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ILLUSTRATORS Paul Antonson, Gary Causer, Sarah Ryan WWW GUY Tom Rosha INTERNS Rachel Gerber, Andrew Stephens SEVEN DAYS is published by D a Capo Publishing, Inc. every Wednesday. It is distributed free of charge in greater Burlington, Middlebury, Montpelier, Stowe, the Mad River Valley, Rutland, St. Albans and Pittsburgh. Circulation: 20,000. S i x - m o n t h First C l a s s s u b s c r i p t i o n s are available for $40. O n e year First C l a s s s u b s c r i p t i o n s are available for $80. S i x - m o n t h T h i r d C l a s s s u b s c r i p t i o n s are available for $20. O n e - y e a r T h i r d C l a s s s u b s c r i p tions are available for $40. Please call 8 0 2 . 8 6 4 . 5 6 8 4 with your VISA or Mastercard, or mail your check or money order to "Subscriptions" at the address below. For Classifieds/Personals or display advertising please call the

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Father Figures? The evolution of Homo schizophrenicus.- From Hemingway to "Velour Man" to Austin Powers By Philip Baruth

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A S S O C I A T I O N

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Like a Virgin? False starts on the way to "all the way. "An excerpt from an autobiography-in-progress By Ron Powers

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The Testosterzone Why reel men don't watch chick flicks, and other true lies By Erik Esckilsen

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What separates the men from the boys? In the'90s? I buried my best friend of 14 years — my dog — and haven't bawled that much in a long time. I would say responsibility; what it really comes down to is coming-ofage. I'd say that applies to girls into women as well. — Jeff Angione Owner of Tones Music & Art Wolcott Their passion! — David Robbins Owner, Upstairs Antiques Burlington Their patience. - Frankie Salese Jr. Chef/owner Junior's Restaurant Shelburne Hair. — Ira Flateman Director of Customer Service, Ivy Brooks Bethel The cliche is the price of their toys. If you want to get real, the difference is their grip on personal responsibility and critical thinking. The number-one thing young men need to learn is that. — Robert Fuller Owner, Pauline's'Restaurant, Leunig's Bistro and Cubber's Lincoln :

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INTERESTING QUESTIONS RAISED Kevin Kelley's portrait of Will Miller ["Doctor of Dissent," June 2] raised some interesting questions. Is the "movement" — not the communist movement but the surge of hope and confidence and determination that took over from the Great Depression the antimonopoly-capital movement, the common-man movement, the anti-colonial movement of the last half of the 20th century — really dead? Is Will Miller just another beached whale, not having a new life he can really respect but doing his best under difficult circumstances to maintain what he once had and believed in? Or is it that Bernie is sold out, deep in the system he once loathed and attacked? Whatever. Neither of them seems to have much understanding of the war against the former Republics of Yugoslavia, when it started, how to honestly apportion blame or get on to fixing it up.We ought to snub their cartoon characterizations of complex international affairs, make an effort to be independently informed and be prepared to face the painful truths without shame! — John Shaplin Burlington TWO CENTURIES OF BURLINGTON SQUARE I was quoted in the June 2 issue of Seven Days describing City Hall Park as having long been "a real derelict spot" ["Moving On Up"]. I was not misquoted, but additional context information would be useful. My comment was made when describing the post-

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Civil War decades of social tensions and ethnic cleavages in which the condition and use of Burlington's square concerned many local citizens. From the 1790s the square had served civic, but mostly utilitarian, purposes, so that by the 1870s it was rutted with wagon tracks, strewn with street garbage and abandoned junk, hemmed by a broken fence, and covered with carpets brought to the common for cleaning. It had become, in my words describing the physical conditions, a real derelict spot. Even after the common was reshped into a Victorian "park" in 1874, replete with new fencing, walkways and an ornate fountain, the space still basically functioned as the public common, that is, there were overnight squatters, amateur musicians, inebriated individuals, strolling couples, political and religious orations, kids running around, in addition to a variety of loiterers using the space — varied uses by a wide variety of people. The newly genteel park might have looked better (landscaped stasis of Victorian order), but it basically continued to function as it had for nearly a century (mercurial order of the common). The threads of continuation between past and current uses of the park/common are easily found when perusing old local papers. Even the complaints voiced when the park was occupied by a contingent of "tramps" (Free Press description) in the 1860s was nearly identical to those raised three years ago during the week-long visit of the "Phish-sticks." The continual surfacing of the "com-

mon" in the "park" and the cyclical efforts to eradicate it is one of my favorite aspects about that place. My remarks likely sounded critical when in fact they were spoken with respect for and pride in the power of our communal ground. — John Thomas Burlington DEAN WASTING RATE PAYERS' MONEY Not only is Howard Dean "bitching at windmills" [Inside Track, June 2], but he also condemns energy efficiency as a "waste of time" [Rutland Herald, October 18, 1998]. This attitude can come as no surprise to Vermont's electric rate payers, as Dean has demonstrated his commitment to wasting rate payers' money through his unflagging promotions of Vermont's electricity contract with Hydro Quebec, and recently his Public Service Department's support of "a plan to build natural gas-fired power plants in Bennington and Rutland." To ensure that corporate interests are free from the consequences of their impudent decision to buy Quebec electricity, Dean handpicked William Gilbert, who coled the non-democratic Governor's Task Force on Vermont's electricity future. Mr. Gilbert concluded that "rate payers should be asked to pay the bulk of the utilities' high costs" [Rutland Herald, January 17]. Consequently, not only has the governor made a conscious, if foolish, decision which is costing us a lot of money, but he has directed his Public Service Department to encourage the generation of more electricity in order to ensure that there will be plenty of electricity to

waste. While business interests once ignored the long-term economic benefits of efficiency, this is no longer true, as shown by the Vermont Ski Areas Association, which has demonstrated that saving money through energy efficiency makes good business sense... It is hard to figure how Howard Dean, who has proven he cares more for the interests of corporate utilities than ordinary rate payers, can be, as Peter Freyne once wrote, "the most popular governor in the world." I guess it shows how gullible and vulnerable we are when faced with the unholy alliance of corporate interests and unprincipled politicians. — Jim Higgins Bristol Letters P o l i c y : SEVEN DAYS wants your rants and raves, in 250 words or less. Letters are only accepted that respond to content in Seven Days. Include your full name and a daytime phone number and send to: SEVEN DAYS, P.O. Box 1164, Burlington, VT 05402-1164. fax: 865-1015 e-mail: sevenday@together.net

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An Artistic Success She's tall and charming. Educated and articuI late. A dark-haired, 29-year-old beauty with a I winning smile. She arrived in Burlington in 1996 and was quickly noticed for her talent and her looks. Her mural adorns the Burlington waterfront. And at night she bartended at Red Square. But when the curtain went up Friday morning, Rivka Medow found herself on a stage she'd never imagined performing on — the fifth-floor courtroom at U.S. District Court. Rivka will always remember Vermont, but the memory won't be so sweet. Btown is where she took the biggest wrong turn of her life — one that put her smack dab in the passing lane of the biggest black market on earth. Rivka went to work for la creme de la creme of the drug biz — Colombia's Cali Cartel. Rivka the Artist became Rivka the Drug Trafficker upon being recruited by Eric Abrams of Grand Isle. Son of a prominent local surgeon, Abrams had an L.A. connection with the cartel. The folks from Cali aren't stupid. And since moving large quantities of cocaine around the U.S. is risky, they recruited only the best drivers — white, upper-middleclass types who look picture-perfect behind the wheel of a sport utility vehicle. Great sideline for an aspiring artist, eh?

Actually, Fisher didn't have to do too much in the way of heavy lifting. After all, the prosecutor, Assistant U.S. Attorney John Tavana, sounded like a charter member of the Rivka Medow fan club. Tavana cut every possible corner for Ms. Medow and magically reduced her possibilities from life behind bars to a matter of months at a federal country club. Such displays of mercy are quite rare, but most drug defendants are neither white nor female. You might think in this day and age, with the dysfunctional War on Drugs still raging, that someone caught trafficking in hundred-kilo shipments of cocaine would be in some serious trouble. After all, the local feds are pretty "slam, bang, you're gone" types when it comes to dope. They've even successfully appealed Judge Sessions' sentences to the 2nd Circuit when they considered him too lenient. Yeah, you might think Rivka had a big problem, but you're wrong. Prosecutor Tavana asked for only one to two years in a minimum security facility. He said Rivka's story was "compelling." Tavana even mentioned that his boss, David Kirby, had "expressed concern that my compassion for Ms. Medow was so great I wouldn't be able to argue effectively" for a stiff sentence. Kirby was right. Yours truly wouldn't have been surprised if Tavana had asked for an autograph or a lock of her hair. When Rivka the Victim rose to speak, she told the judge in a soft voice, "I was extremely weak. I did not have the capacity to realize what my priorities were." The judge had to play dentist to finally get her to concede money had something to do with it all. She was to be paid $1000 per kilo, but claims to have received only about $60,000. "What did you do with the money?" Sessions asked her. Well, she said, she "bought a mattress and bed frame." Cool. "Paid off my debts." Cool. "Gave some to family and friends." Cool. And kept the rest, "in a bag in my room." "What did you do with the bag?" asked Sessions. "The bag went to my lawyer," she replied. Judge Sessions righteously declared a message must be sent to the community. He then slapped her wrist with 15 months in a minimum security facility. Oh, yeah, he also ordered her to teach art to her fellow inmates. Wow! And Judge Billy's message? Attention Female Artists! The Cali Cartel has openings for white chicks who like to travel. Driver's license required. Excellent pay. Little downside. Great message, eh? Police Blotter — Hot times in Cop Land over the weekend. Late Saturday night a woman was running down Plattsburgh Avenue calling for help. According to court records, she was fleeing her husband. She flagged down a car and was driven to the police station. Turns out she's a cop — Burlington Police Officer Amy Avery. Her husband, Benjamin Avery, was arrested. Monday morning he pled not guilty to domestic assault and unlawful restraint charges. Also Saturday night, Police Chief Alana Ennis' personal vehicle, an Isuzu Rodeo, was vandalized. The chief tells Inside Track someone carved several deep scratches in the paint job while it was parked on Main Street. "Like anybody, I hate it to happen," she said. "Its never fun to be a victim." Correction — Medal of Honor-winner John Lonergan, who fought at Gettysburg with the 8th Vt., rests in St. Joseph's Cemetery. Mt. Calvary is across the street. Sorry, Johnny. (7)

Inside Track

BY PETER FREYNE

Eric and Rivka "saw the U.S.A. in their Chevrolet" with 150-200 kilos of cocaine stashed in hidden compartments, or just parked in a bag under the camping equipment. * Authorities say Rivka made at least seven cross* country trips. The feds say she personally transported over a ton of cocaine around the U.S. during her brief career. Just imagine the tens of thousands of crack pipes she kept warm from Chi-town to the Big Apple. But Rivka's best performance occurred in the Courtroom of Judge William Sessions. With 40 fafnily members, friends and supporters seated behind her. With one of her large wood sculptures positioned before the judge as if at an art opening. And with a famous $750-an-hour Madison Avenue lawyer by her side, Rivka Medow went for the Oscar as Best Actress of 1999. Her role? Victim. Her lawyer, Ivan Fisher, gave a finely tuned, off-Broadway performance worthy of Tony consideration. Fisher threw in everything but the kitchen sink. In 1996, alone and new to Burlington, Vermont, the Indiana native met a man, Fisher said, who was "abusive." "She had never been called names before," intoned Fisher. Her self-esteem suffered. The relationship dissolved and then she met Eric Abrams. "He knew how to press her buttons," Fisher told the judge. She was paying off college debts while working four jobs, said Fisher. And then Abrams says to her, "Rivka, do me a favor? Go to Chicago and pick up two kilos." And like a victim following orders, off she went to the Windy City. At first, Judge Sessions didn't buy the spin. His impression of Rivka Medow was that of a "strong-minded, self-confident woman." Not someone who joins a big-time drug smuggling conspiracy "as a total follower." I mean, how many defendants bring their artwork to the courtroom? The judge was particularly concerned about a letter Rivka had written him in which she claimed she quit her bartending job because she did not want "to contribute to alcohol addiction." A saint! But how does someone who refuses on principle to pour designer beer, wondered Judge Billy, transport cocaine around the country like a UPS driver?

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Blessed Events Gaby Vernoff, a Los Angeles woman in her twenties, became the first woman in the United States to have a baby using sperm taken from her dead husband. Acting at the widows request, fertility specialist Dr. Cappy Rothman removed the sperm from Bruce Vernoff's body, 30 hours after he suddenly died of an allergic reaction. • Desmond Connell, the archbishop of Dublin, declared that children whose parents plan their birth by using contraceptives become "unhappy and resentful" troublemakers because they are not welcomed as a gift but made to order. "Parental attitudes would thereby be affected, creating a sense of consumer ownership as well as a new anxiety to win and retain the child's affections," Connell told students at St. Patrick's College, Maynooth. "The child no longer belongs to the family in a personal sense if it is radically a product." • Mark Selcow and Matt Glickman launched an Internet site that features a "Sports Conflict Catcher" to help coupies calculate when to conceive a child so that the baby isn't born during a crucial sporting event nine months later.

According to the Wall Street Journal, the site (www.Baby Center.com) counts back 266 days from the Super Bowl, World Series or other selected sporting events, and warns when to be careful. For couples already expecting, the site lists major events within a week of their due date. Noting that during Super Bowl week, the sites "conception-blocker" section attracted 1000 visitors a day, Glickman explained, "There are a lot of sports fanatics out there."

Don't Panic Addressing hundreds of pilgrims who assembled in St. Peter's Square in May, Pope John Paul II said it is natural for humans to wonder when the world will end, but he advised everyone to await the day with "calm hope."

School Daze Eighth-grader Angela Pham, 14, was suspended from Heritage Middle School in Westerville, Ohio, for violating the school district's weapons policy. Pham's offense was rubbing poison ivy on her science teacher's chair. Even though the teacher, Tom Northrup, did not develop a rash, principal Robert Schultz defended Pham's suspension from May

28 until the end of the school year by noting that the district's definition of a weapon includes any dangerous object or chemical.

Hot Pants While checking on her 11month-old baby, Jill Furlough, 31, of Lakenheath, England, saw green sparks flying out of his diaper. "I had no idea what was happening and thought he was going to burst into flames," Furlough said. She called the diaper maker, who assured her the cause was a small and harmless matter of triboluminescence — a rare build-up of energy that could be caused by friction but unlike static electricity did not generate heat. • John Bartlett, 45, a firefighter in Palm Beach, Florida, who noticed that a disposable diaper in the garbage was the only item that survived a house fire uncharred, developed a fireresistant gel from the same super-absorbent polymers found in the diapers. Bartlett's Barricade gel, which is credited with saving several homes and about 100 utility poles during Florida wildfires in the past two years, is so effective that some experts have hailed it as the greatest firefighting tool since the hose and pump.

Seemed Like a Good Idea at the Time A Spanish amusement park company decided to promote the first day of its stock sales by taking a 2-ton elephant to the Madrid stock exchange. T h e noise, traffic and people

diet. "Each year Exxon delays payment of its obligation it earns an estimated $400 million from the difference between the statutory interest rate of 6 percent and the company's internal rate of about 14 percent," said a letter demand-

nEWs QuiRkS

BY ROLAND SWEET

downtown spooked the 12year-old elephant so badly that it broke away from its handlers, and knocked into traffic lights, a lamppost and a trash bin. Handlers were able to tie the animal to a tree briefly, but it escaped and had to be shot with a tranquilizer gun, then hoisted by crane onto a truck and returned to the Madrid zoo.

A Turtle in Their Tank Thirty-seven states' attorneys general accused the Exxon Corp. of profiting from its refusal to pay $5.3 billion in punitive damages for the Exxon Valdez disaster, which spilled more than 11 million gallons of crude oil into Alaska's Prince William Sound. A U.S. District assessed the damages in 1994. A year ago, a federal judge upheld the ver-

ing payment from the attorneys general to Exxon Chairman and Chief Executive Lee Raymond.

Another Case for Term Limits Objecting to a bill that would punish people who assault referees and umpires at sporting events, Illinois Senate President James "Pate" Phillip declared: "I happen to go to a lot of football games, basketball games. Most of my friends that go to these games on a steady basis...will tell you that referees, that umpires every once in a while ought to get popped." A spin-control spokesperson for Phillip explained, "He doesn't condone hitting a sports officials. Obviously, as a sports fan, he has frustrations." (Z)

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MOUNTAIN DON'T: Now that the dust has settled on the Discover Jazz Festival, here's a sober note about upcoming concerts. The hills may be alive with the sounds of Mozart and Vivaldi this summer, but alfresco rock 'n' roll is in short supply. Phish outgrew our small ponds years ago. The Grateful Dead are . . , history. But there have always been a few brave concert promoters willing to go sell it on the mountain. Last year, apparently, not enough people were buying. "The market was oversaturated," says Mike BandelatO of All Points Booking, presenter of two Grateful Dead shows in Highgate and summer series at Stowe. So was the ground — with rain. "I remember saying, 'You watch, everyone is going to lose money "There is no reason for and no one is going to be u m m min around next summer,'" them to plav on a hill

Vermont unless ther a real facility."

Bandelato recalls. "That is exactly what happened." APB j has pulled the plug on the Old Lantern Series in M H a m . H J l M . m H H Charlotte "mainly due to the weather and the competition from Higher Ground," says Bandelato. Big World Productions — the New Hampshire presenter that brought B.B. King and Tragically Hip to Sugarbush last summer — went belly up last spring, leaving more than $600,000 in unpaid bills. After the Ben & Jerry's One World One Heart Festival next weekend, Sugarbush will go the way of Stowe — silent — where local residents nixed the nightlife that once rocked the resort. Despite a string of sunny weekends, musically speaking, the slopes are high and dry. "No one was ready to take it on after Big World went out of business," says Sugarbush spokesman Scott Peterson. "Our vice president of marketing spoke with a number of companies. I'm not sure who." One of them was Dave Werlin at Massachusetts-based Great Northeast Productions — the brains behind the building, and budgeting, of epic Phish festivals in New York and Maine. Werlin says his company has been after Sugarbush for years to build an outdoor amphitheater that would offer a "good concert experience with a nice orderly way to park, comfortable seats with good sight lines, where people are protected by weather." Although he is less specific about where it should be located, Bandelato at All Points is on the same wavelength. "Until we have a real amphitheater, you are just not going to see the type of shows that people here want to go to. There is no reason for them to play on a hill in Vermont unless there is a real facility." But would big acts like The Beastie Boys really come here, even if our potties were permanent? Not necessarily. Bands are out to make as much money as they can in the summer. And that means "mega tours for mega-high prices for mega populations," as Werlin puts it. Bandelato agrees. "Even if we had a real amphitheater, it makes you wonder if it would be a good risk to take," he says. "Bands are just getting so much money. It's crazy." Makes dairy farming look like a sound investment, after all. IN BRIEF: Union Station may not be receiving trains, or state transportation subsidies, but it is getting plenty of attention from the folks at 20th Century Fox. Jim Carrey and crew have taken over the historic building for 10 days to recreate the Providence Train Station for a scene in Me Myself and Irene. The Farrelly Brothers script calls for "throwing Jim through one of the windows," says station owner Melinda Moulton, noting the transformation of the place includes installation of sugar glass. "We are just really glad the building is going to be in the film." So, it turns out, are some local art works. The annual Art's Alive show had to be dismantled to accommodate the filming — but not before the works of three artists caught the eye of the set decorator. Twenty-three-year-old Ethan Murrow is renting a large figurative piece to the picture that shows a half-clad man, being strangled by his tie, entitled "C.E.O." "It is based on my fear of going into the business world," says Murrow, who will collect $250 for his trouble. Once the movie wraps, the Arts Alive exhibit will be resurrected. You can check it out through July . . . Montpelier may look like a sleepy town — especially after the legislators head home. But late-night cinephiles will find more happening at the Savoy than at any of the movie theaters in Chittenden County. Eleven o'clock shows start next weekend with Go, from the director of Swingers. The following weekend features the long-awaited Wedding Band, from Burlington musician-turned-director Martin Gliiglli. Although Variety called it a misguided take on a Jewish-Italian wedding reception" that is "finally too shrill and grating to be enjoyable," Vermont audiences may find -it a wee-hour winner. (D

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BY RUTH HOROWITZ nce you start noticing them, they're everywhere: polished domes glistening in the morning sun; pates peeling from excessive solar exposure; tender, combed-over tresses waving dejectedly in the afternoon breeze; foreheads looming like the White Cliffs of Dover high, high above the eyebrows. These are the follically challenged — businessmen and bus drivers, flabby guys and gods of physical fitness, Fred Mertz and Anwar Sadat. Some men lose a little, some lose a lot, and some go to their graves with flowing, white manes fully intact. But one fellow in two will experience some degree of male pattern baldness by the time he crosses the half-century mark. There's no reason to despair, however. Though you can't control whether or not you'll lose your hair — it's a trait you inherit through your mother — how you handle your hairlessness depends more on what's going . on between your ears than above them. Guys who suffer from the Samson Syndrome mourn the loss of their locks. These gents may read all sorts of dire omens into their receding hairlines, from loss of • virility and signs of creeping seniority to simple unsightliness. Tresslessness can be particularly traumatic for aging hippies — guys whose whole identities have been tied up, for decades, in letting their freak flags fly. These are the Joes who hang onto their pony tails even though there's little left anchoring them to their skulls — a combination that makes it look as if the hair in back is so heavy it's literally pulling down the hair on top. You keep wanting to reach out and adjust the entire 'do forward. But you don't have to be a fleece-less ex-flower child to fret over hair loss. "If you're worried about balding, you're not alone," is the reassuring mantra of James Rosen, a clinical psychologist specializing in body image at the University of Vermont. Put any three men in an elevator, Rosen reports, and two of them will be unhappy about some aspect of their appearance. The other man will be truly dissatisfied. And thinning hair ranks among the top three male body image complaints, right up there with growing gut and small chest size.

Bummed about balding? It's all in your head

When does normal whining about reducing ringlets become a disorder? When a man feels "truly embarrassed or ashamed about his appearance and imagines he's repulsive or unacceptable," says Rosen. If embarrassment about baldness prevents you from ever uncovering your head in public, you might need help, he advises. Balding head cases should avoid using put-downs like "bowling ball head" and "hairless wonder." They might also try practicing short stints of public hatlessness. It can also help to seek out bald role models — Pablo Picasso? Dr. Evil? Elmer Fudd? "There's nothing inherently good or bad about certain body types or body features," Rosen insists. "Body image is a psychological experience, and people have the power within them to feel more confident about their outward appearance." Lots of guys don't want to embrace their hairlessness, though. They'd rather fight it. One traditional approach, is to slap on a toupee that too often sits, like an awkward rat, astride the head. Another solution is the infamous comb-over. Stephen Barclay, a balding Burlington dentist in his mid-forties, recalls an example of this approach from his dental student days. His dean was a prominent periodontist named Cohen: a good-looking guy who dressed sharp, drove a Mercedes and had no hair on top

of his head — a problem he attempted to solve with an extreme comb-over. Barclay and his fellow students called the poor man Dr. Conehead because of the phenomenon that took place on his head when the wind blew just so. Barclay vowed never to go that route himself. When his wife snapped a picture of the monk's crown winking at the top of his head, he bought himself a set of clippers. "I will not do a comb-over," the dentist swears. "And I won't go for the Bozo...or the Ben Franklin look." If Barclay did choose to hide his balding head, he'd have several options. For one, he could turn to medical science. Propecia is a prescription pill that was originally developed to treat high blood pressure. The drug's potential for fighting hair loss was discovered when hypertensive patients started to develop furry foreheads. Unfortun-ately, the long list of reasons to exercise "caution" — if handled by pregnant women, it can cause birth defects — is a bit off-putting. Rogaine is an over-the-counter lotion you smear on your pate to stimulate hair growth. Like Propecia, studies of Rogaine treatments have shown at least some hair improvement in roughly half of patients. One local baldy who declined to reveal his name used the lotion for I six months, then threw in the towel. "It wasn't doing much," he kvetches. "It's expensive, it makes the skin on your head like baby skin and it's itchy." Unhappy chrome domes who shun the chemical route can stop by Hair Builders, a cosmetic hair-loss salon in Williston. You might think of what they sell there as permanent, personalized toupees — unless you're shop manager Agnes Perelli. "A toupee comes in a box," she clarifies. "You take it off and you put it on, and it may fit or it may not." Hair Builders' technicians, licensed hair stylists one and all, "fill in the area of hair loss," Perelli explains. "We try to duplicate what they would have had, so it will be the same throughout the head."

each individualized "unit." Only genuine human hair is used, and the product is attached so securely that it can't be removed. Once a month, customers return to the salon to have their units "serviced." Clients may spend up to $3600 for the type of service Perelli's shop provides. Occupying the other end of the spectrum ^ is the guy who flaunts his lack of fur, taking Gillette in hand and fast-forwarding directly to Mr. Clean. Ever since Bruce Willis and Michael Jordan made the skin-head look socially acceptable, more and more men have opted for the cranial "full monty" — a style that saves not only face but time and money. This approach appealed to the anonymous Rogaine drop-out, for one. "My hair started going was I around 29," the nameless nob-noggin recalls. "I had one of those little peninsula things that came down in front, and hair well below my shoulders. Long hair and bald was not a good look for me — or anyone." But going all the way didn't happen overnight. "When I first realized, I was freaked out. It was a long, gradual acceptance," says this baldy. Actually submitting to the blade required a leap of faith. "If you've never done it, you have no idea of what your head is like. You don't know if it's weird or funny-shaped." Half a decade later, this guy is completely into his head. "I love it," he testifies. "My wife likes it. I haven't paid to cut my hair for five years. I save on shampoo. Once you do it, you realize what a pain in the ass hair »

is. Fellas who are considering scalp shaving can find affirmation at several bald-and-proud Web sites. At www.baldmen.com, you can browse through a list of famous baldies, complete with clever quips, such as V.I. Lenin ("After 60 years under glass, you can bet he wouldn't look half as good if he had hair") and Julius Caesar ("Et tu, Brylcreme?"). The Bald By Choice Men's Club brings together guys who want to "improve our bald look, to achieve a smoother shave or to get a shinier dome." Hairfree Homepage offers advice on such challenges as five o'clock head shadow and night sweat on pillows. And baldguy.com posts a gallery of "rug rats" — toupee-wearing celebrities the site is dedicated to outing. Finally, straddling the broad, middle ground between those who are desperate to cover their bald spots HH and those who celebrate their pates are guys who simply accept the state of their heads and get on with their lives. Burlington Mayor Peter Clavelle falls into this group. "I started losing my hair early on," he confesses. "For a while, I grew it long in back and combed it up to the top. Then I resigned myself to the fact that I was good-looking, and I'd just show my head." A few years ago, in the only mention it has ever made of the mayor, Newsweek described him as "bald, paunchy and colorless." The quote came up again on a recent trip to Russia, where a local journalist asked how a man of Clavelle's description had managed to be re-elected five times. "I said he was describing Yuri Lushkov, the mayor of Moscow," Clavelle reports. "He's very popular — and a lot balder than I am." (7)

ne fellow in two wi experience some degree of male pattern baldness by the time he crosses the alf-centurv mar

For maximum verisimilitude, samples of the clients remaining hair, and a mold of his or her head — Hair Builders caters to both genders — are used to fashion

june 16,1999

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is Everest after the Chinese invasion of Tibet, High Exposure is a book that can captivate climbers and armchair adventurers alike. But beyond the story of a single man — no matter how compelling — the taut tale achieves a loftier goal: It helps us come to terms with who we are as a society, and who we are as men. We live in a time when a billet to the American Museum of Natural History's "Endurance" exhibit is almost as valuable as a ticket to the Knicks, and Madison Avenue can't seem to produce enough "extreme" cola ads. There can be little doubt about the need for more insight into our fascination with pushing the limits. Surely it must run deeper than Mallory's famous explanation: "Because it's there."

extreme adventure in the '90s, David Breashears would be it. Not only does he have the climbing resume to fill the modern job description of "professional adventurer," but as a filmmaker with four Emmys to his credit, he's also shown the ability to splice his love of the outdoors with his more creative, sensitive side. Recognizing Breashears appeal, People magazine dubbed the Boston-based climber the "Sexiest Adventurer of 1998." While the title might be dubious — who could name a previous winner? — it's only lacking in its Breashears' wanderlust began limitations. Labels and appearwhen he was a "military brat," ances aside, Breashears is sure to be a strong draw when he bravely but not just because his family traveled to far-flung bases from summits the Flynn Theatre stage Wyoming to Greece. Rather, it next week for another of those was to avoid his father's darker, climbing speak-and-peek slide more violent side. Escaping a shows. home of confusion and abuse, A veteran of countless Breashears found refuge and clarHimalayan expeditions, the man ity in the simple image of Sherpa who brought the world to the Tenzing Norqay, who had accomslopes of Mount Everest can be panied Sir Edmund Hillary to counted on to deliver a bird's-eye view of a uniquely vertical world. the top of the world in 1953. "It takes a 12-year-olds wideThose who can't make it to the ranging imagination to see his show — or even those who do destiny in a picture of a moun— would do well to tackle tain and a stranger atop it, but Breashears' recently released that is exactly what I envisioned autobiography, High Exposure: that morning," Breashears recalls An Enduring Passion for Everest in High Exposure of the first time and Unforgiving Places. he saw the famous photograph. With the topic of the 1996 It wasn't long before the aspiring Everest disaster firmly in the hands of Jon Krakauer and other, climber took his first tentative step toward his goal. less capable journalists, we didn't really need another book detailSettled in Colorado after ing death on the world's highest leaving home, the younger peak. That is, unless Danish Breashears began to make daily climber Lene Gammelgard, who forays onto the rock faces near his house, along with another was also on the expedition, sheds child of a broken home. "Every new light in Climbing High: A Woman's Account of Surviving the man remembers his first woman, of course, but even further back Everest Tragedy. She reads from than that, he remembers his first her book this Saturday — four boyhood pal and the adventures days before Breashears — at they shared," Breashears Adventurous Traveler Bookstore. observes. For his part, Breashears Camaraderie and fraternity frames the bigger picture, and his book possesses all the elements of are important to climbers who share both a symbolic and tangigood biography — historical ble connection to one another. context and a strong personal Known as "the brotherhood of narrative among them. From the rope," it's a topic of intense insights gained at a roughneck debate in climbing circles around bar in a Wyoming oil town to the "geopolitical chessboard" that A Slide Lecture with David Breashears, Flynn Theatre, Burlington, June 23, 7 p.m. High Exposure: An Enduring Passion for Everest and Unforgiving Places, Simon & Schuster, 320 pp. $26.

mafch, loved the Himalayas and learned to climb. In classic guy style, Breashears taught her ice so technique on Black Dike, a 400o 00 foot vertical wall that's one of the m SO - H most menacing in the White CO Mountains of New Hampshire. O Choa passed the test, but over time their relationship failed. What's worse, Breashears acknowledges, is what he saw when he looked at himself in the mirror. "With Veronique, my sin was cowardice," he writes. "I realized that by running incessantly from our relationship I'd forced her to do the breaking up, to make the decision to walk out because I didn't have the heart or stomach to do it myself." To his credit, Breashears sheds light on his inner soul in his biography. He admits and discusses the self-doubt that stalks anyone — but especially men — who are supposed to be strong while maintaining a position of leadership. "The endless, agonfeing recyDOUBLE EXPOSURE David Breashears comes to town with cling of what might have been, slides and a new book. soon followed by a litany of rationalizations and self-decepthe world, as the dynamics of mountain bike across Tibet, tions as you struggle to reconcile expeditions change from teams of ended up at Everest Base Camp the void between the person you climbing partners to parties of and eventually married, then paying clients and guides. It is want to be and the person you divorced, Breashears. "I always precisely the introduction of forfear you are," is how he describes found David at his sexiest when profit expeditions that has caused his feelings after aborting an climbing," she purred for People the brotherhood to fray, if not attempt on Everest's Kanshung last year. break, suggests Charlie Houston, Face. He might as easily have Sterling College President Jed a Burlington doctor and team been speaking of his marriage, or Williamson was also with leader of American expeditions to Breashears on that ill-fated jourof any failure by anyone. K2 in 1938 and 1953. As well-written and interestney to Everest. Bad weather and "Mountaineering just haping as his life story is, High the death of a sherpa turned the pens to be one of the more Exposure becomes positively expedition back, without uncovrecent corruptions of engrossing when money and greed," the climbing filmHouston says ruefulmaker puts down ly. "In the old days the camera and the philosophy was becomes simply a 'the leader does not mountaineer and fall.' Today if you f witness to the don't fall it means Everest tragedies of you haven't tried 1996. Except for hard enough." his contempt for Competition among South African team climbers has made leader Ian Woodall, more tenuous a who refused to aid respect for the the endangered mountain environclimbers stuck in ment and concern the "death zone" for fellow climbers above 26,000 feet, — or potential resBreashears lays bare cuers. Houston gives Breashears the events without rancor, leavering any new evidence to suphigh marks on both scores, howing readers to draw their own port the specious theory that ever. conclusions and pass their own Mallory beat Hillary to the sumIt's disappointing to true judgments. mit by some 30 years. Praising sportsmen to see the decline in In the end, it seems to be the the self-made Breashears as "a mountaineering ethics. But it desire for self-awareness — and character right out of Horatio comes as little surprise to evolumettle-testing — that draws peoAlger," Williamson suggests that tionary biologists, who view it as ple like Breashears back to the the climber-cinematographers the need of males of the species world's highest peaks. Mt. professional life has come at the to distinguish themselves. From a expense of his personal life. Everest is named for George Darwinian perspective, males "For Dave, who's been able to Everest, the British Surveyor need to be competitive for mates, General in India from 1830 to make a vocation of it [adventurwhile females play the role of 1843. The Tibetans call it ing], the really intense relationbeing selective for quality. "Chomolungma," or "Mother ships that he's had have had a Today's adventurers, the arguGoddess." Maybe it's no paradox hard time lasting," says Williamment goes, aren't just satisfying — judging from those who've son, who took a six-year hiatus their own urges, but also taking lived to tell about it — that from expeditions after witnessing advantage of 20th-century there's no better place for man to the loss of 15 climbers in 1974 opportunities to stand out from find out "what he's made of." ® to massive avalanches in Russia's the crowd and respond to Pamir Mountains. "When you're ancient, evolutionary motives. David Breashears will give a gone for three months with a Perhaps the fact that slide show and lecture at the Flynn wife and two young children at Breashears was top dog when he Theatre on June 23, 7p.m. Tickets home," he adds, "it's really diffimet Veronique Choa in 1986, are $10, available at the Flynn cult to keep that balance." while directing the movie Everest: Box Office and Adventurous For his part, Breashears takes The Mystery of Mallory and Traveler Bookstore. For info, call the blame. Choa, who was as Irving, helped him capture her 860-6776 or 800-282-3963. near as possible his physical heart. Choa, who was riding a

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Join us for an unforgettable evening of slides and lecture by the Everest IMAX film director himself-David Breashears! David is on tour in conjunction with his new book'High Exposure: An Enduring Passion for Everest and Unforgiving Places. David is intimately knowledgeable of Everest having been to the summit four times over the course of numerous expeditions. He is also the recipient of four Emmy® awards for achievements in cinematography.

