40z Rock Magazine

Quarterly Magazine Issue No. 5

SPECIAL ANNIVERSARY ISSUE Exclusive REBECCA KING CREWS

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40ZROCK.COM

y r a s r e v i n n A y Hap p 40z R ock!

CONTENTS / Issue No. 5

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ON THE COVER

Rebecca King Crews, singer, actress, producer, mother and wife of actor and NFL player Terry Crews.

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22 Features 40 Cutting the Cord with Class

42 My Child Comes First 46 God, Are You Laughing at Me?

48 Stop Throwin’ Shade 2

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20 8 24

In Each Issue 4

Editor’s Letter

8 Must-Haves: Editor’s Gift Guide : Valentine’s Day Six Sweet Finds

1 0 Healthy Living: New Year, New Mindset: Cheers to Good Mental Health

1 4 Food: New Year’s Diet Detox

1 6 Entertainment: 9th Annual Taste of Soul

1 8

Q&A With Mia: Let’s Get it (W) Right!

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Beauty: Easy on the Eyes

22 Fashion:

Lingerie: Bring the Sexy Back to Your Relationship

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28

Health: Resolve to Be Realistic

28 Relationships: Why Am I Still Single?

30 Effective Parenting: My Teacher Hates Me

32

F orty, Fabulous & Free Say Yes to You

34

T ravel Romantic Getaways

54

RSVP

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40zROCK / EDITOR'S LETTER

The Man in the Arena

It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat. ~ THEODORE ROOSEVELT

How many times have you found yourself being the man in the arena? You put forth your very best efforts only to hear what you should or could have done differently. Yes, the critic is always waiting for the opportunity to discourage you, instead of embracing the chance to help make a change. It took me a long time, but thanks to this speech I am able to understand clearly why critics don't count! Keep in mind,no matter how hard you try or what a postive impact you make, you will never please everyone. Really, when you stop and think about it, how is the critic spending their time? So, the next time you're in the midst of following your vision, and all you see is blood and sweat, keep striving to do your deeds. Remember, no matter what, stand firm on your beliefs, stay in the arena and learn to live life unlike the critic with no regrets! This speech has given me continued strength throughout the year, so, I thought it would be only appropriate to share it with you. YOU ROCK!

Sandra A. Wyckoff Editor-in-Chief

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40zROCK

CONTRIBUTING WRITERS

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Sandra Wyckoff Editor-in-Chief

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3

Editing Chief

Melisa Fox Entertainment Editors

Rhonda M. Anderson Kim Evans Lawson Creative Director

Ann Inez Hardell Photographers

Bobby B Photos by Bobby Hall (cover + page 38) Makeup

Lamik Cosmetics Hair

Paulette Pradia Prefinity Art Designs (cover + page 38) Wardrobe

Ronge Boutique (cover + page 38)

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Special Thank You 40z rock is proud to recognize these writers for their significant contribution to the mission of 40z Rock magazine.

This recognition is truly a result of their hard work. Each issue these writers have consistently submitted a stimulus of articles and columns that contribute to the wellbeing of our new generation of forties rock women.

We look forward to your inspirational words for years to come. Again, thank you for your contributions and your commitment to 40z Rock. #togetherwerock!

With Gratitude, Sandra Wyckoff

π Founder of 40z Rockr

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1 Kim Bady An inspirational speaker, and author. Kim's latest book, Hey Sexy: Seeing the Excellence in Yourself.

2 Tiffiny E. Dixon, Empowerment Stylist Founder of ME Optimized (MEO) a NYC based womens empowerment agency, she helps women use their personal style as an empowerment tool. Garnering tears & cheers at her entertaining and inspiring Style Empowerment Workshop's & Bus Shopping Tours, Dixon encourages women to combine their personality & life goals to create a signature style.

3 Mena Freeman She wrote the book Backin the Game–a dating playbook for men over 40 after realizing that older men sometimes need a little help after becoming single again. While continuing her financial planning business Mena is a successful author, motivational speaker as well as guest on several radio and television shows.

4 4 Tezzie Gilbert, Owner / President at The

Branding Style, www.thebrandstyle.com

The Branding Style develop campaigns that cater strictly to the patients and the practice. Their marketing initiatives have been tried and proven by other medical offices. Some of those traditional and Interactive marketing services.

5 Kimberly Handy, Owner at GlammGirl

Dynasty LLC, www.kimberlyhandy.com

This is a place for women who are living fabulously over 40. A place where we talk about how to live our healthiest lives, balance family & career and maintain our unique image & style all while having the time and energy to do it all.

6 Cheri Alphonse Hayes, ED.S. True to her roots of St. Lucia, Cheri keeps her cultural origins and ancestral foundation alive through language (creole), dialect, events and travel. She nurtures children through mentoring and teaching. She is employed by the Department of Defense Education Activity, Domestic Dependent Elementary and Secondary Schools at US Army Base Fort Stewart, Georgia.

thanks

merci

do jeh

dankscheen

gracias dankie grazie arigato

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Q 7 E 9

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8 P 7 Danielle Johnson Graduate of Hampton University with a Bachelor's degree in Biological Sciences. She is currently employed with Bristol Myers Squibb Pharmaceuticals as a Senior Diabetes Specialty representative.

Daniellehas also worked in other therapeutic areas such as: Urology, Cardiovascular and Oncology.

8 Dr. Rebecca Johnson, PSYD Dr. Rebecca was awarded her Psy.D. and M.A. in Clinical Psychology by the California School of Professional Psychology and holds an active Georgia Psychologist License.

9 Stephanie D. McKenzie Award-winning marketer, college educator, certified coach, author, and agent life-altering change, "Coach Steph" brings more than two decades of business and marketing expertise to crafting strategies that make your relationships work for you. Currently, Coach Steph is the Coaching Director for The Relationship Firm, a WhatTheLove Company. The Relationship Firm is dedicated to fixing all relationship...even yours! For more information, visit, www.TheRelationshipFirm.com.

P Jacquie Parish, Owner Suga Babes Suga Babes has their own organic and vegan based bath and body product line. They also have a mobile party business. Suga Babes was the dream of Jacquie's two daughters, Layla and Mya. They told her their dream. She made it a reality! www.suga-babes.com

Q Jeneé Pierre, Owner of The Woman's

Earth, www.thewomansearthstudio.com

The Woman’s Earth is a boutique spa and wellness center offering holistic services of massage, yoga, facial and meditation. TWE aims to empower women by challenging them to rise above any internal road blocks that would keep them from fulfilling their purpose. TWE Values: Work, Elevate, Awaken, Renew, Teach, Heal.

W Julie Ray An animal lover, feng shui consultant, part-time YouTuber, and author of the book, HOTT FLASH. E Wendie Rice Graduate of Clark Atlanta University with a Bachelor's degree in Mass Communications. Rice has worked in marketing/sales, public relations and travel throughout her career. In 2009 Wendie felt God's call on her life to encourage and heal others through the sharing of Christ. In 2010 she was commissioned as a Christian Lay Counselor in Atlanta where she works primarily with women, and also mentors at-risk youth across the city.

R Tammy Smithers, MBA Financial Services

Professional / New York Life Insurance Company

Her financial practice focuses on creating estate, business succession, invesment, retirement solutions,college funding, and financial planning for individual clients and their businesses. Her mission is to help her clients achieve financial security and financial independence by building long-term personal relationships based upon integrity and trust.

T Merneen Spearman An author, minister, speaker, entrepreneur, mom, wife and friend.

Y Charlotte Stallings The author of “I Wish Someone Had Told Me! Financial Lessons Learned the Hard Way” Charlotte is a proud member of the National Speakers Association who has shared commentary for CNN and serves as a weekly in-studio guest on Houston’s FOX 26 Wake-Up Money segment.

U Stacy D. Wilson Stacy is a natural hair fanatic, so much so, she started her on blog called Free 2 B Kinky. When she is not giving tips about natural hair, or writing her column Forty, Fabulous and Free for 40z Rock Magazine, she is a dedicated English teacher in Guangzhou, China. #teachersrock I Mia Wright As founder of Metamorphosis, Inc., an organization that encompasses the life changing Metamorphosis Women’s Conference. Mia is a powerful inspirational speaker, who encourages others with uplifting messages, relevant life stories and life skills that apply in both the faith based and industry sectors. She is also a sought after national motivational speaker, women’s conference presenter, and corporate work / faith / life balance coach.

