Befok.Space Issue 1

Daised VS Bewildered pronounce as dazed assholes

Fuck cell phones, fuck instagram, fuck Facebook, Fuck Twitter, and seriously Fuck live blogging is that even a thing? Sharing experiences in “real time” fuck that noise. Those are not what this journal is about. This journal is about making that real physical connection, joining the dots between happenings so that your drug addled brain doesn’t have to. There is something magical created in that time lag between happening and reporting. You need to have forgotten something before you and your mates can stumble across a photo or flip through this mag and say, “holy shit bru remember that? It was fokken epic hey!”

Contents but if you really need some direction Oppi Starts around P21 and Daisies on P72 Befok ‘13

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Eds note

“Fuck the dust, get drunk!” This was perhaps the most profound piece of advice I was given all weekend. It is the mantra that all pilgrims to this South African music Mecca live by. It is also a mantra that I almost forgot after a good 12 hour drive and a near death experience involving some cows. I got to Northam farm and was well ready to call it quits before it even started. The sun was beating down mercilessly and the dust already playing havoc with my sinuses (I’m a delicate flower fuck you guys!). It was as if Hephaestus’ forge were in a vacuum cleaner bag and I was a piece of pig iron. I quickly rushed through my first interview somewhat frazzled.

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After some hasty introductions, that wonderful phrase washed over me, “fuck the dust get drunk”. So simple and poignant.

From there on the weekend passed by in a tequila fuelled haze.

Dsisies had so much more potential: I would not be one manning it. I was prepared. This however seems to not have been the case. Between almost not having a press pass, the wind and bad packing It was almost a disaster It was not a complete disaster.

The bands were on top form, and the festival in general ran as a slick well-oiled machine. The hives literally blew my mind.

Alt-J really kicked ass too, the only down side to their set were the screaming fan girls that pretty much booed Spoek Mathambo off the stage in their frenzy to see the quirky brits.

Between the two Oppi:I could not tell the difference between work and play. Daisies on the other hand was all work no play and a constant battle against the wind.

Hydrate: nobody wants to take your bitch ass to the med tent because you think water is for pussies Befok ‘13

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a rant by Alex Bernatzky

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hit stirrers like Mahala often give music journalists a lot of flak for sucking band cock in order to get free tickets to gigs and festivals. Can you blame us though? At the heart of it all we are just supremely uncool nerds that want nothing more than a taste of the charmed life. It is always a constant battle between fanboying out and coming across as a serious journalist.

We also face the problem that if you say or do anything to offend anyone you come across as a complete douchebag.

Nobody wants to be seen as that Asshole, except maybe Roger Young.

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This is not My little Pony Assholes! Friendship is not magic and you make me sick with your saccharine platitudes of how lovely everyone is.

We all know that nobody actually like Locnville, and that you want to punch their screaming groupies in the face, or at the very least running very fast in the other direction when you see those rabid hordes stampeding.

Most of them don’t even know what Locnville look like. Just ask Diamond Thug. When opening for them at a girl’s school and they were swamped because hey!

It’s two guys must be Locnville.

Maybe I’m just a shit journalist and too inept to coax some real sentiment out of you all (actually quite likely since it’s been almost 3 years since I last did this whole interview thing), but come on guys grow a little backbone. If you think what somebody is doing is kak come out and fucking say it. If you don’t they’ll just stay kak because they are still under the delusion that it’s good.

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And therein lies the problem: nobody wants to be an arsehole.

Not even the bands.

South African bands are fucking pussies, especially that Cape Town lot. The number of times I’ve got that we’re all friends in the band scene because it’s

so small and we need to help each other out (puke). While I agree it has helped the South African music industry move from a rather toxic state where people were stepping all over each other just to headline Oppikoppi, it makes for fucking dull Journalism.

Don’t be that sad sap that just wanders about aimlessly trying to vaguely describe his friends he can’t find to strangers who won’t them from a bar of soap anyway. Make friends with those strangers Befok ‘13

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What is there to enjoy about a festival like Oppikoppi? The place is just a big ass dust bowl, it gets too bloody hot and then too effing cold, you can’t have a decent shower, and sometimes, the band lineups could be a little disappointing to some people. Oppikoppi il 2013 Bewilderbeast was ew a B v no different, but I find de sti a m those things are irrelevant fe llo at i e compared to why I love going wh opp , Y ad o k s he l to Northam for 5 days in S the pi one ra p O t dust. For those of you who f t ns a e hes tio D p haven’t been, I’m sure thatrc va ro t O o d n it’s difficult for you to in ld on understand this. The biggest wou ati pi p question for Oppi virgins is loc iko , p l the cleanliness of it all.

Op al sm t a me Look, I’m a serious hygiene o s act freak, but when I’m at Oppi, re de my inner survival instincts vi w kick in. That isn’t to say Be that I go and rub shit in st my hair and laugh about it, I still brush my teeth and have thorough wetwipe baths.

The saying really is true though, “In dust we trust”.

I’ve got red sand on my skin and it looks like I’ve got an exotic tan for days. I’ve got that dirt in my hair and I’ve got some Paul Mitchell textured wax look going on.

