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By M a r g a r e t Levine Yound & J o r d a n Young , % » » * . . . » , » » » . . » • »

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And she woke up — Tina Mauss Owner, Windswept Horse Farms Williston I'll be back. — Don Dennis Research Forester, Northeastern Research Station South Burlington

EQUAL OPPORTUNITY BASHER In response to James Dwinells letter in the Dec. 1 issue of Seven Days concerning Peter Freyne s writing and reporting, I would strongly disagree with Mr. Dwinell. Peter Freyne seems to be the epitome of an equal-opportunity basher. The first article I recall of Freynes that I read in Seven Days, I thought Freyne was an egotistical, conceited jerk; of course I was on the opposite side of whatever issue Freyne was writing about. The next time I read one of his columns I was in agreement with most of what he said, and I thought, well, maybe he isn't so bad. Now I faithfully pick up Seven Days primarily to read Peter Freyne.r There are many other interesting parts of Seven Days, but in my book Inside Track is the best. I still don't always agree with Freyne, but I believe writers like Freyne are absolutely essential in an open, free society such as ours. James Dwinell says he likes Peter, that Peter is a nice, interesting fellow, but he wishes Peter would learn to sugar-coat his remarks a little bit. Well, Mr. Dwinell, if that's what you want, just limit your reading to the Free Press and the Rutland Herald. — Steve Adams Lincoln JESUS IS ISLAM P R O P H E T I am writing in regards to Rick Kisonak's "Tubefed" in the

December 1 issue of Seven Days. In this article he says, in reference to the fatwa issued on Terrence McNally in Iran, "I was surprised to hear that Muslims are in such a tizzy over this. After all, they're Muslims, not Christians. None of this plays with any of their iconography or, in fact, involves their religion in any »

way. Where does this guy get his info? Jesus is a prophet in Islam, he just isn't the son of God. Jesus has an extremely important place, although of course not the same place as he does in Christianity. Of course, given the nature of this column and the lack of substance it regularly contains, it should not be surprising at all that this sort of error would be made. I mean, how much research or even thinking does it take for a wannabe intellectual like him to criticize TV talk shows? I mean, all of us who read Seven Days are obviously so smart that we never watch TV anyway, so we don't know what these "talk shows" are. But even from reading other great periodicals such as The Atlantic Monthly, the London Times and Mother Jones, we know that the only thing more trite than talk shows are the people who get off looking down their noses at their hosts. — M. J. Keenan Burlington

don't want to sound like an idiot. If someone else were to break the ice, we could quite possibly have an interesting conversation. I am used to the women in Toronto doing this. Most of the women I have met in Toronto would not be considered aggressive women, but women who are looking out for themselves and their best interests. Now, a second point of this letter is the Metronome. Saturday nights are advertised in your paper as "Retronome." I like the place, the ambiance, etc. Advertising it as the Retronome is misleading. Retro, in Toronto, is considered to be music from the '80s (and late 70s): punk, alternative and new wave. What is played is not retro. For the most part, what is played is disco and pop from the '70s and '80s. Last night there were about 10 songs played that I would consider retro. What's up with that? Anyway, those are my beefs and I don't know what to say but... AUGGGG! — David Munro Burlington

LEARN FROM MISTAKES OF BOTH GENDERS In response to Kathy Bouton's answer to the "Question" posed on December 1, we find it necessary to ask our own question: How will we ever be able to begin a new millennium and evolve as a species if we don't learn from the mistakes made by both genders of the species? Stereotyping and generalizing will only keep us chained to the past. — Damian and Kristin Bittrolff Burlington BURLINGTON NIGHTLIFE DISAPPOINTING I write this after coming in from another somewhat disappointing night out. Although I am a bit older than most of the regulars who partake in the bar scene, I still, to most degrees, fit in. I am a unique individual who took part in the punk scene from days gone by. I have been transplanted here from a very cosmopolitan city, Toronto. In Toronto a woman, if there were interested glances exchanged, would not be afraid to approach a man to ask him to dance or engage in conversation. As such I have to ask the women of Burlington.. .What's up? If a guy expresses interest in you and you approve, why does he have to make the first move? I ask this because I am very shy and have a very hard time finding the right words to say. I

Letters Policy: SEVEN DAYS wants your rants and raves, in 250 words or less. Letters are only accepted that respond to content in SEVEN DAYS. Include your full name and a daytime phone number and send to: SEVEN DAYS, P.O. Box 1164, Burlington, VT 05402-1164. fax: 865-1015 e-mail: sevenday@together.net

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At Long Last — Dean Out of the Closet! Not hard to imagine them popping the champagne corks up in Groovy UV Land Monday when word ricocheted around the state, and around the world, that the Vermont Supreme Court had issued its long-anticipated decision on same-sex marriage. Finally, the Vermont press had a big, sexy story to at least temporarily replace the one about the "Baa! Baa! Black Sheep" Hockey Hazing Scandal. Hey, it's Christmas week. Let's give the hockey pucks and UVM's Keystone Cop administrators a breather. Instead, this holiday week, let's applaud our favorite UVM hockey fan and Vermont governor, Howard Brush Dean III. On Monday, after years of hemming and hawing, Ho-Ho finally came out of the closet. You see, Howard Dean has always steadfastly refused to state his personal opinion on same-sex marriage. "I'll wait until the court decides," he'd always reply. Savvy politician that he is, Ho-Ho long ago learned that one who takes public positions on controversial social issues can expect to alienate about half the electorate. And our governor, a self-professed "passionate centrist," would never do that. But on Monday, the state supreme court finally did decide and HoHo could no longer wiggle out of 'fessing up. ,1., -

next couple months." She said Mr. Dwyer had moved to Florida. She also said her boss will retain her married name. McCains Pop Quiz — Sen. John McCain, main rival to Gov. George W. Bush of Texas, won the hearts and minds of hundreds Sunday with a stop at City Hall in Burlington. Almost 600 people — and we're not talking political hacks — poured into Contois Auditorium to see a legend for themselves. John McCain did not disappoint as he hosted a onehour Phil Donahue-style show, cracking jokes, taking questions and preaching his message of reform: reform of government, reform of the military, reform of the tax code, you name it, he'll reform it. He used the word "reform" so much you'd a-thunk he was running against Jesse Ventura and Donald Trump. It was easy to see why the Washington pundits are criticized by the Bush boys for their love affair with McCain. He doesn't come across like a politician, but rather as a person with a real life history and a mission. He joked how in an early New Hampshire poll he got just 3 percent support. "And the poll had a 5 percent margin of error." Quoting Mao Zedong he quipped, "It's always darkest before it goes totally black."

The man who would be President brushed off his hero status as a Navy pilot shot down BY PETFR FREYNE over North Vietnam and a prisSo, what does Howard Dean oner for five years in the "Hanoi really think of gay marriage? "It makes me uncomHilton." No big deal, said McCain. No heroic deed, fortable, same as anybody else," he replied. he explained. The only skill involved, he joked, was Uncomfortable? Uncomfortable how? Does it make in being "able to intercept a SAM missile with my I^dward feel like he's got cooties? Or that ants are own airplane." •; invading his underpants? "The 4000-year tradition of heterosexual marriage being an institution," said Ho-Ho, "is something I think you have to respect. I think there are a lot of people in this state who are uncomfortable about the concept of gay marriage." Pressed by reporters to further illuminate his view on the matter, Dean resisted, saying his "personal preference" on same-sex marriage is "irrelevant." "My private dilemmas are my private dilemmas," said Dean. "My job is to get the state through this. My opinion doesn't affect the ship of state." Why won't he just say it? Or, is it, in his mind, a matter of saving one's political neck, especially when the politician in question is a Democat with thinly concealed national aspirations? No question, one hour after the Supremes released their opinion Monday, one could detect Ho-Ho's sense of relief. Had the high court gone all the way, as Associate Justice Denise Johnson suggested, and said, "Hand out the marriage licenses," the name of Vermont Gov. Howard Dean would forever be linked to the legalization of homosexual marriage. Monday's legal tome from Chief Justice Jeff Amestoy mercifully gives Dean some breathing room. The ball is now squarely in the legislature's court and, on Monday, King Howard was once again pulling up the drawbridge. He refused to say if he'd sign or veto a gay-marriage bill that reached his desk. Ho-Ho deflected the question, saying there aren't the votes there to pass such a bill. He's right about that. / •";•'•.; / • • O n the other hand, Republican gubernatorial candidate Ruth Dwyer had no problem stating publicly, once again Monday, that she opposes gay marriage. She was straightforward and clear about it. Obviously, she doesn't share in Howard Dean's White House reverie. Election 2000 — Speaking of Ruthless Ruth Dwyer, word is she has quietly put the word out to her supporters that her 15-year marriage to veterinarian Dr. John Dwyer has ended by mutual agreement and they plan to divorce. According to her campaign manager, Kathleen Summers, "It's an amicable divorce. They'll work out the final terms over the

Afterwards the crowd gathered close to shake hands and get autographs. They were polite and patient. Many were veterans. When Jim Campbell of Colchester's, turn came, he shook hands with McCain and told him how on December 19, 1972, he was flying a B-52 over Hanoi. Remember the Christmas bombing? Campbell just wanted to let his fellow flyer know that the crew up at 35,000 feet that night was thinking of McCain and the other U.S. prisoners down below. Before departing for points east, McCain took questions from the local press. Some wiseguy asked him to name the prime minister of Ireland. The candidate searched his memory bank but couldn't come up with it, though he did praise Sen. George Mitchell and President Bill Clinton for moving the peace process forward. Next, the smart-aleck reporter asked for the name of the governor of Vermont. A softball. McCain remembered "Snelling," but Dick Snelling died eight years ago. He strained his memory circuits and came up with "He's a Democrat. He's a doctor." Nice try The following day The New York Times reported that McCain said later he was feeling just fine Sunday, "except for the fact I stumbled over the name of Howard Dean." As for the smart-aleck reporter? Sorry, the devil made me do it. Hazing News — The bad situation involving the UVM men's ice hockey operation is reverberating around North America. We received several reports from former hockey players from other schools that hazing has long been a part of hockey. An article on the Internet from Canada described a ritual in which a string is tied to a player's wee-wee. The other end is tied to the handle of a pail that is hung over the back of a chair. Teammates then begin tossing pucks into the pail, slowly, one at a time. After about 20 pucks the pain is excruciating, but when it's over the initiate revels in the manly bond of team spirit.

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Inside Track continued on page 36 december

19^

SEVEN MYS,

pjgj.

'Tis the Season Mississippi officials this year decided to replace the traditional Christmas tree at the state Capitol with an artificial tree because they were concerned that a live tree was a fire hazard. Soon after the fake tree was put up, its silk branches caught fire, filling the 100-year-old building with smoke and forcing the evacuation of about 75 Capitol workers. Investigators blamed the blaze on faulty tree lights. • On-line shoppers encountered numerous hassles this Christmas, according to USA Today, including frequent instances of products being out of stock, sites down, customer service almost nonexistent and many companies reneging on promises to deliver the goods by Christmas Day. Ken Cassar of Jupiter Communications attributed the problem to merchants spending so much money advertising their businesses that they didn't have enough left over to make sure they had enough wares to sell or adequate staffing to handle the order volume.

Why 2K? Alonzo Anderson prepared for possible year 2000 problems by stockpiling food and fuel in his Benton Township, Michigan, home, but his efforts went for naught when some of the propane gas he was storing

in his basement exploded. T h e blast pushed out sections of the concrete-block foundation, bowed walls, sprayed shards of glass over Anderson's lawn, singed his hair and burned his face.

inch heels got in the way. Three months earlier, nursery-school teacher Misayo Shimizu, 25, was found dead after reportedly suffering a skull fracture from toppling over in her 4-inch platform sandals earlier in the

nEWs QuiRkS BY ROLAND SWEET

Real-Life TV United Nations SecretaryGeneral Kofi Annan, hoping to change the public perception of the U.N., hired a public relations agency and proposed creating a "M*A *S*//-style" situation comedy set at U.N. headquarters in New York.

Land of the Setting Sun Japan's Shiseido Co., which manufactures cosmetics and toiletries, unveiled a new product line, called Care Garden, which it said is designed to "combat odors emanating from middleaged men." A competitor, Kao, introduced a deodorant spray for pets. • Trendy platform shoes recently killed at least two people in Japan. In November, a passenger died in a car crash after the driver, Tomomi Okawa, 25, could not brake because her 6-

day. Despite the deaths, the shoes and boots, whose soles reach as high as 8 inches, remain popular, despite warnings from health experts that wearers risk painful injuries to ankles, feet and backs. Shoe makers themselves, concerned that mounting injuries could lead to lawsuits, started attaching disclaimers to the shoes. "Of course I know the dan- * gers," one fashion-conscious 18year-old said, "but you have to be ready to risk even your life." • Japanese firms eager to downsize but seeking to avoid the customary red tape that makes firing employees difficult are resorting to bullying workers into quitting. Hiromichi Yamazaki, vice chairman of Tokyo Managers' Union, which represents mostly white-collar workers, said firms' tactics range from assigning workers unwanted tasks to not assigning them any work, thereby humiliating

what

them by making them sit idle. "There are even cases of workers being told to just sit and write resumes all day," Yamazaki said.

Do As I Say, Not As I Do Donald Ray Rink, 66, who led a task force in Elkhart, Indiana, to deal with the problem of public indecency in city parks, was arrested in a city park and charged with committing public indecency. T h e incident occurred in a restroom beneath a sign warning that public indecency was a punishable offense.

All or Nothing Faustino Timbol, 61, a retired municipal worker in Manila, reported that two men slipped into his house and robbed him of $50,000 in cash and $7500 in jewelry. Timbol told police the money was his life savings, which he had withdrawn from the bank because he feared losing it to the year 2000 computer bug. • An employee of a sugar company in Nairobi accepted an offer of early retirement, cashed his $3600 pension check as soon as he got off work and headed for a bar. There, according to the Kenya Times, he tried to impress a woman from a neighboring country by treating her and everyone else in the bar

y o u

are

waiting

to free beers. W h e n the bar ran out of beer, the couple staggered to a nearby hotel. W h e n he awoke, the woman and the last of his pension were gone. • Retired New York City electrical worker John A. Michalski was robbed of his life savings — including jewelry, other valuables and $200,000 in cash that he kept under an upstairs bed — by a woman who talked her way into his Bronx home and distracted him for 45 minutes while her accomplices searched the home. Michalski told police that he kept the cash and valuables at home instead of taking them to a bank because he was afraid of being robbed on the way.

Second-Amendment Follies While Chris Leif, 16, and his father John Leif, 50, were hunting near Yucatan, Minnesota, Chris stumbled and accidentally fired the .22-caliber gun he was carrying. T h e bullet hit his father in the head, and he fell to the ground unconscious. Thinking he had killed his dad, Chris shot himself in the head out of grief, according to sheriff's investigator Brian Wetterlin, who reported John, who turned out to be only wounded, was in stable condition and Chris was in critical condition. ©

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BETTING ON BUODHA: "To get on once is great. To get on three times is outrageous," David Blldbill says of his three-week streak on Garrison Keillor's "Writers Almanac." The Wolcott-based writer is "not complaining" that four poems from his latest book have been read aloud on the literary morning show broadcast on National Public Radio — two just last Monday. "He loves this book, apparently," Budbill says of Moment to Moment: Poems of a Mountain Recluse, from Copper Canyon Press. "I feel like a ball player on a hitting streak." Budbill may be pushing his luck by sending Keillor a copy of another recent project: a musical collaboration with William Parker, titled Zen Mountains, Zen Streets. "I thought, 'Wouldn't he like a*bass player multi-instrumentalist on 'Prairie Home Companion?"' Budbill explains his strategy. "I'm hustling, as usual." Beats sitting around with your legs crossed. IMAGE MAKER: Not too many writers like having their pictures taken — but the author photo on the book jacket is de rigueur. That's why Charlotte writer Tom Paine "shook the tree by calling my publisher and saying, 'I gotta have Marion,"' he explains. Since she started snapping portraits in Burlington for the Vanguard Press, Marion Ettlinger has become one of the most sought-after literary photographers in the country. Paine knew he was in good hands when he found plenty of Guinness — along with strawberries and chocolate — in her Manhattan studio. "She was very adaptable in a sort of Bacchanalian way," says Paine, whose only objection was that "she kept twisting me around to look like Oscar Wilde.!' This weekend Ettlinger is shooting Joyce Carol Oates, who promises to be a less flexible subject. Oates never leaves her home in Princeton, so Ettlinger is going — by limo — to shoot her in situ. m

I'III

over tile state! fa fresh featurel fin Vermont Magazine and ] ian "installat TmV at the downtown msrnm 1 iBorders. the! strapping star is going for a Christma 5

'CRADLE'CREATION: Nancy Stearns Bercaw was hired to rewrite history, and the result is published in Cradle Will Rock — the book version of the forthcoming Disney film about the final days and drama of the controversial Federal Theatre Project. The Burlington resident and Seven Days writer landed the two-year job through her husband, Allan Nicholls, who was executive producer and first assistant to director Tim Robbins. "The only thing he ever said to me was, 'Don't get in the way and don't ask a lot of questions,'" Bercaw recalls of her initial marching orders from Robbins. She and another writer contributed 30 historical sidebars to the book that tells "the real story behind the story." The rest, as they say, is Hollywood.

THE SL0GGER: Authors like Howard Frank Mosher, Joe Citro and H i a s i a m J Chris Bohjalian are all hot sellers in Vermont bookstores at Christmastime. But the real sizzler this season is RllSty Dewees, by jeezum. With posters all over the state, a fresh feature in Vermont Magazine and an "installation" at the downtown Burlington Borders, the strapping star of The Logger is going for a Christmas clear-cut. Borders had already sold 400 videos when it started wait-listing people last weekend. "People are picking up two, three and four at a time," says Community Relations Coordinator Brian Hadley. "They are sending them out of state to their relatives." Flatlanders love this stuff. Drag queens, too. Dewees brought a healthy dose of testosterone to the "Cherie and Yolanda Show" last week on public-access television. After a flurry of teat jokes in the Fred Tllttle tradition; one~caller asked him to take off his shirt. He bared his chest, with woodchuck charm, and later "burped" a bicep. Kinda nice to see a'man get sexually harassed on a talk show for a change. It's not the meat, it's the pro motion. . . u

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he boy, a young boy, standing, crying. The man, crouched at young-boy level, listening closely for a break in the boy's crying. The boy's sobbing evens off, fades into a faint whine â&#x20AC;&#x201D; the distant, steady whistle of a train, the man thinks. Despite the pain in his joints and back, he smiles to console the boy. The smile comes to the man's face easily and becomes a genuine smile. After all these years, he says to himself, feeling the sting of an old man's windburned, smiling skin trying to make a boy stop crying. The boy sniffles, toque tilted back on his head, his face a mask of tears and crumbs from the cookie he'd held like a compass as he crossed the bus terminal toward the

page s

SEVEN DAYS

December 2 2 / 1 9 9 9

There, there, now, the man had said to himself, seeing the boy enter the station in a flash of sunlight off the blacktop outside. As if hearing the man's thoughts across the stale-aired terminal, the loom of bodies weaving between them, the boy turned to the man and walked toward him. The man eyed the door leading out to the taxi line. Between the passing cars he could see the snowbanks beyond, looming like a mountain range on the horizon, tempting him with what might lie on the other side. Hearing the boy's sobs growing louder as he approached, the man could not move his feet. When he turned back to the row of gates, the doors opening and closing to the bright afternoon like flashbulbs popping, the boy was standing close enough to tug at the corner of the man's coat.

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I "There now, Slick," the man says, reaching out slowly with his faded bandanna. "We'll get you squared away.". The boy recoils but does not run, just squints his damp green eyes and starts crying again.

Inside the diner off the terminal, the boy sitting on a stool, suspicious, silent. He tracks the bows of tinsel taped to the yellowed ceiling. The man catches the waitress' eye. She looks familiar to him: ...but not the kind you call "sweetheart," he cautions himself, without her calling you "hon"first. He wagers he could guess her name, this young woman growing older while she waits for something the other women her age have found. But he knows that if he could guess her name, it would be dumb luck. She is really no more familiar to him, he thinks, than he is to her: the familiarity of people in bus-station diners — everybody waiting. The waitress sees the man, his skin darkened by dust at the roadside, by wine on park benches, and hesitates. Then she sees the boy, drops a check on the counter, and makes her way over. Today, the man says to himself, glancing at his worn boots, the tattered cuffs of his blue work pants, everything damp with slush, I won't be called "hon. " The boy stares at the pin on the waitress' peach-colored uniform — a Santa Claus with tiny lights for eyes, blinking green and red. . She smiles at the boy then nods to the man. "Partner, here, seems to have missed his connecting bus," the man says with a gruff laugh to tell the boy it's all just a big joke, to keep the boy from crying again. "Doesn't much want to talk about it just yet. Thought he might like a Coke while we got it sorted out." The waitress looks at the boy and pouts. "Poor thing," she says. "Who'd put you on a bus all alone?" - - T h e boy, turning on his stool, turning away from strangers. " ' The waitress looks at the man and snaps her gum, regards his frayed jacket sleeves resting on the counter. "Just coffee for me," he says. They sit at the counter in silence, the boy and the man, waiting each other out. The boy, blowing bubbles in his Coke, reminds the man that boys are not to blow bubbles in restaurants, not even diners. He wonders if, were he to tell the boy to stop blowing bubbles, would he? Or would he tear-ass out of the terminal, crying worse than when he straggled in? The boy looks at the man, pale lips still attached to the straw, pauses as if knowing the man knows the words to make a young boy behave like a young gentleman, even in a diner. The man sips his coffee loudly, turns away, stares into the kitchen, a kitchen he can feel in his hard hands — the dishwater, scalding hot. Looking down the counter, he sees the dirty plates and glasses, the crumpled napkins blooming from the Formica like prairie flowers. Prairie flowers. Busses sigh behind them, the lot busy as a railyard, the man thinks. Plenty of traffic. The man counts the plates, glances again toward the kitchen, where a slumpshouldered kid in a soiled apron, earphone wires sprouting from his head, moves about slowly. Too slowly. "You ever take the bus before?" the man says to the boy. The boy, shaking his head, lifts a straw full of Coke from his glass, one fingertip covering the top opening. The man lets out his gruff, there's-no-sense-in-cryingabout-it laugh. "No, I don't expect so." "I'm supposed to go to Lennox," the boy says, releasing the words and the shaft of amber liquid in the same instant. "But my bus got a flat. We changed to a different bus." "I see," the man says. "Well, then, now we're getting somewhere." "I'm going to see my Uncle Pete." The boy turns his back to his soda experiments, as if to see what will happen next. "Uncle Pete, you say? Uncle Pete what?" "Garfield." "So, it's Pete Garfield, then?"

The boy, watching the man now, hopeful. "Well, what do you say we give old Pete Garfield in Lennox a call?" The man rises, nods to the waitress and gestures toward the boy. She nods back and snaps her gum.

