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SEVEN DAYS

december 6, 2000

CO-PUBLISHERS/EDITORS Pamela Polston, Paula Routly CONTRIBUTING EDITOR Peter Freyne ASSISTANT EDITOR George Thabault GENERAL MANAGER Rick W oods ART DIRECTION D onald Eggert, Tara Vaughan-Hughes PRODUCTION MANAGER Lucy Howe CIRCULATION/CLASSIFIEDS/ PERSONALS Hope Corbin SALES MANAGER David Booth ACCOUNT EXECUTIVES Michelle Brown, Kristi Batchelder, Eve Jarosinski, Colby Roberts, Diane Sullivan CALENDAR WRITER Alice Christian CONTRIBUTING WRITERS Marc Awodey, Nancy Stearns Bercaw, Flip Brown, Marialisa Calta, Colin Clary, Kristin D ’Agostino, John Dillon, Erik Esckilsen, Peter Freyne, Anne Galloway, Paul Gibson, Ruth Horowitz, Helen Husher, Jeanne Keller, Kevin J. Kelley, Rick Kisonak, Peter Kurth, Lola, Lynda Majarian, Richard Mayer, Melanie Menagh, Andrew Nemethy, Jernigan Pontiac, Robert Resnik, Molly Stevens, George Thabault, Shay Totten, Pip Vaughan-Hughes, David Weinstock. PHOTOGRAPHERS Berne Broudy, Andy Duback, Mark Sasahara, Jordan Silverman, Matthew Thorsen ILLUSTRATORS Paul Antonson, Harry Bliss, Gary Causer, Paula Myrick, Tim Newcomb, Steve Verriest, Scott Lenhardt, Sarah Grillo NEW MEDIA MANAGER Donald Eggert DIRECTOR, SEVEN DAYS DESIGN Tara Vaughan-Hughes NET PET Dimitria

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Give It Up

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weekly mail .........................................

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inside t r a c k .........................................

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By Anne G a llo w ay.......................................................................................page10a

news q u ir k s .........................................

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Up Against the W all: Silver Maple

back t a l k ..............................................

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h a c k ie ....................................................

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c la s s ifie d s ............................................

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straight dope .......................................

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story m inute.........................................

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troubletown .........................................

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car t a l k .........................................

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red m e a t .........................................

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life in hell ............................................

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free will astro lo g y ...............................

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crossword p u zzle .................................

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lola, the love counselor .....................

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personals.............................................. the mostly unfabulous social life of ethan greene ...............................

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The Holiday Gift Guide Compiled by Pamela Polston, Ruth Horowitz, Lynda Majarian, Kristin D’Agostino and Ernie McLeod ............................ .....page 8 a

Rural Retail: Blinking Light Gallery

By Ruth Horowitz ............................................................................ page 13a

Lit Happens: The Kept Writer By George T h a b au lt.........................................................................page 15a

Second-Hand Shimmer: Bejew elled By Ernie M cLeod.................................................................

page 17a

Top Drawer: Close to Home By Pamela Polston........... !.......................................................................... page19a

Northern Lights: The Lamp Store By Kristin D’Agostino..................................................................................page21a

Get Up, Stand Up Preview: An interview with Eric Bogosian By Lynda M ajarian........................................................................................page26a

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The Sunshine State needs to update its image. What should it say on the new Florida license plate? Disenfranchising You,

BEWARE DISNEY STANDARDS Re: “More Decorum, Please” [Weekly Mail, Nov. 15]; so a humorous jab at an all-too-serious politician and one swear word offends? Perhaps the Free Press, with all the hate and vitriol found in its recent editorial pages, is more appropriate? Children are not built with mandatory monkey-see, monkeydo mechanisms. Thus, most of us did not jump off the roof as chil dren in emulation of Superman. The world does not need to run by Disney’s standards. While I sympathize with the letter writer, I believe that each of us has slightly different values and can instill them in our own children without relying on external agen cies like the press to censor what we read. — Greg Scaff Burlington

PRESS GOO FED , N O T NADER VOTERS Peter Freyne [Inside Track, Nov. 22] and others who blame Ralph Nader for the current elec tion debacle may be missing the point. Many of us who voted for Nader did so because we do not believe that a Democratic presi dent would be any better than a Republican one. In the past I have voted for an undesirable Democratic candidate as the less er of two evils. I can no longer “waste” my vote by not voting my conscience. I have come to believe that the Democrats and Republicans both cater to an elite corporate agenda; however, Democrats are just better at play ing to the liberal voters. Nader offered a viable alternative to the status quo. In my opinion, it was the press who really goofed in this

election by not adequately cover ing the alternative parties’ candi dates and by whitewashing the major candidates’ records. Perhaps if the other candidates had gotten more press coverage and been allowed to participate in the debates, we would have a president-elect now (admittedly a Democrat or Republican this time around) because the elec tion results would not have been so close for Bush and Gore, More importantly, though, voters would have been better in formed, thus challenging the stagnant two-party system and moving our country toward a more truly democratic election process. It has to start some where. — Luanne Sberna Burlington

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ball together, he said. In addition, Jesse Jackson was attending the university’s divinity school at the time. Kilmartin remembers Jesse refereeing flag football and basketball games. “Jesse used to bend the rules and whine back then,” said Kilmartin. “He hasn’t changed.”

The caucus of House Democrats in the Statehouse cafeteria Saturday was unlike any we’ve seen in over a decade. That’s because for the first time in 14 years, the Ds were voting for a “minor Lawmaker in Recovery Mode — The efficiency of Vermont’s enhanced 911 system is being called ity” leader instead of a “majority” leader. Rep. into question after a recent stroke victim, who John Tracy of Burlap got the nod. With just 62 also happens to be a state legislator, was unable to seats in the 150-member body, the Dems are get through to 911 in her moment of need. about to take their turn in the barrel. House Democrat leader John Tracy broke the In hopes of gaining what news to his caucus Saturday leverage they can, House Speaker that Rep. Susan Wheeler of Michael Obuchowski advised his Burlington had been hospital caucus not to bother to nominate ized the previous week follow a candidate for speaker next ing a minor stroke. Tracy said month. It’s a foregone conclusion Wheeler had spent several days that with 83 Republicans, the on the floor of her Hill section GOP House leader of recent home following an unsuccess years, Dorset millionaire Walter ful attempt to call 911 for Freed, has the speaker’s job assistance. locked up. But Obuchowski “Hey, she’s a tough nut,” insisted the Dems could change said Tracy. “The doctors are their minds about running a can very optimistic that there will didate if circumstances somehow be a full recovery.” changed. That’ s a relief! Wheeler, 67, Democrat sources were spin is one of Burlington’ s finest. ning the latest Statehouse rumor She’ s served in the House since that incoming Republican Rep. 1997. For years she’s also Duncan Kilmartin of Newport worked as a guardian ad litem had threatened a run for House in Chittenden County courts, Speaker if Freed did not stack a protecting the rights of chil few choice committees with con dren at risk. Currently, servatives. Wheeler is chairman of the Not so, said Kilmartin city fire commission. Tuesday. “I unequivocally and BY PETER FREYNE Contacted by Seven Days at unconditionally support Walter the Mary Fanny Tuesday, Rep. Freed.” Wheeler was lucid and her dry wit intact. She Enough said. told us she expected to start rehab Wednesday Kilmartin, by the way, looks to be the leading and is looking forward to returning to duty. But .candidate for “rookie of the year” in the coming her experience with 911, she said, was “awful.” legislative session. Some describe the colorful Wheeler told Seven Days she suffered the Newport lawyer as “brilliant.” Others describe stroke on the Wednesday evening before him as “a bull in a china shop.” Some just rolled Thanksgiving. She said she dialed 911 as she lay their eyes at the mention ol his name, on her bedroom floor but got no answer. Unable i, • Duncan’s a staunch right-to-lifer, and, he to move, Wheeler spent the next five days inca noted, was elected on a platform that called for pacitated. It wasn’t until her son-in-law checked the repeal of civil unions. Expect him to land on up on her the following Monday that rescue per either Judiciary or Health and Welfare, where sonnel were dispatched. parental notification is expected to be a hot one. “It was awful,” said Wheeler. Many are wondering what Speaker-to-be The lawmaker, who has served on the House Freed will do with the current chairman of the Institutions Committee, said the state’s new House Judiciary Committee, Tom Little of enhanced 911 system “has lost a vote.” Shelburne. Little has been well-praised by the Burlington Fire Chief Dayton Contois told local mandarins for shepherding the same-sex Seven Days Tuesday, “One of the first things she marriage issue through the House in the last ses said when help finally arrived was that she had sion. Tom was the point man and did an called 911.” However, an investigation has absolutely brilliant job. Showed a lot of class. revealed that there are no records of a call being Asked Tuesday if he expected to stay on as made to 911 from Wheeler’s phone, said Contois. chairman of the Judiciary Committee, Little told The chief said Wheeler had knocked a lamp into Seven Days, “I’ve had a couple very involved con the living room as she collapsed, so she was trying versations with Walter about that. We’re continu to hit the right button while laying immobilized ing to talk about it.” in total darkness. Insiders tell Seven Days Rep. Peg Flory of On Tuesday Seven Days contacted Evelyn Pittsford and incoming freshman and former Bailey, executive director of the Enhanced E-911 State Senator Steve Webster of Randolph are the Board, and told her of Wheeler’s case. Bailey top contenders to replace Little as chairman. promised a thorough investigation. This could get real interesting. Meanwhile, we wish Rep. Wheeler a speedy At present, GOP sources tell us Mr. Freed is recovery. playing his cards very close to his vest as far as committee assignments go. Under Obie and the Vermont Connection — Florida is a long way Dems, fairness meant 11 of the 14 standing com from Vermont, but the presidential election spec mittees were chaired by Democrats. Just three tacular does have a Vermont connection in the committees got Republican chairmen. Can’t wait form of George Terwilliger ill. to see how many chairmanships Sir Walter throws Gorgeous George lived in Hinesburg in the to the Dems. 1980s. Today he’s the lawyer representing the One committee chair drawing much specula Bush campaign in the courtrooms of Florida and tion is that of the powerful, budget-writing on the TV sets of America. He’s the one with the Appropriations Committee. Rep. Richard sculpted beard and the calm, confident demeanor. Westman of Cambridge is the ranking Repub But back here in Vermont, many folks will always lican left after the election. But Westman is remember George as Mr. Zero Tolerance, a guy viewed unfavorably by many Republican insiders who wanted to put pot smokers behind bars and who vividly remember his days as the minority throw away the key. leader. They say Richie was a little too cozy with You see, George was United States Attorney in Democrat Speaker Ralph Wright. Stay tuned. Vermont under Presidents Ronald Reagan and Kilmartin, by the way, is a ’67 graduate of the George Bush. And as the top federal prosecutor University of Chicago Law School, one of the in these parts he passionately reflected the ridicu nation’s most prestigious. Former U.S. Sen. John lous “Just Say No” drug policy that Nancy Ashcroft of Missouri was Duncan’s classmate and pal. They played intramural football and basket-

Inside Track continued on page 50a

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Curses, Foiled Again W hen a woman armed with a small BB gun tried to rob two gas stations in Slidell, Louisiana, the clerk at the first station was unfazed by the weapon and refused to open the register. At the second sta tion, the clerk thought it was a prank and started laughing, “until,” police Sgt. Rob Callahan said, “she pushed the gun closer and said, ‘Give me the money fast!”’ After the woman emptied the cash register, witnesses said she drove away in a beat-up Oldsmobile with no license plate and a bumper sticker that said, “Horn broken. Watch for finger.” Police quickly arrested Beverly A. Jeffords, 43, after spotting the distinctive getaway car and the bumper sticker. “It’s something that just sticks in your m ind,” Callahan said. “It definitely helped us catch her.”

one of the controversial “but terfly” ballot booklets were still attached. “They thought it would make a great memento of the elections. Problem was, it was stolen,” arresting agent Michael Washam of the Florida Department of Law Enforce ment said, noting, “These guys were not mental giants.” • W hen Thomas D. Logan called to say he would be unable to attend a debate of candidates for the presidency of the Philadelphia NAACP because of a family emergency, W TVE-TV propped up a lifesize cardboard cutout of Logan in a chair next to the other candidates. “Mr. Logan com mitted to participating in this debate,” news director Jim Sweeney said, “and when he didn’t, well, we were prepared for that eventuality.” • The town of Virgin, Utah,

it was taking out their frustra tion,” Garvin said.

Butt Heads

After parents of journalism students at Northview High Felonious Food Three armed men burst into School in Bratt, Florida, com plained that their children had an apartment in Charlotte, to sell smoked Boston pork North Carolina, about 1:20 butts not only to raise money a.m. and demanded the three for the school paper and year roommates hand over their book, but also to earn good cash. When the best the room grades, principal Gayle Weaver mates, who are students at denied that sales were linked to U NC Charlotte, could come grades. But journalism teacher up with was $2, plus another Vicki Baggett, whose father $200 from an ATM, the gun smoked the butts, contradicted men became angry at the small her, admitting sales counted amount and decided to take for 10 percent of a student’s the students’ stereo, laptop grade. “I was told if my daugh computers and hunting rifles. ter sold 10 Boston butts, she Before they left, they ordered made 100; nine of them, a 90, the roommates to strip and lay and so on,” parent Pat Brown on the floor. One of the stu informed the Orlando Sentinel. dents, Jason Garvin, 24, told “That means Mama’s going to the Charlotte Observer after be buying her grade. I don’t wards that he was certain they have time to run around pushing Boston butts.” The Escambia County Health Department settled the controversy by order BY ROLAND SWEET ing the school to stop sell ing the Boston butts because their preparation vio were going to be shot. Instead lates health codes. The edict the robbers opened the refrig prompted Baggett to declare, erator and pelted them with “This is why public educators eggs, chocolate syrup and icedand great teachers are getting tea mix, then locked them on their balcony and fled. “I think out of the profession.”

nEWs QuiRkS

More Election Follies Florida authorities arrested Mark Bruce Richter and Steven Robert Solomon when the men tried to sell a Palm Beach County voting machine on the eBay Internet auction site shortly after the November election. The stylus used to mark punch-card ballots and

mentally ill, convicted felons, conscientious objectors and people who cannot afford to own a gun.

enacted an ordinance requiring every home to have a gun and ammunition. Noting most of Virgin’s 350 residents already own firearms, Mayor Jay Lee said the initiative exempts the

Second-Amendment Follies W hen a uniformed Los Angeles police officer showed up at a Halloween costume party at 1 a.m. to investigate complaints of noise, one of the guests, actor Anthony Dwain Lee, 39, pointed what turned out to be a fake gun at him. The officer, Tarriel Hopper, responded by drawing his ser vice pistol and shooting Lee, whom paramedics later pro nounced dead at the scene.

Old Habits Die Hard After pursuing Fusako Shigenobu, 55, for 30 years for political hijackings, kidnap pings and terrorist attacks, police finally nabbed Japan’s most-wanted female fugitive in a rural western town where police noticed the distinctive way she smoked a cigarette: blowing a smoke ring when she exhaled and smoking as if puff ing on a pipe. “Shigenobu must have believed that since her appearance had changed so much, we wouldn’t notice,” a police spokesperson told the newspaper Sankei Shimbun. “It was that little something that got her.” (Z)

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THE WONDERFUL WORLD OF DISNEY: Somewhere in that great studio in the sky, Burlington photographer Wes Disney is shooting the breeze with fellow artists Michael Tyburski, Paul Aschenbach and Frank Hewitt. The Charlotte artist died Sunday of melanoma, leaving behind a body of work — paintings, photographs and drawings — that bears witness to his outsized artistic vision. Disney was defi nitely thinking “big picture” when he set out to affix an image to the side of a Cherry Street building on the Church Street Marketplace in 1981. Because the surface was made of brick, the colossal Wes Disney print had to be cut and glued to each indi vidual block, resulting in a vast work of photo-impressionism, and plenty of local and national publicity. But “The Wall” was only one way in which Disney distinguished himself as an innovative artist in Burlington and beyond. “Wes pushed his own creativity to the limit and encouraged others to do the same. He was the epicenter of a number of artistic group efforts, both in New York City and in Burlington,” says Fleming Museum curator Janie Cohen, who plans to work with Adam Weinberg — a Disney stu dent and former Whitney Museum curator — on an upcoming retrospec tive. Disney is also represented at the Museum of Modern Art in New York City and at the Amon Carter Museum in Fort Worth. In Burlington, his old College Street studio was legendary, for both the pictures and the par ties produced there. “Wes was imaginative and spontaneous, always taking things further than most people would, and usually succeeding,” Cohen says of the 54-year-old former football star, who was also a generous men tor and collaborator. Over the past three months, people from all over the country — and different periods of his life — have been journeying to see Disney in what Cohen calls “a true outpouring of love.” Among the visit ing artists was former Burlington resident and ex-girlfriend Marion Ettlinger, now a world-class photographer in New York specializing in author portraits. Look for various Disney works at a 10 a.m. memorial service, Saturday in the Fleming Museums Marble Court. LIT HITS: Forget about Santas list. Vermont authors Tom Paine and Jeffrey Lent made the grade in the New York Times Book Review on Sunday. Both Scar Vegas — Paines collection of short stories — and Lent’s debut novel In the Fall were singled out as “notable” reads in the Holiday Book issue. It’s not a bad place to be three weeks before Christmas, along side heavy hitters like Francine Prose, Joyce Carol Oates, Michael Ondaatje, John Updike and Homer . . . Crab Moon, by Seven Days writer Ruth Horowitz, is also moving up the charts. The beautifully illustrated book about the annual mating ritual of horny horseshoe crabs made the Times Top-10 List of “appealing” books for children. On the very same day the National Science Teachers Association selected it as one of 40 “out standing science trade books for children.” Upon hearing the good news, Horowitz was heard to say: “This crab has legs.”

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MAXA MILLION: His “Savvy Traveler” radio show has done for travel what the “Car Talk” guys have done for auto mechanics: made it entertaining and interactive in a one-hour slot on National Public Radio. Rudy Maxa — a former Washington Post reporter and Spy magazine bureau chief— is the mastermind behind the Wednesday night mix of destination stories, lis tener anecdotes and travel tips. He’s also the celebrity speaker at the annual Vermont Travel Industry Conference on Thursday at the Radisson Hotel in Burlington. Despite a fuzzy memory of driving through Vermont once as a “young married guy,” and a preference for Western ski areas, the SavTrav says he was “thrilled” to accept an invitation to speak in the Green Mountains. His show receives a disproportionate number of calls from Vermonters, which he says suggests we are “more articulate and entertain ing” than your av trav. “I like traveling because it provides not only stories, but I always learn something,” Maxa reports from the road in Los Angeles. Better still, he’s a big fan of small airports . . . SPACE RACE: When it comes to the performing arts in Burlington, space is indeed the final frontier. The new, improved Flynn Center still can’t pro vide it cheap enough for fledgling creators. Unless they happen to qualify for a NASA Space Grant — short for New Arts Space Assistance — that provides 60 hours of free rehearsal time to help launch a “new and mean ingful work of local art. Clearly, the Flynn hatched the twice-yearly pro gram as a way to manage demand, and to ease the theater into a local “pro ducing” role. As part of the deal, it has offered to “present” any works resulting from the free rehearsal time. Deadline for applications is Friday, December 22, for the first 10-week session that starts January 29. The mission control” crew includes Firehouse Gallery curator Pascal Spengemann, St. Michael’s Playhouse co-director Cathy Hurst, Dr. Jeffrey Allen from the Flynn board of directors, and CCV prof Susan Henry. ®

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T H E H O U D A Y G IF T G U ID E Compiled by Pamela Polston, Ruth Horowitz, Lynda Majarian, Kristin D'Agostino and Ernie McLeod. Illustrations by Scott Lenhardt

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lNCLUd'N8 PPPieS OF: BLINKING LIGHT GALLERY Plainfield p .lO a SILVER MAPLE Burlington p. 13a THE KEPT WRITER St. A lbans p. 15a BEJEWELLED M id d le b u ry p .l7 a CLOSE TO HOME Shelburne p. 19a THE LAMP STORE Burlington p.21a

page 8a

SEVEN DAYS

december 6, 2000

*. 7

M e rrs

XXXw as

Oh, c o m e , all ye fa ith fu l... a n d rom antic. W ho said all you n e e d is love? Som etim es it takes m ore th a n m istletoe to g e t your yule log rolling.

Let th e h o lid a y spirit m o ve you... to b uy with body and soul in mind.

• Handcuffs, $6.50, Old Gold, Burlington. • Male Response tablets to “invigorate male sexual response,” $21.60 for 90, Vitamin Connection, Burlington. • Engagement ring and wide, linen-textured band in 18-karat gold, diamonds and sapphires, $7650, Jane Koplewitz Collection, Burlington. • Pair of lead-crystal champagne flutes by Reidel in gift box with bottle of Pacific Echo California sparkling wine, $56, Wine Works, Burlington. • Lace-u corset in black or red brocade (warning: takes two people to put on and remove), $365, Isadora, Burlington. • Mexican wedding cookies, $4.95/bag, Mirabelle’s, Burlington. • 1998 Marilyn Merlot, $21.95, dada, Middlebury. • On Gossamer and Mary Green silk panties by Calvin Klein, $12-15, Wild Mountain Thyme, Middlebury.

• Self-adhesive “third eye” bindhis, $3.95, Bazou, Burlington. • Buckwheat and lavender neck pillows, $24.50, Purple Shutter Herbs, Burlington. • English Witch Ball to absorb evil spirits, $29.99, Bennington Potters North, Burlington. • Athena’s Goddess Package, three and a half hours of pampering, $185, Athena’s Day Spa, Essex Junction. • “Aromapharmacy” scented candles (come in Rx bottles and labeled valiumello, hungover, miagra et al.), $15, Soapdish, Burlington. • Yoga videotapes (Rodney Yee, instructor, produced by Yoga Journal) $14.98; Spirit Dancer Books and Gifts, Burlington. • Bongers massage tool, $16.50, The Spirit, Middlebury. • Tibetan prayer panels in various sizes, $16-56, Wild Mountain Thyme, Middlebury. • Cast Your Fortune interpretation game, $18, Folkheart, Bristol. • Meditation finger cymbal from Nepal, $24.50, Tradewinds, Burlington. • Make Your Own Lip Balm kit, $9.95, Boutilier’s Art Center, Burlington. • “Rest Easy” herbal eye-comfort pillow, $14, Champlain Clothing Company, Burlington. • Moonglow night cream, a shimmery potion of herbs including rosehip, beeswax, frankincense and borage oil, in a cobalt-blue jar, $18, Star Root, Burlington. • Beeswax goddess-shaped candles, $4.99, Healthy Living, South Burlington. • I Ching Cards, $15, Phoenix Rising, Montpelier. • Reflexology Sox, $19.95, The Store, Waitsfield. • Inspirational stones marked “freedom,” “joy,” “peace,” etc., $7, Inspirations, Williston. • Indoor fountain with river rocks, $290, Stowe Craft Gallery.

JeezO P q C r° W

.Superstar D o n 't b e syruptitious — let your gifts m ake a G reen Mountain statem ent, even if y o u 're h o m e for th e holidays. • Handmade ceramic animal totem ornaments by Vermont artist Suzi Waters, $10.75, Spirit Dancer Books and Gifts, Burlington. • Visit’n: Conversations with Vermonters journal, $7.50, Vermont Folklife Center, Middlebury. • Hands on the Land: A History o f the Vermont Landscape, by Jan Albers, $35; or Vermont: An Illustrated History, by John Duffy & Vincent Feeney, $32.95, at your local book store. • Katharine Montstream print, $40, Frog Hollow, Burlington and Middlebury. • 1878 Vermont House Journal, $25, North Country Books, Burlington. • The Perfect Planet, $14.95, by James Kochalka, Crow Book Shop, Burlington. • The Logger Visits New York City, video by Rusty Dewees, $19.99, various locations. • Green Mountain rings — bands feature Camel’s Hump, in platinum, 18k gold and rose gold; men’s $525, women’s $450, Village Goldsmith, Shelburne. • Vermont-reed Sunday Picnic Basket by BaskeTree, $160, Artisans’ Hand, Montpelier. • Lies My Mother Told Me, by Vermont filmmaker Nora Jacobson, $19.95, Waterfront Video, Burlington and Middlebury. • Handmade bird house by Vermont artist Ruth Pope, $75, Ruth Pope Gallery, Waitsfield. • ‘Honey the Waitress” cards, $1.85, Artisans’ Gallery, Waitsfield. • Handbags made with grosgrain ribbon and other trims, heirloom buttons by Vermont artisan Yvonne Heath, $150, In Company, Stowe. • Buy Vermont crafts!

• For that special bottle of bubbly: Glass ice bucket with glass ice cubes by Simon Pearce, $130, Frog Hollow, Middlebury. • Love Potion No. 9 soap and Wash Away Your Sins bubble bath, $8.95 & $12.95, Rainbow Room, Middlebury. • Erotic wooden sculpture from Indonesia, $24.50, Tradewinds, Burlington. • Robert Mapplethorpe poster, $25, Beyond The Wall, Burlington. • Same-sex marriage soap, $9, Peace & Justice Store, Burlington. • Chocolate body paint and brush, $9.95, Sweeties, Burlington. • Dangling platinum and black pearl earrings, $475, Von Bargen’s, Burlington. " • Fine cashmere shawl in sherbet shade, $152, Le Petit Magasin, Burlington. * 7 : • Used leather whip, $20, Battery Street Jeans, Burlington. • Three vintage Playboy magazines, dated 1967, $20, Upstairs Antiques, Burlington. * • Massage Lovers’ Kit, includes video, “100 Ways to Excite Your Lover,” $33.99, or “Double Date” inflatable dolls, $40, Imago, Colchester. ■■

THF.HOLIDAYGIFTGUIDE continues, p .lla december 6 ,2 0 0 0

SEVEN DAYS'

page 9ji.., 7

A W in d e r’s E v e

e r a il

Open House at Ethan Allen Homestead Museum in

BUNKING UGHT GALLERY PLAINFIELD

it ''•v Sh W 5fra^,a ‘

' '

Candlelight Tours £»Games!

hen you drive around rural Vermont you might as well accept two things: First, you're proba bly going to get lost; second, if you muster the courage to ask for help, you're not going to get a lot of straightforward rights and lefts. Locals tend to

regale newcomers with lists of obscure landmarks, often named for neighbors who died 20 years ago. Charlotte Potok wanted to avoid the inevitability of

this sort of charming confusion. When she and a handful of craftspeople opened a gallery in Plainfield last year, they named it after the most obvious marker in town: a flashing red caution light that hovers over the village like a ta lis man. Blinking Light Gallery is meant to be an alternative to the alternative gift store. This unpretentious, funky gallery is a rarity in the world of boutique chic. It feels like an artists' flea market. Those stuffy, faux-museum vibes that can make upscale craft stores seem so sterile are nonexistent here. Blinking Light offers a dizzying assortment of artistic

S u n d a y , D e c e m b e r I7 t h 4 -7 p m

media, from oil paintings to vintage pillows, all of which is packed into a cramped, barely renovated space. Best of all, the prices are quite affordable.

See how our ancestors enjoyed recreation before the advent of television &coixipisterg)ifies!

vile winter day — for a proverbial song. In addition to original paintings, photographs, sculpture and block prints,

It's possible to walk away with large and small miracles — pieces of magic that you may need on a particularly Blinking Light offers narcissus bulbs planted amid white gravel in simple Japanese-style pots ($15-30); glossy plat ters shaped like fish and marked with their marbly eyes, thick lips and bright stripes ($15-65); waist-free dresses, separates and pajamas cut from embossed and patterned European cloth by a local design company called Salaam ($26-50); and postcards of Vermont artist Ronni Solbert's whimsical sculpture, "Wishing Wings," which features a pair

(8o2) 865-4556

of silvery wings atop a ladder (50 cents). Creepily realistic worlds depicted on the backs of match-book covers — Tolkien-like creatures, Dante-inspired hells, abstract swirls and existential scenes of individuals walking through pure color — are also available, compliments of painter George Lawrence ($20 each). Blinking Light is an out-of-the-ordinary store in an out-of-the-way locale — ju st down the road from Goddard College. You might call it a retail-therapy outlet for people who decorate their houses as if they are living extensions of their own inner, imaginary landscapes. The gallery also serves as an unofficial community arts center. Sure, the 30 artisans who've joined the cooperative are happy to make a little extra money on the side. But in truth, the gallery is a tangible excuse for a network of Central Vermont artists, mostly women, to shoot the bull and drink quarts of coffee from River Run restaurant — con veniently located next door. Still, there's a serious side to the place. Newly hired manager Pamela Goldsborough is keeping the struggling little ship afloat financially. She's brought the business end up to snuff and is drawing more artisans into the gallery. In addition, she's worked with Potok, Salaam owner Andrea Miksic and a committed group of other members to jury artists' work and host poetry readings, concerts and exhibits. The theory is: Build a community and it will come. These artisans have made getting there easy. Just go to Plainfield, and turn right at the blinking light. — Anne Galloway

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F is a s

N a V ‘d a d

D o n 't fo rg e t th e b e te noel — p u rrfe c t presents a n d bow -w ow s o f holly for pets, a n d th e p e o p le w h o love them to o m uch. • Ruff Rider dog pack, $50, Outdoor Gear Exchange, Burlington. • Vermont Dogs, edited by Roberta Haskin with photography by Skye Chalmers, $22.95, at your local book store. • Tanner & Dash XOX or heart pet collars, 4 Dogs & A Wish, $38, Middlebury. • Tinkle, a Cat or Good Dog/Bad Dog Biscuit Christmas tree ornaments, $16-18, Jennifer Ellsworth Landmarks, Middlebury. • Sea Monkeys magic castle, $13.95, Scribbles, Burlington. • Dancing With Cats, by Burton Silver and Heather Busch, $16.95, Peace & Justice Store, Burlington. • aLive Worm Acres” composting kit, $29.95, Learning Express, Burlington. • Catnip “bones,” $5, All Things Bright and Beautiful, Waitsfield. • Melia Cool M int Flavored doggie breath-freshener chews, $6.50, The Store, Waitsfield. • Tuff Kat cat toy in Vermont hardwood and catnip, $16, Inspirations, Williston. • Canine Cushions, with sheepskin in various colors, $60-70, Pet Food Warehouse, South Burlington and Shelburne. • Gourmet dog bones, 99 cents to $19.95, Gardener’s Supply, Burlington.

• Tourtiere (traditional French-Canadian meat pie), $25/serves 6; Biiche de Noel (Yule Log), $l6/serves 6, Mirabelle’s, Burlington. • Griotte cherry chocolates with cherry liqueur, $5.95; Ajvour roasted redpepper spread from Croatia, $4.99, Balkan Pearls, Burlington. • Bennington Potters ceramic pouring bowl with cookie mix and tea towel, $25-99, Bennington Potters, Burlington.-"" • Hand-painted Vermont cow creamer, dada, Middlebury, $32.95. • Handmade majolica bowls with built-in chopstick holes by Leslie Koehler, $35, Ferrisburgh Artisans Guild. • Twelve-ounce Star of David pasta, $3, Peace & Justice Store, Burlington. • One pound Kona fancy coffee beans, $18, Uncommon Grounds, Burlington. • Milk- and white-chocolate Santa, $12, or roly-poly snowman, $13.50, Lake Champlain Chocolates, Burlington. • Chili-infused vinegar, $9.99, Pier 1, Burlington. • Winter moose plates, $10, soup mug, $8, or coffee mug, $7, Mesa, Burlington. • “Zoomies” space-age salt & pepper shakers by BRM Design, $70, Frog Hollow Vermont State Craft Center, Burlington and M id dlebury. • Vermont Sweet Home Cocoa, $5, Cabin Fever Quilts, Waitsfield. • Handmade mugs in myriad designs by local ceramists, $15-20, Vermont Clay Studio, Waterbury. • Gift basket of Vermont specialty food products, prices vary. Various locations.

THEHOLIDAYGIFTGUIDE continues, p,13a

HOIJDAYGIFTGUlDEHOLIDAYGIFTGUIDEHOLIDAYGIFTGUlDEHOLiDAYGIFTGUIDEHOLlDAYGIFTGUiDEHOLIDAYGIFTGUIDEHOLIDAYGIFT W

e ’v e

o v e d !

To Shelburne Commons next to the Shelburne Athletic Club

W t

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SEVEN DAYS

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Apartments open for viewing. Fill out an application and put your name on our list.

Just like clockw ork!

Pets Allowed.

decem ber 6, 2 0 0 0

SEVEN DAYS

page 11a

M oon

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page 12a

SEVEN DAYS

M o n -S at 1 0 - 6 • S u n d a y 1 2 - 4 2 9 1 5 Sh e lb u r n e R d . 9 8 5 - 8 4 8 7

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Visit Pilot Press at www.PilotPress.com or call (877) 332-0703

For 7 Days Readers w ith purchase over $50 and this ad. Offer valid to December 14. Redeemable after January 1, 2001.

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CO RPO RATE G IFT CERTIFICA TE PROGRAM a ls o a v a ila b le Flowers Food, Drink & Grocery Golf Health, Beauty & Spas Home & Garden Jewelry Malls, Factory Outlets Pets Recreation

Restaurants Resorts Skiing & Snowboarding Specialty Stores Sports Toys, Games St Hobbies Travel & Lodging Wine, Cheese & Spirits

At Gardener’s Supply you'll find Vermont foods, personal care products, decorations, kitchen gadgets, kids' stuff, jewelry, books, tropical plants, holiday bulbs and lots of gardening gifts! One offer per customer. Valid in Intervale retail store only. Not valid with any other discounts.

S U F P L Y

t lie G ift C e r tific a te S to r e at the Essex Outlet Fair, 21 Essex Way, Essex Junction 802-872-8880 or purchase online at www.certifichecks.com december 6, 2000

C O M P A N Y

128 Intervale Road, Burlington, Vermont 05401 www.garderters.com Holiday Hours: Mon -Sat 9 -6 • S un 10-5 Phone:802-660-3505

_ THEHGUDAYGIFTGUIDE continued from p .l la o Q

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a > ~<

RocRiN' Mr°UNd tHe

CHriStIW|aS Tree

am Q

r % These hills a re still alive w ith th e sound Of 0 *n music, a n d it a in 't "Edelweiss." 0

• Radiohead limited edition Kid A CD (lots of artwork but no extra tracks) $22'.97; Jurassic 5 Quality Control CD w/free T-shirt, $11.97, Pure Pop Records, Burlington. • Eight-note wooden board piano, $28, Bazou, Burlington. • Mountain Melody thumbdrum, $19.25, Greenfields, Middlebury. • Classic rock-star posters by Bob Masse, $22, Wild Mountain Thyme, Middlebury. • Skip Doctor for restoring damaged discs, $34.95, Sound Source, Middlebury. ^ ; • Limited edition Santana mini-conga, $59, Vermont Folk Instruments, Burlington. • Two-foot harmonica, $110, Upstairs Antiques, Burlington. • CB beginner’s 5-piece drum kit, with free half-hour lesson, $469, Advance Music Centre, Burlington and Rutland. • Fender Stratocaster in vintage ’50s colors (pink, baby blue, mint green), Play It Again Sam, Montpelier, • Buch Spieler souvenir T-shirt, $10, or cap, $12, Buch Spieler, Montpelier. • Music Hall MMF-2.1 turntable, $299, or MMF-5, $499, Sound Essentials, Burlington. • Buy Vermont music!

THEHOUDAYGIFTGU1DE continues, p .l5 a

0 0

o o -<

"ti

o a

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allows the image to be viewed direct ly, without the glare — or weight — of glass. A key-hole slot on the back the word's origins to a year-and-a-of the board provides pret-a-hanger convenience. For a 2-by-3-foot piece, half-old art-print shop on St. Paul the service costs about $40 or $50 — Street in downtown Burlington, more than the price of a dime-store where Bill and Benedicte Dodge spe frame, but significantly less than pro cialize in a lamination process that's fessional matting and framing. easier on both the wall and the wal Stiffening and shrink-wrapping is let than conventional framing a good option if you're looking to options. With its high, pressed-tin ceiling display, say, a snapshot of Aunt ou won't find the verb "Silver Maplize" in the Oxford English dictionary. Etymologists trace

and its exposed brick walls covered with classy art work, Silver Maple has a decidedly urbane, Euro feel. No sur prise, when you consider that the Dodges first learned the secret of laminage while operating a literary book shop in Montreal. In Canada and Europe the technique is tres popular. Art is first dry-mounted on rigid wood, then sealed under a protective layer of micro-thin plastic film that

Sylvia at the Taj Mahal, or maybe that glowing write-up of your busi ness that appeared in Seven Days. If, on the other hand, you're ju st sick of staring at a blank wall and have nothing of your own to frame, the Dodges stock a wide selection of art posters you can buy as is, or have mounted and laminated. Benedicte, a former art history slide librarian, doesn't rely on cliche

reproductions. As card buyer for Silver Maple, she exhibits what her husband describes as "informed taste" — selecting items such as European advertising posters from the early 1900s, Aubrey Beardsley's Art Deco prints and aesthetically arresting black-and-white photos. Silver Maple also carries some prints of local talents like Katharine ^ Montstream, Warren Kimble and John Churchman, whose composite digital images of Mt. Mansfield, Schillhammer Road and other familiar sites are eerily crisp and infused with strange light. Don't want to commit yourself to a full-sized print? Silver Maple also offers a cornucopia of cards and cun ning gift items, such as an iron paperweight shaped like a feather, beautiful little Buddhas, push-pins masquerading as seashells and screws, and colorful kites. Talk to Bill Dodge for five min-., utes and you realize the concept of Silver Maplizing is as multi-layered as a pile of posters. He's a former poli tics and culture reporter, and a board member of Preservation Burlington, so, to him, the phrase also has a more personal meaning: helping to reclaim City Hall Park, across the street from his shop; countering the growing encroachment of national chains on downtown retail space; making in-kind donations to causes like the Edmunds school Centennial and Detour, Burlington High's literary magazine. But what does the name Silver Maple have to do with laminated art, really? Not much, Bill admits. It's actually ju st a handsome species that grows on his in-laws' tree farm in Westford. " It provides a nesting space for blue herons," he notes. And you were thinking Silver Maplizing was ju st a nifty way to dress up a wall. — Ruth Horowitz

S a n ta is w o rk in g f o r u s th is year.

Winefa r the Holidays D E L I V E R E D ! " wine express 1) “Taste the world a different glass at a tim e” This amazing gift will give the lucky recipient a different se of Riedel Vinum glassware (two glasses) each month with a wine that compliments the style of the glasses.

2) Taster’s

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3-month, 6-month and i-year gift packages available at...

3) Wines

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Merlot Madness Become an expert merlot drinker with this exciting adventure into the wonderful world of merlot.

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w i n ew or ks .n et

7) C lassic

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Compare and contrast wines from different regions of the world. For example a cabernet from Bourdeaux vs. one from the Napa Valley.

* Limited to Chittenden County december 6 ,2 0 0 0

page 13a

There is a difference.

“Your ray of sunshine even on a cloudy day.

Celebrate tfre frolidays 5

Witfr C orners D iscount

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Mention this ad to receive your free holiday bouquet.

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THEHOUDAYGIFTGUlDE continued from p,13a

M -CoL^N g We Gj° Som etim es th e a rt o f giving m eans a n artful gift. • Hand-carved soapstone chess sets from Kenya, $130; Bazou, Burlington. • A winter studio class at the Ferrisburgh Artisans Guild, with dinner at The Starry Night Cafe, prices variable. • Fun Fax body art book with temporary tattoos, $12.99, The Spirit, Middlebury. • Large hanging papier-mache Christmas angel, $85, Folkheart, Bristol. • #10 Hog hair Winson & Newton paint brush, $12.20, Boutiliers Art Center, Burlington. • Camera tripod, $99, Abrahams Camera Center, Burlington. • Wire-art kit, $9.98, Learning Express, Burlington. • Art lessons at Firehouse Center for the Visual Arts, Vermont Clay Studio, Shelburne Craft School, Frog Hollow... you get the idea. Prices vary. • Buy Vermont artwork!

I 0 e O

O a 5c

<z Q m X

THE KEPT WRITER, ST. ALBANS

o a

0 IU

0 cr Q m

lbert Camus once speculated that civilization could not exist without cafes and their

fortable chairs, tables for writing,

Inside The Kept Writer you'll dis cover a small but discriminating

gallery art and attentive owners. And, of course, interesting books.

newspapers, magazines and books to

selection of used hardcover and soft-

"We'll do a search for hard-to-find

read and argue over.

bound books — about 5000 now,

things," notes Jedd. The shop also

with several thousand more on the

offers some musical entertainment,

O Q > ■<

has nudged civilization forward with

way. The range is broad: Newish-

poetry readings and open mikes.

the opening in July of The Kept

looking paperbacks go for a buck; a

They also serve beer and wine.

*TS

Writer Bookshop & Cafe at the head

first edition of the 1954 collection

of Lake Street — ju st a few doors

of radio broadcasts by Dylan Thomas,

us about that," admits Jedd. "I

west of downtown's Taylor Park.

Quite Early One Morning, is $130. The

think what it essentially boils down

books are housed on simple pine

to is that we wish we were 'kept' —

the husband-and-wife team of Jedd

bookcases and shelves, under a rich

that we had patrons. We both write,

and Launie Kettler of Fairfield, both

brown ceiling and ductwork painted

and the whole patronage idea is fas

29-ish writers and book collectors.

dusty rose. The collection leans

cinating."

"We've been in enough book stores

toward politics, biography, the social

to know what works and what

sciences, fiction and an offering of

"keeping" themselves. "We have writ

doesn't," says Jedd.

Beatnik literature and history.

ers and artists who come in here and

If that is the case, St. Albans

The Kept Writer is operated by

v J

% *rt

a TH EH O UD AYG IFTGU iD E continues, p,17a

Champlain Housing Corp.

The shop is located on the first

"Saturday we actually had Jack

And the name? "Everybody asks

Actually, the Kettlers do some

have a coffee and sit with their note

floor of a renovated office building

Kerouac's cousin from Canada stop

that now sports a definite Boston

in," says Launie. "She didn't know

says. "It's sort of the idea of, 'Well,

"Back Bay" look with its cleaned

much about him, so she bought a

we can't support you, but if you give

brick, iron railings and summer side

biography."

us a little bit of money we'll give you

walk seating. The City of St. Albans

The Kept Writer has all the mak

owns the first two floors; the top

ings of a successful used book shop

two are owned by the Lake

and hangout — good coffee, com

books and they'll ju st work," Jedd

a place to read, to write and talk.'" Ah, civilization. — George Thabault

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THEHOUDAYGIFTGUiDE continued from p .!5 a

BEJEWELLED, MIDDLEBURY

hey have a lot of character, like little jewels," Clarisse

Shechter exclaims, opening drawers filled with meticulously carded old buttons. The same could be said of S h e lt e r's

appropriately narped shop, Bejewelled, tucked into Middlebury's Frog Hollow Alley. It offers everything from antique and costume jewelry to vintage apparel and an array of home collectibles, including the occasional kitsch item like Mr. Peanut ($35). Shechter describes her inventory as "things people are looking for but can't find." In fact, at Bejewelled, you're likely to find things you didn't know you were looking for. The first thing I discover upon entering Bejewelled is that the small space is-packed, but with a careful order and design. My eye is immediately drawn to a glass case containing more sparkle than a Liberace concert. Wandering further I see accessories — from

Peaces

under $10 to $950, but most at the lower end of the spectrum —

Paper

beautifully arranged by color and shimmer. Blue-greens lead to

Even th e M ag i d id n 't know ...som etim es th e best things in life a re flat. A n d oh so e a sy to mail.

pinks and golds to silvery, deep-set rhinestones in Shechter's color-coordinated, exhibit-like displays. This isn't one of those second-hand shops where you have to sift through careless layers

Clarisse Shechter

in search of the occasional buried treasure. Shechter came to Vermont in 1969 to be the resident jeweler at the Frog Hollow Craft Center, while still active in

• Season pass to your beloved s favorite slopes (or a single lift tick et for the less-beloved). • Gift coupons for Hoyts Nickelodeon Cinema, $25, Burlington. • Gift certificate for 30-minute Tarot reading, $15, or for Reiki $30/hour, Spirit Dancer Books and Gifts, Burlington. • Help your significant other find him/herself with a map of the world from Northern Cartographic, $15-30, South Burlington. • Pair of tickets to Eileen Ivers band (January 25) at the Flynn Center, $27/21, Burlington. • Pair of airline tickets to the Caribbean. • Health club membership, prices vary. • Online gift certificates from www.certifichecks.com. Prices vary. • Certificate for climbing lessons, $25, Petra Cliffs, Burlington. • Always a pleasure: a visit to your favorite massage practitioner. Prices vary. • Always a winner: a big fat check, U.S. Treasury Bond or cold, hard cash.

