And Gracen Makes Heartland News Three by Adam Kopfman Hate Crime in Iowa City, Iowa
Jeremy Nelson, Gracen, and Adam Kopfman. Each February, the ACCESSline focuses on promoting resources for LGBT families. (See this month’s promotion on page 19.) Our families come in all shapes and sizes, and this year we have the pleasure of sharing the story of one Iowa family that recently grew by one. In 2013, Adam Kopfman and Jeremy Nelson adopted their son, Gracen, through the services of LifeLong Adop-
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A University of Iowa student faces up to five years in prison for breaking a man’s jaw last September. According to an Iowa City police criminal complaint, on Sept. 27, 2013, 20-year-old Shane B. Kelly was walking in the area of Iowa Avenue and Dubuque Street with two friends. Police said Kelly and his friends passed two men walking in the opposite direction. When they passed, Kelly allegedly asked the men if they were gay and an argument ensued, police said. Police said during the argument Kelly hit one of the men in the face. That man’s jaw was broken in two places, had to be surgically repaired and was wired shut for several weeks, police said. Two witnesses identified Kelly as the man who caused the injury. He was arrested and faces one count of assault causing serious injury, a class D felony.
The Family Leader’s “Life, Marriage & Family Rally”
The Family Leader held its annual “Life, Marriage & Family Rally” at the state capitol, Tuesday, January 28th. The
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Fortune Feimster : The Familiar Story of Bullying Charmingly Blunt Interview by Arthur Breur
The Hundred Dresses, performed at Des Moines Community Playhouse. Every generation has to relearn the lesson of bullying, Director Kathy Pingel of the Des Moines Community Playhouse talks about this lesson and others from the production of “The Hundred Dresses”. Based on the book by Eleanor
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Interview by Angela Geno-Stumme
Comedian Fortune Feimster. Could there be one person who embodies both Richard Simmons and Jonah Hill? Yes, and that would be Comedian Fortune Feimster! A full-time writer and performer for the show “Chelsea Lately”, Fortune also performs in the series “After Lately”, was a part of Dave Chappelle’s “Oddball Fest” and was in Jim Belushi’s movie, “The Secret Lives of Dorks”. She has been compared to both Richard Simmons and Jonah Hill but is uniquely Fortune. She will be performing Saturday, February 15th at The Venue in
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Blue Man Group
Interview by Arthur Breur
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What’s Inside:
Section 1: News & Politics
Advertising rates Fighting Against Self by Ryan Sallans Gay Wedding Institute Offering Certification From the Heartland by Donna Red Wing Shrink Rap by Loren A Olson MD Warren’s Words by Warren J. Blumenfeld PITCH Calendar 2013 Minor Details by Robert Minor Remarkables by Jonathan Wilson Ask Lambda Legal by Hayley Gorenberg What is Joy? by Tony Dillon-Hansen Iowan Advocacy by Tami Haught Living as Transgender speech by Ellen Krug
Section 2: Fun Guide
Entertainment Picks for the Month The Innocence of the Blue Man by Arthur Breur Inside Out by Ellen Krug The Project of the Quad Cities Wired This Way by Rachel Eliason Honor Your Body, Honor You by Davey Wavey Iowa’s Gay Weddings by Scott Stevens I.C. Kings present: Homo for the Holidaze! Help LGBT Families Advocacy Ad The Bookworm Sez by Terri Schlichenmeyer Comics and Crossword Puzzle PFLAG - Des Moines Chapter Meeting Cedar Rapids Hometown Heartthrobs
Section 3: Community
3 4 4 5 5 6 6 7 8 8 9 9 10 11 11 12 12 13 13 14 15 19 22 22-23 23 24
FFBC: Anne Starr by Bruce Carr 25 Prime Timers of Central Iowa 25 LGBTQ Patient & Family Education and Support Groups 25 A Church Where Everyone Is Equal by Rev. Trabaris 26 Global Church Advocates for LGBT People in Nigeria 26 Cedar Valley Derby Divas Season Opener 27 Business Directory 28-29 US Proud Pageantry by Joseph Durst 33 ICON’s E&E Ball 2014 Omaha, NE 34 Community Billboard: Classifieds 34 ALPHAs 34
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FEBRUARY 2014
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Section 1: News & Politics SScontinued from page 1
HEARTLAND NEWS organization’s main focus at the 2014 rally was around religious liberty legislation, which could allow public venues and businesses to refuse service to gay and lesbian couples based on personal religious beliefs, despite the fact that the Iowa Civil Rights Act specifically states that it is discriminatory to do so. The Family Leader and its supporters also lobbied for the Iowa Marriage Amendment, a bill that would unfairly exclude gay and lesbian couples from marriage in Iowa.
Missouri man arrested after alleged hate crime
Ryan Langenegger of Omaha, a 22-yearold Marine who is straight, told police he was punched in the face after he peacefully defended two gay friends. He had gone to a drag show with Foo and Jacob Gellinger, 25, who was wearing a dress. After the show, the men headed over to PepperJax in the Old Market. Langenegger said a man gave him and his friends trouble inside the restaurant. He came over to their table and stared at Gellinger. Langenegger and his friends decided to leave. They were followed out of the restaurant by three men who started making derogatory remarks, Langenegger said. Langenegger told the man he and his friends didn’t want trouble and just wanted to go home. The man punched Langenegger in the face, resulting in a gash on his forehead, a bruised eye, bloody nose and two chipped teeth. Duncan, 35, was booked into the Douglas County Jail on suspicion of third-degree felony assault. Since the Oct. 27 incident was investigated as a hate crime, it’s a felony.
Iowa Supreme Court to Hear Appeal of HIV-Positive Man The Iowa Supreme Court granted review of the conviction of Nick Rhoades, an HIVpositive Iowan who was initially sentenced to 25 years in prison and required to register as a sex offender after having a one-time sexual encounter with another man during which they used a condom.
South Dakota Legislature to Protect Refusal of Services on Religious Beliefs
South Dakota is proposing legislature that would protect anyone who refused to participate in gay weddings on account of his/her religious beliefs. If passed, the bills would prevent “clergy or businesses from being forced to perform or supply goods or services to anything related to same-sex marriages.” South Dakota also does not recognize same-sex marriages from other states.
ACCESSline Page 3 spouse after a U.S. Supreme Court ruling last year that struck down part of the Defense of Marriage Act. For some Blue Cross clients, the policy change was automatic. But others, including governments, have the option to keep the old definition, which recognized only spouses who live in a state that legally allows the marriage. The county already extends benefits to same-sex couples if they reside in a state where the marriage is legal, such as Iowa.
Indiana Constitution Amendment for Marriage Definition.
The Indiana House of Representatives passed an amended version of House Joint Resolution 3 on a vote of 57 to 40. It now goes to the Senate for consideration. Should it pass the Senate, voters will be asked to add a “one man, one woman” definition of marriage to the Indiana constitution. Since the amendment’s language has been changed, this likely pushes back the time when this could be on the public ballot from November 2014 to November, 2016.
Transgender Widow Denied Nebraska County Extends Survivor Benefits Benefits to Spouses of Gay Robina Asti, a 92-year-old transgender Employees woman who was denied survivor benefits Sarpy County will extend health insurance benefits to spouses of gay employees who legally married in another state but live in Nebraska. The Sarpy County Board voted 3-2 to provide coverage to legally married same-sex spouses, regardless of their residency. Effective Feb. 1, the coverage is through the county’s health provider, Blue Cross Blue Shield, which changed its definition of a
by the Social Security Administration (SSA) after her husband’s death. The agency denied her benefits after it determined that she was “legally male” at the time of their marriage despite all the legal documents to the contrary. In June 2013, Lambda Legal filed a request for reconsideration on Robina’s behalf. After more than six months, there is still no word from the Social Security Administration.
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ACCESSline Page 4
Section 1: News & Politics
FEBRUARY 2014
Fighting Against Self by Ryan Sallans A Queer Transman’s Journey Away from ED
For people that know me, they may consider me to be a “healthy person” but in reality, most of my adult life I’ve teetered near the point of death, both literally and figuratively. Some might say what pushed me to this point was my battle with an eating disorder. In the past I would have agreed with them, but the more years I put between me and my disorder, the more I feel my poor health was influenced by my battle with myself – the eating disorder just served as the mask. Writing about my mental illness is one of the hardest things to do because I know it is treatable, but not curable. I know that even in recovery, it’s still part of me and affects me to this day. I find myself writing about this topic because when we hear about eating disorders, it is rare for us to hear the stories of males who have, or are, suffering. To add the “trans” label on top of this minority causes it to be almost unspoken, both in person and in research. Many may not know that the week of February 23rd through March 1st has been designated as National Eating Disorders Awareness Week (EDAW), with the theme “I Had No Idea . . .” To prepare for EDAW, the National Eating Disorders Association filmed testimonials at their annual conference last year. I was one of the people chosen to do a testimonial. They sat me down in a chair, set a tiny camera in front of me, and then asked me to start my film by finishing the statement, “I had no idea .
. .” Before I even thought about what would come out of my mouth, the red light on the camera began to blink and I said, “I had no idea . . . that I was a boy . . .” I was born assigned female, and have now transitioned to male. I sometimes wonder if I would have struggled with an eating disorder if I would have known I was transgender as a kid, or even as a teenager. What if I would have been placed on puberty blockers to keep my body from changing into that of an adult woman? What if I would have started on hormones and had surgery to remove my breasts at an earlier age? Would I have still become sick? The answer to that question is most likely yes. No physical change can fix the internal self. We have to heal from the inside out. What needs healing on the inside, is unique for us all. With the turn of the calendar page to a new year, I’m moving closer to nine years of recovery from anorexia. With the time away from the pain that I (and my family) experienced, I am able to look at my life through a new lens. Looking through my old journals and artwork, I understand that my suffering was caused by the fear of not being loved and accepted, both by my family and society at large. Other factors also contributed to my eating disorder (type-A personality, over-bearing father, passive mother, peer influence, genetics, different values than my parents, sexuality, etc . . .) but the one that kept me in my disorder was that I wasn’t allowing self-trust. I wasn’t allowing myself to grow
With the turn of the calendar page to a new year, I’m moving closer to nine years of recovery from anorexia.
Ryan Sallans, Author of Second Son: Transitioning Toward My Destiny, Love and Life. into an independent being. I was basing self-worth on my interpretations of other people’s approval. My recovery from this darkness first required me establishing some physical health so that I wouldn’t pass away, and so that my brain could start functioning properly again. Although it was difficult, establishing physical health was easy compared to accepting that I had to walk away from a life and identity that was not safe, healthy or healing and then sit in a place of discomfort where I couldn’t use my old behaviors to escape. I just had to sit there, and let myself feel that anxiety, fear, frustration and sadness. I had to sit there and ask myself, “What is it that I’m scared of?” For me, that answer came through a moment of looking in the mirror and knowing that I was scared of my sexual
self, who I would be, and how I would be seen if sexuality was allowed into my life. To begin to explore this, I had to set out on another journey that was full of fear, but also exhilaration and excitement: coming out into the lesbian community, and then coming out as transgender. Today I am a queer Transman and also a son, brother, uncle, husband and dad (to four-legged furry children). Through my exploration of my sexual self, I was able to find my full self. As I have mentioned previously, I am now nine years into recovery–and not everything is perfect. I still live with fear. I still have insecurities. I still struggle with body image issues. But I’m learning that if I face what it is that I’m scared of, I’m able to take care of myself. It is a constant battle, but one worth fighting. I had no idea . . . life could be so hard, but also so rewarding when we honor our truths.
30% of lesbian brides entered the ceremony down two aisles or from two different directions • The top three ways same-sex couples find vendors are: 1) Word of mouth. 2) Online LGBT wedding directories. 3) Mainstream wedding directories. Same-sex couples are a lucrative, emerging market that can help grow your business. To reach this powerful market,
you must be ready. You don’t want to lose business or risk offending potential clients! The Gay Wedding Institute will answer these questions and show you how to understand the powerful, emerging gay and lesbian wedding market. Attend the Gay Wedding Certification on March 11, 2014 from 9am-3pm - Lunch Provide. Registration closes on March 1st. Email Kenny@iowasgayweddingplanner. com to register for this event.
Gay Wedding Institute Offering Certification for Businesses In 2009 the historic ruling allowing same sex couples to get married opened a new untapped market in Iowa. Is your company ready for the new market? Can you market your services to gay cliental without alienating your base? All weddings are two people sharing and solidifying their love for each other. But every wedding is different and if you don’t recognize that with same sex weddings you could miss out! The traditional wedding industry is very bride-focused. The forms, contracts and marketing all refer to the “bride and groom,” vendors say “bridal party,” people sit on either the “bride’s side” or “groom’s side.” And most traditional “bridal” magazines portray the norm as one woman and one man. Here are some statistics on same sex weddings: • 84% of gay men and 73% of lesbians are paying for the wedding entirely themselves
•
67% of engaged same-sex couples have the emotional support of their parents • Engaged samesex couples are expecting an average of 80 guests at their wedding • 30% of samesex couples have no attendants/ wedding party 72% specifically want vendors with LGBT inclusive language, and 69% seek vendors with LGBT inclusive photos in marketing. Only 23% of same-sex couples read wedding magazines. Only 42% read wedding blogs. 98% of respondents reported that it was very or somewhat important for them to legally marry 88% of same-sex couples do not have their ceremony in a place of worship 78% of grooms and 59% of lesbians surveyed entered the ceremony space down one central aisle, holding hands.
84% of gay men and 73% of lesbians are paying for the wedding entirely themselves • • • • • •
I believe in [my daughter’s] civil rights, as a mother. I think that my daughter deserves everything that she desires in life. She’s a good girl. She’s a wonderful child. I don’t think God made one color flower. I think He made many. ~Marie Osmond about lesbian daughter and same-sex marriage.
FEBRUARY 2014
Section 1: News & Politics
ACCESSline Page 5
From the Heartland by Donna Red Wing, Executive Director One Iowa Sochi and Radical Acts of Equality
As we approach the upcoming Winter Olympics in Sochi, we are again, of course, reminded that this is a very interesting and dangerous world. The two big Olympic stories on last night’s local news were the extraordinary security measures and the twin toilet stalls. We learned that more than 40,000 law enforcement officers protect the Sochi “Ring of Steel”. Our nation has Navy ships in the Black Sea, ready to be deployed. There is a hunt on for ‘black widows’, female suicide bombers. And Mitt Romney, who presided over the 2002 Winter Olympics in Salt Lake City, has declared the Sochi games “safe”, saying that he would be comfortable sending his family to Sochi. And then there are the toilets—two to a stall—we’ve seen the photos. The American public is horrified. We don’t seem to be talking all that much about the athletes. Nor are we talking about a nation that has, with the help of American pastor Scott Lively, passed homophobic anti-gay propaganda laws. The LGBTQ community is an easy scapegoat; it seems, especially on the world stage of the Olympics. The law, passed last year, makes it illegal for any public discussion or display of the rights and relationships of LGBTQ people in any
place or space where children may hear or see such displays. What does that mean? Rainbow flags? Holding hands? A conversation on equality? For such acts against the state, Russians can be fined. Non-Russians can be deported. The Russian people are squarely behind the policy, according to a survey by Pew Research, with 75% believing that homosexuality should not be accepted by society. The new policy and the rhetoric around it have ignited escalating harassment and violence against LGBT community members. And the Olympics are just days away. There are some who would boycott the games, believing that participating would be complicity. And others, eager to engage, call for, as Billie Jean King said, “a John Carlos moment”, referring to the black-gloved fist in Mexico City in 1968. President Obama responded by including ‘out’ athletes Billie Jean King, Brian Boitano and Caitlin Cahow in his Sochi delegation. The President said, as he announced the delegation, “I think the delegation speaks for itself…The fact that we have got folks like Billie Jean King or Brian Boitano, who themselves have been world-class athletes that everybody acknowledges for their excellence, but
also for their character, who also happen to be members of the LGBT community, you should take that for what it’s worth.” Even Putin, in recent back pedaling television interviews, spoke of his admiration of Elton John’s artistry. He said that he would welcome a conversation with Sir Ian McKellen. He promises that LGBT people “can feel relaxed and comfortable” as long as they “leave the children in peace.” He went on to say, “I know some people who are gay, and we’re on friendly terms.” He even pardoned two members of the band, ‘Pussy Riot”. All this in an attempt to soften his, and his Nation’s, image. And so, against a backdrop of astonishing athleticism, personal and national competition and extraordinary media, this will all play out. It is a mistake, I think, to ignore the situation or to think it doesn’t matter because, well, it is Russia. It is a United States pastor, Scott Lively, who has counseled anti-gay forces in Russia. This fall he declared that “the rainbow belongs to God” as he counseled Olympic officials to reclaim the symbol by flying rainbow flags. In addition to Russia, he has visited much of Eastern Europe including Poland, Latvia, Lithuania, Moldova, Estonia, Ukraine and Belarus. He warns against
Are we really just adolescents until the last day of our seventeenth year and on our eighteenth birthday suddenly capable of making mature adult decisions? One of the most intriguing areas of research in psychiatry is in the area of “neuroplasticity,” the idea that the brain has the ability to reorganize itself throughout our life time. It does so with varying speed from one to the next person, adjusting in response to new situations and changes in our environments and compensating for injury or disease. Brain development doesn’t stop at 18 or even at 80. One of the opportunities that comes with growing older is the capacity to think from an entirely different perspective than I did when I was of younger. Once I accepted my homosexuality, for example, some of my early life experiences have taken on a new interpretation; my brain was rewired to incorporate this new learning. Sexual exploration is vastly different from sexual exploitation. Whether gay, straight or questioning, many of us began to explore our sexuality with someone of the same gender, many times with someone who was older and more experienced. My earliest sexual exploration was with a boy several years older than me. Neither did I feel pressured by him nor did I attempt to resist. Both now and at the time, I did not see it as wrong. Because he was older, his participation might have been considered predatory today and others might
have considered me a “victim.” It just never felt that way to me. Why are some crippled by their adolescent same sex experiences while others transcend them? The interpretation of these experiences does not rest on genital sex. The changes in the brain, the physical changes of the body, and the psychological maturity all boil together in the cauldron of puberty. These rates of change vary considerably from one person to the next and from one culture to another. Some adults remember their adolescent sexual experiences with older individuals different—as neither reciprocal nor voluntary—but rather based on an abuse of an imbalance of power. An adolescent who wishes to refuse an adult’s advances may be too intimidated by the power of authority to say no to priests, coaches, youth leaders or, even worse, parents. A child’s inability to say no must never be taken as consent. And so, “Confused,” part of the answer to your question comes from asking yourself, “Did I want to refuse but did not feel strong enough to do so?” We do not remember accurately most of what happens to us, and what we do remember is more a narrative than a recording. Perhaps the difference between those with negative experience and those of us who had more positive experiences is related to the way we have reconstructed the narratives. While sexual abuse is more common than once thought, in the l980s the legitimate concern about abuse rapidly developed into mass hysteria. All memories are factually inaccurate, but these concerns produced an
The LGBTQ community is an easy scapegoat; it seems, especially on the world stage of the Olympics.
Shrink Rap by Loren A Olson MD Dr. Olson, I was raised by my grandmother and for many years it was just her and me. I was shy and had very few friends. My mother married several times. One of her husbands was kind and especially loving, and eventually our relationship turned sexual. Since I never felt abused or afraid, was it wrong? Confused Dear Confused, While writing Finally Out: Letting Go of Living Straight, this subject proved the most difficult one for me to write about. I felt that anything I wrote might be misinterpreted to mean that I was advocating for man-boy sex. So let me be clear from the start: Sexual encounters that are the result of the use of coercive power of one person over another are wrong. Period. They are wrong for all ages and for all sexual orientations. Most would agree that the State has a responsibility to protect those incapable of protecting themselves, but once we move beyond that, the discussion becomes more nuanced and ambiguous. Laws establish arbitrary limits; psychology does not. Laws must establish the age of consent.
Laws establish arbitrary limits; psychology does not.
