Seven Days, January 28, 1998 by Seven Days

ODD, STRANGE, CURIOUS AND WEIRD BUT TRUE NEWS ITEMS FROM EVERY CORNER OF THE GLOBE "Y ' , *

CurseS, Foiled Again

shop, one of the suspects pager went off — beep, beep. This immediately led officers to the two suspects, who had secreted themselves in a craw] space,"

can be covered/' Chik told the lacked the required number of Suffield, Connecticut, police Star newspaper after attending a inspectors. officer Michael Lewandowski ceremony in which 48 boys were was pursuing a speeding car that circumcised, adding that tourists Government in Action matched the description of a would "enjoy watching someThe U.S. Forest Service robbery getaway car when he thing that was different from the recently installed dozens of said the suspect "made a wrong Slick Idea norm." "odorless outhouses" in the turn" — into the high-security Alaska's Department of Cleveland and San Bernardino MacDougall Correctional Environmental Conservation P r o b l e m s 0$ National Forests. The privies, Institution — where he jumped announced it is selling off gunk Democracy which cost $10,000 each, are from his car and dashed into the collected from the 1989 Exxon Chiles mid-term legislative designed to vent smelly air using lobby. "1 believe he thought it Valdez disaster. The oil samples, election this winter were delayed solar power. Some don't work was a mall," Lewandowski said, - - which ; yy - ' - 's " „ ' in many of the 28,523 ' - properly, however, because they after capturing Vincent ^ polling stations when were built in areas that are too McKenzie, 32. "But I've never j ^ ^ • WL f authorities couldn't shady. The agency said it would seen too many malls with a m A % find enough citizens correct the problem in the inoprazor wire across the top." M 1 \ \ ^ ^ willing to serve as erative outhouses by installing • Erie, Pennsylvania, police Jm^ ^ inspectors. Under low-tech exhaust fans. detective Ed Yeaney said a I | ^ ^ Chilean law, the first man who robbed a woman three citizens who turn up SO What's the sent her a letter a few days ^ to vote must be appointed as Problem? later, telling her he liked her "inspectors," or unofficial poll A 73-vear-old Milwaukee woman sued a church for looks and asking her to call him were originally gathered as scien- watchers. Although such service on his pager. She obliged, but tific and legal evidence, cost $5 is officially a sacred civic duty, $90,000 after an electronic bingo only after notifying police, who for one, $7.50 for two and $10 most Chileans regard it as a scoreboard fell on her head. The traced the call to a convenience for three. Each oil sample comes tedious waste of time. In woman claimed the accident store and arrested Earvin Amos, with a certificate of authenticity. Santiago, for instance, local caused her to become attracted 26. , media reported that people ran to other women and to have • Los Angeles police officers Traveling on the away, hid in bushes, climbed up spontaneous orgasms. She interrupted a holdup at Harold Cutting Edge poles, locked themselves in bath- refused to undergo a psychologiMass circumcision cererooms, feigned illnesses and cal examination, however, and a and Belles Restaurant and arrested one of the suspects, but two monies could be turned into a insisted that they could not read judge threw out the case. others got away. The officers tourist attraction in Malaysia, or write to avoid being pressed found a passageway to a flower according to Culture, Arts and into electoral inspection duties. Real Virtuality shop next door and followed it, Tourism Minister Sabbaruddin Interior Minister Carlos Vietnamese schoolchildren according to police spokesperson Chik. "By charging tourists a Figueroa, who organized the are rejecting Japanese virtual Mike Partain, who reported, small fee to watch such cultural election, was unable to cast his pets, known as Tamagotchi, in "While searching the flower events, the organizational costs ballot because his polling station . favor of the real thing. A Ho Chi

Minh City newspaper reported children are buying tiny, newly hatched birds, which cost 25 cents each, instead of $30 for the electronic alternative. Like the hand-held Japanese computer game, the real pets grow and tweet when they need attention or food, die if neglected and disrupt school classes, Windfall Cleveland authorities charged two leaders of an anti-crime group with grand theft after the city inadvertently transferred $617,597 to the organizations account and the men withdrew at least $146,600 for themselves, According to prosecutors, a typographical error misrouted a utility payment to the nonprofit group Black on Black Inc. Even though the group had received only $7000 from the city the year before, chairman Abdul Rahim Ali Hasan said he assumed the deposit was a state or federal grant. Black on Black founder Art McKoy said he thought the money was a donation from Cleveland Indians outfielder Albert Belle or boxer Mike Tyson, who has a home in Ohio. ®

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THAT'S ENTERTAINMENT Reading Peter Kurth's "The Gimp Factor" [January 14], I realized that it's time for his mother again to set the record straight. Since I'm sitting here waiting for my broken ankle to heal (speaking of falling and not being able to get up), I have nothing better to do. Peter, and even before his neuropathy, seldom shoveled the walk and never mowed the lawn. He did pick up his socks. Years ago in a light-hearted moment, I told Peter that I kept him around for his entertainment value, and from then on requests for yard work were met with, "I'm here for my entertainment value," to which I would reply, "and you'd probably cut off your foot with the lawnmower anyway." Would I rather have Peter entertain me or shovel and mow? Entertain me, definitely. — Constance Kurth Burlington

A FAIR SHAKE FOR ALL CHILDREN We are being treated to quite a spectacle by the opponents of Educational Reform as they foul up the State Web site, smash cars, print outright lies about Act 60, and in general reveal by their behavior that they really hav^jpf& qon^ They simply lurch from one outrage to the next. Fortunately for the proponents of Act 60, such public relations disasters turn people off to these reactionaries and extremists and instead promote sympathy for the too-long delayed educational reform. Year after year "gold towns" returned Republicans to the Legislature with the charge to fight any meaningful educational reform that threatened their very low taxes. In desperation two years ago Vermonters voted in a Democratic majority in both Chambers, with the mandate to end this tragedy in which a Vermont child's chance for an adequate education depended solely on an accident of geography. A favorable State Supreme Court decision in a case argued by ACLU-VT put some iron in the spines of Democrats and moderate Republicans, and they passed Act 60. Act 60 ends the disgraceful class war that

produced the inequitable and unconstitutional educational system in Vermont by giving all our children a fair shake. Dependence on local property taxes for school funding was as high as 63 Take it from a virtual mom: giga pets byte back percent, but with a statewide tax it will be only page 7 By Ruth H o r o w i t z 12 percent. Close to 90 percent of Vermonters will experience varying degrees of relief from this crushing tax burden. In addition, because of One Vermont business takes the clutter out of collecting income sensitivity built into Act 60, households By Kevin J . Kel l e y page 11 under $75,000, even in the gold towns, will be entitled to a lower tax status. Examine Act 60 for yourself and you will see Cruising for amusing on the wild side of the Web that in addition to tax relief it offers meaningful By Peter K u r t h page 13 educational reform. The nay-sayers really have no solution to offer beyond trying to scare us Sinners find absolution — and plenty of poser priests — online into acting against our own economic interests By Jamie Depolo page 15 and against an equal educational opportunity for all our children in Vermont. — James Lee Merce Cunninghams choreographic vision is still sharp—and Morrisville computerized By Paula R o u t l y page 18

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SUPPORT LOCAL THEATER I am writing to express my great disappointThe pun never stops in a new picture book by Bonnie Christensen ment that the 23rd production (Tons ofMoney) By Ruth H o r o w i t z page 19 by local theater company Theatre Factory will close to the public this weekend without Seven Boarder patrol on the Internet—the next best thing to fresh Days having written a word about it save for powder printing a press release and publicity photo. By F l i p Brown page 27 When a local acting troupe survives for five years, produces 23 shows, and wins three Bessie Awards in this town, I would think they would Art Review: Torin Porter at least warrant a review of their work. By Marc Awodey page 33 How is the public going to find out about these locally produced shows if the " local arts paper" does not send someone to see them? Further, if a review does not appear while a page 2 show still has performances left to go, the public n e w s q u i r k s w e e k l y m a i l . . . . . . . . . . . page 3 is deprived of the chance to make an informed e x p o s u r e . page 3 decision about whether to attend or not. In the s t r a i g h t d o p e . , . / . \ • . .. . ' p a g e 4 W o r l d of locally produced theater, the budget I n s i d e t ra c k "V .>•. ; . . . ] —iage 5 margins do not often allow money for advertiscrank c a l l page 6 ing. It is coverage by the local press that drives sound a d v i c e page 8 ticket sales. Without the coverage to inform the calendar page 20 public that a show is being produced, ticket v i d i o t savant page 30 sales suffer. This increases the likelihood that l i f e in hell page 30 future productions won't be able to happen, talking pictures page 31 which in turn has a crippling effect on the arts art l i s t i n g s page 32 scene and any publication that is supposed to classifieds page 33 cover the arts. We are all in this together. g r e e t i n g s from dug nap page 34 — Paul T. Maher w e l l n e s s d i r e c t o r y page 35 South Burlington h e a l t h q&a page 35 real a s t r o l o g y page 36 Letters Policy: SEVEN DAYS wants your rants and raves, in 250 words or less. p e r s o n a l s page 37 Letters are only accepted that respond to content in Seven Days. Include your full dykes to watch out f o r page 37 name and a daytime phone number and send to: SEVEN DAYS, PO. Box 1164, T o l a , the l o v e c o u n s e l o r . . . . page 38

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Dear Cecil, I just read your column about Circus Peanuts [December 29]. In all seriousness, I happen to like Circus Peanuts. I really do. I'm not kidding. Just thought you should know that there was someone in the world who actually likes the things. — Brian, via the Internet

I ivholeheartedly (andproudlyj love Circus Peanuts/ Can't keep them in the house. Can't say there is a rational reason why, but stale or fresh (not that you really can tell the difference), I can't get enough of them. — Christopher Leeds, assistant professor, Rush University, Chica

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Hand me a plate with a Godiva chocolate, a DoveBar and a half dozen Circus Peanuts to choosefromand I'll take the third. — Mark Furlong, via the Internet

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Burlington • 216 Lake St., Unit 202 Purchase Price: $83,000

Amount to finance is $76,000

Great waterfront location with lake views that can't be beat from this 1 bedroom, 840 square feet, 2nd floor condo. Low hearing costs, pets allowed, off street parking, coin-op laundry in basement and gardening area.

Burlington • 67 Marble Ave. Purchase Price: $83,000

Amount to finance is $70,500

AU BCLTpurchasers

Cute two-story home in a very quiet south end neighborhood on a one-way street. Approximately 960 square feet with two bedrooms and one bath upstairs. Bright, sunny living room and dining room with wood floors on first floor. Home has a small yard, great front porch, one car garage, efficient natural gas heat. Convenient location, close to downtown.

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Burlington • 79 Redrocks

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Purchase Price: $95,000

Amount to finance is $73,000

Second floor, two-bedroom condo with approximately 946 square feet. Energy efficient unit with a four-star energy raring. All appliances are included—gas stove, refrigerator, dishwasher, washer & dryer and two air conditioners! Home includes extra large, underground garage with plenty of room for storage. Small balcony off of the dining room area. Great neighborhood, low association fees and proximity to interstate, shopping and parks make this a great home.

I truly and honestly like Circus Peanuts. Circus peanuts are yummy. Mtkmrtti Cirms Peanuts. Good, good, good. I seem to be the only person willing to admit my enjoyment of the orange banana things (I know not what they are nor do I care), thus I must defend them when they are under such an attack as was waged in your column. I do not eat them very often, but since reading your column I have developed a craving. Mmmm. — Mary K, Chicago

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111 be damned. I guess I shouldn't be surprised. If Marv Albert gets his kicks dressing in women's underwear, what's so weird about liking Circus Peanuts? Don't get me wrong. As I said before, I'm not one of those people who gag at the mere thought of Circus Peanuts. I've eaten them without throwing up. But to say that you are genu inely fond of this candy...I dunno. I think it bespeaks a serious mental disturbance. Granted, it appears to be a fairly common mental disturbance. We got letters from dozens of people proclaiming their love, or at least their serious like, of Circus Peanuts. Many of them seem to realize this is strange, even if they don't explicitly say so. Take Mary K. above. "Yummy. Mmmm. Good, good, good." Laying it on a little thick, wouldn't you say? Clearly Circus Peanuts are a way for her to flaunt her rebelliousness, like a drug habit or a scuzzy boyfriend. One can only hope she'll grow out of it. Other people are more up-front. John Morrison writes: Do gays coming out of the closet have this problem? Probably not. They're greeted with either unreasoning hatred or friendly acceptance. Us Circus Peanut lovers are met with blank-faced bewilderment, as if we Had avowed a love of fingernail clippings. Yes! I'm the one who buys 'em, although thanks to the father unhipirnage of Circus Peanuts they're hard to find. Worse yet, perhaps as a result of this incredible media pressure, new strains of CPs have come out: different colors, differentflavors,same shape. The connoisseur will accept none of these modern abominations, of course. I might point out that, like chili, CPs gain something by being other than perfectly fresh. The slightly crusty outside of a properly aged Circus Peanut gives it a texture that is far superior to the mushiness of a fresh one. - y — ,

Colchester • 42 Hollow Creek Drive Purchase Price: $90,000

Amount to finance is $77,500

Two bedroom, townhouse style condo with unfinished basement and 1 car attached garage. Home has approximately 1,150 square feet. It includes 1 1/2 baths and a laundry area in the basement. Home has a four star energy rating so natural gas heating bills are low. Private back deck and a small front porch let you enjoy this quiet neighborhood. Pets allowed including a dog. Bus stop in front of home.

Milton • 35 Barnum Road Purchase Price: $93,000

Amount to finance is $80,500

1650 square feet, raised ranch, with four bedrooms. Large 2/3 acre lot in convenient village location, but very quiet spot. Lots of room for gardening or animals. Wood heat with electric backup. Includes a beautiful 12 x 36 ft. in-ground pool.

Shelburne • 3 Irish Hill Purchase Price: 3-bedroom, 1 bath rani stove makes this a great plowing. Downstairs ha

nance is $76,150 feet and attached garage. Full-sun living room with wood ;ocation which shares cost of land taxes, insurance and value is 107,000!

Qualified buyers meet income guidlines and share their a\ reciation with future homebuyers. NO DOWNPAYMENTS NEEDED FOR FOR Mt)ST HOMES. For more {YItfENTS information on any of these properties call Elizabeth at 660-0643.

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Puritan tyranny," said Jean-Francois, "which sometimes imbues the beautiful American democracy with an unfortunate resemblance to The sex scandal that has enveloped the a police state." White House and become the number-one God bless America and have a nice lay.. .1 I mean day. M news story on Planet Earth has had a profound Jurorgate — It's nothing compared to I impact on yours truly, a small-town journalist Fornigate, but all the briefs (as opposed to box| working far outside the Beltway. ers) have been filed on the issue of juror mis| The networks and the corporate media have conduct and jury tampering in the big federal decided the conduct of the President's pecker is drug case involving Billy Greer, „ what the American people most Stephen Hutchins and three ® need to know about and are other defendants. According to I most interested in. Thank you, the 29-page brief filed by | Disney Time Warner and Acting U.S. Attorney David | General Electric. For crying out Kirby, "the government submits I loud, its what freedom of the that no basis exists for granting press is all about — being able to the defendants a new trial. I cover the really important stories! Clearly, and of utmost imporTo hell with the widening tance, the jury was impartial, | gap between rich and poor. unbiased and fair." i W h o cares about childhood hunger or the collapse of the Would you believe the Asian stock markets. A n d everydefense doesn't see it that way? The defense documents the 1 one's tired of Saddam Hussein. multitude of instances when | Nope — the president's pecker Juror John Baker told fellow | is what counts the most in the jurors about his drug-dealing land of the free, home of the I brave. Heck, by the time you brother's involvement with i read this, Bill Clinton will probGreer, and about phone calls he g 1 ably have resigned. At least that's received urging him to go easy J what ABC's Sam Donaldson on the defendants, or offering a | predicted on network television "book deal." Then there's the ~ Sunday, and he's an award-winlittle matter of Baker and his ^ ning journalist of great distincfellow jurors concealing all that 1 tion and credibility, right? from the judge throughout the | Face it. All these years yours 10-week trial last spring. | truly has been covering the borIn their 45-page brief I ing side of politics. Who cares defense Attorneys Bob Kalina Jwhat people stand for? Who cares about issues? and Mark Kaplan argue that Baker "infected 8 It's time to turn over a new leaf. Inside Track the very structure of the trial by having pretrial ffhas seen the light on CNN and, hallelujah, "the knowledge of it, by not reporting a pretrial | people of Vermont deserve the truth! It's a jour- bribe attempt upon himself, by materially lying | nalist's responsibility, and for too long in OH 'his juror questionnaire and during voir dire Vermont, the press — yours truly included — and by withholding his relationship with his I has shirked that responsibility. Thank you, brother Bobby Baker." They say Baker was I Monica Lewinsky — "Devil With a Semenbiased and should never have been allowed to | Stained Blue Dress, Blue Dress, Blue Dress sit on that jury. | On," wherever you are. Now everyone's waiting for what Judge | Okay, it's time to really tell it like it is — William K. Sessions III has to say about it. Washington-style. So did you hear the one This is a biggie. Stay tuned. i about Governor Howard Dean and the Spanish Act 60 Showdown! — Tonight — Wednesday 1 au pair? Do you really think all that out-of-state — there'll be quite the little battle in the state | travel last year was about a presidential bid? senate chamber over the most popular law in | C ' m o n , get with it. We've got the video. Vermont: Act 60. The one-hour "PointJ Or how about Madeleine Kunin and the Counterpoint" debate will ask the question, ^ state trooper? Those troopers are equipped to "Should Act 60 be Repealed?" Arguing that it I do a lot more than drive, if you know what I most certainly should will be House Republican | mean. And governors have a way of getting leader Walter Freed and Rep. Ruth Dwyer. | what they want. Never saw that one in the Defending Act 60 and its many moving parts | Rutland Herald, did you? Nor was there a peep will be Sen. Dick McCormack and Bob Gross, jj in the Vermont press about the torrid affair an analyst at the tax department. If you can't J involving former Speaker Ralph Wright and a make it tonight, the debate will air on Ch. 17 I certain inflatable doll. Talk about arm-twisting! in the Burlington area starting Sunday morning | Not even Jack Hoffman had the cohones to at 11 a.m. and subsequently on public access | touch that one. (By the way, the doll's name cable channels around the state. I was Poopsie.) - What fun! ! You never heard about it because the Vermont Media Notes — Wedding bells will be ringing 1 press wouldn't know a news story if it dropped this summer over at WCAX-TV. Morning | out of the sky and left a crater a mile wide. anchor Sera Congi and videographer Joe | They'd rather write about property tax reform, for Carroll will be tying the knot in August. Sera | God's sake. Bozos! points out it will be a "mixed marriage." He's Today in the Age of Fornigate, the duty of from Rutland. She's a New Yorker. And shortly jj every true journalist is clear. No more questions she will be giving up her early morning duties I like "What do you think about Act 60?" From and returning to full-time reporting on the | now it's gonna be "Rep. So-and-so, who do you medical beat. "Everything's coming up roses," | like having oral sex with?" Or "If elected lieusays Sera. Congratulations! | tenant governor, will you continue to have sexA Dean administration source tells Inside ual relations with members of the senate?" Track the Gov is taking a long, hard look at Ch. • By the way, dear reader, are you wearing 3 weatherwoman extraordinaire Sharon Meyer 1 underwear today? Oh, really? as a candidate to fill the vacancy left by the | A French newspaper editor by the name of upcoming departure of gubernatorial press secre- | a Jean-Francois Bege said it best the other day: tary Stephanie Carter. The source says Ho-Ho J g Wanting to know everything about a man is fancies the notion he'd be able to tell instantaJ an essentially totalitarian practice. It is this j neously which way the wind is blowing. ®

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) Introduction to Winter Ecology through Snow Travel This physically active workshop will give you a good introduction to snowshoeing and XC skiing, while teaching you fundamentals of winter ecology. Taught by outdoorsman, teacher, writer, and naturalist James Ehlers. January 30 and February 14-15.

I Writing for Hollywood (and What Else You'll Need to Know) Industry veteran Craig Kellem (Saturday Night Live, The Rutles, Charles In Charge, FBI: The Untold Stories) combines an intensive hands-on writing experience with analysis of real-world Hollywood materials from first draft to finished show. April 4-5.

I Consciousness and the Body

Workshops yon can take for College Credit *

Psychologist and movement therapist Bonnie Morrissey will lead this experiential workshop, exploring ways in which mind shapes body and body shapes mind by using body movement as a tool for greater self-awareness. No prior movement experience needed. April 17-19.

I Film vs. Movies: Art and Entertainment in Motion Pictures Is the "art" vs. "entertainment" dichotomy a valid critical distinction or an irrelevant cultural artifact? Explore this question and its implications with critic Julie Kirgo and Cinema Studies Department Chair Kenneth Peck. April 24-26.

For registration information, call Burlington College at (800) 862-9616

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95 North Ave. Burlington,

VT 05401

"hinking this week about Monica Lewinsky and the Love that's Dared to Speak Its Name (although only in the clinical and prudish guise of "oral sex"), I can't decide if the cannibals pot Bill Clinton currently finds himself cooking in is the appropriate receptacle for his Presidency, or whether a toilet, or even a bidet, would suit the occasion more fittingly. We're talking about one of the great whoremasters here, an alley cat and irrepressible ejaculator with a taste — have you noticed? — for women with big mouths. And bad hair. Of course it was only a matter of time before Americas twin obsessions, courtroom drama and illicit sex, combined to drive all other thoughts from the public mind, if "mind" is the word I'm looking for. I don't know about you, but I was brought up on stories of George Washington and the cherry tree. I find it hard to grasp that we're living in an era where children need to have the President's blow jobs explained for them. That and the semen stains on Ms. Lewinsky's dress. As I write this, I don't doubt that a whole army of psychologists and grief counselors is hard at work trying to minimize the trauma to the kids, at the same time that they're hammering the subject into their heads, repeating it, "exploring" it, discussing it and finally shellacking it and hanging it on the wall of the schoolroom next to a map of the United States and a list of safer sex techniques. What would it be like to be a child growing up in this national pig sty, this 24-hour televised motel room, where every detail of every body part is blasted to the public in the name of democracy and their right to know? When I was in the sixth hauled down to the ograde, I got o

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principals office for reading To Kill a Mockingbird in class. It was thought inappropriate for a 12year-old to be reading a novel about a rape trial, and I was treated to a lecture on the beauty of "married love" by Miss Catherine C. Cartier, the roundest and kindliest of the prim maiden ladies who dominated my education at that time.

| j y

jf ^

grasp that we're living in an era where children need to have the President's blow jobs explained for them. That and the semen stains on Ms. Lewinsky's dress.

This was only 30 years ago, I should add, not way back in the 19th century. Now, I suppose, a child might be reprimanded for actually raping somebody on the playground — or, in one of the more idiotic sexual causes celebres of recent years, sweetly kissing a girl on the cheek — but there's no hope of protecting their minds from anything. They're in it with the rest of us, splashing around in a puddle of muds:, drowning in "information* they don t know how to use and floundering "in an uncharted ethical miasma of 'being happy,'" as my heroine, Dorothy Thompson, remarked already in the late 1950s.

