2nd quarterly issue / Dec - Feb
l
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M A G A Z I N E
should christians date The wound is deeper than you think
three levels of singleness Tapping into the past for motivation
Woman to woman award winner How a sexually transmitted infection changed my life
financial wellness Beauty tips
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WWW.ABLIFE.CO.ZA
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in this issue of l
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M A G A Z I N E
1. Church and ministry • Should Christian date. • Tapping into the past for motivation.
2. financial wellness 3. health • How a sexually transmitted infection changed my life.
4. kids stories • A tale of a goat and turkey • The mirror
5. poetry • The cracks in my heart and yours.
6. relationships • 3 levels of singleness
7. woman to woman • The scar is deeper than you think. • Interview
8. Carreers • Your background has nothing to do with your future
9. Fashion and beauty • Fashion flow • Beauty tips
10. BIRTHDAY WISHES • December
Church & ministry
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Should Christians Date?
I kissed dating good-bye” Joshua Harris “Is Dating Biblical?” is one of the most popular questions in the Christian faith today, particularly or mostly in Africa. Speaking from a South African context, it’s one of the most frequently asked questions. At the same time one of the most ignored or swept under the carpet type of question, especially in our “African” Churches for a lack of a better word. Talking about dating seems to be a taboo. We preach against it but can hardly deductively teach GOD’s people as to why it should or shouldn’t be encouraged. This is one question I get to be asked most of the time. And every time I conduct a Single’s Service, the level of response and attendance clearly shows that GOD’s people really need direction on this matter. I intend with no bias to be as truthful and helpful as I can be. It has been a taboo for a while but the level of pregnancies, abortions, broken hearts and marriages in the Christian community propel us to have a different approach altogether. Firstly, let us establish a Theological premise, the Bible never said we shouldn’t date, neither did it say we should. Dating is more a cultural issue than it is a Scriptural issue. Dating means different things to different people. However, we will narrow its meaning not as an end in itself but as a process in which two people have mutually agreed to spend time together and see if they will be suitable partners in a marriage set up. So with that understanding, we must then rephrase the question and make it even more complex“should Christians spend time together assessing each others behavior in order for them to see if they are compatible?” The answer to the question is not that easy, however, we will take some time exploring the subject matter and the challenges it may have. Hollywood Syndrome
The challenge in most cases is that people don’t often reveal their true colors while they are still looking for marriage. As mentioned previously, there is preoccupation with novelty than honesty. Most of the time, people hide their true self in order to impress an individual as to their suitability and compatibility. People often become Hollywood actors, rather than be themselves. There are a number of cases that I have dealt with where a person was deceived into believing that the person they were dating was a suitable candidate for marriage. In most cases people see when it’s already too late that they were deceived. Now the problem with that scenario is that GOD will not hold that marriage any less than other marriages. HE honors it as a legitimate union. Meaning one can’t just decide to walk away because they all of a sudden have a realization that they married people they don’t know. This Hollywood syndrome makes it difficult for people to detect and discern what is it that they are exactly getting themselves into. Our Partial Knowledge Apostle Paul says in 1 Corinthians 13, we know in part and we prophesy in part. The inference of this text is that human beings can only know so much. And most of the time we know because we have been exposed to that particular knowledge. Knowledge therefore comes as a result of a particular process. The challenge with dating to know if the person is a suitable future mate is that our intellectual abilities cannot go into the future. Since we can only know what we are exposed to, we are unable to know for certainty the future by intellectual perception. The future is obscured to us and our knowledge can only go as far as exposure. This means if we are to choose on the basis of what we are exposed to now, which may two years down the line become something completely opposite to what we have bargained for, what then? There are people who
may be good for who we are now but not necessarily good for who we will become. Our intellect makes us choose with the present in mind. It locates us into our here and now, but the future is just but a matter of speculation based on our observation. It is therefore not recommended to depend on dating alone in order to determine someone’s suitability as a life partner. You can’t detect the future by using your senses. Sensual perception should not be preferred over spiritual insight, it will rob you of the opportunity of walking in the Spirit. Purity Challenge The purity challenge is a number one challenge in Christian dating. As much as there is a bit of denial when it comes to this matter, but it is right in our faces. The high level of pre-marital pregnancies is one of the signs of the challenges in dating. However, I have to acknowledge that pregnancies are not necessarily a sign of the rate of indulgence in premarital sex. I have dealt with cases where people were indulging in premarital sex but took necessary precautions to ensure that there is no pregnancy. I have also dealt with a few cases where people have been forced by circumstances to terminate pregnancies. It’s important to note the intensity of emotional scars left by the above-mentioned challenges. This I say not to imply that everyone who is dating is indulging in fornication, but the levels of temptation are higher.
While condoms may protect a person from unwanted pregnancies, STD or HIV, the truth of the matter is that no condom can protect ones soul from defilement caused by premarital sex. Sex is not only physical, it is spiritual. You form a soul tie with whoever you sleep with, and this has serious implications in the future. Some marital problems are caused by the fact that people are not completely delivered from ungodly soul ties. Thus it is imperative that people keep themselves pure for their future spouses. A person must by all means avoid situations that will give Devil an occasion in their lives. The challenge of sexual temptation is that GOD made us sexual beings, so wherever we are and wherever we go, we carry our sexuality with us. And we need to be vigilant not to compromise our purity. Sleeping with a person won’t make them love you. Trust becomes a problem whenever a couple has indulged in premarital sex. It’s like one says, if they can cheat on GOD with me, then they can cheat on me with someone else. Do not complicate your life by relying only on sensual perception.. Use your mind to think, your heart to feel and your Spirit to discern the will of GOD for your life. While there may be no clear passages in Scripture that speak for or against dating, it is important to rely and depend on prayer and guidance than to be moved by sensual perception. By Neo Rathebe, Jubilee Ministries International
“Forget your past, leave what is done, done. Don’t look back, look forward, backward never – forward ever” These are popular statements about the past that are being raised by motivational speakers, pastors, counselors and etc. So much is been said about the past. When looking closely at all what is been said about it, you will realize that the focus is on the negative part of it and not the positive. Well, those statements have helped a lot and still do. Here I come with a different approach in regard to your past.
your past you will either be discouraged or motivated. Some of the things we recall that happened to us will discourage us and some will motivate us. In this article I want us to talk about tapping into your past for motivation. You are going to tap into your past for motivation when you are discouraged. Discouragement doesn’t help you, it makes you weak. So it is better to focus on something that will motivate you.