Donna Red Wing is the Executive Director of One Iowa. She served as Executive Director of Grassroots Leadership, as Chief of Staff at Interfaith Alliance, she was a member of the Obama’s kitchen cabinet on LGBT concerns, and was Howard Dean’s outreach liaison to the LGBT communities. Red Wing was the first recipient of the Walter Cronkite Award for Faith & Freedom. Red Wing serves on the national board of the Velvet Foundation, which is building the national LGBT museum in Washington, DC. Contact Donna at OneIowa.org or donna@oneiowa.org. a global LGBT movement and continues the rhetoric he used in Oregon more than twenty years ago, equating what he calls the ‘gay disorder’ with pedophilia, bestiality and depravity. He calls himself the “father” of Uganda’s anti-gay movement
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Loren A. Olson MD is a board certified psychiatrist in the clinical practice of psychiatry for over 35 years. Dr. Olson has conducted research on mature gay and bisexual men for his book, Finally Out: Letting Go of Living Straight, a Psychiatrist’s Own Story. He has presented on this subject at conferences across the United States and Internationally. His blog, MagneticFire. com, has a strong following among mature gay and bisexual men. He established Prime Timers of Central Iowa, a social organization for mature gay/bisexual men. For more information go to FinallyOutBook.com or contact him on Facebook.com. epidemic of false, “recovered” memories. In society’s attempts to deal with its collective guilt for ignoring sexual abuse of children for so long, in some cases we have created overly harsh penalties for sex between a young boy and an older one. Some very young adolescents whose brains are quite neuroplastic and as yet under-developed have been labeled sexual perpetrators
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ACCESSline Page 6
Section 1: News & Politics
FEBRUARY 2014
Warren’s Words by Warren J. Blumenfeld Confusion between “Diverse Opinions” and “Oppressive Characterizations”
“Why do Leftists have such a hard time with the concept of Free Speech? They are so intolerant of those who disagree with them and seem to always want to censor ideas they do not like….I thought Leftists or at Liberals claimed to love Diversity. How about showing it?” This respondent’s reply to my recent editorial blog on the controversy swirling around Phil Robertson, the patriarch on A&E’s popular show “Duck Dynasty,” reflects larger questions on issues of free speech, multiculturalism, dominant group privilege, and oppression. In my editorial, I challenged Roberson’s comments in a GQ interview focusing on homosexuality, “race” relations, and socioeconomic class: On the topic of homosexuality, Robertson quipped that “It seems like, to me, a vagina – as a man – would be more desirable than a man’s anus,” and he proclaimed that same-sex sexuality leads to promiscuity with multiple male and female partners, while likening it to bestiality. He concluded by paraphrasing 1 Corinthians 6-9 from the Christian testaments: “Don’t be deceived. Neither the adulterers, the idolaters, the male prostitutes, the homosexual offenders, the greedy, the drunkards, the slanderers, the swindlers — they won’t inherit the kingdom of God. Don’t deceive yourself. It’s not right.” Three years prior to his GQ interview, Phil Robertson asserted as a guest speaker at the Berean Bible Church in Pottstown, Pennsylvania: “Women with women, men with men, they committed indecent acts with one another and they received in themselves the due penancey for their perversions. They’re full of murder, envy, strife, hatred. They are insolent, arrogant, God haters, they are heartless, they are faithless, they are senseless, they are ruthless, they invent ways of doing evil.” (http://www.regrit.com/phil-robertsonnew-shocking-anti-gay-video-rant-revealedwatch/) On race relations and socioeconomic class: During his youth growing up in the Jim Crow South, Robertson talked about the “singing and happy” black people whom he worked alongside hoeing and picking cotton since, as Roberson phrased it, he himself was
“white trash.” “I never, with my eyes, saw the mistreatment of any black person. Not once.” Then taking aim at current safety-net programs, he asserted: “Pre-entitlement, pre-welfare, you say: Were they happy? They were godly; they were happy; no one was singing the blues.” Throughout the ages, individuals and organizations have revised historical realities and have also employed “religion” to justify the marginalization, harassment, denial of rights, persecution, and oppression of entire groups of people based on their social identities. At various historical periods, people have applied these texts, sometimes taken in tandem, and at other times used selectively, to establish and maintain hierarchical positions of power, domination, and privilege over individuals and groups targeted by these texts and tenets. Robertson, of course, does not stand alone in employing religious texts and tenets, as well as his personal experiences (read as “historical revisions”) to justify and rationalize his opinions and “values.” Take, for example, Robert Lewis Dabney, Professor of Theology at Union Seminary in Virginia, who argued: “What then, in the next place, will be the effect of this fundamental change when it shall be established? The obvious answer is, that it will destroy Christianity and civilization in America….” (http:// www.amprpress.com/women%27s_rights_ women.htm) Robertson and Dabney engage in similar dire warnings, but, and here is the key, they are referring to two different issues—Robertson refers to same-sex sexuality and marriage, Dabney, who lived from 1820-1898, referred to women’s suffrage—but they forebear similar consequences: the destruction of the family and civilization as we know it. In actuality, both Robertson and Dabney are arguing for the maintenance of heterosexual male hegemony, privilege, and power over the rights of women and lesbians, gays, bisexuals, and trans people. Unintentionally, Robertson and Dabney show the clear connections between misogyny/sexism and heterosexism/cissexism, and by so doing, expose the true motives for the denial of rights to entire groups of people. Let’s look at another parallel case, the issue of prohibiting individuals from different “races” from engaging in sexual relations (miscegenation). The state of Virginia in 1958 arrested and tried a white man and
To tolerate intolerance amounts to condoning oppression.
PITCH Calendar 2013
Positive Iowans Taking Charge (PITCH) is a volunteer-run non-profit organization, founded in 2007, their goal is to provide social networking and support to Iowans living with, or affected by, HIV/AIDS. Their mission is to create an atmosphere where HIV+ people can unite, advocate, and assist other HIV+ people for better health and wellness. More information can be found at pitchiowa.org or call Tami Haught at 641-715-4182. All of our meetings are open to the public at large. To hear what’s going on, please check out our calendar to see when the next PITCH meeting will be held. For more information go to www.PitchIowa.org.
Groups
Des Moines Open Support Group 5pm-6pm (Wednesdays) Thursday Group 2pm-3pm (Thursdays) Waterloo PITCH Support Group 6pm-8pm (Every other week) Wednesday Evening Group 5:30pm-6:30pm (Every other week)
black women for violating Virginia’s antimiscegenation statute, its so-called “Racial Integrity Act” of 1924. The plaintiffs in the case involved Mildred Loving (born Mildred Deloris Jetter, a woman of African descent) and Richard Perry Loving (a man of white European descent), both residents of Virginia who married in June 1958 in the District of Columbia to evade Virginia’s restrictive statute. Upon returning to Virginia, police stormed their home and bedroom, arrested, and charged them with violating the law. At their trial, the judge convicted and sentenced them each to one year imprisonment, but suspended their sentences on the condition that the couple leaves the state of Virginia for a period of 25 years. At the trial, the judge, Leon Bazile, used Biblical justifications for his verdict. “Almighty God created the races white, black, yellow, Malay, and red, and He placed them on separate continents. And but for the interference with His arrangement, there would be no cause for such marriages. The fact that He separated the races shows that He did not intend for the races to mix.” (http:// www.ask.com/wiki/Loving_v._Virginia?o=2 800&qsrc=999&ad=doubleDown&an=apn &ap=ask.com) In their arrogance and presumption believing that they and only they know ultimate truth, the Southern Baptist Convention, unfortunately, has a long history of oppression. The issue of slavery became a lightening rod in the 1840s among members of the Baptist General Convention, and in May 1845, 310 delegates from the Southern states convened in Augusta, Georgia to organize a separate Southern Baptist Convention (SBC) on a pro-slavery plank. They asserted that to be a “good Christian,” one had to support the institution of slavery, and could not join the ranks of the abolitionists. Well, either by divine “inspiration” or due to political pressure, 150 years later in June 1995, the SBC reversed its position and officially apologized to African Americans for its support and collusion with the institution of slavery (regarding it now as an “original sin”), and also apologizing for its support of “Jim Crow” laws and its rejection of civil rights initiatives of the 1950s and 1960s. Regarding its stands on women in the Church, however, at their 1998 session, the SBC declared that a wife should “submit herself graciously” to her husband’s guidance,
Warren J. Blumenfeld is author of Warren’s Words: Smart Commentary on Social Justice (Purple Press); editor of Homophobia: How We All Pay the Price (Beacon Press), and co-editor of Readings for Diversity and Social Justice (Routledge) and Investigating Christian Privilege and Religious Oppression in the United States (Sense). www.warrenblumenfeld.com and the denomination has since removed women from top executive posts. According to the 1998 resolution: “…The marriage relationship models the way God relates to His people. A husband is to love his wife as Christ loved the church. He has the God-given responsibility to provide for, to protect, and to lead his family. A wife is to submit herself graciously to the servant leadership of her husband even as the church willingly submits to the headship of Christ….[She] has the God-given responsibility to respect her husband and to serve as his helper in managing the household and nurturing the next generation.” Later, in 2000, the SBC declared that women should no longer serve as pastors. In 2010, the SBC passed its “Resolution on Homosexuality and the United States Military,” which stated in part: “RESOLVED, That the messengers to the Southern Baptist Convention…affirm the Bible’s declaration that homosexual behavior is intrinsically disordered and sinful, and we also affirm the Bible’s promise of forgiveness, change, and eternal life to all sinners (including those engaged in homosexual sin) who repent of sin and trust in the saving power of Jesus Christ (1 Corinthians 6:9-11).” I want to be very clear that Christianity comprises many sects and denominations in places throughout the world, and, therefore, Christianity cannot be understood as monolithic, for people adhere to or diverge from a strict interpretation of scriptures depending on their denomination and personal beliefs. Some denominations have been welcoming
TTBLUMENFELD continued page 31
Section 1: News & Politics
FEBRUARY 2014
ACCESSline Page 7
Minor Details by Robert Minor
The Inevitable Will Take More Effort
As of this writing, 17 states have legal marriage equality. Six got there by a court’s decision, eight by legislative action, and three by popular vote. Its fun to say “as of this writing” because the political landscape is changing more quickly than most of us who’ve been working for human rights would ever have expected. It’s exciting. The excitement also includes pleasant surprises along the way. Just this past month a federal judge in Utah, Robert Shelby—a registered Republican endorsed by Utah’s Tea Party Senator, Mike Lee, as an “outstanding judge”—ruled that Utah’s ban on same-sex marriage is unconstitutional. This so shocked a state beholden to one dominant militantly anti-gay religious empire that its acting attorney general was unprepared to request a stay of same-sex marriages–and that judge didn’t order one! Last December Utah’s actual, duly elected Mormon attorney general had resigned over numerous charges of misconduct and unethical behavior. The Utah panic began. On the one hand, the Utah State Tax Commission decided that married same-sex couples in Utah may file joint state income tax returns—a change
from an earlier state position that wouldn’t have allowed them to file as married. On the other hand, Utah’s acting attorney general began lawyering-up. After a two-week search, he hired three outside counsels who knew what they’re doing according to Utah’s local right-wing think tank, the Sutherland Institute, which seems to be calling the shots for Utah’s state government, Then another surprise on January 14th when another federal judge struck down as unconstitutional Oklahoma’s 2004 constitutional amendment banning same-sex marriage. US Senior District Judge Terrance Kern, a lifelong Oklahoman educated at Oklahoma State and with a former 24-year private practice in Ardmore, described the ban as “an arbitrary, irrational exclusion of just one class of Oklahoma citizens from a governmental benefit.” “Equal protection is at the very heart of our legal system and central to our consent to be governed,” Kern’s 68-page decision says. “It is not a scarce commodity to be meted out begrudgingly or in short portions. Therefore, the majority view in Oklahoma must give way to individual constitutional rights.” Oh, oh. If this can happen among the conservative judges of Utah and Oklahoma, then who’s next? Missouri? Alabama? Texas? And make no mistake about it—the right-wing is running even more scared that
If this can happen among the conservative judges of Utah and Oklahoma, then who’s next? Missouri? Alabama? Texas?
this can happen in their own backyards. It’s ready to play even more serious hardball to keep its cultural relevance apparent and its fund-raising up. It can’t rely on “Duck Dynasty’s” bigotry alone. That national fad is soon to run its course. Mat Staver, Dean of Jerry Falwell’s Liberty University Law School and radical right-wing Liberty Counsel, feels this threat along with all the other well-worn threats to his culture war crusades and fundraising that are coming at him. The courts cannot be trusted, he responded. “They have no right to act as dictators to undermine not only the will of the people but something that is part of our constitutional history and even beyond that, part of our natural created order.” (Unless they agree with Mat.) That was one of the saner, less panicky, responses. One headline read: “Obama Judge Invents Constitutional Right to Gay Marriage in Utah” You knew the right-wingers had to make this all Obama’s fault too. All of this fun for progressives doesn’t call for complacency or major celebrations. The very panic all this puts the radical right-wing in means there are battles ahead no matter how inevitable the victory of justice seems. The radical right-wing expects that the battle is at state and local levels. And as it did before with school boards, low-level judgeships, city councils, and county legislatures, its strategy is to fight under the largely nationallyfocused media radar. Rush Limbaugh, Sean Hannity, and Ann Coulter are just as popular with them as they always were. And the Republican Party and many state legislatures and governors remain tightly in the grip of the Christian right-wing. As C.J Werleman wrote last month on AlterNet: “the Christian Right now holds a majority of seats in more than half of all Republican Party State Committees. Nearly half of the Senate, and half of all congressmen have an 80-100 percent approval rate from the three most influential Christian advocacy groups: the Christian Coalition, Eagle Forum and the Family Research Council.” As if giving up on the Presidency and counting on the redistricted House of Representatives to stifle progress, the Republican strategy is to control state politics with supermajorities. Note what’s happened in Wisconsin, North Carolina, Missouri and elsewhere. The Christian right remains well-funded. Its media and grassroots organizational struc-
Robert N. Minor, Ph.D., Professor Emeritus of Religious Studies at the University of Kansas, is author of When Religion Is an Addiction; Scared Straight: Why It’s So Hard to Accept Gay People and Why It’s So Hard to Be Human and Gay & Healthy in a Sick Society. Contact him at www.FairnessProject.org. tures have gone nowhere, its think-tanks are well established, and it’s still convinced it’s playing a long-term strategy. All of the recent setbacks we’ve been celebrating have only made its members more fearful and far angrier. They feel as if they are the righteous rats who’ve been cornered. And it’s more likely that because of this, the most vulnerable individuals among us will get mauled by their anger. Out of our common humanity we must take responsibility for being prepared for all that’s about to come. We can’t let down our guard nor compromise our principles. We can’t abandon other groups because we’ve already gotten ours. And we can’t start acting as if because something is inevitable, we can opt out of the rest of the process toward it. There are miles to go before we sleep, and traveling them requires no naiveté now. With eyes wide open, author Chris Hedges (TruthDig) reminds us “All ideological, theological and political debates with the radical Christian right are useless. It cares nothing for rational thought and discussion. Its adherents are using the space within the open society to destroy the open society itself. Our naive attempts to placate a movement bent on our destruction, to prove to it that we too have “values,” only strengthen its supposed legitimacy and increase our own weakness.”
ACCESSline Page 8
Section 1: News & Politics
FEBRUARY 2014
Remarkables by Jonathan Wilson Bad Science; Bad Theology; Bad History
When I came out to my parents we had a long talk. They had a bunch of understandable questions. It was like taking oral exams. For example, my father, a United Methodist minister, wanted to know about the reputation of gay people—particularly gay men—for sexual promiscuity. What did I have to say about that? Was it true? I said, “Dad, before you went into the ministry you were a science teacher. Let me suggest an experiment: put a small animal into a box with food in the corner. The animal wants/needs the food, not unlike the need of nearly every human being for intimate relationships. Every time the animal approaches the food, however, you give it an electric shock. What happens next? Please refer to any Behavior Science 101 textbook, page 1; the animal will seek an alternate route to the food that avoids the shock. But you’re watching, and every approach gets the electric shock. Then what? See page 2. The animal will begin acting out—shall we say—being confused and not acting well-adjusted. When that happens, what do you as a scientist write in your journal? That there’s something wrong with the animal, or that there’s something wrong with the SOB with his finger
on the switch!?” Did I just call my father a SOB? If I did he didn’t seem to take it that way; he saw the scientific point. I then made the theological point. In a recent article about the death of Father Robert Nugent, mention was made of the Roman Catholic Church’s dogma on the subject of homosexuality. Father Nugent was revered and criticized for his ministry to/for gay children of God and his efforts to embrace them within the church. His efforts had been labeled “wrong and dangerous” by the then-Pope. The article summarized the church’s position that homosexuality is okay, but intimate same-sex acts are sinful. Not unlike the United Methodist Church’s ill-considered dogma on the subject that is shared by many churches that are struggling with the topic. Aside from the cruelty of self-denial and a life-time of unrealistic frustration that it espouses, such a dogma leaves no distinction between life-long, committed, monogamous same-sex relationships, on the one hand, and conflagrant sexual promiscuity on the other. Imagine teaching that “moral” lesson to straight people who have not been well-known for their fidelity anyway. Even taught a contrary moral lesson, straight folks still manage to “stray” with alarming regularity and even celebrate promiscuity—ever heard
of Casanova or Don Juan—or heard kids approvingly compared to one of them? The only reason we know of them at all is because of their straight sexual conquests. I don’t know anyone similarly aggrandized in the gay community for gay conquests. But the distorted history that’s been taught for much of my life has suggested that straight folks are inherently more moral than gay folks, and gay folks are more prone to sexual indiscretions acted out in public places, conveniently ignoring spring break episodes and Mardi Gras. Gay folks have been historically demonized for hooking up in public parks—acting out, as-it-were, thanks to church-endorsed repression and a lack of healthier, safer options. I’d venture to say that if behindthe-bushes-in-a-public-park were the only place readily available for opposite-sex intimacy, we’d have to be building a lot more public parks. Bad science, bad theology, and bad history have a way of coalescing and getting corrected. It happened, for example, in 1492 when Columbus sailed the ocean blue and the flat-earthers in the church and elsewhere got their comeuppance. It happened with women suffrage. It happened with the abolition of slavery. And, it’s happening again today as more and more committed same-sex relationships receive recognition and are celebrated. And that, in turn, is why those who oppose same-sex marriage are on the proverbial “wrong side of history,” a fact that is increasingly obvious to virtually every observant person. Heck, even our detractors know it’s true; a majority
who desire to marry now. Thankfully, the marriages of those who are already married, pursuant to a perfectly valid court order, are valid unless a specific court says otherwise. Until Lambda Legal’s victory in New Jersey mere weeks ago, these legal “stays” pending the ultimate ruling in marriage equality cases were routine. They were routine, but we argued that they weren’t
right—and we finally won the point. After June 2013 when the U.S. Supreme Court struck down the part of the so-called Defense of Marriage Act that had barred same-sex couples from receiving federal marital benefits, the examples of inequality were mounting day by day: for example, married couples could take medical leave to care for each other and their children, they had the right to be placed together rather than separated in nursing facilities under Medicare, and they could extend marriage-linked immigration benefits to spouses and spouses’ relatives. The Court dug in and analyzed the arguments and was seriously grappling with the impact of delays along the way to our ultimate wins. The New Jersey high court denied a stay—unanimously. And in Utah, the trial court and federal appeals court refused to stay marriages, as well. Tragically, the Supreme Court’s decision means some people in Utah will never marry. As the New Jersey Supreme Court acknowledged, “Plaintiffs highlight a stark example to demonstrate the point: if a civil-union partner passes away while a stay is in place, his or her surviving partner and any children will forever be denied federal marital protections.” Lambda Legal recently won expedited
…straight folks are inherently more moral than gay folks, and gay folks are more prone to sexual indiscretions acted out in public places, conveniently ignoring spring break episodes and Mardi Gras.
Ask Lambda Legal by Hayley Gorenberg
Utah Marriages
Q: I’ve been reading about the Supreme Court stopping marriages in Utah. How serious is the problem? A: The joyful celebration of weddings in Utah screeched to a halt earlier this month, as directed by the U.S. Supreme Court, pending resolution of the state government’s appeal. The groundswell of families seeking marriage licenses and celebrating their longstanding love and newfound security, has stopped until further notice—and it means that some families won’t ever know what it means to be married. The situation is a cruel blow to those
Jonathan Wilson is an attorney at the Davis Brown Law Firm in Des Moines, and chairs the First Friday Breakfast Club (ffbciowa.org), an educational, non-profit corporation for gay men in Iowa who gather on the first Friday of every month to provide mutual support, to be educated on community affairs, and to further educate community opinion leaders with more positive images of gay men. It is the largest breakfast club in the state of Iowa. He can be contacted at JonathanWilson@DavisBrownLaw.com. of those opposed to gay marriage believe at this point that it’s inevitability. They’ve got that right, and it’s happening with unprecedented speed. Thank God.
The groundswell of families seeking marriage licenses and celebrating their longstanding love and newfound security, has stopped until further notice.
Lambda Legal Deputy Legal Director Hayley Gorenberg. marriages for all Illinois same-sex couples who, because of a life-threatening illness, cannot wait until next summer to get married when the state’s new marriage equality law goes into effect. And of course we know that in Utah, also, there are couples who face similar circumstances, and may not get to experience the joy of marriage and the security that comes with it. While the Utah case seems to be moving very quickly, tragically for some, it won’t move quickly enough. If you have any questions, or feel you have been discriminated against because of your gender identity, sexual orientation, or HIV status, contact Lambda Legal’s Help Desk at 1-866-542-8336, or see http://lambdalegal. org/help
Section 1: News & Politics
FEBRUARY 2014
ACCESSline Page 9
What is Joy? by Tony Dillon-Hansen I do not normally write about myself or my personal experience, but perhaps in this case, someone may benefit from these words as they relate to them (maybe seek help). People often discuss depression and suicide as some vague, unattached problem with haunting numbers and tragedies without actually revealing the personal connection. This may leave people, at the same time, without an avenue that may help in their struggle. The attempt here is to write something that will reveal vulnerability that in current society tends to carry negative stigmas. Yet, I know that I am only one of many that face this ongoing situation. For people that suffer from depression, joy is a daily struggle. Mental illness is not something one brags to co-workers or especially does not tell the boss why they need to call in sick for a day. The label is different from, say; a broken arm, influenza or even cancer. Yet, for those who suffer depression (chronic or severe), cancer may have parallels. We may or may not want attention, but we would rather not want attention for being sick. Even more, the thing with depression is that there is a label attached to this that almost seems to offend senses of the apparently normal people. Society has learned to lock people away for these kinds of things. People are afraid to lose friends over perceptions of mental illness or for discussing these things openly. That becomes one of the major flaws in treatment. Thus, people with this condition, disorder, paranoia or this illness will do their best to hide the gnawing affliction inside of
them and avoid treatment. Some days are better than others, but the reality is clearly underneath. Without discussion, journaling or at least some intervention, the depression can get immensely worse. For me, I know that my pain of depression, with likely biological roots, surrounds painful decisions and several life situations that I have never fully let go. I sought out meditative practice with marginal success. I sought out avenues of relief through making other people happy even at my own expense because, somehow, that would lessen my internal pain. Yet, I also know that my attempts to quell pain with seemingly “better” decisions seem to result in more pain. A positive outlook on life and where I want to be seems like distant memories or evil (maybe childlike naivety) lies told to quiet your own mind. No matter how good the intentions or the presumptions are, something seems to come along and reverse that good. I was drifting away from things that I wanted to do and hanging on to others. I turned to alcohol in vain attempt to wash away those feelings but only masked the depression without solving any of the issues. I saw problems with drinking, and I stopped, restarted, and stopped drinking. Yet, I realized the depression is still here. Mr. Oblivious finally realized that the drinking was a symptom of the bigger issue that has not been resolved. I write journals in welcome discovery of what that is, but to this day, I struggle to find and even more struggle to live with the core issues. I was still hanging
upon things and so I talked to a doctor about medications and tried that avenue a couple times with moderate success. Yet, depression wants to rule. When living with depression, certain moments in life can become more significant and for some, may trigger more severe episodes. A life event like death, recent stress at work, bullying, loss in sports, or even natural disaster can be toxic to the emotions. Normal people might feel bad, but a depressed person might easily attach guilt or shame to the emotions regardless of their part in the situation. If you had enough of depression, one can turn to desperation. Desperation can lead to avenues that people are ill-equipped to handle. This is where some have turned to mirages of the promised-land through suicide and pursued that end to completion. Especially as someone that has been hugely introspective, I know there is heavy suppression of the horrors deep inside. When everything seems to be collapsing in on you, people are willing to make desperate attempts to escape that dishonor, horror and pain. Thankfully, I have not realized the promised-land via suicide, but I know that some of my decisions may have been equally desperate attempts to resolve situations that could have been resolved most differently. People know when other people are sick, and depression can make a person physically sick as well as mentally sick. Yet, proper treatment without proper insurance may be difficult to receive. Depression and mental illness requires intervention. I would not dare to write for all mental illness issues except merely my own experience with chronic depression. I do feel that
low self confidence, and here I was face to face with someone I had heard nothing but praise and admiration about—I didn’t feel worthy. Sean was so gracious, I introduced my son and he said thank you for being here and representing Iowa. That was the end of our first encounter and I continue to be amazed that I had met someone who is such a role model, and example of fighting for the rights of all people living with HIV/AIDS. Since that time I have had the honor of meeting and now working with Sean on many different committees: The United States People Living with HIV Caucus (US PLHIV Caucus), The Sero Board of Directors, and currently he hired me to be the first ever National HIV Criminalization Conference Coordinator which will be hosted in Grinnell, Iowa June 1 4, 2014. I have to say I am still awestruck every time I see him and meet him. Not that Sean wants that, expects that, or is comfortable with that. It’s just that I have so much respect for all he does for the HIV Community, he truly is one of the most amazing leaders. Sean does it all quietly behind the scenes and does not expect or really want any outward credit or acknowl-
edgement. That is not why Sean works so tirelessly. I believe he just has such a strong commitment to community service and helping others. A trait that more of us need to have. Sean has finally written his memoir, Body Counts: A Memoir of Politics, Sex, AIDS, and Survival. It is receiving rave reviews from anyone who has read the book. I am still waiting for my pre ordered copy from Amazon. I told Sean, that the fact that I actually paid “real money” for his book shows the love and respect I have for him. I am so frugal and thrifty I usually do not spend over 50 cents for a book at a thrift shop. But Sean’s memoir, I ordered the day it was available for preorders. Sean will be in Iowa in February, he has three book reading and signings scheduled to date. On February 19th a reception and book reading is being hosted by Glazebrook, Moe, Johnston, and Hurd at 118 SE 4th Street, Des Moines, Iowa from 6 to 8 pm. This event is sponsored by Community HIV/Hepatitis Advocates of Iowa Network, One Iowa, First Friday Breakfast Club, Americans Civil Liberties Union of Iowa, Prime Timers of Central Iowa, and Positive Iowans Taking Charge,
If you had enough of depression, one can turn to desperation.
