How To Gild An Eagle Ten page excerpt of the full length play __________________________ By Zizi Majid
Contact: Zizi Majid 282 Magnolia Avenue #15 Jersey City, New Jersey 07306 za2249@columbia.edu or zizi.azah@gmail.com
CHARACTERS Donna Walker - F, 51, White-American Matt Walker - M, 25, White-American Lana Usman - F, 36, Pakistani-American (wears a hijab) Suzie Everitt - F, 28, White-American. Best friend of Wendy Walker. Tom Dresden - M, early 40s, White-American. County Clerk Officer SETTING Walker’s General Store in Carroll, a small mountain town in rural, northern New Hampshire. TIME 2019
SCENE 4 7 September 2019. Lana is alone in the store, she is on the phone speaking to a friend, she holds a flyer in her hand. LANA I found it under my wiper-blades. (holds out the flyer in front of her) It’s got a really bad photo of me and in big bold letters ‘Neighborhood Terrorist’. Then in smaller comic sans my name, spelled wrong of course. / Oh who the hell knows who did it? Your guess is as good as mine. (crushes up the flyer and stuffs it into her pocket) We’re fine, it’s just someone’s idea of a prank. / No way. / It’s not just about Salman, you have no idea just how suffocating it was in Frisco. All that Desi tech money and the constant one upmanship - who drove the bigger car, whose house had the longer driveway, whose kid memorized the Quran first, whose kid got into MIT. / Listen, I moved here to live in America. Not to mirror the life I would’ve had under my father’s chandeliers. / What do you mean this is the price I have to pay? / The price for choosing freedom? / You gotta be kidding me. Donna and Matt enter from the back door both wearing masks on their faces. The kind of masks you wear in a construction zone. Lana ends her phone call and puts away her phone. She breathes in deeply. Donna and Matt take their masks off. LANA Did the contractor say how long till the floors are done? MATT One more week at least. Matt goes over to the fridge and gets a can of soda.
2. DONNA We spoke to the carpenter too. MATT Told him all about the panelling work you want, the ceiling reliefs in the dining room. Matt opens the can of soda. LANA You gonna pay for that? MATT (to Donna) Is she for real? LANA I’m kidding, relax. I’m not a monster, you know. (pause) Did the carpenter say he could do the panelling work? MATT He might ask some guys from Boston to do the relief work but yeah, if you’re willing to pay for it ... LANA Great. DONNA Oh and I looked at those carpet samples, I’m really liking the burgundy. LANA You didn’t like the turquoise one with the DONNA Gold triangles? Don’t you think that’s more the Omni? LANA What’s so bad about that? DONNA We should keep to the look we’re known for, people around here know our inn for its LANA ‘Rustic’ charm?
3. DONNA Well obviously, we’re not the Omni LANA Well, we’re not the Holiday Inn MATT We’re not the Bear Mountain Lodge neither. Donna shoots Matt a look. LANA Look, all I’m saying is the inn can be homey and welcoming, without ... looking like Grandma Walker’s living room. A moment. DONNA (to Matt) Didn’t you say you needed to go get paint? Store’s gonna close soon. MATT Shoot. LANA Is this the wall paint for the dining room? MATT Yeah. LANA I’ll tag along, wanna make sure you pick the right cream tone. MATT Fine. Matt and Lana walk towards and then exit through the front door. Donna now alone in the store, she takes stock and writes things in a ledger till the front door is pushed open and Suzie enters.
4. SUZIE Hey Mrs. Walker. I thought maybe Matt would like to go by the river but seems him and Lana are going to get paint for the reno? DONNA That’s right, we’re moving full steam ahead. SUZIE Guess I’ll just ... got any pie today? DONNA Sure, help yourself. Suzie goes to the back of the store and gets a piece of pie. She sits down on a stool by the counter and eats the pie. SUZIE Guess what Mrs. Walker? I’m gonna get my degree. DONNA Oh? SUZIE Well, teaching certificate. The school’s gonna pay for it and everything. Ol’ Greenie just signed off on it. Say how old do you think Ol’ Greenie is? DONNA Well, he’s been principal since you kids were there and he taught shop when I was there ... my best guess is SUZIE He’s a hundred and two. Donna laughs. SUZIE Her kid’s in my class you know. DONNA Whose kid? SUZIE Her kid.
5. DONNA Whose kid? SUZIE Her kid. She's a good kid - quiet, smart but like book-smart, you know? (lowering her voice) She’s being a little difficult. DONNA Ani? SUZIE Lana. Making demands cos her kid has “allergies.” Made a big fuss when we got Goldfish crackers, I mean we gotta get the snack that most of the kids like. I swear I saw Ani sneak a goldfish. Poor thing, she must feel so deprived with a mother like that. Then she makes these remarks like we’re not trying hard enough, not like her teachers at her private school in Frisco. Jeez. (eats pie) Oh! Can’t believe I almost forgot. Suzie puts down her fork and rummages around in her handbag. SUZIE Mom found my old yearbook the other day when she was cleaning out the garage. I found something in it, thought you might like to have it. Suzie finds a photo in her handbag and gives it to Donna. It is a photo of Suzie and Wendy on the night of their senior prom. DONNA Senior prom. She made me drive all the way to Littleton to get her that dress, said she’d seen it in the window. SUZIE She was thrilled that you got it for her, she was so worried you’d say it was too expensive. Suzie finishes eating her pie while Donna looks at the photo as if wishing to memorize it.
