Seven Days, May 22,1996

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ODD, STRANGE, CURIOUS AND WEIRD BUT TRUE NEWS ITEMS FROM EVERY CORNER OF THE GLOBE CURSES, FOILED AGAIN Police in Highland, Indiana, nested Mark Petraitis, 24, for robbing a convenience store after the clerk identified him, even though he was wearing maroon underpants over his head. "He was wearing them sideways, using one of the leg holes to look through to hide his identity," police Lt. Paul Gard said. "That didn't work so well because the clerk recognized him immediately because he had been in there often."

member Sam Walker insisted the reason he owes the state nearly $ 10,000 in back taxes is that he assumed he was exempt. "I'm an elected official," he explained. "I didn't know you had to pay taxes'." • Four years ago, California state Senator Don Rogers denied that he owed the federal government

#:' SKINNED A joint venture announced by Britain's Smith & Nephew health-care company and the U.S. biotechnology company Advanced Tissue Sciences will produce human skin patches from the circumcised foreskins of babies. Shipped in frozen cassettes ready for surgeons to thaw, rinse and cut to shape, the skin patches are grown inside the cassettes by seeding a synthetic scaffold that later dissolves. ATS said each foreskin generates enough skin to cover six football fields;

$150,000 in back taxes, declaring that because of the 14th Amendment he had a "white man's citizenship" and wasn't bound to pay taxes. In April, the Palmdale Republican announced he was rescinding that declaration, explaining that he had taken the position in the first place after receiving some bad tax advice. • Thirty-five percent of Americans surveyed in a poll reported in the New Republic said they would favor printing ads on dollar bills if doing so would result in lower taxes.

TAX REFORM Currituck County, North Carolina, board of education

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MAMMALS IN ACTION Authorities in Mendocino County, California, issued a warning to mothers to watch out for a woman who reportedly was grabbing babies from strangers, then breast-feeding them. A Eureka police report said the woman told one shocked mother, "Every child needs lactate nourishment."

missile satellite. A day after the 550-pound, 59-inch satellite was launched on its 30-day mission in December, it failed. After a three-month investigation, USU scientists concluded that the Russians had connected solar panels to recharge the satellites battery backwards. "They were hooked up in reverse polarity," USU engineer James Cantrell said, "and had the effect of discharging the battery instead of charging it." • In Carbondale, Illinois, Jon Podbielski and Bob Czernik chained themselves to a locked gate to protest construction of an incinerator at the Crab Orchard National Wildlife Refuge. Refuge officials said the blocked gate wasn't the entrance to the incinerator construction site but to a wastewater treatment plant on the refuge. As a result, U.S. Fish and Wildlife officials didn't become aware of the two protesters, who had fastened their necks to the gate at 5 a.m., until that afternoon. Then, because Podbielski and Czernik had squirted Superglue into the U-shaped bicycle locks so the keys wouldn't work, rescue workers ended up cutting through a brace on the gate to free the men, leaving the locks around their necks.

PERFECT NEIGHBOR Nobody in Monza, Italy, had seen Gabriella Villa for seven years, but relatives and neighbors assumed she had moved from her apartment to another town because no one ever answered the door. Some even started a rumor that she ran away with another man. When her estranged husband and 26-year-old daughter obtained a court's permission to inspect the apartment for possible sale in April, they found the 47-year-old woman in her bed, dead from natural causes seven years earlier.

OOPSJ Scientists from Utah State University and Russia worked for two years, spending $7 million from the Defense Department, to build an anti-

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NAVEL MANEUVERS Thomas Rizer, 54, a high school math teacher in Hackensack, New Jersey, resigned after he was accused of photographing dozens of male students' bellybuttons. "He would use his position to gain confidence of kids, take pictures of their torsos, their belly button area, and then use these pictures for his own sexual gratification," prosecutor Charles Buckley said, adding, "It's hard to tell how many different people are if*voWed because a lot of pictures only show the navel area." CHEW ON THIS Authorities in Kanawha County, West Virginia, concluded that Mark A. Howell, 31, died when he opened the door of his pickup truck to spit tobacco juice and struck his face on a rock. NUCLEAR FAMILIES Emergency officials in the Ukraine said a fire that engulfed five deserted villages near the Chernobyl nuclear power plant may have been caused by a burning cigarette discarded by picnicking families visiting graves near their former homes. •

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REJECT PLATITUDES Thanks, again, Peter Freyne, for through your immensely entertaining, bombastic style we get glimmers of truth. Although no friend of the "Sanderistas" — us folks who are perhaps the only effective political left-wing left — Peter has given us ample warning to a combined threat of Sweetser and Dean. In Peter's report (Inside Track, May 7), the pretend Susan Sweetser, a moderate antirape crusader and pro-family w*^ feminist, is seen convened with ^gjjglJl^ some of Vermont's most rightV g|| wing elements, including the militia supporter John McClaughry. Expect nastiness from the gun-nuts, the fat-cat Al aristocracy, and the religious BBHmajl^^ fanatics, while "Sweet Suzy" stays saint-like above the fray. We could lose one of our nation's best Congresspeople, just as Utah did two years ago when the excellent Karen Sheppard was ousted by the likes of Enid Waldholz. In Peter's next report we get the gist of Gov. Dean's wonderful smokescreen of a speech at the local Democratic convention. With restraint, not a usual Freyne trademark, and with Peter's decade-long observations about Howard Brugh Dean, Peter shows his "Ho-Ho" as the most Machiavellian of politicos. Great words, Dr. Dean, but your actions speak louder: tax cuts for the rich, a 60 percent hike in doctor's fees and health insurance, and the Wal-Martization of Vermont's once conservationist Green Mountain image. Vermonters, keep your senses and reject the platitudes of so-called moderates who conceal an agenda where the rich get richer, the poor get poorer and the environment goes South. — Dave Pell Hinesburg

MARK TRAIL

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ONCE AND FUTURE FARMING Faced with rising grain prices and soggy fields, Vermont farmers consider new cash crops By Kevin J .

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HAPPY TRAILS It was with delight and great shock that I read I 9 k 6 your article on Mark Trail and the Trailheads {Seven Days, May 15). How could I have thought that I struggled alone with my secret affliction, or assumed that mine was just about A mollusk invader shells it out the only refrigerator on the block gripping those page 11 By Pamel a Pol st'on . . . . . . . yellowing but ever-timely panels? (Yes, the "little otter" one is there, a gift from cartoonist Alison Bechdel, who pointed out the psychosexual, if not environmental, themes that trouble Mark.) Mark's sexual ambivalence is apparent in more than just his reluctance to marry Cherry. A sagging journalist gets in line Just last week, for example, on May 10, a young man who has broken his engagement in order to p a g e 15 By Paula R o u t l y be just like Mark — outdoorsy and literary — asks Mark for house-building advice. "Someday I hope to be a good writer like you, Mark, but editors tell me I need more knowledge of the outdoors!" Mark is seemingly unthreatened by An in-your-face exhibit about homophobia tells it like it is the potential competition and gives him advice By Anne Galloway p a g e 19 ("Living in the woods is not an easy life, Tony!"), but his body language belies the ambivalence of his true feelings. This is where cartoonist Jack Elrod shows his mastery of the unconscious mind. The final panel depicts Mark extending a hot horseshoe on a pair of calipers directly news q u i r k s page 2 toward young Tony's genitals. A brazier heats up weekly mail page 3. nearby, and Jack holds a hammer in his other hand. Veiled threats or sexual identity problems? exposure page 3 Elrod wisely leaves it for the reader to determine. s t r a i g h t dope page 4 Such homoerotic references abound through the hearty woodsman's life. ^'Do you want me to inside track . . page 5 carry your pack now, Boyd?" a strapping fellow backtalk, page 6 pleads in one strip. On another day, a particularly hunky Mark lounges seductively on a sound a d v i c e page 8 bunkbed. "Don't run out on me!" says his pal. "I'll be right here, Rocky!" Mark responds with a cal endar page 12 slight leer. talking pictures page 17 — Another Trailhead Burlington art 1 istings page 18

INTERVIEW WITH A ZEBRA MUSSEL

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Dear Cecil, A co-worker and I are arguing about the following riddle. I hoped you could give me a hand. A magician must cross a bridge carrying three gold pieces. He weighs exactly 68 kilograms, and each piece of gold weighs one kilogram. The bridge can carry no more than 70 kilograms or it will break. How does he cross the bridge safely, without throwing or dragging the gold across? The answer supplied with the puzzle says he juggles the gold pieces and therefore never weighs more than 70 kg, because one of the gold pieces is in the air at all times. I disagree - the magician and his gold pieces make up a system that weighs an average of 71 kg, whether he throws and catches them or just carries them. What do you think? - DML, via the Internet I think anybody carting around three kilos of gold (approximate value = $41,000) can probably afford to find himself a better bridge. Maybe not the answer you were looking for, but somebody has to keep an eye out for the practical stuff. Cecil has given some thought to offering a rigorous mathematical analysis showing that the downward force exerted on the bridge by the magician and his gold is, as you rightly surmise, 71 kg on average. Irealizetechnically you're supposed to express force in terms of newtonsratherthan kilograms. I also realize I'm trying to communicate with the general public, much of which is, let's face it, mathematically challenged. Irecalla conversation many years ago with a student at Northwestern who was convinced her fellow students were dopes. "Do you realize," she said indignantly, "that half the people in this place scored below the median?" So let's skip the math and keep if simple. Suppose we accept the proposition that a juggling magician weighs only 70 kg because "one of the gold pieces is in the air at all times." This is equivalent to saying that the magician walks across the bridge with two gold pieces in his pockets and the third floating over his head. Well, you did say he was a magician. But if we rule out the supernatural it's obvious the magician has to support that third gold piece somehow, yes? (Please say yes. I want to believe there's hope.) However he does it, he increases his weight by the weight of the gold. Stay off that bridge. FULL OF IT Dear Cecil, As one of your faithful but know-it-all-too-just-nof-as-witty-by-half readers, I have a comment on your column about increased flatulence at high altitude [April 24). Atmospheric pressure drops to half of sea level at about 18,000 feet, so that trapped gases double in volume. Having flown thousands of flights in unpressurized planes and in altitude chambers, experience tells my nose when we go over about 25,000 feet. Good check for oxygen mask fit. Your reader, however, was suffering from transverse incarcerated farts at 9000 feet. That's about 72 percent of sea-level pressure, and thus gas expands by about 39 percent - a small diameter increase. I suspect Bacchus and Eros [the original writer complained about flatulence while spooning in a mountaintop cabin] affected this fellow much more than Charles' Law.

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If may be true that when strapped into a cockpit you don't get noticeable - how shall we say - liberation of gas until above 25,000 feet. However, when you have sex you move around, or at least most people move around, thereby increasing opportunities for gas to escape. So if seemsreasonablethatintestinal distension at 9000 feet might lead to an attack of the foots. Maybe you're not buying this, but goddamit, I'm frying to apply some science to the situation. Luckily we don't need to depend entirely on theory. See below. [Flatulence] is a well-known phenomenon among skydivers. Crowded into a tight aircraft, as you pass between 6000 arid 8000 feet, there is a good chance someone will let rip. We just consider it arecreationalhazard.

So what do you think, doc? Skydiving being what it is, Cecil cheerfully admits that reasedflatulencemay be partly due to your being in a state of generalized muscular

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sition because Armey and his friend Gingrich 1 | Politics, Politics, Politics stand for everything I'm trying to fight against - 1 No question — it's war. And this week our in the United States Congress." | » Republican Congressional candidate brought in Sweetser of course, is pro-choice, voted to j 1 her own "Armey" to lead the charge. Susan increase the state's minimum wage, and claims 1 Sweetser also started a one-week advertising to be a moderate. She explains away her differ- « blitz on WCAX-TV touting her "working-class ences with Big Dick by saying it proves the 1 I roots" and crime victims advocacy. GOP is the "party of the big tent." But jeezum | 8 The 30-second spot that started running at crow, the air must get awful stale inside the j 1 5:59 a.m. Tuesday was a real gem. Most of it tent. What's the old saying? If you lie down 1 was shot two weeks ago at the Statehouse with a with dogs you get up with fleas. Susie must | host of campaign workers playing the roles of have a terrible itch this week that'll last well 1 | fellow lawmakers and reporters. One thing's beyond the time her Hollywood-style TV spot | certain —Sweetser's got some pretty talented stops running. . |. - media consultants. This spot gets an A-plus. Was publicly embracing Dick Armey a J | More teeth than a barrel of alligators, and her smart move? The money is nice, but she played hair was perfect. Sweetser wore 10 different right into Bernie's strategy. Even Big Dick outfits. Bet you didn't know she was fourth in acknowledged Ol' Bernardo wants to run her class at Vermont Law School, did ya? Or against Newt, not Susie. "If Bernie wants to run j I that she comes from "working class-roots?" against Newt Gingrich," Armey told the chick- . The commercial definitely projected 1 en dinner crowd, "why doesn't he move to Sweetser's star quality. But her decision to cash Georgia? Come to think of it, Georgia wouldn't I in on the appearance of House Republican be too happy about that." 1 leader, Dick Armey of Texas, makes one wonDon't be surprised if the Sanderistas dare | 1 der about her political savvy her to invite Newt to Vermont to campaign for Yeah, yeah, Armey's appearance at the her. Inside Track put that very question to | Sheraton helped her fatten her campaign check- Sweetser — she declined to answer because it's a book by $32,000 — 23 Vermont Republicans "hypothetical question." In December's UVM § ponied up $500 a head for a pre-dinner legislaVermonter poll, Newt had a 19 percent J - tive briefing by Newt Gingrich's right-hand approval rating. Even O.J. is more liked. Maybe g 1 man. Another 200 shelled out she'll invite O.J.? ™ | $96 for chicken with the Texan One undeniable fact about i | who made the front pages for Susie Creamcheese is that she's 1 I calling Rep. Barney Frank of about to have a baby. June 10 is | Massachusetts "Barney Fag." the due date, but the candidate Armey is a real smoothie, is campaigning full speed ahead. | and he was happy to share his "C'mon, Peter, it's the '90s!" she J assessment of Bernie Sanders. exclaimed, when asked about I "I've never thought of him maybe taking it easy for a few | f as an effective legislator," said weeks. "Women work and stay | Big Dick. "The problem I see at their jobs until the babies are ™ J with Bernie is, he just hollers all born, and I don't think running the time. When you speak on for Congress is different than 1 II virtually every subject and you any other job." , speak louder than any other Hey I bet that the little gift | i voice from the well, you lose the from heaven will look great on 1 ability to have people listen to television. | you. For instance, if I look up Traveling in Style — Armey 1 I and I see Henry Hyde is speakand Sweetser traveled in style | ing on the floor, I will stop from the airport to the Sheraton | ® what I'm doing and turn up the Sunday. Jimmy Johnston, long- j I volume. If I look up and see time Jeffords campaign treasurer Bernie speaking on the floor, I and father of Susan's campaign I director, was the designated dri- j hit the mute button." ver and provided the snazzy Hear no evil, see no evil. II wheels — a slick black Lincoln Twenty Sanderistas, includTown car — "Presidential" 1 ing the usual suspects like Terry model. Awesome. You see, | Bouricius, Peggy Luhrs and Jimmy operates the Barber & Lanier Funeral Oak Logalbo, lined Williston Road to welcome Big Dick and they ended up getting most of the Home in Montpelier. Usually the car's occupants are in mourning. You believe in omens? jj attention in Monday's Burlington Free Press. Althea Later? — Chittenden County Assistant 1 (Incidentally, the Freeps news staff was Judge Althea Kroger is battling cancer and | informed Monday that Editorial Page Editor apparently is doing well enough to stand trial Nick Monsarrat, the petty little something or before the Judicial Conduct Board this summer. I other, is quitting.) Great signs, too, like JCB Chair Leslie Black tells Inside Track ® "Sweetser Marches With Newt's Armey." Althea's trial — on the charge she "made false, Look, it's safe to say, Susie Creamcheese | already has Vermont's conservative voters in her deceptive and misleading statements under oath during hearings held by the Vermont | back pocket. She doesn't need to coddle them Association of County Judges" — has been I by bringing in right-wing celebrities who scheduled for August 26. Tickets, please. J wouldn't have a snowball's chance of getting New North End Politics — Republican City I elected dogcatcher in the Green Mountains. Councilor Kurt Wright, who successfully took | o r Bernardo was only too happy to take Mayor Peter Clavelle to task fof cutting fund| advantage of the opportunity Armey's appearing for women's programs, has made public his I ance provided to inform everyone of just who intentions to run for the legislative seat that J: Susie Creamcheese was schmoozing with, became vacant when Democrat Carmel i "Being criticized by Dick Armey makes me Babcock announced her retirement. It's a twoI feel pretty good," Sanders told Inside Track. member district and Democrat Bill Aswad has | "You have to remember that Dick Armey is a a lock on the other seat. But things could get | guy who has called for the abolition of Social interesting if Democrat Hank Gretkowski tossJ Security, and the ending of Medicare. Here's a i guy who is fighting against the minimum wage, es his hat into the ring.

BY PETER FREYNE

1 not only that he wants to abolish the minimum | wage. He is supporting a constitutional amendI ment to ban abortion. In other words, this man Jj is the leader of the right-wing extremist move® ment in Congress. I'm proud to have his oppo-

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"Quite a few people in high places in the Democratic Party have encouraged me to run," Hank says. •

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The Vermont Council on the Arts survived the legislative session — some say because of the senatorial bladder of Susan Sweetser, who was out of the room taking a pee during a crucial committee vote. But things are changing nonetheless at the beleaguered state arts council. This week the agency unveiled a new logo, and changed its name to the Vermont Arts Council. It published a new strategic plan —- in response to a 40 percent cut in federal funding — and discovered its executive director,

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Nicolette Clarke, is leaving her post at the end of the summer. "It would be very hard to leave before this point," she says of the recent "transitional period," which is arts code for Newt Deal. "We are going to have C O U N C I L less money to grant out, and what we do have will be very streamlined and targeted," she says. The new plan replaces many popular granting programs — including the "artist-in-residence" program — with a new "quarterly opportunity" system which means less paperwork for artists and organizatons. And most likely, less art for Vermont.