Iowan Advocacy by Tami Haught
Sean Strub I remember the first time I met Sean Strub, it was at AIDS Watch in 2009. This was the 2nd National Advocacy event I had attended, still wet behind my ears not knowing anyone. My son Adrian, was 13 years old at the time, and it was his 1st event. We were sitting quietly in the corner, back row—I’m a back row kind of gal—listening to various speakers talking about the legislative priorities that we would be discussing with legislators. Someone must have asked where we were from and I said Iowa. At that point this very handsome man turns around and said, “Hi, I’m Sean Strub and I grew up in Iowa too.” I was awestruck, Sean Strub, the Sean Strub just talked to me. I believe I was tongue tied and really nervous. Not that Sean would ever look down at anyone, that’s not who he is. But I was relatively new in the advocacy arena with
…and I continue to be amazed that I had met someone who is such a role model, and example of fighting for the rights of all people living with HIV/AIDS.
Tony E Dillon-Hansen is a web developer, organizer, researcher, writer, martial artist, and vocalist from Des Moines. For more information go to tigersnapdragons.com. I am taking a huge gamble in declaring my situation, but I hope that in some sense, verbal expression of my experience may help others to seek help where needed or their friends and family to be ready to intervene. Better treatment and better acceptance from society as a whole for mental issues would benefit our society. The point then of this work is not to air out mind-numbing issues of personal misfortunes. If you have been able to live with depression, may you have many blessings. You might do well to share your insights and methods with others. If you currently are struggling with depression, know that you are not alone and chances are that good that people are willing to help. If you are thinking of suicide, find help NOW. The road may be tough for us, but we do not need to turn out the lights prematurely.
Tami Haught has been living with HIV for almost 20 years. She is the CHAIN Community Organizer, President for PITCH, and new member of the SERO Project Board of Directors. Tami started speaking out about her HIV status when her son started school hoping that providing education and facts would make life easier for her son, by fighting the stigma, discrimination, isolation, and criminalization people living with HIV/AIDS face daily. Contact info: tami. haught2012@gmail.com website: www.pitchiowa.com Siouxland Community Health Center, and the Interfaith Alliance of Iowa. The second event in Iowa will be on February 21st at 7 PM to 8 PM at Prairie Lights, 15 south Dubuque Street, Iowa City, Iowa. To find out more about Sean Strub, his memoir, and appearances go to: www.seanstrub.com.
ACCESSline Page 10
Section 1: News & Politics
FEBRUARY 2014
Living as Transgender speech by Ellen Krug Living as Transgender speech by Ellen Krug, Compassion for One’s Self and for Others. Given at Iowa State University, Ames, Iowa, November 20, 2013. Continued from ACCESSline Issue January 2014, Volume 28, No. 1. They were human. Living, breathing, suffering, loving, hurting, humans. Worthy of life regardless of gender or sexual orientations. Worthy of love and happiness and respect. Fear, religious fanaticism, loss and a host of other reasons are why we have this Day of Remembrance. I could go on and on and on about all of the challenges, all of the darkness that trans people face. But that’s not why I’m here. That’s not the reason I drove 200 miles and spent the entire day in Ames. Life is to be lived, not simply endured. No. I’m not all about doom and gloom. That was me as a man. As Ellie Krug, I’m about hope. And compassion. And loving kindness toward one’s self and others. So please let me report from the other side of the fence, from the other end of the bridge, like some messenger from the front lines—whatever metaphor you want to use. It is better living as your true self. It’s not perfect—nothing in life is a panacea—but it’s a whole lot better. Light years better. A thousand gold stars better. A 4.0 grade on top of a 4.0 grade on top of a 4.0 grade, better. The voice in my head, “you need to live your own life” is gone. The gut tugs pulling at me to stop masquerading as a man are gone. I am living an authentic life and that one fact is both quite wonderful and extraordinary. When I look at my body now, I see a woman, the real me. I have this incredible sense of completeness. And all of the compartments, all of the boxes I had put myself in, are gone. As I talk to other trans people who’ve transitioned, I hear the very same thing: yes, it was hell to get here, but thank goodness we were able to do it. I also don’t mean to imply that everyone has to surgically transition to be complete. Not at all—the statistics are that only 15-20 percent of trans people transition surgically. That number is slowly increasing as more health insurance covers gender reassignment surgery, but the fact is that most trans people never have surgery. Instead, what I mean is that trans people should have the right to get to where they need, where they want, on the gender expression spectrum. They should be accorded the right to live their lives free of harassment. Free of violence. Free of death, by others or by their own hand. What does it take to get to this place of completeness? Some luck, for sure. A lot of hard work too. A lot of believing in one’s self when others don’t. I could talk about all of that for hours, too—and I’ll spare you. No, for me, getting to Ellen, living posttransition, took one more essential thing—it took me finally saying that I am worth the effort. It took me moving from hating myself to loving myself. And that, my friends, is really the crux of my message. The bullies of the world tell us that we’re freaks or worse. Please hear me as I shout from the top of my lungs: do not allow those words to settle in! Do not let them melt your psyche! Or crush your heart!
Close your years and eyes to the hatred! Repel all negativity with every ounce of your spirit! Instead, remember that you are a human being worthy of breathing the same air, drinking from the same water, and walking the same roads as anyone else. We all deserve the right to live our lives genuinely and authentically. Easy words to utter, Ellie Krug. But tell us really, how does a trans person—young or closeted or scared to death—ever get to loving one’s self, ever get to self-compassion? My answer is three words: honesty, kindness, and gratitude. Let me address the first—honesty. For much of my life, I thought I could choose my gender. I thought I could choose to stay a boy, and then a man. I believed that if I only did X or Y, my gender gut tugs would go away. I believed that if I worked just a bit harder, sacrificed a bit more, I could stay married to Lydia, the love of my life. I told several of my therapists this—“I’m not here for you to help me figure out myself; instead, I want you to give to give me the right strategy to put up with being a man.” Of course, I was completely, totally, and absolutely, wrong. In reality, those gut tugs weren’t tugs at all. They were punches and pokes from the inside. The female who roamed within my spirit was desperately trying to come out. As long as I lied to myself, she never saw daylight. However, once I stopped lying—once I understood there is no choice here—everything opened up. I felt freedom for the very first time in my life. It was like trying a new flavored milkshake with the best and most delicious ice cream. Oh my god, I didn’t know something could taste that unbelievably good! The process of coming out as our true selves is nothing more—or less—than the net result of honest reflection. It’s the product of laying in our beds wide awake night after night, month after month, year after year, with a pounding away at our souls. Where we stop lying to ourselves about choice or whatever else you want to call it. Where we simply say, “Enough. This is who I am.” Honesty begets freedom. Freedom gives you strength. The strength to endure. The strength to do the hard work of living a full life. Honesty also gives you the strength to say “hell no!” to thoughts about suicide. And the strength to ignore the bullies and Bill O’Reilly’s of the world. My second word—kindness. It’s such a simple concept, kindness. It’s nothing more than sharing our common humanity, reveling in it, and being open to others. We learn the power of kindness within seconds of our birth—a nurse’s touch, a mother’s cooing, a heartfelt welcoming into the world. Preschool teachers instill kindness—“Everyone needs to share.” Kindness can be as simple as giving a street musician a spare buck or hugging someone hurting. It can be a simple question: “Are you okay? Would you like to talk?” Or, it can be as grand as traveling across the world to assist typhoon victims. Let me share an example of bullying being met by extreme kindness. Twice within the last month, there have
been national news stories about restaurant servers being refused tips because their customers believed the servers were gay. One incident happened in Kansas City; the other in New Jersey. In both instances, neither server had even hinted to the customers about their sexual orientation. The most recent incident happened just a week ago. CNN reported that the New Jersey server, a twenty-two (22) year old woman and former Marine, introduced herself as “Dayna,” to the customers—a man and woman and two girls. According to the news report, the woman in the group looked at Dayna and responded “I thought you were going to say your name is ‘Dan.’” Obviously, the woman was reacting to how Dayna dressed and appeared—something that we T people understand all too well. The customers left Dayna no tip for a $93 bill and instead wrote on the check, “I’m sorry but I cannot tip because I do not agree with what your lifestyle [is] and how you live your life.” Dayna wrote about this on Facebook. A group called “Have a Gay Day,” picked it up and the story went viral. From there—in less than two days, people started sending Dayna tips. The tips have come in from across the world—Germany, South Africa, England, San Diego. By the time CNN had reported it, Dayna had received over $2000, money that she was going to donate to the Wounded Warriors Project.
My answer is three words: honesty, kindness, and gratitude.
There was a similar outpouring of support for the Kansas City restaurant server. People lined up at the restaurant and waited hours just for the opportunity to be served by him and to generously tip him. The power of human kindness. Each person who reached out in these situations represents someone saying, “you’re okay Dayna. You’re simply a human making your way through the world.” Yet, over time, we forget the power of kindness. The idea that we should do something for others out of our common humanity becomes displaced. We live in a world which messages that selfishness, greed and power bring rewards. Where it’s better to hunker down alone than it is to reach out to others. Kindness toward others is crucial, yes. But there’s another type of kindness that I want to focus on, too—the act of being kind to ourselves. Where we give ourselves a break. Where we stop measuring our worth against the worth of others. Where the number of Facebook friends someone has isn’t a defining point for whether or not we’re worthy. Or whether that invite to the Friday night party comes through. Kindness to ourselves—self-compassion—is core to living an authentic life. I was at a wedding last week where the minister spoke of “love” as necessitating that one spouse—the wife—love the other spouse—her husband—more than herself. I wanted to jump up and shout, “Hold on, you’ve got it all wrong!” Of course, I didn’t. Despite rumors
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ACCESSline’s fun guide
Our Picks for February 2/6-16, Mason City, Iowa, Mason City Community Theatre, Little Women, MCCommunityTheatre.com 2/7, Des Moines, Iowa, Hoyt Sherman Place, FFBC Red Party, FFBCIowa.com 2/7, Des Moines, Iowa, The Garden Nightclub, Miss Des Moines USofA 2014, GRDN.com 2/8, Mason City, Iowa, North Iowa Events Center, River City Dames of Anarchy, DamesofAnarchy.com 2/8, Waterloo, Iowa, McElroy Auditorium, Cedar Valley Derby Divas, PushUpBrawlers.com 2/11, Davenport, Iowa, Adler Theatre, The Addams Family, TheAdlerTheatre.com 2/14, Cedar Rapids, Iowa, Paramount Theatre, Rock of Ages, ParamountTheatreCR.com 2/14-16, Cedar Falls, Iowa, Oster Regent Theatre, Clue, OsterRegent.org 2/15, Waterloo, Iowa, Waterloo Community Playhouse, Speed Theatre, WCPBHCT.org 2/15, Des Moines, Iowa, The Venue, Fortune Feimster “Chelsea Lately”, ShowClix.com/event/Fortune 2/15-16, Des Moines, Iowa, Civic Center,
Des Moines Symphony: Romantic Rhapsody In Blue - The Gershwin Experience, DMSymphony.org
2/18-23, Des Moines, Iowa, Des Moines Performing Arts, Blue Man Group, DesMoinesPerformingArts.org 2/21-3/2, Des Moines, Iowa, Stoner Theater, Venus in Fur, StageWestIowa.com 2/28, Cedar Falls, Iowa, Gallagher-Bluedorn Performing Arts Center, Moulin Rouge, GPAC.com 2/28, Des Moines, Iowa, The Garden Nightclub, Mr & Miss Supernova, GRDN.com 2/28-3/9, Ames, Iowa, Fisher Theater, Amadeus, Theatre.IAState.edu
...and March
3/1-2, Cedar Falls, Iowa, Hartman Reserve Nature Center, Maple Syrup Festival, HartmanReserve.org 3/8-9, Des Moines, Iowa, Civic Center, Ballet Des Moines-Cinderella, DesMoinesPerformingArts.org
The Innocence of the Blue Man Interview by Arthur Breur
Blue Man Group. Blue Man Group is a live musical and theatrical production unlike anything else. It’s basic concept—the modern world, its inhabitants, and their foibles as seen through the eyes of three completely objective outsiders—provides a platform for bringing an audience laughter, poignancy, and (very likely) more than just a little bit of introspection. The ACCESSline’s Arthur Breur had the opportunity to chat with one of the three Blue Man performers in Blue Man Group’s touring production, Russell Rinker. The show is performing at Des Moines Performing Arts February 18-23, 2014. How would you describe one of the shows to someone who has never experienced Blue Man Group? We think it’s more of an experience than a show. You go to a show and there’s acting, singing, dancing, and it’s almost like watching a giant TV screen. Where the cast may be aware of the audience but it doesn’t affect the show. The Blue Man is a very real situation, the curtain comes up and we’re looking at you and you’re looking at us and we don’t understand you entirely and you don’t understand us. And it’s very much about that real situation, which is commenting on itself the entire time. We use items from pop culture, music, technology, and comedy to conduct a test on these human creatures. Trying to get them to have an exciting experience together, and to connect with each other and inspire creativity and imagination and get people to let go. It’s a big science experience with comedy and technology that is aiming to create an exuberant experience. You are interacting with representations of every day technology right on stage? We have these 3 6-foot tall smart phones that come out of the ceiling and the
Blue Man interacts with them and different apps. And there’s another part about texting and social media. We’re commenting about it but we’re interacting with these giant technological instruments. My understanding is that you don’t ever say anything as a Blue Man. Correct. So all the communication is nonverbal by you but there are times when there are voice-over recordings. Right. How has being involved in the Blue Man Group affected you as a creative artist? I feel like it has really opened me up as a performer. Getting me to observe more and listen. I’ve had people tell me that it’s unfair talking to me because, “You are so comfortable with eye contact that I just can’t look at you, and I feel that you’re looking into my soul!” It’s interesting because people don’t make eye contact that much, even when you’re talking people are looking all around, looking at their phones, or whatever. When the guys created the show it was all about that, because they lived in New York City but everyone looks down and you don’t look at people on the street or the subway—no one connects. Performing as a Blue Man has made me very observant, very patient, and looking at things as they are. Not necessarily imposing judgment, expectations or whatever; be it on an object or a person or a moment or an experience. The character has no ego, is very innocent, and very interested in play. And we should all aspire to be more like the Blue Man in a lot of ways. Playing it for a couple thousand performances, I think, has definitely rubbed off on me for the better. The Blue Man seems very much like an observer.
This alien, other, outside perspective, that you discover things about yourself by looking at yourself through the Blue Man’s eyes.
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FEBRUARY 2014
Inside Out by Ellen Krug
Into the Gray
Last November, at Iowa State University, I spoke about compassion—for ourselves and for others. In particular, I talked of the need to reach out to other humans who may be suffering or hurting, even if doing so risked awkwardness or embarrassment. I call it “going into the gray,” that uncomfortable place where you’re not quite sure how the other person will react, even though your heart tells you that reaching out is the right thing to do. Let me offer a concrete example. Not long after my talk, I came across the story of a Buffalo, New York school bus driver who went into the gray big time. In mid-October 2013, Darnell Barton was driving a bus of high school students on a street overpass above a busy expressway. Darnell’s bus was equipped with a camera; in the video (Google “Darnell Barton video”), one sees a woman off to the right who’s beyond a pedestrian walkway and on the far side of a guard rail. Clearly, she’s standing on the edge of the overpass with nothing between her and the expressway below. The woman appears to be contemplating jumping to what would be certain death. As Darnell later reported, she seemed “distraught” and “really disconnected.” The camera also picks up at least one pedestrian and a bicyclist passing by the woman, apparently ignoring that she was in danger. As the video progresses, the bus slows and then stops. Darnell opens the doors and twice asks, “Ma’am, are you okay?” The woman doesn’t respond. At this point in the video, something extraordinary happens: Darnell gets up from his seat, steps out of the bus, and approaches the woman, who has her back to him. He then locks his arm around her. Darnell told investigators that he asked the woman, “Do you want to come on this side of the guard rail now?” The woman responded, “Yeah.” Darnell then helps the woman over the guard rail. He and the woman sit down on the walkway’s curb to wait for emergency personnel. It’s obvious that Darnell’s trying to comfort the woman over whatever troubled her enough to risk suicide. The video ends with a shot of Darnell standing inside the bus; there’s applause from the high school passengers and
Darnell’s embarrassed reaction. Watching the video made me cry. It’s rare to see such absolute human compassion unfold on film. Needless to say, Darnell Barton is one of my new heroes. All of us have the capacity to be Darnell Barton. It simply takes approaching the world with an open heart and a willingness to act unconventionally. This means fighting the inherent human tendency to conform—after all, Darnell saw at least two people ignore the woman as she stood at the bridge’s edge. The natural cue would be that maybe, he too shouldn’t be concerned about the woman. Throw in that Darnell was working and responsible for a busload of youth, and it would have been plenty easy to rationalize that the woman wasn’t his problem or business. Yet, Darnell reached out. He went into the gray risking embarrassment, rejection, awkwardness, and even his job. Why? Because Darnell was open to the world at large, which includes understanding that other humans sometimes need help. He let his heart overtake his brain. Sometimes, just as Darnell showed, allowing your heart freedom may make all the difference to another human. For sure, I’m no Darnell Barton; however, I do try to practice what I preach. Thus, following a speaking event in Kansas City last fall, I took a taxi to the airport. The driver, a fifty-something man whom I’ll call “Paul,” appeared distressed—he fidgeted and sighed excessively. When I remarked about the gorgeous weather, he shot back that he was too tired to appreciate it; his boss worked him too much, giving him no time to himself. Of course, no taxi passenger wants to hear that her driver is fatigued, especially with a twenty mile trip ahead. At that point, I could have chosen to take another cab, or more reasonably, gone silent and prayed that Paul kept it together at least until he got me to the airport. But this man was obviously hurting. After a minute of soul searching—and real gut churning—I found the courage to ask, “Would you like to talk about what’s bothering you?” I added, “It’s a long drive to the
It’s rare to see such absolute human compassion unfold on film. Needless to say, Darnell Barton is one of my new heroes.
The Project of the Quad Cities
Founded in 1986, The Project of the Quad Cities is a non-profit HIV/STI/AIDS Service Organization that provides support to persons living with HIV/STI/AIDS as well as their families and friends in Iowa and Illinois. www.apqc4life.org
Symptom Management Group—Every Wednesday from 1-2:30 pm Life Skills Group—Every other Wednesday from 10-11:30 am Coffee Hour—10-11:30 am on Wednesdays when the Life Skills Group does
not meet; A relaxed and casual atmosphere
airport, and I’m willing to listen.” For a moment, Paul said nothing. Then he answered, “Yes, I’d like that.” Over the next half hour, I heard how Paul was the only employed person in a household that included an aging parent and healthy older sibling. He felt intense pressure to provide for his relatives, yet they didn’t appreciate his hard work or selfsacrifice. Even worse, he had lost contact with his best friend of many years; the man had stopped calling. As a result, Paul felt incredibly alone, hurt, and without hope. I’m no therapist, and I’d never try to act like one. Still, I didn’t need a professional license to say, “I feel for you; this must be very difficult.” Nor did I require accreditation to ask, “Have you talked a counselor?” Paul responded that he’d never seen a therapist, but would like to. When he said he didn’t know how to find one, I offered to help. By the time we got to the airport, I had Paul’s email and phone number. He offered a hug as I exited the cab. As we embraced briefly, I said, “Things will get better; it just takes work.” Two days later, I emailed Paul with contact information for several Kansas City therapists. Paul thanked me and
Groups meet at our Moline office. We also offer free HIV testing Monday through Thursday from 9 am to 4 pm. For more information call Susie or Mollie at 309-762-5433
Ellie Krug is a columnist and the author of Getting to Ellen: A Memoir about Love, Honesty and Gender Change. She resides in Minneapolis and welcomes your comments at ellenkrugwriter@gmail. com. Visit her blog at GettingToEllen.com. assured that he’d contact one of the referrals the next day. Did doing this make me someone special? Or praiseworthy like Darnell Barton? Nope. Not at all. Instead, I’m just a human who sometimes is willing to go into the gray for another human. My heart simply demands it.
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Wired This Way by Rachel Eliason February is Valentine’s Day. For this month’s article I thought I would look at some of the ways that the internet and technology is affecting our view of love and beauty.
