WINTER 2016
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Home for the Holidays
The
GIFT
of Hospitality
by R OD MARSH A L L , Presid e n t / CE O o you ever find it hard to believe how quickly the holiday season rolls around? I was at lunch with some co-workers not too long ago and one of the ladies present said, “I love this time of year. It is the start of the holiday season.” Since this happened in early September, several people gave her an odd look, to which she replied, “Labor Day, Halloween, Thanksgiving, and then it’s Christmas time!” Holidays can be a very fun time. In this issue of Lifeprints, we will be exploring the idea of being home for the holidays.
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My parents had the spiritual gift of hospitality. In Acts 16:13–15, we are told the story of the conversion of Lydia. Lydia is described as a “seller of purple” and as a “worshipper of God.” After she heard Paul preach, she and her entire household were baptized and she became a follower of Christ. After her baptism, she says to Paul, “If you have judged me to be faithful to
the Lord, come to my house and stay.” Paul responds by saying, “She prevailed upon us.” Perhaps I am reading too much into it, but it sounds like Paul was saying, “She would not take ‘No’ for an answer!” Like Lydia, my mother and father seemed to always have houseguests. Some would stay for a few hours, some for a few weeks. My hometown had two Air Force bases and mom and dad could not stand the thought of someone being alone on the holidays. It was quite typical for us to have a 19 or 20-year-old guest at holiday gatherings. Later in life, my dad volunteered at a homeless shelter. Family holiday dinners often had special guests of honor who had recently been sleeping on the streets and scrounging for their next meal. There is a strong correlation between hospitality and the work of care for children from hard places. If you were to visit one of our Campus Care homes, you might be impressed by the size of the dining room tables. They are enormous. They are the size of tables in executive conference rooms. They are the kind of tables that seem to be large enough to always have room for just one more child. If you watched our house parents or our foster parents in action, you would see the embodiment of Christian hospitality. When a new child comes in, the child is typically unsure, anxious, and often afraid. Every cottage has rules, and those rules are important. But, our house parents and foster parents do not initially introduce the new children to the rules. They first help them unpack and try to get to know them.
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Thanks to you, the children in our care will experience the holidays in a way that will be new to many of them.
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Our wise house parents have learned that rules only work in the context of a relationship. They seek first and foremost to connect by being good listeners and taking genuine interest in the children. They cook for them. They help them with their chores and with their homework. They read Bible stories to them and lead family devotionals for the children in their care (including their own children). They do clearly communicate their expectations, but first they shower the children with hospitality. I hope your home will be filled with Christian hospitality during the upcoming holiday season. I encourage you to invite an unexpected guest of honor into your home, or to help us invite them into our homes with your gifts, prayers, and support. I hope your holiday season will be filled with joy and laughter. Thanks to you, the children in our care will experience the holidays in a way that will be new to many of them. For some, it will be the first time they have been glad to be home for the holidays. God bless you! Home for the Holidays
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Pictured from left to right: Lori and Todd Wilson with daughters, Kirby Wilson and Bailey Morris
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b y TAY L O R F U N D E R BU R G , Co m m u n i c a t i o n s A s s istant 4
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hen Kirby Wilson was a senior in high school, her parents sat her down, along with her sister, and asked them what they thought about the idea of their family fostering a child. Her dad had heard a message on the radio about Alabama Baptist Children’s Homes (ABCH) and our need for foster parents. He personally prayed about it, then asked his wife to join him in prayer. After her parents brought the idea to Kirby and her sister, Bailey, they began to pray and think about what fostering would look like as a family.
ADJUSTING TO CHANGE Kirby was excited about her parents fostering, since she is the youngest in her family. She always wanted a younger sibling, but admits that she was a bit naïve at the time about what having a younger sibling meant. “I was focused on how awesome everything would be, but it ended up that the Lord taught me a lot about my own selfishness and my sin through having younger siblings,” Kirby shared. On Kirby’s first holiday break from college, she shares that she remembers coming home to her family, now including children that were her parents’ first placement. “Honestly, it was hard. The family dynamic was different and my parents had to focus on the children they were now caring for, but I was home from college and wanted the attention,” Kirby said. She struggled with this her full, first year of college, but felt the Lord teaching her and humbling her through it all.