This is just something that you get over, or actually, learn to work with and embrace, because you come to realise that there are bigger things than the dust.

n ow re s ’ we t it re ter o ha s t t e s l a , as th he en be l, anc re ter giv e r l e p e l M w co he th wel ld We nd e i t a ? i a her hel t k a e v wor al rd T r s r n a . c g wa ’s ee bee g o ’t ow nin e b n g w n i id in ra ast i h ng dl e t shi est t d th tst rbe own k e qu Tha ing or de ur e to li efr re h l yo th fly e S ewi e r rs pp. c a se B te in han ng a hat (se r rea on u le t l c hi u to obi ll, oo f o “c ng the nyt ls. c a o he oi a . m s e t i t h gly nd g one ake eri it thi he e t d d s u y n m a e e b si he m ov wns n t r k wa an nd i t n li at ve l ra eve ou r a e y t p me at lso th ga ts giv ple i e and ave f e n a t” ch o h a o l e cr th d p f t un le Wel ti . I eas hi o w nd of r an ? ) b an ch ed a t c n eo der ea, , r k l ar rts ou ee ma na you uma i h w e a ed fr he al In g e re r ta som esi was o t usu whe es. d s als ly ag do ey thi s, s new nel n c h a t s, i ! w e n ke ies als Ye ere th i A big thanks goes out to Th ar, opp udd akk b Windhoek J for making our e k y pi en r o p k O un d f Bewilderbeast experience top class. They put the dr rke wo Another-Day team up in the Harumbi hotel, looked after us and granted us tickets to the festival.

The Harumbi hotel was top notch to say the least, guys. There were beds, hot water, breakfast in the mornings and most importantly, plug points to charge our electronic devices. This was all very much appreciated by us starving lads. If it wasn’t

been a Bewilderbust (ba du tss! Sorry, I had to. Nas, please don’t kill me).

To be honest, I didn’t eve look at the Bewilderbeast lineup before I went to Northam, simply because I knew that Oppikoppi was going to be a wonderful experience nonetheless.

Obviously I knew some of my favourite acts were included, but whoever else was excluded wasn’t going to Oppi affect // Befok my‘13 festival 13 experience in a negative way. For me, Oppi is about

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the same h uge group of friends you camp with every year (with whom you hang together w ith as a whole, onl y at Oppi) or the new faces you meet to sh are storie s and drinks with, it’s the people who make your Oppi experience s memorable.

Wherever it is arou nd the oppie you see your riends, wh atever he situati on (even f it’s at 10AM on Friday mor ning d you’re f eeling grumpy as shit), u’ll remem ber it. is is the first year ve worked at my ourite fes tival, let me jus t say, t working during t hours of the in the dus t, is itch. Norm ally spend my d ays at lazing und er trees at t he s Phillips stage vering fro m the ous night, so ess to say , I o adjust m y tyle this year . However, aged to pu t er this vi deo, was definit elOppi y // Befok ‘13 it to h14 ave a

laugh with all the artists in the media area, taking it to the Matthews Bridge in a hungover state.

There’s also nothing I can say that didn’t work for the festival.

I was just having way too much fun to worry about it if a band didn’t pitch for an interview (one of the few interviews that we actually planned for) or if the lines for the cash cards were a bit long.

There’s a terrible after effect about Oppikoppi though, and I’m sure 90% of you would agree with me on this one. It’s because the festival is so great, that I always feel a major post Oppikoppi depression for the following 2 weeks after the festival.

Bewilderbeast provided me with memories that leave me feeling so nostalgic, that it could easily translate into a very heartfelt Spike Jonze movie if I just added The Arcade Fire to it all. Going for a sprint with a friend at 5AM in the dirt; eating 20 of Jake Lipman’s boerie rolls a day with Nas and Jordan; eating pizza and listening to Shortstraw;and so many more moments, are haunting me and I just want to go back to Northam.

To everyone that was a part of my Bewilderbeast experience, let me just say… Thank you. Thank you for having a laugh with me while I was in a drunken state, thank you for the dancing, thank you for smiling at me, thank you for singing along, thank you for waiting in line with me for that Burger Express goodness, thank you

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Also known as crazy bitches in Onesies Oppi // Befok ‘13

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DO DRUGS But don’t be dumb about it. Mixing a million different drugs or getting fucking drunk first really only achieves a bad time. for you and for everyone around you Befok ‘13

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Fangirling by Texx Popadopolis

have a friend who lives in Australia named Brett Schewitz. Brett does a multitude of awesome things but what he does really, really well is get the skinny on really AWESOME bands.

Now Brett has seen tonnes of epic bands over the years, more than I have space to name here, and after he saw The Hives he told me that they’re one of the best bands he’s ever seen live. EVER. Makes you that much more excited for Rocking The Daisies and In The City, doesn’t it? Well, it certainly upped the ante for me. I recently caught up with the lead singer of the Hives, Howling’ Pelle Almqvist to shoot the breeze and chat about what being “green” means to him.

So you’re contacted by a company at the tip of the African continent to suss out your availability for a festival and your first reaction is…

“Fuck yes! Africa! A new continent!”

You’ve amassed a large body of work spanning two decades – do you have any songs that you like more than others and for any particular reason?

The ones that feel like they ended up close to what we heard in our heads. I remember ‘Die Alright’ feeling like it was a song that felt like it worked out great.

So many though. I get chills just thinking about them.

How did you know when your albums are complete? Is there ever a nagging desire to go back and fiddle with tracks?

