan Maher, Amanda Reid, Pat Goodridge, Julie Levitan Staff Photographers: Alex Fisher, Pat Goodridge Staff Designers: Mica Tenenbaum, Nadia Kim, Sofie Praestgaard Unless otherwise noted, all photos are by Corey Fader, Pat Goodridge, Alex Fisher and Katie Dumke.

Contacting 34th Street Magazine: If you have questions, comments, complaints or letters to the editor, email Alexandra Sternlicht, Editor–in–Chief, at sternlicht@34st.com. You can also call us at (215) 8986585. To place an ad, call (215) 898-6581. www.34st.com "Corey, go to your corner and find some tampons to play with." ©2015 34th Street Magazine, The Daily Pennsylvanian, Inc. No part may be reproduced in whole or in part without the express, written consent of the editors (but I bet we will give you the a-okay.) All rights reserved. 34th Street Magazine is published by The Daily Pennsylvanian, Inc., 4015 Walnut St., Philadelphia, Pa., 19104, every Thursday.

HIGHBROW

Highbrow is OVERWHELMED with date night invitations, but we have some constructive feedback for those who are socially challenged.

to: 1. How PICK THE DATE

to: 3. How INVITE THE DATE

Do take someone who will look good, hold conversation without staring at your boobs and can handle their liquor.

Once you are somewhat acquainted, as in, you acknowledge each other's existance, get their number directly from them. Don't message them out of the blue. If this seems too bold for you, a Facebook message works, assuming you're already “friends.”

Don’t take a crier. Don’t take the ex of a friend, and don’t take the friend of an ex.

Ask four days in advance. That's thoughtful, but not Don’t take someone who’s more interested in taking photos than too eager. NO MORE THAN FIVE. That's too much. Asking the day of the event is a no–no. If you have to actually being there. scramble, ask a friend. Don’t take someone you will inevitably run into, just in case the night doesn’t go swimmingly.

Ask over text. Don’t ask in person. This is not about romanticism. This is about convenience. No one wants to Looking to ask a crush? Do it, but there are some steps you need be pressured into saying yes on their way out of class. If they don’t have time to think about it, there’s a 57% to take. See below. chance they’ll bail on you.

to: 2. How GET THE DATE

To avoid coming off as a total creep, it's essential to familiarize yourself with your potential date. Strike up a conversation at a party, have a mutual friend casually introduce you in VP or even DFMO, if possible! Inviting someone out of the blue is fucking weird. Do not do it. A my–tie set up is the only exception.

THEROUNDUP Trick–or–treat yo’self with some sweet, sweet gossip. You may not have indulged in candy this weekend, but get ready for a sugar high. We hope this doesn’t leave a sour taste in your mouth. Ding–dong, ditch that shlong. After the Dynamic Duos downtown, one sophomore girl brought a hammered senior boy back to the sorority house. The sophomore became sleepy–drunk and went to bed, but the boy was wide awake. He began to wander around the house and knock on girls’ doors in his drunken state. When asked who he was looking for, he couldn’t remember. After waking up a number of girls, someone finally escorted the senior out of the house. Get your mind out of the gutter—not that kind of escort. Dynamic Duos don’t always make perfect pairs.

In your message, be straightforward. Don’t just ask if they’re free. Say what you want. No need for the niceties. Your date’s availability will probably depend on what you’re asking for anyway. Plan a double date if you can, especially if you don’t know the person. Everyone appreciates a wing (wo)man…and a way out.

Fires seem especially hot these days. At a pregame, a few fuckboys decided to mess around in the kitchen. Most people were in another room drinking, but a group of guys threw Qdoba on the floor and blasted a fire extinguisher. Attendees realized something was wrong and left the house. A boy dressed as a cop greeted police officers when they arrived to the scene. They declared all was clear and soon left. Food for thought: Someone should've been arrested for the poor choice of cuisine. The police officer at your party is never a stripper when you want him to be. As Quakers danced and drank at a 21st birthday party, an undercover cop snuck into the festivities. He chatted with other partygoers and mingled with the youth for a solid thirty minutes. Perhaps he needed a little liquid courage to turn into a complete asshole. Highbrow hears the cop revealed his identity and handed out up to twenty citations. The officer also charged the birthday girl for serving alcohol to minors. This year’s present? Cruel and unusual punishment.

over heard PENN Eligible bachelorette: I'm saving butt stuff for when I'm like, 60. Potential Hufflepuff: I don't know if I want to go out tonight. My feet are too sore from quidditch practice. A's douche: My goal in life is to be on the list of top skiers on Wall Street. Hot betch: I don't understand why they make Hervés in a size large. MBA 1: Being in the Peace Corps really made me realize what I wanted to do. Undergrad: Which was…? MBA 2: Oil and gas investment banking.

PSA: We spotted a new type of sausage at Allegro. Sources tell us gyrating genitals have been popping up (and down) on campus. One Omega Society pledge took one for the team, performing a naked cartwheel in front of Allegro and swapping clothes with a fellow pledge at the Compass. Oh baby, point us in the right direction. This task seems better than others—apparently pledges also had to eat chicken feet. Remember: Put your best foot forward and know your pledgemasters are total cocks. This just in: a HipCityVeg employee has been embezzling the company’s funds. Looks like white collar crime also occurs outside of Huntsman Hall. If you milk a company dry of all its money, is that still vegan?

The Round Up is a gossip column and the stories are gathered though tips and word of mouth. Although we verify all the information in the Round Up with multiple sources, the column should be regarded as campus buzz and not as fact.