The truth is that the Presidents penis should never have come to our attention, but once it's there, it's not going away. I'm not a prude, and I don't fault Bill Clinton for taking his

MWpjliM

pleasure wherever he finds it. But I can't help feeling that pornography, like sex itself, ought to be kept private, and I've yet to understand how the President's sexual habits in any way affect his running of the country. It's the blurring of distinctions, the complete elimination of boundaries, public and personal, that has me feeling queasy. Unless and until we re-establish them, it's useless to blame "the media" — or Presidents, either, for that matter — for serving us the latest dollop of what we, as a nation, have come to expect: slime with our ice cream, filth with our cookies, and condoms over our lollipops. (7)

"Backtalk"m&MHii will return next week mMIf v i< m >i m 1$

|i|p K Itf idylls" mm $1 ^llilils p a g e

SEVEN

DAYS

january

28 ,

1998

Ruth

Horowitz

odorless. They don't sniff crotches or consume costly dog food, can't chew your favorite shoes or smash your best lamp. Unlike their protein precursors, pocket pooches can have their sound switched off. And while exercising 3D dogs requires tiresome trips out of doors, binary bowwows get all the exercise they need at the mere tap of your finger tips. Automated animals come in a variety of breeds. Besides the original pet alien produced by Japan's Tamagotchi, numerous knockoffs are available for $10 to $40. There are Compu kitties, koalas and birds, Dinkie dinosaurs, Little Mermaids, Sumo wrestlers and a Nano Baby, who cries when it doesn't get its way. Some models make noises, others are mute. Some come with pause switches, allowing you to put your pet's life on hold while you tend to other duties, while others go right on living and dying whether they're under your command or lying in the pocket of your jeans at the bottom of the laundry basket. Friends in the know recommended the pause-able pedigrees, warning that anything else would hold our family hostage. But we'd already invested in a $19.95 Digital Doggie, part of Tiger toys' Giga Pet line. The attractive blister-pack wrapping carried an adorable picture of a floppy-eared fleabag snoozing with a sleepy smile on its face. Sam was delighted with his factory-fresh friend. He immediately named the dog Shadow 2, and quickly mastered the four control buttons that let him toss a ball to his pooch, feed him, bathe him, make him sniff, bark, run and sit, and clean up his doggie messes.

m not an animal person. When I was a kid, the only non-human creatures in the family were small, shortlived specimens that stayed neatly confined to their bowls of murky water until it was time to flush them down the toilet. Then I grew up and got married and gave birth to a son, and the first words out of his mouth were, "Why can't I have a dog?" His second words were, "Daddy had one." It's true that my husband's family once owned a muchloved dachshund named Shadow. But, though he still has fond memories of flicking maple seeds at the sleeping dog's head, David is no more anxious to own a dog today than I am. So we present a united front as, birthday after birthday, we lovingly remind Sam of all the reasons why he doesn't really want a dog: Dogs make stinky messes, chew valuable possessions, demand walks in foul weather, sniff visitors' crotches, have horrible halitosis and break your heart when they die. And, most importantly, they may seem like loads of fun at first, but pets always become the responsibility of the person who works at home all day while the rest of the family is out: Mom. Despite our reasoning, Sam continues to tack snapshots of other people's dogs to his bedroom door. He persists in believing that dogs are warm and friendly, have cute names, do neat tricks, frighten burglars, secretly finish your dinner under the table and are never too busy to slobber you with kisses the minute you come home from school. Just when it seemed there was no hope of a compromise, our trend-spotting son develFor the next 10 days, Sam s oped a new desire: He wanted fingers were in constant a virtual pet. A virtual pet is a computer game on a key chain. motion. He rushed the dog to the vet a dozen times a day, The one-inch screen displays kept his kibbles overflowing, an adorable animal, and butflicked his lights on and off, tons beneath the screen let you ?lay with your pet and monitor and checked his scores continuits vital statistics. Last year, vir- ously.

Halfway up the street, the gadget barked. I checked the mutt's scores and tossed it a few binary balls.

tual pets were all the rage in Japan. The advantages of a computer canine over the traditional kind are obvious. Virtual pets are compact, hairless and

But the ways of the cyber universe proved cruel and mysterious. For all Sam's attentions, Shadow 2 s numbers sank and the poor dog died

within hours. Undaunted, Sam pressed reset and launched Shadow 3. But his new dog didn't do much better. The family left home for an all-day outing, and Sam left the dog behind. While we were gone, Shadow 3 starved to death. And so it went. Dog after digital dog died an untimely death. Sam learned how to reset his pet before it died on its own. With Kevorkian zeal, he euthanized dog after dog, helping them shed their

the original Shadow had died while he was away on vacation, announced that El Paso could come to work with him. I wondered if the dog would cut into my husband's important coffee-drinking and colleagueschmoozing time. The answer came in my mid-morning email message, when David sent me a link to the Giga Pet tips Web site. By the time he came home, the little guy's health score — a sad 66 when Sam handed him over — was an

"Fetch your leash, boy!" Halfway up the street, the gadget barked. I checked the mutt's scores and tossed it a few binary balls. Back home, I fed the pup a nice, healthy bowl of digital dog food. Then I sat down to work with my virtual companion at my side, sometimes sitting and smiling at me, sometimes trotting across its mini-domain, sometimes sniffing the simulated sod. I learned how to raise its

Take it from a virtual

DIGITAL D00

mom: giga pets byte back

microchip coils each time their health score dropped below 50. Then school vacation ended, and our family faced a new crisis. We weren't about to let some virtual varmint distract Sam from his class work, and I flatly refused to baby-sit a toy. I proposed simply leaving the device in a safe place. If El Paso — as Sams sister Sophie had dubbed the current incarnation — died during the day, Sam could wait for the weekend and press the reset button. Sam was sad but resigned. But David, remembering that

encouraging 89, and David was full of invaluable advice about the proper care of a virtual companion. Giga Pets clocks need to be synchronized with ours, he'd learned, so they can sleep when we do. Too many trips to the vet, baths or bones can also damage their health. The next day, David said he'd be too busy to take the dog, so of course the virtual day-care duties landed on me. The day passed quickly. As I stuck the toy in my pocket and went out for my morning walk, I caught myself thinking,

training score with a touch of discipline. I learned that by letting its hunger plummet between feedings, I could make its health score skyrocket. And I learned to turn his sound off when I was on the phone, so the person at the other end wouldn't know that I was playing. When Sam came home, I augmented Davids instructions with some admonishments of my own. Sam thanked me, then sat down to do his homework. I gently reminded him Continued on page 26

CISC G 0

ROUND

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Got something to tell Rhythm & News? Call Pamela at (802) 864.5684. Or mail your tip to P.O. Box 1164, Burlington, VT 05402, or e-mail to sevenday@together.net.

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WEDNESDAY LAR OUGGAN & JOHH RIVERS (jazz), Leunig's, 8:30 p.m.

NC. MIGHTY fAB KINGTONES (rock), Nectar's, 9:30 p.m. NC. STACY STARKWEATHER & JAMES HARVEY (Frank Sinatra

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music), R.S.V.P., 6 p.m. NC. GIB DROLL BAND (blues/funk), Club Metronome, 9 p.m. $5. CHAD HOLLISTER (pop/groove), Sweetwaters, 9 p.m. NC. RYAN OBER (orig. acoustic), Red Square, 9 p.m. NC. JAMES HARVEY, NATIVE (jazz), Club Toast, 9:30 p.m. $2/4. KARAOKE, J.P.'s Pub, 9:30 p.m. NC. KARAOKE, Cheers, 9 p.m. NC. KATE BARCLAY (singer-songwriter), Good Times Cafe, Hinesburg, 7:30 p.m. NC. ARTFUL DODGER (rock), Gallaghers, Waitsfield, 9 p.m. NC. OPEN MIKE (acoustic), Cambridge Coffee House, Smugglers Notch, Jeffersonville, 7 p.m. Donations.

THURSDAY

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7:30 p.m. NC. OPEN MIKE, Gallagher's, Waitsfield, 8:30 p.m. NC.

FRIDAY

LIVE JAZZ, Windjammer, 5 p.m. NC. PERRY NUNN

(acoustic), Ruben James, 5 p.m. NC, followed by DJ NIGHT, 9 p.m. NC. BOOTLESS & UNHORSED (Irish), Last

Chance, 7:30 p.m. NC. REBECCA PADULA (folk), Rhombus Gallery, 9 p.m. $4. HELICOPTER (freak rock), Manhattan Pizza, 10 p.m. NC. AERIUS (DJ Craig Mitchell), 135 Pearl, 9 p.m. $5. FUNKS G (funk/groove), Club Toast, 9:30 p.m. $5. DEEP BANANA BLACKOUT (rock), Club Metronome, 9 p.m. $4. DAVE DON'T SING (rock), Nectars, 9:30 p.m. NC. UTILE JOYCE

(r&b), Vermont Pub & Brewery, 10 p.m. NC. HARD LUCK (rock), Alley Cats, 9:30 p.m. NC. COMEDY ZONE (stand-up), Radisson Hotel, 8 & 10 p.m. $7. JETHRO

BIG JOE BURRELL & FRIENDS (blues-jazz), Halvorson's, 8:30

MONEY (rock), Franny Os, 9:30 p.m. NC. DANCE PARTY

p.m. $2. ELLEN POWELL & JERRY LAVENE (jazz) Leunig's, 8:30 p.m. NC. KATHERINE QUINN (singer-songwriter), Red

(DJ Norm Blanchard), Cheers, 9 p.m. NC. BLUE JAY WAY (rock), Patches Pub, Holiday Inn, 9 p.m. NC.

Square, 9 p.m. NC. ABAIR BROS, (rock), Nectars, 9:30 p.m. NC. JAINA SKY (jazz), Manhattan Pizza, 10 p.m.

WALT BMORE & ALL THAT JAZZ, Tuckaway's, Sheraton Hotel,

NC. ANOTHER KEEPING IT REAL JOINT (hip-hop/r&b/reggae

DJ), Club Toast, 9:30 p.m. $5/7. CHIN H0!( INVISIBLE JET, MY OWN SWEET (alt rock), Club Metronome, 9 p.m. $4. D. JARVIS (orig. acoustic), J.P.'s Pub, 9 p.m. NC. OPEN MIKE W/D. DAVIS, Cactus Cafe, 9 p.m. NC. THE ROCKIN' DAD-

DYS (rock), Vermont Pub & Brewery, 10 p.m. NC. SAND BLIZZARD (acoustic rock), Trackside Tavern, Winooski, 9 p.m. NC. KARAOKE, Edgewater Pub, Colchester, 9 p.m. NC. DANCE PARTY (DJ Norm Blanchard), Cheers, 9 p.m. NC. TNT (DJ & karaoke), Thirsty Turtle, Waterbury, 9 p.m. NC. MARKLEGRAND (progressive country), Thrush Tavern, Montpelier,

9 p.m. NC. TANTRUM (rock), Trackside Tavern, Winooski, 9 p.m. $2. SHANDY (Irish), Peat Bog, Essex Jet., 8 p.m. NC. SMOKIN'GUN (rock), Edgewater Pub, Colchester, 9 p.m. NC. DANCIN' DEAN (country dance & instruction), Cobbweb, Milton, 7:30 p.m. $5- TOM CLEARY (jazz/ragtime piano), Diamond Jims Grille, St. Albans, 7:30 p.m. NC. MATTVACHON (acoustic rock), Jakes, 8 p.m. NC. QUADRA (rock), Thirsty Turtle, Waterbury, 9 p.m. $3. LIVE MUSIC, Rusty Nail, Stowe, 8:30 p.m. $5. LYNN ANDERSON, JOHN LINCOLN & JIM HOGUE

(music of the '20s), Villa Tragara, Stowe, 6:30 p.m. $7.50. MIKE DEVER & LAUSANNE ALLEN (acoustic), Three

Mountain Lodge, Jeffersonville, 6 p.m. NC. DJ DANCE

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Tavern, Waitsfield, 9 p.m. $4. AUGUSTA BROWN (rock), Gallagher's, Waitsfield, 9:30 p.m. $4. RED HOUSE (rock), Charlie-o's, Montpelier, 9 p.m. NC. AZTEC TWO-STEP (acoustic), Knights of Columbus Hall, Middlebury, 7 p.m. $15/17.

PARTY, Cafe Banditos, Jeffersonville, 9 p.m. NC. THE DETONATORS (rock), Gallaghers, Waitsfield, 9:30 p.m. $4. BL00Z0T0MY (jump blues), Mad Mountain Tavern, Waitsfield, 9 p.m. $4. AUGUSTA BROWN (rock), Charlieo's, Montpelier, 10 p.m. NC. MIRAGE (rock), Rude Dog Tavern, Vergennes, 9 p.m. NC. NEW MINSTRELS OF THE RHINE (German & American folk), Deerleap Books, Bristol, 7 p.m. NC. jij

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SUNDAY e ELLEN POWELL & JERRY LAVENE (jazz), Windjammer, 11 a.m. NC. SANDRA WRIGHT, TAMMY FLETCHER, CHRISTINE ADLER & KIP

SATURDAY

MEAKER (gospel brunch), Red Square, 11 a.m. & 1 p.m. $11.95 w/brunch. D. JARVIS (acoustic rock), JP's Pub, 9 p.m. NC. FAMILY NIGHT (Dead stuff), Club Metronome, 9 p.m. NC. CHAD (pop rock), Nectar's, 9:30 p.m. NC. TNT (karaoke & DJ), Thirsty Turtle,

MONKEYS WITH CARKEYS (rock duo), Cactus Cafe, 9:30 p.m. NC. BOOTLESS & UNHORSED (Irish), Last Chance, 7:30 p.m. NC. SMALL POTATOES (Celtic to cowboy), Burlington Coffeehouse at Rhombus Gallery, 8

Waterbury, 8 p.m. NC. LOUIS FRANCO & COLIN MCCAFFREY

p.m. $6. MAX HORBAR ELECTRONIC GROUP, Contois Aud., 8 p.m. $7. DAVE DON'T SING (rock), Nectar's, 9:30 p.m. NC. LITTLE MARTIN (DJ), 135 Pearl, 9 p.m. $4/5. JAMES

(acoustic orig.), LaBrioche Cafe, Montpelier, 11 a.m. NC. TOM VITZHUM (acoustic guitar), Main Street Bar & Grill, Montpelier, 11 a.m. NC.

HARVEY BAND (jazz), Red Square, 9:30 p.m. NC. DJ NIGHT, Ruben James, 9 p.m. NC. BELIZBEHA (dance),

Club Toast, 9:30 p.m. $5/7. DAVE KELLER BLUES BAND,

CPewclry ANP G-IFTS

MONDAY

GOOD QUESTION (rock), Nectar's, 9:30 p.m. NC. ED MCCAIN, THANKS TO GRAVITY (groove rock), Club Toast, 9:30 p.m. $8. REGGAE LOUNGE (DJ), Club Metronome, 8 p.m. $8. TECHNO NIGHT (DJs), 135 Pearl, 10 p.m. $4. ALLEY CAT JAM W/NERBAK BROS, (blues-rock), Alley Cats, 9 p.m. NC.

Manhattan Pizza, 10 p.m. NC. HUFfi&MOOSE (alt rock), Club Metronome, 7 p.m. NC, followed by RETRONOME (DJ Craig Mitchell), 9 p.m. NC. JOHN LACKARD BLUES BAND, Vermont Pub & Brewery, 10 p.m.

NC. COMEDY ZONE (stand-up), Radisson Hotel, 8 & 10 p.m. $7. KARAOKE, Franny O's, 9:30 p.m. NC. BLUE JAY

WAY (rock), Patches Pub, Holiday Inn, 9 p.m. NC. JENNI JOHNSON (jazz/blues), Tuckaway's, Sheraton Hotel, 9 p.m. NC. TANTRUM (rock), Trackside Tavern, Winooski, 9 p.m. $2. SMOKIN'GUN (rock), Edgewater

HOME ELECTRONICS H O M E SPEAKERS

VCRS

TUESDAY

OPEN STAGE (acoustic), Burlington Coffeehouse at Leunig's, 8:30 p.m. NC. DJ NIGHT, Ruben James, 9 p.m. NC. JOHN LARKIN (rock), Nectar's, 9:30 p.m. NC. FLASHBACK: HITS OF THE '80S (DJ), Club Toast, 10 p.m. NC/$5 under 21. MARTIN & MITCHELL (DJs), Club Metronome, 9 p.m. NC. RUSS& CO. (rock), J.P.'s Pub, 9:30 p.m. NC. JALAPENO BROS, (rock), Cheers, 9 p.m. NC. ALAN HARDCASTLE (piano), Gallagher's, Waitffield, 9 p.m. NC. REBECCA PADULA (acoustic), Three Mountain Lodge, Jeffersonville, 6 p.m. NC.

(acoustic), Greatful Bread Deli, Essex, 3 p.m. Donations. DANCE PARTY (DJ Norm Blanchard), Cheers, 9 p.m. NC. MIRAGE (rock), Rude Dog Tavern, Vergennes, 9 p.m. NC. QUADRA (rock), Thirsty Turtle, Waterbury, 9 p.m. $3. LIVE MUSIC, Rusty Nail, Stowe, 8:30 p.m. $5. BL00Z0T0MY (jump blues), The Den, Stowe Resort, 3 p.m. NC. BLUES FOR BREAKFAST, Cafe Banditos, Jeffersonville, 9:30 p.m. $3. CURRENTLY NAMELESS (groove rock), Mad Mountain

CARDS

CAR STEREOS

Rhombus, 8 p.m. $2-5. PAUL ASBELL & CLYDE STATS (jazz),

Pub, Colchester, 9 p.m. NC. SALLY MACK & GROUP

~ PIFTBOOKS

PORTABLES CELLULAR

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noted.

NC = No cover. Also look for "Sound Advice" at http://wivw.bigheavyworld.com/burlington.

...IT TAKES

music!

TWO

Twenty-five years is a long time to two-step, but Aztec makes it sound easy — Neal Shulman and Rex Fowler helped wed folk to pop in the early '70s, and the marriage still sounds good.

L ^ - ^ ^ k

Their latest recording

together, Highway

Signs,

celebrates a quarter-century of perfect harmony. Aztec Two-Step make a rare appearance at Middlebury's After Dark Music Series this Saturday.

W S

•

^ ^ f c ^ i m ^ S (self-released, CD single) - Burlington's Belizbeha likes to call themselves "a seven-piece excursion into progressive harmony for your soul." Whatever. I'd call them a creamy-smooth dance band for the '90s disco revival. At least judging from the sneak-preview-of-the-CD single release, "Inhibitions" (with three different mixes), in which there is absolutely no Fattie rappinghood whatsoever. The women vocalists, Kadiatou Sibi and Shauna Antoniuc, have grown leaps and bounds as a result of Belizbehas massive touring — this Saturday's show at Toast caps a West Coast stint — and turn in Ml, confident performances here. Sparkling keyN n H M r r page 10

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TIME

SMALL POTATOES,

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Records, CD) — You expect a duo that call themselves Small Potatoes, and pose for photos with roond red spuds held on forks in front of their faces like clown noses, to be charmingly self-deprecadng, a little funky, and more than a little silly. You also suspect maybe they're not really top-drawer musicians, even if a lot of fun in concert. Maybe they're even, well, children's artists — you know, for the small fry. So its a relief and pleasant shock to find that Chicago's Jacquie Manning and Rich Prezioso are two of the finest musicians on the folk circuit — particularly Mannings expressively nimble vocals (variously reminiscent of Patsy Cline and Linda Ronstadt) and Prezioso's guitar prowess — and are thoroughly adult entertamers who also do children 5 shows and'who are also fun and funky. Even better, Small Potatoes can't decide what kind of music they want to make, and therelfe^.^-^ make all kinds; they call it "Celtic to ^ ^ a n d old-rimey ballads, blues, country, ; > swing and j u s t l y : ' ; every other acoustic tradition turn well. On Time Flies, the TIME f two augment theit « . sound with tastefully chosen "Potatoes du jour/' among whom Larry Gray on cello and John Rice on fiddle, mandolin and dobro are particularly well done. Frenchfried, boiled, roasted or baked, these Potatoes are the mash. Your turn to sample, this Saturday at the Bur|ngton Coffeehouse a t « m b u s | § | g Gallery. ©

553 N. Main St. Barre

Next to M & M B e v e r a g e A c r o s s f r o m the T i m e s A r g u s

Want

to get reviewed

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DAYS?

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t o Sound

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Advice, 05402.

..LIVE, FROM, UH, COLCHESTER In between knock-

out shows at Red Square's gospel brunch on Sundays — with fellow belters Tammy Fletcher, Sandra Wright and Kip Meaker — Christine Adler sings in the egg-free environs of Vermont Public Radio. This Tuesday at 8 p.m., Adler and her band perform at the first of what VPR jazz host Neal Charnoff hopes will become a regular series of live broadcasts "before a studio audience." Hey, it beats the drive to New York.

e r . u r . l i ShfitvStf

Kevin

KeMev

no-business start-up program run by the Greater Burlington Industrial Corporation. The owners have seen their company grow rapidly in the past year. Revenues have tripled — to a still-modest $40,000 yearly take. But that's only the beginning, they insist. Wheeler projects sales of around $75,000 for this year, and thinks it's possible to reach the million-dollar

he inherent irony of selling

antiques on the World Wide Web does not elude Tom Jiamachello, the Essexbased co-founder of one of the biggest such enterprises in cyberspace. "I'm the kind of guy who never owned a Walkman or a CD player, and my television set is 15 years old," he confesses. "I'd still rather spend my time reading books on antiques than working on computers." His semi-Luddite attitude changed, however, when Jiamachello, 45, met Erik Wheeler, a 29-year-old University of Vermont graduate. While working as a student teacher in Jiamachello's French class at Essex High School, Wheeler gradually persuaded his fellow UVM alum that computers could be quite useful, even in the decidedly low-tech world of antiques. Wheeler seems a true representative of the digital generation, just as Jiamachello is oriented more toward Gutenberg than Bill Gates. While the older of the partners has been involved in the antique business for the past 20 years, the younger entrepreneur has switched careers several times, finally settling — at least for now — in the post of president of Collector Online. The X'er handles the money end of the business, and the boomer -—\ himself a collector of Art Deco elegance and what he calls "'50s fun" — takes care of the merchandising. Jiamachello and Wheeler launched their Internet-based business (www.collector online.com) in mid-1995. It incubated for a time in a tech-

...o-P

which dealers rent booths." The "antique mall" featured on the site is the biggest single source of income for |yC Collector Online. m Antique dealers around lis the country pay a minijfi mum of $105 for three • I months to rent for a virtual booth where they can list and display antiques for sale — from Bauhaus desks to Barbie dolls, Majolica jars to Mission chairs. Collector Online assists the uninitiated in setting up a booth, but managing it is the responsibility of the dealer. EBay doesn't run a mall of its own, and dealers are being cr drawn in increasing numbers to the one operated by Jiamachello and Wheeler. The Collector Online mall included 45 booths a year ago; now it has 175, about a dozen of which are based in Vermont. That too may be only a start, since Jiamachello estimates that only 10 percent of antique dealers in the U.S. currently do business via the Internet. An estimated 12,000 people a week are now browsing through the virtual mall, with some booths attracting as many as 700 visitors. Edwin Grant, president of One Vermont business takes the clutter out of collecting Kennedy Bros, in Vergennes, is pleased with the results his mark in the not-distant future. of all garage sales. antique business has achieved Similarly, Jiamachello expects The ambitious Vermonters by operating a booth through the payroll to expand from two profess to be undaunted by the Collector Online. "We're getemployees at present to eight or prospect of going mouse-toting more of a response than we 10 at the turn of the millennimouse against eBay. "We're ever expected. We receive four um.; 1 Jr-X**' going to compete at 50 percent, or five e-mail inquiries a day, A lot depends on the success of their prices, start small, get many from people who would of an online auction service that bigger," assures Jiamachello. probably not have seen our the company plans to initiate in Unlike the many unsuccessitems in person. It's been a defithe coming months. That's ful businesses in cyberspace, nite plus for us." where the big money can be Collector Online is prospering, made, but to get its share, Jiamachello explains, because it Grant suggests that selling Collector Online will have to doesn't have to spend money to via the Web may well represent compete with eBay.com, which make the products it sells. "We Continued on page 16 in two years has grown to be in effect own the building in

