My Creative Thoughts

Introduction toCreative PWriting ortfolio

ByAnne Castillo

Unexpected Lovers

My heart is racing. My cheeks feel so warm.

I feel that you just might feel the same way that I do The feeling of being so comfortable, yet so nervous What if you do, what if you don’t? My childhood dreams might be coming true. There is no way. But maybe there is Excitement to another extent. I don’t know how long I’ve been feeling like this

Am I really good enough for you?

It's time that I let you know how I actually feel Kindergarten for any child is a year of play and joy. For me, this is when I met you I knew above all you were my new friend. Listening to all of my quirky side comments in classAgreeing with them so nonchalantly. But then, feels started to change

But why?

I was just your friend, right? Right? You didn’t like me, did you? That’s gross, no. Why would you make an effort to make sure I was feeling happy every single day? I remember all of the girls on the playground were chasing you except for me.

It all began to feel real whenever I would purposefully get in the back of the line whenever you were assigned to be the door holder. When you were the first in the water line to get a sip after class, I was somehow always right behind you I was a magnet to you. Was this weird? No, you ’ re my friend That’s all

All I wanted to do was hang out with the teachers on the playground benches But everyone else was busy sweating and waiting for the next round of tag to start I was the ideal nerdy kid

Why did I want to be around you but did not want to be around you all at once? I “hated” you but also “liked you a little bit”

Unexpected Lovers (continued)

My mom and his mom share laughs and smiles. Never really “forced” us to hangout or be around each other Constantly worrying if they are secretly teaming up to try to get us together Why are they trying to do that?

Does that mean that something is there?

I suddenly wanted to analyze how the two versions of you compare. Your friendly demeanor around our family at Berryhill, to the "I let my guard down" type of laugh that you revealed in my living room.

Even though Middle School seemed so long, I could tell We were changing Your smiling eyes get bigger Your voice changed...

All of a sudden, that day you answered that question that Mr. Velez asked in History class, it was almost like you were a new person You began playing sports I did as well.

I remember in High School, I was parked outside in your driveway just hoping to catch a casual conversation on the way home So excited to see me

It’s always raining when we have intense moments. Are we the only people alive?

Maybe it’s just me Maybe I’m creating a fantasy

I am a Pisces after all So are you

In College, you were began to open up Speaking to me about your feelings. A past relationship you had been in she was the worst for you and I knew it. They always are.

I wish he could just see what I could see Those big, beautiful hazel eyes glisten as your smile stretches so elegantly across your dimpled cheeks.

Okay, you did everything. I get it, you ’ re athletic. I cheered for you a little louder than I did everyone else at the football games

For some reason, I felt the need to protect you I tried to wear makeup to impress you, but I’m pretty sure you didn’t even notice

I cut and styled my hair so many ways, and tried curly, straight, and wavy ways, but nothing seemed to work.

What should I do differently?

I always get so caught up in what you are saying You mean every word that comes out of your mouth. But it's not only this instance that got me thinking, That one hug that lasted what felt like a lifetime changed how I viewed you You know exactly what hug it was.

During the hug, I closed my eyes and was brought back to my childhood my safe haven Now, You feel like home. He never has to do anything extreme to make me feel something So, I just thought I'd tell you. Please understand.

CHANGE IS NOT ALWAYS THE BEST

Theroomwasquiet,staleeven.Thewallswere paintedwhitewithstandardhospitalbluecouches, andleatherpatterningonthecushionsmadeevery moveofthepersonsittingonthemmoredramatic. Everythingwasuncomfortable.Beepingnoises blareddownthehalls.Otherwomendownthehall screaminginpainofnaturallabor.Echoestravel fartherthaneveryonethinks.Eagerlywaitingforthe news,anewmotherandfatherawaithowtheirbaby girlisdoinginrecovery.

Themother,Pamela,a26 year oldwomanwithhigh hopesthateverythinggoeswell,whilethefather, Laurenzo,a28-year-oldmanstringsalongevery contraction-waitingforeverythingtobeover.Sweat dropletsploppeddownfromthemother’sface,while thefather’swholebodyturnedpale.Anticipation provestobeanideathatcontrolstheirminds.They bothwanttospeak,butnothingissaidorsignaled. Theywantedthisthough,whateverittookinorder tobringnewlifeintotheworld,together.