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WORD ON THE STREET

word on the STREET

A RABBI, A RABBIT AND A GRANDMA WALK INTO A BAR….

his summer, I was a middle aged rabbi going through a messy divorce. I was a grandmother with a penchant for S&M, and a bank robber who could communicate only in song. Oh, and I made an appearance as Satan's bridesmaid (not the maid of honor, though, which was a huge point of conflict). No, I'm not on weird drugs (peyote isn't that weird, right?), and I'm not a compulsive liar (though if I were, I would probably lie about that too). I just took an improv class. When I first signed up for a class at Upright Citizens Brigade, I thought it would just be a fun break from what felt like the ceaseless monotony of intern life. I wanted to do something playful and physically active, while, of course, not actually doing anything physically active—I don't really enjoy the whole "feeling like your lungs are going to collapse" aspect of working out. Improv involved walking around on a stage, which was the perfect amount of strenuousness for me. Walking into my first day of class, I realized how nervous I was. The closest I'd come to do-

Illustration by: Amanda Reid

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MIKAELA GILBERT–LURIE ing improv before this was showing up to seminars without having done the reading. Luckily, the room was small and my classmates appeared to be friendly. My teacher, who looked equal parts muppet and man, began by telling us to stand in a circle. He then proceeded to explain that improv only works if you trust your teammates and aren't afraid to look like an idiot. So, one by one, we were to stand in the center of a circle of people we had never met and sing the first minute of our favorite song. A capella. "And don't just sing it. Perform it—get into it. The people who look the stupidest in this exercise are the ones who think they're too cool to rock out." So, that's how I found myself offending Eric Clapton with my rendition of "Layla" on a hot summer day in Hollywood. Tone deaf though I may be, there was something so freeing about jumping into a group of

How comedy helped me see the positivity (and humor!) in daily life.

strangers and not being afraid to look stupid. I realized in that moment how much time I've spent in my life afraid that I'm going to look like an idiot. I've spent twenty years, (sorry, "twenty–three years" to the dudes who work the door at Smokes') being so afraid of looking foolish that I let my cynicism become my personality. Being cynical is like saying no to everything, which is a complete contrast to the central tenant of improv: saying yes. You can't say no to your scene partner; you can't deny the reality he or she establishes. For example, if your scene partner walks on stage and says, "Grandma, what are you doing with those whips and chains?" you have to accept that and run with it. You can't say, "I'm not your grandma," or "these aren't whips" or "Albert, I think you're off your meds again." You just have to say yes and go with that reality, something I never really learned the importance of before this summer. So yes, I looked really stupid this summer when I was crawling around on the floor trying my very best to moo on key in a cow–chorus. I definitely looked stupid when I played the timeless role of "toddler who swears a lot when she gets drunk." And yes, I looked stupid when I had to somehow justify putting my hand on the knee of my scene partner (I thought he was playing my husband, he thought he was my dad—classic mixup). But I had so much fun looking stupid that I had to wonder whether the people who are confident enough not to worry about what everyone else thinks are really the ones who have it figured out. Maybe all I needed after years of being sarcastic, snarky and, honestly, pretty unhappy was to say yes a little bit more.

"Being cynical is like saying no to everything, which is a complete contrast to the central tenant of improv: saying yes. "

EGO

EGOOF THE WEEK: THE MEN OF BMOC

much against the man bun. TM: Dunkaroos!

BMOC is back, and the competition might get hairy among this year's contestants. You can see these gents movin' and groovin' for OAX's philanthropy event at the Roxxy on Nov. 11. Street: Describe yourself in three words. Arthur Rempel: Hairy as fuck. Brian Foley: Not really hairy. Jonah Campbell: Not witty enough. Louis Markham: Strangely uplifting biscuit. BF: Can you elaborate on that? LM: Well, "strange" and "uplifting" are pretty obvious, but I also feel like we’re all soggy on the inside. Tim Mason: I don’t know. Chris Gabos: Can I say smart, loyal and "another one"? Street: What qualities make you a true BMOC? AR: My musical taste. I have a wide array of appeals. I like Celine Dion and Justin Bieber, and I’m planning on incorporating all that into a phenomenal dance. BF: I’m the definition of work hard, play hard. JC: Hours and hours of quality practice on the Smokes' dance floor. CG: I choreographed the "Hotline Bling" music video. LM: My interstellar pecs will be making an appearance.

Street: Who’s your top competition? AR: That small little stage we have to dance on. CG: Jonah’s body, probably. JC: Fear itself. TM: Arthur Rempel. He may have won last year, but anyone can be beat on any given Wednesday night.

AR: I’ve done that. It doesn’t work. I’ve been watching YouTube tutorial videos on how to do handstands and backflips. TM: I’ve also been watching the Soulja Boy instructional video. BF: I’m developing a foreign accent so I can sound like Louis. JC: 6am yoga–lates.

Street: How would you describe your chest hair in a few words? AR: HAIRYASFUCK. One word. CG: Mr. Clean’s head. LM: Up and coming. TM: Curly and cuddly. JC: Humble.

Street: What’s your spirit animal? AR: Tazmanian devil. BF: Baby monkey. TM: Peacock. LM: Not by choice, but I’ve been told it’s a flamingo. CG: Sloth. BF: Yeah, after meeting you for five minutes, that’s quite fitting. JC: Snow Leopard.

Street: What is your training regimen for BMOC? BF: Drinking, dancing, drinking, dancing and more drinking. TM: I’m visualizing all day, every day. CG: Copa Margs. LM: One of my biggest strengths is the softness of my hair, so upping the amount of conditioner I use. CG: Do you condition your chest hair?

Street: If you are what you eat, what are you? TM: 2am bags of GoPuff. LM: I’m an Oreo milkshake kind of guy. CG: Big Macs.

Street: There are two types of people at Penn…. TM: People who know about Nora’s food truck and those who AR: Honey. BF: Steak and dumplings can be don’t. LM: Those who like to cuddle my meal for the rest of my life. after sex and those who don’t. JC: Freshly caught wild trout. JN: Smokes' people and Blarney people. Street: Man buns: for or CG: Those who stand against? and wipe and those AR: YES. I’m growing one out who sit and wipe. now, and it’s so fucking cool. BF: Those at Big JC: It depends on type of man Man On bun. If it’s the little baby one Campus on the top of their head, that and evlooks bad. If it’s a full, legit erymane, that’s a different story. one CG: That’s a trend that else. needs to stop. LG: There needs to be foliage. As in, it’s collected foliage and memories. BF: It needs to be established. Read the I think we’re in agreerest online ment. at 34st. CG: No we com. are not. I am very These interviews have been edited and condensed.