The Good
Love is love. This simple message is moving mountains. Utah, home to the Mormon Church that has been one of biggest opponents of marriage equality, has become the most recent state to affirm it. In 1996, when the Defense of Marriage Act made marriage equality a household issue, activist often said things like “not in this lifetime, but...” Twenty years later 18 states have affirmed marriage equality and polls show that America’s opinion is shifting rapidly in favor of it. The phrase “love is love” is the most fitting sound bite for this change. The shift has not come from legal arguments or maneuvers (though there have been plenty of those). Nor has it come from rational arguments or political deals. The change of heart that is sweeping the nation has come from the understanding that LGBT relationships are every bit as deep, loving and committed as heterosexual ones. It is a message that has been carried by brave activist who let their relationships be seen on the front line, who have shared their stories. Louis Marinelli, the NOM activist who defected, has written the most eloquent piece about this process. He attributes meeting LGBT people in real life, while on board NOM’s Summer of Marriage Tour, for his change of heart. He couldn’t go on seeing the people he was hurting, day in and day out with his politics. Let’s hope the message continues to grow and full marriage equality will soon be the law of the land. A bevy of Transgender models are rapidly breaking into the mainstream and
proving that transwomen can be just as beautiful as cis (non-trans) women. Jenna Talackova, a Canadian born model has used her unsuccessful 2012 run for Miss Universe to launch a successful modeling career in 2013. Isis King, winner of America’s Next Top Model, Carmen Carrera, Claudia Charriez and others are cropping up in photo shoots and on runways all over the world. And it’s not just modeling. Netflix’s hit new series, Orange is the New Black features a strong, well-depicted transwoman, played by a transwoman. Laverne Cox has become a media darling and an eloquent spokesperson for trans-women everywhere.
across my feed in just the last couple of months claiming just this. Joe. My. God. claims that even on Fire Island, an almost legendary gay hang out, gay men have lost the art of hooking up face to face. The island’s cruising places are now awash in “the glow of Iphone screens.” The anonymity of the internet allows the worse in humanity to show itself more readily, and Grindr is no exception. From profiles that say “no blacks, no asians” to ones with “no femmes/ no fat guys” racism and bigotry disguised as “preference” if rife on the site. Then there is the hook up culture, nothing new to gay life but certainly facilitated by mobile apps like Grindr. “There are only two emotions on Grindr: boredom and horniness.” Says writer Christos Dallas in Vada Magazine, “But “bored” is actually a code for horny, so there is no difference.” He jokes, “12 unannounced dick pictures... can you tell me your name first?” Milo Yiannopoulos, Did Grindr accidently kill gay cultures? explores another problem with the site, its tendency to drive other sexual minorities, like lesbians and trans people, out of the conversation. Grindr is for gay men and only gay men. It’s wide spread use is another force working to fracture the wider LGBT community and threaten the joint gains we have made. While presenting a harsh view of Grindr and its effect on gay culture, Milo’s article is mostly upbeat. The good news? Gay men are already correcting the problem. Those bored of the hook up game and seeking to rebuild social lives that fell victims to the easy hook up mentality, are turning to more mainstream social media sites like twitter and Facebook. Those sites have better returns for those looking for long term relation-
The gain of transgender models is a double edged sword.
The Bad
Photoshoping beauty The gain of transgender models is a double edged sword. While I honor and respect the gains these women have made, I worry that a new generation of trans youth will grow with the same unrealistic standards of beauty that cis women have been subjected too for years. How bad is that? Advertisers have long known that sex sells. The women who graced the pages of glossy magazines over the last forty years have been carefully culled from the entire population and set a standard few women can live up to. But in the age of Photoshop, the line between art and reality has been blurred beyond the point of recognition. The Upworthy website posted a short video to show just how extreme this has become, “See Why We Have An Absolutely Ridiculous Standard Of Beauty In Just 37 Seconds” is worth viewing by all women. Is Grindr ruining gay culture? Several blogs and articles have gone
Honor Your Body, Honor You by Davey Wavey Good Form versus More Weight?
Dear Davey, As part of my leg routine, I perform squats. I know that in a traditional squat, I should squat down until my thighs are parallel to the floor. However, I can squat a lot more weight if I stop short of parallel. Is it more important to follow proper form with less resistance or to cheat a bit and use more resistance? From, Chris Chris, This is really an age-old question and one that a lot of people have. I always stick with better form over more resistance for a variety of reasons. First and foremost, if you have good form, you’ll soon be able to add more resistance – and eventually you’ll reach (and surpass) the amount of weight with which you cheated. And you’ll do it all with good form which means better results. Second, improper form can increase injury risk. Though stopping your squats short of parallel isn’t particularly dangerous,
cheating on other exercises – like barbell bicep curls, for example – can be very dangerous. Too many exercisers throw out their backs or dislocate a shoulder due to improper form. However, there was recently a study in The Journal of Strength Training & Conditioning on the very question you just asked. For the study, researchers recruited healthy but untrained participants and divided them into two groups. In one group, the exercisers stopped their squats at a 50 degree knee angle. In simpler terms, this group cheated. For the other group, exercisers performed full squats until they reached a knee angle of 90 degrees. After evaluating the data, researchers did see muscle gains in both groups – but the largest differences were in strength. For the cheating group, strength gains were limited to a small range of motion. Moreover, for calculations of external torque, researchers found a 7% increase for participants in the 90 degree group versus external torque in the 50 degree group. Based on the findings, researchers recommend proper form – even if it means less weight. And it’s a recommendation that
Too many exercisers throw out their backs or dislocate a shoulder due to improper form.
Rachel Eliason is a forty two year old Transsexual woman. She was given her first computer, a Commodore Vic-20 when she was twelve and she has been fascinated by technology ever since. In the thirty years since that first computer she has watched in awe as the Internet has transformed the LGBT community. In addition to her column, Rachel has published a collection of short stories, Tales the Wind Told Me and is currently working on her debut novel, Run, Clarissa, Run. Rachel can be found all over the web, including on Facebook, Twitter, Google+ and Goodreads. ships, real life intimacy and well balanced social lives.
The Ugly
I would like to leave you all with a message of self acceptance from the world’s ugliest woman. Lizzie Velasquez has a rare medical condition where her body can’t store body fat. As a teenager Lizzie discovered she was featured on a YouTube video titled “world’s ugliest woman.” As if the video wasn’t bad enough, the comments were even crueler, suggesting she should commit
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I’m happy to endorse.
Losing Weight: When Nothing Works?! Hi Davey, I’m a 22 year old girl who has always been a bit overweight but now I’m definitely obese. I’ve tried to lose weight through several diets and to stay active, but almost always have failed. My two biggest problems are 1) I’m incredibly lazy and I just can’t be bothered to go out to have a walk 2) I don’t like most of the fruits and vegetables that are recommended for a diet. Do you have any tips or some way to stick to the diet and, above all, to avoid being so damn lazy? Love, Melissa Melissa, Thanks for the thoughtful and honest email. I have to warn you, my response is going to contain some tough love. But first, its worth noting that losing weight isn’t just about moving more and eating smarter – though obviously both are crucial to the weight loss process. For a lot of people, losing weight can have a deep psychological
Davey Wavey is an AFPA certified personal trainer shares his passion for and knowledge of fitness, exercise, health and nutrition with the world. For more information go to DaveyWaveyFitness.com. component. Often times, weight issues are interwoven with childhood trauma, sexual abuse and so on. Some people eat food to self-soothe. Some people fear being perceived as attractive. Some people fear their own greatness. In these instances, it’s important to reach out for professional help. Having said all of that, you mentioned
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Iowa’s Gay Weddings by Scott Stevens Wedding Decorations
When getting married, you have this vision in your mind of how your special day will go, and what everything will look like. The flowers, the cake, the tablescapes, the bill….wait, you have to pay for decorations?! Let’s face it; unless you’re Martha Stewart’s gay nephew, you have to find some resources of your own. Here are just a few tips to help you out. About 52% the money you spend will go towards the reception. A big way to save money and get “more bang for your buck,” is choose a venue that is already decorated or has elements of design already. Plan around the holidays; around Christmas, Easter and Thanksgiving. Most venues and churches already plan on having greenery and flowers, so use the existing décor for the backdrop of your wedding. Instead of using flowers, plan your ceremony at dusk and decorate with candles. Candles always create an intimate atmosphere with your guests. Votives, tea lights and pillar candles can be bought in bulk. Places like Michaels offer 50% off every other week. Always ask your venue their rules about having candles. If your venue doesn’t allow candles, use flame-
less candles and place them in frosted or colored glass, or milk glass. To cut down on the cost of your invitations/save the dates, simple is always better. The majority of printing companies charge based on how many colors you use, the number of font types, and the graphics. In today’s tech savvy world, there is no need to pay for envelopes and RSVP cards to be sent back to you. Use a wedding website for guests to RSVP. You can add any option that a traditional RSVP card would have, like “plus 1” and “Chicken or Beef ”. This will also save you time when it comes to giving the caterer your final head count, as you can print out a list. Last, planning is key—find an idea/ theme and stick with it! Don’t wait until a month before the wedding to start purchasing decorations. Start looking at craft stores ads to see when things go on sale. As my partners mother says, “Never buy anything full price at Hobby Lobby, and if you did, take it back and get the discount!” Look on websites like e-bay
and wedding-recycle.com to buy things that have already been made by previous brides. A great place to buy vases and glass-ware is the Dollar Tree. You can buy in bulk on their website. I always tell couples this is their day, make it about YOU. Just because someone else did their wedding one way, doesn’t mean you have to. Get creative; customize centerpieces to fit your personality. DIY is your best friend, and if you see an idea on Pinterest, try it!
Let’s face it; unless you’re Martha Stewart’s gay nephew, you have to find some resources of your own.
I think the statement is already being made by us being on the delegation — Billie Jean and Caitlin — and us standing together, united as gay people showing that there is freedom of speech and we are successful human beings and athletes. I think that speaks measures. ~ Brian Boitano in regards to the U.S. Presidential Delegation to the Sochi Olympics.
Scott Stevens co-owner/operator of Iowa’s Gay Wedding Planner.com
FEBRUARY 2014
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I.C. Kings present: Homo for the Holidaze! Iowa City, Iowa
The I.C. Kings presented “Homo for the Holidaze�, Thursday, December 19th at Studio 13 in Iowa City, Iowa. Performers included: Franky D. Lover, J.T. Amore, Hugh Jindapants, Chaz E. Burger, Jack Rabbit, Lady Jewel Bijou, Miss Kitty, and special guest, Saideh. The I.C. Kings are a drag king troupe in Iowa City, bending gender and performing monthly for your voyeuristic delight since 2009. For more information you can find the I.C. Kings on Facebook or go to ICKings.com. Photos courtesy of Sara Tate.
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KOPFMAN tions. Adam took some time from his busy schedule (he is the creative mind behind the amazing wedding cakes at Tip Top Cakes) and shared the exciting story of how Jeremy and he went from a family of two to a family of three. Jeremy and I met in 2002 while both attending College in Grand Junction Colorado. We both were studying to become theatre majors and started dating while doing a production of “The Wizard of OZ”… I know, how fitting. It is hard to believe that we are going on 12 years of being together. We moved to Iowa City in 2007 when Jeremy was accepted into the Physician Assistance program at the University. In 2009 when same sex marriage became legal we got married at Hotel Vetro in September. Jeremy works for St. Luke’s ER and I own a bakery called Tip Top Cakes. Through our journey together we have thought about children. Jeremy has always been ready to have kids and was wanting to adopt a lot earlier in our lives. I on the other hand wasn’t sure about becoming a father. I still had things I wanted to do and I still wanted to go to Italy. Well in 2012 we went to Italy for our 10 year anniversary. That is when we got serious about if we wanted children or not. We talked about adoption and surrogacy. When we returned from Italy we started researching adoption and surrogacy and the weighing our options. The price was something that steered us away from getting a surrogate. We also discussed going through the state and being foster parents for awhile, but felt like we weren’t emotionally ready to handle what that could entail. So we started looking for adoption agencies and ones that were same-sex friendly. We came upon LifeLong Adoptions while searching the web. They help a lot of heterosexual couples adopt, but they help same sex couples as well. After our initial phone conversation with Mark from LifeLong, Jeremy and I knew that this is what we wanted to do. Once we signed up with LifeLong they built us a web page on their sight for birthmothers to look at and get a feel for who we were and how our friends and family felt about us adopting. Once the page was built then the waiting game began. Jeremy and I set up a special email account just for
LifeLong. We would check it about every two hours to see if we had any news. We would call Tisa and ask if the site was down because it had been a week and we hadn’t heard anything. After two weeks of not hearing anything, we called and asked why people didn’t like us, or what should we change in the letter to the birth mother? The team at LifeLong laughed and told us to calm down, breathe, and stop checking the email every two hours. We were told that things would take about four to six months for a birthmother to contact us. They told us to forget about it and enjoy being “single”. Well this was the end of March when we did all this and both Jeremy and I were a mess, but we tried our best to forget. I went out and bought a crib…I thought that would help me forget [laughs]. Well soon it got a bit easier putting it in the back of our minds. Wedding season was picking up for me and Jeremy was always busy at the ER and had a huge convention in Toronto that he was attending over Memorial Day. I had four weddings Memorial Day weekend and Jeremy was flying home from Canada when I got a call on my business phone. I didn’t recognize the number or area code. I was exhausted from a long day of wedding cakes, but I picked up. It was Tisa from LifeLong telling me that we had a birthmother who wanted to talk to us. I sat down because I felt my legs go numb. I was so happy and the girls at LifeLong were laughing and telling us that we could stop freaking out. I quickly called Jeremy, who was stuck in Chicago at the airport waiting to fly home. I told him the great news and he was crying on the other line, not able to talk at the moment. We Facetimed with the 17-year-old birthmother the next day. It was an hour long discussion about us and our relationship and family. She was 27 weeks pregnant at this time and had been hiding out trying to keep it a secret from her friends. She was starting her senior year in high school and knew she wasn’t ready to be a mother and the 19-year-old father was not ready either. So from that point on we built a relationship with the birthmother and her mom through a chain of text messages. We would talk once a day, and Jeremy and I flew out two weeks after she chose us to meet her, the birth father, and the extended family. That was the first time we got to meet our son… we both were in love with
It was Tisa from LifeLong telling me that we had a birthmother who wanted to talk to us. I sat down because I felt my legs go numb.
The Project of the Quad Cities
Founded in 1986, The Project of the Quad Cities is a non-profit HIV/STI/AIDS Service Organization that provides support to persons living with HIV/STI/AIDS as well as their families and friends in Iowa and Illinois. www.apqc4life.org
Symptom Management Group—Every Wednesday from 1-2:30 pm Life Skills Group—Every other Wednesday from 10-11:30 am Coffee Hour—10-11:30 am on Wednesdays when the Life Skills Group does
not meet; A relaxed and casual atmosphere
Groups meet at our Moline office. We also offer free HIV testing Monday through Thursday from 9 am to 4 pm. For more information call Susie or Mollie at 309-762-5433
him after feeling him kick. Jeremy and I were there for the birth of our son Gracen who decided he wanted to enter the world a month early. Not expecting that, we got a phone call at 2:30 from the birthmother’s mom asking how quickly could we be in North Carolina, because they were taking her to the hospital at that point. We rushed and packed. (Lord, the clothes I packed were terrible—note to self pack early!) We were on the plane at 5:00pm and arrived at 11:00pm. The birthmother told the hospital staff and doctor that she would not have this child until Jeremy and I arrived. Gracen was born the next day weighing six pounds, and he was perfect. Jeremy and I had our own hospital room right down from her room. Gracen stayed with us from day one. We would visit with the birthmother and her mom with Gracen. Jeremy and I were a little worried that she might change her mind. You hear so many stories about a mom changing her mind after she holds the baby. I had to fly back to Iowa because of a wedding that I was in and doing the cake for. Jeremy’s mom flew out and stayed with the boys. Grandma got to meet the birthmother and her mom. That night Jeremy got a text from the birthmother saying that she couldn’t be happier with the choice she had made and that Jeremy and I couldn’t be better parents for Gracen. She was happy that she was able to give us the gift of life and that she was able to meet us. Gracen will be six months old in February. It’s hard to believe that he has been in our lives for half a year now. We have heard from the birthmother that she
FEBRUARY 2014 will be attending college next fall and that she is so happy still for her choice. Jeremy and I can’t believe that she is 17 and such a strong amazing woman. Jeremy and I still can’t believe we are fathers to this wonderful little boy. Yes there have been some visits to the hospital for hernia surgery and the flu, but we both look at each other and wonder why we waited so long. Jeremy and I do believe in God and we do believe that he blessed us with Gracen and the wonderful adoption journey. We are head over heels for our son and the biggest problem now is who gets to hold him. Jeremy and I are signing back up with LifeLong this March. By no means do we want to rush through Gracen’s time as our little baby, but we don’t know how long the process will take this time. We were lucky last time: from the time we signed to the birth was four and a half months. I know I have said it many times through this whole interview, but we have been blessed and we are so thankful to LifeLong, the hospital staff in North Carolina, and our friends and family. Adam Kopfman, Jeremy Nelson, and their son Gracen live in Coralville, Iowa. Adam can be reached via TipTopCakes.com.
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BULLYING Estes, “The Hundred Dresses” tells the story of Wanda Petronski. Wanda wants to fit in to her new school. But the kids think she has a funny name and a funny accent. So when Wanda, who wears the same faded blue dress to school every day, says she has 100 dresses at home, the kids tease her. The bullying gets so bad, Wanda and her family move away. One classmate, Maddie, turns to her mother and teacher for advice. She learns that allowing her friends to be bullies is as bad as being a bully herself. The Hundred Dresses is performing January 17th- February 2nd at Des Moines Community Playhouse. Can you tell us about the play? The play takes place in 1938 and we’re in a small Connecticut town where the depression has hit pretty hard, where a new family has moved into town—the Petronskis, a little girl Wanda and her dad. They step into a situation where people have known each other a very long time. And all of a sudden a little girl comes along with a foreign accent and with not much to her name, in other words she can only wear one dress every day. She is pretty much an outcast until she tells them she has a hundred dresses, and of course; that doesn’t total up with the number of dresses she wears to school. She insists she has them and they make fun of her, and they begin to bully her. She leaves, her father pulls her out of the school and they leave to go to a bigger city. Later, the children find out that she did indeed have a hundred dresses, they were drawings. The drawings of the hundred dresses were beautiful and they depicted the girls in her classroom.
The Fun Guide So there is a great deal of guilt but it’s mostly learned by one little girl whose name is Maddie. Maddie realizes she sat buy and did nothing, and that was worse. So she wasn’t a part of the direct teasing but she didn’t step in to do what she should have done, and her conscious will bother her forever. One of the things we liked about the play is that it takes place in 1938 so it gives a kind of timelessness to bullying. Not just something that takes place over the internet, in current day, and with disastrous results ending in school shootings. But that it has taken place for a long time and every generation has to learn this lesson—brand new. Also it addresses bullying on different levels, there is no fighting in terms of shoving and hitting but it’s all done in terms of mental infliction. Wearing someone down and making them feel like they are less of a person, by creating such an imbalance of power that they can never win. And it addresses that very difficult notion for children, that you have done something when you haven’t done anything. In addition to performing this, you are taking this lesson out to schools? We have a program called Spotlight Literacy, and what we do is; we take out the book, in which the play is based on, to kids from disadvantaged backgrounds. We go out to schools with the actors to discuss what the lessons of the play are and how teachers can apply them in the classroom. We were out at a school that has a heavy ESL (English as a second language) population and one little boy began talking about
his experience, having come from Honduras. He said, he was actually very blunt and purposeful, that he wasn’t bullied but he was the one that did the bullying. That he felt different and he felt angry, and it wasn’t until people accepted him, even though he was an angry person—that he was able to relax. So the discussions go off in a lot of unexpected directions. Tell us about the experience that the actors are having with the production. We had to talk very frankly at the beginning and acknowledge that it would be difficult for them to play the role of the bad guy. In fact one of our young men has to call Wanda a Pollock and that of course is kind of a tame term in today’s world, but it’s still meant to diminish and not meant to uplift. And he is not a name caller, it doesn’t come easy to him to do this; but we talk about the value of representing bullying so that people have a face to put to it. And that they are really doing something of a noble purpose to be able to do this. But in order for that to happen we have to make a safe environment in which we don’t even tease them about playing the bully because we know it’s a hard thing to do. Have there been any surprises or insights in the rehearsal process or the play in production? One of our actors shared with the rest of the cast that he was actually adopted from Russia, and he was adopted early enough on that he never came with that foreign language or being different, he was adopted as a baby. But he projects continually into what his life would be if he had come as an immigrant and speaking a foreign language. He has been in our theatre for four or five years, and I think that’s the first time he’s told that story. Part of what it is, when you shine a light on things that are difficult, stories come to the surface. And art is a really great way to kind of loosen people, to be able to tell their stories, to share what their hurt is and what their pain may be. We don’t all sit around and Kumbaya and share stories all night long, these just come out as a natural progression. But I think everyone has had that moment when they feel like there has been something said to them that will echo negatively throughout their whole life. And part of it is
Just as the Diary of Anne Frank resonates with all generations, so does this.
ACCESSline Page 21 that people have taken power, and part of it is that you have given it to them. There are many small moments like that, but I think it mainly happens because it’s a very safe environment that we try to create for both adults and kids to create and be able to show their emotions. There is one particular moment when the teacher has discovered what happened and she tells them all that they need to think about it. She describes what they’ve done and she said, “I want you to sit here and be quiet and think about it.” And there are some nights when she gives that speech and she’s close to tears and there are other times it strikes her as something that makes her angry, and there are other times that she pities the kids for having been so stupid. So it changes every night. Is this production targeted for a particular age of audience or is it all ages? It’s all audiences, this is a book that has been around for a long time—it was published in the 50s. So many generations have read it and there is that ‘I grew up with this book’ kind of feel of it. The reading level of the book starts around 3rd grade and it’s introduced in classrooms a lot, just because it’s a good jumping off point to talk about bullying. But it’s also beautifully written, it’s also a very gentle story, and it shows bullying in a light that says this is hurtful it but it doesn’t have to be bloody for this to be hurtful. Does the play have an overall mood? One of our actors said to an uncle who had never been to the theatre before, “You’re going to laugh and you’re going to cry”. It’s not a heavy handed message, it is a message that’s difficult to watch at some points, but just as the Diary of Anne Frank is a good introduction to the Holocaust; this is a good introduction to the notion to talking about bullying. Just as the Diary of Anne Frank resonates with all generations, so does this. It’s difficult to call something like this entertainment, because a long with entertainment comes this feeling that you have to come out happy. I think you come out of this production feeling convicted, convicted that you are not going to stand by—you’re going to say something. So if art is meant to change your life and your prospective, then this is a good investment. For more information and to purchase tickets, go to DMPlayhouse.com.