CYBER SIDE

You can't pick up a magazine these days without reading about Michael Kinsley, the former co-host of "Crossfire" and current cybereditor of the long-awaited online magazine^Zszfc What you may not read about Slate is that one of its three top editors is Judith Shulevitz, who got a rocky start in journalism at The Burlington Free Press. Shulevitz will be in direct competition with Dwight Garner, who edited the arts section of Vermont Times before he became the New York book editor for the online magazine Salon. Garner owned a 10-yearold computer before he signed on with Salon. Even now, he's not so sure about publishing in cyberspace. "Reading a magazine online still feels like homework to me," he says. "But there are not too many other venues for interesting literary pieces. You almost have to go online." A recent New Yorker piece — about Kinsley, of course — raised questions about the editorial integrity of the brave new world of publishing. Slate is bankrolled by Microsoft. Salon has a few ads, but gets its big dollars from Adobe and Apple. The New Yorker zeroed in on its "marketing partnership" with Borders book store, which allows readers to order the books Garner writes about. Not to worry, the editor assures, "we are the crankiest book section around."

IN BRIEF : Publishing Picasso can be just as prestigious as curating him. So it has been for the Fleming Museum, which scored two first-place awards for catalogs from the New England Museum Association. Gary Chassman of Verve Publications was the brain behind the books. Waitsfield artist Robert Yerks came up with the gorgeous design. Curator Janie Cohen provided the content, including rare interviews with collector Peter Ludwig and printmaker Aldo Crommelynck. . . The World Wide Web works in strange ways. It permits a guy like David Briars to run an international anti-Arches campaign out of his Craftsbury home. Briars, who rebuilds pianos by day, is the U.S. Press Office for a couple of London-based activists known as McLibel Two. Dave Morris and Helen Steel were charged in 1990 for distributing a pamphlet that charged McDonalds with union-breaking, environmental crimes, animal abuse and exploitation of children. The duo is defending themselves, with help from worldwide network of veggie supporters. . . Don't miss the opening of Spy Hard»the new sleuth spoof from Hollywood Pictures starring Leslie Nielsen. The manager of Hoyts Cinema Five has promised to dress up — or down, in this case — like the protagonist on the poster. Look for Randy Meyer oh Friday night in tux top — and nothin but boxers on bottom. His last | publicity stunt, for Twister, involved a car and a tree. •

may

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1996


ONCE AND FUTURE (ARMING

Faced with rising grain prices and soggy fields, Vermont farmers Bv Kevin J .

Kellev

ong after the hemp hoopla and current-use controversy have subsided, organizers will still be striving to stave off the collapse of family farming in Vermont with several smallscale, long-term initiatives — including inviting tourists to do the milking. Though largely unheralded, programs conducted by government agencies, community groups and the University of Vermont's Extension Service are helping keep farmers in business and are thus protecting the state's rural landscape and heritage. But it's far from certain that these micro-efforts will be sufficient to offset macro-trends that continue to decimate Vermont agriculture, particularly the dairy sector. The 1996 season could prove calamitous for hundreds of small operations, warns UVM agronomist Craig Altemose. A one-two whammy of rotten weather and sky-high grain prices are threatening to force threadbare farms throughout the state into foreclosure. A chilly, soggy spring has already prevented planting of hay seedlings and delayed cow pasturing by three to four weeks, Altemose reports. And that, in turn, is extending dairy farmers', dependence on expensive feeds. "If 100 percent of the corn crop isn't in the ground by May 31 and all the soybeans aren't in by the first week of June, we'll be in big trouble," Altemose predicts. Farmers' financial woes are compounded every extra day that they have to use purchased grains, the price of which has escalated by as much

L

consider

family from Connecticut coming up here to stay on a farm for a few days, and then seeing something made in Vermont on I the shelves of their local supermarket and deciding to buy it = because of their tourism experi- \ ence." i Again, the echoes down through the decades are deafening to Brown. A century ago, she notes, state agriculture officials were trying, via the tourist trade, to establish the Made in Vermont logo as a symbol of purity. Other farm-preservation initiatives — and revivals — include a management program aimed at equipping growers and herders with the tools needed to run a small business efficiently. "Record-keeping for many farmers hasn't been the world's best," says Rick Wackernagel, the UVM Extension agent who coordinates the management course. It's made a big difference for some of the 200 participating farmers, who have learned "to identify problems as they emerge and before they pull the farm under." The state also makes lowinterest, high-risk loans through the Vermont Economic Development Authority. VEDA has some $25 million in outVERMONT GOTHIC One way to save the farm? Let the flatlanders pitch in. standing principal for debt offer room and board. Along restructuring and capital purBrown, who teaches at UVM. allowed many acres of land to with related material, the agrichases, with 450 farmers having Rural populations were dropremain open even as dairying tourism map will be distributed qualified for loans that are helpping as farmers fled to the continues to contract. The this summer at Interstate highing them stay afloat or widen number of vegetable, berry, egg, cities, prompting Vermont offitheir profit margins. cials to develop a series of stabi- way rest areas and other tourist and sheep, goat, horse and stops. Altemose and other speciallization measures remarkably llama farms now exceeds the ists are encouraging endangered The aim, Ketchel explains, similar to those in place today. total for dairy, bringing the dairy farms to diversify. is not so much to produce Agri-tourism, for example, complete count of Vermont Soybean cultivation is thought immediate income for farmers was touted as a potential farms into the 5000 range. to hold particular promise, both — "though every few dollars money-maker as early as the Historical awareness also as a means of lessening reliance helps" — as it is to link flat1890s. The state Agriculture helps put the current situation on purchased feed and as a lander consumers to Vermont into a somewhat reassuring per- Board began encouraging outfarm products. She foresees "a of-touch urbanites to visit spective. Continued on page 10

as 80 percent in the past year. This added burden "could well break the back of marginal farms," Altemose says. As it is, the number of dairy farms in Vermont has been spiraling downward for decades. Today, only 2000 remain — 500 fewer than at the start of the '90s. But some hopeful signs are visible as well. Expansion of other types of agriculture has

Headline writers have been raising the alarm about The Crisis of Vermont Agriculture for over a century. Repeated reports of the impending demise of farming in the Green Mountains have obviously been inaccurate. At the turn of the century, there was a lot of anxiety about the decline of agriculture in northern New England, according to Vermont historian Dona

Vermont in hopes they might convert abandoned farms into second homes or simply to treat the family to a working-farm vacation. One hundred years later, the state Agriculture Department is working to revive and promote agri-tourism. Lindsey Ketchel, the official in charge of the program, is preparing a map showing the 70 or so farms in Vermont that give day tours or

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THE CATS: R E T U R N OF THE S Q U E A L I N G S Q U E A L E R S (rockin reggae), Java Love, 8 p.m. No cover. J I M B R A N C A (blues), Java Blues, 7 p.m. No cover. .OPEN M I K E (acoustic), Burlington Coffeehouse, City Market, 8 p.m. No cover. R E B E C C A & F R I E N D S (alt-folk), Cafe No No, 8 p.m. Donations. D A V I D K A M M (banjo on the edge), Last Elm Cafe, 9 p.m. Donations. RED B E A N S & R I C E (blues-jazz), Club Metronome, 9:30 p.m. No cover. THE H E A R T OF S O U L (funk-soul DJ), Club Toast, 9:30 p.m. H E A R T A T T A C K W I T H R O B E R T O R E N N A (DJ), 135 Pearl, 9 p.m., $4/6. S T R U N G O U J (groove-rock), Nectars, 9:30 p.m. No cover. J O H N L A C K A R D B L U E S B A N D , Alley .Cats, 9:30 p.m. No cover.

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B R E A K A W A Y (bluegrass), Burlington Coffeehouse, City Market, 9 p.m., $5. G E O R G E PETIT & THE D E S I R E D EFFECT (jazz), Halvorson's, 9 p.m., $2. TWILIGHT I D O L S , S P I L L , S A N D O Z E (alt-rock), Club Toast, 9:30 p.m , $3/5 C O U R A G E B R O S . , K E V I N S A L E M , WHOLE I N THE G R O O V E (heartland, funk), Club Metronome, 9 p.m., $4. S T R U N G OUT (rock), Nectars, 9:30 p.m. No cover. I N T E R N A T I O N A L D J S , 135 Pearl, 9 p.m., $2/3. O P E N M I K E NIGHT W I T H M A R K G A L B O (acoustic), Cactus Cafe, 8 p.m. No cover. R A Y L E W I S (blues), Vermont Pub & Brewery, 9:30 p.m. No cover. C R A N I A L P E R C H (alt-rock), Three Needs, 6 p.m. No cover. NEIL C L E A R Y (post-punk acoustic), Last Elm Cafe, 9 p.m., $3. SCOTT M C A L L I S T E R (eclectic guitar), Daily Bread, Richmond, PICK THIS The Pick-ups are road7:30 p.m., $3.50.

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C L Y D E STATS TRIO (j azz), rock V roll band that sounds one Windjammer, 5 p.m. No cover. part Dire Straights, one part CCR, J A Z Z NIGHT, Cafe No No, 8 p.m. one part Dylan (the electric verNo cover. EL N I N O A N D A L U Z (spicy sion) and one part Stones. But flamenco groove), Java Love, 9 p.m. No cover. B N B (acid-jazz), Club mostly they sound like themselves. Metronome, 9 p.m., $4. H O L Y BARCount on hip-shakin' originals B A R I A N S , BIF N A K E D (rock), Club worth listening to — on their CD, Toast, 9:30 p.m., $10. THE X - R A Y S Rollin' D o w n the Line, or live, (rock), Nectar's, 9:30 p.m. No Tuesday at Nectar's. cover. S A L A M A N D E R C R O S S I N G (bluegrass/folk), Burlington Coffeehouse, City Market, 9 p.m., $6. A A R O N FLINN, S H A N E B R O D I E (acoustic), Vermont Coffeehouse at Vermont Pasta, 9 p.m., $5. T A B L E W I N E (acoustic), Samsara, 9 p.m. No cover. C O M E D Y Z O N E (stand-up), Radisson Hotel, 8 & 10 p.m., $7. B O O T L E S S & U N H O R S E D (Irish), Last Chance, 7:30 p.m. No cover. K I M K I N G ' S J U K E B O X (DJ), 6 p m followed by C R A I G MITCHELL (DJ), 135 Pearl, 9 p.m:, $6. W O M E N S I N G ; JULIET M C V I C K E R & M A R Y M C K E N Z I E ( a cappella, acoustic), Williston Coffee House, 8 p.m., $5. OUTER M O N G O L I A , KATE B A R C L A Y (noodle rock, singer/songwriter), Last Elm Cafe, 9 p.m. Donations. A B A I R B R O S , (rock), Patches, Holiday Inn, 9 p.m. No cover. WALT E L M O R E & ALL THAT J A Z Z , Tuckaways, Sheraton Hotel, 8:30 p.m. No cover. N A S T Y H A B I T (rock), Wolf's Lair, Colchester, 9 p.m., $2. C H U C K PETRA & THE P E T R A F I E D B L U E S B A N D , Charlie-o's, Montpelier, 9:30 p.m. No cover. A L E X BETZ & STEVE G O L D B E R G (jazz), Main Street Bar & Grill Downstairs, Montpelier, 8 p.m. No cover. U P R O O T (world beat, funk), Mad Mountain, Waitsfield, 9 p.m. No cover. D I A M O N D J I M J A Z Z B A N D , Diamond Jim's Grille, St. Albans, 8 p.m. No cover.

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E A R T H TONE (crunchy sonic snacks), Java Love, 8 a.m. No cover. CELTIC J A M S E S S I O N , Cafe No No, 1 p.m. No cover. D O N WHITE (acoustic singer/songwriter), Burlington Coffeehouse, City Market, 8 p.m., $6. KATE B A R C L A Y (singer/songwriter), Samsara, 9 p.m. No cover. THE X - R A Y S (rock), Nectars, 9:30 p.m. No cover. RETRO D A N C E E X P L O S I O N (funk-disco, '80s hits DJ), Club Metronome, 9 p.m. No cover. M I C H E L L E S H O C K E D W / F I A C H N A O ' B R A O N A I N (alt-folk), Club Toast, 7 p.m., $15; followed by W I D E W A I L (alt-rock) at 11 p.m N E V E R O N L Y ONCE LAST I N LINE, S E P A R A T E S O C I E T Y , C O M M O N G R O U N D (hardcore), 242 Main, 7 p.m., $5. B O O T L E S S & U N H O R S E D (Irish), Last Chance, 7:30 p.m. No cover. STEVE H E T E R N O R M O U S (rock 'n' roll obscuria), Last Elm Cafe, 9 p.m. Donations. C O M E D Y Z O N E (stand-up), Radisson Hotel, 8 & 10 p.m., $7. D A N S H A W (DJ), 135 Pearl, 9 p.m., $4/5. A B A I R B R O S . ( r o c k ) , Patches, Holiday Inn, 9 p.m. No cover. S A M A R M S T R O N G (jazz), Tuckaways, Sheraton Hotel, 8:30 p.m. No cover. N A S T Y H A B I T (rock), Wolf's Lair, Colchester, 9 p.m., $2. M I C H A E L O A K L A N D & E R I C K O E L L E R (jazz), Main Street Bar and Grill Downstairs, Montpelier, 8 p.m. No cover. THE W O O D S H E D B L U E S B A N D , Charlie-o's, Montpelier, 9:30 p.m. No cover. B U C K & THE B L A C K C A T S (rockabilly), The Downback, Randolph 9:30 p.m., $5. '

^

SUNDAY

PATTI C A S E Y , B O B G A G N O N & MATT M C G I B N E Y (acoustic), Burlington Coffeehouse, City Market, 11 a.m. No cover P O E T R Y & G U P P Y B O Y (alt-rock), Last Elm, 1 p.m. Donations. B L U E S FOR J A V A (open grateful/blues jam), Java Love, 8 p.m. No cover. O P E N M I K E WITH M A R T I N G U I G U I (acoustic), Vermont Coffeehouse at Vermont Pasta, 8 p.m. Donations. FLEX R E C O R D S NIGHT (dub DJ), Club Metronome, 9 p.m. No cover. F L A S H B A C K : HITS OF THE ' 8 0 S (DJ), Club Toast, 9:30 p.m., $5 under 21. THE X - R A Y S (rock), Nectar's, 9:30 p.m. No cover. D A V E K E L L E R (acoustic blues), Diamond Jim's Grille, St. Albans, 5^30 p.m. No cover.

®

MONDAY

R U S S F L A N A G A N (rock), Nectars, 9:30 p.m. No cover. U P S I D E D O W N F R O W N , A U G U S T A B R O W N (groove-rock), Clutb Toast, 9:30 p.m., $3/5. B A C O N S H E I K (groove-rock), Club Metronome, 9 p.m. No cover. A L L E Y C A T S J A M , Alley Cats, 9 p.m. No cover. W O M E N ' S NIGHT (dinner, film), Last Elm, 6/7:30 p.m. $2/Donations.

@

TUESDAY

O P E N M I C K N I G H T (acoustic), Java Love, 8 p.m. No cover. MATT N E W B U R G & THE G A R L I C P R E S S (acoustic blues), Cactus Cafe, 7 p.m. No cover. F L A S H B A C K : HITS OF THE ' 8 0 S (DJ), Club Toast, 9 p.m. No cover/$5 under 2l'. O R A N G E (funk, acid-jazz), Club Metronome, 9 p.m. No cover. THE P I C K - U P S (rock), Nectars, 9:30 p m No cover O P E N P O E T R Y R E A D I N G , Last Elm, 8 p.m. Donations. P A R I M A J A Z Z B A N D , ParimaThai Restaurant, 8 p.m. No cover.

WEDNESDAY

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DR. P L A I D (groove-rock), Club Metronome, 9 p.m. No cover. O P E N M I K E , Burlington Coffeehouse, City Market, 8 p.m. No cover. J I M B R A N C A (blues), Java Blues, 7 p.m. No cover. TOOTS & THE M A Y T A L S (Jamaican reggae), Club Toast, 9:30 p.m., $12. B U B B L E T R I B E (groove-rock), Last Elm Cafe, 8 p.m. Donations. SCOTT M C A L L I S T E R (classical guitar), Cafe No No, 8 p.m. Donations. J A L A P E N O B R O S , (rock), Nectars, 9:30 p m No cover H E A R T A T T A C K W I T H R O B E R T O R E N N A (DJ), 135 Pearl, 9 p.m., $4/6.

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DALL (Elektra/Asylum, CD) — Thanks to Canadian studio genius Daniel Lanois, Emmylou Harris has surpassed herself— and as one of the country's greatest interpretive singers with a couple dozen albums to her credit, herself is a hard act to follow. Lanois, who produced ground-breaking records for U2, Bob Dylan, The Neville Brothers, and his own stirring Acadie, is also no slouch as a guitarist, singer and songwriter: He performs all three functions on Wrecking Ball. Thus Lanois goes far beyond twiddling knobs, but it's his twiddling that makes all the W R S C H i N G UAI.I. difference. Lush and spare, haunting and down-toearth, this production follows the Lanois philosophy that less is more. Technology is evident in the shimmering guitar effects, the sculpted sonic dances of light and shadow. But the instrumentation is simple, sometimes just guitar and drums (played by U2's Larry Mullen, Jr.), and Harris extraordinary vocals lead the way. Slipping easily from ethereal wisp to country grit, she sounds as lonesome as a prairie, as silvery as moonlight, as intimate as skin. The characteristic catch in her voice is the sound of heartbreak. The entire selection of songs is like sleepwalking in heaven: slow, melancholy, dreamlike, from the evocative Lanois-penned opener, "Where Will I Be" to its hypnotic finale, "Waltz Across Texas Tonight" by Harris and Rodney Crowell. In between float songs by artists as diverse as Steve Earle, Anna McGarrigle, Bob Dylan, Lucinda Williams and Jimi Hendrix (yep, Hendrixs "May This Be Love" rules again, but quel difference). One of the best is the tide song, a Neil Young tune made otherworldly with the help of an oto wheel. Indeed, Lanois achieves a sort of overall tremulousness, suspended dynamically between a heartbeat-like bass and delicate percussion. And for Harris, a native Alabaman who has long raised indigenous bluegrass, country and folk-rock to glorious heights, Wrecking Ball is a new pinnacle. It's hard to imagine where the reigning queen of American Gothic could possibly go from here. Except on tour: Emmylou Harris arrives at Burlington's Flynn Theatre next Tuesday to Wreck the halls.