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EGO

NUMBER TWOS ARE THE SHIT

These interviews have been edited and condensed.

Penn sees a lot of work by Amy Gutmann and other presidential figures, but what about the right–hand men and women who make the university great? These VPs discuss their responsibilities, rapport with their Presidents and ideas of leadership. CRAIG CARNAROLI: Executive Vice President of Penn As EVP of the Red and Blue, Craig oversees the business aspects of the University: The financial functions, the facilities area, human resources and IT.

Street: What is the hardest part of being the Executive Vice President? CC: Deciding when to close for a snow day. But the hardest part actually is that there are so many great ideas I get—whether I’m sitting and talking with student groups, with faculty or with deans—and we can’t do everything at once. People have to understand that there are priorities and that just because we don’t pursue it the moment it’s expressed, doesn’t mean it’s lost. So I always keep an inventory in my mind of good ideas.

ate about Penn, and I’m so passionate about Penn, and we come at it from different perspectives. She came to Penn as a leader; I came as a student and then as a leader. But it isn’t all business all the time.

Street: What do you think is unique about being second–in– command? CC: Leadership can sometimes be a lonely place if you have to make unpopular decisions. So, I think one of the roles is to be supportive, but you have to have a very open relationship where you can agree to disagree and have a chance to share your point What is your relationship like of view. You’ve got to be a self– with President Gutmann? starter, too. A part of it is I feel I CC: We communicate pretty have this benefit of observing so frequently and we both tend to many different groups that I see be night owls. So we’ll still be what appeals to me. People really on our email at 10pm because I’ll have written, “Oh, one more don’t like you disrespecting their time. It all comes back to Aretha thing I forgot to tell you,” and Franklin and “R–E–S–P–E–C– she’ll respond back right away. She’s also really quite fun. If you T.” So if you’re running a meetever want to know the review on ing, people expect you to start on time and finish on time, unless any latest movie, Amy is a film you say, “I’m asking you to hang aficionado–extraordinaire. She’s in fifteen more minutes because fun to be around. We can talk not only about the business of the we’re going to do X.” I find that University, but also what’s going my leadership skills have been on in the world. She’s so passion- honed for exactly that reason. EVIE TZELIOS: Vice President of Undergraduate Media & Entertainment Club Evie manages the internal organization and execution of UME speaker events, internship panels or info sessions for one of the student–led media and entertainment organizations. 6

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RAY CLARKE: Vice President of the UA As stud–gov’s head VP, Ray oversees both UA Steering, the coalition of student groups who voice their concerns to the assembly and administration, and the University Council, where students from mis– or under–represented groups voice their concerns to top administrators.

What is your relationship like with the President of the UA? RC: I’ve known Jane since freshman year. We served on Penn Dems board together. After that, I served as a member of the committee that she was a director of on the UA. We are a good one–two combo. If you know Jane she’s this bubbly personality. Everyone loves Jane. And for me, I want to do things in a way where I think outside the box. Bringing her campus engagement skills with my ability to be creative with projects is a great way to go about things. Street: What do you think is unique about being the second–in–command? RC: Sometimes being number two is a good thing. When you have a leader that’s above you, you can learn the ropes from them, and for me that’s really recognizing what’s important about our university. Specifically in my situation, being able to look to someone who’s been in all these roles has allowed me to excel in my role.

Street: What is the hardest part of being the Vice President for Glee Club? LM: The hardest part about being VP is trying to be fun and happy while also commanding respect. I can't help but wonder what people think of me when I send a stern email demanding punctuality for some event and then immediately follow that with an email about a party. I'm supposed to be keeping everyone happy, especially the newbies, but we also need to get stuff done. I try to counteract this disjunction by putting a lot of GIFs and colors in my messages. LUKE MASSARO: Vice President of Penn Glee Club Besides sitting on the group’s Board of Governors, Luke serves as the Glee Club social chair and overseer of the new member process, admitting that being VP “is a really fun job with a powerful– sounding title.”

Street: What, in your opinion, is good leadership? LM: Leading by example. I don't necessarily want to be a role model for other members of my group, but I do want to do whatever it takes to make people feel like the Glee Club is their family, where they feel comfortable being themselves. Street: How does your position complement the President's? How does it differ? LM: We get to approach issues in the club from different perspectives. He has a lot of serious tasks to complete, and with me being the "fun" board member, they don't often overlap. But when they do, I usually get have the privilege of playing good cop to his bad. He is the stern parent, and I'm a cool mom.

Street: How does your position complement the President’s? How does it differ? ET: I think Gabby (President of UME) and I were good at figuring out what each of us liked. Gabby loves the Film Festival and was previously a Film Festival chair, so she runs that and works closely with our Conference chairs. I used to be a Member Events chair, so I work with them and I also work closely with some of the standalone positions, like Professional Development chair and Communications chair. We divided up the work pretty naturally, without even really talking about it. I also think I’m the more serious person who is always thinking about logistics and Gabby is better at thinking of the big, creative ideas, so we balance each other out.

highbrow ego food & drink film feature music arts lowbrow highbrow ego food & drink film feature music arts lowbrow highbrow ego food & drink film feature music arts lowbrow

FOOD & DRINK FILM FILM FILM

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NURSING

FINANCE

TT T

COMMUNICATIONS/ECON/ HISTORY

ENGINEERING

PSYCHOLOGY

MATH

INTERNATIONAL RELATIONS

34TH STREET Magazine December 1, 2011 34TH STREET Magazine December 1, 2011 34TH STREET Magazine December 1, 2011