Now, the past is a necessity of our lives. It is a review mirror of our true progress whether we have grown, failed or succeeded. It is through our past that we manage to realize our progress as people. It is also through our past failures that we remember how to do it right or prevent it today. The fact is, the past has the ability to destroy you or build you – it depends how you look at it. Discouragement and Motivation
Now, I know you know what motivation is, but let me discuss it in a few words. Motivation is that inner support in a person that fuels him/her to achieve set goals or dreams. Motivation is always followed by the belief that those set goals or dreams will be achieved no matter what. When one is motivated we usually note statements like, “I know I can make it, I know it will work out right, or this is my day.” Motivated people always direct their energy towards a goal - and people do things because they are motivated.
Now, there are two major things of the past; discouragement and motivation. When you look back at
Now, discouragements will always come when we remember our past failures or when we realize that our
tapping into your PAST for MOTIVATION BY: WISEMAN MLIMI
current state of being is not what we want it to be. It can even come when you didn’t do something right, when you have failed and when you are challenged. Somewhere in your life you will feel like it’s impossible. There are times in all our lives where things seem stagnant. Sometimes we don’t get answers for our prayers. When these times come we need motivation. Somewhat we turn to people for motivation and comfort in these times. But what do you do when people’s motivation doesn’t work? What do you do when your Pastor’s sermon doesn’t give you answers? What do you do when your doctor fails? Somewhere somehow in your life you will be frustrated in every direction and the only thing that will be a solution will be looking back for past successes and victories you have had. Now, your life undergoes many experiences. Some of the experiences are good and some are bad. Somewhere in your life you have failed, and somewhere in your life you have succeeded. Somewhere you won, somewhere you lost and etc. Your life goes around these lines all the time. There is something I’ve got to say about your past; when the motivation of your Mentor, Doctor, Teacher or Friends has gone cold there is motivation in your past. When things are really bad and the only thing you see is darkness you need to look back for special victories in your past that will motivate you. Sure the reason you are alive to this point is because there is a will in you to go on living. You need to look for the success you’ve had
somewhere in your past. You need to look for that prayer that was answered in the midst of that storm in your past. Those victories or experiences I call them personal testimonies that tell you that you can still overcome, you can still have a way out or you can still make it. Conclusion Many things that are happening today have explanation in our past experiences. The kind of person you are today is a result of your past. There are so many things in your past that can tell you about your success today. Don’t forget where you come from because that is where your true roots are.
FINANCIAL WELLNESS
FINANCIAL WeLLNESS “Unto whom much is given – much is expected and unto whom much has been entrusted – much will be asked” Luke 12:48 Ever wondered what Jesus meant in this statement? I always think of those days when I used to watch spiderman and he would be told, Spider-man: “With great power comes great responsibility.” What it basically means is that we are held responsible for what we have. If we are blessed with talents, wealth, knowledge, time, and the like, it is expected that we use these well to glorify God and benefit others.We have been entrusted with certain things, and faithfulness requires that we manage those things wisely and unselfishly.It is easy to assume that only wealthy people have been “given much,” but, in truth, we have all been given much. We have been granted the abundant grace of God, the Word of God, and the gifts of the Holy Spirit God gives us resources such as finances and time, talents such as culinary skills or musical ability, and spiritual gifts such as encouragement or teaching. We should ask God for wisdom on how to use those resources and commit ourselves to expending them according to His will so that He may be glorified. Apostle Paul says in the Bible, “We have different gifts, according to the grace given to each of us, and whatever they are we need to exercise due diligence. That is what I call responsible stewardship. This quarter, as we continue to embark on this journey of financial wellness, I want us to touch on a few things that are very critical in our way of thinking and in managing our finances and hopefully they will activate something inside of you. OWNING OR LEASING? There are many factors to consider when you’re acquiring equipment, buildings or vehicles. The primary ones is, should you lease or should you buy? Both options have advantages and disadvantages based on your particular situation. Ask yourself the following: How long do I plan to keep the asset? If for the short term, then maybe leasing is a better alternative than buying it and trying to resell it when you no longer need it. Find out if there’s a buyout option at the end of the
BY: FAITH DUBE
lease if you decide you want to keep the asset after the original lease is over. Do I buy new or used? Someone once said to me, “Cheap is expensive” It is good and well to say if you can do with used equipment or a car then get it because it is cheap but how about the costs of repairs? Or why did the original owner get rid of it? But anyway used equipment or cars do not have the option of leasing so on this one you buy. New equipment, on the other hand, is often available for either buying or leasing and also it will take a while before you have to repair a new piece of equipment. However with all said you have to analyse your cost/benefit of new or used and own or lease How frequently does technology change with this asset? For assets that become out dated rapidly, like cell phones, it may be wiser to take on a short leases so you can always have the most recent technology, especially if technology is critical to your life. It’s usually more cost effective to update your technology products than to buy every time there is a new version. What are my financing options for owning vs. leasing? To purchase something for ownership usually requires more capital than to lease. Monthly payments are also more when owning than when leasing however the good thing about buying to own is that the asset will be yours in the end whereas with leasing you never own it I would say the key is to understand exactly what you need and the purpose of the asset and if you answer the above questions you will reach a decision as to whether to own or lease. My personal preference is to own because then I know when I pay for something I will have it in my name one day! But then again that’s my personal thinking – the choice is yours! Make the right one for your situation. INVESTMENTS AND SAVINGS The key of investments and savings is in two words: risk and liquidity. If you understand these two words then you can differentiate between saving and investing and then decide which route you will go. Saving means different things to different people. To