LESSONS LEARNED She learned that although her family took in children with baggage and tough backgrounds that were hard for
them to understand and cope with, her family’s call to ministry was to love them. Most importantly, Kirby learned that “being an older sister is not all fun and games; it’s learning to love someone even though they have flaws and are broken and hurt . . . and learning to love the children well while they’re there and still knowing how to love them when they’re gone.” Kirby has seen in herself, at times, a hesitancy to get close to the children because of the inconsistency in how long they may stay with her family. She fears the hurt that may come from having to say goodbye and possibly never seeing them again. However, as a result of many prayers and a genuine desire to love others as Christ loves us, over the years she has developed a yearning to know her brothers and sisters who come into her parents’ home.
FAMILY REDEMPTION Kirby’s parents have now been fostering for six years and, during that time, they have been able to witness what they consider the biggest reward of their ministry so far in the lives of three brothers. Charlie, Miguel, and Eddie were placed twice with the Wilson family, once for three months and then for almost a year. Kirby says, “We really grew a very deep relationship with these boys and their biological parents . . . Through ABCH, who poured into the parents and their children, the parents accepted Christ.” Elise Vincent, the boys’ social worker, witnessed firsthand the restoration of this family. “The mom and dad of these precious boys became believers while the boys were in our foster care Home for the Holidays
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Pictured above are Charlie, Miguel, and Eddie with their biological mother, Maria program,” Elise said, “They saw how much their children loved church and all the knowledge they gained about the Bible. They became convicted of how their own spiritual lives looked. They began attending church together and reconciled many personal issues they had with each other. The father said to me at court, ‘I realized the second time my children had come into foster care because of me, how broken of a man I really was, and I realized I needed more strength than I had. I needed God.’”
Though not the typical outcome in foster care, these two families have stayed in touch and have built an even deeper relationship, rooted in Jesus. The boys’ parents are in church and their marriage is much stronger than it previously had been. “It’s been really rewarding to see that, not only my parents’ ministry, but ABCH’s ministry really does lead these families to Christ . . . This family made the comment to us that if it wasn’t for ABCH, their marriage wouldn’t be good, and they wouldn’t know Christ.”
We really grew a very deep relationship with these children and their biological parents . . . through ABCH, who poured into the parents and their children, the parents accepted Christ.
We asked Kirby what advice she would offer to any son or daughter whose parents were considering fostering. She said, “Be willing. Be willing to open your home. Yes, it is your parents’ home, but it’s your home too. Your parents are going to raise those children just like they raised you. Help them, be involved with them, and be willing to accept the children as they are, just like they were your biological brothers and sisters. Be willing to pray for them after they leave, no matter if you know where they are or if you’ll ever see them again.”
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KIRBY’S ADVICE FOR OLDER SIBLINGS
PLANTING
b y TAY L O R FU ND ER B U R G , C o m m u n i c ations Assistant ori Wilson believes God laid a foundation in her heart for foster children early on in her life. Even at one of her first teaching placements as a student, she taught a foster child who had a troubling background, which made her aware of the intense needs foster children have. Before that, while still in college, she and her husband, Todd, worked out at the Tennessee Baptist Children’s Homes’ gym. Lori taught an aerobics class there for middle school-aged girls and loved offering God’s love to the girls each week by spending quality time with them. Six years ago, as mentioned in the previous story featuring their daughter Kirby, the Wilsons were called to foster with us—and what a wonderful journey it’s been.
GROWTH FROM OBEDIENCE As a result of their obedience to foster, the Wilsons have learned a lot about themselves and, more importantly, about Jesus. Lori said, “I’ve learned a lot about patience and how to trust God in all things. There’s a lot I don’t have control over, but God has control. Spiritually and Home for the Holidays
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Pictured are Kirby, Todd, and Lori Wilson; Bailey and Quentin Morris; and Charlie, Miguel, and Eddie while they were in foster care with the Wilsons through the sanctification process, I’ve learned to trust Him . . . He knows what the children need and what the situations are. We just need to lean on Him.” Todd admitted that he’s a much better parent now; he’s much more patient than he was with his own children. Lori also shared that they learn just as much, if not more, from the children than the children do from her and Todd. No matter their age, there is something within their character or about interacting with them that teaches the Wilsons how to love more like Jesus. “I can’t imagine my life without them,” Lori said, “Every time they leave, a piece of my heart goes with them.”