PRE–MED

OPIM

VISUAL STUDIES

N O V E M B E R 5 , 2 01 5 3 4 T H S T R E E T M A G A Z I N E

F E AT U R E

Fake IDs buy experiences, not alcohol

iz*’s fakes came buried under a layer of plastic chopsticks. Two weeks after she arrived on campus, she lugged the cardboard box from the King’s Court package room to her dorm upstairs. She coordinated the order with nine friends from high school. The process became intensive: Wrangle $60 from each of her high school friends. Place an order through IDGod, a popular website that brands itself as “the #1 trusted fake ID website worldwide.” Head to Western Union; pay cash. The website gave Liz a tracking number that turned out to be wrong—the fakes she followed were sent to Oberlin, Ohio. Once the package arrived, she taped the IDs to the inside of CVS birthday cards and shipped them to her friends. “It was this whole thing,” the College freshman sighs. “But a fake ID at Penn is absolutely essential.” The IDGod website Liz and so many other Penn students use promises, “Get your new ID. Be part of the crowd.” At Penn, the crowd and culture revolve around 21–plus activities: Tuesdays with Kweder. Margaritas on Copa Wednesdays. Thursday night downtowns. Fake IDs aren’t just about alcohol; they’re about access to experiences. And with such a strong prevalence of fakes on campus, age at

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Penn really is just a number.

ccording to Pennsylvania state law, the penalties for using a fake ID range from $300 fines to up to 90 days of jail time. But on campus, there’s an implicit understanding that students can use fakes without consequence. “They’re never going to catch us,” says a Wharton sophomore and fraternity member. “If they catch us, what are they gonna do? We’ll out–lawyer them. That’s the beauty of it: Harvest bouncer goes up against everybody from Westchester and their mother with all of their lawyers—and what, they’re going to put me in jail?” Most students find that the worst outcome they face is getting their fake taken away “No one but Harvest takes the ID,” says a bouncer who’s worked the door at multiple bars in University City. “If it’s fake, all other places in UCity just give it back.” But, he adds, “Fakes are incredibly obvious to everyone, even without training in general.” A Smokes’ bouncer says that whenever he sees a fake—which is often—he just “politely” hands it back.

F E AT U R E

“And if I get any snap back,” he says, “I tell them why their fake is fake.” When Kate*, a College sophomore from Pennsylvania, dropped her wallet by Upper Quad Gate last year, she worried someone would discover the ID she bought from China. Penn Police left her wallet with a friend across the hall—her fake conspicuously missing. Elizabeth*, a College sophomore from Connecticut, says she’s more concerned about missing out than getting caught. “It’s really heartbreaking when you get turned down and you’re with your friends,” she said. “I’d rather not face the embarrassment of getting turned away.” During Fling this year, she and a group of eight friends were turned away, $30– tickets in hand, from a SAE downtown. They cabbed back to Baltimore Avenue and played beer pong in a friend’s frat—but she wishes they hadn’t left campus at all. The trick is to go in with the right mindset, she says. Don’t pay in advance. Don’t count on using your fake to have a good night. Now when she goes downtown, which is not often, Elizabeth tells her friends that worse case, they can go to Max Brenner’s. But even students who use their fakes regularly have fears. “I think about [getting caught] all the time,” says a sophomore in M&T. He almost handed his fake to airport security on a flight back home. A senior says she’s stressed every time she shows her fake. For some, though, fears of getting a ID confiscated stops them from getting one at all. “I’m too scared to get one,” says a Wharton sophomore. “We act like it’s not, but come on, it’s illegal.” She swallows. “I

don’t want to throw away what I’m working towards so I can buy a fucking margarita.”

y senior year, Lily* says, three–quarters of her friends have gotten fakes at some point during their time at Penn. She ordered her fake last fall. She wouldn’t turn 21 until after junior year; Lily didn’t want to hold her friends back. She was sick of missing out on bars, of not being able to celebrate a friend’s birthday because of her age. And she was sick of spending Saturdays frat–hopping down Spruce. “I think a part of it is that when you go to a frat, it very much feels like an exchange of your perceived attractiveness for alcohol,” she says. “Whereas if you buy alcohol, you’re just exchanging money for alcohol.” “There’s this gap between when people are really into frat parties and when they usually become twenty-one,” she says, adjusting her wide–rimmed glasses at Metro. “So that window between sophomore and late junior year—they can’t really do anything unless they have a fake.” Liz, the freshman who ordered her own ID, finds it hard to imagine life at Penn without a fake. “Everybody has one,” she says. “They’re everywhere.” She uses hers for downtowns and Harvest—and most of the time, it works. When the bouncer at Rumor disputes her ID, she just bribes him. “The first time, I slipped him ten bucks in cash,” she says. “But then I realized he couldn’t see it and gave him $1, and that worked out fine.”

“There’s definitely an expectation that you’re supposed to have a fake,” says Gabrielle*, a sorority member and College sophomore. She felt the pressure to get a fake as soon as she joined the sorority—starting at Bid Night, when she couldn’t drink at a restaurant with the rest of her sisters. Then came date nights and downtowns. Her pledge class placed an order for fakes last month. Wrapped in a bathrobe in his frat house bedroom, a sophomore brother explains that he couldn’t fully participate in his fraternity until he ordered a fake. “I felt left out,” he sighs. “Brothers would be like,

‘Let’s go to the bar to celebrate this, let’s go to the bar to drink.’ I wish I had my fake for formal last year.” Kate*, a member of a different sorority than Gabrielle, relied on her fake for date nights. She ordered her fake from China during her senior year of high school. The ID came tucked under the padding of a jewelry box. When her sister turned 21, Kate took her old ID. “It’s an actual Pennsylvania license. It works like a charm.” To the state of Pennsylvania, using someone else’s ID can be a misdemeanor or felony. To Kate: “It’s a dream.” Her fake worked 95% of the time. Now she has a 100% success rate. Bouncers never really look at the photo, she says. “They glance and make sure you have the same features, but they’re more worried about whether the ID is real. It doesn’t matter if you look like the person—if it’s a brunette girl, you can use the same ID.” Last week, her sorority held a date night at a bar in Center City. Most girls slipped money to the bouncer, but Kate walked in with no problem. She says her 22–year–old boyfriend had a harder time getting in than she did.

