3 minute read
Falling in Love at Work
from Issue 11
Susie Wentworth shares the pros, cons, do’s and don’ts of finding a soulmate in an unexpected place .
It’s honestly laughable that I’m writing an article about dating. I was terrible at dating and honestly didn’t like it very much. I over-analyze everything and am not a confident decision maker, though I’m working on it. That being said, I did meet, date, and marry the most amazing man, who I met at work!
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Brandon and I met while working at an airline. At the time, we worked in different departments that shared space on the same floor of one of the buildings. Brandon (Bran, B, babe, etc.) was friends with one of my co-workers and would swing by our workspace to say hi and ask how she and her family were doing. Eventually, he started dropping by to see me instead of her. I started to catch on that he was interested in me, but didn’t originally reciprocate his feelings. I knew that he was a stand-up man of character and even suggested that he date my older sister, but I was pretty hesitant at the idea of dating a co-worker! Think of all that could go wrong! Eventually, and thankfully, I decided to give it a chance. We learned a lot of Do’s and Don’ts along the way and standing on the other side of dating a coworker, it all worked out.
Pros & Cons
You Can Assume a Good Fit
Often times, employers hire like-minded people. Our Company, for example, hires people who are fun, positive, outgoing, and care a lot about serving others.
You Can Get Peer Reviews
At your job, there are a lot of people to vouch for your potential partner’s character. Does the person work hard or slack off? Is he or she easy to get along with? Do people avoid going to them for help? Your potential partner’s coworkers can often share if he or she has a good attitude or is mostly positive or negative.
You Have to Separate Work & Play
It’s difficult to separate your work and personal life. If you’re frustrated or mad at the person you’re dating, it’s not as easy to be able to put your frustration aside for 8 hours because you could very easily see the person during the day.
You Have to Limit Interactions
On the other side, it’s also difficult to not show affection. As Brandon said, “The hardest part was keeping your emotions in check/hidden so that not everyone knew what was going on.”
You May Find Yourself in a Conflict of Interest
Any couple should love sharing things with each other. Bran might tell you that I talk his ear off. However, there was one instance during our dating relationship in which he was receiving a promotion and I was the one that was processing the tile change and pay increase for him. I couldn’t say anything, much less celebrate him, so it was difficult.
Do’s & Dont’s
Do set boundaries and respect them.
I cannot stress how important this is. Your job is your livelihood. The job you’re in will hopefully lead to a career progression within your company or will be a stepping stone to something at another company. Either way, your Leader will have something to say about you as an Employee.
Don’t jeopardize a job by being unprofessional.
Setting boundaries will help with this. Maybe you both agree to keep your relationship a secret. I know a couple, now married, that dated for a year without anyone a work knowing. Or maybe you two decied to limit the time you interact with each other at work. Either way you need to come to a decision together about protecting your jobs.
At the beginning of our relationship, Brandon would swing by my desk and sit there to chat with me. Eventually a few of the Leaders in my department stopped by my desk and asked about “the guy that keeps coming around.” They were approaching the subject from a “protective” point of view, but I certainly didn’t want them to start questioning my work ethic. I had to ask Brandon to hang out a little less frequently. Just remember, the relationship you’re in may work out but may also dissolve. Either way, you’ll need a job.
Do be clear with your intentions and expectations.
This is something that I did poorly, but my husband did really well. Brandon was very clear that he wanted to date me, and eventually, that he wanted to marry me. A lot of dating relationships these days are lacking clarity and direction. People use dating for various different reasons – to find a spouse, to meet more people, or to find out what character traits they’re looking for in a spouse. It’s important to communicate what your purpose is in dating in order to be fair to the other person.
Do show each other dignity and respect each other, no matter what happens.
The reality about dating is that it only leads to marriage once. Every previous dating experience that you have prior to finding your spouse has ended. Regardless of what happens, it is crucial for co-workers to remember that they are indeed co-workers. They should treat each other with dignity and respect. Don’t spread rumors. Don’t speak poorly about the person to other co-workers. Take the high road. Be kind to the person and remember to treat them how you’d like to be treated.