CHALLENGES TO OVERCOME Todd and Lori feel that their biggest challenge is in disciplining some of their children. While some of their fostered sons and daughters are wellbehaved and well-mannered, others come from backgrounds of disrespect or are angry about their situation, resulting in them lashing out at Todd and Lori. 8
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Because they know that they are coming from places of hurt, the Wilsons do their best to not take it personally, but to actively love them through it. They realize that, in the moments these kids act out of frustration and anger about their past, there are huge opportunities to show them what true grace and love look like in a way they’ve never experienced before. Lori was once told that, “You can’t undo what happened in their lives before they come in your home, in the short time you have them,” but she knows that she and her husband can do all they can to point them to God who can redeem their lives. One thing they know for sure is that the children always leave the Wilson household with gospel seeds planted in their hearts and minds. The Wilsons long to see families reconciled through this ministry. Because of this, their main goals in foster parenting are to spread the love of Jesus and to provide for children’s physical
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I’ve learned a lot about patience and how to trust God in all things. There’s a lot I don’t have control over, but God has control. . . . He knows what the children need and what the situations are. We just need to lean on Him.
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—Lori Wilson and emotional needs in the best ways they can, in whatever span of time they are given together.
MEMORIES THAT LAST FOREVER One of Todd’s favorite memories is the time he helped one of his foster sons, Austin*, with school work. Austin struggled a bit, making B’s and C’s, whereas his older brother made straight A’s. He continually compared himself to his brother, distraught with defeat. Todd approached him one afternoon, saying, “Do you want to make better grades?” “Yeah,” Austin replied, “I want to make straight A’s.” Todd promised him that, if Austin let him, together they would make better grades. It was a tough process, but Todd said that he saw Austin’s determination grow. Shortly before he went home to his biological family, he received his nine-week grade report. Todd, knowing the contents of the report from an earlier e-mail from Austin’s teacher, urged him to open the envelope as soon as he got home.
Austin opened the envelope and a blue honor roll ribbon fell out. He picked it up and looked confused. “I thought a blue ribbon meant straight A’s,” he said. He took a look at the report card, saw the straight A’s on the paper, and burst with excitement at his achievements. “I told you we could do it!” Todd said.
GRATEFUL HEARTS Over the years, many foster parents have shared with us similar moments like this between them and the children they care for. And they’ve also shared that it is the moments like this that make the hard times in foster parenting worth it. We are so blessed to have foster parents partnering with us to show our children the love and grace of Jesus Christ, whether it’s by providing for their physical needs, planting gospel seeds, or just helping them with homework. Thank you so much, parents, for your sacrificial and unconditional love. We couldn’t do this without you! *Name has been changed to protect identity. Home for the Holidays
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Lillian with her son, Jeremiah
b y TAYL OR F UN D E R B U R G , Com mu n i c a t i o n s A ssi st a n t even years ago, Lillian moved to the United States from Kenya. Since then, she’s been working in assisted living homes and clinics where she is able to do what her heart loves: serve the hurting. She enjoys caring for people and hopes to one day become a full-time nurse. In 2013, her heart for caring was deepened in a whole new capacity, as she gave birth to a baby boy. Sadly, his father has never been in the picture and has never even seen him. Lillian admits this makes parenting harder for her, as she has to serve as both mother and father to her son. Single and being their sole support, she worked long hours while juggling home and parenting responsibilities. All that changed abruptly last year however, when her car broke down. For 10 Lifeprints
many people, this wouldn’t change the entire direction of their lives, but it did exactly that for Lillian. With no family here and no other way to get to work, she was soon fired from her job. She looked for other jobs, but before she knew it, her rent had fallen far behind. One devastating afternoon, Lillian came home to find that she had been evicted. Everything she owned was thrown out on the street and mostly stolen by the time she got there. Scared and alone with hardly any clothes and nowhere to go, she didn’t know what she and her son would do. She decided to reach out to a friend with whom she had previously worked. In God’s good grace, this friend provided her with a vehicle and encouraged her to look into the Family Care program with ABCH. Her friend knew that in Family Care, we take care of struggling moms and their children by providing them transitional housing while they gain employment, save money, receive optional counseling, and learn life skills.
Depending on their commitment to the program, mothers may stay for up to one year. After much thought and with a hopeful heart, Lillian took a step of faith and decided to go all in.
LILLIAN’S EXPERIENCE
In Family Care, Lillian didn’t just find a helpful program. She found the love and support she needed to start over and live a new life.
LOOKING FORWARD With two jobs, school, and her son to care for, Lillian has done her best while in Family Care to ensure that her future is bright. As God often does in His love and grace, he has used the hard times and provided healing and redemption in Lillian’s life.
