TACTICS OF AN ONLINE PREDATOR
1 IN 10 IRISH CHILDREN HAVE GIVEN THEIR NAMES OUT TO COMPLETE STRANGERS THEY MET ONLINE
INTRODUCTION
Online predators or ‘Groomers’ as they are known tend to design what they are saying to their potential victims as they go along. They tailor their approach to flattery or to having a shoulder to cry on which then strenghtens the relationship prior to contact. They will very often use the same themes or variations of these nine themes which we will cover in this book. It is important that children and their parents have an open and honest dialogue about the dangers of online predators and the techniques they use to befriend their victims online.
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1 IN 3 IRISH TEENS WILL HAVE VIDEO CHATS WITH PEOPLE THEY MET ONLINE
12% OF IRISH CHILDREN AGED TEN TO EIGHTEEN PHYSICALLY MET SOMEONE THEY MET ONLINE
Online predators will try to isolate their victims by offering to chat to them in ‘private rooms’ away from the eyes of other chatroom users or from online gamers. One the victim agrees to this then they are leaving themselves open for the predator to begin to manipulate them and so the cycle begins. At this stage the victim will believe that they are chatting to a boy or girl their own age. The predator will endear themselves to the child by flattering them and seeming to have very similar tastes in music or clothes. This then allows the predator access to the child on further occassions over days, weeks and even months when the child’s barriers will be broken down by familiarity with the predator.
12% OF IRISH CHILDREN AGED TEN TO EIGHTEEN PHYSICALLY MET SOMEONE THEY MET ONLINE
Online predators will try to isolate their victims by offering to chat to them in ‘private rooms’ away from the eyes of other chatroom users or from online gamers. One the victim agrees to this then they are leaving themselves open for the predator to begin to manipulate them and so the cycle begins. At this stage the victim will believe that they are chatting to a boy or girl their own age. The predator will endear themselves to the child by flattering them and seeming to have very similar tastes in music or clothes. This then allows the predator access to the child on further occassions over days, weeks and even months when the child’s barriers will be broken down by familiarity with the predator.
73% OF IRISH CHILDREN ARE LEFT TOTALLY UNSUPERVISED WHEN ONLINE
Online predators will try to ascertain where their potential victims are talking to them from. They do this to ensure that parents or older siblings cannot see what is being written in their messages. It is essential that parents are fully aware of what sites their children are on. The use of laptops, tablets and smart phones away from view should never be allowed.
73% OF IRISH CHILDREN ARE LEFT TOTALLY UNSUPERVISED WHEN ONLINE
Online predators will try to ascertain where their potential victims are talking to them from. They do this to ensure that parents or older siblings cannot see what is being written in their messages. It is essential that parents are fully aware of what sites their children are on. The use of laptops, tablets and smart phones away from view should never be allowed.
N O W I C A N S A Y A N Y T H I N G I W A N T T O U
YOU CAN TELL ME ANYTHING!
65% OF ONLINE SEX PREDATOR OFFENDERS USED THEIR VICTIMS SOCIAL MEDIA SITE TO OBTAIN THEIR PERSONAL FACTS AND DETAILS
Online predators will become the best friend and confidante of their targeted victim. They will create an ‘us and them’ mentality which will make the victim feel more secure. They will make the victim feel secure by letting them divulge their ‘problems’ to them which plays into the hand of the predator. They can then talk in more detail about home issues with the child and intensify the relationship
YOU CAN TELL ME ANYTHING!
65% OF ONLINE SEX PREDATOR OFFENDERS USED THEIR VICTIMS SOCIAL MEDIA SITE TO OBTAIN THEIR PERSONAL FACTS AND DETAILS
Online predators will become the best friend and confidante of their targeted victim. They will create an ‘us and them’ mentality which will make the victim feel more secure. They will make the victim feel secure by letting them divulge their ‘problems’ to them which plays into the hand of the predator. They can then talk in more detail about home issues with the child and intensify the relationship
YO U COULD BE A
ONLINE PREDATORS MAY TRAWL SOCIAL NETWORK SITES MAKING CONTACT WITH UP TO 100 CHILDREN PER DAY
Online predators will flatter their intended victims to make them feel special. This is another step along the grooming process for the predator. The victim will feel that they are being singled out as being better than their friends. They will tend then to open up more and will become much more susceptible to the grromers advances.