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FEBRUARY 2014
The Bookworm Sez by Terri Schlichenmeyer “The AIDS Generation: Stories of Survival and Resilience” by Perry N.Halkitis, c/2014, Oxford University Press, $49.95 / $54.95 Canada, 249 pages Some of the best experiences you had last year were with your friends. When you think back about the highlights, you remember dancing together, eating together, latenight bull sessions, parties, travels, and idle man-watching. Those shared experiences are the glue that forever holds your friendship together. Or maybe, like the men in “The Aids Generation” by Perry N. Halkitis, your bond is that you’re survivors. The history of AIDS is vast and can’t be told without the stories of the people lost to the disease and the ones they left behind. Of the latter, says Halkitis, “… all the gay men of my generation, infected or not, are longterm survivors...” Those are the men who came of age in the 1980s when “the promise for sexual freedom and sexual expression existed…” They are the men who, in the prime of their lives and when they should’ve been the picture of health, watched their friends and lovers die and who were told, upon their own AIDS diagnosis, that they, too, would probably be dead within two years. But of course, that wasn’t necessarily true. This book, the culmination of a largescale project on gay men who have lived with AIDS for decades, pulls together 15 survivors who were “still alive to tell their stories as middle-aged men.” Some of them don’t remember when
they learned of their diagnosis, while some remember the day clearly. Regardless, all exhibited “the pause,” as Halkitis calls the stress reaction to remembering that time. Some of the fifteen knew, deep-down, that they’d been infected; one said it would’ve been “a miracle… not to be positive.” For others, it came as a surprise. Some got sick, while others waited for illness that never really came. All are “resilient,” says Halkitis, and are now surprised and amazed to experience the kind of normal health issues that men in middle-age endure. “I’ve been at the worst of this virus,” one of the men told Halkitis, “and now I’m in the golden years of this virus. This virus has taken me halfway around the world, and I’m still here.” At first blush, “The AIDS Generation” may seem like it’s more academic than not. That assessment is true; there is plenty for academics in this book, but casual readers will find something here, too. As one of the “AIDS Generation,” author Perry N. Halkitis knew, specifically, which questions to
ask of his subjects in order to get the memories and emotions he pulled from them. That questioning leads to a fresh sense of heartache in the telling of tales, and a distant theme of horror that bubbles with anger and ends with a general awe for life and an appealing sense of triumph. Despite linguistic stumbles that might’ve been better off edited out, that makes them compellingly readable. I believe there are two audiences for this book: long-term survivors who count themselves among the warriors, and younger men who need to learn. If you fall into either category, then reading “The AIDS Generation” will be a worthwhile experience.
1 Left to pirates 5 Fruit container 10 Either of the two O’s in 51-Across 14 Geometrical finding 15 Miserable dwelling 16 Tiger’s ex 17 Tuft of pubic hair, e.g. 18 What straight soldiers do with their eyes in the shower 19 Nick at __ 20 Actor of Cuban descent recently featured in Da Man 23 Castle in a board game 24 “It’s ___ for me to say” 25 TV series in which 20-Across played a nurse 27 Phi Beta Kappa concern, for short 30 Fingerprint feature 34 Cruising the Atlantic 35 Turn on 37 Long of If These Walls Could Talk 2 38 Sch. with a condom for a mascot? 39 TV series in which 20-Across plays a former CIA operative 40 RN offering 41 J. Caesar’s tongue, or back muscle 42 Like the big top 43 Chiang Kai-___ 44 Big name in bulk food 46 Pride’s place 47 TV series in which 20-Across played a drug dealer 48 Top record 50 English channel, with “the” 51 1999 movie with 20-Across
57 Do style 58 Woman without a woman, e.g. 59 In the pink 61 Come clean, with “up” 62 Type of probe 63 Bus. major’s study 64 Perry of Metropolitan Community Church 65 West Side __
66 Where to stick your tool
Some got sick, while others waited for illness that never really came.
Across
Q-PUZZLE: You Da Man
Down
1 Fondle clumsily 2 Pg. in a photocopier 3 Brings back 4 Starchy dessert
5 Billiards cube 6 Go from one gay bar to another, e.g. 7 Spit it out, with confidence 8 Six years for a senator 9 John of Aida fame 10 Top 11 A Streetcar Named Desire director Kazan 12 Play about a gay bathhouse, with The 13 Queen’s “Another ___ Bites the Dust” 21 Myrna of The Thin Man 22 Carpenter’s rod 25 Handles roughly 26 Francis Bacon work 27 Long piano 28 Italian bridge 29 Writer Wystan Hugh 31 Nevil Shute novel 32 Rubbed the wrong way 33 Doesn’t have 35 It may top a queen 36 McCullers’ Ballad of the _ Cafe 39 Greek philosophical type 43 Gets hot 45 Fastidious 47 Astroglide alternative 49 Cash drawers 50 Fruit on a bush 51 “Buy one get one free” offer 52 Roughly 53 Toe woe 54 In the year, to Nero 55 Admiral’s position? 56 Fruit flavor for gin 57 Toward the rudder 60 Put a halt to
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WIRED suicide. Lizzie was devastated. Then she decided, “Am I going to let the people who call me a monster define me?” She has gone on to author two books with a third on the way. And she has built a career for herself as a motivational speaker. In Be Beautiful, Be You she tells us “We all need to love and value ourselves today, to start living right now instead of waiting until things are perfect.” If you find yourself alone this Valentine’s Day or if you don’t feel you can measure up to all the beautiful bodies you see in magazines and on the internet, you don’t have to let those feeling define who you are. Like Lizzie, you can decide that person you are on the inside is what is important. Make a list of the things that you like about yourself and refer to that list whenever you feel down. In time you can become the beautiful person inside you.
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HONOR that your two biggest problems are laziness and a dislike of healthy food. If you’re too lazy to exercise, then health isn’t a priority for you. And it’s a waste of time for you to embark on a fitness program. You need to really, really want the benefits of a healthy lifestyle to stay motivated. Ask yourself, why do I want to be fit? Maybe you want to have a family and raise children—and be there for them. Maybe you want to live a long, healthy life—and be alive for your grandchildren. Maybe you don’t want to burden your family with the health ailments that obesity will likely bring. Maybe you love life too much to die an early death. These are the things that motivate me… but make your own list. According to one study, obesity trims 10 years off of your life. If that doesn’t motivate you to take a walk, then I can’t really help you. And yes, I know that not everyone enjoys eating fruits and vegetables. A doughnut tastes better than kale—but take
A doughnut tastes better than kale— but take into account how foods make your body feel.
into account how foods make your body feel. After eating a doughnut, your body feels slow and sluggish. After eating kale, you’re energized and lively. We don’t eat food just for taste, but also as fuel for our body. Make this distinction. Over time, you may find that you do develop a taste for healthy foods. While steamed broccoli doesn’t excite me, a fresh, colorful salad definitely does. In other words, you don’t always have to pick between flavor and nutrition; some foods have both. Last but not least, don’t underestimate the power of a positive mindset. Switching from a mindset of ‘I can’t and I don’t’ to ‘I can and I do’ makes a huge difference. Be your own loudest cheerleader, even if you’re still unsure of yourself! Again, thank you for such an honest email. You’re certainly not alone in your obstacles, but I hope you find the strength and motivation to step up and achieve your fitness goals.
PFLAG - Des Moines Chapter Meeting
The Des Moines Chapter of Parents & Friends of Lesbians & Gays (PFLAG) will meet at 6:30 pm at the Unitarian Universalist Church, 1800 Bell Avenue Des Moines, IA 50315 on the third Tuesday of every month. The meeting begins with a short business meeting followed by an educational presentation, and a social and support session. All are welcome! Made up of parents, families, friends, and straight allies uniting with lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender (LGBT) people, PFLAG is committed to advancing equality through its mission of support, education and advocacy.
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Cedar Rapids Hometown Heartthrobs 319 Drag Kings
Can you tell me what your ultimate date would be? Jayden Knight: My date would be to go to dinner, then go home and snuggle up watching a movie. Star E Knight: In the summer I would go on a camping trip. In the winter I’d buy a nice meal, treat her a little bit, then go home and watch a movie. It would either have to be a Disney movie or a new one—trying and doing new things is the ultimate way to go. JD Lesbiani: To be in a cabin out in woods by a lake with a fire and a bottle of wine, just you and her and nature. For more information go to Facebook. com/319DragKings.
The 319 Drag Kings share their tips on romance and where to find your favorite King this upcoming Valentine’s Day. The 319 Drag Kings are male impersonators based out of Cedar Rapids, Iowa. They have a regular show the second Friday of the month at Club CO2, 616 2nd Ave SE, Cedar Rapids, Iowa.
Jayden Knight What has changed since you changed your name to 319 Drag Kings this past year? Jayden Knight: We’ve become a stronger troop since the change—we’ve grown. Star E Knight: Better leadership and I’ve grown closer to my drag troupe. JD Lesbiani: I feel we are working better as a group with more communication. Who have been your special guests? Jayden Knight: Hunter Mann has been a special guest and, soon to be performing: Franklin Vanderbilt and Olly Wood. Jazmine: Hunter Mann was a HUGE deal,
JD Lesbiani
Jazmine
I’ve known him for several years, as have a few of the kings, having him perform with us was amazing; ladies definitely loved him! We’re having him back for our Home Town Heart Throbs show on Valentine’s Day. This show will be epic! When is your next upcoming performance? Jayden Knight: Upcoming on February 14th is Hometown Heart-Throbs at Club CO2 at 11pm… JD Lesbiani: Next one is Valentine’s Day so it should be a romantic mushy show. Jayden Knight: …then March 14th is March Mystery Madness at Club CO2, 11pm show time. What can we look forward to seeing from the 319 Drag Kings this year? Jazmine: Lots of new and exciting things are unfolding for us, we’re reaching more and more people and having some special guests coming in and joining us! We’re always up for new and exciting adventures, so we encourage our fan base to always give us new ideas!
Valentine’s Day is coming up; do you have any dating tips? Jazmine: This question is a good one! I’ve been with my girlfriend for over 3 years and the things that kicked off our relationship were honesty and laughter! Biggest turn on for a lot of women out there is someone who can make them laugh. And don’t try hard, just be yourself and the right person will come to you! Star E Knight: Just be honest and have an open ear. Let them know how you feel—if you love them, tell them. Jayden Knight: Make your girl feel special by doing something from the heart. JD Lesbiani: Hmm, just to make her feel special and make it romantic.
University of Iowa LGBT S&F Association - Iowa City, Iowa
The University of Iowa Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender Staff & Faculty Association (the “Association”) was organized in 1990 to support the interests of the lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender campus community. The Association is open to any University employee—merit staff, professional/scientific staff, graduate assistant, faculty, administrator or community member. Meetings are held monthly and feature guest presentations as well as discussions of current topics recommended by members. In addition, the Association sponsors other public activities throughout the year ranging from lectures to cultural performances and social events. The Association’s services and activities are open to everyone. 2012-2013 Executive Board Meeting Schedule, IMU River Room #1 2nd Thursday of the month, 12:30-1:30 p.m. Wednesday, Feb 26, 2014, Wednesday, Mar 26, 2014, Wednesday, Apr 23, 2014. For general comments or questions, please contact the Association by e-mail at lgbtsfa@uiowa. edu. For more information go to their website at http://www.uiowa.edu/~lgbsfa/
Star E Knight
FEBRUARY 2014
Section 3: Community
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FFBC: Anne Starr by Bruce Carr
The First Friday Breakfast Club’s guest speaker on January 3 was Anne Starr, who last March became President and CEO of Orchard Place, central Iowa’s premier provider of behavioral and mental health services to children (operating on a budget of over $19 million, Orchard Place last year employed 359 staff members and provided care for close to 8,000 Iowa children and youth). Having suggested Orchard Place as a topic of particular concern to our membership, Starr also brought with her Mandy
Harris, a staff social worker with special interest in LGBTQ clients and services; both women spoke compassionately and cogently about their work. Starr began by outlining the scope and size of the Orchard Place main facility and outlying services. The residential campus (six acres in a former orchard on Des Moines’ south side) comprises 103 beds; the average in-patient stay is about nine months. Orchard Place also manages a Child Guidance Center specializing in traumainformed care; the PACE Child Care Resource and Referral Service at Eighth and High Streets; and— since last summer—a new, Medicaid-funded program of Care Coordination Services which already reaches over 1,000 youth and their families. Noting that fully one-
As the New Year begins, PTCI will be looking at how we can improve the ways our lives in the LGBT community end. At this time the board of PTCI has committed to join with OneIowa and the Women’s Cultural Collective to begin planning an event for this fall that is designed to educate our community concerning how to live well, age well and die well. Topics under consideration are housing, financial and legal issues; durable powers of attorney and living wills, ethical issues and palliative care, and the opportunities that come to us as we age. To volunteer to help or just to keep informed of what is going on, send your email address either to Pr ime T imersIowa@gmail.co m or info@oneiowa.org. Our local Prime Timers chapter had a very successful Holiday Party in Chili Cook-Off in January and elected a slate
of officers that will be developing a full list of activities for the coming year. The mission of PTCI is to provide a variety of social opportunities for a diverse group of mature, gay/bi/questioning men. In addition to our previously scheduled events we will be developing more small events like card parties and Mexican Train Dominoes. We expect to continue to evolve as more opportunities are identified. A regional gathering of Prime Timers will be held in Chicago in July, 2014. Several Prime Timers are planning on taking the train from Osceola IA to Chicago to attend, so the party can start here in Iowa! The hotel is within walking distance of Union Station and near down town. The Chicago Prime Timers are working hard to make this an enjoyable event. To find out more about Prime Timers contact PrimeTimersIowa@gmail.com.
Anne Starr
quarter of all children in today’s society may experience a need for mental-health services, she urged us all to be as proactive about recommending the availability of safe and professional care to our friends and acquaintances as we would be about physical-health care. Harris, who works in Orchard Place’s Child Guidance Center, spoke urgently of the importance of providing safe and nonjudgmental spaces and models. Children who are afraid of or confused by their own “difference” need assurance on all levels, and at every step, that they can achieve and grow to become healthy, well-functioning adults, she said. Both speakers answered questions, about such issues as lethal weapons and the Iowa Juvenile Home in Toledo, posi-
Children who are afraid of or confused by their own “difference” need assurance on all levels, and at every step, that they can achieve and grow to become healthy, well-functioning adults.
tively and frankly. It was a most informative and inspiring presentation. A nationwide executive search in 2008-09 brought Anne Starr back to Des Moines to lead Orchard Place. A graduate of UNI with a master of social work degree from the University of Iowa, Starr has worked in both direct care and administrative roles at a number of mental health agencies in her 32-year career. One of her very first jobs was in Des Moines at Polk County Association for Retarded Citizens (ARC); she also served as a therapist on the Orchard Place campus. She then moved into administrative and executive roles at a number of children’s service agencies in several states, most recently as a regional director of operations for the Guardian Group in Nashville, Tennessee. As a parent, Starr has coped with a child with a serious emotional disturbance; she also serves as guardian to an adult with a severe mental illness. She and her husband, Bart, have three grown children. She can be reached at www.orchardplace.org.
Prime Timers of Central Iowa LGBTQ Patient & Family Education and Support Groups
Come join the UI LGBTQ Clinic providers and other health professionals to learn about various health and wellness topics and have the opportunity to meet new people!
Hours: Every Thursday evening 5:30-7:00pm Location: University Capitol Center (UCC), Located in Old Capitol Mall 201 S. Clinton St., Iowa City IA RM 2520B Contact: meagan-schorr@uiowa.edu or www.uihealthcare.org/lgbt/
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Section 3: Community
FEBRUARY 2014
A Church Where Everyone Is Equal by Rev. Peter Trabaris Embracing the Children
“MCC of Central Iowa is a church committed to the task of Seeking, Teaching and Living for Justice and Equality.” At first glance, that statement seems to reflect an activist agenda. To the extent that we are committed to working toward Justice and Equality for all of God’s people, this is true. At the same time, these statements mean much more than that. Seeking, Teaching and Living for Justice and Equality, touches all aspects of our lives. In a very real sense, living a life, the hallmarks of which are Justice and Equality, is a picture of a follower of Jesus, living a life that exhibits their faith in action. While it is true that many so-called Christians today seem to work hard to justify their own bigotry, and personal biases and hatreds, under the guise of the Bible, such behavior has nothing to do with the teachings of Jesus. Jesus taught us how to reach across human lines of division, helping us to see his own example at building common cause with those who were considered different, ritually impure, or as outcast in his own day. Jesus didn’t use his faith to belittle, or hate on others. Many Christian Ministers are afraid to speak out against the dangerous ramifications of this self-styled Christianity. I am not. I was raised in the Greek Orthodox Church. I loved it. I still love the ritual, the music, and much of the mysticism. I was an altar boy. Everyone always recognized that I would spend my life as a priest. As a child, this was supposed to be as a Greek Orthodox Priest. The thing is that by the time I was approaching my teens, I recognized that I was gay. I knew that there was nothing wrong, or inconsistent with being both gay and Christian. I had always had a strong relationship with Jesus. God was central to my life. As an altar boy, I knew that many of the Greek Priests, and Bishops, who I knew personally, were themselves gay. In private, they were supportive of one another; they honored one another’s relationships. In public though, they would tell gay parish-
ioners that they were condemned. Even as a growing child I had no tolerance for such hypocrisy. And I left the Orthodox Church. I have experienced first-hand, the emotional, psychological, and faith damage that such religious recklessness brings into the lives of those who listen to it on a regular basis. And this is why I am committed to Metropolitan Community Church. MCC fights this kind of religion by ushering in a new kind of Christianity; a Christianity that works hard to live the teachings of Jesus, and champion’s Justice and Equality for all of God’s Children. In days gone by, we in the LGBTQ Community often had little to do with children. And I don’t have to rehearse here, the reasons why. But we have become increasingly aware of the ways that hate hurts the younger among us, regardless of the source. And together, we are working hard to do whatever we can to help younger people understand their worth, and value, to the end that they become stronger in the face of hate speech, and cyber-bullying, and school bullying, and able to stay strong and grounded in the truth. Our hearts have been broken by the list of teens, and younger, who have ended their lives because of bullying, a list that is way too long. One thing that we are really good at in the LGBTQ Community, and in MCC, is recognizing when those around us are in pain, or being pushed to the side, and when we recognize this, are good at organizing to speak out, and agitate to effect change. In MCC, children have always been a part of our churches. Today,mostMCC churches have robust children’s programming. MCC of Central Iowa is no different. We began our new Children’s Sunday school last fall, and what a blessing it has been. As we prepare to start our spring session,
the number of children participating has doubled. Our children can’t wait to get to Sunday school each week. They are developing strong friendships with each other, and their parents are learning right along with them. Our Sunday school is open to all families. Our programming is designed to help children understand the mutual worth of all God’s people. This helps us all to become better, more considerate and caring people. The curriculum that we use is not unique. In fact, the Gather Round Curriculum that we use is used by many different churches across denominational lines. One of the great things about the curriculum is that it provides resources to the church, and to the parents that help families to continue the lessons throughout the week at home, with appropriate theological guidance provided by the theologians who help to create the curriculum. Helping our children to understand what the Bible really says, and helping them to know that they are loved, by God, and Jesus, their families, and their communities strengthens them. That is the immediate benefit of being part of such a loving community. Beyond that, over time, they will grow up in a community of people who are all committed to a type of community life that demands Justice and Equality for all people. Over the last twenty years, families have increasingly been deciding to bring their children to MCC to experience a Christian Community where everyone is equal, and where everyone is committed to building a community of mutuality, respect and equality. They have learned how MCC has stood with the outcasts, and the marginalized around the globe and how we have impacted everything from the changing attitudes throughout most
Christian Denominations as regards Gays and the Christian Church, to Marriage Equality, to LGBTQ Adoption, to relations between LGBTQ people and our Allies, etc. While many Christian churches are still fighting about who is acceptable, and who isn’t, who can be ordained, and who can’t, whether women can be fully present, active and respected, or not, MCC has been on the forefront standing with, and fighting for the people. Because, this is what Jesus did. And this is what any church in his name must embody.
“Government-sponsored terrorism of its citizens is heinous!” says global faith leader The Rev. Dr. Nancy Wilson is the moderator of the Metropolitan Community Churches, which has ministries in over 40 countries. Dr. Wilson was part of the first LGBT faith delegation to meet with a sitting U.S. president in 1979. She was also a member of President Obama’s Advisory Council on Faith-Based and Neighborhood Partnerships. The global leader of the world’s largest church that affirms lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and queer (LGBTQ) people condemned the mass arrests and torture of LGBTQ people in Nigeria. The Rev. Dr. Nancy Wilson, global moderator of Metropolitan Community churches, announced a call for all faith leaders and persons of good will to speak out against the brutality being demonstrated by Nigerian officials.
“Today, we face a global crisis with Nigeria being the latest outbreak of hate and violence against sexual minorities. Nigeria has a population of 169 million people, which means millions now have to hide or flee to avoid imprisonment and torture. It means vigilante beatings and killings will be on the rise. Fear will prevail,” said Dr. Wilson. “The new law impacts all Nigerians. As one person commented, ‘When the police enter your house, arrest you for no reason, torture you to confess you are gay, you’ll understand how crazy this law is.’” “Right now, it is reported that dozens of LGBTQ people are being rounded up, imprisoned, and tortured so that they will reveal names of people to be arrested and tortured—to reveal more names. Where
will this end? Why are religious people silent in the face of this vicious persecution?” asked Dr. Wilson. “Persecution and brutality are not cultural differences; these are crimes against humanity!” “When Nigeria’s law says, ‘A person who registers, operates or participates in gay clubs, societies or organizations, or directly or indirectly makes public show of same-sex amorous relationship in Nigeria, commits an offense and is liable on conviction to a term of 10 years,” the average citizen should know that any person could be accused of being gay,” said Dr. Wilson. “Political enemies, visitors from other countries, irritating neighbors, and anyone who is the least bit different can be a target for this vicious campaign. This must stop!”
“It must stop in Nigeria. It must stop in India. It must stop in Uganda. It must stop in Russia. It must stop in Jamaica. It must stop in the United States, where almost 25% of transgender people in a recent national survey reported experiencing ‘catastrophic discrimination.’ Every year, we mark more murders—many unsolved, where transgender people are often dismembered, burned, mutilated, and subjected to other overkill practices that reveal untold levels of hate.” “Religious people should be on their knees to God asking for forgiveness because so much of this hatred is rooted in misguided religious beliefs. It is far past the time for religious leaders in every country to speak against the demeaning, persecution, torture, imprisonment, or murder of people because of whom they love or how they express their gender. Demand that government officials respect the human dignity of all citizens. Lives are at stake.”
