Central Mature 6-21 by Sun Newspapers

A Special Section Focusing On Mind and Spirit

Personal relationships Age, health, family can hinder growth, get in the way BY EMILY HEDGES CONTRIBUTING WRITER When Boyd Phelps, 88, of Eden Prairie married his wife, Shirley, on Sept. 11, 1948, he knew he had found the love of his life. For almost 60 years the couple lived together, raised two children, and faced whatever challenges came their way. But after Shirley passed away, for the first time since Harry Truman was in office, Phelps experienced what it was to be alone. “I was just watching TV, nothing but watching TV. I could tell you every program on every night of the week,” he said. “I started thinking there’s got to be more to life than this.” Phelps decided to start getting out. He began by contacting old friends. One of the first people he called was Carol, a

Relationships: To page 11

Boyd and Carol

2 Mature Lifestyles– Thursday, June 21, 2012 – www.MinnLocal.com

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In the Community, With the Community, For the Community

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In the Community, With the Community, For the Community

www.MinnLocal.com – Thursday, June 22, 2012– Mature Lifestyles 3

‘Ambiguous loss’ can weigh heavily on older individuals BY EMILY HEDGES CONTRIBUTING WRITER How do you mourn someone who is physically here, but psychologically absent? How do you accept that you can no longer do all the normal activities that you’re used to? How do you find companionship when you are all alone? These are some of the questions that Minnetonka therapist Dr. Jody Grande of Hope Allianz faces daily with her aging clients. The New Hope resident began her practice in Minnetonka in 2003 with a focus on family care giving, something she became interested in while in graduate school. After writing her dissertation on families living with mental illness, she realized how much need there was, and how much “ambiguous loss” played into life experiences. While in school, Grande was heavily influenced by the work of Pauline Boss, professor of family and social science at the University of Minnesota, who is known for her ground-breaking research on the theory of ambiguous loss. In her book Ambiguous Loss: Learning to Live with Unresolved Grief, she explains that ambiguous loss is associated with a lack of closure, such as a family member with Alzheimer’s disease. Dr. Grande sees ambiguous loss frequently when working with her older clients, who make up approximately one-quarter of her practice. “I see ambiguous loss as the loss of ability to do what we once did,” said Dr. Grande. “With ambiguous loss, there are no rituals to follow. With death, for example, we have rituals.” Dr. Grande knows about this from experience. Married to a man 22 years older than her, the 60-year-old finds herself mourning the aspects of life they can no longer share. “My relationship with my husband is still there, but we don’t take walks

Dr. Jody Grande

or travel due to limiting health issues and limited energy,” she said. “I see the transitions going on with my husband – driving, connecting with people, cognitivity, memory loss – I learned to step back and be patient

with the process.” Part of being patient is the understanding of how we all change in similar ways with each passing decade, according to Grande. “We tend to ask ourselves similar

questions, ‘what have I done and where am I going?’ And as we get older, “where have we been and how do we want to end this life?’ come to the forefront.” When you add loneliness to it, she understands that life can be extremely difficult for her older clients. That’s why Dr. Grande says she is open to spending a little extra time with her older clients. “They are lonely, and I am here. I see how important that is to my clients. I do see more of that need the older the client is.” She sees many reasons for loneliness. Sometimes families don’t live close by, or they don’t want to bother them. “They need to wake up and not feel depressed. They need younger friends, and they need exercise,” she said. “Basically they need someone to talk to.” She recalls visiting an assisted living center with her mother and meeting an elderly woman who seemed to embody the loneliness that she frequently sees in her practice. “One dear lady introduced herself. She was so excited she could hardly contain herself. She said, “Your mother could live across the hall from me. We could be best friends.’” Dr. Grande hopes to expand her practice to include life skills training which would focus on building the skills necessary to flourish at this time of life. “Our population is aging and we need to step back and manage how we think about it,” she said. “In doing research on what’s out there, I have realized that opportunities are limited.” For more information on Hope Allianz, go to www.hopeallianz.com. For more information on local resources for seniors and caregivers, go to www.seniorcommunityservices.org.

