November 2014

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November 2014 absynthe magazine 1

STAFF President Bakhtawar Riaz

Secretary Sobia Riaz

Editor-in-Chief Caitlin P. Jones

Staff Writers Candace Ellison Amanda Ferreira Zafer Izer Jack Smye

Production Manager Sara Ostrowska Copy Editor Emma Labelle

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CONT ENTS 4. Editor's Letter 5. Mandate/ Submission Guidelines 6. The Tale of the Too-Young Bride-To-Be 8. What to Watch 9. Horoscopes 10. Everyone That Laboured...s 13. How To Make 30 Cheap Burritosr 15. So, You’ve Won NaNoWriMo...Now What?

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editor’s letter

N

ovember is one of my favourite months of the year. It’s mentally draining, thanks to school work, and generally frigid--but my birthday is on the 28th and I like presents. A lot.

Really the only thing that would have made this month better is an influx of student submissions to the magazine. But we don’t always get what we want. However, if you’re feeling up for it during the next five months of school, don’t forget that we are always accepting student submissions.

Here are some November facts, in case you’d like to know more about the month that brought the world me. November is the only month used to represent a letter in the phonetic alphabet. November has been designated National Novel Writing Month and National Blog Posting Month. The birthstone for November is the topaz. The flower is the chrysanthemum.

And most importantly, the following people share my birthday: Karen Gillan (27), Jon Stewart (52), Judd Nelson (57), S. Epatha Merkerson (62), William Blake (dead).

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The mandate of Absynthe Magazine is to encourage constructive dialogue and critical thinking within the Trent community. As an on-campus publication, Absynthe shall strive to represent as many people of the community as possible by presenting varying views on all matters that are of importance to the community and especially the student body. In the spirit of free and independent press, Absynthe shall strive for the highest degree of journalistic integrity and excellence while providing a medium for creative and alter- native expression. It will actively stimulate and encourage discussion through itself or any other means available to members of the Trent community.

Submission Guidelines: Absynthe is a submissions-based magazine. Any Trent student who wishes to be published can send their work to us at trentbasynthe@gmail.com.

Submissions can be any length, and can be written in any style. Submissions will be subject to editing for spelling and grammar as well as verified for appropriate content.

Please include your name for publication, as well as a word count, and title. Please submit filenames as LastName_ MonthYear. Photos and images are encouraged, but are required to have a minimum resolution of 300dpi. Articles may be held for publication at a later date.

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The Tale of the TooYoung Bride-To-Be Candace Ellison

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his is the story of the youthful, Norway (Chittley, 2014). Each of these bewildering disnative Thea and her husband-to-be, Geir. coveries, among photos of wedding preparation The two were recently matched by Thea’s as described above, were all included in the enmother and were to be married this au- tries of her blog. tumn, on October 11th, 2014. Thea spent the As word spread about the upcoming nupweeks leading up to the wedding choosing in- tials, and Thea’s blog began to be disseminated vitation templates, posing for engagement pho- online throughout local, national, and internationtos, selecting desserts for the reception and, of al communities attracting growing attention from course, choosing the ideal gown. To keep those the media, protest abounded. Outraged Norweclose to her, and the rest of the world in the know, gians phoned the police and child services (Fera, she even documented these matrimonial mile- 2014), but the most significant concentration of stones on an online blog. protest was realized online, mostly through social

I wish I could media posts bear“The facts about child marriage are brutal. tell you this story has a ing the hashtag happy ending, but that Marriage of children is a worldwide phenom- #StoptheWedding would be a lie. In truth, enon that spans cultures, languages, reli- (#stoppbryllupet the story does not even in Norwegian). If gions and castes...” begin happily. You see, the idea of illegal the age difference between the pair is astounding. child marriage being permitted in the developed Thea is 12-years-old and Geir, old enough to be world seems improbable, it’s because Thea and her father, is 37. The young girl in the photo, with Geir are mere characters in a narrative created interests in writing and spending free time with by development organization Plan Norway, which her school friends, is enthusiastic about her edu- meant to raise awareness about the plight of child cation and therefore was upset when her mother brides in the developing world. explained that marrying Geir meant she would The tale of the too-young-European bride quit attending school, the idea being that Geir and #StoptheWedding, taken to be legitimate could provide all she needed in her life. Internet by a worldwide audience, was an innovative and research about intimate relationships led Thea to elaborate campaign. In addition to Thea’s blog, discover that marriage also inevitably implied in- the campaign made use of Thunderclap, “[the] tercourse and eventual child bearing, topics she crowdspeaking platform that amplifies messages had not yet been exposed to at her young age by allowing large groups of people to share a sin6 absynthe magazine

gle message together at the same time,” to mobilize global voices for change through mass donation of social-reach on social media by the public.