THEHOUDAYGIFTGUIDE continues, p,19a

the craft-show circuit. She stopped making jewelry to spend two years in Greece, another traveling in Asia and, after returning to Vermont, to have two children. Driven by her passion for old things — and by the difficulty of supporting oneself as a craftsperson — she started a shop that sold custom-made and antique jewelry.

CD c a m X

Eventually, Shechter opened Bejewelled, first on Main Street in Middlebury. Settling into her current location five years ago was a positive move. "The shops in the alley are a bit alternative," she says, nicely matching customers who "have an appreciation of good things" and are "not afraid to make a statement." Browsing with Shechter's amiable help, I come across a fur baseball cap ($15), a black velvet coat with a white,

o a 2?

fur-trimmed collar ($25), a Tom Collins glass set with golfer silhouettes ($36), a colorful assortment of '20s-'50s facto

notes. A few "Brady Bunch"-era slacks made the grade.

CD c o m X o 0

good selection of suit coats ($20-35), ties (both bow and neck; $8-20) and fedoras. There's even a small collection of children's clothing. And everything is in good repair.

ry-made pottery ($5-90) and a complete 1930s tuxedo ($150). Whatever statement you're trying to make, you can probably find the ingredients at Bejewelled. The possible exception is '70s polyester — unless it's "fabulous," Shechter Though Bejewelled offers more options to women — it's hard to find clean men's stuff, apparently — there is a

The funky mix in the front display case sums up the store's eclecticism: everything from prized Bakelite and Celluloid bracelets to Lucite items with "silly things inside," to sleek cigarette cases and amazing handmade needle point purses. At the other end of the store, concealed from view, is Shechter's workshop — she still does jewelry restoration — and costlier clothing too delicate for display. Shechter's enthusiasm for her merchandise is infectious. "They ju st can't do that stuff anymore," she says, showing off one exquisite detail after the next. And it's this attention to detail that makes Bejewelled an equally rare gem. — Ernie McLeod

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THEHOLIDAYGIFTGUIDE continued from p .!7 o

Top Drawer CLOSE TO HO M E, SHELBURNE rank DeAngelis has a lot of pull. That is, pulb —

thousands of 'em. He can help you get a handle on just about anything. Clown heads? Noses? Sea

O o

urchins? No problem. Puppies, teacups, giraffes? Piece of

cake. Pieces of cake? W ell... he can probably order them. DeAngelis is the owner of Close to Home, and at his Falls Road shop in Shelburne he has on display hundreds of drawer pulls, door handles, switchplates, hooks, bath

0 c: U

room accoutrements and ju st about any kind of beautiful, funky or downright bizarre hardware a discerning homeowner could want. Whether your taste runs to top-of-theline antique-style brass handles — which look suitable for opening, say, the Supreme Court — or pretty glass

DaSH 'N g T B r o a g H

tH ^ N o *

N ever m ind a one-horse o p e n sleigh; w h a t a b o u t sleds, skates, skis, boards a n d o th e r g e a r for e n jo yin g — or just surviving — a w in te r w o n d e rla n d ? • Line ski boards, $199 to $399, Ski Rack, Burlington. • Nokian “extreme” studded snowtires for bicycles, $120 each, North Star Cyclery, Burlington. • Burton Snowboards, $369.95; men’s and women’s ski mitts, $49.95 to $69.95, B Side, Burlington. • Walrus Wintershear XV 2-person, 4-season tent, $195, Outdoor Gear Exchange, Burlington. • Buff mittens and hats by Annis Holmes, $12.98-22.50, Vermont Folklife Center, Middlebury. • Mad River Rocket sleds, $60-275, Alpine Shop, Burlington and Middlebury. • Hotfmgers Arctic 180 ear warmers, $14.99, Olympia Sports, Burlington. • Nils waterproof snowsuits for men and women, $475, AJ’s, Stowe. • Winter camping weekend with wood-heated yurt lodging, snowshoeing and food, $225, On the Loose Expeditions, Huntington.

marbles or little brass human legs (pulling your legs, get it?), DeAngelis can set you up. With its pine floors, vintage decor and personal feel, Close to Home is homey, despite the fact that its walls are lined with hardware. But a part of the appeal is DeAngelis himself, a friendly replanted New Yorker and former plumber with a handshake that really means it.

cat heads with marble eyes ($28); pewter "Boneware,"

There's a subtle coincidence here, that someone so open

a.k.a. skeletal salad servers ($100); thermometers from

is in the business of, well, openers.

Conant and Alchemy Studios ($24-49). DeAngelis also car

Close to Home really does carry every type imagina

ries greeting cards made by local artists. One decidedly

ble, and many that you never would imagine. DeAngelis

different offering: a trunkful of lifesize plastic crows ($8

barely scratched the surface during the four years he sold

each) — like the ones arranged daily outside his door.

hardware at Conant Custom Brass — maybe not enough

One of DeAngelis' most popular items has nothing to

customers asked for pewter salamanders, Vermont river

do with drawers, but everything to do with metal. He dis

rocks or tiny Botticelli reproductions under glass. When

covered "Yardbirds," he says, when he opened the store

he opened his own shop about a year ago, it was in com

last year. The endearing sculptures — frogs, schnauzers,

patible synchronicity with Conant — which is phasing

dachsunds, snails, chickens — are made from discarded

out its bath and cabinet hardware to focus exclusively on

metal and range from $30 to around $200. "Put them in

lighting. The companies refer customers to each other,

the yard and they rust," DeAngelis says. "They're really

DeAngelis says.

funky looking."

Just last month he moved from a tiny, 350-square-

Everything you see, and anything you'd like to see, is

foot space next door to his current quarters — he's buy

ordered from catalogs the old-fashioned way. Don't let

ing the building, as well as the house behind it. The

the spiffy new iMac on his antique desk fool you;

expansion allowed for a greater selection of bigger items,

DeAngelis is still Internet-phobic. " I don't even know how

such as handsome designer sinks and faucets, as well as a

to get online," he confesses. "I'm really into personal

room solely for unusual gift items. Most are artisan-made

contact. I love people coming into the shop — I get to

and at least partly metal — glass "gazing balls" wrapped

shake their hand."

in copper, for hanging from the ceiling ($50) or spearing into the garden ($98-180); suncatchers in spider or drag

Though he may occasionally go out to advise on knob jobs, for DeAngelis there is still no place like Home.

onfly shapes ($25-40); yard stakes cum two-dimensional

THEHOLIDAYGIFTGUIDE continues, p.23a

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december 6, 2000

PHOTO: CHRIS BERTELSEN

, %

flick of a switch ignites hundreds of

of screws and junkyard gizmos arranged into

lights that dangle like constellations

lifelike creatures. Each conglomeration of

from the ceiling of The Lamp Shop.

In this small Pine Street store next to

parts has not only been carefully assembled by Ferrisburgh artist Steve Tremblay, but

Speeder & Earl's, there is not one cubic cen

named — a tag on one robot's arm reads

timeter of darkness. The lamps could easily

"Mr. Jones." His imaginative pieces range

light up 1001 Arabian nights; some-are so

from $175 to $400. Tremblay is ju st one of

artfully crafted, you can imagine a couple

several local artists represented here; hand

good rubs might persuade a genie to come whooshing out.

crafted lampshades are sold as well.

Andy Arp and Liz Segal, a thirtysome thing couple, own and operate this 8-

The Lamp Shop pushes the boundaries of its name. Although the theme is vintage lighting, surprising items jump out from

month-old Burlington shop, which special izes in repairing antique lamps and building new ones from ju st about anything people bring in, from train sets to coffee grinders. Like a proud mama, Segal hauls out pho tographs of the store taken when it was a "baby." When she and Arp found it, the space was cold, dark and bare. They painted the cement floor a deep blue, built in walls to break up the space, added splashes of color and, of course, lots and lots of light. "This place is an extension of a family

S p a c e -a g e robots surround the ca sh register, their red e y e s blinking like possessed Christm as bulbs.

business," Arp says — the original Lamp Shop was launched in New York State by his brother-in-law. When he decided to give it

well-lit corners. A talking Pee Wee Herman

up, "We brought it to Burlington and added our own flare."

doll — still in its original box — offers a

Segal and Arp make a good team —

Northern Lights

barrage of witticisms for a mere 20 bucks. A collection of '50s diner-style clocks tick

both are experts at spotting interesting

away for $40 a piece. My favorite finds were

tchotchkes. The Lamp Shop is sort of a

two sleek silk suitcases, each containing a

"dumping ground" for a host of treasures

pair of embroidered Japanese pajamas with

found at estate sales and auctions, she

matching slippers, dating to the 1950s. One

explains. A massive chandelier from the

comes with a unique bonus: a softly worn

1930s looms in the corner, rows of crystal

Japanese bill found in the pocket of the

beads cascading out from its center like a

kimono.

fountain. Space-age robots surround the

But mostly The Lamp Shop has lamps —

cash register, their red eyes blinking like

all sorts and sizes, from $5 "as found" pieces

possessed Christmas bulbs. In short, these

that need repair to $2500 chandeliers. So

are not your typical lamps.

many ways to let there be light.

THE LAM P STORE, BURLINGTON

The robot posse is made from a scramble

— Kristin D'Agostino

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december 6, 2000

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F°r tHe H°tid.qs D eck th e halls. 'N u ff said. • Vintage European commercial-art poster reproduc tions, matted and laminated, $45-65, Silver Maple, Burlington. • Hand-woven Ethiopian bread baskets, $25-30, Jazza Tings, Burlington. • Moroccan henna lamp, $265, Bazou, Burlington. • Chia planters, $15.95, Brooks Pharmacy, Burlington. • Expanding, over-the-sink stainless steel colander for pasta hounds and veggie washers, $39.95, Gardeners Supply, Burlington. • Scheumack handcrafted brooms, $30.95-55.95, Greenfields, Middlebury. • Hand-molded wax Christmas tree ornaments, $7-13, Illuminee du Monde Factory Store, Bristol. • Magnets from old postcards, $3, Bejewelled, Middlebury. • Hand-hooked scatter rug, $29.95, Tinas

IN EXceSSiVe Deo Silver bells, g o ld e n rings a n d ... gifts to h e lp you re m e m b e r w hy G o d c re a te d th e credit card. • Great Balls of Gold” necklace of 14-karat hand-crafted gold “beads,” by Timothy Grannis, $12,500, Grannis Gallery, Burlington. • Eighteen-karat gold buckle bracelet, $365, Fire and Metal, Burlington. • Abenaki ash backpack by Cheryl & David Heath, $500, Vermont Folklife Center, Middlebury. • Deluxe kaleidoscopes, $125-220, Middlebury Jewelry & Design. • Figured maple, purple ultrasuede and acrylics “Broken Heart” chair by Steve Holman, $2000, Frog Hollow, Middlebury. • Copper and stained-glass butterfly weathervane by Peter Krusch, $1450, Ferrisburgh Artisans Guild. • Large bird’s-eye maple and cherry jewelry chest, $1495, Symmetree, Burlington. • Leica digital camera, $799.95, PhotoGarden, Burlington. • Hand-blown glass by Jay Haze with dolphin, diver and sharks, $3500, Full Tank, Burlington. • “The Perkolier,” a funky chandelier-meets-coffee percolator lamp by Lars Sandel, $895, The Lamp Shop, Burlington. • Tourmaline with diamonds in platinum ring, $1725, Village Goldsmith, Shelburne. • Globe of lapis with inlaid opal, turquoise, jasper and other stones; large, $650, small $250, Cool Jewels, Montpelier. • Large, square coffee table with granite top and chrome legs, $750, SoHome, Burlington. • Matt Murphy leather handbags, $200, Common Threads, Burlington. • Handmade, hand-painted wood table with chess board, $1700, and chairs with handtooled leather seats, $645 each, by “Sticks,” Stowe Craft Gallery. • Surround-sound home theater, $1000-40,000+, Audio-Video Authority, South Burlington and Rutland.

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• Leather and wood wine box with metal latch, $36.95, Anna Liffy, Burlington. • “Old Boukhara” deep red Persian runner $275 (Persian rugs run up to $4000), Lyman and Home, Burlington. • Red and animal print pillow with embroidered doggie, $100, SoHome, Burlington. • Scrunchy paper table lamp, $59, Burlington Futon. • Lodge cast-iron indoor grill for meat or veggies, $89.99, As the Crow Flies, St. Albans. • Cat-shaped brush boot wipers, $18.95, The Store, Waitsfield. • “Garden Memories” handcrafted quilt, $1200, Cabin Fever Quilts, Waitsfield. • Floor torchiere lamp with red floral stained-glass, $925, Luminosity, Waitsfield. • Glass “gazing balls” wrapped in copper, for the garden, $98-180, Close to Home, Shelburne. • Buy Vermont furniture!

• Ballet Lesson Barbie, $11.99, Brooks Pharmacy, Burlington. • Kinder Surprise, Eastern European chocolate egg, with plastic egg and toy inside, $1.99, Balkan Pearls, Burlington. • Kids’ clay winter class at Ferrisburgh Artisans Guild, $95 tuition/$20 materials. • Bathology frog, chicken and troll soaps, 4 Dogs & A Wish, $6-12, Middlebury. • Klutz Book o f Outrageous Projects, $19.95, Boutilier’s Art Center, Burlington. • Indoor “Roomerang,” $4.95, Scribbles, Burlington. • Baby’s leopard-print Maryjanes, $19, Cow & Lizard, Burlington and Montpelier. • Wooden whale bank, $17.50, Grass Harp, Burlington. • Farm Stones for Families video by Mac Parker, $14.95, Apple Mountain, Burlington. • The B Side Team Skate Deck introductory skateboard with graphics by local artists, $89.95, The B Side, Burlington. • Wooden farm yard puzzle, $4.98, Learning Express, Burlington. • Bubble-blowing, fire-bellied toad and bubble stuff, $5-99, Pier 1, Burlington. • Guess How I Love You, book with inscribed, expandable baby bracelet, all tied up with a bow, $65, Village Goldsmith, Shelburne. • Pamela netting tutu, flower wand and wings, $65, Zutano, Montpelier. • Handmade wool stuffed bun nies, $10/15, Artisans’ Hand, Montpelier. • Kids’ bunkbeds (futons sold separately); beech, $499, oak, $329, Burlington Futon. • Baby cashmere crew socks in white or black, $8, Common Burlington. • Tot-sized hand-painted stools with flowers or numerals, $15, Mesa, Burlington. ’ " f f ". • Farm Ark, with animals in twos, $100, All Things Bright and Beautiful, Waitsfield. • Clay whistles in animal shapes by Vermont artist Mary Scott, from $22, Vermont Clay Studio, .V. Waterbury. • Mobius kid’s zippered snowsuit, $95, AJ s, Stowe.

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page 25a

B y Lynda Majarian ric Bogosian, the New York writer, playwright and actor, burst into the American consciousness in 1988 as misanthropic shock-jock Barry Champlain in Talk Radio, Oliver Stones 1988 film adaptation of Bogosian’s original play. Ever since, he has been pushing but tons, pounding nails and ranting caustic commentary on the cata tonic consumerism, sex, drugs, violence and alienation that, to him, define contemporary socie ty. He has skewered suburban life in provocative and often contro versial solo performances and plays that include Drinking in America; Sex, Drugs, Rock and Roll; Pounding Nails in the Floor with my Forehead; and SubUrbia. This Friday Bogosian brings his latest one-man show, Wake Up and Smell the Coffee, to Burlington. Early reviews of the show describe it as more mature than the frenetic ArmenianAmerican’s earlier works. But hard-core Bogosian fans will not be disappointed. His new show features explosive parodies of obsequious actors, a shrieking pro wrestler, New Age guru and Regis Philbin’s evil twin, along with his trademark preoccupa tions with drugs and sex. Concurrently, Bogosian is promoting his first novel, Mall, which wraps up his favorite themes in a Simon & Schuster hardcover. There are no surprises in Mall, other than that Bogosian, the winner of three Obie Awards, can negotiate plot and structure as adeptly as he morphs into a dozen characters on stage. His uncanny eye for detail also smoothly transcends genres. Veterans of Bogosian’s ^atirical stage work will find the novel’s characters familiar: the alienated teenagers zombied out

as a denizen of the pulp genre. on sex and drugs; the sensitive, To truly join the ranks of Elmore intelligent loner; the sex-crazed Leonard wannabes, though, he housewife; and the priapic busi might work harder on mood, nessman. and slice a bit deeper under his W ithout the flesh-and-blood characters’ skins. But he is intelli Bogosian to breathe life into gent enough not to hurl overt them, the characters tend to lie symbolism and tidy messages at as flat types on the page. Never his readers. Mall, like its author, theless, their fast and furious retains unflinching honesty at its journey through one hellish core. night at the local shopping mall Recently Bogosian talked keeps you turning pages, not so with Seven Days about his new much to watch the violence esca show, his first novel and subur late, but to witness the chemban angst. istry-experiments-gone-awry that result when the disparate charac ters meet up. Seven Days> The reviews 0/W ake Mall's almost eponymous anti-hero is Mai, a methampheta- Up and Smell the Coffee suggest we’re going to see a more subdued, mine freak who kills his mother mature Eric Bogosian on stage this before turning his weapons arse Friday. One critic even called your nal and gasoline cans on the sub new show a “mid-life crisis for urban mall — starting with the public view. ”How do you feel tuxedo shop whose owner fired about that? him years earlier. Meanwhile, the Eric Bogosian: I have a problem troupe of drifting teenagers, who with critics because they have to are closely related to SubUrbia's impose their own issues on my convenience-store slackdrs, hunt work. They’re smart asses, and at the periphery of the carnage. I’m a smart ass, and they think Donna the narcissistic housewife, they should dissect me. Critics whom Bogosian spears with the start with the assumption that jnost contempt, indulges her I’m very well-known to the pub addictions to food, alcohol and lic, but in fact I was doing my mind-numbing sex. Danny, the stuff long before today’s college hapless businessman who peeks students were born. at her preening naked in a J.C. The critics don’t understand Penney dressing room, grows that this show is very similar to more pathetic and helpless as his what I’ve been doing. Am I cardboard middle-class life disin older? Yes. Am I more mature? tegrates. Yes. But nothing in this show is The plot percolates against a about a midlife crisis. Ten years backdrop of fires, gunshots and ago I would do a character, stop, the pulsing lights of police cruis then do the next one. Now I ers, whose occupants comprise mush it all together into a the bulk of Mai’s ever-mounting stream-of-consciousness sort of body count. Only Michel, the thing that reflects the way my grieving Haitian widower and mind works. I used to try to be a overlooked mall security guard, punk, to be in-your-face, but proves a match for Mai’s mael every time I use that in-your-face strom in a more or less classic stuff I am working with a much showdown of evil versus good. smaller palette that doesn’t allow Bogosian admits he did not me to get at the smaller things. set out to create a literary classic My life is about more than it with Mall-, rather, he sees himself

Wake Up and Smell the Coffee, by Eric Bogosian. Flynn Center, Burlington. December 8, 8 p

DAYS

december 6, 2000

was 20 years ago, when I used to do drugs, wear a leather jacket and go out every night. I know more than I knew then, but I also know how little I know. I look at things more questioningly. I don’t expect everyone is wrong and I’m right. But I’m still rude. I do a lot of rants in this show, and a lot more of talking to the audience directly, like stand-up stuff. It’s still about drugs and sex. SD: But you won’t be pounding any nails with your forehead? EB: Pounding Nails was about aggression, but this show is about the pervasive hyperventilation we re encouraged to be part of. The primary metaphor of the show is running — waiting to run and running to wait; travel ing, which I do a lot of; running for a plane with my heart pound ing out of my chest, just to arrive at the gate and find out the flight’s canceled. SD: Let’s talk about Mall. In your stage shows, you’re used to getting immediate feedback from the audi ence, o f knowing pretty much right away whether you’re connecting. But when you’re writing, you know you won’t fin d out for a long time whether anyone is going to get your message. How did your creative process writing the book differ from writing for the stage? E B : It’s a very different creative process. It was about locking myself in my room, freeing my imagination, playing in mud, making mud-pieces and saying, “Aren’t they pretty?’’ I had to bring out a lot of intuitive quali ties writing the book, just as I did nine years ago with my novella, Notes From the Underground. And the material stays more pure. When I do my shows, I am subconsciously adjusting to the

reaction of audience — can I make the funny parts funnier, and so on. W ith the book, as you said, I don’t know what that response will be, so I have to make sure it means something to me. This is my first book, and only time will tell how aestheti cally satisfying it is. But I like the book a lot. It works for me... I don’t know if I have some thing else in me that wants to get out like that. It has nothing to do with economics, because it’s a ridiculously small amount of money you get for three years of work. So, if I don’t have to think about money, the question sim ply is, “Does this thing turn you on?” There is a thing about it being honest. I’m not trying to please anyone but myself. SD: Is that also true o f your work on stage? EB: Sort of. I started out per forming in very small places with my crowd as the audience — or my tribe, as I call them. Theater is always a group experience. It’s essentially communal, as though you’re with a bunch of friends. I trust I’m doing the right thing, but I adjust to their response. I don’t adjust to some larger and larger response like some pop artists do, and which mystifies me. SD: You ’ve said in your Web site meditations that all you want to do on stage is “hook up. ” What demo graphic are you trying to hook up with? I mean, does it bother you when gray-haired seniors get up and leave during your show, or do you even want them there in the first place? EB: There are really four groups who come to my shows. The vast majority is entertained— they come, they enjoy it, they leave. Their opposites, but in the same vein, are people who are com

pletely shocked and upset at my material. And I think those peo ple are from another planet. My work is completely congruent with contemporary culture. Haven’t these people ever seen Beavis and Butthead, or Marilyn Manson or a Martin Scorsese film? There are other people that the work just doesn’t speak to. Then there are people who think about it afterward and it goes into their heart or it tickles them, and they feel that I belong to them in a way, I’m reflecting some values that we all share. A lot of my audiences are people who are similar to me — boomers, my age group, they’ve done drugs, they read a lot, they’re political and have a sense of humor. But people in their twenties also get turned on and find something there. They get it, probably because the things that make me laugh are the same things that they laugh at. I’m not a Kenny G-type person.

at people in your free time. EB: You should hear me yell at my kids. SD: Kids always need stuff, so I ’m wondering how often you set foot

I d o a l o ^ f

rants in thi?

in a shopping mall?

EB: All the time. I’m a soccer dad, I drive the kids to TaekwonDo lessons and chess matches. I help them with their homework. They’re 9 and 13, ages when you have to curtail your social life because they need you around. We’re a slightly different house hold — not everybody has Cindy Sherman posters on the wall. My kids have the capacity to distinguish between the per son I am on stage and who I am. They mimic my humor at school and camp, and other kids get freaked. I have a cynical sense of humor, but I’m not a cynic. I’m actually very sentimental and mushy. I’d rather be a warm per son in reality and a bad person on stage than the othefw ay around. I’ve seen people who project warmth professionally and are real terrors. Frankly, as a person I’m very boring. SD: Then where do the characters in Mall come from? EB: They' re all parts of me at dif ferent times of my life, or inter esting people I see, or little pieces of me that I turn into a murder ous psycho who goes into a mall and starts shooting people. Because I may have had that thought fo r'10 seconds. Until 16 years ago L lived on another edge of society and explored it thor oughly. I had experiences wivh drugs, cops, killing — but not people. I led a sort of ragtag life where I experienced and fanta sized about a lot of stuff. I’ve never masturbated, though.

SD: Maybe the twentysomethings connect with you because they’re not anesthetized yet. EB: Yes. The process of perform ing and writing is the process of stay alive. It’s about keeping your brain open to new ideas. Simply keeping your mind open, even when things are upsetting. People can say that’s idealistic, but I don’t care. I like living, I like dancing — that’s the best part of the rock ’n’ roll “I’m gonna die before I get old” aesthetic. But I know old people who aren’t old, and I want to be one of them eventually. It’s not easy... So much of people’s lives are about fear, and becoming more conser vative.

SD: I ’ll make sure to write that down. Whose fiction do you like? Whose work influences you as a novelist? EB: I was influenced by Harry Crews, who writes very straight forward, pulp-esqiie books about freaky people. I also read literary

SD: I was surprised out to fin d out you have two children. I guess I thought you just had sex and yelled

Continued on page 28a

Mall, by Eric Bogosian. Simon & Schuster, 256 pages. $23. december 6 . 2000

SEVEN DAYS

page 27a

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SD: Let’s go back to what you said about killing things, but not peo ple. You killed animals? EB: I went hunting, just to see what it was like. SD: A nd what did you think? EB: Deer have a real problem because there are ho predators. I’d rather see them get shot than watch them starve to death, which is happening in New York and New Jersey, where I live.

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SD: Well, it’s deer season in Vermont, so you’re likely to see a few murdered deer sprawled across vehicles. EB: I guess I’m a proponent of other people hunting. I can’t

shoot animals now. I know how, I’ve done it, but I’ve changed as a person. One day you just get honest with your self and say, “This is not my thing.” You know, we’re mam mals, too, and we get shot the way animals do.

SD: To completely change the sub ject, the suburban wasteland informs so much o f your work, and its epicenter is the settingfor Mali. A m i way o ff on this, or are you issuing a warning — telling the reader that this semi-conscious, meaningless existence is, at some point, going to erupt in a violent explosion? EB: Any time you try to organ ize and contain human passion, that’s going to happen. The main thing I’m looking at in the book are my feelings about being both attracted and repulsed by corporate culture, which I’m, of course, involved with. It’s an ugly, stultifying experience, but it’s also conven ient. It seduces me and I’m frightened by the seduction. Because it’s a corporate machine seducing me.

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lately? Talk about a corporate machine. EB: Yes, and I was very upset about what I saw in Las Vegas. I rode with some cops for a TV show, and stayed at the MGM Grand and watched people put ting down $5000 chips. It made me want to puke. I really don’t understand how people spend money in this country. Using money to feel better is another part of the malaise. I do it too, sometimes — you know, buy something to feel good for a few minutes. Americans have so much junk in their houses, they have so much fucking stuff already, you can’t even buy someone a Christmas present. We’re wealthy but also impoverished in a way. Americans don’t seem interested in beauty. I don’t know, but Vermont probably is one of the only places where you can drive more than two feet in any wood ed area without running into a mall.

SD: Vermont is more pristine than a lot o f places. There are no bill boards, anyway. But we do have our malls, and they’re pretty hideous. EB: Corporations have no sense of beauty. Machines don’t know about beauty. Machines are try ing to convince us that their pri ority, which is “more more more,” should be ours. But that’s not necessarily where happiness lives. I’m not here to preach. I just reflect on what comes to me. If someone comes up and says they think that mall is ugly, too, it’s better than feeling that it’s just me thinking this way. Because that’s like Invasion o f the Body Snatchers, where you’re the only one with a healthy perspec tive. W hat I’m saying with my work is, “Don’t worry, we’re in this together.” ® Eric Bogosian will be signing copies o f his novel, Mall, in the Flynn lobby after his Friday night performance.

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he limbs of my family tree bend to breaking under the weight of old tubes of halfused acrylics, dusty typewriters, barely scuffed dancing shoes and neglected Mozart scores. We of my genetic wood all like to think of ourselves as artists, reputations self-built without regard to the hard facts of slim publication, egregious still lifes, left feet and a few traumatized piano chords. Therefore, when the rough circumstances of a poverty-strick en young motherhood slapped down upon me for several con secutive jolly winter seasons, I did what comes chromosomally: I attempted, like a dam-trapped spawning salmon, to surmount the unreasonable limits of great ness. Or, more specifically, for several dim years when I was too poor to even accept the discount ed allures of a K-Mart, I delusionally chose to make my own holiday gifts. With no proven talents that don’t include typ

ing, this was dicey stuff. But I had learned to sew when I was 8, and had knitted well into my II th year. What, I reasonably con sidered, could be so hard about cre ating a few lovely handmade gifts with which to delight friends and family alike? While “slap” and “dash” are two words that cer tainly married in the minds of my honored giftees, these labors in fact were not quick, easy or particularly inex pensive to craft. I might main tain on the witness stand — and being family, we were able to mostly settle out of court — that my intent was not to sicken or injure my best beloveds. It just kind of turned out that way. In the holiday spirit, I offer as a community service several homemade gift ideas and how not to do them:

• Ouch, That Hurts. We all know that dried flowers are both thoughtful and decorative. When considering the simple nosegay as a permanent present, however, do not make the ordinary mis take of composing it solely of thistles wrested from the road side. I imagined them — glisten ing under a light spray of paint and tied with a ribbon that bespoke a grandeur I wasn’t yet sure how to afford — as the kind of touch that screams, “I Love You in a Tasteful Way.” I was wrong. While my grandmother eventually healed, the scars on her palms are a stigmata-like tes-

• Wood /, Could I. It’s a simple holiday fact: Tipsy on eggnog, relatives have a tendency to clam or madly for baby photos. I determined to cut a clever twoboys-with-one-stone swathe by making my own picture frames, complete with infant mug shots. That I tried to construct said frames solely from twigs was not even original. I read it in one of those crafty womens magazines that litter the grocery check-out. “Easy Gifts You Can Make at Home,” the headline taunted. Below were instructions for gath ering twigs from one’s own lawn and tying them together with decorative twine. How difficult could that be? Very. It was like being damned to a geometry lesson in the madhouse of the soul as I composed slippery, foldable dia monds of twigs, irregularly shaped triangles of twigs, twitch ing parallelograms of twigs and, finally, a large symmetrical pile of twigs that flickered nicely in the fireplace. A failure at logic, and never having been any good at math, I had unfortunately precut the children’s photos to fit the foldable diamonds. Those butchered prints appeared anony mously, tucked into a plain white envelope under the tree. One aunt still mentions that mystery in a wondering voice each year. She is my favorite aunt. • Squash It! If you’re like Martha and me, you buy extra pumpkins at Halloween in order to grace fully decorate your Thanksgiving festivities and, a month or so later, believe spray painting these glorious globes adds a certain sophisticated, yet earthy, splash to the traditional creche. However, if you’re solely like me, you believe that others might wish to share in this 3-month-old vegetable experiment. And so it was that one chilly day I rolled my old pumpkins out into the driveway without fully examining them, and spray painted them silver and gold with a steely determination to give joy to others. Perhaps you are unfamiliar with the smell of a seeping, rotting squash as it weeps through a layer of cheap silver spray paint. Perhaps you should consider yourself very lucky not to be my sister during the Christmas of ’92. • “B ”Is For Botulism. Everyone loves the groaning board at the holidays, but we’re all pretty well agreed that the groaning should remain strictly metaphorical. Unhappily, stomachy noises have sometimes been heard after receiving one of my thoughtful homemade kitchen gifts. Several instances spring merrily to mind. There was the Kaluha distilled with cheap generic vodka that must

have come from some grocery store’s bathtub. While no one was blinded, none of us orders liqueur after dinner or mentions the word “Mexico” in family company any more. Then there were the flavored olive oils that I steeped for months in garlic and rosemary from my very own garden. In ret rospect, I agree that washing the rosemary first would have been a sage notion.-Similarly, thorough ly sterilizing the bottles would have reserved some effective Emergency Room time > for others in need. Indeed, from the ¥ sorry wastes of my / kitchen have issued f many, many failed I gifts: The cranberry \ breads that I was too v

back into the teeming circle of * the middle class, which allows me to waste large amounts of money each December on perfect gifts made by others, presumably safe to both open and digest. But I continue to flirt with creative danger — last year’s Christmas tree being a case in point. Hampered by the intimate con fines of our teeny cottage, we had no place in which to put the tree. Ill-advised artistry struck when we res______ cued the previ ous

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year’s tree -—- as-yet unrecycled in terrible testimony to my slovenly nature — sawed off most of its limbs, spray painted it gold and hung it from the ceiling. There the hateful thing swayed, whack ing us regularly on the heads while the kids moaned on about their unhappy childhood.

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page 32a

SEVEN DAYS

december 6, 2000

a* M »

clung With the

o one knows the value of a dollar better than someone who’s been dirtpoor. The same principle holds true where television is con cerned. No one appreciates what a wacked-out, nuttier-bythe-minute, many-splendored thing today’s cathode free-for-all is more keenly than someone who grew up when I did, back when there were only three channels and almost everything on them was unwatchable. . W hen I turn on the set, pick up the remote and zap through that vast roulette wheel of possi bilities, I feel like I’ve won the lottery. The pure, sparkling, run-your-fingers-through-amountain-of-coins excess of it all is total joy. When they invented those chairs with the lift-a$sist power seats, I think it was really to keep people like me from sitting in front of the box around the clock. Last month’s column addressed the fall season and its best and brightest new network shows. But there wasn’t space to get into all the fun out there on the cable fringe. W ith so many channels and so much program ming time to fill, desperate, budget-strained broadcasters now find themselves having to put pretty much anything and everything on the air. And this can make for deliciously ridicu lous TV. Adult video stars are taking over mainstream media, have^ you noticed? And I’m not just talking about Howard Stern’s show, either. VH1, for example, has a laugh-packed new series, “Porn to Rock,” which profiles former industry professionals who’ve “crossed over” into the world of pop music. I’m serious. It wasn’t so long ago that when a performer crossed over it was from country to rock, or maybe from daytime to prime time. Suddenly, though, boinking for bucks carries zero stig ma. It even serves, apparently, as an entree to the “legitimate” entertainment world. “Everybody wants to be a porn star now. Porn is cool,” observed noted sociologist Huston in a recent episode. I had no idea. See, that’s educa-

1 1 • 1■I

tional television. O f course, you don’t even need cable to witness the phe nomenon. The newly retooled “To Tell the Truth,” which airs weekdays locally on WCAX, features porn legend Angie Everheart on its celebrity panel. Kitty Carlysle, the wife of famed Pulitzer Prize-winning playwright Moss Hart, occupied the same seat when I was grow ing up. Not that I’m suggesting Western civilization may be careening into a moral abyss or anything, but what’s next — Linda Lovelace starring in an updated “Murder She Wrote”? Amazing times. On the other hand, I checked out a show called “The Naked C hel” and came up empty naughtiness-wise. So you never know. It’s on the Food Channel. Can you believe there even is a food channel? O r a Travel Channel, for that matter. Is there a topic that can’t get its own channel any more? My favorite Travel Channel show is “World’s Greatest Spas.” Babeliscious host goes from one exotic vaca tion spot to another, getting oiled up and rubbed down for 30 minutes at a whack five days a week. Emmy? I’m thinking Pulitzer. As everybody knows, reality TV has all but replaced tradi tional programming. It’s simply so much more cost-effective to just go out there and tape regu lar people doing regular stuff. I’ve lost count of the dating shows currently on the air. This season, the next step in the mat ing process has its own show. The Learning Channel’s “A Wedding Story” follows couples around as they prepare for the big day, picking out gowns, planning ceremonies, writing vows, etc.

As entertaining as it is watching the look of terror come over prospective grooms, there^s even more family fun to be had weekdays on TLC’s “Maternity Ward.” This slice-oflifer documents the next phase in the cycle, the one where gooey purple toddlers are slowly and excruciatingly expelled from the bodies of shrieking young

wives. I remember when couples weren’t sure about bringing a camcorder into the delivery room. For sheer mayhem and high drama, though, few recent inno vations in the medium can com pete with Comedy Central’s “Battlebots.” O f course, this isn’t human drama. This is beserko, remote-controlled robot drama. The idea is, two scary-looking contraptions square off in a Thunderdomestyle arena and have three min utes in which to reduce one another to scrap metal. They’re small, tank-like killing machines with buzzsaws, twirling spikes and arms with colossal hammers coming out of them, and they have names like Vlad the Impaler and Ramstein. The play-by-play coverage is a hoot and a half, as you can imagine, but even more merry are the post-fight segments, in which Bill Nye the Science Guy offers detailed analysis of the winning device’s design. “Battlebots” has all the tacky, over-the-top wackiness of professional wrestling. The best part: None of the former players will ever run for office. W hich brings me to my favorite new goofball fringe offering, “Crossing Over.” Weekday mornings on the SciFi Channel the shamelessly selfpromoting “medium” John Edward makes contact with the dead friends and relatives o f stu dio-audience members. I could watch this guy all day. Ffe’s such a blowhard fake. Basically he just wanders around the studio on a psychic fishing expedition, tossing out random dates and names and facts until one of them means something to someone. Then Edward zooms in on that poor sap and peppers him with nonstop paranormal

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“but the medium, in communi cating with the dead, can some times misunderstand the mes sage.” Right. And sometimes he can be just plain full of prunes. I’m pretty sure I see a demotion to the Psychic Network in this guy’s future. You know, every once in a while I’ll see a car with a bumper sticker that reads, “Kill Your TV,” and I have to won der. In a life as curious and often sad and difficult as this one, why would anyone deny himself or herself even one good laugh? I’ll take all I can get. And from where I sit, the won derful world of television is only getting funnier. I’m just going to leave that with you. ®

tidbits until the person is so mortified he spits out some thing like, “Oh, my God — my old girlfriend’s mother’s best friend had a poodle named Coco. T hat’s amazing! Please go away. ” I can barely contain myself. Edward misses a hundred times more often than he hits. When he comes up with something that makes no sense to some one, he likes to tell them, “Em just going to leave that with you,” like you merely need more time to get a handle on how eerily wondrous his com ments were. And this is the edited version! Goofing up doesn’t even begin to faze him, though. “The dead are always perfectly accurate in what they tell the m edium,” he hedges,

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By Nancy S tearns Bercaw

’d like to give more of my time during the holidays. But because I spend most of the month rushing around, I give calendars instead. Truth be told, though, I do take my time when browsing through the far-reaching, soulsearching selections. I used to go with the obvious choices, back in the olden times when a doglover got a dog calendar. Nowa days, with 3545 variations to choose from at Amazon.com, and hundreds of choices at the local booksellers, I can get more specific, even creative. My friend with a Bichon Frise could get a calendar to match., but I’m thinking of giv ing her The Worst-Case Scenario Survival Calendar so she’ll be prepared to give me a tracheoto my if I have an allergic reaction to her pet. She’d even be able to help me give birth in a taxicab. Which reminds m e... I need to get my postpartum gardener friend one of those cute babydisguised-as-a-flower Anne Geddes calendars. She also loves piglets and buff movie stars, but, so far, I haven’t been able to find a monthly reckoning of Brad Pitt and His Pigs. I did check to see if Rusty Dewees’ calendar pictured him . with a porcine friend. Instead, our homegrown, half-dressed “Logger” is posed with cows, farm equipment, driving machines and some other men. W hat’s clever about his monthly collection is that it appeals to almost everyone, from gentle man farmers to frustrated single women, as well as not-yet-outed truck drivers. But my out-ofstate friends might see it as fur ther evidence that Vermonters are twisted. This year’s best-selling calen dar comes from another unlikely place, though, and may prove that the Irish have the best sense of humor. The Ladies of Rylstone depicts 11 bare-naked middle-aged matrons engaged in various social activities. The group veered off from its annual gardens-and-sunsets calendar course to raise awareness and

funds for leukemia research. So far, they’ve earned more than a half-million dollars — and green thumbs up from women every where for their self-confidence. These are new times, indeed, when potbellied grannies, outsell

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ing Bachelor Lobster Men of Maine or One Day My Soul Just Opened Up 2001. My father, on the other hand, blatantly gives along the lines of what he wants me to be — a right-wing fundamentalist

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Playboys pumped-up mam maries. Guess \yhat selection isn’t far behind on Amazon’s hot list? The Medieval Woman. All this millennial madness must make us long for simpler times, such as when women were burned at the stake. In fact some calendars, like the paradoxically titled Simple Abundance — which fea tures tips for getting more out of less — capitalize on our annual holiday dilemma. And how about those other stupefying pop-philosophy selections, like All I Ever Needed to Know I Learned in Kindergarten, or From My Cat. Giving a calendar sends a message... so watch what you say. My mother always presents me with a calendar depicting happy children. I figure she’s either trying to compensate for my unhappy youth or she wants me to give her grandchildren. Or maybe she gets it free from the school where she works. If so, according to my lay analysis, |h e ’s passive-aggressive and cheap. I’ll get her back by send

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Christian. It usually comes in the form of a Bible-quote-a-day desk calendar, or some sort of William Bennett Moral Compass propaganda. I think I’ll retaliate with a book I found called Calendar: Humanity's Epic Struggle to Determine a True & Accurate Year\ which shows how pagans invented time and Christians screwed it up. Or maybe the Rusty Dewees collec tion would do the trick. These modern-day calendars are less about time than, well, tome — that is, they represent a lot more than the days of the week. But if these are the days of our lives, they ought be repre sented by what’s actually impor tant to us. For some that means Star Trek, for others it’s the Sierra Club. I certainly don’t want a daily reminder of the life I’m not leading, as in Bella Tuscany: The Sweet Life in Itr.ly, or the wealth I’m not accumulat ing, as in the W ho Wants to Be a Millionaire? Day-to-Day Calendar. Three years ago, my husband gave me a Palm Pilot to mark

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E x p lo re

th e

instead of actually seeing them. But I came to discover that I count on images to help define my days and chart my passage. For me, the Palm Pilot is just an expensive address book.

I read somewhere that looking at pictures of puppies lowers your blood pressure and trig gers natural endorphins. Still, I don’t want to stare at West Highland ? Terriers or Pugs every single day for a year. Instead of calming me, I’m afraid they’d bore me to death. Change brings a sense of well-being, too. So why can’t I look at Schnauzers in January, French Impressionists in February, Bruce Willis in March and Ansel Adams in April? Maybe I should just buy Calendar Creator 7.0, a scan ner and a high-definition color printer. Then I could create my own sardonic abundance. I’ll call it the Calendar For W hat Time Has Wrought: Short Attention Spans for the New Millennium. In it there might be pictures of loggers holding puppies, babies with balloons and naked Republicans in support of Alzheimer’s research. Then, I guarantee, it would be a very good year. ©

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SEVEN DAYS

page 35a

What Makes

Nick Tick? An exclusive interview with the new corporate Claus

By Chris K ozak

in touch with Santas agent at IMG in Cleveland! o say this is a busy time of When finally we met, he entered the room with a grace year for Santa Claus is an and presence to rival the popes, understatement. After all, and an entourage that would the dreams of children worldwide rest on his shoulders. That’s why I make Puff Daddy envious. Yet, the first thing I noticed was his was surprised when he agreed to jacket. Sure, it was red with the talk to me — and even more sur prised by what he said. Pulling no requisite white trim, but it had patches all over it, like a punches, Santa is a brutally hon NASCAR drivers suit. A Mattel est interview. I naively thought the best waypatch here, a Dreamcast logo there, a Hasbro patch on the to contact Santa was to simply right breast. Every inch was cov call the North Pole. When I ered with toy company insignia. reached the operator of Claus Even Santas hat was now space Incorporated and requested an for rent. It had a black Nike audience, I was forwarded to the swoosh right in the center. Public Relations elf, who sent me Here’ s what Old Saint Nick to the elf in charge of Media had to say: Relations before I was finally put

Seven Dsys: It’s an honor to meet you, Mr. Claus, and I appreciate you taking time out o f your busy schedule to sit down and talk with me. Santa Claus: It’s my pleasure, Chris. After all, you’ve been a good boy this year.

SC: Oh, no, we’ve evolved beyond that. The bad children now get N ’ Sync CDs. The really bad children get CDs from 98 Degrees.

Fig Newtons? SC: Then that family probably won’t have as merry a Christmas as they might have had.

SD: I can’t help noticing your jack et. Are those advertisers or sponsors? SC: Well, there’s some of both. You know, my agent has opened up a whole new world to me in the last decade. He’s been creative in getting us sponsorships and endorsements. Like the one with Oreo.

SD: What other sponsorships have you acquired? SC: Well, I’ve got a new licens ing agreement with the shop ping-center Santas around the world. We cracked down on that image infringement almost immediately. And we’re opening a Christmas-themed restaurant in downtown M anhattan next year. See, what we’re really try ing to do is expand our opera tion to a year-round enterprise. We’re so dependent on fourthquarter earnings that we’re almost forced to break into new

SD: Well, thank you. I ’ve always wondered how you know that? SC: Well, in the old days it was mostly a lot of legwork and hearsay. But now, with advance ments in technology, I’ve got my own network of satellites and a Global Positioning System that allows me to monitor children around the world.

SD: Oreo? SC: Yes, the only cookies I eat as I make my Christmas Eve rounds are Oreos.

SD: Do the bad kids still get coal?