4 Mature Lifestyles– Thursday, June 21, 2012 – www.MinnLocal.com

In the Community, With the Community, For the Community

Crystal woman finds joy in her art Serious auto accident fosters a great appreciation for everyday living BY EMILY HEDGES CONTRIBUTING WRITER Fabric painter Judi Jacobson’s medium changed the day a car ran a red light and slammed into her driver’s side door almost killing her. It would take time to return to her craft, but when she did, she found her canvas had narrowed. Her broad strokes of color had become fine lines of detail. Her art had moved from a focus on aesthetic impact, to a celebration of life’s treasured moments. Before the accident, Judi and a friend began a business custom painting large area rugs. “My girlfriend and I were looking for something to do with our time. We had been stay-at-home moms, but the kids were older. We decided to give it a shot,” said the 58-year-old Crystal resident. In the first year, a builder commissioned them to create an entry rug for a $300,000 house to be featured in the Parade of Homes. “Being a new business, we thought, ‘Wow, someone likes what we’re doing.’ It was a feather in our cap.” Unfortunately, Judi’s accident in August of 1996 cut their success short. “That was a very trying time for all of us. I felt horrible for the people who had to watch me go through it,” she said. “I have no pain now. I just have recovered better than I ever expected, or anyone expected. I’m just happy about living.” Although Judi healed quickly, her desire to paint took longer to return. “My partner went on to do other things because I was not up to painting,” she said. “It took a while before I felt like picking up a brush again.” One of the first pieces she was inspired to do was a wall hanging

Judi Jacobson for the physical therapy department that she credits with getting her back on her feet. From there, she

found she no longer had the desire to paint large, abstract rugs. Instead, she narrowed her work to

small objects like pillows, aprons and wall hangings. Rather than creating her own designs, she found that she most enjoyed recreating artwork from special event invitations. “I copy like nobody’s business,” she said. “Tracing was my favorite thing to do as a kid. I loved coloring in the lines.” After almost 15 years, her custom pieces are in demand when clients need a memorable gift, most often for weddings, bar mitzvahs, and housewarmings. “I can duplicate the font from a wedding invitation, or even recreate a picture of a house for a housewarming gift,” she said. “I really enjoy fine, detailed fabric painting.” When Judi has time to create pieces for herself, she says she’s drawn to the color red. “I love bright colors, although I don’t always get to pick the color for my custom work,” she said. “In my house I do a lot with reds, and some black and white.” Two years ago, one of her pieces, a zebra face on black suede, was accepted in a juried competition held at the Plymouth Community Center. Although she didn’t win, she felt honored to have been included. In fact, these days, Judi just feels honored to be doing any of the things she once took for granted. “I shouldn’t have lived through the accident. Sixteen years later, I wake up every day, happy to be up with my feet on the floor, happy to walk, happy for what I can do at end of the day. I’m just happy.” She feels this gratitude the strongest when she finds herself at her own special occasions. “Dancing at my kids’ weddings. Playing with my sweetest little grandson. I cherish every day I have. It’s truly given me a new perspective on life.”

In the Community, With the Community, For the Community

www.MinnLocal.com – Thursday, June 22, 2012– Mature Lifestyles 5

Long-term care insurance What is it? Do you need it? With 70 million baby boomers hitting retirement age, there has been a surge in sales of long-term care insurance. Longterm care insurance pays for your care in many settings, such as at home, a nursing home, assisted living facility, or adult day care should you suffer from an illness or injury. Sounds like something only older people need to worry about, right? Wrong. According to insurance industry sources, about 40 percent of long-term care recipients are between the ages of 18 and 64. So if you’ve heard about longterm care insurance and thought, “I don’t need that because I’m still young,”

there are other considerations. A debilitating injury could affect you at any age, say the experts at the Minnesota Society of CPAs. With health care costs predicted to continue to increase rapidly in the foreseeable future, you may want to investigate longterm care insurance to protect your assets and help pay for your care without depleting your – or your loved ones’ – life savings. What is long-term care insurance? Long-term care insurance covers care that isn’t typically covered by your traditional health insurance, Medicare or Medicaid. Long-term care insurance kicks in when you are beyond being “sick” in the traditional sense and can no longer perform at least two of the six “activities of daily living” (ADLs): bathing, dressing, eating, transferring, toileting and continence. Long-term care insurance isn’t the same thing as nursing home care. While