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here is only one moment in the 1990s childbirth experience that Ernest Hemingway could have fully appreciated: After hours of surging against the dilating cervix, the child's head unexpectedly clears the mother's body, red and wet, mouth working like a boated fish; with a slight twist, a shoulder works loose and the wrinkled body all but pours out, torso, legs, infant toes. And following it all — in an overwhelming rush offluid— comes the cord, thick and grayish-white and slick, like the limb or tentacle of something deep-water, something pulled up from the ocean only after hours of intense physical effort. That's the moment Hemingway could have enjoyed. But the moment that follows would have killed him. The man is left speechless by this glimpse into the salt-sea world that is also somehow the woman's familiar body. He touches the cord and understands that this connection is originary and defining, of an entirely different magnitude than his own link to the child. It's not that he sees himself as nothing — he's now clearly more than he was — but that suddenly and for possibly the first time in his life he is defined by what he's not. He is a man, in this room at this moment, because he is incapable of the female. He cannot create in this way. He is eclipsed, and when he does come into his own as a father, it will be based on her prior position as a mother.

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Like Virgin? BY RON POWERS suppose that, to be honest about it, I've made a couple of comments about women that I'd like to take back.. .All right, let's be specific. I made one of those comments, joyously sloshed, to a buddy of mine in the men's john of a restaurant during a Post-Dispatch Christmas Party. I made it about my date. It was not the basest comment in the history of male chauvinism, god knows, but it did connote a certain air of confidence regarding my prospects with the young woman later in the evening, and the young woman happened at that moment to be in the adjoining women's john, and the walls were thin. This was beginning to shape up as my eternal destiny with women: a series of fiascoes stretching beyond the end of time. Even when I tried to be suave and worldly I screwed up — especially then, perhaps. I murdered a promising relationship, a holdover from college, when I took the woman to a pretentious faux-gallic restaurant in her family's suburban neighborhood and instructed the waiter to bring us a bottle of the "chabliss." (Ignorance, I had occasion to reflect later, is chabliss.) Another hopeful connection ended in agony when my extremely well-bred and Ivy-educated blind date, nearly sobbing from boredom and the absence of any conversational common ground whatsoever, made for her front door with the desperate parting pleasantry that I had "a fun car."

really do, she enthused in reply. A lot of people might think it's corny. But give me the organ every time. We both clammed up just then, and paid intense attention to the game, and concentrated on not touching that one with a 10-foot pole. In the ensuing weeks, though, as our make-out passion increased to the point of 3 a.m. dementia, we both knew that a decision would soon need to be made, a threshold crossed. We didn't discuss it — sex— we were both far too lofty in our mutual regard to let things descend to that vulgar level. And yet it had got discussed, somehow. And agreed on. Affirmed. Yes. On what proved to be the Big Night itself, as we cruised down Broadway after a movie at the Fox, Brett — as I'll call her — remarked very conversationally, as though it had just popped into her head, that science was making the most incredible advances these days. For instance there was this fascinating new product on the market, called Emko. It was a foam. A spermicide, actually. People were making the most astounding claims for it. Really, I rejoined, attempting to toss my left elbow

What was it supposed to be good for, again? I was twisted, bent nearly double with mortification. I could not conceivably be any more embarrassed than I already was, and I could not return to the car empty-handed. I asked the son of a bitch for a package of Trojans and got the hell out of there. Back at Brett's apartment, we feverishly cleared the decks. Brett yanked down her sofa-bed while I tore open the tinfoil and^held in the palm of my hand the legendary fish-brown cylinder that had enflamed and oppressed my fantasies since puberty. Brett reached for her lamplight. In a moment the room would be in total darkness and we would be madly entwined. I placed the cylinder carefully on the nightstand adjacent to the bed. When the moment came I would know exactly where to reach for it. Just to make sure nothing could possibly go wrong, I rehearsed exactly how I would reach for it: In my mind's eye I saw my thumb and forefinger descending over the cylinder; working their way inside the cylinder's rim; transporting the cylinder to where it would do the most good, while stretching the mouth of the cylinder wide. Maximum efficiency, minimum distraction. The moment did in fact approach. In the pitch darkness my right hand hovered, groped, descended. My thumb and forefinger felt the sticky circular surface of the Trojan. I worked them inside the cylinder's rim. I lifted my arm. Twannnngggg! I had widened my thumb and forefinger a little too quickly. I had launched the goddam rubber off into the darkness like a projectile across a gradeschool classroom. Frantically, I groped for the tinfoil package, for a backup. It was nowhere to be felt. In the darkness, Brett's soft empathetic voice asked me if anything was wrong. The upshot was that we had to turn the lights on, get out of bed and ransack the apartment for the wayward rubber. I spotted the tinfoil package on the floor, with the backups, but Brett's curiosity had got the better of her — she was dying to know just how far that sucker had traveled. It had evidently had a good deal of torque on it when it left my fingers, because we never did locate it — not that evening, not ever. Perhaps it flew through the open slit in the window and headed for outer space, gaining velocity, my childhood chastity taking wing. Some days later we did locate an establishment that dealt in Emko, and I soon slipped safely into the sorrows of sex. (Z)

e didn't discuss it — sexwe were both far too I ur mutual regard to let hings descend to that vulgar level. And vet it had got discussed. somehow. An agreed on. Affirmed. Yes.

The worst part was that it wasn't even a fun car. It was a goddamn blue Volkswagen. But in time I blundered into acquaintanceship with a young woman of the sort who occasionally blundered into acquaintanceship with young men of my sort. She was tall, beautiful, intelligent, quiet, good-humored, softly empathetic and the product of a town in Illinois even smaller than my hometown in Missouri. What was more, she seemed to genuinely like me. I was beside myself with joy and gratitude. Here, finally, was what the songwriters called my Chance of a Lifetime. Here was my opportunity to Go All the Way.

We dated a few times and gazed into one another's eyes. She loved my sense of humor; she hung on my repartee. I discovered that she liked sports, and I impressed her by producing two free tickets to a professional ice-hockey game, courtesy of my department at the paper. We made giddy small-talk at rinkside. Don't you think it adds a lot to the team spirit, I asked her, flashing my most enthusiastic Pepsodent smile, that they play all that amplified pep music between periods? Oh, I do, I

page 14 '

SEVEN DAYS

june 16, 1999

casually on the window-jamb, but finding the window closed. What will those modern science guys think of next? A block or so later the orange light of a Rexall drugstore thrust itself deeply into our consciousness. Casually swerving across traffic into a no-parking zone near the corner, I asked Brett if she'd mind waiting just a minute; there were a couple of things I needed to pick up. She said she'd be very happy to. The clerk inside looked to my eyes like a moonlighting Lutheran minister. He thought that Emko was the name of an oil refinery. He'd never heard of the product.

This is an excerpt from Ron Powers' work-in-progress autobiography, The Last Patrol Boy: Memoirs of a Good Guy.

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BY ERIK ESCKILSEN ^ ^ ^ ^ o ahead, make my I H day." It's not exactly Shakespeare, is it? But if you can trace this line of dialogue, you're hip to high drama. And you're probably a guy. The immortal words of Clint Eastwood's character Harry Callahan, from 1983 s Sudden Impact, epitomize what can only be classified as a "Guy Movie." While you'll find Sudden Impact shelved under "ActionAdventure" at most video stores, "Dirty Harry," and the ugly world to which he rises each day, strike at the heart of the contemporary American male. It's a heart that, outside the fictional world of film, is torn between traditional gender roles as hunter-protector and...whatever we're supposed to be now. Which is precisely the allure of Guy Movies. Inside that fictional world, there's no question what a man is supposed to do; Uttering as few words as possible — catch phrases like Dirty Harry's work best — and usually acting alone, he saves the day by any means necessary, preferably with more shooting and asswhupping than hugging and talking. As a reward — beyond, of course, the exhilaration of firing weapons — he gets the girl. Think Gary Cooper in High Noon. Or Eastwood's entife Dirty Harry series, as well as his earlier "spaghetti Westerns" and his 1992 Oscar-winner, Unforgiven. Charles Bronson and the Death Wish franchise. Mel Gibson's trilogy — Mad Max, Road Warrior and Beyond the Thunderdome. Bruce Willis and the Die Hards. Stallone. Ahnuld. But contrary to popular wisdom, don't think There's Something About Mary. According to Joe Pete Wilson, a learning-disabilities educator and unrepentant Guy Moviegoer, "there's a difference between a Guy Movie and a juvenile movie." And some of the popular low-brow comedies of recent issue — he cites the Adam Sandler oeuvre, particularly The Waterboy — fail to meet his rigorous Guy Movie criteria. Waterboy "wasn't a Guy Movie," he says. "It was a stupid movie." Paul Gibson, a local bartender-musician-writer and unapologetic Guy Moviegoer, is similarly dismissive of the pottycentric comedies in vogue. He says they're targeted not so much at the male species as its

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immature subspecies. "Those guy comedies are really unfunny, unsubtle, go to broadest jokes that a fucking three-year-old could get," he says. "I guess that's why I don't like that." The true Guy Movie operates on a more "atavistic" level, Gibson says, offering a retreat into a violent yet comfortingly familiar past, where what's mine and yours, what's right and wrong, are fought over and drawn in lines impossible to miss. Where a man is needed. When Wilson extols the virtues of "black-and-white John Wayne," he's not just talking about film stock. "I somehow respect the action genre more," Gibson adds. "I think a lot of things in our society feed that need for a tribal, hunter-gatherer existence that is completely gone. Action movies are one of the things that feed that. I don't think Porky's does that." Like the selfish gene hell-bent on propagation, Guy Movies are designed for maximum efficiency. As Rutland-based filmmaker

that also appeal to women. "That's the great Harrison Ford allure," he says. Or think Sean Connery in Entrapment. Edgewood's current production is another case in point. Radical Jack stars country-pop singer Billy Ray Cyrus as Jack Reynolds, a former CIA agent and arms dealer pulled back into the racket, a la A1 Pacino's character in The Godfather III— a Guy Movie if ever there was one. Giancola calls the "redneck movie" — the directorial debut of Edgewood staffer Jim Bradley — "more of a guy movie than even I would like to make." But actor Rusty Dewees, who plays Jack's rival's right-hand man, sees it blending Guy Movie and

'that's impossible' or 'th stupid' during th^iigvigJ There is taclt^greementl tnat the action-a protagonist couli one ot us guys .J — G uv movie-goer Bil David Giancola explains, the video box for a typical guy movie should include, "in order of importance: an explosion, a female in some stage of undress or in a seductive pose, some type of hot, fast vehicle and/or — depending on what part of the country you're in — a monster truck. That's a guy movie." Giancola should know. His Edgewood Studios production company has signed on to crank out 10 movies over the next few years, many of them fitting squarely in the action-adventure genre. But Giancola also knows that the most successful Guy Movies, commercially speaking, are those

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For Giancola, the guy-or-gal distinction is moot. "Whether it's a chick flick or a guy flick, is really window dressing," he says. "If you've got a good story, you've got a good story." Right. And men drive Humvees because they get great gas mileage. That Guy Movies tend to eschew life's ambiguities in favor of hard, fast women — er, cars...sorry, truths...hard, fast truths — is not in dispute. And few, not even Giancola, attempt to argue their artistic merits. As a result, Guy Movies — and, by extension, the Guys moved by them — are stigmatized as the dumber counterpart of the more socially evolved Chick Flick. While Pfeiffer's point is welltaken that men and women might benefit equally from a heightened male sensitivity to the "romance, passion, sensuality, intimacy" so central to Chick Flicks, there may be more to Guy Movies than meets the eye: a vital opportunity for malebonding. Paradoxically, while the typical Guy Movie hero is a loner, his typical audience makes his work a social event. "A guy movie is a wonderful, effective way for guys to connect," says Wilson. "Its totally a chance to let down your maturity, to not have to worry about being on your best behavior, not to be jerks and assholes and crazy kids, but to be a part of a fraternity of guys — because we're not supposed to be in fraternities anymore...There are so many thing that guys cant do." For local attorney and Guy Movie Night regular Bill Skiff, part of the bonding experience derives not from the male dialogue inspired by the movies', but from what is mtfsaid. "Guys will never say, 'that's impossible' or

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"Chick Flick" elements. "Its both, man," he says, "because there's a couple of good-looking girls and, not counting me, a couple of good-looking guys." Playing Kate, Jack's allimportant love interest, actress DeDee Pfeiffer also sees crossover potential. "Its a chick movie because of Billy Ray," she says. "I like to think its a guy movie because of me." Men will surely appreciate the stunning Pfeiffer s nude scene — an Edgewood first — but Dewees' role also promises ample Guy Movie fare. As he describes his work with Cyrus, "We're going to be punching the shit out of each other for the next couple of days."

Continued on page 18

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The Testosterzone

but, didn't you get..." For some critics, the notion of guys getting together to revel in glamorized violence and hot babes with few spoken lines is more frightening than the films' themselves. But according to Gibson, that's not entirely fair. While he concedes that many Guy Movies are "simplistic and often sexist," he maintains that the fantasies they depict may defuse those impulses in the real world. "You feel exhilarated but without having done something," he says. What's more, Gibson adds, the suggested link between Guy Movies and Real Guy behavior is insulting. "People are given so little credit to understand what's fucked up and what isn't," he says. That Guy Moviegoers are given less credit than female fans of the "weepie" is even more than

Continued from page 17

'that's stupid' during the movie," he says. "There is tacit agreement that the action-adventure protagonist could be any one of us guys." Gibson agrees that this manto-man understanding is essential, as "it makes you less selfconscious about being into it somehow." Taking a date "just makes you feel like an idiot for laughing or getting a thrill out of violence or an explosion." And talking about a Guy Movie with a woman afterward — a deeply conditioned behavior among female moviegoers -— is only asking for trouble, says Wilson. "If you go to a Guy Movie with your girlfriend, you know she's going to talk about the wrong stuff. You end up saying, Yeah,

This father's ay Experience jfln Old Tradition Or StartJl Jfew One

insulting — its hypocritical. He points to the Cinderella-esque themes of typical Chick Flicks — Green Card, Little Women,

son's psyche as action movies," he says. But don't Guy Movies objectify women? If Chick Flicks don't

uy Movies — and, by. extension, the Guvs moved by them — are stigmatize e dumber countemar of the more socia volved Chick Flick Beaches— in which women are incomplete until they find their Prince Charming, as a potentially negative message. "That stereotype is just as harmful to a per-

do the same thing, Wilson counters, then women are drawn to Keanu Reeves "because he's tall and smart." But aren't women drawn to Kevin Costner's searing

intellect? "Yeah, that's why he made that golf movie," Wilson suggests. As the cliche has it, there's no accounting for taste. For some dedicated Guy Movie fans, however, the movies themselves are only part of the experience, the conduit for much-needed Guy Time. Call the Guy Movie the tree house of the Information Age — enter at your own risk. As Wilson observes, "It's not even a bastion because nobody is trying to protect it. It's just sort of there. You can just be a guy." It's a space worth defending, says Skiff, a new father whose leisure time has grown suddenly scarce. Childrearing, he says, is "probably not going to reduce the Guy Movie time, but it's probably going to reduce other guy time in my life to make up for that." ®

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SEVEN DAYS

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Father Figures? Continued from page 12

Faced with these sorts of realizations, the Hemingway Man might very well kill himself, as brutally as possible — slitting his own throat, or, in "Papa's" own preferred method, disassembling his own cranium with a shotgun. In one of the Nick Adams stories, for instance, a man commits suicide when he is unable to prevent a doctor from examining and treating his sick wife. Not surprisingly, Hemingway Man came to a cul-de-sac in the evolutionary road. Like the dinosaurs, his defenses grew so armor-plated and oversized that they became fatal liabilities. He lost out to smaller, faster, more emotionally nimble creatures.

am married to a woman who was born and raised in Europe, Sweden specifically. O n some days, this means that my life is one pleasantly failed translation after another. It's as though we share 65 percent of the necessary concepts, while the other 35 percent were carefully packed in the suitcase misplaced by Iceland Air. I'll give you an examJ^T pie. On the first of April, Swedes play mischievous little pranks on one another — I'm with it so far — and then sing this song to the victim: April, April You stupid herring There's more, but the rest of it is about fishing, too. So you see where I'm going. But on other days, this slight dislocation in culture — the similarities as much as the differences — suddenly opens up some part of American life in a way I've never thought of before. Last week Annika was telling me about a friend of hers in Sweden who thought she'd found the perfect man.

Listening to all of this, I suddenly had a name for the kind of guys my older sisters were always mooning over here in the U.S. during those same years — guys, my friends and I. called "hippies." But although they always played guitars and always brought a single flower, they weren't really hippies — they were post-hippie, not to mention carefully, even narcissistically, groomed. They were velour men, and neither of my sisters would take one now, not if he came on bended knee (he would), not for all the tea in China. They want men with an edge, nurturing but masculine, weak and strong at once, aggressive and passive both. Scientists now know that Neanderthals and Homo sapiens shared the planet for a long

"Woodbury prepared me beautifully for the mediation work I'm doing now."

When his '90s girlfriend accuses him of sleeping with another woman, Powers gives it to her straight as an uppercut. "Yeah, baby, I shagged her rotten! Yeah, yeah!" There is an obligatory sequence in which Austin learns that such behavior leads to loneliness and loss of real love, but it's played as a gag. Myers has made a cottage industry out of movies like this.

Prue Fisher.

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As much as anything else, Austin Powers, and the sequel, The Spy Who Shagged Me, is wish-fulfillment for a generation of young men uncomfortable with the competing demands they feel being placed on them. I said earlier that my sisters, as well as many of my female friends, want sensitive but masculine men. They want aggressive passion and domestic capabili-

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"Then she found out he was a velour man" she said disgustedly, shifting into Swedish that was almost identical to the English, except for pronunciation (which happens more often than you'd think). Like the herring song, this took a minute to work out, but here's the story she told me. In Sweden of the late 1960s and early 1970s, a new ideal of manhood came into fashion — nurturing, sensitive, pacifist, in a word, soft — at more or less the same time that a new miracle fabric came on the market. The "velour man," like his shirt, was valued for his yielding qualities. Physically, he was shapeless. Emotionally, he was crushed velvet. An important offshoot was the "velour pappa," velour man in fullest domestic flower. Like the velour shirt, the velour man was all the rage for a brief period, and then slowly but surely he became not just pass£, but actively annoying.

Mediator

ive: we've got things to do. stretch of time and interbred more often than anyone had previously suspected. But these interbreedings, evolutionarily speaking, were the exception, not the rule. At the end of the second millennium, Velour Man still hunts and gathers (mostly gathers), but he's in the twilight of his species. I think of him sometimes, hunkered over a crude fire, alone with his evening meal, watching his own numbers dwindle as a new race swells in the valley below.

y one-month-old daughter, Gwendolyn, has several new velvety suits with lacy collars and cuffs. She looks less like my wife and me and more like Austin Powers, International Man of Mystery, whose first sequel has arrived this week.

Mike Myers' latest character/franchise has been a stunning success for a couple of reasons. O n the one hand, it's a comic send-up not just of the Bond-era spy flicks, but also of the velour men — particularly the British velour men — who populated them. Less innocently, it's a classic backlash vehicle. Through a time warp, an aggressive free-love type romps through the '60s and then is turned loose in 1990s America. He doesn't have to worry about AIDS, and, more to the point, he can be as blunt about his desires as he pleases. He's a relic and proud of it, not hamstrung in any way by sensitivity. * ? ... T

ties, men who are physically and emotionally strong, but who accept as a matter of course an equally strong female partner. Maureen Dowd, columnist for The New York Times, calls this "cowboy feminism," but we might as well call the man involved Homo schizophrenicus. He's pulled in all sorts of competing directions, part Hemingway, part Velour, part software to translate back and forth between the two. But his situation isn't unique, and it isn't anything to cry over. His female counterpart has been around for a while now — the woman expected to be mother and sex-symbol and career woman, athlete and Martha Stewart domestic-lifestyle icon — and she seems to be managing just fine on the whole. What it boils down to is this: Evolution is out, custom-design is in. We're tired of waiting for the fittest to survive; we've got things to do. Men and women are tailor-made for each other now, in a way they've never been before. Each wants all the features in the other, pretty much immediately. So what if our personalities, like our cable-TV - ; packages, expand exponentially? So what if we're constantly negotiating roles within and between ourselves? Constant negotiation > is still negotiation, after all.

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SURREAL LIFE

You don't get orchestral maneuvers much anymore. Dreamy and loungy, sure. But

Mercury Rev is a different beast on the indie-art-rock circuit. Think Tom Waits meets Kurt Weill and the Star Trek singers at the opera house. Someone shows up with a theramin. Feels kinda funny in the head. Mercury Rev shares a bill with equally weird (in a good way) Sparklehorse this Sunday at Higher Ground. The P.J. Harvey-esque Diane Izzo makes the most perfect opener.

FUNNY GIRL

BLUE VOODOO (rock), Breakwater Cafe, 5 p.m. N C . PAT AUSTIN W/BILL PATTON, STEVE BLAIR, TOM STEELE (jazz), Leunig's, 7:30 p.m. N C . KARAOKE, 135 Pearl, 9:30 p.m. N C . DAVE KELLER BLUES BAND, Nectar's, 9:30 p.m. N C . LEFT EYE JUMP (Delta blues), Red Square, 9:30 p.m. N C . SALSA DANCE LESSONS, Club Metronome, 7 p.m. $8, Followed by VIDA NUEVA (DJ Justin B), 9 p.m. N C . HIP-HOP DJ NIGHT, Rasputin's, 9:30 p.m. N C . OPEN MIKE, Manhattan Pub, 9:30 p.m. N C . HIP-HOP DJS Qoey K. & Big J), Last Chance Saloon, 10:30 p.m. N C . KARAOKE, J.P.'s Pub, 9 p.m. NC. COSMIC LOUNGE (Patty & Tricky Pat), Bottleneck, 9:30 p.m. N.C. GLENN SCHWEITZER (acoustic r&b), Good Times Cafe, 7:30 p.m. $2. HOUSE JAM (improv soulfunk), Emerald City, 9 p.m. $1/5. KATHERINE QUINN (singersongwriter), Arvad's 7 p.m. NC.

When Emmy Gay picks you

out of the audience to call you an ass-slapper — "there's one in every relationship" — well, you gotta love it. It's hard not to love, and laugh at, the New York-based feminist comedienne, who returns

UNCLE JIM & THE TWINS (acoustic), Sweetwaters, 9 p.m. NC. BARBAC0A (surf), Red Square, 9:30 p.m. N C . RED HOUSE (rock), Nectar's, 9:30 p.m. N C . STRANGEF0LK (groove rock), Club Metronome, 9 p.m. $7. ORGANIC GROOVE FARMERS (backporch folkgrass), Manhattan Pub, 10 p.m. N C . SOLOMONIC SOUND SYSTEM (reggae DJ), J.P's Pub, 10 p.m. NC. OPEN MIKE W/D. DAVIS, Cactus Cafe, 9 p.m. N C . BLUE FOX (blues), Vermont Pub & Brewery, 9:30 p.m. NC. DJ FR0STEE (global gooves), Bottleneck, 9:30 p.m. $2. CHAMP DJ NIGHT, Trackside Tavern, 5 p.m. NC, followed by MIKE TR0MBLEY EXPERIENCE (classic rock), 9 p.m. NC. ZEN TRICKSTERS, F-H0LE (groove rock), Higher Ground, 9:30 p.m. $6/8. GUY C0LASACC0 (singersongwriter), Jake's, 6:30 p.m. NC. KARAOKE W/MATT & BONNIE DRAKE, Edgewater Pub, 9 p.m. NC. PROF. FAIRBANKS W/TRACY W0LTERS (fiddlers), Daily Bread Bakery, 6:30 family set, 7:30 p.m. adults. $5.

to 135 Pearl this Friday to help celebrate GLBT

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KARAOKE, Swanys, 9 p.m. NC. TNT D J & KARAOKE, T h l r s f f Turtle, 9:30 p.m. N C . PINNACLE (classic rock), Rusty Nail, 9 p.m. $3. DJ OUTRAGEOUS (dance), Emerald City Nightclub, 9 p.m. $2/5.

FRIDAY BEN & TWA (Caribbean steel drums), Breakwater Cafe, 4:30 p.m. N C . PICTURE THIS (j azz), Windjammer, 5:30 p.m. NC. BOOTLESS & UNHORSED (Irish), Last Chance Saloon, 7:30 p.m. N C . THE SUPER SPIES, THE HITMEN (ska), 242 Main, 8 p.m. $5. ADAM ROSENBERG (singersongwriter), Borders, 8 p.m. NC. LISA MCCORMICK (singersongwriter), Burlington Coffeehouse at Rhombus, 8 p.m. $8. KATHERINE QUINN (singersongwriter), UVM Billings Lounge, 9:30 p.m. NC. EMMY GAY (feminist comedienne), 135 Pearl, 10 p.m. $6. MARC BRISS0N (acoustic), Sweetwaters, 9 p.m. NC. SUPERSOUNDS DJ, Ruben James, 10:30 p.m. N C . STARLINE RHYTHM BOYS (hillbilly boogie), Red Square, 8 p.m. N C . RON LEVY'S WILD KINGDOM (B3 funk-jazz), Club Metronome, 9 p.m. $5. THE X-RAYS (rock/r&b), Nectars, 9:30 p.m. N C . FOUNDATION W/DJ NICENESS & A-D0G, Bottleneck, 9:30 p.m. $3. JALAPEN0 BROS, (g roove rock), Vermont Pub & Brewery, 9:30 p.m. N C . BARKING SPIDER (g roove rock), Chicken Bone Cafe, 10:30 p.m. $2.

weekly

COMEDY ZONE (stand-up),,,,.. Radisson Hotel, 8 & 10 p.m. $8 RUN FOR COVER (rock), Henry's Pub, Holiday Inn, 9 p.m. N C . MIRAGE (rock), Trackside Tavern, 9:30 p.m. $3. LIFTED (DJs Cousin Dave, Zack Eberz, Justin B), Higher Ground, 9:30 p.m. $5/7. QUARTER 'TIL (rock), Champion's, 9 p.m. NC. BLUE VOODOO (rock), Edgewater Pub, 9 p.m. N C . JOHN CASSEL (jazz piano), Tavern, Inn at Essex, 7 p.m. NC. DANCIN' DEAN (country; line dancing), Cobbwebb, 7:30 p.m. $5. LIVE JAZZ, Diamond Jim's Grille, 7:30 p.m. N C . ECLIPSE (rock), Franny O's, 9 p.m. N C . MUNDAY & PETERSEN (altfolk), Deerleap Books, 7 p.m. NC. LAST KID PICKED (rock), Thirsty Turtle, 9 p.m. $4. JENNI JOHNSON (jazz-blues vocalist), Villa Tragara, 6:30 p.m. $7.50. CHIN HO!, CANINE (modern rock), Emerald City Nightclub, 9 p.m. $5/7. MAPLE ST. BLUES (bluesjazz), J.P. Morgan's, Capitol Plaza, 7:30 p.m. N C . R0CKIN' DADDYS (rock), Charlie O's, 9 p.m. NC. JOEY LEONE & CHOP SHOP (blues), Mountain Roadhouse, 9 p.m. N C . JULIE TILLER BAND (bluesrock), Rusty Nail, 9 p.m. $5. CURRENTLY NAMELESS (groove rock), Mad Mountain Tavern, 9 p.m. $4. MIKE DEVER (folk), Three Mountain Lodge, 6:30 p.m. NC. ACOUSTIC ALLEY (rock), Nightspot Outback, 9 p.m. NC.

listings

LES SAMPOU (singer-songwriter)) Burlington Coffeehouse at Rhombus, 8 p.m $10.

LESS IS MORE Burlington Coffeehouse throws out the welcome mat this Saturday for one of New England's favorite daughters, singer-songwriter Les Sampou. Using words like gifts, the Boston-based chanteuse can weave a three-hanky spell, then brush away the tears with some honky-tonk folk-blues. She's no slouch on guitar, either. Move over, Bonnie Raitt.

SATURDAY THE DETONATORS (blues/r&b), Breakwater Cafe, 4:30 p.m. NC. PRIDE BALL (GLBT; alcoholfree party w/DJs Chia, Frostee & Archangel), Contois Auditorium, Burlington, 7:30 p.m. $5.

•

A i l e y - C a t s , 41 King St., Burl., 6 6 0 - 4 3 0 4 .

SENSIBLE SHOES (r&b/rock), Nectar's, 9:30 p.m. N C . JOE HENRY (singer-songwriter), Club Metronome, 7 p.m. $5, followed by RETR0N0ME ('80s DJ), 10 p.m. N C . MICHELLE WEEKS, LITTLE MARTIN (singer, DJ; Pride party in the tent), 135 Pearl, 8 p.m. $8. SANDRA WRIGHT (blues diva), Red Square, 9:30 p.m. N C . KARAOKE, J.P.'s Pub, 9 p.m. NC. FLASHBACK ('70s-'80s DJ), Rasputin's, 9:30 p.m. N C . DJS TIM DIAZ & RUGGER (hip-hop/r&b), Ruben James, 10 p.m. NC. HIP-HOP DJS (Joey K. & Big J), Last Chance Saloon, 9 p.m. NC. HIP-HOP & DANCEHALL DJS (A-Dog, Jusunkid, Smilie), Bottleneck, 9:30 p.m. $5/1. WILLIE EDWARDS (blues), Vermont Pub & Brewery, 9:30 p.m. N C . COMEDY ZONE (stand-up), Radisson Hotel, 8 & 10 p.m. $8. GUY C0LASACC0 (singersongwriter), Jake's, 6:30 p.m. NC. RUN FOR COVER (rock), Henry's Pub, Holiday Inn, 9 p.m. N C . JENNI JOHNSON (jazz-blues vocalist), Tuckaway's, Sheraton Hotel, 9 p.m. NC. MIRAGE (rock), Trackside Tavern, 9:30 p.m. $3. TONIC TWO: CORE BREACH (comp. C D release party , w/Zola Turn, Chin Ho!, Chainsaws & Children, Battershell, Spill, Minimus, Bag of Panties, The Implants), Higher Ground, 8 p.m. $5/7. QUARTER T I L (rock), Champion's, 9 p.m. N C .

