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If you were cryogenically frozen until the dawn of the third millennium, what's the first thing you'd want to check out when you wake up? I'd want to find out how sex had developed. — Michelle Bessett Owner, As the Crow Flies St. Albans The weather — if it had changed drastically, then nothing else would matter. — Bruce Bell Mountain Bike Shop Stowe I'd find out if Vlenudo were still playing. — Bill Muffins Musician Burlington I'd see how many people still knew the words to "The nternationale." — Scot Hill Emergency physician New York City

MARKLEY STORY INSPIRING Your December 8 feature story on Rita Markley ["Homing Instinct"] captured the energy and passion that makes her such a force in this community. Ritas stark yet eloquent descriptions of homelessness and her own childhood, along with Ruth Horowitz's wellcrafted writing, made me think I was reading a Jane Hamilton novel. Thanks for the very real look at an important community issue and its inspirational crusader. — Lesli Blount Burlington IS THIS WHAT WE FOUGHT FOR? | It is good to see that, albeit slowly (excess labor refugee warehousing being an industry started during the first Reagan Anschluss against labor), the people of Vermont acknowledge the reality that the majority of those in the church-sponsored, state-subsidized labor camps actually are compelled to work in order to continue receiving their two meals and a barracks cot per day ["Homing Instinct," December 8]. This is, in fact, the first time in 20 years I have seen any publication view the unhoused surplus refugee work force as even existing as such. No one with a demonstrable disability need ever see a shelter, as they have programs aplenty. These are throwaway workers and their families. Someone please tell me what qualifies churches to be involved in solving economic problems. There is no reason except America's Teutonic predisposition toward theocratic bullyism why the labor camps cannot have time cards, work uniforms, tools and contracts for road repair, bridge repair and other needed public works especially set aside

for economic internal refugees. Convicts in prison have set-aside labor contracts with the state of Vermont and the feds, yet there is no program for the lawful person out of work and lacking the resources to cover the 90-day period needed to land a decent job. Vermont has $500 million from the gas tax stockpiled for road and bridge repair of which they have spent next to nothing. My R.L. Means Construction Cost Estimation Handbook tells me that with 4400 people I can build 10 miles of new macadam four-lane highway a day. "Let's roll up our sleeves, America, and build our nation anew!" Can't do that, that's socialism. FDR would have laughed, then wept, to see us today. Is this what the "best generation" fought the Nazis for, that we should be warehousing and socially excluding our own dispossessed work force in a manner not significantly differently than the Huns? May Obersturmfuhrer Buchanan win, we deserve it. — Walt O'Brien Barre PARENTS TO BLAME FOR POKEMON It was highly refreshing to read a Crank Call column that wasn't a whinyass diatribe full of pet peeves ["Toy Ploy?" Dec. 8]. If this is a sign of things to come, I hope Peter Kurth stays on vacation indefinitely. Jeffrey Good makes some excellent points about the senselessness of the Pokemon craze. I only wish he had carried the concept to its logical and sad conclusion — that these children simply mimic the adult world. His phrase "slavering consumers" brought to mind the front page of the Free Press the day after Thanksgiving: shoppers breaking down the stockroom door in a Wal-Mart to get at

?Question is a weekly random question addressed to sort of random people. Don't look so smug—you could be next.

RESPONDING TO BRIT-BASHING As someone who lived the first 26 years of his life in Belfast, Northern Ireland, and another 14 living either in the USA or the Belfast area, I found both the "Crank Call" and "Brit Lecture Offensive" responses interesting ["Weekly Mail," Dec. 1 & 8]. One attempted to be objective, albeit from the subject viewpoint of a "newly arrived Brit." Damian, on the other hand, seemed to be very angry and aggressive. His description of "The English" government's approach to foreign policy may well be correct, but I am sure many individuals could make similar comments regarding America's foreign policy. He should not make it personal. The "Brit" probably has no more influence on government policy than he has. However, I have to say that, in my

opinion, Belfast (and Northern Ireland in general) is infinitely safer than many parts of America. This relates not only to the widespread use of guns, but muggings, burglaries, car theft, etc. Whatever your stance, the misuse of weapons and the seemingly easy access to same needs to be addressed in America. Countries such as France, Scotland, Wales, Sweden, Norway, Denmark, Switzerland, Austria, Germany, Spain, Portugal and, yes, Ireland get by very well without large stockpiles of guns in the hands of civilians. To many in Ireland, America is seen as a country at war with itself. Where else do so many people die when there is no civil conflict or war? One thing the previous two contributors seemed to share is a complete inability to understand what was and is happening in Northern Ireland. Both made reference to my homeland in their diatribes. Many of the people and the places of Northern Ireland are "pleasant," but growing up there had many unpleasant experiences and left sad memories. Right and wrong was never one-sided. Yet it seemed that those viewing "The Troubles" from afar found the raison d'etre simple to define. Having an Irish ancestor doesn't make you Irish, and being English doesn't make you right... — Robin Pierce Charlotte Letters Policy: SEVEN DAYS w a n t s your rants and r a v e s , in 2 5 0 w o r d s or less. Letters a r e only a c c e p t e d that r e s p o n d to content in S e v e n Days. I n c l u d e your full n a m e a n d a d a y t i m e phone number a n d s e n d to: SEVEN DAYS, P.O. Box 1 1 6 4 , B u r l i n g t o n , VT 0 5 4 0 2 1 1 6 4 . fax: 8 6 5 - 1 0 1 5

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the televisions on sale. Society is driven by money, by profit, by desire. While the children buying Pokemon cards are striving to "get 'em all," their parents are busy trying to have it all. Newer, nicer, higher-tech, flashier; a vacation is not a vacation unless it's taken in a trendy resort. Not so long ago you could have handed most people a million dollars and they would have retired. Or perhaps kept working at something to stay productive and not fall prey to laziness. A million dollars is no longer sufficient. The rich keep driving relentlessly forward, not due to the work ethic, but greed. As with Pokemon, the pleasure of the '90s comes not from playing, but from acquiring. I suspect the price tag for all this will turn out to be higher than we could ever imagine. — Brian Bashaw Plattsburgh, New York

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6VI6W B Y PETER FREYNE

t won't be long now, folks. Just days until we experi ence the impact — if any — of that monster killer insect bent on destroying the world as we know it: the Y2K Bug! We're All-American Boy-Scoutprepared for this one. See, we've stocked up with a dozen cans of Raid Insect Repellent, and ant traps surround the desk upon which yours truly's iMac rests. C'mon, Big Bad Y2K buggie, you mess with my iMac and I send you swiftly to meet your maker! Did I ever tell you how many bugs I slaughtered as a child? W h a t will change on January 1 are the digits we use to name a year. N o more 19-this or 19-that. In a few days it will be 2000 — still looks and sounds weird, but I predict we will adjust as we do with everything else. If you told folks 100 years ago the next century would turn the h u m a n race into a bunch of monkeys sitting in the fetal position while driving 2000-pound, four-wheel rigs using decayed fossils for fuel, well, they would have said you were a nut case in desperate need of medical attention.

five years. Garrett was sent home instead of to the slammer, and by year's end was serving out his sentence for a most violent crime while working in the men's-wear department at Filene's. Yeah, sure makes one wonder if Larry, Darryl and Darryl run Vermont's criminal justice system. At least if they did, we'd have some sort of explanation of how kidnappers get sent to work at the city's new department store.

Clavelle was running scared, worried a blue-collar Republican was about to upset the Progressives' grip on the Queen City.

,<' Well,-guess what. ' ^ W e dare not go so far as to predict ** 100 years ahead — when androids 5* run the world for T h e Earth Inc., the $100,000,000,000,000 corporation left standing after the golden age of mergers and acquisitions has reached its logical conclusion. Ah, yes, T h e Earth Inc. — the only manufacturer, the only employer and the only governmental institution on the planet. But enough of waxing horrific about the future. It's time for one last look back at 1999, the second-to-last year of the millennium. A look back through the pages of Inside Track, the first draft of Vermont history.

January

T h e 1999 Burlington mayor's race was just starting to move into third gear. Republican City Councilor Kurt Wright had

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stepped up to \ L- / challenge ' } V. Progressive Mayor Peter Clavelle. Kwik-Stop Kurt vs. Mayor Moonie. Wright called for a $15,000 election spending cap. Clavelle told him to take a hike. We also reported the first inklings of a possible Bernie Sanders vs. Jim Jeffords U.S. Senate race. In fact, we kept that one sizzling all year, until in November when Ol' Bernardo took a pass. It sure was fun while it lasted. O n the crime beat, we noted the unusual visitor to the Vermont legislature who just happened to be "released on conditions" following a December 21 violent incident that ended when the distinguished gentle man was arrested at gunpoint — a scene captured by Channel 3 News. Haskell Garrett, the executive director of ALANA, a minority healthcare nonprofit, was charged with kidnapping and aggravated domestic assault. Mr. Garrett's conditions of release were quickly tightened up. Haskell is a real smoothie. H e eventually copped a sweet deal for a seven-year sentence, to be served on furlough. But his soap-opera speech before Judge Harold Van Benthuysen so touched

February We're having trouble remembering February, and it's not the pot. Let's see, the Burlington mayor's race moved into fourth gear. Sure seemed like it was going down to the wire. Hey, remember when Clavelle got upset in the 1993 race by Republican Peter Brownell? We put the word out that history was looking to repeat. That sure got the Progressives motivated. Clavelle was running scared, worried a blue-collar Republican was about to upset the Progressives' grip on the Queen City.

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Statewide, the mighty Vermont Republican Party was going through a changing-of-the-guard in the wake of its pathetic showing in the general election the previous November. T h e new kid on the block was Skip Vallee, a.k.a. P Gasoline £ i/i Vallee, the new Republican national committeeman for the Green Mountain State. Gotta say, Skippy was a dowi right refreshing change. T h e G O P torch was finally being passed to a new generation, f n ^ M v I J n* And Skip's Faerie Queen, \ ° Ruthless Ruth Dwyer of / g 00 Thetford, who lost the 1998 ^ governor's race to Howard Dean by 15 points, decided to start early on a 2000 rematch by declaring her candidacy on the W G O P , er, sorry, W C A X - T V airwaves. It was their lead story on February 22. And — yes, it's coming back to me now — in our final February column, we boldly predicted Kwik-Stop would be elected Burlap's new mayor by 276 votes! Hey, we'd predicted Brownell in '93. Also in February, we highlighted the planned launch of the Republican-backed Addison Eagle newspaper. T h e weekly ran into a little blizzard when we reported there was an arrest warrant out for its new managing editor. By year's end, that gentleman is no longer with the Eagle, but ex-Rutland Mayor Jeff W e n n b e r g is. That's known as "trading up."

March O n election night, Mayor Moonie rolled to victory by just 2000 votes. Pretty close, eh? T h e one lesson we learned from the experience was that eating crow isn't so bad if you lather it up good with plenty of Hellmann's Real Mayonnaise. And yours truly ate several helpings of crow that month. 'Course, Clavelle did have the endorsement of Gov. Howard Dean, who's never been known to care much for Progressives. Still, it would have been nicer if it had been closer — personally speaking. Also in March we coined the moniker for that fearless band of passionately dedicated moderate-centrists who inhabit the left-leaning House Democrat Caucus under Montpeculiar's golden dome — the Blue Dog Democrats. T h e Blue Dogs stood up on

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DAYS

The Nuclear Family

Flushed with Pride

Radioactive waste in a million-gallon storage tank at the Hanford nuclear reservation near Richland, Washington, rose like bread dough last summer due to trapped gas bubbles, according to officials at the site. The condition resulted from the installation of a mixer pump after the tank became notorious as Hanford's "burping tank" in the late 1980s and early '90s because it released thousands of cubic feet of gas at a time every three months or so. The new pump releases the gas regularly but more slowly, causing a build up of bubbles that expanded a meringue-like crust floating in the liquid waste. "The chance of explosion is very low," project manager Rick Raymond insisted, adding, however, "any time you have a situation where you're trapping gas faster than you're releasing it, it's an unacceptable situation and needs to be dealt with in an urgent manner."

Yang Zhu, nine months pregnant with her first child, was traveling home on a Chinese express train when she began having stomach pains. According to the Xinhua News Agency, her husband took her to the restroom where, "to her great surprise," she gave birth to a baby boy "as soon as she squatted down." Panicstricken, Yang ripped off the umbilical cord, whereupon the baby slipped through the toilet and fell on to the rails. It survived with only cuts and bruises.

Run for Cover Electronic bug zappers should not be used near food, according to James Urban, a microbiologist at Kansas State University. He explained that the devices — which use a special light to attract flying insects, then electrocutes them — blow bacteria-laden bug parts up to six feet away.

Find the Irony American Indians, whom history says introduced tobacco to European settlers, filed a lawsuit seeking more than $1 billion in damages from U.S. tobacco companies. The suit argues that the Native Americans were unfairly excluded from last year's nationwide tobacco settlement between major U.S. cigarette makers and attorneys general from 46 states.

Fire Away After Augusta, Kentucky, police Chief Greg Cummins stopped a traffic violator, he returned to his cruiser to find smoke pouring from the dashboard, apparently caused by an electrical fire. He tried to use his fire extinguisher to douse the blaze, but had to retreat when the car began shooting at him.

Flames set off ammunition inside the vehicle. "Bullets were whizzing around," Cummins said, adding he blocked the road until the shooting stopped and firefighters arrived.

Litigation Nation After New Jersey highway patrolman James Kenna opened fire on a van carrying four people, wounding three of the passengers, he sued the state police, claiming they returned him to duty too soon after he was attacked by a motorist a month before. He said the earlier attack, in which a man he had pulled over knocked him to the ground and tried to run him over with his own patrol car, left him afraid and traumatized, and made him "a risk to himself and others."

Foiled Again Three men in Hong Kong who hijacked a truck carrying about 1 $0 pounds of gold bars headed for a rural area, where they tried to break into the compartment with the bullion. Workers at a nearby water-treatment plant spotted them, however, causing one of the robbers to panic and drive the truck into a ditch, where it got stuck. The men fled on foot but left the gold.

The Art of Capitalism Swedish artist Ola Pehrson

BY ROLAND SWEET attached electrodes to the leaves of a yucca plant, whose movements activate a sensor issuing buy and sell orders of the 16 most-traded shares on the Stockholm stock exchange. When the yucca's recommendations perform better than the exchange's general index, it is rewarded with water and light. If it fails to deliver profits, it stays dry and in the dark.

Very Merry Men Robin Hood was gay, according to a reexamination of 14th-century ballads about the legendary outlaw by Stephen Knight, a professor of English literature at Cardiff University in Wales. "The ballads could not say outright that he was gay because of the prevailing moral climate," Knight told London's Sunday Times, "but they do contain a great deal of erotic imagery. The green wood itself is a symbol of virility, and the references to arrows, quivers and swords make it clear, too."

Handicapable Handicapped athletes resort to performance-enhancing drugs, lying and some out-

landish forms of cheating, according to Sydney's Australian, which cited several ingenious tricks athletes use. With "boosting," for example, the athlete applies a painful stimulus below the spinal cord injury, such as putting a pin between the toes, or clamps off a catheter bag to ensure a dangerously full bladder. Producing a reflex response in an area of the body devoid of feeling can produce an adrenaline rush that enhances performance. "I suppose a lot of people think it is a wonderful thing that we are out there and still involved, but this is just as competitive," Louise Sauvage, one of Australia's top Paralympians, said. "And this just proves how competitive it is — that people are willing to go to this extent of cheating or performanceenhancing in different ways."

Luddite of the Week Police in Chippewa Falls, Wisconsin, arrested Guy Boos, 37, for pushing his washing machine down the stairs, then shooting it three times. Boos told investigators he was angry with the appliance.®

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A Hundred Years of

STUDIO

A dyed-in-the-wool curmudgeon scores the century

S a t u r d a y January 1 s t S u n d a y January 2 n d Noon-5:00

B Y PETER KURTH

ired of millennial predictions? Sick of retrospectives? Crossing that bridge with both eyes covered? Welcome to the Crank's "Lost Hope" Review, a last, fearful look at the mess of the 20th century. Most retrospectives start at the beginning and move to the end, i.e., in 1900 there were 76 million Americans. Eighty percent of us lived in the country and 20 percent in the towns. Queen Victoria was still on her throne, planes didn't fly until 1903. We suffered a Great Depression and two world wars, women got the vote, Prohibition failed, plastics were invented, antibiotics appeared, sex made a comeback, we went to the moon, we lost our innocence in Dallas/Watergate/Vietnam, television took over, Reagan became President, everyone got wired and that was that. But I think different, as the commercial says. History's for chumps. Go read Time if you want the high-points lowdown. I've organized this review by social category, beginning with the most urgent. W h a t can you say about an "American Century" that ends with the announcement that 22 percent of the population is mentally ill? Let's start with that.

Mental Health, i t s worse than you think. According to a recent report from Surgeon General David Satcher, " O n e in every five Americans experiences a mental disorder in any given year, and half of all Americans have such disorders at some time in their lives." Most of the afflicted never seek help, usually because they don't know they're crazy. Also, not many people can afford treatment over the long haul (see "Rich vs. Poor," below).

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POTTY LIKE IT'S 1999 Child's play with an edge in "South Park" sion, anxieties, phobias, "low selfesteem," addictions, compulsions, "disthymia," narcissism, A.D.D., S.A.D., "quiet desperation" and "the universal neurosis," or whatever it was Freud said about the human condition. In 1900, mercifully, no one had heard of Freud outside German medical circles. I'm sure if we went back in time with a current psychiatric diagnostic manual we'd find lots of people in need of psychotherapy. Nearly everyone, in fact. That's the beauty of having no definitions and regarding people as machines, engines that can be made to run efficiently with the right lube job. All mental illness is "biological," says Satcher, no matter how it originated. So "seek help if you experience symptoms," take your pills, and good luck with the HMO. Mental Health Millennial Event: General introduction of Prozac, 1992. Grade: D-minus.

another study appeared, purporting to show that Ritalin, with or without additional therapy, is the best way to deal with attention deficit disorder, or A . D . D . — a condition not known to exist until pills came along to relieve it. A large percentage of our future mental cases are currently in school, and more and more of them are being drugged to keep them in line. Side-effects from Ritalin include loss of appetite, sleeplessness, nervousness, hypersensitivity, stomach ailments, "occasional tics," high blood pressure, anxiety, tension and the obliteration of personality. Earlier in the century, if a child cut up in class, his teacher would cast him a baleful look; if that didn't work, she might rap him on the knuckles, send him to a corner or the principal's office, put a dunce cap on his head or otherwise cow him into submission. All parents supported her in this. These were the poor, benighted kids who grew up to be " T h e Greatest

'ublic schools have become social processing centers and mental health clinics...no wonder they're shooting each other.

Mind you, the definition of mental illness is now so broad as to be virtually meaningless, ranging from psychoses, schizophrenia and bipolar disorders to Alzheimer's, depres-

T h e Children.Aflat -out disaster. N o sooner did the Surgeon General tell us.that one-fifth of all Americans are nuts than

Generation," as the title of a recent book about World War II would have it — nothing but Tom Hankses all over the place.

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fidgety, take a look at her outside influences. Start w i t h the fact that she lives in a w o r l d of images a n d illusions — TV, video a n d H T M L ; magazines w i t h text, graphics a n d ads all j u m b l e d together; the p e r m a n e n t noise of shrieking music, whistles, bells a n d beeps; the s t u p i d disorientation of h a n d - h e l d cameras a n d w h a c k e d - o u t frames; "ironic," f o u l - m o u t h e d cartoons posing as cultural c o m m e n t a r y ; scattershot pictures lasting n o m o r e t h a n a second o n the screen, jerking a n d j u m p i n g in a dizzying collage w i t h n o p o i n t or p u r p o s e b e y o n d selling a p r o d u c t ; violence prom o t e d as the ultimate thrill; a culture d r e n c h e d in sex while "abstinence" is p u s h e d in schools; everything "new," everything "cool," everything cheap, fast a n d dead.

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* A l t e r a t i o n s & Tailoring of all t y p e s for m e n & w o m e n * Fitting a v a i l a b l e a t S t a g e P r e s e n c e or e l s e w h e r e b y a p p o i n t m e n t , call a n y t i m e

'gg* %

Event:

' S o u t h Park."

Grade: F, and that's not saying enough.

Make no mistake: Your health is a slave to the profit motive. So is allV medical research. of time, of course: W h a t can be d o n e , will be d o n e . Science, like technology, really is o n a millennial track. Less a n d less is there any protest a b o u t ethics, m u c h less a call for supervisory c o n trols. Recently, scientists c o m p l e t e d the first successful e m b r y o transferral between species, "bringing a rare African wildcat to term in the w o m b of an o r d i n a r y house cat." Just t h i n k : Soon you'll be able to breed y o u r o w n fur, n o questions asked. Like all scientific "miracles," the cross-cat experi-

7 4 a n d 79, respectively. In 1918, influenza claimed m o r e victims than died in W o r l d W a r I — m o r e t h a n 20 million people in one epidemic. Were it not for antibiotics, we'd still be d r o p p i n g like flies. O n the o t h e r h a n d , doctors m a d e h o u s e calls, their fees were reasonable, a n d your expectations were a lot lower. In 1900, you had a different idea of medicine altogether. You didn't expect it to do the impossible. For that you w e n t to shamans, wizards, priests a n d temperance lectures, as most people still do. (Don't tell the

Education. See

doctors. T h e y hate to hear it.)

above. A total abro-

T h e downside of longevity

gation of social

has been an eruption of entirely

responsibility, a n d

new diseases a n d conditions,

getting m o r e d a n -

u n h e a r d of even 3 0 years ago.

gerous by the

Bacteria a n d viruses have outwit-

minute. Knowledge

ted antibiotics a n d n o w appear in

is replaced by

forms m o r e tenacious and deadly

"information," out

than a n y t h i n g seen before. In

of context a n d

1999 alone, 5.6 million people

directed nowhere. A

a r o u n d the world were infected

passing grade

with H I V ; 2 . 6 million died f r o m

reflects only the ability to f i n d the right W e b page a n d

CATCHING A BUZZ Miss Frances of "Romper Room"

get along w i t h o t h ers. Testing standards, i m p o s e d n a t i o n w i d e in a burst of indignation, have proved such a joke they're being y a n k e d as w e speak. Public schools have b e c o m e mental health clinics, rewarding conformity, erasing identity a n d pathologizing any child w h o doesn't toe the line. N o w o n d e r they're s h o o t i n g each other. A c c o r d i n g to census figures, only 11 percent of American

m e n t is p r o m o t e d as a service. "If

developed with your tax dollars b u t n o w o w n e d lock, stock a n d

the technology will be there to

barrel by the pharmaceutical

b r i n g the species back," says the

industry, whose annual profits routinely m o r p h into the strato-

A u d u b o n Society.

alone in 1997. A b o u t the "cost-

an e n v i r o n m e n t for

saving" benefits of

the creatures to live

managed care, I'll

in, resurrection will be

only say that it's

their top priority. (Fido? W h a t ' s that look in your

the greatest scam

eyes?)

yet perpetrated o n a clueless pop-

Millennial

school in 1900; today, it's m o r e

Substance:

like 9 3 percent. T w o plus t w o

Grade:

still equals four, b u t you'd never

Incalculable.

Teachers are required to have the

sphere: $ 2 6 billion for M e r c k

As soon as they find

teenagers were enrolled in high

k n o w it f r o m the test results.

them can afford the medications that keep the virus in check, all

extinction h a p p e n s in the wild,

So don't w o r r y a b o u t a thing.

social processing centers a n d

it. H a r d l y anyone w h o needs

ulation. M a k e n o

DNA.

mistake: Your health is a slave to the profit motive. So is all medical research. You are,

The

again, a machine, to be

"right" personality, too, n o less

t u n e d - u p in accord

t h a n s t u d e n t s — an "inclusive" ence to distinctions that, accord-

D o n ' t ask. Instead,

Millennial

ing to theory, will inspire chil-

get a copy of Susan

Permission to adver-

dren to learn o n their o w n . It's

Strasser's Waste and

rainbows a n d slogans all over the

Want: A

place, with a p r e m i u m on docility-

History of Trash.

specializing in TexMex

Millennial

i S o u t h w e s t e r n C u i s i n e ;

empty

COMOrFS

T T X - M F X

C O * ^ SHV.

^ december 23, 199!

awr nra aw

ALL STRUNG OUT Genetics advances may leave us stranded.

responsible conan

Event:

tise prescription drugs on along with

television, warn-

ings about sideeffects. Grade: B-plus for medicine, shame for

sumers Americans used to be.

the United

States.

T h e price of progress is a sea of

Rich vs. Poor. T h e

junk. Millennial to n o good,

Event:

The hole in the

ozone.

if you ask me. A c c o r d i n g to a

Grade: Incomplete.

report in Science, "Geneticists are

late.

close to w h i t t l i n g d o w n the bare

^ tm m* em wm mm-

Miss

Grade: Off the scale.

CAFE

You'll be amazed at prudent and

mirror.

Science and Technology. U p

Social

w h a t thrifty, frugal, "Romper

Frances smiling vaguely through

161 Church Street • Burlington • 865-3632

O *

Event:

Room," ca. 1955, with

[o] Famous for our Margaritas & just a great place to be!

with your w o r t h .

Environment.

disposition a n d s u n n y indiffer-

Too little, too

ever, only worse. Yes, the miracle continues, the b o o m b o o m s , never have so m a n y people lived in such prosperity, et cetera. At the same time, not since the

m i n i m u m set of essential genes

Health Care.

for a b a c t e r i u m to live, a first

we're talking a b o u t h u g e

step toward o n e day allowing sci-

advances. In 1900, the average

N o question,

entists to create a living organism

life expectancy for m e n was 4 6

f r o m scratch." It's only a m a t t e r

years; for w o m e n , 4 8 . Today it's

*m. * 3 rap a n rar ' j t j mm tmi m

same as

•aw asa am* r*

-an r*

Great Depression have so m a n y people fallen t h r o u g h the cracks. Homelessness is u p in all m a j o r cities. M o r e than 10 percent of

~m,

Continued on page 1 0 wr;

<rer *u «s«

saw

"Sjawss^ MILLIAIRE

1995

CHARDONNAY SIERRA FOOTWU.S

PmdutTd wkJ Botled bv " •MILUKR CELLARS Murphys. California Alcohol 13% by Volume (iinuwi, Sulfites

Milliare Chardonnay $10.00 Sorry to say this wine will no longer be available in Vermont. This wonderful wine is actually made in a renovated gas station! Don't be afraid however, this high octane wine contains nothing but full throttle fruit!

Christian Moueix Merlot $9.50 Christian Moueix is one of the best winemakers in all of France. Some of his wines sell for hundreds of dollars. This Merlot from Bordeaux is a great example of what they do with this "noble grape" in southwestern France. A great value that's sure to impress.

Chapel Hill Cabernet Sauvignon $19.50 This full-bodied red will stain your teeth for days! Chapel Hill wines are produced by Pam Dunsford, a great friend and excellent winemaker. With loads of dark berry fruit and oak, it's no wonder it's our #1 red wine!

Laurel Glen Reds

$8.50

Responsible for the wine selections of a recent wedding we attended, and on a budget, this is what we chose. Patrick Campbell of Laurel Clen Vineyards makes his yearly wine for masses under the label Reds. Full-bodied, rich, and popular, a wine Stalin would have loved.

MALVASIA BIANCA A bone-dry, exquisitely floral white wine made / in 100% Malvasia Biancafc with jasmine, Ivchee, \ and lime blossom perfume. Seductive j elegant, aaty'risp.^

Perfect Smoked fis Crab Scallops Thai curry

to consider the following M u m m Cuvee Napa $6.00

Rafael Estate Tempranillo

The perfect stocking stujferfor your wine lover. These tiny (7/4 the size of packages a regular bottle) of grapes and gas are delicious. A great name in sparkling wine.

Well known for their great wine bargains, this was the first time we've tried Tempranillo from Argentina. Happy to report this popular Spanish grape is doing quite well in South America! A great inexpensive red that's even more of a bargain by the case (S5.85 a bottle when you do the math)!

