The Forgetful Gentleman: Thirty Ways to Turn Good Intentions into Action by Nathan Tan - Chronicle

: D D TE E N H IZ IO IG R T R HO BU PY T I O U TR C T A IS O D N R FO

: D D TE E N H IZ IO IG R T R HO BU PY T I O U TR C T A IS O D N R FO

The

F O RG ET F U L

G EN T L E M A N F

G

A DA I LY D E VOT I O N A L F O R T H E MODERN MAN

B Y NAT H AN TAN AN D B R E T T N I C H O L

Introduction . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . page 9 1 u Be the Master of the Wine List . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . page 11 2 u Ready, Set, Go-als: The Gentleman’s

Bucket List. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . page 13 3 u Cook a Signature Meal. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . page 17 4 u Color Combinations that Work, for Work. . . . . . page 19 5 u Shaving and Your Morning Routine. . . . . . . . . . . . . . page 20 6 u The Well Informed Man: Educate Yourself on an Important Issue. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . page 23 7 u A Macro View on Micro Brews . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . page 27 8 u Gentlemen Write Notes . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . page 33 9 u Find a Mentor, Be a Mentor. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . page 38 10 u Choosing the Right Suit Silhouette. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . page 42 11 u Eco-Manliness. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . page 48 12 u How to Write a Love Note . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . page 51 13 u Things Every Gentleman Should Own . . . . . . . . . . page 54 14 u Dine like Royalty: Etiquette at the Dinner Table. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . page 59 15 u Deliver a Toast Worth Drinking to. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . page 62 16 u Hair for Every Head . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . page 67 17 u Work Out Like a Navy Seal . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . page 71 18 u Books Every Gentleman Should Rea . . . . . . . . . . . . page 75 19 u Word Play: Training Your Mouth for Gentlemanliness . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . page 79 20 u The Gentlemanly Escape: From Weekend Trips to Guys Night Out . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . page 81 21 u The MAN-icure (and other hygienic must-dos). . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . page 86 22 u A Gentleman Throws a Party . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . page 92

: D D TE E N H IZ IO IG R T R HO BU PY T I O U TR C T A IS O D N R FO

Contents

23 u Date Night Might. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . page 96 24 u Sorry Doesn’t Have to Be the Hardest Word. . . page 99 25 u Listen Up! How to Ask Questions and

Listen to Answers . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . page 102

26 u Dress 21st Century Black Tie 27 u Mix a Signature Cocktail . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . page 107 28 u The Proper Technique for Ironing a

Dress Shirt . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . page 111 29 u From Dandy to Handy: Simple Household DIY for the Gentleman . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . page 117 30 u Cigar Smoking . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . page 121 31 u Well Packed: Inside a Gentleman’s Suitcase . . . . page 126 32 u Poetry For Men. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . page 133 33 u How to Build and Maintain a Powerful Network. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . page 139 34 u The Socially Conscious Gentleman . . . . . . . . . . . . . . page 142 35 u Values, Integrity and Hesed . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . page 146 36 u A Brief History of Music . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . page 154 37 u Conflict Resolution with Class, Grace and (very rarely) Fists . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . page 158 38 u A Tie Three Ways. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . page 161 39 u Whisk(e)y Tasting 101 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . page 168 40 u The Digital Gentleman: How to Deal with Technology . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . page 177 41 u The Courage to Encourage . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . page 182 42 u Where to Start with Fine Art . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . page 188 43 u The Gentleman Host . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . page 190 Appendix . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . page 199 Complete List Action Steps . . . . . . . . . . . . . . page 202 Survey Results . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . page 207

: D D TE E N H IZ IO IG R T R HO BU PY T I O U TR C T A IS O D N R FO

Introduction

After languishing through years of sheepish self-deprecation, a growing movement of men are ready to reclaim with pride what it really means to be a man. Self-examined men who confidently know what they believe and why. Men with backbones of character and integrity. Men who aim to excel in all phases of their life - who crush it at work, prioritize family,

and can always be counted on by their friends. Men who care about their health and appearance, and not simply for vanity’s sake. Masculine men. Renaissance men. Men of intention, who set goals and chase hard after them. Men of knowledge but more importantly action. Men who respect themselves and respect others. Modern gentlemen.

Welcome to the movement.

Is the 21st Century Actually the Golden Age for Gentlemen?

Gentlemanliness is often associated with the Victorian Age. A time when men acted a certain way and were expected to act that way. Women would actually stop before a puddle and not leave a table until the men had stood up because such behavior was expected. To be a gentleman was to be normal.

And normal is never celebrated.