The online protest was thunderclapped on day of the wedding, which coincided with the United Nation’s International Day of the Girl Child, and had a social reach of over 3.6 million persons.

The facts about child marriage are brutal.

Marriage of children is a worldwide phenomenon that spans cultures, languages, religions and castes (Gorney, 2011); nonetheless, the practice is most highly concentrated in developing countries, wherein 1 in 3 girls will be married before age 18 (Girls Not Brides, 2011). This amounts to an astonishing 10 million child marriages occurring each year (Girls Not Brides, 2011). Moreover, “...child marriage is one of the leading causes of death during pregnancy, the spread of HIV/AIDS and lost schooling” (Plan Norway, 2014). In the majority of countries, child marriage is illegal, though the practice remains “...one of the most widespread and serious abuses of children” (Plan Norway, 2014) as it has been rooted in community tradition in many parts of the world for generations and has historically gone unchallenged for the most part (Girls Not Brides, 2011). These cultural traditions that encourage the marriage of young girls to much older men are based on the fact that “the very idea that young women have a right to select their own partners— that choosing whom to marry and where to live ought to be personal decisions, based on love and individual will—is still regarded in some parts of the world as misguided foolishness” (Gorney, 2011), among other sexist beliefs about female purity at the time of marriage and the role of women in society.

Although Plan Norway’s #StoptheWedding campaign was inventive and effective in terms of opening people’s minds to the horrors of child marriage, there is much room for criticism.

Throughout the research process that informed this article, it was disappointing to discover a lack of criticism of the marketing tactic used. That said, the author of The Child Bride Who Wasn’t echoed my thoughts in his statement: “...It always disturbs me, as a westerner, that the tactic of bringing a “third world” issue “home” by using white people as proxies is so effective” (Megginson, 2014). These white proxies, like Thea and Geir, are supposed to make developing world is-

sues more relatable for the Western audience, an audience that apparently requires the whitening of foreign issues to identify with the plight and pain of persons different from “us.” The trouble with the good-intentioned use of proxies and creating based-on-true-story narratives is that these obscure and embellish the truth through smokeand-mirrors marketing. Thea and Geir do not tell the full tale of child marriage, but it is arguable that the average citizen of the developed world will never make the effort to realize this important detail.

So to those who feigned passion about this human rights and child abuse issue when they came to know the beautiful, young Thea online, donating their social reach on Facebook and Twitter to raise awareness about child marriage does not a humanitarian make. What should be taken from the #StoptheWedding campaign is the story untold. The story of girls as young as 5-years-old who are married, most often illegally, to men as old as their fathers, who do not understand the concept of marriage, sex and reproduction. Girls who grow up too quickly after they are taken from their families and pulled out of school to begin lives with men who brutally consummate these relationships before their wives reach legal age or parental consent is afforded. Girls who become impregnated and give life to children that are at risk of premature death and similar abuses of their youth. Girls who often do not survive the abuses they themselves endure.

Though the literature about child marriage is dark and heartbreaking, hope lies in the stories of (self)empowered young girls who have rebelled and refused pre-mature marriage and truncated education, or demanded divorce for a chance at a prosperous future. An example of one such former child wife is Nujood Ali of Yemen, who, in 2008 at the age of 10, decided enough was enough and found her way to an urban courthouse and demanded she be granted a divorce for all the emotional and sexual abuse she had suffered.

The success of Ali’s bold request made her a trailblazer for the emancipation of other child brides.

What the world needs now is less slackdivists and more activists and feminists, individuals who do not see race, culture and gender differences as a barrier to empathy. ■

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WHAT TO WATCH...