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40zROCK / MUST-HAVES n EDITOR'S GIFT IDEAS

Valentine's Day Six Sweet Finds

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GUCCI VINTAGE FOX FUR BAG

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TOM FORD SANTAL BLUSH PERFUME

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BALENCIAGA RED LEATHER SKIRT

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LAMIK BROW KIT

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GODIVA GIFT SET

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BULGARI RING

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40zROCK / HEALTHY LIVING

NEW YEAR, NEW MINDSET: Cheers to Good Mental Health

by Danielle Johnson

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WOW!!! What a year it has been!!

reading pleasure! What I noticed almost

Can you believe we are now celebrating

immediately is that there had been an

the one year anniversary of 40z Rock

article written to address every concern

Magazine and what an AMAZING,

that we could possibly have as women

informative ride it is has been ladies! As

from spiritual empowerment to the

I sat thinking how I should approach

latest fashion trends, tips to enhance our

this anniversary issue, I took a moment

financial stability and of course, health

to peruse the digital pages of past

advice so that we’ll be around to enjoy

editions and all of the stimulating

it all!

âžş

articles that had been written for YOUR

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SO, NOW WHAT YOU ASK!?!?

As we usher in a New Year and I a new

about Karyn Washington, founder of For

feeling is not just you “in a mood” that you

decade of living (finally an official

Brown Girls, a movement to uplift brown

just can’t snap out of, but it’s depression

member of the 40zRock group) I’m

hued black women and Titi Branch,

and there is help for it.

determined to do things differently

co-founder of Miss Jessie’s natural hair

and I encourage all of you to do the

care line, both battling mental illness

same…A New Year, A New Mindset!

and eventually taking their own lives

Take a moment to think about what the

because the struggles of this life proved

phrase, a “new mindset” really means

too much to bear even in the midst of

for you. How are you going to protect

their tremendous success. The sad fact

your new mindset? Often times we

of the matter is that our women are

experience trials and tribulations that

suffering in silence on a daily basis with

seem never-ending and when we finally

mental illness. Depression is a common

clear the hurdle and order is restored…

and highly treatable disorder affecting

do you ever consider the effect on your

over 17-20 million Americans annually.

›d ifficulty thinking, concentrating, and remembering

mind? Our mental health has to be a

Second only to heart disease, depression

› recurrent thoughts of death or suicide

“protected priority” at all times…no

is the top reason for suicide in the United

matter what it is that we may be dealing

States. Only 12% of African American

with or going through. Now, let me be

women seek treatment for the disorder

›p ersistent physical symptoms that do not respond to treatment, such as headaches, digestive disorders and chronic pain.

clear, I am NOT going to spend the time

because we have a tendency to look at

that we have together requesting that

mental illness as a personal weakness

you drudge up emotional baggage from

and not a medical condition, however,

among the most undertreated groups

yester-year that you would rather throw

I believe the stigma of mental illness is

for depression in the nation and

into the sea of “forgetfulness” because

being lifted.

although Caucasian women experience

this is a celebratory edition, but there’s

depression more often, it is with greater

a very important topic that we must

medical condition that far surpasses a

severity and persistence in our circle.

address if we’re ever going to tackle

temporary feeling of sadness. Clinical

The National Survey of American Life:

the misdiagnosis and under-treated

depression causes major instability in

a study or racial, ethnic, and cultural

condition of mental illness within the

mood, sleep patterns, activity levels,

influences on mental disorders and

African American community.

appetite, and social behaviors. It’s import-

mental health, provided evidence

Recently, we’ve read the stories

Clinical depression is a very serious

ant to recognize that this prolonged

SOME OF THE SYMPTOMS OF DEPRESSION ARE: › general feeling of emptiness › getting too much or too little sleep ›p ronounced changes in sleep, appetite, and energy › persistently sad or irritable mood › l ack of interest in or pleasure from activities that were once enjoyed

African American women are

of communities holding on to long

❝ Find one thing every day to celebrate about your life…doesn’t matter how big or small…CELEBRATE YOURSELF!❞

legacies of secrets, lies, and shame that originated from slavery. The painful part of knowing and understanding this evidence is that avoiding emotions was a survival technique that has now become a “cultural habit.” I’m reminded

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Mind Over Matter of conversations with my mom and

to show fear or weakness. It is okay to

others growing up where they gave

say “I need help!” It is okay to throw

strict instruction NOT to “tell people your

your hands up and say “I can’t take it

business”…don’t show weakness of any

any more…I have reached my limit for

kind while dealing with your problems.

today!” It’s okay to look in the mirror and

“You need to keep some things to

say “I’m not perfect but I love myself for

yourself!” You’ve heard the lines, I can’t

who I am!” Don’t continue to wear the

be the only one! It is because of this

mask of beauty and strength for society

disturbing generational advice that we

all while knowing you are struggling on

don’t seek the necessary help to deal

the inside because eventually, what’s on

with our emotional issues.

the inside will manifest itself outwardly

and at that point, it just may be too late.

Just based off of the reasons why

we choose not to have this very serious

Seek help!!

discussion, you can see that societal

influences play a major role in our

a New Mindset…enjoy this life as much

decision not to seek help. Being both

as you can as often as you can!! Find

female and African American can make a

one thing every day to celebrate about

woman vulnerable to negative attitudes,

your life…doesn’t matter how big or

stereotypes, and behaviors. This is not

small…CELEBRATE YOURSELF!! Wake

the time to allow the opinions of others

up with a song in your heart, a pep in

to stop you from seeking help!! It’s not

your step that lets the world know that

about being weak, it’s about caring

“I LOVE MYSELF” and I value the woman

for yourself enough so that you can

I am on THIS day!! Live for the moment

continue to care for and about others.

that you’re in. Don’t take another day

We as black women have the weight

for granted and definitely don’t’ sweat

of the world on our shoulders and

the small stuff!! Cheers to Good Mental

although our back is breaking, we refuse

Health ladies…we all deserve it!!

As I stated earlier, this is a New Year,

The top [5] reasons that we don’t discuss mental illness are: 1. Might hurt the family 2. Might ruin our career opportunities 3. People might think we’re crazy 4. We can’t afford to appear weak 5. Shame and embarrassment

There are several simple techniques to help restore balance and reduce stress that you can try to help protect your mindset and your mood: MEDITATE: Spending a few minutes of practice a day can help ease anxiety.

Focus your attention on reciting out loud or silently a positive mantra such as “I love myself and I’m excited about my journey!” You choose what you need to speak into existence.

TAKE DEEP BREATHS: Take 5 minutes to breathe deeply. This will help to slow the effects of stress by slowing the heart rate and reducing blood pressure REACH OUT: Talk to others. Share what’s going on in your life. This will allow for a fresh perspective to your problems and encouragement to press on.

TUNE INTO YOUR BODY: Mentally scan your body to get a sense of how stress is affecting your body daily and what can be done to change it.

DECOMPRESS: Place a warm compress around your neck and shoulders for 10 minutes or so and just relax those muscles and massage away the tensions of the day.

These are just a few to get you started.

As always, if your “mood swings” persist contact your primary care physician. He or she can evaluate you to make sure that medication or another is not the cause of your symptoms. Don’t do this alone!! There are counselors available through the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline.

Their 24 hour crisis hotline is 800.273.

TALK. They will put you in contact with counselors in your local area that can help immediately. There’s a plethora of resources available, please take advantage of them!! ✖

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40zROCK / FOOD

NEW YEAR’S DIET DETOX GREEK YOGURT has twice as much protein as other yogurts. It takes longer to leave your stomach, keeping you satisfied longer.

CINNAMON may have a stabilizing effect on blood sugar levels as some studies suggest. This could curb your appetite, particularly in people with type 2 diabetes, Bonci says. Nearly everyone can benefit from cinnamon in its traditional role. Stir some into your coffee, tea, or yogurt to add sweetness without adding calories.

APPLES & PEARS are also high in water content.