> 6 **IL3' ^ fu/jaM/i/K/ VERMONT

.. t

TfcMPRANOXC >

This is a great wine for holiday meals. Produced in Alscae, France this Hugel Gentil is a blended wine comprised of Riesling, Sylvaner, and some Gewurztraminer. Try with spicy foods!

$10.00 Natural Sparkfc< Dry Hard Cider

7S0eI Alcohol 91 2.'% by V>W

Flag Hill Farms Cyder $10.00 A great apple cider made in the "Champagne" method. This labor intensive process has produced a wonderfully aromatic and flavorful wine that's made from Vermont apples! Makes a great gift.

open mon-thur 10-7 • fri-sat 10-8 • sun 1-6

st. paul St.* burlington, vt

v p i. / S t t

Hugel Gentil $10.00

Malvasia Bianca, Bonny Doon

133

'J- A ^T'H \ • v '

nine new year's eve

This is our summer white wine at Wine Works. Malvasia was once so popular in Italy that many of the wine shops around Venice were called Malvasia. This wine is sooo aromatic and very dry. To quote Don King, this wine is truly "...an epiphinous experience of religiosity".

$6.50

05401 • 802.951

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Milliare Chardonnay Laurel Glen Reds Malvasia Bianca, Bonny Doon Christian Moueix Merlot Mumm Cuvte Napa

W I

6. 7. 8. 9.

Flag Hill Farms Cyder Chapel Hill Cabernet Sauvignon Rafael Estate Tempranillo Hugel Gentil

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SEVEN DAYS *

p a g e fm\

One Hundred Years... Continued from page 8

American children live in poverty. Twice t h a t n u m b e r regularly don't get e n o u g h to eat. M o r e a n d m o r e Americans are p r o f i t i n g f r o m the current "expansion," b u t at the price of record levels of b a n k r u p t c y a n d d e b t . Charitable c o n t r i b u t i o n s are d o w n across the board. " N e e d c o n t i n u e s to skyrocket," says the Salvation Army. " D e m a n d for services is t h r o u g h the roof." In this regard, we're essentially in the same position we were in the 1890s, the age of the robber barons. L a n d m a r k protections for c o n s u m e r s a n d the poor have been systematically overt u r n e d . "Mega-mergers" assume f o r m s that w o u l d have m a d e Rockefeller blush. B a n k r u p t c y laws are being tightened so that you won't ever escape your debts. T h e IRS, crippled by a Republican Congress, has a n n o u n c e d that in the f u t u r e it won't be auditing the rich or the m a j o r corporations. Instead, it will focus its collection efforts on "the w o r k i n g poor." I kid you not. W h a t t h e corporation wants, the corporation

gets. Millennial Event: Deregulation. Grade: Sorry, money is not subject to grades.

Work. Still a great way to escape the family. Self-help m a n uals warn a b o u t "workaholics," b u t n o o n e can afford to take this seriously. According to Newsweek, o n e - t h i r d of all Americans n o w w o r k m o r e than 50 h o u r s a week. In 1900, only 8 0 0 , 0 0 0 wives a n d m o t h e r s w o r k e d outside the h o m e . Today, 34 million do. "It's a terrible cruelty of predatory capitalism," says archetypal psychologist James H i l l m a n . "We're miserable partly because we have only o n e G o d , a n d that's economics. E c o n o m i c s is a slavedriver. N o o n e has free time; n o o n e has any leisure. T h e whole culture is u n d e r terrible pressure a n d fraught with worry." That's the d o m i n a n t situation all over the w o r l d . " Millennial

Event:

Carpal tunnel

syn-

drome. Grade: Irrelevant.

You're

stuck with it.

PoNtiCS. In a coma, but not quite dead. In 1896, presidential candi-

date William Jennings Bryan warned the robber barons: "You shall n o t press d o w n u p o n the brow of labor this crown o f thorns — you shall not crucify m a n k i n d u p o n a cross of gold!" A n era of progressive reform ensued, lasting at least until J i m m y Carter left the W h i t e House. W e have a long time to wait before the cycle repeats itself, if it ever does. A century of cataclysmic change, huge ideas, ardent politics and noble dreams n o w ends in an orgy of shopping. If your idea of the good life is m o r e money, m o r e cars, m o r e houses and more things, you're in the right place. T h u s is democracy changed to self-interest. Millennial

Event:

The Seattle

riots. Grade: Shows some

improvement.

Needs to work harder.

Marriage.

°tt) FASHIONS,1

SOUP KITSCH'N Warhol's canny likenesses redefined modern art.

VEGETABLE Wade WITH BEEF STOCK

Dead a s a d o o r -

nail. In 1900 there were 2 0 0 , 0 0 0 divorces annually in the United

c o m p u t e r a n i m a t i o n a n d ele-

Pam J o h n s o n asked all 50 U.S.

phant dung.

governors to declare August 8

States. Today it's more than 19 million. Romantics persist in

Millennial

Figure: Andy

believing that s o m e t h i n g magical

who proved you could sell

attaches to a piece a paper that

as if it were

can be fed into the shredder on a

Grade: A for

w h i m . T h e s m a r t m o n e y is on the ultimate elimination of mar-

Happiness.

riage as an i m p e d i m e n t to w o r k

regarded as a " b y - p r o d u c t " of

a n d c o n s u m p t i o n . Children will

prosperity. N o t i m p o r t a n t for its

be bred in test-tubes a n d sent

own sake, b u t only as a carrot to

N e w York G o v e r n o r G e o r g e

Rembrandt.

Pataki. " W e have n o official posi-

manipulation.

tion o n happiness," the letter read. "We're going to wait and

Universally

summer, a s p u n k y gal n a m e d Event:

Day." She got a response f r o m

nothing

see w h a t the federal g o v e r n m e n t a n d o t h e r governors do." So h a p p y . . . u h . . . p r o s p e r o u s millennium, folks. As the N e w

keep the e c o n o m y moving. Last

immediately to school. Millennial

" N a t i o n a l A d m i t You're H a p p y

Warhol,

Agers say, we chose it ourselves. ®

The drive for

same-sex marriage rights,

exposing

the whole operation as a sham. Grade: Skip it. It's only for extra credit. A r t . Valuable n o w only for investment purposes.

GOING DUTCH Under Reagan's reign, self-interest rates soared.

O v e r w r o u g h t , like toothbrushes a n d sneakers. W o r k s increasingly with new media — for instance,

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We have a d y n a m i c w o r k p l a c e and p r o g r e s s i v e s t a f f , and a d v e r t i s i n g i n Seven Days h e l p s us a p p e a l t o t h e d i v e r s e g r o u p o f p e o p l e we s e e k t o a t t r a c t when we have j o b o p e n i n g s . The r e s p o n s e s t o l o u r e m p l o y m e n t ads consistently bring Qualified applic a n t s who meet o u r n e e d s . 'mm Seven Days I f f e r s an a l t e r n a t i v e a d v e r t i s i n g venue t h a t r e a c h e s a l a r g e a r e a a t aitK a f f o r d a b l e r a t e . I t o f f e r s more f l e x i b i l i t y as t o "how and w h e n " we w a n t t o a d v e r t i s e . Seven Days a l s o uses i n v e n t i v e and c r e a t i v e a d v e r t i s i n g d e s i g n s t h a t get your a t t e n t i o n . V

iÂŽ

- Jeanette Fournier uman R e s o u r c e Manager mer H o s p i t a l i t y Group South B u r l i n g t o n

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days.it d e c e m b e t f J a n u a r y 5, 2000

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Going.

Pufflic

One man's large-scale wision still benefits the people of S t Johrtsbury B Y HELEN HUSHER

he poet Robert Graves once observed that, if there is no money in poetry, then there is also no poetry in money. It's a witty and interesting thing to say, but it is only about 80 percent true: Graves didn't happen to know the Fairbanks family of St. Johnsbury, which gave this town of 6500 its chief industry — the platform scale. And, in an outpouring of generosity, the family also gave the town a museum, an academy and an athenaeum with an art gallery, and proved in passing that it takes character to

POST CHRISTMAS SEW & V A C CLEARANCE The House of Sewing & Vacuums is cleaning house after one of the best Christmases ever. Here are some of the great deals: Paper Scraps! Husky 170 Christmas Sewing Pine Needles! Machine Trade-ins

spend money wisely on things that really matter. We can concede that character isn't poetry, but there are times when it comes close. T h e St. Johnsbury Athenaeum and Art Gallery is one of those tall, narrow, rather imposing public buildings with an amusing Second Empire hat; the rounded tops of its windows look back at the viewer with an expression of perpetual surprise. This building was a gift to the people of St. Johnsbury from Horace Fairbanks, heir to the Fairbanks fortune and governor of Vermont, and it really does look like a pres-

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ent, offered with energy, affection, attitude a n d attention to detail. T h e year was 1871, and you get the feeling that Fairbanks loved every m o m e n t of giving it — the original library came with m i n o r explosions in the f o r m of exterior balconies, railings, pointed finials and outbursts of merrim e n t at every opportunity. S o m e of these details have eroded away, a n d it's hard n o t to yearn to have at least some of this original exuberance back. Inside there is an a b u n d a n c e of sunlight, w o o d work, t u r n e d balusters a n d h o b bit-sized spiral staircases. At the dedication, Fairbanks talked a b o u t his " p r o f o u n d pleasure a n d sincere satisfaction" in offering the building: " M y highest a m b i tion will be satisfied," h e said, "if n o w and in the c o m i n g years the people m a k e the r o o m s of the A t h e n a e u m a favorite place of resort for patient research, reading a n d study." T w o years later Fairbanks a d d e d to the original b u i l d i n g — the good people of St. J o h n s b u r y needed an art gallery a n d plenty of pictures to go w i t h their library. After all, the concept of an a t h e n a e u m — n a m e d for the Greek goddess of w i s d o m , A t h e n a — m e a n t m o r e than just books. A n a t h e n a e u m existed to b r o a d cast the virtues of a culture, to preserve its works a n d to provide a place for assembly a r o u n d its central ideas. T h i s is an idea so utterly w i t h o u t irony that the 20th-century temperament might

be m o m e n t a r i l y confused by it, b u t it's a good kind of confusion — the initial strangeness of the St. J o h n s b u r y A t h e n a e u m wears off quickly, only to be replaced by a n o t h e r kind of strangeness that is rare a n d satisfying. Fairbanks had an exceptional eye for juxtaposition, a n d had n o difficulty at all hanging the w o r k of a Montpelier genre artist near a copy of a Van Dyck; elsewhere, a little girl in a p i n k dress scolds a spaniel, while in the next picture the Virgin ascends, b o r n e u p by angels. It's all quite deliberate — w e are told, almost emphatically, that this is the oldest unaltered gallery space in the country. T h e gallery illustrates the eclectic a n d instructional tendencies, not just of an age, b u t of an individual — Fairbanks k n e w w h a t h e liked, and he knew what he wanted and, by g u m , h e followed through. S o m e of this lack of m e d d l i n g is driven by simple logistics — it w o u l d be essentially impossible to move the gallery's h u g e centerpiece painting, Albert Bierstadts " D o m e s of the Yosemite," which is 10 feet high a n d 15 feet wide, b u t it's also hard to imagine w h y a n y o n e w o u l d w a n t to. It anchors the space with its gold distances a n d its pristine depiction of the American landscape, and the fact that it is flanked by naked marble ladies a n d paintings of children a n d sheep is just one of the things the m i n d has f u n adjusting to. T h e r e is a buzz here, deep a n d individual, that can't be f o u n d in

What's a drop-off, nowhere place like this doing with such a fine building and art collection? a conventional m u s e u m . T h e gallery comes with a little balcony built for viewing the big Bierstadt, and if you climb the spiral stairs you can perch on a creaky chair and look d o w n at Yosemite f r o m above, as if in a state of temporary divinity. F r o m here, it's also hard n o t to notice that the gallery's unaltered quality actually reads as a stillness, a studied quietude, that goes beyond

the appeal of a mere period piece. It's full of intention — w h a t else can you say a b o u t a place t h a t offers Dolci's " M a d o n n a a n d C h i l d " in the same breath as William Beards " W h y , P u p p y Looks Like Grandpa"? T h e catalogue explains that this second w o r k was "painted to order," so its presence here is a l o n g w a y f r o m accidental. W h o was this H o r a c e

Fairbanks, a n d w h a t was he thinking? Fairbanks held a party in the gallery every N e w Year's Eve a n d invited everybody in town; h e b r o u g h t in an orchestra a n d p o t ted p a l m s a n d flowers f r o m his conservatory. A t o t h e r times he b r o u g h t in celebrities — President H a r r i s o n in 1891 a n d

Continued on next page

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President Taft in 1912 — and at o n e p o i n t h a d the English explorer H e n r y Stanley c o m e a r o u n d , a n d C o m m a n d e r Robert E. Peary "with his Arctic dogs." T h e portrait of Fairbanks, which was presented to h i m by the people of St. J o h n s b u r y a n d hangs in the library, shows us a thin m a n w i t h a nice face w h o is losing his hair; he sits at a desk a n d looks back at the viewer approvingly, t h o u g h it is hard not to notice that s o m e t h i n g has gone w r o n g with his feet. H e seems to have two left ones. Behind h i m is a spacious r o o m full of beloved objects, b u t he looks like the kind of m a n w h o w o u l d invite dogs over to acknowledge their accomplishments. T h i s may be o n e of the most affectionate and u n p r e t e n t i o u s portraits in N e w England. O u t in the library, where there is a notable absence of whispering, a helpful m e m b e r of the A t h e n a e u m staff tells me that people c o m e f r o m all over to see the treasures here. T h e y w o n d e r w h a t a "drop-off, nowhere place like this" is d o i n g with such a fine building and art collection, and, w h e n I return to the gallery, like a metal filing to a magnet, I take a m o m e n t and leaf through the guest register. She's right — I see entries f r o m C o n n e c t i c u t , Illinois, C o l o r a d o and Delaware. I also see that m a n y of the entries are written by children, w h o tend to write "wow" in the comment column. Art in big gilt frames doesn't normally elicit that response, especially f r o m children, and the c o m m e n t is a testament to the simple aesthetic pleasure of hanging a r o u n d this ornate b u t curiously friendly r o o m in the N o r t h e a s t K i n g d o m . It is genial in the same way the portrait is, a n d for m a n y of the same reasons. M o s t rich people buy things and p u t them in their houses. T h i s is part of the pleasure of having money, and it is a pleasure of an ordinary, understandable kind. But the A t h e n a e u m offers a look at a less ordinary joy, in which a rich m a n t h o u g h t it w o u l d be better to b u y things for everybody, a n d w h o measured the value in his own life by h o w m u c h he m a n aged to give away. It did nice things to his face. O u t in the library, with its shafts of sun a n d bright w o o d w o r k , I hear a chair scraping, a n i m a t e d talk and a brief cascade of laughter, and its clear that the m o n e y he relinquished is still d o i n g nice things to others'. ® The Athenaeum, at the intersection of Main Street and Rte. 2, is open weekdays from 10 a.m. to 5:30 p. m. On Monday and Wednesday it closes at 8 p. m. Saturday hours are 9:30 a.m. to 4 p. m. There is no admission, but donations are encouraged. Helen Husher is the author of O f f the Leash: Subversive Journeys A r o u n d V e r m o n t . This is part of an ongoing series of features she writes for Seven Days about unorthodox destinations in Vermont.

S A I N T

9*?

C O L L E G E

Ill W

GRADUATE PROGRAMS TEACHING ENGLISH A S A SECOND LANGUAGE (MATESL) Master of Arts in TESL • Advanced Certificate in TESL Course Key: (R)=Required

(E)=Elective

(R)GSL 500 Introduction to Language and Linguistics (3cr.)

(R)GSL 604 Second Language Acquisition (3cr.) Friday, 4:30-6:55pm

EDUCATION / SPECIAL EDUCATION Master in Education • Certificate of Advanced Graduate Study • Professional Advancement

Wednesday, 5:00-8:00pm

Wednesday, 5:00-7:30pm

GED 511 Fundamentals of Curriculum (3cr.)

GED 614 Understanding the Basis of Learning Disorders (3cr.)

(E)GSL 606 Curriculum and Syllabus Design (3cr.)

Wednesday, 5:00-7:30pm

Monday & Wednesday, 5:30-7:10pm

Friday, 4:30-6:55pm

Monday, 5:00-8:i

(R)GSL 506 Communication Skills (3cr.)

(E)GSL 612 Bilingualism & Multicultural Education (3cr.)

Monday & Wednesday, 4:00-5:10pm

(R)GSL 502 English Grammar (4cr.)*

Tuesday & Thursday, 2:00-3:10pm

(R)GSL 542 Theory and Method in Second Language Teaching (3cr.) Thursday, 5:00-7:25pm

(R)GSL 543 Teaching Oral Skills in ESL/EFL and English Phonology (4cr.)* Tuesday & Thursday, 5:15-6:55pm

Tuesday, 5:00-7:25pm

(R)GSL 685 Practicum I: Seminar/Observation (3cr.)

ision Maker (3cr.)

GED 516 Teacher

GED 518 Adolescent Development (3cr.)

Wednesday, 5:00-7:30pm Union Memorial School

/ V f W O G E D 520 Social Competence, School Climate, and School Safety (2cr.)

GED 623 The Magic of Clay: A Studio Course for Educators (3cr.)

Wednesday, 5:00 : 7:30pm

Monday, 5:00-7:30pm (Jan. 31- April 17; no class Feb. 21 & Feb. 28)

(R)GSL 688 Practicum II: Classroom Teaching (3cr.)

GED 521 Language Arts and Social Studies in the Multiage Classroom (3cr.)

Wednesday, 5:00-7:30pm

GED 655 Using Standards in the Classroom: Integrating Curriculum, Instruction and Assessment (3cr.)

Tuesday, 5:00-8:00pm

Tuesday & Thursday, 5:15-6:55pm

(E)GSL 691 Thesis (3cr.) To be arranged with instructor

GED 534 Assessment and Instruction in Reading (3cr.)

(E)GSL 602 Intercultural Communication (3cr.)

* Students who were admitted to the program prior to the fall of 1998 can take these courses for 3 credit hours.

ADMINISTRATION A N D M A N A G E M E N T Master of Science in Administration • Certificate of Advanced Management Study Nonprofit Management Series

(Q) GSA 495 MarketjrwtManagement (3cr.) Wednesday, 5:3Cwiprfc

(Q) GSA 496A BusirafyQuantitative Tools and S t a t i s t i c ^ W r ) Monday, 5:00-7:25pm

(Q) GSA 496B Business Quantitative Tools and Statistics (3cr.) Thursday, 5:00-7:25pm

(C) GSA 511A Managerial Presentations ( 2 c r 4 c n Wednesday, 5 : C * ^ p f f ( J a n . 19, 26; Feb. 2, 9, 16, 23; Mar. 8, 15, 22, 29)

GED 631 Development, Learning, and Individual Differences (3cr.)

Wednesday, 5:00-7:30pm

Monday, 5:00-7:30pm

GED 539 Reading and Making Connections: A Survey of Children's Literature (3cr.)

GED 662 Implementing and Evaluating Instructional Programs (3cr.)

GED 547 Secondary Curriculum Planning (3cr.)

GED 664 Implementing a Consulting Program in the School (3cr.)

Saturday, 8:30am-12:30pm (Jan. 15, Feb. 12, Mar. 11, Apr. 8, May 6)

Monday, 5:00-7:55pm

Wednesday, 5:00-7:25pm

Course Key: (Q)=Qualifying (C)=Core (E)=Elective

Tuesday, 5:00-8:00pm The Shelburne Craft School

Wednesday, 5:00-7:25pm

To be arranged with instructor

Monday, 2:00-4:25pm

Thursday, 5:00-7:30pm

GED 622 Multicultural Arts Education (3cr.)

'ns Jan. 24)

(R)GSL 544 Teaching Reading and Writing in ESL/EFL (4cr.)* (E)GSL 565 Grammar in the Classroom (3cr.)

GED 613 Mathematics in a K-8 Classroom (3cr.)

GED 502 Media Literacy Across the K-12 Curriculum (3cr.)

(E) GSA 532 Computers for Managers: The Information Toolbox (3cr.)

Saturday, 10:00am-3:00pm (Jan. 22, 29; Feb. 12; Mar. 11,25; Apr. 8, 15, 29)

(E) GSA 551 Human Resource Management (3cr.)* Monday, 5:00-7:25pm

(E) GSA 591A Special Topics: Advanced Uses of the Thursday, 5:00730pm (Web-based. Does not meet on a weekly basis.)

(E) GSA 591B Special Topics: Information Literacy: Researching Electronically (3cr.)

Tuesday, 5:00-8:00pm

Monday, 5:00-7:30pm

GED 558 Introducljoajo Educational Research ( 3 e * P b t

GED 673A Special Topics in Arts Education: Museum Discoveries: Learning Art, Science, and History (2cr.)

GED 562 Educational Research: Thesis Seminar (3cr.)

Saturday, Jan. 22-April 8, 9:30am-12:00pm (no class Feb. 19 & Feb. 26) Shelburne Museum

Wednesday, 5:00-7:30pm

By Arrangement

GED 673B Special Topics in Arts Education: Introduction to Storytelling: Discovering Your Own Voice (1cr.)

GED 563 School Law (3cr.) Tuesday, 5:00-7:30pm

GED 579 Information Literacy: Researching Electronically (3cr.)

Saturday, 9:00am-12:00pm (March 11-April 8)

GED 678 Aesthetic Perspective on Culture and Education: Imagination and Social Responsibility (3cr.)

Tuesday, 5:00-7:30pm

GED 581 Management of Emotional/Behavioral Problems in the Mainstream Classroom (3cr.)

Thursday, 5:00-8:00pm (Jan. 27- April 20 and Saturday, April 15 from 9:00am-4:00pm)

Tuesday, 5:00-7:30pm

GED 582 Advancedjtees of the

Sunday, 8:00am-3:00pm (Jan. 23, Feb. 6, 20, Mar. 12)

Thursday, 5:30-8:55pm

Thursday, 5:00-7:30pm (Web based - Does not meet on weekly basis.)

(C/E) GSA 598 Thesis Seminar (3cr.)

GED 596 Multimedia Technology (3cr.)

Internet (3c<}l.OS

GED 686 Independent Study (1-6cr.) and GED 687 Directed Readings (1-6cr.)

feU

By Arrangement

GED 688 Practicum (3-6cr.) By Arrangement

GED 689 A & B Student Teaching Seminar (3cr.)

Wednesday, 5 : ( C ¥ " j 3 m

Thursday, 7:30-9:55pm

Wednesday, 5:00-7:30pm

(E) GSA 607 Issues in Nonprofit Management Seminar (1cr.)*

GED 597 lnt^ra|incuW;hnology into the Curriculum ( G W ? 3 1 1

Tuesday, 3:30-5:30pm

GED 601 Understanding Students with Emotional/Behavioral Disabilities (3cr.)

Tuesday, 5:00-7:30pm

Tuesday, 5:00-7:25pm

A 515 Effective Written (C) GSA EffectiveWritten unicatiof»(Q§£D Communicate

Sunday, 10:00am-3:00pm (Jan. 23; Feb. 6, 20)

y, 5:00-7-2&pm (Jan. 18, 25; Feb. 1,8, 22; Tuesday, Mar. 7, 14, 28; Apr. 11,25)

(E) GSA 629 Public Policy and the Nonprofit Sector (1cr.)*

(E) GSA 521 Change and Innovation in Organizations (3cr.)

Friday, Mar. 31, 1:00-7:00pm Saturday, Apr. 1, 8:00am-2:30pm

Tuesday, 6:00-8:25pm

(E) GSA 526 Entrepreneurship (3cr.)

Sunday, 9:00am-5:00pm (Mar. 12, 26)

(E) GSA 528 Executive Decision Making (3cr.)

'Also applicable to the Nonprofit Management Series.

Saturday, 8:30am-12:30pm (Jan. 22, 29; Feb. 5, 12, 19; Mar. 11, 18, 25; Apr. 1, 8)

THEOLOGY A N D PASTORAL MINISTRY

Tuesday, 5:30-8:00pm

CLINICAL PSYCHOLOGY Master of Arts in Clinical Psychology GPS 508 Psychological Assessment II (4cr.)

GTH 802 Caring For People From Birth To Death (3cr.)

Thursday, 6:00-8:25pm

GPS 526 Theories of Psychotherapy (3cr.)

Thursday, 7:30-9:55pm Monday, Lab 8:00-9:30pm (starting 1/17)

Wednesday, 5:00-7:25pm

GPS 511 Research Methods II (3cr.)

Thursday, 5:00-7:25pm

Monday, 5:00-7:25pm

Master of Arts in Theology • Advanced Graduate Certificate • Auditing and Enrichment GTH 801 The Woman's Journey -Ancient and Modern (3cr.)

Thursday, 5:00-7:30pm

(E) GSA 650 Mediation and Negotiation (1 cr.)

Monday, 5:00-7:25pm

GED 699 Capstone Seminar in Graduate Education (3cr.)

Thursday, 5:00-7:30pm

GPS 516 Advanced Abnormal Psychology (3cr.)

Tuesday, 7:30-9:55pm

GPS 609 First Year Practicum II (3cr.) GPS 611 Internship Ethics and Professional Affairs Seminar (3-6cr.) Thursday, 5:00-7:25pm

GPS 520 Advanced Social Psychology (3cr.)

Tuesday, 5:00-7:25pm

Graduate Programs Saint Michael's College One Winooski Park, Colchester, VT 05439

802-65 Toll-Free in V T

gradprograms@smcvt.edu www.smcvt.edu/gradprograms

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3S»]

Reads

Original Ovid — in Vermont? Some of the best "local" books are also the oldest B Y DAVID WEINSTOCK

ou'll never lay a finger on a Van Gogh painting or a Michelangelo sculpture. T h e museum guards would body-slam you to the floor the instant you vaulted the velvet rope. But if you want to wrap your hands around a true cultural masterpiece, start thinking about rare books. T h e first time a librarian rolled up a cart piled with 500-year-old originals I'd called for, I couldn't believe what I was getting away with. I was no scholar, no art historian, just a curious college student at Wesleyan University in Connecticut. Wide-open access is standard procedure in rare-book libraries, public or private. Jessy Randall, a Philadelphia rare-book librarian, explains: "It's our job to preserve the books. But the question is, who are we preserving them for? What's the point of having them if nobody can use them?"

article. O f course, security is tight — plan to check your backpack at the door, surrender your ink pens and take notes with the provided pencil. U V M classics prof Phil Ambrose has never lost the thrill. "You get tingly feelings," he says, "touching a book and thinking about all the other people who have touched it." A young Latin professor back in the '60s,

feelings touchin a book and thinking about all the

other people who

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Vermont's four rarebook libraries are no exception — see sidebar. In the University of Vermont's Bailey/Howe Library Special Collections Department, not even white cotton gloves, a U V M I D or a definite research project come between you and the genuine

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• University of Vermont, Bailey/Howe Library, S Collections Dept. Strengths: Fine printing, literati Chiswick Press, Vermont history, N e w Englandian Curator: Connell Gallagher. N o charge, 656-2138. with school calendar, call ahead • M i d d l e b u r y College, Abernethy Library, Special Col Dept., at Starr Library. Strengths: 19,000 volumes, esp erature, modern first, editions, lanuscripts by ove lcluding Emersion, Thoreau, tost and Wil 443-5502. Curator: Bob Buckeye. N o ch lool calendar, call ahead, ermont Historical Society, Montpelier.\Strett; history, Vermont imprints, genealogy, and (really!; Vermon ed bumper stickers. Librarian: Paul Carnahan. $5 use fee, c with $30 annual membership, 828-2291. Hours: Tues-Fri 9 a.m. - 4 p.m., second Saturday of each m o n t h 9 a.m. - 3 j&m. $ff • Sheldon M u s e u m Research Center, Middlebury Strengths: 5000 books and pamphlets 1700s-present, including state and - ; local history, newspapers, maps, periodicals, manuscripts, Librarian: Nancy Rucker. $4 use fee, or free with membershi] 388-2117. Tues-Fri 1-5 p.m. T h u r s 6-9 p.m. Oct-.