some it means putting money in the bank. To others it means buying stocks or contributing to a pension plan. But to economists, saving means only one thing— consuming less in the present in order to consume more in the future. Savings are low risk funds that must be liquid (available) when you need them. The purpose of saving money is so you can have it for a specific purpose within a short time frame. Investment on the other hand is used by economists to describe the purchase of durable goods like houses and businesses or investing in shares. The good old saying of diversification can best be described by the following phrase: “Don’t put all your eggs in one basket.” That means in a simple manner, spread out your money or your time or your other resources. Investments, are for wealth building, and will not be needed for many years. Yes, investments do involve greater risk, but, investments also yield much greater returns when left alone long enough to ride out the turbulence of the stock market. Examples of savings: Emergency Fund: When an emergency happens, the money is needed immediately. The emergency fund, therefore, should be in a very boring account, such as a Savings Account or Money Market Account. One could also consider an online high interest account, as long as the funds are easily accessible. Its purpose is not to make a bunch of money; it is there for emergencies. Car Fund: You DO save up and pay cash for your cars, don’t you? This money should be saved, not invested. Why? Because you don’t want to take the risk of a market plunge just when you are ready to buy. Anything else you will need to pay cash for: What are you saving for (notice the word “saving”)? A home improvement (or repair), a riding lawn mower, a sewing machine for the ladies or a new computer are all examples of saving: you will need a set amount on a set date. University Funding: Should university funding be an investment or saving? It depends on how soon little Junior is going to university! If university is 18 years away, then the money should be invested. But what if university starts four years from now? You don’t want the risk of your investments tanking just when that first tuition payment comes due. The choice is yours, but I think you should be moving those funds to a less risky vehicle (maybe even a savings account) as the time of need approaches. Retirement: Yes, retirement is the big one and retirement funds should definitely be considered investments. Gone are the days, especially for us black people where we say we will send our kids to school, let them learn, go to work and take care of us when we retire! Let us make sure we save for our retirement! Starting a business
If you have a long range plan to start up a business (say 10 to 20 years from now), you should be investing to achieve the nest egg needed. The difference between investing and savings is really quite simple, if you are going to need the money in the near future, save it. If you aren’t going to touch the money for a longer time frame, invest it. So what will you do? Save or Invest ? All the best in making a wise decision BORROWING AND BORROWING COSTS – MANAGING DEBT They said it would be easy and you thought you would have a fat wallet or purse instead it has become a curse! How many of us identify with this statement? Sadly many of us, there are so many adverts on how you can borrow money and believe you me they are so appetising! Buy a car and get R20,000 back ; bring your ID and payslip, it’s so easy , send an sms and you will be approved in minutes! I can go on and on… The fact of the matter is, when you borrow, the money is not yours and you will pay back and when you pay back, you pay back double or sometimes triple what you borrowed so I encourage you to be careful. We are in Festive season now where much is expected from us by friends and families and many of us end up borrowing to secure their position in family or friend spheres! People always get a bit angry with me when I say Christmas is a time to say Thank you Lord for the birth of Jesus who saved us from sin; it is a time of loving and giving however not above our means. If you do not have; you will not die if you say NO! Sadly many of us buy things, get into debt and we end up stressed and depressed and it needs to stop! Take a look at these points: Do your homework before you make a major purchase or enter into a financial transaction, and private student loans should be no exception. The more you understand about the cost of borrowing before you borrow the better. The concept of a loan is pretty straightforward: first you borrow money, and then you repay it. But the amount that you must repay is more than the amount you borrow. This is due to interest and fees, which is what a lender charges you for the use of its money. It is also referred to as a finance charge. A finance charge is the amount that the loan will cost you. EXAMPLE for a debt at 10%
Payment No.
Payment Amt.
Amt. Applied to Interest
Amt. Applied to Principal Balance
Principal Balance
Starting Bal.
R5,500.00
Payment 1
R1,833.33
R550.00
R1,283.33
R4,216.67
Payment 2
R1,833.33
R421,67
R1,411.66
R2,805.01
Payment 3
R1,833.33
R280,50
R1,552.83
R1,252.18
Payment 4
R1,377,40
R125,22
R1,252.18
R0.00
TOTAL PAID AT END OF DEBT
R6,877.39 More than amount borrowed by R1,377.39
The more frequently a lender adds the interest to the principal loan balance, the more interest a borrower will pay. Other Fees Some lenders charge additional fees, besides interest, for the privilege of borrowing money. Generally, these additional fees are a percentage of the loan amount that is deducted from the amount you receive, and they are charged immediately upon your receipt of the loan proceeds. For example, if the lender assesses a fee of 5% and the loan amount is R5,500.00, the fee will be R275.00 and you will receive R5,225.00. You must, however, pay back R5,500.00 to the lender. These fees are usually considered part of the finance charge; or, more specifically, a prepaid finance charge. Other charges to be aware of include late charges, loan processing fees, and deferment and forbearance fees. Not all lenders assess these fees. The key to understanding the fees associated with your loan is to read the credit agreement. This is a contract between you and the lender that says the lender will loan you money and you will repay it. Read it carefully, as most of us tend to ignore this fine print. If you find that your finances have taken a turn for the worse and you find yourself drowning in debt, a debt management program may help you keep your head above water. These programs, also known as debt review are a form of debt relief in which a counseling agency works with your creditors to reduce your monthly payment to a level more suitable to your current situation. A Debt review may be able to help you negotiate lower interest rates, get late fees waived, work out a payment schedule that’s acceptable to you and your creditors, and consolidate your monthly payments into one. However, keep in mind that all debt review companies charge fees, and some can be excessively expensive or even fraudulent. Take advantage of free credit counseling. The best kept secret in the debt management industry is that you can do most of the things debt management agencies do and avoid paying their fees. Credit counseling is a mandatory prerequisite to enrolling in a Debt management program.
