What’s Love Got To Do With It? The Science Of Attraction … The Art Of Love By Lynn Wexler
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ove and allure play a consuming and inescapable role in our lives and culture. They’re a constant theme in songs, films, and books — depicted as drama and trauma, humor and foible, romance and folly. Since the time of the ancient Greeks the concept of love has generated discussion and conjecture. They range from the notion of love as an animalistic or genetic urge toward a potential mate or object of sexual gratification to an intensely spiritual affair that, as Aristotle put it, permits one to touch divinity as “two bodies and one soul.” In her 1984 hit “What’s Love Got to Do With It?” Tina Turner sang that love is “... a sweet old-fashioned notion. Who needs a heart if a heart can be broken?” In “The Rose,”the 1979 song in honor of a film about singer/songwriter Janis Joplin, composer Amanda McBroom averred that “ … Love, it is a flower. … And you, its only seed.” What is this gripping sentiment that makes the world go ‘round, brings it to its knees, raises it to wondrous heights, and fuels the therapy and social theory industries? Volumes continue to be written on the subject, and it is the frequent preoccupation of radio and TV talk shows and magazine covers. The dizzying array of opinions and findings present a minefield for both the social scientist and lay person to navigate. One thing seems certain, according to sex therapist/author Laura Berman, host of In the Bedroom with Dr. Laura Berman on the Oprah Winfrey Network. “Attraction has a lot more to do with science and evolution than people thought. We are innately all puppies in heat. We are capable of discerning 10,000 different scents consciously.” These odors let people know when a woman is fertile and when a man’s testosterone levels are high, Berman says. Ergo, individuals can tell when someone’s most ripe for reproduction. “It’s all about survival of the species,” says Berman. Oprah Winfrey says the “Bars and nightclubs across the world are the battlefield for this invisible biochemical war.” Scientists call this chemical attraction a function of the “selfish gene” — DNA whose role is to instruct men and women to have sex, as often as possible, and to make babies — civilization after civilization, war after war, through poverty, sickness, toil – to preserve the human species. Not exactly romantic, but it serves a supreme purpose. Women, however, have an additional gene that drives them to not only seek sex, but with a partner who is powerful — one best-suited to protecting her and her young. “It goes back to evolution,” says Berman. “In the primal days, we were having babies who were dependent on us; yet we couldn’t hunt and take care of ourselves. So we sought after the strongest male in the tribe who was the best hunter and could bring home the biggest chunk of meat for our babies.” Recent studies, says Berman, have shown that when a man makes a lot of money, a woman will rate him higher on an attractiveness
scale than that same man with a smaller income. Size of income, at least, would seem to matter in the self-preservation world of females. For $1,995, you can try your genetic luck at finding the love of your life on the online dating site called Scientific Match. It bases its searches on both personality and DNA compatibility – or lack thereof, in the belief, perhaps, that opposites do attract. Clients are asked to submit a cheek swab of DNA for matching with a potential mate’s dissimilar DNA. Chemistry based on dissimilar DNA was first studied in 1995 by Claus Wedekind, a Swiss biological researcher, and best known for his “Sweaty T-shirt Experiment.” Women were asked to rate how sexy T-shirts smelled after being worn by men for two days. A correlation was found between how good the T-shirts smelled to the women with how dissimilar their immune DNA was to the man who wore it. Scientists suspect this seemingly genetically inclined trait toward opposite attraction is to provide diversity in the mating gene pool, guarding against similar genes getting passed down through the generations, as with inbreeding. But with all this attention to human sexual predisposition, where does monogamy fit into the picture? And just how realistic is it to expect eternal devotion to one partner anyway? Experience and biology suggest that humans, like most in the animal kingdom, aren’t hard-wired for strict monogamy. Some social scientists posit that the rise of single mate commitment was motivated by socioeconomic advantage, namely the protection of property and the sharing of labor. By some accounts, marrying for love reflects religious mores in Western societies and the material comfort levels made possible by cultural and economic gains achieved in the 18th and 19th centuries. For the first time in human evolution, the social scientists say, the pursuit of happiness