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december 2 9 , 1 9 9 9 & j a n u a r y 5, 2 0 0 0

was so episodic and disconnected," he remembers. But then he discovered UVM's gigantic illustrated volume of Ovid's Metamorphoses, with Johannes Baur's 1704 engravings. "I sat for days, like a six-year-old with Classics Comics," he said. "It all fell into place." T h e volume was meant as a fakebook for Renaissance painters, scrambling to satisfy the rage for classical genre paintings. Say the archbishop orders up a bedroom-sized mural of "Leda and the Swan," but you don't know the whole salacious story. You flip open your Baur, make a few quick sketches, and you're back in business. Ambrose learned that U V M owned a world-class collection of illustrated Ovid books, rivaled only by the British Museum and the Library of Congress. Over 300 volumes range from 15th century incunabula — "cradle books" from the first years of printing — to a modern volume of Picasso originals. How does such treasure find its way to Burlington? "There's maximal randomness in these things," says Richard Noble, an instructor at T h e Rare Book School in \ Virginia. "Some collector gives you something, and you've got it." UVM's benefactor was classics professor Lester Prindle. After Prindle's death in 1949, curator John Buechler expanded the collection, which is now so comprehensive that Special Collections chief Connell Gallagher says it would be difficult to add a single book. Good thing, too, for money is tight and taxpayer scrutiny of apparent luxuries is intense. "When Ronald Reagan became governor of California, he tried to sell off Berkeley's rare book collection," Noble says. Institutions rely on private donations from individual collectors, who give single volumes or whole libraries in exchange for a promise that they will be cared for and made accessible. Rare books are expensive. The last time a Gutenberg Bible changed hands, it fetched $4 million. Wealthy collectors will pay thousands for books that fill some crucial gap in their collections. Few local collectors play the game at anywhere near that

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SHORTS level. "Maybe a dozen people in Vermont will pay $100 for a book on a regular basis," says rare book dealer Richard Adelson of Pomfret, who specializes in books about voyages and explorations." Like traditional antiques, he says, "99 percent of my books go out of state." Adelson's wife, Jane, who deals in rare children's books, I1 agrees. "Vermont is a net exporter of rare books. People find things in their grandparents' attics." Book collectors do nutty things that baffle an ordinary bookworm, for bibliomania has little to do with reading. T h e driving principle is acquisitiveness. As the typical seven-yearold says about Pokemon, "Gotta catch 'em all!" M a n y prized and pricey books go utterly unread, and not merely because they're in Greek. More bizarrely, some books' pages are never cut open, making them literally unreadable. To a collector, unopened pages mean a book is in ultramint condition, unsullied by human hands. UVM's copy of

the magnificent Oxford Lectern Bible, designed by Bruce Rogers, is still in this oddly virginal state. Curator Gallagher is wryly apologetic. "It's not like we don't know the text. If anybody really wanted to look, of course we'd cut open the pages." Rare book libraries are a little like nuclear power plants: Nobody's building any new ones, old ones are shutting down, and people are starting to wonder if they are obsolete. E-books and the Web supposedly spell the end of books on paper. Recently Phil Ambrose and Webmaster H o p e Greenberg loaded hundreds of Ovid images into the Web, where they are heavily used by myth students worldwide. Yet Ambrose scoffs at the recent notion that computers can make printed volumes obsolete. "A codex, a book, is a remarkable thing," he says. "It can survive a fire, because there is so little air inside it. Electronic data is fragile. O n e nail, driven by a carpet layer in my office, wiped out everything on my computer." (7)

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SEVEN DAYS

page 17

sOUnd AdviCe WEDNESDAY BOB G A G N 0 N & DAVID KRAUS (jazz), Leunig's, 7:30 p.m. N C . KARAOKE KAPERS W / C H E R I E TARTT (hosts Bob Bolyard & Eric Brenner), 135 Pearl, 9:30 p.m. N C . COBALT BLUE (blues-rock), Nectar's, 9:30 p.m. N C . V 0 R C Z A TRIO

SHACKADELIC Jimmie's Chicken Shack has nothing to do with Chicken Little. In fact, there's nothing writ small about this band with stage-destructive tendencies. Call it youthful exuberance, call it butt-shaking blues-punk-rock-funk, call it a date with this Baltimore-based quartet at the Pickle Barrel, Tuesday, January 4. Sumack open.

(jazz/lounge/funk), Red Square, 9:30 p.m. N C . THE HALOGENS, ZOLA T U R N (alt-rock; Halogens C D release party), Club Metronome, 9:30 p.m. $3. H I P - H O P NIGHT (DJs), Rasputin's, 9:30 p.m. N C . OPEN MIKE, Manhattan Pub, 9:30 p.m. N C . DJ ROBBIE J (hip-hop), Club Extreme, 9 p.m. $2/4. KARAOKE, J.P.'s Pub, 9 p.m. N C . KARAOKE W / M A T T & BONNIE DRAKE, Edgewater Pub, 9 p.m. NC. ART EDELSTEIN (jazz), Tavern, Inn at Essex, 6 p.m. N C . T N T KARAOKE, Thirsty Turtle, 9:30 p.m. N C . RACHEL BISSEX (singer-songwriter), Charlie B's, Stoweflake, 8:30 p.m. N C . T A M M Y FLETCHER & THE DISCIPLES (soul/blues), Rusty Nail, 8 p.m. $4. DJ T 0 R R Y M A R R S , Mountain Roadhouse, 9 p.m. N C . SETH Y A C 0 V 0 N E BLUES BAND,

TENDER TROUBADOUR One critic said Chris Smither picks like rain on a tin roof, and we're going to borrow that simi-

Mad Mountain Tavern, 9 p.m. $4. OPEN MIKE, Charlie O's, 9 p.m. NC.

le. But we'd like to add that the New Orleans-based singer-songwriter has a voice like a Mississippi mudslide — gritty, languid and deep. Smither revisits the After Dark Music Series in Middlebury Saturday, January 8.

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M I L 0 - Z (funk), Wobbly Barn, 8 p.m. $6-8. CEILI (Celtic rock), Pickle Barrel, 8 p.m. $7/9. H Y P N O T I C CLAMBAKE (groove rock), Toadstool Harry's, 9 p.m. $3.

THURSDAY GUY C 0 L A S A C C 0 (singer-songwriter), Jake's, 6:30 p.m. N C . ELLEN POWELL & M A R K VAN GULDEN (jazz), Leunig's, 7:30 p.m. N C . OPEN M I K E W / D . DAVIS, Cactus Cafe, 9 p.m. N C . RETRO NIGHT (DJ), Club 156, 9 p.m. N C . 18+. THE X-RAYS (rock/r&b), Nectar's, 9:30 p.m. N C . SANDRA W R I G H T (blues diva), Red Square, 9:30 p.m. N C . DEF JAM PARTY (DJs Joey K & Bobby Sparks; hip-hop/r&b), Club Extreme, 9 p.m. N C / $ 2 . H Y P N O T I C CLAMBAKE (groove rock), C l u b Metronome, 9 p.m. $3. REGGAE DJ, J.P.'s Pub, 10 p.m. NC. A D A M ROSENBERG (acoustic rock), Trackside T a t v i e r ^ i ^ . p ^ n s NC.

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PICTURE THIS (jazz), Tavern, Inn at Essex, 8 p.m. NC. KARAOKE W / M A T T & BONNIE DRAKE, Edgewater Pub, 9 p.m. N C . B L 0 0 Z 0 T 0 M Y (jump blues), Mad Mountain Tavern, 9 p.m. $4. MOTHERFUNK (Top 40 dance), Rusty Nail, 8 p.m. $5. EKIS (funk/reggae/rock), T h e Matterhorn, 9 p.m. $3-5. TIN PAN ALLEY (acoustic rock), Charlie B's, Stoweflake, 8:30 p.m. N C . JOEY LEONE & CHOP SHOP (blues-rock), Mountain Roadhouse, 9 p.m. N C . MILO-Z (funk), Wobbly Barn, 8 p.m. $6-8. APATHY JONES (rock), Nightspot Outback, 8 p.m. $6-8. MIGHTY LOONS (rock), Toadstool Harrys, 9 p.m. $3.

FRIDAY (Complete Burlington, Montpelier and Rutland First Night schedules too lengthy to publish here; check programs distributed locally or call 863-6005, 229-9408, or 773-2747, respectively.) NATO (singer-songwriter), 242 Main, 4, 5 & 6 p.m., followed by D R 0 W N I N G M A N , THE CANCER CONSPIRACY, DYSFUNKSHUN, CHAINSAWS & CHILDREN, THE IMPLANTS (hardcore, hip-hop, industrial, punk), 242 Main, 7 p.m. $3 or First Night button. AA. 242 Main, X p.m. First Night button. AA. PICTURE THIS (jazz), Windjammer, 5:30 p.m. N C . B L 0 0 Z 0 T 0 M Y (jump blues),

weekly

Memorial Aud., Burlington, 8 p.m. First Night button. AA. DJS TOXIC, DAPP, NICENESS, D E M U S , A-D0G, DIAZ (house/techno; B-Side NYE party), Club 156, 9 p.m. $35. S0ULIVE (funk/soul; NYE party w/buffet in the tent), Red Square, 9:30 p.m. $100. NEW YEAR'S EVE PARTY (buffet, etc.), 135 Pearl, from 5 p.m. $4/5. KARAOKE, J.P.'s Pub, 9:30 p.m. N C . FATTIE BUMBALLATIE'S OLD S K 0 0 L 2K (hip-hop DJs), Club Metronome, 9 p.m. $5. THE X-RAYS (rock/r&b), Nectars, 9:30 p.m. N C . NEW YEAR'S EVE PARTY

M U S I C ON THE MOVE (DJ), Edgewater Pub, 9 p.m. N C . NEW COUNTRY EDITION (country; NYE buffet), Cobbweb, 8:30 p.m. $60/couple. JERRY LAVENE (jazz guitar), Diamond Jim's Grille, 7:30 p.m. N C . BAD HORSEY (rock; NYE party), Sha-Boom's 9 p.m. $10. DJ NIGHT, Franny O's, 9 p.m. N C . BROTHERS GRIM (rock; NYE bash), City Limits, 9 p.m. N C . JOHNNY DEVIL BAND (rock), Swany's, 9 p.m. N C . EAR CANDY (rock; NYE buffet), Thirsty Turtle, 9 p.m. $15/20.

(hip-hop, dancehall, reggae, techno DJs ), Club Extreme, 9 p.m. (open till 6 a.m.), $3/5. DJ DANCE PARTY, Rasputin's, 9 p.m. N C . CURRENTLY NAMELESS (groove rock), Vermont Pub 6 Brewery, 9:30 p.m. N C . COMEDY ZONE (NYE bash w/dinner, stand-up comedy, magic), Radisson Hotel, 7 p.m., followed by SUPERSOUNDS DJ, 10 p.m. $125. JAMIE LEE & THE RATTLERS (country-rock; NYE country buffet), Radisson Hotel, 7 p.m. $125. RUN FOR COVER (rock), Henry's Pub, Holiday Inn, 9 p.m. N C . DOWNPOUR (rock; NYE party), Tuckaway's, 9 p.m. $49.50/99.50 couple. V I P E R H 0 U S E (acid jazz; NYE party w/buffet), Higher Ground, 9 p.m. $40. QUADRA (classic rock; NYE party), Trackside Tavern, 9 p.m. $25. EAST COAST MUSCLE (blues), Backstage Pub, 9 p.m. N C .

GIUBILE0 2 0 0 0 GALA BALL (black-tie dinner-dance), Villa Tragara, 6:30 p.m. $175. BLUES BUSTERS, Mountain Roadhouse, 9 p.m. N C . DJ NIGHT (NYE party), Matterhorn, 9 p.m. $25. MOTHERFUNK (Top 40 dance; NYE party), Rusty Nail, 8 p.m. $35. JASON CANN (acoustic favorites), Charlie B's, Stoweflake, 8:30 p.m. N C . U.N.I, (reggae; NYE party w/cocktails), Mad Mountain Tavern, 9 p.m. $40. ALLEY KATZ (classic rock; NYE party), Blue Tooth, 10 p.m. $20.

listings

THE MIGHTY LOONS (rock), Charlie O's, 9 p.m. N C . PANASHE (steel drum; NYE Unity Celebration), Montpelier City Hall, 7:45 & 11:30 p.m. First Night ticket. SHANE & CHARLOTTE BR0DIE (folk), Three Mountain Lodge, 6 p.m. NC. MARY LEE'S CORVETTE, APATHY JONES (pop rock;

where to go

NYE dinner), Nightspot Outback, 9 p.m. $60/100. W 0 B B L E N N I U M PARTY W/JUNGLE BOOGIE & THOSE GUYS (funk-rock), Wobbly Barn, 8 p.m. $75. THE SLACKERS (rock; masquerade love-in), Toadstool Harry's, 9 p.m. Reservations.

After Dark M u s i c Series, Knights of Columbus Hail, Middlebury, 388-0216. Alley-Cats, 4 1 King St., Burl., 6 6 0 - 4 3 0 4 . Adams Apple Cafe, Portland & M a i n streets, Morrisville, 8 8 8 - 4 7 3 7 . Backstage Pub, 6 0 Pearl St., Essex Jet., 8 7 8 - 5 4 9 4 . Barnes & Noble Booksellers, 1 0 0 Dorset St., S. Burlington, 864-8001. Blue Tooth, Access Rd., W a r r e n , 5 8 3 - 2 6 5 6 . Boony's, Rt. 2 3 6 , Franklin, 9 3 3 - 4 5 6 9 . Borders Books & M u s i c , 2 9 Church St., Burlington, 8 6 5 - 2 7 1 1 . Burlington Coffeehouse at Rhombus, 1 8 6 College St., Burlington, 8 6 4 5888. ° Cactus Cafe, 1 Lawson Ln., Burl., 8 6 2 - 6 9 0 0 . Cambridge Coffee House, Smuggler's Notch Inn, Jeffersonville, 644-2233. Capitol Grounds, 4 5 State St., Montpelier, 2 2 3 - 7 8 0 0 . Champion's, 3 2 M a i n St., Winooski, 6 5 5 - 4 7 0 5 . Charlie B's, S t o w e f l a k e Resort, 1 7 4 6 M o u n t a i n Rd., Stowe, 253-7355. Charlie O's, 7 0 M a i n St., Montpelier, 2 2 3 - 6 8 2 0 . Chow! Bella, 2 8 N. M a i n St., St. Albans, 5 2 4 - 1 4 0 5 . City Limits, 1 4 Greene St. Vergennes, 8 7 7 - 6 9 1 9 . Club Extreme, 1 6 5 Church St., Burlington, 6 6 0 - 2 0 8 8 . Club M e t r o n o m e , 1 8 8 M a i n St., Burlington, 8 6 5 - 4 5 6 3 . Club 1 5 6 , 1 5 6 St. Paul St., Burlington, 6 5 8 - 3 9 9 4 . Cobbweb, Sandybirch Rd., Georgia, 5 2 7 - 7 0 0 0 . Diamond Jim's Grille, Highgate Comm. Shpg. Ctr., St. Albans, 524-9280. Dockside Cafe, 2 0 9 Battery, Burlington, 8 6 4 - 5 2 6 6 . Edgewater Pub, 3 4 0 Malletts Bay Ave., Colchester, 8 6 5 - 4 2 1 4 . Finnigan's Pub, 2 0 5 College St., Burlington, 8 6 4 - 8 2 0 9 . Franny O's 7 3 3 Queen City Pk. Rd., Burlington, 8 6 3 - 2 9 0 9 . Good Times Cafe, Hinesburg Village, Rt. 1 1 6 , 4 8 2 - 4 4 4 4 . Halvorson's, 16 Church St., Burlington, 6 5 8 - 0 2 7 8 . Henry's, Holiday Inn, 1 0 6 8 Williston Rd., S. Burlington, 8 6 3 - 6 3 6 1 . Higher Ground, 1 M a i n St., W i n o o s k i , 6 5 4 - 8 8 8 8 . Horn of the Moon Cafe, 8 Langdon St., Montpelier, 2 2 3 - 2 8 9 5 . Jake's, 1 2 3 3 Shelburne Rd., S. Burlington, 6 5 8 - 2 2 5 1 . J.P. Morgan's at Capitol P l a z a , 1 0 0 M a i n St., Montpelier, 2 2 3 - 5 2 5 2 . J.P.'s Pub, 1 3 9 M a i n St., Burlington, 6 5 8 - 6 3 8 9 . LaBrioche, 8 9 M a i n St., Montpelier, 2 2 9 - 0 4 4 3 . Last Chance Saloon, 1 4 7 M a i n , Burlington, 8 6 2 - 5 1 5 9 . Leunig's, 1 1 5 Church St., Burlington, 8 6 3 - 3 7 5 9 . Live Art at the Barre Opera House, 4 7 6 - 8 1 8 8 , or Wood Art Gallery, Montpelier, 8 8 3 - 9 3 0 7 . M a d Mountain Tavern, Rt. 1 0 0 , W a i t s f i e l d , 4 9 6 - 2 5 6 2 . M a d River Unplugged at Valley Players Theater, Rt. 1 0 0 , Waitsfield, 4 9 6 8910. M a i n St. Bar & Grill, 1 1 8 M a i n St., Montpelier, 2 2 3 - 3 1 8 8 . M a n h a t t a n Pub, 1 6 7 M a i n St., Burlington, 6 5 8 - 6 7 7 6 . Matterhorn, 4 9 6 9 M o u n t a i n Rd., Stowe, 2 5 3 - 8 1 9 8 . The Mountain Roadhouse, 1 6 7 7 Mountain Rd., S t o w e , 2 5 3 - 2 8 0 0 . Nectar's, 1 8 8 M a i n St., Burlington, 6 5 8 - 4 7 7 1 . The Nightspot Outback, Killington Rd., Killington, 4 2 2 - 9 8 8 5 1 3 5 Pearl St., Burlington, 8 6 3 - 2 3 4 3 . Pickle Barrel, Killington Rd., Killington, 4 2 2 - 3 0 3 5 . Radisson Hotel, 6 0 Battery St., Burlington, 6 5 8 - 6 5 0 0 . Rasputin's, 1 6 3 Church St., Burlington, 8 6 4 - 9 3 2 4 . Red Square, 1 3 6 Church St., Burlington, 8 5 9 - 8 9 0 9 . Rhombus, 1 8 6 College St., Burlington, 8 6 5 - 3 1 4 4 . Ripton Community Coffee House, Rt. 1 2 5 , 3 8 8 - 9 7 8 2 . Ri Ra, 1 2 3 Church St., Burlington, 8 6 0 - 9 4 0 1 . Ruben James, 1 5 9 M a i n St., Burlington, 8 6 4 - 0 7 4 4 . Rusty Nail, M o u n t a i n Rd., S t o w e , 2 5 3 - 6 2 4 5 . Sha-Booms, 4 5 Lake St., St. Albans, 5 2 4 - 9 0 1 4 . Signal to Noise HQ, 4 1 6 Pine St. (behind Speeder & Earl's), Burlington, 951-1140. Starksboro Community Coffee House, Village M e e t i n g House, Rt. 1 1 6 , Starksboro, 4 3 4 - 4 2 5 4 . Strand Theater, 2 5 Brinkerhoff St., Plattsburgh, 5 1 8 - 5 6 6 - 7 2 6 5 . Swany's, 2 1 5 M a i n St., Vergennes, 8 7 7 - 3 6 6 7 . S w e e t w a t e r s , 1 1 8 Church St., Burlington, 8 6 4 - 9 8 0 0 . The Tavern at the Inn at Essex, Essex Jet., 8 7 8 - 1 1 0 0 . Thirsty Turtle, 1 S. M a i n St., Waterbury, 2 4 4 - 5 2 2 3 . Three Mountain Lodge, Rt. 1 0 8 , Jeffersonville, 6 4 4 - 5 7 3 6 . Toadstool Harry's, Rt. 4 , Killington, 4 2 2 - 5 0 1 9 . Topnotch Resort, M o u n t a i n Rd., Stowe, 2 5 3 - 8 5 8 5 . Trackside Tavern, 1 8 Malletts Bay Ave., W i n o o s k i , 6 5 5 - 9 5 4 2 . Tuckaway's, Sheraton, 8 7 0 Williston Rd., S. Burlington, 8 6 5 - 6 6 0 0 . Vermont Pub & Brewery, 1 4 4 College, Burlington, 8 6 5 - 0 5 0 0 . Villa Tragara, Rt. 1 0 0 , Waterbury Ctr., 2 4 4 - 5 2 8 8 . W i n d j a m m e r , 1 0 7 6 Williston Rd., S. Burlington, 8 6 2 - 6 5 8 5 . Wobbly Barn, Killington Rd., Killington, 4 2 2 - 3 3 9 2 .

01.01.00 THURSDAY HAPPY NEW YEAR!

DJ LITTLE MARTIN, 135 Pearl, 10 p.m. $4/5. THE X-RAYS (rock/r&b), Nectar's, 9:30 p.m. N C . DJ BUTCH & GUESTS, Club 156, 9 p.m. $3/4. 18+. R E T R 0 N 0 M E (DJ), Club Metronome, 10 p.m. $2. LIVE MUSIC, Red Square, 9:30 p.m. N C . KARAOKE, J.P.'s Pub, 9 p.m. NC. FLASHBACK ('70S-'80s DJ), Rasputin's, 10 p.m. N C . HIP-HOP PARTY (DJs Spin & Irie), Club Extreme, 9 p.m. $3/5. RUN FOR COVER (rock), Henry's Pub, Holiday Inn, 9 p.m. N C . M U S I C ON THE MOVE (DJ), Edgewater Pub, 9 p.m. N C . BROTHERS GRIM (rock), City Limits, 9 p.m. N C . EAR CANDY (rock), Thirsty Turtle, 9 p.m. $3. RACHEL BISSEX (singersongwriter), Charlie B's, Stoweflake, 8:30 p.m. N C . LAMBSBREAD (reggae), Matterhorn, 9 p.m. $3-5. DAVE KELLER BLUES BAND, Mountain Roadhouse, 9 p.m. N C . MOTHERFUNK (Top 40 dance), Rusty Nail, 8 p.m. $5.

continued on page 2 4

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nEws

I was last New Year's Eve we saw the end of Club Toast, so I'll start this wrap-up with a "where are they now" note. Co-owners Justin and Dennis Wygmans have become productive members of society since closing their popular lowerChurch St. nightspot a year ago. Justin is back at building custom houses and recording band at his own Rock It Science studio in Jericho. He also helped reorganize 242 Main, "to make it seem more like a club than a basement," he says. The brothers Wygmans also helped the Burlington teen center by installing Toast's sound system in it. Dennis, Justin and Eric Heise, of Flex Records, also produced a slew of hip-hop and reggae shows at Higher Ground earlier in the year, under the aegis of Toast Productions. Meanwhile, Dennis briefly worked for Iron Horse Presents in Northampton, then took a job with a Bostonbased agency that books public speakers — such as writers, filmmakers, scientists, that sort of thing — at colleges and universities. But not to worry, he's also still booking rough-and-tumble rockers at The Middle East. Back to January, 1999. The Jalapeno Bros, started off the year with the first of several minitours in Vermont with fiddling legend Vassar Clements, often also accompanied by Buddy Cage, best known as steel guitarist with New Riders of the Purple

Sage and Quick Silver Messenger Service. 'Brother' Glen Schweitzer and Cage were reportedly working on a children's album together, but we haven't seen it yet. Also as the year began, the Vermont Arts Council was soliciting entries for a new state song, since it was clear no one could sing — or even remember — the

old one. Strangefolk's Reid Genauer was pegged as one of the judges. Meanwhile, Burling-ton singer-songwriter Eric Brenner announced his candidacy for mayor, but in March Peter Clavelle would manage to beat out all contenders. In February, Phish guitarist Trey Anastasio played his first solo acoustic shows — first for a Tibet House benefit at Carnegie Hall in New York, then back home at Higher Ground for Very Special Arts Vermont. Both were, not surprisingly, sold out. The only sweet thing about the White House sex scandal — sorry to bring it up again — was a paperback full-length comic by James Kochalka, titled Monica's Story. Right on schedule for Valentine s Day, the book took its cue from the Starr report, but leaned on the love story behind the dirt.

An appearance by former Kinks guitarist Dave Davies in February was perhaps the brightest moment at Montpelier's Emerald City Nightclub, which, later in the year, would go down the yellow brick road and never return. Meanwhile, Big Heavy World's Jim Lockridge, our technology guru, jumped right on the MP3 bandwagon, offering up tunage from the likes of Zola

Turn, Katherine Quinn, The PantS and others to the big wide world on high-definition audio. The productive Kochalka turned up in bold once again — and probably most often in this column in 1999 — by getting an animated cartoon on the popular kids' show, "Ka-Blam," and, later, for creating one of the most inventive mini-operas ever. Carrot Boy the Beautiful was about an evil scientist who wanted to take over the world by producing an army of Carrot Men, but produced only a lovable Carrot Boy instead. It was some sort of moral tale for the millennium, I guess. Also in February, Mud Season sold out screenings at the Slamdance Festival — the Vermontmade film was scored by banjomeister Gordon Stone. Phishantropy struck again in March, in collusion with Ben & Jerry's, when the ice cream company announced that a portion of profits from Phish Food would go to the band's WaterWheel Foundation. The nonprofit helps organizations which protect and preserve Lake Champlain. Sometimes, doing good tastes good, too. Just in time for St. Paddys Day, the Irish pub Ri Ra opened on Church St., with the promise of Celtic ales and airs. Little did they suspect that, within weeks, seven of the crew would be deported for lack of proper working permits. Erin went bragh — but the club prospered. The same month, Burlington folkmistress Rachel Bissex hosted the itinerant Phil OchS Song Night — the event honoring the late Greenwich, legend attracted nearly as many local and national luminaries on stage as there were in the audience. On the international front, Congressman Bemie Sanders went to bat for imprisoned former Middlebury college student Ngawang Choephel. The Tibetan ethnomusicologist was arrested by the Chinese for alleged espionage when he went to Tibet as part of his music studies. That's some mighty threatening folk music. Burlington's indie label Gadfly Records had a banner year, starting with the March signings of

Black 47, Julian Dawson and Julie Adams. Owner Mitch Cantor later added Tonio K, The

SOLE MAN James Kochalka kicked butt in '99 with tunes and 'toons aplenty. Volebeats, Don Morrell, Corky Siegel and Peter Gallway, and hosted a Red Square appearance of labelmate Graham Parker. Talk about eclectic. In March, too, jazz trumpeter, Lester Bowie returned to Vermont with r&b/gospel great Fontella Bass, for another residency with the states school kids. His many new friends and fans were stunned and saddened by the honorary Vermonter's sudden death from liver cancer in November. In April, fighting for the right to party took a new turn in Burlington, when members of the college population expressed their belated outrage at the Liquor Control Commission resolution regarding 18+ nights at local bars. But it turns out there was a little misunderstanding: The resolution, enacted in December 1998, banned the sale of alcohol at bars on 18+ nights, but not the 18- to 20-year-olds themselves. On the other hand, limiting alcohol sales does indeed limit the number of 18+ nights bars can afford to offer. Not that I'm taking credit for anything, but the flurry of indignant letters to the editor ended after I dissed the whiners — and proffered the opinion that the drinking age should be 18 again. April saw the departure of lead chanteuse Jenn Karson from Burlington's only all-female rock band, Zola Turn. While Karson spent the rest of the year working on her own music — and preparing a new solo recording for 2000 — the power trio remaining didn't miss a beat. Julia and Alice

Austin and Rachel Bischoff were local favorites on The Buzz and put out one of the year's best albums, Ninja fane, in December. Speaking of girl groups, '80s rockers MiSS Bliss reconvened for a one-night stand at Red Square in April. Meanwhile Rik Palieri taped an interview with Pete Seeger, to be broadcast the next

month on his public-access show, "Song Writer's Notebook," in honor of the folk legend's 80th birthday. The program was later picked up by other shows worldwide. May brought the stunning news that Red Square owners

Mark Gauthier and Jack O'Brien were planning to buy Club Metronome from Anne Rothwell. The seven-year owner announced she "wanted to enjoy music again," and was ready to pack it in. Gauthier and O'Brien would later spend a month on some modifications to the second-floor institution above Nectar's, and reopen with few changes in programming. That bright green 1957 Flxible Starliner parked down by the waterfront? Movie star. Well, extra, anyway. The vintage bus owned by local country singer/ Choo-Choo entrepreneur Rick Norcross was hauled up to Montreal for the set of the bio-pic Audrey Hepburn. The part? Audreys mobile dressing room during the movie-within-a-movie filming of Breakfast at Tiffany's. Movie should be out in 2000, I reckon, raising the star power — unless the film bites — for "Party of Five" babe Jennifer Love

Hewitt. The irony of the lively Discover Jazz Festival in June was that it was dedicated to someone no longer with us: Vermont jazz pianist/teacher Andy Shapiro, who had succumbed to brain cancer the previous summer. No wonder former Disciples bandmate Tammy Fletcher was inspired to sing her heart out in the Waterfront Gospel Tent at festivals end. Chin Ho! led the pack of Burlington bands whose tunes appeared on Mtv's "Road Rules" last summer — yet more national exposure for the homies. In June, blues diva Sandra

Continued on page 22

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n 1999, the o u t p u t of Green Mountain musicians paralleled that of Hollywood: some good music issued all year long, but a real outpouring came in December. While late-breaking movies might be most memorable to the Academy at Oscar time, end-of-year C D releases mean we can't even get to them all. W h a t you won't see on this list for that reason are T h e Halogens, DysFunkShun, Ryan Ober and Bag of Panties, among others — they'll be contenders in 2000. We'd also like to note that Barbacoa, which made it onto last year's list with a debut cassette release, this year added a bunch of songs and put the longer collection on C D . We think it's a sonic kahuna, but that it's unfair to give these surf- noir dudes a spot on the list twice for basically the same project.