Try to manage your debt yourself. Even without the help of a credit agency, you can make a household budget, reduce unnecessary expenses, and prioritize your debts. You can also call your creditors to request them to waive late fees, reduce interest rates, and/or work with you on a payment schedule. Many times creditors will be happy to work with you if you make a good-faith effort to pay them. Please note! This is the last resort. I would say try by all means not to end up in a situation where you must be rescued from your debt. HAVE CONTROL – BE CONTENT WITH WHAT YOU HAVE AND CAN AFFORD! DO NOT COMPETE OR TRY TO PLEASE OTHERS BY GETTING INTO DEBT! STAY FREE FROM DEBT AND BE FINANCIALLY HEALTHY!
health
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how a sexually transmitted infection changed my life Do we lack the awareness or familiarity to Sexually Transmitted Infections/diseases (STI/D) or are we just ignorant. The Public Health Sector and many health organizations have attributed resources and developed strategies to conquer the unending predicaments brought forth by the continuous spread of venereal diseases. Sexually transmitted diseases also referred to venereal diseases are diseases caused by infections transmitted through sexual intercourse or any form of sexual contact. For example, unprotected anal sex, oral sex (cunnilingus) is other means of sexual contact through which STIs can be spread. There are various types of STIs thus categorized into those that cause discharges, Ulcers and systemic infections. The severity of this infections ranges from undetected to severe systemic complications. For example:
Sexually transmitted diseases often go unrecognized, thus, making them easily transmitted. Hoping that your partner doesn’t have STI does not protect you from getting infected. Always use condoms or abstain. SAY NO TO UNPROTECTED SEX!!! Let’s be Conscious!!!!!!! THE STORY CYNTHIA: Life is unpredictable they say. I’ve heard that statement before but I really never thought that someday it will be applicable to me. I always had everything under control, at least I thought. I had goals I wanted to achieve. I even had the plans and strategies on how to accomplish them. I knew the plans I had for my life. My life time goal was to become a Chattered Accounted. In 2008 I was enrolled at the University of Johanessburg where I was afforded the opportunity to study Accounting Sciences. The knowledge of how money is ran and its remarkable capabilities really fascinated me. Being rich was my outermost fantasy. Perhaps it was the desire of acquiring finer things in life that opened the door to a dooms path. It was the morning of the 30th of October in 2009 when I laid my eyes upon a tall, muscular and handsome gentle man at the local supermarket where I was doing my monthly groceries. Are you walking alone, he asked? My heart pounded with deep delight. I thought to myself what manner of boldness is this! To converse with a lady without greeting them first! Yes, I reckoned. A sweet pleasurable conversation emerged. Amazingly, as we were about to approach the counter he offered to pay for my groceries. I nearly jumped out of my own skin with disbelief. I mean, who on earth would say no. I know I wouldn’t have said no, especially if saving money is my foremost priority. And so I said Yes! We exchanged digits and I also agreed that I would have dinner with him later that day. Dinner was magical. He took me to places my friends and I would not enter because they are expensive. He was a gentle man clothed with humility, respect and such tender warmth. He did everything right that night. He opened doors for me, showered me with endless compliments. He even listened to me blubbering about my ambitions which he encouraged. I found my prince charming, I thought. From that day my soul was dancing with joy for I have hit a jackpot. He called frequently, texted every chance he got. Oh yes, he besotted me with expensive gifts and cheques ranging from R5000 and more. You can imagine the thrill. By this time I had already convinced myself for sure that the relationship was legit. His girlfriend had died from a car accident the previous year and I was what he has been looking for all this past months. I believed and trusted him. Little did I know the worst is still installed for me. The pampering continued for three months. On the 4th of January 2010 I went back to school. The summer holidays seemed even longer for I had been pining to see my prince charming. He came to pick me up later in the evening that day. To his apartment we went. Never have I been there before. He never came as someone
with a sexual desire over me. For three months he never even breathed a word about sex. That’s what drove me crazy. He is indeed here for love. The night was remarkable. He was so strong yet so gentle. It was in the way he touched me, parsed his lips against my body. Oh Lord, what beauty it was. Then came the morning! Hastily I was woken up. You must go and I will call you later he said. Are you okay? I asked. I will explain later, he reckoned. Trust is what I had. I didn’t ask questions so I got up and left. I didn’t even get a chance to brush my teeth. Worried I was throughout the day. The pictures of that which had happened in the morning kept rolling in my head. Somehow insecurities began to creep in like a thief in the night. Fear paralyzed my cognitive functions and I began to operate with guilt. I started calling. I send text massages and I even utilized the social media. At the end of the day I got no response. I did the same the following and the day after until a week past. Then I realized I was dumped. After months of all this joy , was after all using me. Two weeks later I began to experience a burning sensation around my genital area. My urine was burning, frequent and somehow smelled different. Ag, it will pass! I thought to myself. Three days later I noticed warts, severely itching warts developing around my genital area. I just had contracted Human papiloma virus (HPV). I fell into depression. I spend three weeks in a Psychiatric ward. The day I went back to school I attempted to commit suicide by drinking a bottle panados. My best friend Laura found me. I then decided to take a gap year. So I went home in March. Life was hard to face. I tried to take my life again by hanging myself. I almost did it. My uncle found me. I hated them for saving me. Why should I live with so much agony and face days of itching warts. I was in deep depression. Life was meaningless. I fell sick. For not only did I contract HPV but Santa Clause decided to add HIV to the package. I spend three months battling with end stage HIV. I remember at one point telling the doctor to cease medicating me. In three months I glittered and in three months I lost all that was in my heart.
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2010 ended. Somehow I was okay. I was discharged from hospital stronger. I was advised to attend support groups of people with similar conditions. I went but only because I thought it as an excellent way of passing my time until I die. God had a goal and purpose for my life. I went there with no expectations but I came back with hope. It was hope that kept me. There more I went to the weekly meeting there more alive I wanted to be. It changed my perspective. In 2012 I decided to go back to school. Maybe it was fate. I was afforded the chance to complete my degree. I learned to trust the plans that God had for me. My reasons for acquiring my degree had changed. Through my career I wanted to change and help people uncover their true potential, worth and make them that the reason we are alive is not in acquiring the wealth of the world but to spread the good news of the gospel of God….. Today I still live with HPV and HIV. They are not a death sentence, I know that now. I live to appreciate my life, the people who are dear to my heart, every day. Learn this from me: Your life cannot be prized. Value it. Never be swayed by materials in the name of love, that’s a delusion. Learn to trust your own capabilities. Believe in yourself. Believe that u can acquire all that which you set your mind to. But at the end know this: Beware that all that glitters is not always gold. Therefore learn to assess situations before you throw yourself to a deep end, because coming out might not be a fairytale. THE NAME OF THE RETAILERS, SUPPORT GROUP AND ENTERTAINMENT PLACES WERE OMITTED TO PROTECT THE BRANDS INTERGRITY. THE NAME OF THE SUPPORT CENTER WAS ALSO OMITTED TO RESPECT THE PRIVACY AND PROTECT THE IDENTITY OF THE INDIVIDUALS TAKING PART IN THEM!
