Derryfield Today Fall 2010 Feature Article

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Examining the Value of an Independent Day School

by Annie Branch

ow can you get a top‐notch secondary education and still be able to have dinner with your family? Derryfield’s founders asked themselves just that question nearly 50 years ago. Then, as well as now, there weren’t many options in New Hampshire, which had public, parochial, and boarding schools, but none that offered the benefits of an inde‐ pendent school education while keeping family close by. The high value the founders placed on education and family has shaped Derryfield into the school it is today—a small school with countless offerings, rich relationships, and a strong com‐ munity. We asked members of the Derryfield community to reflect on why they chose an independent day school.

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Katherine DiPastina ’09 They say you can’t choose your fam‐ ily. Every time your mother bursts into song in the grocery store, and especial‐ ly during conversations when your brothers explain zombies to your friends, people tell you you’ll grow to love those little quirks. As a fourteen‐ year‐old girl, I thought not. So when it came time to apply for private high schools, I kept in mind all those won‐ derful experiences and dove into the process.

Between the two schools to which I was accepted, the main difference was that one was a day school, the other boarding. My parents, wanting to be thorough (which I perceived as annoy‐ ing), had me visit both to help me get a feel for the schools. I visited the board‐ ing school first, figuring I might be able to dissuade them from scheduling the other visit if I told them I was sure one way or the other about the school.

Which is almost precisely what hap‐ pened.

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The first conversation I had with the student I was shadowing was about how it feels to live away from home.

She promptly told me that she felt like she could build a new family at her school. Her friends agreed that the people they lived with became their “siblings,” and even the headmaster gave the vibe that everyone had moved on to this new home. Up until this point, boarding school had seemed like more of an extended summer camp. In spite of being there so much of the year, I would go back home in the end.

That wasn’t the reality, though. In fact, my home would become temporary, and the school with these new “sib‐ lings” would be permanent. The more I thought about being a visitor in my own home, the more anxious I felt at the thought of boarding.

I knew I wanted to go to a day school after that visit. It only took one visit to decide, although I went for the second visit anyway. I decided to stick with a day school because I like being

a permanent resident in my home; because my mom actually has a fantas‐ tic voice, and the acoustics between aisles are pretty great; because, after all their talk, I myself am a little interested in zombies. They say you can’t choose your family. Well, I’m glad I did.

Kat is a sophomore at Cornell University.

Jack Dowst ’11 Looking back on my three years at Derryfield, I realize that, without this school, I never would have been moti‐ vated as a student, and I would have missed out on much in my high school career. As a freshman at John Stark Regional High School, I got passing grades in honors classes, yet I was not motivated to try hard in school. I did the absolute minimum amount of work required to get a B‐ or above. If I had stayed at JSRHS, there is no reason to believe this trend would not have con‐ tinued, if not have become worse.

My parents noticed my lack of moti‐ vation and low grades and knew I

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I N D E P E N D E N T DAY S C H O O L S

could do better. During the second half of freshman year, they had me go on a tour at Derryfield, the only school I visited. I knew that this was a place I would do well in, and did not feel the need to visit any other schools. At Derryfield, students are motivated to learn—whether it is for the sake of knowledge or to get good grades for college. I have been surrounded by smart, motivated people for the past three years and they have rubbed off on me, making me a better overall stu‐ dent. I no longer do the absolute mini‐ mum amount of work; I now take the time to study for my next test or do that extra bit of reading in history class. I do this to help me get into a good college, but also because I am interested in what is being taught and want to learn more. It is much easier to learn and to be a “good” student when one is in a motivational atmosphere that promotes learning.

Derryfield has many unique quali‐ ties that I found attractive from the beginning and have become clearer since then. The academics, I feel, are on par with any boarding or private school. Since it is a day school, it allows students to stay in touch with their family, which was important to me. I have all of college to eat cafeteria food; by living at home I get another four years of my mom’s cooking. For me, the social aspect at Derryfield is appealing because the school’s students and size do not allow kids to be divid‐ ed into groups; I am friends with peo‐ ple from all grade levels, many differ‐ ent types of people, and faculty mem‐

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bers, as well. What Derryfield offers that not many other schools can is its combination of great academics, family connections, and its close community.

Jack is a senior at Derryfield.

Walter Milne ’82 Derryfield is more than just a beautiful campus. Inside the school is a close‐ knit, bustling community, where inter‐ action between teachers and students leads to vibrant discussions that are encouraged in every way. The teachers know the students and they know the parents, and they all work together to make sure that students have a suc‐ cessful experience during their time at Derryfield.