The man notices his hand trembling as he slides the coins into the phone. He closes his eyes and laughs bitterly under his breath, bracing himself. He can drink wine all day and still be steady enough to light a fire, he muses, but sliding coins into a pay phone is like hopping a box car, drunk, in the middle of the night: It could take you back, or on ahead, or nowhere you'd ever want to go if you'd had your mind about you. The man takes a deep breath, the dial tone clearing the way for him to call out, to cry out, to cry, to say, "I'm sorry" as many times as a handful of loose change will buy. Heart pounding, the man wipes his forehead with his bandanna and begins calling for Pete Garfield of Lennox. From the first instant on the phone with Pete Garfield, the man doesn't care for the gentleman's sharp tone of voice. He takes offense when Pete Garfield of Lennox asks, "So, is he somewhere safe?" As if the man were thinking of doing harm. "He's fine," the man says, watching the waitress glance down the counter toward the boy as she drops a check at another place. Not the motherly type, he thinks, but she's got that instinct. "Kid's just relaxing and enjoying a Coke." "Well, see to it he stays put," Pete Garfield says as if talking to the boy's nanny. The man decides that he doesn't wish to meet this Pete Garfield of Lennox, that he'll find a way to be somewhere else when the gentleman, pink-faced, walks through the door off the terminal.

not yet robbed him of what he knows about keeping an eye on a young:boy, "You've got a half hour," the waitress says, walking away, ~ The man can tell from the way the boy quiets down again that he's thinking, that he'll have questions for Uncle Pete, questions about busses and strangers and the way people are in diners. T h e boy's uncle will haye answers, the man knows, but he also knows, just by the way the boy silently spins on his stool, like spinning a globe beneath his tender fingertips, that the answers Pete Garfield of Lennox will offer will only bring more questions. As the busses sigh, the man thinks of the desert and the high mesa, the swampy bayou country where water collects by the roadside like rain in a gutter. The ruddy, rusting hills of old New England mill towns. H e thinks of

He c i drink wine oil day ond still be steady enough to light o fire, lie muses, dot sliding coins into o poy ptione is line p i n g o box cor, drunk, in the middle of the nigdt: It could tone you loach, or on you'd ever wont to go your mind obout

"I lost my suitcase, you know," the boy says when the man returns. "No, you didn't, there, Buck." The man hunches over his coffee. He sees an older man take a stool down the counter, pushing a dirty plate and glass out of his way. "It'll turn up. Your Uncle Pete's on his way here. And when you tell him what happened, he'll get right straight to work on it." The waitress approaches, a pad of checks in her hand. "How we doing here?" she says to the man, winks at the boy. "I was hoping you and I could discuss that," the man says, eyeing the pad of checks, "seeing as how you're a little backed up at the moment." He gestures down the counter, where the plates multiply like jellyfish clogging a barge canal, then back into the kitchen, where the kid in the apron is entertaining an imaginary crowd with an imaginary guitar solo. The waitress sighs and rolls her eyes, taps her leg with her pad. Looking at the boy for a moment, she draws a slash through the check on top. "What about him?" she says with a snap of her gum. "Uncle should be here in two hours," the man says. The waitress gestures to the clock on the wall behind her, between the menu boards. "Going to get busy in here in about an hour." She turns to the boy then back to the man. "We can both keep an eye on him," she says. "Can you give me just a little while?" The waitress watches the man's unsteady hand raise his coffee cup to his mouth, but as he drinks, she looks into his eyes. The man looks back, wishing he could guess her name, wishing he could do something to show her that the cold floors of box cars, the wind at the roadside, have

the Grand Canyon, so beautiful it's almost hard to accept as something real. T h e rising heat on summer mornings in Mississippi, like a good mother covering you with a blanket. An old logging road in Vermont where cars appear to roll uphill. He would like to know what Pete Garfield, the gentleman, will have to say about such things to a boy, a young boy with a big Coca-Cola coursing through his veins. "Where'd you say you were from, senor? the man says as the waitress refills his coffee. "What's senort" the boys asks, spinning very slowly now. "It's a Spanish word. It means mister." "Are you Spanish?" "A little. One-eighth or so." The man sees the boy calculating behind his toad-green eyes. "You remember the last time you ate pizza, Buck?" The boy nods. "Well, take one slice of that pizza and put it on your plate. That's how much Spanish I am." The boy thinks this over then laughs suddenly — one quick report, like a warning shot from a railyard bull's pistol. "Where is it that you're from, senorf the man repeats. "Jamestown." "That right? Jamestown, New York?" The boy nods. "Have you ever been to my town?" The man pauses, chuckles as he imagines Pete " Garfield white-knuckling down the highway. "They have railroad tracks in Jamestown, New York?" he asks. "Yessir." The boy sits up straight and grips the counter edge, as if throwing the brakes on his spinning stool — as if knowing, the man thinks, in the way of boys this one's age, that he is about to hear a story. The man smiles to himself at how easily a story can come to mind — a story a young boy will like, about some of the craziest things a person could imagine, all of it stretched along the roadside and railway like yard-sale treasure. "Well, then, I reckon I have been there," the man says into his coffee cup. "Yes, if they have railroad tracks in Jamestown, New York, the answer is si, senor." ®

Iff # ^ Q o r o t l w C a g f i e l 4 v F i sxier ^

Pictures

Perfect?

new illustrations by ^ Kimberlv Buickcr« Root -V X I introduction % and•%*afterword by Etlen RoSSS

BY RUTH HOROWITZ

ust be something in the air, unless it's in the ice cream. Whatever the reason, Vermont seems to have an ample supply of folks who write and illustrate books for children. Vermont's Kiddie Lit hit parade is headed by two Newbery Award-winning novelists — Katherine Paterson of Barre and Karen Hess of Williamsville — and Plainfield woodcut artist Mary Azarian, who won a Caldecott Medal for a picture book biography of Snowflake Bentley. Past masters include Tasha Tudor, who lived in Marlboro, and Arlington's Dorothy Canfield Fisher, whose 1917 classic, Understood Betsy — a novel that extols the virtues of Vermont country living — has just been reissued with new illustrations and accompanying notes by

New York Times children's book editor Eden Ross Lipson. This season's harvest of made-inVermont picture books includes a toddlers' treatise on bird beaks by South Londonderry naturalist Stephen Swinburne; Shelburne resident J. Alison James' retelling of a tale about the power of percussion; a dreamy discourse on the dangers of new neighbors, by Middlebury artist Phoebe Stone; and a rhyming mystery about a creemee salesman, by Tracey Campbell Pearson of Jericho. Unlike books for independent readers, which invite silent, solitary, one-time-only sampling, picture books are performance pieces, meant to be shared out loud in repeated readings — often over and over again. Picture books don't have room for a lot of words, and those words that are there need to not only engage young listeners but gratify the adults who are called upon to do the reading. And the art, which carries much of the content in these books, must grab and hold a kid's attention while the words are being heard. The whole package needs to have enough depth to still satisfy-

Now

Gr&ss Waif)

Massachusetts artist Joan Paley has created bright collages of handpainted papers to portray the birds Swinburne names. Each example is helpfully labeled, from the California condor, with its beak like a can opener^ to the brown pelican, whose beak is like a suitcase. A pop quiz at the back of the book challenges readers to match birds with their beaks, and a glossary provides additional information. Information is Swinburne's forte. As a naturalist for the State of Vermont and the U.S. Parks Service, he spent years guiding visitors through natural areas. Since 1995, he has published a prolific 11 books. All are non-fiction works about animals, and many are illustrated with the author's own photographs. In Good Hands: Behind the Scenes at a Center for Orphaned and Injured Birds, highlights the

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on the 17th consecutive run-through. Though the requirements remain the same, these four fresh Vermont offerings make it clear there's no single right way to meet these standards. Swinburne's Unbeatable Beaks celebrates form and function, as found on the face of a fowl. Swinburne's text, which skips along in bopping rhythm and loose rhymes, catalogues beak types and the species that sport them. The bottom line is that, for birds, beaks are the ultimate tool, serving as "Pickaxe, rolling pin, fishing net, straw, sledgehammer, army knife, needle-point claw."

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work of a volunteer at the Vermont Raptor Center. Although some lines in Unbeatable Beaks are too wordy, or miss the mark metrically, at their strongest, Swinburne's sentences can be as infectious as jumprope chants: "Build a nest, turn an egg, climb a branch, scratch... Crack a seed, pick a flea, fight a foe, hatch." The book will leave birdwatchers and their book-loving broods convinced by Swinburne's assertion that "The neatest thing besides two feet, without question, is a beak." That is, until the author comes out with two other titles he has planned. One will feature birds' feet, the other their feathers.

lison James first experienced the art of Japanese drumming several First Nights ago, when she attended a Burlington Taiko Group performance at UVM. One piece she heard that night told the true story of Noto Hanto, a small fishing and farming village that warded off marauding samurai warriors by scaring them with gruesome masks and awesome drums. To James, who is also the author of two novels for young readers and one previous picture book, the tale seemed ideal for retelling. In 1995, when she and her husband taught English in Okayama, Japan, James visited Noto Hanto, interviewed its residents and photographed the annual retelling of the village's story. A handsomely illustrated read-aloud, The Drums of Noto Hanto presents the peaceful villagers' ingenuity and determination in satisfying, straightforward language. James gives the village children credit for the idea of using the masks, and shows women drumming along with the men. She frames her tale within the context of Noto Hanto today — a place

whose few remaining inhabitants rely on their drums to mark the revolving seasons of growing rice and catching fish, and to commemorate their 16th-century victory. James gives the drums their due, punctuating her storytelling with chant-along drum beats — from the Ton ton ton ton Tiki tiki tiki of the "small, high-voiced drums and sharp metal bells" to the DON DON DON DON of the great Taiko, so huge that eight men pound it at once, and so loud that it sounds "like a mountain exploding." Tsukushi, a Japanese-born artist who has previously created wordless picture books for adults, has illustrated the story with bold cut-paper scenes that suggest both the simplicity of traditional folk art and the epic action of an anime movie. This suggestion hasn't gone unnoticed — a Welsh film company is turning Drums into a 13-minute film that will be part of a series of 26 shorts based on traditional stories from different

Go Away, Shelley Boo! presents itself as the running monologue of Emily Louise, a proper little girl with an active imagination who convinces herself of all the horrible things that will happen when a new family moves in next door. In breathless, run-on sentences laced with kiddie-cute formulations like "swing-swiper," "drillions" and "itty-bitty," Emily Louise decides that her new neighbor will be a terrible "Shelley Boo." That is, a rulebreaking show-off who will make Emily Louise's life miserable by dancing on the desk tops, doing dangerous tricks in the school yard and, worst of all, stealing Emily Louise's best friend. But all's well in the end. The dreamed-up disasters are averted when Emily Louise accepts an invitation to a teddy bear tea and discovers that her new neighbor is actually a very nice child named Elizabeth.

In the book, voice works as both an asset and a liability. In some places, it's utterly convincing: "On the way home from school, Shelley Boo probably rides in the back of the school bus and hangs her head out of the window and it's very dangerous." At other times, however, the texts reach for the whimsical seems strained: "Shelley Boo probably sits back there, giggling with those giraffes and those rude zebras she knows, the same ones that try to bite your ears when you take your hat off on the bus and they are always trying to steal one of your mittens." The choicest parts of Shelley Boo are in the art. Stone's poppies, irises and tulips, which dance in and out of the illustrations, look alive enough to eat you. The scraggly fly-aways on Emily Louises hair, Shelley Boos fur-trimmed coat, various visiting beasts and the narrator's best

Stone says that the idea of Shelley Boo was born with the voice of Emily Louise.

continued on page 12

countries.

Picture books are performance pieces, meant to be shared out loud in repeated readings — often over and over again.

hoebe Stones spirited pastel paintings, in which people float like the figures in Chagall's magical dreamscapes, were well known around the state long before the artist ever turned her hand to picture books. In her three previous titles, What Night Do the Angels Wander When the Wind Bears Go Dancing and In God's Name — the last written by Sandy Sasso — story and character take back seats to the works' mystical themes. Stone's newest book,

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Pictures Perfect?

Wby stay at tome this New Year's Eye? Make the Millennium a Peeked to Rememberl

continued from page 11 friend's monster costume make you want to pet the page. In the book's most powerful spread, Emily Louise stands weeping in her pink-winged Halloween costume while her friends go off trick-or-tre%ting with Shelley Boo. A sun-like lion reclines in a tree that's Gumby-green and just as bendy, while pearly, handsized rain drops fall from an eggplant-purple sky. Fans who can't get enough of Stones distinctive style will find Shelley Boo a satisfying fourth helping.

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pages seem oblivious to the obvious as they ponder the mystery that gives the book its title: Where does Joe go from October until spring, when the snack bar is closed for the season? In rhyming couplets, each character offers a hypothesis that places Joe and his frozen confections in some exotic location suggested by winter activities back home in Vermont. Cat-encumbered Mr. Leach, hunkered down under his blanket and a blizzard of travel brochures, imagines Joe

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racey Campbell Pearson doesn't always feature her home town of Jericho in her picture books, but local kid-lit mavens are always pleased when she does. Hometown pride can no doubt at least partially explain the wild success of her latest, Where Does Joe Go? At last count, the book had outsold Harry Potter titles at Winooski's Book Rack. Or maybe it's just that Vermonters love ice cream. Where Does Joe Go? celebrates one of Jericho's most revered institutions: Joes Snack Bar — the creme de la creme of area creemee stands. A few summers back, Seven Days touted Joe's as "Scrumptious eats in a postcard-perfect setting... Worth a special trip." The seasonal eatery, as rendered in Pearsons cheerfully packed line and watercolor tableaux, will be readily recognizable to anyone who's ever made the soft-serve pilgrimage to the intersection of Rt. 15 and Skunk Hollow Road. Joe himself, on the other hand, is purely a figment of Pearson's imagination. Pearson has never met Joe, but she believes him to have dark hair, and to be of average build. In her book, she gives the creemee purveyor the proportions of, well, a creemee, and an uncanny resemblance to a certain jolly old elf, right down to the beard on his chin. Coincidence? The savvy reader may think not. But the cavorting, ice-cream-slurping locals who inhabit Pearson's Understood

Betsy,

selling his spiraled treats on a sunny beach. Scarf-swaddled Oliver Jones, who's shoveling in the midst of a snowstorm, pictures Joe serving ice cream to paleontologists digging up dinosaur bones in the desert. The mystery is solved on the wordless last page, which reveals Joe kneedeep in snow himself, and appropriately costumed as he feeds vanilla creemees to two appreciative reindeer. Even after the question has been answered, however, Pearson's character-packed illustrations invite repeated perusal. While preschoolers will appreciate the whimsical tykes and their friendly pets, the artist also slips in plenty of details aimed right over the kids' heads. Check out, for example, the living Granny Fanny on the beach. And be sure not to miss the cat-eye glasses and creemee-high, beehive hairdo of Mrs. Bodoky, Burlington's very own beloved Hot Dog Lady. The world thinks "Vermont" and sees ski slopes, maple syrup and autumn leaves. For a smaller, more select audience, the state also evokes images of friendly, creative types staving off cabin fever by churning out quality kids' books. This latest batch does us proud. ®

by Dorothy Canfieid Fisher, illustrated

by Kimberly B u l c k e n Root. Henry Holt and Company, 2 9 9 pages. $ 1 7 . 9 5 . Unbeatable

Beaks,

by Stephen R. Swinburne, illustrated

by Joan Paley. Henry Holt and Company, unpaged. $15.95. The Drums

of Noto

Hanto,

by J. Alison James, illustrated

by Tsukushi. DK Ink, unpaged. $ 1 6 . 9 5 . Where ©GUND

Based on the "Winnie the Pooh" works Copyright A.A. Milne and E.H. Shepard

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page 12

SfVEN DAYS

• www.mefrozoo.com

december 22, 1999

Does

Joe Go?, by Tracey Campbell Pearson.

Farrar, Straus and Giroux, unpaged. $ 1 6 . Go Away, Animals of Distinction

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CM taste the world one glass at a time

Milliare Chardonnay

$10.00

Sorry to say this wine will no longer be available in Vermont. This wonderful wine is actually made in a renovated gas station! Don't be afraid however, this high octane wine contains nothing but full throttle fruit!

Wine Tote Bag / Sac au Vin $35

Echelon

includes: (Merlot)

and

Hugel

(Centil)

\994

BORDEAUX

Christian Moueix Merlot $9.50 Christian Moueix is one of the best winemakers in all of France. Some of his wines sell for hundreds of dollars. This Merlot from Bordeaux is a great example of what they do with this "noble grape" in southwestern France. A great value that's sure to impress.

Chapel Hill Cabernet Sauvignon $19.50 This full-bodied red will stain your teeth for days! Chapel Hill wines are produced by Pam Dunsford, a great friend and excellent winemaker. With loads of dark berry fruit and oak, it's no wonder it's our #1 red wine!

Laurel Glen Reds $8.50 Responsible for the wine selections of a recent wedding we attended, and on a budget, this is what we chose. Patrick Campbell of Laurel Clen Vineyards makes his yearly wine for masses under the label Reds. Full-bodied, rich, and popular, a wine Stalin would have loved.

MAIVASIA B IAN CA A bone-dry, exquisitely floral w h i t e w i n e m a d e t u 100% M a l v a s i a B i a n c a t j with jasmine, lychee, " and lime blossom perfume. Seductive elegant,jyajJ^risp,, Perfect with Smoked Crab Scallops Thai

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Rafael Estate Tempranillo $6.50

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Well known for their great wine bargains, this was the first time we've tried Tempranillo from Argentina. Happy to report this popular Spanish grape is doing quite well in South America! A great inexpensive red that's even more of a bargain by the case ($5.85 a bottle when you do the math)!

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Hugel Gentil

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VERMONT

This is a great wine for holiday meals. Produced in Alscae, France this Hugel Centil is a blended wine comprised of Riesling, Sylvaner, and some Gewurztraminer. Try with spicy foods!

Malvasia Bianca, Bonny Doon

$10.00

This is our summer white wine at Wine Works. Malvasia was once so popular in Italy that many of the wine shops around Venice were called Malvasia. This wine is sooo aromatic and very dry. To quote Don King, this wine is truly "...an epiphinous experience of religiosity".

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SEVEN DAYS

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Bali to Kuwait, it is unapologetically political, a machine-gun n one tale from Scar Vegas, the burst of criticism aimed at colocitizens of a small Vermont nialism, oppression and greed. town battle a radio station In one story, an unlikely hero whose signal invades their toastsacrifices himself to protect a ers, their electric toothbrushes, Caribbean island against rapaeven the recesses of their teeth. cious foreigners. In another, a Author Tom Paine's fictional Christ-like soldier reveals the voices are like those radio waves: dark side of American victory in powerful, inescapable, more than the Persian Gulf. In a third, a a little eerie. But the simile stops young MBA finds herself cast there, for his writing is rarelyinto an economic hell she helped tinny. This guy puts out some lit- to create. erary watts. At their best, though, Paine's Scar Vegas is the first book for stories don't amount to propaPaine, a Charlotte resident who ganda. They are much too deft. teaches at Middlebury College. A In "Will You Say Something, collection of short stories set in Monsieur Eliot?" the narrator is a places ranging from Vermont to wealthy preppie whose sailboat

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capsizes in a storm. In an allegory about America's treatment of its less affluent neighbors, Eliot finds himself rescued by a group of Haitian boat people who cradle his head in their hands and share precious sips of water as their boat drifts, lost, beneath the sun. Paine resists the temptation to paint the Haitians as onedimensional saints; they help Eliot partly out of hope that having an American on board will increase their chances of rescue. But that small selfishness pales in comparison with the betrayal they eventually suffer. The language in "Monsieur Eliot" is rich and hallucinogenic, evocative of Michael Herr's

december 2 2 , 1 9 9 9

SEVEN DAYS -

•

•'

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~ ~

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Irish tendency to elaborate," he says. "A born liar." Paine's lies contain more

of a trout rising from the yard, and no maid in sight. One morning, Paine invites

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P o m p ei i ^ H O L I D A Y S • • • • Dispatches. "The boat whispered with the sound of scorched lungs, and Eliot wanted to say he was a skeleton bleaching in the sun..." But from story to story, the voices of Paine s characters — and their creator — are never the same. In some stories, the language lilts and soars. In others, it shudders and stops, forcing the reader to behold a savage truth. One of the most affecting pieces in this collection is also the most understated: "Unapproved Minutes of the Scar

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continued on page 16 by Tom Paine. Hareourt,

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SEVEN DAYS

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brother Pavel, who works, catlike, in the underground to bring down the regime. At last, he and his brother get their dream and travel to America. But there Pavel finds a rude surprise; without the fight for his homeland to define him, he finds himself slipping away.

continued from page 15 ion that the W I K D radio tower should be 'blown the heck up' and displayed a large photo of her little angel Stacey, who is in Boston Children's Hospital awaiting a bone marrow transplant for acute myelocytic leukemia. Chairman Gomes asked her to please step down off the table lest she fall and break a leg and to wait for her turn to speak during the coming period of public comment, and order was restored." In the world according to Paine, order is often an illusion, a fiction created by a powerful minority who want to bend the rest to their will. Paine's heroes subvert that order, sometimes at great personal cost. "Ceausescu's Cat" is the tale of twin brothers w h o find different ways to thwart the Romanian dictator. O n e , the narrator, is a poet w h o makes propaganda films — " C o m m u dramas" — for the state. At every chance, he inserts an element that will anger the despot, such as images of the cats Ceausescu loathes.

SEVEN DAYS :alendar istings

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T h e bond between self and place are central to Paine's stories. Characters like Pavel find themselves adrift when wrenched from their homes, or when invaded by armies bearing bombs or bottles of Bain de Soleil. While generally a master of

start out as a nice element but go over the top. But these are minor quibbles. Scar Vegas is a powerful, poignant and occasionally hilarious work that hooks you from the first paragraph. Like that radio signal, it will not let you go. ®

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beforethe likes of Bowie, Bing, Bonomd Bruce lent their voices to Christmas carols, winter's p o p sobers had a history of emploing hit-makers. Gustav Hoist cored a poem of Christna Rosetti's for "In the Bleak Midwinter." Charles Wesley a nephew of the foundi of Methodism, used Felix Mendelssohn to -lark the Herald Angels Tllliam Tortolano, professor of music at ael's College, collected s, original lyrics and ns and the stories behinqhem in his book Sing We Nd of Christmas. H e leads a samjjjng of early carol collabo r a t e s in an upcoming concert. Wedneday, December 22. Stowe Com?M$iity Church, 7:30p.m. Do nan'tis.Info, 253-7792.

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is always a Charles Dickens play onstage somewhere this time of year. But — G o d bless us every one — at least one isn't another rehash of A Christmas Carol. Northern Stage presents the musical adaptation of Oliver Twist, the literary classic about a young orphan who flees his workhouse and lives among pickpockets in Victorian London. Lionel Bart wrote the lyrics and music to Oliver, a work that has become a classic in its own right. T h o u g h Scrooge makes no appearance, he would fit right in this tale of two sides of 19th century London. Wednesday, December 22-23, 26 & 29, 2 & 7p.m. December 27 & 28, 7 p.m. Briggs Opera House, White River Junction. $20. Info, 296-7000. «

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Wednesday music • Also, see listings in "Sound Advice." 'SING W E N O W O F CHRISTMAS': Music prof William Tortolano leads a performance of historic carols, descants, solos and duets. See "to do" list, this issue. Stowe C o m m u n i t y C h u r c h , 7:30 p.m. Donations. Info, 253-7792.

drama 'OLIVER': N o r t h e r n Stage presents the musical tale of streetwise urchins in Dickensian

England. See "to do" list, this issue. Briggs O p e r a House, W h i t e River Junction, 2 & 7 p.m. $20. Info, 2 9 6 - 7 0 0 0 .

art • Also, see exhibit openings in the art listings. FIGURE DRAWING: T h e h u m a n figure motivates aspiring and accomplished artists in a weekly drawing session at the Firehouse Gallery, Burlington, 6:30-9:30 p.m. $3-6. Info, 865-7165. O P E N PAINTING: Bring your paintbrush a n d palette to this creative expression session. Art Gallery of Barre, 1-4 p . m . Free. Info, 4 7 6 - 1 0 3 0 .

words P O E T R Y R E A D I N G : An open reading follows the scheduled one featuring poet Gibson Fay. R h o m b u s Gallery, 186 College St., Burlington, 8 p.m. $3-6. Info, 865-0569.

kids STORYTIME: Young readers ages three to five learn from lighthearted literature, songs and activities at the S. Burlington

No, Karen Blixen is not one of Santa's reindeer.