SD: So i f a family leaves out, say,

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markets — markets that aren’t season-driven. In fact, next spring look for our new line of pasta sauces and gour met frozen yogurt. In the coming years we’re hoping to branch out into the wireless communication industry and promote boxing matches at our casino-resort at the North Pole. We also have a com mittee meeting with representa tives from the WB Network about our own sitcom.

cash in, why not get ours? If you want to blame anyone for selling out, blame that little bastard. SD: In what other ways have you adapted to advances in technology? SC: Well, we no longer use a sled. It’s just too heavy and uneconomical. I got the good people at BMW to outfit me with a new SUV. SD: An SUV?

and I myself am on a constant sugar rush from Oreos, it’s not that hard. Ho-ho-ho, I just had to get some plugs in. Actually, how I get around the world in a single night is a trade secret. SD: Do the elves still make all the toys? SC: Most of our toy-making is out-sourced. We had a large downsizing about a decade ago and, let me tell you, the elf union

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SC: Yes, Santa Utility Vehicle.

SD: Really? Your own sitcom? SC: The scenario is that I fly around the globe solving myster ies in exotic locations. Carmen Electra is going to play my assis tant. SD: Does that lend any strength to the rumors you and Ms. Electra are romantically linked? There was that picture o f you two at a Beck concert in London that appeared in the Post. SC: Let’s just say that I don’t need Dennis Rodman’s sloppy seconds and leave it at that. SD: Traditionalists may say you've sold out. SC: Now that’s just crapola, pardon my French. Look, about 20 years ago I was talking with the Easter Bunny.,We saw what the Leprechaun had done with his image. A breakfast cereal; sold his likeness to Notre Dame for a pretty penny; a licensing agreement with every beer company and bar under the sun. We decided, if he’s gonna

SD: Isn't that difficult for the rein deer to pull? SC: Oh, we don’t use reindeer anymore. They’re constantly on promotional tours, making per sonal appearances. They meet the kids, pose for pictures, sign some autographs. They’ve even come up with their own line of reindeer meat products — reindeer steaks, hot dogs, sausages, bacon. They’re actually quite good, and low in cholesterol. SD: I have to ask, how do you make it around the world in a single night? I read a statistic on the Internet that i f you do make it to every house on the planet in a single night, you can only spend 2/10,000 o f a second at each house. SC: I’ve found that people who take the time to figure out those sorts of things are usually the ones on my list that ask for inflatable girlfriends. But truthfully, now that I’ve got a new BMW SUV,

was not happy about that. They went on strike, and I had to bring some scabs in from Jersey. That was ugly — watching those little guys get bashed over the head! But hey, it was only business, and they understand that now.

SD: Do you still check the list twice? SC: O f course I do. Son, with Santa Claus, some things never change. ®

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SD: So what is the main responsi bility o f the elves these days? SC: The majority have retired, liv ing on their stock options from the Ho-Ho-Ho.com IPO. SD: What’s the greatest misconcep tion about Santa Claus? SC: That I shake like a bowl full of jelly. I work out on my Nautilus equipment three hours a day. I can bench press more than 300 pounds and squat almost 600. I also run a 5.3 40 and can dunk a basketball. You put that in your article, or I’ll move you to the bad list.

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Ikey Spear, 658-3131 Call to get a wish list from families. Gift certificates l appreciated, too.

Milton Family Community Center

23 Villemaire Lane, Milton 05468 Pamela Wells, 893-1457 Over 40 low-income families have asked for help.

p r

Howard Center for Human Services

(including Baird Center for Children and Families and other service providers) 1110 Pine Street, Burlington 05401 Staci Visco 863-1326 or Kesta Zucker 651-7091. e-mail: StaciV@howardcenter.org Adults, children or entire families can be matched. Gifts delivered unwrapped, with paper, tor parents l to prepare appropriate items for their families. . I k Gift certificates and non-perishable food^jj items welcomed also.

P le a s e H e l p t h is

H o lid a y

J r

179 So. Winooski Ave., Burlington 05401 Call Judy Kanya at 864-2613, voicemail . box number 309. Deadline is Dec. 15 L to receive gifts. A

th e N e e d y Season

Committee on Temporary Shelter

W f

Sara Holbrook Community Center

66 North Street, Burlington 05401 Leisa Pollander or Lynn Leavitt 862-0080 Nearly 90 low-income Asian families need financial contributions for holiday meals. If you send a check, please note L "Asian Food" on the check a IL memo line. jM

*L!

Too busy now? Try volunteering in January or February ajier the holiday rush. Call the United Way Volunteer Center at 860 167 7 or check volunteer needs at www.unitedway.cc.org Yearend cash donations to help 3 2 service providers are quite wel come at the United Way. M ail your check to them at 9 5 St: Paul St., Burlington, V T 05401 . Thanks!

december 6 ,2 0 0 0 .

.•

SEVEN DAYS r

page 39a /p

i "”*"

BURLINGTON'S

PREEMINENT

FULL

SERVICE

SALON

$2 OFF First Service / $2 OFF Product Purchase (or a total of $5 OFF) A M

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C h a m p la in C o lle g e B U R L I N G T O N ,

V E R M O N T

www.champlain.edu

page 40a . . « SEVEN DAYS

•. december 6, 2000

ONLINE Microeconomics Nutrition Applications for Foodservice (runs 2/12-3/23) ONLINE Senior Seminar in W 5:30-8:15 p.m. Contemporary Business Issues T 5:30-8:15 p.m. Strategic Management ONLINE Strategic Management ONLINE Survey of the Hospitality Industry

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T 5:30-8:15 p.m. ONLINE W ONLINE ONLINE M ONLINE Th ONLINE Th ONLINE M Sat. ONLINE Th ONLINE W ONLINE

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W 5:30-8:15 p.m. ONLINE W 5:30-8:15 p.m. W 5:30-8:15 p.m. W ONLINE M W ONLINE M W ONLINE W W ONLINE M T TBA M ONLINE ONLINE M ONLINE W ONLINE M ONLINE ONLINE W

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5:30-8:15 p.m.

Java Programming, Intro__________________ONLINE T Keyboardinq, Intro T Network Administration—Novell Th Network Administration—Novell M Network Administration—Windows NT Sat. Network Administration—Windows NT W Network Operating Systems Th Network Operating Systems W Operating Systems ONLINE Operating Systems ONLINE Protocols Laboratory Th Relational Database ONLINE Relational Database W Systems Analysis & Design for Business ONLINE Systems Analysis & Design for Business Th Visual Basic Programming, Intro ONLINE Visual Basic Proqramminq, Intro T Web Paqe Development, Intro ONLINE Web Paqe Development, Intro ONLINE Web Site Development & Management

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LEGAL 5:30-8:15 p.m. W Advocacy for the Paralegal Th 5:30-8:15 p.m. Business Law I ONLINE Business Law I Th 5:30-8:15 p.m. Business Law II ONLINE Business Law II T&Th 5:30-6:45 p.m. Civil & Criminal Litigation II 5:30-6:45 p.m. CPA Review: Business Law (runs 1/8-3/19' ) M M 5:30-8:15 p.m. Legal Analysis & Writing Real Property Law II M-5:30-7:30 p.m. & W -5:30-8:15 p.m. T 5:30-8:15 p.m. Seminar in Criminal Justice

MARKETING & COMMUNICATIONS Advertising Audio & Video Diqital Editing Broadcast Video Production Business Communication Business Communication Computer Graphics Desiqninq Web Media Editinq & Layout, Intro Marketing Media Writing Multimedia, CD-ROM & Web Paqe Desiq n New Media Output Techniques Organizational Communication Principles & History of Graphic Desgin Professional Writing Small Group Communication Themes for Writing Video Communication Web-Based Marketing & Advertising

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Alqebra & Trigonometry Colleqe Alqebra Colleqe Alqebra Mathematics in Accountinq & Finance Statistics, Intro

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Ask us about our many degrees and certificates available evenings & online.

Call 802-860-2777.

W heel

Justice B y J e r n ig a n P o n t ia c

was chatting amiably with a customer one evening as we rolled down the Main Street slope into downtown Burlington. I eased to a stop in traffic right at the multi-colored neon sign fronting the Mid town Motel. The intersection of Main and Winooski is less of a bottleneck with the recent cre ation of designated turning lanes. Even so, those of us con tinuing straight on Main were backed up five or six cars. I’m not a crowder; I respect a prop er buffer zone between vehicles. So there I idled, about a half-car length behind the Toyota in front of me. The green light shone, and the lane began to move. Just as I raised my foot from the brake pedal, a Jeep Cherokee swung a U-turn from the lane to my right, crossing directly in front of me — inches, actually — and I stomped the brake to avoid a colli sion. “Yow — that was close!” my seatmate erupt ed. In the next instant, the Jeep was to my left, facing the opposite direction, inexplicably stopped. I mean, would you linger if you had just executed such a dangerous and reckless maneuver? In shock and anger, I pivoted „ in my seat to face the renegade vehicle. Despite ii the chilly, late November air, the Jeep’s roof was down, and I was confront ed by six hot-headed joyriders — probably col lege boys, fraternity broth ers, if I had to guess. They glared at me, laughing and jeer ing. “W hat’s a matter, cabbie? Something you wanna do?” Now I understood why they had stopped. It was an oppor tunity to mock me, to add insult to injury. I sat dumb founded. But what.could I have done, anyway? Could I have charged out of the taxi and taught them a lesson? Should I have said, “Boys, that was no random act of spontaneous beauty, senseless kindness, unfathomable camaraderie or incomprehensible conviviality. No, it was outright nasty, and I believe, deep down, you all know that. Now I want each one of you to step out of that Jeep and apologize to me and

to my customer.” Was that a viable rejoinder? No, I think not. . I was in the distasteful process of swallowing my anger and slouching on down the road when a miracle occurred. It was a rarefied moment of immediate and transcendental justice that brought to mind the scene in a Woody Allen movie wherein his character gets into an argument with a man in front of him on a the ater line. The guy, a perfect popinjay, had been lecturing his date on the subject of Marshall McLuhan. Unable to restrain

he sound of

a miked officer emanating from

a patrol car is like nothing

corporeal. To

oment, it

sounded mellifluous. himself, Allen engages the fel low, challenging his opinion. With a sneer of utter conde scension, the man explains to Allen that he is a professor of communications and, more over, teaches a graduate seminar specifically on McLuhan, so don’t even try. “Oh, really?” says Allen. “I just happen to have Mr. McLuhan right here.” The actual Marshall McLuhan then steps from behind Allen and tells the man, to his complete mortification, that he, the pro fessor, has totally misinterpreted his theories and that, basically, he is a moron. Allen then looks into the camera, breaking the fourth wall, and says, “Don’t you wish this would happen in

real life?” Well, sometimes it does. From the parking lot next to Bard’s Home Decorating, a siren went off and the blue lights suddenly filled the streets. Putting the lie to that musty rhetorical gripe, “Where’s a cop when you need one?” the Burlington Police lined up behind the Jeep like a bull moose in rut. “Pull your vehicle over to the curb.” The sound of a miked offi cer emanating from a patrol car is like nothing entirely corpore al. It’s like the voice of God or, at least, one of His prophets. To me,-in that moment, it sounded mellifluous. I caught with thrilling glee the instant the expressions on * the faces of the Jeep boys went from self-satisfied smirks to panic-stricken dismay. It was a Kodak moment. I made a men tal note to pick up one of those disposable cameras. The car behind me beeped, and I got moving. “Did you see that, man? Was that great or what?” my customer said, with evident relish. “Did I ever!” I replied. “That was a thing of beauty.” I dropped the man at Mona’s next to Union Station. My next pick-up was back to UVM. Cresting the hill at St. Paul Street, I could see the blue lights still flashing in front of Bard’s. I couldn’t wait to revisit the Scene of the crime. Approaching the spot, I saw there were now three police cars in action. I thought, could this possibly get any better? I slowed down to a crawl, and noticed the Jeep driver standing on the .sidewalk, an officer at either side, engaged in what I believe is called a sobriety “field test.” I couldn’t restrain myself, and why should I have? I stretched over, opened the pas senger window wide, and stuck my head through it. “Hey,” I yelled to the kid. He turned, startled. I shot him my widest toothy grin. Pointing to my head, I said, “Remember me? Remember me The utterly woebegone expression on the young man’s face took me aback. Slowly, he nodded once, and I believe I detected genuine remorse. It was almost enough to make me feel some sympathy for him ... but not quite. ®

Contois Auditorium Burlington City Hall Friday, Dec. 8th @ 8:00pm With Special Guests Kip Meaker, Brian Bull, Craig Spoth, Bill Kinzie Adults $5.00, Students $3.00, under 12 free

"...extraordinary talent..." -Jody Peterson

HOLIDAY G l f f j T , G < ° ^ e r S ' t 0 "9 ° £ \a G w a re

# V !5 o r5

T .V \ e e c e .v

G ir lie

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jtO R * HOUjfc Mon-Thurs Friday Saturday Sunday

10am-6pm 10am-7pm 10am-6pm Noon-5pm

Tee5

t c h o t c h ^ ..

WEARE AT

5 Bartlett Bay Road (off Shelburne Rd) So. Burlington, VT (802)658 2739

v - rV \ A G IC H ^

WIZN SEVEN DAYS THE BUZZ

^ Here’s your chance! We need you to submit a sketch and description of your float to Magic Hat by Decem ber 13th.

JONESING Growing up the solitary daughter of a one-

WEDNESDAY

THURSDAY

GUY COLASACCO (singer-songwriter),

OPEN MIKE, Jake’s, 6 :3 0 p.m. NC. DENISE WHITTIER W/ELLEN POWELL & TOM CLEARY (jazz), Leunig’s, 7:30

legged vaudeville dancer,

Jake's, 6:30 p.m. NC.

R ick ie Lee Jones sure didn’t

RED THREAD W/RANDY CROSBY, JOHN CREECH & BILL PAXTON (jazz),

im agine she’d become a living legend. The Grammy-winning sin ge r not only p o ssesse s one of the most original vo ice s and lyrical gifts of her generation, she made berets coo ler than ever. Jones performs at Higher Ground this Sunday.

ALAN SILVA & WILIAM PARKER (synth

CONCERT FOR A LANDMINE-FREE WORLD W/EMMYLOU HARRIS, MARYCHAPIN CARPENTER, STEVE EARLE, NANCI GRIFFITH (singer-songwriters;

& bass avant jazz), Signal to Noise presents at the FlynnSpace, 7:30 p.m. $14. EAMES BROS, (jazz), Pacific Rim, 9 p.m. NC. SIRIUS (groove rock), Valencia, 10 p.m. NC. OPEN MIKE W/D. DAVIS, Cactus Cafe, 9 p.m. NC. DAN PARKS & THE BLAME (rock), Steer & Stein, 9:3 0 p.m. NC. MERCY CREEK (rock), Nectar’s, 9:30 p.m. NC. THE BILLIONAIRES (western swing), Red Square, 9:30 p.m. NC. LIVE NUDE WORDS (poetry slam w/ N.Y champ Roger Bonaire-Agard), Club Metronome, 7 p.m. $3-6, folloed by DR DIDJ (jam/funk didjeridoo), 9 p.m., $7. FALSE PEAK (bluegrass), Manhattan Pizza & Pub, 10 p.m. NC. REGGAE NIGHT (DJ), J.P .’s Pub, 9 p.m. NC. SAND BLIZZARD (rock), Trackside Tavern, 9 p.m. NC. LADIES NIGHT W/DJ ROB JONES (Top 40), Millennium NightclubBurlington, 9 p.m. Women NC/$7; men $2/7. 18+ before 11 p.m. OPEN MIKE, Backstage Pub, 9 p.m. NC.

benefit concert), Flynn Center, 8 p.m. $45-60. KARAOKE KAPERS (host Bob Bolyard), 135 Pearl, 9 p.m. NC. BLUES WITHOUT BLAME (blues jam w/Left Eye Jump rhythm section), Red Square, 9 :3 0 p.m. NC. LAST NIGHT’S JOY (Irish), R) Ra Irish Pub, 7 p.m. NC. MARK STEFFENHAGEN BAND (rock), Nectar’s, 9 :3 0 p.m. NC. SALAD DAYS, AUGUSTA BROWN (poprock, rock), Club Metronome, 9 p.m. $2. HIP-HOP NIGHT (DJs), Rasputin’s, 9:30 p.m. NC. COLLEGE NIGHT W/DJ ROBBIE J. (’70s & ’80s), Millennium NightclubBurlington, 9 p.m. NC/$7. 18+ before 1 1 p.m. OPEN MIKE, Manhattan Pizza & Pub, 9:30 p.m. NC. KARAOKE, J.P.’s Pub, 9 p.m. NC.

KARAOKE W/MATT & BONNIE DRAKE, Edgewater Pub, 9 p.m. NC.

OPEN MIKE W/PHIL GRAZIANO & THE HOUSE ROCKERS, Back Street, 9 p.m. NC.

DYNAMIC DUO

p.m. NC.

Leunig’s, 7 :3 0 p.m. NC.

SEVEN (rock), Monopole, 10 p.m. NC. LADIES NIGHT KARAOKE, City Limits,

KARAOKE W/MATT & BONNIE DRAKE,

9 p.m. NC.

KATE BARCLAY (singer-songwriter),

Edgewater Pub, 9 p.m. NC.

OPEN MIKE, Mad Mountain Tavern, 9

Kept Writer, 8 p.m. NC.

Karen S a vo ca is dim inutive in stature, but

p.m. NC.

JAMIE NOTARTHOMAS (acoustic rock),

her reputation is grow ing very tall indeed.

OPEN MIKE, Thirsty Turtle, 9 p.m. NC. HOUSE BAND/OPEN MIKE, Charlie O’s,

OPEN MIKE, Otter Creek Tavern, 9

9 p.m. NC.

The Oneida, New York, singer-so ngw riter

MILLENNIUM POOL TOURNAMENT ('70s-’90s DJ; prizes), Millennium Nightclub-Barre, 9 p.m. $3/$7. 18+ TWO CHORD JONES (bluegrass), Cambridge Coffeehouse at Dinner’s Dunn, Windridge Bakery, 7 p.m. Donations.

brings her soulful folk-funk — and her s id e k ic k , guitarist Pete Heitzm an — b a ck to the Burlington Coffeehouse this Saturday.

N C = NO C O V E R . A A = A L L A G E S .

A “ Not Bad” System For Under $ 1000? As a flatlander most recently hailing from Texas, Chris hasn't quite gotten Vermonter's tendency towards under statement. I guess he can be forgiven, this bein' Chittenden .^-County and all. A n yw ays, he didn't realize that "not bad" is actually high praise ‘ round these parts.

N IG H T -C L U B

HUGE M EM BER S

Thursday, Dec. 7

December 8 6 9 Friday 6 Saturday

A e g is I S p e a k e rs , 3 * $ 1200+ Sold Separately • System Price

NAD $988 •

c d W n t e ^ t e O m p iip e r Includes 10’ Pair of

TARA Labs Klara Speaker Cable

N o w th at I’ve enlightened him , C h ris w ould like to say, at the ris k of being accused of hyp erb o le, th at this $988 system is "pretty good". Aaayup. ( y W d io T^ efiH em enl ■

sound essentials

~ ARCAM

high pe r f or ma nc e home t h e a t r e & audi o s yst ems

The W in g Building • I Steele St.

108 • Burlington • 863.6271

Call for current hours. • O n the web @ www.soundessentialsvt.com Located along the hike & bike path, next to the King St. Ferry Dock.

-ypage 42 a

Monopole, 9 p.m. NC.

SEVEN DAYS

december 6, 2000

802.422.3035

Killington Road, Killington www.picklebarrelrughtclub.com

SEVEN DAYS...................

............indie as heck

TEEN NITE (hip-hop party),

Barre, 9 p.m. $3/10. 18+

Millennium NightclubBurlington, 6 p.m. $5, followed by FUSION W/DJS ROBBIE J. & FROSTEE (r&b/hip-hop/Latin), 9 p.m. $3/10. 18+ before 11 p.m. KARAOKE, J.P.’s Pub, 9 p.m. NC. DR. JONES BAND (Dead rock), Ver mont Pub & Brewery, 9 p.m. NC. COMEDY ZONE (stand-up), Radisson Hotel, 8 p.m. $ 8 /6 . 18+

THE ZONE (rock), Pickle Barrel,

JALAPENO BROS., THE RIDGERUNNERS (groove rock; bluegrass), Higher Ground, 9:30 p.m. $5/7. 18+ EMPTY POCKETS (rock), Henry’s Pub, Holiday Inn, 9 p.m. NC. BAD HORSEY (rock), Trackside Tavern, 9 p.m. $2.

KARAOKE W/VERN SHEPARD, Backstage Pub, 9 p.m. NC.

JOHN CASSEL (jazz piano), Tavern at the Inn at Essex, 7 p.m. NC. SAND BLIZZARD (rock), Edgewater Pub, 9 p.m. NC. DONNA HUETHER (acoustic reg gae), Village Cup, 8 p.m. NC.

LINE DANCING W/DANCING DEAN (country), Cobbweb, 8 p.m. $ 6 .

and “experim ental” in the sam e sen ten ce, but get used to it. Both

PHIL GRAZIANO & THE HOUSE ROCKERS, Sam i’s Harmony Pub, 9 p.m. $3.

apply to Califo rn ia’s a co u stic im provisers Four S h illin g s Short,

LIVE JAZZ, Diamond Jim ’s Grille, 7:3 0 p.m. NC.

and so do w ords like “ ra ga ,” “ b lu es” and “ alternative.” Aodh Og

SOUTH CATHERINE STREET JUG BAND (jam rock), Monopole, 10

O’Tuama and Ernest K in so lvin g bring 10 instruments and a tumul

p.m. NC.

REBECCA PADULA (singer-song

TNT KARAOKE, Thirsty Turtle, 9

writer), Borders, 8 p.m. NC. SALAD DAYS (pop rock), Sweetwaters, 9 p.m. NC.

p.m. NC.

COLLEGE NIGHT (house/Top 40),

HOUSE OF LEMAY TAKES BACK BEAVER POND (holiday show in

Millennium Nightclub-Barre, 9 p.m. Women NC/$7; men $2/7. 18+ HUGE MEMBERS (rock), Pickle Barrel, 9 p.m. $ 6 .

drag), 135 Pearl, 9 p.m. $7, followed by DJ LITTLE MARTIN, 10 p.m. $4.

RUMBLE, ZOLA TURN, DYSFUNKSHUN (rock, alt-rock, hiphop/funk), Club Metronome, 9 p.m. $5. LA CRIE DU DINGO (rock), Red Square, 9 :3 0 p.m. NC. DJ NIGHT, Ri Ra Irish Pub, 10:30 p.m. NC.

FRIDAY PICTURE THIS (jazz), Upper Deck Pub at the Windjammer, 5:30 p.m. NC. BOOTLESS & UNHORSED (Irish), Rasputin’s, 5 p.m. NC.

LION’S DEN HIFI SOUND SYSTEM (reggae DJs Yosef & Ras Jah I. Red), Manhattan Pizza & Pub, 10 p.m. NC. PERRY NUNN (acoustic guitar), Ruben James, 6 p.m., followed by TOP HAT DJ, 10 p.m. NC. BUCK & THE BLACK CATS (rocka billy; final gig weekend), Nectar’s, 9 :3 0 p.m. NC.

GREGORY DOUGLASS BAND (singer-songwriter; CD release party), Burlington City Hall Auditorium, 8 p.m. $5/3. TODD THIBAULT (singer-song writer), Burlington Coffeehouse at Rhombus, 8 p.m. $ 8 .

weekl y

p.m. NC.

JIMMY T & THE COBRAS (rock),

tuous repertoire to Borders this Sunday.

listings

Franny O’s, 9 p.m. NC. HARD LUCK (rock), City Limits, 9 p.m. NC. THE IMPOSTERS (rock), Otter Creek Tavern, 9:3 0 p.m. NC.

CHRIS SMITHER, SCOTT ALARIK (singer-songwriters), After Dark Music Series at Town Hall Theater, 8 p.m. $16/18. MR. FRENCH (rock), Thirsty Turtle, 9 p.m. $3. STARLINE RHYTHM BOYS (hillbilly honky-tonk), Villa Tragara, 6:30 p.m. $5.

CHRISTMAS PARTY W/TAMMY FLETCHER & THE DISCIPLES (soul/ blues), Rusty Nail, 9 p.m. $4-5. SHADRACH (rock), Matterhorn, 9 p.m. $3-5. LIVE MUSIC, Mad Mountain Tavern, 9 p.m. $4. JENNI JOHNSON & FRIENDS (jazz/ blues), J.P. Morgan’s, 7 p.m. NC.

DICK EASTER & MIDNIGHT LIGHT NING (blue-rock), Charlie O’s, 9 p.m. NC.

PC THE SPINDOCTOR (house/Top 40), Millennium Nightclub-

and Accessories *

SATURDAY KAREN SAVOCA W/PETE HEITZMAN (singer-songwriter), Burling ton Coffeehouse, 8 p.m. $10.

RAISING VOICES W/RANDOM ASSOCIATION (a cappella pop-, benefit for Club Youth Speak Out), Burlington City Hall Aud., 7 p.m. $10/5.

HOUSE OF LEMAY TAKES BACK BEAVER POND (holiday show in drag), 135 Pearl, 9 p.m. $7, followed by DJ LITTLE MARTIN, 10 p.m. $4. DAD (rock), Valencia, 10 p.m. NC. BUCK & THE BLACK CATS (rocka billy; final gig weekend), Nectar’s, 9:3 0 p.m. NC. RETRONOME (DJ; dance pop), Club Metronome, 10 p.m. $2. WIDE WAIL (alt-pop), Red Square, 9:30 p.m. NC. KARAOKE, J.P.’s Pub, 9 p.m. NC. DJS TIM DIAZ & RUGGER (hiphop/r&b), Ruben James, 10 p.m. NC. FLASHBACK (’80s DJ), Rasputin’s, 10 p.m. NC.

THE CLUBB MIXX W/DJS IRIE, FROSTEE & TOXIC (hiphop/house), Millennium Nightclub-Burlington, 9 p.m. $3/10. 18+ before 11 p.m. DR. JONES BAND (Dead rock), Vermont Pub & Brewery, 9 p.m. NC. COMEDY ZONE (stand.up), Radisson Hotel, 8 p.m. $ 8 /6 . 18+ GUY COLASACCO (singer-songwriter), Jake’s, 6 :3 0 p.m. NC. EMPTY POCKETS (rock), Henry’s Pub, Holiday Inn, 9 p.m. NC.

JENNI JOHNSON & FRIENDS (jazz/blues), Tuckaway’s, Sheraton Hotel, 9 p.m. NC..

A-TRAK W/OBSKURE DISORDER, TOTAL ECLIPSE, INFAMOUS & GUESTS (turntablists), Higher Ground, 9 p.m. $15/17. 18+ BAD HORSEY (rock), Trackside Tavern, 9 p.m. $2. MONEY SHOTS (rock), Backstage

continued on page 45a

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Adams Apple Cafe, Portland & Main streets, Morrisville, 888-4737^ ' After Dark Music Series, Town Hall Theater, 53 Merchants Row, Middlebury, 388-0216. Alley Cats, 41 King St., Burl., 660-4304. Angela's Pub, 86 Main St., Middlebury, 388-0002. Backstage Pub, 60 Pearl St., Essex Jet., 878-5494. Back Street, 17 Hudson St., St. Albans, 527-0033. Blue Tooth, Access Rd., Warren, 583-2656. Boony's, Rt. 236, Franklin, 933-4569. Borders Books & Music, 29 Church St., Burlington, 865-2711. Brownstone Tavern, 2 Center St. Alley, Rutland, 775-8098. Burlington Coffeehouse at Rhombus, 186 College St., Burlington, 864-5888. Cactus Cafe, 1 Lawson Ln., Burl., 862-6900. Cambridge Coffeehouse, Windridge Bakery, Jeffersonville, 644-2233. Capitol Grounds, 45 State St., Montpelier, 223-7800. Champion’s, 32 Main St., Winooski, 655-4705. Charlie O’s, 70 Main St., Montpelier, 223-6820. Chow! Bella, 28 N. Main St., St. Albans, 524-1405. City Limits, 14 Greene St. Vergennes, 877-6919. Club Metronome, 188 Main St., Burlington, 865-4563. Cobbweb, Sandybirch Rd., Georgia, 527-7000. Deerleap Books, 25 Main St., Bristol, 453-5684. Diamond Jim’s Grille, Highgate Comm. Shpg. Ctr., St. Albans, 524-9280. Dockside Cafe, 209 Battery, Burlington, 864-5266. Edgewater Pub, 340 Malletts Bay Ave., Colchester, 865-4214. Finnigan's Pub, 205 College St., Burlington, 864-8209. Flynn Center/FlynnSpace, 153 Main St., Burlington, 863-5966. Franny O’s 733 Queen City Pk. Rd., Burlington, 863-2909. Gallagher’s, Rt. 100, Waitsfield, 496-8800. Good Times Cafe, Hinesburg Village, Rt. 116,482-444 4. Ground Zero, 3 Durkee St., Plattsburgh, N.Y., 518-566-6969. Heartwood Hollow Gallery Stage, 7650 Main Rd., Hanksville, 4345830/888-212-1142. Henry’s, Holiday Inn, 1068 Williston Rd., S. Burlington, 863-6361. Higher Ground, 1 Main St., Winooski, 654-8888. Horn of the Moon Cafe, 8 Langdon St., Montpelier, 223-2895. Jake’s, 1233 Shelburne Rd., S. Burlington, 658-2251. James Moore Tavern, Bolton Valley Ski Area, 434-3444. J.P. Morgan’s at Capitol Plaza, 100 Main St., Montpelier, 223-5252. J.P.'s Pub, 139 Main St., Burlington, 658-6389. The Kept Writer, 5 Lake St., St. Albans, 527-6242. Leunig's, 115 Church St., Burlington, 863-3759. Mad Mountain Tavern, Rt. 100, Waitsfield, 496-2562. Manhattan Pizza & Pub, 167 Main St., Burlington, 658-6776. Matterhorn, 4969 Mountain Rd., Stowe, 253-8198. Millennium Nightclub-Barre, 230 N. Main St., Barre, 476-3590. Millennium Nightclub-Burlington, 165 Church St., Burlington, 660-2088. Monopole, 7 Protection Ave., Plattsburgh, N.Y., 518-563-2222. Mountain Roadhouse, 1677 Mountain Rd., Stowe, 253-2800. Nectar's, 188 Main St., Burlington, 658-4771. Old Firehouse, 13 Mill St., Hardwick, 472-6857. Ollie’s, 13 Evelyn St., Rutland, 773-3710. 135 Pearl St., Burlington, 863-2343. Otter Creek Tavern, 215 Main St., Vergennes, 877-3667. Pacific Rim, 111 St. Paul St., Burlington, 651-3000. Pickle Barrel, Killington Rd., Killington, 422-3035. Radisson Hotel, 60 Battery St., Burlington, 658-6500. Rasputin’s, 163 Church St., Burlington, 864-9324. Red Square, 136 Church St., Burlington, 859-8909. Rhombus, 186 College St., Burlington, 865-3144. Ripton Community Coffee House, Rt. 125, 388-9782. Ri Ra the Irish Pub, 123 Church St., Burlington, 860-9401. Ruben James, 159 Main St., Burlington, 864-0744. Rusty Nail, Mountain Rd., Stowe, 253-6245. Sai-Gon Cafe, 133 Bank St., Burlington, 863-5637. Sami’s Harmony Pub, 216 Rt. 7, Milton, 893-7267. Sam's Charlmont, Rt. 15, Morrisville, 888-4242. Signal to Noise HQ, 416 Pine St. (behind Speeder & Earl's), Burlington, 951-1140. Starksboro Community Coffee House, Village Meeting House, Rt. 116, Starksboro, 434-4254. Steer & Stein Pub, 147 N. Winooski Ave., 862-7449. Sweetwaters, 118 Church St., Burlington, 864-9800. The Tavern at the Inn at Essex, Essex Jet., 878-1100. Thirsty Turtle, 1 S. Main St., Waterbury, 244-5223. Trackside Tavern, 18 Malletts Bay Ave., Winooski, 655-9542. T. Rugg’s Tavern, 149 Elmwood Ave., Burlington, 658-0456. Tuckaway's, Sheraton, 870 Williston Rd., S. Burlington, 865-6600. UpperDeck Pub at the Windjammer, 1076 Williston Rd., S. Burlington, 862-6585. Valencia, Pearl St. & S. Winooski, Ave., Burlington, 658-8978. Vermont Pub & Brewery, 144 College, Burlington, 865-0500. The Village Cup, 30 Rt. 15, Jericho, 899-1730. Villa Tragara, Rt. 100, Waterbury Ctr., 244-5288. Wine Works, 133 St. Paul St., Burlington, 951-9463.____________

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page 43s

ed a Magic Hat-sponsored Wednesday night blues jam with a built-in rhythm section from Left Eye Jump. Stop by with your instrument or vocal cords and jump in.

THE LAST MEOW It’s a funny thing, but sometimes when a band puts out its best recording, it breaks up immediately after wards. There are surely a host of reasons for doing so, but in the case of Buck and the Black Cats, calling it quits actually preceded going into the studio for one last O N E M AIN ST. • W INOOSKI • INFO 654-8888 blast. The resulting product, Ask DOORS 8 P M « SHOW 9 PM unless noted For... Buck and the Black Cats, A LL SHOWS 18+ WITH POSITIVE I.D. unless noted has ironically been getting posi FRIDAY, DECEMBER 8 • S5 21+ $718+ 106.7 WIZN & SAM ADAMS WELCOME tive reviews on two continents — and band leader/guitarist Buck Maynard concedes that makes it I :j : l » i l M : V i all the more painful to say good T H E R ID C E R U N N E R S bye. “A guy in Europe wanted us SATURDAY, DECEMBER 9 • S15 ADVANCE S17 DAY OF SHOW TABLETOOLS RECORD IAUNCH PARTY to do a mini-tour,” he reports. “I FEAT. MANY OF THE WORLD’S BEST TURNTABLISTS didn’t even respond; our minds A -TRA K, INFAMOUS were made up, but it feels good DEVELOP, TOTAL ECLIPSE, ROLIRHO, Pthat somebody would want to TRIX, KLEVER, J-SMOKE, P-LOVE, PRESYCE, PERSIUS, SUPADAVE, CUTFUCIOUS bring us to Europe.” SUNDAY, OECEMBER 10 * S30 ADVANCE S35 DAY OF SHOW In this, their seventh year, the EARLY SHOW: DOORS 7PM • NON-SMOKING 104.7 THE POINT WELCOMES AN INTIMATE EVENING WITH Cats decided that day jobs and families precluded giving rock ’n’ roll its due.”We love the music so much its hard for us to continue MONDAY, DEC. 11 • S16 ADVANCE SIB DAY OF SHOW • 000RS 9PM doing it at the level of quality we 90.1 WRUV, FLEX RECORDS, & TOAST CONCERTS PRESENT want,” Maynard says. “We’ve never played the same set twice, P R IN C E M ALACHI and we have more than 1OO songs WEDNESDAY, OECEMBER 12 • S13 ADVANCE $15 DAY OF SHOW THURSDAY, OECEMBER 13 • S13 ADVANCE S15 DAY OF SHOW in our repertoire. But it takes a 106.7 WIZN & SAM ADAMS WELCOME certain amount of practice.”

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MORE OF THE WORLD’S A STAGE Nice when some new venues open up to balance the ones that disappear: Sami’s Harmony Bar will be raising a weekly ruckus in Milton, where Phil Graziano and the House Rockers do the honors this Friday; and Sam’s Charlmont in Morrisville — the remodeled landmark restaurant is under new ownership. There the Mighty Blues Workshop will revitalize their Monday night jam sessions. And speaking of sessions, Burlington’s Red Square has start

DO GOOD DEPT. Burlington’s a cappella popsters Random Association host the appropriate ly named “Raising Voices” con cert this Saturday at Contois Auditorium. The holiday show will raise funds for the youth ser vice organizations Club Youth Speak Out! and United College. A mere 10 bucks gets you songs — from RA, The Green Mountain Chorus, the Middlebury College RedlightS, Nothing But Treble and UVM’s Cat’s Meow — and sustenance from Sweetwaters and Pepsi . . . WRUV-FM gives the Food Shelf an indie leg up with a benefit concert from Wide Wail, Pilot to Gunner, The Magic Is Gone and The Joy Scouts, this Sunday at

SINGLE TRACKS “The world’s best DJs” are coming round the mountain this Saturday: Higher Ground hosts turntablists A-Trak — a 1997 DMC World Champ — and Total Eclipse of The XExecutioners, along with DMC USA champs P-Trix and Klever, among others. Courtesy of Tabletools Records, there’s gonna be some major beat-juggling going on . . . Signal to Noise brings a couple of avant-jazz heroes to the FlynnSpace this Thursday — MIDI synth player Alan Silva and bassist William Parker. Cool stuff. . . Burling ton’s panflute guy, Douglas Bishop, has a new solo CD that he hopes will “make everyone’s day a little more relaxing.” Meanwhile catch him at his usual Church Street haunt or at the University Mall this Sunday . . . Former Smokin’ Grass mandolinist Jason Koornick has a new bluegrass unit doing some smoking of its own. The Ridgerunners — also featuring SG dobro man Adam Frehm, bassist Andrew Albright, singer/guitarist Ian Carleton and banjo player Adam Buchwald — open for the Jalapeno Bros. Friday at Higher Ground . . . 0

Band nam e of the w e e k :

Enough Already

rE v iE w s rE v iE w s rE v iE w s rE v iE w s rE v iE w s rE v iE w s rE v iE w GREGORY DOUGLASS, (2much Media, CD) — Gregory Douglass’ new, self-titled C D is a tri umph, from the howling intro o f “Need Angels” to the final, delicate piano note on “Lovely Ruthie.” The rest is just details. I was concerned that the follow-up to his primally raw 1998 debut, I f I Were a M an, would be overpro duced — though 2much Media’s Bill Kinzie has nothing but the best of intentions with his 19-year-old prodigy. I needn’t have worried. Much care has obviously been taken, by Kinzie and Douglass himself, to make this sophomore release fully capture the young Vermonter’s rapid evolution as a singer and songwriter. Indeed, more beautiful and complicated packaging surrounds Douglass’ extraordi nary voice here, sonically speaking — a full band kicks in on most tunes, and all the prowess at Kinzie’s dis posal has been employed to layer the sound as lushly as possible. But it’s a testament to that voice that no instrumentation, no studio effects, no self-conscious attempts to “improve” have tamed Douglass — he’s as intensely unharnessed as ever. In fact, he pours more passion into a single syllable than many people put into their entire lives. And it’s not often you can say songs are lovely and gritty at the same time. Gregory Douglass is full o f energy, but there’s no question that its creator has matured in two years — in part due to more playing in front o f more people, in part because o f his dedication to the songwriting craft. The best analogy for Douglass is still a “male Tori Amos” — he thanks her as a mentor, along with Kate Bush, Peter Gabriel, Sarah McLachlan, Sinead O ’Connor and other idiosyncratic singers, in his liner notes. The comparison manifests in a limber, multioctavevocal instrument as well as thoughtfully written and dramatically delivered songs. And Douglass has no doubt learned plenty o f studio chops holed up with veterans like Kinzie, a drummer, as well as gui tarist Kip Meaker, bassist/pianist Brian Bull and other

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SEVEN DAYS

That’s why Maynard, drum mer Dave Joy, pianist Charlie Mack and bassist Kirk Lord will play their final gigs as the Black Cats this Friday and Saturday, at Nectar’s. Then, Maynard says, “We’re looking forward to a rest.” But don’t think it’s the last you’ll hear from these guys; Maynard is already thinking about home recording projects. As for those nifty vintage outfits? “A lot of them are near and dear to me,” says the well-suited guitarist. “I’ll probably have to build a special closet.”

NAUGHTY AND NICE Dream Party Productions — the folks that bring us “Zen” at 135 Pearl — are inviting everyone to “Play well with others...” This time the holiday party’s at their own quar ters, House of Dreams, at 186 College Street. Visual art by Andrew Mcllrath and Ned Flynn set the stage for the lovely Yolanda and the Dream Tribe deejays. But if it all sounds very pretty, be warned that the show “contains graphic material.” Hoho-ho.

Billings North Lounge at UVM. Bring non-perishable food and sensible dancing shoes. BTW, www.insound.com is hosting a contest in which you could win the new Pilot 7-inch single, “It’s So Good to Be Here in Paris.” D ’accord.

december 6,2000

guests on this 11-song collection. Those guests are well-chosen, too: Douglass’ contemporary, the 18-year-old Vermont fiddle phenom Patrick Ross; classical gui tarist Sal DiTroia; bassist Peter Persechino; and his own mother, music teacher Glory Douglass, playing clarinet on the velvety “I Like Awake.” Gwendolyn Douglass contributes additional vocals on the song she co-wrote with her brother Greg, “Saying Goodbye” — arguably the pretti est and most majestic o f many pretty and majestic songs on the disc. Douglass’ vocals — he plays acoustic guitar and piano as well — are wisely mixed front and center throughout. Though the playing is excellent, no instrument or sonic effect could or should compete. With a mellifluous, sometimes slurring style, he leads mere notes on a circuitous path, as confident o f their delivery as an old soul singer. You might expect a singer so young to sound more tortured and selfabsorbed, but instead Douglass continues to sound mature beyond his years. At the same time he is open ly sensitive and vulnerable, and those qualities only enhance the kind o f music that flows out o f him. While there are no weak songs on Gregory Douglass, the ones I find particularly riveting, besides those already noted, are the dark, syncopated “Perfect Sacrifice,” and the dynamic “Have a Nice Day,” which comes closest to a mod ern rock anthem. Douglass is a master o f aching balladry, but he has yet -— at least on recordings — to display a full-bore rock bom bast. That might change when he performs with a four-piece band this Friday, in a C D release party at Burlington’s Contois Auditorium, and later this month in

a special holiday show at Higher Ground. On stage or in the studio, there seems to he no limitation for this lad. — Pamela Polston LINDA WARNAAR, NIGHT SONGS (self-released, CD) — St. Johnsbury multi-instrumentalist and songwriter Linda Warnaar has released a C D o f original music with an incredibly wide array o f styles. The Michigan native, who comes from a family o f big-band trumpet players, has been making music in Vermont for more than a decade, most recently as a vocalist and drum mer with the “Worldbeat Mountain Music” band Snakeroot. Trumpet was Warnaar’s first instrument, too, but that’s one thing you won’t hear her play on N ight Songs. There’s a lot else to hear, though — from the fin ger-popping cool o f “Cloud N ine,” to a catchy reggae beat thang punctuated with baritone sax on “Celebration,” to the jazzy mambo o f the title tune, to the honky-tonk swing o f “Ain’t N o Slow Dancin’.” There’s even some Memphis-tinged funk reminiscent o f Tracy Nelsons early work. Nelson is actually a fair comparison in this case — Warnaar’s voice has a range o f emotion and the kind o f soul that brought Nelson so much attention on Mother Earth’s early records. N ig h t Songs doesn’t sound like a first recording. Warnaar sounds right at home with her material, switching easily between sweet and sultry, plaintive and torchy. She also does all the drumming — she’s presently studying percussion in Cuba — and much o f the guitar and bass work. The 11-song disc starts quietly and gets jazzier as it goes along. Each track fea tures the artist as vocalist and main rhythm maker, with a talented quintet o f sidemen who contribute without being obtrusive. The songwriting is always catchy. Versatile is a good adjective for both Warnaar and N ig h t Songs. It would be just fine if she sets up some CD-release shows around the state when she gets back from Cuba. This recording offers further evidence there’s loads o f great music up in those hills that we don’t often get to hear down in the valley. — Robert R esn ik'

, Vv+i

sOUnd AdviCe

LIVE MUSIC

continued from page 43a

SOUTH CATHERINE STREET JUG BAND (jam rock), Monopole, 10 p.m. NC. KARAOKE W/FRANK, Franny O’s, 9 p.m. NC. JOSH BROOKS (singer-songwriter), James Moore Tavern, 8 p.m. NC. TOP HAT DANCE PARTY (DJ), City Limits, 9 p.m. NC. THE IMPOSTERS (rock), Otter Creek Tavern, 9 :3 0 p.m. NC. TNT DJ, Thirsty Turtle, 9 p.m. NC. COSA BUENA (Latin jazz), Capitol Grounds, 7 :3 0 p.m. NC. LEWIS FRANCO (singer-songwriter; CD release party), Christ Church, Montpelier, 10:30 a.m. NC, fol lowed by show at Maple Corner Community Center, 2 p.m. NC. SPINN CITY W/DJ ROBBIE J. (hiphop/r&b), Millennium NightclubBarre, 9 p.m. $3/10. 18+ LIVE MUSIC, Gallagher’s, 9 p.m. $3. HUMAN CANOE REVUE (groove rock), Mad Mountain Tavern, 9 p.m. $4. ELLIS PAUL (singer-songwriter), Mad River Unplugged at Valley Players Theater, 8 p.m. $13/15. JOEY LEONE W/HORN SECTION (bluesrock), Matterhorn, 9 p.m. $3-5. EDGE OF SUNDOWN (rock), Rusty Nail, 9 p.m. $4. THE CROPPIES (Irish), Old Firehouse, 1:30 p.m. NC. TRUE NORTH (rock), Blue Tooth, 9 :3 0 p.m. $2. THE ZONE (rock), Pickle Barrel, 9 p.m. $ 6 . DAVE KELLER BLUES BAND, Night spot Outback, 9 :3 0 p.m. $7-10.