Always. I never know. They have to pry my hands of the console and lock me up in order to get the damn thing released most of the time.

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There was a significant gap between the release of “The Black and White Album” and “Lex Hives”. Was it hard to get back into the groove of writing and recording after such a long time of touring and gigging?

Yes it was but it was also a hard time for us which made it even harder. Lots of outside trouble that we had to wade through.

What South African artists have you heard of, or listened to, that you’ve taken a liking to?

Manfred Mann! Die Antwoord! There was also a rad documentary about South African post punk where a lot of things sounded cool but I had not heard many of the names before.

Rocking The Daisies prides itself on being an environmentally friendly festival, what’s your stance on the current global environmental crisis?

I like that. I try to be fairly conscious about all that stuff. I fly airplanes a lot which is bad but I balance it by not eating meat which is good.

Have any of the other festivals you’ve performed had an overtly “green” way in which they run?

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Yes we see a lot more of that these days.

You just hope they are actually doing something and not just painting the sign green. The Way Out West festival in Sweden has all vegetarian food which some (but not all) of the band like.

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Words by the intern Photos

by Alex (again, who would imagine

eet Shortstraw, a 5-piece afro-indie pop rock band from Johannesburg, who are making serious waves in the indie music scene. This quirky, feel-good band, who’s personalities are as absorbing as their music, started off as a 2-piece drum/ acoustic guitar band, with Al (lead vocals and guitar) and Ollie (drums and backing vocals). They formed in 2007 but only officially started performing in 2008, adding a guitarist and bassist before recording their first album ‘WE SLEPT THROUGH IT ALLl’. The band eventually split for work and travel reasons, leaving best mates Al and Ollie to continue the journey alone for some time.

In 2011 the band officially became a 5-piece, fuller sounding and stronger than ever with Gad on keys, synths and backing vocals, Tom on lead guitar and Russ on bass, forming this dysfunctional/ crazy pool of talent and ambition.

Having toured a bit with their first full release, ‘YOU’RE UNDERFED, I’M WONDERFUL’, they admitted “People around the country need to know that we’re as excited to play live shows as we are to have our music recorded. No matter where you are in the country, you’ll always play a show to someone who has never heard of you and that’s the kind of exposure we need to be creating”.

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They have slowly been taking advantage of the growing indie scene, especially in Cape Town, and are actually in the Cape as we speak.

Over the last year or so, the band has been writing new material and just finished recording their second album, called GOOD MORNING, SUNSHINE. Asking them how the public has received the new release, they said, “Better then we could ever have hoped for. It really has been great. We’re so proud and happy with the end product.

It’s nice to get the recognition that we feel we deserve for it. It’s super swell!”

Coupled with opening for The Kooks in Johannesburg last week and winning the MK award for ‘best indie band’, Shortstraw have arrived on the scene and are here to make you dance.

Their new album was recorded at High Seas Records in Rosebank,Johannesburg, with the band spending two weeks in studio and another two weeks mixing the album, “We’ve done the album really quickly, which has prevented us from sitting on anything for too long. It’s often when you have too much time, that you suddenly create problems with songs. With this, we were just like, ‘Fuck yeah, that sounds rad! Track that shit! Done.”

Previously, most of their music was recorded in their old guitarist’s bedroom, with them doing the entire recording themselves due to a low budget.

With this album they had some money to spend, so after searching for a place to record, they finally found High Seas to be the perfect place for them,

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“We developed the new sound over the past year and a half and we wanted people to hear how we’ve progressed. We’re really proud of it! In terms of inspiration for the songs, it’s pretty much girls and partying. We pride ourselves on our live show, and we wanted that to come through on the album.”

Coming a long way since 2007, Shortstraw have played at Jo’burg Burning

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2 and 3, Oppikoppi Smoorverlief, The Converse Street Party, The Free Bacardi Party and most recently opening for The Kooks at the #5GumExperience in Jo’burg, blowing us away. They have also played alongside some of the best local talent like SHADOWCLUB, DESMOND & THE TUTUS, WRESTLERISH, and DANCE, YOU ON FIRE Loving what we saw when they opened for The Kooks, we knew we needed to chat to these rock-n-rollers.

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A parting shot by some bloke from Roling Stone An image from his last Oppi Gig by Alex Bernatzky

pon hearing that 2013 might be Koos Kombuis’ final appearance at OppiKoppi, Rolling Stone tracked him down at the festival an hour before his Tribute show to find out more.

“Ek word net te fokken oud ... I can’t take the punch anymore,” admitted Kombuis to Rolling Stone. Nevertheless, the legendary Afrikaans singer-songwriter’s nostalgic evening set was a highlight of the festival, with last-minute guests enthusiastically joining the line-up for his last Koppi performance.

The house band included long-time collaborator and friend Liela Groenewald (who sang a beautiful version of “Atlantis In Jou Lyf” from Kombuis’ 1999 album, Mona Lisa) and a trusty band of brothers comprising Albert Frost on guitar, Kevin Gibson on drums and Schalk Joubert on bass.

Surprises included appearances by Nick Turner and Bittereinder’s beat-spitting Jaco van der Merwe, as well as Black Cat Bones frontman Kobus “Rot” de Kock Jnr.’s commissioned acoustic version of “Bicycle Sonder Slot”.