“F

akes are super common,” says a Smokes’ bouncer. “It seems like it’s a rite of passage for a lot of students.” That rite of passage is usually fostered by student clubs or freshmen halls. Two weeks into her freshman year, a College sophomore in a sorority laughs, she walked home to find hallmates taking photos for fakes against the white walls in her hall lounge. A sophomore got his through his "big" in one of his clubs; another ordered a fake last year through his frat. “It’s economy of scale,” he says. “That’s why clubs and frats will order together—it’s all econ.” What economics can’t explain, though, is that fakes contradict the supply and demand of alcohol on campus. Underclassmen say they Venmo older friends for liquor store runs and, besides, says a sophomore English major, she can get drunk at a frat any weekend night she wants. Only one student interviewed for this article says he uses his fake to directly buy

alcohol. He’s heard liquor stores are too tough, though. Instead, he uses Instacart, an online grocery delivery service that brings him bottles of wine outside his highrise. Sometimes, the delivery person scans his fake; other times, they’ll just glance at it. He says his female friends have an easier time with Instacart. “A lot of girls who do it don’t get scanned. With one of my friends, the guy just verbally asked for her birthdate.” But for most students, fakes don’t buy drinks: They buy experiences that carry their own expenses. Ubers and cover charges. A closet full of bodycon dresses and heels, primed for photos against bar backlights. Not to mention the cost of a fake itself. “There’s a huge socioeconomic skew,” Liz says. “You need to have money on hand willing to drop on this.” One of her friends just bought a fake for $200; students interviewed spent between $40 and $110 for theirs. But everyone agreed a new identity was worth the price.

“I

don’t need my own fake,” a South Asian student laughs in her Rodin dorm. “I can take an upperclassman’s ID. It’s an easy thing for brown people, because, apparently, we all look alike.” A Pakistani sophomore says she uses the same fake as an Indian girl who lives across the hall. They have different hair lengths and heights; under the flourescent lights of their highrise lounge, they only share a vague resemblance. But they say that bouncers can’t tell them apart because of their skin color. For international students, coming to Penn means kissing legal drinking goodbye. The reverse happens when Quakers cross the Atlantic. When Lily studied abroad in Europe last semester, she saw the benefits of a younger drinking age. “It just made so much more sense that people went to college and could drink,” she says. “It was less of an ordeal. It was like, ‘Oh, let’s go to a bar and get a few drinks, let’s have a glass of wine at dinner,’ versus trying to get obliterated.” At Penn, she says, “There is no moderate drinking culture between eighteen and 21.”

“O

ur motto is, ‘Laws without morals are useless,’” says the M&T sophomore. “And the drinking age law clearly isn’t in use, so it can’t be all that moral.” In 1984, Congress passed the National Minimum Drinking Age Act, prodding states to either raise the drinking age to 21 or to lose ten–percent of their federal highway funds. Since then, groups across the country have pushed to repeal that decision—but their attempts have been unsuccessful. Every student interviewed for this piece agreed that the drinking age should be lowered. Many called the 21+ requirement “ridiculous.” With so many fakes on campus, the law seems outdated and ineffective.

n the Sunday morning after Halloween frat parties, a hungover sophomore steps over last night’s cat ears and googles “Fake IDs now.” The IDGod website pops up, and she grins. In a few weeks, the fakes will ship to her dorm hidden under cheap necklaces or bars of soap. She’ll jam the ID into her wallet and head to Smokes'—finally ready to join the rest of her underaged friends. * Names have been changed Dani Blum is a sophomore English and Political Science double major from Connecticut. She is a Features Editor for 34th Street.

N O V E M B E R 5 , 2 01 5 3 4 T H S T R E E T M A G A Z I N E

MUSIC

WHAT TO LISTEN TO:

For your final dose of post–Halloween spooky, check out Grimes’ latest freak–pop–esque release “Flesh Without Blood,” featuring Taiwanese artist Aristophanes. Either use it to prep for next year's Halloween OR play it to freak out the conservative uncle at your family’s rapidly–approaching Thanksgiving dinner. Happy holidays. Justin Bieber gets this week's Doing The Most Award. Still riding the wave of success from his latest release “Sorry,” JBiebz recently announced his cover of Drake’s “Hotline Bling” on Twitter. Want to check it out? Dial (213)322–1113. No, really. In a move more in–theme than a sorority girl at her first mixer, J–Baby released the song on a literal hotline that automatically plays it when you call the number. #Modern #art.

WHAT TO SEE:

Still dreaming of seeing The Strokes on tour? Spend your Saturday night, Nov. 7 doing the next best thing with Albert Hammond Jr., guitarist and keyboardist for The Strokes, performing solo at the First Unitarian Church. See ODESZA playing at Union Transfer in one of two shows both happening this Wednesday, Nov. 11. Tickets were sold out months ago, but try to snag one on resale—Odesza’s uniquely dreamy electronica is worth the extra effort. Her arrival has been quite the waiting game, but check out Banks’ moody R&B sound at the Theatre of Living Arts this upcoming Monday, Nov. 9 before she joins The Weeknd to finish up his tour.

YOUR WEEK IN MUSIC 11.5.15-11.12.15

JOHANNA MATT–NAVARRO

* Free admission before 1am with Penn ID *

Thursdays, Fridays, Saturdays 11pm - 3:30am | 21+ to enter

Book Your Exclusive Event at Club Pulse Drink specials available for private parties info@pulsephilly.com

1526 Sansom St.

215-751-2711

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WHAT TO TALK ABOUT:

Karen O, also lead singer of the on–hiatus Yeah Yeah Yeah’s, has turned to cater for a different audience—namely, the viewers of the video game Rise of the Tomb Rider trailer. Having penned the songs for films like Her and Where The Wild Things Are, Karen O is no stranger to cinematic songwriting. Listen to the track, “I Shall Rise.” The Pope’s USA tour may have ended, but good ol' Francis’ music career has only just begun. Pope Francis has plans to release Wake Up, an album featuring contemporary music overlaid with a select number of the Pope’s speeches, later this month. He released one track “¿Por Que Sufren Los Niños?” or “Why Do The Children Suffer?” last week in preparation for the album’s release. No better track to listen to while atoning for the sins committed this past Halloweekend.