SUNDAY DAYVE HUCKETT (jazz guitar), Sweetwaters, 11:30 a.m. NC. SPENCER LEWIS (acoustic), Frog Hollow Burlington, 1 p.m. NC. FOUR SCHILLINGS SHORT (Celtic/ raga/folk), Borders, 3 p.m. NC. LAST NIGHT’S JOY (Irish), Ri Ra Irish Pub, 7 p.m. NC.

WIDE WAIL, PILOT TO GUNNER, THE MAGIC IS GONE, THE JOY SCOUTS (alt-pop, indie; benefit forWRUV), North Lounge, Billings, UVM, 7 :3 0 p.m. $4/5. ZINGO W/ZENO (drag bingo), 135 Pearl, 9 p.m. NC. PLAY WELL WITH OTHERS (Dream Party Productions, art & perfor mance, refreshments), House of Dreams, 186 College, Ste. 300 , 8 p.m. $5. SUNDAY NIGHT MASS (trance/house DJ; bass & drums), Club Metronome, 10 p.m. $2.

STANZIOLA-MASEFIELD QUARTET (jazzgrass), Red Square, 9 :3 0 p.m. NC. FO MO FO (funk/soul), Nectar’s, 9 :3 0 p.m. NC. TOP HAT DJ (hip-hop), Rasputin’s, 9 :3 0 p.m. NC. DAN PARKS & THE BLAME (rock), Champion’s Tavern, 9 :3 0 p.m. NC. RICKIE LEE JONES (jazz/rock singersongwriter), Higher Ground, 7 p.m. $30/35.

MONDAY LINE-DANCING LESSONS, 135 Pearl, 7 :3 0 p.m. $3, followed by HAUS HAUS (DJ dance party), 10 p.m. $5. GRIPPO (funky jazz), Red Square, 9 :3 0 p.m. NC.

Maximum, Ninjahforce, Chancellor; reggae/dancehall), Millennium Nightclub-Burlington, 10 p.m. NC/$5. 18+ before 11 p.m. OPEN MIKE, Rasputin’s, 9 p.m. NC. SIZZLA, PRINCE MALACHI (conscious reggae), Higher Ground, 9 p.m. $16/18. JERRY LAVENE (jazz guitar), Chow! Bella, 6 p.m. NC. MIGHTY BLUES WORKSHOP (blues jam), Sam ’s Charlmont, 8 p.m. NC. 11 FOOT 7 (rock), Monopole, 10 p.m. NC.

TUESDAY PAUL ASBELL, CLYDE STATS & JEFF SALISBURY (jazz), Leunig’s, 7:30

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2 HYPE PRODUCTIONS W/DJS RUKKUS & VINCE (hip-hop/house), Millennium Nightclub-Burlington, 10 p.m. NC/$5. 18+ before 11 p.m. BASHMENT (DJ John Demus; reg gae/dancehall), Ruben James, 10 p.m. NC. OXONOISE (rock), J.P.’s Pub, 9:30 p.m. NC. 11 FOOT 7 (rock), Monopole, 10 p.m. NC.

WEDNESDAY JULIET MCVICKER W/JAMES HARVEY & JOHN RIVERS (jazz standards), Leunig’s, 7:30 p.m. NC. GUY COLASACCO (singer-songwriter), Jake's, 6 :3 0 p.m. NC. LAST NIGHT’S JOY (Irish), Ri Ra Irish Pub, 7 p.m. NC. KARAOKE KAPERS (host Bob Bolyard), 135 Pearl, 9 p.m. NC. VORCZA TRIO (funk/jazz/lounge), Red Square, 9 :3 0 p.m. NC. US HUMANS (acoustic rock), Nectar’s, 8 p.m. NC.

SATURDAYS' !

2 /9

LECTURE/DISCUSSION: "Outing Our 'White' Selves: Representations of whiteness in contemporary

R.U .1.2? Community Center (Are You One Too?) is a charitable organization with the purpose o f providing venues fo r the social, cultural, artistic and educational endeavors o f our gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgendered and allied communities throughj/isibility, awareness, and community-building.

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7-8:30pm, Peace & Justice Center, 21 Church S t, Buitington Take a look at dichotomies of appearance in post '90s lesbian movies with academic Kel Manger. Refreshments. AH]Ages — Open to all. Free. -

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Currently there is no permanent, substancefree, safe place where GLBT people can go tolearn about their history, participate in cul tural events, and hold group meetings. At the future center we hope to provide offices fo r groups, internet access, and flexible social space where people can meet informally.

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(rock), Club Metronome, 9 p.m. $2. HIP-HOP NIGHT (DJs), Rasputin’s, 9 :3 0 p.m. NC. COLLEGE NIGHT W/DJ ROBBIE J. (’70s & ’80s), Millennium NightclubBurlington, 9 p.m. NC/$7. 18+ before 1 1 p.m. OPEN MIKE, Manhattan Pizza & Pub, 9 :3 0 p.m. NC. KARAOKE, J.P.’s Pub, 9 p.m. NC. DARK STAR ORCHESTRA (Dead trib ute), Higher Ground, 9 p.m. $13/15.

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H IG H E R G R O U N D D O O R S O P E N 8pm T IC K E T S in A D V A N C E $15/17 after T a b le to o lsR e c o rd sLa u n c h P a rty F e a tu rin g M a n y o fT h e W o rld ’s B e s tT u rn ta b lis ts

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G r e e n M o u n ta in P h a s e s

december 6, 2000

SEVEN DAYS

page 45a

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openings DANIEL PITTMAN, new works in a vari ety of media. Firehouse Center for the Visual Arts, Burlington, 865-7165. Also includes an installation, “Chimney Tree,” in the former Hood Plant, S. Winooski Ave., Burlington, viewable from street. Reception December 8 , 5-7 p.m. SEEING WITH NEW PERSPECTIVE, NeoSurrealist paintings by Ethan Azarian and Neo-Surrealist Assemblage by Greg Brower. Flynndog Gallery, Burlington, 652-9985. Reception December 8 , 5-8 p.m. PERFORMANCE ART, paintings by Robert Waldo Brunelle Jr. and Alice Murdoch. Amy E. Tarrant Gallery, Flynn Center, Burlington, 8 6 -FLYNN. Reception December 8 , 5:30-7 p.m, before Eric Bogosian show. TOM HOMANN & JILL MADDEN, ceramics and photo-collages. Ferrisburgh Artisans Guild, 877 -3 66 8. Reception December 8 , 5-7 p.m. SOMETHING OLD, SOMETHING NEW,

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Vermont scenic photographs by Fred Stetson. Dorothy Ailing Memorial Library, Williston Village, 8 78 -4918. Open house December 9, 11 a.m. 4 p.m. A HOLIDAY SAMPLER, featuring sculp ture, folk art, quilts and linens by area

artists. Cupola House Gallery, Essex, N.Y., 518-963-7494. Open house and chili luncheon December 8 & 9, 11 a.m. - 6 p.m. PETER MILLER The Waterbury photogra pher features “Stowe Moonscape” and other work. Vermont Fine Art, Gale Farm Center, Stowe, 253-9653. Reception with the artist December 9,

4-7 p .m.

o n g o in g BURLINGTON AREA VERNISSAGE 2001, an annual holiday group show of D-A represented artists, celebrating three years of business at the gallery. Doll-Anstadt Gallery, Burlington, 8 64 -3 66 1. Through December. DIANE SULLIVAN, match-cover art. Also, JEFF SPENCER, paintings, and TV BOJANGLES, 3D assemblages. Red Square, Burlington, 859 -8 90 9. Through January 1. FACES OF OUR COMMUNITY, photo graphs by Julie Steedman. Burlington City Hall, 8 60 -4 43 6. Through January

2. FEATHERS IN FLIGHT, monotypes in oil by Lyna Lou Nordstrom. Finale Salon, S. Burlington, 862 -0 71 3. Through

January 15.

THE ALLURE OF THE CURVE, featuring hand-forged sculptural gold jewelry by Timothy Grannis and a photo-collabo ration by Alex Williams and Claudia Venon. Grannis Gallery, Burlington, 660 -2 03 2. Through December. WINTER WONDERLAND, featuring the work of Vermont artisans, including Grace Pomerleau, Peter DeLuca and Ruth Pope. Frog Hollow Vermont State Craft Center, Burlington, 863 -6 45 8. Through December. FLIGHTS OF FANCY, a group show fea turing 15 local artists in varied media. Furchgott Sourdiffe Gallery, Shelburne, 9 85 -3 84 8. Through January 16. FRENCH IMPRESSIONS, paintings by Carolyn Walton from a recent trip to the Dordogne River Valley. LuxtonJones Gallery, Shelburne, 985-8223. Through December. CLEMENT, mixed-media works by Joe Harig. Daily Planet Restaurant, Burlington, 8 62 -9 6 4 7 . Through January 1. ^

A SENSE OF PLACE: DRAWING ON VER MONT’S REGIONAL CHARACTER, fine hand-pulled prints from ink drawings by David Goodrich. Pickering Room, Fletcher Free Library, Burlington, 865721 1. Also, ILLUMINATED MANUSCRIPT VARIATIONS, mixed-media works by

Scott deBie. Fletcher Room, Both through December. ELDER ART, featuring the works of local seniors. Brownell Public Library, Essex Jet., 8 78 -6 9 5 5 . Through December. IN THE MESH, recent abstract works by Peter Russom. Rhombus Gallery, Burlington, 8 65 -3 14 4. Through December. CARLEEN ZIMBALATTI, recent work. Rose Street Gallery, Burlington, 2386161. Through December 10. HOLIDAY AT THE OLD RED MILL, a group show by members of the Northern Vermont Artist Association. Red Mill Gallery, Jericho, 8 99 -1 10 6. Through December 27. THE LAST FRONTIER, an evolving ceil ing installation by Torin Porter; visitors are invited to leave lightweight objects for inclusion. Club Metronome, Burlington, 8 65 -4 56 3. Through December. ALL THE SHIPS AT SEA, an evolving installation by Ed Owre, Bill Davison and Brian Kardell. One-Wall Gallery, Seven Days, Burlington, 864 -5 68 4. Through December 7.

HERITAGE OF THE BRUSH: THE ROY AND MARILYN PAPP COLLECTION OF CHINESE PAINTING, featuring nearly 50 works from the Ming and Qing dynasties. Fleming Museum, Burlington, 656075 0. Through December 10.

DRAGONS, SILK AND JADE: CHINESE OBJECTS FROM THE PERMANENT COL LECTION, featuring garments, acces sories and more from ancient China. Also, LANDSCAPES ON PAPER, from the permanent collection. Fleming Museum, Burlington, 656 -0 75 0. Both through December 17.

THE FABULOUS '50S: WELCOME HOME TO POST-WAR VERMONT, the museum’s newest historic house, depicting a Vermont family in 1950; SOMETHING OLD, SOMETHING NEW: Continuity and Change in American Furniture and Decorative Arts, 1700-1820; FROM

GEORGE WASHINGTON TO P.T. BARNUM, prints; and LANDSCAPE & LIGHT, paint ings by Martin Johnson Heade. Shelburne Museum, 9 85 -3 34 8. Ongoing. RICK SUTTA, oil paintings "with impact.” Rick Sutta Gallery, Burlington, 8 60 -7 50 6. Ongoing.

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HOLIDAY SHOW, featuring unique artis tic gifts by Vermonters. Carving Studio & Sculpture Center, W. Rutland, 4382097. Through December.

Council Spotlight Gallery, Montpelier, 8 28 -5 42 2. Through December 29. WINTER WHIMSEY, a holiday exhibit of toys, ornaments and playful clay objects. Vermont Clay Studio, Waterbury, 2 44 -1126. Through December. ELIZABETH EDGERTON, impressionistic/expressionistic paintings. Vermont Supreme Court, Montpelier, 8284 78 4. Through December 22. THEMES AND VARIATIONS, stained glass, dolls, masks and decorated gourds by Chris and Meredith Martin; stoneware and porcelain works by Judy Jensen. Chandler Gallery, Randolph, 7 28 -9878. Through January 7.

BEFORE THE GOLDEN DOME: THE STATE HOUSE NEIGHBORHOOD, 1859-1907, featuring historic photographs reveal ing daily life in Montpelier before the dome was gilded. The Vermont Historical Society presents at the State House Card Room, Montpelier, 234 -5 03 9. Through January.

FIRE & SPICE: THE CULINARY ALCHEMY, photographs by Jeffrey P. Roberts. A Single Pebble Restaurant, Berlin, 476 -9 70 0. Through January 24. EXPRESSIVE VISION, abstract watercolors by Donna Stafford, oils on paper by Dagmar Nickerson, mixed media by Nicole Auletta. Mist Grill Gallery, Waterbury, 2 44 -2233. Through December 11. VERMONT HAND CRAFTERS: Work by local artisans. Vermont By Design Gallery, Waterbury, 244-7566. Ongoing. SCRAP-BASED ARTS & CRAFTS, featur ing re-constructed objects of all kinds by area artists. The Restore, Montpelier, 229-1930. Ongoing. ALICE ECKLES, paintings and mixed media. Old School House, Marshfield, 4 56 -8 99 3. Ongoing.

N O RTH ERN JEANETTE CHUPACK, recent paintings. Clarke Galleries, Stowe, 253-7116. Through January 7. 1ST ANNUAL MEMBERS’ EXHIBIT, fea turing paintings and sculpture by more than 50 area artists. Also, the

20TH ANNUAL FESTIVAL OF THE TREES, Christmas greenery and paintings by Alice and Walton Blodgett. Helen Day Art Center, Stowe, 253-8358. Through December 30. A.C. HARD, photographs. Julian Scott Memorial Gallery, Johnson State College, 6 35 -1469. Through December 15.

CECIL “SPIKE" BELL: VERMONT’S SEC OND-GENERATION ASHCAN ARTIST, paintings and prints. Chaffee Art Center, Rutland, 775 -0 35 6. Through January 7.

2001 FIGURATIVE MANIFESTATIONS, works of art and craft based on the human figure, by Lynne Barton and Mariel Phair. Barton Pitti Gallery, Rutland, 4 38 -5 61 1. Through January 1. METALWORKS, a solo exhibit by con temporary metal artisan Bruce R. MacDonald. Frog Hollow Vermont State Craft Center, Middlebury, 388407 4. Through January 1. 13 ALUMNI ARTISTS, a juried exhibi tion of sculpture, painting, photogra phy and installation art by prominent college alumni. Johnson Memorial Gallery, Middlebury College Museum of Art, 4 43 -5 00 7. Through December

10 . MIDDLEBURY COLLEGE: 200 YEARS, a collection of prints, photographs, drawings and artifacts documenting the school’s history. Middlebury College Center for the Arts, 4435007. Through December 10.

STONES, SCHOLARS AND SUPPORTERS: MIDDLEBURY AND THE GROWTH OF ITS COLLEGE, a multi-media exhibit in honor of the college's bicentennial. Henry Sheldon Museum, Middlebury, 388 -2 11 7. Through March.

C EN TR A L VERM O N T 25 YEARS OF CELEBRATING ART, featuring works by members of the Art Resource Association. T.W. Wood Gallery, Vermont College,-Montpelier, 8 28 -8743. Through December 22. PAINTING WITH PAPER, collage works by Susan Goodby. Vermont Arts

SOUTHERN NAPOLEON IN EGYPT, engravings, pho tographs, maps, letters and artifacts; and LUIGI LUCIONI: A CENTENARY RET ROSPECTIVE OF A RENAISSANCE REAL IST, landscapes and still lifes by the part-time Vermonter (1900-1988). Elizabeth de C. Wilson Museum, Southern Vermont Arts Center, Manchester, 3 62 -1405. Through January.

ELSEW HERE HITCHCOCK, an exhibit devoted to the aesthetic development of director Alfred Hitchcock’s films, with posters, production stills, film clips, annotated scripts and set models. Montreal Museum of Fine Arts, 514-285-1600. Through March 18.

SURFACE AND DEPTH: TRENDS IN CON TEMPORARY PORTRAIT PHOTOGRAPHY, featuring the work of eight artists exploring new photographic practices. Hood Museum of Art, Dartmouth College, Hanover, N.H., 603-646280 8. Through December.

PLEASE NOTE: Seven Days is unable to accommodate all of the displays in our readership area, thus these list ings must be restricted to exhibits in truly public viewing places. Art in business offices, lobbies and private residences or studios, with occasional exceptions, will not be accepted. Send art listings to gaiieries@sevendaysvt.com by the Friday before publica tion. You can also view art listings at www. sevendaysvt. com.

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orange-and-white painting of the same scale, dominated by elliptical strokes that do not eveloped in the 1960s, meet but instead are organized Op Art is a tricky style of into a grid of loosely congregat painting in which obses ed scallops. Zimbalatti s paint sive — and obsessively precise ings, especially the large-scale -—; lines and patterns create the works, often puzzle the eye by illusion of dimensionality in blurring the border between non-representational space. The positive and negative space. closely controlled rhythms and Sculptural paintings and hues of Bridget Riley, Henry prints are also included in the Pearson and other leading Op show. Zimbalatti has combined proponents actually induced traditional printmaking and vertigo; their paintings created computer-assisted art to create mind-numbing optical afterim the digital Iris print, “Lifting ages in a unique blending of art the Veil,” a richly colored and science. The lines and abstraction of green, yellow and shapes of Op Art were calculat red layered with black ed to provide the lines. An Iris print maximum amount of from her “Polyporous movement — and, Series” is taken from some might say, the the form of a poly worst headache. It is porous mushroom, not an easy style to and it too has intensely look at. saturated colors — yel Carleen Zimbalatti low and a range of of East Calais works blues. While those are in a similar tradition, beautiful images, but her fields of con Zimbalatti’s two sculp toured lines and exact ii tural paintings in the ly organized colors exhibit are more chal follow a more instinc lenging and innovative. tive and humanistic “Inside O u t” and path. In her current “Diametric” both are exhibit at Burlington’s based on coiled yards Rose Street Gallery, of masonry cord — a Zimbalatti seems to flattened nylon rope use Op as a departure that has been handpoint rather than an dyed and wound into absolute. Her lines an undulating corduroy are often repetitious of amoeboid swirls. and tightly packed, “Inside O u t,” a vertical but they are not piece in yellow and hard-edged. While blue, stands against the she may use just two wall on an architectonic or three basic colors pedestal that contrasts in a piece, there are the colors and shape of generally subtle dif the coil. ferences of intensity “Diametric” is a or value in the hues. black-and-white coil The combined that lays flat within a panels of “Chimerical ruled, 4-by-5.5-foot Corners” comprise an rectangle on the gallery 8-by-18-foot panora floor. Like the twoma that was once dimensional pieces, part of a room — an these are process-orient installation full of ed works. A simple act sinewy lines and odd “ Sinuo us F ie ld ,” a ch a rco a l draw ing by o f repetition creates the angles that must have Carleen Zim balatti image over time, with seemed like a set little conscious deci from The Cabinet o f Dr. sion-making once the process elliptical lines that meet to cre Caligari. Now flattened, its a begins. ate nodes across the black-anddramatic, active field painting Zimbalatti defies labels. of blue and blue-black lines lay white image. These interstices While there are O p elements in are unevenly spread over the ered over a yellow-orange back her work, she is equally picture plane, giving it greater ground. informed by Minimalism and movement. The edges of the Zimbalatti makes no Conceptual art. Her abstraction drawing are so well controlled attempt to hide her hand in the is organic rather than dogmatic. that it seems cut from a larger brush strokes, as did the old Op Most importantly, she seems to piece, rather than completely painters. While they often used be looking inward rather than self-contained. templates and masking tape to backwards. ® “From the Center” is an help create their effects,

B y M a r c A w o dey

Zimbalatti simply draws thou sands of lines freehand with the brush, and lets the rhythms take her where they may. “Structures” arise out of this method that keep her process from seeming overly mechani cal. For example, passages of lighter ultramarine blue appear in lines at the right side of “Chimerical Corners,” and illu sory “creases” are scattered over the image as lines seem to con strict and loop like the folds of fingerprints. The 88-by-90-inch charcoal drawing “Sinuous Field” has similar rhythms, but with more

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Carleen Zim balatti, recent work. Rose Street Gallery, Burlington. Through Decem ber 10.

decembor 6, 2000

DAYS

page 47a

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DANCER IN THE DARK****1/2 Through the combination of his no-frills, streamlined aesthetic and attraction to intellectual adventure, Breaking the Waves director Lars von Trier has achieved cinematic miracles in his young career. But none, I think, compares with the trick he pulls off with Dancer in the Dark: making a somber, doominfused tragedy that also happens to be a musical. Icelandic pop star Bjork proves something of a miracle worker herself. The innovative recording pixie makes her acting debut here and gives an unfor gettable, one-of-a-kind perfor mance as a Czech woman who immigrates to San Francisco. As the story opens, we find her employed at a tool-and-die facto ry, where she routinely operates dangerous machinery and works overtime in order to stash money away as fast as she can. She’s in a race against time, we learn, with a genetic condi tion that is robbing her of sight, and which she fears will eventu ally do the same to her young son. Her world is hard, bleak, dark and getting darker by the day. The womans one escape comes in the form of ecstatic flights of fancy, in which her reality warps into a Hollywoodstyle musical and she expresses

her dread and resignation in star tling song and dance. This worked so well in the pioneering television drama ' “Cop Rock,” you’ll recall, the show was pulled off the air at the speed of light and remains a laughingstock to this day. When I initially read about von Trier’s latest project, I feared a similar fate might await it. Which shows you how much I know. The musical numbers provide a sub lime, dreamlike counterpoint to the harshness of the character’s dilemma. As if she hadn’t troubles enough, the woman lives next door to a cop with his own money problems. DaHd Morse costars as a man living with a petrifying secret. His glamorous wife has blown through his inheritance, which, he believes, is what attracted her to him in the first place, and he lacks the nerve to tell her the bank is about to take their home. O ut of despera tion, he comes up with a plan to steal the cash Bjork has hidden in her kitchen; his doing so sets in motion a chain of events which, in the end, produces a result so tragic it makes going blind look like a lucky break in comparison. Dancer in the Dark took the top award at this years Cannes Film Festival, where Bjork addi tionally earned top honors for

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her performance. The picture is a work of bracing originality, excruciating beauty and haunting sadness. At the same time, the first-time actress brings a lighterthan-air and luminous quality to it. I can’t think of another actor who could have played the role as magically and with as little Hollywood schmaltz. Bjork deserves a good share of the credit for the fact that the movie works as a musical, too. She composed the score for her character’s out-of-body produc tion numbers, and her ethereal, elfin touch is just what the direc tor ordered. You know a film has a lot going for it when a reviewer can get all the way to his final para graph and not have mentioned that Catherine Deneuve is in there, too, with a slight but ele gant costarring turn. W hat can I say? This is the sort of work that’s so idiosyncratic you’re going to love it or hate it. If you’re one of the millions of filmgoers, for example, who kept What Lies Beneath in the aters months beyond any rational understanding, you’ll probably find yourself in the dark where Dancers merits are concerned. If you have a taste for the authenti cally otherworldly, however, my guess is von Trier’s latest will have you dancing for joy. ®

PROOF OF LIFE Fiction and reality meet in this action adventure about a hostage negotiator who falls in love with the wife of the American busi nessman he’s sent to Colombia to save. Meg Ryan and Russell Crowe star. Taylor Hackford directs. (R) DUNGEONS AND DRAGONS Jeremy Irons and Thora Birch star in this oddly timed — does anyone actually play this anymore? — game-inspired tale about an evil wizard and his plot to dethrone a beautiful empress. (PG-13) THE WIND WILL CARRY US The latest from A Taste of Cherry director Abbas Kiorastami concerns a team of engi neers from Tehran which visits a tiny Kurdish village and gets to know its people. Considered by many the film maker’s funniest and most accessible work to date. (NR) THE EMPEROR’S NEW GROOVE Disney’s latest animated musical come dy tells the story of a young emperor transformed into a llama by a devious and power-hungry enemy. Featuring the music of Sting. (PG)

shorts * = REFUND, P LEA SE ** = COULD’VE BEEN WORSE, B U T NOT A LOT * * * = HAS ITS M OMENTS; SO-SO * * * * = SM ARTER THAN THE AVERAGE BEAR * * * * * = A S GOOD A S IT GETS

UNBREAKABLE*** Bruce Willis had a sixth sense it would pay to team up with writer-director M. Night Shyamalan again. He’s joined by Robin Wright and Samuel L. Jackson in the story of a security guard who survives a devas tating train wreck and comes to believe he has a rare condition which makes him indestructible. (PG-13) THE YARDS**1/2 Mark Wahlberg, Joaquin Phoenix and Charlize Theron are teamed for the story of a young man who gets out of prison only to be drawn into the corruption of his uncle's business. James Caan costars. James Gray directs. (R) SUNSET BOULEVARD Billy Wilder’s

darkly comic tale of an aging silentscreen queen and the young writer who becomes ensnared in her web of mad ness has been around for half a centu ry but never gets old. Gloria Swanson and William Holden star. (NR)

DR. SEU SS’ HOW THE GRINCH STOLE CHRISTMAS***1'2 Ron Howard directs this adaptation of the children’s classic. Jim Carrey stars as the big green meanie. With Christine Baranski and Molly Shannon. (PG) 102 DALMATIONS** It’s official: Once-great French thespian Gerard Depardieu has gone to the dogs. The actor joins Glenn Close for this liveaction sequel in which Cruella and company set their sights on a financial ly troubled orphanage for the spotted pups. Directed by Kevin Lima. (G) MEN OF HONOR***172 Robert DeNiro and Cuba Gooding Jr. join forces for this fact-based military drama about the first African-American Navy deepsea diver. With Charlize Theron. (R)

RUGRATS IN PARIS: THE MOVIE*** Susan Sarandon, John Lithgow and Debbie Reynolds lend their voices to the latest big-screen saga starring everybody’s favorite animated toddlers. This time around, the gang travels to France to take in the new Euro Reptar theme park. (G) THE 6TH DAY*** Normally Arnold Schwarzenegger has the strength of 10 men. That number jumps to 20 in the action hero’s latest, the story of a man who discovers his clone has taken over as head of his family. With Robert Duvall and Michael Rapaport. Roger Spottiswoode directs. (PG-13) BOUNCE**1'2 Uh-oh, chick-flick alert! Ben Affleck and Gwyneth Paltrow are paired in this mega-iffy tale of a guy who gives up his seat on an airplane that later crashes, actually looks up the widow of the fellow who took his place and — you guessed it — falls in love with her. Don Roos directs. (PG-13) LITTLE NICKY*** The devil has made it big in the movies over the past few years, and now it’s time for his spawn to get into the act. Adam Sandler plays a self-effacing son of Satan just trying

shOWtimES NICKELODEON CINEMAS College Street, Burlington, 863-9515.

Wednesday 6 — thursday 7 Unbreakable 11:0 5 , 1:40, 4:20, 7; 15, 9:50. How the Grinch Stole Christmas 1 1 (Sun only), 1:30, 4, 6:30, 9. Bounce 11:3 0 , 2:10 , 4:50, 7:30, 10. Billy Elliot 11:2 0 , 1:55, 4:30, 7, 9:30. Charlie’s Angels 1:10 , 3:30, 6:40, 9:15. Meet the Parents 1:20, 4:10, 6:50, 9:40. Early

matinees Sat-Sun only.

friday 8 — Tuesday 12 Proof of Life* 1, 3:50, 6:50, 9:45. Unbreakable 11:0 5 , 1:40, 4:20, 7; 15, 9:50. How the Grinch Stole Christmas 1 1 , 1:30, 4, 6:30, 9. Bounce 11:3 0 , 2:10 , 4:50, 7:30, 10. Billy Elliot 11:2 0 , 1:55, 4:30, 7, 9:30. Meet the Parents 1:20, 4:10, 6:40, 9:40. Early matinees Sat-Sun only.

CINEMA NINE Shelburne Rd, S. Burlington, 864-5610.

Wednesday 6 — thursday 7 ;

Unbreakable 11:0 5 , 1:45, 4:30, 7 :15 , 9:45. 10 2 Dalmations 1 1 :1 0 , 1:40, 4:10, 6:40, 9:10. How the Grinch Stole Christmas 1 1 , 1:30, 4, 6:30, 9. Rugrats in Paris 11:5 0 , 2, 4:20, 6:25, 8:20. 6th Day 1 1 :1 5 , 2, 4:45, 7:25, 10. Little Nicky 11:3 0 , 1:50, 5, 7:25, 9:50. Men of Honor 1, 3:50, 6:45, 9:35. Charlie's Angels 1 1 :1 0 , 1:40, 4:30, 7, 9:30. Meet the Parents 11:0 5 1:35, 4:10, 6:40, 9:10. Early matinees Sat-Sun only.

friday 8 — tuesday 12 The Emperor's New Groove* 7 (Sat only) Dungeons & Dragons* 11:2 0 , 1:50, 4:40, 7:25, 10. Proof of Life* 12:45, 3:40, 6:40, 9:40. Unbreakable 11:0 5 , 1:45, 4:30, 7:10 , 9:45. 10 2 Dalmations 11 :1 0 , 1:40, 4:10, 6:50 (not Sat), 9:10. How

to fit in above ground. Patricia Arquette and Harvey Keitel costar. Steven Brill directs. (PG-13) BILLY ELLIOT***1'2 Jamie Bell and Julie Walters star in the saga of a tal ented young dancer torn between the expectations of his working-class family and his deep love of performing. Stephen Daldry directs. (R) CHARLIE’S ANGELS*** Drew Barrymore, Cameron Diaz and Lucy Liu get together for this skimpy-on-the-costumes, heavy-on-the-effects adaptation of the vintage TV series. Don’t worry, Bill Murray is fully clothed. (PG-13) MEET THE PARENTS*1'2 In the latest from Jay (Austin Powers) Roach Robert De Niro is an intimidating ex-CIA oper ative. Ben Stiller is the prospective son-in-law who accompanies his daughter home for a first visit and finds himself on the wrong end of a grueling interrogation. With Teri Polo and Blythe Danner. (PG-13) WHAT LIES BENEATH** Harrison Ford and Michelle Pfeiffer star in the latest from Forrest Gump director Robert Zemeckis. Shot partially in Vermont, the picture tells the spooky story of a wife who becomes convinced the ghost of a woman with whom her husband once had an affair is haunting their home and planning to do them harm. Amber Valletta costars. (PG-13) ALMOST FAMOUS***1'2 The latest from Jerry Maguire director Cameron Crowe is the semiautobiographical tale of a teenage boy who gains entry to the heady world of big-time rock journal ism. Billy Crudup, Kate Hudson and Frances McDormand star. (R) ME, MYSELF & IRENE*** Jim Carrey plays good cop-bad cop without any help from anyone, as a split personality in the latest laugher from the Farrelly brothers. Renee Zellweger costars as the woman he finds arresting. (R) BEDAZZLED**1'2 Harold Ramis brings us this remake of a 1967 comedy in which Satan materializes in the form of a beautiful woman and offers to grant a loser seven wishes in exchange for his soul. Brendan Fraser and Elizabeth Hurley star. (PG-13)

All shows daily unless otherwise indicated. *New film

the Grinch Stole Christmas 11, 1:30, 4, 6:30, 9. Rugrats in Paris 11:50, 2:10, 4:20, 7. 6th Day 11:15, 2, 4:40, 7:20, 10. Little Nicky 9:20. Charlie’s Angels 11:10, 1:40, 4 :30, 7:30, 9:50. Meet the Parents 11:05 1:35, 4:10, 6:40, 9:10. Morning matinees Sat-Sun only.

SHOWCASE CINEMAS 5 Williston Road, S. Burlington, 863-4494.

Wednesday 6 — thursday 7 10 2 Dalmations 11:20, 1:40, 4:10, 6:40, 9:10. Rugrats in Paris 11:50, 2, 4;30, 6:30, 8:30. Bounce 11:30, 2:10, 4:40, 7:10, 9:40. Legend of Bagger Vance 12:50, 3:45, 6:35, 9:20. Little Nicky 11:40, 1:50, 4:20, 7, 9:30. Early mati nees Sat-Sun only.

friday 8 — tuesday 12 Dungeons & Dragons* 11:30, 1:50, 4:15, 6:50, 9:30. Men of Honor 12:45, 3:45, 6:30, 9:15. Charlie's Angels 11:40, 2:10, 4:35, 7 ; 10, 9:35. 102 Dalmations 11:35, 2, 4 :25, 6:40, 9:10. Rugrats in Paris 12, 2:30, 4 :45, 7. Bounce 9:40. Matinees Sat-Sun only.

ETHAN ALLEN CINEMAS 4 North Avenue, Burlington, 863-6040.

Wednesday 6 — thursday 7

BIJOU CINEPLEX 1-2-3-4 Rt. 100, Morrisville, 888-3293.

6 — th u rsd a y 7 Rugrats in Paris 1:30, 3:15, 6:30, 8. Meet the Parents 1, 3:40, 7, 9. 102 Dalmations 12:40, 3:50, 6:40, 8:30. The Grinch Who Stole Christmas 12:50, 3:30, 6:50, 8:50. Little Nicky 8 (Fri-Tues). Matinees Fri-Sun only.

friday 8 — tuesday 12 Men of Honor 12:40, 3:40, 6:40, 9:10. Unbreakable 1, 3:20, 7, 9. 102 Dalma tions 1:10, 3:50, 6:30, 8:30. The Grinch Who Stole Christmas 12:50, 3:30, 6:50, 8:50. Matinees Sat-Sun only. Late shows Fri-Sat only.

THE SAVOY Wednesday 6 — thursday 7

loved The Rock and Con Air, good

13)

THE NUTTY PROFESSOR 2: THE KLUMPS**1'2 Has anyone outside the porn industry spent more time in rub ber than Eddie Murphy? The comedian slops the stuff on again for this sequel, in which the good doctor attempts to rid himself of his alter-ego by altering his own DNA. Mostly though, it’s all just an excuse for Murphy to pile on layer after layer of latex and play multi ple oversized, overbearing members of the family Klump. Peter ( Tommy Boy) Segal directs. (PG-13)

the hoyts cinemas

F iL M Q u IZ cosponsored by Lippa’s je w e le rs

what’s wrong with these pictures? Above are photos of s ix of this country’s bestknown actors. Th e ir fa c e s are unm istakable, but le ss re co gn izab le , perhaps, is what five of these six per form ers have in common professionally. W hat w e’d like from you this w eek is the name of the star who doesn’t belong, alon g with the reason w hy... W h o ? _____________________________________ W h y ? _________________ ,__________

friday 8 — tuesday 12

The Wind Will Carry Us 4 (Sat-Sun only). The Yards 1:30 (Sat-Sun only), 6:30, 8:50. Schedules for the following theaters are not available at press time.

MARQUIS THEATER ' r Main Street, Middlebury, 388-4841.

■

LAST WEEK’S WINNERS LAST

Dancer in the Dark 6 :3 0 , 9. Sunset Boulevard 4 (Thurs only).

only.

Sat-Sun only.

new on video GONE IN 60 SECONDS**1'2 If you

news-. Here comes more of the same. From the same testosterone-addled team comes the rock-’em-sock-’em saga of two (Nicolas Cage and Giovanni Ribisi) sibling car thieves. With Angelina Jolie and Delroy Undo. (PG-

For more film fun don’ t forget to watch "Art Patrol" every Thursday, Friday and Sunday on Hews Channel 5!

Main Street, Montpelier, 229-0509.

What Lies Beneath 1:30, 6:45, 9:15. Me, Myself and Irene 2, 7, 9:20. Bedazzled 1:50, 7:20, 9:30. The Cell 1:40, 7:10. Almost Famous 9:25. Matinees Sat-Sun

The Exorcist 9:20. What Lies Beneath 1:30, 6:30, 9:10. Me, Myself and Irene 1:45, 6:45, 9:35. Bedazzled 2:10, 7:10, 9:30. Almost Famous 2, 7. Matinees

1973 horror classic about two priests pestering the devil out of Linda Blair is now enjoying a well-deserved rerelease. (R) WHAT LIES BENEATH** Harrison Ford and Michelle Pfeiffer star in the latest from Forrest Gump director Robert Zemeckis. Shot partially in Vermont, the picture tells the spooky story of a wife who becomes convinced the ghost of a woman with whom her husband once had an affair is haunting their home and planning to do them harm. Amber Valletta costars. (PG-13)

W ed n esd a y

CAPITOL THEATRE 93 State Street, Montpelier, 229-0343.

friday 8 — tuesday 12

THE EXORCIST**** William Rriedkin’s

@ ponn Rink Kisonak

previews

M EET THE PARENTS

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MAD RIVER FLICK Route 100, Waitsfield, 496-4200.

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PARAMOUNT THEATRE 241 North Main Street, Barre, 479-9621. SUN SET DRIVE-IN Colchester, 862-1800. STOWE CINEMA Baggy Knees Shopping Ctr., Stowe, 253-4678. WELDEN THEATER 104 No. Main St., St. Albans, 527-7888.

DEADLINE: MONDAY • PRIZES: 10 PAIRS OF F R E E PA SSES PER W EEK. P LU S, . EACH W EEK ONE LU CK Y W INNER W ILL R E C E IV E A GIFT CERTIFICATE COURTESY OF C A RB U R’S RESTAURANT & LOUNGE. SEND EN TR IES TO: FILM QUIZ PO BOX 6 8 , W ILLISTON, VT 0 5 4 9 5 . OR EMAIL TO ultrfnprd@aol.com. BE SURE TO INCLUDE YOUR ADDRESS. PLEASE ... ALLOW FOUR TO SIX WEEKS FOR DELIVERY OF PRIZES.

december 6, 2000

SEVEN DAYS

- page 49a

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Inside Track continued from page 5a

Reagan championed.

“Zero tolerance” was the order of the day. Uncle Sam was using Orwellian drug laws to seize the personal property of citizens found to possess mari juana. And no amount of pot was too small. Boats, cars, busi nesses, farmland were all gob bled up under the zero-tolerance scourge. If Customs happened to find a roach in your ashtray, you could kiss your car goodbye. In an 1988 op-ed piece in The Burlington Free Press, Mr. Terwilliger made it perfectly clear that pot smokers are crimi nals and they belong in jail. “I have said again and again,” wrote Terwilliger, “drug users are the root of the drug problem that plagues this coun try.” The “best weapon against illegal drugs,” wrote George, was public “intolerance” for drug use. Twelve years later, the mad ness continues. Last year, more Americans were arrested on mari juana charges than there are peo ple in Vermont. The lost tax rev enue could pay for health care, prescription drugs and better schools. Instead, we get more prisons and more petty crime. Prohibition is a farce. And no matter who becomes President, there’s no sign of a change lor the better. Today the really hot case before the U.S. Supreme Court is the govern ment’s appeal of a lower court decision allowing distribution of “medical marijuana” to seriously ill patients in Oakland, Califor nia. God forbid cancer patients should stimulate their appetites or catch a buzz. Meanwhile, pot remains readily available in Burlap and across the country — at exhorbitant prices. Studies indicate 70 million Americans have inhaled. That’s 70 million lawbreaking criminals for George Terwilliger and his troops to track down. It’s absurd. Wonder when Uncle Sam’s going to wake up and smell the flowers on this one? By the way, if George W, Bush wins this sucker, it’ll mean Charlie Tetzlaff’s days are num bered. Charlie is the current U.S. Attorney for the District of Vermont, and a close friend of Sen. Patrick J. Leahy. If Bush wins, the word is Peter Hall of Rutland will get the job. Well Done, Lads! — The UVM

men’s soccer team came to the rescue last weekend. The players pitched in to haul away the 400foot boardwalk on the Colchest er bank o f the Winooski River, which was used by bicyclists who took the weekend bike ferry northward to suburbia this fall. According to Brian Costello, Colchester resident and father of the bike ferry, the UVM players spent the day lugging 46 hefty 8-by-8-foot pieces of wooden boardwalk to higher ground for the winter. Costello estimated each chuck weighed in at 400

The footballers were paying off their penalty for hazing. Up at Groovy UV, the hockey pucks got all the hazing publicity, while the soccer balls kept a lower profile. When Costello read Coach Roy Patton was imposing a little community service as part of the punish ment, Costello hopped on the phone. “I have a high-profile community service project for you,” Brian told the coach. “Great idea,” replied Coach Patton. According to Brian the Ferryman, “the deal was they would do it as soon as their sea son was over.” But there was a little nail-biting before the deed was done. That’s because the UVM squad, picked to finish seventh in their league, ended up the champs and that meant post-season tournament play. Brian the Ferryman told Seven Days he had nightmares of the boardwalk being frozen into the river bank and then “taken out by the glacier” that washes down the mighty Winooski each spring during the big snow melt. “If they’d won a couple more games,” said Costello, “I’d have been behind the 8-ball.” Putting the boardwalk back in place next spring sounds like a good project for the hockey team, don’t you think? Fley, it couid turn into an annual UVM sports ritual!

What’s Sound Advice? Don’t put beans up your nose? Don’t pee in the dark? No, Vermont’s weekly read on what’s hot and what’s not in Vermont music.

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Media Notes — Over at k WPTZ-TV, Weatherman Tom MeSSner s second annual “Golden Shovel” award had a very surprising winner this year. Viewers are invited to guess when the first 5-inch snowfall of the season lands. Nice prize — a Florida vacation for four, plus Messner will do a live weathercast from the winner’s driveway and present the golden shovel. Last week, Josh Akonom of Burlington was declared the winner. November 22 Was the day the 5-inch barrier was bro ken. And were told by a reliable source that Josh didn’t e-mail in his entry until after the snow flakes had started falling that day. And small world! Turns out Josh’s roommate is the 11 o’clock weatherman at WCAXTV — Dan Dowling. “I feel bad,” Dan told Seven Days. Mr. Dowling interned for a summer with Mr. Messner and thinks the world of him. “It makes me look bad,” said Dan. Not to worry. Messner told Seven Days Dan’s got nothing to feel bad about. “I think it’s won derful Dans roommate watches our news,” said Messner. By the way, the new week end anchor at W PTZ with the easygoing natural style is Chris Glorioso. The Syracuse grad is the “temporary” fill-in for super melodramatic David Bienik, who landed a job at a Sacra mento, California, station. Glorioso looks like a keeper to us. ® E-mail Peter at Inside Track Vt@aol. com

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december 6, 2000

SEVEN DAYS ... rage 51ar—

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MON-FRI. 10-9 * SAT. 10-6 • S U N . I 1-5 • 127 C O L L E G E ST., D O W N T O W N B U R L IN G T O N • 863-2221

calendar ..... 2b classes ....... 7b

classifieds ....12b straight dope., 16b

story minute .. 17b troubletown.... 18b

car talk.......... 18b red meat........ 19b

life in hell...... 19b personals ...... 21b

lola________ ,21b ethan greene .. 22b

calendar netft page » * . first b a ss

old flam e

the rite stuff

san ta p aw s

Before he took up the synthesizer in

Vermonters have been warming

The Waverly Consort celebrates the

Here’s an opportunity to make the

For a taste of the way they celebrate

1992, legendary innovator Alan

themselves on Night Fires for 18

season the really old-fashioned way:

canine in your life sit up and take

the holidays in the land of Abba,

Silva had played bass with the

years, but the themes and traditions

incorporating 12th-century ritual

notice. When Roberta Haskin auto

take in the 12th annual Swedish

biggest names in the business.

at the heart of its annual solstice

church drama and liturgical music

graphs copies of her pet project, the

Festival of Lights. Tomten, trolls and

“Alan is a founding father of avant-

celebration go back a whole lot fur

into a moving musical account of

photo and pooch profile collection

star children recount the ancient

garde bass,” says William Parker,

ther than that. A magical midwin

the original Christmas complete with

Vermont Dogs, pups who pop in with

legend of Sancta Lucia, a kind

his current collaborator and a highly

ter’s tale that piles ancient music,

archangels, shepherds, Magi and

their owners can get their pictures

young girl who brought food to the

sw e d e tooth

regarded free jazz bassist himself.