Since there were, overall, fewer discs released this year than last, we decided to pare down, too, with a Top 10, not 20 as we named in 1998. But, based on what we heard this year, we're looking forward to future projects from a number of other Vermont talents, including but not limited to Nato, Joe Davidian, Chainsaws and Children, Yolanda, Random Association and Elisabeth von Trapp. As always, the selections were made only from full-length, single-artist projects (no compilations) reviewed in Seven Days in 1999. While ranking is simply beyond us, we do think that viperHouse's Lap Hen was T H E best Vermont recording of the year. Otherwise the following are in no particular order. And the winners are: baaniiormi; is nwo

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Wright had a most unusual gig: Performing each of the eight finalists for Vermont's new state song under the golden dome. The Statehouse was packed for the show — and the vote. It wouldn't be until summer, though, that the VAC announced we had a winner: Diane Martin of Plainfield, who penned "These Green Mountains." Hey, she's the one I voted for! The first public performance of the song would not come until November, when

Burlington Choral Society sang it at Ira Allen Chapel as the opening act for a Brahms concert. W h o can forget the filming of a

Eugene Nikolaev, now a model and punk-band leader in New York, was turning heads in the fashion world by...sporting a mustache. A real Snidely Whiplash. Yep, the pale-faced Ukrainian lad, using the inexplicable stage name of Eugene HutZ, made the pages of no less august a publication than The New York Times — well, the "Styles" section, anyway — accompanied by huzzahs and psycho-pop analyses from fashion wags. Tom S e l l e c k must have shuddered in his cowboy boots. Nicole Saltus stepped down from her post as mistress of the night — host of "Homebrew" on Sunday nights, that is. The originator of the local-music show, she left to make more time in her schedule as manager of the heavily touring viperliOUSe. A search for Saltus' replacement soon turned

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Jim Carrey movie in Burington last summer? Vermont's most famous musicians, Phish, got in on the action by throwing a party in a barn for the comedian and fellow film crew. Whereupon Carrey, uh, distinguished himself by leaping on stage and mangling a version of

Bachman Turner Overdrive s "Hey

since 1995

FIDDLER ON THE HOOF Vassar Clements plays so often in Vermont we think he should just move here.

You" and the Beatles' "Come Together." Everyone agreed he should not quit his day job. In July, M a r k Greenberg of Montpelier had his own belated birthday gift for Pete Seeger: a 23song disc with extensive liner notes of the folkie's material from the '40s, '50s and '60s, released on the Smithsonian's Folkways label. The proprietor of Upstreet Productions and a Goddard College teacher, Greenberg also had a hand in putting out Vermonter COCO KalliS' Folkways release, Environmental Songs for Kids. Later in July, we learned that Ben Cohen, the more out-there half of Ben & Jerry's, was planning to make a rap song to promote the mission of his nonprofit Business Leaders for Social Priorities: to reallocate a slice of the Pentagon's budget for education and health care. It hasn't worked so far, and let's just say the likes of Busta Rhymes have nothing to worry about, career-wise, from Cohen. But it was a typically innovative and fun approach from the ice-cream maker that surely endeared him even more to B&J fans. O f course, that was before the company was offered up for sale to a big-business conglomerate in November. In August we were amused to learn that former FagS frontman

december 29, 1999 & january 5, 2 0 0 0

up Kevin Murrihy, a former deejay at W W P V at St. Michael s College, and creator of that station's "Burlington & Beyond." An excellent choice, we thought. August was also the month that trouble started brewing at 242 Main. Popular interim manager Simon Brody — also front-

man for Drowningman — was passed over for a leadership position that he, and the teen denizens of the center, thought was his. Overseers Parks & Rec hired John Noble, but not without protest from all sides. Simon was retained as entertainment manager, and the two settled into an uneasy working relationship. But that wasn't the end of it: Brody was fired in December, and charges of mismanagement — or at least poor communication and leadership skills — dogged Parks & Rec once more. That story isn't over. Powers that be in Calcutta, India, announced they were changing the city's name back to its original Bengali one: Kochalka. The James Kochalka contingent in Burlington, Vermont, was thrilled at the news and immediately booked a tour of the infamous city's nightclubs. Just kidding. About the tour, I mean. Actually, some of us thought the "Superstar" should change his name to Calcutta. In September, Pete Gershon moved the offices of his Signal to Noise 'zine from the lonely, distant island of South Hero to a space behind Speeder & Earl's on Pine St. in Burlington. Gershon immediately began booking occasional gigs of experimental/avant-garde musicians — such as New York

saxophonist Assif Tsahar — in the tiny "venue." In September, too, Phish announced their end-of-millennium New Year's Eve party would be on a croc-infested Seminole Reservation in Florida; Vassar Clements came back again; and Chin Ho!, already sponsored by Jagermeister, picked up a grant from Jim Beam. W h o said alcohol was bad? At the end of the month we uncorked a flap by noting a letterwriter's complaint about the late show times at Higher Ground and other clubs. Not only did Seven Days receive a lengthy response from H G co-owner Kevin Statesir, but several other letters from individuals who shared the late-night lament. In the end, the most responsive proved to be Higher Ground, which began actually starting shows at the advertised times rather than the typical 30 to 60 minutes later. A small victory for the early-to-bed set. Craig Bailey has hosted "Floydian Slip," his Pink Floyd tribute show on Champ 101.3., for several years. But it wasn't until this semester it turned up on a syllabus. Karl Anderson, a prof at Gold Coast Music Academy in Washington state, was teaching — what else? — "Pink Floyd 101" and got permission to use some of Baileys recorded shows. I'd just like to know what was on the tests, and whether headphones were provided. In October DysFunkShun got nailed for their appropriation of a Curtis M a y f i e l d song in their new "Keep O n Movin"'-+4 and • rm changed their tune. Meanwhile, Phish released a whoppin' six-CD boxed set, Hampton Comes Alive, which captures an unexpurgated two-night stand at Hampton Coliseum. Last month Currently Nameless got a beer sponsorship of a different sort: Their loyal fans over at Vermont Pub &t Brewery named a beer after the Burlington groovesters. T h e band played every Friday in November at the downtown watering hole to up the volume and down the brightred, cranberry-flavored brew. If it seemed like the music scene was a little less happening overall this year, it was due in part to the fact that lots of local bands spent lots of time on the road — among them viperHouse, Smokin'

Grass, Aaron Flinn and Chin Ho! We just hope their efforts paid off, and that they made it home for the holidays. While they were gone, sometime during the year, drag bingo came out of the closet in Burlington, and the mysterious karaoke virus spread unabated. Scientists at U V M are surely hard at work on a cure. Ail year long, musicians around the state donated their time and talent to benefits for everything from the environment to kids with cancer. O n behalf of all the beneficiaries, we'd like to extend a big fat thank you. Musicians rule. (Z) Got a musical tip for Rhythm & News? Send it to Pamela Polston at Seven Days, POB 1164, Burlington, VT 05402, e-mail to sevenday@ together.net, fax 8651015 or call 864-5684.

Most classes run January 17 - March 5 (YMCA Members pay fee in parentheses.) YGROUP EXERCISE AEROBICS Aerobic Class Pass Participate in any of o u r 19 aerobic classes each week. Step, H i / L o Impact, Bottom Line and more. $69 (free)

OFF-SITE AEROBICS Exercise for the Real Beginner Offered w i t h Fletcher Allen H e a l t h Care, the class includes low-impact movements and strengthening techniques. At Trinity College T u e / T h u 4:30 - 5:30pm $50

Low Impact Aerobics Jan. 17 March 29. Held at the T e m p l e Sinai Synagogue in South Burlington. M o n / W e d 6 - 7pm $95

Step Aerobics Jan. 18 - Apr. 6. No class 2 / 2 9 , 3 / 2 , 3 / 7 . Held at Richmond Elementary School. T u e / T h u 6:15 - 7:15pm $95

SPINNING An intense g r o u p w o r k o u t on stationary bikes. Call for class times.

Spinning Payment Options: 1 class/session: $39 ($25) 2 class/session: $75 ($47) 3 class/session: $108 ($66) 10 class p u n c h card: $65 ($45) Walk-in Payment: $11 per class ($6)

Learn to Teach Group Exercise Lectures a n d w o r k s h o p s o n class design, exercise guideline, a n a t o m y and physiology, injury prevention, cueing a n d choreography. A National Certification Exam to follow in June. Feb. 1 9 - M a r . 11. Sat 8:30 - 11am $100 ($85)

YHEALTH& FITNESS SPECIALTY FITNESS CLASSES Y-Box Self-defense and boxing moves for a total body w o r k o u t . Thu 9 - 10am $29 ($22)

Better Bones Exercise Class Strength training using exertubes, flexibility a n d balance exercises. Lecture and luncheon at session's end. At Trinity College: Wed 9 - 1 0 a m $28 ($21).

PRE/POST-NATAL EXERCISES Pre/Post-Natal Exercise Class Cardiovascular exercise, strength conditioning, stretching a n d relaxation for m o m s & moms-to-be. Memorial A u d i t o r i u m Loft: Fri 9 - 9:45am $28 ($21) M o m m y & M e Bring y o u r baby (ages 6 wks. to 9 mos.) to a class. P a r e n t / baby exercises teach m e a n i n g f u l play, e n c o u r a g e self-discovery anil help d e v e l o p baby's physical control. Memorial A u d i t o r i u m Loft: Fri 10 - 10:30am $28 ($21)

TWATER FITNESS Pre & Post-Natal Water Exercise H e l p relieve lower back pain & swelling, maintain muscle tone and increase blood circulation. M o n / W e d 7 - 8pm $55 ($39) S p l a s h & T o n e Water exercise for all fitness levels. T u e / T h u 9 - 10am $55 (free) T u e / T h u 6:30 - 7:30pm $55 ($37) H y d r o P o w e r W a v e A high-energy, low-impact w a t e r w o r k o u t . T u e / T h u N o o n - 1 p m $55 (free) W a t e r T a i Chi Flowing m o v e m e n t s of tai chi with the calming effects of water. T u e / T h u 1 - 2 p m $55 ($39) W a t e r A e r o b i c s Increase y o u r cardiovascular strength and endurance. M o n / W e d 6 - 7 p m $55 ($39) M o n / W e d / F r i 6:15 - 7:15am $104 (free)

Tai Chi T u e / T h u 6:10 - 7am $74 ($51)

Weight Loss Through Weight

games. T u e / T h u 6:15 - 7:15am $55 (free) " S i g n u p for Water Aerobics and Fit 'n' Fun for $84.

T r a i n i n g Strength-training a n d aerobic e n d u r a n c e activities to lose fat and gain muscle definition. M o n / W e d / F r i 7 - 8 p m $88 ($56) Flow Y o g a An active flow style practice for all levels to tone the b o d y and calm the m i n d . Fri 5 : 1 5 - 6 : 1 5 p m $47 ($40)

OFF-SITE SPECIALTY FITNESS H a t h a Y o g a D e v e l o p y o u r strength, flexibility a n d energy. N o experience necessary. Please bring a blanket or towel. At E d m u n d s Elementary. Thu 5:30 - 6:30 pm. Jan. 20 - Apr. 6 (no class 3 / 2 ) $86 ($74) At L y m a n C. H u n t : M o n 6 - 7 p m . Jan. 1 7 - F e b . 21 $47($40) At Cloarec Hall, Colchester: T h u 9 10am. Jan. 17 - Feb. 28 $55 ($47) At Malletts Bay School, Colchester: Thu 6:30 - 7:30 pm. Jan. 20 - Feb. 24 $47 ($40). At Essex Congregational Church: Thu 7 - 8pm. Jan. 20 - Feb. 24 $47 ($40). At Richmond Elementary: M o n 6:15 7:15pm. Jan. 17 - Apr. 3 (No class 2 / 7 , 2 / 2 8 , 3 / 6 ) $65.

Astanga (Power) Yoga A challenging, s w e a t y f o r m of yoga. At Cloarec Hall. Colchester: Wed 7 - 8 p m $55 ($47).

Fun

and

watgr

T h e r a p y S w i m Enjoy o u r 86 degree pool for y o u r therapeutic needs. Mon/Wed/Fri 8:15-9am T u e / T h u 7:15 - 8am Sat 7 - 8am $15 per session for M o n / W e d / F r i or T u e / T h u / S a t or $25 for all six d a y s (free)

YMCA Arthritis Exercise Class Offered with the Arthritis Foundation, includes gentle water exercises to help decrease pain and stiffness, a n d maintain or i m p r o v e joint flexibility. N o s w i m skills needed. Attend any of the class times: M o n / W e d / F r i 1 - 2 p m and T u e / T h u 8 - 9am $62 ($40)

Aquatic Exercise for People with M S Offered with the National Multiple Sclerosis Society, this p r o g r a m offers the opportunity for recreation while helping maintain mobility, prevent secondary s y m p t o m s of MS, maintain or i m p r o v e flexibility, m a x i m i z e muscle strength a n d maintain or increase e n d u r a n c e potential. Mon/Wed 8-8:45am T u e / T h u 7 - 7:45 p m $70 ($49)

YOLDER ADULTS S i l v e r F o x e s Moderately-paced, coed exercise class for those over 50.

Includes land exercise and optional water exercise. G y m and Pool: M o n / W e d / F r i 8 - 9:30am $70 ($56) G y m only: M o n / W e d / F r i 8 - 8:50am $59 ($47) N e v e r - T o o - L a t e N a u t i l u s Strength training for folks over 50 to i m p r o v e strength and energy levels, ease arthritis pain & build strong bones. T u e / F r i 9 - 10am $53 ($34)

DANCE Kids in Motion Jan. 19 - Feb. 23. A creative m o v e m e n t a n d dance class for ages 2 1 / 2 to 5 years. Weil 2:45 - 3:30pm $36 ($28)

Preschool Ballet and Jazz Jan. 2 0 - Fob. 24 An introduction to structured dance. Thu 3 - 3:45pm $36 couple ($28) B a l l e t C o n d i t i o n i n g Focuses on the superior conditioning effects of ballet. N o dance experience necessary. Bare feet or b a l l e t / j a z z shoes recommended. Thu 7 - 8pm $42 ($35)

American Style Ballroom Jan. 17 Feb. 21. Learn the basics of the Foxtrot, T a n g o a n d Waltz. Mon 7:30 - 8:30pm Couples: $96 ($78) Singles: $51 ($42)

Lunchtime Swing Jan. 18 - Feb. 22.

G r o u p 1: Ages 2 & 3 ( w / parent) Sat 11am - n o o n $62 ($51) G r o u p 2: Ages 3 - 5 ( w / o parent) Sat 11:30am - 1 2 : 3 0 p m $70 ($58)

YSP0RTS SELF DEFENSE/MARTIAL ARTS S h o t o k a n K a r a t e Ages 7 and u p Develop self confidence and self discipline, balance, agility, strength a n d e n d u r a n c e . A d u l t s t u d e n t s also learn self-defense. T u e / T h u 4 - 5:15pm $72 ($50) Ages 17 & u n d e r : $10/session

Dancin* in a Hurry Series A great way to explore favorite styles or brush u p on those rusty moves! Sat 4 - 5pm C o u p l e s per class: $18 ($15) Singles per class: $9 ($8) Jan. 22 - Jitterbug Jan. 29 - T a n g o Feb. 5 - R h u m b a Feb. 12 - Cha-Cha Feb. 26 - Waltz Mar. 4 - S a l s a / M a m b o Mar. 11 - Foxtrot Swing Explosion! Jitterbug, East Coast, West Coast and The Lindy Hop. Couples: $96 ($78) Singles: $51 ($42) Jan. 21 - Mar. 3 (No class Feb. 4) Fri 7:30 - 8:30pm Latin 1 0 1 Jan. 18 - Feb. 22. Learn the R h u m b a , Samba, M a m b o , Cha-Cha & M e r e n g u e . At Malletts Bay School. T u e 6:30 - 7:30pm $90 couple ($75) Children u s e a g e - a p p r o p r i a t e

YGYMNASTICS

G u p p y : M o n 3:45 - 4:15pm, T u e 4:15 - 4:45pm Minnow: Mon 4:15 - 4:45pm Fish: T u e 4:45 - 5:15 p m Flying F i s h / S h a r k : T u e 6:30 - 7 p m

K i c k b o x i n g (Ages 13 - adult)Learn punching, kicking, and blocking; will' heavy bag work, pad drills and lighting strategy Safety is e m p h a s i z e d . A whole body exercise improves e n d u r a n c e , strength, flexibility and self confidence. Wed 7 - 8:30pm $72 ($50) A d v a n c e d Class Sat 1 2 - l p m $36 ($22)

YMCA offers individualized s w i m instruction for persons w i t h disabilities. A p a r e n t or care-giver is required to assist s w i m m e r s in the locker room. Contact Adaptive Swim Coordinator Diane Chandler at 862-9622 to register. Jan. 19 - Feb. 23 $36 per session

Ninpo Taijutsu Self-Defense

Adult Swim Lessons For 18 years

Learn striking and h a n d - t o - h a n d fighting m e t h o d s k n o w n as Taijutsu, including techniques for leaping, climbing, falling and rolling without injury. Fri at the YMCA and W e d at Mt. Philo Dojo in Charlotte W e d 7:10 - 8:30pm Fri 6:15 - 7:15pm $72 ($50)

and older. $55 ($39) Bronze: Tue 7:30 - 8:30pm Intermediate Bronze: M o n 8 - 9 p m Silver Stroke Clinic: M o n 8 - 9 p m

YBASKETBALL

Tue 1 - 2pm Couples: $96 ($78) Singles: $51 ($42)

P a r e n t - C h i l d Classes (12 - 36 months) Parent in water w i t h child. M o n 1 - 1:30pm Preschool Classes (3 - 5 yrs.) Parents not in water. Pike: M o n 1:30 - 2 p m , M o n 4:45 5:15pm, T u e 5:30 - 6 p m Eel: M o n 2 - 2:30pm, T u e 6 6:30pm Ray: M o n 2:30 - 3 p m Youth Lessons (6 yrs. a n d u p ) Polliwog: M o n 3:15 - 3:45pm, T u e 3:45 - 4:15pm

Adaptive Swim Program The

T e e n S w i m L e s s o n s For ages 13 16. T u e 7:30 - 8:30pm $55 ($39) Y M C A L i f e g u a r d i n g For 16 years and older. Jan. 19 - Mar. 1. Wed 6 - 10pm. $210 ($180)

Co-ed Youth Basketball Clinic For boys & girls ages 8 - II) years Learn the f u n d a m e n t a l s of basketball t h r o u g h drills & practice games. Fee includes a T-shirt Sat 2:30 - 4pm S35 ($25)

ADULT BASKETBALL 3-on-3 Basketball League Eight t e a m s play 20-minute halves. The 8w e e k leaigue r u n s Feb. 6 - Apr. 2. Sun 5 - 7 p m $30 ($20)

YSWIM LESSONS Parent - Child Classes Parent is in w a t e r w i t h child. For ages 6 - 3 6 m o n t h s . Four levels of classes. Call for d a y s a n d times. $48 ($34) P r e s c h o o l C l a s s e s Children ages 3 5 years s w i m w i t h o u t parent. Four levels of classes. Call for d a y s a n d times. $55 ($39)

Home-School Students Swim L e s s o n s For children ages e> years and above. Wed 2 - 2:40pm $55 ($39)

e q u i p m e n t and activities such as music, hoops, balls, t u m b l i n g mats, and later gymnastic e q u i p m e n t , to d e v e l o p physically a n d socially. A great p a r e n t / c h i l d activity for y o u n g e r children. Beginner g y m n a s t s d e v e l o p self confidence, coordination and flexibility.

YMEMBERSHIR YMCA NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTION SOLUTION

$19.99 Joining Fee A d u l t m e m b e r s h i p - s a v e $80. Enjoy o u r N a u t i l u s / Cardiovascular Center, aerobic classes, free weights, t w o pools a n d m u c h more.

Offer ends Jan. 19.

Financial Assistance Is available for YMCA programs and membership. Call 862-9622 for info.

Little Gymies (18 mos. - 3 yrs. with parent) Sat 9:05 - 9:35am $41 ($28)

Greater Burlington

YMCA

Tiny Tumblers ( 3 - 5 yrs. with parent) Sat 9:40 - 10:10am $41 ($28)

Beginner Gymnastics (6 - 12yrs.) Sat 10:15 - 11am $48 ($34) T u m b l e a n d S p l a s h Creative m o v e m e n t a n d tumbling, then h e a d for the pool for f u n s w i m activities.

266 College St. Burlington Call 862-9622 to register.

Youth Swim Lessons For children of all levels. S e v e n levels of classes. Call for d a y s a n d times. $55 ($39)

YMCA Lessons in Shelburne Jan. 10 - Feb. 22 at t h e T r a v e l o d g e Pool. $53 ($40) Register at the YMCA.

YMCA We build strong kids, strong families, strong c

â&#x20AC;&#x201D; december 29, 1 9 9 9 & january 5, 2 0 0 0

SEVEN DAYS

page 2 3

Leave Your Mark on the Marketplace!

sOUnd AdviCe continued from page 19 JUNGLE BOOGIE (funk-rock), Wobbly Barn, 9 p.m. $6-8. H Y P N O T I C CLAMBAKE (groove rock), Toadstool Harrys, 9 p.m. $3. APATHY JONES (rock), Nightspot Outback, 9 p.m. $5-7.

CHURCH STREET MARKETPLACE

Would you like to leave your mark on the Church Street Marketplace, and support one of the nations most successful pedestrian malls? Now you can order a special Vermont granite block, engraved with your message and placed on the Marketplace. It's the perfect gift for births, weddings, graduations, remembrances or personal messages of love and friendship. For more information, call (802) 863-1648 and order your Vermont Granite Block Today! •

SUNDAY SUNDAY S E S S I O N S (trad. Irish), R\ Ra, 5 p.m. N C . SUNDAY NIGHT M A S S (DJ), Club Metronome, 9 p.m. $2. TOP HAT DJ (hip-hop), Rasputin's, 9:30 p.m. N C .

TUESDAY PAUL ASBELL W/CLYDE STATS & JEFF SALISBURY (jazz), Leunig's, 7:30 p.m. N C . OPEN M I K E (acoustic), Burlington Coffeehouse at Rhombus, 8 p.m. Donations. DRAG BINGO W / L A D Y ZENO, 135 Pearl, 8 p.m. N C . M A R T I N & MITCHELL (DJs), Club Metronome, 9 p.m. $3. JO M O FO (funk), Red Square, 9:30 p.m. N C . ' 8 0 S NIGHT (DJ Frostee), Club Extreme, 9 p.m. $ 2 / N C . B A S H M E N T (reggae/dancehall

ART EDELSTEIN (jazz), Tavern, Inn at Essex, 6 p.m. N C . STEVE LANGD0N, M I T C H KRAUS & TRACY T 0 M A S I (acoustic blues), Good Times Cafe, 7:30 p.m. $2. T N T KARAOKE, Thirsty Turtle, 9:30 p.m. N C . OPEN MIKE, Charlie O's, 9 p.m. NC. THE M A C H I N E (Pink Floyd tribute), Wobbly Barn, 9 p.m. $6-8. ENTRAIN (alt-rock), Pickle Barrel, 8 p.m. $8.

6 THURSDAY GUY C 0 L A S A C C 0 (singer-songwriter), Jake's, 6:30 p.m. N C . BOB GAGN0N & FRIENDS (jazz; birthday bash), Leunig's, 7:30 p.m. N C .

OPEN M I K E W / D . DAVIS, Cactus Cafe, 9 p.m. N C . RETRO NIGHT (DJ), Club 156, 9 p.m. N C . 18+. DAVE KELLER BLUES BAND, Nectar's, 9:30 p.m. N C . DEF JAM PARTY (DJs Joey K & Bobby Sparks; hip-hop/r&b), Club Extreme, 9 p.m. N C / $ 2 . KARAOKE W / M A T T & BONNIE DRAKE, Edgewater Pub, 9 p.m. NC.

START YOUR ENGINES Midlife Chrysler put new life in vintage rock at Nectar's January 7 and 8.

OPEN MIKE, Swany's, 9 p.m. N C . REGGAE DJ, Matterhorn! 0"p.m. NC. LOCAL BAND NIGHT, Rusty Nail, 8 p.m. N C . DOMESTIC PROBLEMS (rock), Wobbly Barn, 8 p.m. $6-8.

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KARAOKE W / M A T T & BONNIE DRAKE, Edgewater Pub, 9 p.m. NC. DERRICK SEMLER (acoustic blues), Capitol Grounds, 11 a.m. NC. LIVE M U S I C (acoustic), La Brioche, 11 a.m. N C . S Q U A G M Y R E (rock), Matterhorn, 9 p.m. $3-5. JUNGLE BOOGIE (funk-rock), Wobbly Barn, 9 p.m. $6-8.

3 MONDAY ALLEY CATS JAM W / N E R B A K BROS, (rock), Alley Cats, 9:30 p.m. N C . DAVE G R I P P 0 (funky jazz), Red Square, 9:30 p.m. N C . OPEN M I K E , Rasputin's, 9 p.m. NC. JERRY LAVENE (jazz guitar), Chow! Bella, 6 p.m. N C . OPEN STAGE W / A L E X N I C 0 L E T Tl (acoustic), C o m m u n i t y Coffeehouse, H o r n of the M o o n , 8:30 p.m. N C . S W E E T BROTHER R U S H (acoustic rock), Wobbly Barn, 9 p.m. $6-8. R U S T I C OVERTONES (grooverock), Pickle Barrel, 8 p.m. $8.

page24-SEVEN DAYS

december 29, 1 9 9 9 & january 5, 2 0 0 0

DJs), Ruben James, 10 p.m. N C . R U S S & CO. (rock), J.P.'s Pub, 9:30 p.m. N C . BEN & T W A (Caribbean), Cambridge Coffee House, Smuggler's Notch Inn, 7 p.m. NC. RICK COLE (folk), Three M o u n t a i n Lodge, 6 p.m. N C . S W E E T BROTHER R U S H (acoustic rock), Wobbly Barn, 9 p.m. $6-8. J I M M I E ' S CHICKEN SHACK, S U M A C K (alt-rock), Pickle Barrel, 8 p.m. $8/10.