Meanwhile, Namibian songstress Andra, sporting a mandolin, got the tears rolling with her raspy rendition of “Lisa Se Klavier”. Later, the crowd dried their eyes and raised their fists when Taxi Violence vocalist George van der Spuy and Van Coke Kartel’s Francios van Coke joined Kombuis for the rocking “Verslaaf”.

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“I am incredibly grateful that I survived my years in the crazy drug wilderness. Ek het enige drug probeer onder die son, behalwe tik, ek sou dit probeer het if it was around,” Kombuis told Rolling Stone. “I should’ve been dead... jare gelede al.”

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hen news that Billy Talent was coming back to South Africa broke, a strange thing happened: people were upset. Likely a small minority – you know the Internet is an echo chamber for vitriol – but people were angry Billy Talent were returning, as opposed to their favourite band (Fancy Name Goes Here) coming for the first time.

It was as telling as it was strange to me. Strange because, well, if you don’t want to see them again (or at all), why complain as opposed to not going? Telling because it is unusual for international bands to make more than one trip to South Africa.

So, when I got the chance to chat to Billy Talent’s guitarist Ian D’Sa over the phone, their motivation for returning to South Africa and who was driving the process was a big theme.

Thank you for taking the time to chat to us. I missed your show in South Africa the last go around so I’m glad I’ll get a chance to catch it now.

And who was driving the process of coming back?

Thanks for having us.

We’re excited to come back.

Straight to it, then: what was the motivation for coming back to South Africa?

It was definitely us who were pushing for it. We kept looking for opportunities to hop over here whenever we were in Europe for it to make sense. I mean, it’s not really hopping over, but Europe is much closer [than North America]. We just had a great time and we really wanted to come back and I’m glad we’re going to get to.

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We had a great time during our first trip to South Africa. Not just the shows but the whole experience was incredible. [We played] Oppikoppi Fest [and it] was great the last time around and we’re excited to play again.

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Billy Talent is one of the few bands in the world with longevity, and you guys have been around for nearly two decades. I’m curious – was there ever any point where the band nearly broke up?

Yeah, the band almost broke up, but we kept it together. This was around 1999, [after] seven years playing all over the city [of Mississauga in Ontario, Canada] and not really getting anywhere, we considered calling it quits. This was before the internet so we couldn’t get Amazing. Do you ever stop and think what would have been if the band did break up.

[our] music worldwide and never had interest from labels.

Some of the guys went off to college and we had to really ask ourselves if this is what we were going to do. We decided to take a professional approach instead of just playing for our friends and things started taking off.

Yeah. I wonder, what would we all be doing if we didn’t have the band. We love playing together and are stoked to come back.

How do you think other bands can The first thing avoid this fate? You know, a that you should situation where a promising act do is ask the breaks up for whatever reason? people in the band if they have the same vision Lastly your own music. Which is as you. The truth your favourite Billy Talent album? is not everybody wants to do this I’m most proud of this latest as a career and one. This time we did everything that can be a ourselves and didn’t have outside problem down the influence and we did the bulk of road. the recording at our own studio.

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Landmarks

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Establish some because it is literally a sea of tents that you will be wading through to find yours. The same for your car.

“My cars red I’ll find it so easily”, no you won’t every man and his dog has a red car. When you and your friends inevitably get separated it helps to explain that you’re by the giant hand

Words by Gray Kotze Snarky annotations & photo by Alex Bernatzky

l Bairre are pathological liars!

At least when it comes to their band name. The story of from whence it oriniated comes in many flavours. These include hitting and killing a dog and a rather embarrassing potentially fictional Tattoo. Beyond their need to lie about their origins (perhaps they’re actually government agents) Al Bairre are really lovely people (at least to the press, I suspect they’re scared we may something nasty if they’re not) who make some pretty lovely music.

With the multitude of four-piece, allwhite, early 20s, skinny jeans-wearing, all-male bands that are currently saturating the Indie market, it’s becoming increasingly difficult for start-up bands to wriggle their way into the public eye.

Al Bairre obviously thought creating a weird mythos around their name and having twins in a band was the best way to go about this.

A glance at Al Bairre’s members certainly illustrates that this year-old band isn’t your typical straight edge Indie band (they play fancy instruments). They comprise of: Nick Preen (guitar, percussion and vocals), Kyle Davis (lead guitar), Tom Kotze (the elusive drummer) and identical twins Tessa (cello, keys, melodica – a cartoonish mix between flute and keyboard – percussion, and backing vocals) and Julia Johnson (ukelele, violin, keys, and backing vocals).

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The diversity of gender, instruments, and classically versus self-trained musicians makes this band a fairly unique specimen (and fucking pretentious). “I’d say we are a Symphonic, Indie rock band”, states Preen. “Ja, if we had to classify it into a genre” chimes in Davis.

Al Bairre could probably be closest likened to a fuller sounding version of Vampire Weekend. They believe that their combination of complex musicianship mixed with straightforward Indie Rock, which is easy to enjoy and dance along to, is their trump card. “We combine catchy songs that you can jam along to with the complexity of cellos and from currently studying music students,” said Davis. “If you don’t know anything about music you can jam to it and appreciate it; and, if you do know something about music you will notice how the violin and cello are always out of time. “We’re a big band with a lot of variety – not just the normal four-piece Indie band.” However, he believes that Al Bairre’s most important differentiating factors are “that we got twins, and we’re just a really good-looking band.”