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Burlington, Vt. TWO F O R ROAD If you think Holy Barbarians is simply something Robin exclaimed to Batman, you haven't been following the career of Ian Astbury postCult. But then, it's hard to keep up with the lad. Liverpudlian Astbury has a new cult now: his former drummer Scott Garrett, Scott's brother Matt (Porno for Pyros) on bass and Patrick Sugg (formerly of L.A. punksters Lucifer Wong). The quartet's first C D , Cream, reveals a raw hard-alt-rock agenda with Astbury's distinctive vocals stacked on top. Recharged, re-directed and way passionate, The Holy Barbarians are proof that not all oxymorons are null sets. Check theirs Friday at Toast. And when you do, you'll first encounter the one-and-only Bif Naked — a New Delhi-born, Toronto-raised sensation with lots of tude and major tattoos. Uninhibited, unladylike and unintimidated, Bif gives a bad-seed first impression, a sort of Joan Jett for the '90s. And, indeed, some of her songs are frontal assaults, lyrically and sonically. But there's intelligence, bald vulnerability, even tenderness, too, in her words. And musical styles all over the map. You expect punk, you expect jagged screaming a la Ms. Love. What you get is surprisingly eclectic: a tough-shit-if-you-don't-like-it assortment of hard rock, rap lite, groove and balladry that shows off a sweet, competent, tell-all voice. Not that she don't scream. Holy Barbarella. Want t o g e t r e v i e w e d i n SEVEN DAYS'! Send y o u r CD or t a p e ( n o demos, p l e a s e ) , i n f o and p h o t o t o Sound A d v i c e . SEVEN DAYS. P . O . ' Bo* 1 1 6 4 . B u r l i n g t o n . VT 0 5 4 0 2 .

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potential cash crop. Vermont might actually be able to out-produce the Midwest on a per-acre basis, Altemose says, due to the state's favorable growing conditions for soybeans. Farmers in neighboring Quebec and New York already have given over a total of nearly half a million acres to soybeans, compared to 2000 acres in Vermont. The state's total is increasing quickly, however, and Altemose wants to help Vermont soy growers enter into cooperative sales arrangements with their counterparts to the north and west. Farmers around the state are also being encouraged to grow grains organically in order to take advantage of expanding niche markets for organic dairy products. Sheep and goat milking likewise appears to offer high potential. At present, according wrio

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to Dan Scruton of the state Agriculture Department, only one farm in Vermont is producing sheep milk. But its owners will be hosting a shepherding school this summer for adventuresome agri-entrepreneurs. The Brattleboro-based Center for Sustainable Agriculture also fosters organic growing and other types of farming that don't take a heavy toll on the land. Organizer Vern Grubinger provides information on pasture management, including rotational grazing and seasonal dairying. The Center likewise forges connections among schools, consumers and farms in order to "encourage decision-making favorable to agriculture," Grubinger explains. As is the case with most of these behind-the-scenes initiatives, the Center for Sustainable Agriculture does not pretend to be devising immediate panaceas. "It's an incremental, long-term process," Grubinger says. The question is how many farms will be left in Vermont in the long term. •

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INTERVIEW WITHA ZEBRA MUSSEL

A moUusk invader shells it out Bv Pamela

Polston

et's face it: Zebra mussels are a pain in our collective butt. They clog up intake pipes, they're covering up those picturesque ship wrecks on the bottom of the lake, they pile up like a tackle at the five-yard line on nearly everything that isn't moving. They're hogging a food supply that our mussels are supposed to eat, and trying to remodel the lake's ecosystem to suit themselves. Michael Hauser, Vermont's zebra mussel education specialist at the Lake Champlain Basin Program, confirms that the invading mollusk is one tough customer. Even the Pentagon is helpless. Nobody, from the President on down, really has a clue what to do, but everyone agrees it would be better if we had not let the things slip across the border in the first place.

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eastern Europe. We hopped a freighter to emigrate here. SD: I've heard it's pretty nice off the coast of France. Warm. Sunny. You must miss the old country. Ever think about going back? ZM: Nope. SD: When did your, uh, folks arrive in the U.S.? ZM: 'Bout 10 years ago. Your people first spotted us eight years ago near — whaddya call it? — Motor City. Lake St. Clair, I believe it was. SD: And you spread through the Great Lakes, the interconnected waterways of North America into the Mississippi and Ohio river systems. When did you reach Lake Champlain? ZM: Oh, around 1993. SD: Fast work. You guys make like bunnies. ZM: How's that? SD: You're so, well, procreative. ZM: Ah, yes, we do have a way

Frankly, the zebra mussel is a threat to the American way of life, and if somebody doesn't put a stop to it soon, we're screwed. Seven Days was able to grab an exclusive interview with what appeared to be a representative mussel on its way to lunch. If what follows tells you anything about the little buggers, please e-mail someone important immediately. As Hauser would say, spread the word, not the mussels! Seven Days-. So, I assume you're called zebra mussels because you're striped? Zebra Mussel: Yeah — we'd prefer to be compared to tigers, but no one asked. SD: Where did you come from? ZM: Well, my folks are from up river... SD: The St. Lawrence? ZM: Mais oui. But my ancestors go back to the Mediterranean, southern and

with the ladies. SD: How exactly do you... ZM: You American journalists are so nosy. But if you must know: One glance at us studs and the ladies let fly with a few thousand — give or take a few — eggs. Naturally, the sight of all that fertility gets us pretty worked up. We ejaculate a few million sperm nearby, and presto! Some of us get lucky. Coupla days later, we've got a whole batch of little veligers swimming out on their own. SD: Veligers? That's what you call them? ZM: Well, I call them the kids. SD: So then what happens?

ZM: So then the kids start to form their own shells and they settle somewhere and, basically, we never hear from them again. The little ingrates. SD: We have that problem — except in our case, they come back when they need money. But about this settling thing: Why do you have to glom onto boat motors and clog up pipes? Don't you know what a nuisance that is for us? ZM: Hey, a mussel's gotta hang his hat somewhere. SD: You don't wear a hat. ZM: Whatever. SD: But why do you all have to pile up on each other? I've heard there can be up to 700,000 of you guys per square meter. ZM: What can I say? Family values. SD: How do you manage to hang on so tenaciously? ZM: We've got these string-like things called byssal * fibers, and they're really sticky, see? We're basically homebodies, so once we "glom," as you put it, we usually stick around. SD: Literally. ZM: Huh? SD: Never mind. So, what do you eat? ZM: Oh, phytoplankton, detritus, you know — anything lower than us on the food chain. SD: They say your presence in Lake Champlain can alter that food chain by starving or suffocating native mussels — among other things. ZM: Well, it's no worse than what your people did to the natives when they came over. SD: Touche. But your presence might ultimately threaten other species in the lake by unbalancing the whole environment. Why, local fish can die simply by eating you — you're supposed to be full of toxic stuff. Continued on page 16

SEVEN DAYS

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©Wednesday m u s i c ' N O O N MUSIC IN MAY': "Through the Opera Glass" is musical theater enhanced by unique costumes and props. Stowe Community Church, noon. Donations. Info, 253-7792.

t h e a t e r 'SPAGHETTI MURDER MYSTERY': Explorer-detective Jeffrey Spaulding stars in this carbonara caper concocted by playwright Jim Hogue. Check out the dinner theater at Villa Tragara Restaurant, Waterbury Center, 6 p.m. $35. Reservations, 244-5288.

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I FICTION READING: Vermont writer David Huddle reads from his short stories as part of a two-week intensive writing workshop at the University of Vermont. Room 109, Building 128, University Heights, UVM, Burlington, 7:30 p.m. Free. Info, 656-5796. TEEN PARENT AFTERNOON: Young parents and babies gather for fun and food. Wheeler School, Burlington, 1-3:30 p.m. Free. Info, 860-4420.

e t c BUSINESS EXPO: Hundreds of exhibitors will be at the Vermont Business and Industry Exposition. Check out the first-ever Internet laboratory and workshop. Sheraton-Burlington, 10 a.m. - 6 p.m. Free. Info, 223-3443. ' T H E FEMINIZATION OF POWER': A panel of local lady leaders — Sandy Baird, Pam Ackerson, Sally Conrad and Jennifer Wallace-Brodeur — focuses on gender differences in politics. Burlington • City Hall, 7-9 p.m. Free. Info, 8657200. FASHION SHOW: "Second Hand Rose," complete with luncheon, is a benefit for the Flynn Theatre. Howard Johnson, S. Burlington, 11:45 a.m. $30. Info, 863-8778. LILAC FESTIVAL: History hasn't changed the sweet smell of lilacs. Appreciate other differences — blacksmithing, hand printing and other turn-of-the-century crafts — at an odiferous celebration of spring. Entrance to the festival includes all activities at the Shelburne Museum, 1 l'a.m. - 5 p.m. $17.50, or half price if you wear Victorian clothing or a garden hat. Info, 985-3346.

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ORAL HISTORY: Senior Waterbury women talk about their lives. Senior Center, Waterbury, 11:15 a.m. Free. Info, 229-9408. 'SCHOOLS & SCHOOLBOOKS IN 1791': What were school materials like before Vermont became a state? A slide show educates at the N. Hero Elementary School, 7 p.m. Free. Info, 796-3462.

©thursday m u s i c 'FRIENDS OF WCFE': Jerry Lavigne, Ellen Powell and other local performersplay out in support of the staff at WCFE. The event is organized by a coalition of listeners who oppose the impending sale of the station to WAMC. JC s Jazz, Pittsburgh, 8 p.m. Free. Info, 524-5453.

d a n c e SWING DANCE: Learn as you swing at Cafe No No, Burlington, 7 p.m. Free. Info, 865-5066.

t h e a t e r 'GYPSY': "Everything Comes Up Roses" for the Barre Players in this musical tribute to stripper Gypsy Rose Lee. Barre Opera House, 8 p.m. $11. Info, 476-8188. 'MATRIMONY TIMES 3': Wedding bells? The Lamoille County Players perform three one-act comedies about an age-old institution. Hyde Park Opera House, 8 p.m. $7. Info, 888-7793.

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'GOING T O T H E MOVIES': Historian'Dona Brown delivers a lecture on turn-of-the-century leisure activities. Burlington Square Mall Atrium, 12:30 p.m. Free. Info, 658-2545.

a r t DRAWING SESSION: Artists get inspiration from a live model. Artspace, Burlington, 6:30-9:30 p.m. $5. Info, 862-2898.

w o r d s 'HER WORDS': Linda Hogan Davies, Nance Smith, Delinda Symes and Mary Rose Dougherty offer poetry and stories as part of the Women's Work Project. Bear Pond Books, Montpelier, 7 p.m. Free. Info, 229-9408. POETRY READING: Hatsy McGraw and Nancy Hewitt read at Cover-toCover Bookstore, Randolph, 7 p.m. Free. Info, 728-4206.

k i d s PARENTS ANONYMOUS: Terrible twos or teens? Get support for parenting while your kids play next door.

Burlington, 6-8 p.m. Free. Info, 800-639-4014.

Burlington City Hall, 2:30 p.m. $5.50. Info, 860-3611.

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BUSINESS EXPO: See May 22, 9 a.m. 4 p.m. LILAC FESTIVAL: See May 22. 'BEYOND EARLY RECOVERY': Local practitioners Theresa Bacon and Jane Linsley offer an educational forum and a resources table with a wholistic perspective. Unitarian Church, Burlington, 78:30 p.m. Free. Info, 985-4045.' 'KEEPING TRACK' SLIDES: Wildlife habitat expert Susan Morse explains her monitoring program, then signs up wannabe trackers for an orientation. Fletcher Library, Burlington, 7 p.m. $3. Info, 863-5744. REGIONAL SENIOR GAMES: Elder athletes compete in track and field, swimming, Frisbee golf and half a dozen other sports. Winners qualify for a national competition. Patrick Gym, UVM, Burlington, 9 a.m. $8 includes lunch. Info, 824-6521. 'CAPITALIZING O N COLLECTIBLES': The Vermont Venture Network meeting hosts a talk by the publisher of Mobilia magazine. Radisson, Burlington, 8-10 a.m. $15. Info, 658-7830.

'YOUTHWORKS' DANCE PARTY: Dance to deejayed music in celebration of Teen Health Day. Free food will be provided at Waterfront Park, Burlington 7 p.m. Free. Info, 863-7561.

BLOOD DRIVE: Share a pint with a stranger. St. Leo's Parish, Waterbury, 10 a.m. - 3:30 p.m. Free. Info, 658-6400. TOASTMASTERS MEETING: Hone your speaking, listening and leadership skills at the Econo Lodge, S. Burlington, 7 p.m. Free. Info, 862-6142. O U T R I G H T MEN'S GROUP: Gay and bisexual men under 23 talk about their issues. Burlington, 7 p.m. Free. Info, 865-9677.

@friday

t h e a t e r 'GYPSY': See May 23. 'MATRIMONY TIMES 3' : See May 23. 'OFF T H E CUFF': Theatre Factory's comedy improv troupe performs an interactive show at Mann Hall, Trinity College, Burlington, 8 p.m. $6. Info, 8722738.

w o r d s 'FULL FRONTAL NUDITY': Performance artists and poets celebrate the spoken word at Cafe No No, Burlington, 8 p.m. $3-6. Info, 865-5066.

k i d s PRESCHOOL SCIENCE: Three- to five-year-olds share spring games, crafts, stories and Outdoor explorations. Vermont Institute of Natural Science, Woodstock, 9:30-11:15 a.m. $10. Register, 457-2779.

e t c LILAC FESTIVAL: See May 22. BLOOD DRIVE: See May 23, Vergennes High School, 9 a.m. - 1:30 p.m. FLYNN TAG SALE: Bed frames, books, skirts and skis — look for anything, and everything, at this offbeat benefit for the arts. Flynn Warehouse, Burlington, 9 a.m. - 6 p.m. Free. Info, 863-8778. 'YOUTHWORKS': Teens — and interested adults — talk suicide, sex and employment.

BLUES FOR YOUTHS: Tammy Fletcher uses her big voice to help small

m u s i c TRUMPET CONCERT: James Duncan, of the Vermont Symphony Orchestra, Brass Quintet and Trumpet Ensemble, plays works by Handel, Persichetti and Telemann. Trinity Episcopal Church, Shelburne, 7:30 p.m. $10. Info, 985-2269. 'MUSICA PROPRIA': Jack Vosseller Austin conducts choral works by Vivaldi, Charpentier, Liszt and Mozart. Cathedral Church of St. Paul, Burlington, 7:30 p.m. $9. Info, 864-0471.

kids at a Saturday night benefit at Montpelier City Hall.

t h e a t e r 'THUMBS UP': Developmental^ disabled dancers, musicians, actors and singers are featured in this "Very Special" showcase presented by the Champlain Arts Theatre Company.

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No subject is taboo at this interactive Teen Health Day. Hauke Center, Champlain College, Burlington, 8:30 a.m. - 3:30 p.m. Free. Register, 6602706. 'TREASURE VERMONT': Eat hors d'oeuvres, drink cocktails, hunt for treasure and support the Vermont Historical Society. Tersh Boasberg discusses preservation as an engine for economic development. Victorian Lobby, Pavilion Building, Montpelier, 5:30 p.m. $50. Info, 828-2291. WOMEN'S DAY OF PEACE': The Women's International League of Peace and Freedom sponsors a musical performance to honor Senator Patrick Leahy's work to ban land mines. Christ Church, Montpelier, 7 p.m. $5. Info, 229-9408. NECI GRADUATION: Drew Nieporent, one of the - country's most celebrated restaurateurs, advises

Ordinary or Mediocre." Alumni Hall, Vermont College, Montpelier, 1:30 p.nh Free. Info, 223-9278. 'VERMONT'S PREDATORS': Meet a live bobcat, see slides and hear about local wildlife from Susan Morse. Adams School, St. Johnsbury, 7 p.m. $5. Reservations, 748-2372. O U T R I G H T SUPPORT GROUP: Gay, lesbian, bisexual and questioning youth are invited to an ongoing support group meeting. Burlington, 7 p.m. Free. Info, 865-9677.

Forum. Montpelier City Hall, 8 p.m. $12. Info, 229-6377.

d a n c e 'WOMEN'S MOVEMENT': The Vermont Dante Collective performs "Dance and Language Celebrating Women." Montpelier High School, 8 p.m. $8. Info, 229-9408. CONTRA DANCE: Peter Stix calls for Lisa Brown and Pandora. Dance lessons start at 7:30 p.m. Edmunds School, Burlington, 8 p.m. $5. Info, 865-9363.

t h e a t e r

©Saturday

'GYPSY': See May 23. 'MATRIMONY TIMES 3': See May 23.

m u s i c

a r t

TAMMY FLETCHER: The powerhouse vocalist leads a new group of Disciples on a musical journey — from "Count on Me"

OPEN STUDIO TOUR: Craftspeople all over Vermont open their studios to the public today. Visit potters, printmakers and weavers from Hyde Park to Woodstock. Pick up a local map at Frog Hollow on the Marketplace, Burlington, Info, 863-6458. Or at the Shelburne Craft School, 985-3648; The Artisans Hand, Montpelier, 223-4948; Shimmering Glass, Waterbury Center, 244-8134; The Community Center in Jericho, 899-4993; or The Vermont State Craft Center at Frog Hollow, Middlebury, 388-3177. FOLK DOLLS DEMO: Daryle and Katie Cook show off their muslin dolls. Frog Hollow on the Marketplace, Burlington, 1-3 p.m. Free. Info, 8655254. SECONDS SALE: Shoppers find deals on "seconds," live music and free refreshments at the Vermont Clay Studio, Montpelier, 10 a.m. - 6 p.m. Free. Info, 223-4220. ART SESSION: Artists and photographers get a new angle on their art with a live model. 150 Elm St., Montpelier, 7 p.m. Free. Info, 229-5253.

to do list

Museum, Basin Harbor, 1-3:30 p.m. Free. Info, 475-2022. ABENAKI HERITAGE CELEBRATION: Camp overnight if you want, or just take in the indigenous art, stories, dancing and music. Highgate Airport, 9 a.m. - 5 p.m. Donations. Info, 8682559. BIRD WALK: Beginning and expert birders search for feathered friends on this walk through five different habitats. Take binoculars and a field guide. Green Mountain Audubon Nature Center, Huntington, 8 a.m. Free. Register, 434-3068. LONG TRAIL CLEAN-UP: Take lunch, water and work gloves on a long Long Trail work party. Meet at UVM Visitor Parking, Burlington, 8:30 a.m. Free. Register, 862-3941. TRAIL CLEAN-UP: Help spruce up Smuggler's Notch. Then party with pizza and beer. Various lengths and difficulties of hiking are involved. Meet in Montpelier, 8:30 a.m. Free. Register, 223-1406.