YO U COULD BE A
ONLINE PREDATORS MAY TRAWL SOCIAL NETWORK SITES MAKING CONTACT WITH UP TO 100 CHILDREN PER DAY
Online predators will flatter their intended victims to make them feel special. This is another step along the grooming process for the predator. The victim will feel that they are being singled out as being better than their friends. They will tend then to open up more and will become much more susceptible to the grromers advances.
CAN I HAVE YOUR NUMBER
70% OF CHILDREN AGED 12 TO 15 DO NOT HAVE PARENTAL CONTROLS ON THEIR PHONES OR LAPTOPS
Once online predators are confident that they have gained the trust of their victim they will attempt to gain further control by getting the personal phone number or email address of the victim. Once they have this they have more direct access to their victim which makes it easier to manipulate them further with the final result being the meeting with the child. At this stage the grooming will be stepped up and the child may be asked if they want to meet up, if not the predator will resume flattery and the showering of gifts on the child until they are ready to meet.
CAN I HAVE YOUR NUMBER
70% OF CHILDREN AGED 12 TO 15 DO NOT HAVE PARENTAL CONTROLS ON THEIR PHONES OR LAPTOPS
Once online predators are confident that they have gained the trust of their victim they will attempt to gain further control by getting the personal phone number or email address of the victim. Once they have this they have more direct access to their victim which makes it easier to manipulate them further with the final result being the meeting with the child. At this stage the grooming will be stepped up and the child may be asked if they want to meet up, if not the predator will resume flattery and the showering of gifts on the child until they are ready to meet.
PREDATORS USE VOICE ALTERING TECHNOLOGY TO SOUND YOUNGER WHEN THEY ARE GAMING ONLINE WITH POTENTIAL VICTIMS
Online predators try to quickly establish an emotional relationship with their victim. This then reinforces the ability to manipulate the child when the final stage of ‘contact’ occurs and the abuse begins. Also at this stage the predator may offer money or jewelry to try to entice the victim to meet in person and to prove their ‘love’ to them. At this stage the child can become frightened so the groomer will be very careful not to ‘spook’ them and so may back off for several days or weeks and then retry the same strategy.
II L O V E CONTROL YY O U OU
A 2013 UK SURVEY FOUND THAT 60% OF TEENAGERS HAD BEEN ASKED FOR SEXUAL IMAGES OR VIDEOS OF THEMSELVES ONLINE
Once the groomer has the trust and the confidence of the victim then the next stage of contact will take place. The groomer may insist on meeting the child in a quiet park or playground and will often bring gifts. At this stage it is most common for the abuse to begin. This will often lead to a very protracted period of abuse where the groomer threatens harm to the child’s family if they don’t continue with the predator’s requests. They will also threaten to reveal intimate photographs on social media or harm to the child themselves.
A RECENT SURVEY OF OVER 170 PARENTS REVEALED THAT 8% HAD NEVER HEARD OF ONLINE GROOMING
The predator will pressurise the child to persist with the abuse. There are many variations of the pressure and threats exerted. The obvious ‘I will hurt your family’ as well as threatening to tell the child’s parents about what has been happening, making the victim feel they have done something wrong. The predator may also share ‘secrets’ with the victim which causes the child to think that they are both doing something wrong. The psychology of the abuser really brainwashes the child into fear of telling an adult.
What can
parents do?
TRUST
Let your children know that they can always talk to you about anything and that they can trust you with their concerns. Always listen to your child, no matter how trivial the problem is. This reinforces that they will trust you and so will come to you with much bigger problems if they occur.
TEACH
Let your children know that they can always talk to you about anything and that they can trust you with their concerns. Always listen to your child, no matter how trivial the problem is. This reinforces that they will trust you and so will come to you with much bigger problems if they occur.
LEARN
Learn all about your child’s social activities including sports groups, circle of friends, adult coaches or acquaintences. Learn which websites and apps that your child is using and allow them certain freedoms online. Do not over burden your child with constant checking of what they are doing as they will become secretive.
TALK
Talk to your child early about sex anatomy and relationships. Really encourage them to tell you about their day and reassure them that talking openly is healthy. Once a child is comfortable talking about anything to their parents then there is a much lower risk that they will go looking for comfort with strangers online.