WEDNESDAY LAR DUGGAN W / J 0 H N RIVERS & STEVE W I E N E R T (jazz), Leunig's, 7:30 p.m. N C . KARAOKE KAPERS W / C H E R I E TARTT (hosts Bob Bolyard & Eric Brenner), 135 Pearl, 9:30 p.m. N C . LIVE M U S I C , Red Square, 9:30 p.m. N C . H I P - H O P NIGHT (DJs), Rasputin's, 9:30 p.m. N C . OPEN MIKE, Manhattan Pub, 9:30 p.m. N C . KARAOKE, J.P.'s Pub, 9 p.m. N C . KARAOKE W / M A T T & BONNIE DRAKE, Edgewater Pub, 9 p.m. NC. '

FRIDAY PICTURE T H I S (jazz), Windjammer, 5:30 p.m. N C . RODNEY & FRIENDS (acoustic), Ri Ra, 6 p.m. N C . KATHERINE Q U I N N (singer-songwriter), Borders, 8 p.m. N C . RED BEANS (blues), Red Square, 9:30 p.m. $5. W O M Y N ' S DANCE (DJ),135 Pearl, 6 p.m. $5, followed by DJ CRAIG MITCHELL, 10 p.m. $4/5. PERRY N U N N (acoustic), Ruben James, 5 p.m. N C , followed by TOP HAT DJ, 11 p.m. N C . DJ JAZZ (house/techno), Club 156, 9 p.m. $3/4. 18+. MIDLIFE CHRYSLER (vintage rock), Nectar's, 9:30 p.m. N C . ORGY (retro remix/r&b/hip-hop; DJs Frostee & Robbie J.), Club Extreme, 9 p.m. $3/5. RIGHT IDEA (rock), Vermont Pub & Brewery, 9:30 p.m. N C . LIVE M U S I C (rock), Alley Cats, 9:30 p.m. N C . COMEDY ZONE (stand-up), Radisson Hotel, 8 & 10 p.m. $8. ABAIR BROS, (rock), Henry's Pub, Holiday Inn, 9 p.m. N C . KARAOKE W / M A T T & BONNIE DRAKE, Backstage Pub, 9 p.m. NC. JOHN CASSEL (jazz piano), Tavern at the Inn at Essex, 7 p.m. NC.

sOUnd AdviCe

T I N PAN ALLEY (acoustic rock), Charlie B's, Stoweflake, 8:30 p.m. NC. 1 1 FOOT 7 (groove pop), Matterhorn, 9 p.m. $3-5. BLUES FOR BREAKFAST, Mountain Roadhouse, 9 p.m. NC. THE CLIQUE (Top 40 dance), Rusty Nail, 8 p.m. $5. DJ BETTY, Charlie O's, 9 p.m. NC.

continued from page 2 4 LIVE JAZZ, D i a m o n d Jim's Grille, 7:30 p.m. N C . BAD HORSEY (rock), Franny O's, 9 p.m. N C . THE H I T M E N (rock), City Limits, 9 p.m. N C .

violin), Villa Tragara, 6:30 p.m.

DJ LITTLE M A R T I N , 135 Pearl, 10 p.m. $4/5. MIDLIFE CHRYSLER (vintage rock), Nectars, 9:30 p.m. N C . DJ B U T C H & GUESTS, Club 156, 9 p.m. $3/4. 18+. R E T R 0 N 0 M E (DJ), Club Metronome, 10 p.m. $2. LIVE M U S I C , Red Square, 9:30 p.m. N C .

$5 with dinner. RACHEL BISSEX (singer-songwriter), Charlie Bs, Stoweflake, 8:30 p.m. N C .

KARAOKE, J.P.'s Pub, 9 p.m. N C . DJS T I M DIAZ & RUGGER (hiphop/r&b), Ruben James, 10 p.m. NC.

JOEY LEONE & CHOP SHOP

FLASHBACK ('80s DJ), Rasputin's, 10 p.m. N C . H I P - H O P PARTY (DJs Spin & Irie), Club Extreme, 9 p.m. $3/5. KIP MEAKER (blues), Vermont Pub & Brewery, 9:30 p.m. N C . C O M E D Y ZONE (stand-up), Radisson Hotel, 8 & 10 p.m. $8. GUY C 0 L A S A C C 0 (singer-songwriter), Jake's, 6:30 p.m. N C . ABAIR BROS, (rock), Henry's Pub, Holiday Inn, 9 p.m. N C . LIVE M U S I C , Tuckaway's, Sheraton Hotel, 9 p.m. N C . E M P T Y POCKETS (rock), Backstage Pub, 9 p.m. N C . BACK ROADS (country; line dancing), Cobbweb, 8:30 p.m. $7/12.

C 4 (rock), Swanys, 9 p.m. N C . THE FANATICS (rock), Thirsty Turtle, 9 p.m. $3. PROF. FAIRBANKS (swing/jazz

(blues-rock), Mountain Roadhouse, 9 p.m. N C . 11 FOOT 7 (groove pop), Matterhorn, 9 p.m. $3-5. THE CLIQUE (Top 40 dance), Rusty Nail, 8 p.m. $5. DICK EASTER & M I D N I G H T LIGHTNING (blues-rock), Charlie O s , 9 p.m. N C . OPEN M I K E (acoustic), Adams Apple, 7 p.m. N C . RICK COLE (folk), Three Mountain Lodge, 6 p.m. N C . ALICE PROJECT (pop rock), Nightspot Outback, 9 p.m. $5-7. FULL HOUSE (rock), Wobbly Barn, 9 p.m. $6-8. B A B A L 0 0 (punk mambo), Toadstool Harrys, 9 p.m. $3.

KARAOKE W / F R A N K , Franny O's, 9 p.m. N C .

SATURDAY DAVE BALL & R U S S C H A P M A N (acoustic), Burlington Coffeehouse at Rhombus, 8 p.m. $6.

M R . FRENCH (rock), Thirsty Turtle, 9 p.m. $3.

,vt

ALICE PROJECT (pop rock), Nightspot Outback, 9 p.m. $5-7. FULL HOUSE (rock), Wobbly Barn, 9 p.m. $6-8. B A B A L 0 0 (punk mambo), Toadstool Harry's, 9 p.m. $3.

j SUNDAY

BLOOZ CRUISE Jim Branca's Bloozotomy make us feel a lot better about Y2K â&#x20AC;&#x201D; dancing with wild abandon at Memorial Auditorium for First Night Burlington.

SUNDAY SESSIONS (trad. Irish), Ri Ra, 5 p.m. N C . SUNDAY NIGHT M A S S (DJ), Club Metronome, 9 p.m. $2. TOP HAT DJ (hip-hop), Rasputin's, 9:30 p.m. N C . KARAOKE W / M A T T & BONNIE DRAKE, Edgewater Pub, 9 p.m. NC. LIVE M U S I C (acoustic), Capitol Grounds, 11 a.m. N C . LIVE M U S I C (acoustic), La Brioche, 11 a.m. N C . S H A N E BR0DIE & FRIENDS (acoustic), Adams Apple, 10:30 a.m. N C .

p.m. N C .

DRAG BINGO W / L A D Y Z E N 0 , 135

DAVE G R I P P 0 (funky jazz), Red

Pearl, 8 p.m. N C . M A R T I N & M I T C H E L L (DJs), C l u b Metronome, 9 p.m. $3. JAMES HARVEY (jazz), Red Square, 9:30 p.m. N C . ' 8 0 S NIGHT (DJ Frostee), C l u b Extreme, 9 p.m. $ 2 / N C . B A S H M E N T (reggae/dancehall DJs), Ruben James, 10 p.m. N C . R U S S & CO. (rock), J.P.'s Pub, 9:30 p.m. N C . M I K E DEVER (folk), T h r e e M o u n t a i n Lodge, 6 p.m. N C .

Square, 9:30 p.m. N C . OPEN MIKE, Rasputin's, 9 p.m. NC. JERRY LAVENE (jazz guitar), Chow! Bella, 6 p.m. N C . OPEN STAGE, T O M B I S S 0 N (acoustic), C o m m u n i t y Coffeehouse, H o r n of the M o o n , 8:30 p.m. N C . S C R E A M I N G BROCCOLI (altrock), Wobbly Barn, 9 p.m. $6-8.

FULL HOUSE (rock), Wobbly Barn, 9 p.m. $6-8.

THE H I T M E N (rock), City Limits, 9 p.m. N C . C 4 (rock), Swany's, 9 p.m. N C . CHRIS S M I T H E R (singer-songwriter), After Dark Music Series, Knights of C o l u m b u s Hall, 7 p.m. $16/18.

I " '>*"

1 l

S C R E A M I N G BROCCOLI (altrock), Wobbly Barn, 9 p.m. $6-8.

TUESDAY

JOE DAVID IAN TRIO & GUESTS

MONDAY ALLEY CATS JAM W / N E R B A K BROS, (rock), Alley Cats, 9:30

(jazz), Leunig's, 7:30 p.m. N C . OPEN M I K E (acoustic), Burlington Coffeehouse at Rhombus, 8 p.m. Donations.

Up and Away for Y2K . . . Don't panic . . . when you don't find Seven Days on Wednesday, January 5. It's not the millennium it's our annual vacation.* illllllllj

rs>v-

We'll be back in the office on Monday, january 3. Look for the next issue the foil! week, on Wednesday, January See you on the other s i d e . . . december 29, 1 9 9 9 & january 5, 2 0 0 0

SEVEN DAYS

page 2 5

lambsbread in winter: Though chilly Burlington is far removed from reggae's warm-weather roots, the Green Mountain State is equally open to the red, black and yellow. "The mood of the people has caught up to the feeling of First Night," says Bobby Hackney, a member of Lambsbread who helped launch the annual Vermont Reggae Festival. The band's positive vibrations and irie grooves help winterbound Vermonters dance into the new year. Edmunds School Gym, 8p.m. - midnight.

W W e Were jj°u on New Year's Eve, 2000? Do you really want to say you stayed home watching television on the first night of the new millennium?

Okay, so get-

ting to Fiji or New Zealand to catch the first glimpse of dawn might be a little tricky at this point. But catching the biggest party in town couldn't be easier — at First Night

Burlington.

It's the best sort of culture crawl. . .

midwinter's tale: Mac Parker has been telling stories at First Night for many years, but his performance always brings new tales along with his perennial favorites. This year he debuts one about a girl on a farm with eight brothers, "The Story of Emma Perkins." Parker, who grew up on a farm in the Northeast Kingdom, spins his own yarns with unmistakable Vermont style. "I wanted to bring original stories to that traditional voice," he says. His First Night performance might make you believe we should be ringing in the old. First Congregational Church Sanctuary, noon; Burlington City Hall Auditorium, 3 & 5 p.m.

Wholesome as it is, there is something for everyone. Music fans get an earful with swing, reggae, classical, salsa, alternative — even Gilbert and Sullivan performances. For the harmonically disinclined, there are dance performances from around the globe, comedy acts, storytellers, fiction readers and public skating.

Party-

poopers will be happy to know the fireworks

start

early. But the midnight pyrotechnics are definitely worth waiting for.

Keeping warm during the dozen hours of entertainment

is the real challenge —frozen

fun

has been the norm since the very first First Night event. If the venue-to-venue

nato invasion: Politics aren't the point when it comes to the artist known as Nato. His acoustic music has broad appeal — "catchy, but intelligent," as he calls it. His music draws on the rock and pop traditions of the past 30 years, with influences ranging from The Beatles to The Talking Heads. As a solo act, his style remains unique. Classic rock fans admire him, but he has a strong fan base among teenage girls, who swarmed when a string broke at another performance. If the cold doesn't keep you moving, his contagious riffs will. 242 Main, 4, 5 & 6p.m.

treks are too chilly,

free shuttles circulate for the longer hauls. Failing that, maybe Steve Taubman, the popular local hypnotist, can convince the crowd we're in the

harmonica convergence: Harmonicas are Mark

Caribbean.

Another unusual thing about this year's festivities — besides the possibility we may all be going home in the dark: Gov. Howard

Dean

chamber pop: "Wejust and Rep. Bernie Sanders will attend the unveiling of the new Millennium

Sculpture by Andrea

Stix Wasserman in City Hall Park at 6 p. m. It houses a time capsule to be opened at the next turn of the next

millennium.

Schedules and buttons are available all over Burlington,

but your best bet on the big day is

the Burlington Memorial Auditorium

Annex,

where the elementally unprepared can also purchase hats and headbands. Info,

page 26

SEVEN DAYS

want to do great music," says Steve Klimowski, explaining why MusicaLive doesn't limit itself to oh-so-tried-and-true chamber music pieces. The group reworks 20th-century classics like The Beatles' "When I'm 64" for clarinet, cello, piano and soprano voice. It's not all pop — they're also playing a modern piece by Chinese-Canadian composer Chan Ka Nin. But in honor of the First Night festivities, the ensemble performs Rodgers and Hammerstein's "Some Enchanted Evening." St. Paul's Cathedral, 5 & 8p.m.

Lavoie's life. He plays them, he tunes them, he even had a job in the '70s as a chauffeur to blind harmonica legend Sonny Terry. "I've had a passion for the instrument for 28 years," says Lavoie, who was seen on the PBS production, "An American Love Story," playing with Bill Sims. The selftaught Bristol native plays on a new titanium comb, his own invention, that adds to the musical tone. He belts out blues, ballads and even humorous kids' tunes in a couple of soulful First Night sets. First Congregational Chapel, 2 & 6 p.m.

all that jaZZ:

Karen Amirault, artist-in-residence with the Vermont Arts Council, has met many talented teens in her teaching travels. Now 17 of them, from all corners of the state, are part of the act, along with the eight adults in the group. "Jazz is the great American art form," says Amirault, whose choreography ranges from Dixieland and swing to hiphop styles. This year's performance features a collaboration with Middlebury dancer Patty Smith, who moves with Amirault to a Glenn Miller tune. Memorial Auditorium, 2 & 6 p.m.

863-6005.

december 2 9 , 1 9 9 9 & january 5, 2000

december 29, 1999 & january 5, 2000

SEVEN DAYS

page 27

sport

Branch Nature Center, Montpelier, 12:30-4:30 p.m. $20. Info, 229-6206.

5K FUN RUN: Runners lace up for a race to kick off First Night festivities. The Gymnasium, 30 Merchant's Row, Rutland, 3 p.m. $15. Register, 773-5333.

Seven Days recommends you confirm ail calendar events, as times and dates may change after the paper is printed.

welnesday music

• Also, see listings in "Sound Advice." 'CAROLS THROUGH THE MILLENNIUM': Local musicians sing traditional songs ranging from English medieval chants to Syrian folk tunes. Unitarian Church, Rutland, 8 p.m. Donations. Info, 453-3016.

drama 'OLIVER': Northern Stage presents the musical tale of street-wise urchins in Dickensian England. Briggs Opera House, White River Junction, 2 & 7 p.m. $20. Info, 296-7000.

art

read aloud. Barnes & Noble, S. Burlington, 10 a.m. Free. Info, 864-8001. PUPPET SHOW: The Traveling Storyteller strings listeners along the familiar path of "Little Red Riding Hood." Fletcher Free Library, Burlington, 11-11:45 a.m. Free. Info, 865-7216.

etc LIVE BIRD DEMONSTRATION: Members of the Organ-ization for Earth Stewardship acquaint kids with some feathered friends. Lake Champlain Basin Science Center, Burlington, 1 p.m. $3. Info, 864-1848. HOMEOWNERSHIP ORIENTATION: Potential buyers learn how to shop — and pay — for a home with the help of services at the Burlington Community Land Trust, noon. Free. Register, 660-0642. SLEIGH RIDES: Weather permitting, old-fashioned revelers dash through the snow and o'er the fields at Shelburne Farms, 11 a.m. - 2 p.m. $5. Info, 985-8442.

• Also, see gallery listings. FIGURE DRAWING: The human figure motivates aspiring and accomplished artists in a weekly drawing session at the Firehouse Gallery, Burlington, 6:30-9:30 p.m. $3-6. Info, 865-7165. OPEN PAINTING: Bring your paintbrush and palette to this creative expression session. Art Gallery of Barre, 1-4 p.m. Free. Info, 476-1030.

thursday

words

'OLIVER': See December 29, 2 & 7 p.m.

POETRY READING: Read, relax and respond at an open reading. Rhombus Gallery, 186 College St., Burlington, 8 p.m. $3-6. Info, 865-0569.

kids STORYTIME: Young readers ages three to five learn from lighthearted literature, songs and activities at the S. Burlington Community Library, 11 a.m. Free. Register, 652-7080. 'TINY TOT' STORYTIME: The three-and-under crowd hears stories

Restaurant 30+ scene

N e w Year's Eve B a s h $ 8 0 per couple: Buffet, Fireworks, D o o r Prize. DJ From 8 - 1:30

music

• See listings in "Sound Advice."

drama words POETRY READING: Local writer Oscar Xavier reads from his work at Rhombus Gallery, 186 College St., Burlington, 8 pm. $3-6. Info, 865-0569.

kids NEW BOOK STORY TIME: The four-and-up crowd hears Margaret Wise Brown's Another Important Book at Barnes & Noble, S. Burlington, 3:30 p.m. Free. Info, 864-8001.

1 Saturday

etc

etc SLEIGH RIDES: See December 29. 'MAKING IT THROUGH THE WINTER': A snow fan from Climb High shares tips on how to enjoy winter in the woods — and in the city. Lake Champlain Basin Science Center, Burlington, 1 p.m. $3. Info, 864-1848. GLBTQ SUPPORT GROUP: Gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgendered and questioning youth make new friends and get support. Outright Central Vermont, Montpelier, 7 p.m. Free. Info, 800-452-2428. SEXUAL ASSAULT SURVIVORS GROUP: Victims of violence support and educate their peers. Puffer United Methodist Church, Morrisville, 6:308 p.m. Free. Info, 888-5256.

31 friday new year s eve music • See listings in "Sound Advice."

dance NEW YEAR'S CONCERT AND DANCE: Sterling Weed's Imperial Orchestra swings into action for people dancing till the dawn of the new millennium. St. Albans City Hall, 9 p.m. - 1 a.m. $10. Info, 524-1519. SQUARE DANCE: The Central Vermont Squares pair up for a New Year's Eve dance and potluck supper. Capitol City Grange Hall, Montpelier, 8 p.m. - 1 a.m. $18. Register, 485-6739.

drama 'OLIVER': See December 29, 2 p.m.

art • See gallery listings.

SLEIGH RIDES: See December 29. GLBTQ SUPPORT GROUP: See December 30. Outright Vermont, Burlington, 6:30-9 p.m. Free. Info, 800-452-2428. FIRST NIGHT BURLINGTON: A smorgasboard of music, magic, comedy, theater and dance entertains revelers with a cause. See center spread, this issue. Venues in downtown Burlington, noon-midnight. $12. Info, 863-6005. FIRST NIGHT MONTPELIER: The town-wide celebration features fireworks, storytelling, steel drum, folk and teen bands and a screening of John O'Brien's Vermont Is for Lovers. Venues around Montpelier, 3 p.m. midnight. $10. Info, 229-9408. FIRST NIGHT RUTLAND: Brave the elements and catch some of the 90 acts performing, including music groups, clowns, poetry readings, movies, fireworks and a parade with a Chinese dragon. Venues around downtown Rutland, 3 p.m. - midnight. $10. Info, 773-2747. FIRST NIGHT ST. JOHNSBURY: The family-oriented celebration showcases 50 acts in 15 venues, including a far-out planetarium show at the Fairbanks Museum. Venues around St. Johnsbury, 4:45 p.m. midnight. $10. Info, 748-4561. 'ANIMAL MYTHS AND LEGENDS': An experienced animal handler conducts a grown-up show-andtell with local amphibians and reptiles. Lake Champlain Basin Science Center, Burlington, 1 p.m. $3. Info, 864-1848. SHABBATH FOLK SERVICE AND DINNER: Take a break from First Night to fill up on flesh-free dishes at a deluxe veggie dinner. Ohavi Zedek Synagogue, Burlington, 6-8 p.m. $10. Register, 864-0218. 'KEEPING TRACK': Naturalist and tracker Susan Morse leads a forest outing after a slide show and discussion of local wildlife. VINS North

music

•See listings in "Sound Advice."

dance CONTRA DANCE: Bill Olson calls for PB & J at this northern-style community hoedown. Capitol City Grange Hall, Montpelier, 8 p.m. $6. Info, 951-8658.

art • See gallery listings.

sport GROTON STATE FOREST HIKE: Bring snowshoes, if you need them, on a trek on the Big Deer Mountain and Osmore Pond loop. Meet at Montpelier High School, 10 a.m. Free. Register, 479-2304. 'MILLENNIUM BUG' HIKE: The best remedy for the "millennium bug?" Head for the hills, the Y2K way. Work off your New Years grog on a difficult hike to a surprise destination. Register, 660-2834.

etc SLEIGH RIDES: See December 29.

sundav music

• Also, see listings in "Sound Advice." 'CAROLS THROUGH THE MILLENNIUM': See December 29, St. Stephen's Church, Middlebury, 3 p.m.

art • Also, see gallery listings. DRAWING WINTER BIRDS': A local artist leads a sketching session of local bird life. Lake Champlain Basin Science Center, Burling-ton, 1 p.m. $3. Info, 864-1848.

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tion of the Green Mountain Club help you get sliding on a two-mile training tour. Montpelier High School, 10 a.m. Free. Register, 229-9677. CROSS-COUNTRY SKI: Bring layers, liquids and proper equipment on a Catamount Trail ski with the Appalachian Mountain Club. Without snow, this will be a hike. Free. Register, 223-7035.

etc SLEIGH RIDES: See December 29. W I N E TASTING: Get in touch with your inner oenophile at an introduction to various vini. Wine Works, 133 St. Paul St., Burlington, noon - 4 p.m. 50<t per taste. Info, 951-9463. SEX A N D LOVE ADDICTS ANONYMOUS: Can't get enough? This free 12-step program meets weekly at 7:30 p.m. Info, write to P.O. Box 5843, Burlington, VT 05402-5843.

Lday music

• Also, see listings in "Sound Advice." CHAMPLAIN ECHOES: Harmonious women compare notes at a weekly rehearsal of the all-female barbershop chorus. The Pines, Dorset St., S. Burlington, 7-9:30 p.m. Free. Info, 862-9500.

words W R I T I N G W O R K S H O P : Ken Lawless gives pointers to potential authors. Rhombus Gallery, 186 College St., Burlington, 7 p.m. $3-6. Info, 865-0569.

sport PICK-UP BASKETBALL: Men and women hoop it up at a friendly, drop-in game. Lyman C. Hunt Middle School, Burlington, 7-9 p.m. $2. Info, 864-0123.

etc WORKER'S RIGHTS: Employees facing discrimination, unsafe working conditions, insurance problems and other labor issues get help from an advocate at the Worker's Rights

Center, Burlington City Hall, 2:306:30 p.m. Free. Info, 865-7184. K N I T T I N G GROUP: Needle workers swap sewing tips and design ideas with other wool workers. Northeast Fiber Arts Center, S. Burlington, 6:30 p.m. Free. Info, 865-4981. PUBLIC MEDITATION PERIOD: Take a step on the path to enlightenment in an environment that instructs beginners and supports practiced thinkers. Ratna Shri Tibetan Meditation Center, 12 Hillside Ave., Montpelier, 6:30 p.m. Free. Info, 223-5435. BATTERED WOMEN'S SUPP O R T GROUPS: Women Helping Battered Women facilitates a group in Burlington, 6:30-8 p.m. Free. Info, 658-1996. Also, the Shelter Committee facilitates a meeting in Montpelier, 5:30-7 p.m. Free. Info, 223-0855.

tuesday music

119 Pearl St., Burlington, 10 a.m. Free. Info, 865-4422. 'WINTER DISCOVERY' TRAINING: Volunteers find out about outdoor teaching techniques and opportunities to lead children's forest field trips. Green Mountain Audubon Nature Center, Huntington, 9 a.m. noon. Free. Register, 434-3068. 'COMPASSIONATE FRIENDS': People mourning the loss of children, grandchildren or siblings get support at the Good Shepherd Lutheran Church, Rutland, 7 p.m. Free. Info, 482-5319. OVEREATERS ANONYMOUS: Compulsive eaters weigh in on body image issues at the First Congregational Church, Essex Junction, 7 p.m. Free. Info, 644-8936. BATTERED W O M E N ' S SUPPORT GROUP: Meet in Barre, 10:30 a.m. - noon. Free. Info, 2230855.

• See listings in "Sound Advice."

Wednesday

words

• See listings in "Sound Advice."

music

BURLINGTON WRITERS GROUP: Bring pencil, paper and the will to be inspired to this writerly gathering at the Daily Planet, Burlington, 7-9 p.m. Free. Info, 862-9647.

kids STORYTIME: See December 29, 10 a.m. & 1 p.m. 'MUSIC W I T H ROBERT AND GIGI': Kids sing songs with Robert Resnik and his fiddle-playing friend Gigi Weisman. Fletcher Free Library, Burlington, 11-11:30 a.m. Free. Register, 865-7216.

etc FRENCH CONVERSATION GROUP: Freshen up your French, with a Quebecois accent, in this informal social cercle at Borders, Church Street Marketplace, Burlington, 6 p.m. Free. Info, 865-2711. FINANCIAL AID WORKSHOP: Students get valuable advice on making the financial aid grade. Community College of Vermont,

film 'SCHOOL DAZE' DOUBLE FEATURE: Matthew Broderick stars as a teacher who melts down during a student council race in Election. John Cusack plays a hit man who attends his high school reunion in Grosse Pointe Blank. Spaulding Auditorium, Hopkins Center, Dartmouth College, Hanover, N.H., 6:45 & 8:45 p.m. $6. Info, 603-646-2422.

art • Also, see gallery listings. FIGURE DRAWING: See December 29. OPEN PAINTING: See December 29.

words OPEN READING: Read, relax and respond at a reading for poets of all persuasions. Rhombus Gallery, 186 College St., Burlington, 8 p.m. $3-6. Info, 865-0569. 'LITERATURE OF T H E FAR

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kids STORY & CRAFT TIME: Kids three and up engage in artful educational activities. Fletcher Free Library, Burlington, 10-10:45 a.m. Free. Info, 865-7216. N E W BOOK STORY TIME: The four-and-up crowd hears literature read aloud at Barnes &C Noble, S. Burlington, 3:30 p.m. Free. Info, 864-8001.

etc SEXUAL ASSAULT SURVIVORS GROUP: See December 30.

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• Also, see listings in "Sound Advice." KATHERINE Q U I N N : The Burlington singer-songwriter plays a set for shoppers at Borders, Church Street Marketplace, 7-8 p.m. Free. Info, 865-2711. , T H E RENAISSONICS: The vibrant ensemble recreates historically accurate music and dance from the Renaissance. Twilight Theater, Lyndon State College, 7 p.m. $12. ^A^fc Info, 748-2600.

drama 'MONSTER': Canadian actor Daniel Maclvor transforms into different characters who explore "evil and the modern psyche." Moore Theater, Hopkins Center, Dartmouth College, Hanover, N.H., 8 p.m. $18.50. Info, 603-646-2422.

' T H R E E KINGS': George Clooney stars in David O. Russell's stylish and gory tale of renegades during the Gulf War. Spaulding Auditorium, y*. Hopkins Center, Dartmouth College, Hanover, N.H., 6:45 & 9:15 p.m. $6. Info, 603-646-2422. KOREAN ANIMATION: The Seoul studios that work on shows like Rugrats and The Simpsons also produce new cartooning talents, showcased here. Loew Auditorium, Hopkins Center, Dartmouth College, Hanover, N.H., 7 p.m. $6. Info, 603-646-2422.

art • See gallery listings.

words BURLINGTON POETRY SLAM: Organizers describe this word wrangle as "a cross between a boxing match and a tent revival." Rhombus Gallery, 186 College St., Burlington, 8 p.m. $5. Info, 865-0569.