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Horoscopes Sagittarius (November 22nd - December 21st) Engaging with exes on a regular basis can be toxic. So, stop creeping their social media to assure yourself they’re not happier without you—which they are, by the way.

Capricorn (December 22nd - January 19th) The moon is important to you this month.

It may prevent you from showing your ass—literally and figuratively—so make sure to heed to its presence.

Aquarius (January 20th February 18th) You’ve managed to gain perspective in your life. To continue this positive change, make sure that you remove negative influences from your life.

Pisces (February 19th -March 20th) If our life experiences define who we are as a person, then your life experiences must have been terrible, because you’re a really shitty person.

Aries (March 21st -April 19th) The trees are making themselves known in your mind and body this month.

Don’t push back against the wind that wants to blow through your leaves.

Virgo (August 23rd -September 22nd) You are about to make a great journey. Unfortunately, that journey will take you to a place that you are unable to dig yourself out of.

Taurus (April 20th -May 20th) You may have a chance to stand up for something you believe in. Do not allow outside forces to dissuade you from doing what is best for you, and the worst for them.

Libra (September 23rd -October 22nd) A lot of people live with daily pain. For most of the people you know, that pain is you.

Cancer (June 21st - July 22nd) I am not at liberty Gemini (May 21st -June to discuss your future this 20th) You will only find suc- month. cess in your love life if you contribute to Absynthe Mag- Scorpio (October 21st -Noazine. If you choose not to, vember 21st) Yes. Yes, this you will receive an alarming is a fertile land, and we will notification from your doc- thrive. We will rule over all tor, and your significant oth- this land, and we will call it... er will break up with you.

“This Land.”

Leo (July 23rd - August 22nd) You will become the Champion of NES Jeopardy!. This will be your greatest achievement in life.

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Everyone That Laboured To Build This Castle Is Spinning In Their Mass Graves This life, which had been the tomb of his virtue and of his honour, is but a walking shadow; a poor player, that struts and frets his hour upon the stage, and then is heard no more: it is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.

- William Shakespeare

Now, I’m not saying I can’t take it, but obviously, things happen. And you see the results and the fruits of the happening.

- James Lahey

Zafer Izer

S

and Collette from Oxford. They’re accompanied

by Elmira, an enigmatic Russian girl that I have not met before. We exchange quiet greetings in the frosty early morning before piling into the subway that shuttles us to Part-Dieu, one of the main

I awaken abruptly, confused, with an an- train stations in Lyon. Once there, we spend 15 gry little person bustling around my room, tearing minutes clogging up a ticket booth as the lanky, back my sheets, picking up the laptop I had fallen bemused clerk explains the French method of asleep next to and folding it up with a disgusted validating tickets in a scanner machine (composter les billets), and we take turns paying. Locals exclamation:

“Jesus, Zaf! Get up! We gotta be at the headed for the day to Orange, Nice, or Vienne suck in their guts and squeeze past our group to metro in ten minutes!”

After a hasty shower I meet Isra in our get to the other booths while we banter with our shared kitchen/living room. We make our way clerk. Afterwards we have a half hour to wait for downstairs and out to the Debourg Metro Sta- our train so Hiren and I grab breakfast at a French tion down the street from the student residence. bakery that is in the station where I buy a halfWaiting for us are Ed and Zu from Cambridge, decent cappuccino from a vending machine. Ed, Merlin from Imperial College, Anna from Univer- Isra, and Collette are elated to find a Starbucks sity College London, Hiren from Warwick College, and emerge with their breakfasts in the trademark aturday, 27th September 2014

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bags, clutching massive paper cups.

The train to Avignon ambles for two hours through handsome French countryside. It’s not all dry-stone dykes, church-towers, and pretty lilac fields, though there is a lot of that. We pass through clusters of country dwellings, all of which are the same pastel beige or pink colour with dark red tiled roofs, and I notice the that flanks of many are pockmarked or scrawled with graffiti. We pass several hilltops sporting electric windmills and a valley with a hulking nuclear power plant. Since an oil crisis in 1974 France has developed many of these. Today, they are one of the main sources of French energy and a common sight during cross-country travel. As the sun climbs, I munch on an apple and sit across from Ed, who tells me about the time last week when he went to visit a friend in Nîmes and accidentally got on a train to Nice.

