Seven Days, November 6,1996 by Seven Days

ODD, STRANGE, CURIOUS AND WEIRD BUT TRUE NEWS ITEMS FROM EVERY CORNER OF THE GLOBE W E IR D H A B E R D A S H E R y W hen four armed and masked men tried to rob a fastfood restaurant in a suburb of Fort Lauderdale, Florida, they were arrested by a detective dis guised as a shaggy green bush. Earl Feugill, who was staking out the restaurant after a series of robberies at fast-food places, told The Miami Herald he made the hot heavy suit by attaching strips of burlap to a camouflage outfit, then paint ing his face green and black. Detective Feugill added that when he ordered the would-be robbers to freeze, “they were quite surprised.”

ON THE NOSE After 20 years of intensive research, Kao Corp., Japan’s biggest toiletry manufacturer,, introduced a peel-off facial treatment mask designed espe cially for the nose, igniting a nose-cleansing boom through out the country. • Following the example of scratch-and-sniff perfume ads in womens magazines, Bear Advertising has created the first “perfume strip” for hunting magazines. The accompanying ad copy for Buck Stop Nozee says the product uses “a special blend that contains no urine” to attract bears, elk and moose.

T e l l y o u r

Commission, sent a letter to the San Francisco Health Service Advisory Board, urging that the city’s health insurance cover sex-change treatments GENDER BONDERS and operations for city employ When a female prostitute in ees. Charleston, West Virginia, • In Painesville, Ohio, Lake quoted two men a price for County Probate Judge Fred V. oral sex, a man in drag offered Skok issued a marriage license to undercut her price. The men to two people who announced turned they are lesbians, even though one of them is a man. Paul Smith, who dresses in womens clothing and has applied to have his \ name changed to <3^ Denise, said he expects to complete his sex change within *ov> & three years. Because Ohio law specifies marriage is a partner out to be undercover police ship between a man and a officers, who arrested elemen woman, Skok withheld the tary school principal George license until he got a doctor’s Meadows, 55. After police pho note certifying that Smith still tographed him in a wig and has male sex organs. lipstick, Meadows pleaded guilty to solicitation. HOUSE WIFE • A Saudi religious court sen Mette Lill Johansen, 30, tenced a man to 200 lashes and won a $105,000 luxury villa at six months in prison for wear the Grenland Summer Festival, ing a dress to a wedding party in Skein, Norway, by not let in the city of Hael. The man ting go of it for 109 hours and reportedly dressed as a woman 17 minutes, beating out 396 to get a surreptitious look at other hopefuls. Johansen suf women he might want to fered swollen legs and halluci marry. nated about a ferry trip to • Martha Knutzen, the presi Denmark during the ordeal. dent of the Human Rights It/“is so potent,” the ad notes, “that when used on rubs and scrapes, bucks and does come a-running.”

h e r

CURSES, FOILED AGAIN After two men robbed a bank in Richmond, Virginia, in August, they realized they had parked their getaway car too far away for a quick escape. Police said the pair then tried to steal a bank customers car, but there wasn’t enough room for both of them because the car was filled with coolers and other items. They then fled on foot and were captured nearby. • When two men tried to rob the Norwegian postal service’s cash transport between the northern towns of Bodoe and Narvik, they were surprised by 30 heavily armed police, a heli copter and a fleet of police cars waiting for them. Authorities explained that the pair, Swedes in their mid-30s, had drawn up careful plans for the robbery but lost them. Police found the plans in an unclaimed suitcase left at Oslo’s Fornbu Airport, then kept tabs on the men for nearly six months, waiting for them to strike. • Two men planning a bank robbery in Philadelphia spent so much time casing the place while planning their crime that they aroused tellers’ suspicions. FBI spokesperson Linda Vizi said that when the 22-year-old men finally did rob the bank, 20 law-enforcement officers were staking out the bank,

i n

waiting to arrest them. One of the robbers was injured when dye capsules in the money bag exploded.

HEARTBREAKERS Reach O ut and Touch Someone Researchers at the Mayo Clinic discovered that cellular phones held over the chest or carried in the breast pocket may cause Pacemakers to speed up or temporarily shut off.

FOWL PLAJl In Australia, Roger Schlup filed a lawsuit against veterinar ian Ross Perry, seeking $192,000 for ruining his bird’s sex life. He charged that when he took the South American macaw to Perry for treatment of a broken right leg, Perry somehow broke the bird’s other leg, then failed to fix either one properly. Schlup explained that strong legs are essential for the macaws’ intricate mating ritual, which requires “the male and female to stand on a perch next to each other, twist around and align their rear ends.” Schlup said that as a result of Perry’s negligence, he has no chance of breeding his willing but unable bird and selling its offspring. □

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S E V E N DAYS

november

1996

TO THE SOAPBOX

m ail

RUSTY PROOF Thanks to Paula Routly for her

Well, there you go again, Peter... (indulge your

lively article following the career of

self, Dearheart, quote the source. I know you’re hav

actor Rusty DeWees (Seven Days,

ing trouble resisting). What a talent for invective you

October 23). His “in character” ad

have! What magnificent overreaction and indigna

libs and audition tips were so good

tion! Chill out, Anointed One, you’ll live longer. Or

I passed them on to my daughter,

will it just seem that way to us lesser beings? But

MY GRRRL FRIDAY

an aspiring young actress.

wait, I digress. I write to you now as Private Citizen

By Robert F. J o n e s ....................................................

because you do indeed “own the soapbox.”

DAYCARE FOR DOGGIES

— Babs Kletter Stowe SYNDICATE FREYNE

By P e ter K u r th ............. ,............... ................... •.......... page 6

page 7

letter of October 23, I was merely bewildered at your

Your cooped-up canine could be having a ball By Pamela P o l s t o n ......................................................page

total lack of comprehension of the entire focus of my

ANIMALS AND AFTERLIFE

communication, which was your penchant for, and

Pet philosopher Gary Kowalski on heavenly cats a n d divine dogs By Paula R o u tly .............................................................. page 13

an Assassin” (Oct. 14) had as much

intolerable over-use of, inane nicknames. You chose

information and more drama than

instead to respond with yet another boring diatribe

PAWS AND THINK

Neil Jordans film, Michael Collins.

ofWCAX-a-phobia.

Peter Freyne’s article, “Portrait of

w e e k ly

Upon first reading your histrionic response to my

CRANK CALL

On exotics, strays a n d population control By Cynthia B a t t l e s ........................................................page 15

VET-TO-GO

Peter provides such unexpected

But indeed, the “Almighty, as they say, does work

nuggets of good journalism and

in strange ways.” Yes, I have awe and rather perverse

plain good writing, he ought to be

admiration for your uncompromising predictability.

Michele Tulis goes all out fo r her pet patients By Paula R o u tly .............................................................. page 17

syndicated. The crowd-pleasing

Although I almost signed my previous letter with my

SAY "WET FOOD"

(and editor-pleasing?) “Inside

full name, “Judith,” I confess to having succumbed

Posing cats and dogs is not always a snap By K athleen H. Sw anson...............................................page 19

Track” aside.

to a desire to tempt the Muse by using my nickname,

PAW PRINTS

— Fred G. Hill Burlington

“Judi.” Who else but you, the Bold and the Beatified, would have had the courage to dig up, dust off, and actually use in print that hackneyed old gem often

IN DEFENSE OF POND SCUM As a frequent and generally sym pathetic reader of your column,

but erroneously attributed to Cary Grant: “Judi... Judi... Judi.” Oh, Peter... Peter... Peter... of all the subtle and

Peter, I was astounded by your

nefarious little traps that could have been set, you fell

recent slander of pond scum (Inside

for the most obvious. Thank you. Bait taken. Point illustrated. Case closed. Signed off.

Track, October 30).

— Judith Fisher

As one of the few phycologists (someone who

Williston

studies pond s£um) in the state, I know pond scum, I work with pond scum. Pond scum is a friend of mine pond scum would never so much as even consider

tion (October 30) was dishonest, inaccurate and very

consorting with “intellectually challenged, right-wing

cheap. — Jeff Davis Williston

I trust that you will see the error of your ways and immediately retract your defamatory ramblings and restore to pond scum the good name that you have so flagrantly besmirched. — David Kirschtel

HOW ONE NEW YORK GIRL LOST HER PET PHOBIA By J u l i a A l v a r e z ............................................. page 27

ME0WZIC TO THEIR EARS You won’t f in d these in the cat-alog By Mike Tal .................................................... page

ON THE BLOCK By Kevin J.

Kevin Kelleys article about me in last week’s edi

poms and start cheerleading for those of that ilk.

PAINS AND NEEDLES A n im a l acupuncturei Bow wow By Rachel E s c h ................................................................page 25

The Shelburne M useum fin d s small comfort a t Sotheby’s

CHEAP SHOT?

(well, heck, it pays the rent). I can assure you that

blow-hards,” let alone actually pick up a set of pom

Photo contest winners......................................................... page 20

Letters Policy: SEVENDAYSwants your rants and raves, in 250 words or less. Letters should respond to content in Seven Days. Include your full name and a daytime phone number and send to: SEVENDAYS, PO. Box 1164, Burlington, VT05402-1 164. fax: 865-1015 e-mail: sevenday@together.net

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K e l l e y ..................

page

departments news q u i r k s ..................................... page 2 weekly m a i l ............................. . . page 3 exposure ......................................... page 3 s t r a i g h t d o p e ........................................ p a g e 4 inside track ................................. , p a g e 5 ............................. . . page 8 sound a d v i c e calendar ............................................. p a g e 22 art l i s t i n g s ......................................... p a g e 30 talking pictures .................................p a g e 33 wellness dire cto ry ......................... p a g e 34 c l a s s i f i e d s ............................................. p a g e 35 g r e e t i n g s f ro m dug nap - .................... p a g e 35 real a s t r o l o g y ..................................... p a g e 37 p e r s o n a l s ................................................. p a g e 3 8 l o l a , the love c o u n s e l o r . . . . p a g e 38

staff C0-PUBLISHERS/EDIT0RS Pamela Polston, Paula Routly ARTDIRECTOR James Lockridge DESIGNER/PR0DUCTI0NMANAGERSamantha Hunt CIRCULATIONMANAGER/CLASSIFIEDS/PER50NAL5 Glenn Severance ACCOUNTEXECUTIVES Jennifer Karson, Nancy Payne, Erik Swanson, Clove Tsindle, Rick Woods PROJECTSMANAGER Nancy Stearns Bercaw CALENDARWRITER Clove Tsindle CONTRIBUTINGWRITERS Nancy Stearns Bercaw, Rachel Esch, Ned Farquhar, Peter Freyne, Megan Harlan, David Healy, Ruth Horowitz, Samantha Hunt, Kevin J. Kelley, Rick Kisonak, Lola, R Finn McManamy, Tom Paine, Bryan Pfeiffer, Ron Powers, Amy Rubin, Pascal Spengemann, Molly Stevens, Bryan Stratton PHOTOGRAPHER Matthew Thorsen ILLUSTRATORS Gary Causer, Sarah Ryan INTERNS David Fay, Rebecca Schmitz SEVEN DAYS is published by Da Capo Publishing, Inc. every Wednesday. It is distributed free of charge in greater Burlington, Middlebury, Montpelier, Stowe and the Mad River Valley. Circulation: 15,000. Subscriptions via first-class mail are available for $28 per six months. Please call 802.864.5684 with your VISA or Mastercard, or mail your check or money order to “Subscriptions” at the address below. For Classifieds/Personals, please call the number below.

SEVEN DAYS is printed at Upper Valley Press in Bradford, Vermont. SEVEN DAYS, P.O. Box 1164, 29 C hurch St., Burlington, VT 05402-1164 Tel: 802.864.5684 Fax: 802.865.1015. e-mail: sevenday@together.net

COVER .

n o v e m b e r . 6,

1996

SEVEN DAYS

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I can’t believe you have to ask this. A runcible spoon is a utensil suitable for runciation. This is in contrast to an irruncible spoon, with which one runciates at one’s peril. The first practical application of runcification was in 1871 when Edward Lear noted that a runcible spoon could be used by nocturnal species such as your owls and your pussycats. (“They dined on mince, and slices of quince, / Which they ate with a runcible spoon,” from “The Owl &c The Pussy-Cat.”) In subsequent years Lear applied the principles of runcibility in other fields: “He has gone to fish, for Aunt Jobiska’s Runcible Cat with crimson whiskers!” (1877). “His body is perfectly spherical, / He weareth a runcible hat” (1888). “What a runcible goose you are!” (1895). “We shall presently all be dead, / On this ancient runcible wall” (1895). Satisfaction with the early results of runcilation led Lear and his admirers to overlook the fact that there were many unanswered ques tions about the runciatory process, e.g., what it was. Lear’s contempo raries recognized that runcility was one of those conditions partaking of the ineffable, meaning it had the same connection to reality as scroobius pips and Gromboolian plains and about a thousand oth’er Learisms — namely none. But that wasn’t good enough for the literal-minded folk of the 20th century. In the 1920s one self-appointed runciologist announced that “a runcible spoon is a kind of fork with three broad prongs or tines, one having a sharp edge, curved like a spoon, used with pickles, etc. Its origin is in jocose allusion to the slaughter at the Battle of Ronceveaux, because it has a cutting edge.” At first blush this made perfect sense. One can think of numerous eating instruments named in lighthearted reference to scenes of mass death. But skeptics pointed out that Lear’s drawings of runcible spoons gave no indication of tines or cutting edges: Also the use of a runcible spoon for the pedestrian purpose of eating pickles seemed at odds with the refined original menu of mince and quince. And why should one require a spoon with a cutting edge for quince that, Lear tells us, has already been sliced? Modern students ofrunciosity believe that while it may have been inspired by the word “rouncival” (apparently meaning gigantic), runcibilization as we know it today was the invention of Edward Lear. But the runcible-spoon-as-pickle-fork idea has taken firm root. One sighs, but what can you do? I expect the discovery of the Bong-tree any day. Dear Cecil, At one point in Walden, Henry David Thoreau, having grown bored with making the reader feel grubbily materialistic if he cannot carry all of his belongings on his back, moves on to rub the reader’s nose in his puny intellectual attainments: “I confess I do not make a very broad distinction between the illicerateness of my townsman who cannot read at all, and the illiterateness of him who has learned to read only what is for children and feeble intellects. We should be as good as the worthies of antiquity, but partly by first knowing how good they were. We are a race of tit-men, and soar but little higher in our intellectual flights than the columns of the daily paper.” Assuming Hank Dave was not channeling Russ Meyer or Howard Stern, what the devil did he mean by “tit-men”? The context suggests he meant men preoccupied by life’s inessentialssouls wjio lie in the gutter but fail to look up at the scars, or some such. Maybe he’s com paring us with birds. But as I can’t find the phrase in any old dictio naries, I can’t be sure. Would you be good enough to shine the reful gent beacon of your nonesuch intelligence upon this umbrageous niche of Thoreauvia? — David English, West Somerville, Massachusetts Ooh, David, I love it when you talk dirty like that. This is a topic I will be happy to decrepusculate. I will even forgive Henry D.’s slighting reference to “the columns of the daily paper.” Clearly he foresaw even then that truly mind-expanding journalism would be carried only in weeklies. , The reason you couldn’t find “tit-men” in any old dictionaries is that a “titman” is “the smallest pig, etc. of a litter; hence, a man who is stunted physically or mentally; a dwarf, a croot.’” So now you know. A tit-man (tinman, whatever) is a croot. Reminds me of a story. Two mice are in an English music hall watching a chorus line. “Lovely legs, haven’t they?” says the first mouse. “Oh, I don’t know,” says the other. “I’m a titmouse myself.” .

RT.

L O W E R V IL L A G E

STO W E

2 5 3 -4 7 3 3 page

S E V E N DAY S

— CECIL ADAMS yoaneed to get straight? Cecit Adams can deliver the Straight hi Dope on 60611, or “ 'H i * i i i t

november

1996

KICKING BACK

Its all over, thanks be to God, and yours 1 truly can’t help but take a look back at some of | Campaign ’96’s highlights: | Susan Sweetser became a household word . in Vermont this year and, unfortunately, we ^ can’t say she’s got a bright future in politics. But 1 remember, it was her first statewide run and | everybody makes mistakes. | • Let’s see, Susie Creamcheese’s finance director, g Jill M cDermott, quit and then her press secre tary, Andrea Zentz, quit and then her campaign I manager, Darcie Johnston, got sent to the I woodshed for doing to the staff what she was | supposed to do to Bernie Sanders. Then there | was the day yours truly and a Rutland Herald I reporter were at the fronf desk of her Church Jjj St. campaign headquarters when Darcie ®declared over the speakerphone for all to hear: I “Be careful what you say. The press is around.” Damn press. | • Then U.S. Senator Jim Jeffords began his gubernatorial campaign (2000 if the GOP I holds their Senate majority and Jim gets the 1 chairmanship he’s long coveted; 1998 if the | Democrats return to power), by lending | Sweetser his only begotten press secretary, Erik | Smulson, as a last-minute gift, g • Then Jeezum Jim made ®national news by giving a I straight answer to a straight | question at one of Susie’s press | conferences, saying he didn’t think Newt Gingrich should be re-elected as Speaker because of all the harm he’s done. His 1 comments were on the Internet in a flash, and CBS’ “Face the g Nation” was on the phone. • Then one morning last week !! around 8 a.m., as a gaggle of ^ Sweetser geese did the traffic 1 wave at Five Corners in Essex, | three future leaders of America | mooned them from the winI dows of the Essex Middle f School bus. Great to live in a 1 free country, eh? 1 • Then how about the day The Burlington Free Press reported in a front-page story by Betsy Liley that John Carroll wanted ®to flush Act 250 down the toiI let? Lucky Dougie. Oops. | You miss the correction, too? | • Or how about the day the Freeps endorsed Jack Long for Congress? There were two fundamental reactions that made the rounds among * political insiders: “gutless” and “stupid.” Take I your pick. No doubt the editorial geniuses that | inhabit Gannett’s local foreign-legion outpost | fancied themselves as brilliant. Editorial Page p Editor Stephen Kiernan probably didn’t know Vermonters considered it a race between Bernie ®Sanders and Susan Sweetser. Period. Jack 1 Longshot was there for comic-relief purposes. 1 Like Fred Tuttle without the movie. | Feedback — Did you catch Freeps Editor I Jennifer Carroll’s column in last Saturday’s ^ paper? Good golly, Ms. Molly Walsh’s column i was replaced by one written by the paper’s exec| utive editor. Carroll (no relation to John | Carroll, the pol), came from a Gannett outpost | in Michigan to replace Ron Thornburg m (remember him?). Jennifer wrote a tender trib®ute to her corporate-lawyer mother back in I Michigan who has a lot of “grit.” That’s just | what the Freeps needs — more stories by peo| pie from Michigan about people in Michigan. I After all, every state’s the same in Gannettland. g That’s why every Gannett paper is the same. ®Sure hope Ms. Molly is back this Saturday. Good golly. In november

1996

“WCAX-A-Phobia?” — You’ve got to check S M A L L out the latest letter from W G O P’s regional sales jf manager, Judi Fisher, on page 3. She’s got a S T O R E new name this week, a new ID, and maybe even a new therapist. Sure hopes this doesn’t end up with a boiled rabbit on the stove. STRANGER THAN FICTION! — Following I up on last week’s tribute to the “Pond Scum Cheerleaders” of Burlington talk radio, would g D E A L S you believe some of these distinguished citizens actually flaunted their lunacy by dialing up W KDR’s “The Mark Johnson Show” in a self- | righteous lather to bash yours truly? One of the 1 bozos even read the applicable section of Inside | Track on the air! It’s as if Mr. Johnson had j announced he was only taking calls that vented “the petty, dishonest, mean-spirited ramblings of the pathetic band of intellectually challenged right-wing blowhards...” If the shoe fits, these sorry wackos will glad- § ly wear it. They’re the Gang That Knows No g r a m e s , Fable M a t s , P i n a t a s , I loor C l o t h s & M ore Shame. They love to dish the dirt over the air- * a m p l e s &. s e c o n d s 5 0 % o f f e v e r y d a y waves — everything from charging Big Bill with murder to Hillary conducting lesbian co n test:http://m cm liaisons in White House private quarters to | | 21 King S tre e t @ B a tte ry Ie 1/ Fax: 8 0 2 -6 5 8 -1 799 trashing Bernie Sanders “for never holding a real job” (not true). But now everybody knows, | they just can’t take it. Chicka-dee-dee-dee. Media Notes — Recent departures have left Ch. 5 (WPTZ) on the news U N iV B R S T Y 1 if shoals. They’ve been suffering of § a v s m p m late from the same infirmity L sts, that keeps our local Gannett daily so out of touch with the community — assigning a gag- ® gle of out-of-state journalists to ff i tell us what’s going on in l A .' mk:, -s: m Vermont. But Ch. 5 News g ' m Director Stewart Ledbetter has g made a decisive move in the Schubert right direction. Ledbetter’s Quartet in signed up the dean of Vermont E flat Major, radio news: Andy Potter, news 1 Op. 125 director at WKDR. Quite the coup\ Z works by Brahms, Shostakovich Andy’s been doing local Shostakovich, & Schubert Quartet #1 nag radio news in these parts since i in C Major, 1972 for WVMT.WJOY, \ Op. 49 |K WEZF, W D O T and now | Founded In Kiev in 1971, the Leontovych WKDR. He’s the last of the String Quartet plays with the emotional and Brahms breed, and he’ll give Ch. 5 a big dramatic quality that is the hallmark of the Quartet ww dose of credibility quickly. Mr. * finest European-style quartet performance. in a minor, Potter starts his new job the Op. 51 I week after Thanksgiving. Sponsored by Queen City Printers Yum, Yum, Yum — Word on the street is the prestigious New g Call the Campus F R I D A Y England Culinary Institute is ^ T ic k e t S to re looking at opening a new restaurant in the old 8 at 656-3085 or N o v e m b e r 8, 1 9 9 6 • 8 :0 0 p m Mayfair building on the upper block of 86-FLY N N for Burlington’s Church Street. “Nothing’s certain,” g U V M R e c ita l H a ll • $ 1 5 .0 0 T I C K E T S said a spokesman for the educational Palate g Palace Tuesday. Meanwhile, the Progs are show- g ing their blue noses as they hassle Shawn Cliche over his new Cherry Street nightclub Complete your B.A. through around the corner. Such high-minded, holy people they are. Now they’re in bed with the g Religious Right? | Michael Collins Update — Neil Jordan’s flick „ is getting great reviews around town — and thanks for the many kind words about the piece i offers low-residency, self-designed B.A. completion on yours truly’s old man. Michael Collins final- | degrees in Cinema Studies, Fine Arts, ly opens this Friday in the Emerald Isle. Folks | Humanities, Transpersonal Psychology, there have been booking reserved seats for Psychology and Writing & Literature. weeks. In the city of Cork, every screen at every theater will be showing Michael Collins exclu- 8 Mentors guide students with a plan of sively. And in an extraordinary move by the study and individualized instruction. venerable Irish film censors, the Collins film Requires 45+ earned college credits. has received a “PG” rating so that the school- | Fully accredited. Financial aid available. children of Ireland can at long last see for them- g For more information, call or write: selves the story of the man who made Ireland ^ free. (Here in the U.S. it received an “R’ rating I M R U Burlington College Admissions for violence.) For months the battle has been ff 95 North Ave, Burlington, VT 05401 davidjoy@sover.net raging in the letters section of Irish newspapers, g Michael Collins, the film, will hit Ireland like an g S r iS Il 1-800-862-9616 atom bomb. Fasten your seat belts, lads. □ mJh

b ig

F A

# R Y

ST^RE

McfiKtoyyck,

INDEPENDENT STUDY Burlington College's Independent Degree Program

S E V E N DAY S

page

N IS S A N

P A T H F IflD E R

p r e s e n t s

BY PETER KURTH

R ID

RULES FOR FOOLS y, my. We certainly caused a rumpus with our Matt Stickney column. We really hit a nerve. We’ve been date less every Saturday night since the offending piece appeared. We’ve been shunned in the community and glared at on the street. For the benefit of any future disgruntled readers, we offer the following from Miss Dorothy Parker, our personal favorite for the title of Most Downtrodden Woman in History: Humor, Heaven help me, takes in many things. There must be ' courage; there must be no awe. There must be criticism, for humor, fo my mind, is encapsulated in criticism. There must be a disci plined eye and a wild mind. There must be a magnificent disregard for your reader, for i f he cannot follow you, there is nothing you can do about it.

DON'T M ISS The Making Of Warren Miller's Snowriders Nov. 18 - 22 a t 10:30 p m o n A d e lp h ia C ab le ch an n e l 24 (The S h o w p lac e n e tw o rk )

Flynn Theatre Friday, N o v. 2 2 6 : 3 0 & 9 :3 0 Sa tu rd a y, N o v. 2 3 6 :0 0 & 9 : 0 0 For discounts on groups of 10 or more call 800-729-3456 plus receive a free video of last year's film "Endless Winter" with each group order! (a $59.95 value) Tickets available at Alpine Shop, Flynn Theatre box office (863-5966), U V M Campus Ticket Store and Laser World Video.

DI RECTV,

evian

VWORLDIS A W IDESPONSOR

Special thanks to our co-sponsors.

FREE LIFT TICKET TO SUGARBUSH, VERMONT! Everyone attending S N O W R ID E R S will receive a certificate for one FREE lift ticket valid o n W arren M iller Appreciation Days, Jan. 8 or 1 5,1997.* M ee t John Egan and D o u g Lewis on Jan. 8 th! * Or redeem your free lift ticket coupon for a special weekend package to Sugarbush for only $149 pp/do. Offer valid Jan.10-12, 1997 and includes 2 nights lodging and 2 days of skiing or riding (details at show).