Arvad's, Rt. 100, Waitsfield, 4 9 5 - 9 8 0 0 . Backstage Pub, 60 Pearl St., Essex Jet., 8 7 8 - 5 4 9 4 . Boony's, Rt. 236, Franklin, 9 3 3 - 4 5 6 9 . Borders Books & M u s i c , 29 Church St., Burlington, 865-271 1. Bottleneck, 156 St. Paul St., Burlington, 6 5 8 - 3 9 9 4 . Breakwater Cafe, King St. Dock, Burlington, 8 6 4 - 9 8 0 4 . Burlington Coffeehouse at Rhombus, 186 College St., Burlington, 864-5888. Cactus Cafe, 1 Lawson Ln., Burl., 8 6 2 - 6 9 0 0 . Carbur's, 115 St. Paul St., Burlington, 8 6 2 - 4 1 0 6 . Cambridge Coffee House, Smugglers' Notch Inn, Jeffersonville, 644-2233. Champion's, 32 Main St., W i n o o s k i , 6 5 5 - 4 7 0 5 . Charlie O's, 70 Main St., Montpelier, 2 2 3 - 6 8 2 0 . C h i c k e n Bone, 43 King St., Burlington, 8 6 4 - 9 6 7 4 . Chow! Bella, 28 N. Main St., St. Albans, 5 2 4 - 1 4 0 5 . Club Extreme, 165 Church St., Burlington, 6 6 0 - 2 0 8 8 . Club Metronome, 188 Main St., Burlington, 8 6 5 - 4 5 6 3 . C o b b w e b , S a n d y b i r c h Rd., Georgia, 5 2 7 - 7 0 0 0 . Daily Bread, Bridge St., Richmond, 4 3 4 - 3 1 4 8 . Deerleap Books, 25 M a i n St., Bristol, 4 5 3 - 5 6 8 4 . Diamond Jim's Grille, Highgate Comm. Shpg. Ctr., St. Albans, 524-9280. Edgewater Pub, 340 Malletts Bay Ave., Colchester, 8 6 5 - 4 2 1 4 . Emerald City Nightclub, 114 River St., Montpelier, 2 2 3 - 7 0 0 7 . Franny O's 7 3 3 Queen City Pk. Rd., Burlington, 8 6 3 - 2 9 0 9 . Good Times Cafe, Hinesburg V i l l a g e , Rt. 116, 4 8 2 - 4 4 4 4 . Halvorson's, 16 C h u r c h St., Burlington, 6 5 8 - 0 2 7 8 . Henry's, Holiday Inn, 1068 W i l l i s t o n Rd., S. Burlington, 8 6 3 - 6 3 6 1 . Higher Ground, 1 Main St., W i n o o s k i , 6 5 4 - 8 8 8 8 . Jake's, 1233 Shelburne Rd., S. Burlington, 6 5 8 - 2 2 5 1 . J.P. Morgan's at Capitol Plaza, 100 M a i n St., Montpelier, 2 2 3 - 5 2 5 2 . J.P.'s Pub, 139 Main St., Burlington, 6 5 8 - 6 3 8 9 . LaBrioche, 89 M a i n St., Montpelier, 2 2 9 - 0 4 4 3 . Last Chance Saloon, 147 Main, Burlington, 8 6 2 - 5 1 5 9 . Leunig's, 115 Church St., Burlington, 8 6 3 - 3 7 5 9 . Mad Mountain Tavern, Rt. 100, Waitsfield, 4 9 6 - 2 5 6 2 . Main St. Bar & Grill, 118 Main St., Montpelier, 2 2 3 - 3 1 8 8 . Manhattan Pub, 167 M a i n St., Burlington, 6 5 8 - 6 7 7 6 . The Mountain Roadhouse, 1677 Mountain Rd., Stowe, 2 5 3 - 2 8 0 0 . NECI Commons, 25 Church St., Burlington, 8 6 2 - 6 3 2 4 . Nectar's, 188 Main St., Burlington, 6 5 8 - 4 7 7 1 . The Nightspot Outback, Killington Rd., Killington, 4 2 2 - 9 8 8 5 Mona's, 3 Main St., Burlington, 6 5 8 - 6 6 6 2 . 135 Pearl St., Burlington, 8 6 3 - 2 3 4 3 . Radisson Hotel, 6 0 Battery St., Burlington, 6 5 8 - 6 5 0 0 . Rasputin's, 163 C h u r c h St., Burlington, 8 6 4 - 9 3 2 4 . Red Square, 136 C h u r c h St., Burlington, 8 5 9 - 8 9 0 9 . Rhombus, 186 C o l l e g e St., Burlington, 8 6 5 - 3 1 4 4 . Ripton Community Coffee H o u s e , Rt. 125, 3 8 8 - 9 7 8 2 . R1 Ra, 123 C h u r c h St., Burlington, 8 6 0 - 9 4 0 1 . Ruben James, 159 Main St., Burlington, 8 6 4 - 0 7 4 4 . Rude Dog, 14 Green St., V e r g e n n e s , 8 7 7 - 2 0 3 4 . Rusty Nail, Mountain Rd., S t o w e , 2 5 3 - 6 2 4 5 . S a i - G o n Cafe, 133 Bank St., Burlington, 8 6 3 - 5 6 3 7 . S w a n y ' s , 215 Main St., V e r g e n n e s , 8 7 7 - 3 6 6 7 . Sweetwaters, 118 Church St., Burlington, 8 6 4 - 9 8 0 0 . The Tavern at the Inn at Essex, Essex Jet., 8 7 8 - 1 1 0 0 . Thirsty Turtle, 1 S. M a i n St., Waterbury, 2 4 4 - 5 2 2 3 . T h r e e Mountain Lodge, Rt. 108, Jeffersonville, 6 4 4 - 5 7 3 6 . Toadstool Harry's, Rt. 4, Killington, 4 2 2 - 5 0 1 9 . Tones M u s i c & Art, Rt. 15, J o h n s o n , 6 3 5 - 2 2 2 3 , T r a c k s i d e Tavern, 18 Malletts Bay A v e . , W i n o o s k i , 6 5 5 - 9 5 4 2 . T u c k a w a y ' s , Sheraton, 8 7 0 W i l l i s t o n Rd., S. Burlington, 8 6 5 - 6 6 0 0 . Vermont Pub & Brewery, 144 C o l l e g e , Burlington, 8 6 5 - 0 5 0 0 . V i l l a Tragara, Rt. 100, Waterbury Ctr., 2 4 4 - 5 2 8 8 . Windjammer, 1076 Williston Rd., S. Burlington, 8 6 2 - 6 5 8 5 .

continued on page 2 3

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GRUMBLE SEAT Its a slow musicnews week locally, but that's okay because I've got a soapbox that wants standing on. Hillary Clinton has said, famously, that it takes a village to raise a child. Maybe so, but it took a really big village to raise hell against the PMRC back in the '80s. Remember the Parents Music Resource Center, headed up by Tipper Gore when her husband was just the Democratic Senator from Tennessee and not the Man Who Would Be President? Tipper and her pals got people so stirred up about the naughty lyrics in rock and rap music that the recording industry finally capitulated and put parentaladvisory stickers on albums deemed offensive. It was that self-monitoring, in fact, that seemed to assuage the critics, and probably staved off more serious threats to the First Amendment. Now they're back. No, not the PMRC. Worse: the media. Yep, members of my own profession, I'm sorry to say, have jumped on the bandwagon vilifying Marilyn ManSOn and other "heavy" and/or goth music in a reactionary attempt

to find scapegoats — or 1 OO-poundweakling "explanations" — for what happened at Columbine High. I'm no fan of Manson's music personally, but I have to applaud his reasonable and at times eloquent op-ed in the latest Rolling Stone. Manson rightly points out that society's fascination with violence and death did not start with rock 'n' roll; the medium is surely less disturbing than, say, the evening news. Can music influence listeners? Sure. Happens all the time — and in my experience, most music makes me feel good. But though a huge percentage of pop music is what Paul McCartney dubbed "silly love songs," has it made us better lovers? Caused us to go out and smother our classmates/co-workers with hugs and kisses? Regrettably, no. Similarly, the vast majority of kids who listen to goth or metal or gangsta rap do not turn homicidal. And don't get me started on guns in America. (Yeah, yeah, I know; they've got an Amendment, too.) My point here is that, once again, people have peered into the wrong dark corners for their

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ANDY SHAPIRO, DIG DEEPER (Meta, CD) — I have to be honest here: I can't stand Christian music, and I don't share the faith that Andy Shapiro had when he died last summer from a brain tumor. That said, I will contradict myself and say I've always loved gospel music; I love it for the fabulous singing and its magnanimous, aching soulfulness and not for the specific religious fervor. But I'm pretty convinced most white people can't get it quite right — not musically, anyway. Tammy Fletcher can, and that's why when she contributes backing vocals on Dig Deeper, those are the songs I like best. Shapiro himself was not Otis Redding, but he did possess a powerful, passionate, raspy tenor that could soar or fall to its knees in a delicate whisper. On Dig Deeper it is literally prayerful. The interplay between Shapiros and Fletcher's voices is a thing of beauty, especially on the somewhat exotic "Surrender" — fueled also by Mike Fosters soprano saxophone and Tom Tafuto's fretless bass — and the stately closer, "Giving It Up For Jesus." A posthumous production of nine tunes Shapiro recorded as he was close to leaving this mortal coil, Dig Deeper was produced by Tafuto, his friend in music, religion and deed. The collection is slow or mid-tempo jazz-for-Jesus fare, and while I can't personally "dig" the lyrics, what I do feel here is Shapiros absolute

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page 22

SEVEN DAYS

The bill passed the Michigan Senate and is in a House committee. What next? Parental advisories on, say, Phish bumperstickers? ("Warning: If you can read this you're too close to a person who might or might not be under the influence of controlled substances.") Vermont has a strong history of defending civil liberties, but don't assume it could never happen here. And now, back to our regularly scheduled program. SINGLE TRACKS Burlington folkie Rachel Bissex was one of 24 (out of 400) selected to perform at this year's Falcon Ridge songwriter showcase — Vermonter Diane Ziegler made the cut as well. Bissex

also represented the "extreme northeast corner of Boston" last weekend in the Best of Boston showcase in Dorchester . . . Strangefolk make an increasingly rare small-club appearance at Metronome this Thursday. In between this weekend's Gathering of the Vibes performance and their Annual Garden of Eden Festival in September, the hometown groovesters will be recording their first full CD for Mammoth, at Bear Tracks Studio in Suffern, New York. Chic-man Nile Rodgers (Madonna, Mick Jagger, David Bowie et al.) will be at the controls. Nice mix . . . Pans of The Unknown Blues Band ought to pay attention this summer, because the band is beginning to think more globally. "This may well be the last summer," UBB's newsletter warns, that they play all the usual Vermont festivals and fairs . . . ViperHoUSe trumpeter Brian Boyes is leading a swing band and workshop in the Cabot area this summer, starting July 19. Anyone interested (and can read music), call 563-3338 . . . The annual Pride Ball at Burlington City Hall this Saturday features three deejays with cool names and hot tunes: Chia, Frostee and Archangel. Ubiquitous hostess Cherie Tartt will be on hand to ensure all you GLBTs have a swell time . . . The eight finalists for the new Vermont State Song will be revealed Wednesday (June 16) at 7:30 p.m. in front of the State House. In an inspired bit of programming, blues diva Sandra Wright will sing each of the songs, surely making them sound their best. The winner will be selected in about a month. Stay tuned . . . ©

Band name of the week:

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demons, and the typical response is to restrict the rights of the target group. How is it that the media — or anyone else — can exacerbate this hoopla and not feel the noose tightening around their own necks? I don't get it. And speaking of guilt by association...Now I read that a Michigan state senator has sponsored a bill that would label concert tickets, posters and/or ads for any band that had parental advisories slapped on their albums in the past five years. Even the RIAA (Recording Industry Association of America), which created the warning stickers for recordings back in '85, is opposed to this one. So are, not surprisingly, Ticketmaster, concert promoters and entertainment attorneys. As for the bands, some will be outraged and others may find the warnings effectively market their rebel image with the kiddies.

june 16, 1999 mmi*:.

born-again conviction, sincerity and, well, joy. Tafuto also amassed a studio full of crackerjack musicians, who serve these eloquent songs with suitable grace. One can only imagine the intensity of performing with Shapiro — a professional musician and music teacher at Johnson State College — in his final, and perhaps finest, musical hour. The man poured himself into his vocals. "Trust You" is as heartfelt a love song as there ever was — never mind that the Son of God is the recipient, not a girlfriend/spouse. Alone with his piano here, Shapiro hangs onto the last note for an eerily long time, as if it were really his last. It was close. The CD includes, of course, moving liner notes from Tafuto and Shapiro's widow, Betsy. Tafuto tells the story of their friendship and his illness, and points out the irony that Shapiros last band was The Disciples. Dig Deeper is a living, lasting tribute to a gifted musician, a solace for friends and family, and an inspiration — even if your belief system runs in another direction. — Pamela Polston TONIC TWO: CORE BREACH (Big Heavy World comp CD) — If you were really unobservant and didn't notice Tonic Two: Core Breach was the latest compilation CD from Big Heavy World, you might get the idea it's a hardcore boy thing. That's because Chainsaws and Children introduce the disc with an ultra-charged industrial/electronic threat("Cannibal Burn"), and Zola Turns Buzzrotated alt-grrl-rock "Tastes Like Nothing" is sandwiched between that and a heavy turn from hard rockers Minimus ("Down"). By the time high-school punk heros The Implants come around with the snappy "Anorexic

Man," you see what the heck "core breach" is getting at. The disc is full of musical hard-hitters, mostly local — honorary Burlingtonians Battershell, Touching Zoe and Sam Black Church show up here as well. Put together by BHW's Jim Lockridge, Tonic Two is the better for being relatively thematic — it lacks the cerebral adjustments from rock to folk to ska to whatever that a more eclectic compilation demands. So if you're in need of noise with some rough — and occasional smooth — edges, Breach is the ticket. Irresistible highlights include the reliable rockanoia of Chin Ho! ("Talk You Down"); new indie-dream-stuff from Starlight Conspiracy ("Despite the Rain"); Wide Wail's chunk o' alt-pop ("Headed For Glory"); the retro spunk of Bag of Panties ("Lift a Finger"); Barbacoa's ominous spy surf ("Hammerhead"); and unapologetic blasts from Battershell, SBC and local mod-rockers Spill. James Kochalka Superstar fills in a couple gaps with his theme scream for Buzz "Homebrew" and the silly "Dog Party." Zola's mope-rocker "Falling" brings up the rear — almost. There's supposededly a de rigueur bonus track, in MP3 format, from Burlington's Non Compos Mentis, but I don't have the right technology, so will have to trust the liner notes for that one. Recorded live at Toast near the end of its life, the track is a sort of paean to the late, great, sorely missed club. Thankfully we've still got a few more, and one of 'em — Higher Ground — hosts the Core Breach release party. Blast off this Saturday with eight of the above bands. Oh, and by purchasing the CD you will benefit Spectrum Youth and Family Services. Noble stuff, that rock roll. Pamela Polston

sOUnd AdviCe OH, HENRY

J e r r a p i p

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slo-mo. Gritty voice from a singer-songwriter guy who seems to need some sleep. Lyrics from left field that hit,

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Henry's latest 11-song CD, titled simply Fuse. My advice? Light this one in person. The soon-tobe-a-cult-hero plays Metronome this Saturday.

1 8 * 1 9 * 2 Q , 1 9 9 9

P a r h

Bridgeport, c t

•

Gov't mule • m o e . • S t r a n g e f o l K Deep Banana Blackout • The Radiators John ScoTield Band • ffierl Saunders Trio W a x Creeh • J a z z m a n d o l i n Project

2en Triehstgps Percy I P • The Disco Biscuits • The Slip vipgrfiouse • The Big WU

continued from page 21 EMPTY POCKETS (rock), Backstage Pub, 9 p.m. N C . BLUE VOODOO (rock), Edgewater Pub, 9 p.m. N C . NEW COUNTRY EDITION (country; round &t square dancing), Cobbweb, 8:30 p.m. $7/12. KARAOKE W/FRANK, Franny O's, 9 p.m. NC. C4 (rock), Swany's, 9 p.m. N C . SHANE & CHARLOTTE BRODIE (acoustic), Boonys, 7 p.m. N C . SAND BLIZZARD (classic/alt-rock), Thirsty Turtle, 9 p.m. $3. THE DETONATORS (blues/r&b), Mad Mountain Tavern, 9 p.m. $4. RON LEVY'S WILD KINGDOM (B3 funk-jazz), Emerald Ciry, 9 p.m. $6/10. DICK EASTER (blues-rock), Mountain Roadhouse, 9 p.m. N C . TAMMY FLETCHER & THE DISCIPLES (blues/soul), Rusty Nail, 9 p.m. $5. TIN PAN ALLEY (classic rock), Nightspot Outback, 9 p.m. NC.

SUNDAY SHEEFRA (Celtic), Leunigs, 11 a.m. NC. LAURA M0LLINELLI (singer-songwriter), Borders, 4 p.m. NC. ENSIGN, REACH THE SKY, IN REACH, FALL SILENT (hardcore), 242 Main, 6 p.m. $6. HIP-HOP DJ NIGHT, Rasputin's, 9:30 p.m. N C . THE DETONATORS (blues/r&b), Nectar's, 9:30 p.m. N C . SUNDAY MASS (turntablism w/DJ Aqua), Club Metronome, 9 p.m. NC. ORANGE FACTORY (funk/acid soul), Red Square, 9:30 p.m. N C . KARAOKE, J.P.'s Pub, 9 p.m. N C . SPARKLEH0RSE, MERCURY REV, DIANE IZZ0 (alt-rock), Higher Ground, 9 p.m. $10. KARAOKE W/MATT & BONNIE DRAKE, Edgewater Pub, 7 p.m. NC. PUTNAMVILLE REVEN00ERS (trad, bluegrass), La Brioche, 11 a.m. N C . RICK REDINGT0N (acoustic rock), Nightspot Outback, 9 p.m. N C .

MONDAY KATHERINE QUINN (singer -songwriter), UVM Billings Lounge, 9:30 p.m. NC. ALLEY CATS JAM W/NERBAK BROS, (rock), Alley Cats, 9:30 p.m. NC. SAND BLIZZARD (classic/alt-rock), Nectar's, 9:30 p.m. NC. DAVE GRIPP0 (funky jazz), Red Square, 9:30 p.m. NC. SERVICE INDUSTRY NIGHT (live music; for restaurant, bar, hotel employees), Ri Ra, 10 p.m. N C with employee ID/$1. SWING DANCE (beginner and intermediate lessons w/Terry Bouricius), Club Metronome, 7 & 8:30 p.m. $8, followed by FLAN (groove rock), 10 p.m. $3. JERRY LAVENE (jazz guitar), Chow! Bella, 6 p.m. NC.

TUESDAY OPEN STAGE (acoustic), Burlington Coffeehouse at Rhombus. 8 p.m. $3-6. TIN PAN VALENTIN0S (swingjazz), Leunig's, 7:30 p.m. N C . MARTIN & MITCHELL (soul DJs), Club Metronome, 9 p.m. N C . JAMES HARVEY (jazz), Red Square, 9:30 p.m. NC. PICTURE THIS (jazz), Nectar's, 9:30 p.m. N C . OPEN MIKE, Rasputin's, 10 p.m. NC. FUNKY JAZZ NIGHT, Last Chance Saloon, 9 p.m. N C . BASHMENT (reggae/dancehall w/DJs Demus & Huli), Ruben James, 11 p.m. NC. RUSS & CO. (rock), J.P.'s Pub, 9:30 p.m. N C . MARK BRISS0N & FRIENDS (acoustic/electric), Franny O's, 8:3(Tp.m. N C . TAMARACK (New England traditional), Tavern, Inn at Essex, 7 p.m. NC. WORK DJ (teen no-alcohol dance), Emerald City, 8 p.m. $7. MAGIS (folk), Three Mountain Lodge, 6:30 p.m. N C . STARLINE RHYTHM BOYS (hillbilly boogie), Tones, 6 p.m. N C . JENNI JOHNSON (jazz-blues vocalist), Chow! Bella, 6 p.m. N C .

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wired for sound:

Acoustic musicians are supposed to meet in cafes, not chat rooms. But for pianist Robin Spielberg, the Internet offered just the connection she needed to hook up with instrumentalists Eric Tingstad and Nancy Rumbel. After meeting wind player Rumbel on-line, Spielberg proposed a real-life collaboration. Rumbel's partner Tingstad then hit Spielberg's Web site to pick tour dates when the three could get together. The result is, well, electrifying — even if it is unplugged.

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murder, she writes:

Move over, Carolyn Keene — as in, the Nancy Drew mystery author. Life is also a mystery to Kathy Lynn Emerson, Kate Flora, Barbara Shapiro and Nancy Means Wright. At the upcoming "Sisters in Crime" panel discussion, the four accomplished authors share techniques for crafting a compelling tale, steering clear of cliches and arriving at killer endings. The "Sisters" also make a statement about a genre they say is underpopulated by women authors. Go figure. Panel discussion, Friday, June 18, 7p.m. Free. Book Rack, Champlain Mill, Winooski, Register, 655-0231.

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: Summer runners know the challenge of beating the heat and humidity. But there won't be much need for sunscreen at the upcoming American Cancer Society Relay for Life — the race runs all night. The fundraising event kicks off in the evening and continues as teams of up to two dozen members keep at least one person circling a track till dawn. Luminarias light the way and commemorate victims and battlers of cancer, while entertainment and food keep spirits — and the pace — up.

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page 24

SEVEN DAYS

june 16, 1999

'JESUS CHRIST SUPERSTAR': St. Michael's Playhouse preaches the gospel according to Tim Rice and Andrew Lloyd Webber — in rock-opera form. McCarthy Arts Center, St. Michael's College, Colchester, 8 p.m. $19-21. Info, 654-2281.

art • Also, see exhibit openings in the art listings. FIGURE DRAWING: The human figure motivates aspiring and accomplished artists in a weekly drawing session at the Firehouse Gallery, Burlington, 6:30-9:30 p.m. $3-6. Info, 865-7165.

words 'BLOOM'S DAY' CELEBRATION:

The central figure in James Joyce's Ulysses inspires an afternoon of readings. Vermont Pub & Brewery, Burlington, 1:30 p.m. Free. Info, 985-4134. MYSTERY BOOK GROUP: Marian Mosher and other mystery lovers share perspectives on Peter Robinson's Gallows View. Barnes & Noble, S. Burlington, 7 p.m. Free. Info, 864-8001. 'AUTHORS O N T H E GREEN': Autoracing commentator Ken Squier reads from works by his father, a.k.a. "The Old Squier." City Park, Barre, 6:30 p.m. Free. Info, 244-7321.

kids BOOKS AND C O M P U T E R TIME: Reading, activities and computer fun await preschoolers and their families at the Hinesburg Elementary School, 34:40 p.m. Free. Info, 482-3502. 'SINGING W I T H ROBERT': Local folkie Robert Resnik plays for kids at H.O. Wheeler School, Burlington, 5:15-5:45 p.m. Free. Info, 864-0377. STORYTIME: Four- and five-year-olds

enjoy stories, songs, finger plays and crafts. South Burlington Communi Library, 11 a.m. Free. Register, 652-7080. STORIES: Little listeners hear stori snack and make crafts at the Child Pages, Winooski, 10 a.m. Free. Info 655-1537.

sport BIKE TRIP: The Montpelier chap the Green Mountain Club leads a t j along the Groton Recreation Path, at the Dog River Rd. Parking Lot, e Montpelier, 2:30 p.m. Free. Info, 223-3935. FITNESS GUEST DAY: Take part step aerobics, walk interval circuit ing or an aqua fitness class at either location of Twin Oaks Sports & Fi S. Burlington, 5:30 a.m. - 10 p.m. Info, 658-0001.

etc 'APPEAL FOR PEACE' DISCUSSION: Local activists back from th d

jrry:

Queen City drag as long been the hostess ut at the upcoming Pride serious help. A trinity of a, D] Frostee and DJ discs for dancing to culmiT Pride events that include r service, "festival of enterformance by singer-actor whose single "flay of ped Madonna off the top Italy. You go, girls. Prayer service and festival, urlington, 1-4p.m. Free. Info, all, Burlington City Hall 1 p.m. $5. Info, 865-9677. rlSt., Burlington, 10p.m.

social climbing:

So far all the books about the ill-fated ascent of Mt. Everest have laid out a fair amount of blame. But for Danish climber and author Lene Gammelgaard, who also survived the ordeal, the intrigue was in the complex relationships forged among climbers in the high-altitude "death zone." At an upcoming slide presentation, she offers a woman's perspective on the dangerous beauty of mountain adventure and discusses her book, subtitled, A Woman's Account of Surviving the Everest Tragedy. Saturday, June 19. Adventurous Traveler Bookstore, Burlington, 5p.m. Free. Info, 860-6776.

mazm grace: If you're prone to getting lost, you'll appreciate the Rev. Hal Woods' assessment of the labyrinth as "a metaphor for our journey of life." But at an upcoming ceremony, Woods and others dedicate a maze designed for finding yourself. Modeled after the 13th-century labyrinth in the Cathedral at Chartres, France, the 60-foot-wide, mileand-a-half-long path offers a public avenue for quiet contemplation, healing vibes and a chance to stop and smell the perennials^along the way. Vocal group Social Band sing in the languid loop along with other musicians and readers. Monday, June 21. All Saints Episcopal Church, S. Burlington, 7p.m. Free. Info, 862-9750.

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y e a r S l Who needs floating casinos? Luck is part of the lure of the 18th annual Lake Champlain Fishing Derby, in which an estimated 10,000 anglers cast away for 11 species of fish and prizes worth $100,000. Estimated to be the oldest, largest event of its kind in the country, the three-day derby reels in participants of all ages and abilities while raising funds for lake conservation efforts. Champ, it's time to make yourself really scarce. Saturday, June 19, 12 a.m. - Monday, June 21, 6p.m. Locations along Lake Champlain. $35. Info, 862-7777.

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ue Appeal for Peace Conference ort on plans for a new world order, ce & Justice Center, Burlington, 7 . Free. Info, 863-2345. RMONT ADULT LEARNING NTER: Study for the "graduate ivalency" or drop in to brush up on ing, writing and math skills. H.O. eeler School, Burlington, 8 a.m. n. Free. Info, 864-0377. ILY GARDENING AND SUP• The Visiting Nurses Association nsors a green-thumbed gathering foled by a meal at Ethan Allen mestead, Burlington, 3-8 p.m. Free. ,864-0377. S CONFERENCE '99: Arts advoof national renown tout the beneof the arts in community developt programs. Capitol Plaza Hotel, ntpelier, 12:15-7:30 p.m. $75.

ster, 828-3293. ITTING GROUP: Needle workers techniques and design ideas with er wool workers. Northeast Fiber Center, S. Burlington, 10 a.m. • Info, 865-4981.

ursday

usic

SO, see listings in "Sound Advice." - EXCUSE: Steve Lotspeich and his i d work the folk, blues and old-time

country grooves from the gazebo at Rusty Parker Memorial Park, Waterbury, 6:30 p.m. Free. Info, 244-8300.

drama 'JESUS CHRIST SUPERSTAR': See June 16. •CASTAWAYS KILLER CRUISE': "The Love Boat" meets "Gilligan's Island" in this floating mystery meal aboard The Spirit of Ethan Allen Leaving from the Burlington Boathouse, 6:30-9 p.m. $34.95. Info, 862-8300. 'THREEPENNY OPERA': Lost Nation Theater recasts the Kurt Weill-Bertolt Brecht collaboration that made "Mack the Knife" a musical hit. City Hall Arts Center, Montpelier, 8 p.m. $10. Info, 229-0492. AS BEES IN HONEY DROWN': Douglas Carter Beane's comical OffBroadway hit explores our not-sohealthy appetites for style, glitz and celebrity. Catch the buzz at Dorset Playhouse, 8 p.m. $20-32. Info, 867-5777.

words POETRY READING: Read, respond and relax at this open reading. Rhombus Gallery, 186 College St., Burlington, 8 p.m. $3-6. Info, 865-3144. STEPHEN SANDY: The essayist, critic and translator reads and discusses his work at the Book Rack, Champlain Mill, Winooski, 7 p.m. Free. Info,

655-0231. BOOKWAGON' PICNIC: Literature lovers get things rolling with a picnic before another season of books on wheels. Robinson School, Starksboro, 5 p.m. Free. Info, 453-5052. PUBLISHING STRATEGIES WORKSHOP: Poets turn their talents to getting the word out. Ilsley Public Library, Main St., Middlebury, 1 p.m. Free. Info, 388-7523.

kids 'NEW TITLES' STORY TIME: Kids four and up benefit from new books while they celebrate Father's Day with a reading of Mr. Taneris Ties. Barnes & Noble, S. Burlington, 3 p.m. Free. Info, 864-8001. 'SINGING W I T H ROBERT': Local folkie Robert Resnik plays for kids at H.O. Wheeler School, Burlington, 1010:30 a.m. Free. Info, 864-0377. STORY HOUR: Young readers learn from lighthearted literature in a country setting. Flying Pig Children's Books, Charlotte, 10:30 a.m. Free. Info, 4252600. PARENTS ANONYMOUS: Parents gather for support and assistance around the challenges of childrearing. Babysitting goes with the program at two meetings in Burlington and Milton, Info, 800-639-4014. 6 - 8 j > . m _ . fFree. r

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EMOTIONS ANONYMOUS: Women suffering from depression, anxiety or any other mental or emotional problem find sorority in this 12-step support group. Seneca Center, Champlain Mill, Winooski, 6-7 p.m. Free. Info, 660-9036.

Sports invite.s potential paddlers to put in at Shelbume Pond, 6 p.m. dusk. Free. Info, 864-0473.

etc VERMONT ADULT LEARNING CENTER: See June 16. ARTS CONFERENCE '99: See June 16, 7:30 a.m. - 5 p.m. PARALEGAL LECTURE: Gale Peery gets real about real-estate law and introduces the course on Paralegal Studies at Burlington College, 7 p.m. Free. Info, 862-9616. JOB TRAINING W O R K S H O P ORIENTATION: Job seekers learn about a program to develop retailmanagement and other marketable skills. Recycle North, Burlington, 8:30 p.m. Free. Info, 860-4896. SEWING WORKSHOP: Jean Wolvington lends a hand at this stitching session. H.O. Wheeler School, Burlington, 9-11:30 a.m. Free. Info, 864-0377. ROLFING DEMO: Advanced certified Rolfer JefFry Galper touches on techniques used in this kind of massage. Healthy Living, S. Burlington, 11 a.m. - noon. Free. Info, 865-4770. ESTATE PLANNING LECTURE: Emily Morrow looks ahead to inheritance taxes, power of attorney and other inevitable issues. The Pillars, Shelbume, 1 p.m. Free. Info, 985-8600. WILDLIFE MANAGEMENT PRESENTATION: Make your home a haven for butterflies, songbirds and other creatures great and small. VINS North Branch Nature Center, Montpelier, 6:30-8:30 p.m. $5. Info, 229-6206. INVASIVE EXOTIC PLANTS: Purple loosestrife is not the only nonnative gaining ground in Vermont. Botanists argue against exotics at the Montshire Museum of Science, Norwich, 7:30 p.m. Free. Info, 649-2200. GLBTQ SUPPORT GROUP: Gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgendered and questioning youth make new friends and get support. Outright Central Vermont, Montpelier, 7 p.m. Free. Info, 800-452-2428.

19 friday

year curse. Union Elementary School, Montpelier, 8 p.m. $9. Info, 229-6274.

words 'SISTERS IN CRIME' DISCUSSION: A panel of literary mystery mistresses— in town for a weekend workshop — offers clues to understanding the genre. Book Rack, Champlain Mill, Winooski, 7 p.m. Free. Register, 655-0231.