In Avignon the sun is high and bright, and although late September, it feels like the height of the Canadian summer. Our group walks North along Rue de la République, a wide thoroughfare lined by sandy-coloured Second Empire-era buildings and tall cypress trees. We pass through a Saturday market and are mesmerized by a dazzling array of baked goods, bricks of fragrant cheese, glistening piles of olives, hulking slabs of meat, and flanks of fish resting on ice and hanging from hooks. We emerge from the cacophony of smells and sounds in view of a large fluorescent green plus sign.

“Oooh, a pharmacy!” squeals Isra. I don’t know if it’s because she’s a chemist or… well I really don’t know why, but Isra gets very excited about pharmacies. Maybe it’s a British thing.

“This one has two floors!”

Having lunched, we now stand in la Place du Palais, a comically large square in front of the imposing fortress that was the residence of the pretenders to the papacy in the Late Middle Ages, le Palais des Papes. Colette, Isra, and I stop at a stall that is selling postcards. Inexplicably, there is a man in a Zorro outfit pacing nearby. What the hell? He’s not doing tricks or anything. We’re not even in fucking Spain. Perhaps noticing my curious gaze, he approaches and grunts,

“Money for Zorro.”

“No.”

Zorro shrugs and walks away.

A wide asymmetrical staircase leads up to the massive tooled oaken double doors of the castle. Visible just above is a vicious-looking portcullis, but hilariously, we have to pass through a metal detector once inside. I’m amused to see that while we students purchase our tickets in French, there are many tourists who bound up to the desk and immediately begin requesting entry to the museum in loud English.

We wander along a second story hallway.

Gothic archways overlook the central courtyard of the castle on our right. There are square benches carved into the wall at intervals under each window, facing each other, and for a moment I imagine conversations that might have occurred centuries ago in this corridor between guards, servants, or clerics. Elmira, who hasn’t said much so far, is perched on one of the stone benches, gazing down into the courtyard, seeming for the moment like a moody Russian princess. Although the surrounding gothic architecture is very pleasant, the courtyard itself is marred by a hulking silver sculpture, a sort of shiny tree made out of two-dimensional metal panels. Geometric and floral shapes of the same brilliant material hang irregularly from the sculpture.

“My god,” I breathe. “That is fuck ugly.”

We turn left into an inner room, where I expect to see some medieval art or weaponry on display, but find instead a cavernous hall filled with large, fluorescent-coloured canvasses. A sign informs me that these, along with the metallic mess outside, form a collection by the artist Stefan Szczesny with the eye-roll inducing title of Métamorphoses Méditerranéennes, on display in the Palais. The paintings universally depict fruit, or multiple lounging naked women, or formless blobs, or a combination of the three. All are painted in clashing fluorescent tones, slapped on the canvas with what appears to be an oversized brush, or perhaps the artist’s fingers. One massive piece is quite clearly a poor imitation of Picasso’s Guernica, complete with screaming horse’s head. In many, the faceless female figures loll across each other in vaguely sexual poses. Merlin points to a particularly saucy number that depicts three bigbootied female forms locked in a complex love triangle, hanging above a wide stone platform.

“Jesus, I think that’s an altar.”

We go into the next room, then the next.

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The paintings continue. Finally, we follow a passageway to the roof of the fortress and wander around the battlements for a time. We pose single-file on some stairs and take a picture, pretending we’re in a retro sitcom. Merlin and I stand up in a tower and the girls get a kick out of pretending that they’re taking our wedding photos. I descend and meet Hiren’s eye. I sigh. “Everyone that laboured to build this castle is spinning in their mass graves.”

The group wants to get a photo of all of us, so I flag down a passing middle-aged couple.

“Pardon, est-ce que je peux vous déranger pour nous aider avec une photo?”

The man blinks twice at me then bellows, “WHAAAT?”