T h e author ran a coffee plantation and divorced a Swedish count before returning to Rungstedlund, a small farm town on the coast of D e n m a r k . She began writing under the name Isak Dinesen and produced, along with Out of Africa, the culinarily conscious Babette's Feast, the story of a cultured French w o m a n who becomes maid to two religious ascetic sisters in a small Danish village. She spends her lottery winnings on a feast so lavish it simultaneously shocks — and seduces — her straight-laced sponsors. Make plans to eat after the film adaptation presented by the Stowe Film Society. Monday, December 27. Helen Day Art Center, Stowe, 7p. m. $5. Info, 253-8358.

running with the wolves:

T h e wolf once roamed all of N o r t h America. T h e y haven't been seen in N e w England for a long time — within a decade of the Pilgrims' landing at Plymouth Rock, the colonies had it out for the canine predator. By the end of the 18th century, gray wolves had virtually disappeared from the Northeast and eventually, from every state but Alaska. Recent attempts at reintroduction in the West have been met with violent protest from livestock ranchers. Could the wolf renew its residence in Vermont? Peggy Struhsach of the National Wildlife Federation talks about the possible future of wolves in the sugarbush. Monday, December 27. Lake Champlain Basin Science Center, Burlington, 1 p.m. $3. Info, 864-1848.

millennial melodies: Don't

expect to hear "Jingle

Bells" at "Carols T h r o u g h the Millennium." "We're thinking of the broadest definition of a carol," explains singer Marybeth McCaffrey, with "seasonal songs" that transcend the years as well as the holidays. T h e ensemble gives voice to works from every century, starting in the 1100s. Period instruments like c r u m h o r n , recorder and viola accompany the vocals. T h e juxtaposition of music from different eras, and geographical areas, turns up surprising similarities: A 13th-century troubadour song finds echoes in a modern Benjamin Britten carol. Wednesday, December 29. Unitarian Church, Rutland, 8 p. m. Donations. Info, 453-3016.

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S O L S T I C E H I K E : Celebrate the solstice and full m o o n on an easy hike through H u b b a r d Park, followed by hot chocolate at Capitol Grounds. Main St. Middle School, Montpelier, 5:30 p.m. Free. Info, 223-7035. FULL M O O N S N O W S H O E : Easy and advanced groups climb Stark M o u n t a i n under m o o n light — with or without snow. See "to do" list, this issue. M a d River Glen, Waitsfield, 7-9 p.m. $15. Info, 496-3551.

etc S L E I G H R I D E S : Weather permitting, old-fashioned revelers dash through the snow and o'er the fields of Shelburne Farms, 11 a.m. - 2 p.m. $5. Info, 985-8442.

• See listings in "Sound Advice."

drama

' O L I V E R ' : See December 22, 2 & 7 p.m.

kids N E W B O O K STORY TIME: T h e four-and-up crowd hears Consie Powell's Old Dog Cora and the Christmas Tree at Barnes & Noble, S. Burlington, 3:30 p.m. Free. Info, 864-8001. STORYTELLING: Peter Burns and a special guest spin yarns for the whole family. Lake C h a m p lain Basin Science Center, Burlington, 1 p.m. $3. Info, 864-1848.

etc

SEXUAL ASSAULT S U R V I V O R S G R O U P : Victims of violence support and educate their peers. Puffer United Methodist Church, Morrisville, 6:30-8 p.m. Free. Info, 888-5256.

friday music

• See listings in "Sound Advice."

art • See exhibit openings in the art listings.

SLEIGH RIDES: See December

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SEVEN DAYS

page 27

i alendar 25

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Saturday CHRISTMAS DAY music

•See listings in "Sound Advice."

art • See exhibit openings in the art listings.

etc C H R I S T M A S BREAKFAST: Everyone is welcome for ham, eggs, pancakes and festive company. Unitarian Church, Burlington, 8-10 a.m. Free.

•Jitix>

Info, 862-4659.

Sunday music

• See listings in "Sound Advice."

sport

drama

F I R E W O R K S EXTRAVAGANZA: T h e slopeside bash features pyrotechnics and a torchlight parade. Mt. Snow Resort, W. Dover, 6 p.m. Free. Info, 464-3333.

'OLIVER': See December 22, 7 p.m.

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millennium with centurysavvy types at the Horn of the Moon Cafe, Montpelier, 5:30 p.m. Free. Info, 223-5342. PUBLIC MEDITATION P E R I O D : Take a step on the path to enlightenment in an environment that instructs beginners and supports practiced thinkers. Ratna Shri Tibetan Meditation Center, 12 Hillside Ave., Montpelier, 6:30 p.m. Free. Info, 223-5435. BATTERED W O M E N ' S SUPPORT GROUPS: Women Helping Battered Women facilitates a group in Burlington, 6:30-8 p.m. Free. Info, 658-1996. Also, the Shelter Committee facilitates a meeting in Montpelier, 5:30-7 p.m. Free. Info, 223-0855.

etc S L E f G H RIDES: See December 22. 'WOLVES I N T H E SUGARBUSH': A rep from the National Wildlife Federation talks about the possible future of wolves in Vermont. See "to do" list, this issue. Lake Champlain Basin Science Center, Burlington, 1 p.m. $3. Info, 864-1848. WORKER'S RIGHTS: Employees facing discrimination, unsafe working conditions, insurance problems and other labor issues get help from an advocate at the Worker's Rights Center, Burlington City Hall, 2:306:30 p.m. Free. Info, 865-7184.

monday

music

kids

kids P U P P E T S H O W : The Traveling Storyteller pulls,a few strings to tell the tale of Hansel and Gretel. S. Burlington Community Library, 1 p.m. Free. Info,

• Also, see listings in "Sound Advice." CHAMPLAIN ECHOES: Harmonious women compare notes at a weekly rehearsal of the all-female barbershop chorus. T h e Pines, Dorset St., S. Burlington, 7-9:30 p.m. Free. Info, 862-9500. OPEN MIKE NIGHT: A performance potluck follows the featured act, Josh Brooks, at the Horn of the Moon Cafe, Montpelier, 8:30 p.m. Free. Info, 223-5342.

' S O M E LIKE I T C O L D ' : Kids get a feel for the frozen properties of liquid nitrogen at the Lake Champlain Basin Science Center, Burlington, 1 p.m. $3. Info, 864-1848.

'BABETTE'S FEAST': A former chef-turned-maid prepares a lavish banquet for her ascetic employers on the Danish seacoast. See "to do" list, this issue. Helen Day Art Center, Stowe, 7 p.m. $5. Info, 253-8358.

S L E I G H RIDES: See December 22. W I N E T A S T I N G : Get in touch with your inner oenophile at an introduction to various vini. Wine Works, 133 St. Paul St., Burlington, noon - 4 p.m. 50£ per taste. Info, 951-9463. SEX A N D LOVE A D D I C T S A N O N Y M O U S : Cant get enough? This free 12-step program meets weekly at 7:30 p.m. Info, write to P.O. Box 5843, Burlington, V T 05402-5843.

drama art

film

etc

'OLIVER': See December 22, 2 & 7 p.m.

• See exhibit openings in the art listings.

209

oece

Y2K I N F O R M A T I O N G R O U P : Prepare for the next

tuesd3y music

• See listings in "Sound Advice."

dance D A N C E S O F UNIVERSAL PEACE: Set peace in motion by participating in simple circle dances and group chants from around the world. Noble Hall, Vermont College,, vy'" ? Montpelier, 7:30-9 p.m. $5. Info, 658-2447.

drama 'OLIVER': See December 22, ,. 7 p.m.

words BURLINGTON WRITERS G R O U P : Bring pencil, paper and the will to be inspired to this writerly gathering at the Daily Planet, Burlington, 7-9 p.m. Free. Info, 862-9647.

kids S T O R Y T I M E : See December 22, 10 a.m. & 1 p.m. SNOWFLAKE MAKING: Adults help kids six and up cut out paper snowflakes to decorate windows. Fletcher Free Library, Burlington, 10 a.m. - noon. Free. Info,

865-7216. ' W E E BEASTIES I N T H E LAKE': Size is not a measure of importance in the watery work of Lake Champlain. Get a look at the little things under a videomicroscope at the Lake Champlain Basin Science Center, Burlington, 1 p.m. $3. Info, 864-1848. S O N G A N D STORYT E L L I N G : Local singer-songwriter Matthew Witten shares the score on local lore and nature. Lake Champlain Basin Science Center, Burlington, 2:30 p.m. $3. Info, 864-1848.

etc F R E N C H CONVERSAT I O N G R O U P : Freshen up your French, with a Quebecois accent, iff this informal social cercle at Borders, Church Street Marketplace, 7 -v Burlington, 6 p.m. Free. Info, 'y* 865-2711. ' > i CAREGIVERS F O R T H E MENTALLY ILL: Friends, ~ family and anyone involved

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Back Talk continued from page 7

drama

with the mentally ill get support at this monthly "share and care." Howard Center for H u m a n Services, 300 Flynn Ave., Burlington, 7-8:30 p.m. Free. Info, 862-6683. OVEREATERS ANONYMOUS: Compulsive eaters weigh in on body image issues at the First Congre-gational Church, Essex Junction, 7 p.m. Free. Info, 644-8936. BATTERED WOMEN'S SUPPORT GROUP: Meet in Barre, 10:30 a.m. - noon. Free. Info, 223-0855.

'OLIVER': See December 22, 2 & 7 p.m.

art • Also, see exhibit openings in the art listings. FIGURE DRAWING: See December 22. OPEN PAINTING: See December 22.

Lake Champlain Basin Science Center, Burlington, 1 p.m. $3. Info, 864-1848. HOMEOWNERSHIP ORIENTATION: Potential buyers learn how to shop — and pay — for a home with the help of services at the Burlington Community Land Trust, noon. Free. Register, 660-0642. ®

words POETRY READING: Read, relax and respond at an open reading. Rhombus Gallery, 186 College St., Burlington, 8 p.m. $3-6. Info, 865-0569.

Calendar is written by Gwenn Garland. Classes are c o m p i l e d by

kids STORYTIME: See December 22. PUPPET SHOW: The Traveling Storyteller strings listeners along a familiar path in "Little Red Riding Hood." Fletcher Free Library, Burlington, 11-11:45 a.m. Free. Info, 865-7216.

Wednesday music

• Also, see listings in "Sound Advice." 'CAROLS THROUGH T H E MILLENNIUM': Local musicians sing traditional songs ranging from English medieval chants to Syrian folk tunes. See "to do" list, this issue. Unitarian Church, Rutland, 8 p.m. Donations. Info, 453-3016.

etc

Lucy Howe. A l l submissions are due in w r i t i n g on the Thursday before publication. SEVEN DAYS edits for space and style. Send t o : SEVEN DAYS, P.O. Box 1 1 6 4 , Burlington, VT

LIVE BIRD DEMONSTRATION: Members of the Organization for Earth Stewardship acquaint kids with some feathered friends.

0 5 4 0 2 - 1 1 6 4 . Or fax 8 0 2 - 8 6 5 - 1 0 1 5 . Email: calendar@sevendaysvt.com

like "Caution: I have needs," "Serial Nurturer" and "Yup" have made their way into his paintings and onto his greeting cards, which are no longer hand-colored, but printed and distributed professionally. Now the messages are available as small posters at Silver Maple and Bazou. Thirty-two designs include "Rent does not include apartment," "Maybe I don't give a rat's ass" and "I know you won't go out with me, but could I be your chair?" Who says Santa can't have a sick sense of humor? . . . When he is not writing editorials for The Burlington Free Press, Stephen Kiernan is home making stuff up. Although he doesn't have a publisher yet for Second Sight, his novel set at a school for seeing-eye dogs was a finalist last fall for the James Jones Award. That helped him land a respectable agent, who has two publishers interested in the book. We'll see . . . Thirty-five thousand dollars goes a long way in fjHardwick. Especially when you've -waited nearly two decades to get down to the business of writing poetry — full-time. Raising a daughter alone, Martha Zweig worked 10 years in a Morrisville factory and 10 more for the Agency on Aging before she published her first book of poems last year. The organic verse in Vinegar Bone caught the attention of the Mrs. Giles Whiting Foundation. Ten writers — including three poets — lucked out this year. Past winners include Michael

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acting VOICE A N D D I C T I O N : Saturday, January 8, 9 a.m. - 4 p.m. Community College of Vermont, 119 Pearl St., Burlington. $50. Register, 865-4422. Actors, public speakers, teachers and performers improve their oration skills.

aikido AIKIDO O F CHAMPLAIN VALLEY: Adults, Monday through Friday, 5:45-6:45 p.m. and 7-8:15 p.m., Saturdays, 9-11:45 a.m. Children, Tuesdays & Thursdays, 4-5 p.m. Aikido of Champlain Valley, 17 E. Allen St., Winooski. $55/month, $120/three months, intro specials. Info, 654-6999. Study this graceful, flowing martial art to develop flexibility, confidence and self defense skills. AIKIDO O F VERMONT: Ongoing classes Monday through Friday, 6-7 p.m. and 7-8 p.m., Saturday, 9-10:30 a.m., Sunday, 10-11:30 a.m. Above Onion River Co-op, 274 N. Winooski Ave., Burlington. Info, 862-9785. Practice the art of Aikido in a safe and supportive environment.

art ' M O N O P R I N T S ' : Saturday, January 8, 10 a.m. - noon. Firehouse Center for the Visual Arts, 135 Church St., Burlington. $10. Register, 865-7166. Explore the variety of monoprints in the gallery, then learn a simple technique your own. DRAWING FROM A MODEL: Sunday, January 9, 9 a.m. - 4 p.m. Community College of Vermont, 119 Pearl St., Burlington. $60. Register, 865-4422. Artists of all abilities use pastels or charcoal to draw nudes and portraits. 'WATERCOLOR, BEYOND TECHNIQUE': Monday, January 10, 3-9 p.m. Community College of Vermont, 119 Pearl St., Burlington. $50. Register, 8654422. Learn an approach to watercolor painting that goes beyond the basics. ENVIRONMENTAL SCULPTURE: Friday, January 14, 9 a.m. 3 p.m. Community College of Vermont, 119 Pearl St., Burlington. $50. Register, 865-4422. Create recycled art from your personal, professional and natural environment. WATER-SOLUBLE OILS: Saturday, January 15, 9 a.m. - 4 p.m. Community College of Vermont, 119 Pearl St., Burlington. $70. Register, 865-4422. Work on compositional skills using a new medium.

birding W I N T E R BIRDING: Saturday, January 22, 9 a.m. - 3 p.m. Community College of Vermont, 119 Pearl St., Burlington. $50. Register, 865-4422. Discover the opportunities for winter birding along the shores of Lake Champlain.

business 'POWERFUL P O W E R P O I N T PRESENTATIONS': Monday, January 17 and Wednesday, January 19, 5:30-8 p.m. Community College of Vermont,

119 Pearl St., Burlington. $50. Register, 865-4422. Learn how to prepare a slide show that will wow your viewers, using Windows software.

cooking SAUCES, STOCKS AND SOUPS: Monday, January 10, 6-9 p.m. Isabel's On the Waterfront, 112 Lake St., Burlington. $40. Register, 865-2522. Pick up tricks of the trade for making great sauces, stocks and soups.

craft MASK-MAKING W I T H CLAY: Two Thursdays, January 13 and 20, 5-8 p.m. Community College of Vermont, 119 Pearl St., Burlington. $55. Register, 8654422. Explore your creativity through mask-making with clay. POTTERY/SCULPTURE: All ages and abilities, group classes, private lessons. Day, evening and weekend offerings. Vermont Clay Studio, 2802 Rt. 100, Waterbury Center. Register, 224-1126 ext. 41. Enjoy the pleasures and challenges of working with clay, whether you've had a lot, a little or no experience. POTTERY: Ongoing classes for adults and children, beginners and intermediates. River St. Potters, 141 River St., Montpelier. Info, 224-7000. Take classes in working with a wheel or in hand building; 24-hour access to the studio is available for a limited number of experiPAINTING CERAMICS: Ongoing Wednesdays, 2-3:30 p.m. and 5:30-7 p.m. Blue Plate Ceramic Cafe, 119 College St., Burlington. Free. Info, 652-0102. Learn the fundamentals ofpainting ceramics.

dance SWING: Six-week classes starting Sunday, January 2. Burlington. $40/person. Info, 862-9033. Learn Hollywood style swing and shag dancing. LATIN, BALLROOM OR SWING: Ongoing classes. Locations in S. Burlington, Shelburne, Williston, Essex and Milton. Weekly dances, Fridays, 89:30 p.m. Jazzercise Fitness Center, 5 Countryside Ln., Williston. Info, 862-2207. Rumba, waltz or swing the night away with Samir Elabd.

internet ' T H E W O R L D AT YOUR FINGERTIPS': Saturday, January 8, 9 a.m. - 4 p.m. Community College of Vermont, 119 Pearl St., Burlington. $50. Register, 8654422. Web surfers wise to Windows explore the Internet.

kendo KENDO: Ongoing Wednesdays and Fridays, 6:45-8:30 p.m. Warren Town Hall. Donations. Info, 496-4669. Develop focus, control and power through this Japanese samurai sword-fencing martial art.

kids KINDERMUSIK®: Eight Wednesdays, January 12 through March 1, Jericho Community Center. Info, 849-9890. Parents

and their babies up to 18 months old get exposed to music and movement.

language GERMAN: Group and individual lessons for adults and children. Williston. Info, 872-8538. Learn the German language, which has for centuries played a major role in politics, philosophy and literature. SPANISH: Ongoing individual and group lessons, all levels. S. Burlington. Info, 864-6870. Join in on the fun of learning a new language. ITALIAN: Group and individual instruction, beginner through advanced, all ages. Middlebury area. Info, 545-2676. Immerse yourself in Italian to get ready for a trip abroad, or to better enjoy the country's music, art and cuisine. ITALIAN: Ongoing individual and group classes, beginner to advanced, adults and children. f Burlington. Info, 865-4795. Learn to speak this beautiful language from a native speaker and experienced teacher. ESL: Ongoing small group classes, beginners and intermediates. Vermont Adult Learning, Sloan Hall, Fort Ethan Allen, Colchester. Free. Info, 654-8677. Improve your listening, speaking, reading and writing skills in English as a second language.

massage MASSAGE FOR STRESS REDUCTION: Friday, January, 7, 4-6 p.m. Community College of Vermont, 119 Pearl St., Burlington. $25. Register, 865-4422 Learn head and neck massage techniques to promote relaxation. SELF-MASSAGE FOR STRESS REDUCTION: Friday, January 7, 6:30-9 p.m. Community College of Vermont, 119 Pearl St., Burlington. $25. Register, 8654422. This workshop teaches a simple routine for relaxation using selfmassage.

meditation ZEN MEDITATION: Mondays, 4:45-5:45 p.m., Thursdays, 5:306:30 p.m. Burlington. Free. Info, 658-6466. Meditate with a sitting group associated with the Zen Affiliate of Vermont. ' T H E WAY OF T H E SUFI': Tuesdays, 7:30-9 p.m. S. Burlington. Free. Info, 658-2447. 1'his Sufi-style meditation incorporates breath, sound and movement. MEDITATION: First & third Sundays, 10 a.m. - noon. Burlington Shambhala Center, 187 S. Winooski Ave. Free. Info, 6586795. Instructors teach non-sectarian and Tibetan Buddhist meditations. MEDITATION: Thursdays, 78:30 p.m. Green Mountain Learning Center, 13 Dorset Lane, Suite 203, Williston. Free. Info, 872-3797. Don't just do something, sit there! GUIDED MEDITATION: Sundays, 10:30 a.m. The Shelburne Athletic Club, Shelburne Commons. Free. Info, 985-2229. Practice guided meditation for relaxation and focus.

music READING MUSIC: Saturday, January 15, 9 a.m. - 4 p.m. Community College of Vermont, 119 Pearl St., Burlington. $53. Register, 865-4422. Music makers learn about staffs, clefs, rhythm, melody and chords.

photography PHOTOGRAPHY: Private or group. Info, 372-3104. Take workshops in winter landscape photography, join a women's group or take classes in creative and technical camera and darkroom skills.

religion ' T H E BIBLE A N D T H E HEBREW GODDESS': Two Tuesdays, January 11 and 18, 6-9 p.m. Community College of Vermont, 119 Pearl St., Burlington. $50. Register, 865-4422. Consider archaeological and textual evidence of the Canaanite Goddess.

self-defense KICK-BOXING: Classes beginning January 4. Adults and kids, Tuesdays, 7:30-8:30 p.m., Thursdays, 7:30-8:30 p.m. Burlington. $8/hour. Info, 6517073. Refine your balance and sharpen your reflexes — learn kickboxing for self-defense. BRAZILIAN JIU-JITSU: Ongoing classes for men, women and children, Monday through Saturday. Vermont Brazilian JiuJitsu Academy, 4 Howard St., Burlingtoft. Info, 660-4072 or 253-9730. Escape fear with an integrated self-defense system based on technique, not size, strength or speed.

spirit 'AURA PHOTOGRAPHY AND VIDEO': Friday, December 31, 10 a.m. - 6 p.m. Spirit Dancer Books, 125 S. Winooski Ave., Burlington. $25-30. Info, 660-8060. Gain awareness of your "energy field" through photos and video.

sport ICE CLIMBING, M O U N TAINEERING, BACKCOUNTRY SKIING: Weekly classes. Petra Cliffs Mountaineering School, 105 Briggs St., Burlington. Info, 65-PETRA. Spend a day with these experts and get experience equal to years of climbing, mountaineering or skiing on your own.

support groups OVEREATERS ANONYMOUS: Daily meetings in various locations. Free. Info, 863-2655. Overeatersget support in addressing their problem. VT. RESOLVE INFERTILITY SUPPORT GROUP: Wednesday, January 5, 6-8 p.m. New England Federal Credit Union, Taft Corner, Williston. Info, 657-2542. Talk with others about infertility issues. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS: Daily meetings in various locations. Free. Info, 658-4221. Want to overcome a drinking problem? Take the first step — of 12 — and join a group in your area. NARCOTICS ANONYMOUS: Ongoing daily groups. Various locations in Burlington, S. Burlington and Plattsburgh. Free.

d e c e m b e r 22, 1999

•

Info, 862-4516. If you're ready to stop using drugs, this group of recovering addicts can offer inspiration.

tai chi TAI CHI CHUAN: Ongoing Wednesdays, 7:15-9 p.m. Waterbury Tai Chi Club. Info, 434-5067. Practice Tai Chi in the Yang family tradition, for health and self-defense.

wine W I N E TASTING: Tuesday, December 28, 6:30-7:30 p.m. Wine Works, 133 St. Paul St., Burlington. $20. Info, 951-WINE. Learn all about bubbly to better celebrate the new millennium.

writing 'SCIENCE FICTION W R I T I N G A N D READING': Eight-week class beginning Monday, January 3, 6 p.m. Pyramid Books, Essex Junction. Or Wednesday, January 5, 7 p.m. Kellogg-Hubbard Library, Montpelier. $10/class, $75/eight. Register, 229-0112. Wannabe a Frank Herbert or Ursula Le Guin? Bring your science fiction talents to this class. 'IAMBIC PENTAMETER AND FRIENDS': Two Wednesdays, January 5 and 12, 6-9 p.m. Community College of Vermont, 119 Pearl St., Burlington. $52. Register, 865-4422. Get a brief introduction to traditional meter and rhyme found in blank verse and sonnets.

yoga BEECHER HILL YOGA: Monday through Saturday, daytime & evening classes for all levels. Info, 482-3191. Get private or group instruction in integrative yoga therapy, vigorous yoga or yoga for pregnancy. YMCA YOGA: Ongoing classes. YMCA, College St., Burlington. Info, 862-9622. Take classes in various yoga styles. YOGA V E R M O N T : Daily classes, 12 p.m., 5:30 p.m. and 7:30 p.m. Saturday and Sunday, 9:30 a.m. Chace Mill, Burlington. Info, 6609718. Astanga style. "power"yoga classes offer sweaty fun for all levels of experience.

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DEARLY BELOVED The Art Resource Association now numbers more than 60 members, but there was a time when it was a proverbial twinkle in James Gahagan's eye. The painter and teacher, who passed away earlier this year, was a founder of the central Vermont organization. He would surely be pleased to know his c

works hang with those of fellow members this month in a show dedicated to his memory. At the T.W. Wood Gallery through Christmas eve. Pictured, Gahagan's oil-on-linen "Noon Eclipse. "

call to artists

Think Globally. Act Locally.

