58 Let’s Talk

LET’S TALK

How to confront racism in your own circle

BY ASHLEY OBULJEN

A mural by artist Shiloah Symone (@blckslimshady) covers the side of the Overture Center for the Arts in downtown Madison. Many shops around State Street were boarded up during the summer protests and have become canvases for a variety of art. W e’ve all heard the news stories about racist acts: Black Lives Matter counter-protesters using the N-word, a white woman calling the police on a bird-watching Black man and even a woman at a gas station telling a Latina girl to, “Go back to Mexico.”

But racism doesn’t always announce itself with bigoted, public rants. What happens when you encounter it in your own circle? Racism has always existed, but amid a social justice movement following violence against Black people at the hands of Kenosha and Minneapolis police this year, it has pushed itself to the forefront of Wisconsinites’ minds.

UW–Madison sociology professor Pamela Oliver, whose research focuses on social movements and racial disparities in criminal justice, has confronted her family about their racist commentary.

“The usual thing, if you’re trying to confront somebody else for what you consider to be racist attitudes, is to try to bring the issue up in a way that doesn’t attack them,” Oliver says. “You’re supposed to talk about actions, not personality.”

It’s important to take into account the type of relationship you have with the person you’re confronting, Oliver explains. Whether the person is willing to listen to you at all is one factor, but if you’re trying to correct misinformation, another issue is raised: Will you agree on what the standards of evidence are?

One debate about gun control with her brother-in-law showcased how honest conversations with people who are open to digesting new information can be promising. Oliver claimed most gun-related deaths were accidental, while her brother-in-law claimed they were mostly murder. But upon collective research, the two found out suicide represented a major chunk of gun-related deaths.

“We were both shocked,” Oliver says. “You can disagree, but you can have a decent relationship and have a conversation in which you both learned something.”

Language also can be pivotal in these situations, Oliver says.

“A term like white supremacy, which I use a lot, some people completely freak out about,” Oliver says. “So I think part of the problem is that in this area, all vocabulary has become really emotional.”

Those who are committed to defending racist attitudes are not worth having these conversations with, Oliver says.

“I have some relatives who are just straight-up white supremacists,” Oliver says. “There’s no point at all in engaging them, because engaging them just makes for wars.”

Paige Anderson, a field organizer for the Democratic Party of Wisconsin who grew up in a politically divided household in Stillwater, Minnesota, tries to avoid one-sided conversations.

“Some people listen to conversations to actually hear what you have to say. Some people listen until you stop talking so they could tell you what they

were going to say either way,” Griffin says.

While discourse between Anderson and the more conservative people in her life doesn’t always yield desired results, her Republican father remains supportive of her career ambitions.

Her relationships with people who she disagrees with remain strong, but some over-the-line comments motivate her to respond. When she noticed people in her life were misinformed and trying to justify the murder of George Floyd, a Black man who was killed by a white Minneapolis police officer in May, Anderson stepped in. de Royston appreciated the women reaching out, but following up with conversations about anti-racist action produced telling results.

“What actions are you engaging in, in the community and in society, to sort of shift these dynamics of power?” McKinney de Royston would ask them. Those conversations reveal if people understand how racism operates, she says.

Some people who engaged with McKinney de Royston in 2016 missed the mark by asking her to explain the state of the nation and tell them what they should do to fix it.

“You need to look at the whole picture, not just what you want to see.”

Pointing back to the facts of what happened, Anderson says, was helpful in deconstructing arguments based on misinformation. She recommends “sandwiching,” a response to racism using this three-point process: “What you said is racist; this is why it is racist; just reiterating: what you said is racist.”

Body language and cues are absent from phone calls and Facebook posts, but this new blueprint has benefitted Anderson. In-person debates can result in emotional responses that risk diminishing conversational goals, and people may not have accurate facts at their fingertips in live conversations, Anderson says.

Dismantling misguided arguments is also effective for people who have misconceptions about what it means to be racist, including those who make the “I’m not racist because I have a Black friend” argument.

Interracial relationships can expose people to others with different life experiences, but they are not evidence that someone understands systemic racism, says Maxine McKinney de Royston, a UW–Madison assistant professor of curriculum and instruction.

“What I would tell people is, ‘I’m glad that you’re engaging in those kinds of relationships, but you need to reflect on those relationships,’” McKinney de Royston says. “Why do you have them? What keeps you all together? What is your role in this relationship?”

McKinney de Royston, a Black woman, noted that multiple concerned white women reached out to her following the election of President Donald Trump in 2016. McKinney

“It’s also asking me for my labor, to help them make sense of things,” McKinney de Royston says. “If you’re really worried about my well-being, you wouldn’t be asking me to do more work right now. If you really understood how race works, to always put it on the onus of the minoritized person to do the work, then you wouldn’t be asking me those questions.”

White guilt has also become a common encounter for McKinney de Royston. Though often unintentional, expressions of white guilt can place unnecessary burdens on marginalized people.

Like Oliver and Anderson, McKinney de Royston says there’s a distinction between who’s worth confronting about racism and who’s not.

“The line is different for every person depending upon what you’re trying to get out of it,” McKinney de Royston says.

These conversations are less burdensome for white people because for people of color, it can be harmful if the person they’re conversing with denies their humanity.

“These conversations on our campus and in white-dominated spaces are the work of white people,” McKinney de Royston says. “While I advise lots of white students and I teach lots of white students, I don’t think that it is my job to educate them about everything. I think it’s my job to begin to give them the tools to begin to help them speak in critical ways about race and about racism, anti-Black violence and anti-Blackness more generally. And then it’s their job to do the work for themselves.” X

Do the Work.

Don’t ask others to do it for you. It’s important not to place unnecessary burdens on people of color — it’s not their job to inform you.

Take Action.

Reaching out to check in is okay, but ask yourself what you’re doing to change the situation: What actions are you engaging to shift dynamics of power?

Be Considerate.

Consider how asking for advice from people of color about racism could impact their well-being.

Avoid the Guilt Response.

Don’t tell your Black friends how badly you feel about what’s going on. This puts burden on them to make you feel better.

Remember.

Remember that having Black friends or family does not exempt you from racism. Anti-racism is about acting on an understanding of systemic racism of anti-Blackness.

Reflect.

Reflect on your interracial relationships. Consider your role in the relationship: What work have you done to make sure that it is a healthy and not harmful relationship?

Listen & Learn.

Continue to listen and learn. Remember that your actions could result in unintentional harm.

Get Started.

Watch “13th” on Netflix or read “How to Be an Antiracist” by Ibram X. Kendi or “Between the World and Me” by Ta-Nehisi Coates.

Sources: Maxine McKinney de Royston, UW–Madison assistant professor of curriculum and instruction; Pamela Oliver, UW–Madison professor of sociology