I wish I could just say that everyone on the bridge has the Sur le Pont d’Avignon song stuck in their heads, but it is worse than that. The crowd of tourists, back at the gift shop of the Palais, the majority of whom would be headed to the Pont next, all have the song stuck in their heads. The shop is positively shaking with everyone mumbling it to themselves. The entire group of us is furiously humming it for the fifteen-minute walk from the castle to the bridge. Worse still, Isra has absolutely no concept of melody and is now singing to herself “Sur le Pont d’Avignon, on y danse, on y danse” on repeat, with a completely different melody and rhythm each time, such that gradually “d’Avignon” has morphed insanely into “de Avignon.” Standing now in the gatehouse of the Pont, I see a number of informative plaques. Torn down initially by the invading Louis VIII, the medieval stone bridge was rebuilt many times and destroyed finally by a flood in 1669. Of the original 22, 4 arches now jut forlornly out into the River Rhône. The plaques do not seem to explain why a half of a bridge became so famous. Behind me, Isra is skipping and shouting,

“Sur le Pont! De Avignon! On y danse! On y danse!”

“Look,” says Hiren. “This plaque’s about the history of the song.”

“Oh good. That should give me some much needed context.”

Zu and I peer into the shell of what used to be a mini chapel on one side of the bridge. The space, about the size of a single university dorm room, has been emptied of any humanly objects 12 absynthe magazine

long ago, with just a depression for an altar and torch-holders to hint at its former purpose. Despite the railing restricting our entry, every stone surface inside is now covered, down to the last inch, in graffiti.

“Look Zaf, that bit there is signed by Canadians.”

“Hey, what do you know.”

“It’s kind of demonic, now, like this. Don’t you think?”

“Yeah, the graffiti’s creepy. Would make a really cool desktop background, probably.”

Back at the apartment, Isra stays up with me so she can wish me a happy birthday at midnight. I have a bottle of Montalcour to myself and she passes the time by showing me a Buzzfeed article she found about the secrets that all hijabi girls have in common. Then she surprises me by saying,

“Zaf, I didn’t see you smoke all day.”

“Oh, uh… I guess I haven’t in about two days.”

“Are you quitting?”

I pour myself some more wine. “I wouldn’t say that… I smoke when I’m at a party. I just haven’t felt like it in two days.”

I see on her Mac that it’s midnight. I am twenty years old.

“I got you something. It’s really small.”

She pulls out a white paper bag. Inside is a round metal gadget the size and shape of a pocket-watch. On the front is a miniature of a painting of the Pont d’Avignon. I click a button to open the lid and a small leaf-shaped metal piece flips out.

“That’s to hold your cigarette. It’s a little powtable ashtray!” She attempts to speak the last two words in a Southern accent.

“Isra, it’s great! Thanks a lot!” I stand to accept her hug. “And your accent is coming along …nicely.”

“Thank yew. Ah do try.” She looks at me through her eyelashes. “Whatchoo lookin’ at, Willis?”

I groan and take another swig of wine. ■

How To Make 30 Cheap, Healthy, and Delicious Burritos (that you can freeze!)

I

Jack Smye

f you’re reading this, you’re probably a student.

If you’re a student, you’re probably broke like me. If you’re broke like me, you probably don’t eat very well. It’s a vicious reality. You probably also suffer from food laziness; you hate to cook or simply don’t have the time (especially during those god-forsaken essay months). You probably also hate doing dishes (who doesn’t, amirite?).

Anyhow, have no fear. With the following instructions, you’ll find yourself able to make 30 burritos in one go. That’s right, 30 (somewhat) healthy burritos that you can freeze and zap anytime you have a hankering. The best part? You can cook them on a paper towel! (or right on the microwave plate if you don’t care about those type of things).

The other best part? They’re actually delicious and filling! The other, other best part? Cheap, you can make 30 of these babies for like 40$ or something. That’s like lunch for a month. A dollar a day. Bam. Anyhow, here we go.

First step is to get your lazy ass to the grocery store. You’re looking for 5 things: Tortilla shells (3 packs of 10), 3-4lbs of ground beef (or whatever replacement you can think of if you’re a vegetarian - Tofu? I don’t know). One box of minute rice (get the brown stuff, come on, it’s good for you. On that note, get the whole wheat tortilla shells too), around 2000ml of salsa (hot of course), and finally, a large brick of your preferred cheese (the only option here is old).