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etc INFERTILITY SUPPORT GROUP: Wannabe parents hear about their options and get support. New England Federal Credit Union, Taft Corner, Williston, 6-8 p.m. Free. Info, 657-2542.

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STORYTIME: See December 29. 'TINY T O T ' STORYTIME: See December 29. SONG AND STORYTIME: Threes are company at this singing read-along. Fletcher Free Library, Burlington, 1010:30 a.m. Free. Info, 865-7216. HOMESCHOOLERS' STORYTIME: Stay-at-home students hear stories about tricksters. Fletcher Free Library, Burlington, 1:30-2:30 p.m. Free. Info, 865-7216.

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N O R T H ' : A discussion of Nils-Aslal Valkeapaa's The Sun, My Father sheds light on a relatively unknown part of the world. S. Burlington Community Library, 7 p.m. Free. Info, 652-7080.

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dumbed-down update of "The $64,000 Question," adjusted for inflation. "Captain Kangaroo," "Candid Camera," "Kids Say the Darndest Things," even professional roller derby, have all floated back down from TV-history heaven. And that doesn't even take into account the dozens of old shows playing every day on vintage networks like T V Land and Nick at Nite. And don't look now, but Bryant Gumbel's back on in the morning again. Watching his new show I have, more than once, found myself imagining the fabric of the universe bursting spontaneously into hell-fire, and God snapping it like a wet towel into an oblivion beyond time.

— both industries figured they were at Def Con 4, and the time had come to go warm and fuzzy. Anheuser Busch is running spots in which it thanks parents for talking to their kids about teenage drinking. A mysterious alliance of cigarette companies is funding a series of ads on youthskewing networks like Mtv. The message? "Tobacco is wacko. If you're a teen." I guess the implication is that getting lung cancer's fine so long as you're old enough to do it responsibly. Howard Stern Gives Free Speech Supporters Holy Hell I'm sure lots of people thought the world was about to come to an end the first time they heard Howard Stern on the radio. What little was left standing of the nation's moral infrastructure at that point Stern immediately proceeded to dismantle on his morning show, while drawing a comic bead on society's few remaining taboos. In books, on television and even in a major motion picture he has chronicled his long and costly fight for the right to say anything he chooses about anyone he chooses. Love him or hate him, you had to admit he never held back. He didn't play games. Stern said what he meant, meant what he said and earned the loyalty of millions in the process.

The Gospel Truth The two testaments of the Holy Bible agree on one thing: The devil is a hell of a liar. Satan displayed an otherworldly cunning and seductiveness when he sought to tempt and seduce Christ. My concern is that he's also behind these bizarre new T V campaigns in which beer companies encourage people not to drink and cigarette makers warn people not to smoke. Apparently, so many highschool kids have gotten into drunk-driving accidents, and so much heat has come down on the tobacco industry — since it was revealed that top brass knew all along nicotine was addictive

The last thing anyone on Earth would have expected to

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end the first time they heard Howard Stern on the radio. superhighway. As we speak, the bad boy of big-time media has unleashed a pack of high-priced attorneys for the purpose of getting the plug pulled. Howard's always joked about being small. Little did we know how true that is.

self, Dick Clark, is making ready to take an elevator to the top of the world, whose citizens will dutifully watch as he ushers in a rockin' new millennium. Forget what the Nobel Prize winners and sci-fi writers say. If it all comes to an end with a blinding flash and cosmos-rattling bang at the stroke of midnight, my bet is it won't be the roaches that are left standing. It will be Dick Clark. ®

Yes, up is down. Black is white. Old is new, and back-biting, panty-wearing Marv Albert has been rehired by NBC. Meanwhile, old man time him-

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see, I think, was the sight of Howard Stern trying to take the same right away from someone else. But that's the crazy thing about apocalypses. All kinds of wacky stuff tend to happen. The revelation that the legendarily loving and faithful father of three was separating from his wife was just the beginning. Whether or not he's been making up for lost bimbo time or not, one way The King of All Media has been keeping busy is by attempting to bring his power to bear upon the Internet. One Web site in particular has earned Sterns wrath. It's called HowardSternDivorce.com, and it was started by a fan to provide a sort of clearinghouse, or one-stop shopping outlet, for anyone interested in the latest media coverage of Stern's marital meltdown. The site's creator has excerpted related news items from a wide variety of mainstream >J media sources and simply igrouped them all together under one easy-to-find heading. Bear in mind, he's not editorializing or satirizing or using the material for performance purposes, as Stern himself does every workday of his life. No, this site's author is merely compiling published pieces. Well, that hasn't stopped Stern from doing everything in his considerable power to place roadblocks on the information

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page 3 9

Back Track

Continued from page 5 their hind legs and barked the bark that let Speaker Michael Obuchowski know he'd better start stocking up on doggie treats pronto. Under the Blue Dog Rules of Politics, Gov. Ho-Ho, their hero, calls the tune in the House. Without the Blue Dogs raising their paws and voting "yes," Obie can't pass a damn thing on the House floor. The Speaker finally realized that — math wiz that he is — and it hasn't been the same since. The Bernie for Senate campaign got a big boost when the Democratic Senatorial Campaign Committee shelled out $15,000 for a poll that showed Ol' Bernardo would beat Jeezum Jim 45-40 in a head-to-head showdown. The poll even showed Sanders with a higher favorability rating than Ho-Ho. According to pollster Rick Mellman, Jeffords' vulnerability stemmed not from his own weakness, but from the enormously high regard Vermont voters have for Congressman Sanders. Sure looked promising at the time. March also brought a St. Patricks Day tribute — to the new Irish pub, R1 Ra, that opened in the former Merchant's Bank lobby. Cheers! And also a tribute to the Ireland of the day, pockmarked with buggering clergymen, political assassins and Mafxa-style gangsters. Holy Ireland dead and gone.

April Things got off to a dodgy start as the U.S. Immigration & Naturalization Service responded to Debbie Salomon's puff piece on Ri Ra in The Burlington Free Press by busting the staff that had crossed the ocean wide to bring the sound of genuine Irish brogues to Burlap. The Burlington Seven wanted to remain, but Uncle Sam ordered them out. "We're not here for a long time, we're here for a good time," said Juicy Lucy Kelly, the leader of the band. Yes, it was a good time. Wish it had lasted. O n the international front, Congressman Sanders and wife Jane toured the Middle East and North Africa. This was our noneyewitness account: They're all sitting around on carpets in a big tent in Morocco Monday night. It's after dinner and everyone's sipping Turkish coffee and sucking on the dozen or so connections to the giant hookah in the middle of the tent — some more than others. King Hassan II, the Moroccan ruler, exhales a big cloud of yellow smoke, clears his throat and turns to the visiting U.S. congressional delegation with a glassy look in his eye. "So which one of you guys is from Vermont?" Up pops a startled Bernie Sanders in a white dinner jacket. "I am, King. I am Bernie Sanders," replies The Bern. "I am from Vermont. " King Hassan nods knowingly to his prime minister sitting cross-legged on the adjacent rug, winks and says, "I hear you're running against Jim Jeffords." "My God!" exclaims Bernie. "I mean, Allah be praised! How did you know, your majesty? This is unbelievable!"

"Relax, Bernie," replies King Hassan. "There are no secrets in Casablanca." Upon Bernie's return, the N A T O bombing of Yugoslavia began. Protesters occupied Sanders' Burlington office and were arrested. Among them our favorite "cute Cork whore," sorry, distinguished

poet from Cork, Ireland, Greg Delanty. "There have to be ways to communicate without killing people," said the poet.

May T h e month began with a town meeting on the crisis in Yugoslavia hosted by Congressman Sanders. It was standing room only at the Pavilion Auditorium in Montpelier. A small band of righteous hecklers were shouted down by Ol' Bernardo, who questioned whether the protesters of the moment would also have advocated a similar do-nothing policy when the Nazis were rounding up the Jews in Germany. Good question. So good, in fact, the anti-war tribe didn't have a comeback. Shortly thereafter, Sanders

You or I would have gotten life behind bars. Ms. Medow got a 15month slap on the wrist from Judge William Sessions. joined another congressional delegation that set off to Vienna to meet with representatives of Yugoslav president Slobodan Milosevic. Those negotiations at the downtown Radisson Hotel directly led to the release of three captured U.S. soldiers. Bernie's star was rising rapidly. The Vienna trip led to a meeting with Secretary of State Madeleine Albright. Sanders was running with the big dogs now!

tftesggRlber 29,

Meanwhile, Jeezum Jim Jeffords announced he'd introduced legislation to protect the great apes by banning the illegal trade in bushmeat. Hey, whatever it takes, right?

June June began with our bestowing on WCAX-TV the first ever Inside Track "Hot Air Award." News Director Marselis Parsons accepted on behalf of the station. The coveted Hot Air Prize was earned by the station's big news scoop. Seems some clown had filed a complaint with the Professional Conduct Board against the board's perennial whipping boy — State Senator and Essex County State's Attorney Vince Illuzzi. The basis for the complaint doesn't even deserve repeating, it was so out to lunch. But the airing of it by WCAX was priceless. How low can they go? The complaint was promptly tossed out, and Marsillyiss subsequently stumbled over his tongue several times trying to correct the error in news judgment. Lead story, my arse. Hey, it's not easy being Vince Illuzzi, the "rascal of the north," as the Boston Globe dubbed him in a laudatory magazine piece by Jon Margolis.

instant action by the Parks & Rec Department. The hanging vines that blocked the sight lines at the hold-your-breath corner were quickly cut down. And in a couple weeks the black and blue marks disappeared, too. A happy ending!

August August kicked off with a visit to the Green Mountains by a band of anti-gay Christian hate merchants from Kansas. The August 3 protest in Montpelier by members of the Westboro Baptist Church of Topeka drew a welcoming committee comprising a couple hundred hospitable Vermonters. The Kansas kooks and their "God Hates Fags" protest signs got a well-deserved, measured Vermont welcome, and were then run out of Dodge. Folks like that sure give Christianity a lousy rep. Next up — one of the Vermont news events of the year. It was indeed a shot heard 'round the nation as Congressman Sanders hosted an August 17 town meeting at St. Michael's College on the issue of IBM's pension switcheroo. The crowd overflowed the auditorium as 800 IBMers turned out to voice their sense of betrayal by Big Blue.

June also was Rivka Medow month. The 29-year-old beauty was a stylish local artist and bartender who had a side job driving huge shipments of cocaine around the country for the Cali Cartel. The feds at the U.S. Attorney's office were absolutely smitten by her. You or I would have gotten life behind bars. Ms. Medow got a 15month slap on the wrist from Judge William Sessions, as requested by Assistant U.S. Attorney John Tavana. As we wrote then, "We wouldn't have been surprised if Tavana had asked for an autograph or a lock of her hair." Others suggested a pair of her undies was more like it. Ah, yes, the War on Drugs — where would we be without it?

July Enough was finally enough. We finally suggested Rutland Herald Publisher R. John Mitchell do the right thing and register his newspaper as a Jim Jeffords political action committee. In the pages of the Herald— Jeezum's hometown paper — Jeffords could do no wrong, and it was usually on the front page. O n the other hand, Bernie could do no right, as writers Jack Hoffman and Diane Derby demonstrated again and again. Once The Burlington Free Press, Vermont's Gannett-chain paper, was our favorite print punching bag. But the Rutland Herald went so far over the line to prop up our aging junior senator that we just couldn't ignore it. Our ears still ring with the nasty rebuke insisting we had it all wrong in criticizing the Rutland Herald tor a pro-Jeffords bias. Yes, indeed, the critical voice of Jeffords' Washington, D.C., press secretary is as fresh today as it was then. And just as off-base. Jeezum crow, give me a break. July also brought our major journalistic coup of the year. A column about yours truly s tumble at Dead Man's Corner on the Burlington Bikepath prompted

parties. The multi-talented Mr. Brenner is, at year's end, running for a seat on the city council from Ward 3. He's definitely a future something. And Freeps education reporter Anne Geggis departed the local daily after 10 years, for the Daytona Beach News Journal— not a Gannett paper. In sunny Florida, Anne's a crime reporter. Cool. After all, she learned it all at the feet of Mike Donoghue, the great one who in 1999 got transferred off the cop beat to the sports page. Never mind. Ch. 22 returned to the news biz with a totally new operation. Everybody took notice. Especially the competition. Also in September, you could hardly cross the street in Burlap without bumping into Jim Jeffords. Jeezum invaded Bernie's turf to hand out federal dollars for anything and everything. He gave a cool million to the Flynn Theatre on a Thursday, and was the guest of honor at a fundraiser at a mansion belonging to the chair of the theater's board the following night. Party! Party! Unfortunately Flynn board Chair Amy Tarrant declined to

.......

brighter WHITES! News accounts from the meeting went national on the "CBS Evening News with Dan Rather." Turns out the IBMers had contacted Jim Jeffords, too, but he ignored them. His finger was still testing the wind direction. So did the Rutland Herald. Didn't bother to send a reporter to cover it. What a surprise! August was a bad month for politicians and money. In a deal with prosecutors, former Vermont G O P state chairman Dan Hillard pled guilty in federal court to embezzling $65,000 from a little old lady. And in Burlap, Progressive Councilor Tom Smith took the witness stand to try to weasel out of paying the $18,000 bail bond he'd signed to get a domestic abuser out of the slammer. The gentleman had split for parts unknown. Not Mr. Smith's finest hour.

September The month began with our report that Howard Dean was the fourth choice — at odds of 14 to 1 — to be the vice-presidential candidate on the Democrats' 2000 ticket. It might just be the only way to get Ho-Ho o u t of town and let somebody else play governor for a little while. Jeez, what a hog! In other news, Inside Track had the exclusive on mayoral candidate Eric Brenner's latest side-occupation — stripping at bachelorette

permit the Fourth Estate to step on the grounds of her 14,000-squarefoot chateau, Chez Amy. Word is the dogs were on patrol that evening. Hey, I'm a cat man, anyway. No problemo.

October T V news viewers adjusted their sets as WCAX introduced a new format. They insisted it had absolutely nothing to do with the arrival of the new gang at Ch. 22. All of a sudden there was Marsillyiss Parsons sharing the set with a woman half his age — Sera Congi. It certainly was a painfully awkward start, but by year's end, the rough edges have been smoothed out. Well, pretty much. And in Burlington, even the broccoli started screaming as The Food Fight of the Century picked up steam. Everybody had a passionate opinion on who should run a planned new downtown grocery store. In Burlington everything involves politics, and food is certainly no exception. Things got pretty outrageous before the city council made the call in December. O n the political beat, we continued jousting with the wise men who run the Vermont Republican Party, i.e., Chairman Pat Garahan and Executive Director James Dwinell. Finally, we struck a nerve. Dwinell subsequently sent a tender letter to Seven Days praising our

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positive traits, but urging us not to be so "personal" in our barbs. At first, we were stunned, unable to recall a "personal" attack on a distinguished Republican. But then Jimmy the Joker bought it to our attention. See, we had referred to Mr. Dwinell as the GOP's "hired mudslinger."

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Jeezum Jim kicked off the month with a blistering attack on Hydro-Quebec. Jeffords threatened federal action if the provincial utility did not renegotiate its longterm power contract with Vermont at a lower price, gentler to Vermont's pocketbook. Ballsy move, but ludicrous at best. Hey, Jim, you went to law school — since when is a contract not a contract? Jeezum's gambit eventually backfired, making H Q all the more determined to get its money, down to the last loonie. Inside Track also broke the story on the latest crackdown in the War on Beer. Greg Knight, the new chief inspector of the Vermont Liquor Control Board, had started writing letters to the out-of-state parents of underage drinkers, informing them their offspring had an upcoming court date on a criminal charge. Gets their attention, says Knight. And the A&E cable network named Burlington, Vermont, the most livable city in America. Whoopee! Burlap sure is livable, all right — assuming you can find a place to live. By year's end the Queen City had the lowest housing vacancy rate since the white man arrived. Inside Track caused a bit of a stink reporting how the Times Argus sacked writer Terry Allen in the wake of her story on Indonesian military cadets attending Norwich University in Northfield. That attracted the attention of Brill's Content, a media watchdog magazine, which sent a reporter to Barre to interview the powers that be at the TA. Should be a good read.

December

poems by women from the baby boom generation Who better to herald the new millenium than the women of the baby boom generation? For the first time, the most eloquent of them speak out in the poetry anthology

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Boomer Girls: poems by women from the baby boom generation. Burlington's Rita Randazzo is among the 80 poets who chronicle the unique experiences that women born between '45 and '64 will instantly recognize. From Elvis Presley to Janis Joplin, hula hoops to the Summer of Love, the universal images of the baby boom generation reemerge in ways both hilarious and tender.

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Still a work in progress, but so far: Wow! The University of Vermont's Hockey Hazing Scandal is the talk of the town, with no end in sight. Did the frosh really have to hold their teammates' weewees and march around in an "elephant walk"? Stay tuned in 2000 for the answers to these and other questions, such as, which UVM heads will roll before this one is put to bed? See you in January — and don't forget the bug spray for New Year's, all right? ®

a n d / g r C L L e /

discuss, read from, and sign

Sorry, James, but if the shoe fits...

November

Pamela Gemin, editor & Rita Randazzo, poet

Millennium?

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GERMAN: Native German available to tutor or teach German. Fun lesson plans with reasonable rates. Please call 8 7 2 - 9 8 8 6 .

SOFTUBS FOR SALE OR RENT: new and used. Portable and affordable. Indoor/outdoor. Hot Tubs For Fun, 3 7 7 Pine St., Burlington, VT. 9 5 1 - 8 8 2 7 .

MATH, ENGLISH, WRITING, Science, Humanities, Proofreading — f r o m elementary to graduate level. Test Prep for GRE, LSAT, GMAT, SAT I & SAT II, ACT, GED, TOEFL... Michael Kraemer, 8 6 2 - 4 0 4 2 . SAT SPECIALIST IS NOW offering in-home lessons at reasonable rates. Also GRE & high school subjects, especially essay writing. Jeff, 660-8026.

HOMEBREW

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TAN AT HOME BUY DIRECT & SAVE! COMMERCIAL/HOME UNITS FROM $199 LOW MONTHLY PAYMENTS FREE COLOR CATALOG

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WANTED TO BUY WANTED: USED INTERNAL frame backpack that looks beat-up. Under $75. Call 859-0276.

MAKE GREAT BEER AT HOME for only 500/bottle. Brew what you want when you want! Start-up kits & prize-winning recipes. Gift certifs. are a great gift. VT Homebrew Supply, Rt. 15, Winooski. 6 5 5 - 2 0 7 0 .

WANTED: USED CATALINA 2 5 0 water ballast. Call 4 1 3 567-8951.

ART

BUY THIS STUFF BED: Queen, black wroughtiron canopy, mattress, box & frame. Unused, still in box. Retail $ 8 9 9 . Sell $ 3 6 5 . 658-3707. FUTON: Cherry, sleigh fullsize sofa w/ 8 " mattress. Brand-new, in plastic. Cost $ 4 9 5 . Sacrifice for $ 2 9 5 . 734-0604. GIVE HEMP FOR THE HOLIDAYS: Hemp candy & baked dog treats. Free local delivery. 8 7 8 - 9 0 8 9 . SOAP STONE CHUNKS: approx. 3 lbs. each. 2 0 0 0 lbs. available. Great for carving. From Montana (no asbestos). Make offer. 3 8 8 2 9 1 9 x 2 1 or x22.

ARTSPACE IS LOOKING FOR artists to do face painting at Burlington's First Night. Paid and volunteer openings; training available. Free First Night button! Info: call Kate, 862-2898.

ART

MUSIC

WANTED: MALE MODELS for solo adult video work. Excellent pay. Easy work. 1 0 0 % legal. Be 18+, in good shape & willing to model nude. videovermont@aol.com or 888-434-5653.

AD ASTRA RECORDING. Got music? Relax. Record. Get the tracks. 2 0 + yrs. Exp. from stage to studio. Tenure Skyline Studios, NYC. 24track automated mixdown. lst-rate gear. Wide array of keyboards, drums, more. Ad Astra, building a reputation of sonic integrity. 8 7 2 - 8 5 8 3 . SEE LIVE LOCAL MUSIC PHOTOGRAPHS from Burlington, VT online at www.bigheavyworld.com, made possible in part by Burlington City Arts.

The resident and non-resident owners, lienholders and mortgages of land and premises in the Town of Huntington, County of Chittenden and State of Vermont, are hereby notified that the taxes for the taxyear 1 9 9 7 - 1 9 9 8 remain, either in whole or in part, unpaid on the following described lands and premises located in the Town of Huntington, to wit:

MUSIC INSTRUCTION

PARCEL NO. 2: Lands and premises owned by Judith Taylor, Main Road, Huntington Center

MUSIC LOOKING FOR FEMALE singer who can actually sing, but get all riot grrl when necessary. Even better if she plays bass, too. Call Mark, 864-0873. BASS PLAYER NEEDED FOR not-so-metal band. Intl.: Hum, Failure, Reggie & The Full Effect, Melvins. Call Mark, 8 6 4 - 0 8 7 3 . DRUMMER WANTED for hardcore/grind band. Gtrs., bass & vox w/ 10 originals. We're serious & want to play out. Avg. age of band: 21. Dan, 4 2 5 - 5 6 4 1 , after 5 p.m. POKER HILL STUDIO: 899!-J 1 4263. 16-TRACK ANALOG RECORDING. Dogs, Cats & Clocks Productions. Warm, friendly, prof, environment. Services for: singer/songwriters, jingles, bands. New digital mastering/recording. Call Robin, 6 5 8 - 1 0 4 2 .

ARTISTS WANTED: Process/Progress II, Feb. 11March 19, 2 0 0 0 . Must be able to work in gallery for duration. Drop off one-page project proposals by Jan. 11th to FHG, 135 Church St., Burl. Info: 8 6 5 - 7 1 6 5 . GIRL NEXTDOOR TYPES for indoor & outdoor calendar work. $15/hr. life model; $10/hr. reg. model. Call 802-749-1724.

NASTY GIRLS!!!

BANJO: Old time style. After 4 lessons, you will be pickin' and strummin' traditional Appalachian tunes. Emphasis on rhythm, technique and musicality. Call Mara,,862-3581. BASS: Do you need a big bottom? All levels, any style. Learn bass techniques & theory. Focus on becoming a bassist, not a 4-string guitarist. Jeff, 6 6 0 - 8 0 2 6 . GUITAR: All styles/levels. Emphasis on developing strong technique, thorough musicianship, personal style. Paul Asbell (Unknown Blues Revue, Kilimanjaro, SklarGrippo, etc.). 8 6 2 - 7 6 9 6 .

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Dear Tom and Ray: I reverently brought my 1993 Mazda Miata to one of those quick-change lube places. Though they changed my oil in a j i f f y , when I got home I noticed that the little window sticker said 20w-50 instead of the usual 10w-30. Should I go back and have them drain and refill it with the usual, or is the thicker stuff OK to keep in there for the next few thousand miles? I live in Los Angeles. —Dave O M : You're probably O K with 20w-50 in Los Angeles. If you lived in Anchorage, I'd tell you to march right back. O n / o

page 4 4 - SEVEN DAYS

PARCEL NO. 5: Lands and premises owned by Leon E. Ross, Lincoln Hill Road

Dear Tom and Ray: I need to run a two-wire, 12volt cable from my battery to the driver's compartment where my amateur radio transceiver is located. The local Ford dealer could not recommend a location to put the cable through the fire wall. But it must be possible. Can you tell me how to place a small cable through the fire wall without doing any damage to the vehicle or the cable? —Dallas T O M : There are three ways you can do this, Dallas. Actually four, if you count going to a place that installs car radios and saying, "Here, put this thing in for me." RAY: But we know that since you're a ham radio operator, you want to be self-reliant and do this yourself. So the easiest approach is to find a wire under the dashboard that already car-

december 2 9 , 1 9 9 9 & january 5, 2 0 0 0

PARCEL NO. 6: Lands and premises owned by Lawrence and Jacqueline Taylor, East ^ Street and so much of such lands and premises will be sold at public auction at the Town Clerk Office of the Town of Huntington on the 14th day of January, 2 0 0 0 at 10:00 a.m., as shall be requisite to discharge such taxes, with costs, unless previously paid. Dated at Richmond, Vermont this 7th day of December, -•• 1999. Matthew J. Buckley, Esp., Attorney for Brent Lamoureux, Tax Collector, Huntington.

BURLINGTON to SO. BURLINGTON: I ' m looking for a ride to the U Mall. My hrs. are 6 a.m.1 0 a.m., M-F. I really need a ride to work if someone could just take me one way. ( 3 2 2 9 )

JERICHO to BURLINGTON: I a m Hiking for a ride temporarily—just one wa in the morning. I need to be in Burlington at 8 a.m., M-F. I ' m willing to pay m y way. (3225)

R I C H M O N D to U N D E R H I L L : Help! I need a ride to work for a few weeks. I work 7 - 4 , M-F. (3230)

SO. B U R L I N G T O N (Spear St.) to BURLINGTON: I a m looking for a ride to work in the a.m. I ned to be downtown by 7ish M-F. ( 3 2 2 4 )

BURLINGTON to GRAND ISLE: I ' m looking for a ride 2 days/wk., either M/W or T/TH. I would like to be in Grand Isle by 2 p.m. and leave Grand Isle for Burlington the following day around noon. ( 3 2 2 7 ) SO. BURLINGTON to LI: We are driving to Rocky Pt., LI the weekend of 1 2 / 1 7 . We are p l a n n i n g on leaving VT around noon of the 1 7 t h and returning on 1 2 / 2 0 . If you are a non-smoker & need a ride to LI that weekend, please call 862-5223.

WINOOSKI to SO. BURLINGTON: I ' m looking to share driving or be a passenger on my c o m m u t e . My hrs. are M, T, W, F 9 - 5 : 3 0 & TH 128. (3222) B U R L I N G T O N to MONTPELIER: I a m h o p i n g to travel to Montpelier once a week at 8 p.m., r e t u r n i n g to Burl, the next m o r n i n g at 8 a.m. ( 3 2 1 9 ) WATERBURY CTR. to WINOOSKI: I a m looking for a ride. My hours are M, W, TH 8 - 4 , TU 8 - 5 , & F 8-3. (3217) SO. B U R L I N G T O N to WATERBURY: I would like to share driving w i t h someone to Waterbury. My hours are M-F, 8-5. (3216)

VANPOOL RIDERS WANTED

B U R L I N G T O N to WILLISTON: I am looking for a ride for my short c o m m u t e to work. My hours are M, T, TH, F, 8 - 5 . (3220) B U R L I N G T O N to ESSEX: I ' m a UVM student looking for a ride to Essex on Sats. Work 8 - N o o n , & need a ride both ways. Please call even if you can take only one way. ( 3 2 1 4 ) ; CHARLOTTE to MONTPELIER: I ' m h o p i n g to share driving w i t h someone to help c u t down on travel costs. My hours are 8 - 4 : 3 0 , M-F. ( 3 2 0 8 )

WILLISTON to CAMBRIDGE: Do you work 2 n d shift at IBM? I ' m looking to ride w/ someone who works until 1 1 p.m. (3213) MILTON to COLCHESTER: I would like to take a job work-., ing evenings and a m hoping someone can help me out with a ride. My hours are 6 p.m. to 1 0 : 3 0 a.m., M-F. ( 3 2 0 9 )

Vermont J ^ ^ v

Route from: Burlington & Richmond Commuter Lot

Pideshare

Contact: Carl Bohlen

fiaisr-1 9 THAHTlOHTATW t

To: Montpelier Work Hours: 7:30 to 4:25 p.m.

unload the 60,000 gallons of 20w-50 they got on sale on somebody else.

the other hand, if you lived in Anchorage, you probably wouldn't be driving a Miata! RAY: 2 0 W - 5 0 is a thicker viscosity oil. It's designed for hotter climates, severe duty — or sometimes as a last resort for junk boxes that are burning the thinner oil at an unacceptable rate. T O M : But in my experience, the only effect it will have is on your fuel economy. Since the oil is thicker, it takes a little more energy to move the engine parts around, and your mileage may drop by a fraction. RAY: But mechanically, it shouldn't cause you any problem. In the future, you might want to let them know at the outset that you want 10w-30 (actually, most newer cars call for 5w-30, so check your owner's manual). And let them

LEGALS

NOTICE OF TAX SALE

Phone; 828-5215

Car

USE THICKER ENGINE OIL IN HOTTER CLIMATE

LEGALS

ries 12 volts. You can easily tap off, for example, the cigarette lighter, which is already fully protected with a fuse. T O M : T h e second easiest thing to do — if you want to run a new wire — is to use an existing hole in the firewall. There are already lots of wires coming from the engine bay into the passenger compartment. And you should be able to sneak an additional wire among them and not have to drill a new hole. RAY: If there's no room for an additional pair of wires there — or if you're just dying to drill a hole (which is what we suspect), then you can just go ahead and drill away. As long as you're careful not to, say, drill into the heater core, you won't do any damage to the vehicle by making another small hole in the firewall. Just be sure to fit a grommet into the hole before feeding the wires, so the wires don't chafe and cause a fire. T O M : And speaking of causing fires, if you d o run your own

Monthly Fare: $85

••uflKOMTY

wire, be sure to put a fuse for it as close to the battery as possible. You want to be sure that if anything does go wrong, the fuse blows before the passenger compartment goes up in flames. I know you ham radio guys love responding to fires and emergencies, but you probably prefer that they not be your own. Keep your car on the road and out of the repair shop by ordering Tom and Ray's pamphlet, Ten Ways You May Be Ruining Your Car Without Even Knowing It! Send $3 and a stamped (55 cents), self-addressed, No. 10 envelope to Used Car, PO Box 536475, Orlando, FL 328536475. Got a question about cars? Write to Click and Clack in care of this newspaper, or e-mail them by visiting the Car Talk section of cars.com on the World Wide Web.

ffiPWf.'WS

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Well, I'll be a monkey's uncle if that's not the biggest darn calendar I've ever seen! I

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Look out for our Health & Fitness Issue! January 19, 2 0 0 0

SEVEN DAYS

We make it look easy.