Thebaby’sbirthhadbeenrightontime onedaybeforeValentine’sDay. Itwasagoodday,butlabortook14hoursuntilthebabyhadarrived.As thebabywaspreppedandwashedforherparentstoseeher,the parentsheardaknockontheirpost-operationroom.Dr.Gonzalez peaksintothedoorandremarks,“Hi-Ihavesomenewsregardingher physicalhealth…..it’sjustthat .”Pamelaabruptlyinterrupts,“Donot saywhatIthinkyouaregoingtosay…Doesshehaveadis ”“Lethim speak!”Laurenzoyells.“ShewillnotbeabletoseecolorlikeyouandIdo. Achromatopsia,tobeexact.

Thiscanbeachallenge..Shewillfeelasenseofseparationfromtherest duringhereducationaljourney itwillbeinterestingtoseehowshe perceivestheworld.Shewillhaveaverylargeinfluenceontheworld aroundher.Remember,shecanonlyseeinblack,white,andgrayscales.” Pamelagroanedandstartedtotearup,“Idon’tknowwhy-thisis,noone inmyfamilyhasanything……likethis-whatashame.”Laurenzo, hangingonhershoulder,bracedherwhileshebrokedownand muttered,“Estonoesalgonegativo,esunabenedición.”“Shewillnot knowwhowereallyare shewillnotknowhowherpeoplelook,¿Sabrá ellasobresucultura?”,Pameladefended.Bitinghisnailsinhopeanda runningmind,Laurenzosighedandendedtheconversation,“Thisis somethingtobethankfulfor,justyouwait,love.”

From that moment on, each one of the family members kept a journal full of their racing thoughts. However, they did not know that they were all keeping their feelings to themselves enclosed in white pages with differing textures and styles. Each of their perspectives and personalities tells a different story but reveals more about a new reality regarding the world and environment they are living in and wish to change. Even if they did record their feelings at different times, the world seemed to affect their feelings towards each other simultaneously.

Avelina9/07/2001

Hey, I’mfeelinganxious,butthenagain,whenamInot?Iknowthisisthe rightmove.I’moldenoughnowtothinkaboutthismatterandabout thesethings Igotthis,right?Whatever,I’mtwenty somethingyears old,sothelongerIwait,themoretimeIamwasting.Nowisthetime toact.Ineedtogetoutofhere.Ineedtousemyimpairmentsforthe betterandchallengetheworldwithmyperspective. Therealityis…peoplearedifferentcolors.Theirskin thelevelsof melanin.Thingsaredifferentcolors.Colordoesnotexistforme.Ido nothavethisability thissensethateveryoneelsehas.Insteadof seeingcolors,Iseeemotion-ifthatmakessense. WheneverIseesomeone,Ilookatthewaythattheirfaceexpresses differentemotionsgoingoninsideoftheirheads.Iseethewaythey reacttochallenges,toothersdisagreeingwiththem,thewaythey laugh,cry,etc.Iseethewaytheirhairshapestheirfacesandtheway theirsmilelinesform.Iseethewaytheireyesmovebackandforthto concentrate.Iobservethewaytheywalkandhowtheirbodytakes movement.Iseethewaytheyloveeachotherandlookforsignsof interestandbodylanguage.

TherewerecountlesssituationswhenIwasgrowingup,especially whenIwasfirstplacedintoschoolotherchildrenwouldtellmethatI wastoolightandquestionwhymyskinwasnot“thatolivetonedor darkerthanmostpeoplelikeme”Whatdoesthisevenmean?Inmy eyes,everyonewasthesame.Noonewasdifferentasfarasthelooks oftheirskin everythingwas“grayscaled”,Iwastold.

Igrewupinthemiddleofnowhere,practically.Brazilwastheplaceto be.Thethingis,Ilovethat.Ilovelivinginnature,practically.Waking upandimmediatelygetthechancetoimmersemyselfin hardworkingindividualsIseeonthestreets.Thestreetsare comparabletothoseyouseeinmovies-theonesyouwouldpicture beingstuckbecausepeoplearetryingtogetbybutphysicallycannot becausetheyareshoulder to shoulderwithcarshonkinginthe background,whileeveryone’smindraceswiththoughtsthatthey arelatefortheirnextshiftatwork.MaybeI’mtooobservant,or maybeI’mhyper-aware,Idon’treallycareeitherway-it’sthewayI wasraised noticeeverything,butbequietwiththeinformationyou havereceived,orelse.