Caravan Arts is looking for collaborative works by two or more artists for their upcoming show, Duets. Deadline is January 3. For info, call 660-9060. The Burlington/Puerto Cabezas Sister City Program seeks donations of video cameras for a community video training project in the Nicaraguan city this winter.Tnfo; CaH Dan Higgins v 655-24L9', ar «smajibbriK>i dhiggins@zoo.uvm.edu. ^ '

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THE PAINT TRAVELER, paintings from her book of the same name, by Carol Rosalinde Drury. Metropolitan Gallery, Burlington City Hall, 865-7166. Through December. TRUTH & BEAUTY, an exhibit of two- and three-dimensional art by Waldorf School students from around the country. Jager DiPaola Kemp Design, Burlington, 9852827. Through January 15. TRANSILLUMINATED IMPRESSIONISM, abstract impressions by Kenneth W. Sellick. Art Space 150 at the Men's Room, Burlington, 864-2088. Through February 15. THE PRINT PROJECT, works by non-traditional local printmakers. Also, "Still Born," an installation by David Huber. Firehouse Center for the Visual Arts, Burlington, 865-7165. Through January 9. MIXED MEDIA: A Burlington College course show. UVM Women's Center, Burlington, 862-9616. Through January. MANTRAS, compositions/portraits of jazz artists, by P. RSmith. A 24/7 exhibit at the site of the former Price Chopper, 156 Cherry St., Burlington. Through Jan 4. SHADOWING TWILIGHT'S SHORE, photography by Katherine R. Davis. Speeder & Earl's Espresso Bar, Burlington, 860-6630. Through December 27.

2 0 6 9 W i l l i s t o n R o a d •:• S o u t h B u r l i n g t o n

w e e k l y page 3 2

S f V E N DAYS

december 2 2 , 1 9 9 9

JEFF CLARKE, black-and-white landscape photographs. Daily Bread Bakery, Richmond, 8634393. Through December. PLAY OF LIGHT, oils and pastel paintings by Joy Huckins-Noss. Isabel's on the Waterfront, Burlington, 229-0832. Through January January 3. VERNISSAGE 2000, paintings, photographs and mixed media by 42 artists. Doll-Anstadt Gallery, Burlington, 864-3661. Through December. PASSING OF THE TORCH, featuring oil paintings by Jennifer Bell and photographs by Michael Levy, the new co-curators. Rhombus Gallery, Burlington, 865-3144. Through December. SEARCHING THE FOREST FOR PORTRAITS, oil paintings and pastels by Sophie Quest. Daily Planet, Burlington, 658-1450. Through December. SARAH WESSON, oils and watercolors celebrating Vermont's natural beauty. Grannis Gallery, Burlington, 660-2032. Through December. AS THE CENTURY TURNS, a group end-of-year show by 15 artists. Furchgott Sourdiffe Gallery, Shelburne, 985-3848. Through January 11. BLACK DRAGON ART, mixedmedia canvases by Jade Bristol, and NATURAL CURVES, works in watercolor and found pigments by Kate Hartley. Also, SENIOR ART SPECTACULAR, works in a variety of media by local elders. Fletcher Free Library, Burlington, 865-7211. Through December.

l i s t i n g s

EARL'S VIEW, handmade prints by Roy Newton. Red Onion ', Cafe, Burlington, 865-2563. Through January 25. BARNS AND BUILDINGS, photographs by Fred Stetson. Dorothy Ailing Memorial Library, Williston, 878-4918. Through January 7. CAROL NORTON, JOANNE DELANY & CELENE HARGRAVES, paintings. Better Bagel, Tafts Corners, Williston, 864-1557. Through January. THE MATING HABITS OF LINES: Sketchbooks and Notebooks of Ree Morton, featuring drawings and journals detailing the artistic process, from an early pioneer in installation art who died in 1977. Fleming Museum, Burlington, 656-0750. Through January 23. FOUR H0NDURAN ARTISTS, featuring the work of Mario Castillo, Virgilio Guardiola, Rolando Lopez Trochez and Xenia Meji'a. Fleming Museum, Burlington, 656-0750. Through February 13. DAVID GOODRICH, pen and ink drawings of Vermont views. The Book Rack, Winooski, 654-4650. Through December. RICK SUTTA, representational oil paintings. Rick Sutta Gallery, Burlington, 860-7506. Ongoing. GERRIT G0LLNER, abstract paintings and prints. Farrell Rm., St. Michael's College, Colchester, 654-2487. Through December.

C H A M P L A I N VALLEY SUSAN SMEREKA, abstract iconographic paintings in gouache,

w w w . s e v e n d a y s v t . c o m

oils and mixed media. Woodys Restaurant, Middlebury, 7673253. Through December 29. TRADITIONAL ARTS SHOWCASE & SALE, featuring contemporary folk crafts and heritage foods. Vermont Folklife Center, Middlebury, 388-4964. Through December 23. VOLUME I, works on plastic and paper by Sean Sims. Also DENNIS SPARLING, sculptures. Ferrisburgh Artisans Guild, 8773668. Through December 25. A GLIMPSE OF CHRISTMAS PAST, featuring 19th-century holiday decorations and festivities. Sheldon Museum, Middlebury, 388-2117. Through December. USE IT UP, WEAR IT OUT, MAKE IT DO OR DO WITHOUT: Our Lives in the 1930s and '40s, featuring oral histories, photographs, artifacts and music exploring Addison County life in those decades. Sheldon Museum, Middlebury, 388-2117. Through March 10.

RELIGION, MYTH AND FANCY, a selection from the permanent collection. T.W. Wood Gallery, Montpelier, 828-8743. Through December 24. • „/ ALICE ECKLES, a permanent changing exhibit of selected paintings and prints. The Old School House Common, Marshfield, 456-8993. Ongoing. SCRAP-BASED ARTS & CRAFTS, featuring re-constructed objects of all kinds by area artists. The Restore, Montpelier, 229-1930. Ongoing.

NORTHERN

THOMAS R. CURTIN, a centennial celebration of the Vermont neo-Impressionist painter. Clarke Galleries, Stowe, 253-7116. Through January. TWO ARTISTS, landscapes by Karen Dawson and Jane Horner. Chow Bella, St. Albans, 5241405. Through January 1. HOLIDAY ART SHOW AND SALE, works in all media by members of the Northern Vermont Artist CENTRAL VERMONT Association. Old Red Mill A GIFT OF ART, works by Art Gallery, Jericho, 899-3225. Resource Association members in Through December 28. memory of painter James LANDSCAPES/TWO ARTISTS, Gahagan. T.W. Wood Gallery, featuring works by Karen Montpelier, 828-8743. Through Dawson and Jane Horner. Chow! December 24. Bella, St. Albans, 524-1405. FRAGMENTS OF FANTASY, Through December. paintings, drawings and con19TH ANNUAL FESTIVAL OF structions by Axel Stohlberg and THE CHRISTMAS TREES, the Pria Cambio. La Brioche, "Nutcracker Suite" in the main Montpelier, 229-0443. Through and west galleries. Helen Day Art December. Center, Stowe, 253-8358. RECOLLECTIONS, an exhibit of Through January 2. memorabilia from a century of 19TH AND 20TH CENTURY Randolph elementary schoolsaggiii AMERICAN ARTISTS, including Chandler Gallery, Randolph, landscape paintings by Vermont 728-9878. Through January 12. artists Kathleen Kolb, Thomas HEIDEMARIE HEISS HOLMES & Curtin, Cynthia Price and more. ALEXANDRA B0TTINELLI, paintClarke Galleries, Stowe, 253ings. City Center, Montpelier, 7116. Ongoing. 223-5624. Through January 2. CRUZAND0 FRONTERAS/CLEARING CUSTOMS, text and artwork by central Vermonters from 18 ELSEWHERE countries. Sacred Space Gallery, HITCHCOCK, a collection of stills, Christ Church, Montpelier, 229posters, set models and artwork 0432. Through January 1. that reveals the directors aesthetCOLOR AND LINE, prints and ic influences. Montreal Museum paintings of central Vermont by of Fine Arts, Jean-Noel Phillip Robertson. Phoenix Desmarais Pavilion, 514-285Rising, Montpelier, 229-0522. 1600. Through March 18. Through December. MEXICAN MODERN ART, featurWINTER WHIMSY, fanciful ing works from the first half of works in clay by 20 regional the century. Montreal Museum artists. Vermont Clay Studio, of Fine Arts, Jean-Noel Waterbury Center, 244-1126. Desmarais Pavilion, 514-285Through January 14. 1600. Through February 6. VERMONT HAND CRAFTERS: TRIUMPHS OF THE BAROQUE, Work by local artisans. Vermont architectural models of 17th- and By Design Gallery, Waterbury, 18th-century European build244-7566. Ongoing. ings. Montreal Museum of Fine PUBLIC FACES, PRIVATE Arts, Benaiah Gibb Pavillion, PLACES, photographs by Carly 514-285-1600. Through April 9. Stevens-McLaughlin. Capitol FOR SALE, a public art installaGrounds, Montpelier, 223-7800. tion created by the Swiss art Through December. alliance relax. Dartmouth College THE FIRST TIME I SAW PARIS, Green, Hanover, N.H., 603-646black-and-white photos by Peter 2808. Through January 3. Miller. Mist Grill Gallery, Waterbury, 244-2233. Through January 3. PHOTOGRAPHS, black-and-white and color works by Sen. Patrick Leahy. Vermont Arts Council, Montpelier, 828-3778. Through January 3. LOCAL ARTISANS works by Vermont potters, sculptors and quiltmakers. Blinking Light Gallery, Plainfield, 454-1571. Ongoing.

PLEASE NOTE: Seven Days is unable to accommodate all of the displays in our readership area, thus these listings must be restricted to exhibits in truly public viewing places. Art in business offices, lobbies and private residences or studios, with occasional exceptions, will not be accepted. Send art listings to galleries@sevendaysvt.com.

Duke of Vermont continued from page 19 Greenshirts enlisted en masse. The Duke even offered his own services, only to have them politely declined by a bemused Army review board. But the end was drawing near for the Dukes political career. He sought a fourth term in 1943, but lost to William H. Wills. It was a bitter blow. Overnight, the mighty Roman figure of the Duke shrunk to mortal proportions. The Greenshirts faded away. Many of them became scoutmasters. The Mussolinis retired to Mussolini Farms. As the Allies marched up Italy, Hitler fell and D'Annunzio's corpse dangled by its heels in a Milan piazza, the Duke pottered around his milking sheds. And slowly this new, gentle rhythm captured my friends volatile soul. He became an old Italian gentleman. Bald M Benito in a faded green shirt, and white-haired Rachele in a print ' dress, held court with a gang of grandchildren. Political memories are short, and soon only a few Vermonters remembered the Duke. Mussolini became a household name again, though, when with the

help of his friend and Stowe neighbor Maria Von Trapp, the Duke decided to market Vermont products under the family name. Mussolini * Mozzarella, Mussolini Milk and Benito Homestyle Bacon were an instant success. Benito's son Bruno, who moved to Island Pond in 1946, still makes worldfamous Mussolini Muesli. The Duke's last role as gentleman farmer put him in the limelight one final time. Ben and Jerry, young lions of ice cream, counted Mussolini Farms as its most important supplier in the early days. They wanted to honor the Duke with a special flavor to launch their new Cherry Street store, a frozen tiramisu concoction to be called "Duke's Delight." Benito, now almost 100 and at his life's end homesick for Italy, requested "Duce Dolce." "Unpronounceable," was the verdict from Cherry Street. "Insupportable arrogance," the Duke blazed in a letter to the Free Press. No more would Mussolini Milk grace the wares of the "degenerate Burlington Bolsheviks." Eight months later Benito Mussolini, the Duke of Vermont, died quietly in his sleep. — Paulo Battistutta, Barre, 1988

First Night, Perkins Pier Here a woman draws a white coat close against white skin. The sky presents its chalice. Pleas dissolve in smoke at the lips of young children refusing to come in. Nothing will change. Each day plays the songs of water, of bread, of dying. Yet the winter lasts only a moment. Edging the lake ice, a girl tests her new skates, ringing a silver bell, eating a coin of chocolate. — Ralph Culver

december 22, 1999

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What is it about good comics that compels them to make such bad movies? Run down the list of the last quarter-century's most influential and enduring ccwifiedians. The same names have appeared above the titles in many of the same period's most unnecessary motion pictures. Pinch your nose closed and ponder the mountainous, malodorous oeuvre amassed by just the following few folks: Richard Pryor, Rodney Dangerfield, Bill Cosby, George Carlin, Don Rickles, Jackie Mason, Jerry Lewis, Jay Leno, Chevy Chase, Andrew Dice Clay, Richard Lewis, Dan Aykroyd, Sam Kinison, Cheech and Chong, Denis Leary, Alan King, Steve Martin, Eddie Murphy, Whoopi Goldberg and Ellen DeGeneres. Whew. Every night I pray Jerry Seinfeld s syndication fortune will grow even more obscenely bloated so he won't be tempted to "stretch" or "grow as an artist" and get involved with the cinema. What a sad sight that might prove to be. Anyway, the king of stinker mountain is, of course, Robin Williams. The media may long ago have dubbed him "the funniest man in the world," but most of his movies are tiresome, overly sentimental hackjobs and about as much fun as losing your wallet. Think of the hours and hours of celluloid hell this one misdirected celebrity has loosed upon humanity in unfortunate films like Jack, Hook, Toys, Flubber, Father's Day, Club Paradise, Dead Again, Jumanji, Nine Months, Mrs. Doubtfire, Jakob the Liar, Patch Adams ami, now, Bicentennial Man. And it's not as though we're being treated to the many sides of a multifaceted film performer. The guy pretty much has two gears: shmaltz and overdrive. More and more, what we're being treated to is the same old shmaltzy routine. This time around, Williams is a household appli-

FILMS RUN

showtimes

3:30, 9:20. Sleepy Hollow 12/22-23: 12:40, 3:40, 7:10, 9:40;

NICKELODEON CINEMAS

6:50, 9:30; 12/24-30: 10:10, 12:50, 6:45. American Beauty 12/24-

4:45, 7:15, 9:25; 12/24-30: 7:40, 9:40. End of Days 12/24-30:

College Street, Burlington, 863-9515. Boys Don't Cry* 12/24-30: 11:20, 1:40, 4:15, 6:45, 9:10. Man on the Moon* 12/24-30: 11:40, 2:15, 4:45, 7:20, 10. The Talented Mr. Ripley* 12/24-30: 11:50, 3, 6:30, 9:45. The Green Mile 12/22-23: 12, 3:45, 7:30; 12/24-30: 12:10, 3:45, 7:40. Anna and the King 12/22-23: 12:15, 3:30, 6:30, 9:30; 12/24-30: 12:15, 3:20, 6:20, 9:30. Toy Story 2 11:30, 2, 4:30, 7, 9:20. Sleepy Hollow 12/22-23: 11:50, 2:15, 4:45, 7.15, 9:40. Being John Malkovich 12/22-23: 12:30, 3, 6:40, 9:10. American Beauty 12/22-23:11:40, 2:30, 6:50, 9:50. Matinees SunThurs.

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12/24-30: 3:20, 9:30. The World Is Not Enough 12/22-23:1, 3:30, 30: 10, 12:30, 6:40. Matinees Sun-Thurs.

ETHAN ALLEN CINEMAS 4 North Avenue, Burlington, 863-6040. Three Kings 12/24-30: 12:15, 2:30, 4:45, 7, 9:30. Random Hearts 12/24-30: 12:30, 7:15. Star Wars 12/24-30: 12:45, 4:15, 6:45, 9:15. House on Haunted Hill 12/22-23: 12:45, 2:45, 4:45, 7:15, 10; 12/24-30: 3:15, 5:15, 10. Superstar 12722-23: 12:30, 2:30, 4:15, 7:30, 9:30; 12/24-30: 12, 1:45, 7:30. Stir of Echoes 12/22-23: 9:45. Runaway Bride 12/22-23: 12, 2:15, 4:30, 7. Fight Club 12/22-23: 12:15, 4, 6:45; 12/24-30: 4, 9.

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xiPufc^sOck in it, Tim M a n , how abetut: tha|ji« w o n You just know there's a live-action Pinocchio script making the studio rounds right now with Robin Williams' name on it. And you just know he'll make it. What happened to the funniest man in the world? The manic, rapid-fire wit, the envelope-pushing material? I mean, here was a guy who made the funniest guys in the world laugh, and partied with Belushi the night that fellow comedian died. It's one thing to mellow. It's quite another to make Barney look hardedged. Since it's the holidays, I've wracked my brain for a single nice thing to say about this movie. The best I can do is: The title is apt, anyway. Watch Bicentennial Man once, and you won't want to see it again for at least 200 years. (Z) ;

W E D N E S D A Y . DEC. 2 2 - T H U R S D A Y . DEC. 3 0

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ance, a robot. Based on a short story by Isaac Asimov and set in the "not too distant future," the film chronicles the misty-eyed odyssey of one particular android who, for no reason the audience is ever offered, decides he's too emotionally and spiritually evolved to be a mere machine and yearns to someday, somehow, become human. Jesus, this guy is always yearning about something these days. He's gotten stuck in such a relentlessly earnest and yearning rut his roles have become all but interchangable. The character he played in Good Will Hunting, for example, could be switched for the one he played in either Dead Poets Society or Awakenings without changing much about any of those movies, don't you think? His cloying "I'm really just a big kid at heart" shtick in Hook, Jumanji, The Fisher King, Jack and Patch Adams are all more or less variations on the same theme. And without all that much variation. Even when he's not voicing genies for Disney, Williams has become a cartoon, a caricature of patented childlike ebullience. And, of course, yearning. If Toys is the worst movie ever made (and it quite possibly is), then Bicentennial Man is a close second or third. It's difficult to imagine a duller, less surprising, more humor-void and originality-free two-and-ahalf hours of filmmaking. Without so much as a genuinely funny moment, one intriguingly conceived character or the slightest twist of story to keep its audience engaged — not to mention awake — moviegoers are expected to sit patiently while the film's star pulls the usual cornball maneuvers from his bag of -. tired man-child tricks. The payoff? More of the sugary fortune-cookie wisdom we've come to expect from Williams: Believe in yourself. Follow your heart. Chase your dreams.

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UNCLOSING

CINEMA NINE

Matinees Thurs-Tues only.

Shelburne Road, S. Burlington, 8 6 4 - 5 6 1 0 . Man on the Moon* 12/24-30: 10, 12:40, 3:25, 6:40, 9:40. Any Given Sunday* 12/2430: 11:45, 3:30, 7:10, 10:30. Galaxy Quest* 12/24-30: 10, 12:10, 2:20, 4:30, 7:05, 9:30. The Talented Mr. Ripley* 12/24-30: 11:30, 3:15, 7, 10.10. Bicentennial Man 12/22-23: 12:45, 3 : 3 0 , 6:40, 9:25; 12/24-30: 10, 12:45, 3:45, 6:30, 9:20. Stuart Little 10, 12, 2, 4, 6, 8 : 3 0 (8:45 Sat-Tburs). The Green Mile 12/22-23: 12:20, 3, 4:15, 7, 8; 12/24-30: 11, 3, 6:45, 8:30, 10:15. Deuce Bigelow 12/22-23: 12:05, 2:05, 4:15, 7:15, 9:55; 12/24-30: 2:05, 4:15, 7:15, 9:55. End of Days 12/22-23: 6:50, 9:40. Toy Story 2 12/22-23: 12:30, 1:30, 3, 4, 5:30, 7:45, 10; 12/24-30: 10, 11, 12:30, 2:50, 5:30, 7:45, 10. Sleepy Hollow 12/22-23: 12:10, 2:20, 4:45, 7:10, 9:50. The World Is Not Enough 12/22-23: 3:40, 6:45, 9:30. Pokemon 12/22-23: 1:25. Matinees Sun-Thurs.

SHOWCASE CINEMAS 5 SHELBURNE ROAD ). BURLINGTON TO THE HOLIDAY INN & N E W SMART SUITES)

865-3200

BIJOU CINEPLEX 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 Rt. 100, Morrisville, 888-3293. Man On the Moon* 12/24-30: 12:45, 3:40, 6:50, 9. Stuart Little 12/24-30: 12:15, 2:20, 4:30, 6:30, 8:30. Bicentennial Man 12/24-30: 1, 3:30, 6:45, 9:10. Toy Story 2 12/2223: 6:15; 12/24-30: 12, 2, 4, 6:15, 8:15.

THE SAVOY Main Street, Montpelier, 2 2 9 - 0 5 0 9 . The Source 12/22-23: 6:30, 8:30. Being John Malkovich 12/25-30: 1:30 (Sat-Sun only), 6:30, 8:45. Schedules for the following theaters are not available at press time.

C A P I T O L T H E A T R E 93 State Street, Montpelier, 2 2 9 - 0 3 4 3 . P A R A M O U N T T H E A T R E 2 4 1 North Main Street, Barre, 479-9621.

Williston Road, S. Burlington, 8634494. Galaxy Quest* 12/24-30: 10:15,

S T O W E C I N E M A Baggy Knees Shopping Center, Stowe, 253-4678.

12:15, 2:15, 4:15, 7:10, 9:15. Any Given Sunday* 12/24-30: 12,

M A D R I V E R F L I C K Route 100, Waitsfield, 496-4200.

3:30, 7:15, 10:45. Stuart Little 12/22-23:1230,2:40,4:30,6-.30,830;

M A R Q U I S T H E A T E R Main Street, Middlebury, 388-4841.

12/24-30: 10:25, 12:30, 2:20, 4:10, 6, 8:45. Double Jeopardy

W E L D EN THEATER 527-7888.

12/22-23: 1:10, 4, 7, 9:25. Deuce Bigelow 12/22-23: 12:15, 2:30,

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Ipreviews I v i u i L coach? Something tells me a lot of moviegoers are going to make like a quarterback and pass. (R) THE TALENTED MR. RIPLEY The new film from The English Patient director Anthony Minghella wasn't even in wide release yet and it was knee-deep in Golden Globe nominations. A good sign there's more to this star-studded saga of social climbing than meets the eye. Matt Damon, Gwyneth Paltrow and Jude Law star. (R) MAN ON THE MOON Milos Forman brings the life of comedian/basketcase Andy Kaufman to the screen with a little help from Jim Carrey and Taxi alums Danny DeVito, Carol Kane, Judd Hirsch and Christopher Lloyd. (R)

BOYS DON'T CRY The true story of a young Nebraska man who is sexually assaulted and murdered when his buddies find out he's really a young Nebraska woman. Hilary Swank stars. (R)GALAXY QUEST Tim Allen and Sigourney Weaver play has-been stars of a '70s sci-fi series who get the call for real when an alien race in need of help looks Earthward. Alan Rickman and Tony Shalhoub costar. (PG) (R)

ANY GIVEN SUNDAY Let's see. Stanley Kubrick, Martin Scorsese, Albert Brooks, Chris Columbus and Rob Reiner all came up with disappointing duds in '99. What are the odds on Oliver Stone's gridiron saga faring any better featuring, as it does, the very nonjocky A1 Pacino as a has-been

shorts

rating scale:

* —

B y

new on video

AMERICAN PIE** 1 / 2 There's Something About Mary meets Porky's in this envelope-pushing

*****

THE GREEN MILE***172 Director Frank (The Shawshank Redemption) Darabont is back in jail again, this time for the story of a prison guard and the Death Row giant he believes to be inno- < cent. Starring Tom Hanks, David Morse and Michael Clarke Duncan. (R) STUART LITTLE***^ From the co-director of The Lion King and the visual-effects guru behind the original Star Wars comes the story of a dapper, well-spoken and extremely high-tech rodent. Geena Davis, Michael J. Fox and Gene Wilder star in this adaptation of the E. B. White classic. (PG) DEUCE BIGALOW: MALE GIGOLO**172 SNL vet Rob Schneider stars here as a fish-tank cleaner who fills in for a vacationing hustler. Sound dumb enough to be an Adam Sandler movie? It is. Big Daddy is executive producer. (R) ANNA AND THE KING*** I'm confused. Is there, like, infinite, insatiable demand out there for new movie versions of this story? This time around Chow Yun-Fat and Jodie Foster play the unyielding old-world monarch and the Western woman who whips him into shape. Andy Tennant directs. (PG-13) TOY STORY 2 * * * * Everybody's favorite living dolls reunite for an all-new animated adventure when Woody (Tom Hanks) is kidnapped by an unscrupulous toy collector and Buzz (Tim Allen) rallies the 'toon troops to rescue him. (G) SLEEPY HOLLOW*** Tim Burton teams up with Johnny Depp again, this time for an update of Washington Irving's classic Headless Horseman saga. Christina Ricci and Christopher Walken co-star. (R) END OF DAYS**1/2 Arnold Schwarzenegger is back on the big

the hoyts cinemas

FiLMQuIZ w ^

comedy about high school friends who concoct a plan to lose their virginity by prom night. Jason Biggs and Chris Klein star. Brother Paul and Chris Weitz direct. (R) SUMMER OF SAM*** The latest from Spike Lee looks to be his most controversial since Do the Right Thing. Lee directed and cowrote this portrait of a Bronx neighborhood in the grip of a heat wave and a serial killer's reign of terror. Families of some of David Berkowitz's victims have criticized Lee for making the picture. But then, so has Berkowitz. John Leguizamo and Mira Sorvino star.

cosponsored by Video World Superstore

a piece of the action

Time once again for the version of our game in which we freeze an action-packed frame from a well-known film and extract a pivotal puzzle-shaped piece from the picture. Your job, as always, is to come up with the name of the movie anyway.