Eat them with the peels for extra fiber, which will keep you full longer. Go for whole fruits rather than fruit juice. You’ll get more fiber, and you have to chew the fruits. This takes longer and you’ll burn a few calories chewing, as opposed to gulping down a smoothie.

webmd.com

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If you’ve been busy decking the halls with plenty of rich meals, sweet desserts, and alcohol, chances are, you’re feeling ready for a major diet detox right about now— Checkout this helpful list of foods that will help you Fight the Fat along with some facts about how they work.

RAW VEGETABLES make an outstanding snack. They satisfy the desire to crunch, they’re full of water to help you feel full, and they’re low in calories. Half a cup of diced celery has just eight calories. Coat celery with a little peanut butter or dunking carrots in salsa. When you’re in the mood for chips and dip, replace the chips with raw veggies.

SWEET POTATOES baked are so full of flavor, they don’t need a lot. Think of the typical toppings on your baked potato — butter, sour cream, maybe cheese and bacon bits. If you substitute a sweet potato, you might not need any of that.

This can save you loads of calories. As a bonus, sweet potatoes are packed with potassium, beta carotene, vitamin C and fiber.

BEANS are a vegetable, a protein, and a great source of fiber. You feel full for very few calories. Open a can of garbanzo beans (chickpeas) and toss them into soup or salad or mash them up to use as a dip. One cup packs 12 grams of fiber, just 4 grams of fat and 15 grams of protein. ✖

Stop wasting 30% of your lipstick!

Lil’MorStix is the groundbreaking new product that enables women to capture more of their cosmetics. We toss a third of our lipstick out with the old tubes, wasting 30% of our investment. Lil’MorStix’s state of the art design allows you to reclaim that 30% in an attractive and easy to use tube. Now your pocketbook can look as good as you do.

Economical. Reclaim 30% of your cosmetics.

Easy. Just twist and use.

Efficient. Extract lipstick from old tubes in 2 minutes.

Eco-Friendly. Keep wasted cosmetics out of landfills.

www.lilmorstix.com

40zROCK / ENTERTAINMENT

9th Annual And 40z Rock was in Los Angeles to capture it all....The Taste of Soul Los Angeles features a taste of all things “soulful� including food from local restaurants, live entertainment, displays from local artists, and exhibits from local businesses and organizations. The Taste of Soul is a free familyfriendly event that takes place on Crenshaw Boulevard between Dr. Martin Luther King Jr., Boulevard and Rodeo Road.

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A Teacher A Day delivers

K.U. D.A

Kind, Unselfish, Deliberate Acts

Z nominat e your favorite teach e r Go to www.Facebook.com/ATeacherADay

Change the World...Mentor a Child!

40zROCK / Q&A With Mia

Let's Get It (W)right!

Mia inspires people to embrace spiritual change and live fulfilling lives.

Here, she answers your questions.

ve a major for 2 years. I ha ed ri ar m n ee we were datI have b phone. When ll Q Pastor Myiahu ce s hi d an he is married, sband , but now that ne issue with m ho p s hi on example. d a code ne. Give you an ho p ing, yes he ha s hi to e d d I wanted to ow the co code on it) an why can't I kn no e. s ha ch hi quires the cod dead (w phone and it re My phone was e th is e H . us ne to , so, I go to use your pho use his phone ur code I need yo t's ha code in! Excuse w y d he puts the I asked, hone an ne ho p e ay when my ng me th some sort of w el reply, okay bri fe I hy ld ou sh hone code? W dering wife his cell p s me but I'm won hi he ng Is lli ? te re m he proble ally going on husband has a me? What is re h it w is th e ar won’t he sh ng? hiding somethi

right ker Mia W al Spea

tor & Co-Pas

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Motivati

ions that we ional presumpt ot em t an st in lly freely divulge other doesn’t nt A These arenuswua ca ifi gn si r hen ou l of these can book, emails, al think questio ce Fa , es on ph are never good n. Cell nships. Secrets this informatio tio la re r fo s m While there proble come exposed. become major be s ay w al ey ing cell phone and th erything includ in relationships ev e ar sh ho w r individual uples s maintain thei are plenty of co le up co r he ot des? Should codes, ve all his passco ha and other pass u yo ld ou Sh e both of you. right? swer is up to th space. Which is an ht e Th s? de co pass blish what is rig he have all your is what will esta r to he t ot an ch rt ea po t with ed upon, it is im Your agreemen nce that is agre O p. hi ns tio la for your re boundaries. respect those

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Do you have some life pressing que

stions you need to get answers to?

M F L

Ask Mia and get it (W)right!

Q

40z Rock I need some help with these new age parents out here! I have a seventeen year old son, who has a girlfriend who is also 17. The young lady is raised in a single parent home by her mother. I have a problem because my son wants to spend time over her house when the mother is at work or gone.

Not to mention, my husband and I placed my son on punishment because he lied to us. He was suppose to be spending the night with his friend and instead he was at the girlfriends house all night. Me and my husband are livid. We have spoken to the mother about him being there and her reply, "We need to stop acting so bougie and stop trying to stop him from doing certain things because he is going to do them anyway." My question is why would a mother allow a seventeen year old boy to lay up in her house with her daughter? And what do you do when you try to keep your kids on the right track, and then you have to deal with this kind of mentality...

A

Seventeen years old? Yes, something is definitely wrong with this picture! This type of freedom for teenagers can lead to things that they aren’t prepared to handle mentally, emotionally, nor financially. I am not a judgmental person, but shame on this mother for seemingly not caring about her daughters current situation or future. If the daughter is home alone while the mother is working, perhaps the mother sees your son as providing a layer of security for her while she is at work. Either way, this is setting these teenagers up to make a big mistake. What can you do? If you don’t have influence with the girl nor with the mother, you must remain influential with your son. You and your husband need to continue to impress upon him the importance of his future, the necessity of him thinking long term and making good choices for now because they will impact his future. While you are upset because he lied to you, try your best to keep the lines of communication open with the three of you. You asked what do you do when you try to keep your kids on the right track? The truth is, you have to trust what you have deposited into him over the years and continue to remind him of the value and self worth that he has.

You will never be able to force someone out of a relationship, but you can guide them by reminding them of who they are and the value that they bring to any relationship. I am sure that he has a bright future ahead of him. Stay determined to see that come to pass.

Q Mrs. Wright my husband and I have been married for 15 years. I often fin d myself getting upset with my him, because he doesn't we ar his wedding ring. He said he lost the ring. I asked him, " well if the ring was on your finger how did you loose it?"

So, I bought another rin g and sure enough it ended up mi ssing. I'm trying not to just go to the left on him because, I'm upset and I feel as thoug h he for some apparent reason doesn't want to wear on e. I would love to get your advice so hopefully I can hand le this the right way. Please Help!

A When a couple takes their wedd ing vows and repeats the words, “with this rin g, I thee wed…” it become s a promise between husband, wife and God symbolizing the ir marriage covenant. The history of the ring is quite interesti ng in that historically, the giving of a ring symbolized “owne rsh ip”, in other words, the groom and the bride were publi cly sta ting that they belonged to on e another. The ring itself , created from a precious metal, is one to not be tarnished or faded, its shape reminds us of the perpetually of love tha t should continue. There is value in wearing a wedding rin g… it symbolizes to others that thi s person is taken. The we ari ng of a wedding ring reminds the wearer of how precious love should be, but honestly doesn’t make that perso n any more or less married. If that pe rson is unfaithful, then it doesn’t matter if they wear a rin g or not. Whatever the rea son may be, some people make a choice not to wear the rin g. Regarding your husband, I wond er if this is a new action for him to not wear his ring, or is thi s a long standing habit tha t bothers you? You and your husb and should have an hone st dis cussion about why he doesn’t we ar his wedding ring and what is your expectation for him . A lot of presumptions can be read into the situation, but wi thout an honest convers ation, that is not fair to either of yo u. An honest dialogue wi ll help the two of you to come to an agreement on his ring ha bits and an understanding reg arding his commitment to your marriage. ✖

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40zROCK / BEAUTY

Easy on the EYES

by Kimberly Evans-Handy

In case you haven’t noticed we are in the midst of an eyelash craze. We all know at least one woman who wears either the full eyelash strips or the individual eyelash extensions.