BY: UPCOMING DOCTOR DINEO MOLEFE
kids stories
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A TALE OF A GOAT AND A TURKEY Once upon a time a turkey and a goat were on their way to a big animal meeting in a little farm called Rotten Egg. On their way there they started fighting and calling each other names. The goat asked the turkey, why do you have such a long and fleshy nose? The turkey looked at him angrily and said “firstly this is not called a nose dummy, it is called a snood and secondly I have it because I’m a male”. Still it looks ugly “replied the goat with a belittling accent. Well it’s not yours and you don’t have to worry about it. Why do you have such ugly eyes and smell like a skank, asked the turkey. The goat just looked at the turkey and said “be careful birdy-birdy, you might be roasted tonight”. Is it a threat asked the turkey, no it’s a warning my dear. So just make sure you sleep with one eye opened or the farmer will find you dead tomorrow ready for roasting. You won’t dare said the goat, don’t tempt me the turkey replied. You see this horns “pointing at them with a cheeky face” they are so sharp they will penetrate through your skin like a sword. Well as they concentrated on fighting, they did not hear a dog coming. It looked at the two of them exchanging harsh words and it started barking. They all got a fright and the goat started running and then the turkey followed. The dog started chasing them. As the turkey is not a fast runner he was very tired and he said to the goat “we need to stop and fight”. The goat said what? not now birdy. The turkey said “I know we were fighting but it’s time to join forces here. How are you intending to stop that pit bull, mm tell me, said the goat. Please stop so that I tell you what I think. The goat stopped and said “make it quick”. Ok, here is the plan “We need to use our strengths that is all that we have. I will puff up my body and spread my tail feathers, and start with my gobble sound. You can hide
underneath my feathers as we walked towards that pit bull, when we are closer to that bully dog you will come out and poke him with your horns. Ok let’s go for it said the goat. They partnered and executed the plan. After the goat poked the pit bull with his horns the pit bull ran away. Hurray! We have won, we have won they screamed and celebrated. From that day forward the goat and the turkey became good friends. That’s collaboration kids. When we join forces we can win any battle. BY: MORONGWE RAPHASHA
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The Mirror Majola was a young boy born and raised in the deep rural area. Growing up in a very cultural family where he was taught to cook and clean and to take care of his family at an early age. His father will beat him up if anything gets lost in the house even if he knows nothing about it. His reason for beating him up was that he wants him to become the man of the house in his absentia. Though he was raised with respect he develop anger thinking he’s father hated him or he wasn’t his really father. In all that up bringing he had a dream he knew he wanted to be a successful businessman when he grows up. Time came for him to relocate to the city to leave with his aunt. His life dramatically changed as he was exposed to the city life where everything was happening so fast. Leaving with a drinking and smoking aunt was not easy for him as he was not use to this kind of life but there was nothing he can do because life seems different from the village. He was exposed in going out at night as the aunt will send him to buy alcohol and cigarette for her. His aunt would force him to take a sip of alcohol every time when she was drinking. As a young and humble boy he was he would do as he was ordered by his elder. After all the chaos in the house he would go to his room before he sleep, he will stand in front of the mirror and look at himself and see a Leader, God fearing successful businessman. His dreams and vision were never shuttered by the environment he was under. Majola lost his path as he change school and has new friends, he started drinking mixing with wrong crowed. As handsome as he was he started having many girl friends because he wanted to fit-in, absconding school and lost respect. Neighbors started to notice change in his lifestyle and reported his behavior to his school teacher as he was loosing respect of himself. His teacher forced sense in his mind as he was becoming a trouble maker. That was a wake up call for him and he realized that he has lost respect for elders and his dreams no longer matters to him. One evening he stood in front of the mirror after a long time, the reflection he saw was not the man he has become he could still see the young God fearing and successful businessman. He worked very hard to complete
his studies has he could have seen the world waiting for him in silence. He successful finishes his studies and move from his aunt’s place to another city, where his dreams and vision were waiting for him. Because of the experiences he had with his previous people he met in his life has made him be the man he always wanted to be. The same humbly man reflected on the mirror every time he looked at himself that what he was and became. MORAL OF THE STORY: You are what you want to see or become, you are not your parents reflection Nor background or upbringing. You are your own reflection not anyone’s Shadow. Believe in the person you see on the mirror in whatever Circumstances good or bad. Hold on to you inner-self. BY: APOSTLE E.S NKOSI
poetry
Cracks in my heart and yours Mind you me I’m loving you with my heart As complete as it can ever be. Not that I pride myself but it’s the only heart That I have that beats with passion at the sound of ur Name literally being filled with the orgasm of your heart Coordinating with the fresh foreign beats of your heart Wait your heart is as cracked as mine is… Shamelessly I share my wholeness with you So you can mend the cracks from yours Leaving mine broken waiting for the next orgasm to pave The old cracks in mine, I remain still in the pauses of heart my new Found foreign beats that seem to bring some kind of healing Called love, a healing I truly need a secrete concept of reality Once was written in the heart our fallen ancestors a Believe that existed only in their mind I am holding dare to still dream off a cup that fills my soul with Concrete breathing matter the existence of peace, these veins Are like umbilical cords connecting you to me, the cracks of ur heart are filled by the fullness, of the cracks off my heart injected strength off your undying love and my undeniable love to you filled by the cracks off my heart and yours BY: MBALI KHUMALO
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Two books you must add to your collection this summer.