Straight

Dope

fear? Though the incident was hardly a scientific test, it sure looked that way to me. — Sugar Daddy, Santa Cruz, California

We need to examine this concept, pops. Suppose you're Joe Caveman, facing off against a ferocious saber-toothed tiger. Naturally you're scared stiff, and due to one of those random mutations that occur as species evolve, your body is equipped with tiny fear glands churning out fear molecules. These waft over to the tiger and tell him, "Yo! Yonder hominid is in the last stages of panic! Attack!" Two seconds later you're cat food. Just a hunch, but I'd say the eat-me scent is one trait you'll have a tough time passing along to your descendants. So we can dismiss the idea that predators literally smell fear. But you're not convinced. Isn't it true, you ask, that some animals, when frightened, emit odors of varying degrees of intensity? For example, species having odoriferous anal sacs, such as skunks, weasels and cats? And judging from experimental evidence, probably also cows, rats

" ^

Dear Cecil, When I was a kid I remember being warned, when in the presence of, say, a large, scary dog, not to act like I was afraid, because "animals can smell fear" and would be more likely to attack. Recently I was out with my five-year-old daughter when a Marmaduke-sized mutt, though leashed, made a lunge at her. My daughter began to cry in fright, at which point the dog began to bark and strain at the leash. I gave the owner a dirty look, scooped up my daughter and hustled her out of there. Later I began to wonder: Can animals in fact smell

and mice? A. Of course.

Q. Isn't it also true that other animals can detect these scents? That they can, as you put it, "literally smell fear?" A. O h , sure. But I was talking about predators. Q. Exactly. And isn't it true that many predators, upon detecting signs of fear, will pounce? A. Right.

A. Not at all. We're talking about two pretty much unrelated phenomena. Research suggests that animals emit fear scents primarily to alert members of their own species and, in the case of animals whose scent is especially pungent, to repel enemies. But the predator isn't necessarily responding to the fear scent. Many predators — cats are one example — are programmed to respond to sudden movements, such as panicked attempts at flight. Figuratively speaking, of course, predators smell fear just as lawyers smell money. So the old advice about not showing fear in threatening situations is probably worth heeding. But there's little evidence that humans give off a characteristic scent when afraid. Then again, who knows? Some anecdotal accounts suggest that people give off "fear sweat" when truly stressed. If there is such a thing, one likely source is the apocrine glands, the odor-producing type of sweat glands found in the crotch and armpits. But there are other sources as well. Bovine fear scent, for example, seems to be carried in the urine. This brings to mind the Jurassic Park scene in which a character confronted by a T. rex feels a sudden urge to visit the facilities and promptly gets clobbered. Not that I believe in fear scent, but if a predator's ever got you in a tight spot, I'd keep a tight grip.

Hey, Cecil, Whatever happened to those rivets on the back pockets of Levi's jeans? My wife says that they stopped putting them on the back pockets because school chairs were being scratched up. What's the Straight Dope? — HAP Proctor, via the Internet The rivets are still there — they're just covered up. Levi Strauss &c Company says the change was made due to "customer demand," and that there have been "reports of rivets causing scratches or other property damage." My guess is they got one beef too many about scratched school chairs.

— CECIL ADAMS

Q. So doesn't this undercut your entire argument and expose you for the lying fraud you are?

Is there something you need to get straight? Cecil Adams can deliver the Straight Dope on any topic. Write Cecil Adams at the Chicago Reader, t l E. Illinois, Chicago, IL 6 0 6 1 1 , or e-mail him at cecil@chireader.com. 1

december 2 9 , 1 9 9 9 $ ! january 5, 2 0 0 0

I '

SEVEN DAYS -

page 4 7

—miCjr

.•yg^it.iMiw.wwwitafM "t1 ww!

• WA-.b"..- •'U- •••••

Jec. 3 0 - ian 5 ARIES (Mar. 21-Apr. 19): Clip and save this preview of your fate in the coming years. Year 2000. Normally you Aries folks are as crafty and circumspect as a battering ram. But you'd be advised to wield these virtues more like a cagey Scorpio in the coming months. You'll have to know when to hide your raging clarity and when to unleash it in laser-like blasts. 2001: Escape every limitation from March through August. After that, embrace invigorating new limitations. 2002. Come home, dammit! Come all the way home! 2003: Love wants all of you — and won't accept any less. Either go all the way, or else don't go at all. 2004: If you've always lived like a wildfire, this is the year you'll learn to be a furnace.

TAURUS (Apr. 20-May 20): Clip and save this preview of your fate in the coming years, Taurus. Year 2000. Can you expand and contract at the same time? Can you open up your imagination to the gifts awaiting you at the frontiers while at the same time you prune your useless comforts and indulgences? 2001: If you work with high integrity at a task that makes people happy, unexpected money will come from a seemingly unrelated source. 2002. Dare to be versatile. 2003: Your web grows as if spun by spiders on steroids. 2004: Everything you ever thought you knew about love will not prepare you for the generous surprises that await you.

GEMINI

(May 21-June 20): Clip and save this preview of your fate in the coming years, Gemini. Year 2000. Scream goodbye to every pest that's bugged you, every ghost that's haunted your reveries, ever}' failed dream that's riddled you with remorse. 2001: Howl hello to the breakthroughs that have eternally eluded you, the teachings that've previously been over your head, and the potential

heaven. 2003: It's not the eek who will inherit the rth, but the well-disciplined •leasure-seekers. pleasures that until this golden year have relentlessly teased but never gratified. 2002: Use all your ingenuity to find the niche that gives you the freedom to express your multitude of talents. 2003: Pray to strange angels until they agree to show you a secret that inspires but does not shatter.

CANCER

(June 21-July 22): Clip and save this preview of your fate in the coming years, Cancer. Year 2000. You know that project you've been working on for so long? That smoldering yet moist adventure which, though it's not a secret, is 85 percent invisible to everyone but you? It'll climax in the next eight months. 2001: By the end of this year, you will have lost every last excuse for cultivating pessimism. 2002: Your world will become at least 33 percent bigger than it's ever been. 2005: You'll look for, and most likely find, a new version of your dream home. L E O (July 23-Aug. 22): Clip and save this preview of your life in the coming years, Leo. Year 2000. It'll be a great time to master the difference between invigorating pride and wicked arrogance, between radiant aplomb and perilous overconfidence. 2001: You can't imagine the blessings that'll come from soliciting feedback and critique. Surround yourself with people who love what you do but are ballsy enough to tell you the truth about your excesses. 2002. Run away from instant gratification so you can devote yourself to what'll make you happy in the long run. 2003: You'll be like a wise teenager.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Clip and save this preview of your fate in the coming years, Virgo. Year 2000:

7D 1

With delightful regularity, you'll escape the relentless gnawings of your steel-trap mind. As a result, you'll be unusally free to explore a host of exotic feelings and altered (yet drug-free) states. 2001: If you're doing the work you love, your career will flourish. 2002. The various personalities in your psyche that co-exist but do not cooperate will finally agree to peace talks. Detente will emerge, as most of your inner voices will commit to serving a common goal. 2003: If you vow to be like a warrior as you burn off your karma, every ending you undergo will be clean and redemptive.

fully imperfect relationship you were made for. 2002. Leave your home country at least once, please. And leap out of your standard grooves at least 52 times. 2003: You'll be ridiculously, extravagantly fertile. 2004: You'll laugh at the shock of becoming more and more popular. 2006: The signature fear that has always been your driving force will shrivel into irrelevance, leaving you with the freedom either to replace it with a new terror or else learn to motivate yourself without any angst at all.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): Clip

Dec. 21): Clip and save this preview of your fate in the coming years, Sagittarius. Year 2000. Odds are 2-1 that you'll figure out a better way to make your chronic wanderlust serve your career goals, and 4-1 that your job will allow you to travel more. 2001: All your theories about relationships will need to be thrown out so you can be free of the burden of old biases as you study radical new teachings about intimacy. 2002: If you're not married, you'll probably tie the knot. If you already are, the only way to avoid divorce will be to deepen your devotion to your union.

and save this preview of your fate in the coming years, Libra. Year 2000. You got a problem with being sexy ^^inscrutable? Hope not. Ready or ' »not, you'll be less nice and more dangerous than usual in the coming months. 2001: Off you go on the madcap pilgrimage of your life. In the back of your mind, always be thinking of how you can turn your adventures there into wealth-builders. 2002: Choose carefully what summit you want to be standing on by summer. 2003: Reinvent work or let work reinvent you. 2004: Summon your wildest integrity and most disciplined chutzpah as you finish up every longterm life cycle. 2005: You'll either have a baby or be reborn yourself.

SCORPIO

(Oct. 23-Nov. 21): Clip and save this preview of your fate in the coming years, Scorpio. Year 2000. You'll finally be able to stop trying to fill the holes in your soul through your obsessive search for the perfect relationship. 2001: Revolution! If you can only avoid the cheap thrills of masochism, you'll create the beauti-

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22Jan. 19): Clip and save this preview of your fate in the coming years, Capricorn. Year 2000. You'll be genuinely surprised by how much creative fervor erupts from you. 2001: Will you be practical and harvest the fruits of the previous year's teeming fertility? Or will you be self-destructively cautious, freaking out as you scramble back to numbing normalcy? 2002: If you allowed 2000's breakthroughs to change you every which way, 2002 will bring a match made

AQUARIUS

(Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Clip and save this preview of your fate in the coming years. Year 2000. As an Aquarius, you'll always be an idealistic networker with lots of nervous energy. But in the coming months you'll be as down-to-earth, practical and stable as it's possible for you to be. 2001: Your theme song will be Bob Dylan's "When I Paint My Masterpiece." You'll be surprised by the sustained creativity you're capable of. 2003: The hunger you'll be consumed by could be a torment or gift. It'll all depend on how well you understand the fact that you ultimately can't change anyone but yourself.

PISCES

(Feb. 19-Mar. 20): Clip and save this preview of your fate in the coming years, Pisces. Year 2000. You'll begin to shed your superstitious approach to life, no longer wasting your energy wondering about whether luck, fate and God are working with you or against you. 2001: Your willpower will bloom, infusing you with a wild and free determination to accomplish your goals. 2002: Crazy love could drive you very, very sane. 2003: You'll develop an intimate relationship with an idea that will inspire you the rest of your life. ®

You can call Rob day or night for

expanded weekly horoscope

Brezsny, your

7-900-903-2500 $1.99 per minute. 18 and over. Touchtone phone. c/S el 2/373-9785 And don't forget to check out Rob's Web site at MrurMr.realastrology.com/ Updated Tuesday night.

ACROSS 1 Zhivago's love 5 Touch up the text 9 It should be square 13 "Don't —it!" 18 Act like Etna 20 Birdbrain 21 Garfield's pal 22 Fragrance 23 Tennessee cry of denial? 25Shuffle" ('77 song) 26 Long walks 27 Pleasant 28 Jeroboam contents 29 Way up 30 Vend 31 Get — (be successful) 32 Mikita and Musial 33 Find the sum 36 Spring holiday 39 TV's "— Sharkey" 40 Mature 44 North Carolina cry of encouragement? 47 Seizes suddenly 51 Join the leisure K class?

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to respond to a personal ad call I-QOO-37O-7127 •

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we're open 24 hours a day!

I guidelines: Anyone

seeking a

heal 8 in • PERSON TO PERSON. Ad suggestions: age range, interests, • • lifestyle, self-description. Abbreviations may be used to indicate ( I gender; race, religion and sexual preference. SEVEN DAYS reserves t h e | right to edit or reject any advertisement. Personal ads may be submitted for publication only by^ and seeking, persons ewer. t 8 yeab of ^

t o charge d i r e c t l y t o y o u r credit c a r d $ i . 9 9 / m i n u t e . m u s t be 18+

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F Ihtl rll'J ii Asokinqmsn PETITE SWF, 23, ATTRACTIVE, ISO EDUCATED SWM. Must have great sense of humor and be understanding, like to downhill ski, watch movies, dine out and have a good time. 1624 ATTRACTIVE, FIT 46 YO DWF, BALANCED, calm, caring, looking for one good man to ignite that spark inside me. Seeking smart, funny, fit, passionate, NS professional, 40s50s. 1623 OXYMORON: INTELLIGENT BLONDE? ISO SM friend, 30-45; understanding, honest. DWF, 31, mother, kind-hearted, smoker, elegant, creative, earthy, practical. Loves Bach to classic rock, wine, intelligent conversation, reading. Curious? 1622

CALL THIS BEAUTIFUL SWPF, 38. ISO REAL man. Sweep me off my feet. 1395

ESOTERIC SWM, DEGREE, FIT, MID-40S, eclectic, music, art interests, seeks attractive, affectionate, hip, SAF or SBF, 25-45, for LTR. 1613

« » • «

CUTE, BOYISH VEGETARIAN, 24, ARTIST, musician, professional cook, nature-lover, seeks beauty, 18-32, to share love. 1614

\ \ J

SWM, 36, SLENDER, NEVER BEEN MARRIED, and haven't dated much. Hey ladies! What's wrong with this picture? I like camping, hiking, movies and most important: laughs!! Looking for an attractive woman, 28-39.

• ; ; \ \

ICONOCLASTIC PARFAIT BEAUTY, SWF, 47, seeks tall, gorgeous, fun SWM for mischievous repartee, langorous lingerings, effete cultural interludes. Be brave. 1398

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SWM, 39, MINT CONDITION: FIT, 6', DARK, : attractive, prof., financially secure, low main- j tenance. Would like to connect w/ an educat- ; ed, independent, attractive SPF, 25-35, for * some of the finer things. NS, ND. 1611 *

YOUNG 40, FIT, ATTRACTIVE DWPF. Together, secure; looking for same. 1396

A=Asian,' B=Black, Bi=Bisexual, C=Christian, CU=Couple, D=Divorced, F=Female, G=Gay, H=Hispanic, ISO=ln Search Of, j=Jewish, LTR=Long-Term Relationship M=Male, Ma=Married, ND=No Drugs, NS=Non-Smoking, NA=No Al . c o h o 1 . P=Professional, S=Sing!e, W=White, Wi=Widowed, Y0=Years Old ^

SWBIF, 20-SOMETHING, RUBENESQUE, blond/ blue. Looking for winter adventure, late night talking, cuddling, more? You: nocturnal, smart, funny and bored as I of Burlington's superficialities. Meet for coffee? 1483

SNOW PRINCESS, 20-SOMETHING, SEEKS cohort for winter's outdoor and indoor activities. 1407

personal abbreviations

MY BEAUTIFUL FRIEND SARA NEEDS A DATE! 24 YO blonde enjoys snowboarding, music, white Russians. ISO SPM, fit and attractive with similar interests. Haevy drinkers encouraged to respond! 1359

SPF, ATTRACTIVE, INTELLIGENT, ENJOYS outdoor activities, very fit, sense of humor. Seeking similar M, 39-48. 1504 MUST BE IN THE WRONG PLACE at the wrong time, because I haven't met you yet. SWF, 45, NS/ND, mother of 1, ISO loving, kind, creative, intelligent adventurer in life. 1505

As&kwq womsn

CREATIVE SPIRIT SEEKING M, 50+. WHO HAS substance, style, kind heart & active spiritual life. My likes: rural living, simple abundance, whole foods, fitness, world music, artsy endeavors. 1511

VERY SPECIAL MAN ISO BEAUTIFUL WOMAN for fun, adventure, holding and lifetime friendship. SWPM, 47, 5'9", secure, enj&ys ocean, sun, good conversation, giving and much more. 1619

SUPER SENIOR. WF, 73, ISO SWM, 68-75. to enjoy the rest of our lives. I'm attractive, dress well, enjoy socializing, dining in/out, various types of music. Love to dance, travel. Would love to cook for that special someone. If that's you, then I'm here waiting breathlessly. 1514

ALPHA SEEKS OMEGA. Attractive SWM, 33, new in VT, seeks honest soul for friendship, possible LTR. Likes bookshops, coffeehouses, outdoors and animals. ISO SF, genuine, with sense of humor. 1620 WHERE ARE YOU? STILL LOOKING! 30+ DSWM, NS, health conscious. Likes: camping, cooking, cuddling, music, gardening, canoeing, nature, critters. ISO healthy, attractive, like-minded SWF, 24-40, for friend and lover. 1621

CANDLELIGHT & ROMANCE. ATTRACTIVE, independent SWPF seeks emotionally available, secure, attractive, 30-something S/DWPM to share daytime adventures, playful encounters, wine tasting, jazz, blues, dancing and a general zest for life. 1515

40ISH MARLON BRANDO LOOK-ALIKE interested in dining, travel and nights before the fireplace, seeks woman w/ refined taste & cultured sensibility. Must be very financially secure. Enjoy the new Millennium! 1574 SWPM, 39. NS, HANDSOME, ROMANTIC, looking to meet that special S/DWF, 30-39, tall, active and open to all kinds of indoor/outdoor activities. Margaritas and sunsets are my favorites! 1578

SWPF, 51, 5'8", SLIM, ATTRACTIVE, LOVES to laugh, likes theater, music, movies, books, travel. Seeking SM, 50s, with integrity and a sense of humor, for conversation, friendship, maybe more. 1420 ATTRACTIVE SWF, 23, ACTIVE, LOVES OUTDOORS, cuddling, belly laughing and travel. ISO SM, NS, 22-30, with similar interests for friendship and possible LTR 1459

"FRIENDS FIRST." SWPF, 31, ISO SWM, 32-40, NS. Qualities needed: sense of humor, hardworking, not bald, a working brain, active, sports-minded, loves dogs, not needy; blue eyes a plus. 1576 INTELLIGENT, SENSUAL, WITTY & CENTERED WPF in second half of 40s...ISO affectionate, socially adept, self-actualized & available man of similar age to share conversation, books, movies, love of animals, family. Share laughter, great food, Sunday Times. 1577

DPF, ATTRACTIVE, THIN, 40S. My ideal man has the guts, smarts and politics of the character Pacino plays in The Insider and the sexiness of the character Washington plays in Devil W/ the Blue Dress On. You come close? 1528 FULL OF LIFE. UNSOPHISTICATED, INTELLECTUAL, sensual, spiritual, silly, non-Christian, organic, ironic, non-vegetarian SWF seeks taller S/DWM, NS, 39-50 for sharing hikes, meals, laughs. Southwestern VT. 1556 SWF, 35, DESIRES THE WHOLE PACKAGE. Tell me about your secret ingredients topped off by a wicked sense of humor laced with a goofy interior. 1561 SHY, FUN, INTELLIGENT & FIT 25 YO W / brown eyes/hair, seeks funny, stable, 22-32 YO for friendly skiing, snowshoeing and maybe a warm cup of cocoa when it's too cold outside. 1566 F, 23, OPEN-MINDED, CREATIVE, INTELLIGENT, loves to laugh and have interesting conversations, seeks same. Social conscience a plus. 1567 SKI WITH ME! WPF, 49, 5*9". NS, BLONDE/ blue-eyed. Blue trailer. Seeks tall PWM, NS, skier, for winter frolicking indoors and outdoors. Friends first. 1501

SWM, 50. FOUNTAIN OF SORROW SEEKS A child in these hills, before the deluge and not late for the sky. 1557 SWM, 47, 6', 180 LBS., CREATIVE TYPE W / appreciation for the absurd. Smart, solvent, : loyal, honest. Seeks smart, psychologically healthy SF to drive into the sunrise with.

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VIVACIOUS VIXEN SEEKS LONE WOLF. SWF, 30, 6', blonde, attractive fox seeks tall handsome, fit wolf, 28-36, for romantic moonlit walks, howling at the moon and tail chasing. I am worth the call, are you? 1477 DISPLACED DIRT FARMER DESIRES INTELLECTUAL, spiritual, emotional fellow traveller. Where will we go? Kosovo? Kant? The kitchen? Have tons of humor and books? I'm 44, moderately athletic, artistic. Mostly happy. 1461 ETERNAL OPTIMIST. SWF, 33, ENJOYS ALL aspects of healthy living. Lover of history, geography, humor, arts, reading, travel and the outdoors; spiritually and culturally openminded. Seeking companion to share all of the above and more! 1475 MAMBO NO. 5.1. A LITTLE BIT OF JANIS, A little bit of Cleo, Zelda, Morgan, Flojo, Amelia, Paula, Natasha, Meryl, Hero seeks a little bit of Jimi, Albert, Lenny, Leander. 1476

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FAN-BOY SEEKS FAN-GIRL. SWM, 35, looking for individual who enjoys and/or tolerates: Star Wars, games, toys, old movies, fine art, wine and romantic dinners. 1579 STOCKING STUFFER, YOUNG 50, THIN, FIT, handsome DPM, NS, 5'8", 145 lbs., father of two, runner, skier, reader, financially secure. Seek intelligent, humorous, beautiful, thin F for LTR. Kids preferred. 1604 SWPM, 29, 6', 180 LBS., AVERAGE LOOKS, seeks attractive F for LTR. I like mtn. biking, golf, and exploring the West Coast. Give me a ring. 1605 LOOKING FOR MY GODDESS. 33 YO SWPM seeks big-hearted, sharp-minded Earth mother for best friend, partner in crime, laughs, passion and romance. Where are you? 1610

• * « *

; ; ; ;

Dear Iota,

FREE WHILE SUPPLIES LAST! Hugs & kisses w/ extra affection. SWM, 50S, 5'9", 220 lbs. ; in urgent need of love & affection. Ladies, ; you can help! Call today for prompt service. ; Rutland area. 1563

pair ct very attractive

• GENUINE WEIRDO. SWM, 22. ISO SAME. Must ; want superficial happiness in all its glory. > Let's party. Let's drink. Let's waste money. | Let's raise a ruckus. Be 21-24? 1565

she's got no shame. If

: \ : !

ADAM TO EVE: LETS EAT THE FORBIDDEN fruit; lose the leaves; sun on the beach; swim in the creek; hike the trail; moonlight walks; talk of dreams. 1569

; ; ; ; I

BORED IN BURLINGTON. Secure and successful SWPM, (not tall) and almost 40, seeks emotionally and physically fit (not tall) F and almost 30, for romance and possible relationship. Locals preferred. 1570

* ; ; ;

MEET YOUR LOVER! I'm 43, 6', slim, fit. Accomplishment man seeks a fun, slim PWF. If you're into outdoors, good food & wine, fireplaces, music and the country, let's meet!

: isz! : 1 \ *

KIND, CARING, POSITIVE MAN SEEKS AMIABLE F for good conversations, perhaps more. I love jazz, hiking, running, photography, poetry, children, drawing, reading, philosophy, yard sales. NS, 5'9", 165 lbs., mid' aged. 1491 * SWM, 26, 5*11", 165 LBS., GOOD-LOOKING, » honest and trustworthy, seeks attractive F I for friends or possible LTR. Must have sense of humor. 1500

Aty girlfriend has a breasts. The problem is, her shirts aren't skintight, they're cut clear down to her what's-it. Everywhere we go, we leave a tail c$ gaping men, weeping women and drooling babies. It drives me nuts. But when I try to tell her how I fjeel, she nuzzles up next to me until I can't remember what I was saying. Any suggestions?

* * ; t

ME: 28, NS, QUIET, SHY, PASSIONATE, NOT afraid to believe in love. Looking for a warrior princess to conquer my heart and capture my soul and devour it. Yummy. 1488

\ » * « » I

WHEREVER YOU ARE. DWM, 40S, 5*9". 145 lbs., engaging, open-minded, appealing, sexy, proportionate, youthful. Love outdoor activities, movies, sunsets, travel, photography, bad weather, crop circles, laughing. Seeking interesting, compassionate lover.

: » I t t

SWPM, 34, ATHLETIC, ATTRACTIVE, OUTGOING, intelligent & responsible. I like running, biking, hiking, music, talking & doing other fun things w/ friends. I'm seeking a F w/ similar qualities for a LTR. Friends first. 1506

: I * *

NICE GUY, 37, GOOD-LOOKING, STABLE, FUN. Likes music, bookshops, beach, hiking, conversation, skiing, dancing. Take a chance. I am. 1508

: * I I *

DWM, 42, SEEKS A WOMAN WHO UNDERSTANDS "slut" for the compliment it is, and is an independent-thinking, fit, outdoorsy, non-Republican, pet lover, as well. Retired trophy wives especially welcome. 1509

J * I * »

CAN YOU COME OUT AND PLAY? I CAN. Explore the ramifications of subtle energy control? Let's do it now, there's never a next time. The millennium approacheth. I dare ya. 1510

I * « * I I

SWM, 28, BURSTING WITH YULETIDE MISCHIEF, seeks sassy, classy, woman, 40+, who melts under mistletoe, is on Santa's "naughty" list, and required her holiday package be unwrapped by skilled hands. 1522

can lock at a king, can't

* * * I

WANTED: DANCE PARTNER. 25-45, WHO IS witty, playful, loyal, honest, ambitious, likes the outdoors, country living and life's simple pleasures. I offer the same. 1521

they're not asking to be

* * * *

RIGHT-BRAINED, INTELLIGENT M, 28, ISO perfeet F to see drama, film, arts, kiss when the light is perfect. Artists and smart people given first priority. 1523

: t I I I

DEPENDABLE, HONEST, LOYAL? Good-looking, hard-working WM, 20, NS, 5*7". I enjoy movies, music, snowboarding and eating out. ISO motivated, attractive WF, 18-24, for friendship/LTR. 1525

: I I * *

LOVE WINTER? ME, TOO. SWPM, 6', 39, ISO attractive, spunky, successful SWF, 25-40, for local & international adventures. Interests: skiing, travel, boats, dogs, bad weather, cooking, wine, offbeat humor. You? 1417

: 1503

NEWLY LIBERATED YOUNG CYNICAL VIXEN on a quest for a sexual carnivore or sugar daddy. 1573 SEEKING FINE WOODWORKER WHO APPRECIATES solid, unusual grain (no veneer), carved, curved one-of-a-kind construction (sturdy), w/ warm natural finish, and can dovetail w/ active/middle-aged country life, animals, camping/travel, art/photography, xcskiing/kayaking, education, VPR. DWPF, NS. 1616

1555

1558

NO GAMES. I'm for real. DWM, 40s, athletic, attractive, youthful, seeking slender/fit F who is ready and available for an honest, committed relationship. Start as friends. Let's talk. 1618

FUN-LOVING, INNOCENT CHILD INHABITING robust, vital, DPFW, 55 YO body. Outgoing massage therapist, musician, NYC transplant finally ready for honest companionship, shared acceptance and passion. Only available need apply. 1513

• f I • • • t I $1.99 a minute, must be 18+.