Jesus taught us how to reach across human lines of division, helping us to see his own example at building common cause with those who were considered different, ritually impure, or as outcast in his own day.
Rev. Peter Trabaris, Interim Pastor, MCC of Central Iowa. Peter has served as the pastor of four MCC congregations in Illinois, and Iowa, and has functioned in denominational leadership, most recently serving the MCC North Central US Network. Peter has represented to the National Council of the Churches of Christ USA, and has served on the Executive Boards of the Church Federation of Greater Chicago, the Hyde-Park and Kenwood Interfaith Council, the Lakeview Overnight Shelter Board, and was the Co-Founder of the Northeast Lake County Clergy Network. Peter was an activist in the LGBTQ Community working for the Illinois Gay and Lesbian Student Caucus, the Illinois Gay and Lesbian Task Force, and the Helping Hands Outreach AIDS Ministry. Peter can be reached at: revpetert.mccciowa@aim.com and 515-393-7565.
Global Church Advocates for LGBT People in Nigeria “Persecution and brutality are not cultural differences; these are crimesagainsthumanity!”
FEBRUARY 2014
Section 3: Community
ACCESSline Page 27
Cedar Valley Derby Divas Season Opener Waterloo, IA The Cedar Valley Derby Divas opened their season against Midstate Mayhem Roller Derby, January 18th. The Cedar Valley Derby Divas (CVDD) is an all-female flat track roller derby league, founded in February 2010 in Northeast Iowa. CVDD is a grassroots organization formed by a small, but diverse, group of women; determined to see their dreams
of roller derby become a reality for women throughout the Cedar Valley of Iowa. The mission of Cedar Valley Derby Divas is to further the sport of women’s flat track roller derby; while promoting the personal growth and development of each derby sister. CVDD is a vehicle by which we hope to provide the women of the Cedar Valley the
opportunity to be a part of a truly unique athletic experience. We aim to develop our skills, not only as fierce competitors, but also as productive members of our communities. CVDD will facilitate athletic development, good sportsmanship and will maintain a positive relationship with fellow roller derby leagues. CVDD actively supports the commu-
nities of the Cedar Valley. All members of our league foster and generate goodwill and community stewardship through our good works. For more information go to CVDerbyDivas.com or fine them on Facebook.com. All photos are courtesy of Donna Olmstead Photography. For more information look for her on Facebook.com
ACCESSline Page 28 DIRECTORY NOTICE
The ACCESSline community directory is updated each issue. LISTINGS ARE FREE but are limited by space. Free online listings are available at www.ACCESSlineAMERICA.com. Information about new listings must contain a phone number for publication and a contact (e-mail address, land address, or website) for our records. For more information or to provide corrections, please contact Editor@ACCESSlineAMERICA.com or call (712) 560-1807.
The ACCESSline is expanding our resource directory to include heartland resources outside of Iowa. Please bear with us as we continue improving our resource directory. NATIONAL ORGANIZATIONS
Breur Media Corporation : Website Consultation, Design, Programming, and Hosting. HIV and STD Testing Sites near You, including places where you can get tested for free: hivtest.org/ Crisis or Suicide National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: suicidepreventionlifeline.org Information on Mental Health National Alliance on Mental Illness: nami.org Counseling, Information and Resources about Sexual Orientation GLBT National Help Center: glnh.org or 1-888-843-4564 Information on Mental Health for Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender nami.org Information on Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender Health, cdc.gov Gay and Lesbian Victory Fund 1133 15th Street NW, Suite 350, Washington, DC 20005, victoryfund.org 202-VICTORY [842-8679] Human Rights Campaign, National political organization, lobbies congress for lesbian & gay issues, political training state and local, hrc.org, 1-800-777-HRCF[4723] Lambda Legal Defense & Education Fund I I E. Adams, Suite 1008, Chicago, IL 60603 lambdalegal.org, 312-663-4413 Rivendell Media National Advertising 212-242-6863, sales@rivendellmedia.com National Gay & Lesbian Task Force (NGLTF) ngltf.org - taskforce.org 1325 Massachusetts Ave NW, Ste 600, Washington, DC, 20005 National Organization for Women (NOW) 733 15th ST NW, 2nd Floor Washington, DC 20005, now.org 202-628-8669 PFLAG National Offices 1133 15th Street NW, Suite 350, Washington, DC 20005, info@pflag.org - pflag.org, 202-4678180 The Trevor Lifeline |Crisis and suicide prevention lifeline for lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and questioning youth. (866) 4-U-TREVOR - (866) 488-7386 Open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year. All calls are toll-free and confidential thetrevorproject.org/
IOWA ORGANIZATIONS
Equality Iowa P.O. Box 18, Indianola, IA 50125, equalityiowa. org - 515-537-3126 Faithful Voices Interfaith Alliance of Iowa’s marriage equality project. faithfulvoices.org Imperial Court of Iowa Non-profit fundraising & social, statewide organization with members from across the State of Iowa. PO Box 1491, Des Moines, IA 50306-1491 imperialcourtofiowa.org Iowa Chapter of the National Organization for Women (NOW) Janis Bowden, President, IA NOW janleebow@aol.com PO Box 41114, Des Moines, IA 503111 Iowa Gay Rodeo Association (IAGRA) 921 Diagonal Rd, Malcom, IA 50157 polebender60@yahoo.com 641-990-1411
Section 3: Community Iowa PFLAG (Parents, Families & Friends of Lesbians and Gay) State Council, PO Box 18, Indianola, IA 50125 http://community.pflag.org/Page. aspx?pid=194&srcid=-2 515-537-3126 or 641-583-2024 Iowa Pride Network 777 Third Street, Suite 312, Des Moines, Iowa 50309 - Iowapridenetwork.org, Executive Director: 515-471-8062, Outreach Coordinator: 515-471-8063 LGBT Youth in Iowa Schools Task Force PO Box 1997, Des Moines, 50306 515-243-1221 One Iowa 500 East Locust St, Ste 300, Des Moines, IA 50309 - 515-288-4019 - OneIowa.org PrimeTimers of Central Iowa. A social group for mature gay/bi men and their admirers. Several social events during each month. Find us on Facebook: “PrimeTimers of Central Iowa”. Email: PrimeTimersIowa@gmail.com. The Quire Eastern Iowa’s GLBT chorus, thequire.org
NEBRASKA ORGANIZATIONS (LIST IN PROGRESS)
Citizens For Equal Protection-402-398-3027 1105 Howard St, Suite #2, Omaha, NE 68102. cfep-ne.org - info@cfep-ne.org The Imperial Court of Nebraska Meets the third Monday of Every month at the Rainbow Outreach Resource Center at 17th and Leavenworth in Omaha, NE. Meetings start at 6pm and are open to the public. PO Box 3772, Omaha, NE 68103 Nebraska AIDS Project Omaha Office (Home Office) 250 South 77th Street Suite A Omaha, NE 68114 (402) 552-9260 - Email us: info@nap.org (also serving Southwest Iowa)
AMES, IOWA
Collegiate United Methodist Church / Wesley Foundation, 2622 Lincoln Way, 50014, School Year worship Sunday 8:30am, 11:00 am and 5:30 pm followed by fellowship www. cwames.org or find us on facebook. First United Methodist Church 516 Kellogg Ave, Ames, IA 50010, Contemporary worship Sat 5:30; Sun 8:30 & 11am acswebnetworks.com/firstunitedmcames/ 515232-2750 ISU LGBTA Alliance GLBT Support, Activism, Social Events, Newsletter - 515-344-4478 L East Student Office Space,2229 Lincoln Way, Ames, IA 50014-7163, alliance@iastate.edu - alliance.stuorg.iastate.edu Living with HIV Program, MICA 230 SE 16th Street, Ames, IA 50010, Ask for Helen (Director), 515-956-3333 ext. 106 or 800-890-8230 Lord of Life Lutheran - 515-233-2350 2126 Gable Lane, Ames 50014, Services Sundays at 9:00a.m.; Wed. 7:00pm. PFLAG Ames at Youth and Shelter Services Offices, 420 Kellogg Ave. 50010, 2nd Tuesday, 7 pm, pflagames@yahoo.com or find us on facebook. Romantics Pleasure Palace 117 Kellogg Street, Ames, IA 50010-3315 romantixonline.com 515-232-7717 United Church of Christ-Congregational 217 6th Street, Ames, Iowa, 50010, Sunday Continental Breakfast, 9:00am; Sunday School, 9:30am; Worship 10:45am. office@amesucc. org 515-232-9323 Unitarian Universalist Fellowship of Ames 1015 Hyland Ave. Summer services: 10:00 am, Sunday. Services 10 a.m. for the rest of the summer. Contact uufa@uufames.org and www. uufames.org or call 515-231-8150. Unity Church of Ames - unityofames.com 226 9th St, Ames, IA 50010-6210, Sunday service and Sunday school 10:30am. Wednesday mediation 6:30pm Daily dial-a-blessing 515-233-1613
ARNOLDS PARK, OKOBOJI, SPENCER, SPIRIT LAKE, IOWA
The Royal Wedding Chapel 504 Church Street, Royal, IA 51357 712-933-2223 TheRoyalWeddingChapel.com Wilson Resource Center An Iowa Great Lakes area gay-owned, nonprofit community based organization. PO Box 486, 597 W. Okoboji Rd., Arnolds Park IA 513310486 - 712-332-5043 F.JosephWilson@aol.com. wilsonresource.org
BURLINGTON, IOWA
Arrowhead Motel - arrowheadia.com 2520 Mount Pleasant St, Burlington, IA 526012118 - 319-752-6353 Faith Lutheran Church E L C A 3109 Sunnyside Ave, Burlington, IA 52601
HIV/AIDS Screening @ Des Moines County Health Department in Burlington, 522 N 3rd By appointment between 8:00am to 4:30 319-753-8217 Confidential PFLAG Burlington at Zion United Church of Christ, 412 N. 5th St., 52601, (319)671-0332. Meetings held the 3rd thursday at 7PM. RISQUES IV (adult store) 421 Dry Creek Ave, West Burlington, IA 52601 (319) 753-5455, Sun - Wed 8am-Midnight Thurs - Sat Open 24 Hours, LoversPlayground. com Steve’s Place, 852 Washington St, Burlington, 319-754-5868 Unitarian Universalist Fellowship Services start at 10:30 am, 625 N 6th St, Burlington, IA 52601-5032, (319) 753-1895 uuburlington.org
CEDAR FALLS - WATERLOO, IOWA
Adult Cinema 315 E 4th St, Waterloo, IA 50703-4703, (319) 234-7459 Black Hawk Co. Health Department Free HIV testing (donations accepted); MW, 1:00pm to 3:00pm; Thurs, 1:00pm to 4:45pm 1407 Independence Ave. (5th fl), Waterloo 50703 319-291 -2413 Cedar AIDS Support System (CASS) Service, support groups & trained volunteers for persons with HIV/AIDS in Waterloo/CF call Elizabeth or Karla, 319-272-AIDS(2437). cvhospice@forbin.net Cedar Valley Counseling Services Promoting personal growth and development in a strengths-based environment, Joan E. Farstad, MA, Director. 319-240-4615, cvcounseling.com farstd@cvcounseling.com. Cedar Valley Episcopal Campus Ministry. In Lutheran Center, 2616 College St, Cedar Falls, IA - 319-415-5747, mcdinoiwa@aol.com, episcopalcampus.org Community AIDS Assistance Project (CAAP) - PO Box 36, Waterloo, IA 50704 LGBTA Support Group at Hawkeye Community College, Call Carol at 319-296-4014 or carol.hedberg@hawkeyecollege.edu Iowa Legal Aid Free civil legal service available to low income persons who qualify under income/asset guidelines. 607 Sycamore, #206, Waterloo, IA 50703 1-800-772-0039 or 319-235-7008 Kings & Queens 304 W. 4th St, Waterloo, IA, 319-232-3001 Romantix Waterloo (Adult Emporium) 1507 La Porte Rd, Waterloo, IA 50702 319-234-9340, romantixonline.com Stellas Guesthouse 324 Summit Ave, Waterloo, IA Private B&B, Overnight accommodations for adults only. 319-232-2122 St. Lukes Episcopal Church - 319-277-8520 2410 Melrose Dr, Cedar Falls, IA 50613 Services: Sunday 8:00 & 10:15, Thurs 11:30 st-lukes-episcopal.org St. Timothys United Methodist Church 3220 Terrace Drive, Cedar Falls, 50613 sttims-umc.org, 319-266-0464, info@sttimsumc-org, “Welcome of all persons, including those of all sexual orientations and gender identities.” Together For Youth 233 Vold Dr, Waterloo, IA 50703, TogetherForYouth.net 319-274-6768 UNI-LGBTA Alliance-Student Organization, Center/Maucker Union, CM 0167, University of Northern Iowa, Cedar Falls, IA 50614-0167lgbta@uni.edu 319-222-0003 United Church of Christ Cedar Falls 9204 University Avenue, Cedar Falls 319-366-9686 Unitarian Universalist Society of Black Hawk County - 319-266-5640 3912 Cedar Heights Dr, Cedar Falls, IA
CEDAR RAPIDS/MARION, IOWA
Adult Shop 630 66th Ave SW, 319-362-4939 Adult Shop North 5539 Crane Lane, 319-294-5360 CRPrideFest (formerly Cedar Rapids Unity) Social activities, non-profit Pride festival organization. PO Box 1643 Cedar Rapids 52406-1643 - CRPrideFest.com Christ Episcopal Church “We have a place for you.” 220 40th Street NE, Cedar Rapids, IA 52404, 319-363-2029 ChristEpiscopal.org Belle’s Basix - 319-363-3194 Open 5pm to 2am M-F, Sat & Sun 3pm-2am 3916 1st Ave NE, Cedar Rapids
Club CO2, A GLBTQA Nightclub, 616 2nd Ave SE, 319-365-0225, Open 7 days a week 4PM2AM, Happy hour from 4-8 pm, club-co2.com Coe Alliance GLBTQ and straight students, staff and people from the community. Coe College, 1220 First Ave NE, Cedar Rapids, IA 52402. coealliance@ coe.edu or Erica Geers, faculty advisor at 319-861-6025 Community Health Free Clinic 947 14th Avenue SE, Cedar Rapids, IA 52401 319-363-0416 - communityhfc.org Free Medical Services provided for the uninsured and underserved patients of Cedar Rapids, Marion and the surrounding areas in Eastern Iowa. CSPS Legion Arts Contemporary Arts Center - 319-364-1580 1103 3rd St. SE, info@legionarts.org Diversity Focus, 222 2nd Street SE, Cedar Rapids, Iowa 52401, 319-363-3707, DiversityFocus.org, Lead in the promotion of diversity, cultural awareness, and inclusion in the Corridor community. Eden United Church of Christ 351 8th Ave SW, Cedar Rapids, Iowa 52404 (319) 362-7805 Sunday School 9am - Worship 10:15am Foundation 2 Crisis Counseling 24-hour telephone crisis counseling. f2crisis@aol.com or www.f2online.org 1540 2nd Ave. SE Cedar Rapids, IA 319-362-2174 or 800-332-4224 Linn County Public Health 501 13th NW, Free confidential HIV testing, 319-892-6000 Linn County Stonewall Democrats For more info, contact linnstonewall@ gmail.com People’s Church Unitarian Universalist A welcoming congregation. 4980 Gordon Ave NW, Cedar Rapids, IA. Worship starts at 10 AM and Adult and Children Religious Education is at 11:15 AM on Sundays. 319-362-9827 - peoplesuu.org PFLAG CR, Linn Co and Beyond Support Group meets on the 2nd Thursday at 7pm - call for details. 319-431-0673, pflaglcb@gmail.com, www.pflagcr.com The Linn County Stonewall Democrats Meet 2nd Wednesdays, Blue Strawberry, 118 2nd St SE in Cedar Rapids, IA. Contact Harvey S. Ross, HRoss007@aol.com. Tri-ess, Iota Kappa Phi Chapter P.O. Box 8605, Cedar Rapids, Iowa 52408 We are a transgendered organization supporting crossdressers, their families, and friends. - riess.org, 319-390-6376, georgia523@yahoo. com - marlenemarschel@yahoo.com Unity Center of Cedar Rapids “A center of positive, practical Christianity.” 4980 Gordon NE, Cedar Rapids unitycr.org - (319) 393-5422
CLINTON, IOWA
18 and Beyond (aka ABC Books), 135 5th Ave South, 563-242-7687 Unitarian Universalist Fellowship of Clinton 309 30th Avenue North, Clinton, IA 52732 (563) 242-4972 - uuclinton.org, Sunday services at 10:30 (year-round), Where YOUR spiritual and ethical journey is welcome! Rev. Ruby Nancy, minister
COUNCIL BLUFFS, IOWA
Council Bluffs Community Alliance “…will promote the city of Council Bluffs as a developing gay, lesbian, bisexual & transgender family community, & to assure the equality of all Council Bluffs’ residents.” CouncilBluffsCommunityAlliance.org Council Bluffs NOW PO Box 3325, Omaha, NE 68103-0325 Romantix Council Bluffs (North) (Adult Emporium) 3216 1st Ave, Council Bluffs, IA 51501-3353-romantixonline.com-515-9559756 Romantix Council Bluffs (South) (Romantix After Dark) 50662 189th St, Council Bluffs, IA 51503 romantixonline.com, 712-366-1764
DECORAH, IOWA
Decorah Human Rights Commission Contact: City Clerk, 400 Clairborne Dr, Decorah, 563-382-3651, Meetings: First Tuesdays, 5:30pm Luther College Student Congregation Contact Office for College Ministry 700 College Dr, Decorah, IA 52101, 563-3871040. Luther College PRIDE-Diversity Center, 700 College Dr, Decorah, IA 52101 Contact Charles 563-210-6570 PFLAG Northeast IA (Waukon/Decorah) Meets 4th Monday of the month at 7 PM in Northeast Iowa Peace and Justice Center, 119 Winnebago St., Decorah. Contact Ellen C. at 563-380-4626.
FEBRUARY 2014 Unitarian Universalist Fellowship Meets alternating Sundays at 10:30am, Decorah Senior Center, 806 River St, Call Bill at 563382-3458.
DES MOINES, IOWA
AIDS Project of Central Iowa Free HIV testing, prevention supplies, care services, food pantry, information. 711 E. 2nd, Des Moines, IA 50309, 515-284-0245 Blazing Saddle 416 E 5th St, Des Moines, IA theblazingsaddle.com - 515-246-1299 Buddies Corral 418 E 5th St, Des Moines, IA - 515-244-7140 Des Moines Diversity Chorus [A gay-friendly mixed chorus] Rehearsals on Mondays at 7 p.m. at Westminster Presbyterian Church, Beaver Ave. at Franklin St., Des Moines. All are welcome, no auditions. PO Box 65312, West Des Moines, IA 50265, Julie Murphy, Artistic Director jahmurphy@hotmail.com, 515-255-3576, desmoinesdiversitychorus.org Des Moines Gay Men’s Chorus 515-953-1540, 4126 Ingersoll Ave, Des Moines - administrator@dmgmc.org Des Moines Pride Center @ One Iowa (temporary location) 419 SW, 8th St., Des Moines, IA 50309 Family Practice Center - 515-953-7560 Safe, supportive LGBT health care. 200 Army Post Road, Ste 26, ppgi.org First Friday Breakfast Club Educational breakfast club for gay/bisexual men. Meets first Friday of each month. Contact Jonathan Wilson for meeting topic and place. 515-288-2500 info@ffbciowa.org ffbciowa.org First Unitarian Church 1800 Bell Avenue, Services Sundays at 9:30 & 11am - 515-244-8603, ucdsm.org Franklin Family Practice Dr. Joe Freund, MD 4908 Franklin Ave., Des Moines, IA 50310 515-280-4930, ucsinformation@ucsdsm.org, UCSOnline.org/FranklinFamilyPractice The Gallery (adult store) 1000 Cherry St, Des Moines, IA 50309-4227 - (515) 244-2916 Open 24 Hrs, LoversPlayground.com The Garden 112 SE 4th Des Moines, IA, 515-243-3965 Wed-Sun. 8pm-2am grdn.com Gay & Lesbian AA & AI-Anonymous Mon 7pm; Tue-Thu 6pm; Sat. 5:30pm, at Drake Ministries in Ed. Bldg. 28th & University Gay and Lesbian Issues Committee 4211 Grand Avenue, Level-3, Des Moines, IA 50312 - 515-277-1117 Lavender Victory Fund Financial assistance for women in need for medical emergencies. lavendervf@aol.com Le Boi Bar 508 Indianola Rd, Des Moines, IA Liberty Gifts 333 E. Grand Ave, Loft 105, Des Moines, IA Gay owned specialty clothing, jewelry, home decor. 515-508-0825 MINX Show Palace - 515-266-2744 1510 NE Broadway, Des Moines, IA 50313 MCC of Central Iowa 2500 University Ave, 2nd Floor Chapel, Worship, Sunday at 11:00 am, Pastor’s Email: MCCofCentralIowa@gmail.com, 515-393-7565 North Star Gay Rodeo Association of IGRA, Iowa Division of North Star, NSGRA@NSGRA. org or 612-82-RODEO Primary Health Care Inc., David Yurdin, 2353 SE 14th St., Des Moines, 503020, Works with GLBT ages 16 to geriatric, 25 years of experience. 515-248-1427 Rainbow Union, Drake University ru@drake.edu PFLAG Des Moines - 515-243-0313 1300 Locust , Des Moines, IA 50312 Plymouth Congregational UCC Church and the Plymouth GLBT Community 4126 Ingersoll Ave. 515-255-3149 Services at 9am & I lam Sunday. PlymouthGLBT.com Polk County Health Department Free STD, HIV, and Hepatitis B & C testing. HIV. Rapid testing also offered. 1907 Carpenter, Des Moines, IA, 515-286-3798. Pride Alliance, AIB College of Business Gay and straight students celebrating diversity. Contact: Mike Smith, Advisor, PrideAlliance@aib.edu - aib.edu/pride Pride Bowling League for GLBT & Supporters - Every Wednesday, 7 PM, Air Lanes Bowling Center 4200 Fleur Drive, Des Moines, IA 503212389. Email pridebowlingleague@gmail.com or 515-447-2977.