became a legitimate goal. With the science of allure unrevealed at that time, the art of attraction held center stage. Courtship practices and romancing styles were seen as outgrowths of affairs of the heart and soul. Poetry and novels on the subject flooded the growing world of literature. Getting struck by Cupid’s arrow, as it were, may take our breath away and cause our hearts to flutter. But science classifies such romantic sensations as hormone-driven lust, followed by endorphins and oxytocin to induce a sense of well-being that’s conducive to a lasting relationship. Romantics call it the soul’s ecstasy. One is beguiling, the other clinical. Both are necessary to understanding the human imperative. Science points to our inclinations to connect. Cupid aims at our affinities to bond, love, grow, value, and sustain meaning and purpose together. One thing appears certain … love has a lot to do with it! www.davidlv.com | FEBRUARY 2015
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Bobby And Helen Feldman — Forever Young Married for 28 years – his fourth and her second marriage – Helen and Bobby have turned differences, and a love for each other’s children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren, into the solid foundation upon which they’ve built a loving, enduring, exciting friendship and romantic union. “We were introduced by a friend,” Bobby recalls. “I was rough around the edges. She was a refined lady. I was an outdoorsman – biking, mountain climbing, river rafting. She was a college educator and involved and cultured in the arts. She agreed to go biking with me on our first date, and to my surprise she effortlessly kept up with the 46-mile trek! She proved her mettle and won her medal! I knew I was in love!” “I fell in love with him instantly!,” Helen says. “He was strong, vibrant and intense. I called him my electrician.” They’ve not been apart for a day since, sharing global travel, business, culture, family, philanthropy, and health issues. They continue their passion for and leadership in support of Israel and numerous Jewish organizations and institutions.
54 FEBRUARY 2015 | www.davidlv.com
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Lior And Annette Gal — The Bold And The Beautiful If you didn’t know better, you’d think they were stars on The Bold and the Beautiful. The value they place on physical fitness and a healthy lifestyle is evident. Married and with three children, they met when he was 19 and working in his sister’s boutique in Los Angeles. She was 18 and came in looking for a job. The rest, well, is their history. Annette was born and raised in Los Angeles. Lior is originally from Israel. “We had no money at the time,” he says, “and I was scared to commit to a relationship and a family that I might not be able to support.” But opportunity knocked eventually and he opened a high-end fashion boutique called LIOR along the Grande Canal Shoppes at the Venetian Hotel & Casino in Las Vegas. That’s when he asked Annette to marry him. It’s been 16 years since. And, according to Lior, both business and marriage have been outstanding successes. “I thank G-d everyday I wake up next to the most beautiful woman in the world, inside and out!” he gushes. “She is an amazing mother and partner. We share great respect and trust and value the same interests regarding our love for Israel, religion, traditions, health, home design, family, community,” Lior says. “It’s the secret to a great marriage!”
www.davidlv.com | FEBRUARY 2015
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Ryan and Adam Reisman — Effortless Brotherhood As a married gay couple, their journey began under clandestine and often painful circumstances. It was 1996, a time when they could not easily reveal their sexual preference. Ryan had been married and Adam had just ended a relationship with a girl. “We met online at one of the first sites for gay relationships,” Adam says. “Ryan lived in Wisconsin. I was in Las Vegas. We would never go to a gay bar. The Internet opened the door to the only opportunity to meet someone in the privacy of home.” In those days, photos weren’t being used on dating sites. They emailed and within three days began to express a love for one another. Three months later they met in person. They knew it was right as they sat in the rain on the roof of Ryan’s house, considering their future as a couple. They confirmed their domestic partnership in 2009 and were legally married in 2011. In 2012 they adopted two siblings and began a family. “It wasn’t until we joined Temple Sinai in 2007 that we finally felt accepted as a gay couple and began to make real friends,” Adam says. They attribute the strength of their marriage to shared Jewish values: each knowing when to compromise and back down, and a mutual desire to do what it takes to always make it work.
56 FEBRUARY 2015 | www.davidlv.com
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