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blushed to the roots of whats left of my hair when my editors asked me to take a spin through the world of gay cyberporn. My mother reads this newspaper, and I'm wondering how I can cover the subject honestly without knocking the life out of her. So you'll have to put up with a lot of ***'s while I give you an overview of what's out there on-line for the horny homosexual — the gay guy with a computer, a modem and lots of time on his hands. First, a know anything about sex and I don't want to know. There are several reasons for this, but only one of them that's fit for a "family" newspaper. Most "lesbian" porn on the Internet is actually in the straight" category — you know, two chicks with big hair, rhinestone earrings, painted toenails and boobs out to here "making it" for the cameras. It's a straight man's biggest turnon, and the Net is fairly crawling with "Teen Lesbians," "P*ssy Ranches," "Tits 'n' Tongues" and so on. I leave it to anyone who's interested in this stuff to find it for himself. For that matter, once your email address gets registered by any of the online pornography services, gay or straight, your box will be bursting with messages from women named "Cyndi" and "Bambi" inviting you to plunk down $28.95 for a "FREEH!" look at the goods. That said, gay pornography on the Web can be divided into three categories. You've got your commercial and home Pages, which are mainly sites for hardcore photographs, videos, chat rooms, personal ads and sex talk, and which generally charge a membership fee. You've got your Usenet newsgroups, where gay men post anything from open solicitations — "813 Area Code Hungry Bottom Seeks

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Aggressive, Masculine Top," "Lonely Guy Looking For Santa — C*m Slide Down My Chimney,* etc. — to an endless series o f . amateur afed pirated 1 erotic photographs that can be viewed on your Internet browser. And you've got your IRC talk channels — that's "Internet Relay Chat" — which are free, if you have the software, and where the gay wires are divided into literally

I managed to get y with all manner of lustful gents, men with handles like "Bad Dog," "Banana," n*u L " w u » U IdODOy, UangMe, "Jockbutf" and "Throbber."

hundreds of specialized activities and interest groups. A Sunday morning search of IRC listed 291 active chat forums, ranging from "gaycars" ("Wanna help me clean my sparkplugs?") to "gay-norway" ("Livet er som en kommode; skuff pa skuff") to "gayairlines," "gay-castration," "gaycops" ("We're gay. We're cops. Deal with it") and "gayChristians," which proved too enticing for me to resist. "Hi," I said, using the most provocative nickname, or handie, I could think of on the spur of the moment: "OrgyGuy." "What are you into? Whaddya like?"

answered primly. "Yeah," I said. "Rub my rosary." "Well, this morning we're praying for Mr. and Mrs. Wolff. Mrs. Wolff has cancer." I logged off. Not my cup of tea. I had better luck with ly-boots," which sits a few >tches down from "gay-

-til

bondageslave" on the IRC retrieval list. "You want me to kick your fag ass?" asked somebody who identified himself only as "Skunky." "Nah/'I said. "I'm just lookin to lick some leather." Its all in fun, of course. I'll bet only a handful of IRC users actually carries the sex talk to its logical conclusion and makes a date to meet a trick, even supposing that the chatterers are anywhere near each other geographically, which usually they're not. The "gay-Vermont" line was dead as a doornail when I looked in — in my experience/it always is — and the only personal ads from Vermonters on the comprehensive "Cruising For Sex" Web warmn Sabout police entrapment. 1 h a nice time t c 8

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the regulars on gay-cowboys, "gay-skinheads," "gay10"dicks" — excuse me, but I don't buy it —"gay-hypnosis," and "gay-diapers," where the discussion had something to do with "wetness" and adhesive tape and which I quit in a hurry when somebody asked me if I wore Pampers to bed. Along the way managed Or would if he Icame over. to get friendly with all manner of gents, men with handles like "Bad Dog," "Banana," D*ldoboy," "GangMe," "Jockbutt" and "Throbber." In real life, I figure, they're all called "Mr. MilqueToast," but that's the glory of the Internet, In cyberspace, everyone's a stud,

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put up graciously with my professional investigation. Everyone I'd talked to wanted to know my specifics, in inches and circumference. "Less than you think," my partner replied. I'm surrounded by comedians. Judging from _ . Continued on next page

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Continued from page 13 cybertalk, every man in America has an 8-inch penis and pecs of steel. Shaved n*ts and b*tth*l*s are at a premium. "Uncut" is preferred to the other kind, and there's no limit to the inventive talk: "Ooooh, Mister, I'm pointing my browser in your direction! It's no different on the Usenet groups, except that the conversation isn't live and boundaries tend to get blurred. On "alt.binaries.pictures.erotica.male. oral.c*mshots," for example, there were numerous solicitations from women, along with "Shemales" — whom I gather have some sort of protrusion strapped to their hips — and the inevitable "bisexuals," who are quite the rage in America nowadays. All of these alleged bisexuals are looking for men, incidentally, or at least male body parts, as evidenced by the various newsgroups they inhabit: "alt.binaries.pictures.erotica.m ale.c*cks," or "b*lls," or "underwear," "uniforms," "bl*ckd*cks" and "noses" (yes, noses). There are also groups for "chubbies," "midgets," "latinos" and "naked frat brothers." As always, "teens" are popular, the younger the better, despite the supposed oj/i^ij .on; jua?. oin j protection or the .yarnpus \ "Adult Verification Systems" and the scandalized faces when you mention child pornography. My hands-down favorite Web site was the classy French address that advertised " Garsons derriere la Saucisse" To get you started, however, I'd recommend "Hardcore Gay" at http://www.demon.nl, where for $14.95 you get three months' access to "quality" photographs, video feeds, personals and chat; or the allinclusive "Personals" listings at www2.dirty.com, where no desire or perversion known to homo sapiens, anywhere in the country, goes unrecorded. In the meantime, bear in So you'll have to your mind comthat puter can't put up with a lot satisfy you of * * * ' s while I no matter how hard give you an you beg. Keep your overview of hands clean, and remem- what's out there ber: typing online for the and j**king off make for a real mess on the keyboard. ®

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remember my first confession so clearly it could have happened last week. I was nine years old and terrified of going into that dark little cubicle and telling some strange priest all the bad things I had done. Sure, I fought with my brothers and called them names, but didn't every little girl with two younger brothers? Did God need to get involved? When I managed to get up the nerve to speak, I was confused because no one answered. Then I realized the priest was busy with some other sinner at the window on the other side of the booth. I still worried about the apparent lack of heinousness of my sins (would it be a sin to make something up to confess?), but instead of being scared, now I felt more like I was at the McDonald's drivethrough. When the priest slid the screen back, I hesitantly spit out my meager transgressions, and he asked "Is that all?" in a bored tone. He told me to say seven Hail Marys. I did my penance and felt strangely the same as I did before I'd entered the confessional. Then, the minute I got in the car with my mom and brothers to go home, one of the little cretins made fun of me and the sinning began anew. Really, I thought to myself, what's the point? Nothing's different. Where's that big swell of relief and love I'm supposed to be feeling? Ah, if only I had been born 25 years later. I could have logged onto any one of 50 or so confessional sites on the

World Wide Web and posted my sins for all the Internet to see. No more dark booths — just the dispassionate hum of my 200-megahertz Pentium processor and the calming glow of the monitor as I write and rewrite a perfectly crafted confession. Confessions on the Web are not for those seeking serious religious guidance or assistance. There's no immediate response, and penances range from the mundane ("Well, don't do that any more") to the bizarre ("read Dorothy Parker"). Confessions on the Web are more about entertainment than absolution. Some religious organizations have Web sites (the Catholics, the Mormons and the Presbyterians all have nice, helpful pages), but there's no place to actually confess on them. And there are confessional sites of a different nature, too: I didn't log onto any that charged money to read the "confessions." Most had the word "sex" somewhere in the title. Most confession pages seem to be created with a cockeyed sense of lapsed religious humor, by people who tend to view forgiveness less than seriously. One of the first sites was "eN's amazing Home Confessional" (www.geocities.

"Congratulations! You have been forgiven for all your sins. You may now go and sin again at your discretion. HALLELUJAH! PRAISE THE LORD!!!" It also told me that "God, Forgiveness, Blasphemy, Redemption, Eternal

used without prior permis»

sion. This site has one other nifty feature: the "Sin-O-Matic." Using a similar series of menus, the repentant can name a virtual sinner so he or she may sin by proxy and feel no guilt

No more dark booths - just the d i s p a s sionate hum of my

200-megahertz

Pentium processor and the calming

glow

of the monitor as I write and rewrite a perfectly crafted confession.

TRUE CONFESSIONS?

\ '-if-. S.irv/^giJfc-j.:

^confessional.html), which had « a copyright symbol next to it. At this site, sinners choose from several menus and then send the form in to another address. In a few minutes, absolution is sent back. After I confessed to lusting in my heart, I received this message:

Sinneis fted absolutionand plenty of poser priests - online

Damnation and Absolution are registered trademarks of Salvation Industries International and cannot be

when actually committing the sins. It's sinning for the '90s: Have someone else do it for you and assume no responsibil-

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ity. I'm betting all politicians know about this site. For those musical sinners, David Kidd's site, "The Confessional," (ourworld. compuserve.com/homepages/ david_kidd/confessi.htm) is the place to log on. Every cool, hip, popular person is guilty of one thing, according to Kidd: buying a naff record. Sure, it's tucked away in the basement or under the sofa, but it's still there and you bought it. Kidd invites folks to unburden themselves and promises not to laugh (at least out loud). "Naff is a term used in this country [he lives in England] for anything tacky, or not really rated very highly," Kidd says when I ask him about the site. "For instance, we would describe the TV series 'Baywatch' as naff, compared to something like 'E.R.' Although we laugh at those record purchases now, it is only with the benefit of hindsight; at the time most of us would have taken offense at the suggestion of naffness." People convinced the deity is a canine will find their absolution at Tessas CafT and Confessional — "Where the elite meet to eat and discretely repeat" (www.bulldog, org/tessa/). Tessa is a French bulldog with a smooshed face, sultry eyes and her own home page. She invites confessions via e-mail, and then posts the sins, her reglies,a|jd penances. The sins are neatly organized by month the voyeuristic will find it easy to indulge. For a bulldog, Tessa is witty and literate. She tells me (via email) that she started the site Continued on page 17

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ONLINE ANTIQUES Continued from page 11 the future of the antiques trade. "I don't think the technology is done evolving," he says. "With video and other forms becoming available, the opportunities are only going to increase." Grant argues that e-mail enables dealers to provide prompt individual assistance to

prospective customers. What's more, he notes, electronic communication can be carried out at the dealer's convenience. Cyber-shoppers can also get to know one another through the 550 specialized clubs that Collector Online hosts or lists. Other site features include classified ads placed by individuals looking for specific items, along with "public service" presentations such as recent arti-

cles from trade magazines. Jiamachello has been connected to Vermont since the mid-1970s when he received a Master's degree in French from UVM. But Collector Online could be overseen from almost anywhere in the United States. And like many less mobile Vermonters, Jiamachello dreams of taking his modem to Florida for at least part of the year. ®

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TRUE CONFESSIONS?

Continued from page 15

because so many French bulldog owners have difficulty living up to the demands of living with creatures as advanced as Frenchies. Tessa, being a kindhearted gal, took pity on them. "Its also part of the French bulldog campaign for total global domination," she adds. "Rulership through re-education." According to Tessa, the most hideous sin anyone confessed (besides making a French bulldog wearfantlers in Christmas photos) was preferring a Golden Retriever to a French bulldog. For these misguided folks, she recommended immediate psychological counseling. Perhaps you've had some bad dates, so excruciating you've never told anyone. Surf on over to the "Dates From Hell" site (www.datesfromhell.com) and unburden yourself. You may end up being published. Started by Mike Harris and Victoria Jackson, who are writing a book on the subject, the site allows people to anonymously submit their worst dates for possible inclusion in the book, which is due out in the fall of 1998. "Most of the stories we're getting are exactly what we're looking for," says Harris. "That is, funny-awful tales of dates

that just seemed to go from bad to worse. They were hell at the time, but you can smile about them in retrospect. We're letting people choose whether they want us to use their real names or hide behind a pseudonym." Harris believes sharing sto-

And just why would folks feel compelled to spill their guts to strangers around the world? ries helps folks feel better about their experiences. "Frankly, it's kind of therapeutic to write down the details of a bad experience and realize there's a funny side to it. 'Get it off your chest,' we say. 'Tell us about it.'" And just why would folks feel compelled to spill their guts

to strangers around the world? Well, for some it's fun. For others, it's a chance to talk about their secrets with complete anonymity. Morey Van, a 28-year-old Southerner who oversees a page called "The Confessional" (members.aol. com/fateor/confessional/title, ht m), backs up this idea. "I think it has to do with the fact that we all like to hear about other people's bad doings, sins and secrets, and that most people like to tell their exploits, but sometimes we are afraid to because of what repercussions might come about," he says. "This can feed this need to tell, while avoiding any of the problems." Van calls himself "Fateor," which means "to confess" in Latin. He decided on a confessional page because he wanted to put up more than a generic home page. According to Van, the chance to unburden one's self is uplifting, whether or not there is human contact. "Who knows? This might even give someone the opportunity to let something out that has been bothering them. They might not necessarily have done it if they had to go somewhere to talk to a real person. I am in no way saying that this is a better way to do it, but it does give one an alternative method to use." (Z)

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erce Cunningham used to throw the I Ching to introduce the element of chance into his dances — hazardous, unpredictable works that pointed out the disconnectedness of modern life when most dancemakers were still hung up on

kinds of honors, including two Guggenheims and a MacAuthur Fellowship. Now in the computer age, that philosophy translates into a custom-made computer program that Cunningham is helping to develop. With a click, he sends humanlike figures of concentic circles twisting and turning

IDANCEL

expect that some of the great choreographers of the past, such as Balanchine and Petipa, would have found it extremely useful." Curiosity keeps Cunningham on the cutting edge of dance, where he has been poised since he left the employ of modern dance matriarch Martha Graham. By then he had already teamed up with

they see in a Cunningham concert — even today, his work requires an open mind. Throughout the '50s, Cunningham was regularly savaged by critics who preferred the old style of story dance to the non-narrative collaborations cooked up by Cunningham, Cage and visual artists such as Robert Rauschenberg, Jasper Johns and Andy Warhol. They were also stunned to note that his dancers did not move to the music — instead of setting steps to a score, Cunningham teaches sequences by counting them out. The music, which is rarely melodic, gets added later. The dancers are focused entirely on the movement, and do not act, smile or emote in performance. No single individual, or portion of the stage, is given more importance than another. In her excellent book, Time and the Dancing Image, Deborah Jowitt references imagery from quantum physics to explain the choreographic theories put forth in a Cunningham dance. "Like particles in a field, the moving dancers determine the structure of the space that surrounds them. Their frequent comings and goings, the lack of fanfare as to beginnings and endings, can create the curious illusion that the action onstage is only part of the picture, the temporary framing of a larger dance that exceeds the space-time boundary of this performance." In other words, don't expect a flurry of fouettes Thursday night from the Cunningham Dance Company. More like dancers with turbo-charged legs puzzling through complex patterns while their arms, awkward and elegant, push an independent agenda. Unlike some of his post-modern successors, Cunningham never got stuck in so-called pedestrian movement that glorified everyday gestures. He is a big fan of

CHANCE ENCOUNTERS Merce Cunningham's choreographic vision is still sharp - and computerized heroines from Greek mythology. More than a half a century later, the modern dance pioneer is getting comparable random results from a software program that allows him to work with digital dancers in cyberspace. At 78, Cunningham is definitely the oldest, and certainly the most eminent, choreographer using a mouse to make movement. "Dancing is seeing," says Cunningham, whose dedication to exploring the infinite possibilities of the human body in .motion has earned him all

across the screen — an exercise that stretches his own kinetic imagination. Then he turns to his own company of live dancers to make the movements flesh. The computer "presents possibilities which were never there, as with photographs that catch a figure in a shape which our eye had never seen," Cunningham explained to the Los Angeles Times. "But in the end it does not decide the whole shape of the work. It is a tool, and is used as such. I

John Cage, with whom he lived and collaborated until the composer died six years ago. Together the two men launched the revolutionary notion that art should not attempt to order, but to reflect the chaos of modern life. In their performances, dance, sound and set functioned as independent but simultaneous experiences. "Imagine yourself in a city square. Someone is walking this way. A radio is playing. A car drives by," says long-time Cunningham dancer Robert Swinston, who now serves as assistant to the choreographer. "You are experiencing the whole thing. You see the vari^ ety there is in o life, but it is o not necessarily connected in m

^ g ^

a linear, or causal, way. You don't try to sum it all >• up. Or even make sense of it. You are like a voyeur." Not everyone likes what

running, walking and standing still. But he is also enamored of pointed toes, straight knees and fancy footwork. "He uses articulation of the legs in every way he can. It's virtuostic," Swinston says of the monk-like man who asks his dancers quietly and politely dancers to simultaneously aim for perfection and dismiss it. Unlike ballet, which has a connective logic, "Merce is more arbitrary in the way he puts movements together. He gives you things that are difficult, that don't make sense. He'll say, 'Clearly it's impossible. Do it anyway.'" Clearly, this system works. Cunningham has cranked out at least two dances a year for the last 50. A number of those historic works will be sampled in the Thursday night "Event," which is a continuous 90minute amalgam of earlier works. The performance will include excerpts from "The Run," one of Cunningham's first pieces, and "Winterbranch" in which he concerns himself with ways of falling. India-inspired "Pictures," the almost classical "Suite for Five" and sections of the Frank Stella-designed "Scramble" are also represented. Lest anyone suggest this "best of" approach sells his vast oeuvre short, consider this Merce-like footnote. Cunningham has been staging "Events" for years, and four days before curtain, had not yet decided in which order the pieces will be performed, or whether he himself will dance. The choreographer makes those crucial determinations closer to showtime — randomly, of course. ® Cunningham Dance Foundation archivist David Vaughan will discuss the Cunningham revolution and dance vocabulary at a pre-concert talk January 29, 6p.m., in the Flynn Gallery at 147 Main Street.

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Despite the hard work involved, Christensen onn + E Christ favors the techD + N + [picture nique for the of a sun] has a high level of way with re + [picdetail it allows. ture of two buses], Her affinity for those punny word the medium may puzzles in which also have its pictures are substiroots in her tuted for sounds. childhood. The Christensen, a 46daughter of a year-old Colchester forester, illustrator and wood Christensen was engraver, unleashes exposed to wood over a dozen from an early rhyming, word-andage. "We used to picture riddles in go to these her most recent picforestry jamture book, Rebus borees where Riot. they'd cross-cut In Christensen's wood and give wacky world, monthe circles to the sters misbehave, kids," she recalls. bears elope and dust "This was soft balls bunny-hop wood, but the beneath a bed. The look is similar to word play is audawhat I'm workciously atrocious. To ing on today." furnish a rhyme for » « 1 The pun never stops in a new Christensen shores, says she loves Christensen shoepicture book by Bonnie Christensen print-making in horns a picture of a general because lawnmower, which "you can make she translates as designs into wooden planks thousands of "more." An olive represents the sliced vertically from the tree, copies. You can keep one and phrase "I love." But the artist's the wood engraver works with give 500 away. It's the power of exuberant amalgamation of the the super-hard end grain, or the press." When she visits verbal and the visual doesn't cross-cut, where the full circles schools, the artist says, she can stop at icons inserted in the of the tree's rings are revealed. feel the students catching her text. excitement. In the She also uses her last stage when accompanying ^ she holds up the illustrations to proall for rne You m a y riot block and slowly vide punch lines, pulls off the or otherwise extend The w a y I dare for you. paper... "all their the verses' narrajaws drop. That's tives. You m a y your pretty riose something about In "Birdie printing that you Boogie," the Whene'er I plead w i t h you. don't get in any ornithologically other medium." ornamented verse But ii y o u r I P should 4 w i t h min«, Christensen's explains that dancfamily moved to ing all night is no Forever hop Vermont when mynah' feat, but she was a teenagThere is no reason in the w o r l d an ordeal that can er. She graduated leave one "puffin." from UVM, then W h y w e two The pictures shows spent 13 years in a pair of natty tou' New York City, cans — he in a working as stage bow-tie, she in flying manager, handling props by First developed in the 1700s, opera beads and boa — dancday and writing plays by night. the technique had become the ing then collapsing in exhausDuring this time, she also took most popular form of newspation. courses at Parsons School of per illustration by the end of Christensen used quick and Design, and studied wood the 19th century, when it was sketchy Scratchboard art in engraving with John De Pol, replaced by photography. Rebus Riot, but she is best an octogenarian master of the Today wood engravers are an known for her work in the medium dedicated to keeping endangered species, with only more old-fashioned, laborthe art alive. After she moved about 150 practitioners in all intensive medium of wood back to Vermont — to an isoof North America. "Not many engravlated farm in Bakersfield — people are enthralled with the ing. Rebus Riot, by Christensen says De Pol would painstaking process," reflects Unlike Bonni e call her up regularly and ask, Christensen, who typically woodcutChri stensen. "Are you still engraving?" spends two eight-hour days ters, who Dial Books for Eventually, Christensen got carving a single wood block gouge Young Readers, from a completed drawing. their Continued on page 28

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our bodies, our books: Where There is No Doctor used to be standard Peace Corps issue — a do-it-yourself medical manual for third-world workers. But female ills are the focus of Where Women Have No Doctor, a new self-health book co-authored by Middlesex health practitioner August Burns. Don't leave home without it — or a cranberry tea bag. Thursday, January 29. Bear Pond Books, Montpelier, 7 p.m. Free. Info, 229-07/4.

Merce Cunningham Dance Co. "Evenf mmm

t e x a s star: Talk about "new attitude." Texas-born troubador Tish Hinojosa adds serious spice to the Friday night concert of the Vermont Symphony Orchestra. Her s o n g s come from a place where corridos and conjunto mingle with country, western swing. And Stravinsky? Hers will be a hard act to follow, even for the "The Firebird Suite." Friday, January 30. Flynn Theatre, Burlington, 8:30 p.m. $9-29. Info, 864-5/41.

Thursday, January 2 9 at 7:30 pm

way to belay: "A virtual climb" is how Peter Cole

The most influential and revered American modern dance choreographer of all time, 78year-old Merce Cunningham has changed the way the whole world thinks about dance. This is your opportunity to be challenged and engaged by the power of his creative genius as his 15-member company performs a unique, uninterrupted 90-minute selection of his work. Set to live electronic music with a Robert Rauschenberg visual backdrop and a possible brief appearance by Cunningham himself.

describes his alpine slide show of peak experiences, in which armchair climbers are transported to savage summits without breaking a sweat. Into Thin Air it isn't. "This is an upbeat story, a hopeful story," Cole says. "The nature of the quest is to enjoy yourself — safely — out there." Friday, January 30. McCarthy Arts Center, St. Michael's College, Colchester; 7 p.m. $5. Register, 244-/03/.

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ing thin? Get out your snow cave for a little soup and socializing. The Committee for a Healthier Neighborhood Culture is hosting an open forum for people who are feeling stuck in jobs, relationships, driveways — you name it, you can kvetch about it. Saturday, January 31. 143 N. Champlain St., Burlington, 3-6 p.m. Free. Info, 658-6862.

mush hour: Not all dogs spend the winter belly up by the fire. The canine companions of the Green Mountain Distance Mushers make a convincing case for dog power. Rover rules in the "True Companion Sled Dog Race," a day-long marathon to raise money to subsidize seeing eye dogs

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music presents an international cultural collaboration with the O a x a c a based theater Comparsa. Puppeteers, families, performers, musicians, artists!! Includes: O n e month residency in Oaxaca, Mexico February 15 to March 16, 1998 Two performances of Sol y Luna at Monte Alban.