TTDIRECTORY cont’d page 29
FEBRUARY 2014 SScontinued from page 28
DIRECTORY
Raccoon River Resort Accommodations for men, women, or mixed in campgrounds, lodge, Teepees or Treehouses. Reservations: 515-996-2829 or 515-279-7312 Ritual Café - ritualcafe.com On 13th between Grand and Locust. Gay owned, great music, awesome food & coffee. 515-288-4872 ritualcafe@aol.com Romantix North Des Moines Iowa (Bachelor’s Library) 2020 E Euclid Ave, Des Moines, IA 50317, romantixonline.com 515266-7992 Spouses of Lesbians & Gays Support group for spouses of gays and lesbians. 515-277-7754 St. John’s Lutheran Church 600 6th Ave “A Church for All People.” Services Sat 5pm, Sun 7:45, 8:45 & 11am. See web page for other services. 515-243-7691 - StJohnsDSM.org TransformationsIOWA Meets every Wednesday at 7pm, 2nd saturday of each month at 1pm at OneIowa, 419 SW 8th St, Des Moines, IA. For more information email sophia.transformations@gmail.com or call 515-288-4019 x200 Trinity United Methodist Church 1548 Eighth Street - 515-288-4056 Services Sundays 10am, trinityumcdm.org Urbandale UCC - An open & affirming congregation. 3530 70th St., Urbandale, IA 50322, 515-276-0625, urbucc.org Walnut Hills UMC Join us at 9:30 am for Sunday worship. Sunday classes & group studies at 10:45 am. 515270-9226, 12321 Hickman Rd, Urbandale, IA 50323, whumc.org Westminster Presbyterian Church 4114 Allison Ave - WestPres.org Sunday services 8:45 and 11am. Of note is their GAY-LESBIAN-STRAIGHT AFFIRMATION GROUP, GLSA 515-274-1534 Women’s Culture Collective (WCC) A lesbian social group. Des Moines, IA iowawcc.org Word of God Ministries, Sunday service: 3:00pm, at 3120 E 24th Street, Des Moines, Iowa 50317, Gay, lesbian & straight affirmation 515-707-5947. Zanzibar’s Coffee Adventure Open daily. Gay-friendly, 515-244-7694 2723 Ingersoll, Des Moines, IA
DUBUQUE, IOWA
920 Main 920 Main St., Dubuque, Iowa 52001, Tue - Sat: 8:00 pm - 2:00 am, (563) 583-2121 or dbq. gaybar@hotmail.com Adult Warehouse - 563-588-9814 975 Jackson St, Dubuque, IA Dubuque Friends Worship Group (Quakers) Join us at an unprogrammed worship service on Sunday at 10am. Welcoming and Affirming, 563-582-9388 St. Mark’s Community Center, 1201 White Street, Dubuque, Iowa 52001 Rainbow Pride support and socialization group. For members of the LGBT+ community who want to expand their social circle, get support for LGBT specific issues, & help with advocacy. Meets Mondays at 1pm Hillcrest Wellness Center 225 W 6th St., Dubuque, IA 563-690-1239 PFLAG Dubuque/Tri-State Carnegie Stout Library, 3rd Floor Conference Room, 360 W. 11th St. 3rd Tuesday, 7pm 563-581-4606 Unitarian Universalist Fellowship of Dubuque - “The uncommon denomination.” general services at 10am. 1699 Iowa St, Dubuque, IA uuf-dbq.org 563-583-9910
ELKADER, IOWA
Bethany Church (ELCA) - 563-245-1856 307 3rd St. NE, Elkader, IA 52043 Inclusive. Welcoming. A ‘ReconcilingWorks’ congregation. www.bethanychurchelkader.org bethanychurch@alpinecom.net Schera’s Restaurant & Bar 107 S Main St, Elkader, IA 52043, Scheras.com, E-mail: info@scheras.com Fine dining featuring Algerian & American Cuisine. 563-245-1992
FORT DODGE, IOWA
Romantix Fort Dodge (Mini Cinema) Sun-Thu 10am-12am, Fri & Sat 10am-2am 15 N. 5th St, Fort Dodge, IA 50501-3801 RomantixOnline.com - 515-955-9756
GRINNELL, IOWA
Broad View Seed , BroadviewSeed.com, Manager/Owner: John C., chicoski7@yahoo.com
Section 3: Community Saints Ephrem & Macrina Sunday services at 10am. (Affiliated with the Orthodox-Catholic Church of America.) Divine Liturgy is served Sundays during the College academic year 1:30 p.m., Herrick Chapel, Grinnell College Campus, 1226 Broad Street, Grinnell, IA, 641-236-0936 Stonewall Resource Center Open 4:30pm to 11:30pm, Sun through Thurs and by Appointment., Grinnell College, 1210 Park Street PO Box B-1, Grinnell, IA, 50112, srcenter@ grinnell.edu 641-269-3327 United Church of Christ-Congregational, ‘An open and affirming church.’ 902 Broad St, 641-236-3111
INDIANOLA, IOWA
Crossroads United Church of Christ (UCC) An Open & affirming congregation. Services: Sunday 10:30am, Summer worship: June, July, Aug, @ 9:30 am, worshiping in the Lounge at Smith Chapel, Simpson College, corner of Buxton and Clinton. Mailing address: P.O. Box 811, Indianola, IA 50125 515-961-9370. crossroadsucc.org
IOWA CITY, IOWA
AA (GLBT) 319-338-9111 Meetings Sundays 5 - 6pm at First Baptist Church, 500 North Clinton Street. For more info, call IC Intergroup Answering Service, Congregational Church UCC An Open and Affirming Congregation, Sunday Worship 10:15 a.m. 30 N Clinton St (across from Ul Pentacrest) 319-337-4301 - uiccic.org Counseling Clinic 319-354-6238 Lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender sensitive and supportive counseling for individuals, couples, families and groups. Sliding Fee. 505 E Washington St., Iowa City, IA 52240 Counseling and Health Center Client-centered therapy. Les-Bi-Gay-Trans always welcome. 616 Bloomington St, Iowa City, IA - 319-337-1679 Crisis Center 319-351-0140 1121 Gilbert Ct, Iowa City, 52240 Emma Goldman Clinic 227 N. Dubuque St, Iowa City, IA 52245 319-337-2111or 1-800-848-7684. Faith United Church of Christ An open and affirming congregation. 1609 Deforest Street, Iowa City, 52240 Sunday Worship 9:30 AM 319-338-5238 bob.faithucc@g.com, faithucciowacity.org GLBTAU-U of lA Student support system and resource center, info, activism, events, and other community involvements. 203 IMU, University of IA, Iowa City, IA 522421317 - 319-335-3251 (voice mail) glbtau@uiowa.edu Hope United Methodist Church Worship Service at 9:30am. 2929 E. Court St., Iowa City, IA - Contact Rev. Sherry Lohman. 319-338-9865 Human Rights Commission (City of Iowa City Human Rights Commission) 319-356-5022; 391-356-5015; 319-356-5014 Fax 319-887-6213 humanrights@iowa-city.org ICARE (Iowa Center for AIDS Resources & Education) Practical & emotional support, youth programs, information, referrals and support groups. 319-338-2135 3211 E 1st Iowa City, IA 52240-4703 Iowa City Free Medical Clinic - 319-337-4459 Free & strictly confidential HIV Testing. 2440 Towncrest Dr Iowa City, Call for appointment Iowa City NOW PO Box 2944, Iowa City, IA 52244 Iowa Women’s Music Festival P.O. Box 3411, Iowa City, IA 52244 319-335-1486 Men Supporting Men 319-356-6038, Ext 2 HIV prevention program. Discussion Groups, Educational Series, Safer Sex Workshops, Book Club. Andy Weigel, email: aweigel@co.johnson. ia.us New Song Episcopal Church 912 20th Ave, Coralville, IA. Sunday services at 10am. Jennifer Masada, Jane Stewart, and John Greve. 319-351-3577 Pride Committee WRAC, 130 N Madison, Iowa City, IA 52242 Bridget Malone - 319-338-0512 Charles Howes - 319-335-1486 Romantix Iowa City - 319-351-9444 (Pleasure Palace I) 315 Kirkwood Ave, Iowa City, IA 52240-4722 - romantixonline.com Studio 13 13 S. Linn St. (in the Alley) Iowa City, IA Open 7pm ‘til 2am, daily 319-338-7145 U of I Lesbian, Gay & Bisexual Staff & Faculty Association, c/o WRAC, 130 N Madison, Iowa City, IA 52242, 319-335-1486
Unitarian Universalist Society of Iowa City Inclusive & free religious community nurturing intellectual & spiritual growth & fostering ethical & social responsibility. uusic.org 10 S. Gilbert, Iowa City, IA Sunday services: 9:30am & 11:15am. 319-337-3443 United Action for Youth (UAY) A GLBTQA youth group providing support and counseling for teenagers and young adults processing sexual identity issues. Meets Mondays 7-9pm at UAY 410 Iowa Ave. Iowa City, IA. 319-338-7518 or Teen Line, 319-338-0559. The Ursine Group Bear Events in the Midwest. PO Box 1143, Iowa City, IA 52244-1143 - 319-338-5810 Women’s Resource Action Center (WRAC) Leads & collaborates on projects that serve U of l and the greater community, offers social & support services, including LGBT Coming Out Group. University of Iowa, 130 N Madison, Iowa City, IA 52242 - 319-335-1486
MARSHALLTOWN, IOWA
Adult Odyssey (Adult Video Store) 907 Iowa Ave E - 641-752-6550 Domestic Violence Alternatives/ Sexual Assault Center, Inc., 132 W Main St. 24 hour Crisis Line: 641-753-3513 or (instate only) 800-779-3512
MASON CITY, IOWA
Cerro Gordo County Dept. of Public Health 22 N. Georgia Ave, Ste 300 Mason City, IA 50401. Free confidential AIDS testing. 641-4219321 PFLAG North Iowa Chapter 641-583-2848, pflagmcni@yahoo.com, Carlos O’Kelly’s Mexican Cafe @ 7 p.m. Wed.
MOUNT VERNON, IOWA
Alliance Cornell College 810 Commons Cir # 2035 - alliance@cornellcollege.edu - orgs.cornellcollege.edu/alliance/
NEVADA, IOWA
Carleton Family Medicine PLLC, Accepting and Affirming Health Care, Alison B. Carleton, MD, 1011 6th St. 50201, 515-231-3159
PELLA, IOWA
Common Ground (Central College) Support group for GLBT students and allies. Contact: Brandyn Woodard, Director of Intercultural Life woodardb@central.edu 641-628-5134
QUAD CITIES, IOWA
AIDS Project Quad Cities Info, education & support. Davenport, IA 52804, www.apqc4life.org 319-762-LIFE Black Hawk College Unity Alliance Serving GLBT community at Black Hawk College. 6600 34th Ave, Rock Island, IL 309716-0542. Connections Nightclub 563-322-1121 822 W 2nd St, Davenport, IA 52802 DeLaCerda House 309-786-7386 Provides housing & supportive services, advocacy and referrals for people living with HIV/ AIDS. P.O. Box 4551, Rock Island, Il. 61201 Good Samaritan Free Clinic 309-797-4688 Provides free primary medical care to patients age 16-64 who are working but have no medical insurance. gsfc@mchsi.com 602 35th Ave, Moline, IL GoodSamaritanFreeClinic.org The Hole-In-The-Wall 309-289-2375 A Private Membership Men’s Club, Located 3 miles east of Galesburg, IL. just north of I-74 at Exit 51. HoleInTheWallMensClub.org Holy Spirit Catholic Faith Community Meets one weekend a month for mass. Please visit our web site: www.transformationalcatholicchurch.com for more information or call: 309-278-7909. Lucky Shamrock 313 20th St, Rock Island, IL - 309-788-7426 An Irish Pub open to all types. Mary’s On 2nd 563-884-8014 832 W. 2nd St. Davenport, IA MCC Quad Cities - Svcs Sun 11am, Bible study Wed 7pm 563-324-8281, 3019 N Harrison, Davenport, IA 52803 Men’s Coming Out/Being Out Group Meets 2nd & 4th Thursdays, 7pm. QCAD. outforgood@gmail.com 309-786-2580 PFLAG Quad Cities 563-285-4173 Eldridge United Methodist Church 604 S.2nd St., Eldridge 1st Monday, 6:30 pm Prism (Augustana College) 309-794-7406 Augustana Gay-Straight Alliance, Augustana Library - 639 38th St, Rock Island, IL, Contact Tom Bengston
Quad Citians Affirming Diversity (QCAD) Social & support groups for lesbian, bi, trans, and gay teens, adults, friends & families; newsletter. 309-786-2580 - Community Center located at 1608 2nd Ave, Rock Island. Quad Cities Pride Chorus (Call Don at 563-3240215) At the MCC Church in D’port, 7pm Wed. qcswede64@aol.com Rainbow Gifts www.rainbowgifts.net - 309-764-0559 T.R. Video Adult books & video, 3727 Hickory Grove Rd, Davenport, IA. 563-386-7914 Unitarian Universalist Congregation of the Quad Cities, Rev Jay Wolin, Sunday Service 11am - 563-359-0816 3707 Eastern Avenue, Davenport, IA 52807 Venus News (Adult) 902 W 3rd St, Davenport, IA. 563-322-7576
RED OAK, IOWA
First Congregational United Church of Christ (open and affirming) - 712-623-2794 608 E Reed St, Red Oak, IA 51566 Rev. Donald Morgan, Pastor www.redoakucc.org, office@redoakucc.org
SHENANDOAH, IOWA
PFLAG Shenandoah 1002 South Elm Street - 712-246-2824
SIOUX CITY, IOWA
Am. Business & Professional Guild. Gay Businessmen. Meets last Sat. of the month; ABPG, P. O. BOX 72, Sioux City, 51102 abpguild@yahoo.com Grace United Methodist Church 1735 Morningside Avenue - 712-276-3452. Jones Street Station (Bar) 712-258-6922 412 Jones St., Nightly 6:00pm to 2:00am. Mayflower Congregational Church 1407 West 18th St - 712-258-8278. Morningside College Lesbian/Gay/Bisexual Alliance Contact Professor Gail Dooley, Advisor Morningside College GSA. 1501 Morningside Ave, Sioux City, IA 51106-1717 dooley@morningside.edu - 712-274-5208 PFLAG Siouxland PO Box 1311, Sioux City, IA 51102 siouxlandPFLAG@aol.com Romantix Sioux City 712-277-8566 511 Pearl St, Sioux City, IA 51101-1217 St. Thomas Episcopal Church Service Sun 10:30am 406 12th St, Waverly, IA Rev Mary Christopher - 712-258-0141 Western Iowa Tech. GSA widemal@juno.com for info.
SIOUX FALLS, SOUTH DAKOTA
Center for Equality, PO box 2009 Sioux Falls, SD 57101-2009, 605-331-1153, centersforequalitysd.org
WAVERLY, IOWA
Cedar Valley Episcopal Campus Ministry. 717 W. Bremer, (St. Andrew’s Episcopal) episcoplcampus.org - 319-415-5747 Gay, Lesbian Bisexual Student Alliance Wartburg College, Waverly, IA 50677. Contact Susan Vallem - 319-352-8250 St. Andrew’s Episcopal Church 717 W. Bremer. We welcome all to worship with us on Sunday at 10:30am. Bible discussion Wed. 6:45pm 319-352-1489 Rev. Maureen Doherty, Pastor
NEBRASKA (CONTENT IN PROGRESS) HASTINGS, NEBRASKA
PFLAG Hastings - pat@datacc.net
LINCOLN, NEBRASKA
Diviner Lighters of God, PO Box 22881, Support line for ex-Amish & ex-Mennonite. 402328-2339, evenings & afternoons. Indigo Bridge Books The Creamery Building, 701 P St, Ste 102, Lincoln, NE 68508 - 402-477 7770 “Indigo Bridge Books strives to provide a solid, relevant Gender Studies section with a focus on LGBT titles. indigobridgebooks.com Nebraska AIDS Project (Lincoln Office) 1921 South 17th Street, Lincoln, NE 68502 (402) 476-7000 - nap.org OUTLinc - outlinc.org Bringing Lincoln’s LGBT Community Together Panic - 402-435-8764 200 S 18th St, Lincoln, NE 68508 PFLAG Cornhusker Chapter PO Box 82034, Lincoln, NE 68501 Meetings 4th Tuesday, Unitarian Church of Lincoln, 6300 A St, 7-9pm pflagcornhusker.org PFLAG Helpline: 402-434-9880 - Confidential Support & Information - We’re Here For You !
ACCESSline Page 29 Planned Parenthood of the Heartland Sexual and Reproductive Health Care, Transgender Care - (402) 441-3302 2246 O St, Lincoln, NE 68510 The Rainbow Clinic in the UNL Psychological Consultation Center “…a specialty outreach service to the GLBTQ community. Psychological services, including individual, couples & family therapy, are provided within the UNL Psychological Consultation Center by regular PCC staff…open year round; day & evening appointments available. $10 for intake & $25 for therapy sessions. Application can be made for reduced fees based on federal poverty guidelines. 325 Burnett Hall, Lincoln, NE 68588 402-472-2351 unl.edu/psypage/pcc/ Star City Pride starcitypride.org - info@starcitypride.org The Unitarian Church of Lincoln 6300 A Street, Lincoln, NE 68510-5097 (402) 483-2213 - unitarianlincoln.org Sunday from 10am to 11am
OMAHA, NEBRASKA
AIDS Interfaith Network 100 N. 62nd, Omaha, NE Call Br. Wm. Woeger, 402-558-3100 Citizens For Equal Protection-402-398-3027 1105 Howard St, Suite #2, Omaha, NE 68102. cfep-ne.org - info@cfep-ne.org Flixx Bar 1019 S. 10th Street www.flixxomaha.com Front Runners/Front Walkers Walking/jogging club. P.O. Box 4583, Omaha, NE 68104, 402-804-8720, frontrunners.org Greater Omaha GLBT Network - goglbt.org “…to advance growth & equality for its members, businesses & allies by providing educational, networking & community-building opportunities. Meetings 1st Thursday every month locations at a traveling location to see the community and be seen. For more info or to be included on the e-newsletter list, please email us at info@ goglbt.org. Heartland Gay Rodeo Association (HGRA) (Midwest Division of the International Gay Rodeo Association) PO Box 3354, Omaha, NE 68103, hgra.net - 402-203-4680, Serves Iowa and Nebraska Heartland Pride ”…to develop a high impact and relevant cultural festival & events annually that promotes equality & unity for the LGBTQ & Allies Communities of Western Iowa and Greater Nebraska. heartlandpride.org Imperial Court of Nebraska 402-556-9907 P.O. Box 3772, Omaha, NE 68103 Inclusive Life Pastoral Services Holistic Health-Weddings-FuneralsCoaching-Essential Oils-Holistic Health www. inclusivelife.org 402-575-7006 The Max 1417 Jackson at 15th, Omaha, NE 68102 6 bars in 1 - 402-346-4110 McLovin 1010 South 10 Street, Omaha, NE, 68108 info@mclovinstore.com, MclovingStore.com 402-915-4002, A store for men. MCC Omaha 819 South 22nd, Omaha, NE 68103, Sun 9:30AM & 11:15 AM. Wednesday “ReCharge” Worship, Wed 7pm - 402-345-2563 PFLAG Omaha Mead Hall, First United Methodist Church, 7020 Cass St. (Omaha), 2nd Thursday, 7, 6:30 Social, 402-291-6781 Queer Nebraska Youth Network https://sites.google.com/site/theqnyn The QNYN is the only youth-focused, peer-led group providing social activities, connections to resources, and confidential online discussion to lesbian, gay, bi, trans and queer youth in Nebraska River City Gender Alliance Peer support, friendship, and understanding for crossdressers, transgenderists, and transsexuals. PO Box 4083 Omaha, NE 68104, 402-291-6781, info@rcga. us - rcga.us River City Mixed Chorus Gay/lesbian chorus, PO Box 3267, Omaha, NE 68103, Call Stan Brown, 402-341-7464 Tri-ess Chapter, Kappa Phi Lambda Chapter, Omaha, NE 68107, Transgendered organization supporting crossdressers, their families, and friends. tri-ess.org, 402-960-9696, Judy marlenemarschel@yahoo.com Youth Support Group for GLBT Youth 13-21, meets twice monthly. Omaha, NE - 402-291- 6781
ACCESSline Page 30 SScontinued from page 1
FEIMSTER Des Moines, Iowa. As a Southern girl are you looking forward to visiting Iowa? I am looking forward to it. I’ve actually never been, and I always enjoy going to a new city. I just hope you guys turn the heat up ‘cuz I don’t do well in cold weather! How do you feel about being in a state with gay marriage? Its way better than going to a state that doesn’t allow gay marriage, I can tell you that. [laughs] Iowa was one of the frontrunners with gay marriage and I remember being kind of shocked because I just assumed that it would be on the more conservative side. You guys are obviously having a lot of fun out there so I can’t wait to see it firsthand! Storytelling is a part of your act, will fans be able to hear some of your musings on coming out? Oh for sure! I talk about coming out and what that was like for me because I feel like it’s something all gay people can
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KRUG about my outspokenness, I’m not that crazyassertive. Besides, it was my niece’s wedding and my brother wouldn’t have been pleased by my making a social statement just at the precise moment. Seriously, though, think about what I’m saying here, please. We have to love ourselves more than anyone else. I’m not talking selfishness or greed or narcissism. Instead, I’m saying we have to do the hard work of accepting who we are, and being okay with it. Often, we can’t get to loving ourselves without help. I went through seven (7) or eight (8) therapists—remember those therapy licenses I earned in 22 states—before I found the one therapist who helped me love Ellen Krug. I call her “Sam the Hammer” in my book because she wouldn’t let me off the hook. She pushed and pushed and pushed until I realized that loving me was more important than loving anyone else. In fact, it’s impossible to genuinely love someone else without you first loving yourself, and having self-compassion. I’ve covered honesty and kindness. Now let me tackle that third word, gratitude. When I lived as a man, I had everything anyone could want—a beautiful loving wife, two great daughters, a house in the best neighborhood, a money-making law practice—even a fancy BMW. Yet, I didn’t have the one thing I needed more than anything else—I didn’t have me, Ellen Krug. Despite all of those things, and all of the immense love by others, I was never at peace, never happy. I knew that I should feel extremely grateful, but I just couldn’t get there. Today, I drive a nearly four year old Honda. I live paycheck to paycheck. I’m alone, without a romantic relationship. In all likelihood, when I die, I will be alone. And I am extremely grateful for all that I have. I am grateful that I can live my life as my own self, no longer an imposter as a man. That great social philosopher of the ages—Oprah Winfrey—has said, “Be thankful
Section 3: Community relate to. But I also talk about things that are relatable to everyone. I want everybody leaving my show feeling like they had a good time but could also see part of their lives being similar to mine. How have you been compared to Richard Simmons, in looks or personality? Why do you ask? [laughs] Yeah, I have gotten it a few times, which is why I did a video where I impersonated him. I even did my impression of him for one of my Saturday Night Live auditions several years back. I later met Richard and told him, but I could tell he wasn’t sure whether it was a compliment or an insult. Are there any other celebrities that you have been compared to? I used to get Jonah Hill back when he was in “Superbad”, but then he had to go and get skinny. If I was really committed to that impression then I would have lost weight too—but I got lazy. Have there been any surprises or stories on your tour that you’d like to share? I don’t really have a ton of wild stories. for what you have; you’ll end up having more. If you concentrate on what you don’t have, you will never, ever have enough.” So very true. I’d put it a different way: Living your truth allows others to live their own truths. Neuroscientists have discovered that living with gratitude both opens one’s heart to the world and activates positive emotion centers in the brain. In other words, being grateful can help us to live a healthier life. It will also lead to compassion for others—and that’s where I’m going with this. It’s quite impossible to have compassion for anyone else if we don’t have compassion for ourselves. Gratitude is a key component of self-compassion—it gives us the perspective to know that others are hurting. Gratitude helps us understand the power of touch, the power of reaching out. Gratitude allows us to show up for others. When we do so, we work to end the suffering of others. Let me offer one more thought about the power of gratitude: it keeps us from running away from those who we’ve lost as we’ve made our way to living authentic lives. As many in this room know, not everyone wants to take our gender journeys with us. Some refuse. Some turn their backs or disown. Some yell or scream at us. Our natural inclination is to hurt or anger and to close our hearts. Instead, living with gratitude allows one to remain open and wait for that person. Perhaps they will come back around. Maybe someday they will understand and come back to you and again be a part of your life. Gratitude gives us the strength and wisdom to remain open. For those of you in this room, on this Transgender Day of Remembrance, it is gratitude that brings us together—our collective gratitude that we’re alive, that we’re making it, and the recognition that we are all human, living and breathing the same air. In that sense, this sacred day represents something other than death or loss. It represents the hope that someday, through compassion and kindness, maybe all transgender people will
I am grateful that I can live my life as my own self, no longer an imposter as a man.