N.C. Little Memorial Hospice Little Hospice will provide tender, loving hospice (or respite) care for your terminally ill loved one. “We continually receive compliments about our loving, compassionate, skilled care for patients and families at Little Hospice.” • Home setting in spacious, double bungalow providing 8 private furnished rooms with comfortable hospital beds, cable TVs and phones • Two nurses plus extra staffing 24 hours daily • Call lights answered within 30 seconds • Delicious home made meals cooked by our staff • Families and friends may stay overnight • Spiritual resources and prayer chapel

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Call 952.928.9394 any hour The Little Hospice, operating in your community for over 15 years, is a Minnesota licensed non-profit, 501 (c)(3) private pay hospice.

E m e r g e n c y A d m i s s i o n s A va i l a b l e

care may be received at a nursing home, it can also be used at an assisted living facility, adult day care, or even in your own home. It may sound like long-term care insurance is the same as Medicaid, but the two are very different. Long-term care insurance is a policy you purchase to be sure that your needs are met in the way you would like them to be while Medicaid provides medically necessary services for people with limited resources. Medicaid typically doesn’t cover longterm care in your home or a private room in a facility. It’s important for you to consider how you would like to have your needs addressed should you need longterm care. What should you purchase? Policies, benefits and premiums vary. Determine your wants and needs first and then look for a policy that fits your situation. Purchasing sooner rather than later will likely be less expensive.

Currently, the most popular type of longterm care insurance is a tax qualified policy, which requires that a person 1) be expected to require care for at least 90 days, and be unable to perform two or more ADLs; or 2) for at least 90 days, need substantial assistance due to a severe cognitive impairment. Benefits from a tax qualified policy are non-taxable. Non-tax qualified plans used to be the traditional long-term care insurance. It often includes a “trigger” called a “medical necessity” trigger. This means that the patient’s own doctor, or that doctor in conjunction with someone from the insurance company, can state that the patient needs care for any medical reason and the policy will pay. The Treasury Department has not clarified the status of benefits received under a non-qualified long-term care insurance plan. This means that it is possible that individuals

Long-term Care: To page 9

Family Conversations with Bob Solheim, Little Hospice Director Family: We were sent by our social worker to tour your hospice and noticed as soon as we walked in the front door a sense of peace and calm in the house. Bob: Compassion is what you are feeling. Our nursing staff and volunteers are especially drawn to hospice due to their compassionate nature. No amount of training can provide compassion, it comes from within. We care lovingly for patients of all ages who are in need of end of life services…special care… delivered with dignity, integrity and respect, by highly skilled nurses. Family: My mother tells me that it is a long wait when she tries to call for help at the nursing home. What can I expect at Little Hospice? Bob: Call lights are our priority at Little Hospice, 20 seconds is the average wait. We want our patients to know that their comfort is foremost in our minds. Even a bumped call light is not a concern…it is a way for us to let a patient know that we are here to serve them. Of course they are comforted when they see us come into their room immediately…we want them to know that we care.

Family: I am concerned about taking care of my wife at home, it is getting very difficult. Bob: When you bring your wife here, you can let the nurses be the caregivers who will attend to her physical needs…now you can visit with her and just be her husband... spending those final precious days at her side. Our Little Hospice is staffed with nurses, nursing aids, volunteers, full-time cook, grief support and other helpful personnel. At any hour you will find at least two nurses at the hospice and actively caring for your loved one. You are always welcome to be here or call and speak to a nurse at any time. We care. Family: How soon can I get a bed for my husband at Little Hospice? Bob: We can have your husband here quickly. Normally a bed is available within one or two days. Bob: A good ending to a great life is an experience we all desire. You will find Little Hospice is the place that removes the burden of care from you and puts the focus on your loved one living each day to the fullest, free from pain and discomfort.