Since you are buying in bulk, it’s best to try and time this during the sales. Also, get the knockoff tortilla shells. They’re like 2$ for 10 and they’re

just as good. Same goes with the salsa. Looking at 7$ for the cheese, 4$ for the rice, 12$ for the salsa, 14$ for the beef, and 8$ for the wraps. If you catch the sales (on beef in particular), you’ll be spending under 40. I go to Freshco, but this is all cheaper at no frills (too far from home for this guy).

Anyhow, you got your shit. How are you going to turn it into 30 delicious burritos you may ask? Well, let me tell yeah. First point of order is the rice – You’re going to need 4 cups while it’s dry, and you’re going to need to get that shit cooking because it’s going to take like 20 minutes. Oh yeah, I forgot to mention the other, other, other best part! You can get these done in like an hour (if you’re good like me – but I’ve also done this like 6 times now). Also make sure you’re doing this in the biggest pot you have. Anyways, rice is cooking. At the same time, you’re gonna want to get that beef on the pan. Unless you have a giant pan, this is probably going to take a couple rounds. It’s totally worth it though, trust me, I’m a doctor. By the way, I maybe should have mentioned that there’s a certain level of multi-tasking required for this. I have faith in you though. The next step, while cooking the rice and the beef, is to get that entire block of cheese grated. This really is the best part because you can eat the cheese as you go. It’s win-win (but don’t eat too much, otherwise your burritos will suffer).

So, by now, you should have a block of grated cheese, 3-4lbs of cooked beef, and like 8 cups of cooked rice. What now? Well, isn’t it ob absynthe magazine 13

vious? Mix that all up! You might need a bigger pot, when I’m doing a batch, I remove my sock drawer and mix it all up in there – but to each their own. I never really realized how gross that is until I just typed that. Ew. Back on topic, don’t forget to add the salsa! All of it, everything you bought at the store (minus the shells) are going into this delicious concoction. At this point, you’re pretty well there and should have a pot of deliciousness.

Feel free to add any spices or sauces, this is your baby now.

When it’s all done, get ready to wrap. It’s a little time-consuming, but I just throw the TV on and have-at-er. You’ll get into a rhythm and start flying through it. Trust me. The tricky part here is proportioning, I might have a knack for this because mine always come out pretty well even (obviously some will be fuller than others), but a safe bet is to use your average ladle as a portion. If you have leftovers at the end, eat up. If you have to many shells, throw something else in them. You’ll figure it out, I have faith.

At this stage, you should have in your possession 30 plump and delicious burritos. You did it, and I’ve never been more proud of you. But

what do you do with these, you say? Sandwich baggies! You can get a hundred for like a buck.

Wrap each one up individually, throw them in a grocery bag and put them in the freezer. BAM. You did it. You now have 30 meals at the ready.

For cooking, throw one in the microwave for 3 minutes and enjoy! No hassle, no mess, and you can throw one of these little suckers in your pack and take them wherever. No more crappy cafeteria food, no more store-bought crappy hot-pocket things that are loaded with preservatives, chemicals and god only know what else. You have a nice, healthy burrito and you know exactly what’s in it. Worth it? You bet your ass it is.

Tune in next issue and I’ll show you how to do this same process with breakfast burritos (sooooo good). ■

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SHORT STORY CONTEST 2015 750-1100 Words

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Must include these words: flummoxed, osculate, tautology, urbane, desultory

So You’ve Won NaNoWriMo…Now What?

Amanda Ferreira

H

undreds of thousands of writers participate in National November Writing Month every year, with thousands more signing up for the Young Writers Program. Some write for fun, some write for glory, but most—I feel it safe it say—write with the dream of one day being published. So congratulations! You’ve finished your 50,000 word novel in 30 days, officially ‘winning’ NaNoWriMo. But now what?

If your first thought is to email your manuscript off to HarperCollins without so much as a second glance, let me save you the trouble; 99 times out of 100, your work will be outright rejected. And if that foresight isn’t enough to dissuade you, let me add that if you ever decide to resubmit your manuscript to HarperCollins, or if your future literary agent ever tries to pitch your work to a specific editor working there, you’ll forever be haunted by your botched first attempt. So take my word for it: it’s not worth it.