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N I S H T GEFERLACH KLEZMER BAND: The "Farmers Night" concert series offers "Yiddish jazz" — a blend of Eastern European Jewish music, Dixieland and New York jazz. Vermont Statehouse, Montpelier, 7:30 p.m. Free. Info, 828-2245.

dance INTERNATIONAL FOLK DANCING: Traditional dances from around the globe keep you moving at St. Augustine's Church Hall, Montpelier, 7:30 p.m. $5. Info, 223-7035. MASTER CLASS: A company member of Merce Cunningham Dance teaches an intermediate lesson in Cunningham technique. Dance Studio, Patrick Gymnasium, UVM, Burlington, 7:30

SEVEN DAYS

p.m. $15. Info, 652-4500.

R H O M B U S POETRY SERIES: Minimal Press poets David Symonds and Rachel Rosenberg share their verse befot'TC an open reading. Rhombus Gallery, College St., Burlington, 8 p.m. $2-6. Info, 652-1103.

drama

LANE SERIES: In Voices from Theresiastadt, Jewish actor Bente Kahan portrays five women in a Nazi concentration camp. U V M Recital Hall, Burlington, 8 p.m. $15- Info, 656-5806.

kids

film

'TOGETHER-READ': Parents and students in grades four through six discuss Sign of the Beaver. S. Burlington Library* CH ^ 7 p.m. Free. Info, 652-7080. STORIES: Children listen, snack and iuo u make crafts at the Children's Pages, ^ Winooski, 10 a.m. Free. Info, 655-l537£re STORY TIME: Kids get an earful at 5:31 Chassman & Bern Booksellers, Burlington, 10 a.m. Free. Info, 862-4332. bo PARENTS A N O N Y M O U S : Parents

A N N E FRANK REMEMBERED': An Academy Award-winning documentary utilizes testimony of eyewitnesses to shed new light on the teenage symbol of the Holocaust. Spaulding Auditorium, Hopkins Center, Dartmouth College, Hanover, N.H., 6:45 & 9:15 p.m $6. Info, 603-646-2422.

words 'TRUMAN CAPOTE': Renowned sports writer George Plimpton reads from his new "oral" biography of the man who wrote In Cold Blood. Chassman & Bern, Burlington, 7 p.m. Free. Info, 862-4332.

gather for support and assistance aroun< the challenges of childrearing. Babysittini goes with the program in Burlington p.m. Free. Info, 800-639-4014.

January

'2 8 ,

1 9 98

eople with disabilities. \rday, January 31. Craftsbury Outdoor Center, 10 a.m. Free. Info, •6705. gh w o w : Mike Snyder can see the forest for the trees. And right ( it is not a pretty sight. The Chittenden County forester gets beyond j wood in an informational slide show full of practical tips for tree jers with chainsaws. day, February 1. Lake Champlain Basin Science Center, Burlington erfront, 1 p.m. $2. Info, 864-1848.

We invito you to dinner on February 14th to celebrate our 15th Anniversary. Dinner for 2 includes beer/wine/cocktail with your choice of four entrees, for only

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W I N T E R CARNIVAL: A sixelebration of winter sports encourges skiers to "snow for it." Warm up for Srrow's snow golf tournament at a jive costume party. Rusty Nail, Stowe, Free. Info, 2 4 7 - 8 6 9 3 .

integrates work, family and everything

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tions, attitudes, speech, arts and humor of the past. North Hero Methodist Church, 7 p.m. Free. Info, 7 9 6 - 3 4 6 2 . A . D . D . S U P P O R T G R O U P : Adults with attention deficit disorder discuss medication options. 135 Burgess, U V M , Burlington, 6:30 p.m. Free. Info,

| DEFINING O U R LIVES': A panel

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music

8 pm • Rollins Chapel

'LA SERVA P A D R O N A ' : Students perform Giovanni Pergolesi s one-act comic opera, in Italian. Concert Hall, Middlebury College, 8 p.m. Free. Info,

U.S. Premiere of

a "64-chapter novel" for piano

443-6433.

657-2655. BATTERED W O M E N ' S SUPPORT

continued on next page

SEVEN DAYS

page

dance MERCE C U N N I N G H A M D A N C E CO.: Seventy-six-year-old choreographer Merce Cunningham changed the way the world thinks about dance. His "Event" is a unique, uninterrupted collage of fragments representing his dancemaking career. See story, this issue. Flynn Theatre, Burlington, 7:30 p.m. $12-26.50. Info, 863-5966. A lecture begins at 6 p.m.

drama

'JOAN T H E MAID': Ann Marie impersonates the accused Joan of Arc in this one-woman show. Rhombus Gallery, 186 College St., Burlington, 8 p.m. $2-6. Info, 652-1103.

film

'THE ASCENT': This 1976 Russian film exposes the heroics and the stereotypes of Soviet officialdom. Loew Auditorium, Hood Museum of Art, Dartmouth College, Hanover, N.H., 7 p.m. $6. Info, 603-646-2422.

art LIFE DRAWING: Live models give artists an opportunity to work from the human figure. Burlington College, 6:30-9 p.m. $6. Info, 862-2898.

a.m. Free to watch. Info, 253-7321. 'SKI INN': Skiers of all abilities move en masse through the tracked woods around Highland Lodge, Greensboro, 9:45 a.m. Free. Info, 533-2647.

FREE SPIRIT DANCE: Movers and shakers take advantage of an evening of unstructured dance and community. Chace Mill, Burlington, 8 p.m. $5. Info, 660-4305.

etc

kids

V E R M O N T FARM SHOW: See January 28, 9 a.m. - 4 p.m. 'WHERE W O M E N HAVE N O DOCTOR': One of the authors of this women's health guide leads a discussion of worldwide health issues. See "to do list," this issue. Bear Pond Books, Montpelier, 7 p.m. Free. Info, 229-0774. LIVABLE WAGE MEETING: Central Vermonters for a Livable Wage meet to discuss a possible Worker's Center, livable wages for supermarket employees and the privatization push in Barre. Green Room, Spaulding High School, Barre, 6 p.m. Free. Info, 456-1982. WATER C H E S T N U T PROGRAM: Conservationists are looking to recruit boaters, swimmers and fishers as "chestnut watchers" to help manage the spread of a nuisance plant. Charlotte Town Hall, 6:30 p.m. Free. Info, 241-3777.

FAMILY COURT ADVOCACY: A panel discusses opportunities for community members and agencies to advocate for children and parents in the juvenile court process. Roman Catholic Diocese of Burlington, 8:30-11 a.m. $10. Info, 863-9626. AFTER-SCHOOL SNOWSHOE: Kids go the way of the woods on a guided trek with snowshoes. North Branch Nature Center, Montpelier, 3-4:30 p.m. $3/6. Register, 229-6206. RECREATION PROGRAM: Kids grades six through eight drop in to play games like capture the flag, ping pong and floor hockey. Hunt Middle School, Burlington, 7:30-9:30 p.m. Free. Info, 864-0123. STORY HOUR: Toddlers listen to stories at the Milton Public Library, 10:30 a.m. Free. Info, 893-4644.

words

POETRY READING: Area poets read varied verse dedicated to the "New Year." Book Rack, Winooski, 7:30 p.m. Free. Info, 864-4226. LAZY WRITERS FORUM: Share your writing-in-progress in a supportive workshop environment. KelloggHubbard Library, Montpelier, 6:30 p.m. Free. Info, 223-1724.

kids PARENTS A N O N Y M O U S : See January 28. STORIES: Kids hear The Straight Line Wonder and other stories about "being yourself." Barnes & Noble Booksellers, S. Burlington, 3 p.m. Free. Info, 864-8001. GYM & CRAFT TIME: Homeschooling families get together at the Burlington Boys & Girls Club, 9:30 a.m - 12:30 p.m. Free. Info, 654-7560.

sport STOWE WINTER CARNIVAL: See January 28. A snow golf tournament starts at the Stowe Country Club, 8:30

music V E R M O N T SYMPHONIC ORCHESTRA: Singer-songwriter Tish Hinojosa lends her "liquid soprano" to a program otherwise ruled by Russian composers. See "to do list," this issue. Flynn Theatre, Burlington, 8:30 p.m. $9-29. Info, 864-5741. A pre-concert discussion starts at 6:30 p.m. CUARTETO LATINOAMERICANO: The Mexican string quartet perfoms classic and contemporary works from the Western and Latin American canons. Spaulding Auditorium, Hopkins Center, Dartmouth College, Hanover, N.H., 7 p.m. $17.50. Info, 603-646-2422.

dance TAMBURITZANS: As part of a twoday festival of East European Dance, Music and Song, this group performs at the Woodstock Town Hall Theater, 7:30 p.m. $17.50. Bez Veza provides music for the Balkan Dance Afterparty. Donations. Info, 763-7112.

sport

etc

STUDY ABROAD FAIR: Three area colleges sponsor a gathering of representatives from dozens of international study-abroad programs. Marsh Dining Hall, UVM, Burlington, 1-5 p.m. Free. Info, 654-2222. 'THE ALPINE EXPERIENCE': Peter Cole offers an artistic, non-technical view of what it is like to rock and ice climb in North America. See "to do list," this issue. McCarthy Arts Center, St. Michael's College, Colchester, 7 p.m. $5. Register, 244-7037. BATTERED WOMEN'S SUPPORT GROUP: Women Helping Battered Women facilitates a group in Burlington, 9:30-11 a.m. Free. Info, 658-1996. LESBIGATR YOUTH SUPPORT MEETING: Lesbian, bisexual, gay, transgendered and "questioning' 'folks under 23 are welcome at Outright Vermont, Burlington, 7 p.m. Free.

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6:30 & 8 : 4 0 2 PM MATINEES SAT. & SUN. "Piercingly alive...the poise and passion leaves one grateful and nourished -Richard Corliss, Time "IElegant, sensuous, haunting."-Roger Ebert

BELIZBEHA

T h e Center for Creativity in Clinical Practice offers

Theatre and Dreams A Workshop with Grace Kiley Theatre and Dreams is a workshop that explores the unconscious language of dreams and its relationship to creativity and the arts. T h e workshop teaches basic acting technique and character development, as well as dream interpretation. Begins February 18, 1998 8 meetings, bimonthly Grace Kiley, M.A., L . C . M . H . C

. THE S A V O Y THEATER

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(802) 8 6 4 - 0 1 1 9

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STOWE WINTER CARNIVAL: See January 28. A Turkey Bowl and Beer Tasting benefits the Vermont Food Shelf. Commodores Inn, Stowe, 6-9:30 p.m. $6. Info, 253-7321. OPEN FENCING: Make your point for fitness. Memorial Auditorium Annex, Burlington, 6:30-9 p.m. $3. Info, 865-1763.

F R I D A Y

Info, 800-452-2428.

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music V E R M O N T SYMPHONIC ORCHESTRA: Brazilian pianist Jose Feghali is featured in a program of Russian "masterworks" by Stravinsky, Tchaikovsky and Glinka. Flynn Theatre, Burlington, 8:30 p.m. $9-29. Info, 864-5741. A pre-concert discussion starts at 6:30 p.m. V E R M O N T YOUTH MUSIC FESTIVAL: An all-day festival of classical music for kids culminates in a concert at the Barre Opera House, 3 p.m. Donations. Info, 476-8188. AFTER DARK MUSIC SERIES: Aztec Two-Step shares its silky harmonies and bouncy acoustic pop music at the Knights of Columbus Hall, Middlebury, 7 p.m. $17. Info, 388-0216. 'WINTER BLUEGRASS': Thunder Mountain Bluegrass and Cold Country Bluegrass play the Neshobe Sportsman Club, Brandon, 7 p.m. $8. A spaghetti dinner at 5 p.m. costs $6. Info, 247-3275. BUCKWHEAT ZYDECO: Hear the accordion-powered dance music of the "king of Zydeco." Twilight Theatre, Lyndon State College, Lyndonville, 8 p.m. $15. Info, 800-805-5559.

dance JEH KULU DANCERS: The local group is joined by guest artists from Guinea, West Africa. Alumni Auditorium, Champlain College, Burlington, 8 p.m. $8-10. Info, 660-4305. CENTRAL V E R M O N T SQUARES: A1 Monty calls for "class," "mainstream" and "plus" level dancers at the Montpelier Grange Hall, 7:30 p.m. $8. Advanced hour, at 6:30 p.m., costs $2. Info, 476-5895. BALKAN DANCE PARTY: A twoday festival of East European Dance, Music and Song ends with a dance tuned up by Bez Veza. Jazzercise Studio, White River Junction, 8 p.m. $10. Singing and percussion workshops cost $10 each. Info, 763-7112.

film 'SUNDAY': An expatriate English actress mistakes a homeless man for a famous film director in this Sundancesanctioned film. Loew Auditorium, Hood Museum of Art, Dartmouth College, Hanover, N.H., 7 & 9 p.m. $6. Info, 603-646-2422.

words

'SECOND SIGHT': Vermonter Rickey Gard Diamond discusses the writing of her mystery novel. Barnes & Noble Booksellers, S. Burlington, 11 a.m. - noon. Free. Register, 864-8001.

kids

RECREATION PROGRAM: See January 30, Edmunds Middle School, 7-9 p.m. 'COLLABORATIVE COLLAGE': Kids eight and up and their parents work in twos. Fleming Museum, UVM, Burlington, 1:30-3:30 p.m. $10. Register, 656-0750, ext. 222. 'BUG BASH': Games, crafts and refreshments are hosted by Miss Spider. Barnes & Noble Booksellers, S. Burlington, 11 a.m. - noon. Free. Register, 864-8001. STORYTELLING: Four- five- and sixyear-olds and their parents listen to a story, then sing and dance. Lake Champlain Waldorf School, Shelburne, 10-10:30 a.m. Free. Reservations, 985-2827. 'VERMONT'S NATIVE PEOPLES': How did the Indians survive the winter? Enjoy stories, songs and artifacts at the Lamoille Nature Center, 10:3011:30 a.m. Donations. Info, 888-9218. CUARTETO LATINOAMERICANO: The Mexican string quartet introduces classics of Latin American music in an hour-long family program. Spaulding Auditorium, Hopkins Center, Dartmouth College, Hanover, N.H., 11 a.m. Free. Info, 603-6462422. STORY H O U R : Kids over three listen at the Fletcher Free Library, Burlington, 11-11:30 a-m^Free. Info, tf$2-708<J.v ^ W ' * ' - - -

sport

STOWE W I N T E R CARNIVAL: See January 28. You can enter or watch a snowshoe race at 9 a.m. at the Edson Hill Touring Center. Check out snow volleyball at the Sunset Grille, 10 a.m. - 4 p.m. Stowe. Free to watch. Info, 253-7321.

LOOKING FOR REAL VERMONT ACTORS "MUD SEASON" a feature film Shooting in V e r m o n t May / June A lone woodsman commits an accidental murder. He finds true love with the only witness, a young Chinese woman. But their romance is threatened by authorities, determined to find a suspect. JERRY: 30's, simple, strong SONG: 20's, CHINESE woman, courageous MADAME CHIN: 50's, vicious BILLY: 40's, shady, hustler ALVIN: 60's, Jerry's boss EDGAR: 80's, shop keeper LEON: 40's, game warden, cocky EUNICE: 50's, veterinarian SHERIFF LAFARGE: 40's, hardened AGENT GREEN: 30's, F.B.I. AGENT MURPHY: 40's, F.B.I. CHANG: 40's, CHINESE man, stubborn SALLY: 40's, waitress PENNY: 20's, wholesome OTIS: 80's, cantankerous Send photo, note/resume HOBNAIL PICTURES 569 N. Westboume Dr. West Hollywood, CA 90048

Long considered "political" for w o r k s

"Attica" a n d People

composer

"The

United,"

Belgium-based Frederic R z e w s k i now turned

his

attention to a controversial —

has

less

G O L D E N GLOVES B O X I N G :

'ICE O N FIRE': A family festival fea-

subject

Professional fighters slug it out at

tures a "village" built of ice and snow,

Before refrigeration, there was ice.

Memorial Auditorium, Burlington,

bonfires, music, dance, storytelling,

Crampon-clad lumberjacks cut and haul huge blocks. Floating Bridge,

the road. His

new

7:30 p.m. $9-11. Info, 5 2 7 - 2 9 3 6 .

nature walks and a sundown celebra-

" n o v e l for s o l o

S N O W S H O E N A T U R E WALK:

tion. North Branch Nature Center,

Sunset Lake, Brookfield, 10:30 a.m. - 2

p i a n o " is

Learn h o w plants and animals

Montpelier, 3 p.m. - dark. $5 and

p.m. Free. Info, 2 7 6 - 3 9 5 9 .

adapt to winter in the northern

wood to burn. Sign up ahead for a pre-

D O G S L E D RACE: Sixty teams are

FIDDLERS CONCERT: The

forest. Highland Lodge,

fest workshop in tin lantern-making, 9-

expected to compete in this endurance

Northeast Fiddlers Association holds its monthly concert at the VFW,

divided

into " m i l e s , " sections "turns,"

with

Greensboro, 2 p.m. Donations.

11 a.m. Build the snow stage, 9 a.m. -

event that traverses the snow-covered

"tracks,"

noon. Info, 2 2 9 - 6 2 0 6 .

trails of Craftsbury. Craftsbury

Burlington, 1-5:30 p.m. Donations.

B E R N I E S A N D E R S : Addison County

Outdoor Center, 10 a.m. Free. Info,

Info, 2 4 4 - 8 5 3 7 .

etc

"tramps"

and

"stops."

Listen

musical

billboards,

course, the

for

'BREAK T H E ISOLATION': Feeling stuck? A group of people concerned about quality of life

explore individual and c o m m o n

occasion-

Progressives cook up a spaghetti supper

899-6705.

H O U S E C O N C E R T : Guitarist Liza

with special guest Bernie Sanders.

B I O D O M E T R I P : Ready to change

Constable plays blues, jazz, Cajun and roots music with backup from Colin

United Methodist Church, Middle-

ecosystems? Visit the Bio-Dome,

bury, 6 p.m. Donations. Reservations,

Botanical Gardens and Insectarium on

McCafferey. Monkton, 5 p.m. $9 or $8

388-7214.

a "field" trip to Montreal. Carpool

with your own chair. Reservations,

problems. See "to do list," this

C H I L D R E N ' S B O O K ILLUSTRA-

from the rear parking lot at Montpelier

453-3795.

al a c c i d e n t .

issue. 143 N . Champlain St.,

T I O N : Hugh Campbell discusses the

High School, 7 a.m. Take m o n e y for

C H A M B E R W O R K S : Mezzo soprano

Wednesday, February

Burlington, 3 - 6 p.m. Free. Info,

art of making a children's book in con-

admission and lunch. Info, 2 2 3 - 2 6 4 8 .

658-6862.

junction with a gallery exhibit on illus-

L E A R N I N G DISABILITIES &

tration. Helen D a y Art Center, Stowe,

works by Rossini, Offenbach and

Dartmouth College,

COLLEGE: Parents of students

noon - 5 p.m. Free. Info, 2 5 3 - 8 3 5 8 .

Gershwin. Rollins Chapel, Dartmouth

Hanover, N.H., 8

with learning disabilities get help

'PAST LIFE REGRESSION': A intro

College, Hanover, N . H . , 4 p.m. Free.

with the transition to college, work

to the concept of "past life regression"

or vocational training. Econo

takes you back. Soulworks, 35 King

Lodge, S. Burlington, 8:30 a.m. - 4

St., Burlington, 1-3 p.m. Free. Info,

p.m. Free. Info, 4 3 4 - 2 1 6 1 .

864-6616.

4. Rollins Chapel,

p.m. $14.50. Info, 603-646-2422.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * PfcOeNK M bCRBALS M M 1MP&KTS M *

^aturdajj

Erma Gattie is accompanied by pianist Gregory Hanes in a varied program of

HBj^PB

Info, 6 0 3 - 6 4 6 - 2 4 2 2 .

'BLACK O R P H E U S ' : Rio de Janiero

at t H ® Buje^eaLj

Lunch

ON-*)

"Arresting, theater"

riveting

(The Providence Journal Bulletin)

11:30-2:00

M *

9 0 % { Mfflti I

RESTAURANT Josr V5 M I N O R S « 0 M B D E L I N Q T O N SAT.

TUES-SAT.

11:30-2:00

5:30-9:30

RICHMOND,

V T

802-434-5949

Plan

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FOE

\MLEHriNEls

D/Ul

THE

CANDLE CABIN CREATE

Y O U R VERY O W N CANDLES AND CANDLE MAKING

DEMONSTRATIONS BETWEEN

12 A N D

Tires in the Mirror1

Trinity Repertory Company Friday, February 6 at 8 p m

Using fiery and thought-provoking monologues, two actresses play 26 real-lite characters from the Rev. Al Sharpton to a Jewish housewife to hold up a mirror to a community at war with itself. This compelling account by the incomparable playwright Anna Deavere Smith explores the 1991 Crown Heights, Brooklyn incident in which a tragic accident set off a deadly conflict between African-Americans and Hasidic Jews. Produced by Trinity

A VARIETY OF VERMONT

r73 Church St., Upstairs w ^ Burlington, Vermont 802.865.1754 ^ — — — _ _ _ _

J a n u a r v

music

titled

hitchhikers, and,

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B R O O K F I E L D ICE HARVEST:

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GREEN MOUNTAIN

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Repertory Company, one of the most respected theater companies in the nation.

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Media Support from

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St. B u r l i n g t o n .

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is the setting of this modern movie myth starring Orpheus and Eurydice. Rhombus Gallery, 186 College St., Burlington, 8 p.m. $2-6. Info, 652-1103. AFRICAN-AMERICAN ART FILMS: A selection of films highlights the achievements of contemporary African-American artists. Fleming Museum, UVM, Burlington, 2-3 p.m. $3. Info, 656-0750.

words

' T H E RISE OF SILAS LAPHAM': The book discussion considers the 19th-century work of William Dean Howells as part of the "Heading for the Millenium" series. Ilsley Library, Middlebury, 3 p.m. Free. Info, 3884095. 'VERMONT AT GETTYSBURG': Author and historian Howard Coffin shares Civil War stories, family letters and diaries with members of the audience. S. Burlington Community Library, 2 p.m. Free. Info, 652-7080.

kids 'STUFF': Five people and a heap of "stuff" go on a wordless adventure, making music, a rainforest and a pirate ship. Flynn Theatre, Burlington, 2 p.m. $9/12. Info, 864-5741. ' P A D D I N G T O N BEAR'S FIRST CONCERT': The Cadenza Woodwind Quintet introduces youngsters and their families to classical music. Montshire Museum of Science, Norwich, 2 p.m. $6. Info, 649-2200.

sport STOWE W I N T E R CARNIVAL: See January 28. A cross-country fun race starts off at 10 a.m. on the town recreation path. The Dummy Big Air Contest — mannekins on snowboards or skis launched over a jump — will be filmed by Warren Miller at Stowe Mountain Resort, 1 p.m. Free to watch. Info, 253-7321.

REUNION: Budiaagtfi^ykc activists o f o l d record tales of the times for posterity. Burlington City Hall, 2-6 p.m. Free. Register, 864-5595. 'WORRIED A B O U T YOUR WOODS?': Chittenden County Forester Mike Snyder offers ice damage advice. See "to do list," this issue. Lake Champlain Basin Science Center, Burlington Waterfront, 1 p.m. $2.