Momwillhavethingstosay,butwhomamIkidding,thisliving situationspeaksforitself.Theshambledshackweliveinpairedwith theprepared,coldmealsfromthegovernmentmaking,whywerewe doingthisstill?Momsaiditwouldbeallbetter,butshewouldhaveto pickupthreemorejobs.Dadwasgone.Thingsweredifferent.Iheld theresponsibilitytokeepthisfamilygluedtogether.It’salotona persontobethesingleelementthatkeepsthetitle“family”alive Ijust can'tdoitanymore. Ithinkit’stimeforsomeclarity.WherewillIgo?Somewhere

BeingamotherissomethingIneverexpected.Letmerephrasethat it wasnotsomethingthatIwasexpectingtobesoearly.IstillfeellikeI havemoretolearn moretoexperience.Havingchildrengrowupina similarenvironmentthatIdidwasneverthegoal. Igrewupfromabsolutelynothing.Thewaythatwearelivingnowis onestepclosertothebiggergoal-thedream.Piauiwasmyhome,but wasit?Tome,itwasaluxury.Itwasapleasuretoliveinaplacewith suchnaturalbeauty.Myfavoritepartofthecountrywouldhaveto bethemealsIwouldfindonthestreetsmadewithnatural ingredients.

Theland,eventhoughIdidnothaveanythingatthebeginningofmy life,wasabsolutelybeautiful-sofulfilling. Aloneformostofmylife,Ilivedonthestreetsofthevillages.Iwould walkfromareatoarea,notbecauseIwastryingtofindmoneyor lookforsomewheretostay butbecauseIfeltthedesiretotravel whereverIwantedto.Iworemybrownpotato-sackofadresswith smallembroideredmulticoloredflowersliningthebottomrims,my hairinabraidedponytail,andasilverplatednecklacemymomgave meatbirth.Mymindwassetonthediscovery,andnothingelse mattered.WhenIwouldwalkby,barefoot,everyonewouldlookat mewithdisgustingfaces-almostasiftheyhadbetterthingstodo thanme.Whywasthat Iwondered.Iwasnotbotheringthemor tryingtoimposeontheirlives-sowhatwaswrong?Iwasnotstupid, butIknewthatsomethinghadtochangeinmylife. Iwantedtobeworthy.

Ihadtowork,somehowandinsomeway.Ihadtomakemoney-Iwas financiallydesperate.ThepeoplethatIlivedwithforworkturnedout tobemyfamily theywerethepeopleIdependedonthemost Iguess youcouldsay.Inevertoldthemanyofmydeepestthoughts,or secrets,oraboutanyofmylittlequirks.Theywouldalwaysask butI wouldneverletanyofthemintomypersonallife-Ididnoteverwant toknowthemlikethat,butIstartedoverhearingthemdiscussing witheachother,soIpickedupontheirsocialtendenciesandtheway thattheytreatpeople.Iwasnevergoingtoletanyoneinofficially. ThatwasapactthatIwantedtomakeformyself.

Thishousewasamess symbolicallyandliterally.Thingswere everywhere mythoughtscouldnotrunanyfaster.Ihatedthis.I hatedliving.Everythingissoroutine.ImeanitwhenIsayhate,too.I didnotknowhowtodeal.Icouldnotsupportmyselfwithany means-sohowwasIsupposedtosupportafamily?

EversinceIhadtriedtobeaspositiveasIcouldbeforbothPamela andAvelina,thingshavetakenanextremetollonme.Also,Ihadjust lostmysmallgrocerystoreintheinnercity thegovernment(or whatwasleftofit)wastearingitdowntobuildanofficebuildingof somekind.Ihategentrification.Thethingis howisthiscitybeing gentrifiedifithasnoroomtodoso?Icouldgoonforever-thereis somuchtofix.Mydaughter'seyesdonotwork,Idon'twork,and mywifehatesme.Ourrelationshipstartedoffsowell,butnowasI thinkitover Imightbedreamingofbeingaloneforever.Inever wanttofixanyofit,though.Iwouldrathersitonsomeissues ratherthandealwiththemhead-on.

Themomentwhenmydaughters’voicesmademyearsgoinwards andmyteethbegantoclinchwasthesignalthatIneededtogo.It wasnotannoyance,itwaspureanger.Icouldnotrealizewhatit was-theimmaturitytheyhadorthelackofrespecttheyhad towardstheirculture.Whentheywereyounger,Itriedtoteach themeverydaySpanish,buteachwordwouldnotstickintheir brains.Itriedtodressthemacertainwaythatwouldhonortheir Hispanicheritage,butalltheywantedtodowasbeontheirphones anddresslikegirlsintheU.S.Thetypicaloutfitthattheywould wearwouldbethetiniestcamisayoucouldeverimaginepaired withtheshortestpantalonescortos.