I • LEADING LADIES: Women hold 10 percent of the seats in Congress. That's a long way to go, baby. Will national politics ever accurately reflect the population it represents? A forum of local women leaders takes on the "feminization of power" Wednesday at Burlington City Hall.

2 « MAKING WAVES: There may be a way to stop the sale of Mountain Lake Public Radio. But first, a few mellow jazz tunes... On Thursday, JCs Jazz in Plattsburgh is hosting a live musical tribute to the beleaguered staff at WCFE-FM. Loyal listeners should come early for the conspiratorial stuff.

3 . FLYNN FINDS: Second hand does not necessarily mean second rate. Not at the Flynn's annual Tag Sale Spectacular, anyway. Contributors to this "spring fling" tend to donate high-quality bric-a-brac. The more you buy, thie more likely the space will end up a black-box theater someday.

BURLINGTON FARMERS MARKET: Vermont-grown agricultural products and crafts grace the green at Burlington City Hall Park, 8:30 a.m. - 2:30 p.m. Free. Info, 453-2435.

® Sunday

A " • SAVING GRACE: The state of Vermont may be endangered, but stalwart defenders of its historical integrity are not exactly growing by leaps and bounds. They could be, according to Tersch Boasberg, who speaks at a "treasure hunt" Friday at the Vermont Historical Society. He talks about preservation as an "engine for economic development."

m u s i c

GATHERING OF BASSOONISTS: The principal bassoonist of the Vermont Symphony Orchestra coordinates a recital of bassoon solos, duets and trios. An allbassoon band plays the finale. B.Y.O.B. Music Building, UVM, Burlington, 3 p.m. Free. Info, 603-679-1459.

a r t OPEN STUDIO TOUR: See May 25.

e t c

e t c

LILAC FESTIVAL: See May 22. Check out the garden workshops, live music, poems and croquet theater. FLYNN TAG SALE: See May 24, 9 a.m. - 4 p.m. BLOOM-TIME FESTIVAL: Crabapples, lilacs and viburnums are in full bloom. Tag along on a wildflower and native plant walk at 10:30 a.m., or an apple research orchard walk at 1 and 3 p.m. UVM Horticultural Research Center, S. Burlington, 10 a.m. - 5 p.m. Free. Info, 656-0473. MARITIME CELEBRATION: The Lake Champlain Maritime Museum dedicates its newest building — the Gateway Visitor Center and Museum Store — with music, book signings and historical talks. Lake Champlain Maritime

LILAC FESTIVAL: See May 25. 'BLOOM-TIME FESTIVAL': See May 25. Today's bird walk begins at 10:30 a.m., and tours of flowering trees and shrubs start at 1 and 3 p.m. VERMONT CITY MARATHON: Over 4,000 runners test their endurance in "one of the most scenic marathons" in the country. Check out the post-race festivities at Waterfront Park. Burlington, 8 a.m. Free to watch. Info, 863-8412. WILDFLOWER WALK: An educational walk on the wild side turns up spring things. Green Mountain Audubon Nature Center, Huntington, 2 p.m. $3Info, 434-3068.

Continued

on page

14

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O * W H E E L ' N ' D E A L : Vermont is loaded with high-quality craftspeople, on back roads, in old barns and in garret apartments. Seeking out their studios is an adventure in itself. One hundred eleven open their doors this weekend, to anyone who can find the way. Maps are available in Burlington, Montpelier, Middlebury, Waterbury, Shelburne and Jericho.

6 * BASSOONER O R LATER: A bassoon support group? Could be an outgrowth of the recital Sunday at the University of Vermont Recital Hall, janer Polk is inviting local and out-ofstate bassoonists to blow people away — in solos, duos and larger ensembles. O n a high note. . .

Authentic Celtic Music by Reel Era In

with J o e Moore, Bruce M c K e n z i e and J a m e s M c G i n n i s T h e 1st and 3rd T u e s d a y of every month J u n e 5th and J u n e 19th 9 p.m. - closing N o Cover. 205 College Street Next to the Free Press

864-8209 Open at Noon Daily.

From pottery to clothing to garden art to rocking chairs work f r o m over 100 prominent Vermont artists will be auctioned at the Shelburne Craft School's benefit. T h e benefit will be held on M a y 31 at the Shelburne Coach Barn beginning at 6:00 with a buffet dinner at 7:30. Tickets are $30 per . person. Call 985-3648 lor tickets or more information.

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FRANK SESNO SPEECH: The vice president and capitol bureau chief of Cable Network News addresses Middlebury graduates. The late Ron Brown — who was also an altim — will be honored outside Forest Hall, Middlebury College, 10 a.m. Free. Info, 388-3711 ext. 5725.

®monday m u s i c OPEN REHEARSAL: Women bring their vocal chords to a harmonious rehearsal of the Champlain Echoes. S. Burlington, 7 p.m. Free. Info, 864-6703.

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J O H N ENGELS READING: The award-winning Vermont writer reads from Big Water as part of a two-week intensive writing workshop at the University of Vermont. Room 109, Building 128, University Heights, UVM, Burlington, 7:30 p.m. Free. Info, 656-5796.

k i d s STORY TIMES: Children 18 months to three years old listen at 10:30 a.m., those three to five at 9:30 a.m., and kids over four get a chance at 3:30 p.m. S. Burlington Library. Free. Info, 658-9010.

ENSEMBLE: Ethnomusicologist Hafiz Shabazz directs a shakuhachi flutist and keyboard artist in "Higher Ground: Praise Songs, Festive Music and Carnival." Spaulding Auditorium, Hopkins Center, Hanover, N.H. 8 p.m. $7. Info, 603-646-2422. COMMUNITY BAND PRACTICE: Musicians of all levels rehearse with the Waterbury Community Band. Waterbury Congregational Church, 7 p.m. Free. Info, 244-6352.

k i d s STORY HOUR: Kids between three and five engage in artful educational activities. Milton Public Library, 10:30 a.m. & 1 p.m. Free. Info, 893-4644.

e t c W O M E N IN INTERNATIONAL TRADE': The new Vermont organization, open to anyone with an interest in international trade, listens to Deborah Kimbell speak about publishing books in Mexico and India. Windjammer Restaurant, S. Burlington, 5:30-7 p.m. Free. Info, 865-7991. DISABILITIES SUPPORT GROUP: This organizational meeting is for parents interested in organizing a peer group for learning disabled young adults. 2110 Spear St., Shelburne, 7 p.m. Free. Info, 985-2865. ARTHRITIS SUPPORT GROUP: Hear the latest about arthritis and its treatment at 226 Laurel Hill Dr., S. Burlington, 3 p.m. Free. Info, 800-6398838.

e t c BUSINESS BREAKFAST: Entrepreneurs share ideas over coffee. Cafe No No, Burlington, 7:30 a.m. Free. Info, 865-1208.

© Wednesday

Info, 86-FLYNN.

t i l m 'KIND HEARTS & CORONETS': Alec Guiness stars. All are welcome at the Waterbury Senior Center, 7:30 p.m. Free. Info, 244-6648.

w o r d s HANK LEWIS READING: The author of In the Arms of Our Elders reads as part of a two-week writing workshop at the University of Vermont. Room 109, Building 128, University Heights, UVM, Burlington, 7:30 p.m. Free. Info, 656-5796.

k i d s PLAYGROUP: Babies, toddlers and their parents hang out at the Wheeler School, Burlington, 9 a.m. - 12:30 p.m. Free. Info, 860-4420. FAMILY SUPPER: Help prepare dinner with other families, then have fun eating together. Wheeler School, Burlington, 3:30-6:30 p.m. Free. Info, 860-4420. STORIES: Listen, snack and craft at the Children's Pages, Winooski, 10 a.m. Free. Info, 655-1537.

e t c BLOOD DRIVE: See May 23, Holiday Inn, S. Burlington, 3-7 p.m. 'ENVIRONMENTALLY-SOUND AGRICULTURE': Molly Anderson talks about integrated pest management and creating consumer support for environmentally-sound products. 590 Main St., Burlington, noon. Free. Info, 656-0233. 'CREATING INTIMACY': Soulworks therapists offer free advice about intimate relating. Fletcher Free Library, Burlington, 7 p.m. Free. Info, 864-6616.

m u s i c

® tuesday m u s i c EMMYLOU HARRIS: Expect aching ballads, old-time folk, acoustic rap and gospel standards from one of the nation's premier interpretive singers. Flynn Theatre, Burlington, 8 p.m. $23.5029.50. Info, 86-FLYNN. BROWN BAG CONCERT: Munch your lunch to the soprano sounds of Jenneke Barton. St. Paul's Cathedral, Burlington, noon. Free. Info, 864-0471. WORLD MUSIC PERCUSSION

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' N O O N MUSIC IN MAY': See May 22. The advanced piano students of Elaine Greenfield play four-hand duets by Brahms, Beethoven and Bach.

d a n c e CONTACT IMPROV: You need gravity — and guts — to participate in this weekly kinetic convergence. Memorial Auditorium Loft, Burlington, 7:15 p.m. $1. Info, 860-3674.

t h e a t e r 'A N I G H T OF 934 LAUGHS': Recovering Irish Catholic Margaret examines local politics with humor. Burlington City Hall, 8:30 p.m. $15.

clashes arts & crafts

language

SHELBURNE CRAFT SCHOOL: Summer session is starting. Info, 9853648. Adults and kids get trained in painting, clay, fiber, letterpress and blacksmith ing.

INTERMEDIATE & ADVANCED SPANISH: Weekdays, 8-11 a.m. or 18 p.m. $12 per one-hour private lesson. Info, 985-3502. Brush up on your Espanol with Katherine Masis.

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tai chi

'ORGANIZING DATABASES': Wednesday, May 22, 6-8 p.m. Department of Employment & Training, Burlington. Free to unemployed Chittenden County residents. Register, 860-4057. Learn to use MS Works Database to produce mailing addresses.

TAI CHI: Tuesdays, 6:30-8 p.m. & 89 p.m. Food For Thought, Stowe, $10. Info, 253-4733. John DiCarlo leads ongoing classes.

dance MODERN/JAZZ: Beginners, Thursdays, 7:15 p.m. Slow-intermediate, Tuesdays, 7 p.m. Intermediateadvanced, Wednesdays, 6:30 p.m. Olympiad, S. Burlington. $9. Info, 985-5216. Jane Selzer leads ongoing classes. DANCE: Adults stretch on Thursdays, 5:30-6:30 p.m. Kids improvise on Tuesdays or Wednesdays. Shelburne Town Hall. Info, 985-8261. Marcela Pino instructs all ages.

health 'STROKE SMART': Wednesday, May 22, 7-8 p.m. 301 Brown, UVM, Burlington. Free. Register, 865-2278. This lecture zeroes in on early warning signs and prevention. BREAST CANCER AWARENESS: Wednesday, May 22, 5-6 p.m. Fletcher Library, Burlington. Free. Info, 8633403. Fletcher Allen Health Care hosts the lecture.

Calendar is written by Clove Tsindle. Submissions for calendar, clubs and art listings are due in writing on the Thursday before publication. SEVEN DAYS edits for space and style. Send to: SEVEN D A Y S , P.O. Box 1164,

'AROMATHERAPY': Two Thursdays starting June 20, 5:30-8:30 p.m. UVM>BurUng$on^R£gisteir«656-§8Q0^ Take home a personalized fragrance spray, a "synergistic" body oil and lots of aromatic ideas.

Burlington, VT 05402-1164. Or fax 802-865-1015. e mail: sevenday@together.net

video PRODUCTION SKILLS: Weekdays, 5-6:30 p.m. Channel 17, Burlington. Free. Register, 862-3966. Learn about video by being part of the live show crew.

writing WRITERS WORKSHOP: Tuesdays, 7:30 p.m. Cafe No No, Burlington. Free. Info, 865-5066. Take a journal and your writing spirit.

yoga YOGA: Daily, Burlington Yoga Studio, 174 Main St. Info, 658-YOGA. Classes are offered in Iyengar, Kripalu, Bikram and Kundalini styles. Beginners can start anytime.

LIST yOUR

CLASS:

Fellow the fjormat, including a ic to 20 word descriptive sentence. Mail or walk it in, with $5 fior one week or $15 ftor a month, by the Thursday before publication. Free classes are listed without charge.

CENTER G R O O V E

WORLD

M U S I C percussion ensemble Hafiz Shabazz, director

Praise Songs, Festive Music and Rhythms of C a r n i v a l f r o m Africa,Brazil and the C a r i b b e a n

VERMONT MOZART FESTIVAL JULY 14 - AUGUST 4 WEEK

and dancers James Marshall and Marilyn Middleton

Tuesday, May 28 Spaulding Auditorium, 8 p m General admission $7 Dartmouth undergrads $2 Dartmouth grad students $4 DARTMOUTH

COLLEGE

H A N O V E R , NH MC, V I S A , A M E X , DISCOVER

603.646.2422

To receive a concert schedule and ticket information call

(donated by Frontier Communications)

JULY28-AUG4

WEEK

TWO

Sunday, July 14

Tuesday, July 16

THREE

862-7352 OR 1-800-639-9097

JULY14-JULY20

Dressage Exhibition East Lawn, Shelburne Farms, 6:30 p.m. Twenty-Third Grand Opening Concert Shelburne Farms, 7:30 p.m. Vermont Mozart Festival Orchestra with Christopher Wilkins, conductor ROSSINI, MOZART, SCHUBERT Sponsored by Chittenden Bank

• Ncjmont pu»uc Radio

WEEK

V E R M O N T M O Z A R T FESTIVAL

ONE

Piano Apassionata University ofVermont Recital Hall, 8:00 p.m. Daniel Epstein, piano MOZART, BEETHOVEN, CHOPIN

with special guest from New York The Uli G. Latin Jazz Trio

Co-sponsored by

JULY21-JULY27 Sunday, July 21 'Meadow Magic "Trapp Family Meadow Stowe 7:00 p.m. Vermont Mozart Festival Orchestra with Christopher Wilkins, conductor, Daniel Epstein, piano SCHUBERT-MAHLER, STRAVINSKY, HAYDN, BEETHOVEN Sponsored by Frontier, Harvest Market & Frederick Johnson Piano

Tuesday, July 23

Wednesday, July 17

City Strings University ofVermont Recital Hall 8:00 p.m. New York Chamber Soloists Strings BACH, PROKOFIEV, KODALY, ROSSINI, MOZART Sponsored by Vineyard Brands

Cabin Brass Robert Frost Cabin, Ripton, 8:00 p.m. Scott Thornburg, trumpet, with the New York Chamber Soloists HANDEL, BALDASSARE, TELEMANN Sponsored by Country Home Products

Sunday, July 28 Moonlight Magic Trapp Family Meadow, Stowe, 7:00 p.m. Vermont Mozart Festival Orchestra with Peter Leonard, conductor, Jean-Francois Latour, piano ROSSINI, DEBUSSY, FAURE, STRAUSS, CHOPIN Sponsored by Hydro-Quebec

Tuesday, July 30 Gilbert & Sullivan -"The Mikado" Sheraton Burlington Hotel Ballroom, Burlington, 8:00 p.m. The Vermont Gilbert & Sullivan Ensemble with William Metcalfe, conductor Sponsored by Vermont National Bank

Wednesday, July 31 Flights of Fantasy Cathedral Church of St. Paul, Burlington, 8:00 p.m. David Fedele,y?/<fe, and Victoria Drake, harp HANDEL, BACH, DEBUSSY, IBERT, BIZET, FAURl Sponsored by Mr. & Mrs. Duncan Brown

Friday, August 2 Wednesday, July 24

Thursday, July 18

Saxophones Afloat Lake Champlain Ferry, Burlington, 8:00 p.m. The Tower Saxophone Quartet FRANCAIX.JOPL1N, BOZZA, G. M. COHAN, BACH, PIAZZOLA, GLENN MILLER Sponsored by The Automaster

American Moderns Royall Tyler Theatre 8:00 p.m. Festival Winds CARTER, PISTON, BERGER, RIEGGER, FINE

Friday, July 19

Friday, July 26

Harbor Music Basin Harbor Club; Vergennes, 8:00 p.m. Vermont Mozart Festival Orchestra HANDEL, VIVALDI, TELEMANN Sponsored by B.F. Goodrich Aerospace

Voices in the Round Joslyn Round Barn, Waitsfield, 7:30 p.m. Vermont Mozart Festival Orchestra, with the Oriana Singers William Metcalfe, conductor HANDEL, VIVALDI, BOYCE Sponsored by WDEV

Saturday, July 20 Sunset Strings Shelburne Farms 7:00 p.m. Vermont Mozart Festival Orchestra with Christopher Wilkins, conductor Hamao Fujiwara, violin MENDELSSOHN, STRAVINSKY, BEETHOVEN Sponsored by Blodgett

Saturday, July 27 Bach Saturday Shelburne Farms 7:00 p.m. Vermont Mozart Festival Orchestra BACH Sponsored by Key Bank

SEVEN

DAYS

Coachyard Vivaldi Coachyard, Shelburne Farms, Shelburne, 8:00 p.m. Vennont Mozart Festival Orchestra" VIVALDI including "The Four Seasons" Sponsored by Sirloin Saloon & Ditise, Erdmann, Knapp & McAndrcw P.C.