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• Also, see listings in "Sound Advice." ACOUSTIC MUSIC CONCERT: Pianist Robin Spielberg joins up with renowned instrumentalists Eric Tingstad and Nancy Rumbel for an evening of soothing song. St. Paul's Cathedral, Burlington, 8 p.m. $20. Info, 863-0833. ADAM ROSENBERG: A regular at ski resorts around Stowe, the favored folkie plays covers for book browsers at Borders, Burlington, 8 p.m. Free. Info, 865-2711. MUNDAYAND PETERSEN: The alt-folk duo plays an edgy set of originals at Deerleap Books, Bristol, 7-9 p.m. Free. Info, 453-5684.

dance CONTRA DANCE: Carol Ormand calls for Pig's Eye Landing at this community contradance. Champlain Club, Crowley St., Burlington, 8 p.m. $5. Info, 865-9931. SEOUL METROPOLITAN DANCE THEATER: Korea's energetic dance ambassadors perform to frenetic drum rhythms at the Lake Placid Center for the Arts, N.Y., 7:30 p.m. $12-15. Info, 518-523-2515.

drama 'JESUS CHRIST SUPERSTAR': See June 16. 'THREEPENNY OPERA': See June 17, $30. 'AS BEES IN HONEY DROWN': See June 17. 'FOOLS': The Montpelier Theatre Guild performs Neil Simon's comedy about a turn-of-the-century Russian school teacher grappling with a 200-

'MUSIC W I T H ROBERT RESNIK': Kids sing songs with the musical host of Vermont Public Radio's folk show "All the Traditions." Fletcher Free Library, Burlington, 11 a.m. Free. Register, 865-7216. STORY HOUR: Toddlers listen to stories at the Milton Public Library, 10:30 a.m. Free. Info, 893-4644.

sport FATHER'S DAY POOL AND GYM: You've got male. Dads, granddads and their kids celebrate fatherhood with exercise. YMCA, Burlington, noon - 8 p.m. Free. Info, 862-9622. 'RELAY FOR LIFE': Teams run through the night to raise funds for the American Cancer Society. Champlain Valley Exposition, Essex Junction & Collins Perley Arena, St. Albans, 6 p.m. - 8 a.m. $10. Register, 658-0626. GOLF TOURNAMENT: Tee up and chip in on the fundraising efforts of the Addison County Humane Society. Follow through with a banquet at the 19th hole. Basin Harbor Club, Ferrisburgh, 11:30 a.m. $100. Register, 388-1100. LONG TRAIL HIKE: Follow Route 4 to the Copper Lodge on this moderate eight-mile outing with the Burlington section of the Green Mountain Club. Info, 658-0912.

etc JOB TRAINING WORKSHOP ORIENTATION: See June 17, 1 p.m. EMOTIONS ANONYMOUS: See

June 17. This co-ed section welcomes men. FAMILY GARDENING PLAY: The Visiting Nurses Association lends a hand at this green-thumbed gathering for growing gardeners. Ethan Allen Homestead, Burlington, 9 a.m. - 1 p.m. Free. Info, 864-0377. SUNSET CRUISE: Feast on appetizers and desserts donated by area restaurants while you bid on items in the silent auction. Proceeds benefit the Vermont Respite House. Ferryboat Champlain, King Street Dock, Burlington, 6:30 p.m. $35. Info, 860-4435. BENEFIT DINNER: Fill up on spaghetti before open-mike fun to raise funds for roof repairs at the Plainfield Community Center, 6:308:30 p.m. Donations. Info, 454-8579. GLBTQ SUPPORT GROUP: Gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgendered and questioning youth make new friends and get support. Outright Vermont, Burlington, 6:30-9 p.m. Free. Info, 800-452-2428. BATTERED WOMEN'S SUPPORT GROUP: Women Helping Battered Women facilitates a group in Burlington, 9:30-11 a.m. Free. Info, 658-1996.

dance BALLROOM DANCING: The local chapter of the U.S. Amateur Ballroom Dancers Association leads the way to merengue moves. Frederick Tuttle Middle School, S. Burlington, 7-11 p.m. $10. Info, 879-0501. CONTRA DANCE: Dan O'Connell calls for Skip Gorman & Friends at this northern-style community hoedown. Capitol City Grange Hall, Montpelier, 8 p.m. $6. Info, 744-6163. STREET DANCE: The community comes out to cut the rug in recognition of Onion River Sports and its quarter-century of business. Langdon Street, Montpelier, 8 p.m. Free. Info, 229-9409.

drama 'JESUS CHRIST SUPERSTAR': See June 16, 2 &c 8 p.m. 'FOOLS': See June 18. 'THREEPENNY OPERA;See Junel7, $10-16. AS BEES IN HONEY DROWN': See June 17, 4 & 8:30 p.m. COUNTRY THINGS': Letters, diaries, stories and poems celebrate the splendor of Vermont's rural heritage and people. Stowe Community Church, 8 p.m. $10. Info, 888-4303.

art

Saturday music • Also, see listings in "Sound Advice." JIM PAYNE: The Newfoundlandbased songwriter performs "at home in the kitchen" work songs, ballads and sea chanties in a salty spirit. Haskell Opera House, Derby Line, 7:30 p.m. Donations. Info, 873-3022. JOURNEY AND FOREIGNER: The '80s rockers kick out the power ballads on this double bill. Saratoga Performing Arts Center, Saratoga Springs, N.Y., 7:30 p.m. $15-30. Info, 518-587-3330.

• Also, see exhibit openings in the art listings. 'OUTSIDER' ART SYMPOSIUM: Artists and collectors examine the merits of self-taught artistry in conjunction with an exhibit of work by slave-born folk artist Bill Taylor. Fleming Museum, UVM, Burlington, $10. 2-6 p.m. Register, 656-0750. HAND BLOCK PRINTING: Artist Brian Cambra helps turn old clothes into Indian patterns at this resourceful, recycling workshop. Fletcher Free Library, Burlington, 11 a.m. - 1 p.m. Free. Info, 865-7211. FINE ART FLEA MARKET: The visual version of the "farmers market" offers affordable art in a wide range of media. Alley between Burlington City Hall and the

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I Firehouse Gallery, noon - 5 p.m. jfree. r ^ nInfo, f o 865-7166. STORY TIME: Kids three and up listen to literature read aloud. Fletcher Free Library, Burlington, 11 a.m. Free. Info, 865-7216. STORYTIME: Young readers delve into classic and new tales at a laidback, literary happening. Borders, Church St. Marketplace, Burlington, 11 a.m. Free. Info, 865-2711. LOUELLA BRYANT: The awardwinning children's book author reads and discusses Father By Blood, about the daughter of abolitionist John Brown. Barnes &C Noble, S. Burlington, 2 p.m. Free. Info, 864-8001. FATHER'S DAY TASTING: Book browsers sample "wookie cookies" and other snacks from The Star Wars Cookbook at Barnes & Noble, S. Burlington, noon. Free. Info, 864-8001. MATH TUTORIALS: High-schoolers take the "numb" out of numberscrunching at this weekly session with Dr. Samuel J. Klein. Room 373, Jeanmarie Hall, St. Michael's College, Colchester, 9 a.m. - noon. Free. Info, 865-5039.

sport FATHER'S DAY P O O L AND GYM: See June 18, 1:15-4:45 p.m. 'RELAY FOR LIFE': See June 18. Stafford Technical Center, Rutland High School, 10 a.m. - 10 p.m. FISHING DERBY: Angling achievers compete to net big fish and prizes worth $100,000 over the next three days. Locations along Lake Champlain, midnight. $35. Info, 862-7777. LENE GAMMELGAARD: The Danish member of the ill-fated 1996 Everest ascent reads, discusses and shows slides of her summit story, Climbing High: A Woman's Account of Surviving the Everest Tragedy. Adventurous Traveler Bookstore, Burlington, 5 p.m. Free. Info, 860-6776. TRIATHLON: Test your running, biking and swimming skills in an athletic challenge for average athletes.

Twin Oaks Fitness Center, S. Burlington, 10:30 a.m. $12. Info, 658-0002. SOCCER TOURNAMENT: Youth booters from New England, New York and Canada battle it out over two days at Middlebury College, 8 a.m. - 6 p.m. Free. Info, 658-1100. HUNGER MOUNTAIN HIKE: You get a great view from the pinnacle of this pleasing peak after a moderate climb with the Burlington section of the Green Mountain Club. Info, 863-6585. WORK HIKE: Help the Green Mountain Club with bog-bridging and blazing along the Long Trail at Bamforth Ridge. Bring work gloves and bug dope when you meet at Montpelier High School, 8 a.m. Free. Info, 223-1406.

etc SCIENCE CENTER OPENING: Vermont Expos mascot Champ meets Stella the Sturgeon at the Lake Champlain Basin Science Center, Burlington, 11:30 a.m. - 3 p.m. $2. Info, 864-1848. GLBT PRIDE DAY: A chorale and interfaith pride service begins this "festival of entertainment" followed by parades, rallies and a deejay dance. Waterfront Park, Burlington, 11 a.m. - 4 p.m. Free. Info, 864-3456. PRIDE BALL: "Out" for a good time? Fun-seekers revel along with deejays Chia, Frostee and Archangel at this alcohol-free event hostessed by Cherie Tartt. Burlington City Hall Auditorium, 7:30-11 p.m. $5. Info, 865-9677. GLBT T E N T PARTY: Movie and recording star Michelle Weeks — of Little Shop of Horrors fame — takes the spotlight at this Pride-ful event titled "Let Your Pride Shine." 135 Pearl St., Burlington, 10 p.m. $8. Info, 863-2343. SAMBATUCADA: Move to the samba beat as you parade along with this popular Afro-Brazilian drum ensemble. Waterfront Park, Burlington, noon. Free. Info, 862-4841. 'GARDENS OF LEWIS CREEK': You'll be green with envy after a day of horticulture tours, music, food

and speeches to raise money for the Hinesburg Land Trust. Lewis Creek Rd., Hinesburg, 11 a.m. - 5 p.m. $15. Info, 482-2769. TAG SALE: One man's trash is another man's treasure. Pick up furniture, bric-a-brac, books and jewelry from retired "collectors" and pack rats. Wake Robin Continuing Care Retirement Community, Shelburne, 9 a.m. - 4 p.m. Free. Info, 985-4156. YOUTH CAR WASH: Rid your car of crud and support a good cause — the enterprising kids in the Shelburne Methodist Youth organization. Shelburne Fire Station, 10 a.m. - 3 p.m. Donations. Info, 985-3981. WORK DAY: Pitch in to make the Old Labor Hall a reality. Bring work clothes and gloves to a community clean-up. Old Labor Hall, Granite Street, Barre, 9 a.m. - noon. Free. Info, 456-7456. VERMONT HERITAGE WEEKEND: Historical societies around the state open their doors to celebrate the past. Book signings, food, music and genealogy are the featured fare at the Cabot Creamery, 10 a.m. - 4 p.m. Free. Info, 877-229-5941. FARMERS MARKETS: took for Vermont-grown agricultural products and crafts on the green at Burlington City Hall Park, 8:30 a.m. - 2:30 p.m. Info, 888-889-8188. Or in Montpelier, Corner of Elm and State Streets, 9 a.m. - 1 p.m. Info, 426-3800. Or in Waitsfield, Mad River Green, Rt. 100, 9:30 a.m. - 1:30 p.m. Info, 496-5856.

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• Also, see listings in "Sound Advice." 'A PIRATE'S LIFE' VARIETY SHOW: Catch the floating game show, knot-tying contest and theme song from "Titanic" at a variety show for the nautically inclined. Leaving from the Burlington Boathouse, 6:30-9 p.m. $34.95. Info, 862-8300.

H O O T I E AND T H E BLOWFISH: The college-rock chart-toppers "Only Want to Be With You" at the Saratoga Performing Arts Center, Saratoga Springs, N.Y., 8 p.m. $12.50-20. Info, 518-587-3330.

drama 'JESUS CHRIST SUPERSTAR': See June 16. 'FOOLS': See June 18, 2 p.m. 'THREEPENNY OPERAtSee Junel7, 7 p.m. $10-16. AS BEES IN HONEY DROWN': See June 17. 'HUMDRUM GLORIFICATION CABOODLE': Political pageantry, puppet shows, art and fresh bread make it worth a trip to Bread and Puppet Farm, Glover, 3 p.m. Donations. Info, 525-3031.

etc VERMONT HERITAGE WEEKEND: See June 19, noon - 4 p.m. FARMERS MARKET: It's harvest time. Buying fresh local produce, chickens and home-baked goods supports farmers in Vermont. Town Common, Westford, 11:30 a.m. - 2 p.m. Free. Info, 878-0491. BIODYNAMIC FARMING LECTURE: The third in a series of talks urges organic farmers to create selfsustaining, eco-friendly farm operations. Cate Farm, Plainfield, 10 a.m. - 3 p.m. $30. Register, 434-4122. SEX AND LOVE ADDICTS ANONYMOUS: This free 12-step program meets weekly at 7:30 p.m. Info, write to P.O. Box 5843, Burlington, VT 05402-5843.

words ANNE LABASTILLEHER: The author shares tales of Adirondack survival with a reading and discussion of Words of a Woodswoman. Book Rack, Champlain Mill, Winooski, 3 p.m., Free. Info, 655-0231.

kids STORYTIME: Young readers delve into classic and new tales at a laidback, literary happening. Borders, Church St. Marketplace, Burlington, 1 p.m. Free. Info, 865-2711.

sport FISHING DERBY: See June 19. FATHER'S DAY POOL AND GYM: See June 18, noon - 1:45 p.m. LONG TRAIL HIKE: Stretch yourself to the limit on the Monroe Skyline Trail with the Burlington section of the Green Mountain Club. Info, 893-1340. ASCUTNEY MOUNTAIN HIKE: Join the Green Mountain Club on a moderate 6.7-mile climb via the Windsor and Weathersfield trails. Meet at Montpelier High School, 9 a.m. Free. Info, 223-0918. HIKE INTO HISTORY: Geography prof Joe Taparauskas leads the way back in time to Revolutionary revelations atop Mt. Independence, Orwell, 1 p.m., $3. Info, 948-2000.

monday music • Also, see listings in "Sound Advice." CHAMPLAIN ECHOES: Harmonious women compare notes at a weekly rehearsal of the all-female barbershop chorus. The Pines, Dorset St., S. Burlington, 7-9:30 p.m. Free. Info, 862-9500.

drama 'JESUS CHRIST SUPERSTAR': See June 16.

words BOOK DISCUSSION GROUP: Leanne Leahy leads a discussion of Arthur Golden's provocative Memoirs of a Geisha. Barnes &C Noble, S. Burlington, 7 p.m. Free. Info, 864-8001. POETRY READING: The River Poets let the verse flow freely at Horn of the Moon Cafe, Montpelier, 8 p.m. Free. Info, 223-0317. -

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stories and face paint at this silly expression session. Fletcher Free Library, Burlington, 10 a.m. - noon & 1-3 p.m. Free. Info, 865-7216. STORYTIME: Children from three to five enjoy stories, songs, finger plays and crafts. South Burlington Community Library, 11 a.m. Free. Info, 652-7080. FIRE SAFETY W O R K S H O P : The South Burlington Fire Department does the "Stop, Drop and Roll" at this fire-prevention presentation. Twin Oaks Sports & Fitness, Farrell St., S. Burlington, 10 a.m. - noon. Free. Register, 658-0001.

T E E N HEALTH CLINIC: Teens get information, supplies, screening and treatment for sexually related problems. Planned Parenthood, Burlington, 3:30-6 p.m. Pregnancy testing is free. Info, 863-6326. BATTERED W O M E N ' S SUPP O R T G R O U P S : Women Helping Battered Women facilitates a group in Burlington, 6:30-8 p.m. Free. Info, 658-1996. Also, the Shelter Committee facilitates a meeting in Montpelier, 5:30-7 p.m. Free. Info, 223-0855.

sport F I S H I N G DERBY: See June 19. Competition ends at 6 p.m. E L M O R E M O U N T A I N PARK: Celebrate the longest day of the year with the Green Mountain Club and savor sunset from the tower. Elmore Mountain Park, 7:30 p.m. Info, 888-3375.

etc FAMILY G A R D E N I N G PLAY: See June 18. R U M M A G E A N D NEARLY N E W SALE: The whole family finds deals on clothes, household items and toys at a weekly yard sale. Ohavi Zedek Synagogue, North Prospect St., Burlington, 10 a.m. - 1 p.m. Free. Info, 862-2311. PRENATAL N U R T U R I N G CLASS: The Visiting Nurses Association sponsors this workshop series for parents-to-be. McClure Multigenerational Center, 241 North Winooski Ave., Burlington, 5:30-8 p.m. Info, 860-4420. PEACE VIGIL: Compassionate folks form a circle to meditate and pray while the "Mindfulness Bell" tolls. Perkins Pier, Burlington, 11 a.m. - 2 p.m. Free. Info, 660-1935. LABYRINTH D E D I C A T I O N : The state's first community labyrinth, modeled after one in the Cathedral of Chartres, is heralded with music and meditation. See "to do" list, this issue. All Saints Episcopal Church, S. Burlington, 7 p.m. Free. Info, 862-9750. 'GREEN M O U N T A I N HOURS': Folks who are sold on the Central Vermont currency meet to discuss bringing more people into the fold. Horn of the Moon Cafe, Montpelier, 6:30 p.m. Free. Info, 223-0317.

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drama 'JESUS C H R I S T SUPERSTAR': See June 16. ' T H R E E P E N N Y OPERA':See Junel7, 1:30 & 8 p.m. $10-16. 'AS BEES IN H O N E Y D R O W N ' : See June 17. DRAMA G R O U P : Dramatists discuss ideas for shows and share theatrical experiences at this weekly gettogether in Winooski, 7-8 p.m. Free. Info, 655-6083.

words E D E N ' T R U C K M O B I L E ' : See June 17. BURLINGTON WRITERS G R O U P : Bring pencil, paper and the will to be inspired to this writerly gathering at the Daily Planet, Burlington, 7-9 p.m. Free. Info, 862-9647. ' T H E S C I E N C E O F STAR WARS': Author and former NASA astrophysicist Jeanne Cavelos looks beyond the hype of Star Wars. Book Rack, Winooski, 7 p.m. Free. Info, 655-0231. C O M M U N I T Y BOOKWAGON: Gov. Howard Dean shares a morning story with kids on his reading route to Montpelier. Robinson School, Starksboro, 10 a.m. Free. Info, 453-5052.

kids 'FABULOUS F U N N Y FACES': See June 21. JOEY T H E C L O W N : The mischievous master makes a scene with magic, juggling and "tricks that go wrong" for kids ages five and up. Fletcher Free Library, Burlington, 2-

2:45 p.m. Free. Info, 865-7216. INFANT-TODDLER PLAYG R O U P : The under-three crowd crawls, climbs and colors while caregivers compare notes. Lunch is included at H.O. Wheeler School, Burlington, 11 a.m. - 2 p.m. Free. Info, 864-0377. H O M E S C H O O L E R S GYM A N D CRAFTS: Stay-at-home students take part in extracurricular activities at the Burlington Boys and Girls Club, Oak St.JBurlington, 9:30 a.m. - 12:30 p.m. $1. Info, 860-1299. ' M U S I C W I T H ROBERT RESNIK': Kids sing songs with the musical host of Vermont Public Radios folk show "All the Traditions." Fletcher Free Library, Burlington, 11 a.m. Free. Register, 865-7216. 'SUPER SITTERS': Young caregivers 11 and up learn the babysitting basics, including what to do in an emergency and whether or not it's okay to raid the fridge. Twin Oaks Sports & Fitness, Kennedy Dr., S. Burlington, 9-11 a.m. $15. Register, 658-0001. STORY T I M E : Kids under three listen in at the South Burlington Community Library, 10 a.m. Free. Info, 652-7080. STORY H O U R : Kids between three and five engage in artful educational activities. Milton Public Library, 10:30 a.m. &c 1 p.m. Free. Info, 893-4644.

etc A N T I Q U E CAR SHOW: Restored roadsters recall a bygone era of driving in style. Lake Champlain Maritime Museum, Vergennes, 11:30 a.m. - 5 p.m. $7. Info, 475-2022. 'VERMONT'S COVERED BRIDGES': Ed Barna uses slides and history to "reassess" the covered bridge as an architectural example of Yankee ingenuity. Milton Public Library, 7:30 p.m. Free. Info, 893-4644. BIRDWALKS: Learn to better show your appreciation for backyard seren a d e s at this avian identification outing. Shelbume Farms, 7-9 a.m. $5. Register, 985-8686. CAREGIVERS FOR T H E M E N TALLY ILL: Friends, family and anyone involved with the mentally

Continued on page 30

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CAFE & GRILL

eventh

Tuesday Night

Where f h e e n f e r f a i n m e n f , parking * s u n s e f s are free/ Wednesday,

June 22,6-9pm Dinner will be served during the music...

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MIDDLEBURY COLLEGE STADIUM

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Blue Voodoo 5-7 pm Friday, J u n e i z

Ben & Two 4:30-Sunset Saturday, June n

The Detonators 4:30-Sunset

(802) 524-1405

Vermont Symphony Orchestra

W e d n e s d a y , J u n e 3 0 , 1 9 9 9 , 7:30 p . m . Grounds open at 5:30 p.m.

(Rain location: Adjoining Field House)

Gate Price: Pre-Concert Discount: Adults-$20 Students-$12 Adults-$18 Students-$8 (Children under age 12 free) Tickets available at: The Sheldon Museum, Middlebury Inn, Middlebury College Book Store, Basin Harbor Club, Deerleap Books (Bristol), Browns of Brandon, Second Star Toys (Vergennes), Shelbume Country Store, Bessboro Shop (Westport) and the VSO Office (Burlington) !

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STREET,

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O N THE KING STREET FERRY D O C K SERVING BREAKFAST, LUNCH & DINNER

U n w i n d on f h e

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The SHELDON MUSEUM JC0DDCB[ One Park Street, Middlebury, VT 05753 •

For more information call (802) 388-2117

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AIKIDO OF CHAMPLAIN VALLEY: Adults, Mondays - Fridays, 5:45-6:45 p.m. and 7-8:15 p.m., Saturdays, 9-11:45 a.m. Children, Tuesdays & Thursdays, 3:45-4:45 p.m. Aikido of Champlain Valley, 17 E. Allen St., Winooski. $55/month, $120/three months, intro specials. Info, 654-6999. Study this graceful, flowing martial art to develop flexibility, confidence and self defense skills. AIKIDO OF VERMONT: Monday through Friday, 6-7 p.m. and 7-8 p.m., Saturday, 9-10:30 a.m., Sunday, 10-11:30 a.m. Above Onion River Coop, 274 N. Winooski Ave., Burlington. Info, 862-9785. Practice the art of Aikido in a safe and supportive environment.

PAINTING CERAMICS: Ongoing Wednesdays, 2-3:30 p.m. and 5:30-7 p.m. Blue Plate Ceramic Cafe, 119 College St., Burlington. Free. Info, 652-0102. Learn the fundamentals of painting ceramics.

WEAVING CAMP: Monday through Friday, July 12 through 16, 9 a.m. - noon. Northeast Fiber Arts, 3062 Williston Rd., S. Burlington. $125. Info, 865-4981. Kids create a pocketbook or sheep wall hanging while learning the basics of weaving.

creativity KABBALAH AND CREATIVITY: Saturday, June 26, 10 a.m. - 6 p.m. Forest's Edge, Warren. $60 includes lunch. Info, 496-9022. Models based on Jewish mysticism offer insight on the artistic process.

dance

ASTROLOGY READINGS: Saturday, June 19, noon - 6:00 p.m. Spirit Dancer Books, 125 S. Winooski Ave., Burlington. $25/halfhour. Info, 862-4421. Schedule a reading and have your chart printed while you wait.

AERIALS: Thursday, June 24, 7-9 p.m. or Sunday, June 27, 3:30-5:30 p.m. Champlain Club, Burlington. $25/couple, $40/both classes. Info, 864-8382. Learn to incorporate aerials — the acrobatic side of lindy hop and jitterbug — into your swing dancing. SWING DANCING: Classes start the week of June 27. Champlain Club, Burlington. Info, 862-9033. Learn balboa and lindy hop, the original style of swing.

art

feldenkrais®

astrology

SUMMER ARTS CAMPS: Weeklong camps from June 28 through August 6, 9 a.m. - noon. Firehouse Center for the Visual Arts, Church St., Burlington. Register, 865-7166. Six- to 16-year-olds learn bookmaking, sculpture, painting, printmaking or fiber arts. ARTS EDUCATION TRAINING: Tuesday through Thursday, June 22 through 24. Firehouse Center for the Visual Arts, Church St., Burlington. Free. Register, 865-7166. Gain new skills or strengthen existing ones for teaching arts in pre-school through third grade. ELDER ART PROGRAM: Classes starting in June. Locations in Burlington, S. Burlington, Winooski, Williston, Richmond, Bristol, S. Hero and St. Albans. $32-40, new students; $16-24, returning students. Info, 658-7454. Aspiring artists 55 and up learn to use charcoal, oil, watercolor, acrylic and matting.

business 'GETTING SERIOUS': Thursdays, June 17 and 24, 5:30-8:30 p.m. Trinity College, Burlington. $115. Grants available. Info, 846-7160. Explore the possibilities, and realities of business ownership by developing an entrepreneurial idea through the Women's Small Business Program

AWARENESS T H R O U G H MOVEMENT': Mondays, 7:30-8:30 p.m. 35 King St, Burlington. Fridays, 9-10 a.m. Chace Mill, Burlington. Info, 434-5065. Enhance coordination, flexibility, strength and awareness with the guided movement sequences of Feldenkrais®.

language KID'S FRENCH CAMP: Monday through Friday, July 12 through 16, 2-4 p.m. The Book Rack, Winooski. $105. Register, 655-0231. Six- to eight-year-olds learn French through educational games, sports, art and song. GERMAN: Ongoing individual and group classes, adults and children. Williston. Info, 872-8538. Take classes in German and reap the rewards of learning a foreign language. ITALIAN: Ongoing individual and group classes, beginner to advanced, adults and children. Burlington. Info, 865-4795. Learn to speak this beautiful language from a native speaker and experienced teacher. ESL: Ongoing small group classes, beginners and intermediates. Vermont Adult Learning, Sloan Hall, Fort Ethan Allen, Colchester. Free. Info, 654-8677. Improve your listening, speaking, reading and writing skills in English as a second Language. SPANISH: Ongoing individual and small group lessons. S. Burlington. Info, 864-6870. Get ready for that trip — learn the basics of Spanish conversation and grammar.

healing

meditation

'FINDING INNER BALANCE': Friday, June 18, 7 p.m. Yoga Vermont, Chace Mill, Burlington. Free. Info, 660-9718. Find answers and insights into your stress and pain through "psycho-spiritual integration."

ZHAN ZHUANG: Friday, June 18, 7:30-9:30 p.m., Saturday and Sunday, June 19 and 20, 10 a.m. 5:30 p.m. Living and Learning Commons 115, UVM, Burlington. $150/weekend, $65/Friday. Info, 496-2650. Master Fong Ha teaches this standing meditation practice, complemented by other traditional Chi Kung practices. 'THE WAY OF T H E SUFI': Tuesdays, 7:30-9 p.m. S. Burlington. Free. Info, 658-2447. This Sufi-style meditation incorporates breath, sound and movement. MEDITATION: First & third Sundays, 10 a.m. - noon. Burlington Shambhala Center, 187 S. Winooski Ave. Free. Info, 658-6795. Instructors teach non-sectarian and Tibetan Buddhist meditations. MEDITATION: Thursdays, 7-8:30 p.m. Green Mountain Learning Center, 13 Dorset Lane, Suite 203,

health LOSE WEIGHT: Sundays, 7-9 p.m. Fairfield Inn, Colchester. $20/class. Register, 863-7055 ext. 3. Lose weight and improve your body image in just 10 weeks.

kendo KENDO: Ongoing Wednesdays and Fridays, 6:45-8:30 p.m. Warren Town Hall. Donations. Info, 4964669. Develop focus, control and power through this Japanese samurai sword-fencing martial art.

NARCOTICS ANONYMOUS: Ongoing daily groups. Various locations in Burlington, S. Burlington and Plattsburgh. Free. Info, Help Line, 862-4516. If you're ready to stop using drugs, this group of recovering addicts can offer inspiration.

photography

writing

PHOTOGRAPHY: Private or group, basic and intermediate classes. Info, 372-3104. Take two-day workshops or a five-week class in black and white arui Cibachrome printing or camera and composition skills; teens participate in one-week day camps.

'PARENT VOICE': June 8 through July 29. H.O. Wheeler School, Burlington. Free. Register, 864-8523. Parents explore written expression with the support of reading and photography. MYSTERY WRITING: Saturday, June 19, 10 a.m. - 5 p.m. The Book Rack, Winooski. $69. Register, 6550231. Learn how to create suspense through literary clues and red herrings. 'BREAKTHROUGH WRITING': Wednesdays, June 23 through July 14, 7-9 p.m. Park St., Burlington. $75. Register, 652-0761. Free yourself to write more powerfully and consistently.

reiki USUI REIKI II: Saturday, June 26, 10 a.m. - 6 p.m. Spirit Dancer Books, 125 S. Winooski Ave., Burlington. $150. Info, 660-8060. Commune with your "Reiki guide," discuss building a practice and get an attunement.

rolfing® ROLFING: Three Thursdays, June 10, 17 and 24, 11 a.m. - 2 p.m. Healthy Living, Market St., S. Burlington. Free. Info, 865-4770. Get a feel for this stress-reducing deep massage method.

self-defense KICK-BOXING: Adults and kids, Tuesdays, 7:45-8:45 p.m., Thursdays, 7-8 p.m., Saturdays, 2:30-3:30 p.m., Body Garage, 29 Church St., Burlington. Info, 651-7073. Refine your balance and sharpen your reflexes — learn kick-boxing for self-defense. BRAZILIAN JIU-JITSU: Ongoing classes for men, women and children, Monday through Saturday. Vermont Brazilian jiu-jitsu Academy, 4 Howard St., Burlington. Info, 6604072 or 253-9730. Escape fear with an integrated self-defense system based on technique, not size, strength or speed.

spirit SUMMER SOLSTICE CEREMONY: Saturday, June 19, 7:30-9 p.m. Spirit Dancer Books, 125 S. Winooski Ave., Burlington. $9. Info, 660-8060. Celebrate the magic of summer.

support groups ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS: Daily meetings in various locations. Free. Info, 658-4221. Join a group in your area to overcome a drinking problem.

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Williston. Free. Info, 872-3797. Don't just do something, sit there! GUIDED MEDITATION: Sundays, 10:30 a.m. The Shelburne Athletic Club, Shelburne Commons. Free. Info, 985-2229. Practice guided meditation for relaxation and focus.

A r r i v e d !

CLEARING

6/18 Magical Skill Building I - Imagination 6/19 Astrology Readings 6/23 Reiki Clinic 6/19 Summer Solstice Ceremony 6/26 Usui Reiki II C A L L

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BEECHER HILL YOGA: MondaySaturday, daytime &C evening classes for all levels. Info, 482-3191. Get private or group instruction in integrative yoga, vigorous yoga, yoga for pregnancy or yoga for health and well-being. YOGA: Wednesdays, 7 p.m. Green Mt. Learning Center, 13 Dorset" Lane, Williston. $8. Info, 872-3797. Practice yoga with Deborah Binder. YOGA AT T H E CREAMERY: Tuesdays and Thursdays, 7-8:30 p.m., Fridays, 9:30-11 a.m., Saturdays, 4-5:30 p.m. The Creamery, Shelburne. $10/class, $60/eight classes. Info, 482-2490. Practice Iyengar style yoga using props to align the body. YOGA VERMONT: Daily classes, 12 p.m., 5:30 p.m. and 7:30 p.m. Saturday and Sunday, 9:30 a.m. Chace Mill, Burlington. Info, 6609718. Astanga style "power"yoga classes offer sweaty fun for all levels of experience. YMCA YOGA: Ongoing classes. YMCA, College St., Burlington. Info, 862-9622. Take classes in various yoga styles. ®

Come into

For yoga, sports, dance, and for fun. WALK-IN TAROT, REIKI * ENERGY

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PLAYWRITING WORKSHOP: Beginning June 24. Park St., Burlington. Register, 652-0761. Work on your scripts-in-progress with Jennifer Bloomfield. POETRY WORKSHOP: Thursdays, 1 p.m. Ilsley Public Library, Middlebury. Free. Info, 388-7523. Bring a poem or two to read and discuss at this ongoing workshop.

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Continued from page 2 8

September 4 & 5 • Labor Day Weekend

1 •v

Addison County Field Days • New Haven, Vermont '

Two days and nights of music and camping tucked in between Lake Champlain and the Green Mountains. All ages welcome, vending on-site. Strangefolk plays two sets both days, The Gordon Stone Band opens each day with one set. Visit Garden of Eden homepage at www.strangefolk.com for images of Edens past and detailed information, or call Strangefolk hotline at (802) 654-8740. j j g F B F ^ K J R j t t J p / j V l U i r ^

23 Wednesday

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Box 0ffice:

(802)

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86 FLYNN

art

drama

Gates open at 10am on September 4. Advance festival ticket costs $25 and includes all camping and music for both days. Weekend tickets are $30 if bought at the gate and single day (Sunday only) admission is $20. Buy tickets on-line at www.strangefolk.com or charge by

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'GODS AND MONSTERS': Director Bill Condon's 1998 drama explores the complex relationship between a gay man and his straight gardener. This showing benefits the Crosswoods Arts Council. Rutland Plaza Movieplex, 7 p.m. $7. Info, 775-5413. SHAKESPEARE D O U B L E FEAT U R E : Kenneth Branagh directs and acts in an-adaptation of the Bard's whimsical romantic comedy Much Ado About Nothing. The Oscar-winning Shakespeare in Love looks behind the scenes of the playwright's lean years. Spaulding Auditorium, Hopkins Center, Dartmouth College, Hanover, N.H., 6:45 & 9 p.m. $6. Info, 603-646-2422.

ill get support at this monthly "share and care." Howard Center for Human Services, 300 Flynn Ave., Burlington, 7-8:30 p.m. Free. Info, 862-6683. OVEREATERS A N O N Y M O U S : Compulsive eaters weigh in on body image issues at the First Congregational Church, Essex Junction, 7 p.m. Free. Info, 644-8936. BATTERED W O M E N ' S SUPP O R T G R O U P : Meet in Barre, 10:30 a.m. - noon. Free. Info, 223-0855.

• Also, see exhibit openings in the art listings. FIGURE DRAWING: See June 16.

'JESUS C H R I S T SUPERSTAR': See June 16. 'AS BEES I N H O N E Y D R O W N ' : See June 17, 2 p.m. and 8 p.m. ' T H E T E M P E S T ' : Vermont Stage mounts Shakespeare's mystical tale of a sorcerer who rules over villains, clowns, sprites and lovers. Royall Tyler Theatre, UVM, Burlington, 8 p.m. $16. Info, 656-2094. ' C A M E L O T ' : Stowe Theatre Guild performs the lovely, lyrical play about King Arthur and the Knights of the Round Table. Town Hall Theatre, Stowe. 8 p.m. $12. Info, 253-3961.

