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Sunday, 17 - 23 November, 2019 I Issue 145 I Pages 04 I Sections 05 I Rs 30
‘Smogistan’ – New South asian movement demands separate homeland along air quality index LAHORE/NEW DELHI/TORONTO/LONDON
“the Smogistan movement demands a homeland for those individuals wanting to survive in clean air, currently living in what are now the two separate Punjabs of Pakistan and India, along with the states of Haryana and Himachal Pradesh. For us, Smogistan is the land we want to leave behind and create our own clean homeland,” said the head of the Smogistan movement, whose identity cannot be revealed at this point in time owing to security concerns. the movement’s demands are straightforward in that it wants the creation of a separate homeland in which climatically contiguous units are demarcated
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et another separatist movement has emerged in South Asia with an independent homeland being demanded in what was the British Punjab prior to the Indo-Pak Partition, demarcated along the air quality index (AQI) including both sides of the Line of Control. While this South Asian movement too is based on resentment, which in this particular case has spanned half a decade, it remains unique in that it chooses to be named after the area that it wants to separate itself from.
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into regions which should be constituted, with such territorial readjustments as may be necessary that the areas in which the Air Quality Index is numerically low should be grouped to constitute an ‘independent state’ in which the constituent units should be autonomous and sovereign. “the high AQI regions can continue to remain another state, which we will call Smogistan, or they can reduce their AQI and join our homeland,” another leader of the Smogistan movement said while talking to The Dependent. Smogistan leaders further revealed that they are defining their movement with the name of the area they no longer associate
Anti-Khalistan Cell also formed alongside Khalistan Cell after learning Lahore also part of Khalistan
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He national security agencies have formed an Anti-Khalistan Cell in addition to their earlier established Khalistan Cell after they gained information from Wikipedia that the geographical boundaries of the Khalistan state also included areas within Pakistan. “this is a cause of concern,” said a senior intelligence official, speaking on the condition of anonymity. “Some are stopping at Lahore whereas others are even talking about Hassan Abdal. One city is where I went to cadet college to and the other is a city where I have been given 5 plots. this needs to be nipped in the bud.”
JUi-F gets token number 245/500 for protest queue in Lahore
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“the problem is that we also need to have the Khalistan Cell as well because their work is also necessary, so they have to work simultaneously,” he said. this approach is being met with suspicion. “they’re going to mess it up, of course,” said another anonymous official from the civilian Intelligence Bureau. “the left hand is not going to know what the right hand will be doing.” “It’s going to lead to a policy of Good Khalsa Army and Bad Khalsa Army, resulting in mayhem,” he said. “they might even end up asking the Indians for money for the sacrifices that they have made for the Indians.” g
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UI-F Chief Maulana Fazlur Rehman’s plan to bock all major highways across the country, after deciding to end his party’s Dharna in Islamabad, has hit a bit of a snag after being informed by his Lahore chapter that they were getting token number 245/500 for standing in the protest queue at Lahore’s Charing Cross. this has dealt a major blow to the JUI-F’s Plan-B as the historic protest site is currently serving protest group holding token number 113. “Group-113 has just settled in and after two days no one from the Punjab government has even approached them to start a dialogue let alone get them to end their sit-in to make space for the next one. this is going to take ages man; the winters will be over by the time we get our chance. I’ve got a plastic bags factory that has gone caput; group-145 over there has an imported
car business. I knew I should have joined those traders in Islamabad!” head of group-200 expressed his frustration over the long wait at the protest site. Senior leader of the JUI-F, Mufti Hamdullah, while speaking with The Dependent was however very optimistic about getting the spot in good time even though the party holds a token that realistically might not be called up till next year. Upon inquiring about the reason for
Kartarpur, DHA Phases 8,9,10 also sacred Hindu sites: RSS
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Ot on the heels of the decision by the Indian Supreme Court to rule in favour of the Hindu appellants in the Babri Masjid case, the Rashtriya Swayamsevak Sangh (RSS) has claimed that Kartarpura and Defence Housing Authority Lahore, Phases 8 to 10 are also sacred Hindu sites whose control they would like to be handed over. “One thing we want to be made clear: we do not want these sites to be given to a trust run by Pakistani Hindus, who have made no such demand,” said RSS chief Mohan Bhagwat, in an
created on the basis of cleanliness and environmental friendliness – but that sort of is already taken,” said the Smogistan movement chief. g
with owing to their preferred name for the independent homeland not being available. “We thought Pakistan would be a good name for a country
exclusive interview with The Dependent. “No, we want for the Sangh Parivar here in
India to be given the aforementioned sites.” “I’m also thinking Bahria
Satire town, Lahore,” he added. “the Villas, that is, not the ughh, Bahria Orchards.” “Wait, hold on,” said Bhagwat, while dialling a number from his phone. “Yes, Chauhan estates? Is this Saleem? Yeah this is Mohan. Listen, it’s the Bahria Villas that we want, not the Orchards, right? Or is it the other way around? Uhm..hmm…Okay. thanks, bye.” “Both,” he said. “Both Orchards and Villas are sacred sites.” g
his confidence Hamdullah, without divulging much, simply said, “We know a guy”. At time of writing a young man from one of the groupsin-waiting could be seen, in a state of shock, the name tag from his doctor’s coat hanging by a few threads, holding token 245 from some odd reason, repeatedly saying, “114…114”, while in the background group113 was being swiftly replaced by group 114, the JUI-F. g
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E D I TO R ’S N OT E The Dependent is a completely satirical publication. The articles within are not true and meant to be taken in good humour. The Dependent is an “equal opportunity offender” and we would urge all concerned to humour our attempts at humour.
The Dependent is a completely satirical publication. The articles within are not true and are meant to be taken in good humour.