relationsh
hips
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Three levels of singleness There are a lot of people who say, that they are single, but I have learned that you can be single but still not be single. I know you wondering to yourself what do I mean by that. Look just because someone is not with someone it does not mean they are not with them. I know probably going “What” ok let’s break it down You can be single but that does not mean you are single. I have learned that there are three kinds of single people. 1.Single And still hang up over the ex / past relationship 2.Single and incomplete 3.Single and complete Single and still hang up over the ex / past relationship This is a group of people who have not healed from
past relationships. They are quick to go into a new relationship, before healing from the previous one. Their inability to heal always messes up the new thing that they have. This is the type of person that will punish. The truth of the matter is that, hurting people hurt others. You are not truly single until you heal from your previous relationship. You are not ready to date until you get healed. Single and incomplete This group of single people, have learned to heal from previous relationships, but they struggle from what I call a sense of incompleteness’ they are pressurised by this sense of incompleteness which ends up driving them to the point of desperation that says to them I need to be in a relationship. Desperation is not good because it
has a way of settling for whatever comes. This sense of incompleteness makes them feel like they need some one that will come and complete them. These are the type of people, who go into relationships looking to people, to do things for them that they cannot do for themselves. Dating this kind of a person is stringing because they came to take, they are always on the receiving end they have a tenancy of wanting attention that they themselves cannot give, and they cannot reciprocate whatever it is they get from you. They forget that as much as they want to be loved, you want to be loved too. They want what they cannot give they are takers not givers. Single and complete To be single means to be all one, separate, unique and whole. When you say you are single the you mean that you are whole simply meaning that you are complete. These are the type of people who have grown and moved on from past relationships they have grown to learn that no one can make them happy if they cannot do it for themselves. This group people are not desperate to be in a
relationship so they are not forced to compromise their standards. They are complete it is in this level of singleness, that you discover who you are what you like and don’t like what makes you happy and what does not. Complete and whole individuals know their worth and value. They know how to take care of themselves. A lot of people want people to fall in love with the, them they, themselves have not met. Single and complete individuals have met with themselves and they just who they are and what they want. Being in a relationship with this kind of people is a pure blessing, two complete being meet each other at the point of relationship there is no telling what will happen this are the kind of relationships that we need. That is why it is important for people to grow and mature and heal before they move in and know who they are before they ran to know who the next person is. A lot of issues could have been avoided if you and I knew just who we are before we perused anyone or even said yes to a proposal. Singleness’ is key. BY LEROY TAU Visit www.leroytau.co.za for more.
woman to woman
42
THE SCAR IS DEEPER THAN YOU THINK Have you ever sat down and ask yourself why am I living? Have you been hurt so badly that you actually feel numb inside. Have you find yourself asking God, why me, why do I’ve to go through this, what have I done to deserve this? Have you ever been stripped off, of everything you have? At that moment did you feel like your heart has been ripped apart from your body, cried yourself to sleep and feel like death is the only way out. Have you ever felt worthless and felt like you are a piece of junk? Have you ever felt like tomorrow will never come? Have you ever felt empty and despondent? Have you ever been in that space? Does it still hurt when you think about it today? Do you wish you can turn back the hands of time and change what happened? If the answer is yes, you must know the scar is deeper than you think. Yes the wound has healed and what caused the wound has passed but it has left a deep scar. I’m not talking about the physical scar I’m talking about the emotional scars. The challenge with such scars is that they are easily triggered, why, because they are permanently stored in our subconscious mind. The emotional scars are more psychological and if they are left unattended they can lead to self-destruction. The dangers of caring such scars around are as follows: 1. They cloud your judgement simply because they are your basis for making decisions 2. They hold you hostage therefore hindering your growth 3. They create fear that simply paralysis you. You become hyper-vigilant
4. They control your thoughts, feelings, and behaviour 5. They affect your health and takes away your happiness 6. They make you angry at times and make you want to retaliate 7. They make you lose your self-esteem and make you feel guilty I know what you are saying right now, so how do I breakthrough and get complete healing. It is not a matter of healing anymore; it’s a matter of restoration. Healing is for wounds, restoration is for the scars. There is a difference between healing and restoration. According to the dictionary healing is the process of making or becoming sound or healthy again whilst restoration is the action of returning something to a former owner, place, or condition. Restoration is bringing something back to the unspotted, original state of newness and unfortunately us as human beings we cannot restore things only God can give us complete restoration. The bible says in 1 Peter 5:10 ‘And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you’. Yes Him alone can restore you and not just restore you, strengthen you and establish you as well. He alone can make this possible. He is the God of the impossibilities, He is Jehovah-Rapha. The restoration process! I know this process is not cast in stone but it is what worked for me. • Admit that it hurts and that you want complete restoration. Be vulnerable with God and repent. • Acknowledge that you cannot do it on your own, invite and ask God for help. The bible says in Matthew 6:33 ‘But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you’. • Humble yourself and soak yourself in prayer, ask God for a renewed spirit and mind and believe that it will come to pass. The bible says in Mark 11:24 that ‘Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours’.
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Fast. The purpose of fasting is to take our eyes off the things of this world and to focus completely on God. Demonstrate to God, and to ourselves, that we are serious about our relationship with Him. It helps us gain a new perspective and a renewed reliance upon God. Be intimate with God. Have a constant dialogue with God. Fellowship with Him daily and read the Word. In reading the Word, understanding comes, from understanding comes transformation, and from transformation comes renewal of mind and spirit.
These steps have given me restoration, though sequential, are not independent of each other. I had to admit, acknowledge and humble myself before The Almighty God and pray, because I’ve recognized that I must submit to the will of the Lord of Hosts. As a believer who discerns the will of God through prayer I had to also ‘seek God’s face’ by fasting and reading the Word and asking Him for a greater revelation and understanding, because to walk in the will of God is to walk in communion with God. By walking in communion with God, my mind and spirit were renewed. After this process, I found peace, harmony, the pain was no more, I was whole, completely whole and I realised that complete restoration has taken place. Even when emotional scars hurts in places we never knew existed, we ought to remember that hard times are like washing machines. They twist, turn and knock us around, but in the end we come out cleaner, brighter and better than before. Challenges will come, they are like change, they are inevitable, so we should learn to embrace them and appreciate them. Even if the scars are deeper than we think, we should allow God for a complete restoration. The deep scars should not define you, not when He is by your side. By MORONGWE “EAGLE” RAPHASHA
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Interview with Woman to Woman Award winner 1. So tell us, what was your first job? Answer – Hahaha…. This is kinda tricky to answer because I started making money when I was in high school, so I would say I was a self-employed student. Upon completing my grade 12 I couldn’t afford to proceed to tertiary so I looked for employment. My first formal job was at Shoprite Checkers for approximately three months YuriI felt nah…this is not my space so I opened my own hair salon. 2. What made you choose your current career? Answer – Actually it was not my intention to be on radio, my wish was to be on TV. When I relocated to Durban I wanted to pursue my music career but somehow something attracted me to an advert in the newspaper about a radio DJ course. The rest is history, here I am. I guess radio chose me hey. 3. What does your current job entail? Answer – Whooo…. A lot of energy. Good communication skills as you are always in touch with people. Doing a lot of research is the order of the day, which assists in fresh information, new ideas, awareness on global trends, be informed on music and current affairs. Sometimes you are required to do outside events such as Program Directing, entertaining and engaging
with potential clients which demands you to be on point in terms of image.
what I do, successful in their own space so when I’m with them I even forget that I’m a radio presenter.