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Steamboat

Take your mind off the p.c. wars for a minute and think about the “Rules Girls.” The Rules, Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider’s retro-bimbo guide to “Capturing the Heart of Mr. Right,” is the number-one bestselling book in America in the “Advice and How-To” category, outstripping even Dr. Atkins Diet Revolution and all those volumes that urge you to take time out from your busy day and care about your soul. I knew the “soul” thing wouldn’t stick in this country — it’s already been marketed as far as it can go. Snagging a mate, on the other hand, is always popular, and never more than now, when the bottom line is all that matters to the vast majority of people, and American women, according to Fein and Schneider, “want results.” “What we are promising you is ‘happi ly ever after,’” the authors proclaim. “The purpose of The Rules is to make Mr. Right obsessed... by making l^ h n e - l e s l e tl ( 'S ecrets % yourself seem unattain able. In plain language, f o r \^. <ipiurimy m e we’re talking about play I'tecxrl o f IfZ r . f lk a lz t ing hard to get!” This is the same approach Anne B Y E L L E N F E IN ID S H E R R IE SC H N E 1 D Boleyn took with Henry VIII, but never mind. The Rules are a list of 35 “proven” techniques for duping the dope into marriage. First, you must “Be a Creature Unlike Any Other.” How you accomplish this and how you maintain it is your own business, but since you’re faking it to start with you won’t have any trou ble with the advice that follows: “Don’t Talk to a Man First.” “Don’t Stare at Men or Talk Too M uch.” “Don’t Call Him and Rarely Return His Calls.” “Don’t Open Up Too Fast,” etc. The warning about “opening up” is particularly stringent. A Rules Girl never goes beyond “Casual Kissing on the First Date,” though she is allowed to break up with anyone who doesn’t send her chocolates on Valentine’s Day. Her own lack of interest can only extend so far. “To call men is to pursue them,” Fein and Schneider remark with a frown, “which is totally against The Rules. They will immediately know that you like them and possibly lose interest. W hy take a chance?” If they don’t lose interest — if the moun tain comes back to Mohammad for a second time — a Rules Girl is advised to drop immediately into the worshipful mode: “Don’t Tell Him W hat to Do.” “Let Him Take the Lead.” “Don’t Try to Change Him or Expect Him to Change.” Having been instructed already to “Be Honest But Mysterious,” she will now “Be Easy to Live W ith,” and her Man will be so much in love with her that he will never sleep with his secretary or pop her in the eye. “You don’t have to worry about being battered” if this formula is religiously observed, say Fein and Schneider. “Sure, he might wish you balanced your checkbook, lost 10

Continued on page 32

: . : v " . . . : ' : Backudk w ill return next week. Visit the W arren M iller website a t w w w .w m film s.com page

S E V E N DAYS

november

1996

Bv Ro ber t

Jones

’m a bird hunter, and though I’ve owned some fine point ers and setters in my time, I finally settled on the Labrador retriever as my gundog of choice. I like Labs for their

talking with Joe on the phone one evening when he interrupt ed the conversation to give me a blow-by-blow of Mrs. B. stalking an eight-point whitetail buck that was nibbling weeds on Joe’s front lawn. “She’s get ting close now, belly down, ears

fox hounds — often 30 or 40 miles a day — and when a fox went to ground the Russell was sent down the hole to chase it back out. They also were dis patched into badger setts on suicide missions — kill or be killed — and usually emerged

explosion had blown up the part where she had been impris oned. She was able to dig through what was left and although she emerged in a totally different area from the one she had been in before, she found her way home in no time. These little terriers have an uncanny bump of direction.” How could any dog lover help but admire the breed? When Mrs. B. was pregnant with her first litter I took up Donna’s offer of a pup. I didn’t really plan to hunt her, but I wanted a bitch in any event, figuring a female would be easier to handle than a male. Oh, yeah.

FRIDAY smarts, their steadiness, their calm dispositions, their desire to please, and the fire that blazes from their eyes whatever the game. Secretly, though, I’ve always felt that any dog, regard less of race, creed, gender or place of national origin, can be taught to hunt. All this by way of explaining why now — in addition to my yellow Lab Jake — I own the funniest, feistiest little bitch known to dogdom, a terror of a terrier named Rosalind Russell. Yes, for the late comedienne, whom she resembles in spirit if not in looks. I got Roz as a puppy from my friends Joe Judge and Donna Davenport of the Twin Ponds Duck Club on Maryland’s Eastern Shore, one of the finest waterfowling venues on the Atlantic Flyway. Joe prefers Chesapeake Bay retrievers for ducks and geese, but for awhile — “just for the hell of it” — he owned a com bative Jack Russell named Boomer, and acquired a bitch of the breed to provide him with a mate — Mrs. Boomer, known more familiarly as Mrs. B. The trouble with this arrangement was that Boomer, typical of male Jack Russells, was always picking fights with the club’s canine houseguests. That could only end in disaster. Tough as they are, Jacks are too small to chomp it out with big retrievers and pointing dogs. Before Boomer got himself crunched, Joe dealt him off to a shooting friend, who later reported that Boomer had turned into a superb dove and quail dog. He’d sit steadfast with his new owner in a dove blind, mark down all the kills and cripples, retrieve them on command, and stack them neatly in little piles in the blind. O n quail he worked close and flushed the birds as spryly as a Springer Spaniel — though he sprang even higher when he pounced. Mrs. B. is no slouch as a hunter herself. Though she weighs only 14 pounds, she prefers big game to birds. I was november

1996

back, he doesn’t see her yet... He’s looking up, looking behind him. Christ! He whips around and runs for it, she jumps, grabs him by the ass — she’s hanging on for dear life! There they go, into the corn field, the bucktail wagging the d o g ...” That doesn’t surprise me at all —- nothing about Russells does. I had a friend back in the 197Os who had a Jack Russell named Dudley. While visiting him one winter up in the Catskills, we took a walk in the snowy woods with Dudley and his littermate, Bentley, frisking ahead of us. We hiked through ankle-deep snow along a frozen creek, the anchor ice light-blue beneath the gelid sky, whole cascades frozen in place by win ter’s bite, and Stephen — an Englishman — said he’d been cataloguing the winter with his camera. As we turned back toward his home, we passed a house on the porch of which resided two large, black dogs. — a Labrador and a Newfound land. The big dogs came pour ing off the porch in a hell of a fury. Dudley and Bentley kept their silence. They raced toward the big dogs with a steadfast ness of purpose, such a murder ous intent, that the Lab and Newfie suddenly changed their minds about home-guard duty. They galloped back to the porch. Dudley and Bentley sprang up the steps and backed the big dogs against the front door. Yap Yap Yap.. .The house’s owner, a citified gent, then stepped outside and in high color yelled down to us, “Get those hell-hounds out of here or I’ll call the police!” Together the Russells weighed about 28 pounds. The retrievers, 250. ussells were originally bred by a 19th-century English parson, the Reverend Jack Russell, who rode fanatically to hounds. His dogs were derived from the Fox Terrier and select ed for courage, ferocity, speed, small size and total toughness. They ran with the long-legged

victorious, though sometimes lacking an ear or an eye. In his heart-warming book Tales o f a Rat-Hunting Man, a Welshman named D. Brian Plummer defines the breed as “...the multitude of canine sins lumped together and called col lectively the Jack Russell Terrier... whereas as rat killers they were excellent, they rushed in and slew foxes before they could bolt; they were so hard that they refused to give ground to a badger and were thus torn to pieces.” Mona Huxham, in All About the Jack Russell Terrier, tells of a representative of the breed named Cindy who fell down a mine shaft. All efforts to save her failed, her yipping

oz was eight weeks old when I brought her home from the Chesapeake, and weighed barely three pounds. She fit comfortably in the palm of my hand — so small that I worried, when I first showed her to Jake, he’d think I was offering him a snack. So I kept her in the car while I went in and prepared him for the great event. “I’ve got a new friend for you, Jake,” I told him. “She’s very young and very tiny, and

pounds, her eyes barely cleared the tops of the mushrooms, but she was all heart. Russells are very companionable; indeed, they hate to be left behind once they’ve been bonded, so remembering that Boomer had become a good bird dog I took her out with us when Jake and I went hunting. At first Roz straggled along underfoot or behind me, yet she never complained. If she caught sight of Jake, quartering ahead of us, she ran to catch up. Even though Jake worked close, she was still too slow, too puppy-clumsy to keep up with the big Lab. But whenever she heard a grouse or woodcock flush, followed by the bang of the shotgun, her ears shot up and she leaped forward — “all atip,” as the English say. As the season progressed, she ranged farther out from beneath my feet. Late one afternoon, as we were sidehilling our way through some wicked thick aspen, she was about five yards out from me and inadvertently stepped on a woodcock. It sprang with a wild twitter from directly beneath-her nose, she tried to leap for it, and I popped it at the top of its rise. But Jake got to the bird before Roz could. Still, the light flashed on in her eyes — I’ve seen it many times, in mutts and pure-breds alike, in every kind of dog: the understanding that this is what

They took o ff into a corn field lik e a brace o f canine Exocets, p u ttin g up h a lf a dozen ringnecks w ell out o f range. I w histled them back a n d gave them a sulphurous lecture , em barrassing them as much as they'd em barrassed me.

grew weaker, and after much soul-searching Cindy’s owners decided that, to prevent a slow, agonizing death by starvation, they’d best blow her up with dynamite. “This they did and her cries were heard no more.” Soon after the owners got home, though, Cindy showed up at the door — “thinner and dirtier, but at least alive. The

S E V E N DAY S

you’ve got to take care of her, be nice to her, show her how to hunt — but don’t get any romantic ideas.” Just the thought of such progeny was chilling. Jake’s been a gentle man ever since. By the time bird season opened here in Vermont, Roz was nearly four months old. She weighed about five or six

it’s all about, this is hunting. From that moment on, it was catch as catch can. The dogs worked out a clever division of labor. Roz was mistress o f the thick stuff. CoVer that daunted Jake — and there wasn’t much that could do it — was her delight. When she reached full size, weighing a C ontinued on page 18 page

■7

rife,

WEDNESDAY

PANDORA (freestyle acoustic sensations), Java Love, 8 p.m. No cover. MIXED BAG W/JAMES O'HALLORAN, JONATHAN EDDY & LIAM FLYNN (blues, jazz & originals), Cactus Cafe, 7 p.m. No cover. OPEN MIKE, Burlington Coffeehouse, City Market, 8 p.m. No cover. GIRLS' NIGHT OUT (hip-hop dance), Cafe No No, 9 p.m. $3-6. FUNKELBERRIES (funk-rock), Nectar’s, 9:30 p.m. No cover. B SHARP JAZZ QUARTET, Club Metronome, 9:30 p.m. $5. OMINOUS SEAPODS, JIGGLE THE HAN DLE (groove rock), Club Toast, 9:30 p.m. $4/6. JOHN SAYLES FILM RETROSPECTIVE (Return of the Secaucus 7; Baby It’s You), Last Elm, 5:30 p.m. Donations. HEARTATTACK WITH ROBERTO RENNA (DJ), 135 Pearl, 9 p.m., $4/6. HANNIBAL & AGOSTI (rock), Alley Cats, 9 p.m. No cover. JOE CAPPS (jazz guitar), Mona’s, 5:30 p.m. No cover. RUN FOR COVER (rock), Patches, 9 p.m. No cover. KARAOKE & DJ, Thirsty Turtle, Waterbury, 8:30 p.m. No cover. LIVE ACOUSTIC MUSIC, The Cambridge Coffee House at Smugglers Notch Inn, Jeffersonville, 7 p.m. Donations.

P rofessional DJServices •p a r tie s •r e u n io n s

• w e d d in g s

THURSDAY

MINNOW (freshwater aquatic grooves), Java Love, 8 p.m. No cover. MAGIC INTRO NIGHT (card game), Cafe No E|o, 7 p.m. No cover. GEORGE PETIT &THE DESIRED EFFECT (jazz), Halvorson’s, 9 p.m. $2. GORDON STONE TRIO (jazz-bluegrass), Last Elm, 9 p.m. Donations. (SIC), SOMAH (alt-funk), Club Metronome, 9:30 p.m. $3. COREY STEVENS, AUGUSTA BROWN (rock), Club Toast, 9:30 p.m. $8. BUZZ NIGHT (DJ), 135 Pearl, 10 p.m. $2 after 11 p.m. FUNK-GS (funk), Manhattan Pizza, 10 p.m. No cover. LIVE MUSIC (rock), Nectar’s, 9:30 p.m. No cover. RAY LEWIS & MATT MCGIBNEY (blues-folk), Vermont Pub & Brewery, 10 p.m. No cover. MARK STEFFENHAGEN BAND (rock), J.P.’s Pub, 9:30 p.m. No cover. OPEN MIKE NIGHT WITH MARK GALBO (acoustic), Cactus Cafe, 8 p.m. No cover. GENIUS MAGNETS (jazz), Mona’s Jazz Bar, 5:30 p.m. No cover. MARK TWANG (country-rock), Patches, 9 p.m. No cover. KARAOKE &DJ, Thirsty Turtle, Waterbury, 9:30 p.m. No cover. IAN &JIM (DJs), Charlie-o’s, Montpelier, 9 p.m. No cover. OPEN MIKE,

Gallagher’s, Waitsfield, 8:30 p.m. No cover.

• p ic n ic s

•d a n ces • n ig h tc lu b s • e tc . Thousands of CDs-all types of music! Call Mike DeLatte at 660-9394

FRIDAY

CLYDE STATS TRIO (jazz), Windjammer, 5 p.m. No cover. BOOTLESS & UNHORSED (Irish), Last Chance, 7:30 p.m. No cover. THE WILLIAM & JOSH PROJECT (organic music for the head), Java Love, 9 p.m. No cover. JOHN VOORHEES (contem porary folk), Cafe No No, 9 p.m. $3-5. CATHERINE MOON, TOM WILLIAMS (contemporary folk), Vermont Coffeehouse at Contois Auditorium, 9:30 p.m. $5. WOMEN'S NIGHT (DJ), 135 Pearl, 9 p.m. $5. COOPER &LAVOIE (r&b), Vermont Pub & Brewery, 10 p.m. No cover. THE BOGMEN, UNIVERSAL HONEY (alt-rock), Club Toast, 10 p.m., $5. FORTUNE TELLERS (vintage rock), Nectar’s, 9:30 p.m. No cover. BUFFALO TOM, INVISIBLE JET, CAR (alt-rock), Club Metronome, 9 p.m. $10. COLD STEEL BREEZE BLUES BAND, Manhattan Pizza, 9:30 p.m. No cover. JENNI JOHNSON & FRIENDS (jazz/blues), Mona’s Jazz Bar, 5:30 p.m. No cover. LAST ELM STRING BAND (traditional folk, contra), Last Elm Cafe, 8 p.m. Donations. COMEDY ZONE (stand-up), Radisson Hotel, 8 & 10 p.m., $7. THE PLAYERS (rock), Patches Pub, Holiday Inn, 9 p.m. WALT ELMORE &ALL THAT JAZZ, Tuckaway’s, Sheraton, 9 p.m. No cover. NASTY HABITS (rock), Wolf’s Lair, Colchester, 9 p.m. No cover. QUADRA (rock), Thirsty Turtle, Waterbury, 9:30 p.m. $2. THE URGE (rock), Charlie-o’s, Montpelier, 10 p.m. No cover. ELLEN POWELL & JERRY LAVENE (jazz), Main Street Bar & Grill Downstairs, Montpelier, 9 p.m. No cover. COOL WATERS (rock, r&b), Mad Mountain Tavern, Waitsfield, 9 p.m. $3. VIBRO KINGS (rock), Gallagher’s, Waitsfield, 8:30 p.m. $2. DIAMOND JIM JAZZ BAND, Diamond Jim’s Grille, St. Albans, 8 p.m. No cover. ^

SATURDAY

THE TUMBLEWEED FAMILY (homegrown hootenanny), Java Love, 9 p.m. No cover. MIMI KATES (contemporary folk), Burlington Coffeehouse, City Market, 9 p.m. $5. ORGANIC GROOVE FARMERS OF UVM, JAMES CARAN (contemporary folk), Vermont Coffeehouse at Vermont Pasta, 9:30 p.m. $5. JENNY LYNN & THE HOUSE OF GOLD (bluegrass), Cafe No No, 8 p.m. $3-5. BL00Z0T0MY (blues), Manhattan Pizza, 9:30 p.m. No cover. FORTUNETELLERS (vintage rock), Nectar’s, 9:30 p.m. No cover. LITTLE MARTIN (funk/soul/house DJ), 135 Pearl, 9 p.m. $5. THE PANTS, THE GRAVEL PIT, LINDY PEAR (alt-rock), Club Toast, 9:30 p.m., $5. BOB CAT KELLY'S BLUES, Vermont Pub & Brewery, 10 p.m. No cover. RETRONOME (DJ), Club Metronome, 10 p.m. $15. BOOTLESS & UNHORSED (Irish), Last Chance, 7:30 p.m. No cover. SETH YACOVONE (blues), Ruberi James, 9 p.m. $3. GEORGE PETIT TRIO (jazz), Mona’s Jazz Bar, 7 p.m. No cover. COMEDY ZONE (stand-up), Radisson Hotel, 8 & 10 p.m., $7. THE PLAYERS (rock), Patches Pub, Holiday Inn, 9 p.m. No cover. JENNI JOHNSON (jazz/blues), Tuckaway’s, Sheraton Hotel, 9 p.m. No cover. NASTY HABITS (rock), Wolf’s Lair, Colchester, 9 p.m. No cover. ELLEN POWELL & JERRY LAVENE (jazz), Yellow Dog Restaurant, Winooski, 9 p.m. No cover. QUADRA (rock), Thirsty Turtle, Waterbury, 9:30 p.m. $2. LAR DUGGAN TRIO (jazz), Main Street Bar and Grill Downstairs, Montpelier, 9 p.m. No cover. SPIN CYCLE (r&b), Charlie-o’s, Montpelier, 9:30 p.m. No cover. BUFFA LO HIRD (rock), Gallagher’s, Waitsfield, 9:30 p.m. $2. AARON HERSEY (funk, r&b), Mad Mountain Tavern,

Waitsfield, 9 p.m. $3.

No explanation in the press kit for the name — September 67 — of this duo, guitarist/vocalist Shannon Worrell and drummer/keyboardist Kristin Asbury. I'm guessing someone's birth-month. Their fluid music, too, has mystery; shadow, innuendo and imagistic poetry define Worrell's lyrics, like a secret set to music. The pair met at the University of Virginia and launched their unusual sound — Worrell calls it "southern gothic pop" — with some help from friend Dave Matthews. Like the bittersweet beauty of autumn? Try September 67. At Metronome next Tuesday.

SUNDAY

PATH CASEY, BOB CAGNON & MAI! MCGIBNEY (acoustic brunch), City Market, 11 a.m. No cover. ACOUSTIC SUNRISE BRUNCH (open jelly), Java Love, 11 a.m. No cover. BIG PINE PUPPET SHOW (miniature ballet), Last Elm, 1 p.m. Donations. WOMEN'S CABARET (music and poetry), 135 Pearl, 7 p.m. $3. OPEN MIKE (acoustic), Vermont Coffeehouse, Vermont Pasta, 8 p.m. Donations. TJ KIRK, URBAN DISTURBANCE (alt-rock), Club Toast, 9:30 p.m. $8. RUSS FLANAGAN (jazz/rock), Nectar’s, 9:30 p.m. No cover. FLEX RECORDS NIGHT (dub DJ), Club Metronome, 10 p.m. No cover. ALEX BETZ (jazz),

Main Street Bar and Grill Downstairs, Montpelier, 11 a.m. No cover.

MONDAY

OPEN STAGE (all genres), Cafe No No, 8:30 p.m. Donations. GRATEFUL JAVA JELLY (open grateful/blues jelly), Java Love, 8 p.m. No cover. SMOKEHOUSE (rock), Nectar’s, 9:30 p.m. No cover. BE THAT WAY, STUPID CLUB, 0X0 (heavy men tal, alt-rock), Club Metronome, 9 p.m. No cover. CAPLETON W/THET3 BAND (dub), Club Toast, 10 p.m. $10. 1 8 + DANCE NIGHT (guest DJs), 135 Pearl, 9 p.m. Cover varies. WOMEN'S NIGHT (dinner), Last Elm, 6 p.m. $2/Donations. ALLEY CAT JAM (rock-blues), Alley Cats, 9 p.m. No cover.

TUESDAY

THE BURLYTOWN BEANERY OPEN MIC KHIGHT (acoustic), Java Love, 8 p.m. No cover. CAFE SALON (spontaneous discussion), Last Elm,_7 p.m. Donations. FLASHBACK: HITS OF THE '80S (DJ), Club Toast, 9:30 p.m. No cover/$5 under 21. SEPT 67 (Shannon Worrell & Kristin Asbury), Club Metronome, 7 p.m. $3; followed by LITTLE MARTIN (DJ), 10 p.m. No cover. TODD MICHAEL SMITH (rock), Nectar’s, 9:30 p.m. No cover. STEVE GOLDBERG JAZZ TRIO, Parima Thai

Restaurant, 9 p.m. No cover. Al l c l u b s in B u r l i n g t o n Al s o l ook f o r

page

S E V E N DAY S

unl e s s o t h e r wi s e not ed.

“ S o u n d A d v i c e ” at h t t p : / / w w w . b i g h e a v y w o r l d . c o m /

november

6,1996 A

j ■i

Joh n Zorn's M asada M onday, Novem ber 18 at 7:30 pm If you've had a hankering for the Stevie Ray Vaughan, Corey Stevens is here to wipe away the tears — he sounds just like the late Texas bluesman. Growing up halfway between Chicago and the Mississippi Delta, young Corey soaked up the indigenous sounds — then grooved to British bluesrockers while being classically trained in college. Now based in L.A., the fiery guitarist clings to his roots while charting his own musical history —

"E cstatic Jew ish b lu e s...

his debut CD, Blue Drops of Rain, testifies to his originality while paying

a s p iritu a l e x p e r ie n c e ."

homage to, yep, Stevie Ray. Stevens chars Toast this Thursday. Augusta Brown opens.

(D a vid Budbill, Verm ont p layw right, jazz fan )

Missing The Replacements and Hiisker Du, where's a fan of smart, loud bands going to go? To a Buffalo Tom concert, of course. The U Massspawned threesome can cite literary influences and blow amps with equal aplomb. Chris Colbourn, Bill Janovitz and Tom Maginnis have endured long enough to shift their sound halfway out of the garage, and aren't afraid to put clever wordplay in the driver's seat. Buffalo Tom cranks at Metronome this Friday. Invisible Jet and Car rev up first

rhythm& news BY

PAMELA

P0LSTO N

CHECKING THE PULSE

According to the October 25 issue of Rock Airplay Monitor, a radio industry magazine, one heartbeat at 96.7 FM-The Buzz may soon be checking out. “Chris Fleming, PD of modern WXPS Burlington, Vt., is named morning host/promotions director at top 40 W Q Z Q (the Party) Nashville,” it reads in black and white. Fleming officially denies everything. “It was premature,” says the twentysomething pro gram d ’rector at one of Burlington’s two alter native-rock stations. “A guy at the Nashville station is trying to get me to come down there. I’ve taken a lot of grief for it this week.” Fleming admits, however, that he “would go if they offered me enough money.” He also acknowledges his reputation for not spending more than six months on a job. But never mind all that; Fleming insists he’s committed to keeping the Pulse beating.

PARTY POOPERS

The Pulse got more publici ty — but again, not the kind it wants — in a Burlington Free Press news item last Saturday. According to the tiny article, The Pulse and Bolton Valley Ski Resort co-sponsored a Halloween party at which four arrests were made — for suspicion of driving while intoxi cated and underage drinking — by the Vermont State Police and the state Liquor Control Department. In fact, says one of the actual party organizers, deejay Craig Mitchell, the station was present simply for a promo tion, and the ski resort was a rented venue. Furthermore, the cops apparently tried their best to declare the party — dubbed “The Ooze” — DOA. It seems a nasty rumor got circulated that the party was a rave, and, as we all know, raves kill kids, or at least turn them into drug-addled, alcohol-crazed fornicators. The morning after, Mitchell and co-organizer David Coggio discovered that police had been parked at the base of the mountain during the party, stopping and searching cars and advising people to avoid the “negative activity” that was allegedly taking place uphill. “The TV news report made it sound like a free-for-all,”

reports Mitchell. Well, he reports, nothing could be further from the truth; the crowd of 300 (500-1000 were expected), was wellbehaved and law-abiding, and a good time was had by all — except for when the troopers strolled through the dance floor. Consequence: the organizers lost a couple of grand, and an unknown number of potential partyers missed a good time. “It’s tough to think they’d go out of their way to make an issue of a party,” Mitchell says. “Kids are gonna do what they’xe gonna do no matter what, but I’d much rather have them in a controlled, safe atmosphere... Arresting them isn’t going to help; being a pos itive influence is.”

LOCAL BOY DOES GOOD DEPT. Charlotte, Vermont, native Aaron Flinn won top place — and a new Ibanez guitar— in the 2nd Annual Acoustic Guitar Search in Burlington last Wednesday. (Craig Jeffries and Scott McAllister took second and third, respectively.) Sponsored by the guitar company, Advance Music, W IZN-FM and Sam Adams Brewers, the contest might have felt a little familiar to Flinn. After all, he took home honors for two of his high school bands, Sweet Revenge and Rage, at Burlington’s Battle of the Bands in the mid-’80s. Since then, Flinn’s graduated magna cum laude from Boston’s Berklee College of Music, where he was voted by the faculty one of the school’s top five songwriters — 289 tunes registered at the Library of Congress so far, and he’s only 26. Look for two Burlington club dates later this month — and Flinn’s Chuck Eller-produced debut CD might be out in time for stuffing stockings.

Cartoon music, Japanese pop music, blues, and free jazz influence this lauded and irreverent composer/saxophonist who cuts and pastes wildly different styles into each of his songs. A musical rebel in the 70s and '80s, today Zorn leads New York's "downtown" improvisational sound. Eastern Europe's exuberant Klezmer music is his current fascination which he and his band Masada update with energy and wit. Joey Baron on drums, Dave Douglas on trumpet, Greg Cohen on bass. ?^(THEATREj^? Media Support from 4

F IY H M

BUZZ,

153 Main St.. Burlington, VT 802.863.5966 BIG HEAVY WORLD WISHES A HEARTFELT THANK YOU! A, To the Generous Sponsors of the Big Heavy World Benefit Bash ‘96: 96.7 fM "The Pulse" • WWIN TV • Club Toast • Adelphia Cable • Azure Moon Magic Hat • Seven Days * Rhombus Communications • Good Citizen • Burlington City Arts Markus Brakhan Intellectual Property Law • Kinko's • Advance Music • The B Side • Muddy Waters * All Points Booking • AudioNet • The Pants • Chin Ho! • Construction Joe Zola Turn • Lindy Pear • The Dave,Keller Blues Band • *. Rocketsled *The Faqs -vJames Kochalka Superstar r . . y 0 -v &Burlington ‘s very happening music community... v / Also, to the individuals who contributed so much:

Josh Stacy, Karep McGregor, Michael Ficociello. Nicole Hegeman, Jeff Lopcr. Russ Smith. Scott Aguglia, Melanie Nunnink. Daemmon Hughes. Sara Farr, Steve Tremblay, Stacey Steinmetz. Andrew SmithcCraig Duckworth, David Fay. Mandy Hunt and all whose interest and support made the night possible! w w w .b ig h e a v y w o r td .c o m

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How to summarize the Big Heavy World Benefit Bash at Toast last Friday night? A rockin’ good show from eight local bands; brief frontal nudity; three record labels sniffing around; a techno-achievement. And if you buy the T-shirt, “Big Heavy” Jim Lockridge might break even. But it wasn’t really for the money, he concedes; just the exposure the Burlington music scene got on all media: TV, radio, AudioNet, the Internet — and, of course, this paper. The video will soon be ready for cable access. Any questions? Check the source: www.bigheavyworld.com.