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The only Indie cliché that Al Bairre technically falls into is its animal-based band name; however, the dark-humoured story behind the name compensates for this small cliché. The came to fruition early into their formation, on the day of an early gig, “Tessa, as usual, was late”, describes Preen. “The twins live in Belville and they were driving to Hout Bay – where we reside.

We were in a panic ‘cause we had a show later that night, so we were trying to get them to rush here. Tessa was talking on the phone – while smoking whatever she was smoking – and she drove over a dog somewhere along Constantia Neck. So she pulled over to see whether the dog was O.K. – it wasn’t O.K., ‘cause it was dead. On the collar of the dog’s tag was ‘Al Bairre’ so, ja, we felt that we had to name the band that now that the dog died. I suppose we’re actually a tribute band.”

But you told SA Music Scene When Nic was six he asked his parents to change his name because he didn’t like the one he’d been given, his reason being that everyone had it. Obviously they didn’t change it but when Nic moved to Mozambique in Grade 3 he told everyone at his new school his name was Al Bairre.

It unfortunately changed back to Nicholas when he came home in Grade 10 and he’s missed it ever since.

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And then you told Kombi Nation “I was a huge fan of the French philosopher, Albert Camus and his views on Existential Nihilism and Absurdism and reciprocate a lot of that in the lyrics you hear in our first E.P ‘when I was tall’. So much so that Kyle began calling me Albert (Its sounds like Al Bairre when pronounced the way the French do) and when the time came to play our first show we were still nameless and the event organizer overheard Kyle call me Al Bairre and from then on it’s who we’ve been.

Not too mention telling LW Mag in your In the City interview that Finding a name for our band has probably been our biggest hardship. We’ve always felt like band names are like getting a tattoo and like an embarrassing tattoo an embarrassing band name is stuck with you for life. That comparison of band names and tattoo’s is actually how we came across Al Bairre.

The twins Father (Greg) has Al Bairre tattooed within a heart on his lower back, which he says was the name of the fishing village in Mexico, where he met their Mother. Their Mom however says they met in Acapulco and is amiss to where he’d heard of Al Bairre. Greg also has no recollection of ever getting the tattoo. To make the twins dad feel better about his unfortunate tattoo we decided to call ourselves: Al Bairre

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This dark-humoured misfortune of the band seems to occur often, infiltrating even their first gig (Probably Karma kicking their ass for being lying assholes).

We hadn’t had time to practice, because the twins were late, as usual”, Davis recalls, “So, we were playing and there was only one multi-plug that the electric drums, all the guitars, everything was plugged into, and the whole thing was kinda balancing. Then I stepped back onto the plug, while I was dancing, just as the bridge of the song came and everything, except my guitar (which was acoustic), stopped, and came to a standstill.” After repeatedly trying to kick the plug back in while continuing to play the song – which wouldn’t have looked out-of-place in a Mr. Bean skit – he eventually managed to get the instruments going again.

Preen adds that he “spent the rest of the show holding the plug on the ground” trying to keep the electricity flowing through the band’s instruments. (Good thing Karma had filled out its revenge quota for the weekend by bringing in a hurricane with the band or they might have burnt down the main stage before the hives got to play and then we’d have a riot on our hands).

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Alex Bernatzky sucking corporate cock

ocking the Daisies is all about their hippie bullshit and as such they havea number of interesting, often beneficial to you, ways for you to do the festival.

Walking

The biggest name amongst them is Walking the Daisies. Show everyone what a badd-ass you are by bringing out the big guns and showing us you can walk the distance? 200 get to take a lovely 60km stroll to Daisies. Bonus you get in for free (not really but the money you pay gets more so much more than just a ticket).

Walking the Daisies brought to you

by Pick n Pay, is an annual twoday hike to Rocking the Daisies that starts on the Thursday before and ends on Friday. 200 like-minded walkers go on a 50km facilitated hike with educational and environmental activities. The walk is fully catered for and your luggage will be transported to the festival (back-pack free hiking)! Tented accommodation is provided along the way in addition to sponsored gear, and lots of extra benefits.

Walkers are selected on the strength of their applications. The selection criteria for walking applications are fairly rigorous; and criteria is based on various aspects from experience, to fitness (no fat fucks allowed), and skill-sets that will add benefit to the walk and fellow walkers.(scratch our backs and we’ll scratch yours).

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The Daisies organisers wanted all cyclists this year to ride with Steve by dressing up, or dressing down, and making a noise for those ugly grey bastards that the chinese insist on making booger sugar out of.

How many actually did and how effective it was in stopping this whole poaching malarky We don’t know but hey in exchange some pain these clever bastards paid only half as much as you poor schmucks.

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cycling

Rocking the Daisies Music and Lifestyle Festival has pledged R10 000 to Project Rhino KZN (African Conservation Trust), and invited Steve Newman (aka The Naked Rhino Skydiver) to Not a bike Cycling the Daisies. And guess what? It means that if you promise to do some exercise for once in your life you get in for half the price of the lazier half of your festival bretheren.

Definitely not a bike If down dressing, embellished with nothing but a fake rhino horn, is what it takes to draw attention to the rhino poaching crisis in Africa, then we offer our full support (lies you just want to show your dick to the world you filthy bastards)! Now Almost not quite like in its fourth year running, a bike this year’s Cycling the Daisies will become a fully-fledged fundraising event in the name of Rhino awareness and showing off our impressive dicks.