229-6206. BATTERED W O M E N ' S SUPPORT GROUP: Meet in Barre, 10:30 a.m. noon. Free. Info, 223-0855.

Info, 864-1848.

WEDNESDAY

music OPEN REHEARSAL: Women compare notes at a harmonious rehearsal of the Champlain Echoes. S. Burlington, 7 p.m. Free. Info, 864-6703.

film

'WOMEN FROM D O W N UNDER': The Gay and Lesbian Literature and Film Club screens a collection of lesbian shorts from Australia. Rhombus Gallery, 186 College St., Burlington, 7:30 p.m. $2-6. Info, 652-1103.

art 'A GRAPHIC ODYSSEY': Edmund Barry Gaither speaks in conjunction with the Fleming exhibit and a university course on the Harlem Renaissance. Ira Allen Chapel, UVM, Burlington, 7 , p.m. $3. Info, 656-0750.

kids PRESCHOOL SCIENCE: It's groundhog day. Preschool weather predictors celebrate the first sign of spring. North Branch Nature Center, Montpelier, 10-11:30 a.m. $8. Register, 229-6206. STORY HOUR: Kids between three and five listen to stories at the S. Burlington Library, 11 a.m. Free. Info, 652-7080.

etc HISTORY PROGRAM: Bill Skiff, aka The Old Vermonter, shares tales and observations from the past. Parish House, United Church of Colchester, 7 p.m. Free. Register, 879-7576. CO-OP H O U S I N G INFO: Why rent when you can own co-op? Learn about an affordable, community-oriented alternative in a one-hour overview. Coop Federation, Burlington, 5:30 pm. Free. Info, 862-6244. BATTERED WOMEN'S SUPPORT GROUPS: Women Helping Battered Women facilitates a group in Burlington, 6:30-8 p.m. Free. Info, 658-1996. Also, the Shelter Committee facilitates a meeting in Montpelier, 5:30-7 p.m. Free. Info, 223-0855.

TEEN HEALTH CLINIC: Teens get information, supplies, screening and treatment for sexually related problems. Planned Parenthood, Burlington, 3:30-6 p.m. Pregnancy testing is free. Info, 863-6326. EMOTIONS ANONYMOUS: People with emotional problems meet at the O'Brien Center, S. Burlington, 7:30 p.m. Donations. Info, 660-9036.

words WRITERS' GROUP: Writers work with words at 173 N. Prospect St., Burlington, 7 p.m. Free. Info, 865-9257.

kids

'FATHERS & CHILDREN TOGETHER': Spend quality time with your kids and other dads at the Wheeler School, Burlington, 5-7 p.m. Free. Info, 860-4420. STORY TIME: Kids under three listen in at the S. Burlington Library, 11 a.m. Free. Info, 652-7080. STORY HOUR: Kids between three and five engage in artful educational activities. Milton Public Library, 10:30 a.m. & 1 p.m. Free. Info, 893-4644.

etc HELEN CALDICOTT TALK: The anti-nuke activist and physician speaks on "Approaching the 21st Century: Energy Needs and the Military Perspective." Ira Allen Chapel, UVM, Burlington, 7 p.m. Donations. Info, 863-2345. BLACK HISTORY TALK: Gimbu Kali shares five major lessons all Americans should know about history. Farrell Room, St. Edmunds Hall, St. Michael's College, Colchester, 7 p.m. /Free. info, 654-2535. - . QUILTERS GUILD MEETINGi Old and new quilting methods gets covered. Essex Alliance Church, Essex Junction, 7 p.m. Free. Info, 863-2160. STARGAZING SERIES: Clear nights turn up moon craters, planetary rings, constellations and other heavenly sights. North Branch Nature Center, Montpelier, 8-9 p.m. $3. Register,

music GREEN M O U N T A I N CHORUS: The "Farmers Night" concert series continues with barbershop songs about cities and states across the country. Vermont Statehouse, Montpelier, 7:30 p.m. Free. Info, 828-2245FREDERIC RZEWSKI: The pianist and composer who reinvented 19thcentury virtuoso tradition in modern terms presents his "novel for the piano." See "to do list," this issue. Rollins Chapel, Dartmouth College, Hanover, N.H., 8 p.m. $14.50. Info, 603-646-2422.

words RHOMBUS POETRY SERIES: See January 28. Mark Montalban is the featured reader. 'IN THESE GIRLS, H O P E IS A MUSCLE': Discuss the book that chronicles the journey of a girls' basketball team to state championship. S. Burlington Library, 2 p.m. Free. Info, 652-7080. V E R M O N T WRITERS BOOK DISCUSSION: Readers examine the "character" of Vermont in Dorothy Canfield's book The Home-Maker. Morristown Library, 7:30 p.m. Free. Info, 888-2616.

kids

VSO Presents Tchaikovsky's First Piano Concerto at the Flynn January 31

Gall for information about assistance and accessibility.

edited

and

Clove

and

Paula

Routly.

art l i s t i n g s a r e

Pamela

Thursday

compiled

DAYS.

' <•-*

STORIES: Children listen, snack and make crafts at the Children's Pages, Winooski, 10 a.m. Free. Info, 655-1537. STORY TIME: Kids get an earful at Chassman & Bern Booksellers, Burlington, 10 a.m. Free. Info, 862-4332.

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_ _ _ _ UVM

LANESERIES PRESENTS

bentekahan "BENTE KAHAN MAKES HER MUSIC S O A R A B O V E THE S T A G E , L I K E A BLUE B I R D OF LOVE." Expression, Stockholm, j/94 Acclaimcd Norwegian-Jewish actrcss/ singer Bente Kahan will perform the monodrama "Voices fromThcresienstadt." She plays five women of different age and social background who share the same floor in the Camp's Hamburg Barracks. She will then be joined by two other musicians to present ballads and cabaret songs from her show "Return to Cracow."

Sponsored by the UVM Holocaust Studies Program

the

publication.

S E V E N D A Y S edits for

Clubs

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s i o n s are d u e

,86^7216.

Russian Fireworks!

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sevenday@together.net

SEVEN DAYS readers attend an average of 28 arts presentations per year.

Free to ticketholders: "Musically Speaking," a pre-concert discussion at 6:30 pm on the Flynn Stage. Jose Feghali and conductor Kate Tamarkin will join host Kate Remington of VPR.

Calendar

and

Tickets on sale now from the VSO's TicketLine at 864-5741 x12 or 1-800-VSO-9293 or the Flynn Box Office (863-5966).

CARE FOR T H E TREES: A public meeting with the city's aborist and tree advocates discuss how to recover from the ice storm. Burlington High School Auditorium, 7-9 pm. Free. Info, 658-5440. BATTERED W O M E N ' S SUPPORT GROUPS: See January 28. W O M E N ' S VOLUNTEER ORIENTATION: Potential volunteers learn about the services the center provides — and learn about rape. Women's Rape Crisis Center, Burlington, 6-8 p.m. Free. Register, 864-0555. LESBIGATR Y O U T H 'ZINE MEETING: Lesbian, bisexual, gay, transgendered and "questioning" folks under age 23 gather monthly to publish a 'zine. Burlington, 7 p.m. Free. Info, 800 452-2428.

PARENTS A N O N Y M O U S : See January 28. HOMESCHOOLERS' STORY HOUR: Kids over five listen to Greek myths. Fletcher Free Library, Burlington, 1:30-2:30 p.m. Free. Info,

••

Pianist Jose Feghali joins Kate Tamarkin and the l/SO for Tchaikovsky's First Piano Concerto in a program that also features Stravinsky's Firebird Suite and Rimsky-Korsakov's Capriccio Espagnol January 31, 8 pm at the Flynn

etc

Email:

CLASSES aikido

Wedge

AIKJDO: Adults: Tuesdays - Thursdays, noon; Mondays -Fridays. 5:45-8 p.m.; Saturdays, 9-11:45 a.m. Children: Tuesdays & Thursdays, 3:45-4:45 p.m. Aikido of Champlain ValJey, 17 E. Allen

;on, $ 12 per

couple. Info, 479-1345. Ballroom, swing and Latin techniques are taught.

tai chi

health

TAI C H I : Tuesdays, 6:30-8 p.m. & 8-9 p.m. Food For Thought, Stowe.

selfidefewe skillt. It's an alternative to offensive

. .. .

mart^^^^^^^^m B U I L D A C D CABINET: T u ^ a y ac Thursday evenings, February 3 -19. T h e Wood School, Burlington. $350 includes materials. ' v, • • . • v• • " • ' ... . aged to attend

art

A D U L T & C H I L D R E N ' S A R T CLASSES: Shelburne Craft School classes are starring now. Info. 985-3648. Adults team to make

651-6865. Business, conversation and introductory instruction availW^S^d silver chain necklaces, pendants, teapots, permits and weav-

ings. Children paint and work in clay.

W O M E N ' S DAYTIME W O O D W O R K I N G : Thursdays, February 5 to April 23,12:30-2 p.m. T h e Wood School, Burlington, $190 plus imterial6.,R^bter, 864-4454. -B^mm me mostly handtook to build a high work stool out of cherry and ash white learning techniques

meditation

bbdy image ' T H E BODY IMAGE W O R t January 28, 6:30-8:30 p.m. Burlington Eating Disorders Center. $ 125. Register. 863-7055 ext. 3. If you spend valuable time worrying

' lafW899-4878f A

wethend-ofmed^tq^^^^^^^^^^^M^^

about your weight or shape, dieting or over-exercising shape up your

talks starts unth an intro to the teachings of Chogyam Trungpa

body image instead.

Rinpoche.

business

T H E WAY OF T H E SUFI*: Tuesdays, 7:30-9:30 p.m. S.

R U S T I C F U R N I T U R E M A K I N G : Thursdays. February 5 to April 23. Homeschoolers, 8:30-10 a.m. Afterschooiers, 3:30-5 p.m. The 9eople

Burlington. Free. Info, 658-2447. Learn Sufi meditation practices

STRATEGIC PLANNING: February 3, 10 and 18, 6-9 p.m.

using breath, so

Trinity College, Burlington. $70. Info, 658-0337. exc 372. Small business oivners establish goals, evaluate last year's performance and learn haw planning affects the bottom line.

MEDITATION: Thursdays, 7-8:30 p.m. 13 Dorset Lane, Suite

writing

203, Williston. Info, 872-3797. Creen Mountain Learning Center presents meditation.

WRITING FICTION & N O N - F I C T I O N : Sunday and Monday

MEDITATION: First & third Sundays, 10 a.m. - noon. Burlington

computer

evenings, starting February 2 and 3. Writers at the Champlain Mill,

Shambhala Center. Free. Info, 658-6795. Instructors teach non-sectar-

Winooski. $49-59. Register, 655-0231. Five different classes

ian and Tibetan Buddhist practices.

CYBERSKILLS: Ongoing day, evening and weekend classes. Old North End Technology Center, 2 7 9 N . Winooski Ave., Burlington. $59-119. Info, 860-4057, ext. 20. Take private or custom classes in computer basics, Windows 95, Office 97 applications, Internet or Web site basics. ' H O W T O MAKE Y O U R W E B SITE HAPPEN': Wednesday,

self defense

start on fiction fundamentals, short stories, journalism, magazine writing and

RAPE AWARENESS: Mondays, February 2 & 9. Fletcher Allen Hospital, Colchester, 6:30-9:30 p.m. Sliding scale. Info, 865-7200. Women learn the rudiments of self-defense in two three-hour sessions.

yoga

''writingfar reminiscence," Callfara brochure.

ASTANGAYOGA: Friday, January 30,

spirit

January 28, 11 a.m. - 1 p.m. Together Networks, Burlington. Free. Register, 651-0920. Business people learn how to promote a successful

7-9:30 p.m. $20. Info, 658-YOGA. Intermediate and

'ENERGY PLEASURE': Thursdays, January 29, February 5 & 19.

Wnebsite.

6:30 p.m. Spirit Dancer, Burlington. Sliding scale. Register,

cooking

advanced students concentrate on back-

660-8060. Beginners learn simple techniques using breath, subtle movement and their minds to create full-being energy ecstasy alone and with

'HERBAL CONFECTIONS': Sunday, February 1 , 1 - 4 p.m. Essex. $0. Register, 865-HERB. Chocolate dipped anise hearts, ganger molasses taffy, peppermint candies, crytallizedginger. You'll sample them and leave with recipes. >D': Monday, February 9, 6-9 p.m. on the Waterfront, Burlington. $50. Register, 865-2522. Experienced chefs demonstrate authentic Italian cooking techniques.

aged nine to 12 make a chatr cf their own creation using tetuUfaB

bending and strength work. SHAMANIC JOURNEYING: Sunday, February 8, 10 a.m. - 5 p.m. Spirk Dancer, Burlington. $55-77. Register, 660-8060. Journey BURLINGTON far spiritual inspiration, personal guidance and healing. You'll learn to Y O G A S T U D I O : ' communicate with teachers in lower and upper worlds. Daily, Burlington 'DEVELOPING YOUR INTUITION': Monday, February 9, $18 Yoga Studio. Info,

dance SWING DANCE: Four Tuesdays starting February 10, 6:30-7:30 p.m. Champlain Club, Burlington. Info. 862-9033. Learn the Lindy Hop, the original style of swing, with other beginners. D A N C E CLASSES: Four Fridays starting February 6, 7 p.m.

&r Friday, February 13. $22. 7-9 p.m. Spirit Dancer, Burlington. Register, 660-8060. Stephen Closer teaches translation of feelings and impressions into pictures and words. See with the inner eye.

Atanga, Iyengar,

EXPLORING PAST LIVES: Six Thursday evenings, February 12 to March 26, 7-9 p.m. Soulworb, 35 King St., Burlington. $60. Info, 864-6616. Learn about the field of past life regression and experi-

Kripalu and Bikram styles. Beginners can start any time.

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not to neglect the dog. Sam started to feed the pooch. I asked if he was sure El Paso was really hungry. I told myself I just being helpful. But when I found myself waiting for Sam to put the thing down so I could check its numbers, I knew that I'd crossed a crucial line: I was emotionally attached. Each human day is a year on a Giga Pet's actuarial chart. And, as with their furry counterparts, even the most attentive care can't keep the automated Angel of Death from the digital doggie's door. It was a bittersweet morning when, in the fourteenth year of his virtual life, El Paso gave up the Giga ghost. We'd had Mexican food the night before, and David had lovingly clipped the Old El Paso taco label to the dog's chain, a surprise for Sam to find when

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he woke up. But old El Paso had a sad surprise of his own. We heard our son wake his dog, as he had every morning for the last two weeks, and prepare for the daily round of food, bath and check-up. But instead of giving Sam his goofy Giga grin, El Paso greeted the day with a frown. Then the virtual pup sprouted virtual wings and fluttered off to hand-held hound heaven. We heard Sam's anguished "oh!" and felt the loss tug at our own hearts. We knew that kids in Japan suffered serious depression when their virtual pets died, and had watched friends and neighbors mourn the demise of meatier pets. So we carefully prepared comforting maxims to cushion Sam's disappointment. But by the time our son came to us, he'd already fastforwarded through all five stages of grief and pushed the reset button. ®

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opinions about snowboarding generally fall into one of three camps. The first are those who know already there is no feeling like the joy of leaning into a sweet carve, or the rush of timing a leap from a lip with style. The second category represents the curious — the bored skiers who glance down from the lifts with an open mind; the secretly adventurous types, seeing the ubiquitous media images and dreaming of finding their place in the snow; and the boomer parents who wonder if they really could spend more time with their kids if they took up the sport — and have some big-kid fun themselves. The third segment we won't be addressing here: the closed-minded, the contemptuous and the ultra-conservative. So for groups one and two above, we hereby present a handy trail map to the mountain of Internet information in Snowboard Land. Since a simple Yahoo! search turns up an amazing 905 sites, a few tricks and tips from one who has gone before might be useful. The voyage starts with the hometown favorites — Burton (www.burCarpenter dropped his last name and headed north to the Big Burlingulch, where there is a real airport and a decent labor pool, he continued his epic journey as King of the Snowboard Hill. The bottom line is that Burton rules the industry, and a visit to their site shows they've remained the ones to follow after all these years. With the Olympics coming up, the first insertion of snowboarding as a medal sport has generated some controversy amongst the top competitors, due to the fact that the pro riders organization (International Snowboard Federation: www.isf.ch/) was shut out as the main qualifying body by the IOOC. However, while world champ Terje Haakonsen is boycotting, a number of other ISF riders have some heavy metal dreams (as in gold, silver or bronze) as their revenge plan. Will the Olympics provide new exposure for the sport, or just heavily packaged hype? Will snow conditions in Nagano be lame? Will American TV audiences get little snippets of snow-

cyberspace

Boarder patrol on the Internet — the next best thing to fresh powder boarding action sandwiched between mountains of doofy figure skating? You won't find any of these debates on the official Olympic Web site (www.us. naganoolympic.org/ goto / sports/sd/sd_ e.shtml) but you can ke^p track of the board happenings there during February. While we're on the racing scene, The U.S. Snowboard Team has their own page at www.ussnowboard.com/. And for those interested in grassroots racing as the potential first step towards eventual worldwide glory, the U.S. Amateur Snowboard Association can be found at www.ride.com/ usasa/index.htm. A general source of equipment reviews, industry news, photos, resorts and weather links, as well as a chat room, is the electronic 'zine SOL (Snowboarding OnLine, at www.solsnowboarding.com/). Other features include a photo gallery, a free screensaver, classifieds, various calendars and a detailed lexicon of "boardspeak," which attempts to keep up with the ever-changing descriptions of tricks and the latest slang. Best online 'zine for irreverancy is the "Flakezine" at www.flakezine.com/. Having a passionate involvement in

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something usually means that you want to spread the gospel. And in the case of snowboarding, there are no shortage of international converts gleefully sharing their version cjf the buz?**.

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Since a s i m ple Yahoo! search turns up an amazing 905 sites, a few tricks and tips from one who has gone before might be useful.

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on the Net. For a fascinating cross-cultural look into the international boarding community, check out home2. swipnet.se/-w-28449/snowring/. Just imagine a gear freak, stoked on the sport, spending countless hours doing Web research to compile a complete index of links to manufacturers. Well, his handiwork can be found at "Sean's Snowboarding Links" (www.nwi.co. uk/homepages/sean/snowlnks.htm.). No discussion of the Internet would be complete without mentioning the newsgroups, the ever-changing bulletin board of gems amongst the dreck. In this case, the Usenet Group rec.skiing.snowboard (accessed through a regular newsgroup gateway) will keep you and your computer occupied well past midnight. While in the early days of the sport the "bro to betty" ratio was heavily skewed in favor of the former, now there are a growing number of women who have no interest in "keeping up with the boys." Find the female perspective at Fresh and Tasty (www. freshandtasty.com/), the "only women's snowboard magazine," and peruse their links to other areas of female interest. If the idea of a women's snowboard camp sounds appealing, there is one as close as Sugarbush (www. dreamn.com/wosc.html). Every p b i d boarder d r e a r ^ o ^

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ilife ripping up the untracSM snowfields of the world on someone else's dime. Take a look at the scam artists at Board the World (www.boardtheworld.com.au/), where a team of intrepid travelers make their way around the world providing "snowboard reports on resorts and destinations, updated by a team with a laptop and a camera." When I logged on they were in Switzerland. Who pays these guys, and where do I apply? When it's time to go out and do it, type in the name of your favorite resort between the "www" part and the obligatory "dot com" for the latest conditions. My personal favorite for this year is the Stowe site, which allows the option to be automatically notified by e-mail if they receive your choice of three, six, or 12 inches of fresh stuff (go ahead, tempt me, please, to skip out of work). For a comprehensive database on no fewer than 570 resorts nationwide, dial into www.skiresortguide.com/. Continued on page 28

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WORD PLAY Continued from page 19 down to the serious business of wood engraving. She took a job at the Shelburne Museum, operating a 19th-century handset printing press, and used the archaic apparatus to produce her first picture book. This maiden effort never went beyond the original 50 editions she set, printed, colored and bound by hand. But it wasn't long before her career as an illustrator took off. Christensen's first published work appeared in Joe Citro's Ghosts, Ghouls and Unsolved Mysteries. She used black-andwhite wood engravings to represent Citro's dark, spooky tales. Christensen's An Edible Alphabet, Shelley Moore Thomas' literary lullaby, Putting the World to Sleep, and Breaking into Print, a history of bookmaking by Stephen Krensky, are all illustrated with softer watercolored wood engravings. These images have the luminous look of stained glass, and depict a calm, bright, orderly world. But all hell breaks loose in Rebus Riot. Here, the figures twist and turn, grin and gasp, and hurtle across the page on roller skates, hair flying back and mouths open wide. Lines slant and swerve and subjects squeeze off the edges of the

pages. For these pictures, Christensen "cheated," rendering her scare-haired girls on Scratchboard — stiff white paper coated with black ink which is scratched off with a stylus. "It's faster to cut through, and it's more forgiving," she says. Christensen has two publications in the pipeline, an edition of Steinbeck's The Grapes of Wrath for the Folio Society of London, and Moon Over Tennessee, a Civil War diary by Vermonter Craig Crist-Evans. For these serious texts, she'll return to the quieter, more elegant tone of traditional, blackand-white wood engraving. For Christensen, both theater and picture books work best when images and words are as intimately interwoven as the pictures and text in a rebus. ® Christensen's work is showing with Middlebury artist Phoebe Stone's at the Flynn Theatre's gallery, upstairs at 147 Main Street, Burlington, through March. She will also be included in an exhibit running through April 4 at the Helen Day Art Center in Stowe. Signed copies of Rebus Riot are available at The Book Rack in Winooski.

Distinctive Images Created In Your Environment

Douglas Heurtematte PHOTOGRAPHY

site? My vote is split: the Portuguese Snowboard Federation (194.65. 29.3/fsp/) — don't we go there for the beaches? Or

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Presentation Skills with Fay Lauber Morale, a consummate professional at teaching business managers and others to stand up and deliver in public presentations. 6 Thursdays 6-8p.m. Starts February 5 $59. Street Spanish

with Douglas K. Currier, a fluent Hispanophile and veteran Spanish teacher. Why study a language if you never get to speak it? Street Spanish is designed to get you hablo Espanol from the first class. With the emphasis on communication, you gain a solid language base on which to build. Then, try out your new Spanish skills by speaking the language. 6 Mondays 7-9:30p.m. Starts February 23 $59.

Snowboarding on the Net consists of vast, uneven fields of news, images, contests, ads, cisat, deals, joy and hype. While it is certainly interesting, you will eventually reach the point where you must say to yourself: Time to log off and ride. ®

Bonjour, Parlez-VQUS Francais?

with Melanie Tupaj, who loves all that is French and has lived and studied in French-speaking Switzerland (Geneva). 8 Tuesdays 7-9p.m. Starts March 10 $64.

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W y e been around for two and i a half years and have yet to pry 1 into your )ur sex life. Hey, some| body has to do it. You and all I our other readers will be glad we did when the results are 1 published in the February 11 1 specif issue on Sex, Love, | Romance & Bridal (not necesp sarily in that order, nor order of importance). " With pen or pencil, fill out 1 this form; 1

I mend you fil I yourself, so showing off, I any friends, or the 'rents. I So what's in it for you? ^ Simply the warm, fuzzy feeling 8 of having contributed to sciI ence. Well, okay, at least you (contributed to the overworked I staff of Seven Days having a few laughs as we count the 8 results over pizza and beer And 1 with any luck, we will all come | out the wiser, aka, better I lovers. Oh, and any surveys with * suspicious wet spots will be I rejected.

Sexual orientation: lal O homosexual O bi-sexual

^'WBmB..