African rhythms, Native American

mangers. One of the country’s most

taken with Santa Claus. Proceeds

poor during times of persecution

The two teamed up last year to

chants and poetry into a “spiritual

accomplished early-music groups,

benefit the Chittenden County

and famine. It’s a chance to sample

record A Hero’s Welcome: P ieces

woodpile,” it’s all the preparation

the 13-member ensemble performs

Humane Society. Wouldn’t your four

Swedish dance and music and, fol

For Rare Occasions, a spontaneous

you need for the long winter ahead.

legged friend make a fetching sub

lowing the pageant, a light supper

duet with the power of a full orches

That, and a good hat.

ject?

of fruit soup, Limpa bread and other

tra. The CD made the top 10 lists in

Thursday through Sunday, December 7 to 17. See calendar for locations in Rutland, Burlington and Montpelier, 8 p.m. $6-9. Info, 863-1024.

The Christmas Story — taken from the original Play of Herod — in Latin. Carpe nocem. Friday, December 8. Ira Allen Chapel, Burlington, 7:30 p.m. $20. Info, 656-4455.

Saturday, December 9. Book Rack, Winooski, 3 p.m. $ 4 per photo. Info, 655-0231.

Scandinavian favorites. How Swede

Wire and Ja zziz magazines. You’ll like it, two.

Thursday, December 7. FlynnSpace, Burlington, 7:30 p.m. $14. Info, 863-5966.

it is!

Saturday, December 9. Covenant Community Church, Essex, 4 :3 0 & 7:30 p.m. $ 7 . Info, 899-1025.

december 6 - . .

Seven Days recommends you confirm all calendar events, as times and dates may change after the paper is printed

N i$ b t Wires P e rfo rm a n c e

Schet>u)e

In celebration o fL

TH E W IN TER SOLSTICE Fri. & Sat., D ecem ber 8 & 9

Burlington, Vermont Unitarian Universalist Church Pearl Street

Show 8pm Pre-show 7:40pm

Tues. & W ed. Decem ber 12 & 13 Show 8pm Pre-show 7:40pm

Fri.-Sun., Decem ber 15,16,17 (Sat. & Sun.) Show 5pm Pre-show 4:40pm (Fri. & Sat.) Show 8pm Pre-show 7:40pm

E a rly C a le n d a r D e a d lin e 5 p.m., Thursday, Decem ber 14, for events taking place from W ednesday, Decem ber 2 0 , through W ednesday, January 10.

Montpelier, Vermont City Hall Main Street Bristol, Vermont Holley Hall Corner of North & Main Sts.

Wednesday music

Tickets: Adults $9; Seniors $8; Children 11 and under $6. Tickets are available only at the door. The pre-show performance begins singing 20 minutes before the performance. Doors open at least 45 minutes before the performance. For further information, call 802-863-1024

CD Release Concert

Contois Auditorium Burlington City Hall Friday, Dec. 8th @ 8:00pm With Special Guests Kip Meaker, Brian Bull, Craig Spoth, Bill Kinzie Adults $5.00, Students $3.00, under 12 free

"...extraordinary talent..." -Jody Peterson

• Also, see listings in “Sound Advice.” ‘CONCERT FOR A LAND MINE-FREE W O RLD’: Musical heavy-hitters Emmylou Harris, Steve Earle, Nanci Griffith, Bruce Cockburn and Mary Chapin Carpenter share the stage to protest the wages of war. Flynn Center, Burlington, 7:30 p.m. $45-60. Info, 863-5966. JAZZ ENSEMBLE C O N CERT: Student musicians improvise on old and new themes. UVM Recital Hall, Burlington, 7;30-9:30 p.m. Free. Info, 656-3040. ‘CHRISTMAS AROUND T H E W O RLD’: Students get into the multi-cultural seasonal spirit with songs and carols in many languages. McCarthy Arts Center, St. Michael’s College, Colchester, 7 p.m. Free. Info, 654-2535. TW O C H O R D JONES: The five-piece acoustic string band mixes traditional tunes by The Stanley Brothers and Earl Scruggs with their own originals. Windridge Bakery, Jeffersonville, 7-9 p.m. Donations. Info, 644-5721.

film ‘TIM E REGAINED’: Starring Catherine Deneuve and John Malkovich, this film adaptation of Proust’s classic is a sensuous meditation on memory, time and being. Catamount Arts, St. Johnsbury, 7 p.m. $6. Info, 748-2600.

art

2nd annual studio show and sale at the home and studio o f

Cynthia price .

1 - 5 p.m.

^ 23 north street bristol (across from the bristol market) december 6, 2000

• Also, see exhibit openings in the art listings. FIGURE DRAWING: The human figure motivates aspiring and accomplished artists in a weekly drawing session on the second floor of the Firehouse Gallery, 135 Church St., Burlington, 6-8:30 p.m. $3-6. Info, 865-7165. LUNCHTIM E LECTURE: Middlebury prof John Berninghausen discusses modern Chinese ink painting at the Fleming Museum, UVM, Burlington, 12:15 p.m. Free. Info, 656-0750.

words CONTEM PORARY VER M O N T POETRY: Get an introduction to the works of var ious Vermont verse-masters, including Ruth Stone, Grace Paley, Galway Kinnell and David Budbill. Aiken Hall, Champlain College, Burlington, 7 p.m. Free. Info, 658-0800. POETRY SLAM W ORK SHOP: National Slam champi on Roger Bonair-Agard offers tips on word wrangling. Burlington College, 7-9:30 p.m. $35. Register, 862-9616. AMELIA EARHART BOOK DISCUSSION: Readers share their perspectives on I Was Amelia Earhart, by John Mendelsohn. Pierson Library, Shelburne, 1-2:15 p.m. Free. Info, 985-5124.

kids ‘TIN Y TO TS’ STORY TIME: The 3-and-under crowd shares social time and stories. Barnes & Noble, S. Burlington, 10 a.m. Free. Info, 864-8001. STORY TIM E: Little listeners enjoy tall tales. Pierson Library, Shelburne, 10:30-11:30 a.m. Free. Info, 985-5124. STORY AND CRAFT TIME: Preschoolers aged 3 to 6 dabble in designs and drama. Fletcher Free Library, Burlington, 1010:45 a.m. Free. Info, 865-7216. HOM ESCHOOLERS STORY TIME: Kids older than 4 meet up with other homeschooled peers. Fletcher Free Library, Burlington, 1:30-2:30 p.m. Free. Info, 865-7216.

etc BURLINGTON BUSINESS ASSOCIATION: Rub shoulders with downtown movers and shakers at this annual holiday social with a “Babes inToyland” theme. Isabels, Burlington, 5:308 p.m. $12. Info, 863-1175. LAKE CHAMPLAIN SPEAK ERS SERIES: In a talk, “Fire and Ice,” a hydrogeologist explores the rock-related events that shaped the Champlain Basin. Lake Champlain Basin Science Center, Burlington, 7 p.m. Free. Info, 864-1848. TRAVEL INDUSTRY C O N FERENCE: “Capitalizing on Successful Partnerships” is the theme of this two-day event for people in Vermont’s tourism and travel trade. Radisson Hotel, Burlington, 7:30 a.m. - 5 p.m. $145. Info, 655-7769. ‘W HERE T H E BOYS ARE’ CONFERENCE: Planned Parenthood convenes a gathering to discuss the lack of focus on boys in recent years. Burlington, 9 a.m. - 4 p.m. $75. Register, 800-488-9638. NETW ORKING BREAK FAST: The Vermont Human Resources Association makes the

connection between stress relief and wellness. Sheraton Hotel, S. Burlington, 7:30 a.m. $10. Register, 860-2720. ILLUM INATION NIG HT: Light up your life — and two awesome evergreens — before a carol-filled candlelight proces sion to cross-campus refresh ments. Noble Hall, Vermont College, Norwich, 6 p.m. Free. Info, 828-8743. ‘INTERNATIONAL BOU T IQ U E ’: You don’t need a pass port to land gifts from Thailand, Indonesia, India, Africa and South America. Masonic Lodge, Route 100, Waitsfield, noon - 8 p.m. Free. Info, 496-5500. A TTEN TIO N D EFICIT DIS ORDER TALK: Dr. Timothy Farrell shows a video and slides illustrating ways to treat A.D.D. without drugs. The Racquet’s Edge, Essex, 7:30-8:30 p.m. Free. Info, 899-9991. REIKI CLINIC: Practitioners of all levels learn about the handson healing method. Fletcher Free Library, Burlington, 7-9 p.m. Free. Info, 864-9988. HEALTH LECTURE: Learn how to get fit — fast — at a talk entitled “H alf Hour to Better Health.” Chiropractic Works, Burlington, 5:20 p.m. Free. Info, 864-5000.

7 th u rs d a y

music • Also, see listings in “Sound Advice.” ALAN SILVA AND WILLIAM PARKER: The avant-garde jazz duo combines bass and synthe sizer to paint sonic landscapes. See “to do” list, this issue. FlynnSpace, Burlington, 7:30 p.m. $14. Info, 863-5966.

drama ‘N IG H T FIRES’: Songs, poetry and dances take the form of a ceremonial prayer to celebrate the winter solstice. See “to do” list, this issue. Unitarian Universalist Fellowship, Rutland, 8 p.m. $9. Info, 863-1024.

film ‘TIM E REGAINED’: See December 6. ‘LOST IN AMERICA’: Albert Brooks co-wrote, directed and stars in the cinematic story of an upwardly mobile couple opting out of the rat race. St. Michael’s College Chapel, Colchester, 7 p.m. Free. Info, 654-2535.

art • See exhibit openings in the art listings.

words B O O K DISCUSSION: A

Holiday Fun at

featuring g r e a t gifts and clothing for kids Zutano Outlet Store 79 Main Street Montpelier mon 10-5 tues-sat 10-6 sun 12-4 802-223-BABY www.zutano.com

ISABEL'S0NTHEW ATERfR0NT' BRASS ACT T h e

Join us For Dinner by the Fireplace Tuesday-Saturday 5:30-9 pm

Ch icag o R ea d er d e s c r ib e d them a s a “ h ip , e c l e c t i c s e x te t p a ra d in g in the

Full Service Lunch, Tuesday-Friday, llam -2pm and our fabulous Sunday Brunch 10:30-2!! (Reservations appreciated)

g u is e of a c l a s s i c a l l y tra in e d b r a s s -a n d - p e r c u s s io n e n s e m b le .” E x p e c t to h e a r e v e ry th in g from Jo s q u in d e s P re s to B a c h an d T h e B e a t le s , S u n d a y at the C h a n d le r M u s ic H a ll in R a n d o lp h .

New Reserve Wine List roundtable of readers scouts lit erary vistas via Hugh Brody’s Maps and Dreams: Indians and The British Columbia Frontier. Kreitzberg Library, Norwich University, Northfield, noon. Free. Info, 485-2176. BOOK CLUB M EETING: A roundtable of readers get caught up in Crossing to Safety, by Wallace Stegner. The Kept Writer Bookshop, St. Albans, 6:30 p.m. Free. Info, 893-7712. POETRY W ORKSHOP: Local poet David Weinstock shares writing tips with aspiring authors. Ilsley Public Library, Middlebury, 1 p.m. Free. Info, 388-7523.

kids SONG AND STORYTIME: Threes are company at this singing read-along for babies and toddlers. Fletcher Free Library, Burlington, 10-10:30 a.m. Free. Info, 865-7216.

sport BIKE RIDE: Helmets — and headlights — are de rigueur for cycle enthusiasts on a terraintackling ride after the sun sets. Meet at Alpine Shop, Middle bury, 6 p.m. Free. Info, 388-7547

etc

‘INTERNATIONAL BOU TIQ U E’: See December 6. TRAVEL INDUSTRY C O N FERENCE: See December 6, 7:30 a.m. - 4:15 p.m. Public Radio International’s “Savvy Traveler,” Rudy Maxa, talks about the future of tourism. See

“backtalk,” this issue. ECOLOGY LECTURE: Gregory Smith addresses educa tors interested in promoting a healthier and more sustainable culture. Memorial Lounge, Waterman, UVM, Burlington, 7-9 p.m. Free. Info, 656-1355. ADVENTURE SLIDE SHOW: The founder of a group interest ed in the ecological integrity of the former Soviet Union shares trekking stories from its farthest reaches. Vermont Commons School, S. Burlington, 7:30 p.m. $5. Info, 434-7257. GLBTQ SUPPORT GROUP: Gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgendered and questioning youth make new friends and get sup port. Outright Central Vermont, Montpelier, 7 p.m. Free. Info, 800-452-2428.

3 friria y

music • Also, see listings in “Sound Advice.” T H E WAVERLY CONSORT: The popular early music ensem ble recreates the pageantry of medieval church dramas and mystery plays under the auspices of the Lane Series. See “to do” list, this issue. Ira Allen Chapel, UVM, Burlington, 7:30 p.m. $20. Info, 656-4455. HOLIDAY POPS: Anthony Princiotti conducts the Vermont Symphony Orchestra in a pro

gram of holiday favorites, including singalongs and excerpts from The Nutcracker. Barre Opera House, 8 p.m. $19. Info, 800-876-9293 ext. 12. REBECCA PADULA: Winooski’s singing guitarist pre sents an evening of contempo rary folk, jazz and bluegrass. Borders, Church Street Marketplace, Burlington, 8 p.m. Free. Info, 865-2711. ANAIS MITCHELL: The local folk singer-songwriter gets into an original groove at Deerleap Books, Bristol, 7-9 p.m. Free. Info, 453-5684. CHRIS SMITHER: The gutsy guitarist and singer-songwriter brings his blues-styled sound to the After Dark Music Series. Town Hall Theater, Middlebury, 7 p.m. $16-18. Info, 388-0216. ‘T H E IN C ID E N T ’: A teen-run cabaret and coffeehouse features local performers, visual art, an open mike and refreshments. Montpelier City Hall Arts Center, 7 p.m. Free. Info, 223-5980. BAND AND C H O IR C O N CERT: Johnson State College’s student musicians and singers bring forth a recital of seasonal cheer. Dibden Center for the Arts, Johnson, 8 p.m. Free. Info, 635-1250. KATE BARCLAY: The local folk singer-songwriter shares her alternative groove with book browsers at the Kept Writer Bookshop, St. Albans, 7 p.m. Free. Info, 527-6242. HOLIDAY JAZZ: Enjoy live

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Give a Gift Certificate fo r a meal a t Isabel's or a Spirits & Food Pairing Dinner (8 0 2 ) 8 6 5 -2 5 2 2 1 1 2 L ake S t., B u rlin g to n , V T (across fro m W a terfro n t P ark)

This week in the arts at UVM DEPARTMENT OF MUSIC A NEW Ceremony of Lessons and Carols: Celebrating the Diverse Voices of Our Community

LANE SERIES The Waverly Consort The Christmas Story December 8 at 7:30 p.m. $20 4

IRA ALLEN CHAPEL

3556-4455

Featuring the music of UVM Concert Choir, Percussion Ensemble, B urli|jton High School Chords, the Choir of the First Congregatioj under the direc Professor David December 10 at 3:00 FIRST CONGREGATIO; BURLINGTOi

656-3040

MUSEUM Museum Store cember 7 & 8, 9 a.m. - 4 p-.m. 1 p.m. - 5 p.m.

ipes on Paper from the anent Collection ough December 17

agons, Silk, and Jade: 'hinese Objects from the Permanent Collection through December 17 656-0750 media sponsor:

Continued on next page

december 6, 2000

SEVEN DAYS

VERMONT

PUBUC TELEVISION

series made for Polish television illustrates each of the com mandments. In part 10, broth ers quarrel over their dead fathers stamp collection. Room LL7, Community College of Vermont, Burlington, 7 p.m. Free. Info, 865-4422.

Continued from page 3b music from “Just Jazz” between trips to the buffet and silent auction bids to benefit the Northwestern Counseling and Support Services, 107 Fisher Pond, St. Albans, 7 p.m. $20. Info, 524-6554.

art

dance

• Also, see exhibit openings in the art listings.

H O L ID A Y LATIN D A N C E PARTY: DJ Jose mixes classic

H O L ID A Y O P E N H O U SE :

and fresh Latin American hits. St. John’s Club, 9 Central St., Burlington, 9 p.m. - 1:30 a.m. $5. Info, 658-8743.

Quilt artist Alicia Lorenzo dis plays her “Goddess Series” fab ric artworks at Phoenix Rising, Montpelier, 4:30-7 p.m. Free. Info, 229-0522. ' .

drama ‘N IG H T FIRES’: See Decem

words

ber 7, Unitarian Universalist Church, Burlington. ERIC B O G O SIA N : The play wright satirizes his own mid-life crisis in a one-man performance piece titled Wake Up and Smell the Coffee. Flynn Center, Burlington, 8 p.m. $25. Info, 863-5966.

R U ST Y DEW EES: The local

actor cuts up at a signing of his new video, The Logger Visits New York City. Barnes & Noble, S. Burlington, 5:30-7 p.m. Free. Info, 864-8001. K A TH ER IN E PATERSON:

The Newbury-award-winning Vermont author tells seasonal stories — the old-fashioned way — at the Carpenter Carse Library, Hinesburg, 7 p.m. Free. Info, 482-2878.

‘T H E M IRACLE W O R K E R ’:

This inspiring play centers on the extraordinary relationship between Helen Keller and her teacher Annie Sullivarft ^ Pendragon Theatre, Saranac Lake, N.Y., 8 p.m. $15T7. Info, 518-891-1854.

kids ‘M U S IC W IT H ROBERT A N D G IG I’: Kids sing songs

film

with Robert Resnik and his fid dle-playing friend Gigi Weisman. Fletcher Free Library, Burlington, 11-11:30 a.m. Free. Register, 865-7216.

‘H U M A N R E SO U R C E S’: This

award-winning French Film examines the widening of the generation gap when a yuppified son becomes a manager in the machinery plant where his father is a long-time laborer. Catamount Arts, St. Johnsbury, 7 p.m. $6. Info, 748-2600.

sport SKI CLUB M EETIN G :

Anyone going downhill this sea son is invited to check out new products and hear about the Burlington Ski Club’s activities.

TEN COM M ANDM ENTS M O V IE SERIES: A 10-part

M AC

USERS

while you learn more about the buying power of “Burlington ■ Bread.” McClure Multi- ‘ Generational Center, Burling ton, 6:30 p.m. Free. Info, 434-8103. H O LID A Y BAZAAR: Stocking stuffers, homemade holiday goods and a hearty pea soup luncheon are in store for shop pers at the Champlain Senior Center, BwrJington, 9 a.m. - 4 p.m. Free. Info, 658-3585. A R TISA N S T U D IO SALE:

H unt through hoards of hand made puppets, pottery, painted silk and wool Christmas stock ings. Firerobin Puppets, Bridge St., Richmond, 9 a.m. —6 p.m. Free. Info, 434-3133. H O LID A Y FESTIVAL: Make headway on holiday shopping at an evening event geared for grown-ups. Lake Champlain Waldolf School, Shelburne, 7-9 p.m. Free. Info, 985-2827. ‘G REEN TAXES’ C O N F E R ENCE: Panelists explore the

eco-implications of the ques tion: “Are Green Taxes a Solution for Pollution?” Vermont Law School, S. Royalton, 8:30 a.m. - 4:45 p.m. $35. Register, 223-2328. M ADRIG AL D IN N E R : King

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Friday 12/8-Thurs. 12/14 6 :3 0 & 8 :5 0 S a t & S u n a ls o a t 1 :3 0 n u t t e r l y G r ip p in g C in e m a t ic A d v e n t u r e !

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BLUES WITHOUT BLAME SLUES JAM

BATTERED W O M E N ’S S U P P O R T G R O U P: Battered

Women’s Services and Shelter facilitates a group in Barre, 10 a.m. Free. Info,* 2213-0855: *

Saturday music • Also, see listings in “Sound Advice.” :; H O L ID A Y POPS: See December 8, Flynn Center, Burlington, 8 p.m. $9-35. H A N D E L ’S ‘M E SSIA H ’:

Daniel Bruce conducts the Vermont Philharmonic and community singers in the choral Christmas classic. Chan dler Music Hall, Randolph, 7 p.m. $12. Info, 728-9878. ‘A CELEBRATION OF AFRICA’: An evening of

African music and dance drums up support for the Vermont Global Village Project’s educa tional travel programs. Flynn Center, Burlington, 7:30 p.m. $5-10. Info, 879-3372. ‘RA ISIN G V O IC E S’: Random Association convenes a crowd of a cappella groups to chime in

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Enosburg original Sarah Sheperd is featured in a pro gram for guitar, oboe, piano and voice. Opera House at Enosburg Falls, 8 p.m. $7.50. Info, 933-6171.

dance SA C R ED CIRCLE D A N C E:

Celebrate the winter solstice and earth-based spirituality through traditional folk dances. Yoga Vermont Studio, Chace Mill, Burlington, 7:30-9:30 if p.m. Donations. Info, 425-6061. SQ U A R E D A N C E :

Experienced dancers square off for a holiday Western-style dance with Ray Moskewich and Andy Williams. St. Anthony’s Gym, Burlington, 6:30-10:30

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SA N C T A LUCIA FESTIVAL:

The Swedish celebration of a candle-crowned saint includes carol-singing, dancing and an authentic Swedish feast. See “to do” list, this issue. Covenant Community Church, Essex, 4:30 & 7:30 p.m. $7. Info, 899-1025. ; r;.5 SO C IA L B A N D : This a cappel la group from Northwestern Vermont pipes up with holiday tunes from medieval Europe, the Renaissance and early America. St. Mary’s Episcopal Church, Northfield, 7:30 p.m. $8. Info, 863-1277.

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‘L ESSO N S A N D CAROLS’:

The college choir blends choral music and biblical texts in a tra ditional Christmas concert. St. Michael’s College, Colchester, 7 p.m. Free. Info, 654-2535.

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B U R L IN G T O N C U R R E N C Y POTLUCK: Feast with friends

Gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgendered and questioning youth make new friends and get sup-port. Outright Vermont, ! Burlington, 6:30-9 p.m. Free. Info, 800-452-2428.

on a holiday fundraiser for local youth organizations. Burlington City Hall Auditorium, 7-10 p.m. $10. Info, 865-7178.

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G L B T Q S U P P O R T G R O U P:

No clay feet at this open house, featuring ceramic works by Claude Lehman. 214 Battery St., Burlington, 4-9 p.m. Free. Info, 660-4792.

16 H o u r s a D a y 7 D a y s a W eek

‘IN T E R N A T IO N A L B O U T IQ U E ’: See December 6. PO TTER Y S T U D IO SALE:

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Henry VIII hosts a classy Christmas meal with period music and merriment on the side. Warren Ballrooms, Angell College Center, Plattsburgh State University, 6 p.m. $25-30. Info, 877-602-0206.

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Upper Deck Pub, Windjammer Restaurant, S. Burlington, 5:307 p.m. Free. Info, 864-1873.

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p.m. $5 each or $8 per couple. Info, 985-2012. BALLROOM DANCE: Exercise doesn’t have to be work. Cut the rug to live music at the Frederick Tuttle Middle School, 8:30-11 p.m. $10. Info, 879-0501. Waltz lessons start at 7 p.m. BATOTO YETU: A troupe of 40 young dancers and drum mers from Harlem blend African traditions to dramatize a folktale. See “to do” list, this issue. Hopkins Center, Dart mouth College, Hanover, N .H ., 7 p.m. $17. Info, 603646-2422.

drama ‘N IG H T FIRES’: See Decem ber 7, Unitarian Universalist Church, Burlington. ‘T H E MIRACLE W ORKER’: See December 8. ‘T H E BEST CHRISTMAS PAGEANT EVER’: Champlain Arts Theater Company samples its Christmas comedy about a couple forced to cast a brood of rascals in their holiday play. Barnes & Noble, S. Burlington, 2 p.m. Free. Info, 864-8001. ‘A CO M M U N ITY C H R IST MAS CAROL’: Actors decked out in Victorian costumes read the entire Dickens classic, and join in the caroling after the show. Old Parish Church, Weston, 7:30 p.m. Donations. Info, 824-5288.

film ‘HUM AN RESOURCES’: See December 8, 7 & 9 p.m.

art • Also, see exhibit openings in the art listings.

MARY AZARIAN: The award winning Vermont illustrator signs her new large-format ret rospective, The Four Seasons o f Mary Azarian. Frog Hollow, Church Street Marketplace, Burlington, 10 a.m. —noon and Middlebury, 1—3 p.m. Free. Info, 388-3177.

words RUSTY DEWEES: See December 8, Apple Mountain, Champlain Mill, Winooski, 11 a.m. —1 p.m. Free. Info, 6547450 and Church Street Marketplace, Burlington, 2-4 p.m. Free. Info, 658-6452. BILL EICHNER A N D JULIA ALVAREZ: The married authors discuss their latest off spring — Eichner’s The New Family Cookbook and Alvarez’s The Secret Footprints — at Borders, Church Street Marketplace, Burlington, 4 p.m. Free. Info, 865-2711. ‘V ER M O N T D O G S’: Author Roberta Haskin signs her new book documenting photogenic Fidos. See “to do” list, this issue. Polite pooches may sit pretty for portraits with Santa for $4. Book Rack, Champlain Mill, Winooski, 3 p.m. Free. Register, 655-0231. JAN ALBERS: The author signs Hands on the Land: A History o f the Vermont Landscape, about the shaping of the state. Vermont Book Shop, Middlebury, 2-3:30 p.m. Free. Info, 388-2061. POETRY READING: Vermont poet and Dartmouth prof Sydney Lea reads selections from his seven books of verse. Chaffee Arts Center, Rutland, 7:30 p.m. $5. Info, 775-5413.

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with each order of... Fresh Ginger, *Rsian or Traditional Cocktails and 16 beers.

oz.

6 - 8 G IR L S D A IL Y !

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W W W .DIM0NDD011K U FEMALE DANCERS WANTED

etc POTTERY STU D IO SALE: See December 8, 10 a.m. —4 p.m. ARTISAN STUDIO SALE: See December 8, 9 a.m. - 5 p.m. HOLIDAY FESTIVAL: See December 8, 10 a.m. —3 p.m. Today kids keep busy with craft projects, a magician and a pup pet show. MADRIGAL DINNER: See December 8. CHURCH STREET H O LI DAY CELEBRATION: Get

W HOHT A LLSTA R S

glass & gear daflijf

f r e e b ie s M ONDAY Pouch

w/every purchase

Sunday m usic

• Also, see listings in “Sound Advice.” HANDEL’S ‘MESSIAH’: See

Continued on page 6b

LIVE! AT 135 PEARL! EVERY WEDNESDAY 9pm-2am NO COVER

KARAOKE THIS FRIDAY & SATURDAY 9pm $7

!(U TU ESD A Y

y© U R C H O IC E O F: 3 Sushi Slices 3 Dumplings

$3 DRAFTS

PER W EEK PART TIME

at Pacific Rim Cafe

w/every purchase

W ED N ESD A Y One-Hitter w/$30 purchase

Join Amber & Margaruite, The Sisters LeMay; as they celebrate the holidays with their friends the Hot Damn Trailer Park

FR ID A Y Replacement Slide

w/every water pipe purchase

DANCE

SA T U R D A Y

FRIDAYS 10pm-3am SATURDAY 10pm-4am

T-Shirt

w/$100 purchase

SUIYIDAY $lO Gift Certificate w/$150 purchase

111 St. Paul • 651-3000

jowi*-of, U H

Liquid Pipe Cleaner

w/every purchase

E A R N $ 6 0 0 TO $1000

4628 Route 9 South, Plattsburgh Grand Isle/Plattsburgh ferry now runs 24 hours a day!

sport SKI CLUB SILENT AUC TIO N : “Shushed” bids on hotel stays, lift tix and ski equipment benefit the programs of the Smugglers’ Notch Ski and Snowboard Club. Snow Club Clubhouse, Practice Slope, Smugglers’ Notch, Jefferson ville, 10 a.m. —5 p.m. Free. Info, 644-1177. BOARDING FOR BREAST CANCER: Skiers and snowboarders hit the slopes to raise funds for breast cancer research. Stratton Mountain Resort, 8 a.m. - 7 p.m. Donations. Register, 864-7123 ext. 16.

correct tours in a holiday spirit. Billings Farm and Museum, Woodstock, 10 a.m. - 4 p.m. $8. Info, 457-2355. COLLEGE IN T R O SESSION: Learn about career-building programs in fields like human services, conflict management and paralegal studies. Wood bury College, Montpelier, 9 * a.m. - 1:30 p.m. & 4:30-8:30 p.m. Free. Register, 800639-6039. ORGANIZATIONAL W ORK SHOP: The third in a series of practical trainings advises Vermont nonprofits how to encourage planned giving. Vermont Center for Indepen dent Living, Montpelier, 9:30 a.m. - noon. $5. Register, 860-6236. HOLIDAY OPEN HOUSE: The restored Greek revival Cupola House breaks out its collection o f art, handicrafts and quilts in a Christmas spirit. S. Main St., Essex, N.Y., 11 a.m. - 6 p.m. Free. Info, 518963-7494. OVEREATERS ANONY MOUS: Addicted to eating? The issue of food abuse is on the table at Lawrence Library, Bristol, 9:30 a.m. Free. Info, 453-2368.

Pouch

THURSDAY NIGHT 9:30-ll:30pm

C A L L $ 1 8 -5 6 1 -7 4 1 6

‘TENNESSEE TALES’: Local author Laban Hill spins yarns from his Tennessee heritage for kids aged 4 and over. Fletcher Free Library, Burlington, 1010:45 a.m. Free. Info, 865-7216. HOLIDAY CRAFT MAKING: Kids of all ages fashion festive gifts from natural materials. Vermont Leadership Center, E. Charleston, 11 a.m. - 4 p.m. $10 for first kid, $5 for addi tional ones. Info, 723-4705.

into the spirit with free horsedrawn carriage rides, chocolatetoting elves and an a cappella concert. Venues around the Church Street Marketplace, Burlington, noon - 4 p.m. Free. Info, 863-1648. BOTH SIDES NOW: Vermont’s vibrant bisexual group supports men and women through discussions of issues, ideas and feelings. 35 King Street, Burlington, 6:30 p.m. Free. Info, 879-1147. HOLIDAY OPEN HOUSE: Nature lovers check out animalcentered gifts, tour “critter rooms” and get eagle-eye views of live hawks and owls. VINS North Branch Nature Center, Montpelier, 10 a.m. - 3 p.m. Free. Info, 229-6206. INTEGRATIVE M EDICIN E OPEN HOUSE: Meet the practitioners and get treated to mini-sessions in massage, acu pressure, energy therapy and naturopathic medicine. Vermont Integrative Medicine, 172 Berlin St., Montpelier, 10:30 a.m. —3:30 p.m. Free. Info, 229-1999. COOLID GE CHRISTMAS OPEN HOUSE: The quintes sential Vermont village that hatched “Silent Cal” gets decked out for the holidays. President Coolidge State Historic Site, 10 a.m. —4 p.m. Free. Info, 672-3773. CHRISTMAS FESTIVAL: The village offers horse-drawn car riage rides, free holiday movies and a visit from Santa. Venues around Weston, 11 a.m. - 6 p.m. Free. Info, 824-3184. ‘CHRISTMAS AT BILLINGS FARM’: The period Vermont homestead offers historically

T H U R SD A Y

T O U R PLA CE O R O U RS?

kids

E l l\l. WIIMOOSKI A V E BURL IIMGTDIM - 8 E .E L A S S

135 PEARL STREET 863-2343 135pearl.com decem ber 6

BEST DAN F IN

December 9, Barre Opera House, 4 p.m. $12. Info, 476-8188. SOCIAL B A N D : See December 9, College Street Congregational Church, Burlington, 3 p.m. F O U R SH ILLING S SHORT:

The California-based Celtic music duo plays for shoppers at Borders, Church Street Marketplace, Burlington, 3-3 p.m. Free. Info, 865-2711. SPEN C ER LEWIS: The local guitarist plays holiday-tinged tunes at Frog Hollow, Church Street Marketplace, Burlington, 1-4 p.m. Free. Info, 863-6458.

SATURDAY RIGHT, FEBRUARY 17 7:0UPM & 9:3UPM Flynn Center for the Performing Arts, Burlington Charge Tickets by Phone (802) 86-FLYNN

Think Globally. Act Locally.

C H A M BER SINGERS:

Colchester High School’s vocal ensemble entertains holiday shoppers at Barnes & Noble, S. Burlington, 5 p.m. Free. Info, 864-8001.

The UVM Choir joins student ensembles to celebrate the sea son with music and readings from diverse spiritual tradi tions. First Congregational Church, Burlington, 3 p.m. Donations. Info, 862-5010. R H Y T H M A N D BRASS: The definition-defying six-piece brass ensemble serves up a mix of Duke Ellington tunes and holiday hits. Chandler Music Hall, Randolph, 3 p.m. $15. Info, 728-9133.

Champlain Arts Theater Company stages the comedy about a couple forced to cast a brood of rascals in their holi day play. Burlington City Hall Auditorium, 3 & 7 p.m. $7. Info, 863-5966.

film ‘H U M A N R E SO U R C E S’: See

December 8, 1:30 & 7 p.m.

SU SA N M C K E O W N A N D J O H N N Y C U N N IN G H A M :

‘I T ’S A W O N D E R F U L LIFE’: Jimmy Stewart gets

Dublin native McKeown lends her distinctive voice to a ses sion with the fiddling founder of Silly Wizard. Woodstock Town Hall, 7 p.m. $15. Info, 728-6351. .

angelic advice in this seasonal classic about the difference one life can make. Burlington College, 6 p.m. Free. Info, 862-9616.

art

dance

EARLY M U SIC CONCERT:

BATOTO YETU: See

Jeff Rehbach conducts the Middlebury Chamber Singers and Early Music Vermont in a program of English medieval carols, Spanish Renaissance songs and Italian Baroque selections. Mead Chapel, Middlebury College, 3 p.m. Free. Info, 443-5877.

December 9, 2 p.m.

N E W C ER EM O N Y OF LESSONS A N D CAROLS:

863-5966. ‘T H E BEST C H R IST M A S PA G EA N T EVER’:

• Also, see exhibit openings in the art listings. M ARY AZA R IA N : See December 9, Bear Pond Books, Montpelier, 11 a.m. Free. Info, 229-0774.

drama A C H R ISTM A S CAROL’:

This musical adaptation of the Dickens tale incorporates English carols, lively dancing and 19th-century costumes reminiscent of Christmas past. Flynn Center, Burlington, 7 p.m. $18-29.50. Info,

words CHELSEA G R E E N B O O K S IG N IN G S: Joe Sherman

reads from his Fast Lane on a

Continued on page 8b V ER M O N T ) LONGEST-RUNNING COMEDY CLUB! IT'S FUNN IER THAN EVER!

A T THE

60 BATTERY STREET BURLINGTON

NORTHERN

V .

CARTOGRAPHIC

FRIDAY/ DECEMBER 8TH AT 9 PM

SATURDAY/ DECEMBER 9TH 8 PM & 10 PM

4050 Williston Rd. • South Burlington • 860-2886 6

RE _______

VACARELLO AND

f r ) JER R Y CARUSO (A LL 658-6SOO FOR RESERVATIONS! THE MOSCOW BOYS CHOIR This 33-voice choir sings for us a special holiday program including newly selected * carols of Russia, Europe and Africa—many sung in their native language. A concert to set in motion the spirit of the season. Just the ticket to give to anyone on your holiday list.

sd a y 13 d e c e m b e r

Grace Congregational E

$ 1 0 ch

hn i

y concert 775 5413

Call for tickets & information

S T U F F IT ! with a

WATERWORKS

GIFT CERTIFICATE!!! Put the "gift that keeps on giving" in those Christmas Stockings! A great way to thank your em ployees! Ask for our Corporate Discounts.

WATERWORKS Open 1 days a week LUNCH * BRUNCH > DINNER in The Champlain Mill 6 5 5 - 2 0 4 4

asses aikido A IK ID O O F C H A M P L A IN VALLEY: Adults, Monday

through Friday, 5:45-6:45 p.m. and 7-8:15 p.m. Thursdays, noon - 1 p.m. Saturdays, 911:45 a.m. Children, Tuesdays & Thursdays, 4-5 p.m. Aikido of Champlain Valley, 17 E. Allen St., Winooski. $55/month, $120/three months, intro specials. Info, 654-6999 or www.aikidovt.org. Study this graceful, flowing mar tial art to develop flexibility, con fidence and self-defense skills. A IK ID O O F V E R M O N T :

Ongoing classes Monday through Friday, 6-7 p.m. and 78 p.m. Saturday, 9-10:30 a.m. Sunday, 10-11:30 a.m. Above Onion River Co-op, 274 N. Winooski Ave., Burlington. Info, 862-9785. Practice the art o f Aikido in a safe and supportive environment.

art D R A W IN G W O R K SH O P :

Saturday, December 9. Firehouse Center for the Visual Arts, Church St., Burlington. $30. Register, 865-7166. Diane Gabriel introduces aspiring artists to the spontaneity o f making art and the possibilities o f personal “mark making. ”

bartending PR O FE SSIO N A L B A R T E N D IN G T R A IN IN G : Day,

evening and weekend courses. Various locations. Info, 888854-4448 or bartendingschool.com. Get certified to make a mean martini, margarita, manhattan or mai tai.

business ‘G E T T IN G S E R IO U S ’:

January 11, 18, 24 and February 1. Women’s Small Business Program, Burlington. $115, grants available. Info, 846-7160. Explore the possibili ties and realities o f business own ership, assess your skills and inter ests and develop a business idea. ‘START U P ’: February through May. Womens Small Business Program, Burlington. $1250, grants available. Info, 8467160. Learn valuable skills as you write a business plan. ‘A D V E N T U R E S IN M A R K E T IN G ’: February 6, 13, 20

and 27. Womens Small Business Program, Brattleboro. $150, grants available. Info, 846-7160. Learn how to fin d your customer, assess your compe tition and market your business. ‘M A N A G E M E N T 1 0 1 ’: Three Tuesdays, February 20, 27 and March 6, 6-8 p.m. Women’s Small Business Program, Burlington. $100, grants avail able. Learn the basics o f humanresource. management.

Guild, Rt. 7. $60. Info, 8773668. Make a basket you can use for storing kindling or magazines. ‘H O L ID A Y CLAY F U N ’:

Sunday, December 10, 1-4 p.m. Ferrisburgh Artisans Guild, Rt. 7. $30. Info, 877-3668. Aspiring potters o f all ages learn to make ceramics for holiday gifts. P A IN T IN G CERAMICS:

Ongoing classes. Blue Plate Ceramic Cafe, 119 College St., Burlington. Free. Info, 6520102. Learn the fundamentals o f painting ceramics. CLAY CLASSES: Ongoing classes. Frog Hollow State Craft Center, Burlington, Middlebury and Manchester. Info, 8607474, 388-3177 or www.froghollow.org. Work with clay in various classes offered throughout the year. PO T T E R Y & SC ULPTURE:

All ages and abilities, group classes, private lessons, studio rental. Day, evening and week end offerings. Vermont Clay Studio, 2802 Rt. 100, Waterbury Center. Register, 224-1126 ext. 41. Enjoy the pleasures and challenges o f work- * ing with clay, whether you’ve had a lot, a little or no experience.

kids O P E N S T U D IO : Saturday,

December 16, 1-4 p.m. ages , 10-13. Firehouse Center for the Visual Arts, Church St., Burlington. $10. Register, 8657166. Kids create holiday gifts and cards.

language ITALIAN: Group and individ

ual instruction, beginner to advanced, all ages. Middlebury area. Info, 545-2676. Lmmerse yourself in Ltalian to get ready for a trip abroad, or to better enjoy the country’s music, art and cui sine. ESL: Ongoing small group classes, beginners and interme diates. Vermont Adult Learning, Sloan Hall, Fort Ethan Allen, Colchester. Free. Info, 6548677. Improve your listening, speaking, reading and writing skills in English as a second language.

meditation ZEN M ED ITA TIO N :

dance A R G E N T IN E TANG O :

Saturday, December 9, noon1:30 p.m. Introduction of basic figures, 1:45-3:15 p.m. Ochos and Sacadas, 3:45-5:15 p.m. Tango Valse. Jazzercise, Williston. $15/person/class or 3 classes/$40. Info, 879-3998 or mkiey@aol.com. Lyne Renaud and Marco Caridi ofA l Sur teach Argentine tango. Y M C A D A N C E: Ongoing classes for adults, teens and chil dren. YMCA, College St., Burlington. Info, 862-9622. Classes are offered in Latin, swing and youth ballet.

health C O C A IN E ABU SE TREAT M EN T: Ongoing outpatient

program. University of Vermont Substance Abuse Treatment Center, Room 1415, University Health Center, 1 S. Prospect St., Burlington. Free. Info, 6568714 or 800-377-8714. Get immediate, confidential treat ment with behavioral counseling and supportive services.

juggling JU G G L IN G CLUB: Ongoing

Mondays, 5-7 p.m. Memorial Auditorium, Burlington. Ongoing Tuesdays, 5-8 p.m. Racquetball Courts, Patrick Gym, University of Vermont, Burlington. Donations. Info, 658-5512. Beginner-to-expert jugglers and unicyclists convene.

Mondays, 4:45-5:45 p.m. Thursdays, 5:30-6:30 p.m. Burlington. Free. Info, 6586466. Meditate with a sitting group associated with the Zen " Affiliate o f Vermont. M ED ITA TIO N : Ongoing Tuesdays, 7-8:30 p.m. Green Mt. Learning Center, Spirit Dancer Books, 125 S. Winooski Ave., Burlington. Donations. Info, 660-8060. Take part in a weekly meditation and discussion group. ‘T H E WAY O F T H E SU FI’:

Tuesdays, 7:30-9 p.m. South Burlington. Free. Info, 6582447. This Sufi-style meditation incorporates breath, sound and movement. M ED ITA TIO N : Sundays, 9 a.m. - noon. Burlington Shambhala Center, 187 S. Winooski Ave. Free. Info, 6586795. Instructors teach non-sec tarian and Tibetan Buddhist meditations. G U ID E D M ED ITA TIO N :

Sundays, 10:30 a.m. The Shelburne Athletic Club, Shelburne Commons. Free. Info, 985-2229. Practice guided meditation for relaxation and focus. M IN D F U L N E SS M ED ITA T IO N ’: Ongoing Sundays, 5-6

p.m. 35 King St., Burlington. Free. Info, 864-7715. Gain greater awareness, breath by breath.

music TAIKO: Thursdays, December

karate T R A D IT IO N A L JAPANESE

craft

KARATE: Ongoing

H E A R T H BASKETS:

Wednesdays and Fridays, 6-7:30 p.m. 208 Flynn Ave., Burlington. Free. Info, 951 -

Saturday, December 9, 10 a.m. - 4 p.m. Ferrisburgh Artisans

9047 or Kumite46@excite.com. Benefit from the physical, mental and spiritual training o f tradi tional Japanese Shotokan karate.

7 and 14, 4 p.m. for kids and 5 p.m. for adults. Capital City Grange, Montpelier or Mondays, 4 p.m. for kids. 208 Flynn Ave., Burlington. Kids $8, Adults $12. Info, 658-0658.

Experience the power o/taikostyle drumming. DJEMBE: Ongoing Wednesdays, 5:30 p.m. 140 Shelburne St., Burlington. $12. Info, 658-0658. Stuart Paton teaches djembe drumming.

photography IN S T R U C T IO N : Classes,

workshops and private instruc tion. Info, 372-3104. Take class es in creative and technical cam era and darkroom skills while learning to “see” with a photo graphic eye. PH O TO G R A PH Y : Ongoing class. Jon’s Darkroom, Essex Junction. Info, 879-4485. Beginning photographers, or those who need a refresher course, take classes in shooting or black-andwhite processing.

reiki REIKI CLINIC: Thursday,

December 14, 6:30-9 p.m. Pathways to Wellbeing, Burlington. Free. Register, 6572567 or 860-4949. Boost your immune system and promote healing with this relaxation tech nique that relieves stress and pain.

have a friend or relative with an alcohol problem? Alcoholics Anonymous can help. N A R C O T IC S A N O N Y M O U S: Ongoing daily groups.