MUSIC

DISCOVER: LISTEN: SEE: CYMBAL:

Ever wanted to share that song you have on repeat, with everyone you know because it’s just so good? Me too. All the time. Enter Cymbal, aka the Instagram of music. It’s the first truly social music app experience, as their Head of Growth, Charlie Kaplan, told Street: Cymbal aims “to be the best place to share music with the people who matter to you.” Cool, no?

HOW IT WORKS: • • •

Share that song you’re loving from Spotify or SoundCloud: Cymbal’s the place “to get recognized for your music taste more than anywhere else." Follow anyone—from friends to tastemakers to people who share your taste in music. Get discovering: Your feed is an always–fresh playlist. Listen, like, start conversations and save new music.

SOUNDHOUND:

It’s a better version of Shazam. In addition to tracing that song playing in Starbucks under Commons, SoundHound can allegedly recognize the song you can’t stop singing, but we have yet to see it happen. So give it a go and let us know. On another note: The masterminds behind this one are building Hound, a better version of Siri, a personal assistant. This is what the future looks like.

SPOTIFY:

The obvious app has all the music in the world, minus Taylor Swift, Joanna Newsom and a few other anti–streamers. Between endless curated playlists for your genre, your scene and your mood, you’re bound to find something you love. Plus, there’s Discover Weekly, a brand new playlist tailored just for you at the start of the week. There’s no better way to get over your case of the Mondays.

SOUNDCLOUD:

If you’re into EDM, you already know. For the rest of you, SoundCloud is the home of original music. You’ll find home–grown DJs, cover artists who might just be better than the originals and slick mixes of your favorite songs. You could also even try unleashing your inner DJ. Who knows, you might just get discovered….

MUSIXMATCH:

We’ve discovered the secret ingredient to your impromptu karaoke party. Anytime, anywhere.

HOW IT WORKS: • • • •

Launch Musixmatch on your laptop. Choose a song. Hit "Lyrics" on the bottom right. Have fun embarrassing yourself—that’s what karaoke’s all about, right?

TECHNICALLY MUSIC You’re on your phone all day anyway. Make that eat, sleep, music, repeat. TALIA STERMAN

BANDSINTOWN:

For all your concert–tracking needs. It’s kind of magical.

HOW IT WORKS: • • •

Sync your music library (iTunes, Spotify, Facebook music likes, etc.) Enter a world of recommended shows based on your taste and links to tickets at your fingertips. It’s a no–nonsense Your Week in Music, but it’s accessible all day, everyday, so we’ll allow it.

SOFARSOUNDS:

They’re claiming to "bring back the magic of live music.” We’ll take their word for it.

HOW IT WORKS: • • • •

Sign up for a specific date in your city. The City of Brotherly Love, perhaps. You’ll get an email a day before the show with the super secret venue. Bring your automatic plus–one for an intimate show with a mystery performer. So far (Ed. note: Sorry, had to.), they’ve managed to bring out awesome underground indie acts, so you’re in for a pleasant surprise.

Turn us on, and we’ll turn you on.

WQHS Radio: • Penn’s only student-run radio station • 24/7 music • Listen online through any and all devices • Go to WQHS.org

N O V E M B E R 5 , 2 01 5 3 4 T H S T R E E T M A G A Z I N E 1 1

FILM & TV

,DRUGS AND SEX IN 3D

Gaspar Noé wants to make you come. mixture of both. At least this time, the director didn't fall asleep (though the main actress of the film did whisper to me after the Philly screening that she felt deadly hungover). At the press conference in France, Noé explained: “The film is called love, so that’s what’s onscreen.” Using 3D helps you get it all. You're not having sex, but sex is having you: literally in your face and everywhere around you, which is what Noé aimed for by choosing to use the technology. When Street asked him about his choice to use 3D this weekend, the director responded that he “enjoys movies in 3D with long takes,” and in this case, “3D creates a kind of additional intimacy” for the viewer. After taking in the first scene of naked bodies, you are introduced to Murphy, who is high out of his mind on New Year’s Day and dreads taking care of his son. His young child, Gaspar, is an accident that he shares with Omi, his blonde neighbor–turned– girlfriend who he insists is ruining his life. Murphy’s voiceover guides the film, offering his most intimate thoughts to the viewers and trapping them in his head. Perhaps you recognize Murphy; maybe you CREATIVE • BALANCED • SIMPLE know him. Or maybe 1608 SOUTH STREET • PHILADELPHIA, PA you are 215-790-0330 • ENTREEBYOB.COM Murphy:

Gaspar Noé's fourth film, Love, showcases threesomes, orgies and ayahuasca ceremonies by following two doped up kids around Paris. And yet, it touches on a lot more than just your two favorite things—love and, of course, sex. This weekend, hundreds of moviegoers lined up outside for two hours to watch one of the American premieres of Love, the Argentine– born French director’s newest piece, which first premiered at the Cannes Film Festival in May, where I first saw it. At the international premiere of his own film, the director fell asleep wearing his mustard jacket. Would this be any different? Noé is known, loved and hated for catering to his public’s most voyeuristic and depraved desires by keeping it sexy, dangerous and inappropriate. He is the one who enraged and fascinated audiences all around the world with Irreversible (2002) and Enter The Void (2009). I half expected him to be recieved with a standing ovation or multiple walkouts. And, once again, he got a