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words B U R L I N G T O N COLLEGE G R O U P READING: College writers share the fruits of their literary labors at Rhombus Gallery, 186 College St., Burlington, 7:30 p.m. $3-6. Info, 865-3144. ' A U T H O R S O N T H E GREEN': Poet Sydney Lea, author of Hunting All the Way Home, recites "Hunting Sketches" in City Park, Barre, 6:30 p.m. Free. Info, 244-7321. 'LOVERS IN LOVE': This discussion looks at literary loves spurned and spoofed, beginning with the

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The Cathedral Church of St. Paul 2 Cherry Street, Burlington (Around the corner from the Radisson) Tickets $18 in advance, $20 at the door

Call 800/836-0833 to reserve

June 17-August 22 Its only U.S. venue -an exhibition organized by the Kunstmuseum Bern of a master African-American artist's paintings

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SYMPOSIUM OUTSIDER AND FOLK ART Saturday, June 19, 2:00 pm

Special Guest: Roger Cardinal, University of Kent, Canterbury, England, and a leading expert on Outsider Art Presenters: Gregg Blasdel, Associate Professor of Art, Saint Michael's College; artist; and curator, author, and lecturer on Grass Roots artists and architecture Don Sunseri, founder and director of Grass Roots Art and Community Effort (GRACE) Pat Parsons, outsider art dealer and collector Admission: $10, $5 Cardinal lecture only. Free to Fleming Museum members. Please call (802) 656-0750 for details.

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THE

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Robert Hull Fleming Museum The University of Vermont • 61 Colchester Avenue • Burlington, Vermont

june 1 6 , 1 9 9 9 2

S T A R M I L L M I D D L E B U R Y • 3 8 8 . 2 7 5 5 • M - S 10-6, S U N 11-4 •

www.middlebury.net/soundsource/

V a endar somber Wuthering Heights. Warren Public Library, 7 p.m. Free. Info, 496-3913.

kids 'FABULOUS F U N N Y FACES': See June 21. BOOKS AND C O M P U T E R T I M E : See June 16. LATCHKEY KIDS COURSE: Kids ages seven to 10 learn to make home-alone time fun and safe. Twin Oaks Sports & Fitness, Kennedy Dr., S. Burlington, 10-11 a.m. $15. Register, 658-0001. STORYTIME: Four- and five-yearolds enjoy stories, songs, finger plays and crafts. South Burlington Community Library, 11 a.m. Free. Register, 652-7080. STORIES: Little listeners hear stories, snack and make crafts at the Children's Pages, Winooski, 10 a.m. Free. Info, 655-1537.

sport DAVID BREASHEARS: The Emmy Award-winning cinematographer and survivor of the 1996 Everest tragedy revisits the harrowing adventure with this slide lecture. See article, this issue. Flynn Theatre, Burlington, 7 p.m. $10. Info, 863-5966.

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PRIDE BALL \

Community Land Trust, 179 South Winooski Ave., 6 p.m. Free. Register, 660-0642. ' M A R K E T I N G MEANS BUSINESS': Stephanie Beck leads this workshop on "non-traditional" ways to boost your bottom line. 201 McAuley Hall, Trinity College, Burlington, 6-8 p.m. $2. Info, 846-7160. ALZHEIMER'S T R A I N I N G : The Vermont chapter of the Alzheimer's Association trains the public to take the group's message statewide. Alzheimer's Association, River St., Montpelier, 10 a.m. - 1 p.m. Free. Register, 229-1022. COLLEGE O P E N H O U S E : Learn how to earn a bachelor's or graduate degree at night or on weekends through the Prevel School. Room 144, Jeanmarie Hall, St. Michael's College, Colchester, 4:30-6 p.m. Free. Info, 654-2100.

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S a t u r d a y , j u n e 19 7:30pm contois

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celebrate G L B T P r i d e at t h e come-as-you-are, c h e m i c a l free, all-ages, d a n c e party alternative.

HOSTESS: CHERIE TARTT

Calendar is written by Erik Esckilsen. Classes are compiled by Lucy Howe.

sponsored by: Outright Vermont, Burlington R.U.1.2? Community Center, and Men's Health Project

All submissions are due in writing on the Thursday before publication. SEVEN DAYS edits for space and style. Send to:

FAMILY G A R D E N I N G PLAY: See June 18, 1:30-5 p.m. HOMEOWNERSHIP ORIENTATION: Potential buyers learn how to shop — and pay — for a home at the Burlington

SEVEN DAYS P.O. Box 1164, Burlington,

Now Serving Sunday Brunch

V T 05402-1164. Or fax 8 0 2 - 8 6 5 - 1 0 1 5 . Email: sevenday@together.net

10:30 am -2:30 pm Adults $14.95 (Kids $6.95) <ff Children under 3 FREE

Accepting Father's

Day Reservations O u t d o o r Seating Available Daily!

Green Mountain Theater Festival Summer Shakespeare in association with T U R L I N G T O N

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THE TEMPEST by William Shakespeare Directed by Ron Bashford

Written at the height of his creative powers, Shakespeare's tale of revenge and redemption features some of the Bard's most entertaining characters. Come join the sorcerer Prospero on his enchanted island full of villains, clowns, lovers and spirits. The mystery and power of this magical tale will be brought to life by Vermont's most exciting musical ensemble, the Burlington "teiko Drummers - live. Royall Tyler Theatre June 23, 24, 25, 26, July 1 @ 8pm • July 3 @ 2pm Tickets: $19 / $17 (students, seniors, members) $16 (opening night special!)

support from

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New May Series

Jay Parini's

THE LAST STATION

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by Blake Robison & Connan Morrissey Directed by Blake Robison By 1910, Leo Tolstoy had become the world's most famous author and a cult religious figure. Torn between his passionate wife and: a zealous publisher, Tolstoy must flee his estate to find peace of mind in his final days. Based on the critically acclaimed novel by Middlebury author. Jay Parini, THE LAST STATION follows the swirling events of the Tolstoy estate through the eyes of six engaging characters. Profound and intelligent. daringly theatrical. THE LAST STATION is a world premiere right here in Vermont'

Tickets: $19 / $17 (students, seniors, members) $16 (opening night special!)

8 7 9 - 3 1 0 0

The Catherine Filene S h o u s e

Royall Tyler Theatre J u n e 30, J u l y 2, 7, 8, 9 @ 8 p m / J u l y i u <«? z p m

sponsored by B Howard Bank

I I S I 0 «> I 1 t

RESERVATIONS RECOMMENDED ROUTE 2 A THROUGH TAFT CORNERS

Made possible with generous support from The Catherine Filene Shouse Foundation & Vermont Arts Council

G r e e n M o u n t a i n W r i t e r s ' C o n f e r e n c e Tinmouth, VT August 1-5 With Chris Bohjalian, Joseph Citro, Joan Connor, Yvonne Daley, Susan Keese, Sally Johnson, Peter Kurth, Sydney Lea, Grace Paley, Linda Peavy, Ursula Smith, Abigail Stone, Phoebe Stone and Ruth Stone. For information, call 802-775-5326, see http://www.vermontwriters.com or email us at ommar@vermontel.com june 1 6 , 1 9 9 9 ~

" *

SEVEN DAYS

page 31 ^ fc

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Alive annual month-long festival continues through June, but the juried exhibit at Union Station has been temporarily put on hold — by Hollywood. Until June 23, 20th Century Fox will be on location in the historic train station. Meanwhile, there's plenty of art to be viewed in Church Street Marketplace windows and at the Griswold sculpture park in Williston. Pictured, "Alfresco," by Paris Leigh Manville.

cArtists a larelinvitedto artists to participate in a Collage & Assemblage Show at Red Square July through August. Info, call 859-9231. Vermont artists are invited to apply to the juried Art Fair at Union Station in Burlington September 11, a benefit for Arts Alive and Artspace. Deadline July 9. For application, send SASE to Art Fair c/o Artspace, POB 4328, Burlington, VT 05406.

openings

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SEVEN DAYS

june 16, 1999

Art's

ART'S ALIVE LECTURE SERIES, with Catherine Hall, Barbara Wagner and Marc Awodey. Rhombus Gallery, Burlington, 864-1557. June 16, 6:30-8 p.m. FINE ART FLEA MART, featuring artists in the alley next to Firehouse Center for the Visual Arts, Burlington, 865-7165. Every Saturday, 1-5 p.m. BILL TRAYLOR 1854-1949: DEEP BLUES, featuring drawings by the African-American folk artist. Fleming Museum, Burlington, 656-0750. Symposium on Outsider and Folk Art June 19, 2-6 p.m., with talks by Gregg Blasdel, Don Sunseri, Pat Parsons and outsider art expert Roger Cardinal, followed by reception. LINA MARIA TESTA, new paintings and photographs, B8 Stonehedge Dr., S. Burlington, 865-4795. Exhibit and sale June 18, 6-9 p.m. and June 19, noon - 7 p.m. MIXED MEDIA: UNIQUELY COMBINED, a show in mixed media by Bill Botzow, John Houskeeper, Georgia Myer and Sumru Tekin. Helen Day Art Center, Stowe, 2538358. Members' preview, June 18, 5:30-6 p.m., general reception 67:30 p.m. Family Day, June 19, noon - 4 p.m., with performance art, "Rollarama," by Botzow and Meg Cottram, 3 p.m. INSPIRED BY, watercolor paintings by Susan Wahlrab. Helen Day Art I Center East Gallery, Stowe, 2538358. Reception and artist talk June 18, 5:30-7:30 p.m. ESSEX QUILTS, featuring six local-

w e e kly

655-0231. Through July 1. ART'S ALIVE annual festival featuring more than 50 Vermont artists. Union Station, Burlington, 8641557. Closed through June 23, then open through July. A COLLECTION OF SCULPTURE, PHOTOGRAPHY AND FILM by Dana Andrew Wilkinson. Working Design Gallery at the Men's Room, Burlington, 864-2088. Through July. BURLINGTON AREA LANDSCAPES AND FRUIT, paintYOUNG ARTISTS IN TRANSITION, ings by Tad Spurgeon, and TEXfeaturing masks, murals and makeTURE AND PATINATI0N, copper believe critters by children in the jewelry by David Paul Bacharach, Very Special Arts Vermont proas well as artisan jewelry by Tim gram, Home in Arts I. MetropoliGrannis and others. Grannis tan Gallery, Burlington, 860-6220. Gallery, Burlington, 660-2032. Through June. IMPROVISATIONS/INCANTATIONS: Through June. DENIS VERWEYSVELD, paintings Paintings and Works on Paper, by and sculpture, and JIM GIDDINGS, Lois Eby. Flynn Theatre Gallery paintings. Doll-Anstadt Gallery, Space, Burlington, 652-4500. Burlington, 864-3661. Through Through September 6. June. A CONGLOMERATION OF PAINTMORE C00KIN' AT THE ONION, INGS, landscapes, still lifes and figures by Obadiah Hunter. Pickering featuring handmade prints of jazz greats, by Roy Newton. Red Onion Room, Fletcher Free Library, Cafe, Burlington, 865-2563. Burlington, 865-7211. Through Through July 20. June. JAVA JIVE! featuring a collection of DONALD MITCHELL, a self-taught Vermont-made coffee and tea cups, artist from California, joins works by Inez Walker, Gayleen Aiken and espresso cups and saucer, and fiber art, all inspired by the beloved bevothers. Webb & Parsons, Burlingerage. Frog Hollow Craft Center, ton, 658-5123, by appointment Burlington, 863-6458. Through only. Through September 7. June 27. ELDERART, featuring works in GIRL'S EYE VIEW, featuring phomixed media by older students. tography and writing by Vermont Fletcher Room, Fletcher Free Girl Scouts ages 11-14. UncomLibrary, Burlington, 865-7211. mon Grounds, Burlington, Through June. 878-7131. Through July 4. BARBARA BESKIND, images of ART'S ALIVE OUTDOOR SCULPVermont flora and fauna in bas relief TURE EXHIBIT, featuring member needlework. Book Rack, Winooski, ly made folk-art bedspreads on \ loan from Essex families. The Cupola House Gallery, Essex, 518963-7494. Reception, open house of restored "Pigeon Palace," and garden tour June 19-20, 11 a.m. 6 p.m.

ongoing

listings

oniwww.sevendaysvt.com

Art, 443-2069. Through August 1.

works in mixed media. S.T. Griswold, Williston, 864-1557. Through Augusts . y

GENERATION OF CHANGE: VER-

ENTROPY AND ARCHTYPES,

drawings by architect John Anderson. Burlington College Community Art Gallery, 862-9616. Through June. TEA BOWL LANDSCAPES, a suite

of new intaglio prints by Davis Teselle. Pacific Rim Cafe, Burlington, 651-9345. Through June, SECOND ANNUAL FIREHOUSE

OPEN, featuring 50 works in mixed media by local artists. Firehouse Center for the Visual Arts, Burlington, 865-7165. Through June 20. SHAPES OF THE ROAD, SHAPES

OF THE SEA, Italian photography by Lina Maria Testa. Courtyard Collection, Burlington, 660-0888. Ongoing. DRAWINGS FOR 'SHE LOVES

YOU,' featuring pen-and-ink illustrations by Lance Richbourg for the book of the same title by Elaine Segal. Fleming Museum, Burlington, 656-0750. Through July 18.

MONT, 1820-1850, featuring artifacts and documents that examine how the state dealt with issues such as slavery, temperance, religious diversity and more. Vermont Historical Society, Pavilion Building, Montpelier, 828-2291. Ongoing. THE NAIVE SPIRIT, fine examples of folk art from the permanent collection. T.W. Wood Gallery, Montpelier, 828-8743. Through August 1.

Weed It Gardening for Guys BY WARREN

SILKSCREEN PRINTS by Sally

Stetson. Shimmering Glass Gallery, Waterbury, 244-8134. Ongoing. CONTEMPORARY ART, by painters Tom Merwin, Ellen Hoffman, sculptors Robert Ressler, Dan George, photographer Suzanne Winterberger, and the Edinboro Bookarts Cooperative. Merwin Gallery, Castleton, 468-2592. Ongoing.

F M

SCRAP-BASED ARTS & CRAFTS,

featuring re-constructed objects of all kinds by area artists. The Restore, Montpelier, 229-1930. Ongoing.

FURNISHINGS AND PAINTINGS by

CENTRAL VERMONT

Ruth Pope. Ruth Pope Gallery, Montpelier, 229-5899. Ongoing.

ART, IMAGE AND TEXT, featuring

a collection of art books, prints, paintings and text-driven imagery by Bonnie Christensen, Jean Cannon, Nate Freeman, Ken Leslie and Ann Lewis. T.W. Wood Gallery, Montpelier, 828-8743. Through August 1. STORY LINES: Narrative Drawings of Memory and Dream, by Lynn Imperatore. T.W. Wood Gallery, South Gallery, Montpelier, 8288743. Through August 1. NORTON'S SHOW, featuring the

humorous wood sculptures of Norton Latourelle. Frog Hollow Craft Center, Middlebury, 388-3177. Through June 19. PHOTOGRAPHS by Jamie Cope, "Women Eight to Eighty," and Ken Aiken, "Venice: Three Perspectives." Vermont Arts Council Gallery, Montpelier, 828-3778. Through June.

NORTHERN

69TH ANNUAL JURIED ART

SHOW of members of the Northern Artist Association, works in mixed media. Mary Bryan Memorial Art Gallery, Jeffersonville, 644-5100. Through July 11. BREAD & PUPPET masks, puppets and other artifacts from four decades. Bread & Puppet Museum, Glover, 525-6972. Through October. 19TH AND 20TH CENTURY AMERICAN ARTISTS including

WEAVING TRADITION INTO A CHANGING WORLD: 200 Years of

Abenaki Basketry, featuring a variety of baskets from the Northeast. Chimney Point State Historic Site, Addison, 759-2412. Through October 11. CLAY IN THE GARDEN, HOME &

GREENHOUSE, featuring pottery to live with and use. Vermont Clay Studio, Waterbury, 244-1126. Through July. CAROL BOUCHER, pastel landscape drawings. Mist Grill, Waterbury, 244-2233. Through June. ALICE ECKLES, recent paintings and prints. Katies Jewels, Montpelier, 456-8993. Through June. ARTISTS WORKING TOGETHER

For Studio Place Arts. Works in two and three dimensions by artists interested in the development of the Barre arts center. Aldrich Library, Milne Gallery, Barre, 229-9446. Through June. PALETTEERS, paintings and works in mixed media by members, this week featuring Mary Jane Naylor. Art Gallery of Barre, 476-1030. Ongoing. FORESTS AND FIELDS, HILLS AND

HOMES: 19th-century Vermont Scenes by the Robinson Family, featuring pastoral landscapes by Rowland E. Robinson and his daughter Rachael Robinson Elmer. Sheldon Museum, Middlebury, 388-2117. Through July. THE BIG PICTURE, featuring largeformat photography from European and American artists. Middlebury College Museum of

IMPROMPTU, a group show in mixed media by members of Caravan Arts. Chow! Bella, St. Albans, 482-5275. Through July 12.

landscape paintings by Vermont artists Kathleen Kolb, Thomas Curtin, Cynthia Price and more. Clarke Galleries, Stowe, 253-7116. Ongoing.

ELSEWHERE FROM RENOIR TO PICASSO:

Masterpieces From the Musee de l'Orangerie, featuring 81 paintings by French European masters. Montreal Museum of fine Arts, 514-285-1600. Through October 15, 2000. FOCUS ON THE BODY, West

African Body Ornaments of Brass. Hood Museum of Art, Dartmouth College, Hanover, N.H., 603-6462809. Through September 19. JACOB LAWRENCE, AESOP'S

FABLES, featuring pen-and-ink drawings for the classic tales. Hood Museum of Art, Dartmouth College, Hanover, N.H., 603-646-2809. Through June 20. ON ALL FRONTS: Posters from the World Wars in the Dartmouth Collection, and SARAJEVO: RECENT WAR POSTERS, more

than 100 original posters from World Wars I and II, and the siege of Sarajevo. Hood Museum of Art, Dartmough College, Hanover, N.H., 603-646-2426. Through July 4. PLEASE NOTE: Seven Days is unable to accommodate all of the displays in our readership area, thus these Listings must be restricted to exhibits in truly public viewing places. Art in business offices, lobbies and private residences or studios, with occasional exceptions, will not be accepted.

SCHULTZ

ace it: Gardening does not rank high on the list of cool, macho activities. Instead, it falls somewhere between cooking — barbecuing excepted— and crocheting. But I'm one guy who's tired of being told that gardening is woman's work. I don't like the way my buddies roll their eyes when I tell them I'd rather weed the border than watch a hockey game between Saskatoon and Moosejaw. It is true that in the U.S. the great majority of serious gardeners are women. But there's no shame in being a gardening man. After all, we . have plenty of good examples. Farmers? Men. Landscape architects? Men. Golf-course greenskeepers? Men. Plant breeders? Men. So, how did the home garden get to be a woman's domain? Some deep thinkers theorize that the roots of the genderization of gardening run deep into early human history, when women were the gardeners and gatherers, and men were the hunters. Maybe so. Others will say that men do not relate as easily to the nurturing aspect of gardening. Could be. But those theories overlook the obvious. Gardening requires a commitment. Gardening is a 'til-death-do-us-part kind of deal. And that dreaded cword sends most of us guys running as fast as we can in the other direction. Granted, in time, we may mature. We may bite the bullet and convince ourselves that it's time to settle down, plant some peonies. But as soon as we get those plants in the ground, the reality hits in the pit of our stomachs: We're gonna be looking at those same damn peonies in the same damn place for the rest of our lives. Where's the fun in that? And before we know it, our eyes start roving to other gardens in the neighborhood. That garden looks younger. The other looks more voluptuous. Does that mean that we guys should give up on gardening? Not at all. It's just that recent gardening fashion has gotten away from the kind of activity that satisfies men. We need to reclaim the garden. Lets explore the ways that gardening can,

indeed, satisfy our deeply hidden manly urges. First, there's our unceasing need to get away, from anything and everyone — our partners, our kids, our jobs. Rather than digging in and putting down roots, we'd prefer to spend our free

Before we know it, our A eyes start roving to A other gardens in the neighborhood. That arden looks younger.. The other looks more voluptuous. time running away from maturity on a sailboat, or on a bike or a pair of Rollerblades. Some guys escape into the numbing world of TV. Others flee to the local pub. But a few savvy guys recognize the garden's potential as an escape mechanism. What do you think lawn mowing is all about? It offers the illusion that we are going somewhere. Hop on the mower and crank it up and we travel a tightening spiral into our fantasies. We can journey — at two miles per hour — into our own little world. Once on the riding mower, every guy has entertained the fantasy of mowing right off the edge of the lawn, of riding that Toro into the sunset, to meet up with a posse of other mowermen and spend our days cleaning our carburetors and our nights sharpening our blades. Gardening can also fulfill our need to mark our territory, even — or especially — if that territory is only an eighth of an acre virtually indistinguishable from every other eighth-of-an-acre lot in the neighborhood. Why do you think we derive such pleasure from standing out in the front yard with a hose in our hand? A little bit of sprinkling makes us feel like the alpha dog of the neighborhood pack. Then there is our subverted need to make a mess and never have to clean it up. When we garden, we're

june 16,1999

• -so*1

allowed to dig in the dirt and splash water around. We can even play in piles of fresh manure. We can make stacks of twigs and tangle up vast sheets of plastic. By god, we can even plant red flowers next to orange flowers! We can leave piles of garbage

in a corner of the yard. We can watch it rot as worms and all sorts of disgusting creatures crawl through it. And we can call the mess compost. Best of all, gardening satisfies our need to play with toys — preferably noisy and dangerous ones. There's the lawnmower again, and the tiller, the string trimmer, the leaf blower, the machete, the electric fence. And don't forget all those toxic chemicals — the ones that require you to wear rubber gloves and face masks. The ones that may cause genetic mutations. Cool! Therein lies the key to planning a guy's garden. There's just one rule that guarantees a garden you will never tire of: Pick plants and arrange the landscape to allow you the maximum use of noisy tools. That means you need a huge lawn. If you decide to plant vegetables, put them in a big rectangle right in the middle of the back yard. Then arrange the plants in long straight rows to make the most of your tiller. If you must have flowers, plant a few rows of gladioli or zinnias. Forget perennials. You can't have plants popping up in odd places year after year, getting in the way of your tilling, digging, chopping and mowing. And besides, by planting annuals you get to start all over again, and again and again. And that, of course, is one of a guys greatest desires. ® y?

SEVEN DAYS

page 33

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of the movie's funniest moments comes when Powers and a superior played~by Michael York address the camera and advise the audience that it will have more fun if it doesn't attempt to grapple with such conundrums. Moments that inspire are, unfortunately, few and far between. The film is little more than a loose assemblage of largely improvised scenes, light on story advancement and long on opportunities for Myers to SHOOTING BLANKS The second Austin Powers misses more work in trademark catchoften than it hits. phrases: "Yeah, baby!" "Just a tick." "Oh, behave!" And the newly minted "floater." AUSTIN POWERS: THE SPY WHO

SHAGGED ME***

I'm not suggesting that a deliriously goofy spy spoof should be tightly plotted or meet criteria demanded of more serious work. To the contrary, I adored the first film and simply wished the second was as much fun, that it had as many exhiliratingly original gags, as contagious a sense of joy, as gleeful a sense of unpredictability. But then, that's the problem with sequels. When someone writes a movie, he or she tends to cram in everything first?, rate on the subject, and trim off the second-rate material. When the time comes to write a second script on the same subject, the throwaway stuff that didn't make the first cut is often the first to make it in. In a perfect world, a sequel would give you more of the same. In the real world, what you generally wind up with is less.

Well, what did we expect? When is any joke as funny the second time around? I wanted to love this sequel. I wanted to be able to call it fab, beyond shagedelic. But the truth is it's probably time for Austin Powers to hang up his chest hair. Mike Myers reprises the role of everybody's favorite international man of mystery. The only real mystery this time, though, is why Myers and his cowriters couldn't see their script needed another draft or two. Or 12. Boogie Nights Heather Graham co-stars as babelicious CIA operative Felicity Shagwell, and she's everything an agent could possibly ask for in a sparkling and leggy cohort. An honor graduate of the Barbara Feldon Academy of Sexy Spy Sidekicks, the actress saves her partners butt on more than one occasion. But even she can't save his latest film. What little plot there is has Powers traveling back in time to the '60s in pursuit of his nemesis Dr. Evil (also played by Myers). The madman's latest plan for world domination calls for his hiring a monstrously obese character named Fat Bastard (also played by Myers) to infiltrate the facility where the spy's cryogenically frozen body had been maintained and surgically extract the superagent's "mojo." This of course will render him a less potent foe in the future.

Not that there aren't a few moments of unhinged mirth and warped invention. There's a bit about a rocket that's a minor instant classic, for example, and Dr. Evil pulls off a maniacally clever riff on the phrase "zip it" when his son won't shut up. It's just that much of the movie is psychedelic filler. In addition, a surprising percentage of its gags — the one in which Dr. Evil is reunited with this same son on "The Jerry Springer Show," for instance, are the sort of thing one has seen many times before in the work of filmmakers far less talented.

All of which occasions the usual sticky braintwisters about time travel. How can the Powers of the '90s exist side-by-side with the Powers of the '60s, as they do here? And, if his mojo has already been stolen in the past, how could he have what it takes in the future to go back and recover it? One

Hey, how many people do you know who would name Waynes World 2 as their favorite movie? It just doesn't tend to work that way. Myers and company try to get lightning to strike twice but in the second Austin Powers, it's the audience that gets shagged. ®

FRIDAY. J U N E 18 - T H U R S D A Y . 1UNE 24 NICKELODEON CINEMAS showtimes

ILMSRUN

North Avenue, Burlington, 863-6040. Forces of Nature 2:45, 7:15. Analyze This 12:15, 2:20, 4:45, 7, 9:45. Never Been Kissed 12:30, 5, 9:30. Twin Dragons 12:45, 2:30, 4:15. Pushing Tin 6:45, 9:15. Friday, evening shows only. All shows daily beginning Saturday.

College Street, Burlington, 863-9515. Tarzan* 11:40, 1:45, 4, 6:20, 8:20, 10:15. The General's Daughter* 10:20 (Sat-Sun only), 1:15, 4:10, 7:20, 9:50. The Matrix 11:50, 3:10, 6:30, 9:10. Besieged 12, 2:10, 4:30, 6:40, 9:20. Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me 10:40 (Sat-Sun only), 12:45, 2:50, 5, 7:10, 9:30. Notting Hill 10:35 (Sat-Sun only) 1, 3:45, 6:50, 9:40. All shows daily unless otherwise indicated.

CINEMA NINE

THE SAVOY

ETHAN ALLEN CINEMAS 4

Shelburne Road, S. Burlington, 864-5610 Tarzan* 10:15 (Sat-Sun only) 12:30, 2:45, 5, 7:10, 9:30. The General's Daughter* 10 (Sat-Sun only), 12:40, 3:20, 6:50, 9:35. Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me 10 & 10:20 (Sat-Sun only), 12:05, 12:25, 2:20, 2:40, 4:30, 4:50, 6:50, 7:20, 9:20, 10. Instinct 12:20, 3:10, 7:05, 9:40. Notting Hill 10:05 (Sat-Sun only), 12:40, 3:50, 7:10, 9:55. Star Wars 10:10 (Sat-Sun only), 12:30, 1, 3:30, 4, 6:30, 7, 9:20, 9:50. The Mummy 10:20 (Sat-Sun only), 1:10, 4:10, 7, 9:45. All shows daily unless otherwise indicated.

Main Street, Montpelier, 229-0509. The Winslow Boy 6:30, 8:45.

SHOWCASE CINEMAS

MAD RIVER FLICK Route 100, Waitsfield, 496-4200. MARQUIS THEATER Main Street. Middlebury,

5 Williston Road, S. Burlington, 863-4494. The Love Letter 1:15, 3:50, 7:15, 9:35. Instinct 12:40, 3:30, 6:40, 9:20. Election 1:10, 3:45, 7:10, 9:40. Entrapment 12:50, 3:25, 6:50, 9:30. The Mummy 1, 3:40, 7, 9:25. All shows Sat/Sun. Eves only Mon-Fri.

weekly page

SEVEN DAYS

june 16, 1999

listings

SUNSET DRIVE-IN CAPITOL THEATRE

Colchester, 862-1800. 93 State Street, Montpelier,

229-0343.

PARAMOUNT THEATRE

241 North Main Street, Barre,

479-9621.

STOWE CINEMA

Baggy Knees Shopping Center, Stowe.

253-4678.

388-4841.

WELDEN THEATER

104 No. Main Street. St. Albans,

527-7888.

www.sevendaysvt.com

the hoyts cinemas

FiLMQuIZ

BY RICK KISONAK

cosponsored by Video World Superstore

previews

warrant officer looking into a particularly vicious murder. James Woods co-stars. Simon {Con Air) West directs. (R)

TARZAN W i t h more than 50 bigscreen versions of the Edgar Rice Burroughs classic already on the shelves, you might have thought it's all been done before. Disney execs thought differently. Hey, they rationalized, it hasn't been done by Rosie O ' D o n n e l l , Minnie Driver and Tony Goldwyn before. So here you go — an u m p t e e n t h and totally animated new take on the same old story. THE GENERAL'S DAUGHTER John Travolta and Madeleine Stowe star in the big-screen version of Nelson DeMille's 1992 best-seller about a

shorts

rating scale:

new on video ENEMY OF THE STATE* Will Smith and Gene Hackman star in Jerry Bruckheimer's latest action package, the saga of an up-andcoming attorney framed for murder by a shadowy intelligence operative. (R) THE FACULTY** 1 / 2 W r i t e r - p r o ducer Kevin Williamson here does for sci-fi movies what he did for

the horror genre with his Scream films. Namely, use them as an excuse to recycle other peoples' ideas. Elijah Wood and Laura Harris star in this often tiresome hybrid of Invasion of the Body Snatchers and "Dawson Creek."

role recall

(R) LITTLE VOICE**** Michael Caine earned himself a Golden Globe for his performance as a seedy promoter in Mark Herman's critically acclaimed comedy. Jane Horrocks stars as an unusually shy young woman who rarely speaks, but transforms into a diva when she sings. W i t h Brenda Blethyn and Ewan McGregor. (R)

Yes, the face is familiar, but can you place * -

* * * * *

INSTINCT*** Anthony Hopkins had no way of knowing a Silence of the Lambs sequel was about to become an option for him, of course. Had he, I doubt the man who breathed life into Hannibal Lecter would have taken on the reminiscent role of a high-IQ killer in this saga about a mysterious Anthropologist accused of murder. With Cuba Gooding Jr. Directed by Jon (Phenomenon) Turteltaub. (R) NOTTING HILL**** Hugh Grant and Julia Roberts are teamed for this media-age fairy tale about a regular joe who stumbles into a loye affair with a world-famous actress. Gina McKee and Rhys Ifans co-star. Roger Michell directs. (PG-13) THE LOVE LETTER**172 Uh-oh — Ellen DeGeneres Alert! The thoroughly entertaining comicturned-relendessly-dispensible thespian (Mr. Wrong, EDtv) turns up in yet another production with high flop probability. Peter Chan adapts Chathleen Schines 1995 bestseller about the romance between a bookshop owner and a younger man. With Kate Capshaw and Tom Selleck. (PG-13) BESIEGED*** Movie lovers have been spending a lot of time enjoying the Italian countryside lately, first in Life Is Beautiful, then Tea With Mussolini and now in the latest from Bernardo (Last Tango in Paris) Bertolucci. Thandie Newton and David Thewlis play a housekeeper and a reclusive pianist who become much more to one another. And not a single psychotic dictator in sight! (R) THE WINSLOW BOY**** They should have released this on April Fools Day. Who would believe David Mamet directing a period piece based on an early 20th-century drama by Terence Rattigan? (G)

NR = not reviewed

STAR WARS EPISODE 1: THE PHANTOM MENACE** Forget the Force —. may the No-Doz be with you if you decide to sit through George Lucas' overhyped and under-written saga about Jedi knights (liam Neeson and Ewan McGregor) trying to save a planet from invasion. The dialogue is stunningly banal. Ditto the new characters and most of the derivative action sequences. Short on warmth and . humor, and way long opi ©jnipufc er imaging, the director succeeds less as a fleshed-out story than as • an a4 for his special effects business, and an opportunity to make millions in merchandising tie-ins. (PG) ' THE 13TH FLOOR**172 From Roland Emmerich, the guy who gave us Godzilla, come^this; V mindbender with a storyline that jumps back and fourth between parallel worlds. Armm MuellerStahl and Gretchen Mol star. (R) THE DREAMLIFE OF ANGELS*** Elodie Bouchez and Natacha Regnier shared a Best Actress prize at the Cannes Film Festival last year for their performances here as two young women struggling to balance the demands of their romantic relationship and their friendship. (R) HIDEOUS KINKY*** Kate Winslet makes her first postTitanic appearence in this portrait of a young English mother who takes her two daughters on an African adventure in the late '60s. Based on the 1992 account by Esther Freud. (R) THE MUMMY*** The first half of this update of the Boris Karloff classic is about as much fun as finding a live scorpion in your Fruit Of the Looms. Things take a turn for the entertaining, though, the minute people start digging up stuff at a mysterious Egyptian site and all digital hell breaks loose. Brendan Fraser and Rachel Weisz star. Stephen Sommers directs.