Various locations in Burlington, S. Burlington and Plattsburgh. Free. Info, 862-4516. I f you’re ready to stop using drugs, this group o f recovering addicts can offer inspiration. OVEREATERS A N O N Y M O U S: Tuesday, December 12,

6 p.m. First Congregational Church, Essex Junction. Free. Info, 863-2655. Overeaters meet for support around food and health issues. PARTNERS A N D FR IE N D S O F SURVIVORS: Group

forming. Info, 655-4907. Partners and friends o f childhood abuse survivors share struggles and successes with peers. PSY C H IA TR IC S U P P O R T G R O U P: Thursdays, 7 p.m.

Various Burlington locations. Free. Info, 288-1006. Get peer support for depression, anxiety or other psychiatric illness. SEX A N D LOVE A D D IC T S A N O N Y M O U S : Sundays, 7

self-defense

p.m. Free. Info, write to P.O. Box 5843, Burlington, 05402. Get help through this weekly 12step program.

BRAZILIAN JIU -JITSU A N D C A R D IO B O X IN G : Ongoing

women

classes for men, women and children, Monday through Saturday. Vermont Brazilian JiuJitsu Academy, 4 Howard St., Burlington. Info, 660-4072. Escape fear with an integrated self-defense system based on tech nique, not size, strength or speed.

spirit

‘C R E A T IN G JOY A N D A B U N D A N C E ’: January 18,

24, February 1, 8, 15 and 22. Women’s Small Business Program, Trinity College, Burlington. $115, grants avail able. Info, 846:7160. Learn how to eliminate barriers and achieve your goalsi

‘R E B IR T H IN G W O R K S H O P ’: Monday, December

yoga

11, 6-8 p.m. Spirit Dancer Books, 125 S. Winooski Ave., Burlington. $40. Info, 6608060. Improve your mental clari ty, inner peace and emotional insight through “connected breathing. ”

Ongoing classes. Essex Jet. Info, 878-5299. Release chronic ten sion, gain self-awareness and honor your inner wisdom through Kripalu-style yoga study.

substance abuse SU B ST A N C E A BU SE TREATM ENT: Weekend pro

gram. Possibilities Counseling Center, Essex Jet. Info, 8786378. Working professionals get non-residential, affordable treat ment in a private setting.

support groups OVEREATERS A N O N Y M O U S: Daily meetings in vari

ous locations. Free. Info, 8632655. Overeaters get support in addressing their problem.

‘B E C O M IN G PEACE YOGA’:

B E E C H E R HILL YOGA:

Ongoing daytime & evening classes for all levels. Info, 4823191 orhillyoga@sover.net. Get private or group instruction in prenatal yoga, integrative yoga therapy or gentle yoga for recovery and rehabilitation. Y O G A V E R M O N T : Daily classes, noon, 5:30 and 7:30 p.m. Saturday and Sunday, 9:30 a.m. Chace Mill, Burlington. Info, 660-9718 or yogavermont.com. Ashtanga-style “p ower”yoga classes offer sweaty fu n for all levels o f experience. ® Class

Listings:

$10/week

A L C O H O L IC S A N O N Y -

MOUS: Daily meetings in vari ous locations. Free. Info, 8608382. Want to overcome a drink ing problem? Take the first step — o f 12 — and join a group in your area. AL-ANON: Ongoing Wednesdays, 8 p.m. First Congregational Church, N. Winooski Ave., Burlington. Free. Info, 655-6512. Do you

$30/four weeks. Mail info and pay ment to: Classes, Seven Days, PO Box 1164, Burlington, VT 05402. All submissions due in writing on Thursday

before

publication.

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B a sic M ediation T rain in g with Alice Estey an d Tammy Lenski Here is your opportunity to:

JULES A N D EFFIN OLDER:

• Learn an exciting and challenging n e w skill ♦ Explore m ediation as a possible future vocation • Learn about m ediation as a resource for clients

The prolific couple sign their most recent books: Backroad and Offroad Biking and My Two Grandmothers. Barnes & Noble, S. Burlington, 2 p.m. Free. Info, 864-8001. FRED T U T T L E : The home grown hero of Man With A Plan chats about his new disc, Fred Speaks. Book Rack, Champlain Mill, Winooski, 2 p.m. Free. Info, 655-0231.

Cost: $585. CLE and C ollege credits available M o n t p e l ie r :

January 1 0 -1 3 B u r l in g t o n :

March 7 - 1 0

W oodbury C o llege 1-800-820-0442

Dirt AW /w ith Tim Matson, author of the funeral-business expose Round Trip to Deadsville. Borders, Church Street Marketplace, Burlington, 2-4 p.m. Free. Info, 865-2711.

kids

Woodbury Dispute Resolution Center 660 Elm Street Montpelier, Vermont

‘H O L ID A Y T E D D Y BEAR JA M BO R EE’: Brattleboro

singer-songwriter Gary Rosen grins and “bears” it with a blend of country, Celtic, calyp so and rock ’n’ roll. Montshire Museum, Norwich, noon, $9. Info, 649-2200.

www.woodbury~college.edu

sport

Gift Certificates Haircuts Shaves Coloring Beard Styling

Give the „ Gift pf

Grooming

Hand Detailing

FULL M O O N HIKE: Howl at !the moon on a nighttime hike with the Burlington section of | the Green Mountain Club. Free. Register, 879-1302.

Gray Management

AVEDA

Body Hair Removal

150B Church St

ROOM

8 0 2 .8 6 4 .2 0 8 8

o full service salon

n e w s p a p e r

TFT!

Last month hundreds of families received a one-week ration from the Chittenden Emergency Food Shelf. For many tf was their only source of food.

—

1 monday music • Also, see listings in “Sound Advice.” ‘C H IC A G O ’: Greed, murder, exploitation and adultery share center stage in this sold-out Bob Fosse-choreographed musi cal set in the Roaring ’20s. Flynn Center, Burlington, 7:30 p.m. $24-44. Info, 863-5966.

film ‘H U M A N R ESO U R C ES’: See

December 8.

art • See exhibit openings in the art listings.

‘C H R IST M A S AT BILLINGS FARM ’: See December 9. H O L ID A Y O P E N H O U SE :

See December 9. United Nations activist Krishna Ajooja-Patel speaks about human rights at a lunchtime lecture with Indian refresh ments. Peace & Justice Center, Church Street Marketplace, noon —2 p.m. Free. Info, 863-2345. M U S E U M O P E N H O U SE :

'FEED YOUR

The historic house opens its doors for punch, cookies and an exhibit of 19th-century winter clothing. Rokeby Museum, Ferrisburgh, 1-4 p.m. Free. Info, 877-3406.

This campaign challenges people

G R E Y H O U N D O PEN H O U SE : Meet the former rac

PRESENT...

ornament and enjoy equine centric activities to benefit “orphan” horses in need of good homes. H.O.R.S.E. of Ver mont, 525 Vermont Route 109, Jeffersonville, 10 a.m. —2 p.m. Donations. Info, 644-2759.

etc

H U M A N R IG H T S DAY:

SEVEN DAYS

H O R SE A N G EL O P E N BARN: Decorate a horse angel

PO T T E R Y S T U D IO SALE:

See December 8, 10 a.m. —4 p.m.

Foot Overhauls

ers up for adoption and learn about the organization that “saves” them. Northern Greyhound Adoptions, Tanneberger Vet Clinic, Route 104, St. Albans, 2-5 p.m. Free. Info, 524-6659.

words BALKAN R EA D IN G GRO UP: Readers compare cri

tiques of The Prince o f Fire: An Anthology o f Contemporary Serbian Short Stories. KelloggHubbard Library, Montpelier, 7:30 p.m. Free. Info, 223-3338.

kids STORY TIM E: See December

6. SC IEN C E H O U R : Pint-sized

preschoolers and their parents enjoy science stories, live ani mals and activities. Lake Champlain Science Center, Burlington, 10 a.m. ’- noon. $3. Info, 864-1848.

sport BIKE RIDE: See December 7.

throughout the county to collect tw o tons of food for the Food Shelf during the holidays.

HappyHole-i-days!

Stop by w ith your donation. Foods high in protein that don't require refrigeration, such as canned tuna, chili, beef stew , beans, baby food and form ula, are especially needed. Financial contributions may be made as w e ll. Look fo r W IZN and the BUZZ at COSTCO W HOLESALE, located just o ff e x it 16 in Colchester, on:

U N IV E R S IT Y MALL

SATURDAY, DECEMBER 9 11 A.M . - 2 P.M.

ARM Y

$25 p ie rcin g on p iercing norm ally *40, tnd ABOVE f t e le lt O ffer include* 14 ^o^ejcw ehy. Valid w ith thi* td AND until 12/29/00. d

BE ALL YOU CAN K

Together NETWORKS

Ine Stoke Piercing at Full Tank 150a Church St.

with the Burlington Com m unity Choir

Tickets on Sale Nov. ioth December 20, 7:30pm Flynn Center for the Performing Arts Burlington, VT Charge Tickets by Phone

(802) 86-FLYN N

RUSSIAN THE SEASON

Nothing more a n g e lic than the sound of the

v io e o EXpress

pre-pubescent piping up on a “ S ile n t N ight.” The M oscow Boys Choir sin g s reper

FREE MEMBERSHIP!!!

toire from around the world in a sp e cia l holiday concert next W ednesday at

Adult Movies, Magazines, Toys, Latex, Lingerie, Gag G fts, Cards and much more!!!

Rutland’s G race Congregational Church. Continued from page 6b

etc A T T E N T IO N D E F IC IT D IS O R D E R TALK: See

December 6, Sports and Fitness Edge, Williston. ‘M A G IC C A R P E T ’ L U N C H E O N : Listeners get a

lunchtime lift to learn about Northern Pakistan. Montshire Museum, Norwich, 11 a.m. $12. Register, 603-643-5713.

BA T T E R E D W O M E N ’S S U P P O R T G R O U P: Women

Helping Battered Women facil itates a group in Burlington, 6:30-8 p.m. Free. Info, 658-1996.

-j

tuesday m usic

drama ‘N IG H T FIRES’: See

December 7, City Hall, Montpelier. ‘A C O M M U N IT Y C H R IST MAS CAROL’: See December

9, White Church, Grafton. ‘T H E M U SIC M A N ’: In this recently revived Broadway musical, con-man extraordi naire Harold Hill turns trouble in River City to his own advantage. Briggs Opera House, White River Junction, 7 p.m. $15-24. Info, 291-9009.

film

862- 1358.

• Also, see listings in “Sound Advice.” CO FFEE H O U SE : Enjoy an evening of poetry, music and caffeinated refreshments at Burlington College, 6:30 p.m. Free. Info, 862-9616.

H U M A N R IG H T S PANEL D IS C U S S IO N : A panel of

G R EEN M O U N T A IN C H O RUS: Members of the all-male

art

experts discusses the human rights declaration banning “cruel and inhumane” punish ment. Burlington City Hall Auditorium, noon - 1 p.m. Free. Info, 863-2345.

barbershop chorus compare harmonious notes at South Burlington High School, 7-9:30 p.m. Free. Info, 860-6465.

A M N E S T Y IN T E R N A T IO N AL M E E T IN G : Get informed

and organized to fight human rights abuses. Unitarian Universalist Society, Burlington, 5:30-6:30 p.m. Free. Info,

N E T W O R K IN G G R O U P:

Employee hopefuls get job leads, connections, skills and support. Career Resource Center, Vermont Department of Employment & Training, Burlington, 1 p.m. Free. Info, 652-0322. PU BLIC M E D IT A T IO N :

Take a step on the path to enlightenment in an environ ment that instructs beginners and supports practiced sitters. Ratna Shri Tibetan Meditation Center, 12 Hillside Ave., Montpelier, 6-7 p.m. Discus sion, 7-8:30 p.m. Donations. Info, 223-5435.

A M A T E U R M U SIC IA N S C O N C ER T: Vermont

Symphony violinist David Gusakov leads the orchestra in a concert of works by classical and multicultural composers. UVM Recital Hall, Burlington, 8 p.m. Free. Info, 985-9750.

dance ‘T H E N U T C R A C K E R ’: The

-.Albany Berkshire Ballet lifts holiday spirits with the timeless tale of dancing confections. Lebanon Opera House, N.H., 7 p.m. $18 & 2 2 . Info, 603448-0400.

‘H U M A N RESO U R C ES’: See

SINGLES CONNECTION

GAY EVENTS

SWINGERS' CLUB

Monday S Tuesdays

Buy two movies, get the third free!

spend $ 200+, get a deluxe vacation for 2 - includes free deluxe hotel accomodation packages for 2!

Wednesdays Thursdays

Buy

2 DVDs & get the 3rd FREE

Buy 3 magazine packs & get the 4th FREE

Fri., Sat. Sun. - Buy three movies* get the 4th FREE Vioeo EXpress 215 MAINST, WINOOSKI 654-3651 “ A FUN PLACE TO SHOP FOR THE DISCRIMINATING A D U LT

THe Y A V E R I Y

C onsort P E R f O R M S

December 8.

The

C hristmas Story

• See exhibit openings in the art listings.

words

B U R L IN G T O N W RITERS G R O U P: Bring pencil, paper

“One o f the joys o f the season” ...The Chicago Tribune

and the will to be inspired to this writerly gathering at the Daily Planet, Burlington, 7-9 p.m. Free. Info, 658-6063.

“Music o f surpassing beauty ... sung and played by the group whose love and talent seem without limit:’' ...New York Magazine

kids ‘M U SIC W IT H ROBERT A N D G IG I’: See December 8. S O N G A N D STORYTIM E:

and 5 instrumentalists of the Waveriy

See December 7.

Consort recount the events o f Christmas

etc

drama and song.

In the timeless spirit and pageantry of the medieval church dramas, the 8 singers

in an uplifting and moving celebration of

C H A M B E R MIXER: Meet

and mix with other local busi ness types at a schmooze fest sponsored by the Lake Champlain Regional Chamber

continued on page 10b

■

FRIDAY, December 8 at 7:30 pm Ira Allen Chapel

#\ a n ^ c\

Tickets: $20 / $5 S tu d e n ts

Call the Campus Ticket Store 656-3085 for tickets

Sponsored by , n f - f . and •:> t \ IV! RS! n

r Tj

£ .

•

M ALI.

and with media support from

december 6, 2000

iff**/

E A R

continued from page 9b

M O S C O W BOYS C H O IR :

Founded in 1957, the presti gious 33-voice choir chimes in on carols from Russia, Europe and Africa. Grace Congregational Church, Rutland, 7:30 p.m. $20. Info, 775-5413.

of Commerce. Shelburne Bay Senior Living Community, 5:30-7:30 p.m. $12. Info, 863-3489. FATHERS A N D C H IL D R E N G R O U P: Dads and

kids spend some quality time together during a weekly meet ing at the Wheeler Commun ity School, Burlington, 5-7 p.m. Free. Info, 860-4420.

■ N

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December 7, City Hall, Montpelier. ‘T H E N U T C R A C K E R ’: See

Cherokee and Tibetan Buddhist practices help renew the body and spirit. Ratna Shri Tibetan Meditation Center, 12 Hillside Ave., Montpelier, 7 p.m. Free. Info, 223-5435.

ta o S ^ JS 3 X S S S S S a a s • ' A

‘N IG H T FIRES’: See

BASIC M ED ITA TIO N :

-C ^ C A U W

Accepting custom framing orders for the holidays

drama

December 12, 4 & 7 p.m. ‘T H E M U SIC M A N ’: See

December 12.

film ‘H U M A N R ESO U R C ES’: See

December 8.

13 W ednesday

art • Also, see exhibit openings in the art listings. FIGURE DRAW ING: See December 6.

music • Also, see listings in “Sound Advice.”

FranKlin

/ XX x y X ,

(•M M

O — Get Discounts — Jain Our Crafts Club M o n - S a t : 9 - 9 / Sun : 1 0 - 6 • 8 6 2 - 0 6 4 6 5 1 8 S h e lb u r n e Road Next To Mall 1 8 9 Ethan Allen Shop ping C e n t e r on North Ave

‘Jor Relief o f Stress and ‘Muscular Aches

faux finishes

M a s s a g e ‘I h e r a p y 51

•

M a r g a r e t R oy , M a ssa g e T h e r a p i s t G ift C e r tific a te s A v a ila b le • 6 5 5 - 1 6 6 8

1 ^ 2

H aw aiian Sw edish M ‘ assage

m m

/ M am m

4Boogie Down

all month long at...

f E E S E * f T 5

RUSTY NAL

< ju \r v i_ w i

Tj-CP^TOOB

RUSTY NAIL CHRISTMAS PARTY

featuring:

Tammy Fletcher & The Disciples

Let us know where to find Chittenden County’s “worst-of-the worst” holiday light displays in the following categories:

• overall VtatU ge

•

• S°ui\i Effects

•

• IW

A cU F U s f W

(doors open at 8pm) Bobby will be donning the Santa apparel and d in out who's been naughty and nice! checking

ROCK 'N' ROLL DANCE PARTY

The Edge of Sun Down

S H : F«»ctor

• ^ ° ° J e fu e l^

'<3 RUSTY NAIL IS CLOSED FOR BURTON'S HOLIDAY PARTY

V o rv Je rU rv J

Call us at (802) 860-2453, fax us at (802) 860-1818 or email wizn@wizn.com with your nominations!

DAVE GRIPPO'S FUNK BAND Not to be missed!

On December 14, tour the winners with the Wizards on the...

lABAlRiBROTHERS

G ra n d f e f l i j illu m iA ^ te i 5°u £e T ° u r ! ! Admission for the bus tour is one winter coat, to be donated to a local emergency shelter.

^Vermont's Largest N ew Year's Eve P a rty featuring:

FAMILIAR TERRITORY 7-piece dance band from N YC with

sponsored by:

0 0

0 *

o 6

J%I'^ S 7'

page 10b (<*■»•<X':

SEVEN DAYS

december 6, 2000

C *

special guest

a a

o O

TAMMY FLETCHER

Call253-NAIL lor Into anatickets.

STORY TIM E: See December

words

G EO F H EW ITT: The Calais

resident makes real Only What’s Imagined at a reading of his new book of self-published poetry. Rhombus Gallery, 186 College St. Burlington, 8 p.m. $3-6. Info, 865-9603. FAR N O R T H B O O K SERIES: Readers of Nils-Aslak

Valkeapaa’s The Sun, My Father get a feel for Arctic adventure and the tension between native and urban cultures. Champlain Senior Center, Burlington, 10 a.m. Free. Info, 658-3585. B O O K D ISC U SSIO N :

Readers explore the myths of the West in Rudolfo Anaya’s Bless Me, Ultima. Kimball Public Library, Randolph, 7 p.m. Free. Info, 728-5073.

kids ‘T IN Y T O T S ’ STORY TIM E: See December 6.

STORY A N D CRAFT TIM E:

See December 6. PH O E B E STO N E: The local

authors new young adult novel, A ll the Blue Moons at the Wallace Hotel, concerns three people overcoming challenges to be a family again. Flying Pig Books, Charlotte, 3-4:30 p.m. Free. Info, 425-2600.

etc HEALTH LECTURE: See

December 6. FIN A N C IA L A ID PR ESEN TATION: The Vermont

Student Assistance Corporation gives parents and collegebound students the low-down on higher education. Vergennes Union High School, 7 p.m. Free. Info, 800-642-3177. BU SIN ESS M EETIN G : The “good old girls” of the

Womens Business Owners Network schmooze and share New Year’s business resolutions. Windjammer Restaurant, S. Burlington, noon - 1:30 p.m. $11.30. Info, 434-4091. B R A N C H O U T B U R L IN G T O N M EETIN G : Interested

in the cultivation and care of urban trees? Follow a slide tour of Burlington’s unique trees with city arborist Warren Spinner. Fletcher Free Library, Burlington, 7-8:30 p.m. Free. Info, 863-4938. ® C a le n d a r

written

by A lic e

Christian. C la s s e s are com piled by Lucy Howe. All sub m issio ns are

due

Th u rsd ay

w ritin g

before

the

p u b lica tio n .

SEV EN DAYS edits for sp ace and style. Send to: SEVEN DAYS, P.0. Box

1164,

05402-1164. 8 6 5 - 1 0 1 5.

B u rlin g to n , Or fax

802 -

E-mail:

calendar@sevendaysvt.com

If you haven't seen the Logger, here's your chance! Presented by The Farmers That Own Cabot and W0K0 98.9

logger Written & Performed by

A Vermont Comedy Show in Two Ax

Rusty DeWEES

You've seen the Logger Video, now see him live!

Burlington High School Fri., Sat.r Dec. 15 & 16, 8 pm • Sun. Dec. 17, 7 pm A ll T i c k e t s $10 P l e a s e R e s e r v e 1 - 8 8 8 - 9 1 7 - 8 7 8 9 (do n o t c a l l s c h o o l ) ____________________________ w w w . r u s t y d . n e t ______________

YOUR INNER CHILD WA NT S OUT.

February 22 ■8pm Flynn Center for the Performing Arts Burlington, Vermont Buy your tic k e ts at:

A L P IN E S H O P skis I outerwear I custom boot fitting I snowshoes I winter fun

Flynn Theatre Box Office, Burlington UVM Campus Ticket Store, Burlington r Copy Ship Fax Plus, Essex Peacock Music, Plattsburgh Sound Source, Middlebury

, Charge by Phone 86-FLYNN \1 0 4 1 7 .

862-2714 • Williston Rd. • S. Burlington

388-7547 • Merchants Row • Middlebury

Tax and applicable service charges additional Date and time subject to change. Presented by All Points Booking. Co-sponsored by

r^e. JAFlT point

•'M ''

M0X

ssirie

802.865.1015

monday at 5pm

classifieds ► EM PLOYM ENT & B U SIN ESS OPP. LINE ADS: 5 0 0 a word.

► LEG A LS: 3 0 0 a word. ► ALL OTHER LINE ADS: 2 5 words for $ 7 . Over 2 5 : 3 0 0 a word. Discounts are available for long running ads and for national ads.

► DISPLAY ADS: $ 1 5.5 0/co l. inch. ► ADULT ADS: $ 2 0 /co l. inch. Group buys for display ads are available in other regional papers in Vermont. Call for more details. All ads must be prepaid. We take VISA, MASTERCARD and cash, of course.

office manager

Rewarding, full and part time positions

are

now

available

throughout our organization. We Omwptato Vocational Services, Inc -

are a private non-profit that was founded in 1967 by local families.

CVS is committed to providing inclusive community opportu nities by enhancing self-esteem, maximizing independence, and supporting personal fulfillment. Existing positions include day support staff, residential support staff, contracted work with individuals and their families, professional roommates and home providers. Full and part time positions include Medical, Dental, Life, Disability insurances, accrued leave, and begin at $8/hour. Contracted positions are based on need and availabil ity. Home provider work compensation is by a generous taxexempt stipend. Please call Cartwright or Steve at 655-0511 for more information or an application, Send letters o f interest and/or resumes to: CVS, 77 Hegeman Ave., Colchester, VT 05446. EOE

MUSIC TECHNOLOGY SALES AND MARKETING

Energetic, friendly, team player is needed to assist entrepreneurial, growing non-profit

Wave Mechanics is a growing software company that develops creative sound processing tools for the professional recording industry. Our unique software plug-ins for Pro Tools are used worldwide in record production, film, television, and radio.

organization. Must be experienced in Microsoft Word, Excel, Access. Knowledge of accounting

We’re looking for an enthusiastic, friendly person to manage our sales and marketing effort. You’ll be responsible for cultivating our sales network and for generating buzz with trade shows, direct mail, press releases, and advertising. The ideal candidate will have experience in sales and marketing, with good writing, organization and computer skills. Experience in music recording or computer-based audio production would be a huge plus.

Send resume and cover letter to: ReCycle North, 266 Pine Street, Burlington, YT 05401

software helpful. Great communication, business and teaching skills needed.

Come help us make great sounds!

': S o *

Please send resumes to: E-mail: resumes&wavemechanics.com Fax: 802-951-9799 Mail: 45 Kilburn St., Burlington, VT 05401 Check out our web site at: www.wavemechanics.com

"We’re Growing Positions Available:

•Retail Division Manager

W ave M e c h a n ic s ’

FULL TIME HELP com

FT COUNTERPERSON FT DISHW ASHER Must be patient warn, engaging demeanor and enjoy good music, food and people. Great working atmosphere.

•Human Resources Coordinator •Plant Enthusiasts

where the GOOD JOBS are

Join the management team of Vermont’s Largest Gardening Resource as it embarks on an ambitious expansion and relocation. R esu m es only to: 4 Seasons Garden Center,

323 Industrial Ave., Williston, VT 05495, Phone: (802) 658-2433: Fax: (802) 860-2936 r» A \T fl

y ic g A S O N §

V E R M O N T 'S L A R G E S T

a s s 7 i lH E t i

G ARD EN CEN TER

Apply in person. Stone Soup, 211 College St. Burlington

v G O D D A R D C O LLEG E

ART EDUCATION INSTRUCTORS Southern Vermont’s leading arts center is seeking course proposals from art education instructors in the visual and performing arts for the 2001 winter and summer seasons. The Southern Vermont Art Center has offered classes for children and adults since 1958. In July 2000, SVAC opened its new Elizabeth de C. Wilson Museum and The Joan and Lewis Madeira Instructional Center with diverse studio space for an expanded education program. Submissions should include cover letter, resume, teaching experience, and course description. Multiple class contracts are available.

Health Arts and Science: Nature, Culture and Healing Associate Faulty for Low-Residency Program

2001, and subsequent supervision and written exchanges with inde pendent study students. An interest and background in botanical and nutritional health, womens health, mind/body healing, community/ecological health, and somatic therapies preferred.

Expository Writing and Literature Faculty This one-year, full-time faculty position, beginning Jan. 1, in exposi tory writing and literature includes facilitation of group-based cours es, supervision of independent studies, and oversight of the campus Writing Center. An interest and background in environmental science/nature literature and writing is preferred. Qualifications for the above positions: terminal degree required; Ph.D. preferred; a cross-disciplinary approach to your work; experi ence and commitment to student-centered, progressive pedagogy; and the ability to work collaboratively and with students with diverse learning styles required.

Fax/Mail/Email .Southern Vermont Arts Center Attn: Todd J Warnken PO Box 617 Manchester, VT 05254 802-362-1405 ext.17 fa x :8 0 2 -36 2 -32 7 4 ToddJWarnkencDaol.com

Interested applicants should send a resume or CV and a letter of interest with your educational philosophy to: Human Resources Office Goddard College 123 Pitkin Road Plainfield, VT 05667 or email to bethanyc@goddard.edu Deadline for consideration for either position is Dec. 15, 2000 An equal opportunity, affirmative action employer and educator.

7D classifieds 12b

SEVEN DAYS ‘

december 6 ,2 0 0 0

State of Vermont

Developmental and Mental Health Services

This part-time associate faculty position in holistic and community health involves full participation in campus residency, Jan 18-26,

Moke a difference.

VERMONT Stale Government

Guardian Services Specialist St Albans, Permanent Job Code 455800

Public guardian for adults with developmental disabilities in Franklin, Grand Isle, and Chittenden counties. Applicants must have knowledge of people with DD, excellent communication skills, flexibility, independence, reliable transportation, and knowledge of community resources. Minimum qualifications are a Bachelor's degree with one year at or above a technical level providing monitoring and advocacy services to persons with developmental disabilities. Additional work experience may be substituted for the Bachelor's degree on a six months for semester basis. For more information about the position, contact: Gail Falk, (802) 241-2616. Apply by separate standard State of Vermont application to: Vermont Department of Personnel, Recruitment Services, 144 State Street, Drawer 20, Montpelier, VT 05620-1701. 1-800-640-1657 or 802-828-3483. Fax 802-828-5580. You may also email us at recruit@per.state.vt.us or visit our web site http://www.state.vt.us/pers for more information. Application Deadline: December 15,2000 An Equal Opportunity Employer

BARTENDING SCHOOL FACULTY IN EDUCATION FOR MASTER OF EDUCATION PROGRAM AT VER M O N T COLLEGE The Vermont College Master o f Education Program is inno vative, studentjcentered, problem-focused, and interdiscipli nary; it values critical inquiry into education and Schools and the integration o f theory and practice; it works toward strong relationships with schools, and toward supporting both the individual student’s learning goals and the school’s research needs and initiatives toward improvement. V isitin g Faculty in Education: half-tim e position. Responsibilities include teaching core seminar in education; working individually with students involved in half-time study to design and carry out their studies both at the campus and through correspondence; and participating in ongoing development o f the Program. The successful candidate w ill have an earned doctorate in his/her field; expertise in ele mentary and early childhood education and in one or more of the follow ing areas: special education, research methods, development and learning theory, and group processes; knowledge and experience related to progressive education; and, where pertinent, w ill be licensed and/or bring experi ence in practice as well as theory to his/her teaching. Position to begin February 12, 2001. Rank and compensation to be determined based on experience. Send curriculum vitae and letter of interest to M .Ed. Search, Human Resources, Norwich University, 158 Harmon Drive, Northfield, V T 05663. Review o f vitae w ill begin January 2,

2001 Norwich is an Equal Opportunity Employer offering a comprehensive benefit package that includes medical and dental coverage, group life and long term disability insurance, flexible spending accounts for health and dependent care, a retirement annuity program and tuition scholarships for employees and theirfamily members.

JO H N SO N . STATE CO LLEG E

Part-time Instructors, Spring 2001 Semester In stru cto r needed to teach Cell and M olecular Biology, Tues & Thurs~10:00 am - 11:15 am. Lab Friday 1 2 :30 3:30 pm. Masters Degree required. In stru cto r needed to teach Aerobics, M o n & Wed, 11:3 am - 1 2 : 20 pm Please send le tte r o f interest, resume, and list o f three references before December 15, 2000 to :

Hands-on Training ■ National Certification ■ Immediate Job Openings

■

1-888-4 D R IN K S w w w .b a r te n d in g s c h o o l.c o m

Johnson, VT 05656-9464

JOHNSON STATE COLLEGE IS AN EQUAL OPPORTUNITY EMPLOYES.

. DOVOUHUEDdlCDICOLBHCKGROUflD? PHLEBOTOMY EXPERIENCE IS NOT REQUIRED WE HAVE INTENSIVE TRAINING

LPNs/COUECTlON SPECIAUST FULL-TIME - 40 HOURS - 5 DAYS, PART-TIME - 32 HOURS - 4 DAYS (Full-time benefits apply) Our Burlington facility has increased its collection goal and has added openings for LPNs/Collection Specialists and/or candidates with a medical background to travel to blood drives throughout Vermont and Northern New Hampshire. Our training includes approximately 14 days of classroom training and 15-20 days of training on the road with a one-on-one instructor on how to draw blood and how to do medical histories at blood drives. Travel time varies from 15 minutes to 3 hours and you go together in a van from our Burlington facility. A valid Vermont driver's license is required. You'll work 40 or 32 hours per week (5 or 4 days) with Saturdays and Sundays a possibility. We provide paid training and travel time is included in the work week. Your schedule will be set-up two weeks in advance. Some days you leave Burlington at 4:00 a.m. and return at 4:00 p.m.; other days you leave at 11:00 a.m. and return at 10:00 p.m.; and some days you leave at 7:00 ■a.m. and return at 4:00 p.m. The schedule always varies so you must be flexible. We offer an outstanding benefits package, including 401K match, health/dental insurance, generous vacation, personal days, retirement plan, tuition assistance, a credit union and more. Our salary rate is $12.40 for Collection Specialists and LPNs. To apply, stop by to complete an application or call (802) 658-6400 to have an application mailed to you. Fax your resume to: (802) 658-6120. AMERICAN RED CROSS Blood Services New England Region, 32 North Prospect Street Burlington, VT 05401. E0E M/F/H/V

A m e r ic a n R e d C r o s s

ollege

One semester leave replacement (January 2001 - May 2001) to fill costume shop director position. Working with the costume designer, the individual will oversee all aspects o f costume production (shop, pull, build, and

MAINTENANCE Full time, year round position for person with general repair skills, able to lift 50+ pounds, has a valid driver’s license and able to work weekends. We offer competitive wages and an excellent benefits package. Please apply to: "frapp Family Lodge, Hunan Resources,

contemporary faculty productions; supervise work study students and oversee enrolled students in the production . portion o f the Spring Repertory. Some prior teaching or supervisory experience is helpful — good interpersonal .skills and a positive a/titude are essential, as are some sewing, alteration, and bookkeeping skills. Should be a self-starter. Drivers license required. Occasional evenings required. Review o f applicants is already in process.

P 0 Box 1428, Stowe, VT 0 5 6 7 2 Ph: 80 2.2 5 3 .5 7 1 3

otherwise assist in executing the designs) for up to 3

j r o p p ramity iM qt

Applicants should submit a letter o f application, resume and the names, addresses, and phone numbers o f the three references to: Middlebury College Human Resources Service Building Middlebury, V T 05753 Fax: (802) 443-2058 Email: julee@middlebury.edu

NFI, an expanding statewide mental health treatment system for children, adolescents and families, is looking for:

An experienced C O U N SE L O R to work in one of our specialized homes. Full time benefited position with oppor tunity to work with dynamic, profession al team. Tuition reimbursement plan available. Duties to include direct serv ice, 1-on-l or in small groups, with male at risk youth in foster care. Bachelor's degree or experience working with trou bled youth preferred. Transportation and valid drivers license required. Call Paul Gibeault at (802) 878-5390, ext. 25 for an interview.

M iddlebury College is an Equal O pportunity Employer. Applications from women a n d members o f m inority groups are especially encouraged. http-.Hurww. middlebury. edu/hr

Submit resume and cover letter with 3 work references by December 15,2000. No phone calls please. TO: Search-Committee: Fam ily Worker CVOEOHEad Start 431 Pine Street Burlington, V T 05401

obs

N ig h t A u d ito r PT, year-round, Fri & Sat eve, 10pm-6am.

Accurate basic math skills needed. Enjoy working with the public. We offer competitive wages & benefits. A p p ly to : B est W estern H o te l 1 0 7 6 W illis to n R d. S o . B u rlin g to n

rW INDJAM s p jM ERr

HOSPITALITY GROUP

Champlain Valley Head Start

A commitment to social justice and to working with lowincome populations necessary. Clean driving record and access to reliable transportation required. Must demonstrate physical ability to carry out required tasks. Applications from minorities and diverse cultural groups encouraged. We have excellent benefits.

Must be able to work flexible hrs., includes some weekend hours. Need valid drivers license. Enjoy working with the public.

NORTHEASTERN FAMILY INSTITUTE

Fam ily Worker (Chittenden County): Providing direct serv ices to children in a collaborative Triple E classroom, and pro viding monthly home visits for Head Start families. Qualifications: High School diploma or GED required. Must obtain a Child Development Associate within two years of hire. Associates Degree in Early Childhood or related field pre ferred. Experience in early childhood and/or working with families in a home based setting preferred. Starting wage $9.76/hr. After probationary period, wage is $10.01/hr, or $11.16/hr if candidate has AA or BA in Early Childhood or related field.

o s p it a l it y

F ro n t D esk C lerks: FT, year-round, need hotel experience.

O ffice o f the Academic Dean 337 College Hill

C ostum e Shop Director

Shona Sladyk, A d m in istra tive Assistant Johnson State College

id d l e b u r y

W S

il l is t o n

c h o o l

is t r ic t

Teacher Assistant To work 30 hrs. per week at Williston Central School from late Dec. to the end of the school year for grades 5-8. Please call Bob Mitchell at 879-5802 for more information or drop off a resume at the front office of the Williston Central School.

Food Service Site Leader Self-motivated, indepen dent worker wanted S hours/day. Involves preparation, serving, and clean-up of school lunches. Prior food service experience preferred. Send resume and references to Williston School District, 195 Central Drive, Williston, VT 05495 or call 879-5816. EOE

Vermont Center for Independent L iv in g ---------

Opportunities

R egion al M anager C

D e v e lo p m e n t & C o m m u n ity R e latio n s C o o rd in a to r V e rm o n t C e n te r fo r In d e p e n d e n t L iv in g 37.5 h o u rs p e r w e e k / M o n tp e lie r O ffice Statew ide d is a b ility rig hts o rg a n iza tio n is seeking an in d iv id u a l to m anage d e v e lo p m e n t & c o m m u n ity real-

h it t e n d e n

C ounty

Vermont Adult Learning, a private non-profit, is the largest provider o f adult, education and life skills programs in the state.. We are seeking an individual to provide collaborative leadership in the delivery o f comprehensive adult education and job-readiness services in Chittenden County.

The Regional Manager reports to the Executive Director and is responsible for managing, developing, and improving a broad array o f literacy and job-readiness services within the context o f an integrated statewide program.

A fter-Scho o l A ss is ta n ts

The successful candidate will have’strong oral and written communication skills, be knowledgeable and experienced in adult education, and have a proven record in staff and program management and grant administration.

For YMCA afters school programs throughout Chittenden County. 15-20 hours/week. Hourly rate $8 plus fitness membership. Call Tricia at 862YMCA ( 9622).

tio n s activities* D uties w ill include; g ra n t m anagem ent, outreach and p u b lic relatio n s activitie s, fu n d ra is in g & su p e rvisio n o f staff. M u s t have stro n g a d m in istra tive , m an agem ent, o rg a n iza tio n a l, p ro b le m solving, c o m m u n ica tio n & in te rp e rso n a l skills. We w ill also e n terta in p ro p o sa ls fro m co n su lta n ts. Personal experience w ith d is a b ility and know ledge o f ASL he lp ful. Send resum e

A Bachelor’s Degree and 3-6 years management experience required and a Master’s degree is preferred.

and cover le tte r by D ecem ber 15 , 200 to : Personnel C o o rdinator, V e rm o n t Center fo r In d e p e n d e n t Living, n East State Street, M o n tp e lie r, VT 05602 .

VCIL is an equal opportunity and affirmative action employer. We provide reasonable accommodations in the recruitment and employment o f persons with disabilities.

Full-time position. Starting Salary: $34,000-539,000, based on experience. Deadline for applications is December 15. Send letter o f interest, resume, and references to: Angela Corbin Vermont Adult Learning, P.O. Box 159, E. Montpelier, V T 05651 Fax: 802-229-5238

LUNCH S P IN N E R FREE. EV ER Y D A Y ! We serve delicious staff lunches and dinners everyday - not to mention we offer GREATbenefits, great pay, and a fun place to work.

F r o n t D e s k C le r k s FT, year-round, hotel experience needed. Must be able to work flexible hours, include some weekend hours. Enjoys working with the public. We need friendly people and smiling faces. We offer competitive wages & benefits.

Seeking experienced high-level administrative assistant with management and supervisory skills to coordinate office. Tasks vary from simple to complex. Computer proficiency required. Full-time, $10/hr. Full benefits. Letter and resume to:WHBW, P.O. Box 1535, Burlington, VT 05402. Phone 658-3131. EOE!

- A p p ly to : B est W e s te rn H o te l

LINECOOK- FT, 1+yrs. fine dining experience preffered. RECEIVINGCLERK-FT, days. BAKER'SHELPER FTor PT, days, 6am-2pm (baking/pastry experience preferred)

A fter-Scho ol S ite D ire cto r For YMCA after school program at Central School in S. burlington 22 hrs./week. Bachelors in education/related field, and experience with school-age children required. Hourly rate $11 plus fitness membership and training opportunites. resume and cover letter to Tricia Pawlik, 266 College St. Burlington, VT 05401 or call 862-9622 or email tpawlik@gbymca.org

Life g u ard s N e e d e d Im m e d iate ly

OFFICEMANAGER/ ADMINISTRATIVEASSISTANT

Ir w f m f lt f ljH liie

YMCA Employment

Vermont A dult Learning

Free fitness membership and great work environ ment. Must be certified. Call Travis at 862-YMCA (9622).

A ero b ic in stru c to rs N eed ed Morning classes and substitutes. Competitive pay and membership benefit. Call Kym at 862-YMCA (9622).

1 0 7 6 W illis to n R d. SO. B u rlin g to n

rW INDJAM s # jMERr

Women Helping Battered Women

HOSPITALITY GROUP

RETAILCLERK- PT, YR. Sun-Tues, days, previous cash register experience a must. DISHWASHERS - FTor PT, eves, flexible hours. CONDOCLEANERSSATURDAYS ONLY.

C heck out the frie n d ly environm ent a sm a ll hospital has to offer! P orter M edical C enter is a 45 b e d fa c ility lo ca ted in M iddlebury, VT. We have career opportunities available f o r p e o p le w ho are com m itted to excellence in p a tie n t care.

W EEKENDS REQ UIRED FOR ALL POSITIONS! KILLERBENEFITS available for full-time, YRemployees. All employees get free shift meals, skiing, use of fitness center, discounts. Apply to: Trapp Family Lodge, Human Resources, PO Box 1428, Stowe, VT 05672 Ph: 802.253.5713 fax: 802.253.5757 E0E www.trappfamily.com

ANESTHESIOLOGY DEPARTMENT CRNA: Must be a Graduate from an accredited anesthesia program and Board

Health Services Job Opportunities — Great Pay and Benefits! Why notjoin our team and discover why the Wake Robin Continuing Care Retirement Community is agreatplace to work. We couple outstand ing-wages and benefits with a truepay-for-performance environment. Our philosophy: To nurture the health and independence ofevery resident in a warm, caring and truly beautiful environment. We have a variety ofwonderful opportunities andyou will never work in a more beautiful setting. Rates below are typical maximum starting rates. Actual rate will depend onyour background and experience and may be even higher!

\x\dJU DELIVERY DRIVER Full time or Part time, Flexible hours, Competitive pay, Positive work environment. Call Jill. or Adam, 985-2596.

Our Health Care Opportunities Include: RNs and LPNs (Up to $17/hr.), Senior LNAs (Up to $11.80/hr) and LNAs (Up to $10.30/hr). Non-licensed Nurse Assistant/LNA Interns (Up to $9.30/hr.). For more info call: Mary Hopkins at (802)264-5150.

Certified in the State of Vermont or eligible.

LABORATORY M T/M LT: 20 hours/week. Includes days, evening and weekend shifts.

Must be ASCP or equivalent.

NURSING DEPARTMENT RN/ER: Per diem opening. Must be ACLS certified. LPN/Med. Surg.: Full-time evenings RN/Med. Surg.: Part-time evenings RN Operating Room: 36 hours/week. Experience preferred. Rotating call nights,

weekends and holidays are required.

MEDICAL OFFICE NURSES

Our Benefits Include:

• Flexible full-time, part-time and per diem schedules with benefits available for schedules of 24 or more hours a week. • Medical, Dental, Life and Long Term Disability Insurance • Immediately Vested Employer Matched Retirement • Generous Paid Leave Accrual (4 weeks 1st year, then 5 weeks 2nd year) • Medical and Child Care Flex plans, LNA Training Scholarships (Go from NA to LNA) • Use of all amenities: aquatic center, gym, tennis courts, library, hair salon and more!

You can complete an application at our Community Center, 200 Wake Robin Drive, Shelburne, VT (just one mile west ofthe Shelburne Museum) orfax your resume to (802) 985-8452. EOE..

Little City Family Practice: Full time. Must be able to work flexible hours. Nurse Float Position: Full time to cover vacations and other absences in our

practices. Champlain Valley Family Health: Full time. LPN or RN with family practice

experience. Porter OB/GYN: 16 hours/week. No experience required. We offer com petitive sa laries a n d benefits f o r f u l l a n d p a r t tim e positions. F or more inform ation, p le a se call 802-388-4780 or visit our H um an R esurces office. 115 P o rter Dr., M iddlebury, V T 05753. F ax (802) 388-8899. Em ail: y lsl2 3 @ so v e r.n e t. EOE.

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starting mid-January at two of Burlington’s historic inns. 4 days per week 6am-2pm. Call 651-8710 to set up an interview.

E n t h u s ia s t Needed!

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S e n s o r y La b o r a t o r y

T R A T T O R I A

A p p r e n t ic e P o s it io n

is now accepting applications for experienced, energetic people wishing to work in a fast paced environment

Industry experts seek fo r entry-level p o sition. Responsible fo r set-up

£ 2 “

and breakdown o f sensory

Cashier/Deli

' * tests and record keeping. 1 Excellent o rganizational and tim e m anagem ent skills a m ust.

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C o m pu te r literacy (M ic ro s o ft O ffice) a plus.

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for Country Store in ski area. Benefits & excellent pay. Irasville Country Store 456-5400

Inverness S ki Shop

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7 SEVENDAYS

SK I FO R FREE!

and I fe e l

Boot fitters, technicians and sales people needed full time or part time in the Mad River Valley. Experience a must. 80 2-496-3343. Ask for Bill or Jen.