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always horny, often lazy, sometimes violent and arrogant with no real work to show for it. He’s the typical American boy and cinema student with film posters in his messy room. Elektra is an "aspiring painter" at Beaux–Arts who repeatedly cheats on Murphy with her ex. Murphy cheats, screams, falls hopelessly in love and in lust with one girl after another. He calls Elektra a junkie, but it's he who is addicted to her, even two years after he's last seen her. The 3D narrative functions through flashbacks, and you can’t help but predict Murphy’s actions and ongoing misery as he opens with “Today is shit,” and continues with “I fucked it up,” without bothering to sort anything out. Often shot between two walls, he’s trapped in his present but obsessed with his past and unable to face the future. Murphy’s present is grey and dull, compared to two years ago, when his life was filled with passionate sex in red and yellow rooms filled with warm colors that match Electra’s clothes and fiery personality. The story is recognizable, a passionate yet destructive romance of excess and distress. But the tension between the actors is electric (this is two of the actors’ first film), and the party, rave, orgy scenes are loud and immersive. The film gets at you—it even jerks off at you. And when's the last time someone blew smoke rings directly onto your face or ejaculated towards you in a movie theater? Cinema explores everything: horror, grace, beauty, terror, life, death, love—so why not graphic sex? Noé attempts to answer this question with an uncensored celebration of the act itself. It’s not the planned, glamorized, passionate and sweet display of nudity that permeates Hollywood. And yet, it's steamy, tender, sad, happy, longing, based all over Paris, the city of love. The sex is exclusive and inclusive but mostly concerns the two protagonists, any-

CAROLINE MARQUES time, anyplace: against the wall outside a rave, with swingers at a sex club, with a transvestite called Maman (Mommy), in the bathroom…on pot, coke, opium, E, ayahuasca and so on. Murphy and Elektra claim they love each other, and their relationship has been so deeply intertwined in sex since the first night they meet that both keep being confused between sex and love. With Love, you get everything except, perhaps, an understanding of love itself. But the love is there. Murphy takes opium that Elektra gave him to be closer to her—because he wants a part of her inside him. Noé uses 3D so that you can be inside the film, fully present during every violent fight, choppy vibrant dance sequence, drug–infused haze, intimate action, breakdown or drunken whisper. Murphy and Elektra promise to try everything together; you leave thinking it could be time for you to do the same.

Love premiered at the 2015 Cannes Film Festival and is distributed in the US by Alchemy.

ARTS

GET HANDSY WITH HISTORY Museums that are not the Rosenbach: DO NOT TOUCH. Rosenbach: Wash your hands, then touch everything .At this point, you might be wondering what exactly the Rosenbach Museum is—and why we’re telling you to go touch all of the artifacts in it. And the answer, dear reader, is simple. Unlike many other institutions that dedicate themselves to rare books, you, as part of a non–academic public, are allowed to interact with the collection directly. The Museum policy is that you can touch the manuscripts and folios with your bare hands, IF, and only if, you wash them first. According to curators, scientists have concluded that clean hands cause less damage to books than the gloves (because #friction). The Rosenbach Museum & Library, situated on 20th and

Delancey streets, is a hidden gem. It was founded in the Rosenbach family townhouse in 1954 after the deaths of Dr. A.S.W. Rosenbach and his brother, Philip. The pair were renowned professional dealers of manuscripts, fine arts and rare texts. The Museum holds over 3,000 rarities, folios and manuscripts, with the brothers’ own personal collection at its core. This features Benjamin Franklin’s first Poor Richard's Almanack, outlines of Bram Stoker’s Dracula and the manuscript of James Joyce’s Ulysses. Last week, I was able to visit the Museum with one of my classes, and we were allowed to handle a variety of texts under curator supervision. Beyond the historical and cultural value of the experience, it was an incredibly humbling and humanizing one as well. We tend to think of the famous authors as superhu-

man geniuses who wrote their masterpieces in a day. Yet, as I analyzed Joyce’s manuscript of Ulysses (he had great handwriting, by the way), I smiled to myself as I read his sidenotes and his scratches. Joyce, of course, would have probably liked to be recognized for his work—a classic for generations to come. Yet, his mistakes and afterthoughts also provide a completely different dimension to his persona: the human side, something that a published, bound copy of his work would never provide as explicitly. We also engaged with other texts from different epochs, such as Marianne Moore’s poetry and Lorene Cary’s Black Ice. It was incredibly fascinating

The Rosenbach Museum offers one–of–a–kind experiences with one–of–a–kind texts.

to see how questions of technology, creative process and personality factored into handwritten and typed notes. In one of the pages from the Dracula notes, Stoker wrote, "Dracula! Dracula! Dracula!" over and over again. Many scholars interpret it as the moment that, in the develop-

ment of the novel, he figured out how he’d name the book. It was thrilling, for both my class and for me, to stumble on these little moments of joy in the texts of incredible literary history. SYRA ORTIZ-BLANES

IF YOU'RE INTERESTED IN JUST CHECKING OUT THE COLLECTION FROM AFAR: Pay $5 with a valid student ID if you just want to walk around the museum. Check out the reading room if you want to

get away from Penn and dig into your new favorite book. It’s also free on Tuesdays.

IF YOU WANT TO GET HANDSY WITH SHAKESPEARE: Pay $11 to participate in a hands–on tour. What does this entail? You go, on a specified date and time, with a curator who is an expert in the topic that you choose. He or she will go over the material with you and provide you personal access to touch the rare items. Current hands–on tours include: Melville Herman and Moby Dick, a collection of love letters, Stoker’s Dracula notes, Early Hebrew Books from the 17th Century, Lewis Carroll, Shakespeare folios and manuscripts, among other cool texts I’m sure you’d like to get all over.

Have a specific interest? Email the museum to schedule a one–on–one appointment with a text of your choice. A curator will be with you during the appointment to help you understand and work with the text. SYRA ORTIZ BLANES Phone: (215) 732-1600 Address: 2008-2010 Delancey Place Hours: Tuesday and Friday: Noon—5pm Wednesday and Thursday: Noon—8pm Saturday and Sunday: Noon—6pm N O V E M B E R 5 , 2 01 5 3 4 T H S T R E E T M A G A Z I N E 1 3

ARTS

CALEND(ART) 11.05.2015 To help you break up the monotony that is your midterm–season Gcal.