A MIDSUMMER NIGHTS ; DREAM**1/2 Michelle Pfeiffer, Kevin Kline and Calista Flockhart star in the seventh big-screen adaptation of the Bard's romantic romp. Michael Hoffman directs. (PG-13) ENTRAPMENT*1/2 The Mask of Zorros Catherine Zeta-Jones stars ;t here as an insurance investigator posing as a master thief in order . to catch a master thief played by Sean Connery in the latest from }on{fheMan Who Knew Too Little) Amiel. With Ving Rhames and Will Patton. (PG-13) ILEpTION*** From Alexander Payne, director of Citizen Ruth, comes this comedy about a high school, teacher (Matthew: Broderick) whose life is taken v Over by a student-council race. With Reese Witherspoon. (R) ANALYZE THIS***172 Harold Ramis has a knack for memor rable, smarter-than-average comedies, and this looks like it might make his hit list one longer. Billy Crystal plays a suburban shrink. Robert De Niro cO-stars as his newest patient, a powerful mob boss. With Lisa Kudrow. (R) FORCES OF NATURE**172 Uhoh, Sandra Bullock Alert! The bubbly flop magnet tries to drag Ben Affleck down with her this time, as the two make an unlikely love connection in this romantic comedy conceived by executives at Dreamworks. Bronwen Hughes directs. (PG-13) PUSHING TIN** John Cusack and Billy Bob Thornton play rival air traffic controllers in the latest comedy from Mike Newell, director of Four Weddings and a Funeral With Cate Blanchett and Angelina Jolie. (R) NEVER BEEN KISSED*** Drew

the movie in w h i c h the above performer played each of the characters shown?

For more film fun don't forget to watch "Art Patrol" every Thursday, Friday, and Sunday on News Channel 5!

LAST WEEK'S WINNERS LAST WEEK'S ANSWERS: NIKKI ROQUE NED KLEIN RUSSEL RAYMOND VICTORIA GRANGER MARK MICKAUDE MIKE INCZE HILDA WILDER DARREN OBERMEYER MINDY COLLINS LYNDA CAMPBELL

1. KRIPPENDORF'S TRIBE 2. THE BIG LEBOWSKI 3 . THE AVENGERS 4 . THE M A S K OF ZORRO

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june 16, 1999

SEVEN DAYS.

page 35

The Men in !

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have to laugh sometimes when I observe how zealously unisex our culture has become. Have you noticed? Nobody's a mailman or a policewoman anymore — everybody's a somethingperson. I hadn't even heard that actresses were on the endangered species list when, suddenly, they'd been wiped out by an epidemic of political correctness. Today every knobkneed Valley waif who's done a "Dawson Creek" walk-on refers to herself as an actor. One minute the American people were coming to terms with their sexuality, realizing it was nothing to be ashamed of. The next, they'd adopted a vocabulary precision-calibrated to erase any trace of it.

Chuck Connors played a standtall, shoot-fast sheriff running bad guys out of town and raising a teenage son on his own. Is that a role model or what? The boy was always coming to his old man with philosophical questions, though he never did get around to the one that nagged at me: What was the point of the rifle? If the idea was to have a weapon that fired as fast as a six-gun, why not just go with a six-gun?

I was a maniac for Superman. On the occasion of this Every day I'd paper's annual tribute to testoshurry home terone, I'd like to take a trip from school back in time to the television of and sit spellmy formative years, when men bound in front were men and little boys of the Zenith as watched them on TV until their George Reeves used his super parents made them brush their powers for the advancement of teeth and go to bed. When we truth, justice and the American watched and learned a lesson or way. Man, I remember thinking, two about what it meant to be a it's a lucky thing the rocketship man. I'm talking about good that carried him to Earth as a men. Men who epitomized the baby crashed in a Midwestern male ideal. Men who were so wheatfield instead of on some damn manly, in fact, Man was their middle name. Or first. Or ~ glacier in Siberia, or he'd be flying around making the world sometimes last... The Rifle Man, for example. safe for whatever Kruschev felt like doing. The randomness of Remember him? For years

existence! I missed a lot of plot details that way. I suppose The Marlboro Man isn't a good example. Though the ruggedly handsome and outdoorsy guy who played him in commercials did apologize years later, before he died of lung cancer. At least he was courteous. And what about that Tidy Bowl Man? Talk about character! If rowing that boat around in people's toilets didn't show courage and a mindboggling devotion to duty, I can't imagine what would. That was an open boat! Batman.. .well, what can you say? Financially independent bachelor who wears tights and spends all his time with a scantily clad boy? Hmmm. Good dancer?

Greenjeans. Was he not the picture joQj|unility? Always taking a back seat to Captain Kangaroo, Dancing Bear and that idiot Mr. Moose without so much as a harsh word or a call to his agent. Ever wonder why they called it The Man from U.N.C.L.E when there were two of them? Again, many a story point was missed while I pondered when I should've been paying attention. The lesson in this rip-off of the Bond phenomenon? Though East is East (Illya Kuryakin) and West is West (Napoleon Solo) the twain could indeed meet. And sell a ton of overpriced "Man From U.N.C.L.E." paraphernalia while they were at it. Mr. Whipple, The Orkin Man, The Man From Glad, Mr. Goodwrench. Okay, they

You know who was way ahead of his time? Mr. Clean. Think about it: tight jeans, great abs, form-fitting T-shirt, shaved head and an earring. Half of Hollywood — not to mention The World Wrestling Federation — looks like that these days. If that man wasn't a cartoon, he'd be hosting Mtv's "House of Style!" And then there's that unsung hero of the playhouse, Mr.

may have been a little light on moral lessons. But what about The Maytag Repair Man? Was he not right out of Beckett? Waiting for Godot didn't demand a fraction of the patience and fortitude this poor sod showed as he waited year after year for the service call that never came. At least Beckett's characters get to call it a day when the play ends. This guy's existential hell goes on forever, as one actor

MESA ^iandcrajted ^>ioducts

after another takes over through the decades, . : _ . * Popjejfe The Sailor Man;<o& course, taught us the important role vegetables can play in our lives. He ate spinach and dated a stringbean! TV introduced me to the virtue of choosing one's words carefully. The value of not wasting them. Of not speaking, in fact, unless one has something to say. The philosopher in this case of course, of course — the famous Mr. Ed. From Mr. Magoo came the revelation that handicaps can be surmounted. From Mr. French, that a slight weight problem needn't stand in the way of style. Mr. Wizard embodied the joy of learning and exploration. Mister Rogers...well, to be honest, I didn't watch Mister Rogers a whole lot, but I guess what I surmised from his example and reputation was the fact that nice guys didn't necessarily finish last. Yes, those were the days. Johnny Rivers sang of a Secret Agent Man who endeavored to avoid violence as he battled evil. You could trust your car to The Man Who Wears A Star. Times were simpler. Good was good. Bad was bad. Men were men. Before all the lines got blurred. Sure, they were fictional in most cases. Some were dumb animals, others merely the product of primitive animation technology. One thing they weren't, though, was somtth'mgpersons. Each was a man. His own man. A man's man. Well, maybe not Mister Rogers. My point is that the man I am today is a man those men helped me become. I celebrate, and owe a debt to, every one of them. And the young men-to-be tuned into the genderless puree that is TV today? I'd like to wish every one of them luck. And a subscription to Nick at Nite. (Z)

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FROZEN FOODS HOME FROM MARKET? Dear Tom and Ray, We live in Florida, about 5 miles from our grocery store. When we buy cold cuts or frozen foods, we go directly home because of the 90-degree heat. My wife seems to think that putting all of this stuff in the front seat directly in front of the air-conditioner vent will keep it cold. I think the car's air will warm up these items, because the air coming out of the vents is not as cold as the refrigerated and frozen foods. I think the trunk is a better place for these items. What do you think? —Richard

T O M : Oh, yeah, Richard! The trunk — a closed, uninsulated

GENERAL MANAGER: Otter Creek Food Co-op is seeking F/T store mgt. of a newly formed cooperative. Applicant must have experience in natural foods cooperative retail setting. Supervisory & customer service skills a must. Work w/ active board, committed membership & staff to help shape & implement our vision for our co-op. Resume to: OCFC, Box 359, Vergennes, VT 05491.

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Great Summer Experience! Immediate opening for full time summer position at Vermont Campaign to End Childhood Hunger. Duties include supervision at a summer food and activity program, and outreach for our annual Hike for Hunger event. This is an Americorps/Vermont AntiHunger Corps position, with living allowance, health care, and educational stipend. Requires organized, energetic, creative individual with 2+ years of college, dependable vehicle, experience with children. Fax resumes to 802-8650266; or mail resumes to VTCECH, 4 Laurel Hill Drive, S. Burlington, VT 05403.

metal box where it's 175 degrees — is a great place for your frozen foods! RAY: We have to side with your wife, here, Richard. An air conditioner, in good working order, should put out air at a temperature of about 40-45 degrees. And while it's true that 40degree air won't keep frozen food frozen, it will slow down the thawing process. And that's what you want. T O M : Of course, if it's really just a 5-mile drive home, it hardly matters. I suspect you're really upset, Richard, bccause she's making you ride in the back while the frozen T V dinners get to sit up front. RAY: If this is really a big concern for you guys, you can always buy a camping-style cooler. When you do your shopping, spend an extra buck and buy a bag of ice, dump the

MANICURIST: Rental space available for licensed manicurist/pedicurist with own equipment. Part-time/Full-time position available. For appointment, call 655-8202.

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Contact: Catie Camp at 802-985-8498 Pastry Chef's Assistant: Some Experience Required Contact: David Hugo at 802-985-8498

Business M a n a g e r To participate in management of a non-profit Child Placing Agency and Independent Secondary School serving adolescents with severe emotional disturbances and their families. The business manager is responsible for: • Financial management & accounting • Preparation of budget and financial reports • Oversight of program budgets • Timely filing of state and federal payroll & tax forms • Insurance Coverages • Oversight of physical plant & vehicles

RESTAURANT: "CHEF de PARTIE." Strong culinary background required, great working environment. Days only. Competitive wage. C O O K S — culinary background preferred. Professional kitchen with a strong learning opportunity. Call for appt. between 2:30 p.m.—5 p.m. Chef's Corner Cafe, Williston. 878-5524. SALES POSITION: Renewable Energy Company seeks sales person. Ideal candidate should be enthusiastic, flexible, creative, professional, capable of working independently in a relaxed, cooperative atmosphere. Computer skills and telephone aptitude essential, technical background helpful, but not necessary. Fax or email resume to 802-658-1098 or mrbigstuff@windstreampower.c om. SKILLED LABORERS (MULTItaskers) needed for busy fabrication facility. Call Don at Alchemy Studios, 655-6251.

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Business Manager Search do Floyd Nease Executive Director Laraway School, Inc. P.O. Box 621 Johnson.VT 05656

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Dear Tom and Ray, I was thinking of buying a Volkswagen Microbus. I know that means constant repiars, etc. But I currently drive a 1987Jetta with 166,000 miles that also needs constant repairs. So I figured if I'm going to be repairing my car all the time, I might as well have a cooler car. I'm graduating from high school soon, and I plan on going to college next year. What do you think? —Nick RAY: Well, if you're looking for a cooler car. you can't beat an old V W Microbus. Their heaters were so inefficient that you're guaranteed to be cool all winter — assuming you don't freeze to death. T O M : Of course, the major downside of the V W Microbus

is not its lack of a good heater. Ip's not its lack of power, either. Nor is it the way it blows around in the wind like a billboard on top of Mount Washington. No. The big problem with Microbuses is safety. RAY: Before you buy one, try this experiment, Nick. Take a folding chair out to your driveway and have a friend drive his car into your knees. That'll give you an idea of what it will feel like to have a front-end crash in a VW bus. The engine's in the back. And you sit so far up front in that vehicle that your knees basically are the front bumpers. Not literally, but pretty close. T O M : So if you really want a V W bus, at least get a Eurovan, the later-generation, frontengine, front-wheel drive V W buses. Those are considerably safer. RAY: Or, if you want something old and funky, consider going for something big — like a '70s Chevy Suburban or my brother's late 7 4 Chevy Caprice Classic Convertible. Something

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food in a cooler and pour the ice over the top of it. Then you can take the scenic route home with you riding up front, Richard, and the frozen Sezehuan prune appetizers in the back where they belong.

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: 11:111 ° W ° P E * F°H

MBA or CPA preferred. Must have the ability to attend to detail, be creative and prioritize multiple tasks while delivering on time. It would also help to be able to find fulfillment in performing routine tasks again and again in the midst of a lively and diverse work environment. Cover letter, resume, salary requirements and references by June 21 to:

and

like that will be every bit as lousy, smelly and unreliable as a V W bus, but at least there will be a lot of metal around you if you should hit something. Good luck, Nick.

* * * * * * * * * *

How can you tell if a used car is in good condition — or even OK, for that matter? Find out by ordering Tom and Ray's pamphlet "How to Buy a Great Used Car: Things That Detroit and Tokyo Don't Want You to Know. " Send $3 and a stamped (55 cents), self-addressed, No. 10 envelope to Used Car, PO Box 6420, Riverton, NJ 080776420. Got a question about cars? Write to Click and Clack in care of this newspaper, or email them by visiting the Car Talk section of cars.com on the World Wide Web.

W future classifieds placementf only, we proofread carefully, but please note: refunds credited to the advertiser's account toward i even so, mistakes can occur, report errors at once, as seven days will not be responsible for errors continuing beyond the first printing, adjustment for error is limited to republication, in any event, liability for errors (or omissions) shall not exceed the cost of the space occupied by such an error (or omission), all advertising is subject to review by seven days, seven days reserves the right to edit, properly categorize or decline any ad without comment or appeal. •••

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EMPLOYMENT VOLUNTEERS SUMMER JOBS: Like flexible hours, a casual environment and good pay? Our outbound call center wants you. No experience necessary. Call 863-4700, ext. 1001. VEGETARIAN HEAD COOKS WANTED, lunch or dinner, for 2-week summer family camp. Aug. 15-21 and/or Aug. 22-28. Earn wages and participate in our creative, progressive camp community on Lake Champlain. Call Camp Common Ground, 482-3670. VERMONT NETWORK Against Domestic Violence and Sexual Assault is currently hiring AmeriCorps VISTA members. Positions are available in St. Albans, St. Johnsbury, Lebanon, NH, Randolph, Montpelier and Morrisville. Depending on the site, responsibilities my include: fundraising and development, public awareness and education, volunteer management, violence prevention in schools, and statewide program planning and development. Positions are full-time and require a commitment of one year. To apply, send resume to: Vermont Network, PO Box 405, Montpelier, VT 05601. For more information, call Dina Rindos or D.D. TaylorGarcia, (802) 223-1302. $800 WEEKLY POTENTIAL processing government refunds at home! No experience necessary. 1-800-696-4779 ext. 1394.

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BIG HEAVY WORLD seeks volunteer grant/biz writer w/ takeno-prisoners spirit. Also, Web help to republish 3 yrs. of live concert photos; 21+ help w/ live & recorded Internet broadcasting & administrative help contacting local bands for various community-minded promotional opps. Help us grow as Burlington's tech-heavy guerrilla vanguard for local music. 846-1218 or 3731824.

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BURLINGTO to IBM: I work 11 p.m. to 8 a.m., Tue.-Sat., and am looking for a ride. I can get home in the morning, but I realy need a ride to work in the evening. (3159)

1 5 %

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YARD SALE WESTFORD YARD SALE: Sat., 6/19, 10 a.m.—5 p.m. Furniture, housewares, appliances, clothing & more. North on Rt. 128 to SECOND Osgood Hill Rd. sign. 1st house on right.

AUTOMOTIVE 1991 VW VANAGON, white, auto., a/c, 15K on factory rebuilt engine, drives new. Best van in town. $6,500 o.b.o. Call 660-0900 (d) or 4255251 (e).

ALL cooling system checks and services for the month of JUNE at: T

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Dear Cecil, My wife recently had afiberglasscast removed and was given a metal brace that is strapped on with Velcro. Walking was painful until she put a couple of magnets against the afflicted area under an Ace bandage. Now she is pursuing the optional roller-skate attachment to mount on the brace. She claims the magnets have some kind of magical properties that "cancel out" the pain. Do the magnets actually do something, or is the peroxide seeping through her scalp? — Patrick Colby I was all set to write this off as the usual New Age BS, but figured I should riffle through the journals just in case. What do you know?: At least one study claims that magnets produced salubrious results. What next, common cold cured by crystals? The unexpected results were reported in 1997 by Dr. Carlos Vallbona at Baylor College of Medicine. Fifty patients suffering pain in the aftermath of polio were treated by taping small magnets to the affected parts of their bodies. Twenty-nine patients got real magnets and 21 got fakes. The study was double-blind — neither patients nor staff knew who got the real magnets. The patients rated their pain on a 10-point scale before and after a 45minute therapy session. The patients with real magnets reported a major decrease in pain (from 9.6 to 4.4 on average), while those with fakes reported much less improvement (from 9.5 to 8.4). The obvious objections to this study: (1) The investigators had previously reported that magnets relieved their own pain and might have been biased; (2) Double-blind or not, it's pretty easy to tell a real magnet from a fake one, and some patients may have told the doctors what they wanted to hear; (3) We're talking about just one study. Previous research into various types of magnetic therapy came up dry. The real problem with magnetic therapy — and related issues like whether low-level electromagnetic fields have adverse health effects — is that no one's proposed a plausible physiological explanation for how magnetism does its stuff on the body's cells. (I don't mean all that crap in the ads about "negative and positive ion energy levels;" I mean something you could say in the lab without drawing shrieks of laughter.) The chief guru of modern magnetic therapy, Dr. Kyochi Nakagawa of Japan, claims that * magnets alleviate "magnetic field deficiency syndrome," said to

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ESSEX to BURLINGTON: I am looking for a ride to UHC. I work 3 to 11:30, M-F and alternate weekends. (3146)

ST. ALBANS to BURLINGTON: I work in Burlington, 2 to 10, M-F, and am hoping to get a ride. I'm flexible and can leave St. Albans earlier than 1 p.m. and Burl, later than 10 p.m. if necessary. (3155)

H U N T I N G T O N to IBM: I work the first shift and am looking to catch a ride to work with someone MF. (3140) UNDERHILL/RICHMOND to MIDDLEBURY: Going my way? I would like to share the ride to and from work. My hours are 8:30 to 5 p.m., M-F. (3142)

CROWN POINT/ADDISON to B U R L I N G TON: I have a flexible schedule and am looking to catch a ride from Crown Point anytime before noon and return from Burl, anytime after 6 p.m. (3156)

BRISTOL to BURLINGTON: I would like to share driving to work to cut down on the wear and tear on my car. I work 8 a.m. to 5 p.m., MF. (3131)

WILLIAMSTOWN to BURLINGTON: I would like to share deiving on my daily commute. I work 7:45 a.m. to 4:30 p.m. (3154)

MILTON to COLCHESTER: I am looking for a ride to work. I could meet at the Chimney Corners Park & Ride. My hours are 11 a.m. to 7 p.m., Tues.-Sat. w/ some flexibility. (3095) ESSEX JCT./BURL. to ST. ALBANS: I am looking for a ride to work. My hours are 6 a.m. to 5 p.m., M-F with flexible evening hours. (3088) B U R L I N G T O N to MONTPELIER: I am looking for a ride to the National Life Building. My hours are 8 to 5, M-F. (3072) B U R L I N G T O N to WINOOSKI: I am looking for a ride one way to work, M-F. I have to be in by 7 a.m. (3070) SO. BURLINGTON to TAFTS CORNERS: I am looking for a ride to work, M-F, for a few months. My hours | are 9 to 5. (3068)

LINCOLN/BRISTOL to S. B U R L I N G T O N : I'm looking to share driving 4 days/wk. My hrs. are 8:30 to 5 p.m. (3126)

H U N T I N G T O N to ESSEX: I work the first shift, M-F, at IBM and am hoping someone can give me a lift. (3157)

J O H N S O N to B U R L I N G T O N : I am a student looking for a ride to school M-F, 8 to 4. I realfy need a ride TO school, I could arrange for a ride home if necessary. (3102)

COLCHESTER to B U R L I N G T O N : I am looking to share driving to work. My hours are 8 to 4, M-F. (3153)

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S H E L B U R N E to ST. ALBANS: I will drive you from Shel./Burl. at 6 a.m. to arrive in St. Albans at 7 a.m. or from St. Albans at 7 a.m. to arrive in Shel./Burl. at 8Ts.m. In the evening, I leave Shel./Burl. at 4 p.m. & St. Albans at 5 p.m. (3152)

SO. B U R L I N G T O N to IBM: I am looking for a ride to work, I am on the 7 a.m. to 7 p.m. shift with rotating days. (3090)

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result from the diminishing strength of the Earth's magnetic field, which on the plausibility scale rates just above channeling space aliens. You have to be skeptical on general principles — magnets and related therapies have inspired centuries of quackery. But what the hell, provided you don't spend too much or fail to see a doctor if you've got a serious complaint, wearing magnets won't do you any harm. Just don't be surprised if the next study says it was in your head all along.

Dear Cecil, Fve heard that rubbing one's hands on a stainless-steel item under running water removes the smell of garlic. Does this really work, and if so, how? — Roger, via AOL I'm as bad as the magnet guys when I say this, but here's what I found out so far: Nobody knows why, but yeah, it seems to work. Based on the usual rigorous home experiments, the Straight Dope Science Advisory Board agrees that stainless steel not only gets rid of garlic smell, it also gets rid of any other kind of smell. This report from Larasaurus: "Stainless steel worked great on garlic smell, yadda yadda. But what was really cool was our friend (and masseur) Jonathan showed up straight from a massage he'd given some icky old guy who wore a lot of icky-old-guy cologne. Jonathan reeked — I mean, reeked of it. He'd already washed his hands twice, and he washed them again after the smell was still knocking me out and I gave him shit about it. So we had him try the SS treatment. Now, it didn't totally eliminate the cologne smell, but it reduced the offensivity factor by about 10: You couldn't smell it unless you were sitting next to Jonathan, instead of across the room from him. True story." Theoretical underpinnings for these results are, however, lacking. A few stabs: (1) The steel acts as an abrasive. Boring but plausible; (2) The nickel in the stainless steel causes ionization, which fools the nose into thinking the smell is gone. You know any explanation containing the word "ionization" has got to be a crock. But that's all we've got for now. (Z) .

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— CECIL ADAMS

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AUTOMOTIVE SEIZED CARS FROM $500. Sport, luxury & economy cars, trucks, 4x4s, utility and more. For current listings call 1-800311-5048 ext. 2239.

•

f r o m t h e s e c r e t f i l e s of Q C j r i n o n

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It was late in the Fall when my dad told us that we couldn't keep that shriveled dead clown in his shed any longer. My brother and I didn't have the heart to simply throw it away.Jt had brought us such joy since the day we found it.

So we bought a ladies' wig at the second-hand store and spray painted it red. We put the wig on the clown and took him downtown to the McDonald's and left him in one of the booths.

1 1

When my dad read about it in the paper the next day, he put us on restriction for a whole month. We thought it was worth it, though... that dead clown was the funniest thing ever.

1966 PLYMOUTH VALIANT: 12OK, slant 6, 3-spd. on column, Pioneer cassette. Needs framework, gas tank, pitman arm, ball joint. $ 5 0 0 o.b.o. Call Lars, 660-0994.

CAMPERS '79 VW CAMPER, California car, fully-equipped., 90K orig. mi., desert tan, roof rack, lots of new parts, runs great. Moving, must sell. $4,000 o.b.o. 652-4056.

REAL ESTATE HOMES FROM $5,000. Foreclosed and repossessed. No or low down payment. Credit trouble OK. For current listings call 1-800-311-5048 ext. 3478.

OFFICE/BUS. SPACE BURLINGTON: Waterfront office, 114 sq. ft. + additional shared space w/ a/c. Avail, now. $275/mo., incl. utils. 862-0836.

HOUSEMATES WANTED

HOUSESITTING

CLEANING SERVICES

2 FEMALE STUDENTS looking to rent in Plainfield area. Sept.-Dec. 518-358-4338.

BURLINGTON: Female roommate for 2-bdrm. Hdw. firs. No smoking/pets. $275/mo., heat incl. 863-7949.

LET RESPONSIBLE, PROF. couple moving to area caretake yourj:ountry home while waiting for their California home to sell. Great refs. 413-6250077.

A CLEAN HOME IS A GROOVY PLACE TO ENTERTAIN! Diane H., housekeeper to the stars. 658-7458. "We shall brook no evil substitutes. Isn't that right, Mr. Bigglesworth?" — Dr. Evil.

CVUHS AREA: 3-4-bdrm. house needed for professional couple with wonderful daughters and well-behaved cat. Lease with option to buy ideal. Call Todd, 877-6952.

HOUSEMATES WANTED

BURLINGTON: 10'xl2' office/studio near waterfront in restored building. $250/mo., utils. & parking incl. 864-6693.

BURLINGTON: Room in lg„ sunny, 3-bdrm. apt. on So. Union St. M/F, responsible, neat, no smokers/cats. Avail. 7/1. $363/mo., Incl. elec. Lease. Dan/Adam, 865-6986.

APT./HOUSE FOR RENT

BURLINGTON: 1 room avail, in 3-bdrm. apt., porches, offstreet parking, W/D. Female preferred. $260/mo. Avail. 7/1. 863-1981.

BURLINGTON: Clean, bright, 2-3-bdrm. apt. on St. Paul St., porch, parking. Avail. 7/1. No smokers. $800/mo. 229-5733. BURLINGTON: 2-bdrm., St. Paul St. Pets OK. Avail/ 7/1. $555/mo. + utils. Call Tony, 864-2860, or leave message.

BURLINGTON: Prof, female to share 2-bdrm., great place, lake views, Hill Section. $350/mo., incl. heat. No pets. Must have sense of humor. Avail 7/1. 864-2724.

NO. FERRISBURG: 1 bdrm. apt. on Monkton/No. Ferrisburg line. $530/mo. + dep. Call Nancy, 425-2886.

PERSONAL CHEFS

LOOKING TO RENT/SHARE

s - t - o g y

BURLINGTON: Large, 3-bdrm. house near downtown/waterfront. Huge kitchen/backyard. M/F, clean, responsible. No smokers/pets. Avail. 7/15 or 8/1. $267/mo. Margot, 863-8647. HINESBURG: Share nice home w/ woman & teenage son in private, wooded setting. $400/mo, incl. utils.. Avail, immediately. Dogs welcome. 482-2394.

SERVICES PERSONAL CONCIERGE: Too busy to do everything? Organizing wizard—cupboards, closets, parties, moves, your life. I will shop, plant flowers, bake your cookies. Jill, 863-8487.

STOWE: Looking for female roommate to share house w/ 3 fun, but responsible people. W/D, pets negotiable. $300/mo. + utils. Avail. 7/1. 660-7128. WILLISTON: Prof, to share 2bdrm. townhouse. Convenient location, near airport. Avail. 7/1. No smoking/pets. $440/mo., incl. bi-monthly maid svc. John, 878-9957 or (917) 513-7773.

PERSONAL CHEFS

PERSONAL CHEF available for

Private Elegant Dinner

Parties

CLASSICALLY TRAINED 20 YEARS EXPERIENCE EXTENSIVE PORTFOLIO Specializing in GmtemporaryAmerican/Traditional New England Cuisine featuring thefinestin seasonal and regional delicacies CHRISTOPHER SLOANE

899-5128

(Private instruction

PERSONAL CHEF SPECIALIZING in vegetarian/vegan cuisine. Meal preparation, menu planning for special occasions/holidays. "Alternative" desserts and vegan natural n sweeteners. Contact Kali at Sweet Love, 660-9897.

also available)

ORGANIC PRODUCE ORGANIC FARM in Burlington Intervale offers reasonably priced farm memberships. Members receive basket of seasonal produce (sweet corn, tomatoes, mesclun, strawberries, more) ea. wk., June— Nov. Delivery avail. Jonathan, Urban Roots, 862-5929.

YOU DON'T HEED VOODOO T O FIND THE RIGHT MAH (IT JUST FEELS LIKE IT SOMET IMES). YOU HEED SEVEH DAYS PERSONALS. IT'S IH THE BACK OF THIS ISSUE.

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ROOM FOR RENT BURLINGTON: Beautiful house in great neighborhood, walk to town, private half-bath. Friendly, alternative household. No smoking. $350/mo., incl. utils. Call 658-6136. BURLINGTON: Furnished rooms in guest house, downtown, shared common areas, parking, newly renovated. No pets/smoking. Clean, quiet, responsible only. Weekly & monthly rates. 862-3341. SO. BURLINGTON: Furnished room w/ kitchen and laundry priviliges in nice, clean home near UVM, Fletcher Allen, UMall & airport bus. 951-8926.

LOOKING TO RENT/SHARE THAT RARE PLACE WANTED: Burlington downtown/So. End, quiet, 1-2 bdrms. w/ full bath. A place with character, architectual details, fixtures, porch, yard, garage a +. $500$l,000/mo. Call Craig, 8628930 (e), or 425-5799 (d).

WHEN SHE HAP HER CHANCE To SPEAK OUT, ALL SHE COULP Po WAS S o B .

THE AUPIENCE TH0U6HT SHE WAS WEEPIN6 FOR THE PEAP MAN/ NoT FOR HERSELF.

THE/ WERE RELIEVE? To SEE THAT S0ME0NE SEEMEP To GENUINELY LoVE HIM.

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DATING STUFF

COMPATIBLES: Singles meet by being in the same place as other singles. We've made this the best time to connect you. Call for details, 863-4308.. wvvw.compatibles.com.;

C ' ISC

N.E. SINGLES CONNECTION: Dating and Friendship Network for relationship minded Single Adults. Professional, Intelligent, Personal. Lifetime membership. Newsletter. For FREE info, 1-800-775-3090.'

TUTORING MATH, E N G L I S H , WRITING, Science, Humanities, Proofreading, from elementary to graduate level. Test Prep for GRE, LSAT, GMAT, SAT-I, SATII, ACT, GED, TOEFL... Michael Kraemer, 862-4042.

CART FOR SALE: Church Street Marketplace vending cart. Top condition. Need to move. Possible storage included only one block from marketplace. Owner will finance. Asking $4,500 o.b.o. Call Jerry or leave message at Imago, 893-2977. DINING SET: "Cherry," 74" oval table, 6 Queen Anne chairs, lighted hutch and buffet. Unused, in crate. Cost $4,800. Sell for $1,850. Call 658-4955. . KING BED, EXTRA THICK, orthopaedic mattress, box & frame. Never opened, still in plastic. Cost $1,295, asking $495. 658-5031.

HOMEBREW

WOLFF TANNING BEDS

MAKE GREAT BEER AT HOME for only 500/bottle. Brew what you want when you want! Start-up kits & prize-winning recipes. Gift certifs. are a great gift. VT Homebrew Supply, Rt. 15, Winooski. 655-2070.

TAN AT HOME BUY DIRECT & SAVE! COMMERCIAL/HOME UNITS FROM $199 LOW MONTHLY PAYMENTS FREE COLOR CATALOG

CALL TODAY 1-800-711-0158

ADULT

BUY THIS STUFF AMAZING: Swimsuit season is here. Lose up to 30 pounds in 30 days! 30-day guarantee. Natural. Call 800-940-L0SE. BED, QUEEN, BLACK WROUGHT-IRON CANOPY, mattress, box & frame. Never opened, still in plastic. Cost $899. Sacrafice for $365. 658-4707.

NASTY GIRLS!!! Hot! Live! 1 on 1

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LIFE DRAWING SESSIONS: Wednesdays, 6:30-9:30 at Firehouse Gallery, 135 Church St. $3-$5. Info, 865-7165. Looking for models. Please call Randy, 862-9525.

AD ASTRA RECORDING. Got music? Relax. Record. Get the tracks. 20+ yrs. Exp. from stage to studio. Tenure Skyline Studios, NYC. 24-track automated mixdown. lst-rate gear. Wide array of keyboards, drums, more. Ad Astra, building a reputation of sonic integrity. 872-8583.

MUSIC CARVIN 5-STRING FRETLESS BASS, maple neck-thru body, ebony fingerboard. Looks, plays & sounds real nice. Lists for $1,499. Yours for $775. Korg G-5 synth bass processor: looks like new, great sounds. New, $450. Now, $150. Call Mike, 802-453-5097. DULCIMER FOR SALE. Handmade by Pete Seegar's nephew, Jeremy. Never used. $350 o.b.o. 496-4162.

BASS CAB: Buy my AlumaBass bass cab, custom 2x10", 4 Ohms, gold-plated cones. She's a real beauty. They don't make 'em any better. Cheap: $350 (nearly $600 new). Call Glenn, 864-9062.

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16-TRACK ANALOG RECORDING STUDIO. Dogs, Cats & Clocks Productions. Warm, friendly, prof, environment. Services for: singer/ songwriters, jingles, bands. Reasonable rates. Call Robin, 658-1042.

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Call today to get your e-mail address and Internet connection!

MAX MIX DJ/RECORD SHOP, 108 Church St., Burlington, looking for used DJ/music equipment, record collections and local clothing designers. Merchandise placed on consignment. 802-651-0722.