This enhancement creates a level of drama that mascara alone cannot duplicate. In the past we would only consider false eyelashes for special occasions such as a party, photo shoot, special event, wedding, etc. But nowadays women are wearing them just because.

Have you jumped on this bandwagon? Do you prefer the full strips or the individual lashes? Do you like your lashes natural looking or will full on drama – thick and long? Let’s take a look at the comparison between the strips versus the individual lashes.

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40ZROCK.COM

Strip lashes are false eyelashes

individual lash extensions. Also during

cerns that neither method is sterile and

applied with an adhesive or glue across

the course of a day the adhesive could

both have the capacity to trap bacteria.

the entire eyelid. These are not meant

loosen and you are left with a dangling

This can lead to eye infections.

to be worn more than one or two con-

lash – very unattractive.

secutive days. They are also not meant

In comparison, individual lash

extensions use adhesives. These adhe-

to be worn when sleeping, swimming

extensions are put on by a professional,

sives can in rare instances cause allergic

or showering. Remember, the adhesive

typically by someone holding a certifi-

reactions. Such an allergic reaction can

is touching your eyelid skin therefore

cation as an Eyelash Extensionist. This

cause swelling and irritation due to

being absorbed.

professional service can cost anywhere

formaldehyde in the adhesive glue.

from $100-$500. The Extensionist typi-

are great for people who have very

cally sets their own rates. Refills will need

extensions can cause damage to your

sparse or short natural lashes. These are

to be done at least monthly as the lashes

natural lashes. Doctors across the board

also an essential for those who have no

shed and this could cost $50 and up.

will recommend only using mascara to

natural lashes. False eyelash strips are

enhance your own natural lashes The

very affordable and accessible rang-

lashes. They come in silk, synthetic, and

intent of lash extensions and strips is

ing from $1.00 a set to a higher end of

mink. They are not applied to the eyelid,

not for long term or extended use but

$16.00 sets. There are even more avant-

they are instead glued to the individual

for special occasions. I have personally

garde fantasy style false lashes that can

lashes. Individual lash extensions last the

seen women where lash strips for days

be priced in the $95.00 range. They may

life cycle of the person’s natural eye-

and even weeks at a time while the

come in different colors, with glitter or

lashes. When the natural eyelash sheds

adhesive is slowly eating away at their

tiny rhinestone embellishments. The

the extensions also fall off. This natural

natural lashes.

looks that can be created with strip

eyelash life cycle is around 30 - 45 days.

false eyelashes are quite varied. The

sonal preference if you want to invest

price and accessibility is a definite plus

sions vs. false eyelashes is that they do

in lash extensions or where the strips.

to false eyelash strips vs. individual

not have to be applied every day, some-

Always do your own research and then

eyelash extensions.

thing most women do not have the time

factor in the look you want to achieve,

or patience for. The disadvantages to

the time and money you have to invest,

would be the ease of application and the

extensions would be cost and variables

and lastly the pros and cons of each. ✖

ability to do it yourself in the privacy of

on how long they actually stay on vs.

your own home. A few of disadvantages

the investment.

would be they only last a short time,

you have to keep applying them and

lashes and individual eyelash extensions

their appearance is less natural than the

are very similar. Some doctors have con

Unlike individual lashes, strip lashes

Another advantage of eyelash strips

The prices also vary with type of

A positive aspect to eyelash exten-

Both false eyelash strips and lash

Both false eyelashes and individual

In the end it all boils down to per-

Health concerns for both strip eye-

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40zROCK / FASHION

LINGERIE:

Bring the Sexy Back to Your Relationship

by Sandra Wyckoff

If there’s one thing that falls by the wayside is keeping it sexy for your man.

As much as your partner may act like he is cool with your comfortable cotton

granny panties, odds are he is probably wanting and wishing for some unexpected spice. So why not take Valen-

tine’s Day as a time to inject a bit of sexy back into your relationship? If things

have gotten a little stale, here are some sexy looks to help you jumpstart some fun and excitement again. ✖

www.laperla.com

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K

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40zROCK / HEALTH

Resolve to Be Realistic

by Rebecca Johnson, Psy. D., PC

The winter holidays are past. Gift wrapping has been thrown away, the tree is coming down, and left overs are long gone. The house has been cleaned. Now you can focus on YOU and what you want to accomplish this year. No pressure, right? Now you only have to commit to losing 20 pounds, going to the gym five times a week, eating healthier, drinking less coffee, lowering your blood pressure, cleaning out the basement, finally painting that room, and getting a promotion…

times we just give in to general social

schedule. This can also be a convenient

pressure (women are expected to set

excuse (I was going to go to the gym,

goals to lose weight and be healthier).

but I had to pick up the kids and go

The problem with this is that if you

to the grocery store, and by the time

aren’t doing it for you, you won’t be

dinner was made I just didn’t have the

very motivated to do the hard work and

energy!). The more goals you set, the

follow through. Motivation is a major

harder it will be to find the time and en-

predictor of success: motivated people

ergy to attend to those goals. It can also

will try harder and push past barriers

feel overwhelming having to remember

Before you set yourself up for failure, and

while unmotivated people are more

everything you’re supposed to do.

the self-loathing and depression that

apt to give up when things get tough.

is sure to follow, consider how realistic

If you are making a healthy choice for

your goals are, and who you’re doing

someone else, try to find a way to truly

them for. Here are three tips to help you

embrace the change by focusing on how

set realistic goals and accomplish them

it will benefit you.

without stressing yourself out:

3. CONSIDER DIVIDING YOUR GOALS INTO SMALLER, SUB-GOALS. Setting a large goal like “losing 15 pounds” or “going to the gym five days a week” when you never went before can

2. ONLY SET A FEW GOALS FOR THE YEAR

be daunting. Instead, set smaller goals,

Life is already busy, and making changes

ting to the gym at least twice a week.

Often times we feel pressured to

takes work. Any new endeavor will take

You’ll feel more accomplished as you hit

do things we think will make other

time to adjust to, and at first you might

‘mile markers’ instead of spending all

people happier or proud of us. Some-

feel like there simply isn’t time in your

year working towards a large goal. ✖

1. DECIDE WHY YOU ARE SETTING THE GOAL

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like losing two pounds a month, or get-

Live at Aloft Every 3rd Friday Live at Aloft Hotels Sip on specialty cocktails, munch on a snack-attack menu and listen to cool tunes. Rock out with live acoustic performances by the hottest, emerging artists or get your groove on with eclectic beats from sassy dj mixes.

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Š2014 Starwood Hotels & Resorts Worldwide, Inc. All Rights Reserved. Preferred Guest, SPG, Aloft and their logos are the trademarks of Starwood Hotels & Resorts Worldwide, Inc., or its affiliates.

40zROCK / RELATIONSHIPS

Why Am I Still Single?

by Kim Bady

Another year has passed and I’m still

so, but my journey is just that, my jour-

self-care, limitless freedom and growth

single. However, is it necessarily a bad

ney and I wouldn’t trade it for anything.

in my personal and professional life

thing? It seems like it’s a very bad thing

I’ve learned something from everyone

since dedicating more time to my life

when I’m asked the dreaded question,

I’ve encountered from the awful dates to

life’s work.