Idfbi):

s My current partner * O same sex O

I am a virgin.- O true O false I lost my virginity when I was. years old. lost my virginity to: O the same sex O the opposH|i&r 0 other 1 am: O single O going steady/engaged O in a long-ter| tionship O married/partnered starting a new relationship O middle of breaking up with | O justrecentlydumped ! Check the one that applies.I O My lover and I have a mon relationship. O My lover and I have an "open tionship. 1 O My lover and I have an "open" tionship, but my lover doesn't know if. j O I am not monogamous, but I would s like to be. I O I am monogamous, but would rather | be sleeping around. I I have cheated on a partners Otrue O false m

'mm mm mm mm

a*****

not get away

BMSS

m mm mm mmmm mm mm v sure up as a lover O insist on having the lights out O insist on having the lights on O think about my last partner O think about New England Othink about my mother/father O hide my wallet O can't wait to take a shower 0 get the giggles

(Women only) I O have breast implants O am thinking about getting breast never get breast

am O pro-choice O anti-abortion.

My longest relationship (has) lasted months years. My shortestrelationshiplasted hours days weeks months.

I have the best luck meeting people: O In bars and clubs O through my

1 have lied to someone to get sex from them: O true O false

| 1

WAIT! FIRST ANSWER THIS ESSAY SECTION (feel free to use a separate sheet of paper): What's the best aphrodisiac (i.e., what turns you on most)?

ยง I

I have used sex for revenge: 0 true O false pus O a t the health club O a t Ben & Jerry's O a t church O a t the mall O in class O on the Internet O in

1 have suffered from: herpes or other STD O "blue balls" l O frigidity O impotence O premature ejaculation O nocturnal emissions O over-active sex drive O acute embarrassient

I am in favor of same-sex marriage: 0 true O false 1 have children: O true O false (If true) How many?

In fact, I think I'll go have sex right n o w O true O false

I have no luck at all: O true O false

The best thing about sex is:

The worst thing about sex is:

What was your most memorable sexual experience?

(Unmarried only) I plan to keep my sex life interesting after marriage by:

(Married only) I keep my sex life interesting by:

$r orgasms but she doesn't know I know. 0 Irue O talse 1 have always faked orgasms: W f t & O false I have never had an orgasm with a partner: O true O false I masturbate at least ti (circle one) week month year. I have sex at least times per (circle one) week month year. O true O false

tat my penis isn't O false y) My partner's penis isn't O true O false Women only): I worry that my breasts iren't big e n o u g h true O false only) My partner's breasts aren't nough: O i i g b talse

I have done the following.O het sex O homo sex O oral sex O anal sex O anonymous sex O group sex O bondage O SM O bestiality O phone sex O posed for dirty pictures O videotaped myself and a partner having sex O one-night stand O used dildos O had sex with someone more thai20 years older 0 had sex with someone more than 20 years younger O worked in the sex industry (circle all that apply): stripper hooker escort phone sex X-rated films

am HIV-positive: O true O false O not sure I have known someone with AIDS or HIV: O true O false

1 have had sex in: O a car O a boat O an airplane O a bathtub O my parents' bed O a therapist/psychiatrist's office O a coffin O a church O a public restroom Q a swingset O a schoolroom O a foreign country (with a forโ ข a mountaintop

O -

When I have sex with a new partner, I:I: O am afraid to take off my clothes O am worried about my breath O am worried about body odor, especially "down there" O am afraid I won't mea-

If you could have sex with one Vermont personality in the arts community (musi- i cian, actor, painter, etc.), who would it be?

My/my partner's choice of contraception is: O birth control pills O morning-after pills O condoms O diaphragm 0 pulling out O none

If you could have sex with one fictional person (in books, TV, movies, comics, etc.), who would it be?

I O always O sometimes O never have safe sex.

What's your favorite position?

1 have told my partner I was "protected" when I was not: O true O false What else should we have asked? Check all that apply: O I had crushes as a kid. O I still have crushes. O I am a flirt. O I have fantasies about other people when I'm having sex. O I wonder who/what my partner's thinking about when we're having sex. O When I have sex I am mostly thinking about my own pleasure.

I have had thefollowingnumber of lovers in my life (so far): Ozero Qยงewer than five O five-20 O 21-50 $ 5 1 - 1 0 0 0 more than 100 O many, many more than 100 O more than 1000 I am a: O Republican Progressive O Other j

If you could have sex with one Vermont politician/public figure, who would it I be? i

O When I have sex I am mostly thinking about my lover's pleasure. O After sex, I really d o want to smoke a cigarette.

:: Ml

I think about sex approximately . times per (circle one) hour day week month year. I think this survey is disgusting: O true O false

Justreadingthis survey turns on: O true O false

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funny thing happened on the way to the sexual liberation of movies. The hardcore explosion of the early '70s — the climax of the story, if you will — is the subject of a considerable and curious current interest such as in films like Boogie Nights and The People vs. Larry Flint. But by far the more interesting part of the story is what happened just before, during the late '50s and '60s. An auspicious alignment of events led to a situation whereby adventurous filmmakers could not only engage formerly taboo subjects, but also had an enlarged outlet for their work — the plethora of independent theaters that littered the landscape like discarded popcorn boxes in the wake of the Supreme Court's 1948 Paramount divestiture decision. For these theater owners, no longer tied to the major studios, marginal fare and marginal audiences became very appealing. Suddenly an unparalleled window of opportunity appeared for the exploration of straightforward, uncoded and uninhibited adult sexuality on the screen. The sky was the limit, and the true tragedy of the situation is that movies headed straight for the gutter. No one exemplifies both the hope and regret of this intrigu-

OROTIC

ing moment in cinema history better than Radley Metzger, a '60s "soft-core" director, prosuperfluous scenes of a ducer and distributor whom striptease and lesbian nightclub Film Comment magazine once act. The result is typical both of referred to as the "Aristocrat of the off-beat post-modern amalthe Erotic." gam and the unexpected bonusLiterate, tasteful and welles they sometimes contain. made, Metzger's films are as Weaving in and out of Sexus, readily distinguishable from the for example, is a sultry, plotless, aimless "burlesque" Caribbean-style score by expamovies that preceded them as triate jazz legend Chet Baker from the soulless, mechanical that elevates the film to someporn films that followed in thing else altogether. their wake. Films like The Alley Metzger's directorial efforts Cats, Carmen, Baby, Camille are distinguished on a number 2000 and Lickerish Quartet of levels, the most obvious of forged the way whereby mainwhich is that the films are so stream narrative films could at well-crafted. His features reveal long last engage sexual content a director who not only underdirectly. But as a separate genre, stands lighting, composition they have evaporated like so and rhythm, but who actually much steam. cares about such things and Metzger's earliest work as a invests them with considerable distributor is of interest mostly attention. Metzger's use of the to connoisseurs of cinematic tracking camera, for example, esoteria. Typically, a Metzger has drawn favorable comparAudubon Films release was a isons to the work of German low-budget French feature starfilm giant Max Ophuls. ring cult figures like Agnes Even more critically, Laurent (The Nude Set) or Essy Metzger invested his characters Persson (/, A Woman), which no with a humanity and consideraone had any interest in distribtion that is almost unheard of uting and which Metzger could in films of this nature. Often thereby pick up for a song. He based on sources of some literwould then dub and reedit the ary merit, women are granted film, adding an "insert" or two an existence beyond their sexual of new sexual content to function. His actresses are beauenhance the market interest, tiful and talented, and he treats and release to drive-ins. them and the characters they Sexus (1964) was originally depict with unusual respect. a French crime thriller to which The hatred of and violence Metzger tacked on completely

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against women that blights much film erotica is thankfully absent. In this country, the increasing adventurousness of filmmakers — including their more blunt approach to adult sexuality — was inextricably intertwined with the art house phenomenon and the exposure it gave to the films of directors like Bergman, Fellini, Antonioni and Resnais. Lest we forget, a large part of the increasing appeal of foreign films during this period was their frank acceptance and onscreen representation of sexuali- scene in which the adult ty. Nowhere is the foreign art woman observes herself playing film's influence on American as a young girl. filmmaking more evident than Indeed, anyone who rents in the work of Radley Metzger. this film, or any other of At Janus Films, Metzger was Metzger's soft-core oeuvre, in charge of dubbing such films expecting to see lots of graphic as And God Created Women and sex is going to be disappointed. creating trailers for, among oth- By contrast with what you might find in any mainstream ers, Truffaut's Jules and Jim and film today, his approach was Antonioni's LAvventura. In always discreet, sometimes to form and substance, Metzger's films have a distinctly European the point of coyness. feel, enhanced by the fact that Alas, Metzger's species of he frequently filmmaking employed was destined continental for extinction. Nowhere is the foractors and Erotic softactresses and core, which for eign art films influ- over a decade shot on location in counhad slowly tries like evolved into ence on American Italy, France something and unique and filmmaking more wonderful, was Yugoslavia. quickly and His most evident than in the decisively self-consnuffed out by sciously artiswork of Radley the advent of tic film in industrial this respect is hard-core in undoubtedly Metzger. the early '70s. Therese and The new genre Isabelle postulated on the bottomline (1968), recently reissued in a equation of genitalia and profit. widescreen version by the New Metzger himself made several York-based First Run Features, undistinguished hard-core films along with other Metzger before fading into obscurity, a Audubon films. Based on sad, Norma Desmond-like relic Violette Luduc's memoir about whom time had largely forgother affair with a classmate at a ten. The current reissue of a girls' boarding school in France, number of Metzger's Audubon Therese and Isabelle is a slow, films should bring him some lyrical meditation on sexual renewed and well-deserved self-discovery, and is variously attention. But the promise he reminiscent of Bergman s represented has forever passed Persona and Resnais' Last Year at us by. (7) Marienbad. Shot in artsy black and white at a time when almost all films were shot in Thanks to Marco Boyajian of color, the film is less interested Burlington Showtime Video for in the prurient nature of its research assistance and supplying subject than in the composition videos. ; > of its images and sundry bits of temporal trickery — such as a

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Ben Affleck, star in the

Joanna Going and R

wildly underwritten (by Koontz himself) saga of a backwoods sheriff and two babelicious brunettes who wind up in a deserted Colorado village sav-

ing the world from a mysterious subterranean \ entity with tfcepower t o a w t h e physical of any creature on earth, with the exception of

CATAM p| AfC

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;

w^w m k+ K L A U form ancient demon cUtmmg to be ; the devil wreaks havoc on a small Colorado town while talent-void twentysomethings take acting {essons from p€ter OToole.

those which might in any respect prove interesting Scream 2 vet Liev Schricber's in there, too, as Affleck's inexplicably ; ,>uty. T h e only reason I don't call him talent-void as well is the fact that he demonstrates here an uncanny, though entirely unnecessary, gift for chewing gum and impersonating Dustin Hoffman at the same time. This is the kind of bogus thriller in which a sudden sound — such as a phone ringing — substitutes for terror, and characters being startled by someone standing behind them or tapping on their shoulder is

THE TEST OF TIME

They can't all be classics. In fact, what we've got for you this week are scenes from four pictures that barely even registered in the public conciousness, and did so-so business at best. They came and went faster than you can say "straight to video." Your job is to convince us they are gone but not forgotten.

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Anyway, very lirtic happens. There is the customary blather about ancient demons. And many concepts and effects borrowed from far better films. Abysmal writing. Worse acting. And finally a climactic sequence that's about as convincing as a Bill Clinton denial. When 1 was watching Phantoms, diere were lots more things I loathed and intended to tell you about, but I've forgotten them now. This thing's so putrid it may actually kill brain cells. With any luck I'll have forgotten about it entirely by the tin. this.

£ V I £

W S

D E E P R I S I N G See Titanic and feel like it just didn't have enough giant killer snakes? Well, then this action dirilier about rmonsteis which attack a luxury cruise liner may be exactly what you're looking for. With Treat Williams and Famke Janssen.

D E S P E R A T E M E A S U R E S Michael Keaton plays a homicidal maniac serving a life stretch in a maximum security prison.

EVE' S BAYOU Samuel {Jackie Brown) Jackson produced and co-stars in writer-director Kasi Lemmons oewfflmabout a 10->*a,-oid Louisiana girl coming to grips with noublesome -Smollett stars. GREAT

EXPECTATIONS

;ys Miss Havisham Ha\ Mrs. Robinson herself (Anne Bancroft). tplays in Alfonso

classic, reworked for a modem setting.

Don't forget to watch "The Good, The Bad & The Botto!" on your local previewguide

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iwiiif RAIN**"liTthedigitalttaditioiiof I ' o W a n d Twitw comes the latest man vs. wealhutdtama, the story of thieves who arc interrupted in niid-heist by a flood. Christian Slater and Morgan Freeman star. most popular female vocal group. Their feature film debut is sure to add "Can they act?" to the mystery surrounding their success.

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U S T WEEK'S WINNERS LAST WEEK'S ANSWERS: POLLY 0 NISE CHAMBERLIN DENI:

THE TANGO LESSON (NR) From Sally Potter, director of Orlando, comes this autobiographical saga of love and dance lessons. Pablo Veron co-stars. this paranoid WAG Tl THE D O G * * * Dustin Hoffman does his most beguiling work since Raw

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parable of a presidential sex scandal and a fabricated war from Barry Levinson. F A L L E N ( N R ) Denzel Washington and John Goodman are among the baffled in this saga of creepy karma in which the life-force of an executed maniac keeps popping into the bodies of living people. AM I S T A D ( N R ) Stephen Spielberg's latest tells the true story of a group of Africans w h o took over a slave ship in 1839 and wound up in an American court. The film is enbroiled in a legal drama of its own in the wake of plagiarism charges. Matthew McConaughey and Anthony Hopkins defend the mutineers. Hot-shot Hollywood attorney Bert Fields is doing the same for the filmmakers. 1 1 in order H A L F - B A K E D (NR) "Saturday Night Livens Jim Breuer stars as a stoncr' ' to raise cash for a

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seate:

SHOWTIMCS FILMS RUN FRIDAY, JAN 30. THROUGH THURSDAY, FEB. 5. S I L V E R CINEMAS ETHAN ALLEN 4 North Avenue, Burlington, 863-6040. Kiss the Girls 1:20, 3:35, 5:35, 7:45, 9:55. Midnight in the Garden of Good & Evil 1, 5, 9. Seven Years In Tibet 7:20, 9:45. Air Force One 7:10, 9:20. Home Alone 3 1:10, 3:10, 5:10. Anastasia 1:30, 3:25, 5:20. All shows Sat. & Sun. Evening shows daily. CINEMA NINE Shelburne Road, S. Burlington, 864-5610 Deep Rising* 12:05, 2:20, 4:30, 7:10, 9:40. Desperate Measures* 12:10, 2:35, 4:40, 7:20, 9:55. Spice World 12:15, 2:40, 4:45, 7:25, 9:25. Phantoms 10. Hard Rain 12:45, 3:50, 6:40, 9:25. Fallen 4:35, 7:15. Titanic Frl only: 11, 12, 3, 4, 7, 8, 10:45 Sat. only: 10:30, 11, 2:30, 3, 6:30, 7, 10:30, 11. Sun.-Thurs.: 11, 12, 3, 4, 7, 8. Mouse Hunt 12:10, 2:25 Goodwill Hunting 12:35, 3:40, 6:45, 9:50. As Good As It Gets 12:25, 3:20, 6:30, 9:30. All shows daily.

SEVE^DAYS

*****

b»

NR* net reviewed

SHOWCASE C I N E M A S 5 Williston Road, S. Burlington, 863-4494. The Boxer 3:20, 9:30. The Tango Lesson 9:25. Tomorrow Never Dies 12:50, 3:40, 6:50. Spice World 12:40, 3, 7, 9:15- Phantoms 7:05, 9:20. Half Baked 1, 7:10. Hard Rain 12:30, 3:10, 6:40, O 9:10. Star Kid 1:15, 3:30. All shows Sat. - Sun. Evening shows daily.

N I C K E L O D E O N C I N E M A S College Street, Burlington, 863-9515. Great Expectations* 11:45, 12:20, 2:15, 2:50, 4:45, 6:40, 7:20, 9:10, 9:50. Wag the Dog t o 12:10, 2:30, 6:50, 9:20. Amistad 12, 3:10, 6:20, 9:30. Titanic 11:30, 3:30, 7:45. Good Will Hunting 12:45, 3:50, 7, 9:40. All shows daily. THE SAVOY Main Street, Montpelier, 229-0509. Eve's Bayou* 2 (Sat., Sun. only), 6:30, 8:40.

New this week. Movie times subject to change. Please call the theater to confirm.

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O P E N I N G S W A T E R F R O N T P R O J E C T , an exhibit featuring photographs and memorabilia from the yearlong performance/art piece on Burlington's waterfront. Metropolitan Gallery, Burlington City Hall, 865-7166. Closing reception January 28, 5-8 p.m. RECENT

P A I N T I N G S by Robert Waldo Brunellejr. and Richard Hoffman. Helen Day Art Center, Stowe, 253-

8358. Reception January 31, 2 - 4 p.m.

O N G O I N G RECENT

ACQUISITIONS:

CONTEMPORARY

ART

in mixed media. Hood Museum of Art, Dartmouth

College, Hanover, N.H., 603-646-2426. Through April 12. FROM THE GREEN MOUNTAINS TO THE OCEAN,.acrylic paintings by Ian Karn. Finale, S. Burlington, 8780176. February 1-28, CHILDREN'S ART EXHIBIT from Burlington elementary: schools. Metropolitan Gallery, Burlington City Hall, 865-7157. February 1-28. EMERGING ARTISTS OF THE U . $ . , featuring the work of 16 ceramicists. Vermont Clay Studio, Montpelier, 223-4220. February 2-27. N A I ROB I HOUSE, recent sculpture and collage by Brian O'Neill. Fletcher Free Library, Burlington, 863-3403. February 1-28. HUSBAND AND VII FE, the wood engravings of John J A Murphy and Cecil Buller. Mus^e des Beaux Arts, Montreal, 514285-1600. Through April 19. RUINSi HISTORY WITHOUT DATES, paintings by Alexandra Bottinelli and Matthew Kolodziej. Doll-Anstadc Gallery, Burlingron, 864-3661. February 1-30. FISH OUT OF WATER, sculptures by Torin Porter. Firehouse Gallery, Burlington, 865-7166. Through February 22. WATERP0WER AND SETTLEMENT: The Otter Creek Basin at Vergennes, an exhibit ofartifocrs and archival materials relating to Vermont's smallest city. The Sheldon Museum, Middlebury, 3882117. Through March 20. , R0MARE BEARDEN; COLLATES and RECENT ACQUISITIONS ! CONTEMPORARY ART, featuring paintings, sculpture, drawings, prints and photographs. Hood Museum of Art, 'Dartmouth College, Hanover, N.H., 603-646-2426. Through April 12.

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A GRAPHIC ODYSSEYt R0MARE BEARDEN AS PRINTMARER, featuring works about rhe African-American HORSE, OF COURSE Equine portraits are experience. Fleming Museum, Burlington, 656-0750. Through 'March 22. ', ' \ "' not the only pleasures at Furchgott THROUGH THE LOOKING GLASS: The Art of Children's Sourdiffe Gallery in Shelburne. Suzan Book illustration, Featuring the work of New England authors and artists. Helen Day Art Center, Stowe, 253-8358. Through Riggsbee White and Kate Hartley express April 4. ' " -- \ , • their show's title, "Simple Gifts," through MEG MCDEVITT, sculpture installation. Francis Colbum Gallery, University of Vermont, Burlington, 656 : 2014 Through, new paintings inspired by animals, landjanuary30. : , - V scapes and pears. Above, "Sylvia and THIS S I X HERE NOW, a six-person show in mixed media, Edith,"by White. with sounds by Flex. Exquisite Corpse Artsite, Burlington, 864-7 8040, ext. 12L Through February 27. WATE8C0L0R B A RN / 1 AN D$ C AP E S, folk art by Kris Dale^, ; Daily Bread Bakery, Richmond, 862-9431. Through January. ' 7 ;: MOTHER TONGUE, MFA Thesis exhibit of new monoprints by SarahAmos, Red Mill Gallery, Johnson Mate College, 635-1469. Through February 2. '', | ENDURANCE, an international exhibit of body, performance and conceptual art from 38 artists who test the physical, mental and spiritual endurance of the body. Julian Scott Memorial Gallery, Johnson State College, 635-1469. Through 1 , Iflllipl ll$8Si|llIilp||S|;lift? J H i ; ® l pig I liiiil III 1 1 f t . , t / March 15. - g - 1 - • -, - , *

Call for Hours/Appts.

Through January 30. Church of St. Paul, Burlington, 878-2109.

swiltl^^ PAINTINGS FROM MY TRAVELS I N FRANCE and black-and-white woodcuts by Ginger Lambert. Uncommon Grounds, Burlington, 767-3335: Through February 22. QUIET OPPOSITION, hand-painted galatin silver prints by Susan Fenton, and CAPTURED FORCES, sculpture

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F alk past the Firehouse Gallery during the next few weeks, and you will feel as if you are passing a giant aquarium. Venture in, and you will experience one of the most enlightening and entertaining

Porters lifesized, solitary, dangling marionettes serve as both spectator wrtici-

isii Out of to this without any of the —-pr- ——

de Chiri Torin Porter was door to Bread and Puppet Theatre and grew up participating in their gloriously humanistic pageants. Though he has earned a B.F.A. from Dartmouth, he seems to be unsullied by art

serve as both spectator and participant in each of the sculptural sequences. These figures are probably incarnations of the one, true fish out of water referred in the show's title. In the main gallery, the figure seems to be falling into a crowded ocean chorus of sea creatures.

becomes more clear upon entering the next portion of the show. Porter has stated that "the mind of a group is a dreamlike mind," and in these smaller interior rooms dozens of ratsized Labrador retrievers seem

The nine-foot trout-tailed fish do not seem to notice Porter's human puppet falling from on grain high, though a singular steel pisciform torpedo silhouetted against the gallery floor adds a sinister touch to the scene. Porter has also stripped the bark off segments of tree limb to uncover anemones, which he has leaned against the gallery walls and hung from twine like treble hooks. Why this is all happening

to scurry from a huge conch shell into a gray and white fireplace. Again, the figure — this one at a child's height — watches from the ceiling as the "reverie" unfolds. A few of the dogs seem to have become other shapes: a briefcase, a shoe, and other items that could be free-associated with "work" in the mind's eye. The final room contains the sound of clanking fetters, and a great carved figure who seems

% schooU;ap|uncon~

incarnations the one, true fish out of water

cerned about "the art world." Porter's installation of giant fish, miniature dogs and Pinocchio-like people is insightful without being overtly intellectual, and well ^ f o r m e d without becoming pretentious. The works are constructed from plastic bags, welded steel and roughly carved wood. Each of the three main gallery sections is a different environment characterized by whimsical shifts of scale and

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the Surrealists of 70 years ago, Torin Porter realizes that playfulness can be a powerful tool

unified by Porters application of materials and by his use of the human form. His life-sized, solitary, dangling marionettes

to be walking toward the floor. A bulbous jacket of layered blocks of wood squats in the center, armor-like, along with a remarkable piece of craftsmanship, a 20-foot pine log handcarved into links of chain. From this room, the viewer can also look at the trees and people in City Hall Park, and realize that Porter is a rare kind of artist — deft with both the monumental and the particular. Pascal Spengemann, curator of the Firehouse Gallery, continues to make splendid selections by offering the Burlington City Arts venue to accomplished, emerging artists such as Porter. The brilliance of Porter's one-person show illustrates Spengemann's expertise as well. (7) "Fish

Out

sculptural tions

Porter. Gallery, Through

Water,

installa Torin

Firehouse Burlington. February

Classif ieds announcements

apt./house for rent

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office space available PATHWAYS TO WELL BEING now has room for a practitioner. Pathways to Well Being is an association of independent healing professionals in private practice. We are located in downtown Burlington. Pathways offers a variety of therapies, incl.: massage, psychotherapy, craniosacral, homeopathy, Reiki, Jin Shin Jyutsu & chiropractic. We serve children & adults. Currently have half or full-time space avail, for another practitioner. 862-0836.