Saturday, August 3 Twenty-Third Grand Finale Shelburne Farms, 7:00 p.m. Vennont Mozart Festival Orchestra, with Peter Leonard, conductor MOZART Sponsored by S.T. Griswold & IBM

Sunday, August 4 Finale Encore, Midsummer Magic Trapp Family Meadow, Stowe, 7:00 p.m. Vennont Mozart Festival Orchestra g William Metcalfe, conductor MENDELSSOHN, ELGAR MOZART, BEETHOVEN, STRAUSS Sponsored by Union Bank, Springer-Miller Systems & NYNEX Yellow Pages

may.. 22

r

1996


mm

•m f

SHAKE, RATTLE AND A sagging journalist gets in lime By P a u l a

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says cheerfully before demonstrating how to. Forward, not backward, is the way to go. The protective gear is also a drag. That is, realizing you look more like the Michelin Man than Beth or Eric Heiden. Beginning skaters are strongly advised to wear wrist, elbow and knee guards — and a helmet. Butt guards are also available, but by the time your

whole lot for your physique. After a year without sweating, I have two muscles left — one for writing headlines, the other for writing checks. My athletic options have narrowed with age: Running hurts my knees. Biking paralyzes them. Swimming takes too much planning. Tennis requires a partner. So last week I looked long and hard at my sagging body and decided to take up the one sport left — one that, like cybersurfing, didn't exist when I was a youngster. I was ready to roll. For years I was a proud pedestrian — I scowled at the buns-of-steel set on the Burlington bike path. I resented their graceful moves at the speed of Lycra, not to mention that blow-youoff-the-bike-path attitude. When my husband surprised me with my own pair of inline skates, I was interested enough to put them in the basement, where they mouldered for two years — until last week, when I hauled them, box and all, down to the Boathouse. The worst thing about learning to "Rollerblade" is getting up off the park bench — a slapstick moment, inevitably witnessed by onlookers, that you just have to get through. The second worst thing was ROLL 'EM Sven Cole does it backward on the being forced to witness Ski Rack glutes are rippling, you'll want instructor Sven Cole minimal interference with your sliding at high speeds on his buns. Skating, which ranks plastic knee pads. "It's not if you fall, it's when you fall," he

between running and biking on the cardiovascular scale, gets to some pretty out-of-the-way muscle groups. And, like biking, it is a balance sport. Anyone who has been to a roller rink should have some physical memory of the motion. That cramping arch sure felt familiar. So did the aching shins. But because inline borrows from ice, roller

bike path. and ski skating techniques — in alpine-style boots — there are some new moves to learn.

M-Th 10-8; Fri 10-9; Sat 9-6; Sun 11-5. Free Parking in back 85 Main Street, Burlington 658-3313

2Z,

.1 9 9 6

"We spend most of the time teaching people how to stop," Cole explains while skating backwards effortlessly. Striding and turning are easy compared to slowing down. In skating you decelerate by sliding your right heel forward in a sort of sit-spin Russian dance move — not a comforting position when you're losing your balance. It sent this former dancer rolling right into the bushes. Next morning, amidst a multitude of other mobile recre° ators, I got to wondering who could brake m in a pinch — and ^ who couldn't. I felt a _, rush of excitement ° knowing I looked legit ™ on the straightaway. Going downhill was a little harder to pull off. I practically crawled down the small hill between North Beach and the Moran Plant. I discovered the inline boot is designed for speed. The hardness of the wheels, which have to be rotated on a regular basis, and the quality of the bearings, add to the velocity. I was more worried about negotiating stones, puddles and frost heaves than breaking any speed records. If you think the bike path is a smooth ribbon of tarmac, try rolling along it. I also noticed another thing: switching from sneaks to blades is a bit like upgrading from Tercel to Turbo. Even in my armor, I got the nod from other skaters, while runners and bikers scowled at me. "It's my first time out," I reassured them as I blew by — but not my last. There's no stopping me now. •

SENIOR SPORT: Staying power is no sweat for elder athletes. With age comes consistency, concentration and plenty of time to work on the badminton game. That — plus Frisbee golf, croquet, precision walking and tennis — are some of the competitive events planned for the Burlington Regional Senior Games. Even 50-year-olds qualify. Thursday, May 23, Patrick Gym, 9 a.m. $8. Info, 864-0123. WILD SLIDE: Susan Morse finds bear, bobcat and mink on her Green Mountain forays. But her mission extends beyond tracking to build a comprehensive statewide program of wildlife habitat protection. She shows slides of her subjects in hopes of attracting a few more Ranger Ricks. Thursday, May 23, Fletcher Library, 7 p.m. $3. Info, 863-5744.

TRAIL HEADS: Hiking trails are not natural wonders. Every spring, good-samaritan types head for the hills to clear fallen trees and right rickety rocks. The good karma goes a long way — like dry wood after a long wet day on the trail. Do it now, before black fly season. Saturday, May 25, UVM parking lot, 8 a.m. Info, 879-1457.

RUNNING O N EMPTY: The Lonely Runner? Uh, not at the Keybank Vermont City Marathon. Organizers are expecting up to 4000 hoofers — more than half from out of state — at the annual 26-miler. Look for the City of Burlington running against the Cirv of Pittsburgh. Sunday, May 26, Burlington, 8 a.m. Free to watch. Info, 863-8412.

BLADE RUNNERS: 'Bla lot like walking — under circumstances, you should to learn once. But good it can save you precious flesi

28. Fort ; Catches ISH-33T3

ALWAYS

SEVEN DAYS U . J


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INTERVIEW Continued

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Get more pasta for 1/2 the bread buy one entree from our new menu and receive the 2nd entree of ecfual or lesser value for 1/2 price.

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TONIC

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Streets

specials

DESIGN

I

658-2575

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G O O D EATING • G O O D TIMES S

W

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Alain a n d Uschi extend a w a r m thank y o u to all those w h o have contributed to our success over the past t w o years. Please join us in welcoming Kim Swartz, the newest addition to our team.

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FOR

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ZM: Humpf. Look who's calling the kettle black. SD: How does it feel to know that millions of dollars are being spent to figure out how to eradicate you? Do you know Vermont has a guy who specializes in plotting your death? Do you like being considered a scourge to our ecosystem, including people who own boats and pretty homes by the lake? ZM: I really couldn't care less.. And I think you're getting a little hostile. SD: Sorry. But isn't there any way you could be persuaded not to settle here? ZM: Well, if the digs aren't up to snuff... SD: You mean if the environment becomes unsuitable somehow, or if you can't find enough to eat, or... ZM: Yes, yes, yes. We do require lots of vitamin-packed plankton, lots of calcium. A guy's gotta keep up his shell. And we don't like the water to be too cold. SD: Really? How the heck do you survive Lake Champlain in the winter? ZM: We just sort of hibernate, shut down for a few months. Some of us don't make it, but that's the way the cookie crumbles...But we're nothing if not adaptable. SD: Do you know that scientists are trying to figure out ways to interrupt your reproductive process — basically, to distract you from releasing sperm at the same time your females release eggs? ZM: Fat chance. We don't like football. SD: So what are your plans for Lake Champlain? ZM: Well, I've been looking at a nice little piece of property over by Malletts Bay. SD: You mean the part of the lake where your kind hasn't penetrated yet? ZM: Ayup. I figure, I only got three, four years...may as well get it while I can. Raise a few million kids, start some developments. SD: But that's so...irresponsible. ZM: Hey, dude, tough tooties! I'm an American now. •

Despite the flippant tone of the above, zebra mussels are a Stay tuned to 104.7 WNCS from May 13 - May 31 for daily clues and entry blank pick up locations! Collect as many points as you can & get your entry to 104.7 WNCS by June 4. Winner to be announced June 5 on Steve's show" Official entry blanks available at: Climb High, Pier One Imports, Purple Shutter Herbs, Queen of Tarts, Photogarden (Turlington, Williston), Tetter Power Equipment (Waterbury), Agway (Waterbury), Phil's Trading Post (Essex Junction), Laserworld (Essex Junction) Frank's Motorcycle Sales & Service (Essex Center), Menard's Agway (Morrisville), Tucker's Garden Center (Waitsfield, Randolph), Vermont Trading Company (Turlington, Montpelier), Tlouin's Paint & Floor Covering (Montpelier) and Angeleno's Restaurant (Montpelier). page

16

SEVEN

DAYS

serious problem

in

Lake

Champlain. For more information,

contact the

Lake

Champlain Basin Program at

1-800-468-5227.

may

22,

1996


THE HOYIS CINEMAS

FILM QUIZ MISSION: PROMOTIONAL Every now and then a motion picture comes along that is guaranteed to make so much money its studio just kind of goes crazy. The first symptom of this box office delirium? Free goodies! In this case, megaswank direct-from-Tinseftown Mission: Impossible T-shirts for the first dozen people to accept this week's assignment and correctly answer the following questions concerning the latest blockbuster from Tom Cruise... 1. Who is director of Mission: Impossible? 2. In addition to lead actor, what role did Tom Cruise play in the making of the film? 3. For what film did screenwriter Robert Towne win an Academy Award? 4. What ex-Oingo Boingo member composed the movie's score? 5. On which network was the original television series broadcast in the late '60s and early '70s? 6. Finally, what 1981 film provided Cruise with his first major role? ©1996 Rick Kisonak Don't tor get to watch 'The Good. The Bad & The

LAST WEEK'S WINNERS

on your

local previewguide

channel

LAST WEEK'S ANSWERS

DOREEN BENWAY DIANE HOFFMAN LEYDEN

A. SALLY FIELD

JENNIFER MILLER CHRIS MORAN CHRISTOPHER PfTERMAN

B.JULIA ROBERTS

RAUL SANDERS RiCK HIKES MARK BOOTH NANCY FARRMD

DEADLINE: MONDAY • PRIZES: 10 PAIRS OF FREE PASSES PER WEEK

SEND ENTRIES TO: FILM QUIZ PO BOX 68, WILLISTON, VT 05495 FAX: 658-3929 BE SURE TO I N C L U D E Y O U R ADDRESS. PLEASE A L L O W 4 - 6 WEEKS FOR D E L I V E R Y O F PRIZES.

Review HEAVEN'S

PRISONERS**

Is there a film performer more underused than Alec Baldwin? Here's a guy who's clearly intelligent, a bonafide babe magnet who can hold his own with any actor in the business, and yet, with a few exceptions (Glengarry Glen Ross, Miami Blues), he keeps showing up in stinkers. For example: director Phil Joanou's long haul to nowhere, Heavens Prisoners. The makers of this nonsensically titled and bayou-based milieufest had it on the shelf for more than a year and a half. They apparently figured their only hope for cutting catstrophic losses was to slip it in under the radar between Twister and Mission: Impossible and pray it picks up some of their momentum. SMART ALEC Baldwin Good luck. The picture offers the story of yet another burned-out ex- makes the best of a homicide detective with a bottle problem who's left it all behind for an boneheaded situation atmospheric existence with his woman. In this case, it's a job selling bait -n joanou's latest at a ramshackle shop in the Louisiana swamps where he lives with Kelly Lynch — yeah, right. But his past comes back to haunt him in the form of mob button men who shatter the inner peace he's been working on, completely screw up his home life (but, honey, you promised that part of your life was over forever!), and knock him off the wagon. Not to mention making him madder than hell and bent on bloody revenge. You know: The Usual. Joanou gets an A for ambience. I always get a kick out of these little trips to funky backwater hangouts where guys with a dark secret go to forget. There was some potential here for a low-key, gritty, sweat-soiled guy's movie of the sort Warren Oates once specialized in making. His direction is a sorry spectacle, however — all hokey ultra-redundant crane shots, ominously lit bad guys and accidentally comic melodrama. The dialogue is genre boilerplate. And knee-deep in the muck once more is Alec Baldwin, who does his best to bring things up a notch, but is simply outnumbered, dragged under by the dead weight of the less talented.

PReviews

M I S S I O N : IMPOSSIBLE Think nothing short of an act of God could knock Twister off its top spot at the box office? Just wait till the latest from Big Tom exercises a little Cruise control this weekend. Brian de Palma directs this effectsfest adaptation of the '60s series. SPY HARD Along with all those other reasons to loathe O.J. is the fact that he singlehandedly killed any chance of another Naked Gun sequel. For a second there I worried that Parody Master General Leslie Nielsen might be out of work, but thankfully he stumbled onto this send-up of the secret-agent genre. DENISE CALLS UP Tim Daly and Dana Wheeler Nicholson star in this tale of cyberspace-age love in which workaholic yuppies are introduced, forge romances and then watch them fall apart via telephones, faxes, e-mail and the Internet — without ever actually meeting. Written and directed by Hal Salwen.

•e

SHORTS

TWISTER** Only two films in human history have hit the $100 million mark faster than Jan De Bond computer-generated tale of competing tornado chasers. Helen Hunt and Bill Paxton play second fiddle to the overrated special effects. FARGO**** A black comedy set in the Great White North, this true story about a kidnapping gone awry is considered by many to be the best thing yet from the brothers Coen. Frances McDormand stars. A M I D W I N T E R ' S TALE (NR) Writer/director/blowhard Kenneth Branagh follows up the moronic Mary Shelley's Frankenstein with this release-delayed saga of small-town thespians struggling to stage a production of Hamlet. F L I P P E R (NR) Will The King of the Sea (remember the TV theme song?) reign at the box office? Elijah-Wood and Paul Hogan are paired in the Free ^^reminiscent saga of a boy, a mammal and an evil toxin-spewing corporation. MULHOLLAND FALLS*** Nick Nolte heads a heavily fedora'd cast in this Chinatown-reminiscent tale of a special crimefighting unit with a license to break the law. THE QUEST* Jean Claude Vam Damme joins the ever-bulging list of musclebound auteurs (Stallone, Segal, Schwarzenegger, etc.) with this debut from the director's chair. THE PALLBEARER (NR) David Schwimmer makes his big- screen debut in this romantic comedy about a young man who helps out at the funeral of a friend he can't remember. Gwyneth Paltrow co-stars as the girl he can't forget. With Barbara Hershey.

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MR. TUTTLE GOES TO BEANTOWN! Man with a Plan Hits Boston!

rating

scale:

F a x

y o u r

C a l l

F f e i E t f D * !

y o u r

K t H l

Kendall Square Cinema (Cambridge) & Wesf Nevrtbn Cinema

starts frimy, way a s t 22,

1996 u;

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* * * * *

NR * not

rated

CD SHOWCASE

SHOWTIMeS Films run Friday, May 24 through Thursday, May 30.

4

North Avenue, Burlington, 863-6040. The Quest 12:30, 3:15, 7, 9:35. Mulholland Falls 12:15, 3:30, 6:40, 9:45. Toy Story 12:45, 3:40, 7:10, 9:25. Mr. Holland's Opus 12, 3, 6:30, 9:15. Evening times Mon-Fri, all times Sat & Sun.

CINEMA

NINE

Shelburne Road, S. Burlington, 864-5610. Spy Hard* 11:30, 1:30, 3:30, 5:30, 7:35. Mission: Impossible* 11:15, 12, 1:50,2:35,4:25, 5:10, 7:05, 7:45, 9:50, 10:20. Flipper 11:50, 2:15, 4:50, 7:10, 9:40. Heaven's Prisoners 12:30, 6:35. Twister 11, 11:45, 1:30, 2:20, 4, 4:45, 6:40, 7:30, 9:20, 10:05. Pallbearer 3:40. 9:50. The Truth About Cats & Dogs 11:35, 2:15, 4:30, 7:05, 9:45. James and the Giant Peach 11:50, 2:30, 4:20. The Birdcage 11:20, 2, 4:20 (Tues-Fri), 6:50, 9:35.

SPREAD FRED! -

*

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ETHAN A L L E N C I N E M A S

- *

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J 7 S T iilWWfJ

may

3

CINEMAS

5 Williston Road,

S. Burlington, 863-4494. Spy Hard* 11:30, 1:30, 3:30, 5:30, 7:35, 9:40. Flipper 12:10, 2:10, 4:20, 7:20, 9:20. Primal Fear 12:30, 4:15, 7, 9:30. Twister 11:30, 2:05, 4:40, 7:15, 9:40. The Craft 4:30, 6:50, 9:35. James and the Giant Peach 12, 2:25. Evening shows Mon-Fri. All shows Sat & Sun. unless otherwise indicated.

NICKELODEON

C I N E M A S College Street,

Burlington, 863-9515. Mission: Impossible* 11:15, 12, 1:50, 2:35, 4:25, 5:10, 7:05, 7:45, 9:50, 10:20. Denise Calls Up* 11:30, 1:30, 3:30, 5:30, 7:30, 9:20. A Midwinters Tale 12:30, 2:50, 5, 7:20, 9:30. The Truth About Cats & Dogs 1, 3:10, 5:20, 8, 10:10. Antonia's Line 1:15, 6:50. The Birdcage 4,9:10.

THE

PJ i—i

O

i—i

CO O

SAVOY

Main Street, Montpelier, 229-0509. Fargo 6:30, 8:30.

S FARTS FRIDAY. Times subject to change. Please call theaters to confirm.

SEVEN DAYS » 1 *

I I I J \

p a gJ e

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17


llli | p T a k e a field trip w i t h M o o n d a n c e II Herbal's Kate-Alexandra Levine, to the m a g i c a l r e a l m of f l o w e r e s s e n c e s . L e a r n philosophy, actions, techniques & p l e a s u r e s w h i l e s u r r o u n d e d b y a field of flowers. Weather permitting, we need a s u n n y m o r n i n g t o m a k e this h a p p e n , followed by a potluck lunch. Sunday, June 2nd, 9 am-1 p m $ 2 5 (less $ 5 if y o u b r i n g y o u r o w n b o t t l e s )

I 100 Main Street, Burlington, VT A t the

t *

intersection of Pine and Main Streets

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The Stratton Arts Festival is searching lor artists and artisans in any media for its annual show. For information call 802-297-3265 Deadline is June 17th.

Also, art exhibits in June and FREE art activities June 1 & 2 on Church St. Marketplace http://memliers.aol.com/ArtsVT/Arts\rr.htm

emphasizing the

individual At M E C A we emphasize individual learning. O u r campus is small, our location unparalleled, and our faculty accomplished. O u r studio facilities include a newly renovated building with safe and inspirational space for artists. If you are ready to get serious about your art, please call us, there's still limited space in the Fall '96 class. BFA degrees offered in eight studio majors: ceramics, sculpture, metalsmithing & jewelry, painting, photography, graphic design, printmaking, and self-designed.