What does that mean, then, for you and your manuscript? If you can’t just email it off to every publishing house under the sun, how in the world are you supposed to get published?

Before I even begin trying to tackle the enormity of that question, there’s a more important one that you need to answer first. What exactly does ‘being published’ mean to you? Be honest now.

Is your dream to have an e-book? To self-publish (re: paying a company to print your book)? Or is the traditional route and Penguin Random House

all you want?

These options, of course, cover only a few of the publishing options available to you, and what if you write poetry? Screenplays? Essays?

For the sake of simplicity, let me put it like this: for those of you who write fiction and are hoping to get traditionally published, this is roughly how everything works.

First, if you’re moving directly from your NaNoWriMo project to looking for publication, you need to realize two things: one, that you book needs editing, and two, that you book may need a safer word count.

I’d offer advice for the editing of your first draft, and second and third and fourth and fifth and sixth draft, but everyone approaches editing somewhat differently. Whatever your method, edit until there’s not a single word left that you would change, because if you plan on approaching a literary agent or acquisitions editor with your work, you really only have one shot. Make it count.

Alright, now you’ve been working for a few months. Your book is beautiful, you’re within the ‘safe-zone’ for word-count (if you’re not sure what that number is for you, then Writers’ Digest offers a pretty general estimate for most fiction genres and audience levels http://www.writersdigest.com/editor-blogs/guide-to-literary-agents/ word-count-for-novels-and-childrens-books-thedefinitive-post), and you’ve backed up your work so many times you’ve lost count. What’s the next

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step? tial. So your advance? Maybe a thousand dollars.

Keeping in mind that a literary agent is not Maybe nothing at all. right for everyone, my suggestion is still to con- Now, a literary agent works strictly on comsider looking into one. But what can an agent do mission. Every time you make a dollar, your agent for you, you ask? For one thing, they can pitch gets 15%. That might seem like a lot to some, but your manuscript to editors you would otherwise ignore your six-figure dreams right now. Let’s say not have access too, namely those at larger pub- your advance is $5000 (that’s roughly the average lishing houses (these editors usually state in their for a debut novel). Of that $5000, you keep $4250, submission guidelines that they do not accept leaving your agent with a whooping $750 for what non-agented submissions). Another advantage could have been years of hard, tireless work. to an agent is their ability to negotiate a contract Another thing you may want to consider, for you. Do you want a bigger advance? Do you when working with a small or medium press, is want to retain your foreign publication rights? Do the fact that most of them accept unsolicited subyou not understand any of the legal jargon in your missions (re: submissions they didn’t ask for). Of seventy-eight page contract? This, my friends, is course, having an agent means more than just what a literary agent is for. having someone pitch your work on your behalf,

But, let’s say, for example, you want to but if you don’t plan on making use of their conpublish with a small or medium publisher. You find nections, maybe going it alone is worth a shot? a press online that’s based in the States some- One way or another, let’s say, for the sake of this where, the staff is example, that yes, small and seems “Don’t misunderstand: an advance is not free you want to work well-coordinated, money. All it means is that once your book is with an agent. Where and hey, as a small- published, you’ll have to earn back whatever exactly can you find er press, you know amount your advance was before you ever one? they can promise Personally, I see another royalty cheque.” you more control believe the two best over your work than what any larger publisher resources are The Guide to Literary Agents, pubever could. Should you still try to find an agent? lished annually by Writers’ Digest, and agentque The answer, in all fairness, is maybe. There ry.com. Both essentially provide the same inforare, of course, some agents out there who spe- mation, but there are distinct advantages to each; cialize in selling specifically to small- or medium- in essence, The Guide will provide you with comsized publishing houses, and maybe the idea of mentary on an agent’s genre preferences, inforworking through a contract on your own intimi- mation on the agency they work for, links to their dates you. And that’s fine. But one thing you might personal blog, notes on recent projects they’ve want to consider is how unlikely it is that you’ll sold, submission guidelines, etc., while agentmake much of an advance. query.com will list genre preferences, submission