GrowingupineasternAmapa,itwasculturallyknowntobeacity withnotmuchofanything.Iwasusedtobeingthebreadwinnerat anearlyage myownfathermadeusgetsmalljobsintheouter cities’farmlands.MymotherpassedawaywhenIwas4,somy femininesideisalmostnonexistent.MyheartiscoldandIknowit, honestly,Ithinkitisbetterthatway.Idon’tseetheneedfor compassionorsympathyinthisworldandinthislifetime.Itistime toworkanddealwithissueshead-on.It’stimetoventureoffand findmyself.It’stimetoleave.Iwalkouttheslinging,loud creaking doorandhoponthenearesttraintoanotherunknown.

Ihavebeenjournalingtoeasemyanxiousmind.Anythingtocalmmedown.I can'tseethisenvironmentaroundme,noneofthisisnormalorfamiliartome.I hatethefeelingofbeinghighuporofftheground.Whatisfamiliarishome,andI amfarfromit.Allofthesepeoplelookthesameonthisplane,everyoneis wearingthesamething.Therearethesementhatkeepwalkingaroundand gettingup,theylookkindofstrange,though.

TheCreationofMyPortfolio

Beingcreativehasalwaysbeenoneofmystrongestqualitiesasahuman being Throughwriting,Ihavebeenabletoletgobutalsodiscovermany thingsabouttheworldaroundmeandthewayIreacttocertainthingsor emotions However,Ialwayshadabitofastruggleholdingontocreative tendenciesasIgrowolderandexperiencemoreofastructurededucation style.Fromwritingacademicpaperstocompletingdetailedlabreports,I havenotbeenabletousemycreativeabilitiesasmuchasIwouldliketo Enrollinginthiscoursespecifically,IrealizedInowhadachancetodojust that

Thissemester,ItriedmybesttorevisethepiecesthatIcreated,butittook time BetweentryingthedifferentformssuchasPoetry,Fantasy,Non fiction,andFiction,IknewwhichspecificareaswhereIwascomfortable writing,butalsosurprisedmyselfwithallofthenewtechniquesIwasable towritewith Learninghowtousemyownpersonalwritingstyleandmarry itwiththesespecificstylesofwritingwasdifficult,tosaytheleast.I struggledatthebeginningwithtryingtofigureoutwhatexercisesneededto bedoneinorderformetochangesmallorbigdetailstocreatesomething new Immersingmyselfinnewclassactivities,Dr Westgavemethe opportunitytopryoutnewideasfrommymindwithaseriesofwriting exercises Thewritingexercisethatbroughtoutthemostwouldhavetobe mindmapping Comingfromanex Biologymajor,Iwouldusuallytake notesinbulletformandcondensemywords Mindmappingallowedmeto embracewhatIalreadyfeltcomfortablewithandreallypeelotherthings thatIcouldmentionwithinstories

Usedinmanydifferentways,“beingcreative”canmeanmanydifferent ideasorformsofexpression.Dancing,painting,fashion,andmusic,arejust someofthewaysthatpeoplearecreativeintheireverydaylives Forme, beingcreativecomesinmanydifferentforms Sometimes,Iwanttodressa certainwaytofullyexpressmyselforthewaythatIfeel,sometimesIfeel theneedtopaintordrawwhenIfeelanxious,andsometimesIwantto listentomusicand/orcreateplaylistsonSpotifywheneverI’mbored Creativityisnotonlyanoutletbutaskill Itcanbeusedthroughouta person’slife withtheuseofAdobeIllustrator,Canva,Instagram/ MarketingOpportunities,LinkedIn,etc Wecanuseasenseofcreativityto portrayourselvestoothersinanoccupationalsettingandintheprofessional world Withtechnologyguidingtheway,itisessentialforalltolearnhow tomaximizetheircreativitythroughcertainapplicationstocarefullyportray thewaytheywanttobeviewedbytheirhigher upssothattheycan succeed Inadditiontohavingasuccessfulcareer,creativitycanalsohelp outwithmentalhealth,guidingthosetorelievetheiranxiousminds.Items suchascoloringbooks,puzzles,andbookreadingcanhelpthemindbe stimulated

Allofthesethingsconsidered,creativityisessentialtohumanhealthand shouldbehighlightedinearlylevelsofeducationtopromotenotonlya healthierlifestylebutasuccessfullifestyleaswell

The end.