) 775-3C

,//www.-

p a g e

18

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SEVEN DAYS

may

2 2 ,

1 9 9 6


FLAME-BUOYANT Bv

Anne

Galloway

ulips sit on the little old lady's desk. Her badge reads "Volunteer." Behind her silver head, spiked baseball bats hang from the ceiling. Here at the T W Wood Gallery, multiple videos playing simultaneously envelops the room — and its elderly chaperone — in uncharacteristic cacophony. "Flaming Senses: Painting & Video," by Manchester artist Steven Dunning and Montreal videographer Kevin Cook, is a multi-media exhibit that graphically examines homophobia. Their dual work, which abets each other powerfully, confronts violent gay-bashing and attitudes toward AIDS victims. By inverting stereotypes and mass-media images, Dunning and Cook question the way our society marginalizes gay men. It is a bold exhibit — more like the stuff of the Whitney than the Wood. It is impossible to see this show and not feel the impact, however indirectly, of homophobia; to take in the fear and outrage that gays live with routinely. For the uninitiated, it is an intimidating experience. Take those baseball bats. Maybe those black and white,

spike-studded phalluses were "Little Leaguers" once, but no more. A viewer can quite literally get impaled walking into Dunning's installation, "This is Our Bed." On the floor beneath the hanging bats sit 29 doll-sized wooden "beds" arranged helter-skelter. Cook's video, "Excerpts from the Big City Suction" plays like a hologram on the surface of one of the tiny beds. The message: Homosexual love, a type of human love, lest we forget, is ever at the mercy of targeted violence. Spiked bats are the gay-basher's weapon of choice. On other beds are opened books with the word "homosexual" carefully cut

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"Flaming Senses: P a i n t i n g & V i d e o , " by Steven Dunning and Kevin Cook, TW Wood Gallery,

Montpelier.

Through May.

out everywhere it had appeared. These slices are piled like dust on yet other beds. The implication that gays have been excised from "legitimate"

history texts is impossible to x miss. Human endurance in the face of acute pain and suffering is poignantly portrayed in two other Dunning works. "We Stand" comprises five identical photorealist paintings of a man's chest and folded arms. His skin is covered with gruesome blisters, and is more offputting painted in a sickly green. From the bottoms of the paintings hang rubber truncheons — except for the one dangling an enormous dildo. As Wood director Heidi Lang writes in an introduction to the show, the work evokes "the suffering of a faceless, thus dehumanized man." In the group of paintings called "Seven Men," Dunning has sliced the midsection of a nude man lengthwise into sevenths and adhered the sections onto the sides of two-by-fours. Twelve spikes pierce each wooden man, through head, heart, belly, genitals and legs. Jokey/grim juxtapositions are Dunning's leitmotif. So are undies. Jockey briefs are the objets trouves in several of these works, as in "Inspect," a pair of briefs with the "inspected by" tags stapled to the interior. In "Sizes 8 Through 16," boys'

underwear, neatly folded in thirds, forms a tall stack against the wall, above which hangs another baseball bat. For Dunning, bats and underwear rise to the level of art because they so strikingly represent the dichotomy of vulnerability and an ever-present lack of safety. Using fluent Chipmunkese, Cook takes the viewer on a journey with the video montage called "From Montreal to Cincinnati, From Cincinnati to ????." In the first shot a young woman says, "I'm going to Montreal with my boyfriend." In the second, a young man says the same thing. "From Montreal" continues with shaky shots of the cheap-rent districts in both cities, with sarcastic descriptions of Cincinnati and its innumerable fast-food restaurants. In this city, Cook declares, he's reached "new heights of blandness." The video isn't just an offbeat, smirky trek between locales, however; it's a painful, disjointed trip through alienation toward identity. Cook doesn't hesitate to reveal private apartments, lovers, gay groups.

"So -f many men," he comments wryly, "so little immunity." In the video titled "Normal," Cook's characters repeat the same motions over and over again. He distorts the images by blurring them with movement. A voice says, "Every-thing is normal now. Look and see for yourself." The static repetition makes "normality" in this video pretty strange. "Flaming Senses" is conceptual art at its best. Dunning and Cook use the ironic pairing of images to challenge viewers' misconceptions about male homosexuals. A strength of the two artists — who frequently show together despite their geographical distance — is a consistent, droll sense of humor. The work is all the more poignant for its wit. Powerful political art is difficult to pull off. But Dunning and Cook make statements about homophobia that are difficult to ignore. •

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Friday, Mag 24,1996 9am - 6pm Saturday, May 25,1996 9am - 4pm Flynn Warehouse at King and St. Paul Streets Special Thanks to Our Sponsors For Their Generous Support

Champlain Valley Jr. Service League &

Chicago Bicycle Company

1

hiy o chance to win a new J 7 5 0 bkyde generously donoted by Chicago &cyde Company

Raffle tickets ire $2 or 3 for $S Media Sponsor

e&WVMT may

2 2,

1996

Fourth Annual Craft Open Studio Weekend May 25-26 Visit 125 artisans in their studios during Vermont's statewide craft Open Studio Weekend, Memorial Day Weekend, May 25-26. Take this opportunity to meet Vermont's" talented community of craftspeople. The Craft Studio Tour Map containing directions to studios available from The Vermont Crafts Council; PO Box 938, Montpelier, V T 05601, 802-223-3380, vtlcrafts@aol.com Pick up a free map at The Shelburne Craft School (Shelburne), Frog Hollow on the Marketplace (Burlington), the Artisans' Hand (Montpelier) or Shimmering Glass (Waterbury) SEVEN DAYS

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May

23-29

ARICS

(Mar. 21-Apr. 19): Excuse i me. Hope you don't mind terribly if I i interrupt. I hate to pull you away j from the jaw- stretching, timej diddling yawns you've been so I engrossed in lately. But the moment i has come to bid your comfy boredom ; good riddance. If you agree to do so, I I can practically guarantee the arrival i of a host of fun surprises. Like a j futuristic ride on an ancient soul | train, for instance. Not to mention a | comic chase scene in which the | hunter is captured by the prey. ! TAURUS (Apr. 20-May 20): I really I don't care if your room is a mess or j you hate some part of your body. I j don't have the slightest inclination to I mock your taste in music or I encourage you to whip yourself over j the worry du jour. I'm committed to j finding the real you, the you that you j normally unveil only when you feel | utterly at home. My job is to bear | witness to that all-too-secret part of ! you, and to coax it to the surface. I When everyone else is judging you for i your social status, the salary you pull | in, and your political opinions, I'll be j here beaming my appreciative grin at j your wild heart — never judging, ! always trying to see you for exactly i who you are.

| GCMlNl

(May 21-June 20): Last | night I couldn't stop dreaming about | you. First I dreamed you were a used ! car salesman who could not tell a lie. ! Then I dreamed you were a magical i garbageperson using alchemy to i convert watermelon rinds into bars of j gold. Near morning I dreamed you j were a frog princess who had ; discovered the secret of how to turn j yourself back into a human, but were

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astrology

waiting to do so until you finished some important undercover work. What was all that about? Do you truly possess this much integrity, transformative power and strategic ingenuity right now? Or is it merely my subconscious mind exaggerating the rosy astrological omens into stupendous ones? CANCCR (June 21-July 22): From an astrological point of view, it would be a good time to take up residence in a cave in the woods, let all your bodily hair grow out, eat nothing but tasty roots and berries, and learn the language of the trees. If that's too extreme or inconvenient, could you at least please wander out into the wideopen spaces for a few hours? Roll down a soft green hill. Try to psychically command a butterfly to land on your nose. Weave yourself a crown of wildflowers and dance when nobody's looking. L£0 (July 23-Aug. 22): Try to think back to when you were a child playing in the yard on a warm spring day. Imagine you're there now, yelling and laughing with utter concentration on the game at hand. Suddenly, in the distance, you tune in to the tinkling music of the ice-cream truck driving down your street. You drop everything, run inside your house and successfully beg your mother for a dollar. Soon, you're communing with a sweet treasure. I predict you'll soon experience an adult version of this scenario. Someone very much like the

© Copyright 1996

the difference in the kind of trouble you'll end up with will be dramatic. Merely waiting around will attract a malodorous and indigestible variety. Going out and hunting it down, on the other hand, will win you a problem that's so provocative and pregnant with possibilities that you won't call it a problem for very long.

w BY ROB BREZSNY** IWWHiflfPP

ice cream man is coming — or is it the ice-cream woman? VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): As I lay down on the beach to meditate on your horoscope, I had a bizarre fantasy about a softball team composed entirely of Virgos. They called themselves the "Slammer Jammers," prided themselves on winning ugly, and had no compunction about sliding in to the bases with their spikes high. I know this sounds far-fetched. In a more reasonable reverie, the all-Virgo team would be called something like the "Fine-Tooth Combs" or the "Obsessive Compulsives." But my daydream is just one more piece of evidence that you Virgo folks have somehow acquired a rough, tough new edge. You seem a little meaner, in the best sense of that word — as if you're no longer going to let your polite judiciousness interfere with your prospects for raging victory.

LIBRA

(Sept. 23-Oct. 22): It would be a good time to dream of taking a trip to the moon in a boat powered by firecrackers and wild swans. But it would be an even better time to actually book a flight to the exotic spot or undiscovered country your imagination is most captivated by. It would also be an excellent moment to fantasize about all the unselfish things you'll do someday to fight for truth and justice. But it would be an even more excellent moment to ride horseback into the Mexican jungles to hang out with and lend your support to the Zapatistas.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): Sociobiologists have discovered a breed of laboratory rats that acts almost exactly like human beings in all matters concerning love and romance. Studies with these creatures have shown that there are probably at least 35,000 people in the world to whom you could be happily married. The bad news is that most of them live at a distance from you. The good n e w s — or the weird news if you're already mated — is that two of them have recently migrated much closer.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): There's a naturally-occurring amphetamine-like chemical in your body called PEA (phenylethylamine). Scientists tell us there are two ways to p u m p up its production. O n e is to eat a hell of a lot of chocolate; the other is to fall in love. Either approach renders you susceptible to euphoria, optimism and fits of manic inventiveness. I predict that in the next three weeks the flow of PEA in your body will kick into overdrive. To make this prophecy come true in the happiest, most enduring way possible, I suggest you avoid chocolate during that time.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): Male elephants periodically go through phases of exaggerated sexuality and aggression known as musth. O n e minute they're humping tree trunks, the next minute they're cranking out angry trumpet sounds. I hate to tell you this, but you're likely to have a bout with the human version of musth this week. You'll be in heat and feeling cranky at the same time — not a great combination, really, since ideally you don't want to alienate people when your neediness is peaking. My advice? Drain off your irritation by performing a daily crankiness ritual. For instance, spend a half hour in the shower barking out every curse word, horrible feeling and nasty thought you can imagine. CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): I figure you have two choices this week. You can mope around and wait for trouble to come looking for you. O r else you can summon all your chutzpah and go out looking for trouble. Depending on your decision,

PISC€S (Feb. 19-Mar. 20): I have channeled a message for you from Zilya, a psychic librarian on the planet Gooftus, which is orbiting a distant star. Here it is: "Greetings, Fish People. I have come to warn you. During the next 14 of your Earth days, you must make yourself deaf to information that arrives via ouija board, astral projection, channeled entities and the like. T h e only exception is me. You must listen to me. 1 am not like the other flaky and deceptive spirits. They will tempt you to mistrust your instincts. I am here to tell you that you must — what is the human expression? — get your feet on the ground. Come down to earth. Ignore crazy imaginations." •

DONT QUIT THE LIGHTS ARE ON AT THE UNIVERSITY OF VERMONT. That means you don't have to put your worklife on hold to get the UVM degree you want from UVM's Evening University. Earn the same high-quality UVM degree at a time that works for you. Complete the degree you've always wanted, prepare for a career change, or clear your path to your next promotion. And through the Evening University office you can have access to other academic affairs-financial aid, transfer questions, those kinds of things-at a time of day that's most convenient to you. UVM EVENING UNIVERSITY MAJORS Business Administration • Civil Engineering • English • Math • Psychology • Sociology • Studio Art

COME TO OUR INFORMAL

OPEN HOUSE

ON JUNE 5 FROM 5-7 PM. You'll be able to talk to a UVM student services advisor who can answer your questions and help you plan your way. Please call 656-2085 to preregister, if possible. If you cant make it to the Open House, please call to set up a personal advising session.

CERTIFICATE PROGRAMS Post-Bac Pre-Med Program • Certificate in Gerontology • Certificate in Computer Software

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SEVEN DAYS

may

22 .

1996


real estate C O H O U S I N G IS S H A R I N G RESOURCES A N D CREATI N G C O M M U N I T Y . It is happening in the Burlington area. Interested? Call Barbara or Don, 862-1289 days; 658-4857

office space HOLISTIC PRACTITIONERS! Full or part-time, rental, in beautiful house w/lake views on corner of S. Union & Maple, Burlington. Reasonable. Call Madeline/Christina: 8633328. B U R L I N G T O N , FLYNN AVE. 390 sq. ft. old factory space 2nd. fl. office/studio/lightcraft. Arched windows, brick walls, finished floor, high ceiling - $300/mo. heat incl. 862-1060.

studio space LARGE, SUNNY, S H A R E D ARTISTS/CRAFTERS S T U D I O . Available immediately. I (woman studio artist) am open to sharing with one (or possibly two) other(s) (women preferred). Ideal, lovely, downtown waterfront location: The Wing Building (on bikepath, next to Perkins Pier). Friendly environment, retail possibilities, 1/2 (or 1/3) of $290 + utils. 864-7480.

wanted to rent H I N E S B U R G AREA MATURE PROFESSIONAL SEEKS F U R N I S H E D H O U S E in rural setting. Short or long-term. 802-425-3355; askfof'Tmogehe? * — • « • • <

housemates WINOOSKI ROOMMATE: Gay positive, responsible, professional, smoker, M/F, to share a 2-bdrm. apartment. Offstreet parking, relaxed atmosphere, $275/mo + 1/2 util. 655-7429. Scott. B U R L I N G T O N gay-positive, responsible, environmentally & animal-friendly tq share 2bdrm. Offstreet parking, $275/mo. + 1/2. Sue. 8657962. R I C H M O N D . Gay man looking for same to share funky house in woods...washer, dryer, cable, nice deck + views. Convenient location/nonsmoker preferred. 300+. Call Ed at 434-2047. B U R L I N G T O N . Fenced-in backyard, private deck, parking, sunny, smoker and dogs okay. Large work area. $267/mo. + 1/2 utils. 865-3211. C O L C H E S T E R & MALLETTS BAY completely furn., winterized cottage w/ 3 other men. Util incl. $250. 6604912. Rich or Jim. C O U P L E O R SINGLE PERS O N to share our 2+ bedroom

apartment in the Old North End. Must love dogs. $265 includes all. 865-6914. GAY, BISEXUAL O R H E T E R O MALE ALLY wanted to share South Burlington house. $365 includes all utilities, own bathroom, two bedrooms and W / D . Available immediately. 863-1216. L O O K I N G F O R RESPONSIBLE MALE to share 3-bdrm. basement flat with working musicians in Burlington near downtown. Available 6/1. Call 860-6021. HOUSEMATE WANTED: Professional woman and obedience-trained dog living near Burlington waterfront looking for same to share cooperative living situation. $375/month +. 863-2895. B U R L I N G T O N downtown near lake. Bedroom in 4-bedroom apartment. Basement, yard, garage. Friendly housemates. Grad/professional, NS, M/F, 1-year lease, $250/month includes heat. 864-1517. B U R L I N G T O N - Isham St. Two bdrm. to share w/ GM, heat paid, laundry, close to downtown & UVM, $337.50 + 1/2 util. Call 864-6399. FREAKED A B O U T F I N D I N G AN APARTMENT? Want to look for one with me? I am a 23YO professional in search of a mellow, swell-o, nifty person to find an apartment with in the lovely city of Burlington. Please call Lissa at 863-9658 before Saturday, 8995065 after. B U R L I N G T O N - Hip young prof, female w/ cool cat seeks female grad student/prof to search for a 2 BR apt. for July 1. For info, call 860-3949.

stuff to buy B R E W Y O U R O W N BEER! Homemade wine and soft drinks, too. with equipment, recipes, and friendly advice from Vermont Homebrew Supply. Now at our new location next to the Beverage warehouse, E. Allen Street, Winooski. 655-2070. G O V ' T FORECLOSED H O M E S FOR pennies on $1. Delinquent tax, repo's, REO's. Your area. Toll-free, 1-800-8989778, ext. H-6908 for current listings. SEIZED CARS F R O M $175. Porsches, Cadillacs, Chevys, BMW's, Corvettes. Also Jeeps, 4WD's. Your area. Toll-free, 1800-898-9778 ext. A-6908 for current listings. U S E D MACS FOR SALE (2) Mac Performa 405s - 8 megs RAM, 80 meg hard drives, 14" monitors, keyboards, mice, modems - $595 each package. (1) Mac II - 8 megs RAM, 40 meg hard drive, keyboard and mouse - $200. (1) 14" Magnavox Color

Monitor - $200. All computers have: WordPerfect Works, Microsoft Word, Ram Doubler, Stacker, Norton Utilities, Solitaire and more. For more information, call 863-5313.

help wanted SEEKING LTR W I T H HIGHLY MOTIVATED SALES MANAGER: Seven Days: a news, arts and lifestyles weekly that believes in quality. Only nine months old and already an award-winner. Young sales team, tremendous growth potential. You: experienced in newsprint, ready to kick butt in Burlington and beyond. Great opportunity. Great crew. Send resume to: Seven Days, POB 1164, Burlington, Vermont, 05402. E-mail: sevenday@together.net. VOLUNTEERS N E E D E D FOR MEDICAL RESEARCH. Healthy males and females between the ages of 18 and 45 needed for a study on the effects of commonly used medications. Study is conducted at the University of Vermont. Participants must be available on weekdays during business hours for 6-10 weeks. Volunteers may be compensated $1000 O R M O R E for their participation. This is a medical research study, it is not an - emplyoment position. Please leave a message at 660-3070. HIGHLY PROFITABLE NASDAQ NUTRITIONAL COMPANY offers extraordinary independent opportunities for motivated individuals. Lifetime streams of residual income! call 1-80-697-0814 or 802-4254279 for appointment. 40,000/YR. I N C O M E P O T E N T I A L . Home typists/PC users, toll-free, 1800-898-9778 ext. R-6908 for listings. WAITSTAFF IMMEDIATE O P E N I N G Energetic team member needed. Bartending experience preferred. Call Paddy's, Barre, 476-3031.