N ovem ber

26 * 7:30 p m

flynn Theatre, Burlington VT Get Your Tickets at: ^ Flynn Theatre Box Office, Burlington • UVMCampus Ticket Store, Burlington L. 1 ^ laser World Video, Essex • Peacock Music, Plattsburgh Sound Source, Middlebury • Main Street News, Montpelier ^

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Got something to tell Rhythm &CNews? Call Pamela at (802) 864.5684. Or mail your tip to P.O. Box 1164, Burlington, VT 05402, or e-mail, to sevenday@together.net.

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(Alert Records, CD) — The Toronto-based quartet called Universal Honey saves Leslie Stanwyck from being just another pretty-voiced singer-songwriter — and gives this sometimes ethereal guitarpop enough crunch to satisfy the head-bangers in the front row. Earth Moon Transits first single, “Any Road Back,” has the distinction of fitting in on AAA, Top 40 and Alternative radio as well as MTV. It’s an indication of the rest of the album: fresh, rockin’, melodic — call it New Pop. Whatever. This band just might steal your affections while everyone else struggles to define “alternative.” Fresh off a tour with Goo Goo Dolls, Universal Honey open for The Bogmen this Friday at Toast. Sweet.

BEST OF VERMONT (compilation released by the Vermont Coffeehouse, CD) — Organized by Vermont Coffeehouse impresario Jack Honig, this collection is touted as the best of the state’s coffee house culture, as judged by a panel of music biz people in the Boston area. Of course it was impossible to include everyone, as the Green Mountains are swarming with acoustic musicians (1 predict sequels). Recorded with warmth and intimacy by*Martin Guigui, the disc is a pleasant romp through the gentle soundscape of folk, fplk-blues, Irish and the indefinable category called singer-songwriter, and the musi cians are from all over the state. These 15 contributions* from the spirited opener, “Nightmare Town,” by John Voorhees, to The Highland Weavers’ Irish jig-is-up tune, “Eileen Og,” make for a lively sampler — and a homegrown gift for fans of folk. Subjective picks: the beauteous harmonies of Williston’s Bowers & Harned; spunky vocals from St. Albans’ Kate Barclay and Wells Rivers Meagan Carberry, and the scruffy, back-porch blues of UVM’s Organic Groove Farmers. MI MI KATES, HALFHAY HOME (Moment of Faith Music, CD) — The title track gets this new CD from Vermont singersongwriter Mimi Kates off to a beautiful start. Her compelling angel voice — with Baez-like vibrato — and unobtrusive guitarwork can reel in the unsuspecting listener. The occasional overdubbed har monies, such as in the multiiay“Just for or doo“Be :h Me,” give Halfway Home a choral round ness, but Kates holds her own a cappella, too. She can be precious — satirical “Play Nice for the Relatives,” is a bit much. Still, most of these personalized words ring true to life — and close to the heart. The quiet, plaintive “In the Shallows” speaks for all of us who don’t dare live life to its fullest. Kates weaves her spell at Burlington Coffeehouse this Saturday. B SHARP JAZZ QUARTET. SEARCHING FOR THE ONE (Mama Foundation, CD) — The poetic spoken-word

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intro of Searchingfor the One suggests right off that L.A.’s groovemeisrers B Sharp Jazz Quartet are urban-hip and serious. Hip but not hop. The music that follows is pure, acoustic neotraditionalist jazz, more at home in the haunts of the elders than in acid enclaves. Randall Willis scats and floats through his sax, abetted by the solid piano accompani ment of Rodney Lee and smoky bass of Osama Afifi. Drummer Herb Graham, Jr. builds structure without cluttering it up. Consider the inspiration John Coltrane, Roland Kirk, Charles Mingus. This 13track CD summarizes the state of African-American jazz — at least WestCoast style — a distinctively cool, melodic, textural post-bop blend that innovates on top of the basics without showing off. Its a heady, mature mix ture with nary a squawk. B Sharp blows into Metronome this Wednesday. □

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On the surface, Doggie Daycare is a service for dog owners — to relieve the guilt of leaving Fido alone all day, pre vent him from chewing up the furniture, or to board him in a friendly place during vacations. But step outside, or even into the capacious indoor pens, and it’s clear what the place means to the animals. “They’re here to play with other dogs,” Clark says. “We’ll play with them sometimes, or if a dog appears bored we’ll take it for a walk.” The staff might engage in a little obedience

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Pat Clark gets canine kisses. my kids,” says Clark, who owns five herself. “I just figured other people had the same problems I did — what to do with them when I went to work, how to socialize them, how to get them more exercise than they can get in a walk around the block.” Indeed, the yapping herd in the expansive yard outside Clark’s Industrial Avenue office appears to be happy as clams, and far more active than soli tary dogs in their own back yards tend to be.

november

1996

training, teach tricks, attend to special health or diet needs, and pay extra attention to the new guys. Otherwise, it’s a dog’s life, and that pretty much means play, play, eat, nap, and play some more. “You can’t say the words ‘Doggie Daycare’ in my house without Nick going crazy,” tes tifies David Roby, co-owner of Bullet Boy, a Burlington-area delivery service. His pit bull, Nick, attends only once or C ontinued on page 12

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than most o f us. W hat looks like aggres twice a week, but obviously sion can sometimes be just a Can’t wait to go. And if you normal dog thing. Like “face think a pit bull doesn’t get fights,” or rough-and-tumble along with other dogs, forget play. Like humping. The staff it. “They AwvNick at Doggie tries to limit the latter because Daycare,” Roby assures. it tends to upset dog owners. In fact, it’s sometimes the lit But “humping isn’t really sexu tle guys that cause more of a al,” says Clark. “It’s just domi ruckus. Like Aengus, a wire fox nance behavior, to find out terrier owned by graphic design where they are in the pecking er Cindy Mattison, order. Most o f the who lives in time,” she adds, “if Richmond and you explain to people works in Burlington. some o f the behavior “He thinks he’s a that concerns them, Rottweiler or a Lab,” they’re OK.” she says apologetical Dog owners are ly. “He does not especially OK when have fun with the lit H um ping isrit really sexual Its they begin taking home tle dogs and, thank a pet that is better fully, the staff can socialized — to other deal with that — dogs and to people — they know he can more obedient, and handle playing with ju s t dom inance behavior, to more relaxed at the end the big dogs.” of the day “A bored “The dogs that dog,” says Clark, “is don’t make it here going to get into a lot tend to be fin d out where they are in the more trouble than a unneutered males,” tired one who’s played Clark notes. “They hard all day” Just like a can be more aggres kid. sive.” However, Doggie Daycare Doggie Daycare can pecking order. was the first such busi deal with the few ness in the Burlington unsociable dogs in area and is still the solitary pens inside largest, but it didn’t — these also serve P at C lark remain the only one as “time-out” rooms for long. The Crate for overexcited or Escape in Richmond naughty dogs. and Maggie Mae’s on There’s an introduc Williston Road opened tory room for new their doors in the past comers, too, where year, and smaller back they can gradually yard businesses are fol become accustomedlowing the model of to the sounds, home-based daycare smells — and sheer quantity And like children, dogs are centers for children. There are — of the other animals. One keenly perceptive to the sound plenty of pets, it appears, to wall o f this pen is a chainlink o f mom or dad. “They can tell support the burgeoning day fence bordering the outdoor the sound of their owners car,” care business locally and yard, and, often, a gaggle of she says. “W hen they hear it nationwide. curious canines form a wagging puli in the parking lot, they “When I first started this, welcoming committee on the . run over to the fence and start everybody laughed,” Clark other side. barking” — usually followed recalls. “Then they started W hen Clark describes dog by all the other dogs. bringing their dogs. If you have behavior, it sounds uncannily W hen it comes to behavior a dog and you really love it, human. The animals play that’s strictly canine, though, this really works.” □ games like hide-and-seek, folClark and her 20 part-time C ontinued from page 11

mountain. They tend to take • naps after lunch — no milk and cookies when they wake up, though. Many dogs become special buddies — like a large mixed-breed named Molly and Jenny, a litde Westie, who often curl up with each other at naptime. Some suffer separation anxiety — “we have one now who needs a mild tranquilizer,” notes Clark.

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S E V E N DAY S

november

1996

ANIMALS & AFTERLIFE

Pet philosopher Gary Kowalski oti heavenly cats and divine dogs Bv Paula Routl y

s spiritual leader of the Unitarian Universalist Church, Gary Kowalski ministers mostly to people. But his flock includes some real sheep. The soft-spoken vegetari an minister is an avid animal lover — his own faith, he says, is inspired by his relationship to the natural world and the myri ad creatures in it. Two years ago, Kowalski came forth with The Souls o f Animals, an awefilled examination of animal existence. His upcoming book, Goodbye, Friend, is not exactly a sequel. Due out next fall from Stillpoint Publishing, it offers spiritual solace to anyone who has loved — and lost — a pet.

Seven Days: Your first book was called The Soul of Animals. This book sounds like it’s more about the souls o f people. Gary Kowalski: It’s to do with both. Animals play an impor tant role in our lives. If they weren’t such complex, sensitive, responsive beings, they wouldn’t be so important to us. But it’s

grows up and leaves home. With your spouse, there is more independence. But this is daily: cleaning, feeding, grooming, walking, exercising. When the SD: What distingidshes the loss o f horse died, it was devastating. a pet from other deaths? GK: For The m oment you many people the loss of an greet you r cat, there animal is just as significant as the loss of a is a moment o f eye close friend or family mem contact, you realize ber. I talked with one woman who there is another recalled the death of her being there, livin g a horse — she had been with the animal for life that is totally 29 years. She said she had a foreign to you r own. bond with that horse that was closer in some ways SD: I bet she didn’t get a whole than the bond she shared with lot o f sympathy cards, either. her mother, or her husband or her kids. Not to discount those, GK: The death of an animal is pretty much minimized. If a but it was something very vis member of your family dies, or ceral, very immediate. A child

because animals have a capacity to love and care and express emotion — to bond with us — that they are so significant.

is seriously ill, you can expect a certain amount of sympathy and understanding from your friends and co-workers. There will be cards and notes, time off from work. Maybe people will

come over to the house so you don’t feel so alone and aban doned. Many people think of the loss of an animal as trivial. SD: Should you take time to

mourn, then? GK: You go through all the same emotions that you would expect with any loss. There is a period of shock and disbelief. You may feel bewilderment, anger, depression. Many people will develop physical symptoms that require visits to a doctor. People who lose a pet need to be compassionate with themselves and give themselves an oppor tunity to grieve, time to allow their body and mind to absorb and adjust and work through it. SD: Is this more of a problem with older peoplei GK: Older people may be reminded of their own impending death when they lose a com panion pet. For some older people who live alone, having an animal gives them a sense of Continued on page 14

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1996

S E V E N DAY S

page

ANIMALS & AFTERLIFE Continued from page 13

feeling needed. Just having one appreciative creature who shows that you make a differ ence in the world can be very important to your well-being. But others can certainly be affected, too. Sometimes for adolescents an animal maybe the only member of the family they can relate to. Oftentimes for couples who are childless, the cat or the dog can become just as significant as a son or a daughter and stands in that surrogate role as offspring. So people are differently affected. SD: Why do people get so attached to their pets? GK: Well, uh, pets are wonder ful. Animals are very direct in their emotions. There is no pre tense, there is no ambition. There is no manipulation... SD: You haven’t met my cat. GK: Yeah, but it’s not hard to read the signals. There’s an honesty and an authenticity that you have in your relation ship with an animal. Its not as clouded or as complicated as some o f our relationships with other human beings. And it helps to ground us. When we go home and feed our animal, and groom it, take the dog for a walk, there is something very physical and comforting about

it. t a t s o f studies have been done about the role of animals in human health. Just stroking a cat or a dog lowers your blood pressure. Studies have shown that people who have companion animals live longer than people who don’t. SD: So is this a how-to bookl GK: No, although it helps peo ple understand the dynamics of grieving. It’s a book that I hope will help people find meaning in the death and the life of their pet. The challenge of grieving is to weave that loss into some pattern of meaning so that the loss can be borne and accepted, and you see it as part of a larger, more meaning ful pattern of birth and death and ongoing life. As you might expect, I think the book will help people to engage spiritual and religious questions of what their life means, and what the life o f their animal means — to continue to find faith and meaning and hope in a world where our best friends only live for a few brief years. SD: Yeah, that seven-year multi plication thing is really unfair. GK: The average life span for a dog is 12 years. And a cat is 14 to 17. SD: Do. you encourage people to create rituals around a pet death? GK: Yeah, I think a celebra

tion, a commemoration, is im portant It can be very sim ple. People need to say good bye.

because if you put the ashes in $: ?, ; v;':" f: y 7" ' 7 ’X:,\ the casket, who is going to SD: Your own animal also made know? There is a man buried an appearance in The Souls of down at the animal cemetery • Animals. uMy own spiritual because he wanted to be with leader, ”you wrote, "is a dog-gone SD: Have you ever presided over his pets. It was the only way he mutt. ” Why animals — and not a ceremony o f that sort? could be with them. I suppose people? GK: I recently helped to dedi most people with small animals GK: My own religious experi cate the renovated animal prefer the back yard, where the ences, o f being connected to cemetery down at the Humane pet played. some reality that is more won drous and mysterious than I can know, occurred in relation ship to the natural world — especially to other living crea tures. I just have a sense of awe There is a man b u ried down at the a n i and joy and excitement in the presence of other living things. I have been down to Dead m al cem etery because he w anted to be Creek to watch the geese. They are so beautiful, so poised. There is such elegance and w ith his pets. It was the only way he grace and power in those ani mals that I can’t help but be moved by it.

could be w ith them.

Society. But I haven’t done it for individual animals. No one has ever asked me to. SD: My neighbor wants her cat to be buried with her. Do you know i f that is possible? GK: Most cemeteries, as I understand it, wouldn’t know ingly accept the remains of ani mals. Many may unknowingly accept the remains of animals,

SD: Is that legal? GK: I am sure that ordinances differ from town to town. My kids lost a couple of goldfish the summer before last and they are under the clothesline. We didn’t ask any county offi cer if we could put them in the back yard. Obviously if you have a horse, or a large animal, there are special problems.

SD: So animals for you are like a divine vehicle? GK: Yes, yes. I think living creatures are epiphanies. They are small revelations of the miracle and wonder behind Creation. The moment you greet your cat, there is a moment of eye contact, you realize there is another being there, living a life that is totally foreign to your own. It draws you out of yourself and your own small universe and opens you to a larger world. That for me is a religious experience. □

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1996

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Forget the cute little pot-bellied pig. Forget the weasel look-alike ferret. “The trendiest pet, the pet of the ’90s, would have to be the hedgehog,” says Eric Lachance, business manager of Noah’s Ark Pet Center in Colchester. “They have lots of the characteristics of the guinea pig. They eat cat food and crickets. We don’t recommend ferrets for people with young children or with other small animals, although sales of them are still pretty hot. We sell a lot of exotic birds like macaws and cockatoos.” Next in line for pet store popularity, according to Lachance, are exotics — scorpi ons, snakes and tarantulas. Some of these are sold to col lege students whose landlords may be unaware of their latest houseguest. “Maybe I shouldn’t be telling you this,” admits Lachance. These animals are problematic (see below), and it is not easy or cheap to repro duce their warm, sunny tropical climate. Someone in Vermont may want to think twice before taking home a brown-and-gold Royal Ball python.

SOME C A V E A T S ON E X O T I C S Dr. Steven Metz, DVM of the Shelburne Veterinary Hospital, no v e m b e r

1996

says, “We’re acutely aware of an exotic pets problem. People are always trying to get the most exotic pet they can. Snakes, hedgehogs, iguanas — all are what I call the new fad pets.” The problem, according to Metz, is lack of information. “People get them without find ing out anything about them. When I see some injuries, I have to bite my tongue not to get upset.with owners.” Recently Metz saw two green iguanas so weak their bones were like rubber annd they couldn’t lift their heads. “The owner was feeding them a diet solely of iceberg lettuce,” he says incredulously. The ani mals actually require a varied mix of kale, spinach and a little fruit. “She had had them for a month and didn’t know much at all about them,” he says. Finally, Metz advises, “if you’re going to get an exotic pet, and some of them are very interest ing, investigate thoroughly ahead of time. Those from tropical climates are not easy to raise and need conditions duplicated — special lights, heat and controlled humidity. People try to cut corners.”

DUMPING STRAYS

AND

Perhaps even worse than improper care and feeding of an animal is the common practice of dumping it in a public place

because the owner no longer wants or knows what to do with it. Kathee Ludwig, board mem ber of Green Mountain Animal Defenders, gets calls from peo ple with iguanas on their lawns. “We contact the appropriate res cue organization for the ani mal,” she says. Cats particularly are subject to this callous treat ment. “We have dealt with intel ligent people who see nothing wrong with dumping cats at farms because they don’t want to bring them to the Humane Society,” she says. “These are domestic cats not used to being in the wilderness, and not spayed or neutered.” Such cats get pregnant and contribute to a very serious stray cat problem. “It’s inexcusable,” says Ludwig. “The Humane Society is much more humane.” Feral cats are those born in the wild and constitute “a rabies reser voir,” she adds. While Ludwig doesn’t want to sound alarmist, she warns that anyone wishing to take a stray home should first take it to a vet. She works with farmers to set traps and spay and neuter the feral cat population to get it stabilized. “People say, ‘It’s not my problem. It’s not my cat,”’ she says. “But it’s every body’s responsibility to help with the stray cat problem.”

REALITY

CHECK

Advice from the experts seems to be: Anyone wishing to get a pet should research it thoroughC ontinued on page 16

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G re e n M o untain A n im a l D e fe n d e rs A n i m a l a b u s e c o m e s in m a n y f o r m s . . . F o r t u n a t e l y , s o d o e s t ir e c u r e . Overpopulation - Adopt a pet & be sure to spay/neuter ""fa cto ry Farming - Consider reducing meat in your diet Trapping - Refuse to buy fur or fur-trimmed garments Experimentation - Buy cruelty-free personal care products Entertainment - Avoid circuses that feature “wild” animals

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the Humane Society o f Greater Burlington. “In the last two years, we have had a huge population o f small ani mals brought in — rabbits, hamsters, guinea pigs — that are available for adoption. On a fluctuating basis we get fer rets, birds. Its a fad, and bought without a thought. Recently there was a guinea pig dumped in Dorset Park.” Howard urges buyers to “put as much thought and commitment level into a small animal as you would into a dog or cat. Many people buy hamsters for their kids. Well, hamsters are nocturnal and run their wheel all night so the child can’t sleep. Often if you put two hamsters together they’re either procreating or fighting.” Rabbits live about seven years, Howard says, and when they reach sexual maturi ty they may bite and become more territorial, and the males spray. “Hedgehogs are not meant to be kept in captivity by themselves,” she adds. “Pet stores make mote on the sup plies than on selling the ani mal. I advise going to a vet and asking, ‘What is the reality?”’ D

you may have a our cat. The active i i is ethylene glycol. The

car had been and that leak nt in a car’s 'hest-voiume chemi-

dynamite, solvents, cosmetics, bail-point pen ink, tobacco — the list goes on and on. Though very effective as antifreeze, ethylene glycol unfor tunately tastes good, at least to animals and small children. But the colorless, syrupy liquid is lethal to an adult at about seven tablespoons, and to a cat at about one teaspoon. Animal-rights groups have asked antifreeze manufacturers to add an ingredient which would mask the taste, but so far none have done so. In the fall of 1990, Safe Brands introduced Sierra antifreeze, which is based on propylene glycol, a less toxic — and worse-tasting — ingredient. It works as an antifreeze, though slightly less effectively, and your cat, dog or child is much less likely to drink it. The company’s ad campaign bills Sierra as “. . .not just antifreeze, it’s safety freeze.” But there are a few hitches. Sierras ad campaign immedi ately incurred the wrath of large ethylene antifreeze manufactuerers, who sued, claiming — correcdy — that by the time antifreeeze is flushed or leaks from the radiator it is laced with heavy metals such as lead, copper and zinc, so that even propylene glycol will be hazardous by the time it’s on the ground. They also charged that propylene glycol, though less toxic than its ethylene cousin, is hardly candy — also true. So the best course is to fix leaking radiators and hoses and clean up andfreeze spills immediately, and you won’t run the risk of your pet or child getting poisoned. Both glycols are recyclable, so if you change your own antifreeze, you can take it to Chittenden Solid Waste District s Hazardous Waste Depot on Pine Street in Burlington. If you have an outside cat or dog and it starts acting lethargic, refusing to eat or drink, or vomiting — symptoms of kidney failure caused by ethylene glycol,— take it to a vet immediately. — Shaun Stephens

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Tiger, tireless bureaucrat, servant savant of a writerly disorder. He has observed a strange activity. He must believe my marks to be some arcane pursuit like “snake hunts flea.” That I give daily chase across the page to entities unseen, leaving a vapor trail of lead, of ink, intriguing scent and scritchy sounds a mystery he ponders as he plows so sensitively on his rounds. And so has become determined. To sit, to wait, to pounce, to seek. To chew, to trick, to dig It out. “It” is clearly in there somewhere. As Cat his duty’s clear, never shirked. He lives, he eats, he breathes for Paperwork. No document’s cleared without first sleeping on it. He puts his claws in every contract. * Only a faint rumble in the gizzard belies his presence as he eagerly stalks this pulpy bliss. Ensues a blizzard, a flurry, a flutter like white birds, unflocked, his ectasy utter. Whatever business is afoot, (no matter where the paper’s put), he must, as a cat, never give up on “It,” “Thing,” that which hides in the file-piles he dives. How does he do it, well you may ask, his stamina in the face of such endless tasks? The answer is simple. Moist coffee grounds, crumb danish. -And humble? Oh, very. The wastebasket he’ll empty, with a Bic-cracking grin, the desktop is clear with one sweep of his chin. He’ll spindle, spike, mangle, and remove the staple — No job is beneath his neat little teeth. He is a past master o f Ctrl alt delete. Nylon backpack, Shambala. Leather briefcase, Nirvana. There’s nothing this home-office Houdini likes better than to spring those brass latches — and climb in, Turning his honey colored belly up toward the lamp, depilatory effects of those sticky postage stamps fading. To doze upon dossiers after a glorious fling. High on his litter of letters, he rides, nosing at paper clips, signing someThing. The great panjandrum, Tiger, The King. november

1996

Bv Paula Routl v arion Bodette suffers from emphysema, but her cat, Daisy, is in purrfect health. The 12-year-old whiteand-brown tiger wanders freely about the Old North End apartment, while her owner trails a tangle of tubes to get from room to room. Neither gets out much. For her part, Bodette relies on a variety of home-health agencies to keep her breathing easy. For Daisy’s, she counts on mobile veterinar ian Michele Tulis. She has been taking care of Daisy, Bodette says, “ever since I found out Michele comes to the house.” Tulis is one of a growing number of veterinarians who make house calls, cl la James Herriott, for small domestic animals. For vets like Gary Sturgis, Penny Tuerk and Millie Armstrong, mobile medicine affords them freedom that a tra ditional animal hospital can’t. “Quality is not the issue, but style,” Tulis says. “I am able to get to know the animal — and the people — on a different level than I would in an exam room.” That difference is immedi ately apparent at the Kaplan’s — a beautiful lakefront home in Burlington where 14-yearold King still reigns. Tulis is here to examine the ailing yel-. low Lab, who suffers from can cer and other health problems. Dana Kaplan helps Tulis restrain the dog while her hus band, Dai., holds their baby. In his anxiety, King drops a stinky turd on the Oriental carpet. “My rug cleaners are going to love me,” Kaplan announces, unfazed by the accident. Clearly, the old dog is adored — spoiled, even. “We have more friends who say they want to come back as King in their next life,” says Dan, who works in Burlington as a financial advisor. He noticed Tulis when

( O

VET-TO-GO

She also sees a lot of people she still worked full-time at with young children, like Kate Green Mountain Animal and Richard Donnelly. Things Hospital because of the “nice are pretty calm at their house way she had with King.” on Locust Street, considering The Kaplans contract Tulis four-year-old Xavier has a fresh because she saves them time at supply of Halloween candy, and the vet — not because they are his newborn brother, Sam, shut-ins. “Vets are always run sleeps no more than two hours ning late,” Dana says. “The at a time. advantage here is we don’t have Tulis takes the three-yearto sit there wasting time, and old cat, Hank, in her Vulcan King doesn’t have to get all ner vet grip to check for flea dirt, vous. We just work until ear mites and other abnormali Michele gets here.” ties. Kate helps hold him on the Working out of car and a couch while Tulis administers cooler has its pluses, although three shots — distemper, feline Tulis jokes, “I could be a taxi leukemia and rabies. “It could driver if I ever gave this up.” She definitely saves on overhead — she hires an assistant for tough-tackle jobs — and handles all the bookkeeping out of her home. Clinic-based vets see “a lot more people in a shorter amount of time,” she explains, and they are better equipped to handle emergencies. Like most of the vets in the area, Tulis is part of an emergency ser vice network. When she is “on call,” she works out of the Richmond Animal Hospital. She also rents the clinic on occasion for surgery. Tulis functions more like a family doctor than a specialist, taking in the animal’s environment as well as its vitals. Her holis tic approach allows for more questions, as well as the occasional runaway cat. There is no substitute for being there. “I ask what be a lot more humiliating, kind of food they are giving Hank,” Kate assures her big and they can pull out the bag. gray cat, recalling the cold, If a cat is peeing in the house, stainless steel tables he loathed we can see where the litter box at his old clinic in Manhattan. is,” she explains. “I get a sense of what the animal’s life is like.” “Remember New York?” Now only if people doctors Tulis sees everything from would catch on. □ big dogs in small apartments to multiple-critter households — it’s easier than piling five cats into the car for a trip to the vet.