4. What inspires you about your job? Answer – The fact that we always having fun even while you working is really great. More than that it’s the amazing connection with listeners. The fulfillment of impacting people’s lives when we reach out to make a difference even if things are not going well in my life but to know that I made a difference I sleep with a content heart and a smile on my face.
10. What are your pros and cos of making an impact in influencing others positively? Answer – I always try to instill this culture of DIY “Do It Yourself” especially in woman, while I influence them positively I also want them to learn to rely on themselves in whatever they do. I run away from people who seem to have hidden agendas. Whatever I do in the name of making an impact it has to be clean and in the open. 11. What kept you going this far and arising against all odds? Answer – I would say it’s being resilient, the faith I have in God and in myself. I always look to where I’m going instead of where I am. Though there are those doubting moments but I always rise above because of this hunger to make it big in life. My boys Lebohang (17) and Thando (9) are like wind beneath my wings. No matter how tough it becomes the thought of them pushes me back into the wrestling ring.
5. Did you ever get the feeling that you were destined to inspire other women? Answer – Oh yes! For as long as I can remember myself growing up I always had that hunger to inspire women hence while I was at school I wanted to be a social worker and serve the community. I’ve always wanted to be out there to inspire other people, make a difference and fight for justice. 6. How did your childhood shape you in terms of your purpose? Answer – I come from very humble beginnings. I was raised by a single parent and my grandmother. I learned a lot from them in terms of accepting people no matter who they are or where they come from. At home we always had people living with us as part of our family, you would really think they are our blood relatives. I guess that subconsciously influenced me a lot because I have never imagined my life without people and as I grew the love for people was given a direction and a meaning. 7. What are your ambitions? Yoh… I’m a big dreamer. Overall my desire in life is to leave a fulfilled life, be free to do whatever, whenever I want. I want to be a successful businesswoman. I have few TV projects that I’m currently working on but unfortunately I can’t divulge much about them. All I can say is that, watch this space. Next year (2016) I’m beginning a journey to my Psychological doctorate. 8. What is your favorite scripture and why? Jeremiah 29 vs 11 to 14 has always been my light even in my darkest hour. When I find myself on the verge of giving up I always remind myself that God’s plan is to prosper me, not to harm nor hurt me. Since I’m a big dreamer and things seem to be doom and gloom I remind myself that God’s plan is to bring about the future I’m hoping for. When I feel alone and confused I remind God on his promise to me. He said I will seek him and I will find him when I pray, he will listen. 9. How do you balance your personal life and a high pressured career? Answer – The media industry can exhaust you big time. I always make time to go home (Newcastle) to recoup and remind myself who am I you know…I make sure I surround myself with people who are not big-headed if you know what I mean…my friends are very different to
12. What will people be surprised to learn about you? Answer – I look very “serious” from a distance but when you get to know me you do find that I’m actually a fun person. I’m very multi- talented, I surprise myself too sometimes. 13. What was your reaction when you won the woman to woman award? Answer – Actually I was very surprised when I got the phone call inviting me to the event. When they told me I’m one of the women who had been selected to receive the award, among big names like Dudu Khoza of Ukhozi FM and other women in the media as well as big names in business I was like, ‘no ways… what have I done that much to deserve the award?’ You know the feeling you get when you think these people are kidding me up until the last day you see it’s happening for real. 14. How would you encourage other women who looks up to you? Answer – For as long as you are waiting for people to come through for you, nothing will happen. Your background does not really define you, you did not choose it but you can shape your future. We all have been in some kinda hell in life but what makes the difference is that we didn’t stay in that hell so break loose and free yourself, the other side is much brighter. 15. What would you do different in 2016 to encourage women out there? Answer – Nothing different really but I’m planning to expand on what I’ve been doing. The foundation has been laid now the walls will go up. Reach the places I couldn’t reach this year (2015). More networking and partnering with people who are on a higher level than me who share the same vision of empowering woman.
CAREERS
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Your Background Has Got Nothing to Do With Your Future! What’s your family background? I was raised by a stepfather and my mother who were both unemployed and uneducated but fortunately they supported us as children to attend school. It was never easy to be raised by unemployed parents with no source of income. In some instances one had to go to school without anything to eat and that was a challenge. How did you make a living while growing up with unemployed parents? One day I remember visiting my primary school principal to explain the situation at home that, sometimes we had nothing to eat. It was then that my school principal decided to let me do some chores at her cottage, I would wash dishes, fetch water from the river and she will compensate by giving me food to eat and buy school uniform when there was a need. In 1994 when I was 16 years of age I started my high school where I was able to work at a cotton farm
during weekends and school holidays to buy myself school uniform and I was able to use money to pay for my school trips. This experience taught me to be a responsible child and that helped in shaping the way I see life. What was your first job after grade 12? After completing my grade 12 at Gugulesizwe High School in 1998, with no money to further my studies, the better option was to get a job and I got my first job in 1999 as a domestic worker. To me that was the greatest achievement than continuing working at the farm (I was never choosy but I took every opportunity that came my way). As the first born child at home I was able to assist my mother to raise my siblings and pay for their school fees. Within 6 months I got another job at a wholesale where I was employed as a cashier, the career opportunities at the wholesale were so limited that I started looking for another job. In 2000 I was employed by a furniture
Never too old to study? The company offered me a study assistance to further my studies. I started doing my Training and Development Certificate and HR Diploma at Maccauvlei Training Institution. When the opportunity was given to me I never wasted it but I made sure that I fully focused on my studies and worked hard at the same time to balance both my part time studies and work. I had to make choices and befriended like minded people with higher goals and ambitions. After completing and graduating in 2009 at Maccauvlei I worked hard for the next promotion at work which I got.