Watkins at 425-4279 or 1-800687-0814 for recording.

HOME-BASED BUSINESS! ASSEMBLE P R O D U C T S AT H O M E . EXCELLENT PROFITS! T H E BEST COMPANIES! 1-504-429-9227 EXT. 4580 H21 7 DAYS.

T H E KENNEL REHEARSAL SPACE. AVAILABLE NOW. 3017 Williston Rd., So. Burlington. Living room-like atmosphere. Renting blocks of time per month. Reserve your space now! Call Lee at 6602880. MUSICIANS - P R O M O T I O N A L P H O T O S - New Studio *Special* photo shoot and 10 B&W 8x10 photos w/ banc! name: $100, many options available. Peter Wolf Photo-Graphics, 802-8992350/pawolf@aol.com.

SALISBURY-BURLINGT O N . 7-3:30 shift at MCHV. Share commute from somewhere South! (2078) WATERBURY C E N T E R to F O R T E T H A N ALLEN. I need to save money on gas and would love to carpool several times a week. Will meet on Rte. 100. Let's do it!

D R U M LESSONS: Learn from 30 yrs. experience: X-Rays, Hoo Doo Revue, N-Zones, etc. Call Bruce McKenzie at 658-5924.

(2076)

B U R L I N G T O N : Woman studio artist seeks other women interested in getting together to paint. Would also consider forming small weekly art/painting group. Large-ish waterfront studio available. Purpose: ideas, feedback, support, fun. 8647480.

J E R I C H O to WATERBURY, My vanpool disbanded and I'd like to form a carpool from Jericho or the Richmond P/R. 1 work approx. 7:304, but I'm flexible. (1062) S H E L B U R N E to SO. B U R L I N G T O N . I will pay for rides for a few months from Shelburne Rd. to Patchen Rd. almost in Winooski. Usually have to get to work by 8:30 a.m 0 . rides home less critical. (2016)

carpentry/paint REPAIRS, RENOVATIONS, PAINTING, consultations,-decks, windows, doors, siding, residential, commercial, insured, references. Chris Hanna, 865-9813.

graphic design

S O BURL. SPEAR STIBM< I need morning ride only to start work 7 a.m. at main plant. (1963)

INDUSTRIAL T Y P E W O R K S Design for print and the World Wide Web. Notable discount for non-profits. James Lockridge, 863-8313.

volunteers N E E D E D : 25 people for Bread + Puppet to march in gay pride parade Sat.. June 15. Call 8991731.

business opp. LAID OFF? You owe it to yourself to look at USANA, a reputable networking company with excellent nutritional products, great upline support, and high compensation. Call Joseph

H $ t . H f c Y

U N D E R STRESS? Take a health break w/ Tranquil connection. Hot tub, shower, massage. Certified Therapist. Intro, session: $30, reg. $45, ext. $60. 878-9708. Please leave a message.

WATERBURY C E N T E R FAHC, Burlington. I'd love a vanpool, but there just aren't enough people

freebies FREE Citizenship classes at Vermont Refugee Resettlement. Mon, Wed 6-7:30 p.m. Preregistration required. Call Matthew, 655-1963.

N E W T O EXERCISING? Prefer to work out at home? Need help reaching your goals? Call Julie Trottier, certified professional personal fitness trainer, 878-2632. Price: $35 per inhome session.

housecleaning P R O V I D I N G SPARKLE IN A DUSTY, A N D S O M E T I M E S DINGY, W O R L D . Diane H „ housekeeper to the stars. 6587458.

PUBLIC H E A R I N G Public Notice is hereby given that the Burlington City Council will hold a public hearing on Monday, June 10, 1996, at 7:00 p.m., in Contois Auditorium in City Hall to consider a request under 24 VS.A. 4443 (c) by Attorney Thomas Z. Carlson, for a conditional use permit for a bed and breakfast, based on a pending zoning amendment, to

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BURLINGTON T O IBM. Several N 2 Team employees need rides to or from work at IBM. All are willing to pay for rides. If you drive to the plant every day for the N l or N 2 shift and can offer rides, please call. (2063) BURLINGTON, UVM T O ESSEX JCT. I need a ride home at end of avg. shift, about 12:15 a.m. from U V M campus, can walk to meet you. Will pay! (2062) M O N K T O N to downtown BURLINGTON. I need a new carpool for my commute. Flexible 8:154:30 workday. I go Rte. thru Hinesburg. Prefer to share, but will consider giving rides only. (1120) So. Hero to Waterbury. Got to save some money on as now! Lets share commute. Meet on Rte. 2, Rte. 7 or 1-89. Flexible schedule, now 8-4:30. (1758) B U R L I N G T O N T O ST. ALBANS N e w to the area commuter willing to drive or share commute for 84:30 or so workday, some afternoon flexibility,

(2066)

property at 349 South Willard Street. Public comment is invited. Catharine H. Andrews City Clerk 22 May 1996

personal training

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Call 864-CCTA to respond to a listing or to be listed. HUNTINGTON-BARRE who can make the comI'd like to hook up with mitment. D o you want to someone at the Richmond carpool for 8-4:30 workP/R to carpool to Barre, day instead? (1937) share expenses. (2077)

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A T T E N T I O N NITPICKERS: Seven Days is looking for an administrative intern. Qualities: organized, slightly anal, swell sense of humor to work 10-20 hours/wk. Send resumes to: Seven Days, POB 1164, Burlington, Vermont, 05402. E-mail: sevenday@together.net.

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PERSON I'M 33, BEAUTIFUL, AND I'M YOURS! a nonIf we share health, intellect, humor, passion, abusive daaotiship may advertise ai PERhonesty, youth (under 40) and true caring. SON I D PERSON. Ad suffigsrionsr age (Also - no kids - yet!) 64747 incetcas, lifestyle, sei&kscriptkia > may be used, to indicate genda; APHRODITE, THALIA, CLIO - LET race, rriiaon and scrawl preference. No explic- ME BE YOUR GODDESS AND MUSE it s^ial/Wdmkal language. SEVEN DAYS and share body, mind + soul. Be N/S, 45K^tfcerigfctoditorrej^anyad*^

ment Fteonai adsn^be submtcwforpublication only by and seeking, persons over 18 PERSONAL ABBREVIATIONS A = Asian, B = Black, C = Christian, D = Divorced, F = Female, G = Gay, H = Hispanic, J = Jewish, M = Male, ND=No Drugs, NS = Non-Smoking, P= Professional, S = Single, W = White or Widowed

W O M E N SEEKING M E N SWF SEEKING SWM 25-30 W H O ENJOYS HOCKEY and has a sense of humor. If you are caring and mature, interested in friendship AND smiles, we should meet. 64673 YOUNG FEMALE SEEKING YOUNG BUCK for long walks in the woods, likes to dance and sit by a warm fire. 64675 I WANT A SEXY H O T RICH MAN with a few dogs. 64677 * IF YOU LIKE T O SLIDE D O W N MOUNTAINS (ANY VEHICLE), sail, dance (not shake), read (books without pictures), smile, laugh, rollerblade, drink good beer, write me. 64679 TALL, DARK, HANDSOME PROFESSIONAL MAN with the smile that outshines the sun. 64681 HAPPY, SPIRITED SWF, MID-20's would like to meet someone caring and thoughtful. I enjoy auto racing, travel and new experiences. If you're not a jerk, let's meet. 64683 DIVORCED W O M A N SEEKING FRIENDSHIP, likes to party all night if the music is right and play all day if I can have my way. 64685 SWF SEEKS FUN, EXCITING SWM to look, learn, listen together. You should be interesting and fun on a date. Let's meet. 64687 YOUNG, SLIM, 40, BLACK HAIR, GREEN EYES, HORSEWOMAN with small stable. N/S, athletic, outdoors, likes horses. 30's, let's ride into the sunset together. 64689 ME: PETITE, LONG BROWN HAIR, BLUE EYES, N/S, athletic, divorced, no children, 30's, hones, stable, likes dogs. You: N/S, athletic, divorced, no children, 30's, honest, funny, likes dogs. 64691 SWF, 26, N/S, N D , SPONTANEOUS AND FRIENDLY, likes action movies and healthy food. I want no one who likes junk foodie cookies. 64693 WANT MAN need love have cash. 64695 O U T G O I N G , FUN-LOVING SWPF, 32 seeks part-American jock, part-European traveler, part-crunchy philosopher, wellrounded, intelligent, sense of humor a plus. I offer same. Call! 64699 WILD ATHLETIC W O M A N LOOKING FOR FUN IN T H E SUN. Educated and experienced. Love to be wined and dined. 64701 JOCK LOOKING T O FEEL T H E BIG ROCK. Great friend and lover and loves to do things over and over. 64727 W O N ' T JUMP O U T OF AN AIRPLANE, do drugs or stop evolving. Otherwise, I'm game. Responsible, attractive, NSDWPF, playful at heart, seeks friend to grow with. 64735 ARE YOU? Creative, fun, outdoorsy, into racing, music, walking, good moral values, romance, cuddling, health, honesty, and communication. Me too! SWCF ISO SWPN/SM between 35-45. 64729 SWF, ATTRACTIVE LEO LADY, 44, loves flowers, walks in the woods, good friends, hugs, sunshine and more. Seeking NSM that's considerate, honest and enjoys life. 64733

56, creative, energetic, open, kind, and romantic. 64751 A C T W E . ATTRACTIVE, DWF: N/S. Professional, educated, articulate and humorous. Enjoys hiking, canoeing, concerts. Seeks chemistry with compatible male, 45-55. 64761 L O O K I N G F O R FRIENDS: ISO single P.I., police officer, firefighter, or rescue personnel. To meet as friends first, possible relationship. 64757 SWF, 23, enjoys outdoor activities, including hiking, biking & skiing. Looking for out-going, open-minded M who enjoys twisted humor, dancing and good times. Sound like you? What are you waiting for? 64775 R O O T E D LIKE AN OAK TREE, loving winds, rain, sun. Core has 47 rings. Educated, fit mom seeks outdoorsy positive adventurous male for fun, laughter, sailing. 64773 LIFE IS G O O D . Let's enjoy it together. Sincere, spirited DWF, micf-40's, 5'8", diversified interests, needs tall D / S W M 43-52 with sense of humor, tender heart, and love of the outdoors to share adventure, laughter and companionship. 64789 N O R D I C V E R M O N T NATIVE: Searching for a friend. Likes sun, movies, romance, and fun. Ages 23-31. Must have a love for laughter and life. 64790 SPF, 30'S, L O O K I N G T O SHARE L A U G H T E R FILMS, CARTWHEELS, A N D O U T D O O R ACTIVITIES. Great friend, witty, novice pool player, hiker/blader. ISO gifted kisser with wisdom and passion to develop trust and intimacy. Loves her dog but wants a man who can contribute to intelligent conversation. 64782 W I N T E R IS FINALLY OVER! Can't wait to spend more time outside. DWPF, NS, 40's, loves gardens, colors/textures, arts, sports, great conversation, music, friends/fun, travel. Seeking N S P M who loves to laugh, is fit, honest, playful, creative &C adventurous. 64783 INTELLIGENT, SELF-CONFIDENT SWF w/diverse interests ISO thoughtful. S / D W M , N D , 25-37 who enjoys slow dancing, cooking, giving backrubs and above all laughing! Hopeless romantics encouraged to apply!!! 64792 U N C O N V E N T I O N A L SWNSF/50 seeking friend and life mate (45-55), intelligent, sensual, sincere, creative, sharing, who loves outdoors, the arts, pure fun, good talk. 64795 MAY I HAVE Y O U R A T T E N T I O N ? SPF 30's, intelligent, attractive, humorous, compassionate, physically/emotionally fit and fun. Seeking a friend, lover and companion rolled into one. 64794 S C R A T C H MY BACK, I'LL PURR LIKE A K I T T E N . SWF, 43, seeking tall W M for long walks, good conversation, candlelight dinners, quiet times. 64800 S W F S E A R C H I N G FOR J E T S E T RENAISSANCE MAN...Charlie Brown with worldly demeanor strongly desired! Let's make it a family affair! Call me to negotiate! 64802 SWPF, 27, 5 7 " , beautiful black-haired vixen seeking a villain to have fun with. Must have a GREAT sense of humor, be adventurous, spontaneous, and adore animals. Not into LTRs \yith emotional burdens, just friendship with a little bit of spice. Give me a whirl. 64804.

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SWF SEARCHING FOR JETSET RENAISSANCE MAN... CI IARLIE BROWN Will I WORLDLY DEMEANOR STRONGLY DESIRED ! LET'S HAKE IT A FANILY AFFAIR! CALL TIE TO

Personal of the week wins dinner for two at TH£ MLVPWNer DWM, 30, W I T H DW WIFE. Will take same in trade. 64620 IT'S QUITE SIMPLE - DWM 42 YO nice guy looking for nice girlfriend to do just about anything fun outside and in. 64621 SENSE OF HUMOR, great personality, DWM, 34, enjoys skiing, traveling, nightlife seeking petite S/DWF 30's with similar interests for friendship and possible romance. 64622 SWM, 35, HAPPILY EMPLOYED and good w/my money. I enjoy new ideas and exciting challenges. I'd like to meet a SF, age unimportant, who's "somewhat" responsible and mature. 64623 SWM, 36, CREATIVE, INDEPENDENT AND QUITE EVOLVED. Slim, athletic, N/S professional. Seeks similar SWF, 20s30s, for equal parts laughs and quiet sensuality. 64625 SWM, 20, ATTRACTIVE, ATHLETIC, QUIET, FUNNY, UNPREDICTABLE seeks slim SF, 20-25 with similar traits, although you don't have to be quiet. 64626 HI: I'M A SWM, 31, Slender, blond/blue, N/S, ND, very little alcohol. I like to ride horses, quiet times, romance, comedy. If you are similar I would like to hear from you. The shy and/or kids OK. I live in the Burlington area. 64627 VEGGIE SEEKS WIFE Spiritual yet funloving SWM, 37, attractive, communicative, seeks loving Goddess for life-long companionship. I'm into nature, Wicca, cooking and actively moving through time and space. I will cherish you and be there for you always...It's about time... 64628 INTELLIGENT ARTISTATHLETESENSUALIST, 23. Pleasantly idiosyncratic, no TV, healthy. Loves rivers, forest, music (listening/making) Earth, friends, exploring, life, homemade wine. Seeking similar. 6463 SWM, 5'8" SEEKING SWF, 19-23 who enjoys sports, outdoors, also enjoys being herself. Please give me a try! Relationship or just to be friends. 64637 DINING OUT, FUN TIMES, G O O D STUFF. SWM, 30ish, ISO SF for friendship, possible relationship. Give a call! 64609

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27 YO SWM, TALL & FUN, seeking SWF, ages 21-40, for great times, companionship, memories to never forget. 64652 ATTRACTIVE, EASYGOING, OUTD O O R ENTHUSIAST with great sense of humor and love of music looking for someone just like me. 64658 MODERN-DAY 007 seeking la femme nikita or midnight rendezvous. 64659 O U T G O I N G SPONTANEOUS PARTY ANIMAL needed to help me live in the fast lane. No wimps or whiners please please. 64657 ME: SWM, 30'S would like to meet SWF who's thoughtful, honest and romantic to spend many quiet hours and many more filled with excitement. 64655 5'8" 200#, 46. Former hopeless romantic turned middle-aged cynic. Never been married. Don't mind laughing at my own foibles. Seek attractive fellow curmudgeon. 64651 SWM SEEKING SWF AGES 26-32 for good times. I am tall, dark hair, quiet guy, but love to have good times with someone outgoing. 64658 ATTRACTIVE MALE LOOKING FOR D O M I N A N T FEMALE for a relationship. Those curious also reply. 64661 COOL PROFESSIONAL DWM, 42; fun, romantic, adventurous; seeks classy but down-to-earth attractive SF, 25-40 w/ sense of humor for friendship, dates, and possible relationship. Call me. 64654. DWM, 42, ENJOYS T H E O U T D O O R S . Loves good cooking, staying fit and positive. Would like to meet W with similar interest for fun and adventure. 64678 DESPARADO RIDING FENCES SEEKS STRONG-WILLED BARBARELLA to reign him in. Show me the real thing. Seeking you only. 64680 SENSITIVE 25 YO, ENJOYS OUTD O O R sports and going out. Summer's coming, let's play in the rivers and have a moonlight picnic under the stars. 64682 G O O D MAN W I T H MAP SEEKS G O O D WOMAN W I T H COMPASS to navigate through good times. Qualifications: Active and Attractive. 64684 SINGLE H E A l T H Y ATHLETIC, FUN & THRILL-SEEKER. Good cook, best massages. Seek single woman, 23-28, race unimportant, who can deal with a nice guy. 64686 SWM, 19, PROFESSIONAL. Quiet, looking for Ms. Right. Love to cuddle and bubble but too shy to ask; enjoy motorcycles and outdoors. 64688 SWM, 20, Self-supportive, reliable. Looking for long-term relationship with SWF professional with same qualities. I enjoy motorcycles, boats, and quiet times. 64690 DWPM, 29, 6', 210 lbs. seeks partner, friend, lover to explore spring and listen to the heartbeat of the earth with. Loved Braveheart, hated First Knight. 64692 JUST WAKING UP - TIRED ALREADY, SWM, 30, N/S, into movies, music, writing, walks, conversation seeking SWF, 2732 to share these things. Body piercing is cool! 64708 DARE T O SHARE. SWM, 33, smoker. Looking for a petite woman, 24 to 40 who can open up her heart and share it while we explore dreams, fantasies, desires, passion. I'm real. 64712 SPRING IS HERE! SWPM, 28, N/S, tall, attractive, athletic, humorous, nature lover. Are you fit, attractive, caring? Enjoy life? Let's get together. Satisfaction guaranteed! 64665 HONEST, WARM, ATTRACTIVE OUTD O O R TYPE, early 30 s looking for F friend to enjoy and share life's adventures with. 64710 TALL, BLONDE & HANDSOME. Athletic, intelligent, successful, FUN, sound in body, mind, spirit SWPM, 38, seeking N/S SWF 28-35 with great looks, personality, and interests in travel, nature, music, kindness and playfulness. 64671 MOUNTAINS LAKES HIKING BLUE SKIES, mountain bikes, rain, politics, picnics, fresh air, philosophy, sunrise, coffee,