ISABEL ALLENDE AT THE FREE LIBRARY Isabel Allende is a Chilean–American writer, and she is coming to Philly next Thursday to talk about her life, her career and the world today. She is heralded as one of the world’s most widely–read Spanish–language authors, and she has spent many years working to empower women and girls worldwide. The event's not cheap, but trust us, it will be worth it.

EMILY JOHNS

WHY YOU SHOULD GO This woman is really fucking cool. She has been inducted into the American Academy of Arts and Letters, her novel The House of the Spirits was adapted into a movie starring Meryl Streep, she received Chile’s National Literature Prize AND President Obama awarded her the 2014 Medal of Freedom. It’s not everyday someone this influential visits the Philadelphia Free Library (but maybe every week).

DETAILS YOU SHOULD KNOW

We’re The only bike shop on campus!

AND we have the largest selection of bikes in Philadelphia!

Don’t make the craigslist bike mistake...

...Shop keswick!

When: Thursday, Nov. 12 from 7:30pm—9pm Where: The Free Library of Philadelphia, 1901 Vine Street Tickets: $32, purchase in advance

COLLEGE NIGHT AT THE BARNES We all know about the Barnes (if you don’t, you need to read this magazine more), be it for its art or its Young Professionals parties that let us pretend we know it for its art. Regardless, the Barnes Foundation is one of the best museums in the city. And, every so often, the museum opens its doors and hosts social events for the public to encourage engagement with art in a new (read: drunk) way. Although in the past this has mostly been for “Young Professionals,” the Barnes has recently decided to host its first ever “College Night” on Friday, Nov. 13.

WHY YOU SHOULD GO

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Buy a bike from us and get free tune-ups and adjustments! 4040 locust street (215) 387-7433

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(215) 387-7433

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sale

$299.99

save while in school! @KeswickCycle Students and Faculty get 10% OFF non-sale bicycles and accessories with valid school I.D.

The event is free. It is also restricted to those with a valid college ID, aka no creepy old men wearing cowboy hats will be eyeballing you because you are also wearing a hat (Ed. note: this happened). Bonus: it’s on a Friday, which means you definitely don’t have conflicting social plans, and it’s from 7pm—10pm, which means it can be your pregame if you do.

DETAILS YOU SHOULD KNOW When: Friday, Nov. 13 from 7pm—10pm Where: 2025 Benjamin Franklin Parkway The Art: “Totally Twisted” tours of the most unusual art housed in the Barnes’ collection. These only last for fifteen minutes, aka an appropriate dose of culture in an amount of time that suits our short attention spans. The Music: Live performances from the Eric Montague Quartet and Worldtown, as well as a dance performance by Inger Cooper. Tickets: Free admission with valid college ID, preregistration is preferred but not required.

LOWBROW

WHAT TO DO WITH LEFTOVER FOOTBALL TOAST Lowbrow gives you easy, 30–minute meals to make with your leftover toast after the football game!

At Penn we hate waste—it's SO two–thousand–and–late. So we've given you some easy recipes to make with all the leftover toast after the football games! Get ready to get your grub on!

Bread Pancakes

Once we had pancakes with blended glazed donuts in them. This is the same idea, except instead of donuts we're using toast. Blend the toast, add it to the pancake batter and you can relive the game bite after bite! Pro–tip: chocolate or gravel chips step it up a notch.

Sausage Biscuit

What's a sausage biscuit? Never had one? Lowbrow can help! A sausage biscuit is a sausage patty between two halves of a biscuit! But in this iteration, it's a sausage patty placed between two pieces of toast made to look like sausage. Like the original but even more turf–y!

LOWBROW WORKS OUT

Here at Lowbrow, we take working out very seriously. That's why we put together this list of workouts just in time for parka season. • BeBcome a dance floor make–out queen: ki •

Breaded Chicken

Ever have a frozen chicken breast sitting in your freezer for too long? Afraid you may accidentally use it as an icepack? Well kill two cocks (Ed. note: Get it, like chicken? Chicken's a bird.) with one stone/hard piece of toast. Crumble the toast onto the defrosted chicken breast, and you're ready for a victory.

Bread Pudding

Take eight slices of the most trampled toast (the stomping really releases the flavor), soak them in a mixture of egg, sweat and cinnamon. Smush them into a tray, bake for 35—60 minutes and you're golden!

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LOWBROW

Soccer season may be over, so where do you wear your cleats now? Lowbrow has the solutions for that burning question and more. Is your closet bursting with jockstraps and compression shorts? Drawers stuffed to the brim with goggles? Don't know what you're gonna do with all those shin guards? Don't worry—Lowbrow's going to show you how to take your running shoes and turn them into runway shoes. Take our tips and incorporate your winning gear into winning #OOTDs.

Lacrosse skirts are versatile and trendy for every event. Dress it up to meet your boyfriend's parents, then take off a layer when heading to Rumor!

Your face masks and prescription sports glasses make a statement at any gala or masquerade ball. A potential suitor can't resist the mystique hiding behind the cage on your face.

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Wear your football helmet out! Nothing's better than

a good personal hotbox. BONUS: You can protect yourself against DFMOs.

Sports bras are ready– made for formals. Usually a top, wear them as panties to give those glutes a little perk!

Your cup can come in handy when running low on shot glasses. Take it off, fill it up, enjoy the bonus nutty flavor.

Jock straps keep things perky and are great for easy access! Need we say more?

Show the world you've got some balls! Literally, bring your soccer ball around with you wherever you go. Van Pelt, downtown, under the button… irre–fucking–sistible.

Shoulder pads in geology class will not only make you seem broad, but will also give you enough room in class to take furious notes during lecture. Plus the '80s are totally back.