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MONTPELIER: Share—avail, now—quiet, non-smoking duplex. $335/mo. includes utils., parking, W/D, storage. Near downtown & park. Must see. Layla, 229-1951.

BURLINGTON: 4-bdrm. apt., 1st & 2nd floor of 3-floor Victorian, 1&3/4 bath, walk to downtown & UVM, porch, fenced-in yard, offstreet parking, W/D, dishwasher, plenty of storage, hdwd. flrs. & wall-to-wall, clean, quiet bldg. $l,200/mo. + utils. Avail. 2/1. Call 864-0957.

RANDOLPH: Country setting, 1 hr. from Burlington. Choice of bdrms., own bath, porch w/ mountain views, 40 acres w/ pond, large kitchen, 45 mins. from ski areas, mountain bike & XC trails. $350/mo. + dep. + 1/2 utils. Call 728-3587 (eves.).

looking to rent/sublet

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PROFESSIONAL COUPLE, just getting started, seeking an affordable, yet nice, large one-bedroom or cozy 2-bdrm. apt. in the Richmond area. Ref. avail. Call Gary or Eve, 496-6659.

housemates wanted

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January

BURLINGTON: Cozy, 2-bdrm. split-level apt., parking, no dogs. $550/mo. Call 865-7972 or 864-8210.

housemates wanted

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MOVING, MUST SELL: 2 metal filing cabinets (2 drs.), $10 ea. Futon frame, full size & mattress, $40. Antique bureau (green/brown w/ gold handles), $150. Small black desk, $10. Tennis/racquet ball racquets, $5 ea. Two stackable shelves, $3 ea. Corner shelf, $5. Computer software, $5 ea. Gateway speakers, $20. 864-2721. SKI PASSES. MUST SELL! Two transferable season ski passes. Can be used at Jay Peak, Wildcat, Stratton, Bretton Woods, Shawnee Peak, Cannon, Ragged Mtn., Pat's Peak, Mt. Tom or Mt. Sunapee. $1,200 value each. BEST OFFER. Call Nancy, 864-5684. MAKE YOUR OWN WINE! Homebrewed beer and soft drinks, too w/ equipment, recipes, & friendly advice from Vermont Homebrew Supply. 147 E. Allen Street, Winooski. 655-2070.

housekeeping RESOLVED TO CLEAN UP YOUR ACT? No need to go it alone. Call Diane H., housekeeper to the stars. 658-7458. "12 steps! Balderdash! They put me straight with 12 flicks of that ostrich-featherd duster. Yes."—W.C. Fields.

automotive 1986 DODGE COLT: California car, no winters, no rust, 20K miles on new engine, white, 3-dr., 4-spd., AM/FM cassette. All service records. $1,900. 657-2515. 1991 TOYOTA 4x2: chrome package, cap w/ slider, bed liner, excellent condition, 100K miles. $3,500. Call 434-6495. 1988 MAZDA 626: 4-door, 5speed, 90K miles, AM/FM cassette, good tires, well-maintained. $2,900. 860-7591 SEIZED CARS FROM $175. Porsches, Cadillacs, Chevys, BMW's, Corvettes. Also Jeeps, 4WD's. Your area. 1-800-218-9000 Ext. A-6908 for current listings.

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ARCHITECTURAL FIRM seeks part-time office support. Must be avail. Tuesdays, plus up to 12 additional hours/week. Activities inc. reception, word processing, project support. Experience w/ Windows 95, WordPerfect, Excel necessary. Please send resume to: Northern Architects, 207 King St., Suite 3, Burlington, VT 05401-4502.

DOMESTIC ABUSE EDUCATION PROJECT seeks facilitators to co-lead educational groups for men who batter. Groups co-led by 1 man & 1 woman. Currently seeking male facilitator. Evening hours required. Broad understanding of domestic violence from a multicultural perspective & group experience required. 4-5 hrs./wk. Send detailed letter of interest & resume by 2/9 to: Ingrid Jonas @ Spectrum, 31 Elmwood Ave., Burlington, VT 05401.

CONSERVATION WORK CREW LEADERS WANTED! Vermont Youth Conservation Corps is hiring Leaders for summer Greenways Crew. We seek highly motivated, and well-organized individuals to train and supervise small teams of 16-24-year-olds. Possible urban projects include landscaping, forestry, and watershed restoration. $400-$540/wk plus AmeriCorps Educational Award. 241-3699. RETAIL SALES—Full or part-time with regular weekend hours. Are you bright? Accurate? Love to help people? Good with color & design? Enjoy working in a supportive team setting as you sell, buy, design, etc.? Tempo Home Furnishings, 985-8776 (Shelburne Rd.).

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Notice is hereby given that on Monday, February 2, 1998 at 7:00 p.m. in Contois Auditorium, City Hall, the Board of Abatement of Taxes will hear the following requests for abatement of taxespenalties:

HJNESBURG to ST. ALBANS. Its a new job on the 3 to 11:30 shift. I'd like to find a carpool front Richmond. Williston, even Colchester or Essex! Will share the driving. (2749)

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Would someone like to share the ride and use half the gas? 1 work in Srace St.. usually 8 30 or 9 to about 5 p.m. Hey. let's try it a. fewdays a week. (.'705)

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BURLINGTON to UNDERBILL CTR. I need rides from t , ; SNew North End orAtjywhere on -tfe&bus system ID II „ UnderhiU Flexible workday M-F. « « Will pay, { i p i p M | %% . . -

MILTON to UVM. I'm an carlybir-.l Looking for a ride with someone who works similar shift at nearby location. M-F, 7 a.m. to 3 p.m. Somewhat flexible. (2181 ) WINOOSKI to SO. BURLINGTON, Krupp Dr. Got a new job and the bus takes 2 hours to get there. Anyone willing to offer rides? I'll walk several blocks and I can take die bus from downtown Burlington or Essex. Will pay for rides. (2734) BARRFJBERUN to BURLINGTON. I'm an early bird. Need to be to work on Pine St. by 6:30 -a.in. and I get out at 3 p.m. Can meet y m in Berlin P/R if more convenient than Barrc. (2200)

S EARS ^ ^ g m T O B U R Y . state building, approx. 7:30 a.m. 4 p m. Leave Sears at 6:45 a.m. ••{1149) :

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The best part of this little sc ButterfieM, a clinical social were commiserating with e restrictions, rather than h humanity. Butterfield, whose office is at Family Therapy Associates in Essex Junction, stresses the importance of forcing yourself out of your house and into the company of other human beings at this time of year. "If people are lacking connection, they won't do as well as when they have connection," she says. A severe winter cuts people off from each other, especially when they live outside the major towns and cities. In summer, we work and play outdoors, and were willing to stay late in town or even drive back in for evening festivities, whereas in winter, face it, the last thing you want to do is pull on rhose boots'again, Butterfield suggests combating this by structuring social time into your life: Make regular dates with ' % friends, or make a date with your spouse to go out, sans kids, and do not talk about the shoveling, the icy back steps, or the need for a new lurnace..; f ' / ; v In addition, getting your body back into motion can also stave off cabin fever, and if you make workout dates with friends or take an exercise class, it tan also provide you with some social time. For people who know that exercise will be a salve bur who keep hearing a little voice saying, "stay on the soft," Jill Nye-McKeown, t h t ' m w ^ director of Health Management at the Burlington YMCA, has three suggestions: • Do what you like: "Whatever exercise appeals most t o ' you, thats the one you should try out. If you've always wanted to shoot hoops, find a friend who hasn't ever played basketball either; if you enjoy being outdoors, try cross-country skiing, snow§hoeing, or even just fastwalking. • Don't burn out early. Gradually increase the intensity of, your workouts, and dont get so out of breath t h a t y p u ; can't carry on a conversation. If you haven't exercised in a long time, consult with a health practitioner, but even if : you think you re in pretty good shape, don't expect to be able to jump in right away with a five-mile run. ; ' % • Make a commitment to try your exercise regimen for three months; that's usually about the time it takes to really build the program into your life so that it becomes habitual. Also, by then it'll be April, most of the snow will be gone, and the temperature should be climbing up to 35 degrees or more.

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Si • • ^ ^ ^ • s u g S r — to avoid what Nye-McKeown • calls "sugar highs and lows" — more fruits and vegetables, drinking lots of water, and taking a multivitamin can all "make you feel better from the inside out," she says. In addition to the exercise classes at the Y and other health clubs, many area organizations offer various types of exercise, from Israeli dancing to tai chi to ice skating lessons. Of course, if you're suffering from symptoms of true dep ression — sleeplessness, lack of appetite, tearfulness or daedc c r e a s e d interest in your usual diversions — you should consult with a mental health practitioner. Otherwise, just shoehorn your sorry self out of your house and into some social action. (7)

Neither Seven Days nor any practitioner quoted here may be I held liable for any result oftrying a new remedy, practice or product I that is mentioned in this column. Please use common sense, listen to 1 | your body, and refer to your own health practitioner for advice. | Readers and practitioners are welcome to submit questions and sugI gestionsfor Health Q & A. Send to Seven Days, POB 1164, | Burlington, VT 05402, or e-mailsevenday@together.net.

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SEVEN 0AYS

29 - February

ARICS

(Mar. 21-Apr. 19): In the next month, it'll be crucial that you and your cohorts don't deceive each other, not even with little fibs and semi-innocent omissions. As preventive medicine, I urge all of you to gather together one night over beer or cheesecake and stage a full-scale Lying Contest. Entertain each other with ingenious and bombastic tall tales. Compete to tell the most creative and outrageous whoppers. Get the urge to bend the truth out of your systems in one reckless binge, in other words, so that it doesn't infect the truly critical information you'll soon need to be sharing.

TAURUS

(Apr. 20-May 20): In performing the rodeo technique of bulldogging, a cowboy grabs a bull by the horns and throws it to the ground. The matador's strategy, on the other hand, is to make a fool of the beast. I imagine that in your role as a symbolic bull, you've probably suffered through a version of both those experiences from time to time. But I predict that in the next few weeks you won't. You'll be too robust and rugged and riproaring to be outwrestled or outwitted by anyone.

m p

bridal issue coming up february 11 pfihrrh pr.-^f »»•>«?

a s t r o l o g y

BY ROB BREZSNY**

now have a certain resemblance to a millionaire who dresses in rags and sleeps on a straw mat to save money. Forgive me for mentioning it, but the way you're conducting yourself reminds me of when I holed up in a windowless room and wrote morose poetry for a few weeks at the height of a glorious springtime in Santa Cruz. Please consider the possibility, my dear, that you are currently in the grip of a scarcity consciousness that's preventing you from seeing, let alone seizing, the abundance that surrounds you. LCO (July 23-Aug. 22): Will you find love in the cat food aisle of the grocery store? Possibly. How about at a chi-chi party crawling with celebrities and CEOs? Doubtful. The gate that leads to more sweet intimacy is likely to be in a mundane setting, not a glamorous one. Here are two other pertinent questions. Will love make it possible for you to escape on exotic journeys to previously unimagined realms of bliss? Probably not. Will it

flesh on your arm and you squealed, "Ouch!" I bring this up, Virgo, because I believe you'll face a subtler and more metaphorical version of this snare sometime in the next eight days. Be on your guard.

LIBRA

(Sept. 23-Oct. 22): If you have any cake left over from your wedding in the back of the freezer, make a ritual meal of it this week. Or read over the love letters you wrote to each other when the fire had just ignited. Or gaze at photos of you and your sweetie from the days when your auras were beginning to weave together. It's time, in other words, to reconnect very vividly with why you became partners in crime in the first place. And what if you're single right now, and don't want to be? This would be a perfect moment to conspire to eat cake with the one you have a crush on, or get your picture taken together, or compose a smoldering Valentine.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): I happen to love the phrase "I don't

Nigerian

supercuties at the same time, or you probably fell expert. Will you intone the magic you were a chance upon the smoking gun that j;/ i Ivietlm at least once to a type of prank" words withroenow. Scorpio? I proves once and for all that UFOs a r e : : b y folklorists as a "catch tale " DON'T KNOW. I DON'T KNOW real spaceships piloted by aliens-And : Ain't it a relief to let go of the pressure A f r i e n d m i g h t h a v e come up to you yet, Gemini, I believe you will have - ^ d rec ited the following poem,for" N to be on top of everything? Doesn't it 1

. L

......

J......

.. .

. —

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(Nov. 22-Dec. 21): Freedom of the press belongs to those who can afford to own a press. Even more freedom of the press accrues to those who promote the kind of information that advertisers like to subsidize. With these shocking facts in mind, I suggest a hefty increase in the funds you allocate to support your own free speech. Buy a new bullhorn? Well, OK. But I had something less blustery in mind. Like using the long-distance phone lines to spread your influence farther and wider. Or investing in a moreprofessionally packaged resume or a better printer for your computer or a few trips to a therapist who'll school you in communicating more effectively. (Confidential to filthy stinking rich Sagittarian plutocrats: It's prime time to acquire a TV station, newspaper, or record company.)

SAGITTARIUS

(Dec. 22-Jan. 19): CAPRICORN If observing astrology's rhythms is meaningful to you, you really should celebrate the ancient pagan holidays which mark the potent midpoint of each of the seasons. Three fall on May 1, August 1 and October 31, and the fourth comes this week, on February 2. The Celts called the feast "Imbolc," which means "in the belly of the Mother." In her book Celestially

Auspicious Occasions, Donna Henes

compares this juncture in the cosmic cycle to the "magic moment when an expectant mother experiences the child .within her shift positionforthe very first time." How apt and ripe for you, Capricorn. I imagine that you yourself Will be feeling a metaphorical "kick inside" sometime very soon.

AQUARIUS

(Jan. 20-Feb. 18): "It is the dead who govern," says Melville Davisson Post in his book,

page

SEVEN

sex. love romance and

JVC

January

Uncle Abner. "Look.. .how they work their will upon us! Who have made the laws? The dead! Who have made the customs that we obey and that form and shape our lives? The dead!...[A]ll the writers, when they would give weight and authority to their opinions, quote the dead...[0]ur lives follow grooves that the dead have run out with their thumbnails!" I'm providing you with this quote from a dead man, Aquarius, in the hope that it'll stir up your most rebellious juices. You're now in the best possible astrological position, you see, to rise up and overthrow the oppressive influence of the dead in your life. Let's imagine that today is Day One of the Year Zero for the Aquarian tribe.

PISCCS (Feb. 19-Mar. 20): In the tale of Jack and the Beanstalk, Jack and his mom are so poor and hungry that in desperation she sends him into town to sell the family cow, their only remaining possession. On the way Jack encounters an old man who talks him into exchanging the valuable beast for a few so-called magic beans. Mom is incensed at her son's gullibility, and flings them out the window in disgust. Later, though, they perform as advertised, and the story ends triumphantly. I mention this, Pisces, because I believe you'll soon be in a position similar to where Jack was when the old man proposed the fateful trade. (7)

You can call Rob Brezsny, day or night for your

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43 YO MOTHER OF ONE SEEKS 40ISH to soish man to walk with, talk with and maybe sing and dance with. 1089 CARPENTER WANTED. DWF, 51, autonomous, honest, intelligent, youthful, energetic, attractive, professional, values relationships with my adult-children. ISO a man with similar qualities. Desire to renovate a farmhouse and build a relationship. 1092 HENRI BENDEL TYPE, 38, IN transition on Kmart budget, interested in meeting a S M friend, 38-45, to help sort thoughts & bottles while discussing alternatives to the Woolworth's lunch counter. Intellectual & artistic curiosity of the world is key. You: tall, not overweight, sensitive, educated & herbaine. 1096 DWPF, 40'S, EARTH GODDESS, DANCER, budding martial artist, excellent cook, creative gardener, loves life's pleasures and is ready and willing to share them. Very happy & secure. ISO SM, 30-50, NS/ND, for extraordinary good times. "33 SWF, 35, 5'8w, BLONDE/BLUE EYES, self-employed, looking for tall, NS, social drinker, 35-40, who likes to relax on weekends, movies, wine, etc! Call to get more info. Check it out! 1134 A HOPELESS NEOPHYTE SEEKS DIRT TO share my days, a louse to share my nights. 1136

D y k e s T ° W a < d l C h X t t o t

SWF, NS, 34, MOTHER-TO-BE enjoys C&W music, oldies, animals, reading, outdoors and more ISO D/SWM, 35-50, similar interests, Swanton area, employed, SOH. 1164 WILD 'N' CRAZY. SWF, NS, SEEKING an older, successful man who likes cuddling, quiet evenings at home, country music and likes to spoil a woman with flowers and gifts. 1165 LIONESS TAMER WANTED. Felicitous feline seeks healthy, liberal, intellectual, financially secure and computer literate jungle cat, 30-40. This plus-sized belle will purr (growl) with delight at your call. 1166 ROLLERBLADING, DANCING, singing, conversing, film-going, reading, traveling lover of life—wide-eyed and cynical by turns, but ultimately optimistic— seeks fit, funny, 50-something man of integrity, NS, to share as much of the journey as possible. 1167 X-FILES RERUN BURNOUT? NET surfin' boredom? O.T. fatigue? Over it! Let's go skiing, see a movie or do coffee and bagels. Me: DPF, 29, no children. You: S/DPM, 25-40, no children. Both: proportionate, attractive, prefer jeans & sweater, hiking boots & not too much make-up. 1168 "HELLO, L L BEAN? I'M LOOKING at your college graduate, professional, funny, 6', male section. What? Yes, the one that's fit, 35-40, loves cooking, mysteries, fixing things & will fill the ice cube trays will fit this tall, slim, laughing beauty perfectly. Overnight delivery, please." 1169 SOPHISTICATED & FUN. Very attractive, adventurous, passionate, kind, cultured, healthy, fit, educated, well-traveled prof., 34, 5*7", loves nature, outdoor recreation and the arts, seeks compassionate, secure man, 30-40, with similar qualities, without kids, yet. 1170 FOUR WOMEN WHO TRAVEL TO the Burlington area for ballroom dancing are looking for male partners to join us. Have fun and meet nice people. 1171

SWF, 26, SEEKS FELLOW NPR junkie for listening to Prairie Home Companion and playing Scrabble on days of inclement weather. Knee-jerk liberals only, please! 1174 SWF, 26, SLENDER, FRIENDLY, attractive. Enjoys conversation, politics, literature, movies, outdoors and sports. Looking for SPM, 25-35, NS, ND, who has some of the same interests. 1175 CREATIVE SWF, 62, ATTRACTIVE, intellectual, enjoys the arts, travel and gourmet cooking. Seeks SM, 48-65, with similar interests, sincerity and energy, for fun and possible LTR. 1176 RECIPE FOR A RELATIONSHIP: Mix S P M & SWPF, 35, w/ outdoors, arts, books, travel, music. Sprinkle w/ laughter, understanding, conversation. Cover w/ chocolate. Bake. Serve w/ coffee. Enjoy. "77 BROWN-EYED BEAUTY. DPF, 40'S, with passion for living. Intelligent, cultured, classy yet down-to-earth, loving, sensual, vivacious, artistic 81 spiritually minded. ISO educated, wise, communicative, financially/emotionally secure, playful, liberal M for LTR. Let's go to the Flynn, eat dinner at ethnic restaurants, travel, enjoy nature, share conversation, listen to music, and spend quiet, intimate times together. 1178 I KNOW YOU'RE OUT THERE. I see you every day—on your way to work, at the deli getting lunch. You're tall & handsome. Thirtysomething. I'm short, attractive, shy w/ those I don't know, but not w/ those I do. 1179 WEEKDAY SKI PARTNER WANTED. SPF, NS, attractive, in early thirties, ISO similar professional. Other hobbies include working out, motorcycling, playing the stock market, quiet evenings and travel. Gentleman should be taller than 5*8", attractive, comfortable in a pale pink dress shirt, fit and sensuous. 1180

Asskinq women PROFESSIONAL, 57, BUT LOOKS MUCH younger, sincere, considerate, affectionate, romantic; likes jogging, walking, music, snowshoeing. Seeking slim, healthy woman, NS, no dependent children, 47-57, for very loving LTR. 1073

DOMINANT SWPM, 32, TRIM, ATTRACTIVE, seeks submissive F. Variety of interests from outdoor activities to dining out/quiet nights at home. Friendly, discreet, possible LTR. What are you waiting for? 1121 ZEN DREAMS. SWM, 6 V , 182 lbs., 38, good eyes, heart, mind, legs & vocabulary; erudite, unpretentious, real. ISO F, 2o's-4o's for cerebral stimulation, physical celebration, unbridled excitation, healing relaxation. Let's smile! 1095 GIRLS, YOU'RE IN LUX- Defining this socalled physic's term as in brighten your day—cheers. Let me light the way. My name is Toddeo! 1124 TOM ROBBINS, KOKO TAYLOR, JOHN WATERS, Richard Brautigan, Steve Goodman, Les Blank, Patti Smith, Gilda Radner, Henry Cabot Henhouse III, R. Crumb, Professor Long Hair, Brad & Janet. Interested? 1076 DWM, 42, SMOKER, NA/ND SEEKING an independent SWF who knows what the Heavy Metal lifestyle is about. I'm a Taurus Moon Virgo. You're V. not an airhead!1077 LIKE OLDER MEN? SWM, 40, BUT DON'T feel it, seeking SWF, 18-25, for alpine or nordic skiing, travel, movies, dining. Call for more. 1082 SENSUAL GARDENER, 25, ISO FERTILE delta. Let me turn your velvet earth. Let me sow your fields of love. I've got the special tools if your secret garden needs tending. 1084 FAMILY IMPORTANT, FATHER OF ONE, dependable, responsible, confident, good-natured, attractive, romantic, passionate, spontaneous, shoulder to cry on, athletic, open-minded, naughty but nice, imaginative, adventurous, married OK. Call me. 1090 DINNER, WINE, MASSAGE. I HAVE everything, but you. DWM, 45, 5'io", 170 lbs., ISO younger lady to spoil. Fun times or LTR. Call for details. Smoker preferred. 1091

b y A l i s o n Bechdel

page

to respond to a personal ad call I - 9 0 0 - 3 7 0 - 7 1 2 7 We're Open 24 hours a day! $ 1 . 9 9 a m i n u t e , m u s t b e 1 8 o r o l d e r . HI. I AM A SPM, 28, GOAL ORIENTED, compassiontae, enjoy family activities, outdoors, dining, traveling. Would like to meet a SF to share dreams & adventures and who is compassionate for interesting discussions and more. ">94 PHYSICAL & FEMINIST. DWM, 49, runner, biker, fit, authentic, centered, passionate, optimistic professional who values balance between daily physical pursuits and love of film, humor, great food and travel seeks LTR. 1097 LAID BACK SWM, 38, 5 * 8 N S , dependable, sincere, monogamous, shy, needs attractive lady, music, camping, antiques, microbrew, X-C, HD's, more. I'll form simple sentences with these words if you like. 1099 NICE GUYS FINISH LAST? I DONT THINK so. Help me out here. DWP, 42, ISO attractive, nice females to date. Like doing just about anything inside and out. 1100 LONG 81 LEAN, HANDSOME WITH GREEN eyes, great head, heart, humor and hugs. Offers honesty, warmth, intellect, laughter and smiles to a fun-filled, attractive, sincere, sweet, nature, outdoor loving woman, 28-40. Kids optional. 1103 DWM, NS, MID 50'S, IN DECENT SHAPE, professional, educated, articulate, passionate, sensual, loves classical music, intelligent conversation, outdoor sports. Seeking non-religious woman of qualities like mine for companionship and whatever happens. 1106 OF TENDER HEART! Gentle, endearing, attractive, fit SWM seeks SWF, NS, 3440, of the same ilk. 1108 FEMALE FRIEND NEEDED. I'm 48, dark hair, blue eyes, 175 lbs., 6', in good shape. Enjoy fishing, walks, good soft music—Percy Faith, etc. —lot's of lovin'. Not rich, but a lot of fun. 1110 LOVE IS A GOOD THING. SWM, 44, attractive, loyal, sensitive, seeking slender princess who desires possible long-term commitment. Call soon. 1111 PWM, 40'S, FATHER OF ONE (daughter), swim, bike, run—having fun, yet?— blonde/hazel, seeking active, attractive F, friends first. Burlington/Add. Co. area OK. Mind set important; age/race not. Let's be! 1112

SEEK INDOMITABLE SPIRIT, VULNERABLE heart, mindful clarity and enlivening countenance. Your remarkable nature unmistakably responds to my yearning. Contact creates passion, peacefulness, pampering. We are not everyday people. 35+. 1114 DWM, 42, ND, BLONDE/BLUE, 6', 200 lbs., loves all nature, cooking, animals, kids, boating, camping, fishing, movies, laughter, etc., seeks friend and lover for life mate. 1 need my Babyre! 1116 SWPM, 43, 5'8", EDUCATED, FIT AND youthful. Reserved, but fun. Value integrity. Seeks attractive, open-minded, compatible match. Sense of humor, medium build, 4oish, under 5'6". Smokers OK. 1119 STELLAR LEGERDEMAIN. SM snowflake, 41, seeks SF snowflake to rise through the mellow shade; together we will glitter like a swarm of fireflies tangled in a silver braid. 1120 SWM, 27, 6'2", VERY ATHLETIC, PREPPY, educated, good dancer, hoping to meet pretty SF who enjoys skiing, the great outdoors, dancing, nights on the town. 1122 SWCP, 37, 6', 170 LBS., EASY-GOING, responsible, dependable, a good listener, likes movies, music, cooking and more. Looking for someone special. I hope you're out there. 1123 LOOKING FOR TWO ATTRACTIVE women interested in double-dating. Ages 1822. Friendship first if possible. 1125 BECK-N-CALL. Sexy, good looking, extremely healthy, classy, focused and committed. Enjoy workouts, running, biking, tennis, stock market, plays, classical music, concerts, nature, exotic cars and coffee. Need equivalent F life partner, 35-45ish. 1126 SWM, 31, SEEKS F, 26-31, FOR snowboard sorties to Central VT ski areas & mountain bike trails in summer. Must be healthy & snowboard proficient. Want to hang first, maybe more to follow. Selah. 1127

M psmonal oft ' women seeking m e n " challenge me. Athletic woman looking for an athletic man with strong character musdes. Flex your humor, pose your honesty and wear your easy nature. I'm divorced, 46. If you're game, respond.