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running, reading, skiing, dogs, friends, sunset. Any takers? 64742 SWPM, 31 AMBITIOUS, ATTRACTIVE, ATHLETIC and I love to dance ISO athletic SWPF to dance with me. 64744 ISO FINE MILTON GIRL. Must own her own teeth. Type of car on blocks in front of trailer is not important. Family need not apply. 64746 LOOKING FOR A WOMAN W H O D O E S N ' T WANT CHILDREN, wants to travel, live a life of action an adventure. If you want to' SEE the world. 64748 DWM, 35, SEEKS LUCK 25-35 for LTR time, to settle down and build something real. N O more games! 64750 FREQUENT TRAVELER SEEKING FRIENDSHIP with a kind, humorous person. Enjoy most all outdoor activities, archery, water-skiing, camping, biking. Looking for friend to share similar interest. 64752 SENSUAL AND TRUE I can also make a great stew. A true lover not fighter, I love it tighter. 64754 MAN SEEKING WOMAN SEEKING MAN. Look no more. Just call between 6-8 on Wednesday. 64756 SWM, 24, LOOKING FOR EDUCATED N/S F FOR DAY TRIPS, dinners, walks on the waterfront and maybe more. Hey, I am just a nice guy!! 64758 MIXED BREED (ITALIAN + LATIN) SPM, tall, dark with blue eyes looking for SPF, a real W to go out on a real date! 64760 LONG-LOST FISHERMAN LOOKING FOR LOVE in all the wrong places. Maybe you can give me a vector in the sector. 64762 G O O D - L O O K I N G 0 F K JR- LIKE) GUY who works hard and plays hard. Seeking attractive playmate, so to speak. All races welcome. I won't disappoint! 64764 SHTGUY, QUIET, D O W N T O EARTH likes biking, talking and music, movies. Hard-working man, casual humor, nice smile. 64766 SWM, 32, FIT, ATTRACTIVE, ROMANTIC. Enjoys weightlifting, biking, running, dancing, camping, country & rock music. Looking for attractive lady, 2535 with similar interest. 64768 SWM, 32, FIT, ATTRACTIVE, enjoys dancing, dinner, rock & roll music, movies, romarttic evenings. Looking for slim, attractive 25-35 lady with similar interest. 64770 SWM, TALL & GOOD-LOOKING, seeking SF, age & race not important, but must be slender & voluptuous for good times. 64772 MID-40'S S m S P T a l l , handsome, fair hair, blue eyes, intelligent, professional, enjoys sailing, skiing and life, seeking similar female, 35-45. 64774 SWM LOVE T O WATCH SUN SETTING, live in country like animals. Skiing, hiking, swimming, SIS, ND, have small home to possibly share with friendly mate. 64776 ME: 33 YO, LOOKING FOR WOMAN 23-32 interested in travel, history, the search for truth, long walks with me. 5'11 1/2", brown hair, brown eyes, older student of liberal art. Love to read "Peanuts" to ancient books. You? 64778 LADIES - VERY BROWN - somewhat of a sense of humor. Sexy women a plus. Are you out there? You could buy your way into my heart. 64721 . _ SWM W I T H A JOB, would enjoy meeting friendly long-haired lady who likes hockey and children. Music lovers and fun seekers, this is your chance. 64723 THEY CALL ME T H E ROCK I am full of surprises, I am fun and outgoing. Like the outdoors, not choosy. Please call ! ! ! 64725 MAN, 32, 5'11", 168 LBS wants to share wit, music, laughter, friendship with F N/S with yen for simple living, under 40, slender, lovable. Write. 64734 DWM, 43 W/ 2 WEEKEND BOYS, 1 job, 10 skiis, 2 bicycles, 1 canoe, 1 bifocal

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prescription, w/o cigarettes, new car, tie, date. 64731 DWPM, 42, FIT ISO PLAYMATE FOR SUMMER FUN. Hiking, good conversation, the outdoors. Also enjoy golf, camping and have a good sense of humor. 64745 NEW IN TOWN. SWPM, 25, warm, smart, funny, good-looking, sensitive, honest, fit, N/S. Left NYC with dog for greener pastures. Would like to .meet special SWF with similar qualities who enjoys outdoor activities, cooking (vegetarian), and exploring Vermont. Skeptical of personals? Me, too. Please call. 64765 LAKE CHAM PLAIN - SPEN D T H E SUMMER SAILING w/me. Musician/builder, 40ish seeks younger companion to enjoy low-stress days & nights on the water. 64755 NICE MALE PERSON SEEKING NICE LADY in Central VT area for friend and maybe more. I am 48, clean, UB2. 64771 HERE'S T O YOU, MRS. ROBINSON WM, 29, very fit, attractive, blonde/blue, seeks fit, attractive, older WF for romantic interludes. A GREAT CATCH in search of a match. SWPM of all seasons, seeks successful, attractive, vibrant, outdoor woman, 28+, ready for a future with promise. 64784 IN 30 YEARS I'LL BE 69 but 1 don't want to wait. Generous DWM seeks trim

affectionate lady, 18+ to spoil. Smoker preferred. 64788 ADDISON COUNTY RECENTLY SM, 40, looking for SDF around .same age. N/S-. I enjoy hiking, camping, going out, staying in, long walks, heart to heart talks. Starting my life over. 64791 N E W T O BURLINGTON - Attractive, fit DPM, young 40's, 6'2", enjoys dining, theater, dancing, beach, tennis, singing. Seeks S/DF with similar interests. Smoke OK. 64787 N O T A MILLIONAIRE, BUT RICH IN CHARACTER AND SINCERITY SWM, 27, athletic, attractive, 5'9", 160 lbs. I enjoy outdoor activities and evenings in/out. ISO attractive, in shape, emotionally secure SF, 21-27, to be friends first then maybe LTR. 64783 W H I T E MALE Well built, good-looking, ISO F, likes adult things, consenting fun anywhere. I'm discreet, non-possesive, expect same; your fantasy or mine. 64780 PROFESSIONAL, DWM, 28 -Attentive and active. 510", 180lbs, blue/green eyes, love skiing, golf, mountain-biking, rollerblading. I take work seriously, but play hard too!!! 64796 . * WATERSKIING JUNKIES If you enjoy winding, dining & dancing after a great day on the lake, let's get together.

SWPM, athletic, 40YO, 6'0," 165 lbs. ISO F with similar interests. 64797 SWM, 25ISH,: SILLY, SUNNY, GROOVY, ELEGANT. If I were a Beatle, I'd be Paul; can't play guitar, but have sometimes palyed the fool. Achtung, baby !! 64803 SM, 38, VALUES HONESTY, connectionexpressivity, creativity, warmth, gentleness, fun, passion, intelligence, health, beauty, nature, spirit, growth...seeks available younger F for companionship /attraction/intimacy/partnership. 64805. ROMANTIC LAWYER. Passionate Welshman seeks real woman, not newsprint fantasy. Comfortable, attractive, intelligent, considerate, 6'4", slim, bearded DWM is emphatically outdoorsy, quasi-literate, semi-cultured, and effective. Seeking happy, bright, light, vibrant, eager, liberal NS WPF born in 50's. Kayak, sail, bike, read, relax, ramble T O G E T H E R . 64798 SWM LOOKING FOR SWF age 25 to 35 to have fun, dancing, dinner, romance. Just moved from California. 64806. , NICE, OPEN, ECLECTIC SM, 30s, great country house near Burlington, seeks lovable SF 20s-30s for summer pleasures, maybe more. Nature, sports, arts, spirit, intimacy... 64807

VENUS & MARS, Moon & the Stars...Some things just go together. Metaphysically inclined SWM, 37, vegetatrian...active, good-looking, a gentleheart, seeks romantic and health-conscious cat-lover for LTR. Let's explore the sensual and mystical together. It'll be great fun! I've been waiting...64808

WOMEN SEEKING WOMEN BEAUTIFUL F, 19, seeks feminine M/transvestite for friendship, hopeful relationship. 64769 FM LOO KING FOR SOMEONE A LITTLE CRAZY AND FUN. Great times on their way with me personally is a must and so is sexual awareness. 64528 GBF - N/S - N/D - makes no demands that others, don't - 62 yrs. young - love sports, love to travel by car or train - want a partner to share my time &C space. 64706 ATTRACTIVE FEMME, G W D E I ^ T seeks GF who likes to go with wind and have fun, insanity a plus. Equal opportunity lover. 64767

MEN SEEKING MEN GWM, 38, ENJOYS JUST ABOUT ANYTHING. Looking for a sincere, honest man to share my life with - 19-45. 64534 PROFESSIONAL GWM, 27, TALL SLIM N/S, attractive and adventurous seek-

ing straight-acting, discreet guy under 30 for friendship and more. 64667 VERY CURIOUS WM, 6'3", 225/65, brown hair & eyes and have been straight all my life. Looking for WM to fulfill my v fantasy. 64753 • •ATTRACTIVE, MASCULINE, good- • humored, professional male, 55, 5' 11", 170 lbs., central Vermont. Enjoys nature, gardening, music, good food. Seeking intelligent, fun-loving sensitive male. 64759 GWM, 19, brown hair, blue eyes, 5'7", 140 #, looking for another 19-40, for fun times. 64763 GWM. RFTrRED7Lc^king for a sincere live-in companion. 64785 GM PISCES, 38,; 5'10", 180, looking for a compatible spirit. In search of a partner in workouts and walks, culture and cause, long talks and quiet moments, nit-rdship and touch. 64801.

CHRISTINE - 3RD. SHIFT NURSE W I T H RED H O N D A AND LOVELY A C C E N T I work at the parking garage and I am flabbergasted. Please call. 64793

if you haven't placed your voice greeting your personal will remain in MAILBOXES. We'll move it when you leave your message!

Torespondto mailbox ads: Seal your response in an envelope, write box# on the outside and place in another envelope with $5 for each response and address to: PERSON TO PERSON do SEVEN DAYS, PO. Box 1164, Burlington, VT 05402

CENTERED, SMART, DAFFY & SWEET. DWPF, 40, looking for similarly wise, genuine man to share life. Trade stories, Laugh, ski, hike, cook - have adventures. Oh, the places we'll go! Box 002. I COULD LOVE A MAN who's stabk steady, secure, smart, nor too shy and emotionally accessible. I'm 38, warm, friendly, and looking good enough. Quality woman. Box 011 ' TO ALL THE MEN W H O WANT TO BE DOMINATED! 1 am the vision of your dreams! Married men need only apply. You'll love me. 64577. OH HI! Sorry about my friends - ya out there? HOW'S your head? Varnish. Ted Danson is a dodger looking for a good time. If you know what I mean. 64703 NVTNOT A VEGETARIAN - I don't like it soft - bring on the meat! And I don't want any deadbeats! 64705

GIVE ME A HOT TUB AND I'LL RUB YOUR FLUBBER, BUB. Blonde and gifted with chest, I beat all the rest. I'm not old, I'm a centerfold. 64697 AUSTRALIAN WOMAN SEEKING a renegade man who feels life's call and will stray the conventional path to answer. Free-spirited - not too straight. Rides a Harley. Loves music, mountains. Lonely beaches. Open spaces. Hasn't cut his hair in a while. May be bearded. Lazy smile would be nice. Has a wanderlust. But also knows how to be settled. Peaceful nature. Enjoys manual work outdoor things. A wild man with a good heart who has worked out the hard times. Looking for the good and willing to risk to find it. Believes in honesty, equality, personal freedom, friends as well as lovers. 5'9" or taller. Slim to medium build. 42-54 YO. Then this good-looking, wildish Australian woman with a loyal and caring heart seeks you. A female version of all of the above, who spends regular time in the U.S. Would be nice to start a journey with a like-minded free spirit, to enjoy some caring and sharing. some riding. And maybe a romance with the view to both of us sharing time and adventures in the U.S. and Australia. Arrive States June. Going to Sturgis August. 5'4", slim build, long-legged redhead. Will send photo. Meanwhile, if your spirit has responded, then please write ASAP with photo and I.D. to Pam.

Box 021 AMPLE HIPPED SJF SEEKS APPRECIATIVE SJM for intimate relationship. Write and I'll fill you in on the details. Box 026 SWPF, 25, BLOND/BLUE EYES, 5'5" ISO SWPM 25-35: I like flaming sunsets, animals, camping, fishing, palying pool (although not well), partying, spontaneity and having fun. I believe in honesty, trust, consideration of other's feelings, dislike head games. How about you? Box 028

SINCERE, SPIRITED NS/NA 30YO SWM; homeowner, advocate, writer, photographer w/no kids (yet) and no STD's seeks passionate, caring woman for friendship, companionship, and possibly an LTR. 64145. ' ANYONE OUT THERE? SWM, COLLEGE student, 21YO, N/S and fit, 5'10" with brown hair and eyes seeks SF who enjoys exercising, reading, hiking, laughing and being a bit unusual. Box 0 10 CAPE COD TRIP, side trip to Martha's Vineyard. First mate needed. After Labor Day. Let's plan now Box 013 DWM, 41, 6'2" WITH EYES OF BLUE. Looking for the love of a female for a one on one non-committed relationship, total discretion for the right person. If you desire romance, passion, and the need for excitement in your life, we need to connect. Box

014 S.D. RED DIAPER BABY seeks rebel girl/union maid, 40-50 for camaraderie and possible solidarity forever. No zealots, recent photo, please. Box 015 CURMUDGEONLY OLD COOT. Creative, intelligent, insolvent w/interests that include early music, photography, flying, Zen, cooking, bicycling, crafts, seeks communicative N/S F w/ warm smile for love, marriage, children. Box 017 I ENJOY AND DELIVER A GOOD SENSE OF HUMOR, sparkling dinner conversation, and romance. So what am I doing in the personals? I have 3 charming children, a good job, and I'm a 37 YO widower. Not exactly how I thought my life would turn out. If you're still reading, and you're intelligent,thoughtful,-and easygoing, I'd enjoy hearing from you. Box 019 SWM SEEKING A CHRISTIAN WOMAN in her mid-late 20s. I enjoy downhill/cross-country skiing, tennis, hiking, long walks & quiet evenings. Please reply to Box 020. TEACHER, COACH, N / S N D P W M , handsome, sensuous, athletic, honest, fun(ny), secure, morals (little crazy/naughty), country home, camp, 5'9', kidless. Wanted: similar woman; thirties (approx.), photo exchange. Box 022 ADVENTURE, PASSION, EXCITEM E N T Looking for a lady to share these with. No commitments. Privacy assured and expected. DWM,, 42, 180. Come ' on, write. Box 024

ROBINS SING BETTER THAN I. Looking for woman by and by. Seeking 39 plus sparks and storys from writer. Entrepreneur. Could be glory? Box 025

GWM, 32, LOOKING FOR A GUY. Love sports, enjoy outdoors. Love to cook for TWO. Looking for the right friend and maybe more. 64532 GWM, 27, BRN, HAZ, 150# enjoys biking, pool, travel and spontaneity. Seeking 20 to 32YO w/ similar interests. Masc A+. 64536 GM, 23, BROWN HAIR, BROWN EYES, INTO CROSS DRESSING, trips to the city, romantic dinners and bubbly bath seeks same, 18-25. Possible relationship material. 64538

THE BURLINGTON LITERARY SCENE NEEDS A KICK IN THE ASS. Looking for other writers/illustrators who feel the same. Discussion, motivation, amateur lit. mag, production. 64543 VERMONT'S EXPANDED LOVE NETWORK IS A discussion/support group for diose interested in creating thought-provoking, committed, multi-partner, loving relationships. Gay and straight welcome. Box 004.

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• Put your persona! message on line as soon as you receive your easy instructions. You may not retrieve responses w i t h o u t it! • Free retrieval t w i c e a week through the p r i v a t e 8 0 0 # . (Details w i l l be m a i l e d to you w h e n you place your ad.) It's sate, c o n f i d e n t i a l , and FUN!

HOW TO RESPOND TO A PERSONAL AD: Confidential information (we need this to run your ad) name

Billing information (if ad exceeds 25 words) additional words x S.50 x 4 weeks = _

address

city.

Payment: VISA state

phone.

M/C

Check/Money Order

Card It

22,

19 9 6

• Call 1 - 9 0 0 - 9 3 3 - 3 3 2 5 from a touch-tone phone. • Following the voice prompts, punch in the 5 - d i g i t box # of the ad you wish to respond to, or you may browse a specific category. •

Exp Date

Calls cost $ 1 . 9 9 per minute. You must be over 18 years old.

• Ads w i t h a three-digit Box It can be c o n t a c t e d t h r o u g h t h e m a i l . Seal your response in an envelope, w r i t e the Box # on the o u t s i d e a n d p l a c e in another envelope w i t h $5 for each response. Address to: Box # , P.O. Box 1 1 6 4 , B u r l i n g t o n , VT 0 5 4 0 2 .

Disclaimer: SEVEN DAYS does not investigate or accept responsibility for claims made in any advertisement. The screening of respondents is solely the responsibility of the advertiser. SEVEN DAYS assumes no liability for the content of. or reply to. any Person to Person advertisement or voice message. Advertisers assume complete liability for the content of. and all resulting claims made against SEVEN DAYS that arise from the same. Further, the advertiser agrees to indemnify and hold SEVEN DAYS harmless from all costs, expenses (including reasonable attorney's fees), liabilities and damages resulting from or caused by a Person to Person advertisement and voice messages placed by the advertisers, or any reply to a Person to Person advertisement and voice message.

may

• Choose your favorite ads and note their box numbers.

Guidelines: Free personal ads are available lor single people seeking relationships. Ads seeking to buy oi sell sexual services, or containing explict sexual or anatomical language will be refused. No full names, street addresses or phone numbers will be published. Seven Days reserve the right to edit or refuse any ad. You must be at leas! 18 yearc of age to place or respond to a Person to Person ad. 4 FREE WEEKS FOR: women seeking men men seeking women women seeking women men seeking men

SEVEN DAYS

ONE FREE WEEK FOR: i spy other

page

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