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If you are coming fro joburg side and scared of flying, or don’t want to drive for a million and one years you my friend are in luck. THere is a thing called a Daisy Train.

This is a train ride from Joburg to Cape Town and back for the Festival. This means you can get your game face on before you even reach the gates – the cheapest, greenest and most social (drunkest) way to travel.

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The train ride gives festivalgoers a classic build up to the festival, and makes for an exciting beginning to a spectacular weekend – Not to mention a great way to end it off as well.

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Sell trees to your friends, family members, friendly neighbors, and work colleagues - anyone under the sun! All trees planted form part of the urban greening and reforestation projects by Greenpop.

The first 50 people to “sell” (and buy sell we mean buy 10 yourself in one go and hope like hell you can get at least 9 people to buy into this thing) 10 trees got a “free ticket”, but at 100 a tree you were essentially joining a long line of chumps buying their ticket off gumtree anf being ripped off(unless your winning smile manages to get aunt edna and her knitting circle to but some foliage).

Trade Trees

The organisers wanted you to believe that you could get a free ticket to Rocking the Daisies 2013 by raising funds for trees through an easy online platform. riiigggghht

but hey you’re saving the world and proving your skills as a salesman, that is shit you can put on your CV bro, so good on you.

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Don’t make shit awkward for the people you are camping with by bringing your sexual conquests back to your tent without clearing it with them first. There is nothing worse than wanting to pass out and not being able to because your mate is rutting like a pig (probably on your sleeping bag). If you can’t find your mates to clear it with them go back to her/his tent, or find a comfy bush.

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(PS ALWAYS USE A CONDOM)

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Words & bordeline stalker photos: Alex Bernatzky

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Even though she quite clearly has someone’s ass in her face

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Pace yourself. You know how you always laugh and take weird photos with that dude that’s passed out face first in the mud? If you’re not careful you’ll be that guy. You’ve also paid anywhere between R500 and R5000 (if you’re lucky and rich enough to go to an international festival) do you really want to miss your favourite act because you were trying to show off by attempting to drink an entire brewery and smoke a whole meth lab Befok ‘13

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Ravings by Matt and Mike Voyeurism by Alex Bernazky

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DRUNK Friday arrived with Tom [Dont Party] at the Daisies with high spirits and a smile, looking for good times, blurred memories and the odd bad decision.

Never ever in my wildest dreams did I ever think things would escalate the way they did (I say that every time), but they did…big time!

We proceeded to knock back two tough mixes of Havanna Club and coke just to get the blood pumping and proceeded to the Bangers and Nash/ MCBN/Dont Party tent to set up camp. I plonked down with the guys and proceeded to knock back at least five draughts all the while consuming tequila from the bottle every couple minutes to take the edge off (You know how anxious you get on your first festival afternoon). After a passionate conversation involving why the hell KFC ever took away the Double Crunch, we set our sights on a lap of the area to check out exactly what the vibe was.

And there I stayed for literally 12 hours,[He passed out for a good 4-5 hours] I have never had so much fun sitting in one place for that long in my entire life, but It wasn’t without consequence. You see guys the problem with me is.. The more fun I have, the more excited I get and the more I start to drink, and the more I start to drink…The more I start singing [Editors Note -Bohemian Rhapsody on repeat for a couple of hours] and inevitably I start to chuck name. So there we sat… killer conversation and some of the most disgusting jokes you have heard fuelled by all the booze a young man could ever hope and dream of. Until along came the cane.

Downing 1/3 a bottle of straight cane was when it all changed! The fellas tell me that apparently I was actually Okay for a a while, but literally two minutes after I drank the cane I was doing some weird poll dance on the coffee table whilst singing Megadeath!

All I can say is, “it was a night to remember!”, but unfortunately for me, the only thing I remember is singing Queen – Bohemian Rhapsody.

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SATURDAY I wake up in furious agony. God has decided to bless the campers at Rocking the Daisies with a frigid 15 degree day, which is fucking fantastic for my hungover state. I crawl out of my tent begging the nearest soul for water, thank God my good friend Wayno was near by with Ice cold OJ and Berocca, all of which did nothing to help me…It was only when I found my way back to the beer keg at Bangers and Nash that I started to become my raging alcoholic self again.

My arrival was greeted with shock, “He’s alive” they cried and the ridicule began! After a couple of laughs and even more cringe moments I settled in and began consuming vodka and vitamin water which I thought was a good idea because you know, its like vitamins and stuff. It was a pleasant day, filled with jokes about the night before, plans for the evening ahead and it was topped off by the influx of friends and aquaintences arriving at the party.

This got me excited once again and it was time to start getting loose! At about 5pm I went with two buddies to the bar by the dance floor and before I knew it I was plastered again, people must have been buying me drinks left, right and centre coz I had nothing to my name at this point!

Now you gotta understand that I am not one to cruise around a rock concert shirtless, but low and behold before I knew it I was front and center jamming my tits off to DnB in the electro tent, shirtless and drinking from complete strangers bottles and hooking up with some chick that I think goes to my college but I just can’t be certain. Things soon went south when I fell into a group of people and they wanted to fuck me up and all I could say back was “arrggg”, luckily my mate Emile was there to save me…Next thing I remember was waking up on the gravel path leading to my campsite, freezing! I eventually made it to my small two man tent which already had two people in it and bags….Great sleep that was.