“Why are you still single?” I hate that

the love interests. They were all mirrors

question, because it suggests that there

for me to see myself in and believe you

my Zen space, I love the rhythm I have

is something wrong with me. That ques-

me; I’ve learned plenty about myself.

with life, and I won’t allow anything or

tion is accompanied with a look of pity

I’ve faced my pain, dealt with anger

anyone to disturb that. Does loneliness

(for being beautiful, smart and success-

issues and addictions I didn’t know I

appear at times? Loneliness is a human

ful but unable to get and keep a man).

had. So being single has been necessary

emotion and every now and then, the

for my personal development and the

emotion will come; but as quickly as it

unconscious belief is that you are not

evolution of my soul.

comes, I watch it go. It doesn’t linger

yet complete or fully happy until you are

long at all, because I don’t have time for

romantically attached and your social

a gift. Not only have I gotten to know

it. I’ve learned to be intentional about

media relationship status changes. In

the real and authentic me, I’ve had the

living. I make an appointment with life.

addition, it doesn’t matter if you are con-

opportunity to take advantage of exten-

I look forward to something every day.

tent with where you are in life; someone

sive travel for weeks at a time and I loved

It could be the smallest thing such as

will remind you that you’re still single.

every bit of the adventures I’ve had over

taking a walk on a beautiful day, watch-

On the other hand, you will be reminded

the years. I’ve discovered that being

ing the sun set, sitting near the water,

when your friends are all coupled up and

single offers a freedom of just being and

practicing yoga, taking a dance class,

you didn’t get an invitation to that party.

living that is often difficult to attain in a

taking a long bath, using a new candle

relationship, although not impossible.

or body cream. It can even be something

years ago while going through divorce, I

big like going on an exotic trip, learning

didn’t think I would be single long. I ac-

focus on me, I have even gone on man

a new language or save for something

tually thought this mystery man would

fasts from time to time. A man fast is

and purchase it.

come along quickly and within the first

what I call a time out, all to myself for

two years, following my divorce; we

myself where I refrain from getting into

being single as a gift and a privilege and

would be married.

a relationship. It’s not about deprivation

not a holding pattern. I’m very much

of pleasure; it’s actually the opposite.

open to love and when it comes my way,

it has taken years of self-work to get to

When I’ve taken the time to focus on

I will embrace that too. Until then, I will

the healthy place I am right now. Could

me, I’ve experienced even more pleas-

continue my single woman escapades

that have happened with a man? Maybe

ure, the pleasure of a life of extreme

and adventures. ✖

I’m convinced that the collective

I’ve been divorced six years now and

I’m glad that didn’t happen, because

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I believe that being single is actually

I’ve embraced my singleness. To

I love my life. I love my peace. I love

It is my hope that others will embrace

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40zROCK / EFFECTIVE PARENTING

My Teacher Hates Me

by Cheri Alphonse Hayes, ED.S.

There are two sides to every story, and sometimes even three.

It’s almost half-way through the school

perfect classrooms and definitely

next? Stay involved! Keep an open line

year and your child still does not seem to

no one-fix solutions for every situation.

of communication with the teacher. Talk

get along with their teacher. “My teacher

There are however, talented, creative, and

to your child “daily” about their experi-

always picks on me,” they complain. Or,

amazing individuals in your children’s

ence with the teacher. Maintain anec-

“Everybody else does it, but when I do

classroom that make everything look like

dotal notes on your child’s experiences,

it, I get in trouble!” Do these statements

and feel like perfection. They are trained

your communication and outcomes of

sound familiar? Better yet, has your child

to handle mishaps. They are inven-

every event. Keep the administrator in

ever told you “My teacher hates me…?”

tive problem-solvers and they manage

the loop. Visit the school on a regular

Maybe, you had this experience in

disputes to the best of their ability within

basis. Schedule weekly or bi-weekly con-

school. Well… How did you handle it?

their power. So why isn’t your child get-

ferences to stay on top of things. Always

ting along with their teacher? Whose fault

hear both sides of the story. And most

is it? Is it anyone’s fault?

importantly, restrain yourself from get-

Teaching multiple personalities and learning styles is no easy task. Nor

ting out of control. Set the best example

does it get any easier when you include

It would be remiss of me, if I did not ask

behavior problems. With one major goal

you, what do you (as the parent) know

in mind: student achievement. How does

about both sides of the story?

At the end of the day, be your child’s

a teacher manage the entire class with-

✘ What triggered these feelings?

advocate and biggest cheerleader.

out conflict in personalities, addressing

✘ How long have they been going on?

However, do not lose sight of the situa-

“all” student needs and maintaining a

✘ Have you met with the teacher and student to conference on the situation?

tion at hand and know that it takes two

✘ Is the guidance counselor or administrator at the school involved?

of your child, do not allow your child

positive, safe and enriching learning environment while creating constructive, purposeful outcomes? Magic, you say?

Well, you’re absolutely right.

This dreamlike classroom only exists

✘ Have you shared any interventions with your child or teacher on how to eliminate these feelings?

in the heads of individuals who are not

Now that we have answered the pre-

prepared to face reality. There are no

ceding questions honestly, what’s

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for your child!

to tango. Finally, while being supportive to believe they have won, but educate them on the strategies needed to get along with people in general, as this will not be the last issue they are faced in life. ✖

40zROCK / FORTY, FABULOUS & FREE

u SAY YES TO YOU

by Stacy D. Wilson

By the generous age of 40, most women have signed on to an enormous amount of responsibility in the form of kids, a husband, and financial management. Even if you are like myself, and have not yet been inducted into that group, your possibly still carting some sort of responsibility.

Career demands, aging parents, and extended family, like anything in life comes with a price. So, with all of the responsibilities and expectation that come with flowing into 40s, it no surprise that most woman, neglect to take care of their single most important obligation‌themselves.

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Putting yourselves at the top of the list of

with the understanding of anyone but

ing him more likely to meet his equal as

people and things to care for may sound,

the receiver.

happy people attract happy people.

unrealistic or even worse incredibly self-

ish but it’s impossible to have a fulfilling

a liability to anyone else. It allows indi-

make themselves a priority, a certain

life without it. Love your Neighbor as

viduals to come into relationships whole

personal power seems to be unleased.

yourself sounds simple enough but even

and complete. This idea makes me think

An individual standing firmly with God is

with its straightforwardness sometimes

of one of my handsome and successful

really the only force necessary in acquir-

this idea is misunderstood. Modestly

male friends in Los Angeles. My forward

ing true happiness. Some women may

put the scripture implies that we should

thinking self-sufficient friend goes all out

debate that there are some things that

love ourselves first and earnestly and out

in making his own meals as if he were

trump their own personal needs. One

of the overflow of love for ourselves, one

preparing it for a date. He takes his time

example might be children, but to those

should love others no less than in the

to cook his favorite foods sparing no

women I might ask to think about the

same fashion. Self-love births a multi-

attention to detail. He sets the table with

power they have as a role model in their

tude of blessings in the form of happi-

the best dishes he has, that most people

children’s lives. Children are the best

ness, confidence, peace of mind and

would save for the “good” company. He

imitators, so when they see Mom ne-

the ability to make better decisions and

even lights beautifully scented candles

glecting herself mentally, physically, or

applaud other people’s happiness.

that make him feel relaxed. Topping it all

even Spiritually, which translates to her

off with stimulating music to enhance

not being worthy of her own attention,

importance of loving myself I probably

the experience…and no, he is not gay.

they may in turn, neglect themselves

wouldn’t have made a choice to build

After learning how he caters to himself,

in the same fashion. This could be a set

a life in China. There were many other

it came as no surprise that he has treated

up for attracting abusive relationships

choices I could have made as well as

other women he cares about with the

down the road. With this in mind loving

voices in the background trying to con-

same level of attention. To say the least

yourself is the basis for teaching others

vince me to forego my dream of moving

whoever he chooses to settle down with

how to love you and it also sets the bar

to this faraway exotic land. However,

would be a very special, spoiled lady.

for expectations within relationships. So

because I love myself, no one’s voice

But more importantly, he isn’t waiting

before one wears themselves thin from

was more powerful or important than

on someone to connect with him before

saying yes to every project, say yes to

my own. Besides, I understood the truth.

he seeks getting his needs met. He is

yourself and know that in saying yes to

God individualizes his plan for every one

instead, choosing to create happiness for

you, everyone wins. ✖

of us and it doesn’t have to correlate

himself by meeting his own needs mak-

If it were not for understanding the

Loving yourself also mean not being

When one makes the choice to

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40zROCK / TRAVEL

ROMANTIC GETAWAYS

by Jacquie Parish

Couples looking for a romantic atmosphere of an adults only resort can unwind and embrace their most intimate passions while being secluded. Looking for the next hot spot to cuddle with your mate and get away from it all? Check out these secluded and romantic getaways.

k AITUTAKI LAGOON RESORT & SPA MOTU AKITUA, COOKS ISLAND

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s (1)

AITUTAKI LAGOON RESORT & SPA MOTU AKITUA, COOKS ISLAND

s MIHIR GARH STATE OF RAJASTHAN, INDIA

Effortlessly exquisite—The sublime Aitutaki Lagoon Resort & Spa rests effortlessly on its own secluded, private island of Motu Akitua—the only private island resort in the Cook Islands. Just a 2 minute ride from the main island of Aitutaki by small private ferry, the isle of Motu Akitua is encircled by broad, expansive beaches the colour of champagne. Nothing will prepare you for the intensity, the vibrancy, the omniscience, of the lagoon's blue expanse. So intense, so expansive, it is not just a colour you see, it is a blue you feel with every fibre of your being. Staying at The Aitutaki Lagoon Resort & Spa, you will have the opportunity not just to see Aitutaki Lagoon as a day tourist might, but to really experience this true Wonder of the World in all its moods.

k (2)

MIHIR GARH STATE OF RAJASTHAN, INDIA

The Mihir Garh is an exclusive nine suite boutique hotel where each room offers you more than 1700 sq.ft. of pure luxury.