shop where I was so committed and worked hard that I did not stay long as the cashier. I was within few months promoted to senior clerk then to credit manager. What did you do to keep your job and ensure further promotions? The furniture shop closed down early in 2003 and I came to look for work in the mining industry of Gauteng. It was like a dream come true when Gold Fields offered me a job as a temporal senior clerk under the Talent and Skills Development Department. Knowing my background I did all in my power to be an outstanding performer amongst all temporally employees. I stayed behind and worked late to ensure the all tasks given to me were completed and up to date. I got recognized through my commitment and hard work and my supervisor recommended that I should be permanently employed as a senior clerk under Talent and Skills Development Department. I got employed permanently and part of my job was to capture and do filing of Individual Career Development Plans, Performance Management Contracts, and Course Bookings. Gold Fields had so many career advancement opportunities and it was now up to me to take initiatives and I realize that my personal development was my own responsibility. I never waited for anyone to push me but I took initiative to approach my supervisor and had discussions with her about furthering my studies and enquired about getting financial assistance from the company.
Never stopped wanting to be at the Top I then registered with Vaal University of Technology in 2009 for my B-Tech in Human Resources Management. The B-Tech degree studies at Vaal gave me the competitive advantage amongst others at work, my career began to take shape, and I was given an opportunity to act on a HR Superintendent position in 2011 and I got the position. Lessons learned in life? At the end of 2011 I was asked to be the speaker at the Women in Mining Annual Seminar in February 2012 with ITC company at Gold Reef City, this was a greatest success. To me this brought a realization that your background has got nothing to do with your future. One other thing that I have learnt is that you can either choose to rise above your circumstances or blame your background for your failures Companies are doing so much to present opportunities to those who are looking for opportunities. We all have been given equal opportunities in this life and it is up to us to take them. What’s your source of energy and endurance? Through it all I could not have achieved these things without God’s abundant grace and faithfulness. I know that all things works together for those who love the Lord and it shall all come to pass. I still continue to grow in my faith in the Lord, believing in myself and having confidence that – even the sky is not the limit, all you have to do is to choose to move higher in spite of your circumstances and have the vision of where you want to be in your in future. BY: NOKUTHULA NSUTSHA
fashion & beauty
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Beauty tips
Top four tips in creating the perfect face this summer
3.The lip:
1.The winged eye:
The best lip colour gives you soft edges and an extra natural pout. Every woman needs to know which lip colour works for different skin tones. Below is a chart you can use to see which lip colour best suits your skin tone. Tip: To fake fuller lips, dot a bit of gold shadow above the middle of your lips.
The black clean thin line, exaggerated winged-out brow. Simple defined eye, for that everyday look. Liquid eyeliner works best, the size can be controlled. You can never go wrong with a thick black pencil liner, the perfect medium for spring. Don’t be scared to try different coloured pencil liners to make the look even more dramatic. 2.Contouring:
You want to keep your lip colour from bleeding and last longer?? Just apply a bit of concealer around your lips. There are different kinds of lip formulas to choose from: The Matte, the balm, the satin and the gel.
EVERY GIRLS BEST FRIEND!
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Don’t know what contouring is? Well, it is having the power to slim down the appearances of your faces by using smart facial shaping techniques achieved through a skill of makeup, which is easy to learn. In today’s issue, we will be sharing some quick simple methods to sculpting the face. The key overall shape is oval, and aim is to look as natural as possible by avoid colour indifferences and blend as you apply. Contouring is all about shaping your face. Firstly, you need to identify the shape of your face. Make sure all your hair is pulled back beforehand so the actual shape of your face will be visible. Use the chart below to identify your shape. Now that you have identified which shape you are, you will need the following to begin: *Highlighter: A powder that contains particles which give the skin a beautifully radiant sheen, by refracting light and drawing attention into the face so they are applied on areas of the face that we want to emphasize. They come in different undertones (gold, pink, peach and neutral). *Contouring Powder: Which is used shade certain areas of the face to create a shadow and move the focus to other parts of the face. A matte (meaning non-shimmer) powder, which is a few shades darker than your skin tone. *Blush Powder for works best on the cheeks to give one a pretty flush of colour. Where you apply your blush can also influence the appearance of the face shape
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The Matte lipstick has more colour and less moisturising ingredients. Dab a bit of lip balm on your lips for moisture before applying the matte lip colour. The balm is a moisturising lip colour balm that is packed with great moisturising ingredients such as coconut and cocoa butter oils. The satin is a balance between moisturizing effects and strong pigments. The gel has more sheer than the satin and the pigment you would get from a matte lip colour.
4.The eyebrow: Getting the perfect brow shape: The front of the brow should always, align with the upper bridge of your nose. Always fill in your brows using an eyebrow pencil liner before you tweeze/pluck, to avoid overdoing it. The arch should be three-quarters of the way back from the nose bridge and the tail should taper off and follow the angle of the eye. Use a dried up clean mascara brush to push hairs up for volume. Once you are finished done filling in and brushing your eyebrows. You can remove the unwanted hairs with tweezers (only tweeze underneath, not above the brow). To finish your look, dust a bit of translucent powder over arches to set the brow pencil and help soak up the natural oils on your skin. Use a concealer a shade or two lighter than your skin tone, around the arch to give it a clean well-groomed brow.
BIRTHDAY WISHES
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Apostolic Ministerial fellowship BIRTHDAY WISHES GO TO: Servant NII Servant Francis M Wiity Apostle Mathonsi
13th December 14th Spetember 25th December
May God bless you with all the things you desire, may you reach a tad more higher and get all that you truly desereve in life. We pray that every path you take becomes a free obstacles. Every step you take becomes elevated towards success. God’s blessings on you on your special day. The eyes of the Lord are upon you the righteous Psalm 34:15 With love and appreciation we celebrate you Bishop J. Quartey and the AMF house