(R)

ELMO IN GROUCHLAND (NR) The fuzzy red one makes his big-screen debut alongside the more experienced Mandy Patinkin, who costars as a mean junkyard owner who tosses a beloved blankie into Oscar the Grouch's trash can.

NR = not reviewed

screen for the first time since 1997. Saving one person at a time apparently is old hat at this point for the 52-year-old action star, so this time out he's saving the whole human race. From Satan, no less. Gabriel Byrne co-stars. Peter Hyams directs. (R) THE WORLD IS NOT ENOUGH*** And, apparently, audiences can't get enough when it comes to these deals. Which always mystfies me. Pierce Brosnan presides over the 19th Bond film, in which the Menudo of undercover operatives faces off against an evil genius with designs on the planet's oil supply. With Robert Carlyle and Denise Richards. Michael Apted directs. (PG-13) BEING JOHN MALKOVICH**** Music video director Spike Jonze makes his big-screen debut with this odd-a-thon about a guy (John Cusack) who discovers a portal that transports him into the brain of the actor John Malkovich. With Cameron Diaz, Catherine Keener and — surprise! — John Malkovich. (R) AMERICAN BEAUTY****172 Kevin Spacey and Annette Bening play the heads of a nuclear family in the process of meltdown in the feature debut from from whitehot Broadway director Sam (The Blue Room) Mendes. (R) FIGHT CLUB*** Brad Pitt and Edward Norton are teamed in the dark new film from Seven director David Fincher. Based on the bestselling novel by Chuck Palahniuk, the picture concerns an underground organization in which men meet to beat the post-modern numbness out of each other.

(R) THE HOUSE ON HAUNTED HILL** Famke Janssen and Geoffrey Rush star in this update of the campy Vincent Price chestnut about strangers who spend the night in a haunted mansion

in exchange for a large sum of money. Which is exactly what it would take to get me anywhere near this. (R) SUPERSTAR**172 The latest "Saturday Night Live" sketch to make it to the big screen has Molly Shannon stretching her Catholic schoolgirl spaz bit into a 90-minute saga about an underdog's triumph over geekiness. With Will Ferrell and Mark McKinney. (PG-13) STAR WARS EPISODE 1: THE PHANTOM MENACE** Forget the Force — may the No-Doz be with you if you decide to sit through George Lucas' overhyped and under-written saga about Jedi knights (Liam Neeson and Ewan McGregor) trying to save a planet from invasion. The dialogue is stunningly banal. Ditto the new characters and most of the derivative action sequences. Short on warmth and humor, and long on computer imaging, the director succeeds less as a fleshed-out story than as an ad for his special effects business, and an opportunity to make millions in merchandising tie-ins. (PG) RANDOM HEARTS**172 Harrison Ford's a cop. Kristin Scott Thomas is a congresswoman. After their spouses perish in a horrible plane crash, they discover the two had been having an affair. Which, of course, means they have so much in common it's just a matter of time until they're making whoopie, too. Sydney Pollack directs. (R) THREE KINGS****172 The buzz is big for this off-beat black dramedy-action from Flirting With Disaster director David O. Russell. George Clooney, Mark Wahlberg and Ice Cube star as American soldiers who do some personal treasure hunting during the Gulf War. (R)

For more film fun don't forget to watch "Art Patrol" every Thursday, Friday and Sunday on News Channel 5!

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SEVEN DAYS

page 35

Inside Track

Thank you Burlington, ffcr your support.

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Another former player in Massachusetts described a ritual involving the consumption of olives that we won't go into. But Skip Vallee, Republican national committeeman for the Vermont GOP and former BFASt. Albans star, said there was no hazing when he played defense for Williams College. Our Gasoline Vallee was captain his junior and senior years. Skip tells Seven Days that "the only hazing at Williams was when they made us go in a room and study Shakespeare." Media Notes — The numbers for the fall TV sweeps in the 91 st largest market in the United States are out. WPTZ, Ch. 5, gets the gold medal. Their six o'clock news got an average share of 46 percent in the Burlington/Plattsburgh "metro" market, meaning Nielsen claims its increasingly questioned methodology indicates 46 percent of the TV sets that were turned on featured Stephanie Gorin, Thorn Hallock, Tom Messner and Mark Sudol. WCAX took the silver with a 28 share. And new kid on the block, ABC 22 news picked up the bronze with a 3 percent share of the viewing audience. That may not sound like much, but before their 100 percent news makeover under new owner Straightline Communications, a 1 share was their normal score. In the larger "DMA" — the "metro" counties of the Champlain Valley plus the rest of Vermont and a piece of New Hampshire — WCAX was first with a 30 share, followed by WPTZ, a 24 share, and a 2 share for Ch. 22, which, unlike the other stations, ran a truck giveaway contest during the ratings period. On the late-night news, WPTZ kicked butt from Lake Champlain to the Connecticut River. "We're really pleased," said Andy Wormser, who was just promoted to news director in September. This is his first Nielsen. Not a bad start. Over at the studio of ABC 22, News Director Ken Schriener was

T f e SancfUar

upbeat. "All we wanted to do was get on the board," he said. "We're on the board. We weren't expecting to build Rome in a day." For WCAX, "Vermont's Own," it's the first book since they did the equivalent of taking down their own Berlin Wall. After more than four decades on the box, Ch. 3 finally added a female co-anchor. "Given the changes around us," said Ch. 3 General Manager Peter Martin, "we think we did pretty well." The Nielsen ratings are used to set advertising rates, and lately some advertisers have been questioning their credibility. They cite the antiquated methodology that distributes diaries to demographically selected T V households. The technology exists to attach passive meters to the selected T V sets. That would more accurately reflect the T V watchers' viewing habits.

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Informed of Gardy's pending departure Tuesday, Mayor Moonie brushed crocodile tears from his eyes. "He's been a worthy opponent," said Clavelle, "at times entertaining." Fiermonte Departure — Congressman Bernie Sanders' longest serving Vermont staffer, Phil Fiermonte, has resigned from Team Bernie. The Derby native has signed on as an organizer for the American Federation of Teachers, the union that represents nurses in Brattleboro and Morrisville as well as the state college faculty. Howland Departure — Democrat State Auditor Ed Flanagan's deputy, John Howland Jr., is departing in January after one year as Fast Eddie's top assistant. Previously, Howland put in a four-year stint as deputy secretary of state under Republican Jim Milne, who's thinking about a comeback. Howland's going into "e-content consulting." He explained that's "a fancy way of saying I'm going to be an editor for clients who publish on the Internet." Coming Up — Don't miss next week's Seven Days for Inside Track's Year in Review. Whew! The week after is vacation time. Happy New Year! ®

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According to Ch. 22 Station Manager Larry Delia, meters are already in use in "about 50 markets," but haven't hit Vermont yet. And this Nielsen book comes with the warning label that the numbers may change due to a technical glitch affecting 37 markets, including ours. Great. Stay tuned. Gardy Departure — Seven Days has learned that outspoken Republican City Councilor Matt Gardy, from Burlington's Ward 7, is expected to announce next month he will resign from the city council. Gardy's landed a new high-tech job which requires much travel. His resignation will put both Ward 7 seats up for grabs in March. Word is, however, this will be just a hiatus from politics for Gardy, who is not abandoning his quest to one day take over Mayor Peter Clavelle's office.

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ou can't beat the Brits when it comes to Christmas traditions, and we happen to be next door to one of the great nations of the Commonwealth. Montreal's English side dazzles during the holiday season, with carols and decorations, festive feasting and plenty of good cheer. To bask in a sacred glow, visit any of the Anglican churches throughout the city. There are wonderful choral services on weekends and weeknights, and the combination of candlelight on dark wood, sweet voices and poinsettias will soothe even the most stressed, Type A American. If you prefer secular pastimes, the Empire offers another unique experience: Boxing Day, an official Bank Holiday throughout the Commonwealth and the biggest shopping day of the year. There are competing explanations for the origin of the holiday, which falls on the day after Christmas. Historians note that English gentry distributed boxes containing the next year's necessities and supplies to their serfs, who had gathered at the estate house for Christmas. Because servants worked all day on Christmas, the boxes were hand-

ed out the following day, and it thus became the servants' Christmas. This eventually became the traditional day for employers — excepting Mr. Scrooge — to distribute year-end bonuses to employees, and urban householders left gift boxes on the stoop for the postal carrier, milkman, newspaper carrier and other service folks. Thus, Boxing Day. A less accepted, and less mercantile, explanation is that alms boxes placed in churches over the Christmas season were opened on the 26th and their bounty distributed amongst the poor. I still prefer my own explanation, which I have not been able to Verify anywhere. I always assumed it had something to do with the Boxer Rebellion, the uprising of a secret society in turn-of-the-century China, which was intent on expelling all foreign devils by use of their "Fists of Righteous Harmony." I figured: Hey, it's celebrated only in the British Empire — what else could it mean? And the connection between the Boxer Rebellion and a big shopping day is no more tenuous than our post-Thanksgiving excesses, or the special car deals on Washington's Birthday. But I digress.

The bottom line is, you'll find great deals all over Montreal on Boxing Day From specialty boutiques to department stores and outlets, serious mark-downs abound. Be prepared for a madhouse, though, as Montrealers hit the streets armed with Christmas cash and presents to exchange. Doors open at 1 p.m. throughout the city, and for five frenzied hours, the tough go shopping. The lines form all along SteCatherine just after noon, while store staff is still hunkered down inside with red marking pens. The biggest crowds will be at indoor malls, like Place Ville Marie, Eaton Centre, Place Montreal Trust and Le Cathedral, where hundreds of shops are looking to unload endof-season goods. I tend to visit the upscale places I can't afford during the rest of the year, and troll for bargains. Ogilvy, for example, is an exquisite department store in the finest urban tradition. High ceilings, mahogany banisters on the curving staircases, Corinthian columns and oh-so-tasteful Christmas decorations. Sometimes there is even a kilted piper strolling around serenading. The storefront window at Ogilvy is a Christmas tradition

for children in Montreal — hundreds of adorable little critters fill an a n i m a t e c l holiday scene. My personal favorites are the singing frogs on the stone wall near the mill stream and waterwheel. Inside, you'll find all of the best labels for both men's and women's ready-to-wear, and beautiful selections of scarves, gloves and other accessories. There's a very stylish gardener's boutique downstairs, and a corner filled with imported Italian and French pottery and linens. Also downstairs — you couldn't call it a basement — is a lovely cafe with gorgeous pasta salads, exotic sandwiches and elegant pastries.

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For chi-chi children's clothes and Montreal designer boutiques, visit one of the up-andcoming shopping streets: Rue Laurier between St-Laurent and Av. du Pare. You'll also find a sweet little homeware shop, called Comme la Vie, with an excellent selection of glassware, Italian pottery and French linens. Shopping there last year on Boxing Day, I found some lovely champagne flutes just in time for the New Year for $3 each and a classy wine decanter for a late Christmas gift. And don't miss the Patisserie de Gascogne, which purveys only the finest pastries, pates, cold cuts and salads. Crescent Street is mostly known for its hormone-charged nightlife. In the block just south of Sherbrooke, however, are a couple of notable shops: Boutique Encore as 2165 Crescent offers previously owned clothes, and on the same block at 2185, La Cache Entrepot is an outlet store for the Canadian version of our own April Cornell. Happy Boxing Day — take off the gloves and shop! ®

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Holt Renfrew at 1300 Sherbrooke Ouest is even more glitzy than Ogilvy, but I find that a Chanel scarf or Armani suit at 50 percent off will still set you back a year's tuition. If you prefer to graze from shop to shop, button up your overcoat and start walking. From Rue Rachel E north of Sherbrooke, St-Denis is lined with shops — clothing, shoes, home decor, books, crystals, condoms, Cuban cigars, lamps, linens and even an official SAQ (Quebec liquor control) wine boutique. Tucked in between the shops are plenty of good places to take a breather. A highlight is Le Witloof, a Belgian restaurant at 3619 StDenis. In addition to the Belgian classic steamed mussels and French fries known asmoules frites, the menu includes Tartares Frites (yes, raw1* meat and fish), along with veal, duck and many other French and Belgian dishes. You'll be tempted to make a meal of the appetizers, which include cured salmon, mussels, snails and duck. And don't overlook the notable selection of Belgian and European beers to complement the food.

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he World Wide Web, everyone agrees, is a huge achievement. A major event in the history of information. A big thing in the world of commerce. Possibly as important as the printing press — some say, even more important. Naturally, the person who invented it must be incredibly famous — a cultural icon. In fact, the inventor of the World Wide Web has maintained a surprisingly low profile — until this year. Tim BernersLee has finally written a book about how he happened to come up with the idea. The title says it all: Weaving the Web: The Original Design and Ultimate Destiny of the WorldWide Web by Its Inventor. The first half of Weaving tracks how Berners-Lee had the idea of a "web" of interrelated information with no central control. "Suppose," he wondered back in 1980, "all the information stored on computers everywhere were linked. Suppose I could program my computer to create a space in which everything could be linked to everything." Remember, back in 1980, personal computers just barely existed (the original Apple II that made you type in ALL CAPITAL LETTERS was for sale, but the IBM PC wasn't). The Internet was a thing that a lot of graduate students used, but it hadn't even made it to the lab where Berners-Lee worked. His idea was loony, and it wasn't even totally original. Back in the 1960s, Ted Nelson had invented the concept of hypertext, but he had never been able to make it happen. Hypertext is the "H" in 1 M M

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H T M L and HTTP. It is just like regular text, with the addition of links — those little blue, underlined things on the Web page that turn your mouse cursor into a pointing hand. Those are the links Berners-Lee was talking about. They're your clue that there is more information related to what you're looking at — somewhere else. Think about what you're doing when you're surfing the Web. Like a stone skipping over

eventually across the Internet. In the process he invented those acronyms that Web users love to hate: H T T P — HyperText Transfer Protocol, the way computers ask for and receive Web pages. H T M L — Hypertext Markup Language, the way you tell a computer what a Web page should look like on your screen. URL — Uniform Resource Locator, the address of the hypertext or other stuff you'd like to see.

You're skipping from A ocument to document, eading a chain of ideas hat has never been read as a single narrative before. water, you're skipping from document to document, reading a chain of ideas that has never been read as a single narrative before. The Web makes that possible. So how did Berners-Lee get from his idea to the Web as we know it? When the Internet came along, he knew that his Web should use the Net as its communications mechanism. He was working at CERN, the international particle physics lab in Geneva, Switzerland, and wrote a program that would let him set up interrelated pages of information on his own computer. Then he wrote a program that would let computers share information across the network within CERN, and M

Once he had it working, Berners-Lee tried to explain how § useful his Web could be. Few people would listen. Internet users didn't see what the big deal was about hypertext, and hyper- I text enthusiasts didn't understand the Internet. For years the hypertext folks had "known" that hypertext should come in the form of books stored on CD-ROMs. That way they could include pictures and music. And that way they could be edited and published, like regular works of art. Almost nobody saw the potential of the Web to grow organically, without a central editor. I This part of the book made | us feel a lot better. We've known Ted Nelson and his NMNMMnHMNHHMHHMNMNMBi

hypertext projects since we were kids, and have used the Internet for years. Recently, we realized that if we had been as smart as we wish we were, we could have invented the Web. We knew about the pieces, but we never put them together. At least we were in good company Berners-Lee's book describes his slow progress in getting people in the computer industry to understand and start using the Web. The second half of Weaving describes where its author hopes the Web will go. Berners-Lee is truly admirable — the New York Times Book Review called him "the ultimate good guy." As the popularity of the Web took off, he had many chances to sell out and get rich. Instead, he's chosen to run the World Wide Web Consortium (W3C), the group that sets standards for the Web and tries to get all the major players — Microsoft, AOL/Netscape, Sun — to work together. A key thing about the Web is that — unlike a real spider's web — it has no center. There is no central registry of Web pages, no authority that can decide who can put material on the Web, no company that charges you every time you view a Web page (although if Microsoft could figure out a way, we're sure they would have done it). This is intentional. It was part of Berners-Lee's vision that anyone with something to say should be able to link their information into the web of information already available. This lack of central control makes the Web a chaotic place, but it also makes it truly democratic, an open forum for the exchange of ideas. So if you're still looking for a Christmas present for that computer geek in your life, consider giving him or her a book about a piece of history — the creation of the World Wide Web. You can also read more about Berners-Lee at www.w3c. org. ® If you have something to say about the Web, contact the authors at MJ7Days@ gurus.com.

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Do you like working with the public? Howard Bank is seeking outgoing individuals with demonstrated extraordinary customer service and sales skills to work in our branch offices. Previous experience is not necessary, we will provide training. Fulltime positions available in Chittenden County. Part-time opportunity available in South Burlington, bn-call opportunities are also available to cover vacations and sicknesses. *

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We are seeking detail-oriented and accurate customer service professionals. This position is responsible for collection activities for Cellular One's customer base, including the follow-up of collection calls, past due accounts and mailings. Six months of experience in a collections or customer service environment is required.

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d o y o u

Banknorth Group provides competitve salaries and a comprehensive benefits package. ' ' " Applications are available at any of our locations . ^ ^ Q f j ^ c a n i n g our Job Hotline at 1-800-462-1943. - , V" " -Interested " candidates should forward their resume to:

v .

Banknorth Group, Inc. Human Resources Department PO Box 366 Burlington, VT 05402-0366 A n Equal O p p o r t u n i t y Employer

S Howard Bank A Banknorth Financial Resource

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SEVEN DAYS NEWSPAPER is looking for a manager of our Classifieds, Personals and Circulation departments. In addition to forward-thinking managerial skills, you must possess strong, hands-on technical skills, a penchant for production, a zeal for organization, and a sense of humor. All while under deadline. Essential Mac skills: Quark, FileMaker, Word, Fox Pro Audit software, and work" ing knowledge of the Internet. Competitive salary plus benefits, and a fun, non-traditional work environment. Send resume & cover letter to : Seven Days, PO Box 1164, Burlington, VT 05402, or to sevenday@together.net. No phone calls, please.

LSEVENDAYtf

t o w a r c j future classifieds placement only, we proofread carefully, but yfrS^afefi even so, mistakes can occur, report errors at once, as seven days will not be responsible for errors continuing beyond the first printing, adjustment for error is limited to republication, in any event, liability for errors (or omissions) shall not exceed the cost of the space occupied by such an error (or omission), all advertising is subject to review by seven days, seven . days reserves the right to edit, properly categorize or decline any ad without comment or appeal. PIKPWJM

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Submit resume to: Killington Ltd. Human Resources 4763 Killington Road Killington, VT 05751 Or fax to: 802-422-6294. EOE

Maintenance Stiff

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The Hampton Inn and Conference Center is seeking energetic, outgoing, personable individuals to join their t e a m of hotel associates. The Hampton Inn offers a variety of positions for qualified candidates. We offer top pay, health insurance, discounted meals, nation wide hotel discounts and more. If you are interested in working in a hands-on, fast-paced environment, please apply in person: 8 Mountain View Dr., Colchester, VT

adventure*

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Order Taker/ Dispatcher

BUSINESS DEVELOPMENT Vermont Development Credit Union seeks a motivated individual to join our affordable mortgage department. The ideal individual will be highly organized and have strong business development, interpersonal, and sales skills. This individual will be responsible for growing and managing a pipeline of members who are working to become qualified for a mortgage. We will hire and train the right person, experience in the mortgage industry is not a pre-requisite for this position. Starting salary in the low 20's with benefits. Please submit a current resume and letter VERMONT DEVELOPMENT of interest to: VDCU, attn: Bob Morgan, 18 Pearl Street, Burlington, VT 05401 EOE. YOUR COMMUNITY FINANCIAL RESOURCE

^CREDIT UNION

Crew Leader

Qualifications: Applicants should have a genuine desire to work w/ youth, competence in one or more of the above areas, strong communication & team skills, and a driver's license in good standing. Experience in applied learning helpful. • Housing available. • Immediate opening for year-round position. • Summer positions starting in June. For more information and an application, contact Lynn Bondurant or Tim Parent, Smokey House Center, 426 Danby Mountain Rd. Danby, VT 05739; (802)293-5121; shc@vermontel.net.

k i l l i n g t o n . endl**»

? Smokey House Center seeks crew leader to teach academic ^ N B v, ^ and work readiness skills to crews of 6 teenage students in a non-residential setting through daily farm & forestry tasks. Tasks on our 5,000 acre property include organic gardening, trail work, thinning forest stands, animal husbandry, carpentry, tree farming & landscaping.

Front Desk Reps - Flexible Hours

We have an immediate opening for an experienced MIS Manager who will direct and manage the planning, implementation and operation of computerized management information systems that support corporate and divisional data processing needs. Bachelor's degree in MIS or business, with MBA or advanced MIS study desirable, plus 4-6 years of relevant technical and supervisoiy/management programming, systems design and computer operations experience from which comparable knowledge and skills are acquired. Benefited position with competitive salary. You will: • Plan, implement, administer, coordinate and evaluate all data processing functions • Plan and manage departmental budgets and staffing • Monitor status of systems development project schedules

ajH

Domestic Abuse Education Project

SPECTRUM

Full or PT

Youth & Family Services

BURLINGTON SITE COORDINATOR: Co-facilitate, coordinate, and manage groups for men who batter; recruit, hire, train, and supervise DAEP group leaders; collaborate with local battered women's services, the criminal justice system and other members of the local response to domestic violence. Candidates must have a comprehensive understanding of domestic violence and excellent group facilitation skills. Program management and supervisory experience preferred.