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SUNDAY Wake up at 11:30am to a desolate camping site, the two people in my tent are gone along with what looks like everyone else at rocking the Daisies..The keg is gone at the Bangers and Nash tent along with my chair and my heart begins to sadden, this until I look in my bag and find the Havanna Club bottle Tom left in my bag! I get changed into warm clothes (its fucking cold) and hit the electro tent for one last jam session, but I decide to swing past the rock stage just so the people at Dont Party can feel safe that their rock writer actually watched a rock act!!

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SOBER [AKA MIKE] One thing that can be said about rocking the daisies this year is that there weren’t any fucking daises but aside from that it was a decidedly wicked experience. It must be noted for the purpose of this article that I maintained complete sobriety (aside from maybe a little too much red bull) the entire weekend. Why you ask? Well because it’s just what I do these days.

Being clean at these events puts an interesting spin on things, it’s hella funny watching the likes of my counter party to this post staggering around in a wondrous haze of oblivion while handing high fives and middle fingers out like party favors to anybody within arm’s reach while he could still stand up straight, or watching somebody dropping his pants, freeing his willy, and so to speak, taking a piss front right of the main stage while new young pony club did their thing. Needless to say, when I wasn’t taking photos or capturing footage of said man doing his business in front of 2000 screaming (no pun intended) fans. I was in hysterics!

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From the D7 accapela group to some obscenely funny American comedian, to some guy getting a rubber put onto his flailing (I mean failing) knob, outside his igloo in full view of our entire campsite, to discussions with happy little stoners about sterrie stumpies, chips ahoy cookies and for some strange reason a fetish for avocado pears and chats with a fairly famous (who will not be named) South African band about their experiences with DMT (kids if your reading this please don’t Wikipedia it), it’s best if you just stay away from the stuff! I could resolutely say that RTD this year was one of the best and most eventful to date.

I have to take my hat off to all at complete events, particularly Terry for putting together a truly enormous festival. Seriously, I mean the giant party peanut, as the Red Bull electro tent was affectionately named was a thing of beauty unto itself.

The amount of organization that goes into something like that needs to have a hat tipped to it.

The music was wicked; the vibe was rad and the people like I said a laugh a minute. Aside from it being bitterly cold, the whole shebang through my un-beered goggles was fucking rad! He who had the balls (no pun intended) to take a slash in front of thousands of people, I salute you, even if the security guard that tackled you to the ground didn’t. It is after all, whether you are drunk or sober what these festivals are all about.

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Wordsmithing by Chad Polley

Terrible photography

by Alex Bernatzky

ell. What the fuck else is there to say about this splendiferous side-project from Mr. Craig Durrant of Tutus’ fame? The smashing thing here is that there is no riding on coat-tails or bandwagonism on his part; he hasn’t hitched his trailer to his former companions’ cars, getting dragged along in their dust. This very much is his own project, isn’t it? Ok, you moan, and you’ll see: The new track, I Need A Lift has some ridonkulous cowbells during it’s intro. I guess you can’t escape your past, can you? But, upon further perusal, there’s a delight and splendour as I awaken to the realisation that it’s merely a recapitulation of dance-punk as a whole, quite-removed from the self-proclaimed ‘kwela-punk’ of his compatriates’ offerings.

More Tom Vek than Indie, more plonks and squelches and synth-splurges than angular guitar riffing, more genteel Kings of Convenience influence: Think Whitest Boy Alive - their side-project than, well, something other than that, more joy and delight in the small things than overworking of structures. It’s simple, joyful, fun music done for that sake. It’s delightful to see this man grow and grow and grow from the compost-heap that is the Joburg rockenroll scene into well, something cheesy, like a sunflower or something.

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Hi Craig, How are you?

Very fine thanks and you?

Since it’s inception [which was when?]...

Ok, so since it’s inception, what has been the most revelatory thing about working with yourself?

I made one or two songs in 2010, but made most of my songs in 2011 and 2012. I don’t rate myself as a technically good musician, so every time I make a song - it’s me trying something new. I mix and master all the stuff on my own then just chuck it out there and if people dig it then awesome.

I’ve been listening to a lot Fuck, we hate to do of nu-disco and indie-dance this, but, well, we in the last few weeks. Mostly as listeners see our stuff like Peter & the Magician, own shit in your Cassian, Pnau, Classixx and musical palette; Gigamesh. With ‘I Need A Lift’ what kinda stuff I tried to make something that you been listening would be cool to hear on a dance to of late? I mean, floor - something remixable too. what drove your last piece, I Need A Lift? I’m pretty pleased with how it turned out.

What was gaining major rotation whilst you were crafting Haha, I have tried to I like the that guy? write serious songs simplicity but I just can’t take and,goodnaturedness, it seriously - I end up reading the lyrics of your lyricism, do back to myself and you see the cringing. So I try to keep it sweet and world as a giant fucken true. cupcake?

We’ve heard you only see in pastel colours? Is this a gift?

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Jocularity aside, it’s great to see a new musician working solo in the electronic field.

Have you gotten any inspiration from artists working ‘alongside’ yourself?