An advance, for those who don’t know, is information, and, if you’re lucky, not terribly outshort for ‘an advance against royalties’, and is es- dated ‘recent’ sales. So, what’s my advice? I’d sentially a way for a publisher to say, “I think your recommend using agentquery.com first (since it’s book is going to make about $10,000 in royalties, free!), just to generate your initial list of possible so we’re offering you some of that money right agents, then afterwards I’d suggest following-up now.” Don’t misunderstand: an advance is not with The Guide (which costs about $40), crossfree money. All it means is that once your book referencing all the agents on your list to make is published, you’ll have to earn back whatever sure your information is accurate and up-to-date. amount your advance was before you ever see So now you have a list of, let’s say, two another royalty cheque. So, in the case of a small- dozen agents, and you’ve made sure each one er publishing house, they assume that, in all likeli- represents your genre. Maybe you’ve rated them, hood, they’ll probably break even on your book. from highest profile to lowest profile, or from ‘best Maybe you’ll get a few small royalty cheques, but fit’ to ‘fit that’s close enough’. Whatever your you definitely won’t be making anything substan- strategy, you have a list. Now what?

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Hopefully, while you were going about of submissions, new agents, more waiting. If over your research, you took note of what each liter- half of the agents request more material (which ary agent’s submission guidelines were. Most, if would usually be a partial—that being half your not all, should ask for a query letter, but some book) but then less than half of those agents ask may also ask for sample chapters or a synopsis. for a full (you entire manuscript), then it’s your The latter two of those things should be relatively novel that needs work. Read over your manuself-explanatory, but what’s a query letter? Very script again. What have the agents suggested? Is simply, it’s a letter that tells an agent six things: there anything you can fix? the title of your novel, your novel’s word count, But! Let’s say you get eight requests for your novel’s genre, your novel’s audience, your partials and four requests for fulls. What now? novel’s general plot (no spoilers!), and your per- Assuming all four agents don’t end up sonal information. As a rule of thumb, a query let- passing on your work, or all save one, you now ter shouldn’t be more than a page long, so that get to make your choice. Which agent seems the means, yes, you have roughly 350-450 words to most enthusiastic about your work? Which one tell an agent what your “Keeping in mind that the average literary agent promises to pitch book is about, who your work to the takes about 4-6 weeks to reply to a query, this you are, and why they most publishers? might be a good time to start on your next novel. should be flying to the Is there one in parOr not. “ phone to demand your ticular you feel you full manuscript. If that ‘click’ with more sounds impossible, don’t worry—there are thou- than the others? sands of resources online and in print with help- Once you’ve made your selection, conful advice about how to write a good query letter, gratulations! Now you have an agent representthe best of which, in my opinion, can all be found ing your work. But there’s one problem: having an through Writers’ Digest (check out their website!). agent doesn’t guarantee you’ll get published.

So now you have a beautiful manuscript, I know. I know. You went through all that a captivating query letter, several individually trouble to find and query an agent, but after years prepared submission packages (do not send out of work, they might not even sell your book? I’m mass emails! Make you sure you address each sorry to say it, but sadly, that’s just a reality of agent specifically, and if you do send out more the business. So what’s next? E-book publishing? than one query at a time—which I would recom- Self-publishing? A new agent? A new novel? mend—don’t forget to mention that), and a list of Or not. Let’s just imagine the best case literary agents whom you’re confident will all love scenario, shall we? your novel. You’re nearly there! The next step is So you have an agent. They start querystart sending out your queries. But no more than ing editors, in much the same way you once queten at a time! And now you wait. ried for an agent. A few show interest, then a few

Keeping in mind that the average literary more. Your book goes to auction, and a several agent takes about 4-6 weeks to reply to a query, publishing houses bid on your book for the right this might be a good time to start on your next to publish it (Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s novel. Or not. Whatever you do to pass the time, Stone went for over $110,000 at auction, but that and assuming you’re not the odd exception (one is in no way the average). Then, suddenly, your way or the other), you should start hearing back agent calls you with the news: there’s a contract within six week’s time. Make note of responses. in the mail, and it’s got your name written all over How many of the ten asked for more of your nov- it.

And that’s it. That’s literally it. el? How many outright rejected you? How many

Now you can break out the champagne. ■ offered criticism? How many didn’t reply at all?

The rule of thumb is pretty straightforward: if half of the agents you queried or less request more material, your query letter needs work. So back to the drawing board; new query, new group

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