Competitive salary & benefits for FT

FACILITATORS needed for educational classes for men who batter women in Burlington, St. Albans & Middlebury. The part-time positions entail approximately 4-12 hours per week and include evening and weekend hours. Please respond with letter and resume by January 3 to:

Drivers Wanted Flexible Hours/PT

ML/Co-Coordinator Spectrum/DAEP, 31 Elmwood Ave., Burlington, VT 05401

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Burlington

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for the Vermont Arts Council, a private not-for-profit designated to act as the State's arts agency. Responsible for increasing public awareness of the Vermont Arts Council and the arts and their benefits to the citizens and communities of Vermont; establishing and implementing communications and marketing plans; coordinating distribution of information employing various methods including electronic distribution and the internet/Web, and interaction with the media; maintaining good relations with the media; editing and publishing Council publications; assisting with advocacy efforts; coordinating Council's website design and maintenance; acting as pointof-contact with peers in other agencies within and beyond state borders. Requires Bachelor's degree, three years experience including working with the media and public relations, producing p' inted materials, program planning; ability to communicate effectively in writing and verbally; experience with electronic media ability and willingness to work as part of a team and to meet deadlines; word processing, organization, email, and basic photography skills. Desktop publishing and website maintenance skills highly desirable. For complete job description go to www.state.vt.us/vermont-arts, or contact coughlin@aris.vca.state.vt.us. Send letter of application, resume, list of four work references, and two writing samples to: Vermont Arts Council, 136 State St., Drawer 33, M Montpelier, VT fc * ° ty 05633-6001, A ^ Jp > Application must be received by January 7, 2000. C O U N C I L

CS&F v? S a n a december

Classifieds • 8 6 4 . 5 6 8 4

E M

P L OY M E N T

ART, CRAFTS, ANTIQUE GALLERY Coordinator for 2 0 0 0 summer season t o organize new gallery in picturesque waterfront village. Housing avail. Write Box 2 2 , Essex, NY 1 2 9 3 6 . BOOKKEEPER: Small nonprofit looking for bookkeeper to work 5 - 8 hrs./mo. Experience with payroll taxes, and nonprofit filings desireable. Please send resume to Shelburne Craft School, PO Box 5 2 , Shelburne, VT 0 5 4 8 2 . CHILDCARE TEACHER: Dedicated and energetic to join our small school in Essex Jet. Ask for Karen Gray, 8 7 8 - 1 0 6 0 or 8 7 2 9 5 1 7 , any time. ENTERTAINERS; One of VT's finest entertainment services seeking lingerie models & dancers. No exp. nec., will train. To apply, call Nicole, 8 6 3 - 9 5 1 0 , 7 - 1 1 p.m. FURNITURE DELIVERY: Are you a safe driver, well-organized, friendly, handy with tools, able to do heavy lifting? Call Tempo Furniture, 985-8776.

HIV PROGRAM SPECIALIST: based in Montpelier. Provide advocacy & support to people living with or at risk of HIV through case management and prevention outreach. Knowledge of subsance abuse, mental health and housing issues preferred. Respond by 1 / 3 / 2 0 0 to: Vermont CARES, PO Box 5 2 4 8 , Burlington, VT 0 5 4 0 2 or email Joannz@vtcares.org. HOUSING INSPECTORS: Independent contractors for periodic post-disaster housing damage assessment. Experience required in housing construction trades, real estate, appraisal or related professional areas. Travel may be required. For more information call ( 8 0 0 ) 4 1 1 1 1 7 7 . EOE. M/F/D/V.

RESTAURANT: New & casual, seeks Cooks, Waitstaff, Counter/Hostess Dishwashers. Full- & part-time. Flexible shifts. Will train. Call Alex at Vermont Soup Company, 8 6 2 - 5 6 7 8 .

BUSINESS OPP. ATTENTION: OWN A COMPUTER? Put it work! $ 2 5 $75/hr. PT/FT. 1 - 8 8 8 - 8 9 9 7 5 3 6 . www.work-fromhome.net/style. ATTENTION: COMPUTER/ Internet-proficient? $ 7 0 , 0 0 0 - $ 1 0 0 , 0 0 0 . Free info: www.cashmailbox.com, enter code " 1 0 1 3 3 2 " or call 6 0 3 - 5 3 9 - 8 8 9 3 . EOE.

MALE OR FEMALE DANCERS and Internet models wanted. Call Diamond Dolls, 5 1 8 - 5 6 1 - 7 4 2 6 .

ENTREPRENEURS! Start your own business. High-tech product that everyone needs. No competition, low start-up costs. Will train, Crisp Air, 802-244-8344.

OFFICE ASSISTANT: The Shelburne Craft School is seeking part-time office assistant. Friendly, organized and self-directed person with computer skills to work 15 hrs./wk. Flexible schedule, mornings preferred. Please call 9 8 5 - 3 6 4 8 .

WINDOW QUILT BUSINESS for sale. Full line of custom drapes & accessories. Established 18 yrs. in greater Burlington area. Will train. Also willing to partner. Can be home-based. Call 862-2032.

PROJECT COUNSEL Vermont Land Trust, a statewide non-profit land conservation organization, is seeking tofillthe position of Project Counsel in Montpelier. General qualifications include interest in working for a progressive, fast-paced organization, desire to workflexiblyas part of a team, confidence to work in a self-directedfashion,ability to manage detail and multiple deadlines with good cheer, and general understanding of and commitmenttoland conservation work. Duties include the basic legal work associated with closing conservation projects, including the donation or purchase of conservation easements or conservation lands and the reconveyance of conservation lands. The Project Counsel is the lead implementer of conservation transactions of the Land Trust, coordinates the work of six team members, creates and evaluates systems improvements, and facilitates effective informationflowinternally and externally. Law degree from an ABA accredited law school, admissiontothe Vermont Bar (at the time of hire or within a year) plus five years relevant experience required. Background in land use desirable. General knowledge and experience in real estate transactions required, including title searches, title insurance, deed preparation and execution, mortgages and liens, and the activities of real estate closing agents. Knowledge of and experience with conservation easements preferred. Salary $47,430 plus benefits. Start date March 2000 or sooner. For more information visit www.vlt.org. To apply, sendresumeand cover letter by December 23 to:

m --

ANNOUNCEMENTS YOUR CLASSIFIED AD printed in more than 1 0 0 alternative papers like this one for just $ 9 5 0 ! To run your ad in papers with a total circulation exceeding 6.5 million copies per week, call Glenn at Seven Days, 8 0 2 - 8 6 4 5 6 8 4 . Regional buys also available.

AUTOMOTIVE GRANDE MARQUIS, '85: new tires & battery, inspected, 8 9 K mi. Runs great. Needs brakes. Some rust. $400. 865-9765.

Qualifications: • Strong customer service background in the outdoor industry • Technical knowledge of climbing related products • The ability to handle multiple tasks in a fast paced, t e a m environment • A positive, motivated a t t i t u d e Salary commensurate with experience.

VOLUNTEERS NEEDED

Ages 18-45 needed for

STUDY ON THE EFFECTS OF COMMONLY USED MEDICATIONS. Must be available weekdays during working hours.

MONETARY COMPENSATION OF $790 OR MORE. Conducted at UVM Call 656-9620

BURLINGTON to SO. BURLINGTON: I'm looking for a ride to the U Mall. My hrs. are 6 a.m.10 a.m., M-F. I really need a ride to work if someone could just take me one way. (3229)

JERICHO to BURLINGTON: I am Hiking for a ride temporarily—just one wa in the morning. I need to be in Burlington at 8 a.m., M-F. I'm willing to pay my way. (3225)

RICHMOND to UNDERHILL: Help! I need a ride to work for a few weeks. I work 7-4, M-F. (3230)

SO. BURLINGTON (Spear St.) to BURLINGTON: I am looking for a ride to work in the a.m. I ned to be downtown by 7ish M-F. (3224)

BURLINGTON to GRAND ISLE: I'm looking for a ride 2 days/wk., either MAN or T/TH. I would like to be in Grand Isle by 2 p.m. and leave Grand Isle for Burlington the following day around noon. (3227) SO. BURLINGTON to LI: We are driving to Rocky Pt., LI the weekend of 12/17. We are planning on leaving VT around noon of the 17th and returning on 12/20. If you are a non-smoker & need a ride to LI that weekend, please call 862-5223.

T O M : O K . But n o one's going to like it: You should run as far away f r o m this car as you possibly can, Michelle. RAY: I agree. A n d run fast. Your dad is absolutely right about downshifting, b u t that's beside the point. W e just came out with a brand-new album called " W h y You Should Never Listen to Your Father W h e n it C o m e s to Cars" ( 8 8 8 - C A R J U N K to order). T h e theory behind the album is that 9 8 percent of the world's misinformation about cars comes f r o m fathers (the other 2 percent comes f r o m us). So don't get this as a gift for y o u r dad unless he can take a joke! T O M : But o n e of the calls in this collection has to d o with when a father should "let go." T h e r e was a y o u n g w o m a n n a m e d Becca, whose father insisted that she fill out a little n o t e b o o k every time she got gas, checked the oil, p u t air in the tires,

etc. And Becca did this dutifully for years. But finally, she just couldn't take it anymore. RAY: So we told her to take the stupid little book and throw it out the sunroof while she was driving at 60 m p h . A n d our reasoning was this: It was ruining her relationship with her father. She was really angry at him. She had become an adult, but he was still trying to control her and treat her like a child via the car he had given her. A n d it was simply time for h i m to let go. It was the best thing for both of them. T O M : A n d here you are, 31 years old, and he's going to be — metaphorically speaking — sitting in the back seat of the Porsche every time you drive around with your boyfriend.

WINOOSKI to SO. BURLINGTON: I'm looking to share driving or be a passenger on my commute. My hrs. are M, T, W, F 9-5:30 & T H 128. (3222) BURLINGTON to MONTPELIER: I am hoping to travel to Montpelier once a week at 8 p.m., returning to Burl, the next morning at 8 a.m. (3219) WATERBURY CTR. to WINOOSKI: I am looking for a ride. My hours are M, W, TH 8-4, TU 8-5, & F 8-3. (3217) SO. BURLINGTON to WATERBURY: I would like to share driving with someone to Waterbury. My hours are M-F, 8-5. (3216)

EOE

jfcciimbHigh

HEALTHY MALES

Please send resume and cover letter to: Climb High, 135 Northside Dr., Shelburne, V T 0 5 4 8 2 Attn.: Bill Supple

these words. But my boyfriend absolutely cannot accept this principle. He downshifts in his own car all the time. Boyfriend, Dad and I all agree that YOU shall be the arbiters of the dispute. Please tell us your ruling! — Michelle

-^pcfimber 2 2 , . J 9 j

PROFESSIONAL OFFICE Project Manager, 15 years experience, no task is too big or too small. Reasonable rates. Please call 8 7 2 - 9 8 8 6 .

Responsibilites will include: • Assisting wholesale and retail customers with order placement • Technical advisement - assisting customers with product selection • Order processing and administrative support

MAGLIOZZI

Dear Tom and Ray: I really need your help. In a couple of months, I will acquire a limited-edin 1989 Porsche 944 Turbo from my father. Dad has "collected" a few ears, and this one has been sitting in the garage for years with only 9,000 miles on it. Dad is giving me the deep family discount on the purchase of the car, and no doubt he will remain attached to the car long after it's mine. Therefore, he expects me to take care of the car and drive it "his way. "By the way, my dad is an obsessed car-freak of the most demented variety. I am now 31 years old. When I was 16, my dad taught me to drive "his way or no way at all!" One of the things he told me is never to downshift during normal driving, because it wears down the clutch. (Dad: "Brakes are cheaper than a clutch. ") I'm daddy's girl, so I live by

WORK WANTED

Climb High is seeking a customer service representative at our Shelburne Headguarters.

Car TMki DAUGHTER'S DILEMMA: BAGGAGE ATTACHED TO PURCHASE OF DAD'S CHERISHED PORSCHE

$ 8 0 0 WEEKLY POTENTIAL processing government refunds at home! No experience necessary. 1 - 8 0 0 - 6 9 6 4 7 7 9 Ext. 1 3 9 4 .

Customer Service Representative

Vermont Land Trust

Search Committee - Vermont Land Trust 8 Bailey Ave., Montpelier, VT 05602

BUSINESS opp

BURLINGTON to WILLISTON: I am looking for a ride for my short commute to work. My hours are M, T, TH, F, 8-5. (3220) BURLINGTON to ESSEX: I'm a UVM student looking for a ride to Essex on Sats. Work 8-Noon, & need a ride both ways. Please call even if you can take only one way. (3214) CHARLOTTE to MONTPELIER: I'm hoping to share driving with someone to help cut down on travel costs. My hours are 8-4:30, M-F. (3208) WILLISTON to CAMBRIDGE: Do you work 2nd shift at IBM? I'm looking to ride w/ someone who works until 11 p.m.(3213) MILTON to COLCHESTER: I would like to take a job working evenings and am hoping someone can help me out with a ride. My hours are 6 p.m. to 10:30 a.m., M-F. (3209)

VANPOOL RIDERS W A N T E D Vermont, Route from: Burlington & Richmond Commuter Lot Rideshare To: Montpelier Monthly Fare: $85 Work Hours: 7:30 to 4:25 p.m. Contact: Carl Bohlen Phone: 828-5215 numnxiTOTKM

of antifreeze, but I don't know where it's going. There are no puddles under the car. I see no signs of wetness on the bottom of the engine or transmission. I am not blowing clouds of smoke, nor do I see any signs of antifreeze in the oil. Where could it be going,? I've had the cooling system pressure tested at two different places, and it holds the pressure OK. Where is the stuff going? —Joe

RAY: And relationships are hard enough without having your father sticking his tvfe cents in all the time. Ask m y kids! T O M : So I'd say, " T h a n k you, Dad. I love you. It's wonderful of you to offer m e such a great deal on the Porsche, but it's just not the right car for m e right now. You keep it. I'm going to get something else." RAY: But just make sure he doesn't turn around and offer your boyfriend an even better deal on his Lamborghini.

RAY: Well, the first law of industrial stoichiometry teaches us that "what goes in must either c o m e out or stay inside." A n d we k n o w it's not staying inside, ergo ... T O M : A n d I would be willing to bet my brother's salary that it's c o m i n g out the tailpipe in the f o r m of antifreeze vapor — which isn't always that easy to see. RAY: That's certainly a good possibility. Although it's possible that the stuff is leaking f r o m the shaft seal of your water p u m p , or even f r o m a — b u n c h of slightly loose hose clamps. T O M : Even t h o u g h your car has been pressure tested twice, it may not have been pressure tested correctly. RAY: Here's the proper procedure: You run the engine until it's nice and hot. T h a t simulates real operating conditions, when the leaking actually occurs.

Dear Tom and Ray: My Chevy lumina APV uses a lot

T O M : Right. A lot of mechanics try to test the system when it's cold, and that's w h y they don't find a leak. RAY: T h e n , while the engine is h o t

and still running, you put on the pressure tester and p u m p it u p to 15 to 18 psi. T h e n leave it r u n n i n g a few minutes longer. T O M : T h e n turn it off, and let it sit — with the tester still on — for two to three hours. O r even overnight. If you follow that procedure, I guarantee you'll find the leak. RAY: A n d if you've lived a good, clean life, Joe, the leak will appear f r o m the water p u m p , or f r o m a b u n c h of loose hose clamps. T O M : But, m o r e likely, you have a blown head gasket, and the pressure tester will force coolant into o n e of the cylinders or o n t o t h e ground. We'll say a novena for loose hose clamps for you, Joe.

Keep your car on the road and out of the repair shop by ordering Tom and Ray's pamphlet, Ten Ways You May Be Ruining Your Car Without Even Knowing It! Send $3 and a stamped (55 cents), self addressed, No. 10 envelope to Used Car, PO Box 536475, Orlando, FI 32853-6475. Got a question about cars? Write to Click and Clack in care of this newspaper, or e-mail them by visiting the Car Talk section ofcars.com on the World Wide Web.

. v a i a m ^ m : ^

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tions shall apply only to permit requests involving:

Appendix A, Zoning, of the Code of Ordinances of the City of Burlington be and hereby is amended by amending Article 5, Use, Density & Dimensional Requirements - Use Table Footnotes, to add Footnote 26 thereof to read as follows:

Paragraph (4) below. (2) Maximum lot coverage shall be applied to the aggregate of all lots owned by an institution and located within the ICO district.

for the entire tract of land owned by an institution within the ICO [lot] district may be increased by one percent for each one percent that the Transitional Buffer coverage is less than 40%, up to a maximum of 65%.

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CITY OF BURLINGTON In the Year One Thousand Nine Hundred Ninety-nine An Ordinance in Relation to Appendix A, Zoning #99-002 Major Impact Developments Applicability It is hereby Ordained by the City Council of the City of Burlington be and hereby is amended by amending Article 13 Major Impact Developments, Sec. 13.1.3 thereof to read as follows: Sec. 13.1.3 Applicability. (a) Except as otherwise provided in this ordinance, these regula

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[(a)] 1 The construction or substantial rehabilitation of five (5) or more dwelling units or the creation through adaptive reuse/conversion of ten (10) or more dwelling units; [(b)] 2 The construction or substantial rehabilitation of fifteen thousand (15,000) s.f. or more of gross floor area of non-residential development; [(c)] 3 Site improvements, including paving projects in excess of fifty (50) parking spaces or one acre; or [(d)] 4 Site improvements to parcels that contain designated wetlands or natural areas of state or local signifigance. (b) Multiple projects by the same applicant or responsible party within any consecutive twelve (12) month period on the same property or on a property within 1000 feet of the subject property line that in the aggregate equal or exceed the above criteria shall be subject to these regulations. (c) For purposes of Sec. 13.1.3A.3 only, site improvements do not include other subsurface improvements that are covered with soil and plantings, with the exception of parking lots and athletic plaving fields. Such subsurface improvements that are excluded from the definition of site improvements include, but are not limited to, underground utility lines and subsurface drainage wavs. * Material in brackets deleted. ** Material underlined added.

CITY OF BURLINGTON In the Year One THousand Nine Hundred Ninety-nine An Ordinance in Relation to Appendix A, Zoning #99-005 Clarification of Use Table 5-A It is hereby Ordained by the City Council of the City of Burlington, as follows: That

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26. In any situation on Table 5A where more than one use category mav apply, the more specific or restrictive use category shall apply, as provided for in Sec. 1-1.9* Material underlined added. CITY OF BURLINGTON In the Year One Thousand Nine Hundred Ninety-nine An Ordinance in Relation to Appendix A, Zoning #95-01B Institutional Core Campus Overlay (ICO): University of Vermont It is hereby Ordained by the City Council of the City of Burlington, as follows: That Appendix A, Zoning, of the Code of Ordinances of the City of Burlington be and hereby is amended by amending Sec. 3.2.8, Institutional Core Overlay (ICO) thereof to read as follows: Article 3: Zoning Districts & Zoning Map Section 3.2.8 Institutional Core Overlay (ICO) - The Institutional Core Overlay district is intended to provide reasonable future growth for institutions within their existing core campuses without further intrusion into surrounding residential neighborhoods. This overlay district shall, in no manner whatsoever, affect the use requirements in the underlying UC district. (a) The ICO district boundries shall be as delineated on Maps 3-5C and 3-5E Institutional Core Overlay. (b) Lot Coverage: (1) Lot coverage within the ICO district shall not exceed 60% inclusive of bonus provisions, except for the bonus provided in

(3) If a parcel of land, within the area bounded by the centerline of East Avenue, Main Street, South Prospect Street, and Colchester Avenue, respectively, is contiguous to and under the same ownership as land designated ICO, said parcel may be developed under the provision of the ICO district. (4) Transitional Buffer (A) The Transitional Buffer is defined as all land owned by an institution as measured from the centerlines of Colchester Avenue, East Avenue, Main Street and South Prospect Street frontages only and extending 150 feet into the ICO district. (B) If the lot coverage within the Transitional Buffer is less than 40%. the maximum lot coverage

(c) All exterior changes, additions to existing structures and all new structures within the ICO district shall require a zoning permit and shall be subject to the provisions of Article 6, Design Review. (d) The minimum side and rear yard setbacks shall not be applicable within the ICO district south of Colchester Avenue. (e) In the ICO District, the restrictions on residential density set forth in Article 5, Part 2, Density Requirements, shall not apply to dormitories/rooming houses, as defined in Chapter ' 18 of the Burlington Code of Ordinance. The restrictions on the nonresidential density equivalent set forth in Article 5, Part 2, Density requirements,

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Classifieds • 864.5684 LEGALS

LEGALS

Section 5.2.4 shall not apply in the ICO district.

for the provisions of Article 15, Housing Preservation and Replacement/Demolition and Conversion.

out in Sec. 5.3.19: or 2. The elevation of the plane running parallel to sea level and defined by the roof of the highest structure on the parcel.

(f) No new outdoor surface parking spaces shall be permitted in the ICO district unless the number of the new outdoor surface parking spaces is offset by the corresponding removal of outdoor surface parking spaces in the ICO district existing as of January 1, 1999 and the Planning Commission has approved such offset in issuing a certificate of appropriateness for the new parking spaces under Articles 6, Design Review and 7, Site Plan Review.

(h) Height [in the ICO District shall be measured under the height related provisions of Article 5]. [For the purposed of height calculations, parcels shall be as depicted on ICO Map 3-5C.] (1) Additions and new construction may be built to a height that does not exceed the greater of thirtv-five feet (35') or. subject to design review, the height of existing structures located within the ICO district.

(g) Unless replaced on site, no housing unit in a residential structure located within the Transitional Buffer shall be demolished or converted to a nonresidential use, except for housing units which are exempt

(2) For the purposes of height calculations, parcels shall be as depicted on ICO Maps 3-5CA and 3-5E.

(Tapes & Workbook included)

(3) Building height shall be considered in the context of other buildings in the vicinity as required under Sec. 6.1.10(a) Related development to its environment.

CONFIDENCE COACH INC

(4) In measuring height under Sec. 3.2.8 (h). the general provisions regarding height contained in Article 5 shall apply.

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(5) Except for ornamental and symbolic architectural features as per Sec. 5.3.13(d). the height of existing structures located in the UVM ICO parcel (Map 3-5E). for the purpose of applying the exceptions to height limits contained in Sec. 5.3.13. shall be the lesser of:

DREAMWORK/ SPIRITUAL DIRECTION

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1. The actual height of the existing structure measured from finished grade to roof in accordance with the rules set

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Straight

Disney's

hit really just

issue addressed

and

rip-ojfr

I have

look to you

never seen

to correct

this

— Dr. M.G.,

via

this

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that

T h e L i o n K i n g bears a striking

Disney's

in plot

and

"Kimba

every word orphaned father

cast to the fapanese-made

the White

Lion"

of the theme

lion cub destined

who died

(Caesar/Mufasa);

friend always

(3) annoying

cub (Kitty/Nala); trying

to be king

in treacherous

(4) wise but eccentric

to take

baboon

we can all

by the way).

from realized

resemblance

'60s TV

(of which song,

cartoons

we suddenly

series, remember

To wit:

(1)

(Kimba/Simba);

(2)

busybody

bird

(Danil/Rafiki);

(6) villainous over. So what's

hyenas the straight

(Polly/Zazu); (5) cute who

girl-

dope?

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05489 802.899'3542

k n o w , p r i n c e avenges father's m u r d e r b y evil u s u r p e r ) .

ries are q u i t e d i f f e r e n t in m a n y respects. n o t j u s t t a l k i n g a b o u t D i s n e y brass. M o s t a n i m a t o r s for The Lion

King

are still w i t h D i s n e y a n d have t o clear

p o s e o f l i o n o n j u t t i n g r o c k . I t e m n u m b e r 1 0 is p a r t i c u -

t h a t this "Kimba

larly s t r i k i n g — see w w w . c s . i n d i a n a . e d u / h y p l a n / t a n a -

t o l d m e . " I have n o vested interest in d e f e n d i n g D i s n e y .

