amaeka effiong ella

Stern

Ellas life practically flashed before her eyes when she mistakenly dropped and smashed the camera equipment she rented from SMPA. After a week of bad things piling on top of her, this event was enough to make her break. It validated and seemingly confirmed the already blaring thought of inadequacy and disappointment she had been feeling at the time. Unsure of what to do, she called her friend Julia, who comforted her and helped her figure out what to do. Then, she called her mom, still in need of a place to emotionally release all that had been on her mind.

“I was telling her how I felt like everything was going wrong, and I couldn’t pull it together and she said ‘one thing you didn’t say is you’re not alone. You’ve found your people and built your community’, and it was really gratifying to hear that, she reminded me that I have people to call on, to be supported by. “ Ella said.

Ella’s mother always says to her ‘it takes campus’. It serves as a reminder that although this particular time of life is undeniably hard, and you’re constantly questioning yourself and your path, the networks of people you’re able to build are invaluable and key in getting through the difficult moments.

At first Amaeka Effiong did not yet realize the importance of building meaningful connections.

“I didn’t really have a plan but I was really set on not getting too attached to the people I met because I was always told that the friends you make freshman year don’t last so I carried that mindset early on.” Amaeka said.

Amaeka met one of her closest friends to this day, Vishali, Freshman year, but even in the beginning of that friendship her jaded mindset toward freshman year relationships convinced her that it probably wouldn’t last.

Both Ella and Amaeka agreed that Freshman year most people come in really eager to make friends and find community, so everyone is friendly and nice, however this friendliness does not always lead to meaningful connection. Because of this it can be hard to tell what connections will be lasting or who is really being genuine with you. They felt this especially when trying to join student organizations and take advantage of opportunities for first year students to meet each other.

“I wasn’t taking the time to be like ‘who do I actually want to be around’, it was more like these people want to hangout so I’ll hang out with them” Amaeka said.

In Ella’s experience, she wanted to be intentional about what spaces she put herself in to surround herself with like-minded people who would be positive influences on her life, but still this wasn’t a foolproof way to finding close friends.

“I was intentional about what kinds of orgs I joined like BSU and ABJ very early on because it seemed like a way for me to find community. For me it’s easy to be friendly and meet people, but It can be hard to make a true connection.” Ella said.

Ella and Amaeka both left freshman year with lots of new friends who they met mostly through their residence halls and mutual friends—that’s actually how they ended up meeting each other, although their friendship would not develop till much later.

They were introduced through both of their roommates in the first week of school. After hanging out here and there at the freshman welcome events that GW hosted, they maintained a friendly acquaintanceship through the school year but it never developed past that. That is until they reconnected Sophomore spring semester both living in Shenkman Hall. WIth such few people living on campus during that time due to COVID-19, it gave them the opportunity to get to know eachother better and eventually decide to be roommates the following year.

Junior year felt like a fresh opportunity to build more meaningful relationships and revisit underdeveloped relationships from freshman year which were cut off due to the virtual academic year because of COVID-19. This is when they felt they were able to solidify their community.

Ella unsuspectingly found strong relationships at her job in admissions. Amaeka similarly allowed herself to branch out more, meeting friends through events and through mutual connections, but this time really allowing herself to build attachments to the people she was meeting and being more intentional about who she wanted to be around.

In building these connections, Amaeka feels she’s created a, “very holistic range of support.” A variety of people she can call on for different situations.

“They don’t have to all be a part of the same group to be my people— your community can be very widespread.” Amaeka added.

Gathering over food, activities, and conversation in the dorms is common for Amaka, Ella, and their respective friends. These moments of fun are essential, but the emotional support, self awareness, and growth they have experienced from these bonds have changed who they are as people fundamentally.

An important lesson Ella can take away from her college experience is, “friendships aren’t built overnight…even 4 years isn’t enough.” And she hopes to continue fostering these friendships as the years go on.

“What we do doesn’t matter as much, just that we’re doing it together.” Amaeka said.