Last week we ran the wrong answers to June 2nd's crossword puzzle. For those of you who noticed, we're sorry for the inconvenience. The correct answers are below. A n s w e r s To 6 / 2 / 9 9

Get a STELLAR Internet connection!

GET THAT WARM ANALOG SOUND. Tascam 388 8-track recorder w/ built-in mixer. New recording heads, $1,100. Nick, 879-4093.

W E S C R E W E D UP:

GUITAR: All styles/levels. Emphasis on developing strong technique, thorough musicianship, personal style. Paul Asbell (Unknown Blues Revue, Kilimanjaro, Sklar-Grippo, etc.). 862-7696.

RANDOM ASSOCIATION, Burlington's premiere vocal band, seeks dynamic voices to help bring local a cappella to new heights! Call 864-3165 or email vtvocals@together.net for details.

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POKER HILL Digital powerhouse studio. Demos/CD masters. Cool, relaxed, tremendous sounds, tried & true. 899-4263.

1-800-458-6444 1-900-435-4405

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ARIES (Mar. 21-Apr. 19): If you've been living in an apartment the size of the inside of a U-Haul truck, I believe you're ready to move. Likewise, if you've been having dreams that your office cubicle is closing in on you like a medieval torture device, you need to lobby for a bigger work space. In general, Aries, you have my encouragement to bring more spaciousness into every part of the world you inhabit, even if that means tearing down a wall or ripping out the mental blocks that keep you thinking small.

TAURUS

(Apr. 20-May 20): Welcome, students. Close your books, break your pencils, and forget everything you know. Your education is about to take a strange and wonderful turn. During the next three and a half weeks, I predict that you'll double your street smarts and find a whole new meaning for the term "hands-on experience." It's been way too long since you opened your doors of perception this wide, seeker. I'm glad you decided to go hunting for a fresh set of questions.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): My accountant used to be a psychotherapist, and in her off-hours she enjoys writing outrageous poetry. It is deeply calming for me to know that the person who wrestles with my money also traffics in the mysteries of the soul. Then there's my physician, a Nigerian-born M D who's licensed to practice both homeopathy and traditional Western medicine. These two women are symbols of the radical unification I love and seek everywhere. All the astrological indicators tell me, Gemini, that you'll be Attracting a lot of this kind of beauty in the next couple weeks. I suggest you make it feel very welcome; invite it to become a permanent presence in your life.

CANCER (June 21-July 22): Every Sunday afternoon I go to the post office and sift through the garbage cans for goodies that people have thrown away. It's sort of like consulting the I Ching or Tarot. I assume that whatever trashy treasures catch my eye will yield oracles that I didn't consciously realize I needed to know. This particular form of "divination by scavenging" isn't for everyone, and I won't impose that as an absolute condition for your enlightenment this week. Try, however, to come up with two less gross methods that you'd be personally comfortable with. Channel-surfing through the talk shows might work, for instance, or opening to random pages in your old journals. L E O (July 23-Aug. 22): In recent weeks, you've crafted some sweet solutions to riddles that had hounded you for a long time. Now, though, the cosmos seems to have gotten bored with you being so relentlessly successful. (Damn fickle cosmos just never wants to stay in one place very long.) Therefore, Leo, you can expect to be staring a Fresh Juicy Enigma in the maw very soon. "Penetrating so many secrets, we cease to believe in the unknowable," quoth H.L Mencken. "But there it sits nevertheless, calmly licking its chops."

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): It's not that I'm lazy, Virgo. It's just that I stumbled on the perfect ready-made oracle for you in the form of a passage from a diary found stuffed inside a bottle that washed up on a beach in Fiji. (Thanks to Surfer magazine for passing it along.) Here it is: "Television and murders and gangs and politics and earthquakes and

guns and car crashes and rapes and drugs and mean people can all just kiss my ass because I just found a world-class wave."

LIBRA

(Sept. 23-Oct. 22): First there was the W W J D movement. It urged its adherents to ask "What would Jesus do?" as they approached each decision in their lives, from changing jobs to dealing with jerks. Then there came the book If the Buddha Dated: A Handbook for Finding Love on a Spiritual Path. Inspired by all this noble pragmatism, I'd like to make a suggestion, Libra. As you shift from your explorer mode to your power-broker mode, keep asking yourself the question, "How would Mother Teresa apply the politically savvy principles of Machiavelli?"

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): Your mind is in and out of the gutter, Scorpio, apparently trying to decide if it should pursue its highest or lowest desires. Your mood swings are so rapid and frequent that often they're flailing both ways at once. Sometimes I think you're more honest and sensitive than the rest of us, while other times I think you're just trying to scare us into loving you better. My guess is you can't go on like this. As entertaining as it is, you're going to have to come down on one side or another. So which is it, baby: Is life a beach or a bitch? Are you a punch-drunk fighter trying to find safe haven, or a sleek warrior who has so thoroughly outclassed the opposition that you don't even need to fight?

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): It's quite possible you'll soon be asked to appear as a grape in a Fruit of the Loom T V commercial.

-mmrnit

o r o for the sake of a higher use? Would you have the esourcefulness and stamina o finish what you started, even if the task turned out to be far more demanding than you ever imagined? I don't mean to imply that you'll be offered an invitation quite as momentous as the Polish businessman's, Aquarius; but if it turns out to be even one-tenth of 1 percent as intense, I'd like you to be prepared.

Or perhaps your great-uncle will die, leaving you a sweet little piece of Arkansas farmland. W h o knows? You may even unearth the smoking-gun clue that's been missing all these years, or be invited to join an orgy of kinky yet compassionate saints, or win a free trip to see the world's biggest ketchup bottle. O n e way or another, Sagittarius, I predict that you're about to be the beneficiary of a possibly nonsensical but definitely delightful surprise.

PISCES

(Feb. 19-Mar. 20): Uh-oh. I feel a permissive mood coming on — in the cosmos, that is, not me. Frankly, I'm in a more conservative mood than the cosmos. But for whatever reason, the planetary powers-that-be have decided to float you a load of poetic licenses, blank checks, special dispensations and maximum security clearances. I just hope all this free stuff won't blow away the finely crafted new containers and boundaries you've been working on lately. Maybe I'd feel better if you promised you wouldn't use up all your permissions in the first three days. Will you please save a few for later? ©

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22Jan. 19): Russian faith-healing superstar Anatoly Kashpirovsky has astounded observers with his apparent ability to alleviate hernias, menstrual cramps and depression with his psychic powers. Merely by watching him on TV, many viewers claim he has smoothed away their facial wrinkles and warmed their cold feet. Scars fade in his presence. Fatigue dissipates. I bring this up because I believe there's a little bit of Kashpirovsky in all you Capricorns this week — especially when you direct your miraculous curative powers towards yourself. Merely by winking at your image in the mirror, you could remedy inflammations, allergies, addictions and the lingering remnants of a broken heart.

You

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AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Imagine it's World War II and you're an ordinary Polish businessman who has just realized he has the means to save countless Jews from certain death at the hands of the Nazis. Imagine how dramatically you would have to change — how much bigger your life would have to become — if you dared to take on this challenge. Would you have the guts to abandon some of your Com-

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ACROSS 1 Nag, nag, nag 5 D'Urbervllle lass 9 Go to the mall 13 Engrave with acid 17 island group north of Tonga 18 Native American 19 Gypsy 20 Sort's forte 22 Pindar, for one 23 River flouring lo Hudson Bay 25 Valuable dark wood 26 Huckleberry Finn's river 28 U.S.-Mexlco border river 30 Bat wood 31 TV soap star Braeden 32 G lido's highest note 34 Reticule 35 Dangerous curve 36 Presently 37 Game bird of the marshes 39 Pet of Nick and Nora 41 Recognizes as valid 44 Selects for special duty 46 Work

Plains 91 Not ours 93 Regain one's health 96 Engenders 97 Meadow murtchers 99 DDE s home state 100 Dry, as wine 101 Political incumbents 104 Muni or McCartney 106 Capitol VIP 107 Lotion ingredient 108 Chew the tat 111 Alabama river 114 Missouri River feeder 117 Uncomplaining one 118 River rising In Big Stone Lake 120 Being In debt 121 Sicilian 75 River to the volcano: var. Ohio 122 Potent or 77 Mrs. in puncture Madrid starter 80 Cutting tool 123 Attack the fly 81 Canine cries 124 Rich sources 83 Construction 125 Blind serviceman 126-—Hamilton 64 Russian Woman* despot ; (1941 movie) 85 Bonnie of 127 Sale songdom condition 87 Wife of Siva 128 Cake 89 Footlke ingredients organ DOWN esor 1 Moslem 90 Lakes

energetically 50 Investigative clues 51 Round or mount starter 52 Word of woe 54 Winter forecast 55 Cooking spice 56 Branching 59 American author/critic 61 Christie or Karenina 62 It landed on Ararat 63 Washington crossed it 65 LongriverIn Georgia 67 — G a y ; historic plane 69 Contemptible person 71 Nick of Hollywood 72 Unobstructed

judges 2 Strict Mennonites 3 Seamstress Betsy 4 Doctors' clients 5 Warning signal 6 Element in moral philosophy 7 London fog? 8 Eden invader 9 Kind of sailing ship: abbr. 10 Broadway musical 11 Kukla's friend 12 Jal a y 13 Retired from active duty 14 Wind Instrument 15 Hag 16 Members of the crew 17 Intoxicating plant Juice 21 Corrosives used In soap 24 Eyelashes 27 Broadway hit signs 29 Flatter effusively 33 Town on 17 Across 36 Military assistant 37 Goat antelopes . 38 Logan or Fitzgerald

40 Obliquely catfish 41 — mater 79 Part of B A 42 Beloved 82 Proofreader's 43 Riverrisingin mark Great Slavs 84 Weight Lake allowance 44 Russian 86 Sultry council 88 Cooling 45 Droops In desserts the middle 90 Repulsive 47 River feeding 92 Stolen goods the Ohio 94 Kind of daisy 48 Chanteuse 95 Redgrave of Home the theater 49 Greenland 96 Forehead settlement 98 Put forward 51 Highly an opinion seasoned 100 Swells with sausages fluid 53 Medium's 101"— glriP sessions 102 Observes 56 Kind of race 103 Struck 57 Siamese heavily measure 105 The original "Scarlett" 58 Lake, port and canal 107 Asian 60 Call forth mountain system 63 June beetle 64 Nine: comb, 108'— My Way* form 109 Baxter and 66 Like a pub Bancroft drink 110 Asks for 68 Existing in charity the intellect 112 Twining 70 Public stem warehouses 113 Sicilian 72 Actor's tourist town portion? 115 Makes 73 Esau's wife meadow 74 On — sounds (equivalent 116 Smalt to) branch 76 Above, in 119 —-picker Aachen (overly fussy 78 Electric one)

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Classifieds • 864.5684 LEGALS NOTICE OF TAX SALE The residents and non-resident owners, lienholders, and mortgagees of lands in the Town of Jericho or Underhill, County of Chittenden and State of Vermont, are hereby notified that the property taxes assessed by the Underhill I.D. School District for the year 1998 remain, either in whole or in part, unpaid on lands hereinafter described and situated in said Town of Jericho or Underhill Vermont, and so much of said lands will be sold at public auction at the Town Clerk's office in the Town of Jericho, a public place in such town, in said County of Chittenden and state of Vermont, June 28, 1999 at eleven o'clock in the forenoon, as shall be required to discharge such property taxes, with costs and fees, unless previously paid. Information regarding the amount of taxes due may be obtained from the Attorney for the Delinquent Tax Collector, David M. Sunshine, Esquire of Saxer Anderson Wolinsky & Sunshine PC, P.O. Box 900, Richmond, VT 05477; telephone number (802) 4343796. Dated at Richmond, Vermont this 28th day of May, 1999. David M. Sunshine, Esquire of Saxer Anderson Wolinsky & Sunshine PC, Attorney for Marcia E. Reese, Delinquent Tax Collector, Underhill I.D. School District, Underhill, Vermont and Jericho, Vermont. Published in the Seven Days Newspaper on June 2, 1999, June 9, 1999 and June 16, 1999. Description of Parcels

LEGALS

in Volume 50 at Page 331 of the Land Records of the Town of Jericho.

parcel is designated as "D. Villeneuve" on a plat of survey entitled "Plat of Survey for David Villeneuve on the Town of Jericho" dated December 10, 1987 prepared by John Marsh, recorded as Map 19 in Map Volume 5 at Page 17 of said Land Records.

recorded in Volume 75 at Pages 447-448 of the Town of Jericho Land Records; and Warranty Deed dated January 25, 1984 as recorded in Volume 73 at Pages 147-149 of said Land Records.

Being a portion of the lands and premises conveyed to Stephen R. Crampton by Warranty Deed of Richard Villeneuve and Ardelle Villeneuve dated January 4, 1977 and recorded in Volume 50 at Page 327 of the Land Records of the Town of Jericho. Being a parcel of land containing approximately 4 acres, more of less, with dwelling thereon, located on the northwesterly side of Route 15, socalled, and on the southeasterly bank of the Brown's River, so-called. Parcel Two A parcel of land containing 5 acres, more or less, situated on the northerly side of Vermont Route 15, being all and the same land and premises conveyed to Green Mountain Chipping, Inc. by Warranty Deed of David L. Villeneuve dated November 1, 1991, as recorded in Volume 104 at Pages 109-111 of the Town of Jericho Land Records. Said parcel is designated as "D. Villeneuve" on a plat of survey entitled "Plat of Survey for David Villeneuve in the Town of Jericho" dated December 10, 1987 prepared by John Marsh, recorded as Map 19 in Map Volume 5 at Page 17 of said Land Records. Being those lands and premises obtained by Champlain Valley Farm Credit, ACA (now known as Yankee Farm Credit) by Certificate of Non Redemption dated May 12, 1995 and recorded in Volume 83 at Page 357 of the Land Records of the Town of Jericho. Parcel Three

Parcel One Being a portion of the lands and premises conveyed to Ardelle Villeneuve and Richard Villeneuve, Trustees u/t/a dated January 4, 1977 by the following: 1. "Deed" of Ardelle Villeneuve dated February 7, 1989 and recorded in Volume 97 at Page 256 of the Land Records of the Town of Jericho; "Deed" of Richard Villeneuve dated February 7, 1989 and recorded in Volume 97 at Page 261 of the Land Records of the Town of Jericho. Being a portion of the lands and premises conveyed to Richard Villeneuve and Ardelle Villeneuve (as tenants in common) by Quit Claim Deed of Stephen R. Crampton dated January 4, 1977 and recorded

A parcel of land situated on the northerly side of Vermont Route 15, containing five acres, more or less, being all and the same land and premises conveyed to Green Mountain Chipping, Inc. by Warranty Deed of David L. Villeneuve dated Noveber 1, 1991 as recorded in Volume 112 at Pages 104-106 of the Town of Jericho Land Records. Said

p i m M

Parcel Four A parcel of land with all structures and improvements thereon, situated on the westerly side of Vermont Route 15, being ail and the same land and premises conveyed to Green Mountain Chipping, Inc. by Warranty Deed of David L. Villeneuve dated November 1, 1991 as recorded in Volume 112 at Pages 107-108 of the Town of Jericho Land Records. Being those lands and premises obtained by Champlain Valley Farm Credit, ACA (now known as Yankee Farm Credit) by Certificate of Non Redemption dated May 12, 1995 and recorded in Volume 83 at Page 357 of the Land Records of the Town of Jericho. Parcel Five A parcel of land with all buildings, structures and improvements thereon, situated on the northerly side of Vermont Route 15, containing 15.38 acres, more or less, and being all and the same land and premises conveyed to David Lee Villeneuve by the following described deeds of Richard and Ardelle Villeneuve: Warranty Deed dated February 8, 1971 as recorded in Volume 41 at Page 60 of the Town of Jericho Land Records; Warranty Deed dated January 11, 1979 as recorded in Volume 60 at Pages 93-95 of the Town of Jericho Land Records; Warranty Deed dated July 17, 1985 as

BERNICE

. " b o

ANNOUNCEMENTS MASSAGE THERAPIST WANTED to share studio 1/2 week or less. New Age Therapys, flexible, friendly, positive. Willing to help with maintenance and business. 658-4488.

AROMATHERAPY STAR ROOT: Specializing in fine custom blending for your aromatherapy, beauty and bodycare needs. Carrier oils and supplies available. We stock over 100 therapeuticgrade pure essential oils. Ask about bulk pricing. 174 Battery St., Burl. 862-4421.

BUS. OPP. MASSAGE THERAPIST WANTED for space at Pathways To Wellbeing. $125/mo. fee for using space 1 day/wk. Includes phone & utils. 862-0836.

KELMAN PSYCHIC COUNSELING

We Build Strong Kids,

CHANNELING

BY A P P O I N T M E N T

Strong Families, Ies- B ® Strong Communities YMCA

1 2 KELLY R O A D UNDERHILL, V T 0 5 4 8 9

862-9622

EXPERIENCE THE NEW ROLFING

Being those lands and premises obtained by Champlain Valley Farm Credit, ACA (now known as Yankee Farm Credit) be Certificate of Non Redemption dated May 12, 1995 and recorded in Volume 83 at Page 357 of the Land Records of the Town of Jericho.

Being those lands and premises obtained by Champlain Valley Farm Credit, ACA (now known as Yankee Farm Credit) by Certificate of Non Redemption dated May 12, 1995 and recorded in Volume 83 at Page 357 of the Land Records of the Town of Jericho.

802.899-3542

Back To Wellness Chiropractic Center

Thomas Walker & Gale Loveitt Burlington's only Rolfing practitioners trained in this

GENTLE Si SEnSITIVE approach

864-0444

Dr. Heather L. Donovan Providing effective quality care to achieve & maintain health Specializing in low back, neck &

Iness wellness MASSAGE

CHIROPRACTIC DR. HEATHER DONOVAN: 864-4959. See display ad.

FITNESS YMCA: 862-9622. See display ad.

TREAT YOURSELF TO 75 MINUTES OF RELAXATION. Deep therapeutic massage. Sessions: $50. Gift certificates. Located in downtown Burl. Flexible schedule. Aviva Silberman, 872-7069.

HEALING LIFE GATE HEALING ARTS: 651-9388. See display ad.

HERBS

SWEDISH/EUROPEAN massage for women only. In/out calls. $35/hr. 893-3451.

PURPLE SHUTTER HERBS: Burlington's only full-service herb shop. We carry only the finest herbal products; many of them grown/produced in Vt. Featuring over 400 bulk dried herbs/tinctures. 100 Main Street, Burl. 865-HERB. Store hours: Mon.-Sat., 10-6.

PSYCHICS BERNICE KELMAN: 8993542. See display ad.

PSYCHOLOGY

LIFE COACH

LINDA SCOTT: Licensed psychologist, 864-1877. See display ad.

CHRONIC PAIN/FATIGUE? Burnt out? Overweight? Struggling w/ life/relationship issues? Just not fit/healthy? Together we'll create a plan tailor-made for your specific needs/goals drawn from an eclectic array of modalities, including bodywork/massage, nutrition/supplementation, intuitive counseling, natural stress mgmt., pleasurable exercise, breathwork, more. Hrs. by appt. Your location or mine. Linda, 1-800-562-3043 ext. 1282, or (802) 496-4211.

ROLFING THOMAS WALKER & GAIL LOVEITT: 864-0444. See display ad.

TUTORING

IS THERE ANYTHING IN your life you'd like to change or improve? Less stress? More satisfaction? Imagine your career, finances and relationships exactly how you'd like them to be. Free initial consultation. Mark Nash, Personal Coach. 482-2488.

LINDA SCOTT

802f.B64.4959

BEYOND FIGHT OR FLIGHT: Surrender meditation, martial arts & spiritual counseling for individuals & groups. Follow your vulnerability to insight and freedom. Call "The Teacher's Teacher, 865-0128.

T r a n s f o r m i-" f

LICENSED PSYCHOLOGIST

Offering professional services to aaults & adolescents choosing to recover from anxiety, depression, substance abuse, sexual abuse, low self-esteem. Insurance & Medicaid accepted.

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S w e d i s h ;

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Laura Luchirti

2 Church Street Burlington, VT 05401

(802) 864-1877

Energetic Healing Body Centered Psychotherapy JJ

• Flow Alignment & Connection , v w

LAURA LUCHINI: 865-1233. See display ad. TRANQUIL CONNECTION THERAPEUTIC MASSAGE: Spa available prior to your session for ultimate relaxation in serene setting. Sessions start at $45. Special: 3 1.5hrs. sessions, $165. Board certified therapist. For appt. or leave message, 654-9200.

. • C A M Therapy

Lynn Healing Science " Practitioner Barban) Brennan School of Heating -

Kttiftute of Core Energetics

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Life Gate Healing Arts 2S7SCX Champlain St

—

to r e s p o n d to a p e r s o n a l a d call 1 - Q O O ^^mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmi§11 • • 1 we're o p e n 24 hours a day! $1.99 a minute, must be 18+. READY TO RIDE? Rt SWPF, 32, enjoys mtn. biking, motorcycles, hockey, socializing, projects at home. Goal- & family-oriented. ISO fit, mature SW/BM to share these and other interests. 3111 DO YOU BELIEVE IN MAGIG I LIVE ITI 25, 5*6", sensual, green eyes, long dark curls cascading. ISO tall, 29-39, attractive moon gazer, earth worshipper. Photo/philosophy on life? 3118 A SPRING SUNFLOWER NEEDS WATERING. If you have the water, you can watch me grow. Would like to find a caregiver. 31, sweet and generous. Good-natured. 3083 SWF, 27, HEAVYSET AND ATTRACTIVE, looking for a walking, talking, thinking, feeling, loving, big cuddly bear. 3066

_ Call ^ 1 - 8 0 0 - 7 1 0 - 8 7 2 7 to charge directly to your credit card $ i . 9 9 / m i n u t e . must be 18

O r Call

1-900-370-7127 $ i . 9 9 / m i n u t e . must be 18+

SEEKING "JAMES HERRIOT TYPE." SWF, 36, NS, enjoys hiking, animals, reading, baseball, travel and more. ISO positive, fun, attractive S/DWM, 32-40, to share adventures. 3093

HE'S OUT THERE: tall, good-looking, 43+, NS. He's principled, out-going, mischievous and passionate. Enjoys culture, has zest for life, is emotionally available. Me? DWF, tall, good-looking. A fine woman: elegant, sensual, intelligent, kind-hearted, loves family, country and city. Many interests. 3124

ATTRACTIVE, SPONTANEOUS, FUN-LOVING, caring artist, striving-to-be-spiritual, professional grad student mom with one schoolage child seeks a M, 30-43, w/ a healthy mind & body for good conversation, friendship & dating. 3096

SWF, ATTRACTIVE, ATHLETIC AND responsible brunette with sense of humor seeks funny, active, intelligent M for casual dating and possibly more. Enjoy golf, tennis, travel & dining out. 3138 SPCF SEEKING PCM. NEW TO AREA. exploring it! Attractive, trim, 39. My things? Jesus, art, nature, creativity, ing, travel, good food, fun, and my little girl. 3127

BROWN-EYED BEAUTY. Me: DPF, loving, intuitive, spiritual, intelligent, artistic, passionate, centered. Love outdoors, arts, VPR, meditation, sailing, engaging conversation. You: 45-60, educated, communicative, spontaneous, sensual, secure, gentle, lover of the earth and living. 3098

Love favorite gardenbeautiful

PETITE, ACTIVE, 50ISH DWF, ATTRACTIVE, Fit, intelligent, happy, adventurous, physically/mentally healthy, NS, ND. Enjoys walking, gardening, cooking, massage, laughter, talking, dancing, sharing intimacy, trying new things. Seeks similar male. 3052

PETITE, 60ISH SWF. LOVES DANCING, outdoor activities, quiet evenings, traveling. ISO SWM, considerate, respectful and caring w/ similar qualities. If this sounds like you, let's get together soon. 3129

Asokinq mm ARE YOU OPEN TO THE POSSIBILITIES? Seeking my soulmate in God to celebrate the mystery and share the joy. I'm 45, 5*6", blue/brown, love dancing, singing, nature walks and spiritual talks. ND NA, NS. 3188 PAINTER, GARDENER, BIRD WATCHER, reader antiquer, spiritual seeker. Interested in NS, 45+ M with a kind heart, quick laugh, creative spirit and time to share. 3259

THIS IS ME: 23, SWPF, WORK LIKE I don't need the money, love like I've never been hurt and dance like nobody's watching. If you agree, we should hang out. 3134

SWF, 45, 5*2", CUTE, FUN, 2 TEENAGE boys, Waitsfield area, seeks SWM, 35-47, for possible LTR. I enjoy art, music, dancing, reading, movies, dining and relaxation. Interested? Call me. 3055

40ISH, ATTRACTIVE, BROWN HAIR, green eyes, 5'6", slim, with progressive politics and outlook on life, seeks tall man with athletic build, sense of humor, smarts. 3140

I'VE PADDLED MY OWN CANOE, BUT TO share still waters, mountains, music and laughter with a fine man would be bliss. Lively, bread-baking DPF, NS, seeks mature, 45+, soulmate. 3002

MS. EVEL KNIEVEL-ESQUE SUPER SEX stunt woman seeks motorcycle diesel-powered sex toy technician. Flame retardant face shield a must. 3147

RED-HEADED PF, 40, 5'i", ISO STABILIZING force. Seeking fun, 40+ man with outdoor interests and love of life. You know who you are and like yourself. 3273

INSTANT ACCESS

SETTLED DOWN W/ CAT & COMPUTER. Love to get lost in landscape with merry little breezes; woods, gardens, even cities. SF, 43, active ex-athlete. Love music, reading, food, sleeping. 3148

| With Instant Access you can respond to Person <To> Person ads 24hrs. a day, seven days a week from any touch tone phone including pay phones and phones w/ 900 blocks.

1950'S MODEL BUILT FOR COMFORT and sporty good looks. No rust, low mileage, tow maintenance. ISO WM, NS, 45-55, with good driving record. 3149 SWPF SEEKING SWPM, 24-29, to help me shape up & spend time with. Enjoy tennis, hiking, boating & "doing nothing" indoors. Looking for intelligent, attractive, fit, honest, outgoing M to share summer with, maybe longer. 3155 DWF, MID-40S, SLIM, ACTIVE SMART-ASS, seeking tall, intelligent, blue-eyed M w/ good karma for hiking partner. Slightly skewed sense of humor imperative, good conversational skills important. Must provide own sandwiches. 3157 TALL, SKINNY DWF, 43, ISO A WEED-pulling, nature-loving, penny-pinching, goat-milking, early-rising, book-reading, atlernative-rocking, kind, funny D/SM, NS.ND, no TV. Southwestern VT. 3181 ENDLESSLY CREATIVE, SEXY, CHARISMATIC SWF, 22, ISO handsome, tall, brilliant man ISO his muse. I'm one in 5 billion and so are you...right? 3159 FUN-LOVING COUNTRY GIRL, ENJOYS the great out, Rollerblading, skiing, hunting, fishing. Looking for M, 42-52, with sense of humor, honesty and energy. 3176 OPTIMISM AND HUMOR. DWF, 45, 5*4-, 145 lbs., brn, hair/eyes, looking for a LTR with kind-hearted, gentle soul: exploring, forest walks, dancing and sunsets. My passions: gardening and animals. 3179 TIRED OF MEN WITHOUT DIRECTION. SWF. 20. 120 lbs., independent mom of one, enjoys Hunting, fishing, romancing. ISO responsible, professional, trustworthy SWM, 22-30, NA/ND, physically fit, old-fashioned gentleman for companionship. 3187 PRETTY, SLENDER, GREEN-EYED blonde, 34, intelligent, sophisticated, independent, down-to-earth. Looking for a handsome, muscular, kind, sensual M, 23-34. Likes: romance, conversation, dancing, travel. 3122

n SEVEN

DAYS

800/710-8727 ••m

QUESTIONS?

Simply call 800-710-8727, when prompted, e n t e c ^ ^ c r ^ F c a r d #. Use the servic&loi^> long as you like. Wheri you hang up, your credit card will be directly billed S f l & p e r min.

•••.-•;•:. - -•

YOU: JUST LIKE M E - 5 0 I S H , BUSY, arts-oriented, eclectic, functionally aesthetic, trenchant, vague, smart, self-contained, kind, generous, discerning and dazzled by the ordinary. Call me. 3100 A SUMMER DATE: DJF, 37, 5*10", 132 lbs., long blonde hair, blue eyes. Grad student and teacher. Love music, especially opera and theater. ISO D/SM, 30-42, 5*10" or taller, and cat-free. 3102 DWCF, 61, ISO S/DWCM, 55-68. I'm a good home cook with a sense of humor. I enjoy quiet evenings at times, entertaining, having fun, dining out, walks, travels, movies and church. ND, NS, NA. 3108 LOOKING FOR A TICKET TO RIDE. DWPF, 43, seeks college-educated Harley owner for weekend and sunset cruising. 3110 FREE SPIRIT, 43, LOVE TO RUN, WALK, fish, dance & go out to nice restaurants. I love to cook & bake. Looking for someone to do things with. Camping, swimming, pool, darts, whatever; I'm willing to learn. I'm a teacher & track coach. If interested, reply. 3112

RESPONSIBLE FREE SPIRIT. DPWF, happy, grateful, creative, NS, seeks gentleman, 45+, with old-world charm & loves to laugh. 3005 WARM-HEARTED, ATTRACTIVE DWF, 44, creative, whimsical, curious, happy in the universe, seeks same in a SM, NS, 40-50, to explore waterways, bookstores, starry nights. 3006 DPWF, OPEN-HEARTED EDUCATOR & mom respects independent interests & loves to laugh. Live my faith w/ grace & gratitude. ISO kind heart, 45+ who knows how to sail steady course. 3010 HIGH-ENERGY, GAP-CLIMBING DWF, 39, attractive, fit, triathlete, bolnd, blue-green eyes, ISO intelligent, athletic PM, 25-45. Call to bike through France while enjoying a fine Burgundy. 3019 HOMEBODY WHO LIKES TO GO OUT ISO someone to share food, laughter, conversation, nature, music & movies with. DPF, 44, ISO a M, 38-50. 3023

EASILY AMUSED, CHARMING, INDEPENDENT, well-educated SPF, 42, into gardening, arts, biking, hiking, skiing, relaxing & enjoying cultural life of Burlington, seeking welladjusted, fun SPM, 35-47, for mutually supportive LTR. NS, ND, NA, please. 3027 SHIP'S CPT. ISO 1ST MATE, 28-38, to capture Piscean mermaid's heart. Must be athletic, patient, intelligent, willing to sail into romantic adventures. 3029 HELLO? ARE YOU OUT THERE? SWPF, 30, active, vivacious, enjoys life, attractive, selfconfident, no kids (maybe someday), ISO SWPM, 30-40, honest, cute, humorous, active, non-slim, outdoorsy, but sharp dresser. Poss. LTR, friends first. 2986 DPF, 27, ISO INTELLIGENT, MOTIVATED, attractive & fun M who doesn't answer personal ads & is not desperate for love or habitually writing poetry about sunsets & beach walks. 2992 FAIRY-TALE ROMANCE sought by attractive, adventurous DWPF, 33. Prefer attractive S/DWPM, 30-40, independent/secure. Aspiring prince must be emotionally avail., playful, passionate about life & love. 2996 DWPF, 48, SEEKS PM, NS. Must live life w/ humor & enthusiasm. Comfortable w/ blue jeans or black tie, Al's or Cafe Shelburne, Motown or Mozart. To celebrate life, create memories. 2997 ME: SWBiF. YOU: SBM, 18-23, for good food and laughs. Let's see Titanic for the 100th time and cry. I won't tell if you won't. Could you be my Jack? 3000

A&kuiq

women

LOOKING FOR THAT SPECIAL SOMEONE. SM, 30, honest, caring, sincere and attractive. Likes active hobbies: biking, movies, running, boating. Looking for healthy SWF, 2538, honest, cares about other people, NS. Would you like to meet a nice guy? Friends first. 3257 WANTED: THE KIND OF PASSION THAT makes one stupid and goofy. This single guy, 37, seeks a gal to play dumb and act silly with.

2i58

47, MODEL F O R D - G O O D HEALTH WITH ALL my wheel covers and lug nuts. Looking for passengers who enjoy travel, beach, cuddling and more. Call before inspection & registration run out. 3261 ACTUALLY VOTED "BEST FRIEND" IN H.S. Tall, dark and handsome, more education than I'll ever use. ISO athletic, attractive & intelligent SF, 25-33, who reads these, but hasn't ever responded to one. 3264 SWM, 30, ATTRACTIVE, ENJOY TRAVELING & adventure, yet responsible ISO intelligent, athletic, attractive with a good sense of humor SFW, NS, 25-35, to be friends first, then take it from there. 3275

Dear Lcta, I've recently met a wonderful

wcmayi whe

seems as wild about me as I am about her. The rub? Her lens-term, live-in girffriend. She tells me that relationship

is over and

she's on the verse of makins a fcrvial break. Still, I can't help feelins like a house-wrecker.