The Lion

King

/Lion

King

b u t is n o w

parallel is a n o n s t o r y , " S i t o

It j u s t never c a m e up. W e w o r k e d for m o n t h s o n t h e

ca.me o u t in 1 9 9 4 , a l o t o f p e o p l e

s t o r y a n d I r e m e m b e r t h e anime

from my childhood,

b u t honestly, n o o n e t o m y k n o w l e d g e ever m a d e t h e connection." B u t T o m , I said, m a k i n g a n a n i m a t e d film is a c o l -

Mickey a n d M i n n i e M o u s e images from a day-care cen-

laborative process. Y o u t h r o w o u t ideas, d r e d g e u p d i m l y

ter, m i g h t h a v e a p p r o p r i a t e d s o m e o n e else's.

recalled s t u f f f r o m y o u r y o u t h — a n d h o w m a n y a n i -

( c o m i c b o o k ) artist T e z u k a O s a m u , w h o

m a t e d p r o d u c t i o n s a b o u t l i o n s h a v e t h e r e b e e n ? It'd b e o n l y natural t o lift an idea f r o m " K i m b a " a n d n o t r e m e m b e r w h e r e you'd seen it. W h a t ' s m o r e , n o n e o f t h e

O r i g i n a l l y called " T h e J u n g l e

y o u n g e r a n i m a t o r s h a d seen t h e J a p a n e s e show, so

d u r i n g the early '50s a n d w e r e m a d e i n t o a weekly T V

there'd b e n o o n e at t h e t a b l e saying, N o , can't d o t h a t ,

series t h a t aired o n N B C s t a r t i n g in 1 9 6 6 . T h e s h o w ' s

b e e n d o n e . O n e s o u r c e q u o t e d b y t h e Chronicle,

5 2 h a l f - h o u r episodes c o u l d b e seen in s y n d i c a t i o n until

said Tezuka's i n f l u e n c e m a y h a v e b e e n " s u b l i m i n a l . "

When

The Lion

King

S i t o didn't b u y it. T h i n k Hamlet,

o p e n e d in J a p a n , t h e u n c r e d i t -

ed " K i m b a " parallels caused a n uproar. M o r e t h a n J a p a n e s e manga

a n d anime

1100

( a n i m a t i o n ) artists a n d fans

in fact,

h e said. " Z a z u is

P o l o n i u s , S c a r is C l a u d i u s , R a f i k i t h e S h a k e s p e a r e a n f o o l . T h e father in t h e c l o u d s is t h e g h o s t k i n g a p p e a r ing o n t h e b a t t l e m e n t s —

it l o o k s m o r e impressive in

s i g n e d a p e t i t i o n a s k i n g D i s n e y t o a c k n o w l e d g e its d e b t

the clouds than a ghost walking through the weeds. T h e

to Tezuka. Disney refused, saying that the similarities

o n e - e y e d J a p a n e s e villain is a n i c o n o g r a p h i c favorite t h a t

w e r e c o i n c i d e n t a l a n d t h a t it h a d h a d n o k n o w l e d g e o f

appears in d o z e n s o f anime

"Kimba".

b e h a r d t o base a c o u r t case o n t h a t o n e . " S i t o c o n c e d e d

p e o p l e f o r The Lion Chronicle,

King

c o n t a c t e d b y t h e San

Francisco

t h r e e a d m i t t e d f a m i l i a r i t y w i t h t h e series. B u t

virtually everyone involved d e n i e d Tezuka's influence,

are

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d e c e m b e r 22, 1999

SEVEN DAYS

page 47

December 23*29

ARIES (Mar. 21-Apr. 19): In light of the lucrative omens looming for you in the year 2000, I urge you to buy yourself a treasure chest this holiday season. It'll be a symbolic gift that'll send the universe the message that you're ready to have your coffers filled. You might also want to get yourself a book like The Complete Idiot's Guide to Managing Your Money or The Complete Idiot's Guide to Getting Rich, which'll help you get your assets in gear so you can take maximum advantage of the universe's promised largesse.

TAURUS

(Apr. 20-May 20): In the year 2000 you will have a strong need to be in the presence of beauty that stirs your sacred awe and reverence. I feel this with an eerie certainty: You will not harvest all the rich potentials that'll be available to you unless you are regularly overwhelmed by the sight, smell, sound, taste and feel of heaven on Earth. As long as you trust your intuition, you'll know better than I how to place yourself in the path of this bounty. As a promise to yourself, I suggest you buy yourself a holiday gift that best symbolizes the experiences you'll seek out.

GEMINI

(May 21-June 20): In my meditations about what holiday gifts you need, I keep seeing how important it'll be for you to upgrade your relationship with sleep and dreams next year. I advise you, therefore, to buy yourself a bed that's engineered for luxurious comfort and Gayle Delaney's fine book on dream work, Living Your Dreams. If you're really gung-ho, you might also acquire the NovaDreamer sleepmask (1-914747-2356). It'll help you induce lucid dreams, the ultimate nocturnal adventure. Every night you'll feel a thrill as your head impacts the pillow, knowing there's a good chance you'll live through at least one story that will be far more entertaining than any movie or T V show.

•-

ACROSS 1 Drinks like a dachshund 5 Faction 9 Plays for pay 13 Macadamizes 18 Modern Mesopotamia 19 Holy headgear 20 Blow 21 Shakespearean ; setting 22 "Swan Lake" skirt 23 Thames town 24 Rational 25 In a macabre manner 26 Start of a -jpemarkby Linda Perret 30 Stain 31 Request" 32 Famed loch 33 Part 2 of remark 37 Picnic crasher? 38 Ordered 40 Mosaic bit 44 Fiddling emperor 45 Bathday cake? 47 Yearning

49 He'll give you a squeeze 50 Pianist Gould 52 Luau instrument 53 Vice follower 54 Swerves 56 Wapiti 57 Sicilian rumbler 59 Wyeth subject 60 Kind of soup 61 Urban ftrpblem 62 Team T scream 63 Isinglass 66 Liquid measure 67 Part 3 of remark 73 — Krishna 74 Parka feature 75 Take in 76 Banister 77 Racetracks 79 Onion roll f 81 Office plant 82 Nile slitherer 85 58 Down, for one 86 Ladd or Lane 87 — canto 88 Scout rank 90 Vane dir. 91 A bit brisk

CANCER (June 21-July 22): I know how secretive you Cancerians can be. I'm well aware of how often you prefer to be left alone so you can exult or stew in your fantasies. In the year 2000, however, the urge to retreat and hide will overwhelm you far less than usual. You'll be surprised at how often you're pricked by an itch to schmooze. Gravitating towards the spotlight will not, for a change, activate your allergies or paranoia. To encourage this development, I'm going to suggest that you buy yourself lots of new clothes this holiday season — but only if they meet this requirement: You'll feel comfortable wearing them in both your most private and your most public moments. L E O (July 23-Aug. 22): Have you ever come across the "Virtual Makeover" computer program that allows you to see what you might look like with a variety of hairdos, styling and accessories? I've always looked down on it disdainfully, regarding it as just another toy to feed our culture's obsession with physical appearance. Imagine how amazed I am, then, to find myself recommending that you gift yourself with it this holiday season. My meditations have revealed that the Virtual Makeover would help mobilize you for a crucial assignment the cosmos wants you to take on in the year 2000: redesigning and streamlining your persona so that it's more in harmony with your secret self.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): As I meditated on what holiday gifts you should buy yourself, I thought of one of those hand-held electronic devices that translates other languages into your native tongue. It'll

93 Birds of prey 95 Marble feature 96 Weaver's need 98 Mellows 99 Humongous 101 Part 4 of remark 103 Beige 105 Beige 106 Prepare to shoot 107 End of remark 115 Ooze 117 Dr. — (Austin t 4 Powers' nemesis) 118 Poverty 119 T V s People" 121 Kitchen implement 122 Romeo or Juliet 123"— homo" 124 Emilia's husband 125 Llama turf 126 Just 127 — d o - w e l l 128 Field of study DOWN 1 Ignited 2 In — T (bored) 3 Walkway 4 Military unit 5 Israeli coins

SEVEN DAYS

'i-

o ^ ^ m

6 Savors the stuffing 7 Type of shoe 8 Basil or Morrison 9 Lend a hand 10 Metallic sound 11 Sharp taste 12 Rushed 13 Hammer parts 14 Put the cuffs on 15 — dire (oath) 16 Photographer's abbr. 17 For instance 21 Thin covering 27 Manhattan coll. 28 Jerry — Dyke 29 Tagore's homeland 33 "Picnic" playwright 34 Bear's advice 35 Arduous journey 36 Too — Go Steady" ('56 song) 37 Fossey's friend

c J L r

» B Y R ° B BREZSNY I

QUARIUSoan come in handy if you follow your astrological destiny by traveling far and wide in the year 2000. I also suggest these books: Colin Wilsons The Atlas of Holy Places and Sacred Sites and Marcia and Jack Kelly's Sanctuaries series. Both will encourage you to plan a pilgrimage, which the cosmos would love you to do. One other recommendation: a coiled, three-feet fake rattlesnake (available at 1-914-747-2356), which you should stick your tongue out at every day. This'll serve as a potent reminder of how much personal power you can conjure up by playing with your fears in the coming months.

LIBRA

(Sept. 23-Oct. 22): Happy Holy Daze, Libra! I've been meditating on what symbolic holiday gift I could give you that might inspire, you to tap into more of your animal magnetism in the year 2000 — more of the primal mojo that your refined nature sometimes shuts out. I considered a jeweled crown or velvet cape for your pet (Neiman Marcus is selling them), or perhaps a gorilla suit for you. In the end, though, I decided what you'd most benefit from is an audio or video recording of two leopards doing the wild thing. That would give you a visceral experience of what it means for a skillful and relentless hunter to be exploding with desire.

SCORPIO

(Oct. 23-Nov. 21): In meditating on what holiday gifts you should give yourself, I keep getting visions of glass goblets and ceremonial chalices and Grail cups. I think the cosmos is trying to tell me to advise you to be like a vessel in the year 2000. In other words, Scorpio, cultivate the art of receptivity. Ask God (not the devil,

38 "Wild Straw- 82 "A Death in the Family" berries" director author 83 Lingerie 39 Descend upon item 41 Michener 84 School opus supplies 42 Poet Amy 86 Unearth 43 Atelier 87 Marsh items 89 Schubert 46 Police song acronym 92 '66 Paul 47 Opera's Newman Mario — film Monaco 94 Car part 48 Sixth sense 97 Crewel tool 51 Verne 99 Musical Pearl captain 100 Hostelry 53 Chariot or 102 Baby butter tricycle 104 Circus 55 Kind of sights pudding 58 Peter of 105 Sing like reggae Sutherland 59 Witch 107 Wished undone 61 Food fish 62 Some tires 108 Architect Saarinen 64 Tenor Franco 109 Connecticut town 65 Out of range 110 Actress 67 Difficult Verdon 68 Cigar city 111 Mirror 69 Crosswordimage? er's need 112 Fairy-tale 70 Portable start 71 Like 113 1492, e.g. Marvell's 114 Wise mistress guy? 72 You can 115 Health dig it club 78 Cul-de- — 116 Ford of 80 Some football 81 Not many 120 Mauna —

december 22, 1999

g\ •

c to invest in some coules counseling with a psyotherapist skilled in percharging your intima?

please) to fill up your imagination with inspirations and intuitions. To dramatize this intention, I suggest you acquire an item I saw in a catalogue (1-800-759-6255, item #70065): tumblers made of bulletproof glass, which will not break even if smashed with a blunt object.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): In meditating on what holiday gifts you should give yourself, I keep seeing books that give pointers on staying sane and emerging victorious in the face of confrontation. My intuition is that you'll thrive on such advice in the year 2000. One such tome is The Art of War, by the ancient Chinese warrior-philosopher Sun Tzu. Others are The Book of Five Rings, by Miyamoto Musashi, and The Prince, by Machiavelli. Now here are a few pithy quotes from those texts to get you started. "The supreme art of war is to subdue the enemy without fighting." "Make your enemy work while you wait at leisure." "In order to capture, one must let loose."

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22Jan. 19): Your love life in the coming months should inspire more celebration and liberation than it has in eons. Therefore, I suggest you buy yourself holiday gifts that'll launch your imagination in the right direction. How about a can of real chocolate body paint? Available at 1-800-232-0963, it can be heatto body temperature and applied with either brush orfingers.T h e Good Vibrations catalogue (1-800289-8423) is another great resource. Through it you can order a multitude of bliss-enhancers, from the Flex-O-Pleaser to the Dual Vibro Harness Kit. And wouldn't it also be radically roman-

20-Feb. 18): Is it really possible, Aquarius, that you'll finally agree to come home in the year 2000? I mean all the way home, in every sense of the word: find a physical dwelling in which your restlessness can be comfortably contained... settle into a community which shares enough of your ideals to keep you from ceaselessly rebelling against it...and build a sense of continuity with the past that doesn't squelch your urge to regularly reinvent yourself. To encourage this miracle, I'll suggest you make yourself a special gift this holiday season: a drawing or painting of your dream home.

PISCES

(Feb. 19-Mar. 20): According to my reading of the astrological aspects, Pisces, your vision will become clearer and deeper in the year 2000. I mean this both in the sense of your power to imagine the big picture and in your ability to notice what's going on around you. To propitiate this thrilling development, I recommend that you get yourself the following holiday gifts: x-ray specs (you can order them from any comic book); night-vision goggles; and About Looking or The Sense of Sight, books by John Berger. I also suggest you write your own version of Sharon Doubiago's tome, The Book of Seeing With One's Own Eyes, and Melanie Svoboda's Everyday Epiphanies: Seeing the Sacred in Every Thing. (7) You can call Rob Brezsny, or night for your

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CALL THIS BEAUTIFUL SWPF, 38. ISO REAL j SWPM, 29, 6V180 LBS., AVERAGE LOOKS, man. Sweep me off my feet. 1395 _ _ I seeks attractive F for LTR. I like mtn. biking, CREATIVE SPIRIT SEEKING M, 50+. WHO HAS : SNOW PRINCESS, 20-SOMETHING, SEEKS « golf, and exploring the West Coast. Give me substance, style, kind heart & active spiritual • cohort for winter's outdoor and indoor activi- * a ring. 1605 life. My likes: rural living, simple abundance, * ties. 1407 •. ' _ ; * LOOKING FOR MY GODDESS. 33 YO SWPM whole foods, fitness, world music, artsy I seeks big-hearted, sharp-minded Earth mothendeavors. 1511 . _ _ _ : YOUNG 40, FIT, ATTRACTIVE DWPF. Together, t er for best friend, partner in crime, laughs, « secure; looking for same. 1396 FUN-LOVING, INNOCENT CHILD INHABITING I passion and romance. Where are you? 1610 • ICONOCLASTIC PARFAIT BEAUTY, SWF, 47, robust, vital, DPFW, 55 YO body. Outgoing * SWM, 39, MINT CONDITION: FIT, 6', DARK, ' seeks tall, gorgeous, fun SWM for mischiemassage therapist, musician, NYC transplant * attractive, prof., financially secure, low main; vous repartee, langorous lingerings, effete finally ready for honest companionship, * tenance. Would like to connect w/ an educatJ cultural interludes. Be brave. 1398 - . shared acceptance and passion. Only availJ ed, independent, attractive SPF, 25-35, for able need apply. 1513 » some of the finer things. NS, ND. 1611

vafflt&uTlJ iSftn^MR s p»itiiflri

CUTE, BOYISH VEGETARIAN, 24, ARTIST, musician, professional cook, nature-lover, seeks beauty, 18-32, to share love. 1614 SWM, 36, SLENDER, NEVER BEEN MARRIED, and haven't dated much. Hey ladies! What's wrong with this picture? I like camping, hiking, movies and most important: laughs!! Looking for an attractive woman, 28-39. 1555 SWM, 50. FOUNTAIN OF SORROW SEEKS A child in these hills, before the deluge and not late for the sky. 1557 SWM, 47, 6', 180 LBS., CREATIVE TYPE W/ appreciation for the absurd. Smart, solvent, loyal, honest. Seeks smart, psychologically healthy SF to drive into the sunrise with. 1558 FREE WHILE SUPPLIES LAST1 Hugs & kisses w/ extra affection. SWM, 50S, 5'9", 220 lbs. in urgent need of love & affection. Ladies, you can help! Call today for prompt service. Rutland area. 1563 GENUINE WEIRDO. SWM, 22. ISO SAME. Must want superficial happiness in all its glory. Let's party. Let's drink. Let's waste money. Lefs raise a ruckus. Be 21-24? 1565

Dear Lcla,

ADAM TO EVE: LETS EAT THE FORBIDDEN fruit; lose the leaves; sun on the beach; swim in the creek; hike the trail; moonlight walks; talk of dreams. 1569

has this really grody

BORED IN BURLINGTON. Secure and successful SWPM, (not tall) and almost 40, seeks emotionally and physically fit (not tall) F and almost 30, for romance and possible relationship. Locals preferred. 1570

Afy boyfriend,

"Pete,"

habit cf picking his teeth. We'll be in this really swanky

restau-

rant, all dolled up and

MEET YOUR LOVER! I'm 43. 6', slim, fit. Accomplishment man seeks a fun, slim PWF. If you're into outdoors, good food & wine, fireplaces, music and the country, let's meet!

sipping highballs,

15Z1

den whip cut his pocket

KIND, CARING, POSITIVE MAN SEEKS AMIABLE F for good conversations, perhaps more. I love jazz, hiking, running, photography, poetry, children, drawing, reading, philosophy, yard sales. NS, 5*9", 165 lbs., midaged. 1491

knife, whittle the plastic

SWM, 26, 5*11", 165 LBS., GOOD-LOOKING, honest and trustworthy, seeks attractive F for friends or possible LTR. Must have sense of humor. 1500

between his bicuspids.

ME: 28, NS, QUIET, SHY, PASSIONATE, NOT afraid to believe in love. Looking for a warrior princess to conquer my heart and capture my soul and devour it. Yummy. 1488 WHEREVER YOU ARE. DWM, 40S, 5*9", *45 lbs., engaging, open-minded, appealing, sexy, proportionate, youthful. Love outdoor activities, movies, sunsets, travel, photography, bad weather, crop circles, laughing. Seeking interesting, compassionate lover.

1503 SWPM, 34, ATHLETIC, ATTRACTIVE, OUTGOING, intelligent & responsible. I like running, biking, hiking, music, talking & doing other fun things w/ friends. I'm seeking a F w/ similar qualities for a LTR. Friends first. 1506

DWM, 42, SEEKS A WOMAN WHO UNDERSTANDS "slut" for the compliment it is, and is an independent-thinking, fit, outdoorsy, non-Republican, pet lover, as well. Retired trophy wives especially welcome. 1509

Simply call 800-710-8727, when prompted, enter yQUf credltcard #. Use the s e r v i c e d as long as you like. WNlJfyou hang up, your credit card will be directly billed $ 1 9 9 per min.

SHY, FUN, INTELLIGENT & FIT 25 YO W/ brown eyes/hair, seeks funny, stable, 22-32 YO for friendly skiing, snowshoeing and maybe a warm cup of cocoa when it's too cold outside. 1566

ESOTERIC SWM, DEGREE, FIT, MID-40S, eclectic, music, art interests, seeks attractive, affectionate, hip, SAF or SBF, 25-45, for LTR. 1613

NICE GUY, 37, GOOD-LOOKING, STABLE, FUN. Likes music, bookshops, beach, hiking, conversation, skiing, dancing. Take a chance. I am. 1 5 0 8

i n SEVEN DAYS

•

$1.99 a minute, must be 18+.

CAN YOU COME OUT AND PLAY? I CAN. Explore the ramifications of subtle energy control? Let's do it now, there's never a next time. The millennium approacheth. I dare ya. 1510 SWM, 28, BURSTING WITH YULETIDE MISCHIEF, seeks sassy, classy, woman, 40+, who melts under mistletoe, is on Santa's "naughty" list, and required her holiday package be unwrapped by skilled hands. 1522

and

"Pete" will all of a sud-

straw into a toothpick, and start digging that's not bad

around If

enough,

now he's gotten the notion that the best possible toothpicks are toenails. He likes them long, he says. And pointy and fresh. And he wants them from me. "Grow your toenails long for me, doll," he begs, "the better for me to massage my molars." Gag me with an air-pick.

Right?

Retching in Rutland Dear

Retching,

you can pick your nose, and you can pick your teeth, you can also pick your

boyfriends,

and from what you've

WANTED: DANCE PARTNER, 25-45, WHO IS witty, playful, loyal, honest, ambitious, likes the outdoors, country living" and life's simple pleasures. I offer the same. 1521

told me, this

RIGHT-BRAINED, INTELLIGENT M, 28, ISO perfect F to see drama, film, arts, kiss when the light is perfect. Artists and smart people given first priority. 1523

pick of the litter. If you

DEPENDABLE, HONEST, LOYAL? Good-looking, hard-working WM, 20, NS, 5*7". I enjoy movies, music, snowboarding and eating out. ISO motivated, attractive WF, 18-24, for friendship/LTR. 1525 LOVE WINTER? ME, TOO. SWPM, 6', 39, ISO attractive, spunky, successful SWF, 25-40, for local & international adventures. Interests: skiing, travel, boats, dogs, bad weather, cooking, wine, offbeat humor. You? 1417 JOIN ME ON THE ROAD LESS TRAVELED. DWM, 34, NS, ND, 6 ' i " , 180 lbs., caring, funny. Enjoys conversations, children, walks, bicycling, music, reading & sharing, thoughts

dental-

obsessed dude is not the don't get a kick cut of his

foot-and-mouth

maneuvers,

better you

should tell him new, let him find more

and

someone

suitable.

Love,

JjoLa

Or respond the old-fashioned way: CALL THE 9 0 0 NUMBER.

Call 1 - 9 0 0 - 3 7 0 - 7 1 2 7 $l.99/min. m u s t b e 184

december 22, 1999

SEVEN DAYSpage48 -fitted

dont want a charge on your phone bill? call 1-800-710-8727 and use your credit card. 24 hours a day! $1.99 a minute, must be 18+. IRISH M, 20, SEEKS A PSYCHO F, 18-24, FOR a psycho relationship. 1409 18, WILD BUT TAME LOOKING FOR SAMESWF, NS, 18-24, for close, loving relationship. Must love sex. 1413 WARRIOR, LOVER, KING, MAGUS IN TRAINING, 44, former shadow boxer seeks young (minded) woman for shadow dancing. Intimacy, openness, risk, adventure, energy, creativity, play, sensuality, passion, respect, integrity, body, mind, soul. 1419 I COULD FOUR LUCIOUS BATHS TO WARM your wanton feminine appetite. We could experience exceptionally erotic enticements of rhythmic lusts, them discreetly dive into delightfully delicious desires. 1458 INTELLIGENT & HANDSOME, 30+, BLUE EYES, blondish hair, muscles out to here even in a wheelchair, ISO honest F(s) who can deal with it and who therefore has at least 1/2 a brain, minimum. 1464 GOOD-LOOKING BM, 26. ISO EDUCATED, romantic women for long talks and long nights. Let's go out and have fun. 1466 CHRISTMAS SPECIAL! EDUCATED, FIT SWM, 34, ornamented with contra dancing, movies, poetry, cooking and outdoor stuff is ISO independent, active, interesting woman for festive exploration of life. Rutland Co. 1468 SELECTIVE, WITH A STRONG INNER VOICE. Authentic, handsome, successful, very fit, 43. ISO smart, beautiful F who's adventuresome, fun, creative, fit, wanting mate and kid(s) someday. Serious replies only. 1471 ROMANCE, HONESTY AND DREAMS BEGIN here. DWPM, 40, 6'2", slender/athletic build, blonde, blue eyes, handsome, NS, no children, seeks attractive, fit/slender woman with morals, humor and family values. 1478 I AM A PUNJABI INDIAN DOING MY MBA IN hospitality in Rhode Island, searching for k friends. I am 24, 5'io". I am basically from Delhi. If you wanna know more, if you feel right, reply back. 1481 NO MORE BLIND DATES, PLEASE. There has got to be a better way to find one spectacular, confident, sexy, 30-40ish, woman who loves kids and may want to have more. This soon to be divorced Dad is a young 40 and is athletic, romantic and, best of all, available. 1482 SWM LOOKING FOR COMPANIONSHIP WITH A SWF, 35-45, who is passionate and compassionate, to enjoy outdoor activities with and who also likes quiet times, candle light and romance. 1484 SWM, 37, SEEKS ATTRACTIVE, STARRY-EYED dream interpreter. I'm not a Bud drinker who likes to shoot animals, nor do I drive a pickup. Enough said? 1392 ARE WE COMPATIBLE? DWM, young 37, smoker, good looks/build, seeks a slender woman, 32-40, who enjoys the sun, camping, rock music, dancing, nights out, quiet intimate time. Much more. Call. 1394 NOTHING TO HIDE. DWM, 39, 6', 175 LBS., quiet, smoker, social drinker, decent-looking, independent. You break it, I fix it. What you see is what you get. ISO nice lady. 1397 WANTED: ATTRACTIVE, SLIM, HAPPY, educated, open, honest, passionate mom and recreational athlete, 34-45, ISO similar dad for romance, family, adventure, fun and LTR. Reward: last piece of the puzzle. 1399 KIND SWPM, 36, TEDDYBEAR LOOKING FOR SWPF, 30-38, who is honest and sincere for friendship and quality times; also has a childish and playful side. 1401 GENUINE NICE GUY SEEKING OFFBEAT S/DWF for friend, companion, maybe LTR. Youthful 50s guy who prefers women a few years younger, not as round as tall. I'm 6', blue -eyes, good kisser. 1402 IF YOU WANT ROMANTIC, SINCERE AND FUN, take a SWPM, 42, ND/NA, fit active ISO feminine fun S/D/MaOF. I have a place just for you in my heart. LTR. 1406