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was only 10 inches high at the shoulder bur 25 inches long from her upturned black nose to the tip o f her five-inch tail — almost a weiner dog in her proportions, ugly to look at but fun to watch. And fast. She could weasel her way into a tangle of blackberry bram bles or through the dense, matted blowdowns and undergrowth o f the field edges like a tan-and-white flash of ground-lightning, putting out birds that Jake might have missed. I hung a bell on her collar to keep track of her whereabouts in those tangled thorn-hells. Whenever she flushed a bird she’d yap angrily ac its cow ardice. “Wimp, wimp, wimpf.” she seemed to say. “Why don’t you stand your ground and .. duke it out?” Then she discovered chip munks and rabbits. She could dig like a badger, and when I missed the sound o f her bell and went looking for her, I often located her from the tall, clattering roostertail of dirt her paws threw into the air like a nonstop mortar explosion — only her butt protruding from the hole, tail wagging madly. A Russell’s tail provides an convenient handle wherewith to pull it from the earth — it’s like extracting a highly animated turnip. . Fortunately a little work with the command whistle eased that problem — two blasts would usually bring her pelting back, running side by side with Jake, but taking eight jumps to his one. Then came the fateful day. I’d gone down to Joe Judge s place in October for the early duck season, and while I was there got talking to a couple o f other gunners “ Jack Barry and Mark Masselink, whom I’d shot with before at Joe’s. They mentioned they’d won a Ruffed Grouse Society raffle for a day’s shooting at the Tin mouth Hunting Reserve, not far from where I live in southwestern Vermont. Did I know the place? Not only did I know it, I’d shot there many times, both the excellent sporting clays course and the stocked pheasants and quail. They invited me to share the RGS largesse with them, and I did so gladly. After a round of clays one

The Vermont Solution.

C o n tin u ed on page 2 6 page

S E V E N DAY S

november

1996

Bv Kathleen H. Swanson ear-book portraits are supposed to sum you up. That’s why 17-year-old Nichole Lewis of Huntington decided to get snapped for seniority with her black lab, Gunner. “He’s part of my fam ily and part of me,” the M ount Mansfield Union High School senior says of her four-year-old friend. Pet portraits — shot solo or with family members — are more common than you think, according to Kevin Macy of Finest Image photography. Macy has taken portraits of dogs and cats — even horses

an animal, however, can be as difficult as coercing a cranky toddler to crack a smile. Last week the Macleays of Colchester tried — and failed — to convince their two-yearold Australian shepherd, Bear, to pose for the biannual family portrait. “He got up and walked away about 20 minutes into it,” says father Bill Macleay. “He Went and sat in the corner.” The remainder of the pictures were taken with just the human family mem bers. Macy at Finest Image reports that pet portraits require more time, usually at least one additional assistant and a lot more patience. “I like to have squeakers handy to

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— in his Colchester studio, noting the holiday season is a big time for animal exposure. For larger subjects, he resorts to the “outdoor garden stu dio,” which can be more com fortable for pets and their dot ing owners. Burlington photographer Julie Olen solves the problem by shooting on location. She has taken dozens of portraits of animals, including horses, pigs, chickens and rabbits — but the majority are of dogs and cats. “I go to people’s homes and try to get the pet relaxed,” said Olen, who got into snapping animals two years ago. “I like to get them in a relaxed position with their owners showing their relation ship.” Getting a good picture of

november

1996

make some sounds to get their attention,” he says. “Animals like to sniff around and check out their surroundings before we can get started.” Another pre-publicity pre caution involves a. walk around the block. “We’ve had piles on the carpet,” Macy notes. “It’s not a pretty sight, but it comes with the territory.” For the most part, people take great pride in prepping their pets for posterity. Many go so far as to have the animal professionally groomed for the ‘shoot. “People love their animals and think of them of part of the family,” Olen confirms. “People can be pretty illogical when it comes to their animals and are willing to spend a few bucks on a good picture.” □

D u e to the enthusiastic response to our Guardian A ngel program , the • H um ane Society of Greater Burlington has created a u n iq u e gift idea for the holidays. H ere’s h o w it works: You purchase a Guardian Angel sponsorship in the nam e o f your loved one, and they w ill receive, along w ith their nam e on a cage placard, a specially design ed ornam ent of either a dog-angel or a cat-an gel, and a certificate of appreciation. W ith a gift of $ 1 0 0 .0 0 for a one year an gelsh ip, your loved one w ill receive an en ch an tin g cat or d og-angel created and sign ed by Verm ont artist, Stephen H uneck. Or you may choose to give a donation of $ 6 0 .0 0 for a six-m onth angelship. Your friend or relative w ill receive a charm ing d og-an gel ornam ent fashioned by Jacqueline D esigns, or a lovely cat-an gel handm ade by Betsy ' Traben. Just fill out the inform ation on the attached form and m ail it in w ith your check. W e’ll take care o f the rest. And you can be assured that you have purchased a gift that can only please; both you and your gift recipient w ill be happy in k n ow in g that you have helped feed and h ouse the hom eless and needy anim als livin g in the shelter. To (Recipient Name)

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S E V E N DAY S

page

f e is t

g ^ p & ^ j ^ o t e e n (pronounced Pa-Cheen). —^derivative slang for non-government controlled ....skey, which in the U.S.A. equals “hootch” (which rhymes with “pooch”), or moonshine. —

Cat prizes donated by Kitty Hoots Dog prizes from Pet Food Warehouse

page

S E V E N DAY S

P h ilip

RUNNERS-UP: Thanks also to television-friendly Harpswell, which also sounds like a microbrew — Baxter

november

1996

The Categories & Winners:

ugly mutts

(no w inn ersr no lo s e rs)

We were remiss in thinking that any self-respecting dog lover would own up to an “ugly” pooch — beauty, after all, is the eyes of the leash-holder. We even tried to recruit someone, following a tip from a canine critic. “Don’t call my dog ugly,” was the reaction of Burlington blues guy and city councilor Dave Keller. Ruff.

#1 fat cats “Pumpkin eats anything he can get his hands — paws — on. He steals food off the table, eats house plants and the other cats’ food.” — Anna Brown S. Burlington RUNNERS-UP: Lots o f contenders in this category, including the jowly P. Baxter Nissen (see “Pet Peeves”). O.J. also turned some heads, as he does at the vet, where they have to haul out the dog scale to support his weight.

#2 pet peeves “It’s P. Baxter Nissen, demonstrating why I will never be able to sell my vinyl record collection. I should have avoided the Christmas rush and just named him ‘Peeve.’” m

— Carolyn Nissen

Burlington RUNNERS-UP: We were also charmed by Blue, who likes to drink from the sink, and Amber, a five-year-old high-flying feline who “drops bottle caps and other undesirable objects into unsus pecting footwear. ”

#3 separated at birth “Ivan and Seashell Jacobs — twins. Both love popcorn, bedtime stories and bits of string. Both hate salad greens, fleas and getting their paws wet. Separated at birth? Seashell was born under Ivan’s bed.” — Genevieve Jacobs Burlington RUNNER-UP: Kizma, our “Haute Creature, ” is the spitting image o f owner Silas. But the dog takes better care o f his hair.

#4 unleashed No — this is not a “coy-dog” attacking my sheep. It’s my dog, Buddha. As you can tell, the sheep aren’t too worried about him. It was the day after a big storm and the snow was very deep. I wanted to get a picture of the sheep with the snow up to their bellies. So I trudged out into the field with some hay for them and concentrated on getting the right angle, light, focus, etc. Satisfied that it would turn out to be a good shot, I left the sheep out there to finish their snack and forgot all about it. When the pictures were returned to me, I was completely suprised to see Buddha hamming it up in the back ground! I had been so intent on the sheep that I had no idea he was in the picture. And the truth of the matter is that it would have been an awfully boring picture without him! — Nancy Bell

Fairfield RUNNERS- UP: It was tough turning down a photo o f pooch Krystal being pursued by a couple o f moose. Cody, the zucchini eating German Shepherd, was also a winner.

#5 haute creature “Initially the $2500 Whirlpool was for us to soak and bathe, but Kizma and his Tibetan locks needs weekly Biovite shampoos, Crown Royale Conditioners, Magic Touch Grooming Sprays and texturing bodifiers. We use the shower now...” — K.D. Clark

Bristol RUNNER-UP: Our winning “Fat C at,” Pumpkin, may be chub by, but his well-shaped nails also earned him honorable mention in this cat-egory, with a photo o f his owner wielding an emery board to saw his claws.

november

1996

SEVEN DAYS

P a 9e

©Wednesday music FAIRPORT CONVENTION: The inventors of folk-rock also play jazz, Cajun and Celtic tunes. Briggs Opera House, White River Junction, 7 p.m. $25. Info, 295-5432. ‘NO SMALL AFFAIR’: Guitarist Armin Mayer

AS T H E WORLD EATS.. . Most o f the world is not feasting on duck h lorangr. More like rice, beans and bananas. At a “hunger banquet” that divvies diners into “First" “Second” and “Third World” tables, you'll get a taste of global injustice. Not to mention the arbitrariness of our own good food fortune. No snacking beforehand. Wednesday, November 6. North Lounge, Billings Student Center, UVM, 5:30 p.m. $5. Info, 865-0255.

9 BEDTIME FOR BROCCOLI: As the last of the brussel sprouts submit to the chilling trend, it’s time to think about putting the garden to bed. Norm Pellett and other horti cultural honchos talk plastic sheets and burlap comforters. Don’t expect mulch in the way of warming words. Friday, November 9. Horticultural Research Center, S. Burlington, 1-3 p.m. $6. Info, 658-9166.

l O CITIZEN NADER: Now that the election is over, wonder what Ralph Nader has to say about Bernie Sanders? Despite their common pro gressive goals, Sanders endorsed Bill Clinton, not Ralph Nader, for presi dent. Does the consumer advocate feel ripped off? Get it straight from the source at a left-wing lecture. Sunday, November 10. McCarthy Arts Center, St. Michael’s College, Colchester, 7 p.m. Free. Info, 654-2535.

calendar

teams up with the all-male a cappella group at the new Cambridge Coffee House, Smugglers Notch Inn, 7-9 p.m. Free. Info, 644-2233.

d a n c e

IMPROV: Make contact with other fear less movers at Memorial Auditorium Loft, Burlington, 7:15 p.m. $1. Info, 860-3674.

‘FREE SPIRIT DANCE’: The weekly barefoot boogie convenes at Earth Dance Healing Arts Studio, Chace Mill, Burlington, 7:30-9 p.m. $5. Info, 482-2827. CONTACT

theater ‘SAUCY JACK & THE SPACE VIXENS’: Green Candle Theater Company performs the sci-fi glam-rock musical. 135 Pearl, Burlington, 8 p.m. $7-15. Reservations, 893-7333. ‘TARTUFFE’: A self-righteous imposter takes over the home and life of an uppermiddle class family in this masterpiece of social comedy by Moliere. Vermont Stage performs at Royall Tyler Theater, UVM, Burlington, 8 p.m. $11. Info, 656-2094.

W HERE THERE’S A W H ALE. . . Nathaniel Philbrick plays Captain Ahat> in a whale of a lecture on Nantucket, about the evolution of the island from salty outpost to liter ary icon. Did Moby Dick really put the place on the map? Or was that Jimmy Buffet? The Burlington High School grad talks about the pre-prep py aspects o f the “port o f the Pcquod.” * -* Tuesday, November 12. McCarthy Arts Center, St. Michaels College. Colchester, 8 p.m. Free. Info, 654-2535.

t i l m JOHN SAYLES RETROSPECTIVE: Tonight see Return o f the Secaucus 7 at 5:30 p.m. and Baby It’s You at 7:45 p.m. Last Elm Cafe, Burlington. Donations. Info, 658-7458. JAPANESE LANGUAGE VIDEOS: Taxing Woman plays in the Fireplace Lounge, Living-Learning Center, UVM, Burlington, 6 p.m. Free. Info, 656-4477. ‘REBECCA’: Laurence Olivier stars in the Alfred Hitchcock thriller. All ages are welcome at the Waterbury Senior Center, 7:30 p.m. Free. Info, 244-6648.

ON TH E HOMEFRONT: No Civil War battles were fought in Vermont —~ except in St. Albans, where a band of rebels stormed the town via Canada. But the state was very%iuch involved in the war effort, via acts of service, heroism, sacrifice and profi teering, according to Michael Sherman. Get a new oudook on the Yankee spirit from the Vermont ver sion of Ken Burns. Tuesday, November 12. Memorial Lounge, Waterman Building, UVM, 7:30 p.m. Free. Info, 656-4389.

art ‘IN PRAISE OF PRIMARY NARCIS SISM’: Visiting art historian Jo Anna Isaak talks about American performance artist Hannah Wilke, who died of cancer in 1993. 301 Williams Hall, UVM, Burlington, 5 p.m. Free. Info, 656-2005.

iv e r d s BOOK DISCUSSION: “Yankees and Strangers: The New England Town, 1636-1992” continues with a chat about Our Nig by Harriet Wilson. S. Burlington Library, 7 p.m. Free. Info, 652-7080. JULIA ALVAREZ: The Middleburybased author of How the Garcia Girls Lost Their Accents and In the Time o f Butterflies reads at the Abernethy Room, Starr Library, Middlebury College, 4:30 p.m. Free. Info, 443-5198.

13 APOCALYPSE SOON* We’ve come a long way since “War of the Worlds.” Is there a connection between our appetite for the otherworldly and the approach of the new millenium? Dan Noel chalks up the sci-fi frenzy to “millenial creduli ty in our media culture.” The author of Approaching Earth: A Searchfir the Mythic Significance o f the Space Age puts a fresh spin on paranormal life. Wednesday, November 13. Vermont College, Montpelier, 7 p.m. Free. Info, 828-8715. — P.R.

kids TALL TALES: Kids over five hear stories at the Fletcher Library, Burlington, 1:30 p.m. Free. Info, 865-7216.

etc

HUNGER BANQUET: Sample our unjust system of global food distribution by dining at “First-” “Second-” or “Third-World” tables. Billings Student Center, UVM, Burlington, 5:30 p.ip. $5. Reservations, 656-2060. EXPLORERS OPEN HOUSE: Young people find out about a hospital-spon sored service organization that introduces them to health-care careers. Austin Auditorium, Fletcher Allen Health Care, Burlington, 7:30 p.m. Free. Info, 656-4805. PARALEGAL STUDIES INFO: It’s cheaper than law school. Find out about the paralegal program at Burlington College, 5:30-6:30 p.m. Free. Info, 862-9616. SOCIOLOGY COLLOQUIUM: Marino Bruce looks at the connection between masculinity and violence among African-American men. Room 100, Sociology Department, UVM, Burlington, 4:30 p.m. Free. Info, 656-2005. HOME-BUYING TALK: It’s easier to buy a house in the Old North End than anywhere else in Vermont. Check out home-owning options at Cafe No No, Burlington, 6:30-7:30 p.m. Free. Info, 434-6434.

Qfhursday music SOIREE: Take your instrument and dancing shoes to this community party. Wallflowers are welcome at the Middlesex Town Hall, 7 p.m. $3. Info, 229-4668.

d a n c e SWING DANCE: Swing Shift goes the Glenn Miller route. Lindy hopping and jitterbugging basics will be taught at the Champlain Club, Burlington, 8 p.m. $6. Info, 434-5239.

t h e a t e r ‘TARTUFFE’: See November 6. ‘FOREIGNER’: Larry Shue was an American master of farce. Unadilla Theater takes on self-importance, preju dice and cruelty at Montpelier City Hall, 8 p.m. $10. Info, 456-8968. ‘LIFE & TIMES OF JUDEVINE’: Expect a welfare mom, a Vietnam vet

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etc ‘PERPETRATORS OF ABUSE’: Are they monsters, victims or just bad peo ple? Psychology teacher Sharon Lamb examines the ethics of “blaming” abusers. Farrell Room, St. Edmund’s Hall, St. Michael’s College, Colchester, noon. Free. Info, 654-2535. ZAPATISTA TALK: Zapatista represen tative Cecilia Rodriguez talks about the continuing struggle of indigenous people in Chiapas, Mexico. Billings, UVM, Burlington, 7:30 p.m. And Johnson State College Library, 3 p.m. Free. Info, 656-6211. RECYCLE NORTH OPEN HOUSE: Meet the trainees and staff members who keep usable goods out of our landfills. Recycle North, Burlington, 11 a.m. - 1 p.m. Free. Info, 658-4143. AIR QUALITY CONFERENCE: Concern about indoor air quality in schools brings together teachers, parents, administrators and community members. Capitol Plaza, Montpelier, 9 a.m. - 3 p.m. $20. Info, 800-LUNG-USA. TOASTMASTERS MEETING: Develop leadership and speaking skills at a monthly meeting of this outspoken

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w erds JAMAICA KINCAID: The Caribbeanborn Vermont author of Annie John and Lucy reads from her works at Dana Auditorium, Middlebury College, 4:30 p.m. Free. Info, 443-5198.

J jJ C M

w No. Winooski five. Et Pearl St. 6 p m tu e sd a y the burlytown beanery p re se n ts open mic knight acoustic!

and a French Canadian logger to make appearances at this discussion of the Vermont town invented by poet David Budbill. Helen Day Arts Center, Stowe, 7 p.m. Free. Info, 253-8358. ‘SAVAGE IN LIMBO’: A high-energy mix of comedy and near tragedy, this John Patrick Shanley play captures the hopes and dreams of a group of rootless young Bronxites. Hepburn Zoo, Middlebury College, 9 p.m. Info, 443-6433. ‘JESUS CHRIST SUPERSTAR’: The Barre Players stage the biblical rock opera at the Barre Opera House, 8 p.m,. $11. Info, 476-8188. ‘A RSENIC & OLD LACE’: Thirteen corpses turn up in this black comedy about a couple of old women who season with arsenic. Hyde Park Opera House, 8 p.m. $7. Info, 888-4507.

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november

1996

club. Econo Lodge, S. Burlington, 7 p.m. Free. Info, 878-3550.

O f r i da y

music

LANE SERIES: The Ukrainian-based Leontovych String Quartet performs works by Brahms, Schubert and Shostakovich. UVM Recital Hall, Burlington, 8 p.m. $15. Info, 656-4455. CHAMBER SOLOISTS: Music depart ment faculty and their guests offer a con cert of American music — vocal and instrumental, new and old. Middlebury College Center for the Arts, 8 p.m. Free. Info, 443-6433. KATE & ANNA MCGARRIGLE: The harmonious French-Canadian sisters sing emotional songs from all of their albums, including their newest release, Matapedia. Chandler Music Hall, Randolph, 8 p.m. $12-15. Info, 728-9133. COLLEGE CHAMBER SINGERS: Joined by the Arcadia Players on period instruments, the college chorale explores the reciprocity of musical forms in Europe and the Americas. Rollins Chapel, Dartmouth College, Hanover, N.H., 8 p.m. $8.50. Info, 603-646-2422. t h e a t e r ‘TARTUFFE’: See November 6. ‘FOREIGNER’: See November 7. ‘SAVAGE IN LIMBO’: See November 7, 8 p.m. ‘JESUS CHRIST SUPERSTAR’: See November 7. ‘A RSENIC & OLD LACE’: See November 7. ‘MY FAIR LADY’: College students recreate the Pygmalion-inspired musical. Dibden Center for the Arts, Johnson State College, 7 p.m. $5. Info, 635-1386. ‘UBU’: Alfred Jarry’s farce pokes fun at politics with a tale of a deposed king. Students perform the boisterous comedy at the Haybarn Theater, Goddard College, Plainfield, 8 p.m. $5. Info, 454-8311.

w c rds POETRY READING: Vermont author Jane Shore reads from her new volume of verse, Music Minus One. Chassman & Bern Booksellers, 7 p.m. Free. Info, 862-4332.

art FLYNN ART AUCTION: The Flynn raises funds with a live auction of visual art and a silent auction of crafts and culi nary delights. Lewis Acura, S. Burlington, 6 p.m. $15 includes a light dinner. Reservations, 863-8778 ext. 205. The works may be previewed November 6 & 7, noon - 6 p.m.

etc RUMMAGE SALE: The International Exchange benefits from the sale of recy cled treasure. S. Burlington High School,

8 a,m. - 4 p.m. Free. Info, 860-2819. Drop off donations November 7, 6-8 p.m. STUDIO SALE: Carol MacDonald offers monoprints, etchings and mixed media works. Diane Gabriel sells fabric sculpture, wearable art and jewelry with antique beads. 62 Macrae Rd., Colchester, 5-8 p.m. Free. Info, 862-9037.

©Saturday music CONSORTIUM OF VERMONT COMPOSERS: Works by Gilles Yves Bonneau, John Koch and Don Stewart are performed by pianist Diane Huling and flutist Karen Kevra. Bethany Church, Montpelier, 7:30 p.m. Donations. Info, 223-2424. BARBARY COAST JAZZ ENSEMBLE: New Orleans trumpeter Kermit Ruffins joins the student ensemble directed by Don Glasgo. Spaulding Auditorium, Hopkins Center, Dartmouth College, Hanover, N.H., 8 p.m. $10.50. Info, 603-646-2422.

9 a.m. - 3 p m. Info, 862-9750 and Community Lutheran Church, S. Burlington, 9 a.m. - 3 p.m. Info, 864-5537. HOLIDAY CRAFT FAIR: Essex educa tion benefits from your Christmas shop ping. Goods made by local crafters and cooks are featured at the Founders School, Essex Center, 9 a.m. - 4 p.m. Free. Info, 878-5285.. ‘W INTERIZING YOUR GARDEN’: Horticulture experts offer tips on winter izing perennial flower beds, trees, shrubs and other landscape plants. Horticultural Research Center, Green Mountain Dr„ S. Burlington, 1-3 p.m. $6. Info, 658-9166. RUMMAGE SALE: Bid on home fur nishings, art objects and camping equip ment at a rummage sale-auction to bene fit the international student group Folkids of Vermont. Edmunds School

etc

Meet at the UVM visitors’ parking lot at 8 a.m. Free. Register, 899-4717. DOWSERS MEETING Dr. Wayne London will speak on “Energy Grids” and their applications to personal and planetary health. Dowsing practice and a business meeting come first. Hauke Center, Champlain College, Burlington, 10 a.m. Donations. Info, 879-3454.

STUDIO SALE: See November 8, 11 a.m. - 2 p.m. RUMMAGE SALE: See November 9, noon - 5 p.m. RALPH NADER: The Green Party can didate and nationally known consumer advocate gives a lecture entitled, “Who Will Stand for Corporate Responsibili ty?” McCarthy Arts Center, St. Michael’s College, 7 p.m. Free. Info, 654-2535. NATURE WALK: Explore the newest natural resource in Montpelier on an easy ramble through North Branch Park. Meet at the Montpelier City Swimming Pool, off Elm Street, 1:15 p.m. Free. Info, 223-3550.

Sunday music

CONSORTIUM OF VERMONT COMPOSERS: See November 9, UVM Recital Hall, Burlington. Info, 656-3040.

theater

‘FOREIGNER’: See November 7. ‘MY FAIR LADY’: See November 8, 4 p.m.

OPEN REHEARSAL: Women lend their vocal chords to a harmonious rehearsal of the Champlain Echoes. S. Burlington, 7 p.m. Free. Info, 864-6703.

t h e a t e r ‘FOREIGNER’: See November 7.

t h e a t e r ‘TARTUFFE’: See November 6. ‘FOREIGNER’: See November 7. ‘SAVAGE IN LIMBO’: See November 7, 3 & 8 p.m. ‘JESUS CHRIST SUPERSTAR’: See November 7. ‘ARSENIC & OLD LACE’: See November 7. ‘MY FAIR LADY’: See November 8.

a rt GALLERY TALK: A panel looks at three contemorary realist painters and their “psychological charge.” 301 Williams Hall, UVM, Burlington, 5 p.m. Free. Info, 656-2005.

words READING: Sydney Lea reads from his poetry, novels and essays. Room 109, 128 University Heights, UVM, Burlington, 4:30 p.m. Free. Info, 6562005. ‘NARRATIVE AGENCY IN BIZET’S ‘CARMEN”: A comparative lit professor shares his operatic insights on the dynamics of gender. Memorial Lounge, Waterman Building, UVM, Burlington, 12:20-1:30 p.m. Free. Info, 656-3056.

a rt ANNUAL ART SALE: Watercolor artist Katharine Montstream sells cards and paintings for the holidays. 1 Main Street, Burlington, 10 a.m. - 5 p.m. Free. Info, 862-8752. k i d s ‘MYSTERY OF TH E LOST TRIBE’: Vermont’s professional theater for chil dren performs an interactive musical for thespians over four. The Green Mountain Guild makes a play for the disappeared Anasazi people. Champlain Senior Center, Burlington, 3 p.m. $3-5. Info, 865-0281. STORY TIME: Kids over three listen up at the Fletcher Library, Burlington, 1111:30 a.m. Free. Info, 865-7216.

etc STUDIO SALE: See November 8,11 a.m. - 4 p.m. HOLIDAY BAZAAR: See November 8. ASTANGA YOGA: Learn about a vigor ous style of “power” yoga based on the sun salutation series. Burlington Yoga Studio, 1-4 p.m. $20. Register, 658-YOGA. HOLIDAY BAZAARS: Crafts, baked goods, plants and white elephants are up for grabs at Faith United Methodist Church, S. Burlington, 9 a.m. - 3 p.m. Info; 863-6764. Also All Saints Church,

^Blacksmith

TO TELL THE 'TUFFE:

A class act from Moliere, Tartuffe tells the story o f a lascivious con man in 17th-century France. The comedy runs for the next two weeks at Royall Tyler Theatre.

Cafeteria, Burlington. 10 a.m. - 4 p.m. Free. Info, 863-6686. CLOTHING DRIVE: Your old threads qualify you for Thanksgiving treats at an all-day clothing exchange. Cafe No No, all day. Free. Info, 865r5066. CHILDREN’S CENTER OPEN HOUSE: The day-care center celebrates its hard-earned expansion with donuts and other refreshments. Charlotte Children’s Center, 9:30-11:30 a.m. Free. Info, 425-3328. ‘HANDS-ON HISTORY: Explore histo ry in our everyday lives through slides and audio recordings. Underhill Town Hall, 8 p.m. Free. Info, 899-3927. MT. MANSFIELD HIKE: Depending on the weather, ascent of the “forehead” may require ski poles and crampons.

kids BEYOND BAMBI: Kids in grades two to four learn about white-tailed deer by hiking, handling antlers and playing games. Vermont Institute of Natural Science, Montpelier, 9 a.m. - 3 p.m. $35. Register, 457-2779.

t i i m ‘APARAJITO’: The second part of Satyajit Ray, The Apu Triligy, has music composed by Ravi Shanker. Cafe No No, Burlington, 7 p.m. Free. Info, 865-5066.

etc ‘EMPOWERING W OM EN’: The U.S. section president of the Women’s International League for Peace and Freedom speaks about making a “global difference.” Unitarian Church, Burlington, 7 p.m. Donations. Info, 863-4929. COLLEGE OPEN HOUSE: Prospective students and parents check out St. Michael’s College, Colchester, 9:30 a.m. 2 p.m. Free. Info, 654-2535. HUMAN RIGHTS WRITE-IN: Make a dictator your pen pal and save a life. Writing materials are provided at the

a rt ANNUAL ART SALE: See November 9, 10 a.m. - 2 p.m.

kids ‘MYSTERY OF TH E LOST TRIBE’: See November 9. ‘CHAMP’S TREASURE CHEST’: Fire Robin Puppets star in this Lake Champlain production. Community Center in Jericho, 3 p.m. $4. Info, 899-4936.