6 Mature Lifestyles– Thursday, June 21, 2012 – www.MinnLocal.com

In the Community, With the Community, For the Community

New Brighton woman’s book describes her journey with God BY EMILY HEDGES CONTRIBUTING WRITER Shirley Shumaker’s (85) life can be divided into two phases: before Aug. 22, 1964 and everything after. On that Friday afternoon, her husband came home and told her he was leaving. He said if things didn’t work out, he’d be back. Then he kissed her on the cheek and walked out the door. The agnostic, stay-at-home, mother of three simply got up, walked into her bedroom, and shut the door. What happened next would define the rest of her life and start her down the path of writing. In the book she would publish 24 years later, Overtaken By Love: Growing in Spiritual Intimacy, Shumaker describes that fateful day: “I walked into the bedroom and looked at the eastern sky. Suddenly I felt immersed in love, and somehow I knew it was God. Then I felt a deep sense that everything was going to be alright.” Although raised a Catholic, Shumaker says she thought of God as more the “old man in the sky” than a real presence. But after that defining moment of feeling God’s closeness, she led a different sort of

life, although she admits it didn’t keep her from worrying about the future without her husband. “I became a Christian, but I was also a single mother with no job and three children,” she said. “But the words, the Lord would open the door, brought me comfort.” Over the next phase of her life, Shumaker found the right job and the right home just when she needed it. At the same time, her search for spiritual understanding led her into what she would later characterize in her book as “occult.” It was during this time, she began to write, producing her first manuscript. She writes in Overtaken By Love, “It was returned to me by the publisher and that rejection was used of God to motivate me to destroy my stack of occult writing … I tore everything into shreds

and stuffed the mound of torn paper into the same trash bag in which I’d tossed the occult books.” Shumaker didn’t give up on her writing. Over the years, she produced a growing pile of personal journals and essays that later formed the basis of Overtaken By Love. She started working on her book in earnest after retiring in her late 60s, completing it in her 70s. “I started writing when I found something in the scriptures that spoke to me,” she said. She shared her writing with friends and family. Their positive response encouraged her to continue. Union Life magazine published two of her articles in 1987 and 1991. “It was a holy spirit-led operation. I’d sit and write, and if the Holy Spirit wasn’t speaking to me in my heart, I’d quit

‘It was a holy spirit-led operation. I’d sit and write, and if the Holy Spirit wasn’t speaking to me in my heart, I’d quit for a few days. A book gradually developed.’

for a few days. A book gradually developed.” By 2008 she had a complete, 24-chapter manuscript published by Zulon press, a self-publisher for Christian authors. “I bought copies and distributed them to friends and family,” she said. “I’m also in the process of trying to get Barnes & Noble to carry it.” For Shumaker, it’s all about sharing the message of God’s love with those who hunger for a closer relationship with Him. She writes in the synopsis found on the back of the book: “We are living cells in the body of Christ; living stones in His temple; lights in the world and living epistles for all to read. May the Holy Spirit sprinkle the diamond dust of revelation throughout; heavenly fragments that will cling to the fingers which turn the pages while He quickens the heart and confirms His unconditional, unwavering love toward every son and daughter.” Shumaker currently lives in New Brighton near her three children Lori, Greg and Steve, and two grandchildren Connor and Fallon. Overtaken By Love: Growing in Spiritual Intimacy may be purchased at Amazon.com.

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In the Community, With the Community, For the Community

www.MinnLocal.com – Thursday, June 22, 2012– Mature Lifestyles 7

IMPORTANT HEALTH BULLETIN IS IT DIFFICULT FOR YOU TO HEAR? A major name brand hearing aid provider has a special one time offer: a three-week trial on a remarkable new hearing instrument in your area.

This offer is free of charge and you are under no obligation. These computerized digital hearing instruments use the latest microtechnology. It’s so small, it hides out of sight, while it performs millions of precise calculations to provide LOOK! She’s you with the most natural wearing it! sound quality available today. This technology has been proven to improve speech understanding while reducing background noise.

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required to have your hearing evaluated FREE OF CHARGE to determine candidacy. Candidates for this technology must meet the following criteria: 1) You must be able to hear people talk but have trouble distinguishing the words. 2) You must have difficulty understanding in group settings. 3) You must be willing to report your experiences of the trial to our trained staff.

Special testing will be done to determine the increased benefits of this technology. Benefits of hearing aids vary by type and degree of hearing loss, noise environment, accuracy of hearing test, and proper fit. This is a wonderful opportunity to determine if hearing help is available for your hearing loss. Evaluate your hearing performance with this amazing technology today. – Special Pricing, Limited Time!