FEBRUARY 2014
Comedian Fortune Feimster. I wish I did, but I’m always exhausted after a show because I work all the time. The craziest thing I ever do, is that occasionally I will go out after a show and hop in some random person’s car. It’s usually some fans who came to the show and asked if I wanted be able to live authentic and fulfilling lives anywhere in the world. Maybe someday, there will no longer be websites dedicated to documenting the trans people who’ve been murdered in the past year. Now let me go back to that Des Moines lawyer’s extraordinary phone call after Christine Daniels’ suicide. What would cause someone to reach out like that? After all, the Des Moines lawyer didn’t know how I’d react. He had no clue as to whether I’d be offended. Worse yet, what if I was suicidal like Christine? He could have a real mess on his hands; the phone call could go on and on as I cried and hurt. Even with all of those risks, that Des Moine lawyer picked up the telephone and dialed me. I call it “going into the gray,” doing something that risks making another person uncomfortable, and yet still doing it. Why? Because the Des Moines lawyer understood that all of us are human, that invariably we are interconnected. That each of us has value unto our own selves. As far as I know, that Des Moines lawyer wasn’t gay or trans or any other alphabet letter. He was barely even a friend. Yet, he picked up the phone and called. Because to him, I mattered. Because he believed I was worth all the risks inherent in
to go out. I’ll be like “Sure” and then half way there I’ll realize that I have no idea who these people are and if I yelled, “Stranger danger!”— then I would just be weird. For more information go to FortuneFeimster.com or find her on Facebook.com. making such a call. Because he cared about me. I challenge all of you in this room to dedicate yourselves to going into the gray for other people. I challenge you to not fear awkwardness or discomfort or uncertainty when a person—any human being, a friend, a family member or even a complete stranger—is hurting. I challenge you to reach out to others because reaching out, going into the gray, is the epitome of compassion. Give that person a kind word, a hand on the shoulder, or five minutes of your time to sit and talk. Reaching out is the essence of being human. It’s proof that another human being matters to you. Further, reaching out may help someone else to decide that living is better than dying. They may think that if someone else believes I matter, maybe I should too. Reaching out can save someone’s life. The ripple effect can be that profound. Please know that all of you matter to me. My fellow Iowans, all of you should matter to one another. It is what we owe each other as humans. It is the sheer power of compassion. Thank you for your kind attention tonight. I wish you all the very best as you go forward in life.
FEBRUARY 2014
Section 3: Community
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BLUE MAN This alien, other, outside perspective, that you discover things about yourself by looking at yourself through the Blue Man’s eyes. Because you see how similarly we react when we don’t really understand, and then it’s like, “Oh yeah, I can see how that can be conveyed that way!” Because you take it for granted—as a human— but to see it from someone who doesn’t understand, that makes it interesting to the audience. You have a wickedly deceptive answering message on your phone, has that been influenced by your experience in Blue Man Group? [Laughs] Well, it’s funny; I guess I have always been a bit of a trickster in my life, a class clown and what not. And there is definitely that side of the Blue Man, one of the Blue Man characters is kind of the trickster of the three. When I did that I was just trying to be funny, I didn’t think it would actually trick people, I just thought it would be a funny, “I was just thinking of you—how funny”. Then people started telling me that they thought it was really me and that was actually unintentional, but that is very Blue Man too. Because he’s doing something one way and it gets taken a different way by the audience, because he doesn’t understand exactly what he’s doing—as far as their perspective. How does the Blue Man Group work for audience members of different ages? It’s great, from 5 to 95 or 105, its family friendly and has a lot of fun stuff that anyone can enjoy. And kids get it, basically we’re trying to access the kid that lives in all of the adults, and they’ll come up and hug you afterward. Because they develop this fun relationship with these gentle characters that are silly, playful, and make music. It can be a little bit loud, and we offer ear plugs in the lobby, other than that it crosses all cultural barriers, backgrounds and is very human. You are still in full character afterward at the meet and great?
Blue Man Group. Photo courtesy of Paul Kolnik. Yes, we’re still the Blue Man and we don’t talk, we interact and do pictures. That’s been part of the experience since the guys created the show. And it’s good, especially at larger venues because a lot of people don’t get to see us up close, so it’s great for them and it’s good for us to have interaction and input from people. We always have a great time and people are very sweet and funny, and you never know what people will say or do. You get to have very real Blue Man experiences where you just experience something for the first time, because you never know what people are going to do. Do you have to worry about leaving a blue smear as you go? Yeah, the makeup stays wet and it can get on every face, so you have to be good about containing that. Especially, we can’t make as much of a mess when we’re on tour because we’re basically guests in someone’s house. We try to be really good about that. What is the list of talents and skills that you are required to use in a performance? Drumming, a lot of drumming; musical ability, we play PVC instruments that are
The people I met in Moscow were decent, kind, patriotic men and women who had no thought of forcing their sexuality on anyone. Whatever the intention of Russia’s homosexuality and paedophilia propaganda laws, I am absolutely clear from my own personal experience that it is proving deeply dangerous to the LGBT community and deeply divisive to Russian society. ~Sir Elton John
like xylophones; and storytelling, being able to convey a story without words and convey mostly through your eyes. Also, a sense of play and willingness to go with whatever comes your way. Blue Man has played in the Midwest and Iowa before, have you personally performed in Iowa before? Yes, I was in Cedar Rapids and Ames, Iowa last year and the other tours…I am not sure where they were but that was the only tour I had done personally. Do you have any plans for when you’re there? No, not yet, the first thing we do is talk to the hotel staff and look online to see what there is to do. We like to get the inside scoop for what locals like and the
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BLUMENFELD to LGBT people, to women, and to people of every so-called “race.” In addition, anyone can believe anything they wish, whether others find those beliefs laudable or offensive. When, however, the expression of those beliefs denies other individuals or groups their full human and civil rights, a critical line has been crossed, for they have entered into the realm of oppression. Oh sure, we are seeing individuals and entire denominations framing themselves as the true victims whenever we challenge their religious justifications in their attempts to perpetuate their already pervasive Christian hegemony and social privileges, and their characterizations of others. My critique, however, does not amount to a simple theocratic disagreement. This is not a “disagreement” at all! It speaks to issues of power and control; it goes to who has the power to define “the other,” and who has the power and control to define “the self”: the individual and members of social identity groups, or rather, the Church with a capital “C.” With freedom of speech and with religious rights come responsibilities, and with words and actions often come reactions and challenges. Whenever clergy and lay people pronounce and preach their conservative dogma on sexuality and gender expression, on issues of “race,” on women, on other religions and on atheists, and on others, they must expect opposition to their ideas and to their dominant group privileges, to their interpretations of scripture, and to their constructions and revisions of history. Moreover, they must take responsibility for the bullying, harass-
ACCESSline Page 31 touristy stuff. That’s one of the best parts of the tour, just getting to travel like that and explore the country. What stuff do you like to do when you’re visiting a city? We always like to sample restaurants and good local food, bars and touristy attractions. Some of us go to antique stores, flea market kind of stuff, and try to find interesting things. Local artists, markets, and live music; to really get a sense of the place, the people there—we like meeting locals. It’s cool because when people find out about the Blue Man thing they are really receptive and it’s great, we are treated like guests. Even at the meet and greet people say things like, “I’ve wanted to see your show for so long but I could never make it to New York or Vegas. Thank you for coming here, thank you for coming to see us.” It’s a very hospitable kind of feeling. What’s a question that you don’t get ask or haven’t been asked that you would like to let people know about the answer to? Interestingly enough you kind of asked it. Mostly it’s, “Why Blue? How do you do the make up?” And things people are curious about. But when you were talking about the personality of the Blue Man and not having an ego and being very innocent, I think it’s good for people to know about it. The strange alien being that is there, all of a sudden seems more human; and you kind of understand what he’s doing and the show a bit more. That doesn’t come up too often, but it’s nice to let people know that. For more information go to DesMoinesPerformingArts.org or BlueMan.com. ment, violence against and suicides of these individuals and groups. Regarding my respondent’s critique of my editorial blog, this does not merely fall into the realm of “accepting diverse opinions,” but rather amounts to standing up to oppressive and destructive characterizations and attempts to define “the other.” To tolerate intolerance amounts to condoning oppression. To tolerate intolerance amounts to condoning bullying on the micro level often leading to genocide on the macro level. Therefore, we have a right, no, an obligation to counter this destructive and, yes, oppressive discourse, and to stand up, to transform ourselves from bystanders into empowered upstanders taking with us our voices, our energy, our unity, our intelligence, our righteous indignation, and all the love of which we are capable. Speaking to a packed audience at the Creating Change Conference, sponsored by the National Gay and Lesbian Task Force in Atlanta, Georgia, Coretta Scott King (2000) served as a model to us all: …I believe very strongly that all forms of bigotry and discrimination are equally wrong and should be opposed by right-thinking Americans everywhere. Freedom from discrimination based on sexual orientation is surely a fundamental human right in any great democracy, as much as freedom from racial, religious, gender, or ethnic discrimination. I, therefore, personally refuse ever again to debate my existence or the existence of all other minoritized peoples or to “tolerate” it when others negatively characterize us on “religious” grounds, since there is no “debate,” for to quote Mansour Rene Descartes, “I think therefore I exist,” period, the end.
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RED WING and takes credit for influencing the recent Russian legislation. In some quarters, in this country, he is called a hero, a pastor reclaiming Christianity for America and the world. We need to remember that Lively cut his teeth, as an anti-gay activist, an attorney and as a pastor, here in the United States. He began with the Oregon Citizens Alliance twenty-five years ago and was, in part, responsible for the campaign and the rhetoric that fueled violence against the LGBT community there; harassment, beatings, arson and murder. His hatred is homegrown. And for his ministry against LGBT Ugandans, he has been named in a ‘crimes against humanity’ lawsuit. Look up his ministry and compare his rhetoric to that of our local opponents. Homosexuality is a choice. It is connected to polygamy, adultery, and incest. Gay people are a public health risk. It is a risky lifestyle. The sentiment is familiar. Whether we examine Lively and his global ministry or the Family Leader and its Iowa outreach, we know that they are working from and speaking from a similar script. Clearly the rhetoric here, in Iowa, has not reached the depths of Lively’s war against homosexuality and the Family Leader seems to come from the more traditional “Love the sinner, hate the sin” model. And, here in Iowa we are fortunate to have laws that protect, rather than oppress us. But, those rights must be protected. And, even with policies that do, public opinion is not where it needs to be. So, as we watch the Olympics and as we think about discriminatory laws and cultural bias in Russia, let us remember that the movement against us is global. And the movement for equality is also
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SHRINK RAP and incarcerated in sexual abuse treatment programs with limited evidence of their effectiveness. It is vital that we protect our children, but doing so in an informed way is critical. Not only must we protect them from perpetrators who exploit them, but we must also protect them against overly harsh, and in some cases, ineffective and harmful “treatments.” The effects of premature sexual activity are greater for children in more dysfunctional families. Chaotic and abusive families offer little support, and sexual abuse carries the greatest consequences when perpetrated by a family member whose role is to protect us. Consequences are also greater if the activity was frequent, invasive and occurred earlier in life. Russian President Vladimir Putin recently defended Russia’s anti-gay law by equating gays with pedophiles and said Russia needs to “cleanse” itself of homosexuality. This mistake is made all too frequently in this and other countries as well. A pedophile is an adult whose obligatory choice of sexual partner is a pre-pubescent child. Pedophiles often groom their victims by spending a great deal of time using their power to establish the child’s trust; then they begin to exploit it. “Confused,” some will say that your
Section 3: Community global. There are those like Scott Lively who pander to fear and misinformation. Who ignite violence against us. Who create a place in the world and their personal currency based on their bigotry and hate. Our job, then, is to call them for what they are, to engage in honest dialogue and to confront injustice wherever we find it. Should our gay athletes or the President’s delegates or our friends engage in expressions of equality in Sochi, I’d like to ask you to join me in a Sochi gesture. What if, for each such incident, we committed to a radical act of equality? It can and should be whatever makes sense to you. Come out to someone who doesn’t know your sexual orientation or gender identity. Tell your colleague, tell your neighbor or tell your mother. Go to an LGBT social event. Volunteer. Make a donation to an LGBT group you respect. Sit down with a member of the opposition and help them understand who you really are. Do something nice for someone and let him or her know you are LGBT. Write a letter to the editor of your local paper. Wear a queer tee shirt in an unexpected place. Stamp ‘gay money’ on your personal checks when you donate to a non-LGBT cause. Do something meaningful, for each and every LGBT moment in these Sochi Olympics. Each of those acts of radical equality can make a difference. Imagine ten people every day engaging in a Sochi gesture. That would be interesting. Imagine one hundred people, or a thousand people, in Iowa, responding to the Olympics and to our LGBT athletes with an act of equality each and every day of the games. That, my friends, is a movement! Let me know what you did. Email me at donna@oneiowa.org and tell me about your Sochi moments. I’ll share the most creative and interesting in the March issue. Thanks. Be safe. Be proud. relationship with your step-father was incestuous by definition since he married your mother and shared in her responsibility to protect you. But we don’t know what your step-father’s motivations, whether or not this was a pattern of behavior, or what was going on in his neuroplastic brain. One religious conservative man called me a “pederast,” a word I had to look up. He used the words “pedophile,” “pederast,” and “homosexual” interchangeably. He said that because I defined myself as a homosexual that I was an “immoralist.” He accused gay people of corrupting the clergy and dragging society into paganism. He believes that nothing binds my conscience, that my morality is just a matter of taste, and that I cannot restrain my behavior, laws or no laws. Some brains seem to lack much neuroplasticity. Many of those who feel the greatest need to protect the innocence of children oppose sex education, tenaciously resisting sexual education that would better equip a young boy or girl to deal with their expanding sexuality. Sex education could teach young girls and boys that they have a choice, and that a fear of expressing their choice is not the same as giving consent. It could teach them about how to deal with an imbalance of power with someone in a position of authority. Fortunately, “Curious,” you survived this incident without significant psychological scarring. It is more difficult to form a judgment about your step-father. Your opinion about him is more important than mine.
FEBRUARY 2014
Section 3: Community
FEBRUARY 2014
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US Proud Pageantry by Joseph Durst Founded in 2013, US Proud is a new pageant system that is devoted to not only high quality entertainment and titleholders, but also community service and paying it forward. The mission, “Proud to be Giving”, is built upon the foundation of giving back to the communities we live in. Our emeritus and titleholders all choose a platform to work with during their reign, and even after they step down. Some platforms that we are working with include breast cancer awareness, HIV/ AIDS awareness, bullying, animal cruelty, child abuse, etc. In staying true to our mission, at every pageant we hold a 50/50 raffle and the monies are donated to the National Charity of the month. Each reign begins with the spirit of giving, requiring titleholders to give to their charities each month in many different formats from volunteering to
monetary donations. We carry this level of service to the National level and work with the National office and titleholders during events for specific charities and organizations Eve r yo n e is unique and has something special and different to add to this system, so we are all about inclusion and diversity. Our divisions within the US Proud system reflect that. We have divisions for Mister and Miss, At Large, Female Impersonation, Male Impersonation, Newcomer, and Teen. Started in Wisconsin, this system promises many great things now and in the future. We take pride in everyone’s individual qualities, and believe they need to be showcased and celebrated. Community service and paying it forward are integral parts of this system. US Proud focus on giving back to the communities in which we live, as well as; nationally. Each month the National Pageant Office works with the state and title holders dedicating time to raise monies for charity. January was bullying month, so we focused on the Matthew Shepard Foundation. February is HIV/AIDS awareness and we will be focusing on local networks as well as working with amFar to continue to raise monies for research in moving
We are very proud that our Miss US Proud (femme/female) is a transgendered woman. She is the first in pageant history to be a nationally crowned queen for a female title born male.
forward to a cure. We are working to get our entire Iowa courts completed to work together to raise monies for the charities and platforms of ALL our titleholders We have our preliminary scheduled for February 21-22 in Springfield, IL and February 28 in Rock Island, IL; March 22 in Sioux Falls, SD and April 5, 2014 in Waterloo, Iowa. Contestants must be 18 years of age or older. Division break downs are:
Miss Divisions
Miss FI: Contestants must be born male. Miss Newcomer: Contestants cannot have held a State or Regional title, nor have been a finalist in any National pageant system, including, but not limited to, USofA, Continental, All-American Goddess, EOY, North America International, or other nationally franchised systems. Miss at Large: This Division is based on a height and weight tiered system: If you are 5’0”, you must weigh at least 155 pounds. If you are 5’5”, you must weigh at least 180 pounds. If you are 5’10”, you must weigh at least 210 pounds. If you are 6’0”, you must weigh at least 220 pounds. If you are 6’4”, you must weigh at least 245 pounds. Miss (femme): Contestants must be female at time of contest.
Mister Divisions
Mister: Contestants must be born male.
Mister MI: Contestants must be born female. Mister at Large: This Division is based on a height and weight tiered system: If you are 5’0”, you must weigh at least 155 pounds. If you are 5’5”, you must weigh at least 180 pounds. If you are 5’10”, you must weigh at least 210 pounds. If you are 6’0”, you must weigh at least 220 pounds. If you are 6’4”, you must weigh at least 245 pounds. The Pageants are determined by a panel of 5 approved judges by having the highest combined score total in the following categories: Interview, Presentation, Gown or Creative Formal Wear (depending on division), on stage question and talent. All judges in the US Proud system must first trial judge a pageant and be approved by the board of directors before being added as a traveling judge within the system. Our national judges panel will consist of judges from all regions to ensure a diversity of opinions on the National panel. We hold an official crowning of the winners at the end of the pageant evening. We are a diverse system which combines straight and gay entertainers. As well as both genetically or transformed male and female performers. We are very proud that our Miss US Proud (femme/ female) is a transgendered woman. She is the first in pageant history to be a nationally crowned queen for a female title born male. For more information go to USProudPageantry.com or find them on Facebook.com/USProud.
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Section 3: Community
ICON’s E&E Ball 2014 Omaha, NE The Imperial Court of Nebraska’s Annual E&E Ball 2014 at The Max Omaha, January 11th, 2014. The reigning Monarchs of ICON Emperor 33 John Burns and Empress 33 Phoebe Duvet hosted the annual event with the 10 year anniversary Monarchs Regent Emperor 23 Don Randolph and Empress 23 Monroe. ICON recognized the half-decade Monarchs Emperor 28 Gary Allinger, Empress 28 Misty Stokes Price, and Empress 18 Montana and also present Emperor 8 Gary West and Empress 8 Danielle Logan with their 25th Anniversary Crowns. Past Monarchs of ICON performed with special guests Jessica Tyler, Katrina Kane, and Muffy Rosenburg and the
emcees for the evening Emperor 27 Thomas and Empress 25 Lana Caine. Photos courtesy of Bjc Photos. For more information find him on Facebook.com.
FEBRUARY 2014
Community Billboard: Classifieds Small advertisements for the LGBT Community related to housing, for sale, wanted and personals. No profanity, no solicitation for illegal activities, no physical addresses. Black & White ad sizes available: 1/32 page and 1/16 page, priced at $30 and $45. TEXT ONLY. No photos and no graphics. Payment required prior to print, multiple cc/debit card charges possible, no refunds, no stopped payments after charge set up. For more details contact Sarah at ads@ACCESSlineAmerica.com.
ACCOUNTS, BOOKKEEPERS, Payment Reps, Payable Clerk & Receivable
P/T positions open. Are you looking for job? Want to be part of a great team?
If you are interested in this Part Time JOB opportunity for advancement for the right person please e-mail resumes to: smithdonald042@gmail.com.
ALPHAs
ALPHAs have a meet and greet every third (3rd) Friday of the month, held at Icon’s Martini Bar located at 124 18th Street in Rock Island. It’s a gathering for members of the LGBT community, supporters and friends to socialize, celebrate and get to know one another over martinis. Events are posted on Facebook at alphaselitecrew@ facebook.com or for more information contact alphaselite@yahoo.com.
FEBRUARY 2014
Section 3: Community
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