C ontinued on next page

Wehaveit dl

Chandler

D a n c e - M u s k - n ie a t e i Enjoy an evening or afternoon of entertainment in one

Richard Spreda

of the best stage settings in northern Vermont.

55 B M ountain Road • Stow e, Vermont 05672 8o2.253.725I

November 8/9th& 15/16th My Fair Lady 20th Belizbaha Concert

The Champlain College Players present

Madwoman of Chaillot A fairy tale for adults that children will also enjoy! W ed.-Sat., N ov. 13-16 8:00 p.m . C h a m p la in C o lle g e A lu m n i A u d ito riu m $6 for adults $4 for students, children, seniors

For reservations & information, call 860-2707 6,

1996

JOHNSON ja m ssm STATE COLLEGE

Kate&AnnaMcGarrigle in concert The original sister act comes to Chandler to impress the audience with their rich harmonies and emotional songs. Their voices dive in tight, but relaxed harmonies that can send tingles down the spine. Being Canadian they can also sing in a second language, play a variety ot instruments and will entertain the audience with their witty asides.

Friday- November 8 8:00pm • Reserved Seats $15 Students $12. For tickets call Shirley at 802-728-9133. Box office #802-728-9878. Box office open Nov. 6 ,7 & 8 from 12:30-5:30. Tickets are also available at the King & I in Randolph. Handicapped accessible. Underwritten by Randolph National Bank, Three Stallion Inn, Green Mountain Stock Farm and New England Land Company. Sponsored by Vermont Castings and The Point.

Chandler Music Hall

Randolph VERMONT

november

monday music

S E V E N DAY S

JO H N S O N , V ER M O N T

■ ts

December 8th A Christmas Carol 4th JSC Jazz Ensemble

Noon C o n cert S e rie s #3 Monday, N ovem ber 18th The J S C m u sic faculty present Jazz at Noon. Free and open to the public.

In the Julian Scott Memorial Gallery November 7 - December 22 Michael Oatman - VT & NY installation artist.

For information call

802 635-1386 -

page

cl asses

•. •' -. •

*>7

KVj

\T E TH E SEASON’: Tuesday, November 12, 7 p.m. Purple Shutter Herbs, Burlington. $10. Register, 865-HERB. Make herb-healthy soups, jrriw, desserts.

crafts

NECK PILLOW: Thursday, November 7, 6-9 p.m. Purple Shutter Herbs, Burlington. $20. Register, 865-HERB. Make an organic buckwheat hull neck roll. Bring your own fabric. PINCH POT & SALVE: Wednesday, November 13 & Tuesday, December 3, 6:30-8:30 p.m. Purple Snutter Herbs, Burlington. $35. Register, 865-HERB. Make a small pottery vessel and fill it with herbal salves scented with essential oils.

dance

ADULT MODERN-JAZZ: Tuesdays, 7:10-8:45 p.m. for slow and intermedi ate dancers. Wednesdays, 6:30-8:30 p.m. for intermediate and advanced. Olympiad, 70 Farrell St., S. Burlington. $9. Info, 985-5216. Jane Selzer leads ongoing classes.

variety o f materials, developing skills and discovering their creative potential.

meditation

MEDITATION: First & third Sundays, 10 a.m. - noon. Burlington Shambala Center. Free. Info, 658-6795. Instructors teach non-sectarian and Tibetan Buddhist practices.

money

MONEY FOR WOMEN: Thursday, November 7, 7 p.m. Memorial Room, Montpelier City Hall. Free. Info, 2234839. The local National Organization for Women sponsors a workshop.

psychology wr

a n c in g TH FEAR’: Friday, 7:30 p.m. & Saturday, 10 a.m. - 5 p.m. November 8 & 9. Old Brick Church, Williston. Evening, $15; day, $75. Register, 879-4195. Paul Foxman, author o f the new book, Dancing with Fear, talks about overcoming anxiety in a world o f stress.

storytelling

INTRO TO FREE WEIGHTS: Wednesday, November 6, 7-8:30 p.m. MCHV, Burlington. Free. Register, 865-2278. Learn how to exerase every muscle group in a weighty workout.

FOR PEOPLEW HO HAVE EXPE RIENCED MENTAL ILLNESS: Six Thursdays starting November 7, 7 p.m. Westview House, Burlington. Free. Register, 658-3323. Storyteller Peter Bums leads exercises that transform life experiences into art.

herbs

tai chi

health

‘MENSTRUAL MALAISE’: Monday, November 11,6:30-9 p.m. Purple Shutter Herbs, Burlington. Sliding scale. Register, 865-HERB. Herbal abortion, herpes and tampon alteratives will be discussed.

kids

‘SELF-CONFIDENCE, STEP BY STEP’: Wednesday, November 13, 7-8 p.m. Burgess Assembly, MCHV, Burlington. Free. Register, 865-2278. A video and discussion form at is designed fo r middle schoolers. AFTER-SCHOOL ART: Four Tuesdays starting November 12, 3:304:30 p.m. Fleming Museum, UVM, Burlington. $15. Register, 656-0750 ext. 222. Kids aged 11 to 14 explore a

TAI CHI: Tuesdays, 6:30-8 p.m. & 8-9 p.m. Food For Thought, Stowe. $10. Info, 253 4733. John DiCarlo leads ongoing classes.

writing WRITERS WORKSHOP: Tuesdays, 7 p.m. Cafe No No, Burlington. Free. Info, 865-5066. Bring a journal and your writing spirit.

fOGA: Daily, Burlington Yoga Studio, 174 Main St. Info, 658-YOGA. Classes are offeredfo r pregnant women and kids in Astanga, Iyengar, Kripalu, Bikram and Kundalini styles. Beginners can start any time.

Unitarian Church, Burlington, 5:30 p.m. Free. Info, 864-4838. ‘MAGIC CARPET LUNCHEON’: Go on an adventure “Down Under” in Kakadu National Park. A local traveler offers slides and volunteer-made dishes from Australia. Montshire Museum of Science, Norwich, 11 a.m. $12. Reservations, 643-3928.

music OPEN REHEARSAL: The Amateur Musicians Orchestra welcomes new play ers, especially ones with brass instru ments. No audition is required. Music Room, S. Burlington High School, 7:30 p.m. $5. Info, 985-9750.

t h e a t e r ‘MADWOMAN OF CHAILLOT’: This fairy tale by Jean Giraudoux is a fanciful depiction of the triumph of good over evil. Kids, too, are welcome at Alumni Auditorium, Champlain College, 8 p.m. $6. Info, 860-2707. ‘PATIENCE’: Gilbert and Sullivan paro dy Oscar Wilde and John Ruskin in a tuneful take on the Aesthetic Movement. Unadilla Theatre stages the play at Montpelier City Hall, 8 p.m. $10. Info, 456-8968. CHERIE AND YOLANDA SHOW: A post-election wrap-up offers the inside scoop on all the political “camp”-aigns. Life is never a drag at the Shoe Box Theater, 135 Pearl, 8 p.m. $2. Info, 660-0869.

w erds

etc ‘UPDATE ON ASTHMA’: Researchers have figured out a lot about lungs in the last five years. Get an update on asthma medicines and equipment. Peak flow meters will be available at the Ramada Inn, S. Burlington, 6-8 p.m. Free. Register, 800-LUNG-USA. HISTORY TALK: Based on research in progress, Michael Sherman offers a varied picture of Vermont life during the Civil War. Memorial Lounge, Waterman Building, UVM, Burlington, 7:30 p.m. Free. Info, 656-4389. ‘TH E MAKING OF THE MODERN W ORLD’: The series continues with an exploration of the revolution in modern physics. 301 Williams Hall, UVM, Burlington, 5 p.m. Free. Info, 656-3312. BLOOD DRIVE: Share a pint with a stranger. Johnson State College, noon - 5 p.m. “Donations.” Info, 635-1287. HUNGER & HOMELESSNESS PANEL: Speakers from the Vermont Anti-Hunger Corps, the Committee on Temporary Shelter and other nonprofits consider people who are not getting enough to eat in Vermont. 207 Bentley, Johnson State College, 7 p.m. Free. Info, 635-1287.

t ilm J OHN SAYLES RETROSPECTIVE: See November 6. Lianna shows at 5:30 p.m. and Brother From Another Planet screens at 7:50 p.m. JAPANESE LANGUAGE VIDEOS: See November 6. Tonight Tampopo is screened. ‘SCHOOL OF TH E ASSASSINS’: A video and discussion exposes the U.S. Army school that trained Latin American death squads. Goddard College, Plainfield, 7 p.m. Free. Info, 454-8493. READINGS: Local poets John Engels and Daniel Lusk read from their works. Crow Books, Burlington, 7:30 p.m. Free. Info, 862-0848. ARCHER MAYOR READING: The Vermont mystery writer reads from Ragman’s Memory — the latest episode in his Joe Gunther detective series. Bear Pond Books, Montpelier, 7 p.m. Free. Info, 229-0774. ‘THE WALDORF CLASSROOM’:

November 6,7, 8,9, 14, 15, 16 at 8 p.m.; November 17 at 2 p.m.

etc HUNGER BANQUET: See November 6. Johnson State College, 11:30 a.m. 12:30 p.m. $3.75. Info, 635-1287. VIETNAM & CHINA TALK: “In the Dragons Shadow” looks at Asian history in conjunction with a Smithsonianloaned exhibit on view at the Fleming Museum, UVM, Burlington, 12:15 p.m. $2. Info, 656-0750. LAND CONSERVATION PRO GRAM: Local land-trust representatives talk conservation at the Hinesburg Fire House, 7 p.m. Free. Info, 434-4113. ‘AN APOCALYPSE OF BELIEF?’ Dr. Dan Noel offers a selective historical sur vey of media culture and explores some of the questions raised by extreme credulity. Noble Hall, Vermont College, Montpelier, 7 p.m. Free. Info, 828-8715. ADULT LEARNING IN AMERICA: An interactive television program exam ines why adults choose to go back to school. Room 144, Jeanmarie Hall, St. Michael’s College, Colchester, 2-4 p.m. Free. Info, 654-2535. FINANCIAL AID PROGRAM: College-bound students and their parents get pointers on major federal and state programs. Essex Junction Educational . Center, and Mt. Mansfield Union High School, 7 p.m. Free. Info, 800-642-3177. COLLEGE OPEN HOUSE: Burlington College has a whole new look. Visit class es while you check out admissions, finan cial aid and student services. Burlington College, all day. Free. Info, 862-9616. ADOPTION SUPPORT GROUP MEETING: Adoptees, birth parents and adoptive parents gather at All Saints Episcopal Church, S. Burlington, 7 p.m. Free. Info, 860-1350.

Calendar is written by Clove Tsindle. Submissions for calendar,

w c rds

kids

publ icat i on. Free classes are listed w i t h o u t charge.

Reservation are strongly recommended.

d a n c e FREE SPIRIT DANCE: See November 6. CONTACT IMPROV: See November 6.

‘THE MAKING OF A LITERARY ICON’: A slide lecture considers the impact of Moby Dick on Nantucket Island. McCarthy Arts Center, St. Michael’s College, Colchester, 8 p.m. Free. Info, 654-2535.

20 word descriptive sentence. M a i l or walk i t in, with $5 l o r one week or $ 1 5 {\cr a month, by the Thursday before

N N

music PERCUSSION RECITAL: Tom Toner of the music faculty performs at UVM Recital Hall, Burlington, 8 p.m. Free. Info, 656-3040. VAUGFLAN RECITAL: Composer Larry Grover plays a variety of his works, from instrumental sonatas to multi-media pre sentations. Faulkner Recital Hall, Dartmouth College, Hanover, N.H., 12:30 p.m. Free. Info, 603-646-2422.

fuesday

LI ST y OUR CL AS S : Follow the {format , i nc l udi ng a io to

Bawdy! Witty! Hilarious!

©Wednesday

Parents get introduced to the Waldorf way of education on a school tour and discussion. Lake Champlain Waldorf School, Shelburne, 7:30 p.m. Free. Info, 985-2827.

clubs, and art listings are due in writing on the Thursday before publication. SEVEN DAYS edits for space and style. Send to: SEVEN DAYS, R0. Box 1164, Burlington, VT 05402-1 164. Or fax 802-865-1015. Email: sevenday@together.net

matharine K Montstream

and Montstream Cardworks present the

8th Annual Art Sale

656-2094

■THEATRE^ """ VSC ^

Friday and Saturday Evenings all seats $11 (no discounts) Other performances - $10.50, $2 discount seniors/students

Vetmont Stage Company

Royall Tyler Theatre

S a in t M ic h a e l's C o lle g e presents Green Party Presidential Candidate and Consumer Advocate

Saturday NOVEMBER 910-5 pm Sunday NOVEMBER 1010-2 pm PAINTINGS from $40 to $250. Factory second greeting CARDS 50( each. GREAT DISCOUNTS on Holiday cards and others! FRAMING available. Children WELCOME. Parking behind building off College Street.

One Main Street, Union Station Burlington, VT

—

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- -

ALBANY BERKSHIRE BALLET Madeline Cantarella Culpo, Artistic Director

presents

Ralph N ader

"W h o W ill Stand for Corporate R espon sibility"

9he

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C m it c m c h c r FLYNN THEATRE Burlington, VT

Sun day, Nov. 10, 7 pm M c C a rth y A rts Center S a in t M ic h a e l's C o lle g e Colchester, VT For m o re in fo rm a tio n p le ase call

802.654.2535 page

November 30, 1996 3 pm & 7:30 pm December 1, 1996 1 pm Ticket Prices: $26 $20 $12 Discounts: Seniors (60+) $2 off/Children (12 & under) $5 off

Tickets available at Flynn Regional Box O ffice, 153 Main St., Burlington - (802) 863-5966 Laser World, Towne Market Place, Essex ’V ’ UVM Campus Bookstore Local Coordinator: CamiUc Vickers, director of Vermont Conservatory of Ballet

S E V E N DAYS

november

1996

A n im a l a c u p u n c t u r e ? B o w -w o iv

Bv Rachel

Esch

ark Basol methodically inserts needles along a dog’s spine until it looks like a punk pooch with a metal mohawk. No, this is not tor ture, it’s just a routine treat ment for Jack, a 15-year-old Norwegian Elk Hound mix who suffers from arthritis. Jack’s a regular patient with Basol, a Vergennes veterinarian. You’ve got to wonder what the Chinese would think about the therapy they invented nearly 5000 years ago being used to treat an animal they consider man’s best food. But for a grow ing number of Vermont vets, acupuncture and other alterna tive health care services for ani mals have proven more popular than green tea. “I think at the beginning, many people were hesitant,” says Basol, who has used the tiny needles on dogs, cats, and even cows for ailments includ ing herniated disks, skeletal problems, pain relief and seizures. Some early skeptics

have a turned enthusiastic at the results — like a couple of dairy farmers who allowed Basol to treat their cows for pinched nerves after exhausting other, more conven tional options. Even the animals become believers after Basol’s treatment. “I had a dog come to me from Rutland with a slipped disk and pinched nerves in her back who would try to bite her owner if her hip was touched,” says Basol. “Obviously, this dog was not happy with us putting nee dles in her, and initially we had to have several people restrain her. But by the third treatment, only one person had to hold her and she was reaching around and licking my face.” Nationwide, animal owners who have themselves experi enced acupuncture, chiroprac tic, homeopathic or massage are increasingly seeking these same services for their four-footed friends. “People who are inter ested

Burlington College welcomes you to an

holis tic health care for themselves are generally interested in it for their animals,” notes Liz Poulsen, Basol’s co worker and a trained veteri-

NEEDLE IN A HAIRSTACK

Dr. Mark Basol treats Jack.

narian who is completing her certification in veterinary homeopathy.

1 800 650-2646

sasri 802 (658-COIN)

page 3

SEVEN DAYS

P lease j o in u s for AND ART AUCTION

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C ontinued on page 28

[XLC

Weekly Mail

Wednesday, November 13 9 am-7:30 pm

acle.” Though miracles are hard to come by, Poulsen has had a fair share of success with animals who had failed to respond to traditional treatments. One client, an apparently healthy horse named Willy, came in from the pasture last year drag ging a useless limb. “He was treated conventionally by his vet with bute, steroids, topical cold and heat,” Poulsen reports,”but the leg didn’t improve. The muscles had atrophied by the time I saw him three months later.” By then Willy had adjusted to his handicap and | was cavorting ! and cantering like a normal horse, but a three-legged horse does not a smooth ride make. “The more people I talk to, the more I’ve learned that horses with that kind of injury are often put down if they haven’t recovered

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Like many of her ani mal-care colleagues, Poulsen is inundated by people who want her to heal their pets. Even if they have not tried homeopathy or other alterna tives for their own health prob lems, they’re searching out nontraditional treatments for ailing animals. “A lot of people explore alternative modalities as a last resort,” says Poulsen. “With many of the animals I’ve seen,

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“Aw, hell, let her hunt on,” Jack said, still unaware o f what Continued from page 18 had transpired. “Shes calmed ringnecks held tight, as stocked down nicely now.” pheasants will, but they proved “You don’t want to know strong flyers when we kicked about it,” I said again, heading them up. After wed lulled per off toward the kennel. haps a dozen, Mike took us up We finished the afternoon to another field, stopping on in good order, banging .more the way at the clubhouse for a ringnecks and a few quail as welcome cup of coffee. Id well. I managed to redeem part brought Jake and Roz along o f the day by making perhaps with me that morning, keeping the longest successful wingshot them in the Tinmouth kennel of my life. A hen pheasant, one while we shot, but now I asked of the birds Jake and Roz had Mike if I could hunt them on flushed wild at the start, got up our final swing. Sure, he said. between me and Jack Barry. I Remington had worked hard deferred to Barry’s shot — he and could use a was, after all, the break — let s do co-host o f this it. When a fo x w ent to grou n d the expedition — It proved a but he didn’t mistake. My Russell was sent down the hole to take it. When dogs were manic the hen was as hell, having about 40 yards chase it back out. They also were spent the day out I swung on locked in a ken her without dispatched into badger setts on su i nel with the thinking and sound of gunfire folded her with cide missions — k ill or be k ille d — echoing all the first barrel. around them —She had flown a n d usually em erged victorious, first from the out over a low round of sport cliff, and fell ing clays, then though sometimes lacking an beyond the rim. from the pheas My Lab had ant shoot not ear or an eye\ marked her half a mile dis down, though, tant. They took and went after off into a corn her at a gallop. field like a brace He, too, disap of canine peared over the Exocets, putting cliff edge, and up half a dozen my heart ringnecks well jumped into my out of range. I throat. But I whistled them needn’t have £D back and gave >• worried. Jake is 30 -< them a sul as surefooted as phurous lecture, > ■ a chamois, and cr embarrassing by the time I got them as much to the cliff he as theyd embar was already pick rassed me. They ing his way back steadied down, up its sheer face, and as we made the hen dangling W henever she flu sh ed a b ird sh ed our way from dead in his jolly corn piece to jaws. overgrown yap angrily a t its cowardice. That night meadow to we all dined at woods’ edge, (<W imp, w im p, w im p! ” she seem ed the Dorset Inn, Jake began to where Sissy flush and Hicks, one of to say. “ Why don t you stand yo u r retrieve birds as Vermont’s finest he’d been chefs, braised » taught. Roz put grou n d a n d duke it out? some of our a couple up, birds in white too, which we duly killed and Crunch... wine and wild mushrooms. I Jake fetched. At the end o f the I bulled through the pine must have gotten Roz’s pheas far field, we turned right and branches, grabbed Roz by the ant. There wasn’t a shot pellet began working slightly down scruff o f her neck with one in it. hill. The field was studded hand, the pheasant with the Will I ever hunt Roz again? with young white pines, other, and walked back out, up O f course. branched clear down to the toward the others with my gun But only on grouse or ground. My eyes were on Jake, tucked under one arm. My face woodcock, mind you — truly working birdily back and forth was burning. wild birds. Not on pen-raised ahead o f me among some bar ^Hey, you got one, too!” pheasants, never again. They’re berry bushes. Jack said, smiling. “I didn’t not up to her style of hunting. □ “Get ready!” I yelled to Jack even hear you shoot!” and Mark. Jake blew two roost “You don’t want to know A version o f “My Girl ers one o f the barberries simul about it,” I said grimly. I threw Friday"first appeared in taneously, the others shot, the Roz’s pheasant over to him. Dancers in the Sunset Sky, a birds tumbled in streamers of “Stick that bird in your game collection o f bird hunting essays feathers... and out of the cor pocket. I’m taking Rozzie back by Robert Jones published in ner o f my eye I saw a tsun-andto the kennel.” ,-*• September by Lyons & Burford.

— L FRIDAY

• Private L e ss o n s

S E V E N DAYS

whi,e obiect ^ appcaring like a

sriake into the ground-hugging branches o f one o f the pines. Roz was onto a bird — one wed already walked past, unde tected by Jake -— stalking it carefully, belly to the ground. Suddenly I saw the bird, a gor geous cock pheasant, struggling vainly to get airborne, but unable to clear the low pine branches. I grabbed my police whisde to call Roz off — too late. She pounced like a pan ther. The pheasant was longer than she was, and nearly as heavy. But it was no contest. Her jaws closed on its head.

november

1996

HOW ONE NEW YORK GIRL i l l HER PET PHOBIA Bv J ul i a Al varez rowing up, I always wanted a pet, but I was never allowed to have one. My mother kept an immaculate house, and it was hard work keeping it that way with four girls so close in age. Pets were out of the question, she said. The four of us were pets enough for one household. We nagged her, my sisters and I. Every time we saw an episode of “Lassie” or “Black Beauty,” or we went shopping with Papi — who let us go into pet stores :— we’d start in. Couldn’t we have a puppydog or

crazy? Didn’t she know that monkeys carried diseases that could be transmitted to humans, since we shared a similar back ground? Two of my sisters remained unconvinced. As soon as they had their own houses and apartments and families, they bought dogs and perky canaries and gerbils for their children to pick up and let run wild over their messy living rooms. One sister still owns nine dogs, big

F L O W E R S

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350 Dorset St., So. Burlington When I visited other people’s houses and stroked their dogs or cats, I got asthma. If I didn’t wash my hands after pet ting them, I broke out in hives. It turned out that I actually was allergic to pets. My sisters dis covered that they, too, got asth matic around cats and dogs. (To date, no one has tried a monkey.) The sister with nine dogs couldn’t bear to give even one away, so she went to an allergist and got a small arsenal of inhalers and learned to wash her hands after petting her pack of wannabe wolves. When I married my husband, he came with a dog. Actually, his

(Heading South on Donet St., turn left onto San Remo D r.)

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For cheap! LFD P M N T SC A P € Call U S! kittycat or a black stallion in our backyard in Queens? It wouldn’t have to come in the house. Seeing that she was losing ground, my mother took up a new line of argument. Didn’t we know animals could be dan gerous? Dogs could bite you and give you rabies, and cat hairs gave you asthma, and cats themselves could be vicious. Didn’t we remember a maid we had had back in the Dominican Republic with a blind eye that was scratched out by a cat she was just trying to be nice to? As for horses, they bucked and threw you on the ground, para lyzing you from the waist down. One of my sisters went on to beg for a spider monkey, and my mother’s jaw dropped dramatically. Was my sister

Samoyeds that shed their hairs everywhere. But my middle sis ter and I were affected by my mother’s stories. Long after I was out of my mother’s house, in my own first-floor apartment in a city where a big, mean dog would have been convenient, I refused to entertain the idea of a pet. It wasn’t that I was being careful with the already-stained carpet or my Salvation Army couch, no. I had a mild case of pet phobia. I was sure if I had a dog, even if it was a big old affectionate Labrador or trusty Collie, it would turn into a pit bull in my ownership and attack me.

youngest daughter came with a dog, a big grey poodle named Jackie. Whenever Berit visited for a week end, Jackie came along. I gave the dog wide berth, eyeing her for signs of hostility, watching her sniffing my shoes. I had to be nice to her so my stepdaugh ter wouldn’t think I didn’t like her dog. “There, there, Jackie,” I’d say, patting her briefly between the eyes when some one else was in the room. W hen Berit went off to col lege, Jackie came to stay with us periodically. My husband would leave in the mornings, and I would be up in my study writing. Downstairs in the main room lay poor Jackie, bored and sad. I’d go down for a drink of juice or lunch, and she’d lift her old head and give C ontinued on page 28

SEVEN DAYS

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and dog food, that Berit would becoming home soon. ' land a kiss on That old dog their wet noses. would get up “Garcy, Lucy, on wobbly legs, you’d never wagging her T d think, this is why people have scratch out my tail, and practi eyes, now, would cally kissing my you?” I tell . pets. This sim ple transaction could feet for trying ■ them. Their eyes to make her feel flicker in reply: brin g such gratitu de a n d pleasure better. “O f course not, I’d come silly. You should back upstairs both ways. n’t believe every with an incipi thing your ent asthma mother tells attack, but with you.” my heart full o f I kiss them happiness. And again and again. I d think, this is why people one cat, which turned into two Before going upstairs, so glad have pets. This simple transacbecause I couldn’t possibly take for this visit with them, I take tion could bring such gratitude one and leave the other behind a puff of my inhaler and wash and pleasure both ways. I to a stranger. my hands. □ began to have regular visits Now, several times during with her downstairs. I grew to the work day, I go downstairs Middlebury-basedJulia Alvarez trust her. Never in a hundred and visit with them. They are is author ofln the Time of years — 700 for her — would more standoffish than Jackie, Butterflies and How the Garcia Jackie attack me or give me who died a year ago. But if I Girls Lost Their Accents.