Or respond t h e old-fashioned way: CALL THE 9 0 0

NUMBER.

Call 1-900-870-7127 $l.99/min. must be 18+ wm^mmrn

"frr

Jealous in St. Johnsbury Dear Jealous, Better nip this one in the bud. The world's peeking at your girl's twin peaks clearly has you piqued. Since it's clear you can't

change

her bosom-boasting ways, try looking into yourself. Why does it make you feel so threatened to have other people look at her? If a cat a neighbor admire a knocker? As long as let in, and she's not opening the door, go ahead and let them, and her, enjoy. Love,

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JOIN ME ON THE ROAD LESS TRAVELED. DWM, 34, NS, ND, 6 ' i " , 180 lbs., caring, funny. Enjoys conversations, children, walks, bicycling, music, reading & sharing, thoughts & feelings. ISO F w / similar interests. 1418 WARRIOR, LOVER, KING, MAGUS IN TRAINING, 44, former s h a d o w boxer seeks y o u n g (minded) w o m a n for shadow dancing. Intimacy, openness, risk, adventure, energy, creativity, play, sensuality, passion, respect, integrity, body, mind, soul. 1419 I COULD POUR LUCIOUS BATHS TO WARM your w a n t o n feminine appetite. We could experience exceptionally erotic enticements of rhythmic lusts, t h e m discreetly dive into delightfully delicious desires. 1458 INTELLIGENT & HANDSOME, 30+, BLUE EYES, blondish hair, muscles out to here even in a wheelchair, ISO honest F(s) w h o can deal w i t h it and w h o therefore has at least 1/2 a brain, m i n i m u m . 1464 GOOD-LOOKING BM, 26, ISO EDUCATED, romantic w o m e n for long talks and long nights. Let's go o u t and have fun. 1466 CHRISTMAS SPECIAL! EDUCATED, FIT SWM, 34, o r n a m e n t e d w i t h contra dancing, movies, poetry, c o o k i n g and o u t d o o r stuff is ISO independent, active, interesting w o m a n for festive exploration o f life. Rutland Co. 1468 SELECTIVE, WITH A STRONG INNER VOICE. Authentic, handsome, successful, very fit, 43. ISO smart, beautiful F who's adventuresome, fun, creative, fit, w a n t i n g mate and kid(s) someday. Serious replies only. 1471 ROMANCE, HONESTY AND DREAMS BEGIN here. DWPM, 40, 6 ' 2 " , slender/athletic build, blonde, blue eyes, h a n d s o m e , NS, no children, seeks attractive, fit/slender w o m a n w i t h morals, h u m o r and family values. 1478 I AM A PUNJABI INDIAN DOING MY MBA IN hospitality in Rhode Island, searching for friends. I am 24, S ' I O " . I am basically from Delhi. If y o u wanna k n o w more, if y o u feel right, reply back. 1481 NO MORE BLIND DATES, PLEASE. There has got to be a better way to find one spectacular, confident, sexy, 3o-4oish, w o m a n w h o loves kids and may w a n t to have more. This soon to be divorced Dad is a y o u n g 40 and is athletic, romantic and, best o f all, available. 1482 SWM LOOKING FOR COMPANIONSHIP WITH A SWF, 35-45, w h o is passionate and compassionate, to enjoy o u t d o o r activities w i t h and w h o also likes quiet times, candle light a n d romance. 1484 SWM, 37, SEEKS ATTRACTIVE, STARRY-EYED dream interpreter. I'm not a Bud drinker w h o likes to s h o o t animals, nor d o I drive a pickup. Enough said? 1392 ARE WE COMPATIBLE? DWM, y o u n g 37, smoker, g o o d looks/build, seeks a slender w o m a n , 32-40, w h o enjoys the sun, camping, rock music, dancing, nights out, quiet intimate time. Much more. Call. 1394 NOTHING TO HIDE. DWM, 39, 6 \ 175 LBS., quiet, smoker, social drinker, decent-looking, independent. You break it, I fix it. What you see is w h a t y o u get. ISO nice lady. 1397 WANTED: ATTRACTIVE, SLIM, HAPPY, educated, open, honest, passionate m o m and recreational athlete, 34-45, ISO similar d a d for romance, family, adventure, fun and LTR. Reward: last piece o f t h e puzzle. 1399 KIND SWPM, 3 6 , TEDDYBEAR LOOKING FOR SWPF, 30-38, w h o is honest a n d sincere for friendship and quality times; also has a childish and playful side. 1401

GENUINE NICE GUY SEEKING OFFBEAT S/DWF for friend, companion, maybe LTR. Youthful 50s guy w h o prefers w o m e n a few years younger, not as round as tall. I'm 6', blue eyes, g o o d kisser. 1402

Acokinq

IF YOU WANT ROMANTIC, SINCERE AND FUN, take a SWPM, 42, ND/NA, fit active ISO feminine fun S/D/Ma(?)F. I have a place just for you in my heart. LTR. 1406

SWM, STRAIGHT/Bi-CURIOUS, 28, FIT, seeks straight/Bi-Curious Ms, 20-35, for whatever. Sounds like fun, so why not? Discretion a must. No mail, please. 1601

IRISH M, 20, SEEKS A PSYCHO F, 18-24, FOR a psycho relationship. 1409

GWM ISO SAME. I'M 48, GOOD HEALTH, active, seek companionship, poss. LTR. 1559

18, WILD BUT TAME LOOKING FOR S A M E SWF, NS, 18-24, for close, loving relationship. Must love sex. 1413

NEED SERVICE?? SUBMISSIVE M, 37, WANTS to serve. Black Ms OK. 1526

TALL, DARK AND MAYBE HANDSOME DWM, 40, built well, can be dressed up, ISO confidant lover/best friend. Should be slim, 2545, D/SF. Possible white-picket fence. 1414

SBM, 30, COLLEGE-EDUCATED, WELL-CULTURED, New Orleans native new to VT, seeking SB or PR man, college-educated, 30+, for friendship, companionship and brotherly love. 1527

LOOKING FOR ROMANCE. SWP, DARK CURLY hair, blue eyes, 5*7", busy and bashful, seeking attractive, positive, spontaneous w o m a n , 25-35, w i t h sense of humor & beautiful smile. Let's talk. 1415

LATE 20S, WM, ACTIVE, IN SHAPE. I'm a regular guy seeking same, under 35 YO, Would like to meet some cool, normal, masculine guys to hang w i t h , i 4 8 6

QUIET, SENSITIVE, NURTURING SPM, 33, physician. Into camping & hiking. Seek younger SF w i t h similar interests/qualities. 1319 SEEKING ADVENTUROUS PARTNER. DWM, 40s, 5*9", 150 lbs., appealing, engaging, sexy, youthful, open-minded, proportionate. Love to travel, laugh and create new possibilities. Into sunsets, photography, movies, love and whatever. 1260 ROMANTIC SWPM, FUNNY, LOVING, FIT, enjoys dancing, biking, dining out, g o o d conversation, walking, love letters. Seeking active, fit F, 35-45 to share same and lots more. 1320 WHEREFORE ART THOU? SM, 42, fit, educated, sense of humor, seeks romance, passion, someone to confide in. Enjoy rock and blues, outdoors, movies, travel, time together. 1322

BIWM, 28, 5'9", 155 LBS., BROWN HAIR & eyes, straight-acting & masculine, in great physical shape. Seeking another BiWM, 2030, for possible friendship and discreet, adult, fun times. 1516 CALLING KINDRED SOUL, CREATIVE, POSITIVE, roots brother. Athletic vegan, 27, earth spirit, whole, cosmic, into naughty role play. Let's trade air-cushioned shoes and walk/wrestle into the sun. Be true! 1512 LOVE WOMEN'S CLOTHES. MAN LOOKING FOR men, w h o want to dess up for the holidays: heels, lingerie and long gowns. I'll cook dinner, champagne as we look good in our dresses. 1465 GWPM, 5'9". 155 LBS., 40S, ISO MASCULINE M w i t h romantic heart, 25-45. Interests include music, movies, traveling, outdoors and more. Romance awaits. 1474

SM, 20, OUTGOING, FRESH, WITTY, LIKES TO party, honest, sincere, ISO SWF, 18-22, for quality times, partying, sex and fun. 1325

MAX ERNST SEEKS RENE MAGRITTE. I'd like to feel your brush strokes and see if we might not stick together. You bring the paint and I'll bring the glue, and let's make an assemblage. 1366

M, 42, LONG HAIR, BLUE, 5'io", 170 LBS., l o o k i n g for w o m e n w h o enjoy outdoors, quiet bars, 4-wheel drive and making love while looking me in the eye. Mad River Valley. 1331

LONG WINTER COMING. Mature, masculine M seeks companionship with real men interested in travel, conversation, indoor sports, having sense of humor, feel for adventure and curiosity in sensual matters. 1367

SLIGHTLY USED M ISO BEST FRIEND. WIT, humor, dining, dancing, exercise, water skiing, music, bicycle. Fixer-uppers encouraged to call. I'm 41 and 5 ' 9 " . 1356

BiWM, 50s, 5'9", 220 LBS., MOSTLY TOP, ISO Bi/GMs for daytime fun and adult play. Clean & discreet. Come visit, let's see what happens. Rutland area. Call me. 1400

A MOST KIND AND TENDER MAN! Tall, educated, athletic, humorous SWM seeks attractive, articulate and unassuming SWF, 35-43, NS, to share w a r m t h , whimsy and w i s d o m . 1361

ALPHABETIZED: BIKE RIDER, BISEXUAL, FILM fan, geek, hacker, liberal (duh), non-smoker, sci-fi nut, twenty-seven years old, will respond... guaranteed. 1404

DOES ANYONE KNOW WHAT LOVE IS? I'm 33, tall, attractive, professional, high IQ, creative, sincere, relationship-oriented. If you're 25-32, have a life, and do know, let's meet. 1363

r/(, tij/L'jj Aookinq

GWPM, 38, SEEKS MASCULINE G/Bi MALES in Ctrl. VT for friendship, possibly more. Sports, movies, outdoors and quiet nights at home. NS, casual drinkers preferred. Help me pass the winter. 1412

wwwn

GWF LOOKING FOR SPECIAL GWF, 35+. We are b o t h fun-loving, romantic, taking love & life seriously w i t h lots of humor. Want to k n o w more? Call me. No bar scenes. 1507 NO CLOSER TO "DOROTHY" THAN TO "VENKMAN." Somewhere in the sand beneath their b o o t s or entirely from another planet. Either way, outer space sucks alone a n d inhaling sand's harsh. SF, 20. 1502

STRAIGHT SWM, 5*9", 160 LBS., BLUE EYES, brown hair, handy man, property maintenance, seeking to d o projects around the homes of CUs & Fs seeking to exchange skills for thrills. 1617 POP THIS CHERRY. 21 YO SWM, cute, redhead, Bi-curious, "nice guy," seeking kinky "nice guys" to fulfill my hunger. Chicks w i t h "something extra" welcome, too! 1575 HANDSOME M SEEKS TRANSSEXUAL IN local 50 mi. radius o f Plattsburgh or Burlington. Clean, happy fun from financially secure 37 YO. All t/s welcome. Will travel. Waiting. 1564

ALPHA SEEKS OMEGA. Attractive SWM, 33, n e w to VT, seeks honest s o u l for friendship, p o s s i b l e LTR. Likes b o o k s h o p s , coffeehouses, o u t d o o r s a n d animals. ISO SF, g e n u i n e , w i t h sense of humor.

1620 M LOOKING FOR SPECIAL F. A LUST FOR LIFE. A passion for sensual and erotic. Being open and free. A thrill wearing silk and satin. 1568 SWM, 25, ATHLETIC BUILD, OPEN-MINDED, ISO same F, CU, MaCU, 18-40, for a safe, sane, consensual, casual relationship. Discretion is assured. NS/NS. 1524 ARE YOU OLDER & FEELING BOLDER? Try some young and dark chocolate seeking the older experience from an artful teacher. Discretion assured and expected. Call me! 1518 LOOKING FOR S/D/MaWF FOR AN AMATEUR strip show. Must be clean, safe and discreet, 28-39. 1 5 1 9

m a k e s his h e a r t

g o

wander.

page 5 0

SEVEN DAYS

december 2 9 , 1 9 9 9 & j a n u a r y 5, 2 0 0 0

• Tire Outdoor Gear CxcKangs used • doseout • new 191 Bank S t , Burlington 860-0190

a n d a $ 2 5 gift certificate t o j nHDr -wap .TT THE DOG TEAM TAVERN

Dog Team Rd., Middlebury

388-7651

TAKE FRIENDSHIP, ADD WATER & STIR. Where the S. Burlington malt buildings are blue I will meet you. Think music. M, 50s, seeking SF, NS for friendship. Let's visit. 1562 MONTPELIER AREA PM, 40S, SEEKING FIT, equipped, adventurous M or F partner for back-country skiing along sections of Catamount and Long Trail, weekends and holidays this winter. 1467

ME FROM PLANET ZUZU, YOU WACKO WULU. Me wanna know you. You Zulu? Me lick y o u mumu. 1487 SWM, Bi-CURIOUS, FIT, HEALTHY, ATTRACTIVE, 20, ISO CU or Fs that w h o want to take this boy and see how much fun we can have. U never know until U try. 1460 WBiF, 27, BLONDE, GREEN EYES, LIVING W/ hot boyfriend (both very fit). The islands are calling, but we survive (temporarily) in VT. ISO fun, fit, foxy BiF to share our La Vida Loca. 1480 AWESOME PLEASURE. BiWM SEEKS OTHER Bi or GMs to discover the stimulating and exciting, w o n d e r f u l w o r l d of enemas and adult toys. All races welcome. 1391 IN PRAISE OF OLDER MEN! WM, attractive, slim, 50s, gentle, non-assuming, enjoys theater, arts, Sunday morns. ISO a w o n d e r f u l lady or CU for adult fun & friendship. LTR possible. Slightly sub., Bi are +s for ladies. MZ3 WPM, 30S, LOOKING FOR Fs, CUs. I'm goodlooking, well-built, discreet, respectful. Looking for talk, coffee, erotic encounters, whatever. Call or write. Not into games. 1416 SBiF, 36, INTO OPEN RELATONSHIPS, SEEKS WBiM or straight for fun and friendship. Available days, honest and sincere a must. 1357 WCU (F 26, M 29) SEEKING ATTRACTIVE, clean BiFs, 18-29, f ° r some unforgettable nights of pleasure. Discretion assured a n d expected. 1360

The Mostly Uxtfabulous Social Life of Ethan Green... /ibsence

Personal o f t h e W e e k receives a gift certificate f o r a FREE Day Hiker's Guide to VT f r o m

HOME DEPOT, 12/9. YOU: REDHEAD, DARK jacket, baseball hat. Me: orange apron, dark hair w/ b r o o m in hand. Caught a smile on your way out. Wanna build s o m e t h i n g together. 1572 IGGLES OF MY HEART, I HAVE A GIRLFRIEND & she's so blue. It's "quite startling, really," 'cause I'm blue, too! I big fat love you longtime. Effigies. 1602 UKELELE PLAYER AT CACTUS OPEN MIC: You caught my attention over a year ago and still have me enraptured. Care to meet me in Hawaii? 1603 HEY A A : YOU HAVE ROCKED ME SINCE SO. Union and restored my faith in the epic love and life w i t h a look and a smile. You know I adore you. 1606 DEAR JOHN, 9 YEARS: WHAT COULD WE SAY? Cosmic forces at 135. It's misunderstood. Wish that time could unlock the answers to your silence. Fill me in. What's been happening? Ebtg. 1607 12/10, 5:30 P.M., BROWNELL LIBRARY: YOU had long auburn hair, blue jacket, before me (dark jacket, brown hair/beard) at checkout. We seemed to d o a double take. Single? Meet? 1608

...by Eric

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to respond to a personal ad call 1-900-370-7127

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we're open 24 hours a day! IL^/minute. must bets?.

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I SEE YOU IN THE MIRROR AT NIGHT, IN THE m o r n i n g , a n d a f t e r n o o n . You entrance me w / your dark, passionate eyes. My knees grow w e a k w / lust just gazing u p o n y o u r supreme countenance. 1489

Afuj, a m i JESS, WE MET AGES AGO, BUT I'VE FALLEN for y o u over a n d over again m a n y times since. You're beautiful, crazy, fun, intelligent a n d e v e r y t h i n g I could ever desire. Love, me. 1603 LUNA, TIGER LILY GIRL YOU: GORGEOUS, aware o f it, w i t h s o m e o n e ; b u t for t h a t one song, unexpectedly, up against the wall, by the men's j o h n ; alone, tired, h u m a n . 1612

TO THE INSANE GODDESS I SAW AT THE NEEDS: Will y o u please t a l k t o me? I'm the one w i t h alien in my head, can y o u help me? 1490

TO THE AUBURN-HAIRED WAITRESS WORKING the back r o o m o f Red Square, 12/8: You t o o k a q u i c k break s t a n d i n g up. I offered a cigarette. You d o n ' t s m o k e . I'll q u i t . 1615

11/28, METRONOME. You: stunning, tall, dark- haired, by stage and outside. Me: d a n c i n g near w i n d o w . We exchanged looks; I s h o u l d have t a l k e d to you. Is it t o o late? 1457

2ND NIGHT MOE. You: short b l o n d hair. Me: Tall guy d a n c i n g next t o y o u in the back. We laughed a b o u t y o u g e t t i n g fairy d u s t e d at the break. You w a v e d as y o u left a n d were gone. 1529

11/21, BY THE LAKE. You: green jacket, nice " g o a t . " Me: braids, Carhartts. Was t h a t Champ w e saw? I really enjoyed our convers a t i o n . How a b o u t some s n o b b i s h coffee a n d Nina S i m o n e . 1517

^ Jhe Seven ( D a i j A Single* LOinjt&i J>owned

T. AT SEARS, 12/4. Our eyes m e t agian. Remember the first t i m e in September, t h a t h o t afternoon? We shared a secret. I'd like to see y o u again. 1560 YOU BOUGHT A NEW YORKER AT THE CHEESE Outlet, 11/28. Me: little New Yorker in VT for the holidays. Our eyes met! You drove off in a red car. Free? 1520

fATURDRV, FEBRUARY 19TH RT HIGHER GROURD

GLENN, JP'S, 12/1: You s a n g my favorite Elton John s o n g so beautifully. I w a n t e d to say hello, b u t I was p l a y i n g p o o l and y o u d i s a p p e a r e d . Interested in t a l k i n g sometime? 1485

Jtive THiuk

a t t To respond to Letters Only ads:

Seal y o u r response in an e n v e l o p e , w r i t e box # on the o u t s i d e a n d place in a n o t h e r e n v e l o p e w i t h $5 for each response. Address t o : PERSON TO PERSON c/o SEVEN DAYS, P.O. Box 1164, B u r l i n g t o n , VT 0 5 4 0 2

women Assrfdnq jmn WISE, YET PLAYFUL, PROF., EDUCATED, ever learning, late 40s, Ctrl. VT w o m a n desires partner t o enjoy c o m f o r t s o f h o m e , travel, laughter, o p t i m i s m , w o n d e r m e n t — active life. NS, tall, WPTH, children launched. Box 663

It'* enough to rive you * footebumpt... • J-jm

• Paqsla

3Com dfauuvj&A

• » • ATTENTION TALL TEDDY BEARS: SWF, 52, Cancer/Sagittarius, 5 ' 8 " , s z i 8 , b l o n d / b l u e , NA, NS, offbeat, utilitarian, creative, artistic, fanciful, ticklish, musically eclectic, b o o k s , animals, movies, concerts, m u s e u m s , dancing. ISO s o u l m a t e . Box 662 DWF, 52, LOVES SOCIABILITY, INTIMACY, s o l i t u d e , art, music, dancing, movies, w o o d s , water, gardens, b o o k s . Renoiresque figure a b o u t 30 lbs. t o o a m p l e for c o n t e m p o r a r y fashion. Seeking w a r m - h e a r t e d M friend. Box 654

QUALITIES WORTH MORE THAN ANY AMOUNT o f m o n e y f r o m attractive, in-shape PWF, y o u n g 50s, in exchange for financial security w i t h special, w a r m , loving, intellectual man. Let's share life's journey. Box 652

SWF SEEKING AUTHENTIC CM, NOT AFRAID t o seek a n d extoll t r u t h . Aware o f the w o r l d , b o t h real, illusive a n d the i m p o r t o f the days we live in. Age u n i m p o r t a n t ; spiritual preparedness is. Box 665

RED HEAD, s ' z " , 140 LBS., SWF, 32, p h o t o g rapher/writer, a d v e n t u r e s o m e , ultra fit, sharp w i t , diabolical sense o f h u m o r seeking friendship, fun a n d w i n t e r sports w i t h o t h e r high-energy lions, 27-4oish. Box 6 4 8

OK, I CAN LIVE ALONE HAPPILY ENOUGH, but where's the challenge? This n o n - b u x o m , attractively graying 51 YO is ISO M w / character, humor, w a r m t h . If he can b u i l d a house, so m u c h the better; I a m w i l l i n g to b u i l d by his side. Box 6 5 8

SYMPATICO, INTELLIGENT, LEFT-LEANING F, fit for i n d o o r s & o u t d o o r s , seeks similar, u n a t t a c h e d M c o m p a n i o n , 40+, for f o o d , film, conversation, serious piffle & possible LTR. No narcissists need apply. Box 639

LIBERAL, SPIRITUAL DWPF, WRITER, 4 0 , seeks best friend for t h o u g h t f u l conversations, l o n g w a l k s , g o o d meals a n d general a d v e n t u r i n g , possible LTR. E m p a t h y a n d s t r o n g self-esteem a must. P h o t o appreciated. Box 6 5 9

men

Assddnq

woman

ANYBODY KNOWS YOU CAN CONJURE ANYTHING by the dark o f the m o o n . Seeking c o r r e s p o n d e n c e f r o m t h o s e for w h o m d r e a m s are the stuff o f w h i c h lives are made... Laughter bewitches. Box 661

WiWF, 7 3 , GEMINI, BLOND/GREEN, 5'4, plussized, sensitive, caring, e m p l o y e d , loves music/big b a n d s , dancing, d i n i n g o u t , concerts, travel a n d an i n v i g o r a t i n g discussion. ISO M friend, c o r r e s p o n d e n c e first. Box 6 6 0

SWPM, 29, LOW MILES, BIT SHY, SEEKS intelligent, sensitive SWF, 25-30, for nourishing conversation/adventure. My hats: cyclist, poet, simple lifer, Big Question dreamer, and a w i n t e r cap. Photo appreciated. Box 655 AQUARIUS? BEAUTIFUL ONSIDE & OUD? I could sure use a friend w / b i g hugs! Handsome W M , 51, self-suppportive, physically fit, desires w o m a n by day, lady by night! No children, please. Box 6 5 6 SEEKING SUMBISSIVE F, 23-35, INTO B&D by dark M. Limits respected w/ tender, loving care. Casual or LTR. Also: dinners, m o o n l i g h t w a l k s , wine. Box 6 5 7 VERMONT PRISONER IN NJ, 43, SWM, UVM grad l o o k i n g for friendship and romance. Home in 2001. Warm, affectionate pen pal a n d c o m p a n i o n . Let's share hopes a n d future dreams together. Box 6 5 1 MY TRACTOR IS SEXY. SWM, 49, 5 ' n " , 170 lbs., fit, g o o d - l o o k i n g , a m b i t i o u s , hard-working, NS, NS, NA, likes b i g e q u i p m e n t , animals, hiking. Seeks attractive, fit, healthy, a m b i t i o u s , sexy F for LTR. Box 653 4 0 YO S P M IN DENIAL, ATHLETIC, MASTER of repression, self-centered, loner type w / big heart ISO hardy New Englander w h o loves starlight, chilly nights a n d c o n t e m p l a t i n g life's sweet beauty. Box 6 5 0 MID-LIFE CRISIS LOOMS. KIND, HEALTHY, reasonably attractive SWM, 5 ' 6 " , 155 lbs., craves the rejuvenating a t t e n t i o n s o f a compassionate/passionate y o u n g F. Box 6 4 4 LOOKING FOR LOIS LANE TO ENJOY SUPERMAN adventures. You: F, 25-32, fit, NS, educated, no baggage. Me: 6', 32, 175 lbs., blue eyes. A dream come true... Box 645

SWM, 35, SEEKING FULL-FiGURED 81 PLUSsize w o m e n w h o like t o d o fun things. This M w i l l make sure y o u feel w a n t e d a n d totally pleased. 1 a m for real! Box 6 4 6 ACTIVE, PROSPEROUS, WELL-EDUCATED, jew ish, intellectual, 50s, t r y i n g t o meet lighthearted, w a r m , intelligent, sensual w o m e n . I am o p e n to any age or b a c k g r o u n d . Intrinsic, e n g a g i n g qualities are the heart o f the matter. Box 647

wojmn

women

GWF LOOKING FOR SOMEONE IN THEIR MID305 t o enjoy life w i t h , because life is t o o short, a n d it w o u l d be nice t o have someone special t o share it w i t h . Box 6 3 8

men

THE END IS NEAR SCARED? Don't be. Begin the groovy new century w i t h this s w i n g i n g GWM. Don't h u d d l e over y o u r c a m p stove a n d b o t t l e d w a t e r alone. Let's have s o m e fun. Box 6 6 4

UNCOMMON GROUNDS, 12/3, A.M. You: 6 ' 3 " i s h , beautiful, in overalls w i t h l o n g curly b l o n d e hair. Me: in front, d o u b l e m o c h a a n d l o n g blue dress... S o m e t h i n g , sometime? Box 666

4 digit box numbers can be contacted either through voice mail or by letter. 3 digit box numbers can only be contacted by letter. Send letter along w/ $5 to PO Box 1164, Burlington, VT 05402 LOVE IN CYBERSPACE. P O I N T Y O U R W E B BROWSER TO H T T P : / / W W W . S E V E N D A Y S V T . C O M TO S U B M I T Y O U R M E S S A G E

How

place your

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• F I L L O U T T H I S F O R M AND MAIL IT T O : P E R S O N A L S , P . O . B O X 1 1 6 4 , B U R L I N G T O N , V T 0 5 4 0 2 OR FAX TO 8 0 2 . 8 6 5 . 1 0 1 5 . P L E A S E C I R C L E A P P R O P R I A T E C A T E G O R Y . YOU W I L L R E C E I V E Y O U R BOX # 8T P A S S C O D E BY MAIL. D E A D L I N E : F R I D A Y S AT N O O N . • F I R S T 3 0 W O R D S A R E F R E E WITH P E R S O N TO P E R S O N , A D D I T I O N A L W O R D S A R E EACH EXTRA W O R D .

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• C A L L S C O S T $ 1 . 9 9 P E R M I N U T E . YOU M U S T B E OVER 1 8 Y E A R S O L D . NAME • A D S IN L E T T E R S O N L Y S E C T I O N ( 3 - D I G I T BOX # ) CAN B E C O N T A C T E D T H R O U G H T H E MAIL. S E A L YOUR R E S P O N S E IN AN E N V E L O P E , W R I T E T H E BOX # ON T H E O U T S I D E A N D P L A C E IN A N O T H E R E N V E L O P E WITH $ 5 F O R EACH R E S P O N S E . A D D R E S S T O : P E R S O N A L S , C / O P . O . BOX 1 1 6 4 , B U R L I N G T O N , V T 0 5 4 0 2 .

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