TALL, DARK AND MAYBE HANDSOME DWM, 40, built well, can be dressed up, ISO confidant lover/best friend. Should be slim, 2545, D/SF. Possible white-picket fence. 1414 LOOKING FOR ROMANCE. SWP, DARK CURLY hair, blue eyes, s'7". busy and bashful, seeking attractive, positive, spontaneous woman, 25-35, with sense of humor & beautiful smile. Let's talk. 1415 QUIET, SENSITIVE, NURTURING SPM, 33, physician. Into camping & hiking. Seek younger SF with similar interests/qualities. 1319 SEEKING ADVENTUROUS PARTNER. DWM, 40s, 5'9", 150 lbs., appealing, engaging, sexy, youthful, open-minded, proportionate. Love to travel, laugh and create new possibilities. Into sunsets, photography, movies, love and whatever. 1260 ROMANTIC SWPM, FUNNY, LOVING, FIT, enjoys dancing, biking, dining out, good conversation, walking, love letters. Seeking active, fit F, 35-45 to share same and lots more. 1320 WHEREFORE ART THOU? SM, 42, fit, educated, sense of humor, seeks romance, passion, someone to confide in. Enjoy rock and blues, outdoors, movies, travel, time together. 1322

SWM, STRAIGHT/Bi-CURIOUS, 28, FIT, seeks straight/Bi-Curious Ms, 20-35, for whatever. Sounds like fun, so why not? Discretion a must. No mail, please. 1601 GWM ISO SAME. I'M 48, GOOD HEALTH, active, seek companionship, poss. LTR. 1559 NEED SERVICE?? SUBMISSIVE M, 37, WANTS to serve. Black Ms OK. 1526 SBM, 30, COLLEGE-EDUCATED, WELL-CULTURED, New Orleans native new to VT, seeking SB or PR man, college-educated, 30+, for friendship, companionship and brotherly love. 1527 LATE 20S, WM, ACTIVE, IN SHAPE. I'm a regular guy seeking same, under 35 YO, Would like to meet some cool, normal, masculine guys to hang with. 1486

M, 42, LONG HAIR, BLUE, s'lo", 170 LBS., looking for women who enjoy outdoors, quiet bars, 4-wheel drive and making love while looking me in the eye. Mad River Valley. 1331

BiWM, 28, 5*9", 155 LBS., BROWN HAIR & eyes, straight-acting & masculine, in great physical shape. Seeking another BiWM, 2030, for possible friendship and discreet, adult, fun times. 1516

SLIGHTLY USED M ISO BEST FRIEND. WIT, humor, dining, dancing, exercise, water skiing, music, bicycle. Fixer-uppers encouraged to call. I'm 41 and 5'9". 1356

CALLING KINDRED SOUL, CREATIVE, POSITIVE, roots brother. Athletic vegan, 27, earth spirit, whole, cosmic, into naughty role play. Let's trade air-cushioned shoes and walk/wrestle into the sun. Be true! 1512 LOVE WOMEN'S CLOTHES. MAN LOOKING FOR men who want to dess up for the holidays: heels, lingerie and long gowns. I'll cook dinner, champagne as we look good in our dresses. 1465

A MOST KIND AND TENDER MANI Tall, educated, athletic, humorous SWM seeks attractive, articulate and unassuming SWF, 35-43, NS, to share warmth, whimsy and wisdom. 1361 DOES ANYONE KNOW WHAT LOVE IS? I'm 33, tall, attractive, professional, high IQ, creative, sincere, relationship-oriented. If you're 25-32, have a life, and do know, let's meet.

1363 WPCM, 37, LOVER OF LIFE AND ITS MANY blessings, seeks companion who is able to see past the M.S. ISO WPCF, 30-40, for friendship, possible LTR. One of the true nice guys... well-educated and good looking, too. You won't be disappointed. 1264 SWM, 39, FAT, BALDING, ALCOHOLIC smoker, enjoys candle-light dinners (no electricity), long walks (no car), travel (hiding from psycho ex's), cuddling (no heat), the arts (Hustler magazine), educated (thru 5th grade). All replies answered. 1265 LEAVES FALL & THOUGHTS OF THIS FIFTH decader turn toward a fireplace and snowy walks in the woods with one who considers herself warm, attractive, sensual, open, clear and progressive. 1307 ABSOLUTELY AVERAGE IN APPEARANCE, physique, intelligence, humor and all else. Emotionally & financially comfortable SWPM, 43, ISO SWF for dinner, noontime coffee rendezvous, movie, conversation. 1312 SWM WHO IS SENSITIVE, KIND, SINCERE, romantic. Looking for SWF, 20-30, who has similar interests, career-minded and gorgeous smite. 1313 IF YOU CAN IMAGINE YOUR IDEAL LOVER AND soulmate, intuit that you might find him here. Kindly consider this in-shape, goodlooking SWPM who seeks a pretty woman, 27-37, for everything. 1316

GWPM, 5'9". 155 LBS., 40S, ISO MASCULINE M with romantic heart, 25-45. Interests include music, movies, traveling, outdoors and more. Romance awaits. 1474 MAX ERNST SEEKS RENE MAGRITTE. I'd like to feel your brush strokes and see if we might not stick together. You bring the paint and I'll bring the glue, and let's make an assemblage. 1366

december

22,1999 • • « , >

t > t

SEEKING FINE WOODWORKER WHO APPRECIATES solid, unusual grain (noveneer), carved, curved oneof-a-kind construction (sturdy), w/ warm natural finish, and can dovetail w/ active/middle-aged country life, animals, camping/travel, art/photography, xcskiing/kayaking, education,

VPR. DWPF, NS.

l6l6 MaWBi-CURIOUS MALE: ATTRACTIVE, healthy, friendly and sensual. ISO someone similar to help me explore my more feminine side, through role-playing, a little cross-dressing, etc. Friendship would be nice, too. ND. 1303

GWM, 35, 6*1", 250 LBS., SHAVED HEAD, straight-acting, body hair, goatee. New to Burlington. ISO GWM, 18-30, up to 175 lbs., for fun and possible relationship. Call soon. 1267

and a $25 gift certificate to . f o r -wg T H E DOG T E A M TAVERN Dog Team Rd., Mlddlebuiy 388-7651

IN PRAISE OF OLDER MEN! WM, attractive, slim, 50s, gentle, non-assuming, enjoys theater, arts, Sunday morns. ISO a wonderful lady or CU for adult fun & friendship. LTR possible. Slightly sub., Bi are +s for ladies.

HANDSOME M SEEKS TRANSSEXUAL IN local 50 mi. radius of Plattsburgh or Burlington. Clean, happy fun from financially secure 37 YO. All t/s welcome. Will travel. Waiting. 1564

WCU (F 26, M 29) SEEKING ATTRACTIVE, clean BiFs, 18-29, for some unforgettable nights of pteasure. Discretion assured and expected. 1360

M LOOKING FOR SPECIAL F. A LUST FOR LIFE. A passion for sensual and erotic. Being open and free. A thrill wearing silk and satin. 1568

SWM, 27, GOOD-LOOKING, SEARCHING FOR F or Fs, 18-30, good-looking, for erotic encounters. Not looking for a relationship, just good sex!! 1324

SWM, 25, ATHLETIC BUILD, OPEN-MINDED, ISO same F, CU, MaCU, 18-40, for a safe, sane, consensual, casual relationship. Discretion is assured. NS/NS. 1524

LOOKING FOR S/D/MaWF FOR AN AMATEUR strip show. Must be clean, safe and discreet,

WHERE ARE ALL THE GOOD MEN? BiWM, 46, 5'io", 185 lbs., red hair, clean, discreet, D&D-free, looking for other BiWM, 18-46, D&D-free, for casual relationship. Burl. & Rutland areas. 1321

used • doseout • new 191 Bank S t , Burlington 860-0190

POP THIS CHERRY. 21 YO SWM, cute, redhead, Bi-curious, "nice guy," seeking kinky "nice guys" to fulfill my hunger. Chicks with "something extra" welcome, too! 1575'

BiWM, 50s, 5'9", 220 LBS., MOSTLY TOP, ISO Bi/GMs for daytime fun and adult play. Clean & discreet. Come visit, let's see what happens. Rutland area. Call me. 1400

GWPM, 38. SEEKS MASCULINE G/Bi MALES in Ctrl. VT for friendship, possibly more. Sports, movies, outdoors and quiet nights at home. NS, casual drinkers preferred. Help me pass the winter. 1412

• The Outdoor Gear Cxcfiang: •

WPM, 30S, LOOKING FOR Fs, CUs. I'm goodlooking, well-built, discreet, respectful. Looking for talk, coffee, erotic encounters, whatever. Call or write. Not into games. 1416 SBiF, 36, INTO OPEN RELATONSHIPS, SEEKS WBiM or straight for fun and friendship. Available days, honest and sincere a must. 1357

ARE YOU OLDER & FEELING BOLDER? Try some young and dark chocolate seeking the older experience from an artful teacher. Discretion assured and expected. Call me! 1518

ALPHABETIZED: BIKE RIDER, BISEXUAL, FILM fan, geek, hacker, liberal (duh), non-smoker, sci-fi nut, twenty-seven years old, will respond... guaranteed. 1404

Personal of the Week receives a gift certificate for a FREE Day Hiker's Guide to VT from

1473

LONG WINTER COMING. Mature, masculine M seeks companionship with real men interested in travel, conversation, indoor sports, having sense of humor, feel for adventure and curiosity in sensual matters. 1367

f o r by Alison Beciidel

St—*-

SEVEN DAYS . /

Aookinq mm

SM, 20, OUTGOING, FRESH, WITTY, LIKES TO party, honest, sincere, ISO SWF, 18-22, for quality times, partying, sex and fun. 1325

D y k e s ToWafcrJl Out

***page 50

GWF LOOKING FOR SPECIAL GWF, 35+. We are both fun-1?>ving, romantic, taking love & life seriously with lots of humor. Want to know more? Call me. No bar scenes. 1507 NO CLOSER TO "DOROTHY" THAN TO "VENKMAN." Somewhere in the sand beneath their boots or entirely from another planet. Either way, outer space sucks alone and inhaling sand's harsh. SF, 20. 1502

28-39- 1519 ME FROM PLANET ZUZU, YOU WACKO WULU. Me wanna know you. You Zulu? Me lick you mumu. 1487 SWM, Bi-CURIOUS, FIT, HEALTHY, ATTRACTIVE, 20, ISO CU or Fs that who want to take this boy and see how much fun we can have. U never know until U try. 1460 WBiF, 27, BLONDE, GREEN EYES, LIVING W/ hot boyfriend (both very fit). The islands are calling, but we survive (temporarily) in VT. ISO fun, fit, foxy BiF to share our La Vida Loca. 1480 AWESOME PLEASURE. BiWM SEEKS OTHER Bi or GMs to discover the stimulating and exciting, wonderful world of enemas and adult toys. All races welcome. 1391

ARE YOU LONELY? BETWEEN 21-60? WANT TO meet and see what happens? Cut the tape and meet me at Gallagher's, Sunday night, and let's start something in Waitsfield. 1327 BiWM, 5'8", 150 LBS., 45, SEEKS CU w/ BiM for threesome. Must be clean, safe and discreet. 1310 HOUSEBOY TO COMMAND. YOU: HIP, DOMINANT F. "Men are toy things to use." Me: attractive WM, 40, weekend houseboy to use—dishes, cleaning, massage. Let me massage your tired feet, madame. 1314 WHERE ART THOU, MY TRANSGENDERED goddess? SWM, 38, easy-going and open heart ISO special lady who will share her passion, aspirations and all the joyful gifts of life. Ctrl. VT. 1315

BROWS£

THE

PERSON MS ON-LWE AT

S£|/£M>AYS|/T.COM

psfiAjon

fywvdA TAKE FRIENDSHIP, ADD WATER & STIR. Where the S. Burlington mall buildings are blue I will meet you. Think music. M, 50s, seeking SF, NS for friendship. Let's visit. 1562

to respond to a personal ad call I-900-370-7127 iy! $1.99 a minute, must be 18 or older. >ur< >en 2 we're

HEY A A : YOU HAVE ROCKED ME SINCE SO. Union and restored my faith in the epic love and life with a look and a smile. You know I adore you. 1606

YOU BOUGHT A NEW YORKER AT THE CHEESE Outlet, 11/28. Me: little New Yorker in VT for the holidays. Our eyes met! You drove off in a red car. Free? 1520

DEAR JOHN, 9 YEARS: WHAT COULD WE SAY? Cosmic forces at 135. It's misunderstood. Wish that time could unlock the answers to your silence. Fill me in. What's been happening? Ebtg. 1607 "'.•."•

GLENN, JP'S, 12/1: You sang my favorite Elton John song so beautifully. I wanted to say hello, but I was playing pool and you disappeared. Interested in talking sometime? 1485

12/10, 5:30 P.M., BROWNELL LIBRARY: YOU had long auburn hair, blue jacket, before me (dark jacket, brown hair/beard) at checkout. We seemed to do a double take. Single? Meet? 1608

MONTPELIER AREA PM. 40S, SEEKING FIT, equipped, adventurous M or F partner for back-country skiing along sections of Catamount and Long Trail, weekends and holidays this winter. 1467

JESS, WE MET AGES AGO, BUT I'VE FALLEN for you over and over again many times since. You're beautiful, crazy, fun, intelligent and everything I could ever desire. Love, me. LUNA, TIGER ULY GIRL YOU: GORGEOUS, aware of it, with someone; but for that one song, unexpectedly, up against the wall, by the men's john; alone, tired, human. 1612

HOME DEPOT, 12/9. YOU: REDHEAD, DARK jacket, baseball hat. Me: orange apron, dark hair w/ broom in hand. Caught a smile on your way out. Wanna build something together? 1572

TO THE AUBURN-HAIRED WAITRESS WORKING the back room of Red Square, 12/8: You took a quick break standing up. I offered a cigarette. You don't smoke. I'll quit. 1615

IGGLES OF MY HEART, I HAVE A GIRLFRIEND & she's so blue. It's "quite startling, really," 'cause I'm blue, too! I big fat love you longtime. Effigies. 1602

2ND NIGHT MOE. You: short blond hair. Me: Tall guy dancing next to you in the back. We laughed about you getting fairy dusted at the break. You waved as you left and were gone. 1529

UKELELE PLAYER AT CACTUS OPEN MIC: You caught my attention over a year ago and still have me enraptured. Care to meet me in Hawaii? 1603

T. AT SEARS, 12/4. Our eyes met agian. Remember the first time in September, that hot afternoon? We shared a secret. I'd like to see you again. 1560

TO THE INSANE GODDESS I SAW AT THE NEEDS: Will you please talk to me? I'm the one with alien in my head, can you help me?

1490

• "-

- -•-:•• -

: -

11/21, BY THE LAKE. You: green jacket, nice "goat." Me: braids, Carhartts. Was that Champ we saw? I really enjoyed our conversation. How about some snobbish coffee and Nina Simone. 1517

Jh& $svm (bayA Sinql&A CdlnicA gowned

11/28, METRONOME. You: stunning, tall, darkhaired, by stage and outside. Me: dancing near window. We exchanged looks; I should have talked to you. Is it too late? 1457 NICE GRETSCH...WAS IT A '67? Lyin' Cheatin' Broken-Hearted band guitar-player man. Need a hot-rod drivin' Rockafilly pen pal? 1462

SflTURDflM, FEBRUARY 19TH AT HIGHER GR0UI1D

11/22, MON., STATE HOUSE STEPS: You were : waiting for someone. I was being pho; tographed. We talked about Montpelier. You ; were beautiful. Would love to talk again.

c t i v s yrUuk

• J*M2C diohi

OfWVhStA

(P/UjBA

: 1469

X J

L h . ATTENTION TALL TEDDY BEARS: SWF, 52, Cancer/Sagittarius, 5'8", szi8, blond/blue, NA, NS, offbeat, utilitarian, creative, artistic, fanciful, ticklish, musically eclectic, books, animals, movies, concerts, museums, dancing. ISO soulmate. Box 662

To respond to Letters Only ads: Seal your response in an envelope, write box # on the outside and place in another envelope with $5 for each response. Address to: PERSON TO PERSON c/o SEVEN DAYS, P.O. Box 1164, Burlington, VT 05402

womm

It'* enough to q m you * footebumpt...

I SEE YOU IN THE MIRROR AT NIGHT, IN THE morning, and afternoon. You entrance me w/ your dark, passionate eyes. My knees grow weak w/ lust just gazing upon your supreme countenance. 1489

Aookinq

DWF, 52, LOVES SOCIABILITY, INTIMACY, solitude, art, music, dancing, movies, woods, water, gardens, books. Renoiresque figure about 30 lbs. too ample for contemporary fashion. Seeking warm-hearted M friend. Box

WISE, YET PLAYFUL, PROF., EDUCATED, ever learning, late 40s, Ctrl. VT woman desires partner to enjoy comforts of home, travel, laughter, optimism, wonderment — active life. NS, tall, WPTH, children launched. Box 663

654

QUALITIES WORTH MORE THAN ANY AMOUNT of money from attractive, in-shape PWF, young 50s, in exchange for financial security with special, warm, loving, intellectual man. Let's share life's journey. Box 652

SWF SEEKING AUTHENTIC CM, NOT AFRAID to seek and extol truth. Aware of the world, both real, illusive and the import of the days we live in. Age unimportant; spiritual preparedness is. Box 665

RED HEAD, s'z", 140 LBS., SWF, 32, photographer/writer, adventuresome, ultra fit, sharp wit, diabolical sense of humor seeking friendship, fun and winter sports with other high-energy lions, 27-4oish. Box 648

OK, I CAN LIVE ALONE HAPPILY ENOUGH, but where's the challenge? This non-buxom, attractively graying 51 YO is ISO M w/ character, humor, warmth. If he can build a house, so much the better; I am willing to build by his side. Box 658

SYMPATICO, INTELLIGENT, LEFT-LEANING F, fit for indoors & outdoors, seeks similar, unattached M companion, 40+, for food, film, conversation, serious piffle & possible LTR. No narcissists need apply. Box 639

LIBERAL, SPIRITUAL DWPF, WRITER, 40, seeks best friend for thoughtful conversations, long walks, good meals and general adventuring, possible LTR. Empathy and strong self-esteem a must. Photo appreciated. Box 659

DWPF, 49, 5'3", n o LBS, SEEKS ENERGETIC Ms to cruise the tress and moguls with. Leave past lives behind and have some fun with me. You wouldn't normally answer any ad. Go for it! Box 637

WiWF, 73, GEMINI, BLOND/GREEN, 5*4, plussized, sensitive, caring, employed, loves music/big bands, dancing, dining out, concerts, travel and an invigorating discussion. ISO M friend, correspondence first. Box 660

COUNTRYWOMAN, INDEPENDENT, WITH varied skills and interests, seeking urban M, 5565, with same for shared travel, adventure and romance. What are you wishing for? Box 634

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MID-LIFE CRISIS LOOMS. KIND, HEALTHY, reasonably attractive SWM, 5'6", 155 lbs., craves the rejuvenating attentions of a compassionate/passionate young F. Box 644

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ANYBODY KNOWS YOU CAN CONJURE ANYTHING by the dark of the moon. Seeking correspondence from those for whom dreams are the stuff of which lives are made... Laughter bewitches. Box 661

GWF LOOKING FOR SOMEONE IN THEIR MID305 to enjoy life with, because life is too short, and it would be nice to have someone special to share it with. Box 638

LOOKING FOR LOIS LANE TO ENJOY SUPERMAN adventures. You: F, 25-32, fit, NS, educated, no baggage. Me: 6', 32, 175 lbs., blue eyes. A dream come true... Box 645

SWPM, 29, LOW MILES, BIT SHY, SEEKS intelligent, sensitive SWF, 25-30, for nourishing conversation/adventure. My hats: cyclist, poet, simple lifer, Big Question dreamer, and a winter cap. Photo appreciated. Box 655 AQUARIUS? BEAUTIFUL (INSIDE & OUT)? I could sure use a friend w/ big hugs! Handsome WM, 51, self-suppportive, physically fit, desires woman by day, lady by night! No children, please. Box 656

SWM, 35, SEEKING FULL-FIGURED 81 PLUSsize women who like to do fun things. This M will make sure you feel wanted and totally pleased. I am for real! Box 646

SEEKING SUMBISSIVE F, 23-35. INTO B&D by dark M. Limits respected w/ tender, loving care. Casual or LTR. Also: dinners, moonlight walks, wine. Box 657

PROFESSIONAL, 31, 5'6", 140 LBS., GOODlooking, athletic, hard-working SWM ISO SWPF w/o children, NS, open-minded, who likes sports, movies, travels and to have fun. For LTR. Box 641

VERMONT PRISONER IN NJ, 43, SWM, UVM grad looking for friendship and romance. Home in 2001. Warm, affectionate pen pal and companion. Let's share hopes and future dreams together. Box 651 MY TRACTOR IS SEXY. SWM, 49, 5 ' n " , 170 lbs., fit, good-looking, ambitious, hard-working, NS, NS, NA, likes big equipment, animals, hiking. Seeks attractive, fit, healthy, ambitious, sexy F for LTR. Box 653

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THE END IS NEAR SCARED? Don't be. Begin the groovy new century with this swinging GWM. Don't huddle over your camp stove and bottled water alone. Let's have some fun. Box 664

ACTIVE, PROSPEROUS, WELL-EDUCATED, jewish, intellectual, 50s, trying to meet lighthearted, warm, intelligent, sensual women. I am open to any age or background. Intrinsic, engaging qualities are the heart of the matter. Box 647

UNCOMMON GROUNDS, 12/3, A.M. You: 6'3"ish, beautiful, in overalls with long curly blonde hair. Me: in front, double mocha and long blue dress... Something, sometime? Box 666

GAELIC MYSTIC: attractive, intelligent, vivacious, compassionate, green-eyed ecowoman sought. Adirondack ecoradical, SOH, handsome, passionate, steel sculptor, seeks kindred spirit, 37ish, needing wilds, dreams, home, romance, uplifting endeavors. Box 642

joitm SWM, 22, ATTRACTIVE, HORNY, KINKY ISO horny, kinky F, 18-60, who likes to wear French-maid uniforms, garter belts, sexy stockings, strap-ons for erotic adult fun. Will answer all. Box 649

40 YO SPM IN DENIAL, ATHLETIC, MASTER of repression, self-centered, loner type w/ big heart ISO hardy New Englander who loves starlight, chilly nights and contemplating life's sweet beauty. Bo* 650

DWPM, MID-50S, EXCELLENT WORKING condition (phys., emot., finan.), seeking older F, buxom & ravenesque, for occasional gentle, intimate encounters. Note & photo appreciated. Box 640

4 digit box numbers can be contacted either through voice mail or by letter. 3 digit box numbers can only be contacted by letter. Send letter along w/ $5 to PO Box 1164, Burlington, VT 05402 LOVE IN CYBERSPACE. POINT YOUR WEB BROWSER TO HTTP://WWW.SEVENDAYSVT.COM TO SUBMIT YOUR MESSAGE ON-LINE. How to place your l-Ktt personal ad with Person to Person

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A D S IN L E T T E R S O N L Y S E C T I O N ( 3 - D I G I T B O X # ) C A N B E C O N T A C T | E D T H R O U G H T H E M A I L . S E A L Y O U R R E S P O N S E IN AN E N V E L O P E , • W R I T E T H E BOX # O N T H E O U T S I D E A N D P L A C E IN A N O T H E R E N V E L O P E WITH $ 5 FOR EACH R E S P O N S E . A D D R E S S TO : P E R S O N A L S , C / O P.O. Box 1 1 6 4 , BURLINGTON, VT 0 5 4 0 2 .

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