The private terraces, courtyards, plunge pools and Jacuzzi seem to whisper a single word: Indulge. Here, serenity and splendour come together to create an experience for you. While exotic drinks from your personal mini-bar become the manna for a sultry summer afternoon, the fireplace morphs into an intimate friend for wintry nights. You can pamper yourself with the variety of treatments available at Mihir Garh’s Tulsi Spa or rejuvenate at the poolside while watching the endless deserts meditate with the horizons. The delectable cuisines too aim to please—from traditional to continental—to suit your palate. The Mihir Garh was voted the World’s Best Boutique Hotel 2013 and Best Most Extraordinary Hotel of the World 2014. ✖

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Our 40zRock Journey...

40z ROCK 2014 was a year of amazing 40z women rockin’ sisterhood, community, charities and events.

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... over the years.

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My 40’z Life

Rebecca King Crews

by Sandra Wyckoff

Singer, actress, producer, mother and wife of actor and former NFL player Terry Crews. 40z Rock was honored to have an opportunity to sit down with Rebecca and find out first hand why her 40z Rock!

My 40’z

WHAT I KNOW People say it takes a village to raise kids, but what I know is it takes a village to raise a dream.

My 40’z

BEST PART OF LIFE NOW Loving my life and not caring who cares

My 40’z

FAVORITE WAY TO SPEND A DAY OFF Lounging by the pool with hubby and the kids

My 40’z

THOUGHTS ON MARRIAGE 25 years of marriage to the love of my life. My prayer was to be more of a success at HOME than in the world. We had an agreement about what the partnership looked like. And he let me know “I gotcha!”

My 40’z

WHAT I’M THANKFUL FOR When I married my husband I was serious about life.

Meeting Terry allowed me to tap into the fun and adventurous side of my life. My openness allowed God to do something amazing between us. I was blessed to be a part of my husbands inspiring journey, until I gained enough confidence to pursue my own dreams.

My 40’z

WHY THEY ROCK Society doesn’t say it, but we’re (40z) the power brokers!

There is no questions about it, we are the ones with the money and the ones making the major household purchasing decisions.

My 40’z

MOST MEMORABLE MOMENT Singing on the “The Bobby Jones Gospel Hour”

✖

/ Photography: Bobby B Photos / Makeup: Lamik / Hair: Paulette Pradia Prefinity Art Designs / Wardrobe: Rouge Boutique /

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Happy Anniversary 40z Rock!

r e w o p e h t e t a m . i t m s a e e r r e d d n a u h r e t i v w e n N a m o w e g a e l d d s i w e m r C . of a K a c c e b e R ~

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Cutting the Cord with CLASS

by JeneĂŠ Pierre

There are so many inspirational t? quotes about Letting Go‌. As we embark on the closing of one year to go into a new year, this is a divine time and space to examine the need of letting go of certain people, ideas, situations and expectations to make room for new people, new ideas and so forth. Is it that we should completely let go of these things that were once played primary roles in our lives, or perhaps we should simply allow room for evolvement?

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If you were in a relationship with someone and they failed to

[4]

meet your expectations and fulfill your needs, cutting the cord

your Creator, and the Divine. Be clear about what you are

is not like a light switch, it’s a process for all parties involved. If

seeking and have requests that come from a place of love and

we are not careful of how we let go, we can step out of charac-

compassion. When you pray about someone else, it should be

ter, make emotional decisions and step out of class.

positive intention; this is what will be returned to you. Don’t

PRAY: Praying is your intimate conversation with God,

pray for negative as that will also be returned to you. Most Here are 7 steps to consider as you prepare to cut the cord in what sometimes can be emotional chaos…with class.

importantly, only pray when you are your most sincere because

[1] PUT UP THE MIRROR: In all things, it starts and ends with

[5]

you. Be courageous enough to ask “how did I attract this in my

your thoughts to receive the messages the Divine has for you.

life?” To answer this question is to give you the insight to at-

If you are new to meditation, there are many different types of

tract more desirable situations. It is important for you to make

meditation and tools, CD’s, and Guided Meditation classes to

yourself accountable for all decisions that you make…even the

get you going. The benefits are invaluable and have a holistic

ones that had less desirable results.

impact for your mind, body and spirit.

[2] REMEMBER THE BLAME GAME IS LAME: If you cut the

[6]

cord while spewing off what you hate about that, him or her-

ber to be thankful for what this person has taught you. Some of

this becomes the energy you step into with him, her or what-

our best teachers are our ex’s and to admit and receive that is

ever situation you’re trying to let go of. Eventually it weighs

tap within the most sacred places within us. They will always

down on you and bitterness may follow you. So you have to

be a part of your history and you decide how that will affect

cut the cord, but it is still hanging on and dangling with you

your future.

and there is nothing cute about that. Before you can let go of the situation itself — you must first let go of your emotions that are attached to it.

[3]

that is when you are your most powerful.

[7]

MEDITATE: Meditating is when you are still and silence

BE GRATEFUL: Even though you are moving on, remem-

LOVE HARDER: If the previous steps were taken, this last

one will be a breeze. Cut the cord with love. When the umbilical cord is cut after a baby makes her entrance into the world,

HONOR YOUR EMOTIONS: Yes, I know I just said you

she is officially entering into a new realm of life. As much as

have to let them go. However, this is also a process. Don’t hide

her time in her mother’s womb will forever be a part of who

the fact that you are hurt or disappointed, however, don’t

she is, it is no longer just her mom that she will experience; she

harbor on them either. Be present with your emotions and

will now experience the world. There is a beautiful world out

acknowledge them and then allow them to pass on. As real as

there waiting to receive you and create new experiences for

they are, emotions are like the winds, they are forever changing

you, you will get from the world what you put in. You always

and if you become too attached you may miss out on the

win with love and the harder you love, the harder the world

next season.

will love on you. ✖

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MY CHILD

COMES FIRST

by Mena Freeman

In my last article entitled ”What about my kids” we addressed how and when is it appropriate to integrate children into a new relationship. This apparently opened up a discussion of a very sensitive topic.

Let’s talk about it.

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❝

There are not many issues between a man and woman who care about each other that cannot be worked through.

❞

Singles men, have you ever been told by your date that

“my child comes first”, even before you have had a chance to

with their homework, play with them and put them to bed

get to know her? Have you been told immediately that “if my

yourself as much as possible. However, find yourself a good

child doesn’t like you then I won’t have you”? Or, how about “I

babysitter. Get to know someone who you can call on when

don’t let any man discipline my child”. Although, you have not

your date wants to take you on an adult outing. Your kids did

yet met the child. Hmmm.

come first, because you have made sure that they are safe,

cared for and loved. Next it is time for your date to come first.