Today might be the best time in history to be a gentleman.

Gentlemanly behavior stands out today in a way it didn’t in earlier times. On one hand that means you are noticed and praised for your actions in ways the Victorian gentleman wasn’t. With just a bit of effort today’s gentleman can powerfully set himself apart in business, romance, and social society.

The other side is that your actions carry more significance and influence simply because they aren’t expected. You have the wonderful opportunity to invest in and impact the lives of those around you. What more could a gentleman want?

4

Introduction

From Bench Press to French Press, An Introduction to Gentlemanliness

Somewhere over the last 20 years or so, the gentleman went missing. A perfect storm of the post-feminist landscape, a move towards business casual workplaces and the popularity of “frat-pack” film portrayals have degraded man into a clumsy simpleton, endearing perhaps but a mere shadow of what he once was.

The Forgetful Gentleman

5

If you’ve gotten this far, you’re probably less concerned with why be a gentleman than how. After all, most men have very good intentions. It’s converting our good intentions into action where we struggle. This is a major issue because being a gentleman is all about action, not intention. Which brings us to the book you’re holding. This book is not a reference book, although it contains a lot of valuable information. It also isn’t an etiquette rule book, although it does address manners. This book is designed as a catalyst for gentlemanly action.

Henry David Thoreau once said, “A truly good book teaches me better than to read it. I must soon lay it down, and commence living on its hint. What I began by reading, I must finish by acting.” The goal of this book is to give you the tools and framework to integrate its contents into the fabric of your day-to-day life. In forty easily digestible chapters you’ll find forty wide ranging gentlemanly topics, relevant for the modern man. At the end of each chapter you’ll be presented with a “Question to Contemplate,” a “Gentlemanly Quote to Remember,” and an “Action Step.” Don’t be intimidated!

The exercises are easy to follow and are your guide to dynamic exploration of the topic at hand.

Have fun with this book and make the experience your own. Commit to a forty day program or hop in and out.

Partner with a group of friends or go solo. Your approach to

6

The Forgetful Gentleman

: D D TE E N H IZ IO IG R T R HO BU PY T I O U TR C T A IS O D N R FO

TURNING GOOD INTENTIONS INTO ACTION

the book isn’t important as long as it leads to ACTION! As you go through this journey I encourage you to document your thoughts and the results of your actions so that you can see the impact of your efforts.

At the end of the day my hope is that you will emerge a better version of yourself—not just read a book.

Introduction

7

A Gentleman Throws A Party

Whether for dinner, drinks or dancing, a gentleman hosted party should reflect the character of its host—thoughtful, welcoming and sophisticated. Facilitating a night of drunken debauchery that fuels gossip laden water cooler talk across town shouldn’t be the goal of the gentleman host. Rather, simply aim to provide a comfortable environment for spirited, meaningful conversation, deepened friendships and new introductions.

For the Victorian-era gentleman, throwing a fantastic party was as easy as calling on the family retainer with a request of “Dinner for 8, please, Alfred.” However, those days have long since passed and the reality is that today a good party’s existence and, yes, success, lies primarily on the broad shoulders of its gentlemanly host. And while HGTV and The Food Network would have you believe entertaining at home is an effortless, stress-free affair, the hard truth is that pull-

: D D TE E N H IZ IO IG R T R HO BU PY T I O U TR C T A IS O D N R FO

22

ing off a successful event requires a lot of care, intention and thought. The result, however, is completely worth the effort and with a few strategies and advance planning, the modern gentleman can pull off a memorable and meaningful gathering without feeling in over his head.

If Sun Tzu had written The Art of Party Hosting rather than The Art of War, his advice on planning and its affect on victory would be equally applicable: “Victorious hosts (warriors) win first and then throw a party (go to war), while defeated hosts (warriors) go to throw a party (war) first and then seek to win.”

What Sun Tzu clearly understood was that the key to throwing a smooth and successful party (and winning a war) is prior planning. A comprehensive battle plan starts with the guest list and ends with the tail lights of your final guest’s cab.

Here’s how to ensure you don’t enter the domestic battlefield destined for disaster.

Think about who you’d like to invite. The size of the party is an important consideration when populating the guest list. A smaller, more intimate party, requires a more thoughtful pairing of personalities and interests. Balance common interests with stimulating differences. The goal is for your guests to complement one another rather than compete with one another. At a larger party, while the initial guest list requires less finesse it may require more attention to on the spot matchmaking and introductions.

T-MINUS 2 WEEKS - GUEST LIST AND INVITATIONS:

A Gentleman Throws A Par ty

45