35-50 hours per week. Send resume to: D.C. Enterprizes, Inc. 286 College St. Attn: Paul Songer Burlington, VT

05401

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c o m m u n ic a tio n s |Y o u @ e x c it in g

o n v e r s e

Would you like to work in a relaxing home-like atmosphere in an elegant retirement home in downtown Burlington? P art time or per diem R N /L P N positions available. I f interested, contact Anita or Kandace a t 862-0101.

conscientious in d ivid u a l

BOOKKEEPER Competitive wages, benefits, excellent work environment. Stop by to apply. 83 Church Street

Assistant Chef. Early morning hours. $8.5o/hr. Good Benefits, approx. 30 hrs. Mon-Fri. Call Bill 859-0840.

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You are an in novator. You dem and the latest technology. Our

o p p o rtu n itie s . VT

Open

Microelectronics Group

H ouse.

has local and n a tio n a l o p p o rtu n itie s available.

This means e xcitin g o p p o rtu n itie s fo r technical p rofessionals like you. Find out all about them at o u r E n g in e e rin g P rofessionals Open House.

E n g in e e rin g P r o fe s s io n a ls O p e n Tuesday & Wednesday, December 12th & 13th 11:00am - 2:00pm and 4:00pm - 7:00pm Sheraton Burlington 870 Williston Road Burlington, VT

H ouse

F o r d ire ctio n s call: 802-865-6600 •A nalog

•M ixed S ignal

’T e c h n i c a l M a r k e t i n g

•A pplications E n g in e e r in g

•O ptical

►Technical S a l e s

•A S IC

•Process E ngineers

► Test/V erification

•D igital

•RF

►VLSI

•E m b e d d e d S oftw are

• S y s t e m o n Chip D e sig n

•M anufacturing

Right now, we have e xcitin g o p p o rtu n itie s fo r EE and Physics m a jo rs as well as pro fe ssio n a ls w ith in d u s try experience. P re fe rre d candidates w ill have a BS/MS/PhD. If you cannot attend o u r Open House, please vis it o u r website and search "by in te re s t" fo r keyw ord "PFM123" to fin d these p o sitions and apply online.

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Lucent Tech n o lo gies is an Equal O pportunity Em ployer.

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With Seven Days PERSONALS, the only hard part is deciding | what to make her for dinner. ■•'CscS The

UNIVERSITY 9/ VERMONT

SMOKERS

Healthy Women and Men 18-45 for cigarette smoking study at UVM

We are actively seeking a dynamic designer with a passion for flowers and floral design. Essential is a commitment to exquisite customer service and a minimum of three years of design experience in a retail setting.

COMPENSATION UP TO $240 If you are available on 3 days for 1 hour, and 1 week M-F, 3 times per day for about 5 minutes in the morning, afternoon & evening.

P le a se C a ll 6 5 6 - 9 6 1 9

350 D O RSET STREET, SO UTH BU RLIN G TO N , V T 05403 LO R I E. RO W E, PRO PRIETO R. 863-2300

Seeking motivated team members tor the following positions:

KITCHEN CO-MANAGER AM/PM COOK DISH/PREP competitive Wages, Upbeat Working Environment, Uniforms, Meal Benefits. £ 0 £. Apply in person, 123 Church St. Burlington.

D ISH W A SH E R /K IT C H E N ASSISTANTS UP T O $8.24 A N H O U R D E P E N D IN G O N EX PERIEN CE A N D W E ARE H A PPY T O TRA IN .

We have full and part-time hours perfect for students, the semiretired and adults wishing to supplement their income parttime or make a full-time career change. Full-time and parttime openings with flexible mid-morning/early afternoon and late afternoon/early evening schedules make it easy to accom modate another job, home duties or school. Full benefits available with a regular schedule of 24 or more hours a week! For immediate consideration, complete an application at the Wake Robin Community Center, 200 Wake Robin Drive, Shelburne, VT 05482 or fax resume to: HR, (802)985-8452. Want more info? Call Jim Palermo at 264-5127. EOE

People needed New Year's Eve! SK IL L E D SH O P W O O D W O R K E R S W /G c o n tin u e s to g ro w . Jo in o u r te a m . W e b u ild b o a rd ro o m ta b le s , le c te rn s, c re d e n z a s, re c e p tio n d e s k s. E x c e lle n t b e n e fits, o p e n b o o k m a n a g e m e n t, a n d d o n u ts o n T h u rs d a y s.

Help sell Official First Night Merchandise. Qualified sellers will be outgoing, clean, responsible and friendly. • Guaranteed hourly rate o r commission, whichever is greater! ■ Enjoy some of the spectacular First N ight Performances. • G et paid at the end of your shift.

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• All shifts are finished p rio r to m idnight • Variety o f shifts and locations available!

Send resume to: Wall/Goldfmger, Inc., 7 Belknap St. Suite 3 Northfield, VT 05663 or email: tims@wall-goldfinger.com

• CALL 802.456.7075 fo r an interview today!

Back Roads Enterprises ofVermont is the official merchandise licensee for First Night Burlington. Visit us at:

ILLU STR A TIO N : SLU G SIGN O RIN O

www .backroadsofverm ont.com

Recently Ive been hearing a lot about the dangers o f bioter rorism (germ warfare), in which some random group o f fanatics gets the world’s attention by, say, using a crop-duster plane to spray Washington, D. C., with anthrax and wipe out a couple hundred thousandpeople. The articles say were totally unpre pared, it’sjust a matter o f time, etc. But sofar all the terrorism I hear about involves the usual bombs and bullets. What’s up, Cecil? Should I invest in face masks and tropical-disease inocu lations, or will the Kevlar body armor be enough? — Semper Paratus, Chicago First the scary part. A recent breakthrough has made it possible to create a “designer flu” using genetic engineering techniques. In an

article in the Proceedings o f the National Academy o f Sciences (www.pnas.org/cgi/content/full/97/11/6108), Erich Hoffmann and associates describe an ingenious, but in prin ciple not all that complicated, procedure that could be used to take a garden-variety flu virus and convert it into, say, the virulent strain that killed 20 million to 40 million people in the pandemic of 1918-T9. By enabling scientists to re-create strains of flu that currently seem threatening, the Hoffmann technique will speed production of the flu antibodies used in vaccines. But you can see where it would be handy for ter rorists, too. Fears of bioterrorism are based in part on the revelation that prior to its collapse the Soviet Union had created a vast scientific enterprise called Biopreparat to develop biological weapons. With 50,000 employees at 47 secret facilities, Biopreparat assembled an immense stockpile of deadly bio logical agents (historical info from Betrayal o f Trust: The Collapse o f Global Public Health by Laurie Garrett, published this year). Following the Soviet collapse, the 50,000 workers drifted away. Where are they now? For that matter, where are the lethal bugs? Nobody’s sure. What with possible rogue scientists, designer germs and the usual homicidal zealots on the prowl, lots of people are quaking in their Hush Puppies. But I’ve yet to hear a convincing explanation of what the Soviets planned to do with their biological weapons. The U.S. dismantled its own germ-warfare program in the early 1970s, partly because of protests but also because the stuff’s value as a weapon was limited. Fact is, in modern times there’ve been few successful attacks using germ weapons, the principal example being Japanese biowarfare assaults against China in the 1930s, the details of which are murky. In con trast, chemical weapons such as poison gas were used to deadly (and well-documented) effect during World War I and in subsequent conflicts, e.g., Iraqi assaults on the Kurds. Germs are unpredictable and a bitch to work with. For years there was no good way to “weaponize” them, i.e., deliver them to the target and distribute them once they got there. Ex-Biopreparat scientists claim to have overcome this problem, but since their techniques weren’t tried in combat, who knows? Unlike explosives — a model of dependability

by comparison — germ weapons may take days or weeks to act, kill everyone or no one depending on conditions, and in the worst case start an epidemic that wipes out both sides. Besides, while a couple of mopes with a high school educa tion can make a bomb powerful enough to blow up a gov ernment building, for a credible bioweapon you need a team of Ph.Ds. There’ve been only a few known bioterrorist assaults. In 1984 followers of Indian guru Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh laced restaurant salad bars near their Oregon ranch with homegrown salmonella, hoping to disrupt local elections; 751 people came down with acute gastroenteritis but suf fered no lasting effects. Members of Japan’s Aum Shinrikyo cult tried attacks using anthrax and botulism toxin prior to their 1995 assault in the Tokyo subway system using the nerve gas sarin (5300 affected, 100 hospitalized, 12 dead). Ironically, the worst incident may have been an accidental anthrax release from a Soviet bioweapons facility near Yekaterinburg in 1979; there were at least 66 fatalities, maybe lots more. In light of this dismal record, it seems clear only a crazy person would try a bioterrorist attack. But that’s just it, some say — terrorists are crazy! Come on. If you’ve got enough on the ball to carry out a biological attack you’re smart enough to realize that there are easier ways to achieve the same result. Sure, as technology advances, bioterrorism may become so simple that someone will be tempted to try it. There’s also a chance that some genetic engineering experiment involving viruses may go horribly awry. Recognizing these possibilities, the U.S. is implementing security measures such as increased vaccine stockpiles, special training for the military, improved public health communi cations and surveillance, etc. But if history is any guide, no large-scale civil defense measures will be taken until someone gets killed. How could it be otherwise? Given the myriad biological nightmares that could be visited on us, none of which necessarily will, we don’t even know what to defend against. — C E C IL ADAM S

Is there something you need to get straight? Cecil Adams can deliver the Straight Dope on any topic. Write Cecil Adams at the Chicago Reader, 11 E. Illinois, Chicago, IL 60611, or e-mail him at cecil@chireader.com.

I■

► e m p lo y m e n t INTERNET PROGRAMMER needed to assist with develop ing database backends to websites. Perl, PHP and SQL needed. C/C++, HTML, Linux, ColdFusion, WinNT or sysad min experience are all helpful. 0 -3 years experience. Must be able to learn new skills on the fly. Email resume to: rene@vtwebwizard .com LABARGE FLORAL DESIGN seeks an energetic person for delivery duties & varied shop chores. Part-time flexible hours. Clean driving record & good-natured people skills a plus! Call 8 6 4 -7 5 6 5 or come in & see Patty at 171 Battery St., Burlington. LEONARDO’S PIZZA hiring Drivers & Phone Persons. See Shannon at 83 Pearl St., Burlington. TEACHERS needed for yearround wilderness camps. State certification or c e rtifi cate e lig ib ility required. Must enjoy being outdoors and helping at-risk youth. More info/apply on-line at www.eckerd.org. (AAN CAN) WE NEED WRITERS. We pay for your articles! Go to themestream.com to publish and be read by thousands. www.themestream.com or for more info: authors@themestream .com . (AAN CAN)

►employment AMERICAN FLATBREAD in W aitsfield seeks knowledge able food enthusiasts for long term , fu ll- & part-tim e work. Come be part of a team of great people, serious about making great food. Call Camilla, 4 9 6 -8 8 5 6 . BURLINGTON INTERNET Co. hiring account representa tives. Paid training! Call 8 6 5 2 2 4 4 or email resume to: jobs@ discoverburlington.com . EXTRAS/ACTORS- Up to $ 5 0 0 a day! All looks needed. Call for in fo '8 0 0 -2 6 0 -3 9 4 9 ext. 3 0 2 5 . (AAN CAN) HOST/HOSTESS. Seeking friendly, outgoing individual who thinks fast on th e ir feet. 2-3 eves./wk. in a professional atmosphere to greet, seat & take reservations. Apply in person after 5 pm, at Trattoria Delia, 152 St. Paul St. or call 8 6 4 -5 2 5 3 . INTERNET & DATABASE Developers. Excellent salary, bonuses, benefits & work environment. 6 Degrees Software, 176 Battery St., Burlington, VT 0 5 4 0 1 . www.6 degrees.com

P izza M akers Full & Part-tim e

Pizza makers start at $8.00/hr. No experience necessary. Apply at D O M IN O ’S PIZZA 485 Colchester Ave. Burlington or call Jeff after 5:00 at 658-3333.

►a u to m o tiv e

►

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►work wanted

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►housemates

$ 1 2 0 0 -$ 6 8 0 0 + /M 0 . poten tial. Part/Full-time. Established company seeks teachable people. Work from home! Free inform ation. (414) 2 6 9 -6 9 0 0 www.home-business-systems.com (AAN CAN) BARTENDERS: Make $ 1 0 0 $ 2 5 0 per night. No experi ence necessary. Call 1-8009 8 1 -8 1 6 8 ext. 50 0 0. (AAN CAN) BE PAID TO SHOP! Rate quality, service and pricing of local departm ent stores, restaurants and malls. Parttim e and fu ll-tim e . Call (770) 7 7 2 -1 9 7 3 . (AAN CAN) CLAIMS PROCESSOR $20$ 4 0 /h r potential. Processing claim s is easy! Training pro vided, MUST own PC. CALL NOW! 8 8 8 -5 1 8 -7 5 3 4 ext 8 58. (AAN CAN) EARN $ $ $ helping doctors. Process claim s from home, $20 -$ 4 0 /h r. potential. Must own computer/modem, we train. Call 1 -8 8 8 -3 1 0 -2 1 5 3 ext. 8 6 7 . (AAN CAN) EARN UP TO $ 2 5 ,0 0 0 to $50,000/year. Medical Insurance B illin g Assistance Needed Immediately! Use your home computer, get FREE Internet, FREE long dis tance, website, email. 8 0 0 2 9 1 -4 6 8 3 ext. 190. (AAN CAN) NEW PATENTED INVENTION. Home kitchen and commer cial item. Call 9 8 5 -8 6 2 8 for detailed color pamphlet and ways to market. YOU PRODUCE needed bu ild ing materials locally. 300% profit. Full or Part-Time. 30 years of success.www.tiffanym arble.com . Call 8 0 0 -6 5 4 9 0 9 3 for free video. (AAN CAN)

PERSON W/DIVERSE BACK GROUND, interests, skills looking for opportunity ti work w/support/empower teens or adults (directly or indirectly) in broader context than most traditional social services roles. Approx, half tim e. Prefer a work location outside Burlington. Emotional /in tu itive skills: healing, personal growth, listening, counseling, empowering, teaching, small group. Abstract skills: organizational/planning, analyzing, technical (degree), computer. Tend to both see the big pic ture & hear a person’s individ ual story. Richard 4 8 2 -4 0 0 4 .

BURLINGTON: H ill section office space avail, for FT pri vate practitioner in healing profession. Handicap accessi ble, free parking. Call Pat, 8 6 0 -8 4 4 1 . S. BURLINGTON: Healing/counseling space avail, in H olistic Center for practitioner. Start' immed. 170 sq. ft. plus kitchen/w aiting area, rest rooms, parking, phone, utils. & other benefits inch Rent varies w/usage. First & last, sub lease. 8 6 5 -2 7 5 6 . WINOOSKI: Beautiful, fu r nished, corner, psychotherapy office. Avail Tues.-Fri. Includes nice w aiting room, parking & free pool usage! Only $250/m o. Call Steve, 9 8 5 -8 8 9 4 .

BURLINGTON: Looking for roommate for a great 2 -bdrm. apt. Parking, storage, W/D, porch, close to downtown. Call Abbe, 6 5 2 -1 4 4 3 or 7 3 4 -0 7 4 7 . BURLINGTON: Prefer prof., open-m inded, dependable individuals for spacious, 4bdrm. house. Downtown. $ 325/m o. + dep. Avail. Immed. 6 5 2 -9 6 6 2 . BURLINGTON: Prof./grad. wanted to share gorgeous Victorian house close to down town & campus. W/D, yard, hdwd. firs. Non-smoking. No pets. $ 410/m o. + 1/3 utils. Avail, immed. 6 5 1 -0 7 0 9 . COLCHESTER: Large room for clean, quiet, employed in d i vidual. Shared bath & kitchen, parking, washer (no dryer). Non-smoker, no drugs, no pets, must install own phone number. Rent inch heat, elec., water, cable. 8 7 2 -2 7 3 8 , after 6 pm. HINESBURG: Baldwin Rd. Small house to share. Great location, x-c skiing or walks, wood heat oil back-up. $ 300/m o. + 1/2 utils. Non smoking. Avail. 12/15, if not sooner. 4 8 2 -3 9 7 5 . HINESBURG: Creative, musicloving person wanted for cooperative household with garden, wooded trails & two fun people. No dogs. Non smoking. $ 360/m o. incl. utils. Avail, now. Annie, 4 8 2 -7 2 8 7 . S. BURLINGTON: Attractive room for F grad, or med. stu dent in spacious apt. Near everything. $400/m o. inch heat. 8 6 5 -5 0 4 2 . WINOOSKI: Two 30som ething P’s seek mature, health-con scious, sp iritua lly oriented 3rd to share gorgeous, spacious 5bdrm. home w/m editation room. Dog OK. $ 4 5 0-5 0 0 /m o . + 1/3 u tils. 6 5 5 -5 9 0 3 .

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►automotive 1988 TOYOTA Celica GTS, silver sports coupe. Electric sunroof. Loaded. 97K mi. No rust. New parts & tires. All records. Looks & runs great. $ 2 2 5 0 . 6 6 0 -2 6 6 7 , Ann. ’91 SUBARU Legacy Wagon. 4WD. Good condition. 140K mi. $ 2 5 0 0 . 9 5 1 -8 7 1 3 . TIRES. 4 studded radials, in great shape. Size- 1 7 5 -7 0 -13 . $ 1 2 0 . 8 6 2 -7 2 3 3 . TOYOTA CAMRY, 1998, LE. Auto, air, PW, PL, cruise, ABS, AM/FM with CD. 29K mi. 4 Nokian snows, 4 almost new summer tires. Excellent condition. $ 1 4 ,7 0 0 . 4 2 5 -6 1 7 2 .

►housing for rent BURLINGTON: 2-bdrm . apt. in fabulous downtown loca tion. Gas stove, bathtub. No pets. Lease. Refs. Credit check. Avail. 1/1. Showing at 6-8 pm, Thursday 12/7. 199 King St., Apt. 2., Burlington. BURLINGTON: 2-bdrm ., great location, beautiful, large, W/D, parking. Avail. 1/1/01. No pets or smoking, please. $11 75 /m o . + utils. 3 7 3 -7 9 5 4 , after 6 pm. BURLINGTON: 2-bdrm.. Manhattan Dr., $ 700/m o. + utils. Avail, immed. 8 6 5 -6 0 6 5 . BURLINGTON: Downtown efficiency. Newly decorated. Private bath & entrance. F, non-smoker preferred. No pets. $400/m o. + $ 4 0 0 sec. dep. 8 6 3 -4 0 2 5 . ST. GEORGE: 3-bdrm . house, 15 min. to Burlington, W/D, dishwasher, hdwd. firs., woodfired sauna, no pets. $ 1 1 5 0 / mo + utils. Jan.-Jun. 2 0 0 1. 4 8 2 -3 7 6 0 or 4 3 4 -3 7 9 2 (w).

LOST. Silver hook, circle ear ring w ith yellowish diamond in the m iddle. Lost in Church/ College St. area. Sentimental value. Reward. 6 1 7 4 4 5 -8 2 2 9 .

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WANAMAKER RESTORATION seeking old, rustic corrugated tin roofing. 2 5 0 0 to 3 0 0 0 sq. ft. Call 8 6 5 -6 0 5 6 .

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have said if she were writing for Road & Track magazine instead o f Porridge Weekly, “N ot too much power, not too little power, just right.” RAY: If you have too big an engine, you’ll use excess gaso line, you’ll pay more for cer tain repair costs (more pieces to break), and you’ll have to learn to feather the pedal so you don’t give your passengers whiplash. For instance, we found that the 2.8 liter sixcylinder engine option for the smaller, lighter V W Jetta was way overpowered for that car. TOM : O n the other hand, if you have too little power, you’ll make the engine run hot all the time and that will shorten its life. N ot to men tion you’ll have to suffer the embarrassment o f having the guys hanging o ff the backs o f garbage trucks, reading maga zines and waving to you as they pass you going up hills. An example? The four-cylin der base engine they used to offer for the Ford Taurus (which they’ve since eliminat ed due to massive customer humiliation). RAY: In our opinion, both o f the available engines are with in the adequate range for this

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Passat. So then you go on to other factors, like the specifics o f the engines. The six-cylin der is really shoe-horned into the engine compartment o f this car, making it hard to reach stuff So you’ll probably spend more on labor to fix it. On the other hand, the 1.8 liter four-cylinder engine has a turbocharger, which costs half as much as the engine to replace. So here again, you’ve got a wash. TOM : So in your case, I’d base my decision on the type o f driving you do. And since you live in hilly Seattle and you presumably plan to carry “stuff” (hence, the station wagon), I think I’d opt for the six in your case. O f course, we could have just told you that in the very first paragraph, Geir. But remember, we get paid by the word. Dear Tom and Ray: I ’m 16-1/2 years old and get my license in less than six months, so my parents and I are looking fo r a good car fo r me. I am in love with Jeep Wranglers. M y best frien d has one, and I have grown to love it. It seems safe to me, but my parents think it wouldn’t be a good car fo r me because they say it rolls over too easily. I think they are wrong but thought I would ask you guys fo r your opinion. — Courtney

TOM: Well, you’re going to think were wrong, too, Courtney, because we agree with your parents 100 per cent. RAY: It rides like a Conestoga wagon. It’s got no interior room. It uses plastic flaps for windows on some models and flimsy slabs o f sheet metal for doors. It gets lousy gas mileage, and it doesn’t have a real good reliability record. TOM: And even if we were willing to overlook all o f those things, there’s one thing we can’t overlook. It’s got a short wheelbase and a high center o f gravity, which does make it easier to tip over than other vehicles on the road. And when a kid has no or little experience driving a car, she shouldn’t be driving a car that can roll over on top o f her if she swerves too fast, drives up an embankment by accident or gets hit the wrong way by the wrong vehicle. RAY: We sometimes get calls or letters from people who want to buy Wranglers, and we tell them to go right ahead. It is a fun car to drive — in a barbaric sort o f way. Every time we test one, I enjoy it. And if you’re willing to accept its drawbacks, it’s a free coun try, and you can drive whatev er you like. Have fun.

► classified@sevendaysvt.com

december 6, 2000 —‘

Our DOMAIN NAmE IN DoT-COW, DOT- N 6 T y a n d Do T-OFLG, !

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By Tom & Ray M agliozzi

7D classified s

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D ear Tom a n d Ray: We are considering the p u r chase o f a Volkswagen Passat station wagon. O ur question is whether the six-cylinder engine would last longer than the fourcylinder engine i f driven under the same conditions. We live in hilly Seattle. W hat determines whether you should buy a fo u r or a six? — Geir RAY: Good question, Geir. If all things were absolutely equal — you had the same exact engine with two fewer cylinders — then the answer to your first question would be yes, a six-cylinder engine would work less hard than a four-cylinder to move the same car over the same ter rain. And since it would work less hard, it would presumably last longer. But that’s not the only consideration. TO M : W hen deciding between two engines for a given car, the first thing you want to determine is which engine is best matched to the car. Like Goldilocks would

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►want to buy

Carpool Connection

Call 864-CCTA to respond to a listing or to be listed.

COLCHESTER to IBM: I need a round-trip ride from Colchester to Essex Jet., M-F, 8 am4:30 pm. (40050)

WATERBURY to IBM: I need a round-trip ride from Waterbury to Essex Jet. I work from 7 am-7 pm. (40051)

RICHMOND P&R to ST. MICHAEL’S COLL. I am hoping to share driving on my com mute to work, my hours are 7 :1 5 am-5 pm, M-Th. (3 2 71)

WINOOSKI to FAIRFIELD INN. I need a ride from Maple St. in Winooski to the Fairfield Inn. I work Tu., Th. & Sat. at 8 a m .(40055)

ST. ALBANS to ESSEX I need a ride to IBM. I need to be to work between 7:30 am & 9:30 am. (40056)

MORRISVILLE to ESSEX. I need a ride to IBM. I work from 7 pm-7 am. (40057)

BURL, to S. BURL I need a ride to Sears at the University Mall. I work Sun.-Sat. from 6 am-2 pm. (40058)

ESSEX to ESSEX: I need a ride to IBM. I work the N8 shift. (40030)

WATERBURY to MONTPELIER. My hours are 7 am-3 pm. I am flexible & looking for a ride M-F. (40045)

CABOT to WILLISTON: I am looking for a ride or to share driving from the Cabot/ Montpelier area. I work 20 hrs./wk. & am very flexible. (40034)

S. BURLINGTON to ESSEX JCT. I am look ing for a ride to IBM from S. Burlington. I work M-F, 8 am-4:30 pm. (40038)

MORRISVILLE to ESSEX. I am looking

ENOSBURG FALLS to ESSEX JCT. I work at

for a ride from Morrisville to IBM in Essex. I am willing to meet in Waterbury, but would like to avoid dri ving in the snow. My hours are 7 am to 7 p m .(40024)

IBM from 7 pm to 7 am. Wed.-Sat.(40027)

RICHMOND to WILLISTON. I am look

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ing for a ride from Richmond to Walmart, Iwork Sat. from 7 am4 pm & Sun. from 9 am-6 pm. (40015)

JOHNSON to STOWE. I am looking for a ride from Johnson to Stowe. I work M-F, 7 am-3:30 pm. (40026)

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RED MEAT Knowwhat, Wally? I’ve been thinking about trying my hand at some songwriting. I think I might be pretty good at that sort of thing.

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Aww...who am I kidding? I don’t even play a musical instrument.

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7D classifieds ► 864.5684 ► classified@sevendaysvt.com december 6, 2000 •

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ARIES (Mar. 21-Apr. 19): Given the untamed impulses that are now erupting within you, I should remind you to use a knife, fork and spoon when you’re eating in the com pany o f other people (though it’s fine to shovel it in with your fingers when you’re alone). Another suggestion: If you’re overtaken by the urge to guffaw or yell triumphandy, try not to do it right in the face o f the person sitting next to you. Finally, if you jump up on the dinner table to dance or belt out a song, please avoid stepping on your fellow diners’ plates. Other than that, Aries, I’d like to give you pretty much free rein to express yourself without inhibition this week.

TAURUS (Apr. 20-M ay 20): Every square mile o f our planet has been thoroughly explored, right? Wrong. Vast expanses o f the ocean floor, amounting to two and a half times the size o f the earth’s land mass es, remain a secret. The situation reminds me o f you, Taurus. As much as you think you know about yourself, the uncharted areas o f your psyche are far larger than the places you’ve mapped. I mention this because it’s an excellent time, from an astrological perspective, to plumb your mysterious depths. Somewhere in there, a N ew World awaits discovery.

GEMINI

(May 21-June 20): Is it possible, as Marshall McLuhan the orized, that we become what we behold? I find some big grains o f truth in that idea. That’s why I believe you should be vigilant about what scenes you allow to pour in through both your physical eyes ana your m ind’s eye — especially now, when you’re more suggestible than usual. There’s another step you.can take to safeguard yourself, Gemini, and that’s to sharpen your perceptions. Beneath all the ugliness out there is a lot o f well-hidden beauty. So loo|t deeper and clearer. Listen closer and softer. Touch slower and wilder. '? -

iogjam so thoroughly that no ither adjustment is necessary, low is such a time, Capricorn.

'AQUARIUS

CANCER

(June 21-July 22): You really should buy yourself a new Lexus. O wning a luxury car will make you feel great about yourself. To pump up your self-esteem even fur ther, surround yourself with starry- • eyed admirers and show off your superior intelligence with snide witti cisms about wimpy scapegoats. Won’t it be fun to strut and crow for a change? Ha! Did you fall for my dis information, Cancer? I was testing you — seeing if you’re susceptible to lies and hype that pander to the superficial parts o f your ego. The planetary omens have alerted me to the possibility that you’ll be led astray by sweet-talking manipulators. Your false pride may even be threatening to overthrow your soul’s confidence. Solution: Make skepticism your ally; be cheerfully humble.

LEO

(July 23-Aug. 22): Was I really the Greek philosopher Socrates in my past life, as has been rumored on the Internet? Nah. I was merely his student. But my time with the great teacher did endow me with a highly developed capacity for asking ques tions. And that could come in handy for you. Ready to find the answers you need? Here goes. What is the cre ation that most defines who you are now? W hat creation will most define who you are two years from today? Have you worked your burs off in order to nurture the forms o f selfexpression you love? (Please note: That does not say “butts,” but rather “buts,” as in the plural o f the excuseridden word “but.”) In 2001, are you willing to strive harder than ever before to nurture the forms o f selfexpression you love? W hy or why not?

VIRGO

(Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Turns out there’s even a bit o f virgin forest in America’s biggest, loudest

city. It’s at the upper tip o f Manhattan, near the Cloisters, a branch o f the Metropolitan Museum. If you’re a N ew Yawker who lives within 20 miles o f that oasis, I urge you to steep yourself in its pristine vibe this week. All the rest o f you Virgos, please find an equivalent sanc tuary in your own neck o f the woods. In my astrological opinion, you need to do more than merely flirt with the great outdoors in the weeks and months to come. To dig up the intu itions that will seed your success in 2001, you should regenerate your link with primeval nature.

LIBRA

(Sept. 23-O ct. 22): I once interviewed a rodeo clown turned pro miniature golfer who could recite the Bhagavad Gita by heart while shooting holes-in-one with a blindfold on. I’ve played strip backgammon with the woman presi dent o f an anti-animal-nudity activist group “Society for Indecency to Naked Animals.” I have bid at an auc tion where a 1975 Ford Escort for merly owned by the Pope sold for $102,000. But none o f these weird wonders prepared me for this week’s incredible spectacle: millions o f Libras telling everyone in their lives, “I don’t care what you want me to do or what you think o f me, because this time I’m going to do what I damn well please.”

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): “From the moment we enter school or church,” says Uruguayan writer Eduardo Galeano, “education chops us into pieces: It teaches us to divorce soul from body and mind from heart.” I would add that most o f us come to terms with this schizo state through numbness and denial. Though it always distorts our lives, right now it’s causing special pain for you Scorpios. Alas, none o f our famil

iar cultural traditions offer a remedy. If you hope to unify your fragments — and this is prime time to try — I suggest you look for help in these three ways: feisty conversations with your higher self, homemade prayers to the most playful version o f God you can imagine, or consultations with teachers and literature that are so far outside the mainstream that they’re virtually secret.

SAGITTARIUS

(Nov. 22-Dec. 21): I know a Sagittarius woman with an abundance o f raw courage. She skydives and hang-glides. She has risked arrest by abusive cops during W T O protests and trekked the jungles o f Guatemala alone. On the other hand, she steadfastly avoids fac ing her inner demons. Instead, she projects them onto friends and ac quaintances and then banishes those people from her life. This psychologi cal cowardice has become more invisi ble to her as she has grown more dar ing in her physical exploits. The bad news, dear Centaur, is that many o f your tribe suffer from a milder version o f this imbalance. The good news is that the coming months will bring rich opportunities to correct the prob lem. The glorious transformation can start with the meditations you hatch this week.

CAPRICORN

(Dec. 22Jan. 19): Many people are under the impression that discussing a problem is the same thing as doing something about it. N ot you, though. You have a deserved reputation as a man or woman o f action. Walking your talk is your specialty. I would like to note, however, that every now and then, discussing a problem is actually better than doing something about it. An uninhibited exchange o f ideas and feelings, when done in a setting where mutual tolerance rules, can dissolve a

ACROSS 1 Off-the-wall 6 Ukrainian city 11 Peepers, to Pope 15 Arrange type 18 Repeated 20 French spa 21 Rain heavily 22 Gob 23 Start of a remark 25 Earmark 27 Asian holiday 28 Annual award? 29 Shake — (hurry) 30 Hurries 31 Depraved 33 Pile up 36 Squirrel's stash 38 Snakecharmer’s crew 41 Outcast 43 Globule 44 Riyadh religion 45 Damone or Dana 46 Part 2 of remark 51 Neighbor of Fla. 52 Rice dish 55 Waikiki wing-ding

98 Cheerless 56 Salute for Caesar 100 One of the Waughs 57 Unaware 101 Elegant 59 Wee 104 — terrier serving 61 Poe crow 105 Salchow kin 63 Ain't right? 106 Sludge 64 Type of 107 Bloomsbury cabbage buggy 66 Part of NB 109 Bookstore 67 High-rise section building? 112 Actress Cassidy 69 Part 3 of remark 115 Managers 70 Know-it-all 117 End of 73 Semester remark 74 Prickly 121 Be human plant 122 MD’s area 75 Heilman’s 123 Riser’s The Little relative —" 124 Home 76 Marsh sight on the 78 It should be range? 125 “So there!" square 79 Put an 126 Man, for end to one 127 At daybreak 83 Carnival site 128 Gushes 84 Dentist's DOWN directive 86 The — Kid" 1 "Miss ('84 film) Lonely87 Meyers of hearts" "Kate & writer Allie* 2 Dull pain 89 Part 4 of 3 Atkins or remark Huntley 94 Corn 4 Holyfield portion stats 95 Broadcast 5 "Definitely!" in July 6 He's 97 Bates or abominable Rickman 7 Rara —

(Jan. 20-Feb. 18): H ow could you possibly be ahead o f your time but behind in your schedule? You tell me. Maybe you’re afraid to stop procrastinating, because that would put you even fur ther ahead o f your time. And you have already endured enough rejection from people who aren’t ready for your innovations. Let’s face it: The majority will always prefer future schlock to future shock. But are you man enough or woman enough to decide here and now that you’ll no longer let the lowest common denominator hold you back? There’s never been a better time to gather allies who love you to dream your most visionary dreams.

PISCES

(Feb. 19-Mar. 20): Dear Gorgeous Force o f Nature: As one o f the emissaries assigned the lucky task o f ensuring that you get all the gifts you deserve, I’m happy to announce the imminent arrival o f a big, hot batch. Please don’t feel the least bit guilty about receiving so many blessings, and don’t you dare indulge in the slightest shyness about raking them all in. You may some times fantasize that you’re being unduly rewarded, but I assure you that you have thoroughly earned every boost o f sweetness that will be coming your way. Love, The Ambassador o f Delight. ®

You can cull Rob Broxsny, day or night for your

expanded w e e k ly h oroscope 1 -9 0 0 -9 0 3 -2 5 0 0 $1.03 p e r minute. 18 and over. Touchtone phone. c / s 8 1 2/3 7 3 -9 7 8 0 And don’t fo rg e t to check out Rob’s Web s ite at anemr.fraewvlllastrology. com Updated Tuesday night.

8 One dimensional 9 Label 10 Whichever 11 Iridescent stones 12 Hamlet or Herman Munster 13 Where to spend leva 14 Smash letters 15 Flight segment 16 Consumed 17 Lock 19 Name of a Day 24 "My Gal —’ (1905 tune) 26 Butchershop display 29 75 Wimbledon winner 31 Age 32 Garlic hater 34 Bad start 35 Contented sigh 37 — d’Alene, ID 38 Spy org. 39 *52 Winter Olympics site 40 Spill the beans 41 Navigate 42 Bill of Rights grp.

43 — major 45 Like some leaves 47 Chew out 48 Sheltered spot 49 Happening 50 Russo of ‘Get Shorty" 53 Maintain 54 Beset 58 Delibes opera 59 "Rusalka" composer 60 Ely or Darling 62 Disconcert 65 “Stroker —" ('83 film) 67 Get cracking 68 It’s kept in a quiver 69 Bikini part 70 Opposite 71 Way out 72 Merit 73 Hatcher of “Lois & Clark" 74 Crooked 75 Raid 77 Adz and awl 78 Chow — 80 Actor Parley 81 Viscount’s better

82 Cart 85 Nursery items 88 Hotel 90 Desert refuges 91 Dutch town 92 — Lanka 93 the fields we go.. .’ 96 Smoked delicacy 99 Response 100 Be 101 Sheep sheds 102 "M” man 103 Blue hue 104 Social group 105 Sternward 108 TV’s*— People" 110 Barbecue fuel 111 The — 500 112 Mature 113 From the top 114 Gets by (with “out") 116 Mai — 117 Ideologue’s suffix 118 Singer’s syllable 119 Cock and bull 120 Dem.'s opponent

to respond to a personal ad call l-QOO-3 7 0 _7 12 7 *3 4# we’re open 24 hours a day! $ 1.99 a minute, m ust be 18+. »: Anyone seeking a

healthy, n

-e in

PERSON TO PI

Sts,

gender, race, religion and sexual preference. SEVEN DAYS reserves the right to edit or reject any advertisement. Personal ads may be submitted

seeking, persons over 18 years of age.

personal abbreviations A=A^ian, B = Black, Bi = Bisexual, C=Christian, CU=Couple, D = Divorced, F=Female G=Gay, H = Hispanic, ISO=ln Search Of, J=)ewish, LTR=Long-Term Relationship M=Male, Ma=Married, MD=No Drugs, NS = Non-Smoking, NA=No A l cohol, P=Professional, S=Single, TS=Transsexual, W=White, i Wi^Widowed, YO=Years Old

C all _

1 - 8 0 0 - 7 1 0 -8 7 2 7 to charge directly to your credit card $i.99/minute. must be 18

C all

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HELP STOP THE IRRITATION IN MY head. In need of safety & security. Playful, honest, $k1ngr upjpn the.mtn. ISO Mr. Right. 5127____________________ LOOKING FOR MR. RIGHT. ATTRACTIVE, petite SWF, 38, 5’4”, 105 lbs., long brn./brn. Enjoys music, dancing, romance, passim, kissing, cuddling & loving. ISO attractive, slim SWM, 28-40 for LTR. 5121_________ __ I AM 50 YO, SWF, SHORT BRN. HAIR, BLUE eyes. I am on Disability. New to St. Albans. I like reading, taking walks, playing with my new kitty. 5087___________ SWF, 30S, AVERAGE TO GOOD LOOKS, NY area, seeks a 30’s gentleman, kids OK, NSND preferable & who is spiritually in-tune w/self, life & most of all GOD! 5082________ 30+, SWF, 6’2", W/GOOD INTELLECT & HUMor seeks partner for outdoor adventures, dancing, travel, laughter & intimacy. 5078

A o sk in q m m LET’S GO SKIING! $ ’9”, BLUE-EYED, BLONDE, 47, ISO tall, WPM, NS, for outdoor/indoor adventures. Intelligent, witty, high-energy F promises colorful conversation & a lot of fun, 5246__________________________ _ HAVE DUCT T A P E - WILL TRAVEL INCENDiary bitch ready to burn the house down. You: between legal and dead. Me: ageless.

523S

__ ' L

SWF, 40S, ACTIVE, ENJOYS THE OUTDOORS, movies, good conversation, gardening & the ocean. ISO that special M, who is easygoing & sincere to share interests, for LTR. 5230 NEW TO BURLINGTON: SWPF, 40, W/NO children, independent, slim, funny, consider ate, kind, hikes, camper, skier, traveler, adventurous, outgoing, looking to meet you. All calls answered & I don’t nag! 5229______

SWPF, 39, PRETTY, P, SMART, FUN, FUNNY, nice. Loves hiking, skiing, running, family, friends, eating, laughing... most good things. ISO S/DPM, 35-45, w/good heart, good humor, good energy, good job. 5075_______ UNDAMAGED GOODS. DO YOU STILL BELIEVE in the power of a sparkly eyed, penetrating stare? And that undying romance is the paternal twin of spontaneity & a fulfilled heart? 5067_________________________ _ SWF, 40, ACTIVE, INTELLIGENT & ADVENturesome. Love to telemark & travel. Also hiking, biking, animals, music, conversation & home. ISO M to share adventures. 5064 TALL P BRUNETTE BEAUTY, 44, ISO FUTURE boyfriend. ME: creative, humorous, loving, energetic, fit, outgoing. YOU: smart, hand some, witty, hip, honest, P, loving, forthright. Prefer chocolate malts to Cosmopolitans, style w/substance. No Trailers. 5060

IF YOU CANT LAUGH WITH YOURSELF WHO can you laugh with? 22 YO lover-of-life wants to play with like-minded spirits. No Bush supporters, please. 5038_________________ LOOK INTO MY HEART TO SEE THE REAL ME. I am a SWF, 52, ISO SWM, 48-60, for LTR. Not marriage. I’m witty, educated, loving, passionate, love dancing, outdoors. Looking for that someone special. 5013____________ ARE YOU A SWPM & HAVE YOUR HAIR? Mature, handsome, no kids & fit, 35-42? If so, this kind, lovely, interesting, trim lady ISO LTR w/you. No games. Friends first. 5008 GROUNDED AND BALANCED, BUT NOT TOO crunchy. Attractive, hemp-friendly SF, 36, w/ Buddhist/Taoist leanings ISO intelligent, selfactualized M for various adventures. 5001 DSWF 29 ATTRACTIVE, ACTIVE, FIT, CARING & responsible, enjoys mountain biking, cam ping, romantic dinners & going out occasion ally. ISO SWM, 25-39, w/ similar interests Must like children. Friends, pos, LTR. 5000 I AM A VERY PRETTY WOMAN AND I’M VERY outgoing. I like a lot of stuff. I have 3 kids and 5 animals. 4996_____________________ MAKE MY DAY. PSWF, 45, CUTE, PETITE, somewhat taciturn & irreverent, extremely i affectionate, environmentalist, world-traveler, former national park ranger & newspaper editor, relocated from West. Enjoy, x-c/alpine skiing, traveling, backpacking, hiking, swimming, animals, Rock, Bluegrass. 4990______ SWPF, 55, ATTRACTIVE, FUN, GENEROUS, loving. An artist who enjoys cooking, walks on beach, Winter light, films, books, fire works, Montreal ISO considerate, friendly, intelligent man. 4988________ ADVENTUROUS, EDUCATED, MUSIC-LOVING artist ISO real & alive man. No macho. In touch with feminine side. Passionate, pur poseful with positive attitude. NS, healthy & still evolving. 4983 ____________________ SOMEDAY WE’LL MEET, MY LOVE (BUT would you hurry!) Very attractive, classy, blue-eyed, petite entrepreneur with reddish/brown hair looking for humorous, educated, goal-oriented, articulate soulmate (38-53) with strong work ethic. 4979_______ PLAYFUL, TALL & SEXY SNOWBOARDER

seeks male counterpart. SF 25, looking for a SM. 25-35 to dodge trees, duck ropes and ride hard. Easygoing, adventurous, lovers of life only need respond. 4977 ■. ‘ ( . LOOKING FOR COMPANIONSHIP, SWF, 39.

compassionate, genuine, attractive ISO SWM, 40-45. Must enjoy walks in the woods, movies, classical music. Honesty & sense of humor a must. Possible LTR. 4919

SWPF, 32, SCORPIO, BORN IN THE YEAR OF the monkey. Fit, athletic & fun-loving, seek ing honest, trustworthy companion for adventures & apres entertainment. 5226

ATTRACTIVE, IN SHAPE, BLONDE/ blue, 5’6”, 43, PSWF, ISO fun, educated M who enjoys good conversations, the outdoors, reading & movies. 5133

WANTED, 42+, F WHO IS EDUCATED, SOULful, sensual & somewhat balanced. From writer/artist/teacher & dog-lover type, what■ ever that means. No Quayle or Bush sup; porters, please. 5268 ____________________

; ; ; J

’ I

■5236______ _ ______ ,_________ _ *

: SWM, 35. 5’ 10”, 180 LBS., ATHLETIC LIKES tennis, reading & weekend getaways. l Seeking mature, attractive F for fun & possi‘ ble LTR. 5267________________ __ i MONTPELIER GUY WHO COLLECTS RECORDS ; in Burlington, works part-time, longtime ; meditator, like the Aquarian you read in this ; paper, seeks F freebird, under 36, friends ; first. 5266 * NO SENSE OF HUMOR. GOOD-LOOKING, ‘ 5’ 10”, 170 lbs., NS, ND, young 50, but with ; hair & teeth. Honest, romantic, in to con‘ certs, Borders, dining, dancing. ISO lady, l preferably with hair & teeth. 5265 I » * » I *

ISO LTR W/ GUITAR PLAYING GIRL SWM, 26. ISO SWF, 22-30, to jam with. Into rock, metal & the blues, plus various outdoor interests. 5264 _______________________ TAKE A HIKE, NS, LIKES POETRY, NATURE photography, folk guitar, hiking, writing, l drawing, jazz, quiet times, traveling. ISO l special woman to share life’s beauty with. I Everything matters, except everything. 5263 : NEW YEAR’S RESOLUTION, LATE 40’S, 5’9”, ; 155 lbs, youthful, proportionate, engaging, J open-minded, appealing. Likes outdoor activl ities, travel, laughing, adventure, sunsets, l photography, music, movies, life. Anything ; that two people can enjoy together. 5262 J 47 YO, HARRY ISO MY SALLY. SEEKING EMO» tionally & spiritually fit, NS, small, quiet, » homebody F to share walks, books, love, l laughter, massage, nights, mornings, conver» sation, food, wine & herself. 5261_________ : HM, 52, ATTRACTIVE, PASSIONATE, AFFECTI ionate, spiritual ISO DWJPF, 46, cute, generl ous, loving, cooks, active iibido for long* term, unconditionally loving, committed rela* tionship. 5243_______________ ___________ * IF YOU’RE LOOKING FOR AN INTELLIGENT, * nice, good-looking, educated, successful, l good-humored, active, athletic, kindhearted ’ & romantic guy, and if you are intelligent, l happy, attractive/pretty/cute, active, sincere I and ready for the right guy, then call me and ’ leave a message. Fate Happens. Very young : 44 y/o, s’6”- 5241____________________ * SWBIM, MID 30’S, ATTRACTIVE, SENSUAL * caring & a very good listener. ISO a F who * likes children & desires a good person to * have laughs with & possibly a LTR. 5240

* J ’ * J

SWM, 6’4, 31, ATHLETIC,”NS, ND, ISO C-DAY party partner & LTR for outdoors adventures like hiking, caving, climbing, travel, cooking, campfires. Even if you don’t answer: Peace & Happiness shall be with you. 5164_________

l QUIET, SENSITIVE, NURTURING SM, 37,

» physician seeks happy spiritual younger SF » w/similar interests/qualities for hiking, camp* ing trips around VT and possible LTR. 5157

ACTIVE DWF, 51, LIKES CAMPING, CONTRA dancing, snowshoeing, 50’s rock to classical, and VPR. Seeking NS to share activities and companionship. Friendship first. Rutland area. 5211______________________________ _

SHARE YOUR DREAMS, LOVE passion ately, connect with Earth, imagine, live with gratitude, let go of why, care for your body, be compassionate, notice, forgive, be real, experience joy, DPF, intelligent, vibrant, spiri tual, playful, sensual ISO 45+, companion to share journey. 51.35__________ ____________

: ACTIVE, SECURE, HEALTHY, TRIM, 54, 5’io”. I ISO interesting, NS, slender, sensitive, ener* getic F 35-50 to share love of nature, hikes, * xc, travel, arts, music, etc, for LTR. 5210

SHARE MY ZEST. HAVING LEARNED TO ENJOY life alone, I’d like a companion to share the bright, playful, energetic, aesthetic, creative aspects of middle-age outdoors, w/open heart & enlightened good-humor. Perceptive, zaftig DWPF, NS. 5218____________________

ISO INSIGNIFICANT OTHER FOR OFFICE X-mas party & other holiday events. Semi-PF, 37, tall, thin, pretty, clever, independent, pre sentable seeks similar, outgoing, humorous SM for the season. 5136_________________ _

IF YOU CAN REMEMBER WHAT IT’S LIKE TO feel totally in love, this in-shape, good-looking SWMP ISO similar SWF, 27-37, to make a real connection, intimacy, challenges, fun.