1078

THE POWER OF MAGIC WPM, honest, sensitive, caring w/ fun living attitude, seeks petite WPF, 24-37, witty, sporty, active, attractive and likes her space. Must like animals, similar qualities. NS/ND/NA. Possible LTR. 1131 DAD, 40'S, PART NEO-LUDDITE, PART L.L. Bean punk, part Martha Stewart, passionately creative, goofy, seeks woman who's a tomboy by day, a Hepburn by night for alchemy, honesty and Capraesque hijinks. 1130

ARE YOU OUT THERE? Slim, petite SF with beauty and strength, who prefers living close to trees, paddling still waters, adventure, travel, good meals, home life. 1129

RABBI'S DAUGHTER WANTED BY songwriter/drummer Sagittarian in his 30's to share good music and? Life is a swimming pool. What section are you in? 1135 SWM, NS, 40'S, SERIOUS WITH SENSE of humor, well educated & travelled, tall with a soul, Canadian resident. Likes music, art and the beauty of our world. Sharing & comprehensive. 1140

1995 Audi 90 O u a t t r o Pearl, leather, fully optioned, 4 9 K

$20,700

1995 Audi 9 0 Burgundy, cloth, 5 spd., sunroof, only 3 2 , 0 0 0 K

$16,900

1994 A u d i 100S W a g o n , Silver, leather, 7 pass., 3 6 K

$20,500

1994 Audi 100S W a g o n , Black, tan leather, 7 pass

$20,900

1994 A u d i 9 0 S G r e e n , cloth, sunroof, o n l y 42K.

$15,650

1994 A u d i 1 0 0 C S O u a t t r o , Pearl, black leather, 5 spd., 66"K

$21,900

1993 A u d i S 4 G r e e n , tan leather, all b o o k s a n d r e c o r d s

$26,900

1993 Audi 9 0 C S Black, tan leather, fully-optioned

$8,900

1988 A u d i 9 0 O u a t t r o black, leather, excellent condition

$6,900

1987 Audi 4 0 0 0 C S O u a t t r o , Charcoal, leather, s u n r o o f

$4,900

1994 B M W 5251 Auto, blue, leather, fully-optioned, only 4 4 K

$24,500

1995 H o n d a E X C o u p e , 5 spd, sunroof, fully o p t i o n e d

$13,200

1995 Infinity G 2 0 Black, Auto, cloth, p o w e r options, only 3 1 K

$12,900

1993 Infinity J 3 0 T o u r i n g sedan G r e e n , tan leather, 4 8 K .

$16,900

1995 Isuzu Rodeo 4dr, V6, 5 spd., sunroof, C O , p o w e r options, 36K...$ 17,500 1994 J a g u a r X J 6 B u r g u n d y tan leather, only 36Iv

$23,575

1988 J a g u a r X J 6 G r e e n , tan leather, O n l y 4 7 K

$13,900

1988 J a g u a r X J 6 Silver, leather, O n l y 6 0 K .

$11,750

1995 Lexus 3 0 0 S C C o u p e , 5 spd., Green, tan leather, 3 9 K

$31,500

1995 Lexus E S 3 0 0 S e d a n Blue, leather, auto, 3 8 K

$23,900

1991 Lexus E S 2 5 0 Auto, fully optioned, southern car, exc. cond 1995 Mitsubishi Montero L S Blue, leather; 7 passengen 19K.

$9,500 .$21,500

1995 S a a b 9000 C S E turbo, 5 spd., White, leather, fully-optioned, 26K..$24,700 1994 S a i l ) 9 0 0 S 5 dr., 5 spd., V6, Black leather, 3 3 K

$16,900

1995 Toyota 4 R u n n e r S R 5 , Black, 5 spd., fully-optioned, 26K.

$20,900

1985 Volvo 850 T u d » Wagon, Burgundy auto, trax, 7-pass.,

$23,900

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SKmfiCK snowshoes, skis, Ice skates, snowboards, snowblades

658-3313

DONT WANT MUCH, JUST SOMEONE TO love who will love me back with her heart. Me: 40, ND, 5*7", 145 lbs., children, Central VT. 1128

$26,900

1110 Shelburne Rd. So. Burlington 651-8774

85 Main S t Burlington

CARPENTER/WRITER, 39, FIT, ATHLETIC, attractive, outgoing. Swimmer, skier, golfer, chastened radical, starry-eyed realist, bureaucratic functionary, errant cog in the machinery of mass malfeasance, oral philosopher, town gossip, admirer of Jesus, Buddah and other kind people. Seeking F for tea, laughs, possible lifetime argument. 1132

1996 A u d i A 4 O u a t t r o G r e e n , leather, 5 spd., glass s u n r o o f

P e r s o n a l of t h e week wins d i n n e r for t w o a t

MUSH! ALASKA BOUND NS MTN. MAN, poet/writer, 38, nature enthusiast, fisherman, hunter, romantic, tender-hearted dog lover ISO NS/ND, simitar minded, damn good looking nature girl w/ no attitude, and the good life! 1141 HOT, SEXY, CURVACEOUS 81 SOFT... SWF, NS, 20-35, wanted to explore sexual depths and sensual, erotic pleasure; who enjoys sexy lingerie and other fun, tight fitting things. I'm a SWM, 26, 6'2", welt-built & strikingly handsome. I am looking for a woman who enjoys a safe, healthy & adventurous lifestyle. 1143 DWM, NS/ND, DOWN TO EARTH, enjoys birding, nature, canoeing, gardening, horses, cooking, going to movies, simple lifestyle. Seeks same in F. Central VT. 1067 HEY THERE! BULLWINKLE J. MOOSE, 36, tall, dark and moosely. Tired of hibernating atone! Likes all the usual and unusual Vermont stuff. ISO a moosette born in the years 1957, i960, 1963, 1965, 1969 or 1972. Only those years need apply. 1069 YOU COMPLETE US. Romantic attractive M, 40s, ISO NS F to share nature, sunsets, cooking, cuddling, quiet evenings, camping, massages. 1144

DO YOU REMEMBER WHEN YOU could feel that total chemistry with someone? That's what this SWPM—secure, fit, good-looking—wants in a similar SWF, 25-36. 1147 KING OF HEARTS LOOKING FOR Queen of Hearts, 35-45, if you're loyal, romantic, honest, understanding & passionate; like outdoors, camping, romantic dinners and more. ISO LTR. 1148 HIKING, RIDING, SNOWSHOEING, jazz, reading, movies and having fun. SWPM, 23, looking for a SWPF to share some good times and fun. Must enjoy outdoor winter activities. 1149 SWM, 25, 6', 185 LBS., ATHLETIC, romantic, ISO SWF, 21-28, NS, hottie who's into dressing up and dressing down. A great laugh is a must. 1150 DWM, ATTRACTIVE, YOUNG 40, great shape, sane, ND, easy-going, hardworking, ISO interesting, fun F for friendship and possible LTR. Let's meet and enjoy 1998. 1151 I'M NO BRAD PITT, AND DONT care to be! SWM, 29, love the country, but miss the city; ski, though not well; hate the gym, but go anyway. I'm interesting, athletic, yet cultured, motivated by passion & spontaneity. Are you? 1152 FAIR MAIDEN, 30-40, WITH intelligence, looks, character, sought by highly educated, handsome, humorous, athletic DWM, 6', 175 lbs., for dating and possible LTR. Kids OK. 1153

My lever laughs whenever she has an orgasm. Is this

normal?

— Puzzled in Plattsburgh

Dear Puzzled, Do most gals giggle when they go at it? No. Snickering in the sack is not the norm. It she's laughing at you — rather than with you — and making quips about your

equipment,

you can read cruelty in her cackle. It you find her tittering as

toreplay

begins and busting a gut as it goes on, then her clowning

sounds

like a case ot the

ECLECTIC SWM, 40! Part-time dad, 6', trim buns, healthy, likes to ski, hike, sail. Teacher, entrepreneur, gardener, handyman enjoys full moons, laughter, romance. Stable, supportive. No chef, but willing to wash dishes. ISO a special friend of similar qualities and an appetite for passion. Carpe Diem! 1154

nerves. But if her cli-

EASY-GOING, HUMOROUS, attractive, single, monogamous male, early 30's, seeking attractive SF, 25-40, for dining, bowling, friendship, movies, romantic nights, cuddling, conversation. Like fragrant oil massages? 1155

then what's the prob-

HAPPY-GO-LUCKY, SUCCESSFUL DWPM, 6'i", 195 lbs., late 30s, attractive, fit, looking for same. Sense of humor, playfully domineering, love wine, fire, blanket, you. Seeking S/DPWF, 25-38. 1156

than never to have

WANTED: NS FEMALE CHARACTER, 2430, for pivotal role in 1968 epic drama. Many scenes—outdoors, in coffee shops, at home. Casting couch is optional. 1157

point?

HUMOR AND KINDNESS. Grad student, late 20's, active and attractive, at peace. Looking to meet a positive, fit WF, 25-35, who enjoys it. 1145 NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTION: Meet and befriend a woman. Emotional, spiritual, physical attraction helps. Me: 6', 180 lbs., 42, brown hair, green eyes. You? 1146

Qodl now! I - 9 O O - 3 7 O - 7 1 2 7 $1.99 a minute. A/lust be 18 or older. SEVEN DAYS

Dear Lola,

max is simply so joytul that she just can't keep trom peeing her pants,

lem? Isn't it better to have loved and laughed

loved at all? Besides, it sex isn't tun, what's the

J j o l a

c/oOTDfWtaiify 255 ICtaiplaiti Street, - • jf

op. January

2 8,

1998

to respond to a personal ad call 1-000-370We're open 24 hours a day! $1.99 a minute, must be 18 or older. 19 YO, 5'6», 120 LBS. ATTRACTIVE SWF with green eyes, black hair. Interests: fashion and dancing. Looking for attractive F to experience life and have fun along the way. 1107

GWF, 31, ISO GWF, 25-30. FEMININE, good humored, intelligent. Object: LTR. Hey, why not? If you like movies, books, music & travelling, call! 1079

GBM, 37,190 LBS., NS/ND, OPENMINDED, hard-working, joyful. ISO GM, 18-37, NS/ND for friendship, possible relationship. Physically disabled OK; H1V+ OK, too. No games, please. 1088

MaBICURIOUSF, 31, BLONDE/BLUE, attractive, thin, professional, seeks woman, 23-40, for casual friendship & fun. Discretion appreciated/given. 1158

LOOKING FOR A WOMAN WHO WILL pleasure me the way she would like to be. Big breasts, big butt and big spender. Please call if you like to be spanked. 1137

I'M SGWF, 23, SMOKER, MOTHER of two looking for a SGWF, 21-35, who enjoys the outdoors, candle-light dinners, going out and children. 1159

PLAIN & SIMPLE. GWPM, 39, s'9". 200 lbs., masculine, passive, psychology student, good looking, workout, outdoorsman, adventurous nature, humorous. Seeking masculine, aggressive males over 40 for fun, maybe more.

Asskinq women

GBF, 63, WANTS A FRIEND, LOVER, partner—NS/ND, loves watching sports, positive outlook, very affectionate, WNBA/ABL fan. Want same. 1113 BiF, 22, BLONDE, ATTRACTIVE, articulate, non-conformist seeks same for conversation, companionship and ??? Must have a sense of adventure. I like NIN, dancing, witches, bondage, yoga, books, tattoos. 1093

Asskinqmsn CONVERSATION & KINK! Submissive, 40-S0mething, 6', 195 lbs., bearded, balding GWM seeks creative men for intellectual stimulation and physical domination. Intense, intelligent, mephistophelian males desired for expansion of mind and limits. 1075

SBiF, FEMININE, DESIRES TO FIND same. I'm 5'9", dark hair, blue eyes, attractive & sexy. Want someone erotic who won't mind getting a little wet. Discretion/disease-free a must. 1117

GWM, 39, 6', 170 LBS., CARING, understanding and loving, looking for someone, 35-45, for friendship or possible relationship. 1086

1098

PART-TIME GROWN-UP, ACTIVE out^ sider, athletic & handsome (in subdued back lighting), 40's, 170 lbs., 6'i". Desire youthful pal, 18-breathing, with bike, backpack and swim trunks. NS/ND. 1105 READY AND WILLING GWM, 30'S, 5»9", good looking bottom, seeking males that are butch, masculine and top. Into many areas of fun. Would you like to know what kind of fun? 1109 GWM, 38. IN SHAPE, 5'7", MUSCULAR, 160 lbs., NS, top & bottom libido. I am a goal oriented, hard working, openminded, mature man ISO same type of qualities for LTR. 1115

HANDSOME MAN, EARLY 30'S, SEEKS fun-loving, fit man, 25-35, for friendship, possibly more. I'm s'9", 160 lbs., like snowmobiling, boating, motorcycles, fast cars and having fun w/ friends. 1138

24 YO, 6', 195 LBS., NOT A PERFECT body, but a very nice guy, new to Burlington, seeking decent guy. Interests include travel, cooking and watching TV. 1161

GREEN MOUNTAIN HOME GROWN: early 20's, pierced, wiry and good looking hippie. Dreaming of a sweet, sexy Boy to share dark beer and scruffy kisses under a wild, wild moon. 1142

WANT TO BE A DOMINATRIX (OR ARE you one)? Have a man (or men) at your feet, obeying your will. No experience necessary, will train by generous male. Be free! 1101

BURLINGTON AREA GWM. I AM 35, 5 ' n " , 180 lbs., clean shaven, regular build, NS, seeking similar guy to share my life with. Enjoy movies, theater, cooking, travel, music, dancing, cuddling and good, uninhibited fun. Let's get together. 1066 CHARISMATIC, SENSITIVE AND masculine 60 YO Russian actor, dancer, composer, pianist, teacher with warmth and sense of humor (5*10", 155 lbs.) seeks smaller, feminine male counterpart, 2540, for friendship & possible LTR. 1068

MENTAL HEALTH CLASS, 1/20. You: baking blonde beauty, came in late. Me: following the girl with black hair, but ready for a change. Save me from heterosexual hell. Please call. 1102

AIM TO PLEASE. GWM, 31, brown hair, mustache, 6'i", good-looking, fun to be with. Looking for someone, 20's40's, for the same. Let's have fun and lots more. 1160

JWWi

1 - 9 0 0 - 3 7 0 - 7 1 2 7 Am St

• Jtm mJt • &

To respond to Letters Only ads: Seal your response in an envelope, write box # on the outside and place in another envelope with $5 for each response and address to: PERSON TO PERSON c/o SEVEN DAYS, P.O. Box 1164, Burlington, VT 05402

SWF ISO SM, 21-30, sense of humor, sense of cuddles & conversation, willingness to break the ice, spend time being playful or simply listening. Box 2 2 4 DWPF, 39. NS, SENSITIVE AND genuine, very attractive, loves working out, the outdoors, dancing, movies, quiet, romantic evenings. ISO handsome, fit D/SWPM, 34-41. Photo appreciated. Box 2 2 0

A N Y O N E FOR B I K I N G IN I R E L A N D ?

Swimming with dolphins? Maybe learning the Tango? Reading in bed all day? Open to possibilities. I'm 46 and not afraid of children or heights. Box 244 COULD BE W O N D E R F U L ! Big, beautiful,

SWF, ND, 40'S, ATTRACTIVE, FIT\ enjoys working out, travel and romantic dinners. Light smoker ISO M, 40-50, with similar interests. Box 219 YOU? LICK. SEXY? NIBBLE. 2o'S? Laugh. Animalistic? Touch. Hedonistic? Caress. Hotty? Lap. Available? Gyrate. Experienced? Exhale. Adventurous? Perma-grin. Me? Cute, married, willing. Picture, please. Box 221

for LTR. We are intelligent, fun, kind & sincere, and know the value of honesty & loyalty. Like some outdoor activities...art & music. Ctrl. VT/Burlington area. Write first, rejoice later! Box 245

WPF, 4 ^ N S , 5'2^, CURLY B R 0 W N hair,

native New Yorker, physician, mother. I enjoy skiing, dancing, dining out, theater, talking, life. ISO WPM, 44-54, who wants good company and to try some or all of the above with me on both sides of the lake. Box 225

# • • JO m J&m

DR. LAURA WOULD APPROVE! PCSWF, 33, ISO PCSWM, 30-40; friends first. Likes outdoors, quiet times and fun, too! For LTR eventually. Pic/letter, please. Box 226

woman Msldnq mm

WITTY, RADIANT DJP, 40, wise when not bemused, ISO educated, active philosopher type w/ fast skis/slow hands who knows life's simpler than it looks. If you can tango, even better. Box 2 3 7

$1.99 a minute. Must be 18 or older.

MISTRESS FOR YOU? Are you a passionate, prof., financially able gentleman, 50+, who'd enjoy weekly, discreet rendezvous? Extremely attractive, sensual, articulate SWF, 31, awaits. Box 222

j^ « # MOM, DIVORCED, OVER 30, tired of sitting home? Part-time (LTR). Business owner with 2 children seeks gal for fun times—mental as well as physical. Kids are first, but when they are not looking, we can get lost. Box 235

mm RELOCATING TO VERMONT. ENJOY hiking, walking, snowshoeing, dinner, shopping and more. SWM, 41, 5'ii", 165 lbs. Box 2 3 9 DWPCM, 49, HANDSOME, DEAF & bright, ISO CF who's sane, pretty, secure and fun to be with. I enjoy downhill skiing, hiking, theater, soft music and dining out. Box 240 NEO-LUDDITE, SWM, 50 (MONTPELIER/ Northeast Kingdom), seeks neo-luddite F with hand-cranked grain grinder and slinky black dress. Box 241 GROWING UP, THERE WERE TWO chft-!:* dren in your family—you and your younger brother. You're organized and know a lot about nutrition of body, spirit, ambitions. I'm in my 40's. Need your care. Box 242 LETS SEE... THE PLANTS ARE WATERED, all the lights are off... Ooops! I forgot to get married! ISO funky Jewess who is similarly absent minded. Box 243 SENSITIVE NICE GUY. DWPM, 47, attractive, fit, educated, NS, ISO loyal woman, 39-50, for LTR. Interests: travel, dreams, responsible, dancing, walks, sports and more. Box 234

DISTINGUISHED, SUBMISSIVE gentleman, 50, fit, successful, well-to-do, ISO complimentary fit w/ classy, sensual, commanding woman who enjoys being in charge, waited on and pampered by compliant, unburdening man who enjoys your domestic & personal chores & truly pleasing & supporting you. Box 232

SWM, 35, NECROPHILIAC WITH Oedipus complex seeks F, 18-25, for simulated post-mortem outrages, bedtime stories, etc. DeSade seeks Ms. Von SacherMasoch. Box 227 THIRD SHIFT BLUES. DWPM, 41, 6'i", 170 lbs., NS/ND, quiet, good looking, nice. ISO F, 30-40, NS, fit. Like kids. Send picture. Can't wait. Box 225

mm w

GWM, 5'io , 165 LBS., HONEST, openminded, loves the outdoors, hiking, biking, skiing and nature. ISO GM, 2040, for friendship and good times. Box 238 ' " II READY FOR IT. GM, 40, ISO MAN with integrity, 35-50, for LTR. Interests: culture, causes, nature, spirituality. Your respect gets mine. Box 229

IRREVOCABLE ECOLOGIST SORT seeks -same for philosophical intercourse & possible LTR. Partial to habitat on the west end of Champlain Basin Bioregion. Pantheist okay. Beauty & brains acceptable. Healthy humor a must. Late 30s w/ fashion attitude preferred. Activist—perfect. Box 233 FROM MONTPELIER (Lake Champlain for half the year): NS/ND DWPM, goodlooking, athletic, multi-dimensional, independent, secure, honest, kind, generous, adventurous, humorous, fun. You: good-looking, 4oish, similar. Box 2 3 0 M, 39. 165 LBS., 6\ DISENCHANTED with decent, responsible, celibate lifestyle, seeking mischievous F party animal for occasional, discreet afternoon fun and friendship. Box 228

ISO HANDSOME, CLEAN-CUT M, 20-35, to show me how to give my wife a sensual massage. She's 35, pretty, built like a well-muscled Victoria's Secret model. Professional massage training, discretion a must. Box 246 ATTRACTIVE, TRIM, INTELLIGENT, 50's, sincere, bi-curious, professional M seeks attractive couple (M&F) with similar qualities to share discreet, clean, safe intimacy. Box 236

4 digit box numbers can be contacted either through voice mail or by letter. 3 digit box numbers can only be contacted by letter. Send letter along w/ $5 to PO Box 1164, Burlington, VT 05402

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