As a single parent, I recall telling men who were interested

If you have small children, of course you should help them

in dating me that “my daughter comes first”. Looking back, I am

not really sure why I felt compelled to say that immediately. I

divorced or widowed you still have to be respectful to their

hope that I did not sound as rude as I now believe it did.

mother. I believe this more so if you are a widow. No kid wants

to think of another woman using their deceased mothers

In particular, I recall a very nice man who was all a woman

With that said, what if your children are adults? If you are

would wish for in a relationship. He was thoughtful, romantic,

“things”. If there is something in the house that your daughter

responsible and successful. But, I insisted upon taking my five

or son feels is mother’s special item, give it to them! That way,

year old daughter with us if he took me to lunch, dinner etc. I

there is no stress between the new lady and your child over

realize now that it was not at all fair to him. Yes, my daughter

that item. Both parties feel respected. You put your new love

was cute, funny and precocious. But, she was five. It was totally

interest “first” in this situation and you put your child “first”

inappropriate. This man was completely impressed and enter-

as well.

tained by my little genius kid, often planning dates explicitly

to include her. Many times, instead of taking me to dinner and

that each situation is unique. There could be extenuating cir-

dancing, he took us to find shells at the beach or the natural

cumstances such as a special needs child or perhaps your adult

history museum. I always told him “my child comes first”. He

child has a debilitating disease. Perhaps a person works an odd

respected that. But he didn’t stick around.

shift. The balancing act could be tricky at best. My “go to” is

always try and put yourself in the place of the other person. Be

In retrospect, was that fair to him? I have to answer NO

We have covered a very sensitive subject. Keep in mind

it was not at all fair to him. In order to build a relationship

sensitive to their needs without neglecting your children. I do

between a man and a woman there has to be some privacy. We

not believe that a good mother or father needs to say “I put my

should have an opportunity to get to know one another with-

kid first”. If you are a responsible parent it is obvious. No need

out anyone else being involved. No one, including children.

to sound hostile. The type of parent you are is usually apparent

Ok, I said it. When dating someone new, whether you are male

on first sight. What takes time is allowing someone find out the

or female, there has to be opportunity to get acquainted. See

kind of person you are.

if you have any chemistry. Make sure that you like each other

before introducing anyone else, especially children. Otherwise,

between a man and woman who care about each other that

it is not fair to anybody. Not fair to you, your date or the kids.

cannot be worked through. ✖

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40ZROCK.COM

We all want to feel special. There are not many issues

a a a a a Ha ha hha Ha Ha Ha Ha hha ha Ha Ha Ha HHa ha ha Ha Ha HHa Ha ha ha Ha Haa a Ha ha ha Ha Ha Ha Ha ha ha Ha Ha Ha Ha ha ha Ha Ha Ha Ha ha ha Ha H a Ha ha ha Ha Ha Ha Ha ha ha Ha Ha Ha Ha ha ha Ha Ha Ha Ha ha ha Ha H a Ha ha ha Ha Ha Ha Ha ha ha Ha Ha Ha Ha ha ha Ha Ha Ha Ha ha ha Ha H Ha Ha haa ha Ha Ha Ha Haa ha ha Ha Ha Ha Ha ha ha Ha Ha Ha Ha ha ha Ha HH Ha Ha h a ha Ha Ha Ha H a ha ha Ha Ha Ha Ha ha ha Ha Ha Ha Ha ha ha Ha Ha Ha h a ha Ha Ha Ha H a ha ha Ha Ha Ha Ha ha ha Ha Ha Ha Ha ha ha Ha Ha Ha h a ha Ha Ha Ha H a ha ha Ha Ha Ha Ha ha ha Ha Ha Ha Ha ha ha Ha Ha Ha h a ha Ha Ha Ha H a ha ha Ha Ha Ha Ha ha ha Ha Ha Ha Ha ha ha Ha Ha Ha h a ha Ha Ha Ha H a ha ha Ha Ha Ha Ha ha ha Ha Ha Ha Ha ha ha Ha a a a Ha Ha hha ha Ha Ha Ha HHa ha ha Ha Ha HHa Ha ha ha Ha HHa Ha Ha ha ha Haa a Ha Ha ha ha Ha Ha Ha Ha ha ha Ha Ha Ha Ha ha ha Ha Ha Ha Ha ha ha H a Ha Ha ha ha Ha Ha Ha Ha ha ha Ha Ha Ha Ha ha ha Ha Ha Ha Ha ha ha H a Ha Ha ha ha Ha Ha Ha Ha ha ha Ha Ha Ha Ha ha ha Ha Ha Ha Ha ha ha H Ha Ha Haa ha ha Ha Ha Haa Ha ha ha Ha Ha Ha Ha ha ha Ha Ha Ha Ha ha ha HH Ha Ha H a ha ha Ha Ha H a Ha ha ha Ha Ha Ha Ha ha ha Ha Ha Ha Ha ha ha Ha Ha H a ha ha Ha Ha H a Ha ha ha Ha Ha Ha Ha ha ha Ha Ha Ha Ha ha ha Ha Ha H a ha ha Ha Ha H a Ha ha ha Ha Ha Ha Ha ha ha Ha Ha Ha Ha ha ha Ha Ha H a ha ha Ha Ha H a Ha ha ha Ha Ha Ha Ha ha ha Ha Ha Ha Ha ha ha Ha Ha H a ha ha Ha Ha H a Ha ha ha Ha Ha Ha Ha ha ha Ha Ha Ha Ha ha ha a a a Ha Ha HHa ha ha Ha Ha HHa Ha ha ha Ha HHa Ha Ha ha ha HHa Ha Ha Ha ha haa a Ha Ha Ha ha ha Ha Ha Ha Ha ha ha Ha Ha Ha Ha ha ha Ha Ha Ha Ha ha h a Ha Ha Ha ha ha Ha Ha Ha Ha ha ha Ha Ha Ha Ha ha ha Ha Ha Ha Ha ha h a Ha Ha Ha ha ha Ha Ha Ha Ha ha ha Ha Ha Ha Ha ha ha Ha Ha Ha Ha ha h Ha Ha Haa Ha ha ha Ha Haa Ha Ha ha ha Ha Ha Ha Ha ha ha Ha Ha Ha Ha ha hh Ha Ha H a Ha ha ha Ha H a Ha Ha ha ha Ha Ha Ha Ha ha ha Ha Ha Ha Ha ha Ha Ha H a Ha ha ha Ha H a Ha Ha ha ha Ha Ha Ha Ha ha ha Ha Ha H a Ha ha ha Ha H a Ha Ha ha ha Ha Ha Ha H a Ha ha ha Ha H Ha Ha H

LOL

God, Are You

LAUGHING AT ME?

by Jacquie Parish

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40ZROCK.COM

a a Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha a Ha a Ha a Ha Have you ever asked God, “Are you laughing at me?” I a Harecently asked the exact question to God. Isn’t it funny Ha Hawhen our plans are not God’s plan? We take time to Ha Haplan strategically how we see our lives flowing and Ha HaGod turns around and says “let me show them how I a ” The Lord declares, “For my thoughts are not your Ha Hwork. a Ha Hthoughts, neither are your ways my ways. As the heava Ha Hens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher a your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.” a Ha Hthan a 55:8-9 Isaiah a Ha H a a Ha AtHthis Ha point in my life, I never expected to be on this path; a Hahowever God knew the plans He had for my life. Who would Hathought ha Hahave at 46 I would be on an assignment in the Mida H a H a dle East living amongst some of the wealthiest people in the h HaGetting a chance to experience only what most people a ha H world. a Haof; living and working abroad. Since arriving in the ha Hdream Middle East (August 2012), I have had a chance to visit Dubai, Qatar and experience a very unique culture of people. This was definitely not my plan. So while I am trying to figure out how and why God is sitting back chuckling saying, “Jacquie my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways trust me I got your back!” To me my journey seemed impossible to man but God said that with me all things are possible for “ImPOSSIBLE”.

God specializes in the impossible (doing for us what we

cannot do). He will not do for us what we can clearly do with

just what I want’…is that not a manifestation of the abundant life? Doing what we were created to do and doing it with all our heart!

Have you ever thought about how we can do many things

without God (acquire wealth, start a business, get an education, etc.), but only in God’s will can we find true joy, fulfillment, and faithfulness. From time to time God will bring us to an ‘intersection’ in our life when an imminent change is obvious when He is about to open a new ‘chapter’ in our adventure! I think this is amazing how God orchestrates and navigates our lives! My father also taught us growing up that when the door of opportunity (new chapter) opens we must be ready to walk through it, never let it close because we will never get that opportunity again.

THE REVELATION When God reveals His plan for our lives how do we react?