* sible DPM, 30s ISO serenity, curiosity, imagi* nation, laughter, integrity. 5225____________

VEGETARIAN WOMAN, NS, FIT, YOGA PRACTItioner, meditator with inner & outer appeal seeks fit, S/DM vegetarian, 40S-60S, for LTR. Be my best friend, companion & coworker for social change. 5222___________________

HAPPY, ACTIVE, ATTRACTIVE, PETITE, OUTgoing, DWPF, NS, ISO handsome new friend, 45-60, to share the wonder. Interests include business, education, politics (Democratic), spiritual growth, the culinary arts, salsa dancing (& other), music, movies, theater & concerts. If you like to laugh, eat, dance, love & learn, call me. 5148________________

A o o kin q w c u m n

\ DO YOU HONESTLY BELIEVE YOU SHOULD * be treated like a queen? Then I would love * to accommodate you. Responsive & respon-

SPUNKY, SPF, 30S, SKIER, ACTIVE, ATHLETIC, fun, health-conscious, intuitive, vegetarian, focused. Enjoy traveling, adventure, moun tains. ISO SPM, similar qualities, communica tive, open, patient, emotionally mature, sensitive, positive, funny, fit, happy. 5223______

: SWM, 24, s’S", IN GOOD SHAPE, INTO l sports & all types of outdoor activities, likes * dancing & going out to clubs... ISO attracl tive SWF, 18-26, with similar interests, who » wants to have a good time... 5156 l EROTIC ADVENTURES. I’M A SWM, ATHLETIC

SWPF 25 LOOKING TO SHARE DREAMS & aspirations. Adventurous, spontaneous, pos sibly crazy, beg. snowboarder ISO strong, open-minded companion. Wanna hang around & just be silly? ISO SM 25-33. 5058 WORKING MIND/BODY, SELF-EMPLOYED vegetarian chef, incurable romantic w/dog (Hartford). ISO boy, organic garden & reloca tion to country life with NS M, not afraid of woman over 49! 5057____________________ SEARCHING FOR A SOULMATE MID 40’S DWPF-attractive & personable. Enjoy biking, sailing, travel & dining out. Seek emotionally secure M for companionship & possible LTR.

5050_________________________

SPONTANEOUS, TRAVELING, GIGGLING, long-legged, 23 YO beauty ISO unneedy, ungreedy, fun-loving hiker/artsy, coffeedrinker. 5039

* and attractive, looking for F for erotic advenl tures & other fun times. Discretion assured t if wanted. Let’s enjoy the winter. 5149_____

SWF LOOKING FOR A MAN WHO LOVES ; WAIT!! DON’T MISS THIS ONE... SWPM, 29, women. She in turn, loves men. 40 years l laid back & open-minded. ISO similar SF. An old, I have long dark hair with eyes to match. Call, let's chat. 4907_______________ * interest in snowboarding, the outdoors & * having fun a bonus. Winter is near, let’s BRIGHT, FUN, ACTIVE, SWPF, 25 WHO LOVES ; hook-up. 5147__________________________ a good laugh, outdoors, fall nights, music * IMAGINE YOURSELF MEETING A NICE, and stimulating conversation. ISO SPM 2432 with like mind to enjoy adventures in VT. J gentle, educated guy who gives flowers, » opens doors, treats you like a princess. I’m 4906 * 44, and searching for an old-fashioned love, * a nice, loving, trusting relationship. 5145

i c r e * *$ lo o k in ' a ! yo u *** **»•p f" «■»ii«« ■HrunaU section

• • m m

: EDUCATED, ATHLETIC, DIVORCED WPM, 45, I enjoys camping, fishing, swimming, biking, « dancing, volleyball, softball ISO a woman t who likes to be shown intimacy & affection * be a one-woman man. 5141_______________ S ; ’ * *

MONKEYS ARE FUNNY. POSTMODERN metaphysical speculation is fun. Conservatives are disturbing. Groening is God. 22 YO eccentric genius, sarcastic, sexy but shy, Mod/Rocker seeks similar for whatever. 5137

« •

* ( j I \

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Dear Lola, For the last two years, I've been flavins an affair with my exter minator. It started cut innocently enough. An army cf ants invaded our dinette. I called in Mr. Pest Be Gone (not his real name). He showed up with his sprayer and, the next thing I knew, we were getting carnal all over the kitchen counter. 1 didn’t see him again for the next six months — until a squirrel got caught in cur chimney. Mr. Pest Be Gone not only released the critter, but also the animal inside me. After that, I started locking for excuses to call him in. I released cockroaches in my bathroom, invited a raccoon into my base ment and conjured a bat in my attic. Now I want Mr. Pest Be Gone to be gone from my life. But I can’t seem to give up the habit. Help! Addicted in Addison Dear Addicted, The bat’s in your belfry, not in your attic. Get thee to a therapist to find cut how it got there, and the best way to evict it.

J jo la

Or resp on d t h e o ld -fa s h io n e d w a y : CALL THE 9 0 0 NUMBER.

C all 1-900-870-7127 $l.99/mfn.

m u st be

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december 6, 2000

SEVEN DAYS

page 21b

don’t want a charge on your phone bill? call 1-800-710-872; and use your credit card. 24 hours a day! $1.9 9 a minute, must be 18 + . xd w q ju xw m , a m t DWM, 45, TALL, SECURE, ATHLETIC, FUN, romantic, grounded father LO smart, sweet, smiling, sexy, slim, athletic mom to share laughs, adventures, life, travel, food, outdoors, children, 35-47. 5131 _______ _

RUMINATING WRITER & OBSESSIVE, LOVable geek, 41, prefers unconventional women who don’t ignore but work through their problems in life. ISO expressive, self-aware, emotionally available woman capable of deep intimacy. 4997_____________________ ACTIVE WOMAN TO SHARE DAYS OF BIKING, hiking, canoeing, snowshoeing, skiing, fol lowed by lovely evenings listening to good music, cooking, good wine & conversation. Me, 39, WM, 6’, 165 lbs., long hair, fit. 4911

SWPM TO SPOIL YOU! MATURE, ROMANTIC & humorous. Very active & fit. I enjoy cook ing & dining out, hiking, biking, dancing to rock & writing love letters. ISO active fit, fun-loving F, 35-45, to share your like too. 5130___________________________________ SWM, 40ISH, LOOKING TO MAKE NEW friends. F’s, 25-45. Just let loose & have fun. No expectations. Over s’8” bonus. 5129

SWM, 43, REASONABLY SANE, PERSONABLE, complete with job, hair, teeth, small love handles. ISO reasonably sane, slim, attrac tive affectionate F, not into $, new cars, past lives, couch-potatoism. 4985______________

LOVE IS THE DRUG, AS IN CHEMISTRY. SWM, 44, ISO, sensuous, foxy F, unburdened by identity/age issues. We’re struggling Hedonists. Yes? Your bass-loving equal wants to appreciate, love & respect you. 5128

NEW TO BURLINGTON. DWPM, ATHLETIC build, 42, blonde, blue. Enjoy outdoor activi ties of all kinds, dining out, quiet evenings, ISO PF, fit, who can show me what VT has . to offer.-4982___________________________

NOT PROMISING PERFECTION. BUT THIS well-preserved DWM, 38, smoker promises a slender woman, 25-44, endless friendship, great times, Jacuzzis, great talks & much to write about, I’m worth the call. 5123_______

I KNOW MY ABCS... ADVENTURES, BACKroads, Caring, Dining, Environment, Family, Gallivant, Hiking, Independent, Jocose, Keen, Lifts, Mountains, Nature, Outdoors, Pleasures, Qualified, Romance, Snow, Trails, Understanding, Vermont, Woods, XXX, Yang, Zoophagous. 4981_______________________

ATTRACTIVE SENIOR M, TRIM, HEALTHY, intelligent, secure. ISO similai r to occasion ally share cultural activities, good conversa tion & discreet intimacy in the context of honest, sincerity & good humor. 5122______ CRASHING BORE, 49, SEEKS NAGGING Shrew (40+). I can’t wait to hear you whine about everything while I drone on about nothing. We’ll be poster children for poetic justice. 5083_______ . -s ________ ' SOFT-EYED GUY W/A FIRE INSIDE. SPONTaneous, compassionate & multi-faceted 31 YO interested in robust F, 28-38 who’s curi ous & palpable. Athletic playfulness a plus. 5077 ________________________________ WANTED: NAUGHTY F FOR FUN TIMES. DWM, 40, smoker, drinker, seeks F 25-45, who knows how to have a good time. Life’s too short to be shy. Who knows? 5072_________ FINE MOTOR SKILLS, CREATIVE, 31 YO, who’s action potentials fire with passion & reason. ISO fit F who endorses comic revelry over stoic professionalism. Candid, honest, sensual, curious. Are you? 5068____________ SDWM, 30, DIRTY BLONDE/BROWN EYES, very motivated ISO SF for friendship, maybe more, who likes pets, outdoors, kids & her self. ISO new adventures. 5066____________ SENSUOUS ROMANCE, SERIOUS ADVENTURE, intelligent conversation, healthy respect, fun, care and consideration are all included with this 44 YO single dad. Love skii :g, tennis, exploration, and maybe you. Call me now. 5062________________________________ __ UNFORGETTABLE LOVE! A TRUE ROMANTIC, seeks a petite, fit PF to enjoy life. I’m 44 yo, 6’, fit, kids are fine and welcome. Jericho/Underhill area, please! Think snow! 5049___________________________________ FUN, INTERESTING, SOCIABLE: IF YOU’RE one or more of the above (and female), give me a call. Skier or tennis player (or willing to learn) a definite plus. 5047_________ vSWPM, 23, BLONDE/BLUE, ATTRACTIVE, intel ligent into skiing, sailing, analytical thought, ISO SPF with good looks and attitude to match. Please be smart, cultured, and curious about the world. 5042________________

MASTER DE SADE ISO Gl JANE, SUBMISSIVE F. No strings, just rope. 4987______________

NOT A ROMEO. NOT A KNIGHT IN SHINING. Not a Millionaire. Am good-looking. Am Strong. Am employed. 47 yo DWM NS ISO non-serious NS F for LTR. 4980____________ 34 YO HORNED GOD SEEKS WICCAN Goddess 21-34 for fun, friendship, magick. Social, political awareness, moral outrage, depth of character req. Over 5’8” bonus. Let us celebrate Samhain together. 4978_______ SWM, 39, 6’, 190 LBS., INDEPENDENT, resourceful, active, ISO optimistic, creative, healthy SF for fun & thrills; must crave snow, water, mountains, new experiences, indoors & out. 4976_____________________ ELIGIBLE BACHELOR, SWM, 31. REBELLIOUS, adventurous, likes motorcycling, mountain biking, skiing, being outdoors, seeks gor geous, active, healthy F, 23-31, with morals who knows how to cook. 4974____________ TOO MUCH WORK, NOT ENOUGH PLAY IS NO fun at all. DWPM,45 NS seeks petite D/SF NS 30-50 for social activities. Reply for more details. Dinner anyone? 4924______________ SM SEEKS DOUBLE-JOINTED SUPERMODEL who owns a brewery & grows her own pot. Access to free concert tickects a plus, as is having an open-minded twin sister. 4828 TUNED-IN - TURNED-ON. 40, EQUAL BLEND existentially aware cynicism & emotional optimism/availability. Down w/bass, snug gling, learning, lasting. Nights are always young. Full hair, expressive, tender. ISO fresh, sensuous, cerebral Goddess. 4921 MAGICAL MANIC MISFIT. DM, TOOTHLESS, poor, stinky, bellied, freakchild. ISO 21 YO, I can call Lilikoi, Starchild, Bubba, Dollhead, Goddess, Princellakiss & Strange. Am I sitting next to you? 4918___________________

Aookinq wom en BIF, 20, NEW TO THE LIFESTYLE. NS, charismatic, laid-back, candle and astrology junkie. Seeking 20something S F, w/same interests— great conversations, friendship or more if comfortable. 5214________________ ADVENTURE... WHERE ARE ALL THE HOT GAY women in Vermont hiding? Are any of you out there? Active GWF seeks play friends to share in laughter and new adventures. 5161

ISO LTR W/ GUITAR PLAYING G IR L

GWF RELOCATING TO VT. ISO STRONG, TALL, outgoing F. Must be independent & debtfree. Must love animals & me. Let’s be friends first. Ages 38-49. 5124_____________

S W M , 26 , IS O SW F, 22 - 30 , TO JAM W IT H . IN TO R O C K , M ETA L & T H E B L U E S , P LU S V A R IO U S O U T D O O R IN T E R E S T S .

23 YO, SWF, BICURIOUS. LOOKING TO WALK on the Wild Side. ISO lesbian Goddess to train me. I am your student. If I get out of line, please whip me. 5118________________ BF ISO SAME FOR FRIENDSHIP & POS. more. Just moved from Boston. 35, 5’9” 180 lbs., brun./hazl. ISO brains, beauty & sensi tivity. Love “alternative” music, ocean, lakes, laughing, absurdity & great talks. Much to find out... 5081__________________________

5264

TIME FOR A CHANGE? WHY NOT? BIWM, 30, 6’, 185 lbs., fit, attractive, inexperienced. ISO same, 18-35, for fun. Nothing serious. Discretion a must. No mail. 5269__________ SM, 22, CUTE, FOR LTR OR MORE. MUST BE attractive, cute & young. Look forward to your reply. 5259_________________________ SUBMISSIVE M WANTS TO PLEASE. ENJOYS dirty talk & likes to eat out. Can I please

you? 5247______________________ GWM, 32, NEW TO AREA. VGL, SWEET, KIND, and sick of games. If you are not a JACKASS and Red Lobster followed by a movie sounds fun to you, reply. 5153____________ GWM IN CENTRAL VT, 43, TALL, IN-SHAPE, active, seeks in-shape, active GWM, 22-40, for hiking, biking, blading, movies, music, travel. 5151__________________________ _ BURLINGTON/RUTLAND BIWM, 5'io”, 185 lbs., red hair, average looks & build. Looking to meet D&D-free M, 18-46, for discreet good times. 5134________________________ SUBMISSIVE BEAR SEEKS AGGRESSIVE trappers! Butch, balding, bearded, blue-eyes. B/D, S/M bottom bear looking to explore/expand limits with demanding domi nant disciplinarian®. All scenes considered. Not planning to hibernate this winter! 5132* 29 GWM, 6’, 170 LBS., 40, WHO ENJOYS wrestling & more. ISO fit GM, 25-40, for fun discreet times. Adirondack Park area. No mail please. 5117____________ _______________

THE GOOD LIFE. SWM, 50, W/ HUGE MARKS for humor & integrity ISO attractive, fit, intel ligent partner to share good energy. Good looks & sense of humor important. 4900

AGGRESSIVE TOP LOOKING FOR SMOOTH, hairless bottoms any age. I’m hairy-chested and in great shape. If you want the time of your life, RSVP ASAP. 5069________________

Mi-

page 22b 'v-k

SEVEN DAYS

december 6 , 2000

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TWO-STEPPING, 12-STEPPER, SEEKING TO take you one step closer to my heart. Let’s walk the path less-traveled by leaving foot prints on our hearts. GM, NS, cut, seeking same. 5040___________ _________________ R-U-UNCUT AND/OR IN NEED OF SERVICE? 5010_______ ___________________________ GWPM ISO GENTLEMAN FOR RELAXING EVES. filled with walks, snuggling & titillating con versations. I am a D/D free, NS, casual drinker. Discretion is expected & assured.

5007_______

ARE YOU IN STEP WITH NEEDING ROMANCE in your life? How ’bout the intangible touch of pas de deux seeking us out? 4984_______ SINGLE &. LONELY, GWM, 22, IN BURL. ISO SGWM, 18-35, for LTR. I’m 5’io”, 135 lbs., slim build, brn/brn, loving, caring, sweet, sincere, passionate & affectionate. 4863_______ RECENTLY DITCHED MID-THIRTIES M SEEKS reasonably fit, opinionated, tolerant male with cynical wit for general bitch sessions and mutual enjoyment of each other. If you’re adventuresome, it’s even better! 4862 HEALTHY, HORNY & HAPPY YOUNG GUY ISO serious gay or bi-curious guys (18-40) for some friendly fun. Love of wrestling, eating, hangin’ out & hot sex is a plus. 4856______ GWM, EARLY 40’S, ISO CLEAN-CUT GM. Drink- & chemical-free for fun & friendship. Emphasis on cut. Possible LTR for right person. No fats or ferns. 4847________________ YOUNG SM, 18 YO, ISO MATURE M FOR AN erotic encounter. I am not very experienced but eager to learn. Leave your name & phone #. You won’t be sorry. 4829

T h e M o s tly U nfaJbulous S o c ia l L ife o f E th a n G reen .

a*-

and a $25 gift certificate to Dog Team Rd„ Middlebury 388-7651

5043

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Get electrified helping gramps plug in ancient carving knife.

•The O utdoor G ear Excharge,

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SGM, 50ISH, 210 LBS., 6’, ISO FUN DAY OR wknd. encounters with Bi or GWM, 30-50. Open to most scenes. No drugs. 5074______

TERRA INCOGNITA -a k a SPENDING THE HOLIDAYS WITH YOUR LOVER'S FAMILY (Part two)

Day Hiker’s Guide to VTfrom

ail.

SWF ISO 25+ SWF WHO IS LOOKING TO build a lasting friendship and maybe more with a compassionate and affectionate woman. 4923

SWM, 33, NS, ATTRACTIVE, FUN, ADVENTUR OUS, sensitive and educated, with many var ied interests. Interested in meeting similar for friendship and LTR. 4910______________

ATTRACTIVE AND VERY FIT, 27 YO SWPM with great sense of humor seeks energetic and fit SF for social friendship, camaraderie, and shared appreciation for nature, animals, music and art. 4999

Personal of the Week receives a gift certificate for a FREE

TALL, ATHLETIC, ATTRACTIVE, 30S, SWM. Into adult pleasure. Maybe I can make your sexual fantasy a reality. Let me know your desires. Must be healthy & discreet. 5245 MACU ISO F FOR FUN TOGETHER. F WHO would enjoy being w/both of us & also enjoys being outdoors, football, movies, etc. Sound like you? Please let us get to know you. 5239 __________________________ WM, MID 20S, GOOD SHAPE, CLEAN ISO 40+ F, age, race, size, shape unimportant, look ing for older women that need their sexual fantasies fulfilled. Must be open-minded, discreet & clean. 5228______________________ FOR HALLOWEEN & BEYOND... SWPM, 40s, cross-dresser, longtime. Genuinely fascinated student of the scene. ISO attractive, domi nant Fem(s) for safe & sane initiation into YOUR world. “Aching” to be pleasing & amusing. Clean & discreet, imperative. Have costume, will travel. 5220_________________ YOUNG 20SOMETHING CU, FIT & ATTRACtive, ISO M, 18-35, to fulfill my girlfriend’s desires. Must be discreet & fit. Uncut a plus! 5155___________________________________ COUNTRY ISO PRESIDENT. GREAT JOB opportunity for the right person. Good peo ple skills, must enjoy controlling a nation, relocation required. Free room/board. Start immediately, 4-year commitment. No experience necessary, will train. 5154____________ BICU, 30S, ADVENTUROUS, EROTIC LIKE going places, ISO another BiCu to have fun & go places. (Maybe a weekend in Montreal). To have intimate encounters. 5143 WCU, BiCURIOUS M, BUSTY F ISO TV/TS cross-dresser for erotic fun. Must be discreet. Let’s explore! 5140_______________________ BICU, 30’S, ADVENTUROUS, EROTIC, LIKES going places, ISO another BiCu to have fun with, go places (maybe a weekend in Montreal) intimate encounters with. 5139

.by E r ic O m e r

Get confused by funny fam ily anecdote that isn't funny.

Get arm caught in insipid guest room trundle bed.

Be compelled to take 2nd helping of hideous holiday compote courtesy of witchy aunt.

Thank God its over. Plan revenge.

JU f

to respond to a personal ad call 1-9 0 0 -370 -7127

% *

we’re open 24 hours a day! jjm n c L i DWF, 44, ISO FEMALE FRIENDSHIP TO share golfing, biking, swimming, snowshoeing, skiing, movies, music, dinner, drinks & the ups & downs that come with living life. 5216___________________________________ CENTRAL VT: “MY CUP RUNNETH OVER!” JOY & abundance abound! Would enjoy company of kindred, during breaks from chopping wood & carrying water. (Age, gender, sexual orientation, physical attributes, etc. Irrelevant). 5146_________________________ SWPM, YOUNG 50S, W/STRONG, SPIRITUAL values ISO new “committed friendship” not romance. Let’s explore the outdoors & enjoy cultural events, travel & good food/wine together. 4989

CRUSTINI, WHITE HERON, THREE BARS, AND a cat. Beaker needs a challenger, care to jom me. 5244____________________

MATT, I WANTED YOU TO KNOW I’M SORRY if I hurt you. I think of you often. I miss you. Crocodile hunter & beef stew? 5219

MUDDY WATERS, SAT. 11/25. YOU: RED hair, black sweater, teapot & journal. Me: man near you, blue sweater, laptop. Adverse to verbs & strangers. You? 5242

DARK-HAIRED BEAUTY NOTICED YOU, TEARS in eyes, boarding United Flight at MHT on 9/5. Meet me on 12/9, same place? Tears okay. I’ll be the guy w/flowers. Essss. 5217

TAD: UP ON THE MTN. SOMEWHERE YOU are. 3200 mi. west I am. And missing your cynical perspective tike crazy. Hello to Zeb as well. 5238___________________________

CASSIE: COYOTES, THURSDAY NIGHT. YOU stuck your tongue out at me. I love you.

FOOD GUY - YOU’VE TWISTED MY SPIRIT into a spinning kaleidoscope of vitality & faith, & I have enjoyed every moment. Feed me more! — Ice-cream girl. 5237__________ MAGOO- JUST WANTED TO TELL YOU, you’re Wonderful. You’ve got me. 5234_____ TALL GUY SEARCHING FOR AN ORGANICALLY inclined Alyssa with harmony. We first met at Merlefest in 1998. Haven’t seen enough of you since. Would you like to get dinner sometime? 5233_________________________ PURPLE L IP S - THANKS FOR A YEAR OF incredible sweetness. The Big-Armed boy.

I WAITED ON YOU & YOUR PARENTS. YOUR Mom had too much wine & couldn’t stop laughing. You came back later & we had a beer together. Meet again? 5260__________ KATE: WE MET A WHILE AGO AT RIRA’S. I got your gum as a consulation prize. Saw you holding a Donovan sign at elections. Can we meet again? 5248

To respond to Letters Only ads: Seal your response in an envelope, write box # on the outside and place in another envelope with $5 for each response. Address to: PERSON TO PERSON c/o SEVEN DAYS, P.0. Box 1164, Burlington, VT 05402

THE VIEW FROM ACROSS THE LAKE IS great, but how do I reach you? I share your values & principles. 5224_________________ ROXANNE. YOU TURNED ON MY LIGHT OF adoration. The world is a place of chaos & mystery, so let’s shin that light bright. 5221

AW m w

m #

PRETTY PROFESSIONAL WITH A TWINKLE IN her eye, into painting, reading 81 aerobic dancing, is looking for a gentleman, 51-69, who’s intellectual, aware & loving— & can twinkle back! Box 830____________________

woman Aaakinq man

SEEKING FRIENDSHIP CONVERSATION W/ gentleman, 65+, tall, intelligent, caring. Me: tall, hazel eyes, slim, trim, education, retired P, active, NS. Box 831____________________

LOVING WOMAN, 60, WHO LOOKS & FEELS younger. ISO affectionate man to love & who will love me back. One who is a NS, affec tionate, health conscious, likes music. Box 855________________________________

GROW OLD WITH ME. SWF, 57, SMOKER, ISO WM who likes auto racing, country music, camping, dining out & quiet times at home. Friends first. Write soon. Box 832__________

SHINE YOUR LOVE LIGHTS ON ME. ARE YOU kind? Are you cool? Positive? Healthy? Love life? Got spirit? Savor every second? Breathe deep? Seek peace? Know thyself? Me too. Yupp'er. Box 854_________________________ 23 YO GM TRAPPED IN A WOMAN'S BODY. ISO SM who will cum 81 open their Christmas present early. Includes hot candle wax, love oils & edible undies. Box 845

23 YO, ATTRACTIVE SWF, WHO LOVES DANcing, sports, driving, cuddling 81 adventure. Sorry, country music not ind. ISO SM, 18-30 w/same interests 81 sense of humor. Box 827 IN SHAPE, UP BEAT, ATTRACTIVE DWF. SEEKing well-mannered, trustworthy gentleman, good appearane, NS, to share my life. 50-60. Not afraid of commitment. Please tell me aout yourself. Box 834___________________

S W F - CARRIE, 38 YO, 5’4 \ 110 LBS., LT. smoker from Montreal. Seeking guy with similar tastes. Love music, early Bowie, Iggy, 70’s, alternative, movies, animals, painting &. making films. Box 842____________________

ECLECTIC, IRREVERENT, INDEPENDENT ICONoctast (well-preserved: 52) wishes to meet empathetic M (same; 45-55) w/social con science who values intellectual stimulation 81 mature emotional connection. Must like Thai food, no MSG! Box 826

MATURE SWF, NS, PRIVATE, PASSIONATE, pensive, political, perceptive, particular, Drawn to beaches, books, theater, music, labyrinths, fantasy and family. Please, don’t assume anything. Box 843_______________

manAaakwg mmqm

VOLUPTUOUS VIRGO, 50S, ATTRACTIVE, PWF childless, loves outdoor fun, music, dancing. ISO gentleman for lasting friendship w/honesty & trust. Let’s bring in 2001 together! Burlington area. Box 828

SM, 42, ARTISTIC, POETIC, ROMANTIC Southerner, 5’n ”, 200 lbs., in good shape. Enjoys camping, boating, fishing and dance. ISO open, honest, friendship first. Explore the depths of a labyrinth heart. Box 852

4 digit box numbers can

YOU SAW ME, I PROBABLY SAW YOU... BUT I didn’t know it was you. Inconceivable! You don’t by any chance happen to have six fingers on your right hand? 5212_____________ 11/15/00. 9:00 PM - LITTLE BOY DRIVING AN enormously big green car. You smiled and invited me in. Maybe we could go out on a “date” sometime. 5209______________ SAGITTARIUS, BOTH OF US, SPOKE WITH you next to the bonfire in Fletcher on 11/18. Do you remember me this time? Still interested? 5208____________________________ I SAW YOU WALKING IN THE MALL FROM A distance, I watched you and smiled. Then said to myself, “I am so lucky to have you.” Love you, Babe. 5207____________________

SHAWN, AUTO MECHANIC, FROM BARRE: “Roses are red, violets are blue, wouldn’t I like to spend a day, talking w/you.” You responded w/no address or phone. 5227

5215_________________________

YOU: THE BEAUTIFUL BRUNETTE BEHIND THE counter at Muddy’s. Me: the anxious blonde, too shy to ask for more than a smoothie. I want to say more, do you? 5206__________ YOU WORK AS A CAKE DECORATOR, SWEET! F, long, blondish hair. We danced swing, slow danced at Nectars on weeknight. I gave you my number, I truthfully am NOT married! 5205

•

$i.99/m inute. must be 18 + .

ATTN. SUSAN: YOU ANSWERED MY AD 4784. You just turned 40. The phone number you gave did not work. Please try again. Dale. 5126___________ _________________ _ 10/28 B A LL- YOU TWO LOOKED GREAT. Nice asses. We introduced ourselves on your way out. What are you into? Wanna get together? Call us J & M. 5120_____________

OUR PATHS CROSSED; FLETCHER, BAIRD 6TH from 10/5-10. We exchanged glances w/o meeting. I, handsome recovering man. You, beauty with dark hair visiting family member nightly. May we meet again? 5159_______ _

11/3/00- 3:30 P.M.- CORNER OF PEARL AND Elmwood- big green car. Your smile made me want to hit the brakes. I circled the block but you had vanished. Wanna go for a ride? 5086__________________________________

ADAM: WE SHARED A ‘NEW YEAR’ TOGETH ER recently. It’s 11:45 Friday night & too late to call. Are you coming soon to experience this sunny Eden? Apples, yum! 5158

11/4/00: I STOOD BEHIND YOU AND ORDERed a Bud Light. You leaned back and I felt the chemistry. You got a phone call, smiled, then left. You should have introduced yourself. 5084______________________________

FUDGEPACKING REDHEAD: YOU MAKE ME wild for my bottle of Brut Ultra Dry. Let's share a Big Butt K-9 on 11/26. Bring gravy fries. BigMama Dyke and Senorita Penuche Punanny. 5152

BRISTOL. MAN WITH BLACK FORD RANGER king cab. You had a sweatshirt advertising a nursery and wearing a camouflage cap. We had good eye contact as you were leaving. More? 5080

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m • • • • • •

woman saakinq woman

VERY YOUNG so'S , ATHLETIC, 5'io‘ TALL, well-educated, healthy 81 STD free, sensitive, romantic, sensuous, financially secure, child less, jack-of-all-trades-fella seeks slim, warm, open, liberal, spontaneous, patient, tactile, romantic, sensuous woman who loves the outdoors, boating, & wants to enjoy fine wine & sunset dinners'prepared by me on the deck of my lakefront home. A long letter will get you the same. Box 800

DELIGHTFUL TO WATCH, DARK HAIR, FULL lips wearing khakis and black sandals, Price Chopper. You, with boyfriend saying hello with glances while in line. Can we meet somehow, sometime? 5160________________

HANDSOME M, 40, STRONG BUILD, 5*10“, 185 lbs. Friendly, gentle, outgoing but demanding schedule. Desires fit F for good friendship, discreet encounters. Youth age or Ma, no barrier. Honesty, security, closeness. Box 851________________________________

ABSOLUTELY FREE! MY HEART! DWM, YOUNG 38, smoker. Good looks/build. Seeks a slen der F, 28-44, who is outgoing, enjoys music, dancing, the outdoors & indoors, romance, quiet times. Make us happen! Box 821_____

FIVE SPICE 10/23. TO BE MORE SPECIFIC... You: replete with Pixies songs and lines from the Princess Bride. Dark hair. Glasses. Me: feeling like queen of the dorks. 5138

UNDER A ROCK IN BURLAP: THANKS FOR your letter, E. But I need your phone, address, POB, or e-mail to contact you. Please write again (IOU $ 5). Line. 5163_____

ABSOLUTELY FREE! MY HEART! DWM, YOUNG 38, smoker. Good looks/build. Seeks a slen der F, 28-44, who is outgoing, enjoys music, dancing, the outdoors 81 indoors, romance, quiet times. Make us happen! Box 821

LOOKING FOR ROMANTIC, PASSIONATE, companion. Me: PSWM, 61, tall, slim, NS, You: attractive, slim, free spirit, adventurous, assionate. Like travel & dining. Box 838

LABRIOCHE, SUNDAY AFTERNOON, 11/12. Beautiful, blue eyes.„ I’ll let you have the last country loaf. I settled for the baguette. I’d love to meet you for real. 5142_________

ICE CREAM GIRL - YOU’VE ROCKED MY world. The Food Guy, 5165________________

INCARCERATED HANDSOME FRENCH CARIBBean, 32, 5’u ”, 180 lbs., muscular. Sexy chocolate w/dreadlocks. Fluent in French, Patois &. Brooklynese. Retired Bad Boy. Release 2001. ISO intelligent, honest, crunchy not country SF. Box 850___________

SWM, 25, 5’ 7”. BROWN EYES/HAIR. I AM loyal, honest, romantic, discreet, willing, lov ing, faithful gentleman. ISO a full-figured F for a serious relationship. Send photo. Box 836_______________________________

LMP, TICK, TICK, TICK, TICK, TICK, TICK. SEW 5144

IT SEEMS THAT I’M NOT THE ONLY ONE who has noticed you. There are others who see you for your charm and beauty. Great energy at Finnigans, Wed 11/ 15! 5166 ______

SWM, 52, 6’, 200 LBS., NS, ISO, SF, 40-55, active, fun, loves movies, quiet life. Box 835

SRJ: RRRR. GROUGH. URFF. ARGH. UMMM. Grrrrr. Woof and Purr. AJS. 5150

TO THE WELL-DRESSED BLONDE WITH THE jewelry cart outside of the new Banana Republic (a month or so ago): enjoyed your wares. Professional, athletic man wants to meet you. 5204____________ . _________

BIWM, 50ISH, CLEAN, DISCREET, ATTRACitive, good shape, ISO well-built M for dis creet encounters, days or eves. Box 825

I PBGH./B'TON. - NOT: SUM, GORGEOUS, degreed or wealthy, but a genuine good woman, 50s, musical, artisistic, kink-friendly, NA, ND, NS, seeks a “like” male. Safe, sane, discreet, dean, possible LTR. Box 846

28 YO SWF ISO 30+ SWF FOR FRIENDSHIP & more. I’m looking for honesty, love and affection. We’ll take on the world together.. let the adventure begin! Box 849__________ WOODSWOMAN (N.CT. VT.), 49, SEEKS KINDred soul for dance of intimacy— led by kind hearts, step by step, to loving, celebrating & honoring our being together 81 apart. Let’s dance. Box 8 4 4 ____________________

INCARCERATED, 39, NON-VIOLENT, SUBMISsive WM. Happiness is: dominant, heavyset, wealthy woman 30-50 to feminize me and teach me how to be the woman I crave to be. Box 856_______-____________________

HELLO LOVELY LADIES OUT THERE! LOVE TO hear from you all! I’m a Virgo, easygoing, loving, warm, kind, loyal 81 lots, lots more of me as a person. Please write me, please. God Bless. Box 804______________________

MWM 40, ISO COUPLE FOR CLEAN, SAFE, intimate fun. Central to Northeast VT. Very discreet. Let’s trade letters. Box 853______

I, SGW, WHO’S LOOKING FOR SOME GREAT gay friends out there 81 in the future to find that special lady to share my life. Easygoing, king, loving, warm, enjoy people & honest, loyal, like having good fun! Box 789.

CLEVELAND ROCKS. YOU DON’T GO BACK TO the woods 8t under the rock from where you came. Box 840

man M aking m m

RUTLAND HANNAFORDS, 11/28 AROUND noon in-the checkout line. You were blonde wearing a dark, wool coat. Me: grey beard wearing a green vest. Nice eye contact. Can we meet? Box 857

BIWM, 5’5", 140 LBS., ISO DOMINANT M. I enjoy B&D, S&M, W/S, willing to please. I can be your toy to play with 81 make fun of. Will answer all. Box 847__________________ SGWM, ST. ALBANS-AREA, 5’ 10", 230 LBS. sincere, quiet ISO SGM, 30-40S, honesty first. LTR only. I have much to offer, are you the one? D/D free, smoker OK. Box 848

3 digit box numbers PO Box 1164, Burlington, VT 05402.

be contacted either through voice mail or by letter.

can only be contacted by letter. Send letter along w/ $5 to

LOVE IN CYBERSPACE. POINT YOUR WEB BROWSER TO HTTP.//WWW.SEVENDAYSVT.COM TO SUBMIT YOUR MESSAGE ON-LINE.

How to place your FREE personal ad with Person to Person • F I L L O U T T H IS FO R M AN D M AIL IT TO.* P E R S O N A L S , P . O . B O X 1 1 6 4 , B U R L IN G T O N , V T 0 5 4 0 2 O R FA X T O 8 0 2 . 8 6 5 . 1 0 1 5 . P L E A S E C IR C L E A P P R O P R IA T E C A TEG O RY B E L O W . YO U W IL L R E C E IV E Y O U R BOX # 8c P A S S C O D E by

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Confidential Inform ation (W E N E E D T H I S T O R U N Y O U R A D )

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• A D S IN LETTER^ ONLY S E C T IO N ( 3 - D I G I T BOX # ) C AN B E C O N T A C T E D O N L Y T H R O U G H T H E M A IL . S E A L Y O U R R E S P O N S E IN AN E N V E L O P E , W R IT E T H E BOX # O N T H E O U T S ID E A N D P L A C E IN A N O T H E R E N V E L O P E W IT H $5 F O R EACH R E S P O N S E . A D D R E S S TO : PERSONALS, C /O

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P l e a s e , a v a l id a d d r e s s . A n d p l e a s e w r it e c l e a r l y . * IF AD EXCEEDS 3 0 W O R D S. S E N D $ 2 PER EXTRA W ORD. DOES NOT INVESTIGATE OR ACCEPT RESPO N SIBILITY FOR CLAIMS MADE IN ANY ADVERTISEMENT. T H E SCREEN IN G OF I THE RESPO N SIBILITY OF THE ADVERTISER. SEV EN D A Y S A SSUM ES NO RESPO N SIBILITY FOR TH.E CONTENT O F, OR_R.EPLY.TO, ANY.P l

G u id e l in e s :

OpPLE f r e e p e r s o n a l a d s a r el AVAILABLE a v a i l a b l e FOR f o r PE peo l i SEEKING RELA TIO N SH IPS. ADS SEEK ING TO BUY OR SELL SEXUAL SERVICES. OR CONTAIf W IL L B E R E F U S E D . N O FU L L NAMES, STREET ADDRESSES OR PH O N E NUMBERS W ILL BE PU B LISH E D . .S SEXUAL OR ANATOMICAL LANGUAGE * -------------------------------------RESERVES THE RIGHT TO ED IT OR RE FU SE ANY AD. YOU MUST BE AT LEAST 1 8 YEARS O F AGE TO PLACE OR RESPO N O TO A PER SO N TO P £ R

Four FREE w eeks for: W OM EN SEEKING MEN MEN SEEKING WOMEN WOMEN SEEKING WOMEN Men S eeking Men

december 6, 2000

Two FREE w eeks for: 1 SPY “ >'■ JU S T Fb ie n d s OTHER. % .

SEVEN DAYS

v^'

page 23b

E a t Well...Be Happy! E«1oy tte

u I k

f io lid a y s ... ox -mm

S a l e s . . . O U R REG U LAR L O W P R IC E

SALE PRIC E

ORGANIC DARK CHOCOLATE CHIPS

$6.99

$4.49

EQUAL EXCHANGE ORGANIC MIND BODY SOUL COFFEE

$7.99

$6.99

TURKISH APRICOTS, SULPHURED

$1.99

$1.49

- - $ 1 .99

$1.59

ORGANIC ROLLED OATS

$ .69

$ .39

GOLDEN TEMPLE LOW FAT STRAWBERRY-RASPBERRY GRANOLA

$1 . 4 9

$1.19

ORGANIC WHOLE RAW ALMONDS

$8.99

$6.69

FRONTIER GROUND CINNAMON

$10.69

$4.29

$12.49

$8.79

$4.79

$3.89

ORGANIC THOMPSON RAISINS

GROUND NUTMEG ORGANIC JUMBO MEDJOOL DATES

e I i c i o u s

s t u f f

f r o m

MUIR GLEN O R G A N IC TOMATO SAUCE

10.7

V I T A S O Y S O Y M I L K S , AL L F L A V O R S

OZ.

n a t u r e ' s path

organic

honey

F L AKE S 12

C AS HEW BUTTER

OZ.

MULTI GR A I N WITH RAISINS

A R R O W H E A D MILLS A L M ON D BUTTER

7.25

BRAN

rai s i n

HERITAGE O'S AND

g r o c e r y . d ee p a r t m e n t . . .

t h e

P A M E L A ' S W H E A T FREE C O O K I E S , AL L V A R I E T I E S

14 32

OZ.

OZ. OZ.

OZ.

B U T T E R M I L K & MUL TI G R A I N P ANC AKE MIXES C E L E S T I A L S E A S O N I N G S G R E E N T E AS

HEALTH VALLEY HOT CEREAL CUPS AMY'S O R G A N IC SOUPS

14.5

ORGANIC CHILI

OZ.

OZ. 3 8-OZ.

CAPE C O D CRANBERRY

N A T U R E ' S C H O I C E G R A N O L A BARS EXTRA V I R G I N O L I V E O I L

OZ.

4.5

OZ.

3 LITER

G O L D E N TEMPLE PEACE C EREALS

NEW !

5 OZ.

2 OZ.

A F T E R T H E F AL L J U I C E B O X E S

TUSCAN

11.5

OZ.

A N N IE ' S NATURALS BUTTERMILK DRESSING OLIVE OIL DRESSING

8 OZ. 8 OZ.

G O D D E S S & S HI I T AKE IN A NEW SI ZE O R G A N I C VALLEY BUTTER

F ARMS O R G A N I C

JULIE'S ORGA N IC

Z-

OZ,

SOUR CREAM CASCADIAN

:•

B AGS

T E R R A RE D B L I S S O L I V E O I L P O T A T O C H I P S

1 2 OZ.

FROZEN BOXED VEGGIES

ICE CREAMS

1 P I NT

1 0 OZ.

$2.99

$2.49

$3.49

2 f or $5

$1 . 9 9

$1 . 5 9

$3.19

$2.49

$3.19

$2.49

$6.29

$5.59

$5.99

$4.89

$4.29

$3.49

$3.89

$2.59

$3.19

$2.19

$2.99

$2.19

$1.19

$ .89

$1.79

$ .99

$1.79

$ .99

$2.69

$1.59

$2.59

$1.39

$2.29

buy one, get one f r e e

$ 18.99

$13.99

$3.59

$2.49

$2.29

$1.89

$3.39

$2.59

$4.29

$3.19

$5.29

$3.99

$2.49

$1.99

$2.99

$2.19

$2.99

$2.39

W H O L E S O Y S O Y Y O G U R T S , AL L F L A V O R S

6 OZ.

$ .99

$ .79

S H E D D ' S W I L L O W RUN SOY M ARGARI NE

1 LB.

$1 . 8 9

$1.49

$2.99

$2.49

T O F U T T I C U T I E S , ALL FLAVORS

8 PK.

N O W Y O U C A N S H O P O N - L I N E AT

5 www.healthylivingm arket.com o v e r 6 0 0 0 i tems

• f r e e d e l i v e r y to y o u r h o m e or o f f i c e

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