6. SUZIE Thanks for the pie Mrs. Walker. (walks to the front door) Guess Matt and I will have to get on the river another day. Suzie exits through the front door, the bell tinkling as she leaves. Donna puts the photo up at the counter. DONNA Every year before you blew out your candles, you’d whisper your wish to me. Daddy told you not to, but you said you had to tell me everything because we were best friends. Then the years folded over each other and whenever I tried to talk to you, you’d just slip away. No matter how hard I tried I could barely catch your shadow. (pause) I should have gone everywhere with you Wendy, I should have held your hand every minute of every day.
7. SCENE 5 15 September 2019. Matt, Tom and Lana have just watched a Patriots game. The game has just ended, the Patriots lost and Matt, Tom and Lana are devastated. Matt is particularly livid. TOM Eight straight downs MATT Zero fucking yards. LANA All that hard work down the drain. MATT Fuck. I need a real drink. Matt brings out a bottle of whiskey from behind the counter. MATT Tom? TOM Sure, why not? MATT Lana? LANA Guess this is as good a time as any. MATT Finally. LANA Yeah right. MATT Chicken.
8. Matt pours the whiskey into two glasses and gives one to Tom. TOM There’s always next year. MATT/LANA Fuck next year. A moment as they mourn the loss. MATT Shit this feels worse than Superbowl XLVI. TOM Let’s not go there buddy. LANA No way, the dozen incompletes in the last quarter, XLVI was brutal. MATT I tell you what was brutal, setting up a tv in the middle of the Iraqi desert. My boy Jake had to borrow some towelheads’ satellite dish to get the game goin’. TOM Matt. MATT What? Matt sees the look on Lana’s face. MATT How come you’re a Pats fan anyway? LANA When I first moved here, the Pats had just started their winning streak. Got a lot of grief for it when I was living in Frisco, everyone there was crazy for the Cowboys. MATT Must be nice to be able to choose your loyalties. TOM You’ve always had that New England blood in you.
9. LANA Cheers. TOM To the Patriots! Lana raises her bottle of Mountain Dew. LANA To the Patriots. MATT To a new motherfucking quarterback. LANA Brady’s done. TOM Amen to that. Matt knocks back his drink, pours another one. MATT We’ve always been Pats fans. Dad’d set up the TV just like this, invite people over, have a grand ol’ party. TOM Pops and I’d stay over, wake up to the sweet smell of pie bakin’. MATT That last one before we closed the inn went straight to hell, ‘member Tom? TOM Don’t think I was here for that one, Mallory was still red from poppin’ out of her mom’s oven. MATT See what happened was, Dad broke out some killer moonshine at kickoff and everything went upside down pretty quick. I mean the game happened don’t get me wrong but nobody saw much of it. It was just a freaking riot, someone broke a chair, someone else got up on the roof and crawled around like a damn ninja. Dad fell asleep in the middle of that aisle and all of a sudden woke up screamin’(looks Lana right in the eye) You dare crash fucking planes on our turf, you gonna have hell to pay you motherfuckin’ sandniggers.
10. Lana stands up, fast. LANA What did you call me? MATT I didn’t call you anything. LANA That’s not what it sounded like. TOM Matt was just telling a crazy Frank story, weren’t you Matt? MATT Shit ton where that came from. Lana considers. She sits back down as Matt pours himself another glass of whiskey. LANA Day the towers got hit, I stayed in my dorm all day. Thought if I left people’d ask if the guys who flew those planes were my cousins. All day I watched people throwing themselves out of burning windows. TOM Jesus Christ. MATT We were locked up in our classrooms, no one knew, whether we were at war or what. Two days after Dad got shipped out. Came back a year later raving about desert snakes hissing through sand storms and black scorpions rising through blistering sand. Matt points to the “We Shoot Terrorists on Sight” sign. MATT Still remember what he said when he put that up. Matt gets up from his stool, swaying as he stands. MATT "It's always war for these motherfucking ingrates." Ain't that right Lana?
11. LANA You really think we're all the same don't you. MATT Oh sorry. I forgot, you're just a Pats fan from Frisco. LANA Goddammnit. MATT (finishes the whiskey in his glass) All the money in the world can’t wash the blood from your hands. TOM That’s enough Matt. LANA What about the blood on your hands huh? MATT (to Tom) She's fucking kidding right? LANA No I’m fucking not. TOM Now, now Lana. LANA Napalm in Trang Bang. Waterboarding in Guantanamo. Rabid dogs in Abu Ghraib. MATT I had nothing to do with any of that shit. LANA (pointing to the sign) And I had nothing to do with any of that shit. MATT You think you’re so damn smart don’t you? LANA Years from now, maggots will eat through your lily white skin and it’ll rot black just like mine will. So take that sheet off your head and look at me. See me.
12. (pause) Kick and scream all you want but we are the same, you and me. MATT You have no clue who I am. LANA Oh yeah? I'm here cos I'm doing what’s right for my family. Isn’t that the same reason you came back from Iraq? Isn’t that why you can’t bring yourself to leave Carroll? Matt walks away from the counter and turns his back to Tom and Lana. MATT Even though the war fucked Frank up, when those army recruiters came around and dangled that signing bonus in my face, I still signed up. (pause) The night we watched that Pats game in the desert, we got a call to assist on a raid. We were looking for a suspected jihadi. When I got out of the humvee, two guys from the other unit had this Iraqi woman pinned to the ground while a few of others were beating on her teenage boys. We arrested her husband and he was released a few weeks later. Bad intel, wrong ID. But to this day, I can still hear that woman’s screams. Matt turns back to Lana and Tom. MATT So no Lana, we are not the same. I am still just my father’s son.