So far, we

haven't put any of cur words into action. But the talk has been Ions> detailed and sizzlins. Am I beins a bad person? Guilt-ridden

in Grand Isle

Dear Guilt, It you deliberately set

GOOD COMMUNICATOR: DWCM, YOUNG 50S, 5*9", Italian/American, extrovert, NS. Financially & emotionally secure. Interests in church, dining, dancing, movies, social interaction. Seeks 4oish active Christian lady over 5*2", proportional weight. 3266

cut to rock a beat that

NUCLEAR PHYSICIST/MOLECULAR BIOLOGIST/ deconstructionist classical artist. Sane, handsome, articulate SWM, 43, 6' 175 lbs., understated, shy, cosmopolitan-hick. Seek interesting, attractive, stimulating S/DWF for fun, experiments and possible nuclear fusion. 3267'

merit a rnea culpa. It

I'VE BEEN LONELY. I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR you. I'm hoping, and that's all I can do. The love I'm sending, I'm hoping ifs making it through to your heart. 3271 DJM, 49, ABLE, WANTING, NEEDING TO love. Living in N. Ctrl. VT (will travel), multi-talented and funny, appreciate all kinds of beauty. NS, 5*9", ISO dance partner (both cosmic and/or swing). 3277 NEED A SHOULDER? NEED A FRIEND? A sympethetic ear, I'll tend. Need compassion? A warm embrace? The hard times, I'll help you face. SWM, 31. NS, non-professional. 3151 TOP GUN LOOKING FOR CO-PILOT, 35-45, for fun, friendship, adventure and romance. Enjoys boating, beaching, moonlight, smelling roses and much more. You will not be sorry you called. 3152 CONSCIOUS, AWAKE, SPIRITUAL, living an incredible adventure. DJPM, 45, health-conscious, fit, good-looking. Environmentalist, green businessman, loving synchronicity and the magic of life. You: 30+, intelligent, attractive, very awake. 3177 SWM, 27, ISO SWF/SBF, 25-30. "Calvin" to your "Suzie." Blonde, hazel-eyed, 190 lb. cartoonist into art, movies, music, walks, hikes and fun for friendship, possible LTR. 3170 TREMENDOUS GUY, DPM, 40, KIND & loving, awesome dad, slim & sexy, musical,, determined, seeks fabulous gal, 30-40, kind and loving, slim and sexy, good-natured, smart and fun, for fantastic times. 3154

Or respond t h e o l d - f a s h i o n w a y :

was in ship-shape tion, ycu would

certainly

sounds more like that sleep was already headed for the recks and ycu just happened by with your little I eve ditighy at the risht mcment. I would worry less about my own culpability

than about her

jumping ycur ship, as well — cr wcrse, trying tc trim twe sets cf sheets simultaneously. Set a deadline, and if she hasn't

dumped

her ballast, row, row, rcw ycur beat gently dcum the stream. L eve,

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DUOLA hnnh mittfl I din

CALL THE 9 0 0 NUMBER.

Call 1-900-370-7127 $1.99/min. must be 18+

june 16, 1999

condi-

S E V E N DAYS

'L S-

• •

dorft want a charge on your phone bill? call 1-800-710-872; and use your credit card. 24 hours a day!

WILD FLOWERS AND SUNSETS FOR YOU with me—SWM, 30, financially secure, collegeeducated. Seek sensual, creative adventurous female for talks, encounters, canoe paddles among the stars, dinner, drinks. 3117

NEAT FREAK WANTED. ME: 44, 6'i", trim, very clean. You: fit, sensuous, like things neat & clean, physically appealing, highly driven, willing to be cherished & adored. Will answer all. 3033

DWM, 52, 5 ' u " , MED. BUILD, blue/brown, ISO attractive F, 40-55, for dating, leading to LTR. Sincere/honest only. No headgames. Just a nice guy looking for a nice woman. 3171

SEEKING ASIAN LADIES. DWM, 35, no children, seeks Asian lady, 21-35—kids OK, smokers OK, outdoors type and nights in. Will travel. 3120

SWPM, 29, SEEKS ATHLETIC F FOR meaningful releationship. 6\ very athletic runner/hiker loves animals and long walks holding hands. Searching for SWF, 25-35, who is intelligent and athletic for LTR. 3184

FORGET "STAR WARS," WATCH THE stars with me. Good-looking DWM, 5'io", 165 lbs., blue eyes, 40+. Waterfront, dining, dancing, VSO. 10 mins. over coffee could change our lives. Strange galaxy, isn't it, Princess Leia?

SAILING PARTNER, NS, FOR SAILING ON Lake Champlain or Maine coast this summer. Sailing experience is not a requirement, but good physical condition and a sense of humor are a definite plus. 3040

Acokinq woman, ami

TALL, DARK, HANDSOME, SPIRITUAL, honest, intelligent, communicative, sensitive, sensual, outdoor type, commitment-minded, prefers slender nymph, 5'8"-6\ 125-140 lbs., 35-45, likes her hair long, ascension conscious, natural beauty, educated, compassionate, jeans or silks, never had children, relaxed, fit, and able to express all she feels, unencumbered, joyfully spontaneous, curious when enjoying non-verbal communication, chemistry! What makes you happy? 3185 ECLECTIC LIBERTARIAN, SKINNY WPM, 48, ISO mellow, caffeinated biker babe. Must twist own German, Italian metal. Love skiing B.C. Prefer licentious Republican for raids, turn LTR iffy. No progressive whiners. 3121 QUIET, SENSITIVE SM, 33, PHYSICIAN. New to the area. ISO younger hiking partner. Friends 1st, maybe more? 3128

; ; ; ;

CENTRAL V T DWM, 44, SEEKING A S U M com- ; panion to share our mutual or differing interests. Mine are Corvettes, dogs, food, friends, < hiking, etc. How about yours? 3130 < SOULFUL SYNERGY. SWPM, 55. What's I important? Friends, the country life, ! thoughts, values, passions, humor. ISO a ! kind woman who walks lightly on the sands ', of time. 3131 ! MY A-Z-S. WHAT'S YOURS? Adventurous, bril- ; liant, creative, devoted, embraceable, fun; loving, grand, honest, intelligent, joyful, ; knowledgeable, loving, mature, nice, open, j playful, quality, romantic, successful, ; thoughtful, unique, vibrant, wonderful, x-cit- * ing, yearning, zany. 3132 J

3063

PASSION, MUSIC, ROMANCE, gentleness sensuality, playfulness are the essence of my being. Handsome, health-conscious M ISO the beauty of a F to taste & savor the fruits of life. 3054

DOWN-TO-EARTH SINGLE DAD, 41, enjoys being outdoors, golf, boating, camping and quiet times at home. ISO independent, professional woman who is kind, caring & fun to be with. 3064

THE VERB "TO LOVE." LOVE IS ACTION, two souls dancing in harmony. I'm 33, tall, attractive, prof, creative, high IQ, genuine. Are you 25-30, believe same? Let the dance begin. 3042

IF YOU WERE T O WANT A GUY WHO really knows what to do, someone strong and supportive... Good-looking, in-shape SWPM seeks similar woman, 25-36, for outdoors/indoors. 3065

YOU: PERCEPTIVE, PENSIVE, NIMBLE- witted, passionate, trenchant, droll, creative, comely, curvaceous, slightly eccentric. Me: thoughtful, gifted, arts-oriented, good-looking, fit, 5oish, 6', imaginative, uniquely funny. Wanna dance? 3048

CAGED & NEGLECTED, MID-30S MaWM, attractive and clean, with insatiable and unsatisfied appetite ISO slim, attractive, clean, unsatisfied F, 18-35. Let's fulfill our needs & desires. Discretion a must. 3074 ONE-NIGHT STANDS CAN STAND OUT IN the rain. I'm 20, blue eyes, 130 lbs., collegebound, computer person. For hobbies I enjoy movies, computers, mountain biking & downhill skiing. 3079 SEARCHING FOR THAT HEART OF GOLD. SWM, 23, likes outdoors, politics, laughing, music. ISO big-hearted, confident, energetic, positive woman. 3081 BiWM, HONEST, CARING ISO A LADY who is the same. I'm 45, full of life. Let's be friends, and try for a LTR. I'm told I'm a woman's best friend. 3086 ADVENTURES AWAIT. SWM, 34, 6', 175 lbs., enjoys camping, mtn. biking, hiking, sunsets, full moons & most sports. Spontaneous, honest & sensitive. ISO SWF, 20-38, athletic, attractive, intelligent & fun-loving. 3087

BLACK/WHITE PHOTOGRAPHY, VAN Morrison, NICE GUYS CAN HAVE FUN, TOO. SWPM, 26, « M&M's, rainy Sunday afternoons, the 5'7", attractive, fit, humorous, seeks witty, « Netherlands, Chet Baker, Woody Allen, athletic, confident, passionate, fun-loving ' Tootsie Rolls, A.C. Jobim, Scandinavia, Spike SWPF, 22-29, to enjoy summer in VT. 3135 • Lee. SWPM, 40, seeks sentimental, sexy, sinDO IT THIS TIMEI HOW COME? Tall, fit, attrac- : cere, sophisticated, sultry SF. 3088 tive, 31. Like companionship, country life, I RUNNING MATE. ISO A PERSON WHO loves active, outdoors. You: fun, attractive, fit. < the outdoors and running the trails. ISO a Weekend bedsharing? Silly? Ifs summer, why I SF, 19-31, fit, active and out-going. I'm 25, not? Your turn. 3137 I SM, hazel eyes, NS, looking for LTR. Let's 6*2", 195 LB., WEALTHY GENTLEMAN looking * run during the sunset. 3089 for someone to share curious discharge, seri- ; ous spankings and intimate moments with downs. 3141 ;

RETIRED SPAGHETTI-EATING CHAMPION, but no limp noodle—SM, 44. The water has to be really boiling before the real cooking TRAGICALLY ROMANTIC, SUICIDAL maniac • starts. Call if hungry. 3091 seeks equally despondant other for impasj WANT TO BE THE LEADING LADY IN MY film? sioned grand finale. 3142 j DWM, 30, college-educated film student seeking playful playmate for auditioning. DOMINANT MISTRESS SOUGHT FOR wealthy, alcohol-dependant man. I've been naughty T Lefs mix business and pleasure. Romantics and want to pay you for my sins. No profes- I apply! 3092 sionals, please. 3146 I SWPM, 31, NS, SELF-EMPLOYED, college THE REAL THINGI Looking for an attractive DWPM who really is a nice guy? Here I am! 6'2", 39, slender, easy-going and fun to be with. Attractive, NS females, 21-35. Apply now! 3101

SWPM, 33, FIT, ACTIVE & CAREER-ORIENTED, seeking same in F partner in crime. Having a good day means dick if you have no one to share it with. 3109

j j ; *

AVID CYCUST SEEKS WOMAN WHO loves to ride fast! 42, 6', fit, into live music, gardening, neat and groomed. I have an excellent life, let's hammer on the road together! 3113

\ « • «

; ; I

grad, laid-back personality, slight disability, enjoys skiing, walking, the beach, movies, dancing. Seeks SF w/ open heart, easy laugh and sense of adventure. 3099 LONG STORY SHORT: SWM, 38, COOL job, good genes, music, animals, patience. Seeks LTR born of attraction, bound by trust. Calls good, but letters welcome. Please be sane. 3043 ARE Y O U ISO MOTHER NATURE, forests, streams, gardens, camp fires, camping, sunshine, homebody, romance, sex? Must love dogs, yours welcome. Freedom to run. 3031

WISHING WOMAN WANTON, WITTY, wispy, weird and wise. When not riding or wrestling, this wily wabbit, I'll whet with washings, wine and want. SWPM, gorgeous, 39, 5 ' u " , 160 lbs. 3045

MS. EVEL KNIEVEL-ESQUE SUPER SEX STUNT WOMAN seeks motorcycle diesel-powered sex toy technician. Flame-retardant face shield a must.

3147

CONFIDENTIAL

persoNAL Life..

With Ethan Green. His on-apin-off-again

boyfriend Doug,

And the hateful Todd...

~ 1 . , A*t - SEVEN DAYS

june 1

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Personal of the Week receives a gift certificate for a FREE Day Hiker's Guide to VT from

• The Outdoor Gear CxcKangn • used • doseout • new 191 Bank S t , Burlington 860-0190

Winner also • receives dinner for 2 at

DAILY 15 Center St., Burlington 862-9647

TALL, ATTRACTIVE, WELL-EDUCATED, athletic DJM seeks outgoing, zestful partner, 30-40, to talk, play, love, connect. Or a little tennis, hiking, biking, swimming would be nice.

3056 SWM, 40, ISO HARDCORE F, 20-40, to hike & ski/ride last remains of winter at Stowe, Sugarbush & Tuckerman Ravine. Must like black labs, NS/ND. Bug spray's a cologne!

mz SEARCHING. GOOD-LOOKING, HEALTHY, classy, focused and committed. Enjoys workouts, running, biking, tennis, stock market, plays, classical music, concerts, nature, family & coffee. ISO equivalent F life partner, 3547ish. 3058 HAVE FUN THIS S U M M E R - M A Y B E b e y o n d with attractive, soish M with time & means to enjoy life. 3059 SICK OF BEING BURNED. Depressed SWM, 18, hardcore fiend, chain smoker, seeks loving embrace in which to drown out life's sorrows. 3060 DO YOU ENJOY FROLICKING OUTDOORS? Me, too! SWM, 35, 190 lbs., 6'2", NS, social drinker, loves outdoors activities, occasional night out in Burlington. Seeking active NS, 28-37, fat friendship, possible LTR. 3004 WANTED: TROPHY DATE. Recently DWM, 48, seeks tall, slender nymph of legal age to create Shockwave at upcoming reunion. Exercise your wicked side. All in good fun!

3007 JUST ANOTHER AD. Loving, caring man, NS, 5'9", 165 lbs., seeks warm, kind woman for special times. I like to read, run, draw, hike, dance, travel. Happy Mother's Day! 3008 TRUE-LOVE BELIEVER ISO WISE GODDESS, beautiful, slim, passionate, pet lover. WiM, 50, 5*8", fit, seeker of peace & happiness for each and every one. I love you. 3009 SPRING FLING: SWM, 38, 6', ISO lively SF, 25-38, who's fit, happy, educated. Interests: sailing, tennis, travel, mountains, the ocean, off-beat humor, bad weather, spicy food, crop circles. 3016 SUMMER FUN! DWM, 40S, 5*9", 150 lbs., youthful, engaging, open-minded, appealing. Likes outdoors, Burlington nightlife, laughing, movies, sunsets, travel, photography, crop circles. ISO lover to share fun times. 3020

L E T S RUMBA, BABY. Fun and active SWPM, 37, 5 ' u " , 185 lbs., Antonio Banderas good looks, seeks sultry sweetheart, 25-37, for friendship & romance. Wild streaks OK. Femme fatales not. For LTR. 3022

ECLECTIC, SPONTANEOUS GWF. Multi-lingual musician who loves animals, music, books, adventures, tired of trendy women. Seeks stable, reasonably feminine woman for friendship, companionship and...? 3115

HANDSOME, PASSIONATE, CONTEMPLATIVE, prefers long hair, flowing dresses, curves, simple rural lifestyle, physical outdoor work and play, deep talks, slow lovemaking. meditation, working together at home, not eating animals, commitment. 3017

Bi-CURIOUS WF, 36, 5'10", 117 LBS., blonde/blue eyes, attractive & fun-loving. Seeks sexy BiF, 18-40, to show me the ropes. Lefs meet and begin my lessons.

FOR REAL DWM, 37, 5'9", 170 LBS., looking. Race, age, straight, Bi unimportant. Who you are is. Open to any and all who are open, uninhibited and for real. 3024

2285 ROMANTC BiF ISO F PLAYMATE T O accompany me on 10-day road trip. Lots of time to relax, and will be near Branson, MO. 3095

SWM, TALL, DARK, HANDSOME, PILOT, sailor, adventurer, seeks adventuress. Redheads a +, but not necessary. 2998

Aookinq

wemm

SWF, 21, ATTRACTIVE, INTELLIGENT, NEW T O Burlington, looking for an attractive femme SWF to spend some time with. A sense of humor is a must, no trendy. Wanna know more? 3268 ME: GWF, 19, VOLUPTUOUS, FUNNY, STARlover, sunsets, long talks, writer, beautiful places, intelligent, philosophical, loud and quiet. You: GF, 18-26, large, unbound, soulful, witty, appreciative, intellectual...more! Come journey with me. 3269 ATHLETIC BLONDE, INTELLIGENT Norwegian who enjoys crafts, baseball, cuddling, outdoors, sun & gardening. ISO F, 25-45, who enjoys the same, is honest & sensitive. 3175 MaBiF ISO SAME FOR FRIENDSHIP. Must love life, horses, nature, dreams and romance. Please be discreet, feminine, intelligent, mature. Would love a special friend to chat with. Who knows. 3186 Bi-CURIOUS, ATTACHED PF ISO Bi-CURIOUS F, 21-35, f or friendship and nights filled with pleasure. Explore your wild fantasies and fulfill ours. Hope to hear from you! 3123

The Mostly U n f a b u l o u s Social Life of Ethan Green I JUST don'T u N » e f . S T A N P WfiY i t W A S NECESSM-Y t o MN01/NCE T o A U o f C Y B F r S P A C * STUFF A B O U T our*

$1.99 a m i n u t e , m u s t b e 1 8 + .

AsMnqmsn ST. ALBANS AREA: BiWM, 42, single, looking for hairy top man. Clean, discreet, intelligent M, 35-45. NA, ND. Quiet times and possible LTR. 3262 TO THIS DAY (GAY MAN), IMAGINE IT WOULD be perfect, "the two of us!" Sow in time, let our imaginations also wander off (together) too! 3272 SOMETHING DIFFERENT. FIT, BiCURIOUS M, 26, 6', 185 lbs., looking for Bi-curious M, 2035, who wants to try something different. No strings. Discretion a must. No mail, please.

3276 BiWPM, EARLY 40S, 6', 180 LBS., seriously athletic, marathons, biking, hiking, camping, water skiing. Not into bar scene. ISO selfrespecting masc., fit Bi/GM, 25-45, for friendship and more. 3153 GWM, MID-30S., SEEKING AFFECTIONATE guy for fun and romance. Me: 5'9", 175 lbs., br. hair and hazel eyes. Let's get together. 3158 GWPM, THIN ISO CURIOUS 18-25 YO, any race, to watch videos and be watched. Nothing serious, just fun. Discretion expected and assured. 3161 Bi-CURIOUS WM LOOKING FOR feminine male, 25-35. for first time. You: dom. or dub. Discretion a must and safety required. 3173

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• • •

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ISO A GWM, 250-300 LBS., give or take a few. Any age for fun & friendship. I'm 50, 21s lbs. Let me surprise you big-time. 3062

SUMMER FUN. GM LOOKING FOR vigorous baseball-playing (hardball) men/women, gay/straight. Let's hit/ chase fungos, picnic, then trade bodywork massages. Lamoille to Burlington. 3182

• .

; I I ;

LISA!, UVM GRAD, MUSIC PERSON: You sound interesting, but you didn't leave your number! Please do so! (You left a message on 7/7-) 3128 CAT FROM SO. BURLINGTON! We met twice, briefly, at Sex Mob's Borders gig and later that night at Higher Ground (you made the guest list).Let's talk, OK? Rick. 3278

V I C E - V E R S A . GW LEATHERMAN, 40s, s ' l i " , 190 lbs., balding, bearded, hairy-chested, seeks adventurous men for intense, erotic encounters. Experienced in dominant & submissive role play. All scenes considered. Call me and make it a long, hot summer! 3044

J • • Bi-CURIOUS SM, 31, ISO DOM. F (M/F) to teach me how to be a good servant. Wanting • to get into all aspects of lifestyle and maybe : I find a girlfriend who is into same. 3174 I CTRL VT SUBMISSIVE SWM, 22, attractive, I homy, kinky, into bondage, role- playing, cross-dressing, etc., wants to be a love slave I I to dominant F. I'm clean. So must you. Wilt

6', 175 LBS., BLK./BRN., LATE 30S, muscular, mod. attractive, intelligent & eclectic, looking for fun, outgoing guy, 25-35, college-educated, interested in hiking, biking, travelling & just hanging out. No college guys, please,

answer all. 3061

; YOUNG CU, 21 &22, ISO ANOTHER adventur- I ous and open-minded CU for an erotic four- \ some! First time and eager to try! Clean, very * I discreet! 3038

STREAM BOY: Disappointed you didn't call. Hope your project in Burlington lasts longer. Enjoy watching you work the machinery and doing good for the environment. Why don't you call? 3125

jo4Z

HAVING FUN. CU LOOKING FOR YOUNG M, 2125, for love slave. No pain, just be submissive & have fun, serve & give body rubs. Clean & discreet. 3026

YOU: READING ME "I SPYS" WHILE GIVING A tour. Me: I was listening and thinking that I should flex my muscles. Them: They were wishing they were us. 3265

SWM, 52, 6', 175 LBS., GOOD SHAPE, ISO F who shares my interest in spanking. 3169

BiWM, 26, GEEK, SEEKS FAIRY PRINCE w/ whom to share miscellaneous nerdy pursuits. Must be NS/ND, and enjoy film, art, music, & life in general. 3039

K)UNG SEEKING YOUNG. BURLINGTON area, 23, brn./blue, 6', 150 lbs., attractive. Enjoys jutdoors, oldies, sci-fi. No one over 25.

l - 9 0 0 - 3 7

HANNAFORD'S, WILLISTON RD., SAT. 5/29. You: loading groceries into a trunk of a black car. Me: blonde hair, sunglasses, Jogbra with jean shirt. I commented about what a beautiful day it was. Are you single? Call me. 3274

RUSTY NAIL, 5/28, YACOVONE BAND. We sort of met; you complimented my dancing. You said you like to dance, so let's! Call me soon, OK? Deb. 3180

" 7

^ 7 *

•

SNAPPLE SEEKING PEOPLE

BORN-TO-PLEASE

GIRL IN A JEEP, WILLISTON RD.: I'm the kid on the bike, with the shaved head. You seem terribly familiar. If we haven't met, then I'd truly tike to. 3156

Lemon Iced Tea seeks lovely lady to share hot afternoons. Very affectionate, sweet, with a surprise twist. Join me, won't you, for fun, fun, fun? Ad#l771

BTV. YOU: CONTINENTAL EMPLOYEE, beautiful with brown soul-piercing eyes and shoulder-length brown hair. Me: shaved head; I work there, too. I know you've noticed me looking. Lunch OK? 3178

BUXOM MANGO MADNESS... ...seeks individual with exotic tastes. Fun-loving, flamboyant drink desires partner with a thirst for life. Loves to be tickled and squeezed — and remember, it's what's inside that counts. Ad#4456

FRIEND CALLED SUE: I met you in a friend's wood shop and have never seen you again; it's ben raining since then. 3172

I'M A SUMMER FLING WAITING TO HAPPEN! Summer Peach seeks bronzed god for love among the sand dunes. Sweet and sassy...I'll quench your thirst for love! And if all goes well, I'll still be seeing you in September. Ad#1915

MINT ICED TEA SEEKS MALE This refreshing, tasty beverage seeks discriminating male with refined taste buds. Loves picnics, midnight snacks and pick-up basketball games. No judgments. Ad#1188

SETH HOWARD, I AM HERE, WAITING for you. Alyson. 3160

3053

$1.99 a minute, must be 18 or older.

YOU: IN CORP CUP, BRN. HAIR, around 5'8". you wore khaki green shorts and talked with a tall man w/ crutches in front of drummers at Burl. Marathon. Me: SWPF, 26, intrigued.

YOUNG CU ISO BiWF FOR THREESOME. NS, clean and discreet a must. 3139

MAKE MY WEEKENDS, share my nights & touch. I'm white, prefer black/Asian men. No strings, but steady affair. I'm S, slim, 49, need affection. All ages, discreet, versatile,

3084

SWM, 40S, INTELLIGENT, ATHLETIC 81 passionate, ISO fit, attractive lady, 20-45, for discreet rendezvous. No headgames. Intimacy, friendship, pleasure. 2995

CU SEEKING F FOR THREESOME BEFORE we get married. Please help fulfill fantasy. We are both 25, smokers and a very cute Cu. Looking for ages 23-40, and clean. 3150

ARE YOU A DOMINANT M LOOKING FOR longlasting, discreet service-on-demand, maybe more? Prefer 30+. Morning days best. 3136

call

I M y !

CU SEEKING F FOR THREESOME. HELP us fulfill a fantasy. Must be clean, discreet, NS. We are 4oish. 3051

imn

a d

DO YOU LOVE M O V E PREMIERES...

To respond to Letters Only ads:

SPRING HAS SPRUNG, THE GRASS HAS Viz." Wondering where my sweetie is! SWF, 40, seeks partner to paddle, pedal, go adventuring with near/far. Cute, smart, independent, athletic. ISO similar in a kind M. What makes you smile? Box 525

Seal your response in an envelope, write box # on the outside and place in another enveope with $5 for each response. Address to: 'ERSON TO PERSON c/o SEVEN DAYS, P.O. 3ox 1164, Burlington, VT 05402

SORT OF SHY, CWWi, 50, PETITE, ISO man to walk in the woods or stroll on the beach. Likes: reading, working out, movies, kids. Box 526

MPROVE US-CANADA RELATIONS. Zosmopolitan, ivy-league Montrealer, DWF, 40s, big brown eyes, many endearing quirks, )aggage identified and sorted, seeks discernng long-term accomplice for bantering, loiering, mutual admiration. Box 546

ATTRACTIVE Wi ENJOYS LITERATURE, arts, outdoors. ISO like-minded gentleman, 60-70. Friendship only. Box 527 LONESOME ANARCHIST, TREE-HUGGING cowgirl seeks a mischevous beau she can aid & abet. If you eschew unnecessary plastic objects and can dance like a monkey, I'm your girl. Box 528

•LEGANT BRUNETTE, 40'S, seeks ironic, ophisticated, tall gentleman, 46+. Foreign ilm, day trips to Montreal. Help me rake the )each? Box 541

WiWF, 5'3", 57, LOOKING FOR honest, serie s male, 55-65, to dine, dance, and possiDle LTR. NS, ND, loves country music, dancng, walking. Box 532 37 YO YOUNGER SISTER OF BROTHER seeks )lder brother of sister(s), who exercises good udgment, is thoughtful, educated, athletic, witty & interested in an extraordinary relaionship. Box 533

HAVE YOU COME TO THE REALIZATION that the fairytale isn't about someone else saving you, yet still willing to look the fool for love? DWPM, 41, caring, intelligent, cute, athletic. Looking for LTR. Box 542 SM, 35, SEEKIS FIT, COMPANIONABLE female, 30-40, for summertime outdoor activities on land and water. Interests in sizzling intellectual pursuits and conversations a plus. Box

WOMAN, 52, 5'5", 125 LBS., MOTHER of school-aged child, seeks kind man with welldeveloped sense of humor and liberal politics to share dinners, movies, summer music outdoors. Ctrl. VT/visit Burlington regularly. Balding dads welcome. Box 529

SEEKING HONORABLE, INTEGRETY, valor, etired military, financially secure, over 6', njoys NRA, PADI, golf, traveling, loves lature, seeks honorable Swedish wife under )o. Tremendous snuggler a must! Box 535

ANYWHERE IN VT. Successful, prof., goodlooking M w/ depth, character & great sense of humor. Politics: conservative; lifestyle: anything but. Seeks confident, attractive lady, 40-50, who's curious, intelligent & playful. Let's talk about our interests & what makes us tick. Photo apprec. Box 540

ENTREPRENEUR BOYFRIEND AVAILABLE FOR a cheerful girl with fervent heart and hands. Age unimportant. The nature of listening and listening to nature provide my senses of purpose, order, direction & amusement. Box 549 BOCCE BALL FAN WILL TEACH THE right SPR, 40s, the game, and, if things go well, take her to Italy in the fall. Write me. Photo? Box 545

SWM, 32, ISO WF, 28-36, FOR friendship, companionship, maybe more. Love of rollercoasters, movies and baseball a definite plus. Come play and laugh with me! Box 538 AFFECTIONATE, ATTRACTIVE, TALL, FIT, dad, 31, goal-oriented, pos., own business, country life, occasional 420, mnt. biking, camping, hockey. Love little people? Smile? Sometimes silly? Let's express w/ pen, then. Photo? Box 53i

juwjmn BiWF ISO WF, 18-25, TO SPEND TIME WITH, be friends, maybe more. I like going for walks, camping, playing card games. Whoever responds must like children. Box

550

LOOKING FOR THAT SPECIAL SOMEONE! I'm single, caring, loving, warm, kind, friendly, honest, loyal, easy-going and lots more. Love to meet some wonderful friends. Please write. Box 544

Msiklnq

...black-tie events and stretch limos? Then you're the man for me. Pink Lemonade seeks male escort for nights on the town. Men thirsty for romance need only apply. Ad#4234

READY FOR A ROMANCE THAT W l i CHANGE YOU FOREVER? I may not be the one you settle down with, but I will be the one you'll never forget.... Tough and tender Diet Raspberry Tea seeks female for crazy days and wild nights. Ad#7685

man

WM, 32 (LOOK YOUNGER), 5'6", 125 lbs., seeking nice, honest, compatible, physically fit WM—good friend, not feminine or into drugs/drunkenness, who respects my individuality. Box 543

VERY ATTRACTIVE COUPLE SEEKS COUPLE...

LOOKING FOR REAL PEOPLE, ANY RACE. GWM 45. 5'7". lbs., looking for friends first and maybe more. Like outdoors, flea marts, wood working, cooking and a lot more. Straight acting. Not into drugs. Box 536

...for delicious afternoon romps. She: Bali Blast (sweet coconut and tart pineapple). He: Mango Madness (lush tropical mango au The open-minded pair for us must have unflagging energy, impeccable taste, and an ability to share. Discretion a must. Ad#1111

naturel).

MAN, KIND, 36, 6', TRIM GWM, professional, thoughtful, honest, caring, creative, romantic, with sense of humor, NS, seeks kindred spirit in southern VT. Box 539

SLENDER YOUNG THINGS, LOOK NO FURTHER!

PWM SEEKS CU FOR DISCREET FUN. I am 4oish, single, tall, clean, ND, physically fit. First time and eager to try. Box 548

I've got all the flavor you crave without any of those nasty calories. Your every whim and desire will be satisfied with one sip of my Diet Ruby Red tastiness. A rare find. Ad# 5567

NICOLE WELCH, 6/3, AT NECTAR'S. Intelligent and compelling, still thinking of you. Individualism isn't bad, nor is USA. A second chance. Box 547

Like being told what to do? Will you inherit the earth, meek one? Then tough and tender Black and Blueberry is the WhipperSnapple for you. Be a little naughty...and forget the nice. Ad# 4409

NATURALLY TIMID?

4 digit box numbers can be contacted either through voice mail or by letter. 3 digit box numbers can only be contacted by letter. Send letter along w/ $5 to PO Box 1164, Burlington, VT 05402 LOVE IN CYBERSPACE. POINT YOUR WEB BROWSER TO HTTP^/WWW.SEVENDAYSVT.COM TO S U B M I T Y O U R MESSAGE O N - L I N E . How to place your FREE personal ad with Person to Person • F I L L O U T T H I S F O R M A N D M A I L IT T O : P E R S O N A L S , P . O . B o x 1 1 6 4 , B U R L I N G T O N , V T 0 5 4 0 2 O R FAX T O 8 0 2 . 8 6 5 . 1 0 1 5 . P L E A S E C H E C K A P P R O P R I A T E C A T E G O R Y . Y O U W I L L R E C E I V E Y O U R BOX # & P A S S C O D E BY M A I L . • F I R S T 3 0 W O R D S ARE F R E E WITH P E R S O N TO P E R S O N , ADDITIONAL W O R D S ARE S O T EACH X 4 W E E K S E A C H EXTRA W O R D ) .

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NUBILITY FOR CLAIMS MADE IN ANY ADVERTISEMENT. THE SCREENING OF RESPONDENTS IS SOLELY CLAIM! n ALL COST, EXPENSES AND VOICE

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"LETTERS

jwe 16,19.99 ' ' ' ' > '

SEVEN DAYS. - . I. .V

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page47 .4

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HARVEY

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M B S . ETHEL RUTH KELLV, B . N -

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JUDGE OWAB

THE TWILIGHT READING SERIES WORLD PREMIERE

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CHARACTERS EDITH

RUTH RUTH CHARLES B R A D M AANN M R

S . BRADMAN

M A D A M E ARCAT/ ELVIRA

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E.J. LOFGBEN

WHEN: SATURDAY, JUNE 26 TIME: N O O N - 7 : 0 0 PM WHERE: THE PHILLIPS EXPERIMENTAL THEATRE ON ADAMANT GREEN, ADAMANT, VERMONT FOR APPOINTMENT: (802) 533-2426 Directions to THE PHILLIPS EXPERIMENTAL THEATRE at the ADAMANT MUSIC SCHOOL from Montpelier: Go north on Main Street in Montpelier until it changes to County Road. Continue north on County Road for 6 miles. You will see a sign for Haggett Road, take a right. Come down Haggett Road until you see the Adamant Cooperative Store. Directly after the Cooperative Store you will see a Quarry Road. Take a left onto Quarry Road. You will continue on Quarry Road through two gates. You will come to a Y in Quarry Road, make a left. The theatre will be right there.