PAINS AND NEEDLES

most vets, however, Richardson finds that her hooved patients are happy to see her. “They love it,” she says of many hors es’ response to a massage. “When I first go into their stalls they say, ‘Oh no, what are you going to do?’ but after about 10 minutes they’re trying to climb into my lap. They stretch and they groan, and afterwards they shake them selves and yawn.” Frequently, Richardson and Franz team up to ensure their

canine clients enjoy his ser vices. “I’ve had dogs who are C ontinued from page 25 shaking the first time they in three months,” says Lisa come, but the next time wag Fargo, Willy’s owner. Luckily their tails and are excited to be for Willy, Fargo kept suspend here,” he says. Franz primarily ing that sentence until she was treats animals for sore backs, finally referred to Poulsen. and most of his equine patients One symptom that Poulsen are show horses in need of a used in determining a homeo treatment that will make them pathic remedy for Willy was that more supple. his condition deteriorated acute Not all veterinarians ly after he was medicated with espouse alternative treatments, conventional drugs. After being but many recognize them as treated homeopathically, Willy viable options when conven soon regained use tional methods of his leg. don’t work. “I think “Fm a real “ When I fir s t go into their stalls that they are really believer [in home exciting potential opathy] with this they say, ‘Oh no, w hat are you modalities of treat horse particular going to do?ybut a fier about 10 ment,” says Steve ly,” says his happy Levine, who works owner. “For Willy, m inutes they re trying to clim b with Franz. While it’s been wonder maintains a into my lap. They stretch a n d they Levine ful.” “healthy skepticism” Some vets groan, a n d afierw ards they shake about his partner’s take a more acupuncture and hands-on themselves a n d yaw n. ” chiropractic work, approach to horse he also keeps an ' — K ate Richardson, healing, such as open mind. He used acupuncturist and equine masseuse to consider chiro chiropractor practic work a last Randy Franz of resort. “Now,” he the Burlington Equine patient receives the full effect concedes, “Fm at the point of Veterinary Service and inde of a chiropractic realignment. evaluating if there is something pendent equine masseuse Kate “A lot of human chiropractors [Franz] can do first.” Richardson. Like Poulsen and have masseuses they work Although some alternative Basol, both have a background with,” says Richardson. “You veterinary services are slightly in traditional veterinary medi can put the joints back the way more expensive than traditional cine, but find that their respec they’re supposed to be, but if ones, their effectiveness clearly tive skills complement or com the muscles are tight, they’ll appeals to animal owners. pensate for shortcomings in slam the joints right back out “If God were to appear conventional veterinary care. of place.” Franz sometimes uses before me and ask if I’d spend “I feel that what I do is an acupuncture to relax muscles $140 dollars a month to keep adjunct to traditional’ medi and make it easier and more my dog healthy, I’d say, ‘O f cine,” says Richardson. “It’s not comfortable for the horse when course!”’ says Fargo. “It’s cer a substitute to having your he adjusts their bones. tainly worth it for him to be horse seen by the vet.” Unlike Franz has also found that relieved of pain.” □

S E V E N DAYS

november

1996

MEOWZIC TO THEIR EARS

You won t f in d these discs Bv Mika Tal

hen the holiday gift-giv ing season approaches, I start worrying about what to get for that very special someone in my life. You know, the one who’s always there with a kind caress when I’m down, the one who’s always glad that I’m around — Winston, my cat. Oh, sure, I used to be embarrassed about wanting — no, needing — to lavish bright ly wrapped gifts on him when he really would be just as happy with a couple of extra catnip treats. But no more. Consider me one of the 79 percent of pet owners who give their pets holiday or birthday gifts. According to a 1995 sur vey by the American Animal Hospital Association, 62 per cent go as far as signing cards from themselves and their pets, and 57 percent would want their pet as their only compan ion if stranded on a desert island. Companies have not let the pampered pet trend go unno ticed, and they have come up with unimaginable products to lure pet owners in; from kitty tooth brushes to com puter mouse pads embossed with a photo of your pre ferred pet. And all these pet-oriented products translate to millions in sales each year. Not ones to ignore a trend — or the profits that go with it — record com panies have jumped on the pet marketing bandwagon. After surveying my local record store, I realized that there are a multi tude of pet-themed CDs to soothe the savage beasts, or at least keep obsessive pet owners happy. Being a kitty affectionado, and wanting a CD that both my cat and I could enjoy, I purchased all the cat-themed CDs in the store and came up with the Top Cat-Oriented Recordings of All Time. Various: Meowzic (R3 Music) O ur number one desert island choice is Meowzic, a col lection o f songs about, and reportedly inspired by, cats. Produced by a small San Francisco-based independent label, R3 Music, Meowzic fea tures new renditions of songs like “The Alley Cat Song,” “Siamese Cat Song” and november

1996

in the CD cat-alogue

MUSIC

“W hat’s New, Pussycat?” There are also a few lost gems like “Meow, Meow, Meow, Meow,” the orig inal Polka version of the song made famous by the Meow Mix commercial! Some of the better-known artists include Timbuk 3 from Austin, Texas (“Facts About Cats”), San Francisco’s Voice Farm (“Tom Cat”), the leg endary Ian Whitcomb (“Chester the Cat”), and two entries by veteran folk singer Oscar Brand (“We Love Cats,” “The Great Big Little Cat Show”). The 16 tracks on this CD create one continuous flow of non-stop feline fun. The only questionable contribution is a

human-cat-dog-singing version of Ravel’s “Bolero,” entitled “Meowlero,” but it’s the last track so you can always skip it. Meowzic has limited distrib ution at this point, so your best bet is to call their toll-free hot line at (888) PET-SONG. Various: Meowy Christmas (Jingle Cats Music) The granddaddy of all cat albums, Meowy Christmas has already surpassed the 500,000 mark in worldwide sales. Released by Mike Spalla in 1993, the holiday album fea tures actual cat meows recorded by Mr. Spalla and then sampled and turned into “voices” that “sing.” Despite the huge sales, Meowy Christmas is constantly making it onto “most annoying record” lists. Spalla also has released a dog-singing recording called Jingle Dogs, and a second cat record entitled Here Comes

Santa Claws, a must for any cat collector due to the unbelievably cute graphics. All these recordings and a really cool line of posters, 1shirts, stickers and even pogs can be ordered from Jingle Cats Music: 1-800-962-7228. Oscar Brand: / Love Cats (Alcazar) I Love Cats is folk singer Oscar Brand’s ode to his feline friends. Brand wrote and recorded 12 songs dedicated to cats. Some are fun and fanciful, likp the “The Great Big Little Cat Show,” which unbelievably rhymes Angora with “Can’t ignore a-.” Others are slightly silly (“Cat Rap”). A contempo rary of Pete Seeger and Peter, Paul and Mary, Brand is a master of the folk song even when bound to the constraints of this subject matter. Some of the songs are about the love of cats while others reflect life from the cats’ point of view. The cover features a great painting of Oscar Brand with his three cats. Available at your local record store or through Alcazar Records, P.O. Box 429, Waterbury, VT 05676. Various: Classical Cats (Zanacorn Ent.) Classical Cats is the com panion CD for The Cat Who Went to Paris, starring the world-renowned Norton. Winston and I aren’t familiar with Norton, although he does writes the “fe-liner notes” to a collection of popular classical music performed by wellknown symphonies. The best thing about Classical Cats is the free “Cosmic” catnip gift that comes with the CD version. I’m sure Norton is a great cat, and the painting on the cover is cute, but if it’s music you’re after, this collection of songs was a little schmaltzy for our taste. For more information, call 1-800-60-KITTY. □

S E V E N DAY S

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SEEKING CLARI TY, exhibit of mixed media addressing life issues, by Susan Carrara, Jim Gerstman and Donna Constineau. Last Elm, Burlington, 658-7454. Reception November 7, 5-8 p.m. LAUGHTER TEN YEARS AFTER, a mixed media group show of internationally known women artists, curated by art historian Jo Anna Isaak. Exquisite Corpse Artsite, Burlington, 864-8040, ext. 121. Isaak lec ture November 7, 7 p.m., $10. Reception November 8, 7-9 p.m. THE GREAT BOWL SHOW, an exhibit and sale of all kinds of bowls by New England potters. Vermont Clay Studio, Montpelier, 223-1220. Reception November 8, 4:30-6:30 p.m. AFFORDABLE FINE ART by 19 central Vermont artists, mixed media. Shayna Gallery, Montpelier, 2292766. Reception November 8, 4-7 p.m. FRED SWAN, personal appearance and print-signing by the Vermont artist, and unveiling of his latest work. Robert Paul Galleries, S. Burlington, 658-5050. November 9, 1-3 p.m. DECORATING THE WAY TO OTHER WORLDS , an exhibit of masks by Sandy Raynor, quilts by Susan Sawyer and sculptures by Carolyn Shapiro. Birdsong Gallery, Moscow, 253-9960. Reception November 9, 35 p.m. JOVANA GUARINO , new watercolors. Yellow Dog Restaurant, Winooski, 655-1703. Reception November 9, 4-6 p.m. THE UNDERWORLD, a Caravan Arts exhibit in mixed media. City Market, Burlington, 863-5217. Reception November 10, 6-8 p.m. PSYCHOLOGICALLY CHARGED: Three Contemporary Figurative Realist Painters, Sigmund Abeles, Paul Matthews and Jerome Witkin. Francis Colburn Gallery, University of Vermont, Burlington, 656-2014. Panel discussion and reception November 1 1, 5-7:30 p.m. L I T T L E TREASURES, mixed POST-MORTEM A month after his Waterman Series — watercolmedia show of artworks under or portraits painted during the student takeover o f the 10 inches. Rhombus Gallery, Waterman Building in 1991 — showed downtown, a more Burlington, 865-3924. Reception comprehensive exhibit o f David Jamiesons uniquely fee-spirited November 12, 7-9 p.m. works opens at the Fleming Museum. The artist died o f AIDS in DAVID BETHUEL JAMIESON PAINTINGS 1992. Above, ‘Fuck You, Whitey, ” 1991. 1987- 1991, works by the late UVM student. Fleming Museum, University of Vermont, Burlington, 656-0750. Reception, featuring music by Stephen Kemp and Friends, November 12, 5-7 p.m. o n g o i n g O R IG IN S AND P A T T E R N S , an exhibit of prints and photographs by Canadian artist Lydia Sharman. McAuley Fine Arts Center Lobby, Trinity College, Burlington, 658-0337, ext. 204. Through January 24, NO RELATION , paintings by Amy E. Brandt and Maea Brandt. The Gallery at Living/Learrung, University of Vermont, 656-4200. November 11-December 12. S TA FF SHOW, featuring works in mixed media by employees of the restaurant. Daily Planet, Burlington, 862-9647. Through November. SURREAL CARTOONS, drawings and paintings by Rose Boskind. Muddy Waters, Burlington, 658-0466. Through November. LOCAL AND NATIONAL artists, mixed media. Integrity Arts International, Cornerstone Building, Burlington, 860-7000. Ongoing. F IN E PRESS A R T I S T S ’ BOOKS in the 20th century, featuring edition books from Janus, Circle, Ren Flen, Beo, Elm and other fine presses. Fleming Museum, Wilbur Room, University of Vermont, Burlington, 656-0750. Through January 26. SNOW C R YSTALS, the Jericho Historical Society’s collection of 100 original snowflake microphotographs by Vermonter Wilson Bentley. Old Red Mill, Jericho, 899-3225. Through November 14. SPAN OF LIG H T, paintings on Plexiglas and works on paper by Carol Haerer. Francis Colburn Gallery, University of Vermont, Burlington, 656-2014. Through November 8. MARRY ME EARTH , two- and three-dimensional work using natural ingredients by Kate Hodges. Burlington College Gallery, 862-9616. Through November 28. SIMULACRUM, a series of acrylic portraits by Yvonne Marie Stone; MAD DOG REDUX, paintings by Lance Richbourg; and ABSTRACTS & IN S T A L L A T IO N S , colorful wrapped Sculptures by Jane Horner. Samsara, Burlington, 862-3779. Through November 11. ARCH ITEC TU RAL PO R TR A ITS , mixed media landscapes and buildings by Valerie Ugro. The Village Boutique & Gallery, Fairfax, 849-6535. Through December. CONTEMPORARY P A IN TIN G S on fired clay by T.R. Wolf. Westford Library, Westford, 878-5639. Through November 23. REGIONAL A R T I S T S group show. Furchgott SourdifFe Gallery, Shelburne, 985-3848. Through November. PHOTOGRAPHY by Daniel A. Neary Jr. Eliot Pratt Center, Goddard College, Plainfield, 222-2207. Through November 18. AMERICAN PHOTOGRAPHY: 1 9 1 0 * 1 9 9 0 . A survey of the century in prints. Middlebury College Museum of Art, 443-5007. Through January 26. A VERMONT SAMPLER, handmade prints by Roy Newton. Isabels on the Waterfront, Burlington, 8652522. Through November 15. THE LOCAL LENS, group show of local photographers. Firehouse Gallery, Burlington. Through November 10. THE SOUL OF VERMONT: R EF LEC T IO N AND RETREAT, new color photographs by Josephine Santelii. Robert Paul Galleries, University Mall, S. Burlington, 658-5050. Through November. SACRED & PROFANE: THE BOAT S E R I ES, paintings by Janet Fredericks, and PA I NT ING AND MUSIC, works by Barbara Scotch. TW Wood Gallery, Vermont College, Montpelier, 828-8743. Through December 20. CONTEMPORARY VIETN AM ESE ART from the U.S. and Vietnam. Fleming Museum, University of

Vermont, Burlington, 656-0750. Through December 22. B A L IN E S E PA IN T IN G S made for Gregory Bateson and Margaret Mead. Christian Johnson Gallery, Middlebury College, Middlebury, 443-5007. Through November 24. CROWNING A C HIEVEM EN TS: African Arts of Dressing the Head, featuring contemporary and tradi tional headgear and styles. Hood Museum, Dartmouth College, Hanover, N.H., (603) 646-2095. Through December 1.. S P I R I T & ESSEN CE OF VERMONT , mixed media by 32 artists reflecting the beauty of Vermont.

Helen Day Art Center, Stowe, 253-8358. Through November 19. “f Y ' My * H "mp<4s > - A :&m 7 page

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november

1996

ON THE BLOCK

The Shelburne Museum finds small c

By Kevin J.

what the Shelburne is up against in terms of maintaining its collection.” “I wish Vermonters had been given a chance to be more resourceful in assisting the museum,” adds Doreen Kraft, director of Burlington City Arts. “The decision to do this was presented as a fait accompli. The community wasn’t involved in the process at all, and wasn’t able to help in finding alterna tives to this very sad loss.” For their part, museum offi cials insist that the deaccession ing is consistent with standards set by national arts groups. They say, too, that the works being sold through the 250year-old auction house are not integral to the museum’s inter pretative focus, and are out shone by similar pieces in the museum’s holdings. “T he decision to deacces sion works from our collection has been an extremely difficult one,” says board president

Kel l ey

he spotlight of the Manhattan art world is shining this week on the Shelburne Museum, revealing both its strengths and weaknesses. Three paintings from the Shelburne’s collection are fea tured in the superb Corot exhibit recently opened at the Metropolitan Museum of Art. Just across town, however, Sotheby’s is preparing to auc tion off 22 works that the Shelburne has decided to “deac cession.” The first of three Sotheby’s sales of the museum’s holdings is to take place Tuesday when five Impressionist works go on the block. These Degas and Manet pastels, along with a Degas bronze, could bring in more than $20 million for the Shelburne’s endowment. But the sale might also put some or all of this art in private hands — individual collectors have

more resources than museums — and remove it from public view. The move to put parts of the museum’s “permanent col lection” on the market has fueled controversy since it was announced last year. J. Watson Webb, son of the Shelburne’s founder, resigned as board chairman in January in protest of the trustees’ decision. A few national art publications and organizations have also criti cized the deaccessioning, sug gesting it may violate ethical guidelines regarding the pur poses for which museums can sell pieces they own. Some local arts figures are likewise expressing their dismay over the loss to Vermont of irre placeable treasures. “This is not a happy solu tion,” says Janie Cohen, curator and assistant director of the Fleming Museum. “It’s an enor mous loss for these objects to be leaving the state, but I know

Sotheby’s

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Phillip von Stade, “and it was made only after two years of care ful delibera tion.” The sale of all 22 art works — Portrait De Constantin Guys, ” by Edouard Manet which also dent on paid admissions to its include paintings by J.M. 45-acre grounds. And the num Whistler, Frederic Remington, ber of annual visitors is declin Albert Bierstadt and Martin ing, from about 170,000 five Johnson Heade — could fetch years ago to 150,000 currently. as much as $38 million, Creating a collections mainte Sotheby’s estimates. The nance fund will help protect the Shelburne plans to use its share outdoor museum against the of the sale proceeds, minus vagaries of the regional econo Sotheby’s undisclosed commis my and New England weather sion, to create a “collections patterns, officials say. care endowment.” This fund is The museum further claims expected to produce about to have tightened its belt to the $900,000 a year for the muse pinching point. Today’s budget um, in addition to its current is $300,000 smaller than a cou annual budget of $3.2 million. ple of years ago, says Shelburne The Shelburne, which has spokeswoman Gail Rosenberg, been without a director since last summer, is heavily depenC ontinued on page 3 6

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Nobody loves Bill Murray more than I do, but facts must be faced. It’s been 15 years since the come dian did his classic work in Caddyshack-ssA Stripes.Sincc \9%A\Gho$tbusters, his best moments have, more often than; not, come in the form of bit parts in other peo^ie^S'filrtwh-- movies like Tootsie, Little Shop of Horrors and, most recently, Ed Wood, larger Than LijfeCttids Murray adrift in a curious limbo,”too old to play the goofball rebel and too hip to turn into Dan Aykroyd or Chevy Chase. As a result, he plays here a sort of watered-down version of the wise-guy cynic he has played so often and so well (Stripes, Ghostbusters, Quick Change, Scrooged, Groundhog Day)-, a third-rate motivational speaker whose personal life is ton a first-rate ru’t. When his father — who long before abandoned the fami ly by running away to join a circus — dies and bequeaths Murray a performing pachyderm, the son decides to sell the creature to the highest bidder. He connects with both a West Coast trainer and a research outfit just days away from bringing a planeload of elephants to the African jungle. The no-nonsense, all-business trainer offers the larger sum, but both offers come from the West Coast, thus setting the stage for one of the kookiest cross-country odysseys ever put to celluloid — as well as pro viding an opportunity for Murray’s character to gradually bond with his gargantuan traveling companion and have second thoughts about the animal’s ultimate fate. Hitchhiking elephants notwithstanding, Larger Than Life is ^]je most by-the-numbers, calculatedly sentimental and just plain main stream movie of Murrays career. The script could have used three or four more polishes — characters are fuzzy and undeveloped. The end ing can be seen coming from further off than, well, an elephant, and, except for an occasional Murray wisecrack, the laughs are borderline extinct. The film does have two-tremendously BIG PROBLEMS The laughs are few and far funny sequences, however. One involves Murray’s attempt to operate a 16-wheeler. The between in this cross-country odyssey from other benefits by a brilliant, turbo-charged turn Bill Murray. from, of all people, A Time to Kills Matthew McConaughey as a paranoid, overcaffeinated trucker. That’s right. Bill Murray, one of the funniest guys in movie history, is upstaged by a novice actor — who’s never done comedy on film before — and a motor vehicle. As for the rest, Larger Than Life is a picture even its jumbo co-star, with its legendary memory, is likely to find forgettable. - r

FILMQUIZ

PREVIEWS RANSOM Mel Gibson is the star of Ron Howard’s first thriller, an industrial-strength nailbiter about an

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airline magnate who takes matters into his own hands when his son is kidnapped. With Rene Russo, Delroy Lindo and Lili Taylor. S ECRETS AND LIES this year’s Palme d’Or at Cannes went to Mike Leigh’s tragicomic saga of an adopted black woman who discovers her birth mother is white. With Marianne Jean-Baptiste and Brenda Blethyn. CAUGHT Edward James Olmos and Maria Conchita Alonso play a couple who take in — you guessed it — a mysterious drifter in this we/V-on-a-shoestring exercise courtesy of director Robert M. Young.

SHORTS

MICHAEL COLLINS*** Liam Neeson stars in the epic new film from The Crying Game director Neil Jordan, the saga of a controversial freedom fighter who in 1921 succeeded in liberating a portion of Ireland from British control. With Aidan Quinn and Julia Roberts. ROMEO AND JULIET (NR) Wherefore art thou, Rontfto?Try South Florida. Australian director Baz (Strictly Ballroom) Luhrmann, for some reason, believes the MTV generation is desperate for a screen ver sion of the bard’s classic it can call its own. So he’s set Leonardo DiCaprio and Claire Danes loose in the land of sunscreen, satellite dishes and street gangs. Something tells me the studio that parted with mil lions for this is in for some sweet sorrow. TO GILLIAN ON HER 37TH BI RTHDAY ( NR) Based on Michael Brady’s 1986 play about a young widower (Peter Gallagher) who blows an entire weekend on Nantucket babbling to his dead wife’s ghost, the latest from TV producer David E. Kelley (who got his wife, Michelle Pfeiffer, to play the dear departed spirit) has gotten such withering reviews it may just arrive D.O.A. at the box office. TH INN ER*** Tom Holland directs this lightweight but occasionally amusing adaptation of the 1985 Stephen King novel about a gluttonous lawyer put under a curse by a gypsy: No matter how much he eats, he loses three pounds a day. Starring Robert John Burke and Joe Mantegna. BIG NI GHT**** Campbell Scott and Stanley Tucci co-direct this low-budget, high-calorie saga about a family-run Italian restaurant in 1950s New Jersey. Isabella Rossellini co-star. SLEEPERS **** Barry Levinson directs this gripping, fact-based account of four boys from Hell’s Kitchen who are abused in reform school and grow up to take revenge on the guard who tortured them. With everyone from Brad Pitt and Robert De Niro to Dustin Hoffman and Kevin Bacon. DEAR GOD (NR) From Garry Marshall comes this comedy about a con man who answers dead-letteroffice messages to God and responds by telling their writers to send cash. The film features former talk- O show host Greg Kinnear in his first starring role.

g t

rating scale:

*****

NR - not reviewed

h ttp ://w v w v .s p r e a d f r e d .c o m

F r e d T u t t l e is t h e M A N W IT H A PLA N

CLOSE-OUT- SALE Every FRED W S t £}oi

SHOWTIMES Films run Friday, November 8 through Thursday, November 14.

ETHAN ALLEN CINEMAS 4 North Avenue, Burlington, 863-6040. That Thing You Do 12:15, 3:20, 6:50, 9:35. The Chamber 3:30, 9:40. Phenomenon 3:10, 6:40, 9:25. Man With a Plan 12:35, 7:10. Alaska 12:30 (Sat., Sun. only). Independence Day 12, 3, 6:30, 9:15. Evening times MonFri, all times Sat-Sun.

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Shelburne Road, S. Burlington, 864-5610 Ransom* 12:30, 1, 3:30, 4, 6:45, 7:15, 9:30, 9:55. Romeo and Juliet 12:45, 3:45, 7, 9:45. Larger Than Life 12:20, 2:20, 4:20, 7:05, 9:40. First Wives Club 12:35, 3:35, 6:35, 9:35. Thinner 10. To Gillian on Pier 37th Birthday 9:55. Dear God 12:30, 3:55, 7. Sleepers 12:25, 3:30, 6:30, 9:30. The Ghost and the Darkness Tues.Fri.: 12:50, 3:45; all days: 6:50, 9:45. The Associate 12:40, 3:40, 6:50. Mighty Ducks 3 12:50 & 3:45 (Sat., Sun., Mon. only).

SHOWCASE CINEMAS 5 Williston Road, S. Burlington, 863-4494. Ransom* 12:50, 3:40, 7, 9:30. Long Kiss Goodnight 9:25. Larger Than Life 12:30, 3:20, 6:45. Thinner 3:50, 9:40. High School High 1,4, 7:10, 9:45. The Associate 12:40, 6:50. Sleepers 12:20, 3:30, 6:30, 9:15. Evening snows Mon-Fri. All shows Sat. & Sun. unless otherwise indicated. NICKELODEON CINEMAS College Street, Burlington, 863-9515. Secrets and Lies* 12:50, 3:40, 6:40, 9:30. Caught* 6:45, 10. Fly Away Home 12:40, 3. Romeo and Juliet 1:20, 4:15, 7:15, 9:50. Synthetic Pleasures 2:45, 7:40. Michael Collins 1, 3:50, 6:30, 9:20. The Ghost and the Darkness 4:40, 10. Big Night 12:40, 3:15,6:50, 9:10.

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S E V E N DAY S

november

1996

Classifieds buy this stuff

real estate GOV’T FORECLOSED HOMES FOR pennies on $1. Delinquent tax, repo’s, REO’s. Your area. Tollfree, 1-800-898-9778, ext. H-6908 for current listings.

studio space FLYNN AVE„ 390 SQ. FT. OLD FACTORY LOFT. Business/art/ craft. High ceilings, large windows, finished wood floor, brick walls. $250, includes heat. 862-1060.

apartment for rent BURLINGTON: A neat, 1 bdrm., heated apartment at 1388 North Ave., 2nd floor. $475/mo., includes heat + water. Parking, garden. No dogs (? cat). Call Peggy, 988-4040. HUNTINGTON: Prof. NS to rent cozy, private, furnished studio apt. Galley kitchen, deck w/ views, X-C skiing out the door. Now - May 1. $375 + utils. Call Tim, 434-6328.

housemates BURL., SO. END: 2 Fs and 1 M (N/S, 28-37, fun loving feminists, socially conscious) and 1 dog seek a N/S F to share nice, large house in quiet, pretty neighborhood. W/D, both woodstove & gas heat. Near lake, Oakledge, bike path. No cats. $250 + 1/4 utils. 864-7480. BURLINGTON: Quiet, consider ate, professional NS to share house on lake until June 1. Private bath and entrance, share kitchen. $375 + 1/2 utils. Peggy 865-2317. BURLINGTON: Roommate want ed Dec. 1st. 2 bdrm. apartment on School St. $275, includes heat. Background in photography pre ferred. Matthew, 863-8313. HINESBURG: 1 bdrm. available to share! w/ 2 others in beautiful house on 12 acres w/ pond. 1/5 mile olf road. This is ascension land for builders of light bodies. $385 ncludes rent, utils., plowing. Available 11/9. 482-2052. RICHMOND: Reliable, NS GM to share private tree house. W/D, wood stove, deck, convenient to Burl. &c skiing. $300 +. 434-2047. SO. BURLINGTON: Prof., NS female to share 4 bdrm. Stonehedge condo (pool, parking, W/D). Avail, immediately. $366 + utils. Call Kathy, 656-9049 (d), 860-4936 (e). SO. BURLINGTON: 1 room in 3 bdrm. house on bus line. W/D, parking, smoker OK, no [>ets. $300/mo. + dep. + 1/3 utils. Call Steve or Mike, 862-2307.