In her full year with Family Care, Lillian shares with us that she has enjoyed her experience. She appreciates the willingness of our staff to be flexible with her schedule and to help her to re-establish her independence by setting “Lillian has been awesome,” Valencia some boundaries, while not being so says. “She has been a tremendous strict that she can’t logistically balance blessing to Family Care. Anything that work and school. She also loves the prihas been asked of her, she has done it vacy and security she has found in her temporary home in Gardendale. Lillian values the opportunity to share a space with other mothers like her, but she is thankful that she and her son can find comfort and peace in their own room. She realizes that the responsibilities she’s been given in her time with ABCH, such as keeping spaces clean, submitting her schedules to Valencia, the Family Care Manager at our Gardendale campus, and filling up a savings account, have brought growth in her life that she may not have achieved elsewhere. She has seen and experienced that Valencia truly cares about the moms in the home and encourages them with a helpful and pure spirit, having been through this program herself during a season of struggle and loss. “What I’ve found here is that, despite your misfortune or downfall, there is always a light at the end of the tunnel,” Lillian says. She says she has learned a lot about family, taking care of her son while going to school, and budgeting. She has also learned that, “togetherness is what you need to succeed.”
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What I’ve found here is that, despite your misfortune or downfall, there is always a light at the end of the tunnel.
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with a smile. She has gone above and beyond. Her savings account with us is phenomenal . . . I am really grateful for what the Lord has done for her and her son, and [I’m] tickled to death to see what He will continue to do for her and her family.” And her future looks bright indeed! This semester, Lillian was put on the President’s List at her school for great grades. She graduated from our Family Care program in September and, in March, she will graduate from Virginia College and continue to pursue an LPN degree to be a nurse. Home for the Holidays 11
by TAY LO R FU ND ER B U R G , C ommunications A ssistant wo little girls, ages two and four, sat in the playroom of ABCH in Dothan while their new foster parents sat in the next room, signing papers to bring them into their home. Just the day before, these girls had likely been out roaming their streets at home with no supervision. Their mom, a prostitute, had blatantly neglected these girls along with their even younger sister. 12 Lifeprints
On this day, these two sisters sat playing and could be slightly overheard in the next room by their foster parents and Kim McGainey, our area Director of Southeast Alabama. Among the toys and stuffed animals, there were some dolls with which they began to play. First, they picked up a baby doll. Both the girls looked at the baby doll with a little bit of confusion. Not sure what to do with
it, one of them soon tossed the doll over her shoulder, and they moved on to play with a Barbie and Ken. As little girls often do when playing with Barbie dolls, they began to make up a story. In their story, Barbie said she was “going clubbing,” and was sad that Ken was, once again, going to jail. That was pretty much the gist of their conversation, according to Kim. Their play time seemed to be imitating what had been their reality.
A FOSTER CHILD’S VIEW According to Kim, these two girls came into our care with a hard past of neglect in which they were often forgotten, left in their front yard to fend for themselves. Many of our children come from situations like this and come to us with no understanding of protection, nurturing, and restoration. But by God’s power, the support from our volunteers and donors, and the sacrifices and servanthood of our foster and house parents, we aim to meet these basic needs of our children and purify their view of life by teaching them about the love of Jesus. It is no secret that your experiences shape your view of life, and the kids in our care are no different. By changing the harsh realities our children have faced in the past to experiences full of love and care, we hope to change their outlook on life as a whole. Kim says, “You can have these kids for just a season, but what valuable information you can impart. That nurture and that love is huge for them.”
RESTORATION Six weeks later, the girls were back in the lobby, waiting again as their foster parents talked with Kim and turned in
paperwork, but this time their playtime looked different. The girls picked up the baby doll and fed her with a bottle, gave her a pacifier, and cuddled her close as they rocked her to sleep. They loved rocking the baby and changing her diaper, showing motherly affection and care. When they picked up the Barbie and Ken dolls, that play looked really different too. This time, rather than heading
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By changing the harsh realities our children have faced in the past to experiences full of love and care, we hope to change their outlook on life as a whole.
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to the club, Barbie was singing church songs and getting ready for church. She was excited about God!
Kim says, “In just six weeks’ time, they had such a different reality. Before they didn’t know about nurture because they had never experienced nurture. But they got to watch their foster mother nurture their baby sister at home—something they had never seen before. Loving care makes a difference in the lives of children.”
*Photo has been changed to protect identity. Home for the Holidays 13
It’s beginning to look a lot like
Christmas
Christmas is near, and the kids in our care are excited! We asked a few of them to share with us their favorite things about the holiday season, so they drew pictures of a few of those things!
“ I am thankful for GOD. ”
“ My favorite things about Christmas are Jesus
was born,
PRESENTS, and
decorating the house!
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“ I love to hear
my favorite Christmas song
WHY do BELLS FOR CHRISTMAS RING? by Eugene Field. ”
“ I am thankful for My HOUSE PARENTS and
PRESENTs.”
Home for the Holidays 15
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