Electronic-vibez of this nature are continuing to become more I am loving stuff and more of a vogue like Vampire9000, in JHB and SA in general, Matthew Mole and and less of a underground, Christian Tiger School at the moment. background thing, in terms of a more, shit, better word, fuckit, ‘indie’ kinda thang: do you I think see a scene building itself up it’s around this? Will it fizzle out? pretty exciting, there’s a new wave a bands and electronic artists - maybe not as many bands as there were when D&TT first started but still there’s new stuff happening all the time which is great. I think it will always exist - bands will always form and then break up. But I just hope that the guys doing awesome things will not give up soon.

We saw cool bands like Eat This, Horse and New Loud Rockets disappear and it’s a damn shame that for many bands, the emotional rollercoaster that is the SA music industry is just not worth it.

When I saw you last I was struck by the intensity of joy on your face. Is it a terror being onstage?

Did you have doubts as to whether you could perform this stuff live?

I like to think that when I play live it’s more about the songs and less about me being an outrageous performer. That’s my aim anyways, I want people to dance and sing along, thats cool too.

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I wish I was doing this with a tape recorder and not with a fuckin Cellphone.

Ok, for tech geeks: What gear do you use? What do you craft your electronic-vibez on?

I use a Telecaster, Fender deluxe reverb, a Novation Launchpad that triggers samples from Ableton Live. I used to use a Roland spd-s live too but it was unnecessary - the launchpad is a really sick little gadget that can do pretty much anything.

Ok, tough question, for all the gurls out there: What are your all-time Top 5 debut albums? in no particular order: 1. Silent Alarm - Bloc Party 2. Guns Babes and Lemonade - Muscles 3. Manners - Passion Pit 4. Dreams - Whitest Boy Alive 5. Bright Like Neon Love - Cut Copy

Also: More cowbell? there can never be enough cowbell. ever.

Thanks, Craig. Have a lovely day. Hugs ‘n shit.

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Meanderings and soulstealing by Alex Bernatzky

Whoever said two is company, three’s a crowd is A. an idiot, B. clearly never heard of Diamond Thug or C. both.

Who needs company when you have this tantalizing trio?

Diamond Thug. I know what you’re thinking. Ghetto.

Snapbacks. Crotch drops.

Dollar chains. Tattoos. Big scary looking dudes and a whole lot of rap. You’re wrong. So wrong in fact that you have no choice but to read about this phenomenal “Indie Electronic Space Pop” kind of band. Boy meets girl, boy and girl meet another boy and BAAM Diamond Thug is born. If you don’t know these guys and lovely lady I suggest you take a listen, after all there music is crazy cool , think along the lines of The Yeah Yeah Yeah’s and Santogold having a musical infant and how amazing that infant would sound. Exactly.

Check it out.

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Diamond Thug was formed when Danilo heard Chantel, who is also the vocalist of indie pop band LA.VI, performing at Synergy. He turned to Chantel’s boyfriend at the time, who was standing next to him, and said: “I need to make music with your girlfriend.” He was introduced to the arresting singer afterwards and they started making music together.

“It was weird,” says Chantel of the electronic music they were making.

“More dancey, vibey stuff,” says Danilo.

“Then we sort of figured out that that wasn’t our sound and it evolved into what it is now.”

Adrian was at Diamond Thug’s first gig and liked what he heard so much that he offered to join the band as their drummer. “I played like 20 instruments every time, so we could do with a drummer,” says Danilo in jest.

Adrian has also helped a lot with producing Diamond Thug’s debut album, making sure that it will be a well-manicured first release. He has a home studio that he built after touring with his previous band, a more sophisticated alternative to Danilo’s bedroom that the band used previously.

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Since Joining forces with Adrian they have played more gigs than they have practiced. With their Joburg tour being a highlight “Joburg loves us and we love joburg”, says Dan. “We even stayed longer than intended and played two gigs with Short Straw, Al Bairre (aka the lying psycopaths), and Bye Beneco (the loveliest band you have ever met and need to check out)”. Nas leWho and Jordan Koen enjoyed their Joburg shows so much that they went to both. This is high praise from the Joburg grand arbiters of cool, who pretty much hate everything.

And for a newfangled band, how do they plan on staying relevant?

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We’re not really afraid of “embarrassing” ourselves by being who we are. We never ask anyone to like us or what we do, we just do it because it’s something we love doing and if people like it and listen then that’s cool, if people think we’re overrated idiots, that’s cool too.

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“We’ve really tried not to play too many gigs,” says Danilo. He says that crowds get over bands quickly because there aren’t that many live music venues, especially in Cape Town. “We’re just trying not to give them too much of us, but we’re quite active online.”

They’re also still doing a lot of experimenting.

“There are still some songs I just make the words up for, at the second Joburg show I sang something along the lines of ‘Roses bunch, you’re the only one I don’t want to punch” “People also seem to mishear a lot of what we’re saying. One chick came up to us and started talking about how great it was that we were promoting exploring sexuality in a safe

manner and apparently she though one of our lines was ‘let’s talk about the birds and the bees so spread your knees.’”

Showers are for pussies you’re here to party not to get clean. Use wet wipes (no queues and they do a good enough job for the weekend). That bath/shower you have when you finally get home will be all the better knowing that it’s memories and not just dust you’re washing off yourself.

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