ADMIT ONE
IN A WORLD
... of useless keepsakes, a priceless collection lay hidden deep in the cavernous maw of a suburban storage facility. Undisturbed by man or infant for nearly twenty years in its dusty porcelain coffin of neglect, it slept waiting to reveal it’s dark secrets. It awaited a hero. A hero of destiny, a hero smelling of over buttered popcorn, a super cheesy hero with an undying love for film. I am that hero, and these are the shocking revelations wrestled from its dark cryptic runes.
THE ARTIFACTS PRESENTED IN ORDER OF APPEARANCE FROM ORIGINAL DOCUMENTATION
000-019
038-057
059-074
075-079
091-121
122-128
177-178
179
129-176
180-218
219-224
225-262
020-037
058
080-084
085-086
087-091
ARTIFACT ANATOMY THE SEARCH BEGINS
ODD DESIGNATION
SHORTENED FILM TITLE
Hours of research and still not all is clear. The artifacts may have wanted to be found, to be studied, yet it’s obvious they intend for me to coax out their deeper meanings, to earn their blessing of enlightenment through the careful exploration of meaningless minutia.
DAY OF THE WEEK
TIME OF SHOW
TICKET PRICE
SE
LOCATION
EARLY REVELATIONS
UNKNOWABLE CYPHER
$641.80
TOTAL PRICE TAG AVG: $4.90 MIN: $1.00 MAX: $9.00 EQUIVALENT TO 85.5 STAR WARS: CLONE WARS ACTION FIGURES
“Medic!”
CALENDAR DATE
263
TOTAL NUMBER OF ARTIFACTS
79 PG-13 FILMS
2
ECRET CODE
SEPTEMBER FILMS
SAGE WISDOM
HISTORICAL REFERENCE
START
1ST HOUSE BOUGHT
1ST SON DAVID BORN
MARRIED TO CARRIE
1ST GIRL MADDY BORN
2ND GIRL ELIZABTH (BIZ) BO
1993
1994
1995
1996
1997
1998
1999
2000
2001
TED AT AMERICAN CRAFTS
STARTED AT MICA RESIGNED FROM AMERICAN CRAFTS
ORN
2002
2003
2004
2005
2006
2007
2008
2009
COLLECTION DISCOVERED
BEHAVIOR PATTERNS SEASONS
MAR
APR
SPRING
MAY
JUN
JUL
SUMMER
AUG
SEP
OCT
FALL
NOV
DEC
JAN
WINTER
FEB
DAYS OF THE WEEK
0
20 10 15 14 36 29
SUN
MON
TUE
WED
THU
FRI
SAT
Ripped and torn; it appears that violence happens any time of the day.
START TIMES
9
10
11
12
1
2
3
EARLY BIRD MATINEE EVENING
4
5
6
7
8
9
10
CALENDAR DAYS
1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
10
11
12
13
14
15
16
17
18
19
20
21
22
23
24
25
26
27
28
29
30
31
TOTAL GENRE DISTRIBUTION
ACTION ADVENTURE ANIMATED COMEDY DRAMA FAMILY FANTASY MYSTERY ROMANTIC COMEDY ROMANCE SCI-FI THRILLER
MERTON, WI PROVO, UT LUDINGTON, MI OREM, UT
SALT LAKE CITY, UT
AMERICAN FORK, UT
ANAHEIM, CA
CEDAR CITY, UT EL PASO, TX
MESA, AZ
1993
The Sandlot Hocus Pocus Heart & Souls The Secret Garden Jurassic Park Age of Innocence Mrs. Doubtfire The Pelican Brief
1994
Philadelphia My Life Cool Runnings Guarding Tess The Shadow The Client The Mask The Mask Clear & Present Danger
1995
Batman Forever Apollo 13
FAIRFAX, VA
1996
Golden Eye Mission Impossible Star Trek: First Contact Romeo + Juliet
1997
Star Wars: A New Hope Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back Star Wars:Return of the Jedi The Saint Jungle 2 Jungle In and Out Titanic The Rainmaker
Tarzan The Sixth Sense Muppets in Space Toy Story 2 Pokeman
2000
Frequency Mission Impossible II Shanghai Noon Titan AE What Lies Beneath Charlies Angels The Grinch What Women Want
2001
The Mummy Returns A Knights Tale Atlantis: The Lost Empire Jurassic Park 3 Oceans 11 Lord of the Rings: Fellowship
2002
Lord of the Rings: Fellowship Ice Age Lord of the Rings: Fellowship Star Wars: Episode II Spider Man Star Wars: Episode II Minority Report Lilo and Stitch The Sum of All Fears Signs Harry Potter: Chamber of Secrets Die Another Day Lord of the Ring: Two Towers The Santa Clause 2
2003
1998
Sphere Lost in Space Mulan Ever After What Dreams May Come A Bug’s Life
The Recruit Shanghai Knights X-Men 2 Pirates: Curse of the Black Pearl Freaky Friday Lord of the Rings: Return of the King Cheaper by the Dozen Lord of the Rings: Return of the King
1999
2004
You’ve Got Mail Patch Adams The Mummy
Big Fish Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon Van Helsing
Shrek 2 Spider Man II The Incredibles A Series of Unfortunate Events
2005
Star Wars: Episode III Charlie and the Chocolate Factory War of the Worlds Corpse Bride Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire King Kong The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe.
2006
Mission Impossible III Over the Hedge Cars Superman Returns Pirates: Dead Man’s Chest The Illusionist The Guardian Night at the Museum
2007
Picadilly Cowboy Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End Ratatouille Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix Transformers Transformers Bourne Ultimatum Dan In Real Life Enchanted August Rush Alvin and the Chipmunks National Treasure: Book of Secrets
2008
Indiana Jones and the Crystal Skull Wall-E Kung Fu Panda The Dark Knight Hellboy II: The Golden Army The Dark Knight Quantum of Solace The Tale of Despereaux
2009 Doubt
THE END