Homemade wine and soft drinks, too. With equipment, recipes, and friendly advice from Vermont Homebrew Supply. Now at our new location next to the Beverage Warehouse, E. Allen Street, Winooski. 655-2070.

MAN'S BEST FRIEND - fantastic collection of contemporary folk songs about dogs. “Stellar Performances,” says Seven Days. Great gift. Tape: $12.95, CD: $17.95 (inch tax & ship). (802) 253-201 1 or 800-893-4978. FREE TO GOOD HOME. THE GENTLE GIANT. 10 year old male cat. Loving and playful urgently seeking new home. Indoor cat only. Reason for giving away: physical limitations of owner. Leave message at 660-3814. CAT SITTING: experienced vet erinary technician. Daily visits to your home (Burlington, So. Burl ington, Shelburne) $7 a day. Call Lynne Matthews @ 863-8403.

tutoring TUTORING: Experienced, certi fied teacher. Jr. High - College. Math, science, language arts. $ 15/hr. Call Carl at 860-8482.

house cleaning PARENTS COMING TO VISIT? Don’t panic! Call Diane H., HOUSE KEEPER TO THE STARS. 658-7458.

house-sitting GOING OUT OF TOWN? With a house-sitter comes security, clean liness, happy pets, watered plants, etc... Don’t leave your pets in a ken nel! Let me take care of them and your home. Call Leslie, 878-9544. References available. HOUSE-SITTING & PET-SIT TING: Short or long term. Experienced, reliable, references available. Call Carl, 860-8482.

automotive SEIZED CARS FROM $175. Porsches, Cadillacs, Chevys, BMW’s, Corvettes. Also Jeeps, 4WD’s. Your area. Toll-free, 1-800898-9778 ext. A-6908 for current listings.

help wanted VINYL SIDING AND WINDOW CREWS relocate to North Carolina. Experienced vinyl siding and window applicators needed

year-round by a 35-ycar-old home improvement company. Workers compensation and liability insur ance required. Top pay and $1000 bonus to qualified installers. Call 919-220-7476. BUSY CHIROPRACTOR in Shelburne seeks friendly, health conscious receptionist/assistant for part-time position w/ potential for full-time. Computer skills neces sary, familiarity w/ chiropractic care a +. Please send resume and cover letter to: Dr. John F. Guerriere, 1971 Shelburne Rd., Shelburne, VT 05482. PART-TIME RECEPTIONIST/ ASSISTANT needed M-F, 12-5pm at Fuse Integrated Sports Marketing, 864-7123. Ask for Kristin. hey you...

...w ant to m ake your classified ad really STA N D O U T? Consider m aking it a dandy Display Ad. C all Glenn For Details.

864-5684 PART-TIME PERMANENT CUSTOMER SERVICE REP. & full-time temporary gift wrap peo ple needed. Apply in person to Customer Service, Burlington Square Mall. HAIRSTYLIST WANTED for well established salon in Stowe. Experience required. Flexible days & hours. Call 293-8108. $300-$500 WEEKLY! Full/part time processing U.S. Government FHA Mortgage Refunds. No expe rience. Own Hours. Call 24-7 days. (504) 429-9233 Ext. 4580D4.3. HAND-DYED CLOTHING COMPANY seeks creative, artistic, motivated people to join our team. Full- and part-time positions avail able immediately. 658-0106. ENVIRONMENTAL CAPITAL ISM. Progressive marketing compa ny is searching for special breed of environmental capitalist: motivated people who are eager to make positive change. 862-8081. $1,000’S POSSIBLE READING BOOKS. Part-time. At home. Tollfree 1-800-898-9778 Ext. R-6908.

business opp INNOVATIVE BUSINESS com bines advertising, sales and technol ogy. Great earning potential. Locally owned. Selling for $3000. For details call 654-6861.

PLANET REPAIR. Earn solid, residual income assisting distribu tion of wild, organic products. Must be enthusiastic and outgoing. Call 800-576-5294, ad# 133935.

LOTS OF GOOD STUFF YOU SHOULD BUY: Re-issue Stratocaster, $350; 1966 Fender Bassman Head, $250; Seymour Duncan Convertible Tube Amp, . $300; Boss RV3 Reverb/Delay, $100; Boss Overdrive Distortion, $50; Yamaha FX500 Multi-effect 1/2 rack, $100; Tech 21 XXL Distortion Pedal, $45; Rat Distortion Pedal, $45. Call 8649062 or 658-5665. SAX PLAYER WANTED for established 5 piece, Motown/blues band. Call 863-6989 (days), 8636809 (eves.). JAZZ CAT ALERT. Drums and bass/guitar seeking an instrument to complete a jazz/standard trio. Must read, be serious and punctual. Call Steve, 865-0154. DRUM FOR FUN? Garage band trio (guitars, sax, keys, and/or bass) seeks friendly, talented drummer. Covers plus originals, rock ’n roll, R&B. Call Michael, 860-2262 days, 864-0280 evenings. STUFF FOR SALE: TEAC-3 mixer, 8 channel, $250; Anvil Porta-Sound case, $50; Calzone keyboard case (full size), $150', Yamaha QX-5 sequencer, $200; Grado turntable, $50. Call Ero & 372-4690. VOLUNTEERS WANTED TO STAFF LAST ELM CAFE during shows and activities! Come on, we’re desperate! Call 658-7458. We also need bakers. LOCAL SINGER/SONGWRITER/GUITARIST Ik BASSIST SEEKING drums + multi-instrumentalist for original band (gigs, demo work). Ero @ 372-4690. MUSICIANS-PROMOTIONAL PHOTOS - New Studio. ’Special* photo shoot and 10 B&W 8x10 photos w/ band name: $100, many options available. Peter Wolf Photo-Graphics, 802-899-2350/ pawolfC’aol.com. COMPLETE CD AND CAS SETTE DESIGN. From concept to FINAL FILM. Creative design, illustration and digital imaging at COMPETITIVE RATES. JIM BURNS, (802) 388-7619. THE KENNEL REHEARSAL SPACE. AVAILABLE NOW. 3017 Williston Rd., So. Burlington. Living room-like atmosphere. Renting blocks of time per month. Reserve your space now! Call Lee at 660-2880.

carpool connection Af.

V e rm o n t

Rideshare A S E R V IC E OP C C TA

Call 864-CCTA to respond to a listing or to he listed, VANPOOL SEATS AVAIL ABLE! We leave from Burlington (Sears parking lot) and the Richmond P/R for 7:30 to 4:30 workday in Montpelier. Monthly seats available. Day ridets also welcome for $6 round trip. (1811) BURLINGTON to BERLIN. Ride wanted. Need to be at desti nation 8:30-9a.m. and picked up at 3:30p.m. Willing to assist in gas costs. Can be dropped off at BC/BS office if mote convenient.

(2201) BURLINGTON to SO. BURL. I know it seems a short distance, bur with my work hours of llp.m.-7a.m. 1 need a ride to work when the bus doesn’t run, Please call if you can help me out.

(2202) COLCHESTER to BURLING TON. Do you have an empty seat in your car that I could fill? 1 am looking for a ride M-F to my office on Kimball Ave. My work hours are 9-5. Willing to help * with gas money. (2192) BARRE/BERLIN to BURLING TON. I’m an early bird. Need to be to work on Pine St. by 6:30 a.m. and am out at 3 p.m. Can meet you in Berlin P/R if more convenient than Barre. (2200) WILLISTON VILLAGE AREA Kennedy Dr., So. Burl. Visually impaired. Will pay for rides to work. 8-5:30 workday. (1113) WINOOSKI to VERGENNES. Looking to carpool on a daily basis. It’s too much for one per son alone. My hours are 8am 7pm, but it can be flexible. (1985) UNDERHILL to BURLING TON. Looking to share driving with someone coming from Underhill area to downtown Burl. Work hours are from 8:30-5 M-F. Let’s help each other out and carpool! (2177) COLCHESTER. Lakeshore Dr. is too crowded! Let’s carpool from Malleus Bay to Hercules Dr. I work approx, 7:30-4:15, M-F. (2138) GUITAR INSTRUCTION: All styles, any level. Emphasis on devel oping strong technique, thorough musicianship and personal style. Paul Asbell (Unknown Blues Band, Kilimanjaro, Sklar-Grippo, Gordon Stone, etc.). 862-7696.

BURLINGTON DOES BURLINGTON double CD avail able at Pure Pop, Vibes, Silvermine North and Peace & Justice Center in Burlington, Tones in Johnson, Buch Spieler in Montpelier, Alley Beat, Sound Source and Vermont Bookshop in Middlebury, Gagnon Music in Hardwick, www.bigheavyworld.com or send $22 ppd to PO Box 5.373, Burlington, VT 05402.

GReeTiNGSFROMdU&NAP A L W A Y S G ive youR PeTs Lots o f w a t ^ r

GET ORGANIZED AND GET REAL. Without a kick-butt Press Packet, your Band might as well SUCK. The K House does it for you; well and CHEAP. Call 6588645.

music instruction KEYBOARD LESSONS: R+B Funk - Country - Pop. Studio Musician/Seasoned Pro. Al-K>IU>AHI.K. Brian Bull, 865-3930. Acoustic Guitar Lessons also available.

A /vd n

NoTiu s T

dfcy Food,buT WeT Food,ToO

PLANO LESSONS: Contemporary piano. Children and adults wel come, all levels. 10 years teaching experience. Studio located in down town Burl. Julie Sohn, 865-9869.

placed my ad Monday and by Thursday I had nothing. C A L L 864-5684

november

1996

S E V E N DAY S

COLCHESTER to BURLING TON. I need a tide from Prim and Lakeshore to class Wednesday nights in downtown Burlington. Wfll pay. (2138) BURLINGTON to COLCH ESTER. I have a new job off the bus line so I need a ride to Hercules Dr. from downtown. I work 7-3:30, will pay! Please, can you offer me a seat in your car? (2164) BURLINGTON to ST. ALBANS. I am looking for a good, dependable carpool from downtown or along route 7 in Winooski or Colchester to the Industrial Park or downtown St. Albans. I work 8-4:30 or 5. Alternate driving. (2165) ESSEX JCT. to ST. ALBANS Can we carpool? I work 8-5:30, can’t leave any earlier. Need rides for a few weeks, but can alternate driving after that. Will pay to start. Can meet you in Winooski/Colchester too. (2163) ESSEX. I need a ride home at 10pm from Essex Jet. to Essex Center. I can take the bus to work, but it doesn’t tun late enough to get me home. Will pay (2162) LINCOLN to BURLINGTON. Cat repairs ate aweful! I work 9-5, M-F and need a ride for now until my car is feeling better. In a month I will be able to share dri ving. Please Call! (2180) MILTON to UVM. I’m an eatly bird. Looking to tide with some one who works simular shift/nearby location. M-F, 7-3. Somewhat flexible. (2181) RICHMOND. I am looking for a ride on the weekends into Burlington. I work from 8-4. Can you help me? (2183) SO. RYEGATE to MONTPE LIER. I don’t like driving in Vermont winters! Looking for ride for winter months. Share dri ving rest of rime. Work 7:454:30, M-F. (2182)

Submit reproductions of your work to be considered for the next show: ACTION! at the Firehouse Gallery, 135 Church St. between 12-6pm. Deadline: TODAY. N<.>V.-6. BURLINGTON: Weekly women’s art/painting group in waterfront studio. All levels welcome. Purposeideas, feedback, support, fun. 8623269.

graphic design

Here's the deal:

words foryy/''1' week. $1.

FREELANCE DESIGNER with Honors degree in commercial art, lots of creativity and sophisticated computer software offering excep tional quality artwork and design at Minimum Price. 483-6698.

SPORTS FANS FIND OUT NOW. Up-to-date-scores/spreads & much MORE!! LAS VEGAS 5 STAR PICK (3 PER DAY). 1-900 255-2600 x7891; $2.99/min. Must be 18 yrs. Serv-U (619) 645-8434.

snow removal PROPERTY PROS. Total property maintenance, SNOW REMOVAL, painting, landscaping & light con struction. Call the best: 863-0209. continued on page 36

Thanks SEVEN DAYS." (Nietzsche) page

Continued from page adding that most staffers

l he rive Impressionist apartment in whi< pieces going on sale at Impressionist wor ve Sotheby’s next week came to nally displayed. ‘w jf I p I N M b iim e as 4,gift from m m w M Some art prof* § f § fpundc^ Electra Havemeyer that this method t r Webb. She had been the works has mac dal-1 bequeathed these and many what easier for the esother art works from the proceed with the s renowned collection o f her par- three Degas and t\ Wents, Horace and Louisine The pieces were Havemeyer. Upon Webb’s nendy shown and ror death in 1960, the trustees even mentioned in to her by buildurn's promotional

large numbers o f visitors, the museum would not have been permitted to deaccession them,” comments one local specialist. “There would have been too big a public outcry.” Electra Webb herself would likely be appalled at the sale of such a valued portion o f her I huge collection. , The handsome Spthebys

1947 to the news that her father-in-law intended to sell 28 horse-drawn vehicles that he had collected. “I couldn’t bear to have those carriages go, so I said, 'W ould you consider giving them to me if I had a little piece of property... in Shelburne where they could be seen by others?... And that was the start o f the Shelburne Museum.” □

Classifieds

SEVEN DAYS

(continued from pg. 35)

shipping WE PACK AND SHIP ANYTHING, ANYWHERE! Call Pack& Ship, Inc. 802-655-1126.

SECOND HELPINGS FOOD ISSUE

carpentry/painting IRONWOOD CONSTRUCTION. Conscientious repair and renovations for your home. 658-0305. REPAIRS, RENOVATIONS, PAINT ING, consultations, decks, windows, doors, siding, residential, commercial, insured, references. Chris Hanna, 8659813.

personal training GET IN SHAPE FOR THE HOLI DAYS! Feel good, look good, and have more energy for all those parties. Julie Trottier, personal fitness trainer (ACECertified), 878-2632. Leave name + address for free brouchure.

N O VEM BER 20

massage UNDER STRESS? Take a health break w/Tranquil Connection. Hot tub, shower & massage. Certified Therapist. Sessions: intro $35, reg. $50, extended $65. 6546860. Please leave a message.

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Last month 500 families each received this one week ration from the Chittenden Emergency Food Shelf. For many it was their only source of food.

TOTAL

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F E E D Y O U R N E IG H B O R

LOST: eyeglasses in a red case. Burlington, 10/31, 434-3953. Reward.

CCTA and WIZN's FEED YOUR NEIGHBOR CAMPAIGN challenges people throughout the county to fill the WIZARD bus with two tons of food for the Food Shelf. Saturday, November 9* 9 a.m. -12 noon at Hannaford's at the University Mali, S. Burlington

relationships

A B etter Way to i Meet |

a ible: C om pati 863-4308

1 L

* More dates and locations to follow

legals GENERAL EDUCATIONAL FUND LEGAL NOTICE

Stop by with your donation. Protein that doesn’t require refrigeration - canned tuna, chili, beef stew, beans, baby food and formula, is especially needed. Financial contributions gratefully accepted as well.

The annual report of the General Educational Fund, Inc. founded by Emma Eliza Curtis is available for inspection dur ing regular business hours at its principal office, The Merchants Trust Company, 164 College Street, Burlington, Vermont by any citizen on request made within 180 days of this notice. Michael Tuttle President

A u t o m o t i v e G r o u p , In c .

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S E V E N DAY S

s e ve n days

november

1996

astrology

November 7 - 1 3

l A R IE S (Mar. 21-Apr. 19): Are you familiar with gargoyles? O n Gothic | buildings, they were the grotesque ! stone creatures designed to scare away evil spirits. I suggest you acquire a scary guardian like a gargoyle to assist you this week. You see, Halloween | may be over for everyone else, but you Aries folks still have some spooky business to attend to. Atonements to the dead would be a smart move right now, as would ritual purifications of your bad self and spirit-cleansings of your home. If you’ve engaged in any flirtation with demons or out-ofcontrol humans in the last 12 months, this is an ideal time to spout, “Get the hell out of my life forever” — preferably just as your gargoyle unleashes a hearty, growling laugh.

I TAURUS (Apr. 20-May 20): Let’s practice the fine art of saying no, shall we? Please repeat after me: “No. No. I | can’t go along with you on that. No. I No. No. I won’t take on any more responsibilities. No. No. No. No. I don’t want to have to say no again. No!” Now, Taurus, I advise you to compose 10 more negative | affirmations sculpted for your specific needs, and practice them until you can chant them in your sleep. (That way, you’ll be able to say no in your j dreams, too.) By the way, while delivering your refusals, try to maintain a cheery tone o f voice, stripped of defensiveness and malice. After all, this weapon is meant to liberate you, not tie you up in nots — or knots, either.

G E M IN I (May 21-June 20): My divination skills are so good that I sometimes average an 80 percent success rate in predicting the outcom e o f football games. Lately, though, I’ve been wrong far more often than would be expected by chance. It’s as if I have

BY ROB B R E Z S N Y + *

reverse telepathy. No problem: I simply bet on the teams my hunches tell me will lose. My other psychic skills seem askew as well. I tried to channel in the spirit of Lucille Ball, for instance, and instead got Lenny Bruce. This backwards luck o f mine reminds me of yours, Gemini. Your results have been consistently different from your intentions recently, yet they’re interesting and even useful. Still, I suggest you cover your assets as I’m covering mine, by warning everyone that you’re a loose cannon.

CANCER (June 21 -July 22): With the help of the Hubble telescope, astronomers recently discovered what they playfully call a “whirling dervish” at the core of the Crab nebula. Actually, it’s a pulsar, a small but super-potent star that throws off rhythmic blasts o f intense illumination as it rotates at fantastic speeds. This reminds me of what’s now unfolding . at the heart of another Crab — you. The state of your soul has more than a little in common with the ecstatic trance of a whirling dervish — or the lavish bursts of energy from a swirling pulsar. LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): Are you going to wheeze or bellow this week, Leo? That is, will you emit interm ittent and ineffectual little puffs, or hearty, nonstop gusts? For diat matter, do you plan to sip or guzzle? Nag or exhort? Tease or pounce? I think you know which one o f each of these pairs I’d like you to choose. It’s high time to graduate from die ancient struggle between dabbling and mastery.

Fruit Loops every day until the testing season is over, blither that, or meditate your ass off.

■ VIRG O (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): You know more than you know you know — and this will soon become thrillingly obvious. Previously unavailable wisdom is already working its way up from the deepest levels of your subconscious mind, preparing to leap into your throat when you least expect it. Speaking on behalf of the whole world, 1 forgive you in advance if you seem to be even more maddeningly omniscient than an ordinary know-it-all. In fact, I think it’ll be rather cute. You’ll have at least three answers for everything — and they’ll probably all be correct.

L IB R A (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): When I worked delivering mail for the post office, I often finished my route early and hid in an alley so I could write poetry. While I don’t mean to suggest I’m in the same intellectual league as Albert Einstein or Franz Kafka, both of them also goofed off a lot on company time (Einstein at the patent office, Kafka at an insurance company) so they could ply their infinitely more interesting talents. By telling you this, Libra, I’m not necessarily urging you to follow suit. I don’t want to be responsible for pissing off y ^ r boss. I will, however, let you know that this is an excellent time to inject more play into your work, or get more serious about your labor of love.

SCO RPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): For months my Scorpio friend Andrew played his golden harp for the flocks o f international tourists that scale Mt. Brandon in western Ireland. Forever falling in love with the intriguing women he met, ceaselessly intoxicated

by the 50-mile views and the lyrical mood swings of the ever-changing weather, Andrew also happened to be in an optimal position to make a whole hell of a lot of money. Ain’t that just the quintessential Scorpio fantasy? To be steeped in sexy poetry and get rich doing it? Now it’s November, and it’s time for him to come down from the mountain — so he can set to work materializing the paradise he’ll be living out next summer. You too, Scorpio. Descend from the heights and get busy plotting next year’s dream — come true.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): O f

SA G ITT A R IU S (Nov. 22-Dec.

P IS C E S (Feb. 19-Mar. 20): Are you one of those drivers who never stops to ask for directions and never admits you’re lost? If so, you’ll be rambling in lots of crazy circles this week. There’s no way you’ll be able to navigate through the obstacle course ahead unless you’re humble enough to solicit help. Even your maps will deceive you if you rely on them too literally. By the way, it’s equally im portant that you don't slip inro the passenger’s seat next to an overconfident pilot who thinks he’s got, the instincts of a migratory bird. □

21): I don’t mean to make an exact comparison between your imminent fate and that of the Norwegian woman who found her long-lost wedding ring in the entrails of a moose her husband’s hunting party brought her to cook. But there’s something about your story that resonates with hers. Could it be you’re about to discover a forgotten or abandoned or stolen treasure in a place you can barely stand to look at or touch?

C APRIC O R N (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): Researchers recently found that kids who wolfed down sugary breakfast cereals right before school did better on tests than diose who skipped the sweet stuff and ate earlier. I bring this up, Capricorn, because it’s final exam time for you. In the next couple weeks, you’ll be tested and tested and tested to see how well you’ve mastered the lessons of the past 11 m onths or so. To maintain a mental sharpness comparable to the children with the soaring blood sugar levels, I suggest you engorge six or seven bowls of

all the dehumanizing memes foisted on us during election season, few are more idiotic than the notion that candidates who change their opinions lack character. I agree with the Aquarian writer Brook Hinton, who said, “I don’t trust politicians whose views stay the same over time. For that matter, 1 don’t trust anyone who doesn’t continously change.” Keep this thought in mind as you ramble through the next few weeks, Aquarius. The time is ripe for you to change your mind about everything.

You c a n c a ll R o b B re z s n y , d a y o r n ig h t f o r y o u r

expanded w e e k ly h o ro s c o p e 1 -9 0 0 -2 0 8 -9 0 2 0 $ 1 .9 9 p e r m in u te . 18 a n d o v e r. T o u c h to n e p h o n e . U p d a t e d T u e sd a y n ig h t.

SEVEN DAYS; d b o g "I b u y all m y stu ff a t th e Peace & Ju stic e S tore, w h e re else?" -Lois,

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COLCHESTER S E V E N DAY S

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< TO WfflMK A « Asian, B = Black, Bi=Bisexual, C Christian, D = Divorced, F = Female, G * Gay, H * Hispanic, J = Jewish, M = Male, N D = No Drugs, NS = Non-Smoking, NA = No Alcohol, P= Professional, S = Single, W = White or Widowed

WOMEN SEEKING MEN RECHERCHE VOYAGEUR TEMERAIRE, at least 30, interested in world music and dancing, looking with in, opening up and communicating. I am 38, a world traveler and looking for a spiritual connection. I live and believe in an alternative lifestyle and openness of mind. Ecris-moi. 64102 ATTRACTIVE, FIT, FUN, FORTYISH, secure man sought for an equal relationship. Ready for a roll down the bike path or a night at the Flynn? Come with me. DWF, 40, one child. 64105 SWF SEEKING SWM (25-33) FOR companionship; likes to dance and party, play pool, watch movies, etc. Have a good sense of humor. 64081 SMART, FUNNY, CYNICAL, CUTE and slender redhead, 24, seeks grown-up boy, 24-35, who appreciates good wine and cold beer; Baryshnikov and baseball; the New York Times and Dilbert; haute cuisine and a mean ‘za; and who is tired of the games his friends still play. 64084 WORKING N IG H T SHIFT. Financially and emotionally secure DWF, 44, enjoys fishing, camping, hiking, bik ing, dancing, exercise; seeking NS, fit S/DWM, 38-48, with similar interests. 64072 AN ADVENTURE IS GOING TO HAPPEN. SWPF, NS, 34, ENFP, attrac tive, athletic, educated, curious, passion ate. Enjoys V T ’s wondrous outdoors, arts & music, travel, exploring, good food and having fun. Seeking same; SWM, 30s, fun, kind & caring to enjoy all that VT and friendship have to offer. 64073 43 YO DWNSPF, WARM, AFFEC TIONATE, sincere, attractive, honest, athletic, positive, loves to laugh and be held, looking for companion. 64049 YOU ARE INVITED TO: enjoy laughter, conversation and quiet times. SWF, 47, seeks a SWM, NS, NA who has the time to share and willingness to care for possible LTR. 64038 ALLIGATOR WRESTLING, WARM, intellectual SWF seeks tete-a-tete this winter w/ tall, smart, kind SWM, 35-47, who enjoys classical, jazz, foreign film, VT islands. 64034 CHRISTIAN LADY: 37, full-figured SWF who believes in the Golden Rule. I have a variety of interests including his tory. Would like to hear from a NS, ND SWCM. 64032 GENTLE, CRAZY SWBiF, 19, STU DENT, smoker and party girl ISO col lege guy, 19-24, w/ same likes (concerts &Csex) and a unique devotion to desire. 64036

IT ’S BEEN SO LONG I FORGOT HOW TO DATE. How can you meet if you don’t try something new? Early 40s w/ Brett Butleresque humor. 64020 GOO D THINGS COME IN SMALL PACKAGES. SWPF, 30, NS/ND, petite, physically fit/active, well educated, cre ative, enjoys outdoors, music, cultural events and the finer things in life...ISO SWPM, 30s, NS/ND, same interests, physically fit/active, well educated, trusting, caring. 64016 SWF, 35, NEW TO BURLINGTON. Attractive, intelligent, worldly? Kind w/ that mid-thirties je ne sais quois. Let’s do coffee, talk books, laugh a little. 64012

P ersonal o f t h e W ee k men s e e k in g wom en

WILD-EYED IRISHMAN, 41, W ITH TALES T O TELL. LOO KING FOR FIT, ACTIVE, PROFESSIONAL LASS W ITH STORIES OF HER OWN, FOR NON-TYPICAL PARTNERSHIP BASED ON GROWTH, DIS COVERY, ROHANCE AND CHILDREN.