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8 Mature Lifestyles– Thursday, June 21, 2012 – www.MinnLocal.com

In the Community, With the Community, For the Community

Lakeville man refuses to let paralysis keep him from living EMILY HEDGES CONTRIBUTING WRITER Kevin Sweeney, 51, of Lakeville doesn’t think of himself as much different than the average person. Everyone has obstacles to overcome in life, and he is no exception. But most people would agree that his obstacles are anything but average. While volunteering at the Jaycees dunk tank during the 1996 Pan-O-Prog festival in

Lakeville, Sweeney fell off the back and was paralyzed from the neck down. Suddenly, the auto mechanic, part-time VFW bartender, and avid softball player had to invent a whole new life. “With an obstacle you have to go over, around or through it,” he said. “You have to adapt to what you have to do and do it.” The first thing he put his mind to was regaining as much movement as possible. “They say that what feelings and move-

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ments you’ve got after one year is what you’ll have, but I disagree completely,” he said. Sweeney began to watch people around him that could do things he wanted to do. “I studied babies and kids, how they learned to get up off the ground,” he said. “I observed others in their everyday activities they take for granted. Now I can move my hands and I have started walking with a walker some. I refused to let things stop me.” Sweeney is limited in his hand usage, but he has adaptive equipment that helps him

hold a telephone and drive his van. He says that when he’s in his chair, he doesn’t feel disabled because he can go where he wants to. “I just always look on the high side of things. What other people are doing, to an extent, that’s what I want to do. I’ve been parasailing. I mow my own lawn. I do weed whipping and drive an adapted motorcycle. I never look back. I just keep looking forward.” The next challenge Sweeney took on was

Relationships: To next page

In the Community, With the Community, For the Community

www.MinnLocal.com – Thursday, June 22, 2012– Mature Lifestyles 9

Sweeney Continued from previous page how to make a living. But the active peopleperson wasn’t interested in just busy work. “I wanted to find a position in today’s society where I could fit in,” he said. “Sitting around stuffing envelopes isn’t my cup of tea.” Although Sweeney already held a bachelor’s degree in science from the University of Wisconsin-Stout, he felt he lacked the appropriate education and experience to land the one thing he now required – a desk job. He started to look around the area for educational possibilities. When he saw that Dakota Technical College offered two-year degrees with evening and online courses, he knew it was just the program he was looking for. “This made it easy for someone like myself. I could do much of it online,” he said. This past May Sweeney graduated with honors. He earned a management for technical professionals degree. He also earned an accounting clerk diploma and a quality improvement certificate. He estimates that he devoted 20 hours per week studying, spending about 80 percent of his time in the classroom and 20 percent online. Now he hopes to find a new career, perhaps with a small business. “I can manage and organize. I have finesse with numbers. I just want to find a place that will give me a chance to show what I can do,” he said. Instructors like Harold Torrence, Scott Gunderson, Patti Wiegand and others at Dakota Technical College certainly got the chance.

Long-term Care Continued from page 5 who receive benefits under a non-qualified long-term care insurance policy risk facing a large tax bill for these benefits. Long-term care insurance rates are determined by six main factors: the person’s age, the daily (or monthly) benefit, how long the benefits pay, the elimination period, inflation protection, and the health rating (preferred, standard, substandard). The National Association of Insurance Commissioners advises against purchasing long-term care insurance if you cur-

Kevin Sweeney credits instructors like Harold Torrence (left) and Scott Gunderson for much of his success at Dakota Technical College. “Regardless of any possible limitations, you can always see Kevin inspiring and motivating fellow students to move forward with their dream,” said Torrence. “He has the ability to build strong and lasting human relationships with a compassionate leadership style. His personal story is more than inspirational.” Sweeney found his instructors to be just as inspirational for him. “They gave me wonderful ideas, enthusiasm and confidence to continue learning. They sought out opportunities to help me and taught me how times are changing so I can adapt,” he said. One of Sweeney’s class projects was to

rently receive or may soon receive Medicaid benefits. Long-term care insurance can be expensive. Shop around, find a policy that suits your needs, check the company’s reputation, and don’t be rushed into purchasing something that isn’t right for you. It’s natural to not want to think about being incapacitated to the point that you can’t take care of yourself, but preparation and planning are key to protecting your well-being and your assets, according to the MNCPA. Long-term care insurance can be part of your comprehensive tax and estate planning. To find a CPA, consult mncpa.org/referral to locate one in your area.

give a speech to his classmates and he decided to give it on handicap awareness. But overall, he says he was the one who did the learning from his classmates, especially the foreign students.