Do we kick and scream and say, “oh NO!” or do we accept His will and move forward? When we accept His plan for our lives how do we know that is the plan that God has for us? Let’s take a look: › It’s a desire that won’t let you go. › Y our destiny will be more than a job, it’ll be a joy. Yes there will be sacrifices but through it all you will say, like David, “I delight to do thy will, O my God.” (Psalm 40:8) What a way to live! ›Y our destiny will unlock your creativity. It will open doors and bring the right people to you. God’s purpose always carries with it God’s favor!

foster maturity, only He can design a future tailored to our

› Your destiny fulfilled is the only thing you will want to face God with. He won’t say ‘well done’ over the money you’ve made or the reputation you’ve built. He’ll only say it because you found and fulfilled His purpose.

unique needs, talents and gifts. John 10:10 says Jesus came

to give us abundant life. Thus, when the Lord reveals the next

and mine contains the very best of purpose, adventure, fulfill-

‘chapter’ prepared for us and we say, ‘Thank you, Lord, that is

ment, joy, and new lessons. ✖

our own Holy Spirit-empowered mind. Since only God, our Creator knows what will enable us to be fruitful, fulfilled and

That wonderful plan God has already designed for your life

40ZROCK.COM

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47

STOP THROWIN’ SHADE

B

by Merneen Spearman

Proverbs 10:9 // “Honesty lives confident and carefree, but Shifty is sure to be exposed.”

48 /

40ZROCK.COM

➺ TEST YOURSELF

Answer these four questions regarding catching shade:

1. What do you do when someone is

Our main text of scripture is a slam dunk to this special subject.

throwing shade your way?

Women learning what the Word of God has to say about shadi-

2. How would you pray for them and rise

ness and dishonesty is the key to eliminating this behavior.

above the shade throwing?

Unfortunately, in the time that we live, there are women

3. Why do you think women throw shade

who do not know how to be honest and have a clingy desire

in the first place?

to participate in shady behavior. Whether they profess to be a

4. How can we prevent being a shade

Christian or not, this type of behavior is loose in both arenas.

thrower?

In this teaching, we will delve into the perimeters of

the scripture to post remedy to this type of behavior. And of course, we must first start with self-examination. Am I exemplifying shady behavior in my life, in any way? If so, just open your

thrown it, it was exposed. And it came back to haunt me. Con-

mind and heart to this teaching and the Word of God. And you

sequently, I’m writing this teaching to help my sisters in Christ

will be able to deal with yourself in this area and other women

know that there is a better way to do things, a better way to be

who you will come in contact with who’s functioning under

and a better way to live.

shadiness and dishonesty.

Honesty is morality, goodness, honor, directness,

You can’t live confident and carefree, throwin’ shade, it will

be exposed.

sincerity and fairness. All of these words are great words

that we can use to apply to this area. Know this, everyone does

is genuine. Test yourselves. Surely you know that Jesus Christ is

not live confident and carefree. Even in moments of shady

among you; if not, you have failed the test of genuine faith.”

behavior, because we have all had them, did you feel confident

and carefree about it? I’m quite sure that you did not. What

take the time to deal with ourselves. In the area of your rela-

shady behavior does is, it pulls the rug from under us. A person

tionships, church interactions, business, money and aspirations,

who is shady is always shaky and looking over their shoulders

Do you find yourself being dishonest about your motives, goals,

and wondering what is going to happen to them because of

way of doing things, paying bills on time, following spiritual

something that they’ve been shady about. Whether it is a debt

principles and laws or even in conversation? Have you faced

owed, an ugly word said, an underhanded deed, and that’s

the truth about your addictions, your thoughts, feelings of

just a tip of the iceberg regarding some of the shady stuff that

jealousy and pride?

women do, you will not be able to live carefree. As a result,

peace is forfeited and shady behavior can cause anxieties of

not even the worst of kind of shade, you have decided to be

all sorts.

this way. But, when we start throwing shade at others, that‘s

another situation altogether, both are not good in anyway.

The text teaches us that ”Shifty is sure to be exposed.” How

2 Corinthians 13:5 ”Examine yourselves to see if your faith

Are you a self-shade thrower? This is where we must

The sad thing is that we throw shade to ourselves. That’s

and when, we don’t know, but be assured that it will be. I’ve

Why throw shade to yourself or to anyone else, really? When

still yet to understand why we think that we will get away with

you are throwing shade to yourself, you won’t have a problem

throwin’ shade. I don’t know about you, but each time that I’ve

doing to someone else. ✖

40ZROCK.COM

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49

Did you Know that 32 Million Adults In The U.S Can’t Read?

Go to www.40zrock.com and purchase your 2015 40z Rock Calendar and help us support Adult Literacy! A portion of the proceeds to benefit Neuhaus Education Center for Adult Literacy Scholarships.

π ●

hi

Sandra Wyckoff

WHO SHE IS

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WHAT I KNOW

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π 12 months of phenomenal women ROCKING their 40z fabulousness!

As a company, we’re taking another leap forward — as we proudly

This is big.

join forces with Sotheby’s International Realty. Backed by the name and resources of this legendary firm, we’re ready to bring the world’s most qualified buyers to your doorstep. Now more than ever...

I want to be your Realtor.

Martha Turner | Sotheby’s International Realty associates are regarded within the residential real estate industry as the best and the brightest. Broker Associate Manley Nolan, whose resume includes a long list of impressive business and academic achievements, is known as an award-winning sales and market entrepreneur who is self-directed, analytical, organized, and articulate with exceptional problem-solving and decision-making abilities. As a Realtor with Martha Turner | Sotheby’s International Realty, Manley is an excellent “fit.”

Manley began his real estate career with The Woodlands Operating Company, LP, as a custom-home sales agent in 1989. For fifteen highly-productive years, he collaborated with custom homebuilders, The Woodlands Company, and prospective home buyers to ensure construction plans met The Woodlands’ building standards and prospective buyers’ expectations. Manley sold more than $380 million and established a strong referral network which still rewards him with repeat and referral business.

In 2004, Manley joined a national residential real estate firm’s office in The Woodlands and specialized in the high-end market. He sold more than $120 million dollars in four years and was recognized as the office’s top producer every year. Manley chose to join Martha Turner Properties in 2009 where his already successful career achieved new heights.

Manley received a Bachelor of Arts degree in business

Contact me for all your Real Estate needs.

MANLEY NOLEN

broker associate

832.493.0300 mnolen@marthaturner.com

administration form Antioch University, attended graduate level studies in administration at Central Michigan University, and received an Applied Arts and Science degree in real estate from North Harris County Community College. He also participated in professional development classes in the Jesse H. Jones School of Management and Executive Education at Rice University, specifically mergers & acquisitions and business valuation.

Welcome Home marthaturner.com

isease. d ’s n a m a It’s not just

1 in 3 women die o f heart disease and stroke .

nted. e v e r p be IT can

MAKE A CHANGE!

I Am My Sister’s Keeper (l to r): Geraldine, Founder of 40zRock Sandra & Misty

40zROCK / RSVP

Are you in your 40z?

s

s

s

Join and be a 40z Rocker!

s

Dear Prospective 40z Rocker, When you turned 40, what was the first thing that came to your mind? Honestly…Was it something like, “It’s all down-hill from here or I can now live MY life?”

Whether positive or negative, did you realize there are billions of women asking themselves those same questions around the world? Better yet, did you know there was an organization Founded in Houston, Texas that tailored to the needs of women in their 40’z? YES… An organization where you can share empowerment, support, and make positive changes in your community. Women from all walks of life, all beautiful hues and tones, sizes and shapes with a positive outlook on life.The organization is 40’z ROCK, Founded by Sandra Wyckoff; a woman of class, couture, and culture. When she refers to a woman who ROCKS, she is distinctly referring to You, a woman who has done the work on herself, and has reached a level of awareness and balance; mentally, physically, and spiritually. She believes that once a woman has tapped into these areas of her life, then she ROCKS! And when she ROCKS, she can ROCK the world. We are looking for women who ROCK to join our movement.

Are you a Rocker? We think so. It takes A Rocker, To Know a Rocker! If you know you have what it takes and would like to Rock the World with us, please visit www.40zRock.com to find out how become part of this growing movement.

TOGETHER WE CAN ROCK THE WORLD 54 /

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