I was fortunate to have attended Derryfield for six years and became such good friends with many of my teachers and mentors that I never real‐ ly left after graduation. I have stayed involved in the school through the alumni association and the Board of Trustees. When the time came to show my children the school, I was proud to have the opportunity to show it off.

After their shadow day, which they loved, we encouraged them to pursue Derryfield and go through the admis‐ sion process. They both made the choice to attend and have never looked back. They have even said it was the best decision of their lives.

We were able to all go through the Derryfield experience as a family and to encourage and help our children throughout their years at Derryfield.

Parents are an instrumental part of the process and are encouraged to be

involved with their children’s educa‐ tion. Dinner with our busy students is an important part of their nurturing, and it’s a relief to be able to send them off to a place where we have the confi‐ dence to tell them to listen to their teachers and do everything that is asked of them.

Being a parent at the school gives you direct access to the faculty, and meetings with their advisors and teachers take place several times per year. In addition, interaction between parents through sideline chats at games is a fun bonus, and parent socials are hosted several times per year. It’s a close‐knit community, as I started off saying, and I have not looked back either.

Walter has two sons at Derryfield, Matt ’11 and Nate ’13.

Judith Rutty Godfrey My husband and I knew from the time he was small that our son, Patrick

Derryfield Today – Fall 2010

I N D E P E N D E N T DAY S C H O O L S

Rutty ’84, was gifted in many ways.

Until the time he reached junior high school, our local school system had served him very well, but during that time, we realized it would be necessary to find an alternative to his high school education other than what the local system could provide. I remember that even discussing this was not easy. Our awareness and discussions were limit‐ ed to boarding schools, the end result of which was always a resounding “No!” We could not imagine having our child live away from home, no longer connected to us in the same way, during what my husband and I consid‐ ered to be a very important four years in his life and in that of the family.

As luck would have it, our second child, Kathleen Rutty‐Fey ’87, had become friendly with a girl down the road, Cathy Jean Sanborn ’86, whose father, Chuck Sanborn, was a teacher at Derryfield. It was through that relation‐ ship that we learned of The Derryfield School—a private day school—a perfect solution! The results of that connection, the ensuing enrollments of both children, and their experiences at Derryfield have become major founda‐ tional pieces in their lives.

We were seeking to keep our family together, to not miss the many exciting, challenging, proud, nerve racking, hair pulling, proud moments in our chil‐ dren’s lives. Did I say proud? The part we didn’t bargain for was our own growth as parents from experiencing all of the above. As sure as ‘unity’ is in ‘community,’ our family found a new and larger family in the Derryfield

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community, one that, to this day, con‐ tinues to nurture us in so many ways.

Judith also has a grandson, Miles Fey ’17, currently attending Derryfield.

Bruce Berk The years I spen attending the North‐ field Mount Hermon School (NMH) were some of the best years of my life.

At the tender age of 14, I followed my brother’s path and spent my high school years at NMH. My parents sent me away to attain a great education, to develop independence and to open new opportunities. Each of these goals was fulfilled. I have many fond memo‐ ries of teachers, students, and any number of silly escapades. Yet, I gave almost no thought to boarding school as an option for my own children.

The benefits of a boarding school need to be balanced against the effect of our family life growing together.

Yes, there were breaks and summer vacation, but there is a clear connection between the ongoing intimacy of my family before and after my departure for NMH. Before, my parents were active participants in my daily growth — afterward, their impact was more removed. In retrospect, I do not think any of us consciously considered or saw this outcome; yet while my family stayed close, the intimacy of day‐to‐ day living became a sort of suspended animation.

These are exhausting, yet important years with our children. I am con‐ vinced that these times are better spent in day‐to‐day contact with them rather than relinquishing parenting to well‐

intentioned professionals. Although I know teenagers increasingly look to their peers for advice and “wisdom,” at the end of the day, I want my shot at influencing their outlook. Parenting includes the quick conversations in the car or over a sandwich, and these opportunities are priceless. I am too selfish to give this up.

I trust that parents who have made the decision to send their children away to school know that I make NO judgment about their family decision. I loved my years at NMH, but my time with my children is too short, and I am too selfish to give up the opportunity to rub shoulders with their friends, watch them compete, grow, perform, succeed, and sometimes fail. Our din‐ ner conversations that gravitate between laughter and grunts are the spice to this part of my life. My wife and I have chosen an environment where they will attain a great educa‐ tion, develop independence, and explore new opportunities, all the while preserving our family connec‐ tions. That environment is Derryfield.

Bruce Berk is a member of the faculty at Derryfield and parent of Ariel ’10 and Jason ’13.

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