“Seeing how they adapted to the United States was amazing,” he said. “It was sort of the same thing I was doing – learning to function in a new culture.” Sweeney views his challenge in changing careers as a common one in today’s economic climate, especially for baby boomers and seniors. “My story is related to how all people have to change. Look at businesses that are closing, laying off, and downsizing. If you’re one of those workers, you’ll have to learn to do something else. This is where baby boomers are coming in. Companies are getting rid of older workers, so they have to go back to school to learn technology to get back up to date.” Sweeney knows from experience that it can be daunting entering a classroom for the first time in decades, but he encourages other older students not to let it stop them. “Don’t be afraid to step in the limelight of school. Your brain can adapt and learn again,” he said. “Keep an open mind and look forward. If there is something you want to do, go for it.” Institutions like Dakota Technical College make it easier than ever for older students to feel comfortable and get the education they need. For more information, call 651-423-8301, or go to www.dctc.edu.

2012

MATURE A Special Section on Active Adults

Do you have a story/experience where today’s technology has had a positive impact on your life? If so, we want to talk to you for our August issue, which will focus on technology. Please contact Krista Jech at 952-392-6835 or krista.jech@ecm-inc.com

10 Mature Lifestyles– Thursday, June 21, 2012 – www.MinnLocal.com

In the Community, With the Community, For the Community

Helping elderly parents or relatives from afar Today’s families are more geographically diverse than ever before. Whereas it was once common for families to remain in the same city or state for generations, nowadays families routinely spread out across the country if not the world. Thanks to technological advancements that make it easier than ever before to stay in touch, families today can still thrive and stay close even if they live hundreds, if not thousands, of miles away from one another. One issue facing many families that have chosen to spread out is how to help Mom and Dad when they reach the age where they need their adult childrens’ help. While this wasn’t a problem for the families of yesteryear, it is a genuine concern for adults who live far away from their parents. Fortunately there are ways to be there for your elderly parents even when you can’t physically be there for them. * Speak to your parents about what they need. While some parents might not be able to realistically assess their needs, children should speak to their parents when

making decisions about their care. Adults who live far away from their parents might not know exactly what Mom and Dad need, so discuss the problems they might be having on a day-to-basis to determine the level of care or assistance they will need. * Examine finances. Managing money is often difficult for seniors who have had an accident or are dealing with a serious medical condition. Seniors might forget to pay bills or be struggling to manage money with the escalating costs of prescription medications and health care in general. To help avoid missed bills, adult children can utilize online bill paying offered by many banks, wherein bills are automatically paid each month on their due date by simply being deducted from a given account. Adult children can also consult a financial advisor to develop a plan that allows seniors access to their money while ensuring it will still be there when they need it. * Research community resources. Many communities provide adequate resources for the elderly who might be incapacitated

or otherwise need assistance. Programs such as Meals on Wheels can be a great assistance to long-distance caregivers concerned about their elderly parents. Residents of the United States can consult with the Department of Health and Human Services or visit www.Eldercare.gov and use their eldercare locator to find local agencies designed to help older persons and their families access community-based services including transportation, meal delivery and homecare. * Stay in touch with seniors’ physicians. One way to monitor elderly parents from far away is to keep in frequent contact with their physicians. Discuss the situation with your parents’ physicians in person, and ask to be kept abreast of any changes in their health that might require altering their daily routines or homecare schedules. For additional tips or information on helping elderly parents from afar, visit the U.S. Administration on Aging website at www.aoa.gov.