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SWF, 32, PRETTY, INTELLIGENT healthy and fun seeking attractive male, 25-33.Passion, honesty and sense of adventure needed. 64021 SWFNS, 30, FIT, ATTRACTIVE, funny, spice for life, sports, family 6c friends, wants honest, attractive, well rounded SWM, 25-35, 5’7” - ready to live, laugh and laugh. 64027 SWF, 21, ATTRACTIVE BUT NOT PERFECT seeks traditional and roman tic, yet unconventional, SWM, 21+, for potential lasting relationship of some sort. 64995 WHF, 49, HONEST, LOVING ARTIST. Loves nature, working out, biking, music, dancing, fun- speaks little English- seeks SM, tall w/ similar personality, 42+. 64006 PDWF, 27, QUICK TO SMILE, DYNAMIC, green-eyed brunette, enjoys travelling, dancing, music, laughter and living life to the fullest, ISO versatile, fun loving, attractive NSPWM, 28-36, who also takes pleasure in spontaneity, new adventures and intellectual conversation. 64003

W HO AM I? SWPF W / CURIOUS MIND, big heart and deep soul; intelli gent, funny, diverse, positive thinker. Who are you? Similar, outgoing attrac tive, NS SPM, 27-35. We enjoy humor, movies, learning, plays, staying active and loving life! 64001

MEN SEEKING WOMEN IS THIS YOU? SWF, 26-40, ready to be pampered and respected in a long-term relationship. I am a professional NS/ND SWM, 40, 5’5”. World citizen and trav eler looking for the special woman to share the wonders of life and make a family. No games. 64101 EVERYTHING BUT THE GIRL! SWM, 26, ISO SF, 20-36, for soul excursion of romantic diversion. I enjoy SF, the mountains and music of most varieties. You: sophisticated, intelligent, mature. Don’t miss your chance on this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity! TALLISH, SLIM, BRAINY, CRE ATIVE, NS/ND SM, 30s, into body work, dancing, the outdoors, communi cation, growth... seeks lighthearted, gen tle spirited, healthy, playful F, 20s-30s for intimacy, fun, maybe more. 64107_____ SWPM, 37, HANDSOME, IN SHAPE, down to earth. I like romance, skiing, travel, movies, cooking, writing an adventure ISO young at heart F for companionship. 64104 WHAT DO YOU LIKE? Outdoors, the cultural life, friends, deep connection with someone? Creative, educated, in shape, good-looking SWPM seeks similar SWF (25-35) for everything. 64103 WAR VET, 45, STUCK IN LATE 1960s, needs compassionate, understand ing F to bring him into 90s. Single, strong, shy and muscular. Last date: 1972. Help, please. 64099 EXTRAORDINARY RELATIONSHIP sought by handsome NSSWM with integrity, humor, creativity, intelligence and charm loves skiing, music, movies, life! Seeking fit F, 33-43, with brains, beauty, smiles, spontaneity. 64100 SWJPM, 31, 5’8”, ATTRACTIVE, FIX educated, successful, happy, into hiking, biking, jazz/blues, seeking relaxed, emo tionally secure, fit, NS SPF/student, 2332, with a sense of humor. 64093 HANDSOME DADDY OF ONE seeks attractive PF, 23-30, to cherish. Must tolerate/enjoy pool and nights at home. Perverse sense of humor and competetiveness required. 64096 HIRSUTE LOVER: 50ISH, 5’10”, 175lbs., attractive, fit, Mozart to soft rock, arts, theatre, jeans to dressing up ISO wonderful, wanton, willing, slim, attractive, sensual woman for life’s adven tures. 64091 TH E LOVE YOU GET is equal to the love you give. DWM, 45, 1451bs., 5’8”. Likes being w/ someone special and doing fun things. How about you? 64090 SEEKING UNIQUE, EASY-GOING MATCH (SWF) for SWPM, 23, who enjoys the outdoors, simple things in life and is fit, intelligent, honest and sincere. 64082 FREE HEAT. DWPM, 37, romantic, caring, enjoys dining, adventure, travel, sports. Works 2nd shift. No games - sick of the bar scene. You: attractive, friends first/LTR. 64089 DWM, 45, 1841bs. I’M A VERY SENSITIVE man who likes camping, fishing, dinning in or out. Looking for someone to share life’s pleasures. 64088

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PERSON SWM, 29, NS, SEEKS SWF, NS, FOR a LTR. I like romantic evenings, art, photography, cuddling and sharing quali ty time. All interested F, 18-25, RSVP. 64083 ARE YOU AN ATTRACTIVE 20-30 YO F who would like to explore your submissive side with a tall, attractive, fit, athletic, well educated, 43 YO SWPM? 64077 WANTED: SIZZLING HOT Central VT woman w/ insatiable apetite. You: naughty girl, submissive, desiring a man to play with for you own pleasure. Me: 29, WM, 5’9”, 170lbs., intelligent, pas sionate, gentle and open-minded. Write me and dominate. 64078 GENTLE, LOVING, SPIRITUAL, NUDIST, wharf rat, BiSWM, 41, smok er seeks adventurous, alike BiF w/ van for companionship (age, race, looks unimportant). 64079 SWM, 39, ISO SWF, 25-35, who loves movies, sports, music, likes to just hang out and talk and have a good time. Sounds good? Try me. 64075 SWPM, 44, NS, 6’, ACTIVE, FIT, attractive, witty, not to mention humble, loves biking, skiing, travel, movies, music. Seeking sane woman, 30-45, for fun or more. 64062 W INTER’S COMING! Do you feel a chill? Let’s melt together beside a raging fire after a passionate day of skiing and make whipped cream for our cappucino. SWM, 25, tall, fit, and handsome seeks happy, healthy, wholesome F, 22+, for winter excursions. 64067 SERIOUS RELATIONSHIP. NSASM, 30, handsome, honest, single, 5 1 0 ”, 1551bs., perfect in cooking. Searching for 22-40 YO for real life, well cultured LTR. 64051 ONE WILD ASPARAGUS. SWM, 20, NS, attractive Burlingtooian. Interests: biking, photography, reading, nature, cooking, movies. Seeking: creative, hon est, healthy, attractive, Fun F, 19-29. 64048 MID 40s, FLOWER BEARING, easy going, pleasant to be w/, attractive, inshape guy ISO an attractive partner w/ a sense of humor who enjoys travel, long walks, the outdoors and laughter. Please find me, I can’t find you. 64061 WANTED: LATINO OR HISPANIC lady. WPM looking for someone to wine and dine. Give it a try. Let’s have some fun. 64050 NO MORE HEAD GAMES. SPM, 33, 6’, I60lbs, interested in meeting some one ready for relationship. Must be fun and independent and like kids. Call me! Won’t regret it. 64053 REVEL IN VERMONT. Play hard and long in all seasons, outdoors and in. Tall, slim, attractive lawyer seeks LTR with congruent NSWPF, about 40, possessing intelligence, warmth, passion energy, cul ture. Kayak, hike, bike, ski and travel by day. Attend theatre, dances and movies by evening. Talk and read unceasingly. 64054 A GOOD CATCH! SWM, 33, FIT professional, NS, enjoys golf, theatre, dining out, running, sports, good con versation and much more ISO physically fit, S/DWF, NS, 27-36, for fun and possibly more. 64058 SWM, 18, LOOKING FOR SWF to go out and party with, but not looking for relationship. Let’s have some real fun! 64060 SEEKING TENDER, LONELY WOMAN who loves music. I’m a musi cian, mid 40s, 5’51/2”, decent looking,

Dear Lola, I th o u g h t th a t I w a n ted to w a it u n til I got m arried to go all th e way, b u t I ’m a fra id m y b o yfrien d a n d I will get carried aw ay. W e’re a lrea d y into really h ea vy p ettin g a n d i t ’d p re tty am azing; every tim e we ta ke m ore clothed of f ■ I dericudly d o n ’t know how m u ch longer I ca n hold cut. He’d n o t pudhing me in a n y way. W e’re ju d t do h o t together. I kn o w dex w ould be incredible. B ut I ’m on ly 1 5 . How will I ever g et to th e a lta r in ta c t? — Pet Project in Georgia Dear Pet, y o u r h crm cned are d efyin g y o u r h in d b ra in . M o th er N a tu re vd. y o u r M other. It ha p p en d to all o f ud in adcledcence, b u t y o u ’ve got a raging cade, y o u r p e t p a r tn e r dcundd like a dkilled beadt. Sadly, th e o n ly w a y to cool dow n id to ta k e tim e off. Spend a few weekd w ith y o u r girlfriendd, th e n agree to dee y o u r b ea u only in public. When y o u ’re in college, d o n ’t d a te longer th a n a m o n th . Alwayd h a ve a ch a p ero n e in y o u r dorm room or go to a n all-girld dchccl. (Which m a y keep yo u from leding y o u r virginity, b u t n o t fro m e x p erim en tin g w ith o th er form d o f chem idtry.) y o u th id hell, y o u r body w antd w h a t everybody wantd. y o u r m in d id n ’t rea d y fo r th e reality, y o u ’re dcrew ed eith er way. A d u lth o o d id n ’t a n y better, y o u ’re j u d t " a llo w e d ” to h a ve it. Sex id th e greatedt h u m a n dilem m a , y o u have to lode p a r t c fy c u r d e lf to gain pleadure fro m a n o th er. It ca n be the m odt fu lfillin g exp erien ce or th e m odt p a in fu l one. Until y o u ’re rea d y fo r eith er outcom e, leave th e p ettin g to th e petd. W ith love,

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S E V E N DAY S

november

19 9 6

PERS ON < TO > PERS ON young at heart. Hoping for a compatible partner. 64055 LONELY ROMANTIC. DWM, 44, 5’10”, ND seeks slim/medium D/SWF, 38-46, to share quiet times, humor, dancing, music, dining, theater, out doors, your interests and more. Lets talk. 64045 LAME? PERHAPS NOT! I need not question the SWF ISO a 23 YO SWM who is athletic, comely and intelligent. Question me! 64044 _____ TAO SPIRITUALIST. Gentle autumn rains/We sing blues rhapsodic for/Lone fluttering leaf. Thirty-some stars/Glitter, fireflies dance; life/Measured in single heartbeats, ‘note; these are two haiku poems. 64040 _______________ WARNING: The Surgeon General has determined that consumption of this product will cause honesty, sincerity, friendship, companionship, love, passion, fidelity and security. 64030 ADVENTUROUS, YOUNG SWM, 46, NS seeks F who enjoys hiking, concerts, biking, theater, canoeing or evening din ing out. 64029 GEN. GEORGE ARMSTRONG CUSTER seeks out Elizabeth (SWF, 25+) for a ride into history. This leg endary stand won’t be a last. 64041 TELL ME ABOUT YOURSELF. Photo welcome. Reply guaranteed. 40 YO SM: smart, good looking and fun. Responses from women aged 18-40 - of any race welcome. 64039 SWM, 40. SOUL PARTNER, ARE YOU O UT THERE? Like movies? Music? Magic? Maniacal merriment?... Coffee? Life’s a journey; want to travel? Call me. 64025 DWM, 55, NS/ND W / NO UNAC CEPTABLE HABITS, brown hair and eyes, medium build, 5’5”, looking for companionship in the hopes of finding

an unattached lady who would enjoy evening rides and spending some free time together. Please respond ladies, even if you would just like a friend. 64014 VERY SIMPLE! SBM, 42, NA/ND, is looking forsomeone who is serious about life, love and relationships. 64013 SM, 41. OUT OF DREAMS. Reduced to wishes and schemes. 64024 FUN + ROMANCE. INTERESTS: friends, walks, sports and movies. SWM, 33, seeks SF, 20-30, to share special times with. 64011 28, SWPM, JUST MOVED HERE. Active, fun, attractive, 6’, 200 lbs., likes rollerblading, skiing, golf, good restau rants & conversation. Wants similar SF for friends, dating, possible relationship. 64026___________________ YOUNG PROFESSOR who studies the Middle Ages, but is not middle aged. I am an attractive SWM, 33, into having fun, but would like to have a long term relationship. I do more than read books. 64999 CENTRAL VERMONT. SWM, 52, slender, athletic intellectual seeks SF who back packs, has Kronos Quartet tapes, grows herbs and owns two long stemmed wine glasses. 64004 IT ’S BEEN SIX YEARS SINCE MY DIVORCE. I’m ready for a relationship if you are. SWM, NS, professional, superb shape. Serious replies only, please. 64010 WANNA TAKE A HIKE, MTN. BIKE OR GO SKIING? Independent SWM, NS, 39 YO seeks SWF outdoor compan ion with same interests. 64008 AUTUMNAL SWIRLS IN COLORS & EDDIES, and I am ready to meet a woman past 38 with a touch of spirit, matter and class. 64009 HELP! 34 YO, WM, WELL BUILT, good looking. Wanted: friendships and

GWM, 33, 6’, 175lbs. I AM A MAN who likes men who are MEN!! Interests: intellec tual depth, rugged workouts, cars, comedy... oh yeah, fun (20-40), 64052 BURLINGTON AREA GWM, 37, ARTIST, NS, attractive, young looking, seeks soulmate (25-45). Interests: spirituali ty, nature, foreign films, literature, watching sunsets and shooting stars at lake. 64047 DWM, 43, PROF., YOUNG & ATTRAC TIVE seeks same for Fall fun. Loves hikes, picinics, good wine, travel, music. OK, your move! 64019 GBM, 36, 6’, 185lbs., NS/ND, ESSEX AREA, athletic, outdoor type, liberal ISO GM or BiM, 18-36, for friendship & good times. 64005 NOT LOOKING FOR ROMANCE. GWM seeks Bi/married men for late after noon delights. Discretion assured. 64007

pared to take the cure next...April? Letters, please. 64017 GAY, BIG, TALL, LOOKING FOR A nice woman (Chitt. County would be nice). I’ll give my heart. 64015 BITG (M TO F) SEEKS BI OR LF for friendship and fun; sweet, Rubenesque, intelligent. Enjoys lipstick, lingerie, movies, toys. Open minded only, please. 64000

more w/ people enjoying the alternative lifestyle - straight, bi, age, race unimpor tant. Discretion assured. 64992

WOMEN SEEKING WOMEN IN SEARCH OF FEM TO SOFT BUTCH, 20-30, sincere, romantic, wild woman to share quiet and wild times exploring! Enjoy movies, toys, fishing, pic nics, beaches, sunsets and moonlit skies. Looking for someone to fill a big hole in my heart. 64092_____________________ COME SUMMER, breathe in the dance of the butterfly, the flight of the cardinal, the waltz of the bumblebee. This winter, spend time getting acquainted. Older lesbian ISO nurturing nature wise companion. 64069 ARTISTIC, MUSICAL, ROMANTIC, bright, educated, child spirit, nature wor shipper. Slim/feminine appearence. 43 YO, NS/ND, in straight marriage w/ CFS wants out, but unable to be self supportive. I desire loving, supportive, non-butch friends who are non-judgemental, kind, deep and gentle. 64066_______________________ SLIGHTLY O FFBEAT, BUT DOWN TO earth SF, 23, seeks similar (22-27) to share friendship and to explore secret passions. Must be willing to have fun. 64059______ HOMEY, INTELLIGENT F E M M H so “ same. Are you spiritual, beautiful, sane? I’m a busy single mom looking for friends... possibly more. 64056 _______________ CARUMBA! Run, dance, jump, snooze, deep talk, laugh, eat, hug, dream, stroke the cat, truly value one another, real friends. Lesbian seeks honest sister spirit. 64042 CHRONIC AUSTRALIAPHILE, 23, seeks fellow sufferer. Must possess clean lungs, a reverence for nature and art, and be pre

MEN SEEKING MEN SWM, ALL MAN, MANY INTERESTS. Fun times, rough play or quiet nights. 32, 5’11 ”, 200 lbs. Very new, need teacher. 64095________________ ___________ _ SWM, Bi/CURIOUS, 19, 5’9”, I60lbs„ college student looking for someone to teach me. I’m interested. Discrete fun, no strings. Burlington area. 64097_________ _ SWM, Bi/CURIOUS, 18, 5’11”, 190lbs„ looking for hot, discrete fun. No strings! 18-25 YOs. 64086 __ WHOLESOME AND SEXY. 6’2”, swim mer’s build, Italian, handsome, big smile, open-minded, distracted professional and foreign adventurer seeks confident, natural, masculine, muscular, playful friend and lover. 64076 LOVE TO #*%<?'&!, but want more! Fun, playful GM, 26, 6’2”, I651bs., looking for GM, 24-36, playful and honest. 64063 GB.V1 36, 6’,185 lbs., NS/ND. ATH LETIC, liberal minded, seeks GM, 20-36, for friendship, possible LTR. Physically dis abled GM considered, too. Willing to relo cate statewide. 64070 ADORE HOT LADDIES. Me: I’m very nice looking; don’t look my age (46 yrs. young), but act it. 6’, 195 lbs., dark hair, blue eyes, enjoy sex. No fatties, sorry. 64065

OTHER Bi MALE CD SEEKS DISCRETE PEO PLE for fun and play. Tired of boring evenings and long days. Call and leave mes sage. 64071

CHERRY ST. PARKING GARAGE, 10/11, guy in uniform, nice looking. Me: long blonde hair, blue eyes, tight leather. Haven’t seen you again. Please call. 64094 CITY MARKET, 10/26, 9:30pm. You: blonde, quiet smile, white blouse, table near counter. Me: green shirt, curious glances, window table. Care to meet? Conversation? Soon? Lets. Box 06 5

5 digit box num be r s can be contacted either through voice mail or by letter. 3 digit box num bers can only be contacted by letter. Send letter a long w/ $5 to PO Box 1 1 6 4 , B ur lingt on, V I 0 5 4 0 2

To respond to mailbox ads: Seal your response in an envelope, write box# on the outside and place in another envelope with $5 for each response and address to: PERSON TO PERSON do SEVEN DAYS, PO. Box 1164, Burlington, VT 05402

PROFESSIONAL WOMAN, 55, creative, smart, looks OK. Loves nature, backpack ing, travel, mountains, desert, ocean. Enjoys Mexican food, dark beer, looking for rocks, collecting seeds, architectural design, gar dening and Steinbeck. Seeking communica tive tall man with compatible interests, relaxed outlook and sense of adventure. Box 066. ATTRACTIVE, FUN LOVING, SWFND, 44, light smoker, enjoys exercise, romantic dinners, horseback riding, X-C skiing ISO SMND, 35-45, reasonably attractive. Photo please. Box 069

PRETTY, CULTURED, WIDOW (trans planted New Yorker) seeks gentle man, 6070, for heart to heart friendship. Box 071 PLEASE BE ADVISED that this svelte, capricously stubborn (SWNSF, 39) writer, performs perfunctory tasks poorly and rou tinely loses one sock to the hozone...Got any advice? Box 060 CLASSY WOMAN, SWPF, ROMANTIC, fit, 50s, seeks gentleman, 50-65, NS, to be guest and date for upcoming gala social event. Please respond w/ note. Box 058 TALL, FAIR, PERVERSE, impetuous, NS artist, 38, seeks tall, droll, cynical hardheaded, crusty, independent, well read/educated, savvy old soul to swap stories with. Box 052 28 YO HEDONIST, NOT YET PROFESSIONAL, no longer slacker, loves literature, swimming in the lake and PJ Harvey, seeks sexy world-traveller and educated, woman worshipper w/ great sense of humor. Box 054 I ADORE MEN! Extremely happy Southern Belle (now living in VT) seeks pen-pal who loves the lost art of letter writ ing. Box 050

you’re out there will you join me in taking the risk to go into what feels like The ____ Unknown? Box 057_________ HELP: CURIOSITY STRIKES AGAIN. Is there anyone there who is also curious? Let’s experiment together. I'm a heavy-set SWF looking for someone 30-38. Box 053

SWM, 41, DEAF, WANTS CHANGE & new beginnings, seeks F, same age (25-42). Lets start at coffee. Box 048_____________ YOUNG, VERY SUCCESSFUL ATTOR NEY, fit and energetic, looking for sensually attractive, elegant SPF, 22-32, to share his good fortune, sense of adventure, intellectu al vibrancy and to enjoy his full specrum of interests and passions from his beautiful home to trips to Boston & Montreal and exotic points beyond. Send letter & recent photo. 046__________________________ WHAT’S LOVE GOT TO D OW /... culturally/politically aware? Dignity? Nice abs? Single dad, 40, artisan, attractive, Adirondacker. Not boring. 045

j| |g||| Mggg|gl|W,| | ||| | |S| • /"A'f S' .... ■■....... :..... ; ..... .... ~ ‘ ”“3SR» WILD- EYED IRISHMAN, 41, with tales to tell. Looking for fit, active, professional lass with stories of her own, for non-typical partnership based on growth, discovery, romance and children. Box 067__________ SWM, 50s, SEEKS FEMALE FOR TRIP to Las Vegas all expenses paid, except gam bling. Late Jan., ‘97. Why should I take you? Box 070________________________ WE ARE SINGLE, 20-28, socially con scious, broad-minded, fun loving, adventur ous. Seek: compassion, depth, sincerity. Are: fit, attractive, intelligent. Love: culture, dance, outdoors, life. Pursue: righteousness, dignity, love. Box 068___________ ______ SWM, 27, LOOKING FOR A GOOD ONE. Or a good bad one.. Laffs and silly adventures to follow. Make yourself up as you go along. Box 065_________________ QUINTESSENTIAL NICE GUY! SWM, NS, 35, fit, happy, health, educated, aspir ing poet, singer/songwriter. ENJF. Desires to meet like minded woman. Let’s create something together, friendship... Box 064

MEN: AFTERNOONS FREE? ME TOO! PBiWM, 40, brn/bl, 1651bs., discrete, very open-minded, good looking. My place. Around the world in one afternoon. Write and express your secret fantasies and I’ll come your way. Box 061 GWM '- T 9 ”, I65lbs., BRN/BLU, OPENMINDED, honest, NS, loves the outdoors, hiking, biking, nature - seeks GM, 20-40 for friendship and good times. Box 062 SWM, Bi/CURIOUS, 24, 6’, 1851bs„ NS seeks same, 18-30, to satisfy our curiosity. Discretion a must. Write soon, photo appre ciated. Box 051

TS LESBIAN, TRAUMATIZED, discon nected from my body; seeking lesbian part ner w/ whom to reawaken in loving rela tionship of sensual, consensual, sexual plea sure. I’m 43 years old, 13 yrs. post-op, NS/ND, androgynous, Aquarius into per sonal growth. I’m seeking body conscious woman for deep, long-term friendship. If

Love in cyberspace. Point your web browser to http://www.wizn.com/7days.htm to submit your message on-line. Hew to p la ce y o u r FR££ p e rso n a l a d w ith P erson to P erson

Person to Person

• F i l l o u t t h e c o u p o n a n d m a i l it t o : P e r s o n a l s , P . O . B o x 1 1 6 4 , B u r l i n g t o n , V T 0 5 4 0 2 OR FAX TO 8 0 2 . 8 6 5 . 1 0 1 5 . P L E A S E CHECK A P P R O P R I A T E CATEGORY.

SEVEN DAYS

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• A D S WITH A 3 - D I G I T BOX # CAN BE CO NT ACT ED T H R O U G H ^ TH E MAIL. S e a l y o u r r e s p o n s e i n a n e n v e l o p e , w r i t e t h e BOX # ON T H E O U T S I D E AND PLA CE IN A N O T H E R E N V E L O P E WITH $ 5 FOR EACH R E S P O N S E . A D D R E S S TO : , P.O. BOX 1 164, B U R L I N G T O N , V T 0 5 4 0 2 .

Dis c l a im e r :

SEVEN DAYS

d o e s n o t in v e s t i g a t e o r a c c e p t r e s p o n s i b i l i t y f o r c l a i m s m a d e in a n y a d v e r t i s e m e n t . T h e s c r e e n i n g o f Re s p o n d e n t s is s o l e l y t h e r e s p o n s i b i l i t y o f t h e a d v e r t i s e r . SEVEN DAYS a s s u m e s n o r e s p o n s i b i l i t y f o r t h e c o n t e n t o f , o r r e p l y t o , a n y p e r s o n t o p e r s o n a d v e r t i s e m e n t o r v o ic e m e s s a g e , a d v e r t i s e r s a s s u m e c o m p l e t e l i a b il i t y eor t h e c o n t e n t o f , a n d a l l r e s u l t i n g c l a i m s m a d e a g a i n s t SEVEN DAYS t h a t a r i s e f r o m t h e s a m e . F u r t h e r , t h e a d v e r t is e r a g r e e s t o i n d e m n i f y a n d h o l d SEVEN DAYS h a r m l e s s f r o m a l l c o s t , e x p e n s e s ( i n c l u d i n g r e a s o n a b l e a t t o r n e y ’s f e e s ), l i a b i l i t i e s a n d d a m a g e s r e s u l t i n g f r o m o r c a u s e o b y a P e r s o n t o P e r s o n a d v e r t i s e m e n t a n d v o ic e m e s s a g e s p l a c e d b y t h e a d v e r t i s e r s , o r a n y r e p l y t o a P e r s o n t o P e r s o n a d v e r t i s e m e n t a n d v o ic e m e s s a g e .

Gu id e l in e s : Fr e e p e r s o n a l a d s a r e a v a il a b l e f o r p e o p l e s e e k i n g r e l a t io n s h i p s . Ad s s e e k in g t o b u y o r s e l l s e x u a l s e r v ic e s , CONTAINING EXPLICIT SEXUAL OR ANATOMICAL LANGUAGE WILL BE REFUSED. NO FULL NAMES, STREET ADDRESSES OR PHONE NUMBERS WILL BE PUBLISHED. SEVEN DAYS RESERVES THE RIGHT TO EDIT OR REFUSE ANY AD. YOU MUST BE AT LEAST 18 tea rs o f a g e to p l a c e o r r e s p o n d to a P e r s o n to P e r s o n a d .

nove mbe r

1996

SE VE N DAYS

One FR££ w e e k for:

FR££ w eek s for: W OM EN S E E K IN G

MEN

W OM EN S E E K IN G W OM EN

I SPY OTHER

MEN S E E K IN G W O M EN MEN S E E K I N G

MEN

page

Sam enjoys walks in the park, playing ball, nights out with the boys and casual sex. And he’s only three! He’s also one of the sexually active housepets responsible for some 10 million unwanted dogs and cats being put to death each year. T hat’s the cost of not having your pet spayed or neutered. Fixed. You can’t stop your pets from acting naturally. But if you love them, you’ll have them fixed. Now. Not after he’s fathered his first litter. Talk to your veterinarian for information on birth control for your pet. If you think you cannot afford to have your pet spayed or neutered, please give us a call.

ADDISON COUNTY

HUMANE SOCIETY 66 B o a r d m a n S t r e e t 802 .388.1100

M i d d l e b u r y , VT 0 5 7 5 3

This a d was p a id fo r by a grant fro m the A . D. Henderson Foundation.