SUPPORTING SOBRIETY

Ben’s Friends continues its growth nationwide to help hospitality workers suffering from addictions //

By Robin Caldwell

Studies show that alcoholism and addictions are on the rise. In an article on substance abuse and the pandemic published in 2021 by the American Psychological Association, University of Washington clinical psychologist and researcher Mandy Owens, Ph.D. , states that she “observed a spike in substance use that includes an increase in both quantity and frequency of drug use.” In 2022, the National Institute of Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism reported that between 2019 and 2020, alcohol-related deaths jumped 25.5%. If that’s the view of the nation as a whole, the restaurant and hospitality industries offer an even more startling perspective.

The pressures of the pandemic affected everyone, but in the hospitality industry, where substance abuse and alcoholism yield higher numbers than any other industry, a crisis brewed as displaced workers tried to cope with business and job losses, financial struggles and isolation. Managing mental health became a matter of great urgency.

Ben’s Friends, a community of hospitality workers from all segments of the industry, rose to the occasion, using grassroots and other efforts to let their comrades know they were not alone.

Prior to the pandemic, co-founders Steve Palmer and Mickey Bakst strived to meet hospitality workers face-to-face, but the threat of COVID-19 and the need to care for their personal health — physical and mental — prompted them to rethink their efforts. Conferring with BF’s team leaders across the country, they did what many people did and took to the internet to connect with those who had found or were seeking sobriety.

“We’re about acceptance among the like-minded,” says Bakst, who shares a combined 60 years of sobriety with Palmer and just as many years of experience in the hospitality industry. “Our members are owners, chefs, line cooks, servers, front-of-house and back-of-house, sommeliers and bartenders.”

Palmer and Bakst know the pitfalls. They named Ben’s Friends after Palmer’s late friend Ben Murray, who died by suicide in 2016 (the same year BF was founded), after years of struggling with alcoholism. Bakst, who also serves as the nonprofit’s executive director, says Ben’s Friends endeavors to be what he, Palmer, Murray and so many others needed.

“You don’t have to choose between the career you love and sobriety,” Bakst says. “Ben’s Friends helps you maintain sobriety as you continue to build your career in hospitality.”

Charlotte chapter co-team leader Chef Sam Diminich says Ben’s Friends is “a lighthouse and safe space.” A thirdgeneration restaurateur, he witnessed family members struggle with alcoholism, and says he eventually became an alcoholic, too. “Alcohol is the world’s greatest liar,” he says. “Its effects are detached from the realities of the industry, which are both sacrificial and rewarding, when sober.”

During the pandemic, Chef Diminich would stop whatever he was doing to log into daily Zoom meetings. Today, Ben’s Friends offers both virtual and in-person meetings that are open to anyone, whether they are currently sober or just beginning their journey. There are meetings tailored to certain groups (just women, just men, late-night workers, etc.), as well as in-person meeting options in 22 different cities across the country.

Chef Diminich says, “The appeal of BF is that it is grounded in solutions and members have an opportunity to listen and learn from people who know the industry and have viable tools for managing their sobriety, whether they’ve been sober for a year or many years.” The tools Chef Diminich refers to are self-management techniques that sometimes involve pre-thinking a ready response to scenarios liable to trigger a relapse. BF members share something they’ve experienced and the ways in which they protected their sobriety and averted relapse.

Cleveland, Ohio-based family therapist and counselor

Jennifer McClellan Johnson believes organizations like Ben’s Friends are essential and important to sobriety management strategies. “Industry-specific programs are where peers can share the possibilities and can render hope to one another,” she says. “There’s something encouraging about peer support that focuses on best practices for success, especially when combined with other therapies,” which can include individual or group counseling, spiritual or pastoral counseling, behavioral therapy and/or family therapy to name a few.

Bakst is quick to clarify that Ben’s Friends is just one extra layer of support in the fight against alcoholism and addiction.

“Ben’s Friends is not a replacement for AA or NA or a traditional 12-step program,” he says, recognizing that not everyone chooses to participate in such programs. “What we [provide] is an inclusive space for people who need compassion, empathy and a few good suggestions to make it past the next challenge on the path to sobriety.”

Mental Health Resources for Chefs

ACF maintains a number of strategic partnerships (in addition to Ben’s Friends) with other organizations dedicated to mental health and wellness causes (some are listed below). To support members, the ACF Work/ Life Balance Task Force has compiled a lengthy list of guides, toolkits, websites and other resources to explore. In addition, the ACF ChefsForum Webinar Series has covered mental health topics several times. Visit acfchefs.org to learn more and for links to watch the webinar recordings.

CHOW (chowco.org) stands for Culinary Hospitality Outreach and Wellness and is dedicated to improving the lives of those in our industry through shared stories, skills and resources. Virtual and in-person meetings are available. A CHOW representative will be on site for a morning mental health checkup and meetup each day of the 2023 ACF National Convention.

The Burnt Chef Project (theburntchefproject.com) is a globally recognized nonprofit committed to making the hospitality profession healthier and more sustainable by focusing on people’s wellbeing first. Active Minds (activeminds.org) is a nonprofit supporting mental health awareness and education for young adults, powered by a network of more than 800 high school and college campuses.

Not 9 to 5 (not9to5.org) is a nonprofit committed to mental health advocacy for the foodservice and hospitality sector in the U.S. and Canada.

Restaurant After Hours (restaurantafterhours.org) offers a free virtual support group program via Zoom that is overseen by facilitators trained under mental health counselors who can speak to psychoeducation topics and coping skills. It also has the Restaurant Mental Health Toolkit.

FairKitchens (fairkitchens.com) is a movement fighting for a more resilient and sustainable foodservice and hospitality industry, calling for change by showing that a healthier culture makes for a healthier business. View the

FairKitchens Mental Wellness Video Series

The Trevor Project’s (thetrevorproject.org)

TrevorLifeline is a resource catered to the LGBTQ+ community and individuals who experience mental health challenges as a result of discrimination and harassment in the workplace. Call (866) 488-7386 or text START to 678678.

Detox Local (detoxlocal.com) offers mental health and substance use resources specifically tailored for the American Asian and Pacific Islander community.