Making friends after retirement When you’re younger, it seems you can’t wait until retirement. After all, who wants to deal with going to work every day and coping with coworkers and a boss? However, many people overlook the opportunities for socialization that working provides. You get out of the house and see people — apart from your family — with whom you can converse. Many retirees find that life can be a bit boring after the job ends, primarily because they don’t have access to the same level of socialization as they once did. Making friends can keep you active and

healthy. If you’re a bit rusty in the friendmaking department, it’s pretty much how it was when you were younger. You simply must find individuals who have similar interests and goals. * Volunteer in your community and you’re bound to find potential friends who are like-minded. * Take classes at a college or university. Many offer free or discounted rates for seniors. This is a great way to meet people of all ages and walks of life. * Attend clubs at senior centers or houses of worship. It’s likely that there are plen-

ty of other people looking for relationships. * Think about your interests. If you like fishing, sewing or boating, join a club that caters to those interests. Others who share your hobbies will be there. * If you’re new to an area, host an openhouse party and invite neighbors in for introductions and some socialization. * Join a social networking site online. You can connect with people, potentially individuals who live close by. * Ask existing friends if they have other friends to whom they can introduce you.

In the Community, With the Community, For the Community

Relationships Continued from page 1 friend he had known for more than 40 years. “She used to call up every few months to see how I was getting along. We started going out together. It was fun to meet once a week. Then it became twice a week,” he said. Boyd’s wife Shirley had gone to high school with Carol. He played golf with Carol’s husband for decades. The two couples were even in a dance club for almost 20 years. “We always saw each other socially. We went to dinner at each other’s houses as couples,” he remembered. Now Boyd and Carol take vacations together. They particularly love cruises. As of last month, Carol is living in the same independent living center. “Under the same roof but not in the same apartment,” Boyd was quick to add. Relationships like the one Boyd and Carol share are important to many seniors according to Sandra Grace of

www.MinnLocal.com – Thursday, June 22, 2012– Mature Lifestyles 11

Healing Works in Chaska. But sometimes they can be tricky. “As they age, people want someone to be there,” said Grace. “They wonder if they will find compassion and patience from someone. They worry how health issues will limit them,” she said. She also points out that for many surviving spouses, guilt can hinder their ability to move on. “If you had a loving relationship with a deep connection, it can be really hard to move on and let go of that,” said Grace. “There’s guilt about how the children are going to perceive it. Will they think they’re not honoring the spirit of their mother or father?” One of the first things Boyd did was

talk to his daughter. “At first she thought I wanted to talk to her to tell her I had cancer,” remembered Boyd. “It took her a few days to get used to the idea, but she responded in the affirmative to the relationship.” Grace says that what grown children think about their parents entering a new relationship can be one of the biggest obstacles. “Kids can be very threatened, especially if there is any kind of wealth,” said Grace. “They suspect their motivations.” But Grace encourages the children to see their parent’s new relationships as a blessing. “Many times their kids are busy. If they are able to find someone, their kids

‘If you had a loving relationship with a deep connection, it can be really hard to move on and let go of that. ... There’s guilt about how the children are going to perceive it. Will they think they’re not honoring the spirit of their mother or father?’

Lincoln Assassination 15 0 Y E A R S L A T E R Thursday, June 28 at 2:00 pm In 1865, after four bloody years of fighting, the war was finally coming to an end. No one knew exactly what would happen next. At this critical moment when we needed strong leadership, one of the best presidents we ever had was assassinated and replaced by one who was, arguably, one of the worst. Yet, we survived, reunited and thrived. But, it could have ended very differently. Join us as we revisit this turbulent time in U.S. history. RSVP to Janet Carlyle, 763.732.1525 or email jecarlyle@covenantretirement.org Free Seminar and Refreshments

should be thankful.” So part of her job is to help older clients move past those feelings of guilt and other barriers that can stand in the way of a successful and healthy new relationship. “Sometimes as people become older, they get rigid in their beliefs, routines, family rituals, in their physical surroundings,” she said. The challenge comes in figuring out how to compromise. Another concern is attractiveness. Grace finds many clients worry about whether or not they will be attractive to anyone, especially if there are health issues. “Hopefully we are more spiritually attractive, instead of all the materialist trappings,” said Grace. It’s this focus on the opportunities rather than the limitations of dating later in life that Grace stresses to her clients. “If we age gracefully, we have more compassion, wisdom. We feel lighter,” said Grace. “There is no biological clock ticking or career building. During this time, it’s not about becoming; it’s about being.”

In a recent survey, we asked our customers to describe the care their loved one receives at Emerald Crest, here is what they said:

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12 Mature Lifestyles– Thursday, June 21, 2012 – www.MinnLocal.com

In the Community, With the Community, For the Community

h g i e L C

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